March 11, 2023 • 57 mins
“You can actually have an experience with a person in a day date, that I think in dinner dates you’re limited.” - Josh Johnson
“What I’m saying is, you better take a bitch to dinner first. You better spend them coins.” - Dulcé Sloan
It’s day dates vs. dinner dates this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson
Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Ears edition listener,
It's duel, say Sloan, corresponding to the Daily Show. You're
about to hear an episode of one of our original
daily show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily
Show writer Josh Johnson. It's where we take our office
banter until weekly war of words about topics, big aunts, mall.
In this episode, we debate day dates versus dinner dates.
(00:24):
Would you rather an afternoon walk in a scenic park
or be wind and dined under the stars. Johns and
I go back and forth about where we'd rather spend
time with our significant others. It's a great winn and
we hope you enjoy it, And if you like the show,
check out the hold Up podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome,
(00:47):
what's up? What's about? Hey? How you doing? Hello? How's
the day going? You know? If you were using this
to fall asleep, big mistake? All right? Hold up? So
wake up, yeah, and enjoys some of these hot topics.
We are coming to you with the most important things
to us, not the world, not your peers. You. This
will not make you seem smart when you go and
(01:09):
hang out with your friends and y'all discussed podcast. We're
not talking about world events. We're not talking about current events.
We're talking about the things that are happening in our
lives that we are diametrically opposed on. Okay, and so today, yeah,
we're talking with myself, one of your co hosts, Josh Johnson.
I'm a writer for the Daily Show, and I am
(01:29):
joined by Don't Say as long. I'm a correspondent on
this here Dayly Show, and I am going to tell
you what today's top recordings should be because I was
in Arlington, Virginia over the weekend, and a very nice
lady and a very gorgeous pink like a light like
(01:49):
a dusty peak coat, pink pea coat by the name
of a Jesse gave me some topics to discuss on
this show. And one of those topics is day dates
versus dinner dates. When we tell you come tell us,
come to our shows and tell us. She said she
found out that I was going to be at the
Alington Draft House because I was listening to the show.
(02:11):
We're always like, come see us, come talk to us.
And she came back. She came and she talked. Now
we're doing her topic on the show. So start out
to Jesse and Arlington in Arlington, Virginia. Thank you for
coming to see me at the Arlington Drafthouse. And this
is day dates versus dinner dates. Now, josh you've been
(02:32):
on dates before? Soon? Yes, we hope. Now, I think
I have a feeling an inclination, a little tickle in
my ear. Yeah, okay about what I think think you
(02:55):
might pick. But tell the people, Joshua, Yeah, yeah, what
as a former trader Joe's employee, Like, what does that
even have to do with it? Was out here try
to date people? Wow, what do you prefer? Day dates
(03:22):
or dinner dates? Okay, m While I believe that both
of these dates are important. I truly believe that they're
both important. I think that for your peace of mind,
for your time, and for your overall day as an individual,
(03:42):
I'm gonna go with day dates. All right, you said
day dates. I can explain what I heard. What I
heard was I don't have any money. No, no, that's
not what it is. I promise the day date is
done by the man who only wants to get coffee
(04:04):
because he doesn't want to invest money into trying to
see my vagine. No, no, said he can spend seven
twenty five at a Starbucks and then maybe your day
or later na be no, no, no, let's be very
clear here. Okay, I just said both dates were important.
(04:24):
I didn't say they weren't. I am saying that for
your day as the individual, I can't explain. I'm not
saying that no one that loves day dates isn't broke,
all right, I'm not. I'm not gonna be out here
telling you that no one that loves day dates has
no money. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying functionally. Functionally,
(04:49):
I think that it's it's an easier and it's a
better impression. Tell us about your poverty. Go ahead, my poverty,
like that this is my thing. I'm not even Wow. Okay,
so I'm not even cold. I'm just trying to protect
myself from all the things you're about to say. Wow,
(05:11):
this is like both calmly and like and this is
like maybe the most sideways you've ever covered me, Like
like this is actually this is actually wild because you're
not like you're not yelling or anything. You're not you know,
be a be a belligerent or anything. You're very calmly
(05:32):
coming truly for my neck like it like, and I don't, wow,
where's all this coming from. I'll tell you what. I'm
gonna tell you why. Okay. I believe that a lot
of pressure is put on people. And this is like
everything that I'm describing right now is going to be genderless. Okay,
(05:54):
I'm talking about all of dating. I'm talking about everybody
who does date. All right, there's an incredible amount of
pressure and there's an incredible amount of anxiety around just
dates in general, first dates especially. Okay, I think that
rather when I look at myself as an individual and
(06:15):
what it was like in Chicago when I was dating
and stuff like that, I think that it is a
much easier thing to start your date because the benefit
that I think that day dates have that dinner dates
don't night dates don't, is that if we hang out
long enough, it goes into the night. You know, if
(06:35):
you're having a good time, if you're having a good
time and you and you enjoy my company, we're we're
into the night date. Now now we're gonna go get dinner,
you know. And I think that you also lessen the
amount of anxiety you have throughout the day, because when
you do have a night date, like a dinner date,
you're worried about that thing all day, especially if you
(06:58):
really like the person or you really want them to
like you. That's anxiety driving all day. So you nip
some of that in the bud by starting the date,
like you woke up, you had your breakfast, maybe you
worked out, maybe you just you know, went to you know,
work or something. Especially if this, if this day date
is on a weekend, you did a couple things and
then you met someone and you met up and you
(07:18):
were able. In my opinion, there are better activities to
do during the day than there are at night sometimes,
So if I want to take you on a like
an event, there's like there's concerts at night, there's comedy
shows at night, there's there's all this stuff. But you
can actually have an experience with a person in a
(07:41):
day date that I think in dinner dates you're limited.
And also with late night dates or nighttime dates, you
do start to have the pressures of like, okay, where
are we going to end up? Where's this going? Whereas
I think in a day date you talked about the
broke dudes, I think in the day day you you
either have to really believe in yourself or you have
(08:04):
to be having the best date of all times to
think that you're gonna pull a bedroom out of this date.
If y'all met up at two pm, that's That's all
I'm saying, is that, I think a nighttime date if
we're meeting up at ten. If if you're going on
a date with someone and y'all are meeting up at
nine to have dinner, right see, No, No, it's almost
(08:24):
bed time to begin with. No, you can't meet that
late for dinner date. You can't meet that late. I'm
just but night is night to me, night is night.
A point we all know that going to dinner at
seven and going to dinner at ten one, there's a
whole different class restaurant. Yeah, I got a restaurants closed
(08:45):
at ten If I'm mean dinner at ten. I see
what you're saying now, arm Like I've gone to I've
had daytime dates, like had brunch, um gone to the
belt line here and walked around with some dude, got
all my steps in that day. I'll tell you that
damn much. But oh oh, I will offer up one
(09:07):
last thing, because I don't I don't I apologize for interrupted,
but I do want to offer up one last thing.
When you are on a day date, the ability to
split with these go sideways goes up exponentially because when
you have a nighttime date, yes you have a nighttime date,
you know and they know that y'all both planned to
(09:29):
be here. So then when you get the text of like, oh,
your apartment's all fire or whatever, it's like it's blatantly
obvious you're just trying to leave, like it like it
just is unless it was going wonderfully and y'are both
vibing and it's undeniable whatever. People can tell that you're
trying to get out of there, whereas with a day date,
if it goes sideways at all, the whole rest of
(09:51):
the day is what you have to look forward to.
So you can be like, oh, hey, yeah, my dog
freaking out, so I gotta go. See he just hit
me telepathically, and yeah, my roommate told me, like you
don't have roommates. I'm like, it is what it is, bro,
I gotta go. I told guys on date, this isn't
gonna I'm gonna go. Yeah, it's like, oh, do you
(10:14):
have something else to do? No, Yeah, yeah, I've been
I've been on a date before where I said in
the middle of it, and I didn't say it in
a rude way, and I wasn't like it wasn't like
I was getting some attitude. I was just like, Ah,
this one's not going well, is it? And like it
(10:35):
was just the thing where we both agreed. We were
both like like we started laughing. We were like, ah, yeah,
I don't know what it was. We both from both
of the pictures we thought we'd like each other, and
it's like, nah, I've had that. I had a date
go bad to the point and I had to drive
for this date too, Like I drove over thirty minutes.
(10:55):
It was like Atlantis, you drive thirty minutes all the time,
but almost forty minutes for this date and doesn't go well.
And so it's not going well to the point where
he offers to get food to go for my mom.
Like it's just a good Southern boy, Yeah, yeah, just
trying to be a gentleman in the face of a
date that's just mid not it's fine, it's not going well,
(11:18):
and I'm just like, yeah, I think I'm gonna get
two appetizers, bro, and then yeah, and you know, like
this isn't and he's like, he's like this is at
a certain point. He's like this isn't going good. And
he's like no, He's like, you want to order something
for your mom? I was like sure, and I called
my mom. I'm like, hey, I'm gonna Applebee is what
do you want? And I got her like entree and
(11:40):
he goes, you can get a dessert too, And just
a nice white man in the army's taking me on
a date because you also know, like that's the thing
about when you're when you're when it's going poorly, unless
someone is delusional too, people can feel it, you know. Yeah,
but you'd be surprised. A number of times I've been
on date with the guy really thought, Hey, what I
(12:03):
just say about delusional? I also don't understand, like some
of my friends really want you to give somebody a chance,
like well wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait, Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So
(12:24):
I was gonna go over to the stand. This is
a Halloween, right, I'm gonna go understand. Anyways, the thing
the day was at like seven, we got pizza. The
date started with a church hug and any with a
church hull, and the thing was fucked up. We've been
talking about like for like three weeks, like texting. I
was like, we went on an app and were texting
and stuff and been like we've been sitting each other
like playlists and stuff like that and all these other things.
(12:46):
We talked on the phone and then I met him
in Parson. I just went nope. As soon as I
saw him, I was like, I don't want to put
my mouth on him. And that's my gauge. Now, that's
my gauge if I see a man. I was like,
I don't want to put my mouth in this man.
M yeah, what he was talking for. And so we're
(13:07):
on the day. I don't remember the fuck he was
talking about, but the whole time I was like no, yeah, no.
