It's Okay Not to Be Okay: Embracing Radical Acceptance and Building Your Life with Richard Kaufman

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is the unshakable life mindset.
Resilience, action.
No stride.
Break free from the burnout.
Find your true north.
With your guy Jim Burgoonstepping forward.

(00:23):
This is the unshakable life.
Welcome to the Unshakable podcast.
We're so grateful you're heretoday listening to us.
And today I've got a VIP with me.
It's my dear friend Richard Kaufman.
For those who don't know you,take the next 60 to 90 seconds and
let people know what you do.
I'm just a guy that knows a guy.
My name is Richard Kaufman,also known as the comeback coach.

(00:46):
I'm a podcast host.
I'm a veteran father, husband,Christian, a guy with bipolar disease,
mental health issues.
So I'm a little bit everywhere.
I try to be everywhere to help everybody.
So I'm just a guy that knows aguy, and with friends like you and
Joe Graham, my life is so muchbetter with having you guys in my

(01:08):
life and.
And being part of my tribe.
Wow.
We appreciate it, too.
I can't speak for Joe.
We've had Joe on the show before.
Love, Joe, but I can speak formyself how much I honor and respect
you as not only just comebackcoach, but as a fellow veteran and
things like that.
So, man, let's just dive intosome good conversation.
You ready, man?
I've been ready.
All right, so the first placeI want to.

(01:30):
Really want to go into is.
Let's just unpack.
What does it mean to be acomeback coach?
First of all, I got to give abig shout out to Mr. Gary Vaynerchuk.
He's the one that came with.
Came up with the comeback coach.
He's the one that told me towrite a book.
He's the one that told me tostart a podcast.
He.
He's the one that told me tostart speaking from stages.
So if it wasn't for GaryVaynerchuk, there would be no.

(01:51):
No comeback coach.
So thank you, Gary.
I love you, brother.
A comeback coach is just a guyI believe or girl that has been through
some stuff and help othercomeback others come back from stuff.
Because for me, it's hard forme to.
For somebody to callthemselves a coach if they've never
done it before.
Right.
It's kind of.
It's kind of like, you know,if you've never been married, don't

(02:13):
tell me you're a marriage coach.
So if you've never beenthrough the hard times and had to
come back from it, don't tellme that you're a Life coach, because
what kind of life have you led?
That's good.
That's really good.
And I think there's somethingreally valuable in that because we
do see a lot online whereeverybody's suddenly this type of
coach or they're now cryptocoaches and this coach.
And most of them have neverdone any of what they're producing.

(02:36):
But I know you're somebody,even in your intro, somebody who
has already said, hey, you'vegot some mental health challenges,
you've got some other things.
So, which proves like you'vegot the goods in order to help people
come back from something.
So where do you find yourselfin, like, do you find yourself helping
people more in mental health,more drug recovery?
Like, where do you findyourself with a lot of those?

(02:59):
Well, it started out when Ifirst started out.
I'm in recovery 36 years, Ithink 36 or 37, I don't remember
how many years it is.
But it started out helpingpeople out in recovery rooms, speaking
and speaking at jails and rehabs.
But then I realized once Istarted podcasting, I can reach millions

(03:21):
of people instead of justreaching, you know, 100 people in
a room.
So that's when I startedspeaking on stages and starting a
podcast, writing the books.
But that, you know, I stillbelieve in one on one coaching.
I still do a lot of one on one coaching.
I believe that people are notgoing to really open up to you if

(03:42):
they don't feel like theydon't know like, and trust you.
We're like, you know, we know,we know different stuff about each
other that will never repeathere or anywhere else.
And that's because we builtthat trust.
And I think that's one thingthat a good coach will do.
If you tell a good coachsomething they're not going to tell
anybody else, it's not goingto ever get out.

