March 4, 2023 • 41 mins
“My opinion is that happy hour makes life easier and better through discounts, while brunch makes it harder and more bougie for no reason with orange juice and vodka.” - Josh Johnson
“The thing about brunch though is one, your mimosas are bottomless. Also, we have changed the lifestyle when it comes to brunch. Now, it's not just orange juice. We done expanded the juices.” - Dulcé Sloan
It’s happy hour vs. brunch this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Here's edition listeners,
It's Josh Johnson right for the Daily Show. You are
about to hear an episode of one of our original
Daily Show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily
Show correspondent Dulce Sloan. It's where we take our office
banter into a weekly war words about topics big and small.
(00:21):
In this episode, we debate happy hour versus brunch. Which
lifestyle do you prefer? One that offers bottomless mimosas or
happy hour specials? Tune in to find out which side
of the debate we each land on. It's a great
one and we hope you enjoy it. And if you
like the show, check out the hold Up podcasts wherever
you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold Up.
(00:46):
This is the show with big opinions about nothing, things
that mean the world to us that maybe other people
don't care about at all. I am one of your hosts.
I'm a co host. My name is Josh Johnson. I'm
a writer for the Daily Show, and I am joined
by Don't Say Slan and certain more noises here great
(01:12):
you rude, don't I'm rude, make noise. You can make
a noise too, shit, Come on, just go bra bra
no negro brack brack. You can't. I maybe try. You
(01:41):
can't roll your tongue. I can, I can roll. But
this not even what the episode is about. No do it.
We're gonna talk about this. Do you do it? Ra
ra r r r. It's it's not working. You can't
do it. That's okay. A lot of people can't genetic,
(02:02):
you know what, Just me time, give me time. It's fine, genetic.
It's little genetic. My mom can't do it. But god see, well,
today on the show, we're gonna be talking about something
that's uh, that's close to both of us. I think
people will be surprised at which side we landed on
(02:22):
knowing us, because you know, now there's been thirty some
odd episodes to get to know us. If you didn't
before the show start, if you don't know us from
stand up, if you don't know it's from the show,
you know our personalities now. And so I think there
are going to be some shocked, some shocked faces that
we won't see because this is all audio. Yeah, and
now it's on the YouTube, they can see my hair. Okay,
(02:44):
yes it is. This is on YouTube. Yep, all happen, Josh,
I am working on it. Okay, ever since my injury,
I haven't been able to bench the same that I
was benching before you broke tits. Today's episode, for those
of you that don't know Josh that it didn't muscle
injury to his uh pectoral muscles, which is if you
(03:08):
don't know the titty muscle. Yes, yes, it is the meat.
So today's episode is happy Hour versus brunch. By the way,
this comment came from Little Sailboat. We check out the
comments when you leave them, So shoot us a suggestion
on what you want to hear us talk about anyway,
(03:29):
dull say, get into it. Do you want to tell
the people where you landed? I think you should start. Okay,
what I want to do? What I want to do.
What I want to do is, first of all, before
you say where you gonna be, before I say where
Ey's gonna be, I want to give the people time
to think. What do you think? Josh picked? What do
(03:51):
I think? What do you think I picked? Play the music? Okay,
we're done, Joshua, Um, I'm happy Hour. Wow, y'all didn't
expect that, did you. No, No, you probably didn't because
I don't drink. But I feel like happy hour has
(04:15):
more benefits to society than brunch does. Well. I thought
it was because of your love of discounted apps. It
is partially, but it is half because you can get
the half prize appetizers that um a happy Hour, but
you don't have to buy alcohol to get them. I
know that this is the other thing, is that I
(04:38):
that obviously means that you're on the brunch side. Yeah.
And my opinion is that happy hour makes life easier
and better through discounts, while brunch makes it harder and
more bougie for no reason, with orange juice and vodka. Okay,
First of all, mimosa is orange juice and s champaigne.
(05:00):
Oh champagne. Okay, that's that's my bad. I was thinking
of screwdrivers. Yeah, but still not worth it. First of all,
breakfast on a Sunday lasting till two pm, blessing two,
sometimes three. I've in places that did the brunch till
four o'clock because they know people party in their city, right,
(05:22):
and church was till two almost brunch to go till four, right,
That's why I don't like the fact that Golden KRL
on a Sunday their breakfast ends at eleven sird. That's
only the third hour of church. Yeah, you're trying to
miss people. You're missing people like the Golden KRL. Like
we were a Golden Crawl in Atlanta and they're like
(05:44):
breakfast in at eleven and my mother went, what why?