And then at the end he was asking I was
gonna do I was like, I was gonna hand over
to the sand. He was like, okay, cool, I can
do that, and I'm like I didn't. They had a
spot at the stand too, and so I was like right,
and I was like no, He's like, what you're going
(13:29):
to comedy club. I said, I'm going to work, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, And he's like, I mean, but it's not
like the same I said, do you want me to
sit next to you at a cubicle m because that's
what the fuck this is. I'm going to work. Yeah,
after me, you're having to go. No. He's like, well,
I can just come anyway. It's like, it's a comedy club,
I can go if I want to, And I was like, really,
(13:53):
yeah I would. It would very much be weird now
because I just told you no. And now he's like, well,
it doesn't matter. I can go over once, and I
was like, yeah, I'm gonna go. H Now, okay. I
want to get a sense from you of why you
so deeply disclike the the day dates outside of the
(14:18):
because I feel like i've I've acknowledged the brokenness that
some people exhibit. Yes, but I've also given what I
feel or very valid reasons to start with a day date,
because if you really like this person, it's going into
the night. So I feel like I get the best
of both worlds. I understand this is the thing with
(14:40):
the day date. It's the day date feels very much
like the day date seems like something you only do
if you're not sure if you like somebody. Okay, like
if you know that you like somebody, just do a
regular fucking date. But it's hey, you want to hang
(15:00):
out tomorrow, then it's a date. Then the day date
make because there are things you can do during the
day that you can't do at night. You're right, but
I feel like the day date is very much, very tentative,
very tent to tet. It's I don't don't know, I
feel very two. Also, tet tet is a real word. Um,
(15:30):
it's you're not sure about the person. So it's like,
I don't want to spend my nighttime hours with someone
I'm not sure. Let me go ahead and see you
at a three pm because like, I like like a
brunch situation, because like I've had like gotten dinner with
the guy or like gotten coffee with a guy and
then it turned into us getting dinner. I see, I see.
(15:53):
This is what I'll pitch you. And it's it's what
I tell all my friends when they're when they're dating,
is that I've down the best dates and the and
this is regardless of what you choose to do. And
once again, this is for everybody. I find that the
best dates are things that you were going to do
anyway that you want to see if you enjoy someone
(16:14):
else's company while doing, which is why I chose the
day dates, because to me, it's like, Okay, I've always
wanted to try this place, I've always wanted to try
this thing. Let me both try this thing and bring
someone along that I think I might enjoy their company.
Because I also find that a lot of people, a
(16:37):
lot of people, a lot of my friends, get flaked on, right,
And when you get flaked on and it's like, Okay,
I was gonna get I was gonna get dinner at
this nice restaurant with this person and now they've canceled,
is a very different feeling than like I've always wanted
to try, you know, just throwing it out there as
a general date idea. It's like I've always wanted to
try act throwing, so let me try acts throwing, and
(17:00):
let me do it with this person who I think
is cool. And then they flake out and it's like,
all right, look, maybe I'm going to ax throwing by
myself now, but I've always wanted to try acts throwing,
and it's a very different day now, and you also
have the rest of and you know, if I can,
if I can speak to confidence and psyche and all
that stuff for a second, A day date gives the
(17:22):
rest of your day time to recover if the thing
does not go well and if you don't get the
desired result, whereas a nighttime date, it's like now I
just gotta go to bed, upset, right, But if a
day date doesn't go well, then then it's the whole
rest of my fucking day. It's not like this didn't
go to well, let me go to bed. It's all
(17:42):
this date didn't go well, and it's only four thirty.
I see, we're saying the same thing, but we disagree
on how it makes us feel. That makes sense, Yeah, yeah,
Like I understand, like you're going to go do something anyway,
Like I've gone to day dates where we've gotten to
like an aquarium or a museum, or I've done archery,
(18:03):
or I've done these different things where it's like like
the whole going through the movies and going on a
date thing, I think is one. I think one of
my guy friends was saying to me, like, it doesn't
mean he doesn't like to do it because you're sitting
with somebody for two hours in the dark, and you're
not getting to know them at all. You're just sitting
with them in the dark watching it thing. But I
just know they're able to be quiet, right, neither of
(18:24):
them be quiet either. Go don't react to a movie. Um,
and then you have, but then you have didn't have
something to talk about at dinner because now we can
sit up out and like sit up and talk about
and analyze the movie or film, because I think films
and movies are two totally different things, and we can Hey,
that's a different day. That's a different day. That's a
(18:46):
different day. We both agree. We know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, and it Fast and
Furious is not a film. We can all relax. We
can all relax. So like I said recently that like,
if there's a guy that you like, a person you
really like, you know, we're not the gender anybody. Um.
But especially if you're dealing with men, regardless of what
(19:06):
your preference is, if you're dealing with men, I think
a good first date, especially you're dealing with just heterosexual men,
I think an escape room is a great first date
because I tell you, i'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna
tell you. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you. One.
(19:29):
Will he take directions from a woman? Okay because some
men won't. Yeah. Two? Can he be collaborative? Can he
be cooperative? Is he does he only? Is he a
creative thinker? How does he work under pressure? Is he
a leader? Is he a follower? Is he motivating? Is
(19:51):
he helpful? Is he good at problem solving? Doing puzzles?
Can he do math? What color? Is he color blind? Like?
There are all these things because like we've done an
escape room in Miami together, and there's so many things
that go on in escape room where you have to collect.
Like it's this idea of being able to cooperate with
(20:13):
people you know and strangers some people who don't know. Well,
I think is a really good thing if you don't
know somebody, because some people just get angry and just
shut the fuck down. I've seen that escape room before.
We're just like I don't get this, and then they're
just done. You're like, bro, we have fifty seven more
minutes in here. Stand up help. The reason I brought
(20:37):
up the anxiety and the confidence and the nervousness and
stuff like that for day dates versus like nighttime dates.
Is that I think that there's there's a way that
you can like free yourself up to your point about um,
(20:58):
like not being sure about a person or not, I mean, like,
like to your point about that, I think though it's
a double edged sword, because yes, that is that is
how some people are gonna take it, and that's how
some people are gonna use it. But I also think
that you're able to see someone potentially in their best
light when they are not under the pressure of like
(21:22):
what people make nighttime dates out to be in their mind.
I understand what you're saying, but for me, a date
is a date pressure Like it's always whether it's three
pm or seven pm or nine pm, I'm nervous, Okay,
whether the sun is up or it is taking it's
you know, slum before the evening, it's still a fucking date.
So I'm still feelings, you know what I mean. I understand.
(21:46):
I understand what you mean. That makes sense because at
least for a nighttime date, because also there's stunts you
can't put like it's like you can't ask somebody to
meet at seven pm for coffee. Yeah, yeah, there's someta
thing to happen in the evening when it's like okay,
I fact it's like dinner in this or dinner in that.
But also I've realized that like just going to dinner
(22:08):
with somebody doesn't give you enough infom wally doesn't give
you enough anything. So I think like an activity in
dinner is I think the way to go. So if
you do something earlier in the day where it's like
(22:31):
let's meet at seven, go do this, and they get
dinner after, because there's act so much stuff you want
to do after dinner, you know what I mean exactly.
And I think that this is also important that will
offer up to the listeners just in case they are
still coming at me the way you were coming at
me at the beginning, if they still think that I'm
broke or boy. I also don't drink, and so I
(22:53):
think that a lot of nighttime activities they don't exclude me.
I'll go to a bar, I'll hang out of it.
I've been and whatever parties with you. But like, but
like I also am of a mind of like let
me because I don't just I don't drink. I don't
care the person that I, you know, went on the
date with at the time, drank. But I just feel like,
(23:18):
let me, let let me pick something for us to
do that can be the most fun for both of us,
so that you can see me having fun, you can
see what I'm like when I'm fun as opposed to, uh,
being at a bar. Because now, that's that's the thing
I've always worried about ever since I, you know, became
of age to drink, was was that since I've never
(23:39):
drank before, I don't want to now see me a
weirdo did alcohol. No. No, I just feel like it's
not it's not really for me, you know, it's not
like even a judgment thing. Um. And that's and that's
the thing is, ever since I've been twenty one, I've
(24:00):
really been like, Uh, I don't want to be that
guy that takes someone to a bar and then doesn't drink.
That seems like a very odd guy. No, that is
a creepy, creepiest of move. And that's why I've had
to That's why I've had to be like we're going
to dinner, or we're going to go to this concert,
(24:20):
or we're gonna like I literally have to lean on
activities because because I don't drink, right, yeah, if you drink,
it'll actually like make it a lot easier for you
to be like, hey, you want to go grab a drink,
so people like if you like for people who it's
like going to get coffee later on in the day,
(24:41):
it's like, hey, you want to go grab drinks, and
then that's where my coffee comes from, right, and so
the coffee things. So it's like, okay, so it's too late.
I don't want to meet at four, So don's gonna
get drinks and then you go get drinks and then
it drinks are good, then you go get food or
then you go I don't know, I have sex, like
(25:01):
you really only two options. I'll really offer up this
as well. For day dates, if somebody's crazy, it's broad
daylight right now, that's the thing. But I also know,
I'll say this, certain crazies only come out at night,
like date crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, date crazy. The
(25:26):
sun has to be down, Okay, it's like gonna wear well,
it's like date yeah. Do you think they wouldn't tell
on themselves though? If they went on let's say you
got them on three day dates. Do you think they'd
who's doing? Okay, I would be crazy after three day dates,
I understand, But I'm just saying, for the sake of argument,
(25:47):
let's say you're like, they just happen to shake out
that way. Honestly, it's I I think if you're gonna
do a day date, you have to know more effort. Yeah. No,
A ton of effort goes into a good like this,
this thing that I was initially let's called grab a
(26:09):
coffee walk in the park boom. Yeah, but that's the
thing I was initially pushing back off because that's not
what I meant by day dates. You know, I understand
that that's in there and I and I acknowledged immediately.
I was like, hey, I've been broke before. I know
what broke dudes. Do I understand that this is an aspect,
But for me, as someone who doesn't drink, I would like, no,
(26:32):
we're gonna do this thing and it's and it and
it'll be fun, but it and it happens to be
it like because I still call a day date like
five to me. But the problem is with five o'clock
that did you have a day date at five and
it doesn't go well, Yeah, then now it's interrupted your
(26:56):
day and your evening. Yep. I mean that is part
of the risk. Your take though, how's going to hang
out with a person? Also, that's the time is very
easily cancel a little like canceled on oh you're right,
you're right, or someone being late because it's also five
(27:16):
a pm. Is when people usually get off work. Yeah,
if you're having a day date during the week at five,
maybe both of you either are working from home or
you don't have jobs, or one has a job and
one doesn't, one works from home and one has no job. Like,
there is something to be said for a five o'clock
But I could do five o'clock dates back in Chicago
(27:38):
because working in Trader Joe's, I had very specific shifts
and so sometimes I got off at two, you know.