(04:02):
And that's why you canactually really open up to a really
good coach because you knowit's not going anywhere further.
So then this brings intosomething a little bit, you know,
deeper.
It's with the challenges thatyou are facing.
You know, you just said youwere in recovery for 36 years, you've
got the mental health challenges.
How did you get the confidenceto really get started without sabotaging

(04:24):
yourself or giving up?
Well, it was after anattempted suicide, Memorial Day 2012,
when for some reason my night,my six month old daughter saved my
life.
It was after that moment whenI realized, wait a minute, there's
many more people out therejust like me that are struggling
with mental health issues,struggling with traumatic brain injuries,

(04:47):
struggling with addiction,struggling with not no imposter syndrome.
You know, there's a lot ofpeople out there struggling with
the same stuff I'm struggling with.
How do I reach these people,how do I get them help?
And that's when I decided, youknow, because of Gary, obviously,
start the podcast, to starttalking to people and get the word

(05:07):
out that, hey, no matter whoyou are, if you're the CEO, if you're
the janitor, we're allstruggling with the same stuff.
You know, I just wanted aplace where people can go.
If you're struggling torealize, okay, he's struggling with
it, I'm struggling with it.
And it's okay not to be okay.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that statement.
It's okay not to be okay.
Yeah, it's beautiful statement.

(05:29):
So, okay, so you're on thisjourney, your six month old saved,
you know, your life.
Thank God for that.
So now you're in this place,there's people like me.
I can talk to people like this.
I can help them.
How do you keep that in theforefront without being overwhelmed,
without, you know, like,today's the day.
I'm just giving up and justgoing to go fishing for the rest

(05:49):
of my life.
Like, how do you keep yourselfmoving forward?
Honestly, you know, there'sdays where I want to quit.
There's days where I want togive up.
There's days like even before,well, I didn't want to quit today,
but even before I came on, Itook a half hour nap.
I was like, you know what?
My body needs it, my mindneeds it.
I need to take a little bit of respite.

(06:10):
And just this way, I'm fresh.
And sometimes you want toquit, but it's okay, it's okay to
slow down as long as you don'tquit, you know, And I think it's
okay for your mental healthto, you know, my.
One of my favorite quotes isyou cannot pour from an empty cup,
right?
So if you're, your cup'salways empty, you cannot pour into

(06:30):
somebody else, you know, justlike me.
If I'm, if I'm empty, I can'tpour into my, into my clients.
So I got to make sure that mycup is always staying full.
And sometimes it's justsaying, hey, I'm going on a cruise
for a week.
I'm shutting the phones off,I'm going incognito for a week.
I'm not going to be around.
So when I get back, I'll be recharged.
So I think sometimes justtaking time to say, all right, you

(06:53):
need a break, it's time totake a break.
I love that because you'regiving yourself permission to rest.
And I think that's beautiful.
Now that that brings into thisother question then, is all right,
so cruising.
I. I hear what you're saying,and I think I want to join that whenever
I feel like I'm really down.
Let's go on a cruise.
I'm okay with that.
But obviously you don't take acruise every month, do you?

(07:14):
I wish I could, no.
But I do only work 180 days a year.
I'm off six months out of theyear, and I do that on purpose.
But the six months that I amworking, I'm working 12, 18 hours
a day.
So I do work hard.
But we do play hard.
We do.
We don't party, obviously,but, you know, we do enjoy life a

(07:37):
little bit.
We go on vacations and a lotof guys don't want to go on vacations.
A lot of people.
I realize that I'm moreproductive after I come back from
a vacation or leading up to avacation, so why not take that time?
You know, because we're onlygetting so much amount of time on
this big blue rock, right?

(07:57):
The average male lives to 78.
The average first responder orveteran lives to 58.
So I'm at 57.
So how many years do Iactually have left?
And I want to enjoy the timethat I'm here.
So then with your six months,you're working 12, 18 hour days.
How do you not burn out?
Well, I actually learned.
I actually hired my first coach.