And she literally said, but people are still in church
And the lady went, I know, yeah, everybody that worked
I knew it was wrong, but it was like corpredd
like no, even White Church and Georgia, it's still in
(06:04):
out of eleven. Yeah, you gotta get people to one o'clock.
Come on, now, you got to get to to get
there to get dressed. Sunday you're supposed to be able
to chill and get your breakfast. I shouldn't be in
a hurry on Sunday to get some victles. That sounds wild.
The thing about brunch, though, is one your mimosas are bottomless. Also,
(06:28):
we have changed the lifestyle when it comes to brunch.
So now it's not just orange juice. We've done expanded
the juices. Okay, it's not about arrange no more. We
all listen. I one day had bottomless mimosas and they
(06:49):
had pomegranate juice. Baby girl, you know how expensive? How pricey? Yeah?
Oh juice? That a poma grant not Oh have you
heard it in the Bible. It might actually not be
an apple that Eve is uh attempts Adam with. It's
actually a pomegranate, That's what I heard too, Yeah, which
(07:11):
would be very difficult to bite it into. That's desk wild.
That's like so cool, I think, honestly, I think that
that's why they got kicked out of the garden. It
(07:32):
is because, like Adam bit into a whole pomegranate and
the guy was like, you're too dumb to be here, Paradise.
What are you doing? You two? You bit right into it.
I told you not to eat it at all, and
then you bit it in the face. I told you
not to eat it at all anyway, Yeah, I told
(07:54):
you to leave it alone. Maybe that's why pomegranate is
so hard to open it to staine your fingers. But
I got to I know how to sin. You stained
with sin that like just a scarlet letter on your fingers,
on your fingers and guilty for those of you that
(08:19):
don't read anything. You missed all of these references. Yeah, yeah,
the Bible, to the Scarlet Letter, to the Sin in general.
Get your bucks up. Call your mama because something is off.
Your books up the most ratchet way I've heard. So
(08:41):
would be told to become lit. Y'll get your books up.
You ain't never read The Prince by Machiavelli. Get your books.
Oh you've never read the Count of Monte Cristo. Why
don't you get your books up? Kid? God what there
(09:01):
were a lot of books I didn't read because Wishbone
was on TV. Yeah. Yeah, Wishbone nullified the need to
read several books, like because yeah, even though Wishbone, there's
no way that they covered all the details. You still
spoiled the whole story because we got the gist. I
know they're doing, Yeah, I know what's doing. But when
they did Cyrano Diversirac, I was like, you know what,
(09:24):
when they did Ulysses, when they did the Odyssey, I
was like, okay, but you know the dog because the
dog can't shoot the arrow because they hadn't have any thumbs.
Oh so they had the fake little you remember more
of the fake Yeah, to make it look like a
dog shot of arrow. I remember they were doing Romeo
(09:45):
and Juliet. My mom walked by them, was like, see
you could go too far. Yeah, yeah, go too far. Yeah,
that's I mean. My mother fucked with uh wishbone. Who
she didn't fuck with was Clifford. That's when my mother
did not idea of you know what it is though.
Clifford was a bad influence because Clifford is why to
(10:05):
this day you'll go to a friend's house and they
got a rabbit dog that doesn't have any home training,
and everybody thinks it's cute because that's what Clifford was.
Clifford would destroy a whole town, leave bodies mangled, right,
houses and shampoos, and we were all like, he's big
and he's red. Isn't that cute. It's like, nah, nah,
(10:27):
there's an entire city living under a thread of devastation
from this dog. Who is what a Doberman, a red
golden what is it? A dog? Yeah? And so now
I'll go to a friend's house and it's dog will
be hissing on the wall and they're like, no, no, Pooky, don't,
(10:49):
Oh my god. You know he's a puppy he's only five,
and I'm like, that's so grown. That's so grown. But
don't want to go by dog gears and that's in
that dog and the dog thirty five mm. Oh, that's
just a drunk uncle. Yep. And nobody, nobody has home
traded all their dogs because we grew up on Clifford
(11:09):
and we were like, oh, it's normal for your dog
to be a terrorist. Listen. I remember as a little girl,
I was like six years old and I came home
with a Clifford book and I was sitting there, like
reading a book from the library school, and mom was like,
what's this. I said, it's Clifford, a big red dog.