And you also have to factor in both for you
and the person that you're going on date with. Once again,
this goes for everybody, right right. I think that especially
(27:58):
on the basis of a first date, nobody can take
it too personally that people are planning the date around
their lives, if that makes sense. So, yes, I don't
understand why someone would be upset because like one of
my friends was like, she has a date, and she'll
have a date and she always makes sure she has
a show after the date. After the date, yeah, because
(28:22):
if it's going, hey man, I gotta go, I gotta show,
I gotta go, I gotta show. But sometimes it's and
I've done the I gotta show, and it's like, oh,
I can come, and I'm like yeah, because I think
even if a day goes well, because I feel like
sometimes when dates go well, people make the mistake of
just like because I had a date one time that
(28:43):
lasted like thirty six hours. Yeah, yeah, and then I
never saw him again, which was fine because I didn't
need to. I'll throw this out there then. Sorry, I
just had a flashback to them the fucking nervous some people.
(29:08):
You were you you looked at the camera like you
were seeing him. Oh oh oh. I think sometimes we
forget the dudes a small dicks were just as horny
as dudes. I feel like men with smaller penises are
horny are than dudes with bigger penises. I don't I
don't think that's right at all. I think it is. No.
(29:32):
This is the thing, but this is the thing dudes
with a small dick want to show you their dick
as much with the dude with it just as much
as a guy with the big dick, and they don't
warn you. They don't say anything. Wait, what it's like
they should they know it's small, So why are you
(29:55):
doing all this hemming and harring try to get me
to look at it when you know I'm gonna to
be disappointed. I have no no, but I truly I okay,
I don't have any like frame of reference for any
of this. So like, of course you don't because you
don't deal with men. I know, I understand, but that's
(30:17):
what I'm saying. I'm like, the thing you said initially
did not sound correct, but now we're dealing with other facts.
What did I say? You were saying that dudes with
small penises are hornier than dudes with big peniss And
I feel like the reason that I don't know if
that's true is that to me, it's not about because
(30:39):
you just said it yourself. A person knows, right, So
I think a lot of people carry themselves like they know,
and it gives off the vibe that they know, which
gives off the vibe to other people. That like, let
me stay away. Is that not true? No, because some
doing either theything like big dick energy. There are dudes
(31:01):
with small dicks that are running around out here with
big dick in like real big dick energy is a
very is a completely it's not as we all know.
It's affect right, okay, but it's not as flagrant like
if you see a very short like if you see
(31:21):
a short man with too much confidence, he has a
big dick. We all know this, but I think it's
just he might have money. No really, Oh, let's saying something.
A man with a big dick is an asshole. A
man that knows he has a big dick is a
asshole at all times. Like a very big dick, he's
(31:42):
an asshole. They're always an asshole. They It's like men
with big dicks act like pretty girls. Okay, I can
get into anywhere. You can't say anything to me. I'm unstoppable.
But the problem is, like one of the smallest dicks
(32:03):
I've ever seen was on a man who was six three,
and one of my friends was like, do you think
it was small? It's oh I was. I liked him
so much and I don't even have time to tell
you how funny acting this dude was with me was
with me before this. But and my friend was like,
do you think it was small because he's so tall?
(32:26):
And I was like, I was like, what she's like
because of perspective? Do you think scale for scale? And
I said no, because my hand is always the same size.
Oh my god. Look listen. What I'm saying is, yeah,
(32:48):
so you'll be on a day date with some small dick,
having many who's giving you big dick energy. I understand
him being extra flirty, extra morning, and then all of
a sudden, you or face to face with a dick
you can suck and whistle Dixie at the same time.
And he should have never came out the house. Now
(33:10):
help me out, though this does not. Once again, this
is a this is an aspect of dating that doesn't. Actually,
it's not like his dick would be bigger at night.
He's not like a ware dick. No, but you've just
you've just attributed the small dickness to the day date. No,
(33:32):
but it's gonna be small year round, right, It's gonna
be about it. It's twenty four hours a day and
seven days a week till fifteen in the morning can't
stop on stop. What I'm saying is that being on
a day date that goes well, okay, that good then
goes into an evening date okay, that goes into you
(33:53):
all hanging out even more, and then you're presented, not
percented for your act like an Emmy, for your actions
and efforts and service to your country. Uh huh, you're
(34:14):
rewarded m hm with nonsense. Okay. I'm just saying that
should be a warning because like, I was doing this
joke for a while and didn't ever Actually it didn't
go away. I wanted to go. But I'm just like,
we need some type of identifiers. I wasted so much
time flirting with men whose dicks were innies instead of audies,
(34:39):
and they need to be branded. They need to be
stop wasting people's time. I need just I don't care
if it's dots. I don't care if it's sucking Morris code.
When these fuckers are eighteen branded, I need to let
me stop you right, let me count these dots over here.
(34:59):
You you could have plausible to my ability that you
lost it. Firstly, no, no, the brand, brand. I know,
I understand, it's a terrible thing to find out brand
dig is a little far fine tattooed all right, No
(35:20):
no no no no no no no. I need a jewelry.
They need to be I don't care. Start getting better.
No tattooing, tattoos, branding earrings. This is something sounding good
cuts in an eyebrow. Okay, look, just assume something, something,
(35:41):
Give me something. I don't care if they're pinky nails,
are painting different colors. Stop wasting people's time, dude, something,
oh lord, oh man, Okay, I just need to listen.
It's you know how big my titties are by looking
at me. Sure? But okay, then now the thing is,
(36:03):
I was I can because I can wear something to
make them perkier. I can wear a secker and make
them look bigger, gonna make it look smaller. Okay. I
can wear spanks. I can lie to you all kinds
of ways, make up wigs false. I can do all
of the things right. I can tell, but I can
also tell the truth. Okay, I can also tell the truth.
These men, these allusions, these gray scat pants, are not
(36:24):
telling us what we think they need to be telling us.
Okayros like oh gray pat fans Season gray sweat pants season. No,
why am I over here getting excited over a flash
of dick y'all sound wild? Too many men's are growers.
Too many men's this is growers. We have got so
far away from the actual quality of the date. I
(36:45):
feel like, now, this, this is a this is a
separate thing. Uh, I'm What I'm saying is that if
you're out here, huh slinging, if you can't sling, okay,
if you can only present, you can't sling, you can
(37:05):
only present. What I'm saying is you better take a
bitch to dinner first. You better spend them coins. But
you have to spend money. Now, you have to spend money.
You have to. You have to. You have to because
you've gotta disappoint me. At least I wanted to have
a nice dinner first. But you you're telling me that
(37:32):
a date, like a day date of jet skiing is
not fire. We can do a day day to jet
skin and if if you no, you'll die. Yeah, that's
what I'm saying. They're they're they're trade offs here. Yeah,
you do it like later on in the day so
you can get off the jet ski you have a
nice dinner or something like that. A day data on
(37:52):
the jet ski would be absolutely awesome. Fucks with it
because you know I love jet skis. Okay, they're just
water motor cycles and so and if you've never been
on a jet ski, get more white friends. That's all
I'm saying, because that's how I got my fresh jet
ski called occasions. And so what I'm saying is that
if you are trying to figure out, hey, should I
(38:15):
take this girl on jet skis or should I take
her to the park? Look down? But I feel like, now,
aren't you just letting the blessed get away with more?
They already are? But I'm but I'm saying they already are.
(38:39):
Is part of this logic though, Yes are you? Are
you good with that? No? Then then no park? Freddybody right, Yes,
everybody should pick jet skis. I but do you do
(38:59):
you see? How do you see I'm helping your like
I was? Yes, okay, all right, cool. If you have
a chance to get on a jet ski, get on
a jet ski the fuckah, get on get on jet
ski for real. Yeah, you're near water. If you're able
(39:21):
to do a rental, you know, if you own a
life jacket, then yeah, get on jet ski and a
jet seo will give you life jackets. What I'm saying
is that I just want us to be like a
hundred Like listen, I prefer an evening date because you know,
a nice it's it's nice to go out for the evening. Yeah,
I'm perfectly fine with sitting in my house. It's not
your like you're sitting there on a Friday at eight pm,
(39:41):
going oh fuck, you know what I mean, even's Saturday
at three pm. I don't give a shit. If it's
Saturday at eight pm, I'm like, damn, I would I
wish I was on a date. But if I go
on a day date, also a day date, lets me
know that you have another date lined up. Oh no,
I wouldn't. I wouldn't say that. Oh I always assume
that that. I understand that you always assume that. And
(40:01):
I'm not even saying that you have never ever, ever
been right. I'm saying, though, that I can only speak
from the experiences that I've like, watched friends have and
stuff like that. I think that sometimes there is It
depends on when you meet the person. Because we both
know people who aren't actually players. All men and women,
(40:23):
all most people. I don't think most people are players.
I think this whole also, I think that player idea,
that player culture, player lifestyle thing has been detrimental to everybody. Yeah,
it's not It's not good for anybody. And I think
only a few people can actually pull it off to
where they have a date after their date and then
and they're going to also keep time and that you
(40:44):
know what I mean. I think that with me because
because once again I brought up the like not drinking
and stuff like that, It's like I had to pick
things that would be fun or interesting to do that
had nothing to do with that, so that I wasn't
that creep that was like, can I buy you a
drink and I guess another one while I just talk. Yeah,
(41:06):
because you can't do bars, because if you if you
buy me a drink and then you have water, I'm
gonna think that you drug my drink. Yeah. Yeah, It's
like it's like I don't want to be anywhere near
any of that like speculation, right, And so my thing
as well is I find that regardless of when and
this actually kind of hurts my argument a little bit,
(41:26):
but regardless of what time of day it is, the
amount of work someone put into their idea is like
paramount to me for how much they care, you know,
because there's also a deeply casual side two nighttime dates,
which is Netflix and chilling. It's like, Hey, I'm gonna
bring over some food or like, let me cook for
(41:48):
you at my place. Yeah, that will cook for you. Shit,
you can't cook for me. You can't cook for me
until I have comfortably gone to your house and then left. Yeah, yeah,
like that whole Like a guy was like, I want
to cook for you, un the first date, I said
absolutely not. It's like, why not? I said, I want
to die on my own time. Also, truly, are you
(42:09):
a chef? Are you a chef? Because if you're a chef,
then come with it, you know. But if you're a chef,
then I will come to your restaurant. Okay. So my
buddy did that exact thing if he like was like, oh,
let me cook for you whatever, right, and then he
cooked for her and then later on that night she
(42:29):
was like, okay, um, I had a great time, thank
you so much, blahla blah blah, and she robbed hell
out of him. She robbed she was the whole time.