(08:19):
Business coach was John Lee Dumas.
Everybody knows John Lee Dumasfrom Entrepreneurs on Fire podcast.
He actually taught me that,you know, you have to split up your
time.
Like, the only time I recordpodcasts of my own are Wednesdays.
That's my only data record.
So even if, if I got nothinggoing on the rest of the week, at

(08:40):
least I know on Wednesdays I'mgonna record.
And then the rest of the days,Monday through Friday, I put the
episodes out with clips andstuff like that.
So.
But those times, I know whenI'm working, I'm actually having
fun.
This is fun to me.
Podcasting is, is my hobby.
It's my joy, it's my passion,it's the way I give back.

(09:01):
So I'm not really working.
This is not work.
I'm not, I'm not out therehumping, you know, humping shingles.
I'm not out There digginggraves like I used to.
I used to dig two graves a dayby hand with a shovel.
So I'm not doing that anymore.
So that this is not really work.
So I kind of keep stuff likethat in perspective that what I'm

(09:22):
doing is not really work work.
But sometimes it can be workbecause sometimes you're taking on
a lot of people's emotions.
So I think it's funny that youcasually just drop that you used
to be a gravedigger.
I think that's hysterical.
I've never, I've nevermentioned that on the show before.
I think that's awesome.
Like, everybody's kind of, youknow, like, oh, yeah, yeah.

(09:42):
Wait a minute.
Did he just say I dug graves professionally?
Yes, he did.
A day with a shovel.
Wow.
So you're drinking 12ft a day?
Like six.
Six feet per man.
With a shovel.
With a shovel.
Not even an excavator.
No backhoe.
It was just a shovel, dude.
So this, this does not work.
Much respect, Much respect tothe audience.

(10:04):
I do want to mention thisbecause you know Richard, the way
you love things and all that,and he's.
He.
He never brags about himself,so he's.
Actually, I think you.
Last time we checked, you wereright around 2 million downloads
on your podcast, weren't you?
Yeah, I think we just hit 3.
3 million, right?
About 3 million.
But again, it's all because offriends like you, Joe Graham, John

(10:28):
Lee Dumas, Eric Allen.
You know, without you guys, Iwouldn't be doing what I'm doing.
I wouldn't be interviewingsomebody like Austin Armstrong.
Like, I'm releasing hisepisode today without him, without
you guys.
We had Austin on the show nottoo long ago.
I think it was at thebeginning of this year, which is
2025, and him and Jonathan Mast.

(10:48):
And so if you do get a chance,go, I'll put it in the show notes.
Not only just the episode withus from Austin, but also when you
release yours, I'll add it tothe show notes for the vertical podcast
as well.
So we're reaching 3 million downloads.
And so team mentality, it'sall about relationships, it's all
about networking.
So how do you continue to network?

(11:10):
Let's dive into that becausewant to make sure, like, you're working
this much, you're dealing withthe challenges and all that.
How do you continue to networkto get high value guests or to get
high value people in your life?
Like, what does that look likefor you?
Oh, now, because I've been inthe game long enough, I'VE been in
the game.
My daughter's 13, so about 13 years.

(11:31):
I've been in the game long enough.
People come to me now unless Isee somebody I have, like, a lot
of times, I'll be like, oh,man, he's got a great.
He's got a great.
Somebody's on his show.
I really want to have him onmy show.
I'll reach out to you and belike, hey, can you do an introduction?
But most of the time it'sfriends of friends or a lot of.

(11:53):
I have people that actuallysend me people that want to be on
podcasts.
So now I don't even look forguests anymore.
I think that was the hardestpart for people.
First starting out, they'relike, well, where do I get guests?
But once you've been in thegame long enough, you'll.
You'll eventually get peoplethat email you just to come on the
show for no reason.
And we talked about thatearlier, man.
You, you know, if I seesomebody that's interesting, like

(12:15):
Jonathan Mast or if I want toknow something, I'm going to ask
my friends.
I love what it posts up on Facebook.
Who do you know that isamazing in AI?
Austin Armstrong is going tocome up.
Jeffrey Ross is going to come up.
Jonathan Nast is going to come up.
If I'm looking, if I want tolearn something, instead of me sitting
in front of Robert Kiyosaki, Ijust reach out to Robert and say,

(12:38):
you know what?
I had Sharon Lecter on my show.
How about you come on my showso I can ask you some questions and
we could talk about your newbook that's coming out.
I like that I'm always addingvalue first, then asking.
Like, I won't just say, hey,bro, you know, why don't you come
on my show?
Or I'll say, you know, likewhen I.

