December 23, 2024 • 28 mins
Ashley Burkeen joins Jim Burgoon on Grace in the Grind to share her powerful journey of overcoming trauma and embracing self-love. As a child raised in a chaotic environment, Ashley transformed her pain into purpose, becoming an advocate for others facing similar struggles. She emphasizes the importance of boundaries and self-awareness in the healing process, encouraging listeners to celebrate small victories on their path to personal growth. Their conversation delves into the significance of understanding one's identity and the necessity of surrounding oneself with supportive relationships. Ashley's insights and experiences serve as a beacon of hope for those navigating their own challenges, reminding us that it's never too late to rewrite our stories and embrace our authentic selves.
Grace in the Grind dives into an inspiring conversation with Ashley Burkeen, an advocate for mental health and self-discovery. Ashley shares her incredible journey from overcoming childhood trauma to becoming a successful entrepreneur and mother. With a focus on the importance of self-love and acceptance, she emphasizes that healing is not a linear process but a continuous journey, filled with ups and downs. Ashley illustrates how her experiences with narcissistic family dynamics shaped her view of relationships and self-worth. She discusses how she navigates the complexities of being a business owner while prioritizing family time, asserting that balance is a myth. Instead, she advocates for setting clear boundaries and making family a non-negotiable priority on her calendar.
As the conversation unfolds, Ashley elaborates on her advocacy work, particularly for individuals dealing with trauma and mental health issues. She passionately believes in the power of sharing one’s story and how it can inspire others to embark on their healing journeys. Her forthcoming book, titled "Unloved to Unstoppable," aims to provide readers with insights and tools for transforming their lives. Ashley reflects on the importance of community support, revealing how her friends and family uplift her during challenging times, reinforcing the idea that genuine connections can facilitate healing. This episode is a rich exploration of resilience, faith, and the transformative power of self-acceptance, offering listeners valuable insights into their own paths to healing and empowerment.
Takeaways:
- Finding self-love and self-worth is crucial for overcoming past trauma and chaos.
- Setting clear boundaries is vital for maintaining personal growth and healthy relationships.
- Celebrating small victories in your journey towards self-improvement and healing is important.
- Recognizing that balance is a myth, prioritizing what truly matters in life.
- Engaging in creative outlets can significantly boost mental health and overall well-being.
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people can make a difference in your healing journey.
Ashleah Burkeen
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Copyright 2025 Jim Burgoon
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Grace in the Grind,the podcast where we dive deep into
the journeys of heart centeredand purpose driven leaders and entrepreneurs.
We're here to equip andencourage you on your journey.
So let's get started and findthe grace within the grind.
This is Grace in the Grind.
And now your host, Jim Burgoon.
(00:22):
Welcome to Grace in the Grindwhere we're here to empower, to equip,
and to encourage Christians inbusiness and Christian entrepreneurs
to do all that God has calledthem to.
And today on the show, we havea friend of the show, Ashley Burkin.
Welcome to the show.
Hi.
Thanks for having me, Jim.
I'm so excited that we wereable to do this finally and excited
to be here.
(00:43):
Yeah, same.
And so why don't you take asecond, like 90 seconds to tell the
audience what you do, who you are.
So I am a child of God, firstand foremost, let's just say that
first.
And I am a wife of one, amother of two, and super blessed
to be in the entrepreneurialarena and world and also come from
(01:04):
some chaos and trauma fromchildhood that I was able to overcome
and work through.
And now I just advocate forpeople that are trying to be and
do better and help themhopefully find that journey and that
pathway for them andspecifically to what the traumas
that they're dealing with ormental health stuff that they have
in conflict with and helpingthem work through and change the
story and narrative that theywere told from the beginning into
(01:27):
their own for a purposeful life.
So excited to share more ofthat with you.
In your intro, you weretalking about a lot of things that
we can unpack.
Entrepreneur, wife, mom,trauma, advocate, things like that.
So let's start with the firstthing is like, when you say you're
an entrepreneur, what doesthat look like?
What entrepreneurial journeyare you on?
So small business owner,obviously that's where you started,
(01:47):
I feel like, is you like, oh,I want to be a start a small business
owner.
That's where you start that.
And then you almost snowballwhen you do the personal development
and you have failures andsuccesses and you get to a place
where you're like, the mindsetis then, oh, I could start other
businesses and I could addmore value to this one and I could
maybe invest in that one.
And so entrepreneurial in thesense that we started with one small
(02:09):
business and now we ownmultiple businesses and we see opportunity
everywhere and have thoseopportunity mindset and goggles on
for entrepreneurship andbusiness ownership.
So with that being said, soare you more of like in the entrepreneurial
space, are you more of a, likea business owner where you're involved
in growing a business, or areyou more in the investor side of
the business?
So both.
(02:29):
So my husband and I own ageneral contracting company which
is the meat and potatoes ofour lifestyle.
And.
Right.
That's the main source of our income.
And then from that we branchedoff into different sorts of investment
companies.
Different in companies thatsome go similar to what we're already.
What we already do.
So Airbnb portfolio, fix andflip homes.
And then we own the networkinggroup here in Missouri with Chad
(02:52):
Wilson because that kind ofdoes business training, development.
So that feeds our business aswell as other people's business and
just create this wholereferral network around being entrepreneur,
entrepreneurial and otherentrepreneurs and business owners.
So with that being said, sothat seems like a lot.
It seems like you're doingquite a bit.
How does it, how do younavigate being a mom of two and a
(03:14):
wife in the midst of trying torun like 75 businesses or whatever
amount you have there?
Yeah.
So we've.
Balance is a myth.
I think that people like tosay, oh, you have to balance it all.
You can't balance it all.
You either do something 100%or you do something halfway.
Right.
If you try to do it all at one time.
And I think just really havingboundaries and standards for our
(03:35):
life, specifically in ourlifestyle and making sure that on
our calendar first is time forour kids and our family, because
that is the priority andmaking sure that's consistent and
those things are nonnegotiable on our calendar.
And everything else isbusiness and comes with business.
But first and foremost, ourfamily, I don't think that we juggle
it or maybe balance it even.
I think we make it all fit together.
(03:56):
And something that we'velearned to do really great is bring
our boys, our kids into ourbusiness with us.
And my oldest son is 19 nowand he is also an entrepreneur and
runs his own landscaping business.
And so our legacies followedsuit and what we are taught them
on what they were raised inand what they got to witness growing
up.
And so they really have been apart of the businesses and now have
that same mindset on their own.
(04:17):
So how old your youngest kidif you don't?
Thirteen.
Yeah, 13.
Okay.
So when you said I'm a mom oftwo, my, my first mind went to, oh,
she's got like babies, likethey're like 2 and 3 and 4.
But no, you got grown likemany adults there.
Yeah, I got teenagers we didit all backwards, young and then
here we are.
So yeah, we did it a littlebackwards and we were younger when
(04:38):
we had our kids.
So now they're at that teenageage and we have a little bit more
freedom there.
So that's amazing.
And that's a great testimonyof what you're doing and growing
with your children.
