Think of the Children

Think of the Children

Join us in our office once every other week as lifelong friends turned business partners Owen Piper and Jay Little systematically destroy your childhood, one beloved memory at a time...


December 18, 2020 53 mins

Those darn TOTC boys are back at it again to ruin more of your beloved childhood memories! This week, the lads have some thoughts on national service, find a wizard, and give a much better comedy duo a podcasting idea... It's TOTC, baybeeeeee!

Currently Brainstorming: Jay's Newest Addiction, Raspberry Boy, The Boozone, The Offering, National Service, Sandwhich Interuptions, Square Boy, Sleepy Queen Liz, Fart Joke, White Boy Jay, Ci...

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The boys have escaped the Astral Dimension and only Dave is really worse for wear. Owen and Jay are still alive and this week they talk about the American Diet, Nerds on Twitter, Robots having the sex and how to raise the next generation of Philosophers. It's the Think of the Children you know and love, here like a beacon in these dark times

Currently Brainstorming: Time Refraction, The Tum Compartment, Editing Magic, Eldritch Varm...

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Owen and Jay are back after a tumultuous 2020. They explain where they've been, what's coming next, apologise profuesly for their absence and ask if you'd like Cocaine or Pepsi.

Short Answer: Patrons, check your emails over the next week, everyone else, new epsisode next week.

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Oops! It's been 3 Months! Global Pandemics are bad for productivity, it turns out! Either way, the boys are back on the open road to do the nasty thing you love so much. This time around, we turn some bath toys into murderers, teach the children that everything they do is useless and develop some fun flash games to teach the kids about the existential threat of being alive! Join us, won't you, for another Think of the Children!


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This week, the boys are joined by reptile lover and the host of Talking With Dinosaurs, Stefan Ayto! They kind of owe him one, you'll see why. They also recreate the epic of Gilgamesh, insult two of New Zealand's national heroes, and get Henry Cavill fans riled up as they put him in schoolgirl uniforms. We're here in the time of crisis, it's Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: Roadside Assistance, Reptile Matrimony, Dei...

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Kids, I won't lie, this one goes off the rails a little bit towards the end. It's good shit, but we've both gone a little stir crazy, apparently. This week, the lads praise the efficiancy of Herod, publically dunk on Piers Morgan, and create some terrible puppet creations... Again. Strap in, friends, it's gonna get bumpy.

Currently Brainstorming: Vancuffs, The Art of Vore, Rickle: The Pickling, Vinnie Jones Green Cross Code, My Man...

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March 12, 2020 56 mins

The wheels are still a-rollin' here at the TOTC Mobile Headquarters. Owen and Jay have both taken different approaches to raising money, neither of which have been particularly profitable, so we're back to ruining childhoods. We gift a beloved character the powers of an Elder God, make the Digimon relentlessly horny, and utilize The Demon Drill for fun and profit. Buckle up, kids! It's a wild one.

Currently Brainstorming: Growing P...

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January 20, 2020 50 mins

We're back! But not quite as you know it. Some things have changed for Owen and Jay but they need to keep the wheels greased and beef jerky in their tummies, so they're gonna keep ruining childhoods for fun and profit. It's all here on Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: Scottish Avoidance, Vim2.0, Wimbleton, Forbidden Bowls, Neil vs Neale, Fuck Names, Do Cockroaches Fuck?, Dart Refractory Period, Ozymandias Jerky, Nerf...

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Happy New Year, friends! After comitting a terrible podcast crime, Jay is on the run and Owen drank himself into a coma. So, as a cruel and unusual punishment, we have used the power of Jumanji to trap Ismay Hutton, Alfred Clark and Emily Kuklinski in our podcast! They will only be released when the 7 Jumanjis have been collected or they've ruined a childhood, whichever comes first. Join us for a spell in this first ever Hostile Ta...

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Well friends, we've arrived at the big 5-0. It's a feature length presentation of our fetid, dirty crimes against your nostalgia, and we did it just for you... Enjoy the 50th  Episode of Think of the Children, and the last episode for the year. We love you, thank you for the support <3 Music: Intro: Baffy, Money Man Break: Baffy, The Numberless Circling Cows of the Crop (Cow Pie) Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine Twitter: @totccast Em...
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October 31, 2019 62 mins

It's Spooky Episode 2.0, baybee! We got more scares, more ghouls and more physical manifestations of your deepest darkest fears. Roll up, roll up, come see the spectral troupe, the wholesome sex-worker ghost, and the scariest thing of all... corporate takeovers. Listen to the new episode... if you dare...