And she goes, m, that dog is too big, and
(11:33):
then she just walked away. Yeah, but you you're also
talking about somebody who had been an adult for too long.
When you when you're an adult for enough years, you're like,
I can't even this is not fun. When I was
six years old, she was twenty seven. That's an adult.
She's been a full adult for five years up for
(11:55):
a while, as soon as I showed up. But like
every time she's like that dog is too big. I
see what the point is that dogs is so secured
the number and a job. So when the cartoon came out,
I remember they were like, my mate, they got a
Clifford cartoon. They gave that big ass dog a cartoon
for what I say, when I get a damn dogar
Like she is not, and they came with a live
action movie. She's like, don't you come up with me
(12:17):
talking about that movie with that big ass dog? Like
she was not a fan because she's being reasonable and
she's plugging in. But okay, Like, as a kid, you're like, wow,
what if I had a giant dog? Wouldn't that be
cool when I could ride him and stuff? And then she,
as a grown woman, is like, if there was a
dog that big, there's no way it wouldn't be problems. Yes,
(12:39):
it is now because now the dog's too big to
even protect because now all the burglar has to do
is run between his own legs and the dog won't
be able to catch him. But then the dog could
just just step on him. Maybe Clifford, clumsy Clifford might
step on the front porch trying to kill the burglar.
(13:00):
You know, it wouldn't be helpful if you tried to
ride that dog from brunch this is my thing about
brunch because I didn't remember. We were not talking about Clifford. Oh, Clifford.
Clifford versus Wishbone for another day. Yes, write that down.
Somebody write that down, Clifford versus wish Bro What what nigga?
(13:22):
What you now? We've been away. I'm not gonna tell
the people. I'm not gonna tell the people. I'm gonna
let them. I'm gonna let them hear. Yo, somebody sent
me a DM with a huge list of topics, and
now I can't find the DM. Oh dang, so now
I gotta hunt it down. Also, some rude ass person
(13:44):
DM me. Yo. First of all, when you're DM and
people watch your fucking mouth, how about that? Watch how
you fucking talk to people. If you're gonna take the
time to find me on the internet to talk to
me about this podcast, watch your fucking mouth. You're talking
to me crazy on the phone that I pay for. Oh,
(14:05):
you gotta take a screenshot. Whoever whoever's watching all YouTube,
take a screenshot of Dulce point. They're gonna be laughing
because I watch your fucking mouth. You understand. Somebody was like, well,
how can you say you don't read YouTube comics comments
when you know that's how you get topics for the show.
You can't say that, And I'm just like, First of all, bitch,
(14:30):
I said, I don't read too YouTube comics about my
stand up. Second, I don't want I don't read the
YouTube comments on the show either. That's literally somebody else's job.
But I do read some of the comments. But I'm
not somebody who goes to scrolls through. I'm not somebody
who sits up and looks at every single comment, because
(14:51):
in between good comments, you'll get bad comments and people
are fucking mean. Yeah yeah, So for my mental health,
you goofy hole. I don't read comments outcore's internet. This
is another get your books up moment. Yes, get your
fucking blocks up, because you're also be like, really bring
a world together, Like for my mental health, you goofy hole,
(15:16):
like geez all right, wow, have fun, you know what,
you know what for my for my blood pressure, I'm
gonna have to whoop your ass. It's like, wait, wait,
pee on pete, get out of my internet. I mean
(15:42):
the way that people talk to people. One, I don't
need your input. You're a funk about your bigot right
if you're a fan of the show, thank you so much,
But to come into my dms and then just try
to one check me on insalt me can. I rarely
read my dms any because a lot of times I
don't know where they are, and then they have so
(16:03):
many different where who is there are different like categories
of dms. Oh, I see, I see, so like people
you follow, people you don't follow, and then more people
you don't follow, but then there's like top requests to
people you don't follow, and then all requests of people
don't I'm like a not reading this. No, no, I'm
with you, I'm with you. So it's like if I'm
(16:26):
sitting that brunch enjoying stuffed French toast. Mh, I'm talking
about for sixteen dollars by the way, twenty five step
pussy up. Uh listen the day that you realize that
you've been to pay sixteen dollars for eggs even though
(16:49):
the eg yo, I didn't everybody was talking about the
eggs and I didn't realize what was going on, And
the eggs are gotten so so that the eggs are expensive.
