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October 16, 2025 28 mins

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Episode Summary:

"Defense is the first act of war." We are re-releasing our most popular episode this year, and for a good reason! Defensiveness is something we all struggle with! In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we delve into the concept of defensiveness in relationships, exploring its corrosive effects on intimacy and personal growth. We discuss the Four Horsemen of relationship dynamics identified by Dr. John Gottman, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and accountability in overcoming defensiveness. The conversation highlights how defensiveness can lead to self-deception and hinder true connection with partners. Learn practical strategies for recognizing and addressing defensiveness, and how to advocate for personal responsibility as a pathway to growth and improved relationships.

Takeaways

  • Defensiveness is a common but corrosive behavior in relationships.
  • Marriage serves as a platform for personal growth and self-awareness.
  • The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse include defensiveness, which predicts relationship instability.
  • Intimacy requires vulnerability and the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
  • Self-deception often stems from the ego's need to protect its narrative.
  • Taking responsibility is crucial for overcoming defensiveness.
  • Effective communication involves asking for understanding rather than becoming defensive.
  • Changing oneself can positively impact the dynamics of a relationship.
  • Defensiveness can destroy intimacy and connection with partners.
  • Recognizing and addressing defensiveness is essential for relationship health.

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Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.

Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.

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