March 5, 2025 • 7 mins
Greg Olsen and Dr. Michael Gervais ( @FindingMastery ) answer listener submitted questions to help parents, coaches, and young athletes take their youth sports journey to the next level.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Want Doctor Mike and I to answeryour question on air?
Visit the links below or go to speakpipe.com/youthink AMA.
You can also e-mail. Us at AMA at Youth dot Inc.
What's up everybody? Welcome back here on you think
our Ask me Anything segment. We love hearing from all of our
listeners. Some of our best questions, our
best topics come from you guys, So please keep sending them in.
(00:23):
I'm joined by my good friend a long time, probably our
original, like he's our OG, you think Guest doctor Michael
Gervais. I'm Greg Olson, We have a really
good question. So Carrie sent into question.
She has an 11 year old son, loves his teammates.
They're some of his best friends.
He's a very good player, the best on the team.
(00:43):
She doesn't feel like he's getting the practice.
He's not being pushed. He's maybe not getting the
competitive element that they'd like to see from from their
team, from their coach to push him to really get better.
Do they stay on that team? Do they look for a different
team? How would you advise them?
It's a great question. It's a question that I faced
with my son as well. And so this is not easy and I
(01:05):
don't want to pretend like there's one path and that you
know that there's this magic wand that you just the clarity
happens, but it is better understanding what matters most
to the family. Is it about the social
engagement? Is it about a community?
Is it about commitment? Or is it about no, you know,
like now is the golden window tostep on it and get a little bit
better. What we know from theory is that
(01:28):
age 11, if this is not supposed to be about technical skill
pushing, this is meant to be, according to the theories called
long term athletic development out of Canada.
That in this age, we're really trying to figure out how to be
part of something and take that role of being the one that's
really, you know, good at something.
And so if if this naively, what I did naively for for Kerry,
(01:54):
what I would say is stay, that would be my recommendation.
But if you're really like, my kids got something special,
which, by the way, like us parents, we all think are kids.
Great. Yeah, I would say stay sorted
out and and it can be kind of traumatic in a small way for
kids to be ripped out of their social group.
They don't know usually. So how do you how do you think
(02:18):
about it? I.
Actually might look at it from aslightly different perspective.
I'm just looking at it from strictly like the team
standpoint, the development window.
Everything that I believe about youth sports is development is
first and foremost. And I think the easiest way that
I would frame it, the way I've always tried to apply it to my
own children if I put myself in their shoes, I never believed
(02:38):
you want your kid to be the bestplayer on any team, and you
certainly don't want them to be the worst player on any team.
I think both ends of that spectrum lead to developmental
issues or personality identity, right?
You're the worst kid on the teamplaying time.
You're not being coached. That's a whole separate
conversation. And then in this case, you're
the best player on the team. I always think the best place
(03:01):
for every kid to be. Now again, I'm I'm taking for
granted that it's a positive coaching experience.
You like the family. So let's just assume that's.
A break even. OK, good.
I want my kid somewhere in the middle.
They're able to play, they have a role, they're being pushed,
but there's better people than them, there's better kids than
them. That it's not easy.
(03:23):
They don't just get to show up, roll the ball out and I'm the
star, I'm the shortstop, I'm thethird batter, I'm the
quarterback, whatever. I believe kids need to see
reality of people in front of them and also not be so far down
the ladder at this early age that they're not getting the
reps, they're not getting the time, they're not getting the
coaching. So that probably be my easiest
(03:43):
answer to is find a team. Good coaching, good development,
good culture, good families. Obviously none of it matters if
that's not right. That, that, that statement right
there is materially important because if you're going from a,
a non aggressive coaching kind of team to something that's
super aggressive, but like the kid doesn't feel good about how
they're being coached, that's a that's a negative.
(04:05):
I love how you're framing this. I, I am nodding my head to the,
to the top kind of couple kids in the bottom couple kids.
Matter of fact, we know that if you're in the bottom 15% for
boys in the United States, if you're in the bottom 15% of
sports, you can take a pretty hit, pretty significant hit on
self esteem. So you're right on the money
from research there. And I really do like, no, I
(04:27):
don't want my kid to be the bestin the team.
My suggestion though, is if you're midstream, stay in it.