Now let's move into a lot forthe rest of this the show because
I would love to really hit onthe trauma and the how the advocacy
and the things you do in those realms.
Because I think a lot of mylisteners on Grace and the Grind
(05:00):
really come from a past thathas really stunted their growth or
caused a lot of fear becauseof trauma and things.
So let's start unpacking that.
Like when you say you wrote abook, let's start with the book and
tell me about that first.
Sure.
Like we said, we keep usingthe word trauma.
And I grew up in a chaotichousehold and I was raised by what
(05:22):
is known today as a narcissist.
And when you're raised by anarcissist or a relationship with
a narcissist, it is very mucha cat mouse game.
Right.
And you are the mouse.
And when you're a kid and yourbrain's developing and you're not
understanding them, your braindevelops into having zero self worth.
You think love is somethingthat you have to earn, not give.
Like something that shouldn'tjust be given to you.
(05:44):
And then when reality is thatthose are your parents, we didn't
ask to be here, they aresupposed to love you and show you
that and give you that courseof the trajectory of where your life's
supposed to go.
And I wasn't given that.
And so I had to figure it outlater in my life.
So I decided to write a bookabout my journey and share just some
of my story.
It'll be one of multiplebooks, but just to start with, letting
people know it is okay to comefrom trauma and chaos and feel worthless
(06:08):
and have zero self worth andzero self esteem and there is an
answer and a solution and youcan come from that and still be this
or whatever this looks likefor you and have those successes.
And so it was.
It's very important for me inthat book to share with people that
like when I found self loveand found self worth and was became
self aware of what I wanted,my life changed for the better and
I became unstoppable.
(06:29):
I was able to be theentrepreneur, the business owner
and have all the things ifthat's what you want or not, But
I had to change the mindset,the way I looked at myself first.
So where did your faith inJesus come in?
Was that as growing up as akid, was that later in life?
So the second book I'm writingright now, I'm in the middle of writing
is called Unloved, Purposeful.
And I experience explain a lotof the story in there.
But I was raised by 90sChristian parents.
(06:50):
And Jim, I say that in a waybecause I don't know if you've seen
the comedy skit where this guytalks about being raised by 90s Christian
parents.
And I think it's funny.
And if you come from a lot oftrauma, you have dark humor and so
you may think things are funnylike that.
But the way that Christianityor the Bible or God was using my
family was for somebody's own benefit.
So lots of shame.
(07:11):
Bible scripture was used in anegative way for them to get what
they wanted or to manipulate a situation.
And to be honest, I grew up inthe church, went a lot like three
days a week, became an adult,had my own choice, freedom of choice,
and decided to push away andpull away from the church.
A few significant moments inmy life happened as an adult.
And then I had kids that wereasking how are people made and why
(07:34):
are trees and why is the sky?
And what better answer than totake them to church and expose them
to.
To where it really came from?
And so started going back tochurch in that sense.
And then it just got so badand unbearable, the mental health
side of things, where eventhen I was as connected to the church
and God as I wanted to be.
But I was finding my way back.
(07:54):
And I think it just had got sobad that who else do you call to
in times of hardships and justdistraught and devastation, but you
drop to your knees and you pray.
And so I think then Godstarted putting people in my life
that were just Bible basedand, and focused on him.
Not necessarily religion, butfocusing on God and that relationship.
And I was so interested in that.
(08:15):
And now I host Bible study atmy house once a week and we're involved
in the church and my kids askmore questions.
And so I found my way back to him.
And it has been just ablessing that he was very patient
with me.
And I make a joke that Godsometimes I'm the.
I'm one of his children, thathe was like, girl, I know I made
you stubborn, but good golly,you give me a run for my money because
(08:36):
he's giving me how many signsand moments.
And it was.
It's been me that's gotten it wrong.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Here's another check on thewall that you get another pass.
So this brings up some reallygood interesting things.
First and foremost, I too havesome dark humor because I went through
a lot of trauma growing up.
So I get that reference.
And the 90s Christian thing,guys, I'll just off that in the comments
or not in the comments in theshow notes so you can give a context
(08:58):
of what we're talking about.
But with that being said, thisbrings up a lot of interesting lines
of questioning.
Like for instance, 90sparents, narcissistic father, what
was your relate with God as a father?
And then how did you get to aplace of being healthy in that?
So I think so if you read mybook, I talk about how I really have
two dads.
(09:19):
So I have a biological dad whois an alcoholic who I spent every
other weekend with.
And then I have my dad, thenarcissist who was really my stepdad,
but he raised me from 18months old.
So when I was talking aboutdad, I'm referring to him, my stepdad.
Right.
And I think it didn't affectit in my 20s and when I was a kid
and stuff.
But I think as an adult, theway that I've learned to look at
(09:42):
that is I was given two, twodads and neither one of them got
it right.
And that's okay.
I'm not a loss for thatbecause I have the main father that
has control and that loves meunconditionally and no matter what.
And so I just look at him andmy connection with him is these guys
were schmucks.
But I have you and you knowthat I always have you and I know
that I always have you.
(10:02):
So it gives me confidence thatmaybe in the flesh I don't have the
picture perfect dad or thoserelationships, but I have him and
that's the only father and dadthat I need.
Right.
So that's the way I've learned.
So then like with your mentalhealth, you said there was a lot
of challenges through theyears, like how did you fight back
from that place of.
Or that darkness?
You think that you fight,you're fighting.
(10:23):
Sometimes I think that Iwasn't fighting.
I think I was just confusedand just going through the motions
of some stuff.
And I think I just got sickand tired of being sick tired.
And then my physical healthwas being affected and who I was
showing up as a mother and awife and short tempered and chip
on my shoulder.
And there comes a place whereyou are the victim, right?
(10:43):
Necessarily the victim.
But you're the person in pain.
And then you start inflictingpain on others to protect yourself.
And I didn't like that personwho I was becoming.
And so I think really it was just.
There's no.
I was sick and tired of beingsick and tired.
And there's no other choice or option.
Nothing else is working.
So I'm going to give it to Godand he's going to open up the pathway
for that and be people withexperience that can pour into me
(11:04):
and help me be better.
And he's just going to lightthat pathway up for me.
And so I was sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
No, I totally get that.
So then this brings up somequestionings too, because like, you
have an incredible strong willand you have this, like I said, this
stubbornness about you.
And I think that's a beautifulthing as somebody in leadership development.
Like, you're the type ofperson that is like golden.
(11:26):
We want those type of peopleto coach and things.
But what about the listenerwho is right now struggling with
the in between places?
May they may not be totally avictim, but they don't have that
strong will you do.
What would you say to them?
I think just it's going tosound cheesy and, and, and cliche,
but like just one thing at a time.
Don't overwhelm yourself with,I have to do these 18,000 things
(11:48):
to become and be better andfeel better.
What is one thing that we canfix right now, one thing that we
can improve on in our life anddo better?
And that could just be washingyour hair, getting out of bed for
one day, right?
That could just be not lettingthe depression not allow you to use
the restroom for six hoursstraight, right?