He was cooking. She was stealing and he was like,
I don't know how she got everything out of the
(42:50):
how because she always had her purse. So he's like,
unless she had another bag, I didn't see. Not this
much stuff should be missing, right what yeah? Yeah yeah
yeah yeah he was like. He was like, she came over,
I cooked, and then like um we they ate and
then like they made they like didn't like fully hook up, right,
(43:13):
they like maybe made out on the couch, watch a
little TV whatever, and then she was like, I had
a great time. I have to go, right, But then
he was like, hey, so so many different things were
missing from places that weren't next to each other. I
was like, man, you got rob robbed. She must have
had a bag. She sat in the hallway. That's what
(43:33):
I'm thinking, right, it had to be. It had to
be a getting up when she went to the bathroom.
Like it's like how it's like a riddle. It's like, well, okay,
so she took so she took some stuff that was like, oh,
you might just be like a klepto, you know what
I mean, because she took some of the nice like
there was a nice he had a nice soap, um
(43:56):
like a real nice soap that you could just probably
like twist the cap back down and put that in
the purse. Whatever. Yeah, and then she she got a
hold of some loose money, which is like, all right,
you left the money out, you know what I mean,
That's that's easy enough to steal. But then I think
he said he had a game boy, and he was like,
(44:17):
I don't know when she would have got the game
boy because it was like in his room on a
bookshelf or something. But they didn't go in his room,
so he's like, she must have just been in my
room when back was turned while I was cooking. The
fuck was he making pasta? I don't know. I know
he was making pasta. I know he was. He was
probably making posta. But it's like, it's like that's so.
(44:38):
I mean, I didn't get the full list of everything
that she took, but there was something he was more
telling me about the locations, because he was like, she
stole something from the bathroom, she stole something from my bedroom,
even though we didn't like go it like it's not
like they like went to his bed and you know
what I mean. And then she also took something from
the living room and I was like, man, that's the
(44:58):
money is there? The money is like, all right, is
this meaning because because the money is like all right,
look there's fifty dollars on the table, not saying anybody
should steal, but there's fifty dollars on the table. Now
you just made fifty dollars from your meal. Most people
have to pay for their food, right, But the soap
at the game boy and like I don't know he
(45:20):
but he said it was a lot of stuff, Like
it was a lot of things. So she must have
had a bag in the hallway, like when he thought
she was going to the bathroom, she was going to
the bathroom and making a stop at the hallway. And
you know what I mean, maybe her purse was bigger
than he thought it was. That's what That's also what
I think it has to be, is like the bag
in the hallway makes a lot of sense, but the
(45:42):
bag in the hallway could also you know, maybe get
seen as trash or you know what I mean. Like
like that that to me seems like a deeper grift
than just having a bag that is a watch McCall it.
You know, the bags that I don't know purses, So
I don't know what I'm talking about, but you know,
you know those bags that have at and when you
undo that button, it becomes a bigger bag. Yeah, it's
(46:04):
like an accordion bag. Yeah. Yeah, maybe she had one
of those. Oh my god, who was telling me they
were going on this date. He was in Manhattan, he
went to go meet some girl like, No, he was
in Brooklyn. He want to go meet some girl like
at the top of Harlem. So it took like two
and a half hours on the fucking train. And she
(46:25):
was like, don't eat today. I'm gonna make you dinner.
Johnny is gonna be huge, Diannor Johnny La da da.
She supposed to make lasagna. And he gets there and
not only is nothing prepped, not only is nothing prepped?
(46:47):
Not only is nothing Oh, she's still struggling with the
package that the Lazaya noodles coming. She hasn't even gone
grocery shopping yet. Oh oh, what an attack. Truly, she
(47:08):
wants him to come shopping with her. She likes her
men weak, That's what it is. She was like, go
ahead and starve yourself all day. All right, I'm gonna
see how you handle this long walk that we've taken
this grocery store where we walk past all the food.
(47:29):
So it's two hours on the train. I don't know
where the fuck he was coming from. Where was two
hours on the train? It sounds like a nightmare. I'm
know he was in the back of Brooklyn, the basement
of brook I don't know where the fuck he was.
But took two hours and some change from where he
was to get to the top of Harlem talking on
the phone. And then at one and then when he
gets there, she doesn't buzz him in. He has to
(47:55):
wait thirty minutes for him to let for her to
let him in. Is she home? Yes, so she's not
answering her phone either, she's not answering the phone. What
reason did she give? She wasn't ready and so she
so she knew he was down there. Yeah, this is chaos.
This is like absolutely acceptable. Wait, so she knew he
(48:19):
was down there waiting for half an hour at the door,
while he had already been on the train for two
something hours to get there, and he and she told
him not to eat. Yes, this is terrorism. And then
while then they're gonna get ready to go shopping, but
she wants to get weed before they go shopping, So
(48:46):
now they have to wait for the weed man. And
so was he sustained himself on water? I guess the
hope of getting pussy probably, I don't know. That's not
like that. What is worth all that? Then? Then so
(49:06):
there's still no food. They're hanging out. She just wants
to hang out. She gets high, forgets that she's supposed
to make this lasagna. So he's reminding her that we
have to go little to the store to go get
the stuff to make little asagna. And now she doesn't
want to make it because she's high. She makes herself
(49:29):
something to eat, like of whatever she had in her house,
offers him none, and then wants to fool around, and
he was like, how dare you did he sue he
should sue. I will get this read at a lawyer
and he should sue. He And then the holes is
(49:52):
he said, like at one point, like the dealer was
just hanging out, dealer hadn't left. The dealer had left
at a certain point. He was there for too long.
That's great, more for the for the suit. This is
building the case. And I've only said I'm sure people,
and I like I thought the thing is I know
people listening to this, they're thinking, I'm making this up
as I go along, because when he was telling me this,
(50:14):
I thought he was making it up as he went along.
But he started getting upset retelling it, and I was like,
oh no, this actually happened to him. Yeah, no, and
and oh oh that's so unacceptable. But that's so and
then I was like, so, what has it? Did you
ever get the designer? And he was like, no, that
(50:37):
is so rude. And you know what this is. This
is the thing that bothers me because this is the
type of person who was so blissfully unaware that she
probably is telling a story about this ungrateful dude who
she introduced to her dealer. You know, it's like I
introduced him to the plug and then he wanted to
(50:58):
get add too with me because I didn't make him dinner.
I'm sorry, it's not the nineteen fifties. I don't have
to make somebody to say that sounds like the type
of person that would forget that they offered, because they
did forget that they offered, and then they'll forget again
because it clearly they smoke up, so they're gonna forget
again and then when they forget the next time, they're
(51:19):
gonna be like, who are you to think that I
should just cook you something? Who have you done for me?
Later he said he she reheated, like some food or
something like. She head up leftovers and trying to offer
him some while she was in the middle of eating it,
and he was like, no, I'm good now, Look we're
(51:43):
all adults here. Yes, he could have left a minute
twenty five of ours. I said this to him so
many times. Why did you leave when she didn't come
to the door. Why didn't you leave when the dealer
showed up? Why didn't you leave when food was coming?
Why didn't you order your own fun? There were so
many times when you could have left. He was like,
(52:03):
I was just trying, And I was like, fuck, you
were trying to fuck that's why you stay. I understand.
But also there's there's something to be said for like,
just because someone's willing to sit there doesn't mean that
you can. This should all be illegal, Every every aspect
of this should be This is a thing about America
right the American justice system. People will sue for a
(52:26):
bunch of stuff. They'll try to get money. Everything we
shouldn't be doing all that right. We should be suing
for what's right. Okay, that man should sue her and
he should be awarded a lasagna. That's all I want.
I just want the world to be a little bit
more fair. But does she have to make it? She
(52:47):
has to make two or throw water away? All right?
Or give him both? That's restitution. Yeah, but this is
the thing. What if this is what you never think about?
What if it wasn't good? She's doesn't make them? Yeah,
but but it was never It was never her job
to make it good. It was her job to make
(53:08):
it because she said she'd make it. Okay, that's I
If it's not good, I look, I can believe that
she may have got high and remembered she doesn't make
good lasagna. That could also have been what happened. She
may have been high and was like the last time
I try to make lasagna, I accidentally make cake? Right? Yeah,
I mean so maybe she doesn't, but she should. She
(53:29):
should do what she said. That that's so rude. Um.
And look, I'll even offer up this. That must have
been a nighttime date because he was so he would
it was a day date. Wow, hilarious. Um, what we're
gonna do now is kick over this to the listeners,
(53:53):
you know, like what let us know your thoughts on
day dates versus night dates. Remember, you can eat it both,
you can do activity, he said both. It really is
your presence. I believe the listeners with this. Ladies, fems,
anyone living in their feminine energy stop paying for things.
(54:15):
Oh lord, stop, stop stop. Okay, these men are worried
that if we make as much money as them, we're
not going to need them. So let them know we
still need them because this is the thing. They still
make more money than us. We still don't have an
income equality. Okay, So until the patriarchy and I don't
(54:41):
like to use that word because I'm not a twenty
year old white girl in college, but until society as
a whole starts paying women, ladies, fems, non binaries, anyone
living in their feminine anosities, until they start paying us
to same, you will not be paying for this two
(55:04):
for twenty and Applebee's. Don't do it, don't fuck it,
don't buy your own drinks, and they're gonna act like
you old them something because they bought you a white
wine sprints us say no, sir, I have eight dollars.
Oh gosh, women did not. Those women did not march
for you to pay for nachos. They did it. You
(55:28):
think Gloria Steina stood up? Did she burned bras? And
I've asked her about this and she said, I could
be a trophy wife. Glorious Steinem told me to my
face that I could be a trophy wife. Because that's
the thing. It's not about working, it's choosing whether you
do or not. Okay, you want to be a stay
at home mom, that's feminism. You want to run a
(55:50):
fucking corporation, that's feminism. If you want to make sure
that this motherfucker's paying for your cheeramisou, that's feminism. Stop
paying for ship, stop it, stop it. I feel like
the message is getting somewhat muddied. No, no, no, no no, no,
this muddy. This message is Chris the Clear baby girl.
Play with me, nigga. We appreciate you listening. Stops. We
(56:14):
loved it you listen. We hope you have as much
fun listening as we do recording. We are on the socials,
We are out in the world. If you want to
see us, if you want to keep up with us,
you can find me hit yours shouns in comedy on TikTok, Instagram,
and YouTube, and you can find duels say Sloan. You
can find me feminist icon so oh I I'll write
(56:49):
books about me, Josh. You can find me not helping
dul Say Slow on all social media platform actual thanks love,
let it be Yes, I'm not helping, but yeah, come
find me. Have a great rest of the day, go
(57:10):
on some great dates. We wish you the best dates
coming up. Man pay for ship being Man. Explore more
shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The
Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily
(57:32):
Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and
stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been
a Comedy Central podcast. Wow.