(13:00):
God, God rest his soul, welost one of.
One of our good friends Steve,Steve D. Sims.
And one of the ways I had himcome on my show, and I was like,
steve, I would love to haveyou come on my show because I know
your new book is dropping nextweek and I would love to come on
so we could promote your bookand get it out, get it out to my
veterans.
So I'll always add.

(13:21):
Always add value before I askfor anything.
I love that because adding value.
And I think there.
We live in a society where wealways want to take or get or, you
know, we get upset whenthere's a no, but you don't get nos
often because you'reConstantly adding value.
And I love that approachbecause it's a serve first approach.
It's all about generational relationships.

(13:42):
Like with me and you, weprobably message each other two,
three times a day sometime,you know, just saying, hey, bro,
how are you doing?
Are you doing all right?
Is everything okay?
And I think, of course, if wewere like, hey, I think you, I got
a perfect guest I think wouldbe great on Rich's show.
Of course you're gonna sendthem to me.
Same thing with you.
I'm like, oh, man.

(14:02):
This new the Unshakablepodcast is looking for amazing guests.
Why don't you and I'llintroduce you to my friends.
Let's go further into someconversation here on mental health,
because it's a big part of my life.
It's a big part of your life.
How do you manage your mental health?
Let's start with the big question.
Moment by moment, sometimesminute by minute, hour by hour, day

(14:26):
by day.
I deal with it because Iaccept it.
But I also, it doesn't rule my life.
I know what I have.
I rule it.
It doesn't rule me.
And then, but then also forme, it's, my wife knows.
You know, my wife's my bestfriend, my bride.
She's my ride or die.
She knows when I'm.
I'm ready for a breakdown.

(14:48):
And she's going to be like,hey, pal, you need to get to a meeting.
You need to go see your psychologist.
You need to take a break oryou need to speed up.
Because sometimes she'll seeme and, you know, I'm sleeping in
later.
I'm starting to eat junk food again.
I'm stop.
I'm stopping going to the gym,you know, I'm stopping working out.
I'm stopping listening topodcast or walk, do my walk at my

(15:11):
daily walk.
And she'll be like, hey, pal,you're getting in a rut.
It's time for you.
It's time for you to get yourass up.
And I think a lot of us thathave mental health issues, we have
to be honest with our partner.
Our partner know where we're at.
Because about.
I think it's about a year now.
I almost took myself out.
She seen it.

(15:32):
She seen it.
I was about to.
I was about to take myself outand she just, she took me, grab.
Put me in bed, wrapped herarms around me and held me for about
five or six hours.
Wow.
Until the demons went away.
So.
But.
But she knew because she knewI was.
When you're with somebody,like, we've Been together.
We've known each other 40years, but we've been together 15.

(15:53):
And I'm open and honest about everything.
Once you start seeing the.
Seeing the things, becausewhen you're married to somebody,
you see the things, butsometimes it's hard to mention the
thing.
You know, I'm married to akid, an Italian woman, so she, she
could see stuff and she'lljust call me out on it.
Yeah.
So I think, you know, we definitely.
If you're struggling withmental ill illness, you need to have

(16:15):
your people around, you knowwhat's going on and not.
And stop pretending what's,you know, what you think is going
on.
I love that.
And I wrote down, because Ialways take notes during conversations
to helps me springboardquestions and remember things.
And I wrote three things downoff of what you just said.
It.
I said acceptance, identity,and honest conversation.