It could be one, what seemsinsignificant to you, one thing that
(12:09):
you're able to overcome, andthen you celebrate that you overcame
that, right?
And so you start buildingconfidence in your abilities and
don't compare what you aredoing in your journey, where you're
at, to anybody else's, becausethat will just leave you defeated
110% of the time.
So one small thing, every daythat you can celebrate, and it could
be as simple as I woke uptoday breathing, right?
(12:30):
Do that every single day.
And then you will find those obstacles.
You'll get more confident in that.
And then also remember, justbecause your goal is to be this person,
whoever you are right now andright in this moment and whatever
the work you've done in this moment.
That is enough.
That's enough.
You don't have to be this exceptional.
Look, I did this healing intwo years, and I'm per.
That you don't have to be that.
(12:51):
Right, Yuki?
Not bad.
Today is enough.
And you should celebrate justbeing enough today.
That's beautiful.
That's absolutely beautiful.
All right, so let's switchgears a little bit.
Let's switch gears a little.
And you talk about advocacylike you're an advocate now.
What does that look like?
Let's start with that question.
What does that look like?
I just have this understandingof people going through my own journey
(13:12):
of healing and finding out whoI am and those things.
And I just have thisunderstanding of people and that
they are who they are, becausemost of them were told who they were
and they aren't aware thatthey are able to fix and change that
and be whoever they want to be.
And so when I see people, I'verun off of a lot of grace, and I
advocate that way.
But then I also haveunderstanding when people are maybe
(13:34):
judged for not being whatsociety is told us an image is supposed
to portray or advocating in them.
If you have ADHD or whatever,mental health struggle, and you own
that and you stand as a partof who I am, and this is what I struggle
with, and I have your back on that.
Right.
And I'm going to rally for youand I'm going to celebrate you in
that and.
Or help you find resources,whatever I can do to help.
Anybody is really advocatingfor all of the things, the trauma,
(13:57):
the adhd, because that comesfrom trauma.
Right.
And the people forget thatit's okay to be yourself and that
you're so perfect just as whoyou were created to be.
And I think society makes usthink that image is everything.
And so I will advocate for youto be 100% authentically yourself,
overcome your trauma andfocusing on your mindset you can
do and be better.
(14:17):
So you said something therethat I thought was really interesting.
Finding out who you are, like,who I am.
So what was that process foryou, like, when you were in that
process of trying to discoverwho you really are?
What did that.
Yes, I.
I read a lot about this in my book.
I was a chronic peoplepleaser, and I didn't know who I
was at all.
Down to the car I was driving.
This is up until I juststarted my healing journey maybe
(14:40):
three years ago.
So up to three years ago, thismusic I listened to, the way I dress,
the car I drove, my hobbies,they were all depicted by somebody
else first and I had to learnwho I was and what I liked.
Now did I like some of those things?
Sure.
Am I good at looking at thepositive side of that part of my
life and saying I'm like ahind 57 and I have all these talents
(15:02):
and all this knowledge anddifferent experiences I've experienced
because I was a people pleaser.
Sure, that's the benefit thatcame out of that.
But in reality I had no ideawho I was and so I had to really
do some self reflecting, selfawareness stuff and I had to spend
time alone and I had to thinkwhat do I like and what do I not
like?
And then when I spend timewith other people, I had to leave
(15:23):
those situations or thoserelationships and think what are
the core values that I align with?
And do these people, what corevalues do they align with?
Do I agree with that or do Inot agree with that?
I didn't know what I liked oreven disliked.
I didn't know what my hobbieswere and what I enjoyed or I didn't
enjoy that other people did.
So just spend time alone withyourself and really make a list of
(15:44):
I like these things, I don'tlike these things.
These are my core values forlife that I want to live by that
I will die on the hill for.
And I think when you have anunderstanding of who you are and
you have some self awareness,I think that you're able to figure
that out slowly but surely and continuously.
This doesn't stop.
I've.
Every day I find I'm like oh,I do the color Purple.
I didn't think I did every day.
I love that.
(16:05):
So then how did you developthe acceptance?
This is maybe a two parter question.
Sure.
The acceptance in all of that.
Because being, being, beinglike a.
I don't know if I'd say if youwould call a recovering chronic pleaser.
That's who I was.
I was very chronic peoplepleasing growing up.
So went through a similar process.
So the reality, so thequestion is how do you navigate the
(16:28):
acceptance of who you arewhile living in the tension of trying
to get over that chronicpleasing and then how did you enrich
like boundaries to make surethat you maintain that?
Yeah.
So learn to accept who I wasbecause again I was sick and tired
being sick and tired.
I realized that people werebenefiting from me pleasing them.
But it was going one sided andI was a firm believer that I could
(16:52):
love you so I could likelittle kids like hug puppies and
until their heads pop off Ithought I could do that to somebody
and they would treat me withrespect and give me the same love
and the energy I was giving to them.
And that's just not how that works.
And so people are, you can'tlove somebody enough into giving
you what you deserve, whatyou're worthy of back.
That's just not going to happen.
And then people were going totalk about me anyways, right?
(17:14):
People were talking about mealready because I.
And I was trying to please them.
So why not be myself ifthey're already saying something?
And.
But I get to be myself atleast I'm happy and I'm fulfilled
and I'm enjoying life and I'mskipping through life without a beat
because I am authentic to whoI am.
If they're going to talk aboutme, at least talk about who I am
as a person, not who youbelieve me to be.
(17:36):
And then what was the end partof that question?
The end part was then how didyou start erecting boundaries to
make sure you don't keepslipping back into that old habit?
So I'm a huge boundary queen, right?
I am huge on boundaries.
I think they're verysignificant in finding self love
and personal growth and development.
Because you cannot have thisnegative cloud of doom or E or type
(17:58):
person or personality aroundyou for you to have further success
in any aspect of your life.
Right?
They will always be the thingthat pulls you back, like your anchor.
And so I had to figure outwhat my core values were, what my
standards were for me.
And then people either alignedwith that or they didn't.
And those that were currentlyin my life that did not align with
that, I had to have hard conversations.
(18:20):
And that can be tough.
But here's why I will say topeople that are out there that are
thinking about having theseconversations, setting boundaries,
that person's reaction to youexpressing to them that you have
feel hurt or pain and they arethe ones inflicting that.
And that's why it set the boundary.
Their reaction that tells youeverything you need to know about
if your decision was right,making the boundary.
(18:41):
Because people that areaffected and that love you and have
sympathy and empathy for you,they will be devastated that they've
hurt you.
And those that try to blameyou or attack you or gaslight you,
they are the people that arebenefiting from you the most.
And so the people most upsetare the ones that will benefit from
you the most when you aresetting boundaries.
But also I think anybody newto come into my life, I didn't say
(19:05):
to them this is My boundary.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Ashley.
Right.
I don't do that.
I act as if the boundaries in place.
So if I don't want you to callme past 8:00pm I'm not answering
my phone at 8:00pm I'm notsaying don't call me after 8:00pm
and so you get this confidence.
Your behaviors changed and sothe people around you know how to
act and you're accepted forwho you are because you're attracting
(19:28):
the right people and you'rereleasing the wrong people for you.