The eggs, real eggs have called up to brunch prices. Oh,
so now now they got to be that expensive so
that the restaurants can stay open. There was a shortage. Yeah,
(17:10):
there's a shortage. What happened to the chickens? I mean,
it's a good question. I'm I'm not gonna act like
I know exactly the ins. Wait a minute, So we
had a wing shortage and now we got an egg shortage.
Egg shortge of the moment. Oh it's bird flu. Lord,
don't y'all tell my mama that bird flu is back.
(17:37):
As someone who was an avid bruncher, I would go
to this place called Marlo's Tavern in Atlanta all the time,
and we, me and my home girl were literally goal
like every Sunday, to the point that the people that
worked there because it was like a buffet too. But
what they would do, which I think was probably against
some health regulation maybe, And this is also a very
popular brunch spot. Um and their bottoms mimosas were uh,
(18:00):
let's just say one day my homegirl had to drive
us home from brush because your girl couldn't do it
because the server kept doing the math m because it
was fifteen dollars. Bottoms of selemosis, right, Bomas mimosas and
he was like, listen. I was like, I had two.
He's like, yeah, but that's like seven to fifty apiece.
Say if you have another one, it's only five dollars
a piece. And I was like, oh, he's right, okay,
(18:23):
And I had known another one. He's like, see, not
only three dollars a piece. Hey, you could get it
down to one fifty he said it. And I was like, sir,
I don't have it in me. I'm not drinking fifteen mimosas. First,
the fucking at all. And plus he was, I was like,
you could have your way with me anywhere. I gotta
(18:43):
drink fifteen mimosas. Don't you want a fifty cent mimosa?
That would be thirty you'd have to drink thirty mimosas.
You'd have to be a hero. Yeah, oh yeah. Fifty
cent mimosas are a possible. If you want your stomach bumps,
(19:05):
if you don't have anything to do on Monday, go
ahead and get that fifty cent mimosa. Go ahead and
live your life. We're getting down to fifty cents fifth
fifteen fifteen daughters bottomless. The other thing about a mimosa,
it's it's most the most acidic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
orange the champagne exactly. Yeah, that's gotta burn. It does sometimes,
(19:29):
But that's why you need that good breakfast. That's why
you need them grits. That's why you need the French toasts.
The thing about happy hour, it's happy hour in most
places only last two hours. I also found out in
certain states happy hours illegal. I know, because it's dangerous,
because it's sexy, because it's a rebel. Okay, two hours
every day, honey hours clearly not every day because it's
(19:53):
not allowed some places. There's some places that they won't
even let happy hour come through because they're scared of
what it'll do to the community from four to six pm.
From four to six pm, they're like, hey, we can't
let people have a happy hour. It's like footloose in
real life. All right, if people just start dancing, what
might happen? You might lose the youth? Okay. I think
(20:14):
it's like you you worked in a restaurant, so you
can use the come on geration is lost? Oh right,
this too much happy hour? All right, I'm gonna tell
you so. Morris Chestnut was the guest last night on
the show, and I will tell you this. We don't
(20:35):
make niggas like that, no more. We don't. We don't.
We don't fucking him Michael straighthand like, we don't make
black men like that. We ain't printing them out no more.
We're just not. Wow, they're both in their fifties, and
(20:56):
I'm like, come more chests. That has been fined my
whole life, right, Okay, but you're like, go more chests.
That's fine. You're like yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And you
see him a person, the way this nigga smelled brow,
this man's cologne with a pain, you understand, Like, we
(21:17):
don't make this dude anymore. We don't like even looking
at the whole class to dude like the young black
like the younger black actors. Okay, we ain't making now
more more Chestnuts, right, We're not making any more Terrence
Howards either. But that's neither here nor there. What I'm
saying is that I just gotta let you go because
(21:39):
I also don't know what you mean, so I'm like,
we'll find it. What I'm saying is that like more
chest that is like, that's the man that will take
you to brunch because he wants you to have a
nice Sunday. He wants to get to know you. You know,
this is like, how dare you? First of all? How
how how is the full dare? How dare you mean?
(21:59):
How they're re dare me? Look, you cannot just try
to attach Morris chest Nut to brunch like it's an
upcoming script. Okay, you can't. Can't be like no Brunes
here morsh Chestnut is attached. You can't do that, brother,
That's a brunch happy hour. Happy hour is taking you
(22:21):
to a happy place. I try to get you as
drunk as possible in rush hour traffic. You understand there
do you read? And rush hour traffic? You're gud. But
once happy hours over, you have to take a happy
ass home. No, you don't have to leave it a
happy hour. Happy hours just how you start the night.