(16:38):
And I think those things areso important and I find so much value
in that and what you'resharing because we have to have that.
You know, in psychology theycall it radical acceptance.
And then that.
Don't identify with it,identify that it's a problem, but
don't make it your identity.
And then have it.
Have those really deep, honestconversations, especially with the
importance of the relationshipor the core relationship that it's

(17:01):
somebody you trust.
Yeah.
And, man, I think that's arecipe for success in what you just
described.
And I thank you for sharing that.
Which now I'm wondering,because in the original part of your
introduction, you're like, I'malso a Christian.
We are a Christian podcast.
And so help me layer in thefaith that you have into this conversation.

(17:22):
I know I fail him daily,sometimes hourly.
For me, I'm.
I'm that Christian.
It's always saying, you know what?
Every.
Every night before I go tobed, I say the serenity prayer.
I. I haven't missed it, misseda night in 36 years.
But there's a lot of timeswhere I'm like, God, I. I need you.
I don't have this grand prayer.

(17:43):
Sometimes it's just, I need you.
Like, for me, my favoriteBible verse is, he wept.
That means he felt pain.
You know, he felt loneliness.
So for me, Jesus, being myfriend, he's felt my.
He's felt the pain.
If he's felt the pain, I knowI can go to him and be like.
And I talk to him just like this.

(18:04):
I go, I'm like, bro, you know,I call Jesus my brother.
I'm like, bro, I need yourhelp right through this.
You've been through to sit inthe garden, Gethsemane and all you
had, all the mental healthstruggles you were going through
when you're.
When you're about to be crucified.
So you know where I'm coming from.
And I think a lot of us forgetJesus wept.
He struggled with.
He struggled with pain.

(18:26):
He struggled with mental anguish.
So if he.
He knows better than anybody,so why does.
Reach out to him and say, no,you don't need these great big prayers.
Just be like, help, I need help.
Yeah.
Some of the.
Sometimes those type ofprayers where you go, I just need
help, is some of the mosthonest prayers.
Because sometimes we justdon't have words.

(18:47):
Like, sometimes we don't evenknow what we need help with.
We just know we need help.
And he.
He knows what.
What our needs are.
He just wants to be.
He just wants to be heard.
He's kind of like, I got three.
Three beautiful children.
I know what my kids need.
But sometimes it's nice forthem to ask.
It is.
Yeah, it is.
It's like, I.
You know, the Bible even tellsus that he knows what we need before

(19:07):
we even pray.
In Matthew 5, I believe that's in.
And so, yeah, he's like, hejust wants to hear the voice.
He just wants to hear your voice.
Yeah.
That's the relationship andconversation piece.
And I love that you.
That your favorite verse is he wept.
Wow.
That you.
Of all the verses in theBible, you pick the one that Jesus
showed the most compassion,the most soft softness of heart.

(19:28):
And I think that's abeautiful, beautiful testimony to
the life that you're winningat, man.
You're successful.
Yeah.
I'm sure there's not dayswhere you don't feel like that, but,
dude, 36 years.
36 years in recovery now youhelp transform others to come back
from wherever they are.
3 million downloads.
It's multiple, you know,different books and opportunities

(19:51):
and stages, and just theamount of success that God is blessing
you with and the humility thatyou carry in the midst of it is just
a testament to exactly how Godis showing up in your life, particularly
and how it could be a storythat people can look to for inspiration
of how he can show up intheirs as well.
So thank you for sharing all that.
And I'm grateful for being here.

(20:12):
But, you know, I talked a lot.
I. I'm very active on socialand, you know that.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
And sometimes, you know, weask God, you know, in prayers, and
sometimes the answer is no,you know, plain and simple.
Like the Garth Brooks song.
Sometimes the best prayers.
Are you saying no?
The unanswered ones.
Yeah.

(20:32):
Or sometimes God gets quiet,and there's a reason why he gets
quiet for a reason.
Sometimes he wants you to work.
Some of.
You got to work some of thisstuff out.
And I think sometimes, eitherthe answer is no, or sometimes he's
going to be quiet for a whileand let you.
Let you wallow in it, let youwallow in the pain a little bit until
you say, you know what, Lord,I'm done.
I need your help.