And the new people are comingand filling those spots.
So I hope that answers no, itsure did.
It's.
It was great.
And I appreciate your answersbecause these are things that people
struggle with every day.
And I know a lot of thelisteners will struggle with these
things because they're dealingwith insecurities, inadequacies,
(19:48):
inferiorities, all because ofa root of some form of trauma.
And so very much appreciatewhat you're talking about.
So then do you now struggle orfind yourself ever slipping back
into those old tendencies?
Oh, all the.
We're human beings all thetime, Right.
I'd like to say that I'm perfect.
Here's what I've determined inmy healing journey is that I will
be healing forever.
(20:10):
I have 37 years of somebodyelse telling my story.
Right.
And I'm just getting started.
So that means I have 37 yearsof figuring out and unwinding all
that, unpacking things thatmaybe I'm not even aware of yet.
But I do think that there,there's an opportunity for people
to overcome even the ugliestthing and the darkest thing that
they've been through and makeit so bright, such a light.
(20:30):
And there's so many people outthere that can relate to that and
their story.
And you would be surprisedwith what you feel insecure about
in your story and what holdsyou back.
A lot of other people are heldback by the exact same thing.
That's really good.
So then what do you find rightnow being the biggest challenge you're
facing in life?
I still have those familydynamics that I'm doing, setting
(20:51):
boundaries with.
I think that can be thehardest is when you have to look
inward.
And the people that broughtyou into this world, or they are
the ones I've been closest toyour whole life.
And you have to learn that DNAmakes you feel or makes you relatives,
not family.
And we oftentimes give ourfamily passes because they're a family,
when in reality they should beheld to the highest standard.
(21:12):
And so I run into stillconflict in my family dynamics because
I have a big family andthere's lots of moving parts in that.
And like I said, you.
It's not perfect in every day.
I fall back into it everysingle day.
But you just forgive yourselfand show yourself grace, and then
you get right back on boardand right back on the path that you
were supposed to get into.
And so I do that.
(21:33):
But to say that I don't haveissues anymore, I don't go through
that stuff I do on a daily basis.
It's a daily thing that youwork at.
So then how would you say,like right now that you.
How's your.
How do you manage?
I guess where I want to gowith this is how do you manage, like
burnout and things like that?
Because you are doing a lot.
And there is.
The family dynamics can beincredibly taxing.
(21:53):
Yeah, I'm.
I probably now am surroundedby some of the best group of human
beings that know me andunderstand who I am.
And so they.
They know now that if I goquiet, it's because I'm dealing with
something or I'm in my head orI can't be the advocate that day
because I need to advocate for myself.
(22:14):
So I really have setting boundaries.
It did get lonely, but Ireally have filled those spots with
great quality people thatreally do generally care about me
and they check on me.
And I have an amazing husbandthat does what he's supposed to do
as a husband.
He picks me up whenever I am20% and I need him to be the 80 that
day.
Or when I have animals.
(22:35):
I found my outlet, like goingback to the people, please and figure
out who you are and what you love.
I've always loved animals, butI never picked up on it.
Most kids want to be a vet.
I just always wanted to have animals.
And so I found what I lovedwhenever I found who I was.
And so now I have animals andI have an outlet.
And I go spend time with mychickens and I talk to them like
they're people or I createbecause creativity releases so much
(22:56):
dopamine for me.
And sometimes dopamine isreally all I need to get out of my
funk or I reach out to peoplein the unleash you family that I
just met.
Right.
And so when I say that God putall these great people and all these
great circumstances around me,I really am going through this journey
and it's hard, but on theoutside, I'm surrounded by great
people that I can lean on thatsupport for me and A group for me
(23:17):
and, and figuring out who I amalong the way has been huge because
now I know how to make myselffeel better.
That's awesome.
Now I will tell you this.
Your story is a beautifultestimony to what God can do in a
life.
And I really honor that and Iappreciate that.
I will say one side note.
Interesting enough you justsaid about everyone wants to be a
vet, but you just wanted animals.
I think that sums up mydaughter, my 13 year old.
(23:39):
All she's talking about islike wanting 36 chickens and four
horses and 48 ferrets orwhatever she's always talking about,
but then she's, I'll just be a vet.
But I don't want to operate on animals.
So if she ever listens to thisepisode, what's up?
So I love that for her.
It's so great.
Good.
You go, girl.
Get those 40 tickets.
Yeah.
So my wife, my wife listens tothe episode.
(23:59):
She can share that part withher because I may not remember, but.
So what are you working on nowand, and what's in the near future
for you?
So connected with some great,amazing people that also had a little
bit of their own trauma.
And in April, we're doing ourown event called Unbound, which I'm
really excited about, workingon my second book and just creating,
getting our message out there.
(24:20):
But I'm also working on aformat and a outline to help people
give them something tangible,almost like a guidebook for this
journey of finding self, loveand embracing who you are and all
the things.
And that will be coming outsoon, probably at Unbound, at the
Unbound event, but lots ofdifferent podcasts and stages to
just get the word out thereand see how many people I can help
(24:41):
make a difference and empowerthem to be who they are.
Because there's nobody greaterthan us.
We're like a fingerprint, right?
Original.
So that's it.
So for the listener, for youguys out there, as you, as we come
landing this episode, all ofthat's going to be in the show Notes.
This episode is recorded inDecember of 2020.
It will be released inDecember 2024.
So you have until April of2025 to join and be part of this
(25:05):
wonderful event that they'reputting on.
I, myself and my wife will beattending in one form or capacity
or another.
So make sure you guys hit allthe notes.
I'm gonna also link her booksand everything else that she's got
for you and how to find her.
But with that being said,people know how to find you generally
if they were looking for youright now.
(25:26):
Yeah.
So on Instagram I am at ABauthentically and then I'm authentically
AB on TikTok.
That's where I post most of my content.
But you can catch me onInstagram stories for real in the
moment about what I go throughday to day.
Facebook at Ashley for Dash Tand really that's it.
Just find me on the socials.
My book is on Amazon Unlovedto Unstoppable and we would love
(25:50):
for you guys to get it andthen give me some feedback, give
me all the feedback, do areview so I know if I'm going the
right direction.
If it's actually beinghelpful, I would appreciate that
the most.
So guys, you heard all ofthat, all of those state all of those
things will be put in the shownotes and as we close the segment
section out of this interview,Ashley, we do a segment called hashtag
(26:11):
wisdom bomb, you guys on theshow that if you follow me on Facebook,
lead at Jim, lead with Jim,that I do a hashtag fit wisdom bomb
or hashtag wisdom of the dayevery single day.
With that being said, whatwisdom bomb would you leave with
our audience?
I just want people to rememberthat your hard times, right every
whatever day that shows up foryou, you have already gone through
(26:32):
hard things in life, no matterwhat age you were, whatever that
looked like in your past, andyou overcame that.
And you're still here,standing, breathing, given another
day, another opportunity tochange the outcome.
And just remember, youovercame everything you overcame
before because it waspreparing you to be capable of overcoming
this big obstacle or the nextobstacle for you to get where you
(26:53):
need to go on your journey.