Currently Brainstorming: Owen's Very Cursed Day, Schrodinger's Podcast, Doki Doki Corpse Bride Club, Hostile Takeovers, The Bloc...

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October 9, 2019 55 mins

This time around, the lads put a young science boy through some harrowing shit, make a new superhero team in space, make sex fun (finally) and partake of the finest cuts of dong this side of the Thames. Yet more goofs and good products from the boys you love!

Currently Brainstorming: Knee Girls, Spicy Bath, Jim Pachmans, Flat, Long, Cock Rings, The Cock Fridge, Filet-min-Dong, Royal Squalor, Owen Goes Ghost, Snok X, Just a dash of ...

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September 8, 2019 54 mins

This week, the lads do the stuff you love, like make a Finger Puppet Monstrosity, help a soft drink create the corporate monopoly it needs to lauch us into an Eleven Herbs and Spices Cyberpunk Future, and make a Furby you can fuck. Oh and there's more Jojo jokes. It's all here and it's all completely fucking putrid.

Currently Brainstorming: Dental Jokes, Love Island: The Video Game, 11 Herbs and Spices, Vimto Piss, Lomg Sex Furby, ...

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August 25, 2019 57 mins

The boys are on a fucking roll this week, as our capitalist asses do the nasty thing to expoit your memories for profit. This week, we teach the boomers how to bend, ressurect Demons from the Ninth Pit, give a child an egG, and given Helen Mirren the Minerals she so desperately needs. It's think of the children!

Currently Brainstorming: Robo-Hosts, Microwave Crimes, KFC-Bending, Meat Destiny, Apple 'Nades, "Teleport, Teleport, Atta...

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August 17, 2019 49 mins

The boys are big dummies that just sort of... forgot to record an episode this week? So in it's stead, Owen has thrown together some of the best bits from the last year and a half of doing this dumb show, and splaying them up, back to back, for your enjoyment.
It might be old, and barely qualifies as gold, it's Think of the Children!



Intro: Baffy, Money Man
Outro: Baffy, Purple Wine

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August 5, 2019 52 mins

We took another break, so sue us. However, we're back on our weekly bullshit! Owen gets hyperfixated on a specific type of wine, Jay commits fully to canibalism, and the boys go totally tubular and ressurect a "beloved" piece of 90's fashion. It's all here on this week's Think of the Children!

Currently Brainstorming: The Cucking Stool, The Baby Pocket, Viva-Piniata-Oh!, Vermouth, Anti-Drug Piracy, Medieval Crests, Illiteracy, Banj...

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June 19, 2019 54 mins

We're back after a not so short break! This week, Jay and Owen explain their dark sacrament involving the McNamara Family, rocket John Malkovich into new heights of stardom, as John Goodman, create a dark spherical new world in which we drive Micheal Cera insane, and the lads get bamboozled by Capitalism. It's all here, and it's back, baybeee!

Currently Brainstorming: McNamara Stomach Lining, Nald's Eleven, "We're Back, Mother...

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This week, Jay is off being a good good physics boy, so Ismay Hutton (@aTeacupGamer) joins Owen in the office to do the nasty thing. This week, we go after that good SEO Juice and talk about Sonic. A lot. We also add parrots filled with disinfectant to all supermarkets, create a new iconic piece of merch, and (counterproductivley) fix Ismay's childhood.

Currently Brainstorming: Cool Music and SFX, Sexy Gold Tit Daddy, Wiseau-Postin...

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April 21, 2019 58 mins

Buckle the fuck up, kids, this one gets wild. Owen finds he's closer to a folk tale than he might think, Jay ingests crocodile penis, we dunk on horses and find help a young boy find the chaos emeralds. Strap in, get ready to laugh.

Currently Brainstorming: Throwbacks, Bat Puns, Berserk Cauldron, Oblivion Soapbox, Cyber Dong, The Blockening Part 8: Danny DeVito, Captain Large, Outdated Animals, Musk, Jubblies, Street Sea Cucumbers,...

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April 11, 2019 49 mins

We're back after a week off! This week, the lads do some truly terrible shit to a *lot* of planes, give Ballet an all new cultural significance, create a fun new video game about MILFs, and help a plucky little helicopter destroy all of anime. Also mid-2000's memes get a resurgance, it's buck-wild.

Currently Brainstorming: Jay gets Fingerblasted, G-Spot Placement, Angelina Ballerina's Joint Problems, Ahegao Plane-Chan, Owen Explain...

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