You have to go home eventually, eventually if you're drunken
(22:44):
shit at five thirty, okay, what else are you finna
do that day? No? No, no, But it's not about
You could say the same thing about brunch with all
the mimosas. Okay, I'm chilling brunch. We chilling brunch brunch. Yeah, brunch.
Br brunch was the reason that that Uber and left
(23:07):
with nightclubs. Brunch are the reason Uber and Lyft was invented. Right.
Happy hour First of all, if you notice you worked
their restaurants before, right, yeah, yeah, happy hour is during
that time in a restaurant where no one's there, Like
a lot of restaurants were closed from like three to
five happy hours at time where no one's at a restaurant,
So like, hey, how do we get people in here?
(23:29):
Would I rather have no money? Or would I'd rather
sell these potato skins for seven dollars instead of fourteen? Right?
All I'm saying is happy hour brings people together, so
does brunch in a way that is pressureless, unlike brunch.
See the drawback of brunch. The drawback of brunch is
(23:52):
maybe you went to happy hour the night before. Maybe
you did get a little too hammered. No happy hour
on Saturday, Happy hours Monday, Friday delicious, But Saturday can
have brunch. You can have brunch on Saturday. You gotta
brunch on Saturday, but you can't have happy hour on Saturday.
But you have happy hour on Friday. Right yeah, So
I'm saying maybe you went hard on a happy hour
(24:13):
and now brunch is something that's hard to make it too. Brunch,
you gotta get up. You're like, you're like barely pulling
yourself together. You're barely holding on until you get your
food in you and everything. You're not feeling well. Nobody's
like that for happy hour. Nobody goes so hard before
happy hour that they can't make it to happy hour
because they were at work. Exactly brunch. Sometimes there's a
(24:38):
trial to get there. Listen, first of all, that's why
I last till two, because you know your constituents, your
customer base might have been up late to night before,
(25:00):
might not have gone to bench at four in the morning.
You pass out for in the morning, you get six
hours to sleep. Baby girl, it's only ten a m
hat and brunch lass till two. You can still get
some eggs, you can still get some of that french urst.
Still stick it to Amolet Your brunch is trying to
(25:22):
drain the people's wallets dry. I'm trying to keep money
in those pockets. What happens? Hey, hey, hey, hey, they
have brunch specials. Why would you bottomless mimosas are the special?
Why would I buy five mimosas at fifteen dollars a
piece when I can pay the twenty dollars for the
(25:44):
bottomless mimosas, and then you can tell them, a aa,
let me get a little more orange juice. Let me
get a little less orange juice. Let me get some
granberry juice. Just give me a classic champagne Mommy's breakfast juice.
What however you need to do that will adjust those
mimosas for you accordingly, unless they're a bunch of cheap
(26:06):
funcks who pre mixed their mimosas, which, let me notice,
is mostly fucking orange juice. Anyway, what I'm saying is
that if it's a good Sunday morning, don't nobody want
to get dragged out of bed early to go get grits?
Ill Oh, I don't know why people get some up
so early on a Saturday. It makes me, It drives
(26:28):
me mad. But but a good brun cheese. See this
is the thing. Happy hours have a lot of tension
in a happy hour, all right, because somebody just got
off of work. You've been stressed out all day, and
now you're bringing that tension to be released at happy
(26:51):
hour with price cheese fries. I'm over here trying to
eat my disco fries, and you over here talk about
some merger that didn't through. Look here, Brian, take that
pen on the water energy to the end of the
fucking bar and let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Okay,
So I'm fuck with Happy Hour because there's too many
(27:12):
people getting right off of work, right off of work,
and you know what happy hours meeting for people that
did want to go home. You just got off of work.
You don't want to go home. I wish you wouldn't
have brought up too many people thing because now brunch,
oh you want to talk about too many people? It's
about that. What about that line? What about that line?
Just down, get a reservation, get a reservation. Revations. They
(27:36):
don't all do reservations. They don't. You even don't have
to wait in a line other people who are hungry, tired, hungover. Yes, no, no,
my my my place brings you no line, my break
my place bringing happy hours can't have a line. If
it's bumping, they might have a line. They don't definitely
(27:59):
have a line. Places, yeah, brunch places do definitely have
a line. Places yeah, if they're if they're good and
don't get me wrong. I've waited in line to have
a brunch place I had never had before because somebody
told me how good it was, and I got in
there and it was as good as they said it was.