And I will be here to supportyou and great people like Jim will
too.
I appreciate that.
Make sure you guys go followAshley on all the things.
You're not going to be disappointed.
I promise you that.
And with that being said, weare coming to the close of this episode,
my friends.
You have been listening tograce and the grind.
And we are here to empower, toencourage and to equip Christians
(27:14):
in business, Christianentrepreneurs to do all that God
has called them to do, calledyou to do.
And with that being said,Ashley, thanks for being on the show
today.
And for the rest of you guys,go check out another episode and
share it with your friends.
This has been grace in the Grind.
Whether you're a Christianleader looking for guidance or an
entrepreneur seekinginspiration, it's Jim's passion to
(27:37):
equip and encourage you.
Make sure to check out Jim'ssolo episodes where he shares practical
leadership insights groundedin a biblical perspective.
We hope you've enjoyed the show.
If you did, make sure to likelike rate and review and we'll be
back soon.
But in the meantime, find uson social media LeadWithJim and you
(27:58):
can also hit the website at www.leadwithjim.com.
take care of yourself andwe'll see you next time on Grace
in the Grind.
Welcome to Grace in the Grind,the podcast where we dive deep into
the journeys of heart centeredand purpose driven leaders and entrepreneurs.
We're here to equip andencourage you on your journey.
So let's get started and findthe grace within the grind.
This is Grace in the Grind.
And now your host, Jim Burgoon.
(00:22):
Welcome to Grace in the Grindwhere we're here to empower, to equip,
and to encourage Christians inbusiness and Christian entrepreneurs
to do all that God has calledthem to.
And today on the show, we havea friend of the show, Ashley Burkin.
Welcome to the show.
Hi.
Thanks for having me, Jim.
I'm so excited that we wereable to do this finally and excited
to be here.
(00:43):
Yeah, same.
And so why don't you take asecond, like 90 seconds to tell the
audience what you do, who you are.
So I am a child of God, firstand foremost, let's just say that
first.
And I am a wife of one, amother of two, and super blessed
to be in the entrepreneurialarena and world and also come from
(01:04):
some chaos and trauma fromchildhood that I was able to overcome
and work through.
And now I just advocate forpeople that are trying to be and
do better and help themhopefully find that journey and that
pathway for them andspecifically to what the traumas
that they're dealing with ormental health stuff that they have
in conflict with and helpingthem work through and change the
story and narrative that theywere told from the beginning into
(01:27):
their own for a purposeful life.
So excited to share more ofthat with you.
In your intro, you weretalking about a lot of things that
we can unpack.
Entrepreneur, wife, mom,trauma, advocate, things like that.
So let's start with the firstthing is like, when you say you're
an entrepreneur, what doesthat look like?
What entrepreneurial journeyare you on?
So small business owner,obviously that's where you started,
(01:47):
I feel like, is you like, oh,I want to be a start a small business
owner.
That's where you start that.
And then you almost snowballwhen you do the personal development
and you have failures andsuccesses and you get to a place
where you're like, the mindsetis then, oh, I could start other
businesses and I could addmore value to this one and I could
maybe invest in that one.
And so entrepreneurial in thesense that we started with one small
(02:09):
business and now we ownmultiple businesses and we see opportunity
everywhere and have thoseopportunity mindset and goggles on
for entrepreneurship andbusiness ownership.
So with that being said, soare you more of like in the entrepreneurial
space, are you more of a, likea business owner where you're involved
in growing a business, or areyou more in the investor side of
the business?
So both.
(02:29):
So my husband and I own ageneral contracting company which
is the meat and potatoes ofour lifestyle.
And.
Right.
That's the main source of our income.
And then from that we branchedoff into different sorts of investment
companies.
Different in companies thatsome go similar to what we're already.
What we already do.
So Airbnb portfolio, fix andflip homes.
And then we own the networkinggroup here in Missouri with Chad
(02:52):
Wilson because that kind ofdoes business training, development.
So that feeds our business aswell as other people's business and
just create this wholereferral network around being entrepreneur,
entrepreneurial and otherentrepreneurs and business owners.
So with that being said, sothat seems like a lot.
It seems like you're doingquite a bit.
How does it, how do younavigate being a mom of two and a
(03:14):
wife in the midst of trying torun like 75 businesses or whatever
amount you have there?
Yeah.
So we've.
Balance is a myth.
I think that people like tosay, oh, you have to balance it all.
You can't balance it all.
You either do something 100%or you do something halfway.
Right.
If you try to do it all at one time.
And I think just really havingboundaries and standards for our
(03:35):
life, specifically in ourlifestyle and making sure that on
our calendar first is time forour kids and our family, because
that is the priority andmaking sure that's consistent and
those things are nonnegotiable on our calendar.
And everything else isbusiness and comes with business.
But first and foremost, ourfamily, I don't think that we juggle
it or maybe balance it even.
I think we make it all fit together.
(03:56):
And something that we'velearned to do really great is bring
our boys, our kids into ourbusiness with us.
And my oldest son is 19 nowand he is also an entrepreneur and
runs his own landscaping business.
And so our legacies followedsuit and what we are taught them
on what they were raised inand what they got to witness growing
up.
And so they really have been apart of the businesses and now have
that same mindset on their own.
(04:17):
So how old your youngest kidif you don't?
Thirteen.
Yeah, 13.
Okay.
So when you said I'm a mom oftwo, my, my first mind went to, oh,
she's got like babies, likethey're like 2 and 3 and 4.
But no, you got grown likemany adults there.
Yeah, I got teenagers we didit all backwards, young and then
here we are.
So yeah, we did it a littlebackwards and we were younger when
(04:38):
we had our kids.
So now they're at that teenageage and we have a little bit more
freedom there.
So that's amazing.
And that's a great testimonyof what you're doing and growing
with your children.
Now let's move into a lot forthe rest of this the show because
I would love to really hit onthe trauma and the how the advocacy
and the things you do in those realms.
Because I think a lot of mylisteners on Grace and the Grind
(05:00):
really come from a past thathas really stunted their growth or
caused a lot of fear becauseof trauma and things.
So let's start unpacking that.
Like when you say you wrote abook, let's start with the book and
tell me about that first.
Sure.
Like we said, we keep usingthe word trauma.
And I grew up in a chaotichousehold and I was raised by what
(05:22):
is known today as a narcissist.
And when you're raised by anarcissist or a relationship with
a narcissist, it is very mucha cat mouse game.
Right.
And you are the mouse.
And when you're a kid and yourbrain's developing and you're not
understanding them, your braindevelops into having zero self worth.
You think love is somethingthat you have to earn, not give.
Like something that shouldn'tjust be given to you.
(05:44):
And then when reality is thatthose are your parents, we didn't
ask to be here, they aresupposed to love you and show you
that and give you that courseof the trajectory of where your life's
supposed to go.
And I wasn't given that.
And so I had to figure it outlater in my life.
So I decided to write a bookabout my journey and share just some
of my story.