It's OK. Like this narrative about like,
if it's not working out for us, we jump to the next, which is
happening in college ball right now and high school.
We go to the next go to the next.
I I, I think that we're I couldn't bigger than talent
development. It's OK to struggle a little
(04:49):
bit. Yeah, that's OK.
I always say this like this, thebest way that I, and I'll wrap
by saying this struggle's coming.
Everyone. Sports, life, personal, whatever
struggle's coming, I want now. We'll just look at it through
the lens of sports. I want my children to experience
struggle when they're 10, they're 12 during elementary,
(05:12):
middle school, they're coming home to mom and dad.
They're crying, they're upset, they're embarrassed.
That's OK. We're going to work through
that. We're going to keep working.
We're going to identify where our challenges are.
We're going to talk. We're going to a Is it your?
Attitude is. It your work ethic.
We're going to have all those conversations with mom and dad.
I don't want struggle to be I'm 18, I'm the senior and I just
(05:34):
gave. I finally have.
I'm not the best player, I'm in college and I failed the class
my first relationship with. I decided to cheat and I got
whatever. Let's make those mistakes.
Let's have those struggles. Let's have those tough nights.
Let's have those sleepless nights at 10, at 12, in the
confines of your safe space of mom and dad, in your home, where
(05:56):
when we all settle down the nextmorning and take a look at it
like no one's going to look backand say, yeah, but you remember
that time in 10th grade you gaveup the game-winning home run.
At the moment, it feels like such a big deal.
I want my kids to work through those struggles now because
they're coming down the road. Whether they go through it now
or not, let's give them the tools to work through it.
This is not the first time I've been in a slump.
(06:18):
This is not the first time that I'm not the starter.
This is not the first time I come off the bench.
I've had this happen to me before.
Draw on those experiences because every level you go up,
it does get a little bit more, alittle bit more there's.
More intensity. There's more intensity, there's
more on the line. More consequence, yeah.
That's always, I've always kind of fallen back on like that
(06:40):
rule, if we're going to struggle, let's struggle now.
Well done, Really well done. Appreciate you, buddy.
Yeah. Appreciate you.
Want Doctor Mike and I to answeryour question on air?
Visit the links below or go to speakpipe.com/youthink AMA.
You can also e-mail us at. AMA at Youth dot in.
Want Doctor Mike and I to answeryour question on air?
Visit the links below or go to speakpipe.com/youthink AMA.
You can also e-mail. Us at AMA at Youth dot Inc.
What's up everybody? Welcome back here on you think
our Ask me Anything segment. We love hearing from all of our
listeners. Some of our best questions, our
best topics come from you guys, So please keep sending them in.
(00:23):
I'm joined by my good friend a long time, probably our
original, like he's our OG, you think Guest doctor Michael
Gervais. I'm Greg Olson, We have a really
good question. So Carrie sent into question.
She has an 11 year old son, loves his teammates.
They're some of his best friends.
He's a very good player, the best on the team.
(00:43):
She doesn't feel like he's getting the practice.
He's not being pushed. He's maybe not getting the
competitive element that they'd like to see from from their
team, from their coach to push him to really get better.
Do they stay on that team? Do they look for a different
team? How would you advise them?
It's a great question. It's a question that I faced
with my son as well. And so this is not easy and I
(01:05):
don't want to pretend like there's one path and that you
know that there's this magic wand that you just the clarity
happens, but it is better understanding what matters most
to the family. Is it about the social
engagement? Is it about a community?
Is it about commitment? Or is it about no, you know,
like now is the golden window tostep on it and get a little bit
better. What we know from theory is that
(01:28):
age 11, if this is not supposed to be about technical skill
pushing, this is meant to be, according to the theories called
long term athletic development out of Canada.
That in this age, we're really trying to figure out how to be
part of something and take that role of being the one that's
really, you know, good at something.
And so if if this naively, what I did naively for for Kerry,
(01:54):
what I would say is stay, that would be my recommendation.
But if you're really like, my kids got something special,
which, by the way, like us parents, we all think are kids.
Great. Yeah, I would say stay sorted
out and and it can be kind of traumatic in a small way for
kids to be ripped out of their social group.
They don't know usually. So how do you how do you think
(02:18):
about it? I.
Actually might look at it from aslightly different perspective.