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Ears edition listener,
It's duel, say Sloan, corresponding to the Daily Show. You're
about to hear an episode of one of our original
daily show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily
Show writer Josh Johnson. It's where we take our office
banter until weekly war of words about topics, big aunts, mall.
In this episode, we debate day dates versus dinner dates.
(00:24):
Would you rather an afternoon walk in a scenic park
or be wind and dined under the stars. Johns and
I go back and forth about where we'd rather spend
time with our significant others. It's a great winn and
we hope you enjoy it, And if you like the show,
check out the hold Up podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome,
(00:47):
what's up? What's about? Hey? How you doing? Hello? How's
the day going? You know? If you were using this
to fall asleep, big mistake? All right? Hold up? So
wake up, yeah, and enjoys some of these hot topics.
We are coming to you with the most important things
to us, not the world, not your peers. You. This
will not make you seem smart when you go and
(01:09):
hang out with your friends and y'all discussed podcast. We're
not talking about world events. We're not talking about current events.
We're talking about the things that are happening in our
lives that we are diametrically opposed on. Okay, and so today, yeah,
we're talking with myself, one of your co hosts, Josh Johnson.
I'm a writer for the Daily Show, and I am
(01:29):
joined by Don't Say as long. I'm a correspondent on
this here Dayly Show, and I am going to tell
you what today's top recordings should be because I was
in Arlington, Virginia over the weekend, and a very nice
lady and a very gorgeous pink like a light like
(01:49):
a dusty peak coat, pink pea coat by the name
of a Jesse gave me some topics to discuss on
this show. And one of those topics is day dates
versus dinner dates. When we tell you come tell us,
come to our shows and tell us. She said she
found out that I was going to be at the
Alington Draft House because I was listening to the show.
(02:11):
We're always like, come see us, come talk to us.
And she came back. She came and she talked. Now
we're doing her topic on the show. So start out
to Jesse and Arlington in Arlington, Virginia. Thank you for
coming to see me at the Arlington Drafthouse. And this
is day dates versus dinner dates. Now, josh you've been
(02:32):
on dates before? Soon? Yes, we hope. Now, I think
I have a feeling an inclination, a little tickle in
my ear. Yeah, okay about what I think think you
(02:55):
might pick. But tell the people, Joshua, Yeah, yeah, what
as a former trader Joe's employee, Like, what does that
even have to do with it? Was out here try
to date people? Wow, what do you prefer? Day dates
(03:22):
or dinner dates? Okay, m While I believe that both
of these dates are important. I truly believe that they're
both important. I think that for your peace of mind,
for your time, and for your overall day as an individual,
(03:42):
I'm gonna go with day dates. All right, you said
day dates. I can explain what I heard. What I
heard was I don't have any money. No, no, that's
not what it is. I promise the day date is
done by the man who only wants to get coffee
(04:04):
because he doesn't want to invest money into trying to
see my vagine. No, no, said he can spend seven
twenty five at a Starbucks and then maybe your day
or later na be no, no, no, let's be very
clear here. Okay, I just said both dates were important.
(04:24):
I didn't say they weren't. I am saying that for
your day as the individual, I can't explain. I'm not
saying that no one that loves day dates isn't broke,
all right, I'm not. I'm not gonna be out here
telling you that no one that loves day dates has
no money. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying functionally. Functionally,
(04:49):
I think that it's it's an easier and it's a
better impression. Tell us about your poverty. Go ahead, my poverty,
like that this is my thing. I'm not even Wow. Okay,
so I'm not even cold. I'm just trying to protect
myself from all the things you're about to say. Wow,
(05:11):
this is like both calmly and like and this is
like maybe the most sideways you've ever covered me, Like
like this is actually this is actually wild because you're
not like you're not yelling or anything. You're not you know,
be a be a belligerent or anything. You're very calmly
(05:32):
coming truly for my neck like it like, and I don't, wow,
where's all this coming from. I'll tell you what. I'm
gonna tell you why. Okay. I believe that a lot
of pressure is put on people. And this is like
everything that I'm describing right now is going to be genderless. Okay,
(05:54):
I'm talking about all of dating. I'm talking about everybody
who does date. All right, there's an incredible amount of
pressure and there's an incredible amount of anxiety around just
dates in general, first dates especially. Okay, I think that
rather when I look at myself as an individual and
(06:15):
what it was like in Chicago when I was dating
and stuff like that, I think that it is a
much easier thing to start your date because the benefit
that I think that day dates have that dinner dates
don't night dates don't, is that if we hang out
long enough, it goes into the night. You know, if
(06:35):
you're having a good time, if you're having a good
time and you and you enjoy my company, we're we're
into the night date. Now now we're gonna go get dinner,
you know. And I think that you also lessen the
amount of anxiety you have throughout the day, because when
you do have a night date, like a dinner date,
you're worried about that thing all day, especially if you
(06:58):
really like the person or you really want them to
like you. That's anxiety driving all day. So you nip
some of that in the bud by starting the date,
like you woke up, you had your breakfast, maybe you
worked out, maybe you just you know, went to you know,
work or something. Especially if this, if this day date
is on a weekend, you did a couple things and
then you met someone and you met up and you
(07:18):
were able. In my opinion, there are better activities to
do during the day than there are at night sometimes,
So if I want to take you on a like
an event, there's like there's concerts at night, there's comedy
shows at night, there's there's all this stuff. But you
can actually have an experience with a person in a
(07:41):
day date that I think in dinner dates you're limited.
And also with late night dates or nighttime dates, you
do start to have the pressures of like, okay, where
are we going to end up? Where's this going? Whereas
I think in a day date you talked about the
broke dudes, I think in the day day you you
either have to really believe in yourself or you have
(08:04):
to be having the best date of all times to
think that you're gonna pull a bedroom out of this date.
If y'all met up at two pm, that's That's all
I'm saying, is that, I think a nighttime date if
we're meeting up at ten. If if you're going on
a date with someone and y'all are meeting up at
nine to have dinner, right see, No, No, it's almost
(08:24):
bed time to begin with. No, you can't meet that
late for dinner date. You can't meet that late. I'm
just but night is night to me, night is night.
A point we all know that going to dinner at
seven and going to dinner at ten one, there's a
whole different class restaurant. Yeah, I got a restaurants closed
(08:45):
at ten If I'm mean dinner at ten. I see
what you're saying now, arm Like I've gone to I've
had daytime dates, like had brunch, um gone to the
belt line here and walked around with some dude, got
all my steps in that day. I'll tell you that
damn much. But oh oh, I will offer up one
(09:07):
last thing, because I don't I don't I apologize for interrupted,
but I do want to offer up one last thing.
When you are on a day date, the ability to
split with these go sideways goes up exponentially because when
you have a nighttime date, yes you have a nighttime date,
you know and they know that y'all both planned to
(09:29):
be here. So then when you get the text of like, oh,
your apartment's all fire or whatever, it's like it's blatantly
obvious you're just trying to leave, like it like it
just is unless it was going wonderfully and y'are both
vibing and it's undeniable whatever. People can tell that you're
trying to get out of there, whereas with a day date,
if it goes sideways at all, the whole rest of
(09:51):
the day is what you have to look forward to.
So you can be like, oh, hey, yeah, my dog
freaking out, so I gotta go. See he just hit
me telepathically, and yeah, my roommate told me, like you
don't have roommates. I'm like, it is what it is, bro,
I gotta go. I told guys on date, this isn't
gonna I'm gonna go. Yeah, it's like, oh, do you
(10:14):
have something else to do? No, Yeah, yeah, I've been
I've been on a date before where I said in
the middle of it, and I didn't say it in
a rude way, and I wasn't like it wasn't like
I was getting some attitude. I was just like, Ah,
this one's not going well, is it? And like it
(10:35):
was just the thing where we both agreed. We were
both like like we started laughing. We were like, ah, yeah,
I don't know what it was. We both from both
of the pictures we thought we'd like each other, and
it's like, nah, I've had that. I had a date
go bad to the point and I had to drive
for this date too, Like I drove over thirty minutes.
(10:55):
It was like Atlantis, you drive thirty minutes all the time,
but almost forty minutes for this date and doesn't go well.
And so it's not going well to the point where
he offers to get food to go for my mom.
Like it's just a good Southern boy, Yeah, yeah, just
trying to be a gentleman in the face of a
date that's just mid not it's fine, it's not going well,
(11:18):
and I'm just like, yeah, I think I'm gonna get
two appetizers, bro, and then yeah, and you know, like
this isn't and he's like, he's like this is at
a certain point. He's like this isn't going good. And
he's like no, He's like, you want to order something
for your mom? I was like sure, and I called
my mom. I'm like, hey, I'm gonna Applebee is what
do you want? And I got her like entree and
(11:40):
he goes, you can get a dessert too, And just
a nice white man in the army's taking me on
a date because you also know, like that's the thing
about when you're when you're when it's going poorly, unless
someone is delusional too, people can feel it, you know. Yeah,
but you'd be surprised. A number of times I've been
on date with the guy really thought, Hey, what I
(12:03):
just say about delusional? I also don't understand, like some
of my friends really want you to give somebody a chance,
like well wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait, Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So
(12:24):
I was gonna go over to the stand. This is
a Halloween, right, I'm gonna go understand. Anyways, the thing
the day was at like seven, we got pizza. The
date started with a church hug and any with a
church hull, and the thing was fucked up. We've been
talking about like for like three weeks, like texting. I
was like, we went on an app and were texting
and stuff and been like we've been sitting each other
like playlists and stuff like that and all these other things.
(12:46):
We talked on the phone and then I met him
in Parson. I just went nope. As soon as I
saw him, I was like, I don't want to put
my mouth on him. And that's my gauge. Now, that's
my gauge if I see a man. I was like,
I don't want to put my mouth in this man.
M yeah, what he was talking for. And so we're
(13:07):
on the day. I don't remember the fuck he was
talking about, but the whole time I was like no, yeah, no.