It'll be one of multiplebooks, but just to start with, letting
people know it is okay to comefrom trauma and chaos and feel worthless
(06:08):
and have zero self worth andzero self esteem and there is an
answer and a solution and youcan come from that and still be this
or whatever this looks likefor you and have those successes.
And so it was.
It's very important for me inthat book to share with people that
like when I found self loveand found self worth and was became
self aware of what I wanted,my life changed for the better and
I became unstoppable.
(06:29):
I was able to be theentrepreneur, the business owner
and have all the things ifthat's what you want or not, But
I had to change the mindset,the way I looked at myself first.
So where did your faith inJesus come in?
Was that as growing up as akid, was that later in life?
So the second book I'm writingright now, I'm in the middle of writing
is called Unloved, Purposeful.
And I experience explain a lotof the story in there.
But I was raised by 90sChristian parents.
(06:50):
And Jim, I say that in a waybecause I don't know if you've seen
the comedy skit where this guytalks about being raised by 90s Christian
parents.
And I think it's funny.
And if you come from a lot oftrauma, you have dark humor and so
you may think things are funnylike that.
But the way that Christianityor the Bible or God was using my
family was for somebody's own benefit.
So lots of shame.
(07:11):
Bible scripture was used in anegative way for them to get what
they wanted or to manipulate a situation.
And to be honest, I grew up inthe church, went a lot like three
days a week, became an adult,had my own choice, freedom of choice,
and decided to push away andpull away from the church.
A few significant moments inmy life happened as an adult.
And then I had kids that wereasking how are people made and why
(07:34):
are trees and why is the sky?
And what better answer than totake them to church and expose them
to.
To where it really came from?
And so started going back tochurch in that sense.
And then it just got so badand unbearable, the mental health
side of things, where eventhen I was as connected to the church
and God as I wanted to be.
But I was finding my way back.
(07:54):
And I think it just had got sobad that who else do you call to
in times of hardships and justdistraught and devastation, but you
drop to your knees and you pray.
And so I think then Godstarted putting people in my life
that were just Bible basedand, and focused on him.
Not necessarily religion, butfocusing on God and that relationship.
And I was so interested in that.
(08:15):
And now I host Bible study atmy house once a week and we're involved
in the church and my kids askmore questions.
And so I found my way back to him.
And it has been just ablessing that he was very patient
with me.
And I make a joke that Godsometimes I'm the.
I'm one of his children, thathe was like, girl, I know I made
you stubborn, but good golly,you give me a run for my money because
(08:36):
he's giving me how many signsand moments.
And it was.
It's been me that's gotten it wrong.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Here's another check on thewall that you get another pass.
So this brings up some reallygood interesting things.
First and foremost, I too havesome dark humor because I went through
a lot of trauma growing up.
So I get that reference.
And the 90s Christian thing,guys, I'll just off that in the comments
or not in the comments in theshow notes so you can give a context
(08:58):
of what we're talking about.
But with that being said, thisbrings up a lot of interesting lines
of questioning.
Like for instance, 90sparents, narcissistic father, what
was your relate with God as a father?
And then how did you get to aplace of being healthy in that?
So I think so if you read mybook, I talk about how I really have
two dads.
(09:19):
So I have a biological dad whois an alcoholic who I spent every
other weekend with.
And then I have my dad, thenarcissist who was really my stepdad,
but he raised me from 18months old.
So when I was talking aboutdad, I'm referring to him, my stepdad.
Right.
And I think it didn't affectit in my 20s and when I was a kid
and stuff.
But I think as an adult, theway that I've learned to look at
(09:42):
that is I was given two, twodads and neither one of them got
it right.
And that's okay.
I'm not a loss for thatbecause I have the main father that
has control and that loves meunconditionally and no matter what.
And so I just look at him andmy connection with him is these guys
were schmucks.
But I have you and you knowthat I always have you and I know
that I always have you.
(10:02):
So it gives me confidence thatmaybe in the flesh I don't have the
picture perfect dad or thoserelationships, but I have him and
that's the only father and dadthat I need.
Right.
So that's the way I've learned.
So then like with your mentalhealth, you said there was a lot
of challenges through theyears, like how did you fight back
from that place of.
Or that darkness?
You think that you fight,you're fighting.
(10:23):
Sometimes I think that Iwasn't fighting.
I think I was just confusedand just going through the motions
of some stuff.
And I think I just got sickand tired of being sick tired.
And then my physical healthwas being affected and who I was
showing up as a mother and awife and short tempered and chip
on my shoulder.
And there comes a place whereyou are the victim, right?
(10:43):
Necessarily the victim.
But you're the person in pain.
And then you start inflictingpain on others to protect yourself.
And I didn't like that personwho I was becoming.
And so I think really it was just.
There's no.
I was sick and tired of beingsick and tired.
And there's no other choice or option.
Nothing else is working.
So I'm going to give it to Godand he's going to open up the pathway
for that and be people withexperience that can pour into me
(11:04):
and help me be better.
And he's just going to lightthat pathway up for me.
And so I was sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
No, I totally get that.
So then this brings up somequestionings too, because like, you
have an incredible strong willand you have this, like I said, this
stubbornness about you.
And I think that's a beautifulthing as somebody in leadership development.
Like, you're the type ofperson that is like golden.
(11:26):
We want those type of peopleto coach and things.
But what about the listenerwho is right now struggling with
the in between places?
May they may not be totally avictim, but they don't have that
strong will you do.
What would you say to them?
I think just it's going tosound cheesy and, and, and cliche,
but like just one thing at a time.
Don't overwhelm yourself with,I have to do these 18,000 things
(11:48):
to become and be better andfeel better.
What is one thing that we canfix right now, one thing that we
can improve on in our life anddo better?
And that could just be washingyour hair, getting out of bed for
one day, right?
That could just be not lettingthe depression not allow you to use
the restroom for six hoursstraight, right?
It could be one, what seemsinsignificant to you, one thing that
(12:09):
you're able to overcome, andthen you celebrate that you overcame
that, right?
And so you start buildingconfidence in your abilities and
don't compare what you aredoing in your journey, where you're
at, to anybody else's, becausethat will just leave you defeated
110% of the time.
So one small thing, every daythat you can celebrate, and it could
be as simple as I woke uptoday breathing, right?
(12:30):
Do that every single day.
And then you will find those obstacles.
You'll get more confident in that.
And then also remember, justbecause your goal is to be this person,
whoever you are right now andright in this moment and whatever
the work you've done in this moment.
That is enough.
That's enough.
You don't have to be this exceptional.
Look, I did this healing intwo years, and I'm per.
That you don't have to be that.
(12:51):
Right, Yuki?
Not bad.
Today is enough.
And you should celebrate justbeing enough today.
That's beautiful.
That's absolutely beautiful.
All right, so let's switchgears a little bit.
Let's switch gears a little.
And you talk about advocacylike you're an advocate now.
What does that look like?
Let's start with that question.
What does that look like?
I just have this understandingof people going through my own journey
(13:12):
of healing and finding out whoI am and those things.
And I just have thisunderstanding of people and that
they are who they are, becausemost of them were told who they were
and they aren't aware thatthey are able to fix and change that
and be whoever they want to be.