I'm just looking at it from strictly like the team
standpoint, the development window.
Everything that I believe about youth sports is development is
first and foremost. And I think the easiest way that
I would frame it, the way I've always tried to apply it to my
own children if I put myself in their shoes, I never believed
(02:38):
you want your kid to be the bestplayer on any team, and you
certainly don't want them to be the worst player on any team.
I think both ends of that spectrum lead to developmental
issues or personality identity, right?
You're the worst kid on the teamplaying time.
You're not being coached. That's a whole separate
conversation. And then in this case, you're
the best player on the team. I always think the best place
(03:01):
for every kid to be. Now again, I'm I'm taking for
granted that it's a positive coaching experience.
You like the family. So let's just assume that's.
A break even. OK, good.
I want my kid somewhere in the middle.
They're able to play, they have a role, they're being pushed,
but there's better people than them, there's better kids than
them. That it's not easy.
(03:23):
They don't just get to show up, roll the ball out and I'm the
star, I'm the shortstop, I'm thethird batter, I'm the
quarterback, whatever. I believe kids need to see
reality of people in front of them and also not be so far down
the ladder at this early age that they're not getting the
reps, they're not getting the time, they're not getting the
coaching. So that probably be my easiest
(03:43):
answer to is find a team. Good coaching, good development,
good culture, good families. Obviously none of it matters if
that's not right. That, that, that statement right
there is materially important because if you're going from a,
a non aggressive coaching kind of team to something that's
super aggressive, but like the kid doesn't feel good about how
they're being coached, that's a that's a negative.
(04:05):
I love how you're framing this. I, I am nodding my head to the,
to the top kind of couple kids in the bottom couple kids.
Matter of fact, we know that if you're in the bottom 15% for
boys in the United States, if you're in the bottom 15% of
sports, you can take a pretty hit, pretty significant hit on
self esteem. So you're right on the money
from research there. And I really do like, no, I
(04:27):
don't want my kid to be the bestin the team.
My suggestion though, is if you're midstream, stay in it.
It's OK. Like this narrative about like,
if it's not working out for us, we jump to the next, which is
happening in college ball right now and high school.
We go to the next go to the next.
I I, I think that we're I couldn't bigger than talent
development. It's OK to struggle a little
(04:49):
bit. Yeah, that's OK.
I always say this like this, thebest way that I, and I'll wrap
by saying this struggle's coming.
Everyone. Sports, life, personal, whatever
struggle's coming, I want now. We'll just look at it through
the lens of sports. I want my children to experience
struggle when they're 10, they're 12 during elementary,
(05:12):
middle school, they're coming home to mom and dad.
They're crying, they're upset, they're embarrassed.
That's OK. We're going to work through
that. We're going to keep working.
We're going to identify where our challenges are.
We're going to talk. We're going to a Is it your?
Attitude is. It your work ethic.
We're going to have all those conversations with mom and dad.
I don't want struggle to be I'm 18, I'm the senior and I just
(05:34):
gave. I finally have.
I'm not the best player, I'm in college and I failed the class
my first relationship with. I decided to cheat and I got
whatever. Let's make those mistakes.
Let's have those struggles. Let's have those tough nights.
Let's have those sleepless nights at 10, at 12, in the
confines of your safe space of mom and dad, in your home, where
(05:56):
when we all settle down the nextmorning and take a look at it
like no one's going to look backand say, yeah, but you remember
that time in 10th grade you gaveup the game-winning home run.
At the moment, it feels like such a big deal.
I want my kids to work through those struggles now because
they're coming down the road. Whether they go through it now
or not, let's give them the tools to work through it.
This is not the first time I've been in a slump.
(06:18):
This is not the first time that I'm not the starter.
This is not the first time I come off the bench.
I've had this happen to me before.
Draw on those experiences because every level you go up,
it does get a little bit more, alittle bit more there's.
More intensity. There's more intensity, there's
more on the line. More consequence, yeah.
That's always, I've always kind of fallen back on like that
(06:40):
rule, if we're going to struggle, let's struggle now.
Well done, Really well done. Appreciate you, buddy.
Yeah. Appreciate you.
Want Doctor Mike and I to answeryour question on air?
Visit the links below or go to speakpipe.com/youthink AMA.
You can also e-mail us at. AMA at Youth dot in.
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