And then at the end he was asking I was
gonna do I was like, I was gonna hand over
to the sand. He was like, okay, cool, I can
do that, and I'm like I didn't. They had a
spot at the stand too, and so I was like right,
and I was like no, He's like, what you're going
(13:29):
to comedy club. I said, I'm going to work, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, And he's like, I mean, but it's not
like the same I said, do you want me to
sit next to you at a cubicle m because that's
what the fuck this is. I'm going to work. Yeah,
after me, you're having to go. No. He's like, well,
I can just come anyway. It's like, it's a comedy club,
I can go if I want to, And I was like, really,
(13:53):
yeah I would. It would very much be weird now
because I just told you no. And now he's like, well,
it doesn't matter. I can go over once, and I
was like, yeah, I'm gonna go. H Now, okay. I
want to get a sense from you of why you
so deeply disclike the the day dates outside of the
(14:18):
because I feel like i've I've acknowledged the brokenness that
some people exhibit. Yes, but I've also given what I
feel or very valid reasons to start with a day date,
because if you really like this person, it's going into
the night. So I feel like I get the best
of both worlds. I understand this is the thing with
(14:40):
the day date. It's the day date feels very much
like the day date seems like something you only do
if you're not sure if you like somebody. Okay, like
if you know that you like somebody, just do a
regular fucking date. But it's hey, you want to hang
(15:00):
out tomorrow, then it's a date. Then the day date
make because there are things you can do during the
day that you can't do at night. You're right, but
I feel like the day date is very much, very tentative,
very tent to tet. It's I don't don't know, I
feel very two. Also, tet tet is a real word. Um,
(15:30):
it's you're not sure about the person. So it's like,
I don't want to spend my nighttime hours with someone
I'm not sure. Let me go ahead and see you
at a three pm because like, I like like a
brunch situation, because like I've had like gotten dinner with
the guy or like gotten coffee with a guy and
then it turned into us getting dinner. I see, I see.
(15:53):
This is what I'll pitch you. And it's it's what
I tell all my friends when they're when they're dating,
is that I've down the best dates and the and
this is regardless of what you choose to do. And
once again, this is for everybody. I find that the
best dates are things that you were going to do
anyway that you want to see if you enjoy someone
(16:14):
else's company while doing, which is why I chose the
day dates, because to me, it's like, Okay, I've always
wanted to try this place, I've always wanted to try
this thing. Let me both try this thing and bring
someone along that I think I might enjoy their company.
Because I also find that a lot of people, a
(16:37):
lot of people, a lot of my friends, get flaked on, right,
And when you get flaked on and it's like, Okay,
I was gonna get I was gonna get dinner at
this nice restaurant with this person and now they've canceled,
is a very different feeling than like I've always wanted
to try, you know, just throwing it out there as
a general date idea. It's like I've always wanted to
try act throwing, so let me try acts throwing, and
(17:00):
let me do it with this person who I think
is cool. And then they flake out and it's like,
all right, look, maybe I'm going to ax throwing by
myself now, but I've always wanted to try acts throwing,
and it's a very different day now, and you also
have the rest of and you know, if I can,
if I can speak to confidence and psyche and all
that stuff for a second, A day date gives the
(17:22):
rest of your day time to recover if the thing
does not go well and if you don't get the
desired result, whereas a nighttime date, it's like now I
just gotta go to bed, upset, right, But if a
day date doesn't go well, then then it's the whole
rest of my fucking day. It's not like this didn't
go to well, let me go to bed. It's all
(17:42):
this date didn't go well, and it's only four thirty.
I see, we're saying the same thing, but we disagree
on how it makes us feel. That makes sense, Yeah, yeah,
Like I understand, like you're going to go do something anyway,
Like I've gone to day dates where we've gotten to
like an aquarium or a museum, or I've done archery,
(18:03):
or I've done these different things where it's like like
the whole going through the movies and going on a
date thing, I think is one. I think one of
my guy friends was saying to me, like, it doesn't
mean he doesn't like to do it because you're sitting
with somebody for two hours in the dark, and you're
not getting to know them at all. You're just sitting
with them in the dark watching it thing. But I
just know they're able to be quiet, right, neither of
(18:24):
them be quiet either. Go don't react to a movie. Um,
and then you have, but then you have didn't have
something to talk about at dinner because now we can
sit up out and like sit up and talk about
and analyze the movie or film, because I think films
and movies are two totally different things, and we can Hey,
that's a different day. That's a different day. That's a
(18:46):
different day. We both agree. We know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, and it Fast and
Furious is not a film. We can all relax. We
can all relax. So like I said recently that like,
if there's a guy that you like, a person you
really like, you know, we're not the gender anybody. Um.
But especially if you're dealing with men, regardless of what
(19:06):
your preference is, if you're dealing with men, I think
a good first date, especially you're dealing with just heterosexual men,
I think an escape room is a great first date
because I tell you, i'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna
tell you. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you. One.
(19:29):
Will he take directions from a woman? Okay because some
men won't. Yeah. Two? Can he be collaborative? Can he
be cooperative? Is he does he only? Is he a
creative thinker? How does he work under pressure? Is he
a leader? Is he a follower? Is he motivating? Is
(19:51):
he helpful? Is he good at problem solving? Doing puzzles?
Can he do math? What color? Is he color blind? Like?
There are all these things because like we've done an
escape room in Miami together, and there's so many things
that go on in escape room where you have to collect.
Like it's this idea of being able to cooperate with
(20:13):
people you know and strangers some people who don't know. Well,
I think is a really good thing if you don't
know somebody, because some people just get angry and just
shut the fuck down. I've seen that escape room before.
We're just like I don't get this, and then they're
just done. You're like, bro, we have fifty seven more
minutes in here. Stand up help. The reason I brought
(20:37):
up the anxiety and the confidence and the nervousness and
stuff like that for day dates versus like nighttime dates.
Is that I think that there's there's a way that
you can like free yourself up to your point about um,
(20:58):
like not being sure about a person or not, I mean, like,
like to your point about that, I think though it's
a double edged sword, because yes, that is that is
how some people are gonna take it, and that's how
some people are gonna use it. But I also think
that you're able to see someone potentially in their best
light when they are not under the pressure of like
(21:22):
what people make nighttime dates out to be in their mind.
I understand what you're saying, but for me, a date
is a date pressure Like it's always whether it's three
pm or seven pm or nine pm, I'm nervous, Okay,
whether the sun is up or it is taking it's
you know, slum before the evening, it's still a fucking date.
So I'm still feelings, you know what I mean. I understand.
(21:46):
I understand what you mean. That makes sense because at
least for a nighttime date, because also there's stunts you
can't put like it's like you can't ask somebody to
meet at seven pm for coffee. Yeah, yeah, there's someta
thing to happen in the evening when it's like okay,
I fact it's like dinner in this or dinner in that.
But also I've realized that like just going to dinner
(22:08):
with somebody doesn't give you enough infom wally doesn't give
you enough anything. So I think like an activity in
dinner is I think the way to go. So if
you do something earlier in the day where it's like
(22:31):
let's meet at seven, go do this, and they get
dinner after, because there's act so much stuff you want
to do after dinner, you know what I mean exactly.
And I think that this is also important that will
offer up to the listeners just in case they are
still coming at me the way you were coming at
me at the beginning, if they still think that I'm
broke or boy. I also don't drink, and so I
(22:53):
think that a lot of nighttime activities they don't exclude me.
I'll go to a bar, I'll hang out of it.
I've been and whatever parties with you. But like, but
like I also am of a mind of like let
me because I don't just I don't drink. I don't
care the person that I, you know, went on the
date with at the time, drank. But I just feel like,
(23:18):
let me, let let me pick something for us to
do that can be the most fun for both of us,
so that you can see me having fun, you can
see what I'm like when I'm fun as opposed to, uh,
being at a bar. Because now, that's that's the thing
I've always worried about ever since I, you know, became
of age to drink, was was that since I've never
(23:39):
drank before, I don't want to now see me a
weirdo did alcohol. No. No, I just feel like it's
not it's not really for me, you know, it's not
like even a judgment thing. Um. And that's and that's
the thing is, ever since I've been twenty one, I've
(24:00):
really been like, Uh, I don't want to be that
guy that takes someone to a bar and then doesn't drink.
That seems like a very odd guy. No, that is
a creepy, creepiest of move. And that's why I've had
to That's why I've had to be like we're going
to dinner, or we're going to go to this concert,
(24:20):
or we're gonna like I literally have to lean on
activities because because I don't drink, right, yeah, if you drink,
it'll actually like make it a lot easier for you
to be like, hey, you want to go grab a drink,
so people like if you like for people who it's
like going to get coffee later on in the day,
(24:41):
it's like, hey, you want to go grab drinks, and
then that's where my coffee comes from, right, and so
the coffee things. So it's like, okay, so it's too late.
I don't want to meet at four, So don's gonna
get drinks and then you go get drinks and then
it drinks are good, then you go get food or
then you go I don't know, I have sex, like
(25:01):
you really only two options. I'll really offer up this
as well. For day dates, if somebody's crazy, it's broad
daylight right now, that's the thing. But I also know,
I'll say this, certain crazies only come out at night,
like date crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, date crazy. The
(25:26):
sun has to be down, Okay, it's like gonna wear well,
it's like date yeah. Do you think they wouldn't tell
on themselves though? If they went on let's say you
got them on three day dates. Do you think they'd
who's doing? Okay, I would be crazy after three day dates,
I understand, But I'm just saying, for the sake of argument,
(25:47):
let's say you're like, they just happen to shake out
that way. Honestly, it's I I think if you're gonna
do a day date, you have to know more effort. Yeah. No,
A ton of effort goes into a good like this,
this thing that I was initially let's called grab a
(26:09):
coffee walk in the park boom. Yeah, but that's the
thing I was initially pushing back off because that's not
what I meant by day dates. You know, I understand
that that's in there and I and I acknowledged immediately.
I was like, hey, I've been broke before. I know
what broke dudes. Do I understand that this is an aspect,
But for me, as someone who doesn't drink, I would like, no,
(26:32):
we're gonna do this thing and it's and it and
it'll be fun, but it and it happens to be
it like because I still call a day date like
five to me. But the problem is with five o'clock
that did you have a day date at five and
it doesn't go well, Yeah, then now it's interrupted your
(26:56):
day and your evening. Yep. I mean that is part
of the risk. Your take though, how's going to hang
out with a person? Also, that's the time is very
easily cancel a little like canceled on oh you're right,
you're right, or someone being late because it's also five
(27:16):
a pm. Is when people usually get off work. Yeah,
if you're having a day date during the week at five,
maybe both of you either are working from home or
you don't have jobs, or one has a job and
one doesn't, one works from home and one has no job. Like,
there is something to be said for a five o'clock
But I could do five o'clock dates back in Chicago
(27:38):
because working in Trader Joe's, I had very specific shifts
and so sometimes I got off at two, you know.