And so when I see people, I'verun off of a lot of grace, and I
advocate that way.
But then I also haveunderstanding when people are maybe
(13:34):
judged for not being whatsociety is told us an image is supposed
to portray or advocating in them.
If you have ADHD or whatever,mental health struggle, and you own
that and you stand as a partof who I am, and this is what I struggle
with, and I have your back on that.
Right.
And I'm going to rally for youand I'm going to celebrate you in
that and.
Or help you find resources,whatever I can do to help.
Anybody is really advocatingfor all of the things, the trauma,
(13:57):
the adhd, because that comesfrom trauma.
Right.
And the people forget thatit's okay to be yourself and that
you're so perfect just as whoyou were created to be.
And I think society makes usthink that image is everything.
And so I will advocate for youto be 100% authentically yourself,
overcome your trauma andfocusing on your mindset you can
do and be better.
(14:17):
So you said something therethat I thought was really interesting.
Finding out who you are, like,who I am.
So what was that process foryou, like, when you were in that
process of trying to discoverwho you really are?
What did that.
Yes, I.
I read a lot about this in my book.
I was a chronic peoplepleaser, and I didn't know who I
was at all.
Down to the car I was driving.
This is up until I juststarted my healing journey maybe
(14:40):
three years ago.
So up to three years ago, thismusic I listened to, the way I dress,
the car I drove, my hobbies,they were all depicted by somebody
else first and I had to learnwho I was and what I liked.
Now did I like some of those things?
Sure.
Am I good at looking at thepositive side of that part of my
life and saying I'm like ahind 57 and I have all these talents
(15:02):
and all this knowledge anddifferent experiences I've experienced
because I was a people pleaser.
Sure, that's the benefit thatcame out of that.
But in reality I had no ideawho I was and so I had to really
do some self reflecting, selfawareness stuff and I had to spend
time alone and I had to thinkwhat do I like and what do I not
like?
And then when I spend timewith other people, I had to leave
(15:23):
those situations or thoserelationships and think what are
the core values that I align with?
And do these people, what corevalues do they align with?
Do I agree with that or do Inot agree with that?
I didn't know what I liked oreven disliked.
I didn't know what my hobbieswere and what I enjoyed or I didn't
enjoy that other people did.
So just spend time alone withyourself and really make a list of
(15:44):
I like these things, I don'tlike these things.
These are my core values forlife that I want to live by that
I will die on the hill for.
And I think when you have anunderstanding of who you are and
you have some self awareness,I think that you're able to figure
that out slowly but surely and continuously.
This doesn't stop.
I've.
Every day I find I'm like oh,I do the color Purple.
I didn't think I did every day.
I love that.
(16:05):
So then how did you developthe acceptance?
This is maybe a two parter question.
Sure.
The acceptance in all of that.
Because being, being, beinglike a.
I don't know if I'd say if youwould call a recovering chronic pleaser.
That's who I was.
I was very chronic peoplepleasing growing up.
So went through a similar process.
So the reality, so thequestion is how do you navigate the
(16:28):
acceptance of who you arewhile living in the tension of trying
to get over that chronicpleasing and then how did you enrich
like boundaries to make surethat you maintain that?
Yeah.
So learn to accept who I wasbecause again I was sick and tired
being sick and tired.
I realized that people werebenefiting from me pleasing them.
But it was going one sided andI was a firm believer that I could
(16:52):
love you so I could likelittle kids like hug puppies and
until their heads pop off Ithought I could do that to somebody
and they would treat me withrespect and give me the same love
and the energy I was giving to them.
And that's just not how that works.
And so people are, you can'tlove somebody enough into giving
you what you deserve, whatyou're worthy of back.
That's just not going to happen.
And then people were going totalk about me anyways, right?
(17:14):
People were talking about mealready because I.
And I was trying to please them.
So why not be myself ifthey're already saying something?
And.
But I get to be myself atleast I'm happy and I'm fulfilled
and I'm enjoying life and I'mskipping through life without a beat
because I am authentic to whoI am.
If they're going to talk aboutme, at least talk about who I am
as a person, not who youbelieve me to be.
(17:36):
And then what was the end partof that question?
The end part was then how didyou start erecting boundaries to
make sure you don't keepslipping back into that old habit?
So I'm a huge boundary queen, right?
I am huge on boundaries.
I think they're verysignificant in finding self love
and personal growth and development.
Because you cannot have thisnegative cloud of doom or E or type
(17:58):
person or personality aroundyou for you to have further success
in any aspect of your life.
Right?
They will always be the thingthat pulls you back, like your anchor.
And so I had to figure outwhat my core values were, what my
standards were for me.
And then people either alignedwith that or they didn't.
And those that were currentlyin my life that did not align with
that, I had to have hard conversations.
(18:20):
And that can be tough.
But here's why I will say topeople that are out there that are
thinking about having theseconversations, setting boundaries,
that person's reaction to youexpressing to them that you have
feel hurt or pain and they arethe ones inflicting that.
And that's why it set the boundary.
Their reaction that tells youeverything you need to know about
if your decision was right,making the boundary.
(18:41):
Because people that areaffected and that love you and have
sympathy and empathy for you,they will be devastated that they've
hurt you.
And those that try to blameyou or attack you or gaslight you,
they are the people that arebenefiting from you the most.
And so the people most upsetare the ones that will benefit from
you the most when you aresetting boundaries.
But also I think anybody newto come into my life, I didn't say
(19:05):
to them this is My boundary.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Ashley.
Right.
I don't do that.
I act as if the boundaries in place.
So if I don't want you to callme past 8:00pm I'm not answering
my phone at 8:00pm I'm notsaying don't call me after 8:00pm
and so you get this confidence.
Your behaviors changed and sothe people around you know how to
act and you're accepted forwho you are because you're attracting
(19:28):
the right people and you'rereleasing the wrong people for you.
And the new people are comingand filling those spots.
So I hope that answers no, itsure did.
It's.
It was great.
And I appreciate your answersbecause these are things that people
struggle with every day.
And I know a lot of thelisteners will struggle with these
things because they're dealingwith insecurities, inadequacies,
(19:48):
inferiorities, all because ofa root of some form of trauma.
And so very much appreciatewhat you're talking about.
So then do you now struggle orfind yourself ever slipping back
into those old tendencies?
Oh, all the.
We're human beings all thetime, Right.
I'd like to say that I'm perfect.
Here's what I've determined inmy healing journey is that I will
be healing forever.
(20:10):
I have 37 years of somebodyelse telling my story.
Right.
And I'm just getting started.
So that means I have 37 yearsof figuring out and unwinding all
that, unpacking things thatmaybe I'm not even aware of yet.
But I do think that there,there's an opportunity for people
to overcome even the ugliestthing and the darkest thing that
they've been through and makeit so bright, such a light.
(20:30):
And there's so many people outthere that can relate to that and
their story.
And you would be surprisedwith what you feel insecure about
in your story and what holdsyou back.
A lot of other people are heldback by the exact same thing.