(20:53):
Yeah, I agree with you.
I think there's a portionwhere we get no for number one, because
if he said yes, it would hurtus more than help us, you know?
And I think number two, whichis really interesting in that the
nose are oftentimes ways tobreak our pride and our entitlement.
And because it is, God willoftentimes redirect us to the place
that we're meant to be, notthe place we desire to be.

(21:14):
And, you know, anybody knowsmy story, they know that, you know,
911 totally changed my whole world.
And God broke me that day.
God broke me on 911 because on9 10, I was the most arrogant human
being you will ever meet.

(21:34):
I just lived for myself.
I. I didn't care about anybody anything.
I'll rob anybody, steal from anybody.
911 broke me.
And I think that sometimes,you know, God will break you.
And I think that once.
Once you.
He breaks you, then he canremold you.
But if you're.

(21:54):
If you're un.
Unbreakable, then he can'thelp you.
That's absolutely right.
And you know that.
That comes back to two images.
That's number one, thethreshing floor with Gideon.
Because the threshing floor iswhere the place of squishing and
the place of violence thatpushes out the good stuff to make
sure the good stuff comes forth.
And then it's also Jeremiah,which is the potter's wheel, you

(22:15):
know, the constant molding.
And I like that.
That you can't be.
You have to be breakable, moldable.
But, you know, like, with thisshow, you could be breakable and
moldable, but you could bealso unshakable.
And because that's the firmfoundation we live on.
And I love that man.
Thank you for sharing that.
So as we start closing thisdown, let's do two things.
Number one, we're gonna.

(22:36):
How do people find you?
They can just Google VerticalMomentum podcast.
We're on the first eight pagesof Google.
We're everywhere.
We're on Every single platform.
We're on 35 different platforms.
So if you just Google VerticalMomentum podcast, you'll find me.
Or Richard Kaufman.
Just Google me, you'll find me.
I don't have a VA.

(22:57):
I answer all my emails.
I answer all my DMs.
It's always me.
So if I DM you, it's me.
It's not.
It's not somebody in the Philippines.
You know, you can always reachout to me.
Have, have a phone call, but Iwant to offer something to your audience.
Okay.
If anybody's struggling, theycould reach out to you and I'll send
them my book for free.

(23:18):
Wow.
I will put all of this in theshow notes so they don't have to
go to Google.
They could just hit the shownotes up.
And you're very generous, myfriend, and I appreciate you and
I appreciate all that you're doing.
So, with that being said,guys, thank you so much for tuning
in to the Unshakable Life podcast.
You know, where we dive deepinto the things that are holding
us back from all that Godwants us to do.
So with that being said, thankyou for spending this time with me

(23:41):
on the Unshakable Life podcast.
My prayer is that today'sconversation helps you to build resilience,
reclaim peace, and step withcourage into your God given calling.
If this episode has encouragedyou, challenged you, or impacted
you in any way, could you dome a favor?
Share it with a friend, leavea review and hit the follow so you

(24:02):
don't miss what's next.
And if you want more tools andencouragement for your journey, and
head over to leadwithjim.com,you'll find resources to help you
grow as a healthy, authenticChristian leader, entrepreneur and
creator.
And until next time, remember,your foundation is Christ, your calling
is unshakable, and your lifecan make eternal impact.

(24:24):
This is the Unshakable Life mindset.
Resilience Action.
No.
Strive.
Break free from the burn now.
Find your true north with yourguy, Jim Burgoom.
Stepping forward.

(24:46):
This is the Unshakable Life.

All Episodes

Episode Summary:

Key Takeaways:

Favorite Quotes:

Scripture References:

Action Steps & Reflection Questions:

Resources

Connect with Jim

Episode Transcript

Host

Jim Burgoon

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Ruthie's Table 4

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}It's Okay Not to Be Okay: Embracing Radical Acceptance and Building Your Life with Richard Kaufman