And you also have to factor in both for you
and the person that you're going on date with. Once again,
this goes for everybody, right right. I think that especially
(27:58):
on the basis of a first date, nobody can take
it too personally that people are planning the date around
their lives, if that makes sense. So, yes, I don't
understand why someone would be upset because like one of
my friends was like, she has a date, and she'll
have a date and she always makes sure she has
a show after the date. After the date, yeah, because
(28:22):
if it's going, hey man, I gotta go, I gotta show,
I gotta go, I gotta show. But sometimes it's and
I've done the I gotta show, and it's like, oh,
I can come, and I'm like yeah, because I think
even if a day goes well, because I feel like
sometimes when dates go well, people make the mistake of
just like because I had a date one time that
(28:43):
lasted like thirty six hours. Yeah, yeah, and then I
never saw him again, which was fine because I didn't
need to. I'll throw this out there then. Sorry, I
just had a flashback to them the fucking nervous some people.
(29:08):
You were you you looked at the camera like you
were seeing him. Oh oh oh. I think sometimes we
forget the dudes a small dicks were just as horny
as dudes. I feel like men with smaller penises are
horny are than dudes with bigger penises. I don't I
don't think that's right at all. I think it is. No.
(29:32):
This is the thing, but this is the thing dudes
with a small dick want to show you their dick
as much with the dude with it just as much
as a guy with the big dick, and they don't
warn you. They don't say anything. Wait, what it's like
they should they know it's small, So why are you
(29:55):
doing all this hemming and harring try to get me
to look at it when you know I'm gonna to
be disappointed. I have no no, but I truly I okay,
I don't have any like frame of reference for any
of this. So like, of course you don't because you
don't deal with men. I know, I understand, but that's
(30:17):
what I'm saying. I'm like, the thing you said initially
did not sound correct, but now we're dealing with other facts.
What did I say? You were saying that dudes with
small penises are hornier than dudes with big peniss And
I feel like the reason that I don't know if
that's true is that to me, it's not about because
(30:39):
you just said it yourself. A person knows, right, So
I think a lot of people carry themselves like they know,
and it gives off the vibe that they know, which
gives off the vibe to other people. That like, let
me stay away. Is that not true? No, because some
doing either theything like big dick energy. There are dudes
(31:01):
with small dicks that are running around out here with
big dick in like real big dick energy is a
very is a completely it's not as we all know.
It's affect right, okay, but it's not as flagrant like
if you see a very short like if you see
(31:21):
a short man with too much confidence, he has a
big dick. We all know this, but I think it's
just he might have money. No really, Oh, let's saying something.
A man with a big dick is an asshole. A
man that knows he has a big dick is a
asshole at all times. Like a very big dick, he's
(31:42):
an asshole. They're always an asshole. They It's like men
with big dicks act like pretty girls. Okay, I can
get into anywhere. You can't say anything to me. I'm unstoppable.
But the problem is, like one of the smallest dicks
(32:03):
I've ever seen was on a man who was six three,
and one of my friends was like, do you think
it was small? It's oh I was. I liked him
so much and I don't even have time to tell
you how funny acting this dude was with me was
with me before this. But and my friend was like,
do you think it was small because he's so tall?
(32:26):
And I was like, I was like, what she's like
because of perspective? Do you think scale for scale? And
I said no, because my hand is always the same size.
Oh my god. Look listen. What I'm saying is, yeah,
(32:48):
so you'll be on a day date with some small dick,
having many who's giving you big dick energy. I understand
him being extra flirty, extra morning, and then all of
a sudden, you or face to face with a dick
you can suck and whistle Dixie at the same time.
And he should have never came out the house. Now
(33:10):
help me out, though this does not. Once again, this
is a this is an aspect of dating that doesn't. Actually,
it's not like his dick would be bigger at night.
He's not like a ware dick. No, but you've just
you've just attributed the small dickness to the day date. No,
(33:32):
but it's gonna be small year round, right, It's gonna
be about it. It's twenty four hours a day and
seven days a week till fifteen in the morning can't
stop on stop. What I'm saying is that being on
a day date that goes well, okay, that good then
goes into an evening date okay, that goes into you
(33:53):
all hanging out even more, and then you're presented, not
percented for your act like an Emmy, for your actions
and efforts and service to your country. Uh huh, you're
(34:14):
rewarded m hm with nonsense. Okay. I'm just saying that
should be a warning because like, I was doing this
joke for a while and didn't ever Actually it didn't
go away. I wanted to go. But I'm just like,
we need some type of identifiers. I wasted so much
time flirting with men whose dicks were innies instead of audies,
(34:39):
and they need to be branded. They need to be
stop wasting people's time. I need just I don't care
if it's dots. I don't care if it's sucking Morris code.
When these fuckers are eighteen branded, I need to let
me stop you right, let me count these dots over here.
(34:59):
You you could have plausible to my ability that you
lost it. Firstly, no, no, the brand, brand. I know,
I understand, it's a terrible thing to find out brand
dig is a little far fine tattooed all right, No
(35:20):
no no no no no no no. I need a jewelry.
They need to be I don't care. Start getting better.
No tattooing, tattoos, branding earrings. This is something sounding good
cuts in an eyebrow. Okay, look, just assume something, something,
(35:41):
Give me something. I don't care if they're pinky nails,
are painting different colors. Stop wasting people's time, dude, something,
oh lord, oh man, Okay, I just need to listen.
It's you know how big my titties are by looking
at me. Sure? But okay, then now the thing is,
(36:03):
I was I can because I can wear something to
make them perkier. I can wear a secker and make
them look bigger, gonna make it look smaller. Okay. I
can wear spanks. I can lie to you all kinds
of ways, make up wigs false. I can do all
of the things right. I can tell, but I can
also tell the truth. Okay, I can also tell the truth.
These men, these allusions, these gray scat pants, are not
(36:24):
telling us what we think they need to be telling us.
Okayros like oh gray pat fans Season gray sweat pants season. No,
why am I over here getting excited over a flash
of dick y'all sound wild? Too many men's are growers.
Too many men's this is growers. We have got so
far away from the actual quality of the date. I
(36:45):
feel like, now, this, this is a this is a
separate thing. Uh, I'm What I'm saying is that if
you're out here, huh slinging, if you can't sling, okay,
if you can only present, you can't sling, you can
(37:05):
only present. What I'm saying is you better take a
bitch to dinner first. You better spend them coins. But
you have to spend money. Now, you have to spend money.
You have to. You have to. You have to because
you've gotta disappoint me. At least I wanted to have
a nice dinner first. But you you're telling me that
(37:32):
a date, like a day date of jet skiing is
not fire. We can do a day day to jet
skin and if if you no, you'll die. Yeah, that's
what I'm saying. They're they're they're trade offs here. Yeah,
you do it like later on in the day so
you can get off the jet ski you have a
nice dinner or something like that. A day data on
(37:52):
the jet ski would be absolutely awesome. Fucks with it
because you know I love jet skis. Okay, they're just
water motor cycles and so and if you've never been
on a jet ski, get more white friends. That's all
I'm saying, because that's how I got my fresh jet
ski called occasions. And so what I'm saying is that
if you are trying to figure out, hey, should I
(38:15):
take this girl on jet skis or should I take
her to the park? Look down? But I feel like, now,
aren't you just letting the blessed get away with more?
They already are? But I'm but I'm saying they already are.
(38:39):
Is part of this logic though, Yes are you? Are
you good with that? No? Then then no park? Freddybody right, Yes,
everybody should pick jet skis. I but do you do
(38:59):
you see? How do you see I'm helping your like
I was? Yes, okay, all right, cool. If you have
a chance to get on a jet ski, get on
a jet ski the fuckah, get on get on jet
ski for real. Yeah, you're near water. If you're able
(39:21):
to do a rental, you know, if you own a
life jacket, then yeah, get on jet ski and a
jet seo will give you life jackets. What I'm saying
is that I just want us to be like a
hundred Like listen, I prefer an evening date because you know,
a nice it's it's nice to go out for the evening. Yeah,
I'm perfectly fine with sitting in my house. It's not
your like you're sitting there on a Friday at eight pm,
(39:41):
going oh fuck, you know what I mean, even's Saturday
at three pm. I don't give a shit. If it's
Saturday at eight pm, I'm like, damn, I would I
wish I was on a date. But if I go
on a day date, also a day date, lets me
know that you have another date lined up. Oh no,
I wouldn't. I wouldn't say that. Oh I always assume
that that. I understand that you always assume that. And
(40:01):
I'm not even saying that you have never ever, ever
been right. I'm saying, though, that I can only speak
from the experiences that I've like, watched friends have and
stuff like that. I think that sometimes there is It
depends on when you meet the person. Because we both
know people who aren't actually players. All men and women,
(40:23):
all most people. I don't think most people are players.
I think this whole also, I think that player idea,
that player culture, player lifestyle thing has been detrimental to everybody. Yeah,
it's not It's not good for anybody. And I think
only a few people can actually pull it off to
where they have a date after their date and then
and they're going to also keep time and that you
(40:44):
know what I mean. I think that with me because
because once again I brought up the like not drinking
and stuff like that, It's like I had to pick
things that would be fun or interesting to do that
had nothing to do with that, so that I wasn't
that creep that was like, can I buy you a
drink and I guess another one while I just talk. Yeah,
(41:06):
because you can't do bars, because if you if you
buy me a drink and then you have water, I'm
gonna think that you drug my drink. Yeah. Yeah, It's
like it's like I don't want to be anywhere near
any of that like speculation, right, And so my thing
as well is I find that regardless of when and
this actually kind of hurts my argument a little bit,
(41:26):
but regardless of what time of day it is, the
amount of work someone put into their idea is like
paramount to me for how much they care, you know,
because there's also a deeply casual side two nighttime dates,
which is Netflix and chilling. It's like, Hey, I'm gonna
bring over some food or like, let me cook for
(41:48):
you at my place. Yeah, that will cook for you. Shit,
you can't cook for me. You can't cook for me
until I have comfortably gone to your house and then left. Yeah, yeah,
like that whole Like a guy was like, I want
to cook for you, un the first date, I said
absolutely not. It's like, why not? I said, I want
to die on my own time. Also, truly, are you
(42:09):
a chef? Are you a chef? Because if you're a chef,
then come with it, you know. But if you're a chef,
then I will come to your restaurant. Okay. So my
buddy did that exact thing if he like was like, oh,
let me cook for you whatever, right, and then he
cooked for her and then later on that night she
(42:29):
was like, okay, um, I had a great time, thank
you so much, blahla blah blah, and she robbed hell
out of him. She robbed she was the whole time.