That's really good.
So then what do you find rightnow being the biggest challenge you're
facing in life?
I still have those familydynamics that I'm doing, setting
(20:51):
boundaries with.
I think that can be thehardest is when you have to look
inward.
And the people that broughtyou into this world, or they are
the ones I've been closest toyour whole life.
And you have to learn that DNAmakes you feel or makes you relatives,
not family.
And we oftentimes give ourfamily passes because they're a family,
when in reality they should beheld to the highest standard.
(21:12):
And so I run into stillconflict in my family dynamics because
I have a big family andthere's lots of moving parts in that.
And like I said, you.
It's not perfect in every day.
I fall back into it everysingle day.
But you just forgive yourselfand show yourself grace, and then
you get right back on boardand right back on the path that you
were supposed to get into.
And so I do that.
(21:33):
But to say that I don't haveissues anymore, I don't go through
that stuff I do on a daily basis.
It's a daily thing that youwork at.
So then how would you say,like right now that you.
How's your.
How do you manage?
I guess where I want to gowith this is how do you manage, like
burnout and things like that?
Because you are doing a lot.
And there is.
The family dynamics can beincredibly taxing.
(21:53):
Yeah, I'm.
I probably now am surroundedby some of the best group of human
beings that know me andunderstand who I am.
And so they.
They know now that if I goquiet, it's because I'm dealing with
something or I'm in my head orI can't be the advocate that day
because I need to advocate for myself.
(22:14):
So I really have setting boundaries.
It did get lonely, but Ireally have filled those spots with
great quality people thatreally do generally care about me
and they check on me.
And I have an amazing husbandthat does what he's supposed to do
as a husband.
He picks me up whenever I am20% and I need him to be the 80 that
day.
Or when I have animals.
(22:35):
I found my outlet, like goingback to the people, please and figure
out who you are and what you love.
I've always loved animals, butI never picked up on it.
Most kids want to be a vet.
I just always wanted to have animals.
And so I found what I lovedwhenever I found who I was.
And so now I have animals andI have an outlet.
And I go spend time with mychickens and I talk to them like
they're people or I createbecause creativity releases so much
(22:56):
dopamine for me.
And sometimes dopamine isreally all I need to get out of my
funk or I reach out to peoplein the unleash you family that I
just met.
Right.
And so when I say that God putall these great people and all these
great circumstances around me,I really am going through this journey
and it's hard, but on theoutside, I'm surrounded by great
people that I can lean on thatsupport for me and A group for me
(23:17):
and, and figuring out who I amalong the way has been huge because
now I know how to make myselffeel better.
That's awesome.
Now I will tell you this.
Your story is a beautifultestimony to what God can do in a
life.
And I really honor that and Iappreciate that.
I will say one side note.
Interesting enough you justsaid about everyone wants to be a
vet, but you just wanted animals.
I think that sums up mydaughter, my 13 year old.
(23:39):
All she's talking about islike wanting 36 chickens and four
horses and 48 ferrets orwhatever she's always talking about,
but then she's, I'll just be a vet.
But I don't want to operate on animals.
So if she ever listens to thisepisode, what's up?
So I love that for her.
It's so great.
Good.
You go, girl.
Get those 40 tickets.
Yeah.
So my wife, my wife listens tothe episode.
(23:59):
She can share that part withher because I may not remember, but.
So what are you working on nowand, and what's in the near future
for you?
So connected with some great,amazing people that also had a little
bit of their own trauma.
And in April, we're doing ourown event called Unbound, which I'm
really excited about, workingon my second book and just creating,
getting our message out there.
(24:20):
But I'm also working on aformat and a outline to help people
give them something tangible,almost like a guidebook for this
journey of finding self, loveand embracing who you are and all
the things.
And that will be coming outsoon, probably at Unbound, at the
Unbound event, but lots ofdifferent podcasts and stages to
just get the word out thereand see how many people I can help
(24:41):
make a difference and empowerthem to be who they are.
Because there's nobody greaterthan us.
We're like a fingerprint, right?
Original.
So that's it.
So for the listener, for youguys out there, as you, as we come
landing this episode, all ofthat's going to be in the show Notes.
This episode is recorded inDecember of 2020.
It will be released inDecember 2024.
So you have until April of2025 to join and be part of this
(25:05):
wonderful event that they'reputting on.
I, myself and my wife will beattending in one form or capacity
or another.
So make sure you guys hit allthe notes.
I'm gonna also link her booksand everything else that she's got
for you and how to find her.
But with that being said,people know how to find you generally
if they were looking for youright now.
(25:26):
Yeah.
So on Instagram I am at ABauthentically and then I'm authentically
AB on TikTok.
That's where I post most of my content.
But you can catch me onInstagram stories for real in the
moment about what I go throughday to day.
Facebook at Ashley for Dash Tand really that's it.
Just find me on the socials.
My book is on Amazon Unlovedto Unstoppable and we would love
(25:50):
for you guys to get it andthen give me some feedback, give
me all the feedback, do areview so I know if I'm going the
right direction.
If it's actually beinghelpful, I would appreciate that
the most.
So guys, you heard all ofthat, all of those state all of those
things will be put in the shownotes and as we close the segment
section out of this interview,Ashley, we do a segment called hashtag
(26:11):
wisdom bomb, you guys on theshow that if you follow me on Facebook,
lead at Jim, lead with Jim,that I do a hashtag fit wisdom bomb
or hashtag wisdom of the dayevery single day.
With that being said, whatwisdom bomb would you leave with
our audience?
I just want people to rememberthat your hard times, right every
whatever day that shows up foryou, you have already gone through
(26:32):
hard things in life, no matterwhat age you were, whatever that
looked like in your past, andyou overcame that.
And you're still here,standing, breathing, given another
day, another opportunity tochange the outcome.
And just remember, youovercame everything you overcame
before because it waspreparing you to be capable of overcoming
this big obstacle or the nextobstacle for you to get where you
(26:53):
need to go on your journey.
And I will be here to supportyou and great people like Jim will
too.
I appreciate that.
Make sure you guys go followAshley on all the things.
You're not going to be disappointed.
I promise you that.
And with that being said, weare coming to the close of this episode,
my friends.
You have been listening tograce and the grind.
And we are here to empower, toencourage and to equip Christians
(27:14):
in business, Christianentrepreneurs to do all that God
has called them to do, calledyou to do.
And with that being said,Ashley, thanks for being on the show
today.
And for the rest of you guys,go check out another episode and
share it with your friends.
This has been grace in the Grind.
Whether you're a Christianleader looking for guidance or an
entrepreneur seekinginspiration, it's Jim's passion to
(27:37):
equip and encourage you.
Make sure to check out Jim'ssolo episodes where he shares practical
leadership insights groundedin a biblical perspective.
We hope you've enjoyed the show.
If you did, make sure to likelike rate and review and we'll be
back soon.
But in the meantime, find uson social media LeadWithJim and you
(27:58):
can also hit the website at www.leadwithjim.com.
take care of yourself andwe'll see you next time on Grace
in the Grind.
Host
Jim Burgoon
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