How to Cherish Your Spouse: The Key to a Joyful Marriage

Do you ever slip into “I deserve better” mode and forget just how lucky you are to wake up next to your favorite human? In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we unpack the power of cherishing—the next-level upgrade from mere “appreciation.” Through real-life stories (yes, including the magic fridge on their camping trip) and the Gottmans’ 20-question fondness quiz, we reveal how entitlement quietly drains joy while gratitude super-charges connection. You’ll learn why naming seven things you adore about each other feels scarier than rattling off seven complaints—and how flipping that script can transform your relationship, stress levels, and overall happiness.

Key Takeaways

• Cherishing > Appreciation: Cherishing is an intentional, daily choice to see your partner’s irreplaceable worth, far beyond liking their steak-grilling skills.
• Gratitude Kills Entitlement: Entitlement says “you owe me”; gratitude says “you choose me,” sparking instant warmth and goodwill.
• Take the Gottman Fondness & Admiration Quiz: A quick 20-item self-check exposes whether you’re coasting or truly nurturing love.
• Beware the Hedonic Treadmill: Humans acclimate fast; without active cherishing, today’s blessings become tomorrow’s baseline.
• One-Sided is Still Powerful: You don’t need your spouse’s permission to start cherishing—your unilateral gratitude can shift the whole vibe.

Dive Deeper

• Gottman Institute Fondness & Admiration Test – Free download at gottman.com; track your score and watch it climb.
• “Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier” by Robert Emmons – Science-backed tactics to rewire your brain for appreciation.
• Article: “Why Entitlement Sabotages Marriage” (Psychology Today) – A deep dive into the hidden costs of the “I deserve” mindset.
• TEDx Talk: “The Price of Happiness—Escaping the Hedonic Treadmill” by Niro Sivanathan – Understand why more stuff (or perfect spouses) never feels like enough.
• Worksheet: Daily 3-for-3 Gratitude Routine – Download from greatergood.berkeley.edu to kick-start your cherishing habit.

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Parting Words

Your spouse doesn’t owe you a thing—and that’s the magic. Choose to notice the fresh towels, the stocked fridge, or the perfectly packed toolbox. Say it out loud, expect nothing back, and watch the temperature of your marriage rise. Here’s to cherishing, one heartfelt “thank you” at a time. Until next week, keep doing the small things—done often—that build a masterpiece marriage.