He was cooking. She was stealing and he was like,
I don't know how she got everything out of the
(42:50):
how because she always had her purse. So he's like,
unless she had another bag, I didn't see. Not this
much stuff should be missing, right what yeah? Yeah yeah
yeah yeah he was like. He was like, she came over,
I cooked, and then like um we they ate and
then like they made they like didn't like fully hook up, right,
(43:13):
they like maybe made out on the couch, watch a
little TV whatever, and then she was like, I had
a great time. I have to go, right, But then
he was like, hey, so so many different things were
missing from places that weren't next to each other. I
was like, man, you got rob robbed. She must have
had a bag. She sat in the hallway. That's what
(43:33):
I'm thinking, right, it had to be. It had to
be a getting up when she went to the bathroom.
Like it's like how it's like a riddle. It's like, well, okay,
so she took so she took some stuff that was like, oh,
you might just be like a klepto, you know what
I mean, because she took some of the nice like
there was a nice he had a nice soap, um
(43:56):
like a real nice soap that you could just probably
like twist the cap back down and put that in
the purse. Whatever. Yeah, and then she she got a
hold of some loose money, which is like, all right,
you left the money out, you know what I mean,
That's that's easy enough to steal. But then I think
he said he had a game boy, and he was like,
(44:17):
I don't know when she would have got the game
boy because it was like in his room on a
bookshelf or something. But they didn't go in his room,
so he's like, she must have just been in my
room when back was turned while I was cooking. The
fuck was he making pasta? I don't know. I know
he was making pasta. I know he was. He was
probably making posta. But it's like, it's like that's so.
(44:38):
I mean, I didn't get the full list of everything
that she took, but there was something he was more
telling me about the locations, because he was like, she
stole something from the bathroom, she stole something from my bedroom,
even though we didn't like go it like it's not
like they like went to his bed and you know
what I mean. And then she also took something from
the living room and I was like, man, that's the
(44:58):
money is there? The money is like, all right, is
this meaning because because the money is like all right,
look there's fifty dollars on the table, not saying anybody
should steal, but there's fifty dollars on the table. Now
you just made fifty dollars from your meal. Most people
have to pay for their food, right, But the soap
at the game boy and like I don't know he
(45:20):
but he said it was a lot of stuff, Like
it was a lot of things. So she must have
had a bag in the hallway, like when he thought
she was going to the bathroom, she was going to
the bathroom and making a stop at the hallway. And
you know what I mean, maybe her purse was bigger
than he thought it was. That's what That's also what
I think it has to be, is like the bag
in the hallway makes a lot of sense, but the
(45:42):
bag in the hallway could also you know, maybe get
seen as trash or you know what I mean. Like
like that that to me seems like a deeper grift
than just having a bag that is a watch McCall it.
You know, the bags that I don't know purses, So
I don't know what I'm talking about, but you know,
you know those bags that have at and when you
undo that button, it becomes a bigger bag. Yeah, it's
(46:04):
like an accordion bag. Yeah. Yeah, maybe she had one
of those. Oh my god, who was telling me they
were going on this date. He was in Manhattan, he
went to go meet some girl like, No, he was
in Brooklyn. He want to go meet some girl like
at the top of Harlem. So it took like two
and a half hours on the fucking train. And she
(46:25):
was like, don't eat today. I'm gonna make you dinner.
Johnny is gonna be huge, Diannor Johnny La da da.
She supposed to make lasagna. And he gets there and
not only is nothing prepped, not only is nothing prepped?
(46:47):
Not only is nothing Oh, she's still struggling with the
package that the Lazaya noodles coming. She hasn't even gone
grocery shopping yet. Oh oh, what an attack. Truly, she
(47:08):
wants him to come shopping with her. She likes her
men weak, That's what it is. She was like, go
ahead and starve yourself all day. All right, I'm gonna
see how you handle this long walk that we've taken
this grocery store where we walk past all the food.
(47:29):
So it's two hours on the train. I don't know
where the fuck he was coming from. Where was two
hours on the train? It sounds like a nightmare. I'm
know he was in the back of Brooklyn, the basement
of brook I don't know where the fuck he was.
But took two hours and some change from where he
was to get to the top of Harlem talking on
the phone. And then at one and then when he
gets there, she doesn't buzz him in. He has to
(47:55):
wait thirty minutes for him to let for her to
let him in. Is she home? Yes, so she's not
answering her phone either, she's not answering the phone. What
reason did she give? She wasn't ready and so she
so she knew he was down there. Yeah, this is chaos.
This is like absolutely acceptable. Wait, so she knew he
(48:19):
was down there waiting for half an hour at the door,
while he had already been on the train for two
something hours to get there, and he and she told
him not to eat. Yes, this is terrorism. And then
while then they're gonna get ready to go shopping, but
she wants to get weed before they go shopping, So
(48:46):
now they have to wait for the weed man. And
so was he sustained himself on water? I guess the
hope of getting pussy probably, I don't know. That's not
like that. What is worth all that? Then? Then so
(49:06):
there's still no food. They're hanging out. She just wants
to hang out. She gets high, forgets that she's supposed
to make this lasagna. So he's reminding her that we
have to go little to the store to go get
the stuff to make little asagna. And now she doesn't
want to make it because she's high. She makes herself
(49:29):
something to eat, like of whatever she had in her house,
offers him none, and then wants to fool around, and
he was like, how dare you did he sue he
should sue. I will get this read at a lawyer
and he should sue. He And then the holes is
(49:52):
he said, like at one point, like the dealer was
just hanging out, dealer hadn't left. The dealer had left
at a certain point. He was there for too long.
That's great, more for the for the suit. This is
building the case. And I've only said I'm sure people,
and I like I thought the thing is I know
people listening to this, they're thinking, I'm making this up
as I go along, because when he was telling me this,
(50:14):
I thought he was making it up as he went along.
But he started getting upset retelling it, and I was like,
oh no, this actually happened to him. Yeah, no, and
and oh oh that's so unacceptable. But that's so and
then I was like, so, what has it? Did you
ever get the designer? And he was like, no, that
(50:37):
is so rude. And you know what this is. This
is the thing that bothers me because this is the
type of person who was so blissfully unaware that she
probably is telling a story about this ungrateful dude who
she introduced to her dealer. You know, it's like I
introduced him to the plug and then he wanted to
(50:58):
get add too with me because I didn't make him dinner.
I'm sorry, it's not the nineteen fifties. I don't have
to make somebody to say that sounds like the type
of person that would forget that they offered, because they
did forget that they offered, and then they'll forget again
because it clearly they smoke up, so they're gonna forget
again and then when they forget the next time, they're
(51:19):
gonna be like, who are you to think that I
should just cook you something? Who have you done for me?
Later he said he she reheated, like some food or
something like. She head up leftovers and trying to offer
him some while she was in the middle of eating it,
and he was like, no, I'm good now, Look we're
(51:43):
all adults here. Yes, he could have left a minute
twenty five of ours. I said this to him so
many times. Why did you leave when she didn't come
to the door. Why didn't you leave when the dealer
showed up? Why didn't you leave when food was coming?
Why didn't you order your own fun? There were so
many times when you could have left. He was like,
(52:03):
I was just trying, And I was like, fuck, you
were trying to fuck that's why you stay. I understand.
But also there's there's something to be said for like,
just because someone's willing to sit there doesn't mean that
you can. This should all be illegal, Every every aspect
of this should be This is a thing about America
right the American justice system. People will sue for a
(52:26):
bunch of stuff. They'll try to get money. Everything we
shouldn't be doing all that right. We should be suing
for what's right. Okay, that man should sue her and
he should be awarded a lasagna. That's all I want.
I just want the world to be a little bit
more fair. But does she have to make it? She
(52:47):
has to make two or throw water away? All right?
Or give him both? That's restitution. Yeah, but this is
the thing. What if this is what you never think about?
What if it wasn't good? She's doesn't make them? Yeah,
but but it was never It was never her job
to make it good. It was her job to make
(53:08):
it because she said she'd make it. Okay, that's I
If it's not good, I look, I can believe that
she may have got high and remembered she doesn't make
good lasagna. That could also have been what happened. She
may have been high and was like the last time
I try to make lasagna, I accidentally make cake? Right? Yeah,
I mean so maybe she doesn't, but she should. She
(53:29):
should do what she said. That that's so rude. Um.
And look, I'll even offer up this. That must have
been a nighttime date because he was so he would
it was a day date. Wow, hilarious. Um, what we're
gonna do now is kick over this to the listeners,
(53:53):
you know, like what let us know your thoughts on
day dates versus night dates. Remember, you can eat it both,
you can do activity, he said both. It really is
your presence. I believe the listeners with this. Ladies, fems,
anyone living in their feminine energy stop paying for things.
(54:15):
Oh lord, stop, stop stop. Okay, these men are worried
that if we make as much money as them, we're
not going to need them. So let them know we
still need them because this is the thing. They still
make more money than us. We still don't have an
income equality. Okay, So until the patriarchy and I don't
(54:41):
like to use that word because I'm not a twenty
year old white girl in college, but until society as
a whole starts paying women, ladies, fems, non binaries, anyone
living in their feminine anosities, until they start paying us
to same, you will not be paying for this two
(55:04):
for twenty and Applebee's. Don't do it, don't fuck it,
don't buy your own drinks, and they're gonna act like
you old them something because they bought you a white
wine sprints us say no, sir, I have eight dollars.
Oh gosh, women did not. Those women did not march
for you to pay for nachos. They did it. You
(55:28):
think Gloria Steina stood up? Did she burned bras? And
I've asked her about this and she said, I could
be a trophy wife. Glorious Steinem told me to my
face that I could be a trophy wife. Because that's
the thing. It's not about working, it's choosing whether you
do or not. Okay, you want to be a stay
at home mom, that's feminism. You want to run a
(55:50):
fucking corporation, that's feminism. If you want to make sure
that this motherfucker's paying for your cheeramisou, that's feminism. Stop
paying for ship, stop it, stop it. I feel like
the message is getting somewhat muddied. No, no, no, no no, no,
this muddy. This message is Chris the Clear baby girl.
Play with me, nigga. We appreciate you listening. Stops. We
(56:14):
loved it you listen. We hope you have as much
fun listening as we do recording. We are on the socials,
We are out in the world. If you want to
see us, if you want to keep up with us,
you can find me hit yours shouns in comedy on TikTok, Instagram,
and YouTube, and you can find duels say Sloan. You
can find me feminist icon so oh I I'll write
(56:49):
books about me, Josh. You can find me not helping
dul Say Slow on all social media platform actual thanks love,
let it be Yes, I'm not helping, but yeah, come
find me. Have a great rest of the day, go
(57:10):
on some great dates. We wish you the best dates
coming up. Man pay for ship being Man. Explore more
shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The
Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily
(57:32):
Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and
stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been
a Comedy Central podcast. Wow.
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