Let’s Talk Codependency: And What to Do About It

Today on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are diving into a topic that often comes up after we quit drinking: codependency. With Kathleen’s clinical expertise as a couples therapist and Sonia’s real-life experiences, they’re unpacking what codependency really means—and how to spot it in yourself.

What exactly is codependency—and how is it different from being loving, loyal, or just... a decent human? Is it mutual? Does it show up only in romantic relationships? Can you be codependent with your dog? In this episode, Sonia and Kathleen explore these questions and more, including the red flags, psychological roots, and surprising ways codependency might still be running the show in your sober life.

Listeners will come away with a deeper understanding of the difference between support and self-sacrifice, healthy interdependence versus emotional enmeshment, and how sobriety can reveal codependent tendencies that were previously hidden behind a wine glass. The episode also explores hyper-independence as the flip side of codependency—and why swinging between extremes isn’t the goal either.

As always, the episode gets personal. Sonia opens up about how she once believed caretaking was the hallmark of a good marriage, how she walked on eggshells to avoid the "Kraken" (her ex’s moods), and what changed after getting sober. Kathleen shares insights from her own marriage, her childhood patterns, and how even therapists have to work on their stuff. It’s honest, raw, and full of lightbulb moments.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself in relationships—always giving, fixing, or putting others first, Kathleen has created The Path Back to You is a free guide with a self-reflection quiz, five simple practices, and journaling prompts to help you reconnect with your voice, your needs, and your boundaries.✨

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.

Time-stamped Highlights

[00:01:00] Sonia introduces the episode and shares a recent therapy revelation.

[00:02:30] Kathleen defines codependency in practical terms.

[00:04:00] Why codependency isn’t just about romantic relationships.

[00:06:10] The difference between caring and being codependent.

[00:07:30] Sonia shares a story about her ex’s “Kraken” moods.

[00:09:00] Emotional reliance and attachment patterns.

[00:10:30] Codependent parenting and walking on eggshells.

[00:11:30] Red flags for identifying codependency.

[00:13:30] Examples of codependency outside of romance.

[00:15:00] How codependency forms in childhood.

[00:21:00] Why sobriety often reveals codependent patterns.

[00:23:00] What happens to relationships after sobriety and boundary-setting.

[00:24:00] Healthy interdependence vs. hyper-independence.

[00:26:00] Are women more likely to struggle with codependency?

[00:27:30] First steps for healing and reclaiming your identity.

[00:28:30] Book recs: Codependent No More and Facing Codependence.

[00:29:30] Reconnecting with your needs—starting with Friday night plans.

[00:30:30] What changes when you stop playing the people-pleasing role.

[00:32:00] Guilt, grief, and growing into a new version of yourself.

[00:34:00] Do you need to explain your boundaries to others?