I'm not saying the line is wrong. I'm just saying
if you're already a little tired from the night before,
(28:21):
a little hungover, and then that's the other thing too.
Some of these places have a line so long that
you end up really being pressed. Like it's like, all right,
we're about to get in at one fifty five, So
I hope everybody knows what they want at the table
because we need to order as soon as we sit down,
because some of these places are strict and what I
(28:42):
don't like. I was in the airport the other day
trying to get breakfast and I just wanted to croissant,
just to check whatever croissant cheese and whatever on it.
And the guy was like, oh, oh, we're not really
doing breakfast anymore. I said, what is it ten forty?
He said it's ten thirty five five, and I walked
the funk away. I just didn't eat. I was like,
(29:03):
I'm not going to I'm not gonna have your early hamburger. Also,
I'm looking at the fucking croissants. Yeah it's ten. If
it was ten fifty five, I can give you that
ten thirty five. Did the sausage just turn off? Did
(29:25):
the sausage decided to stop being sausage? Right? Did the
sausage just become a honey baked tam? Like? What the
fuck are you talking about? So I think there should
always be like a five, I mean five to ten
in a gray spirit and some shit like that, but
the whole like, oh it's ten, it's ten. So my
question is like, so when you stop serving breakfast ten
thirty one or was it ten twenty nine? Why do
(29:48):
we ten? Oh? That's my favorite when somebody when somebody
pulls that, I want to lose my mind because if
I'm already there, Like let's say, if I'm just walking in,
I have no rights. Okay, I'll give that up. I've
worked in a restaurant. I know It's like if I
walk in at ten thirty one and I want to
sit down, get my waters, get myself situated, and then
(30:09):
order a whole breakfast, and y'all stop doing breakfast at
ten thirty, then I'm with you. I'm fully with you.
I don't even try it. I don't even try to push.
My thing is if I walk in at ten twenty eight,
tell me hey, because I never wants to go Listen,
did you come here for breakfast? Because breakfast is about
to end and I've had places get us served breakfast
even though breakfast had ended, because we were still they
(30:33):
let me know, or because you were still you were
in the line still breakfast In's at brunch In's at two,
we had a very long wait, longer than we anticipated.
You waited for like an hour, and now it's one
fifty five. When you're sitting down, we won't honor the breakfast,
or it's to something you've been in line for an hour.
(30:56):
But it was anybody who got in line after two
o'clock could not get breakfast. And they were like, hey,
it's after two. This is the last batch of people.
We're not doing any more about it, and we're not
doing anybody else for breakfast. That I can respect. Everybody
that was in this line waiting, Okay, allie, I'll get breakfast.
No new people. We're not doing this that I can respect.
(31:19):
Happy hours, I've been happy. Hey, happy hour ends at six,
coming here at five fifty five. Be prepared, know what
you want to drink now, right, and be prepared, and
I get these half price chicken fingers. That's all your baby, girls.
If I know when breakfast ends, and then I get
(31:41):
there and have the time to get there, sit down,
get served water, everything before breakfast is ended. And so
I'm still like within five ten minutes before breakfast ends.
And you tell me there's no more breakfast, I'm like, oh,
then there was never breakfast here, because now if it
stops at ten thirty, I showed up at ten and
then the time you're ready to take my order, it
(32:01):
was like ten ten and you're like, oh, we stopped
doing breakfast. It's like, okay, is this also a gas station?
Like like, help me out here. I do think it's
very interesting that people can pick and choose. It's like, well,
you know, we start serving breakfast at ten thirty, and
I was like, but it's ten o'clock now. Well, but
(32:22):
by the time your food is ready, then I was like,
I'm ordering at ten. You're telling me the pancake batter
just throws itself out at ten twenty nine. The thing
that ends up happening though, and I've since I've been
at restaurants before, I can. I can genuinely say there
will be things that take the one. There are some
(32:47):
dishes where I'm like, oh, okay, I can I can
see how this is over because there was like a
dish that it took a while to cook because they
did the whole they would do like pans of it
at a time. Yeah, and so it's like, okay, that
takes twenty minutes to cook. So it's gonna be just
barely past breakfast by the time we served. What time
(33:12):
did you start cooking it? Oh? But they ran out,
that's the thing. So it'll be like it'll be ten
twenty and they're like, we're done with breakfast at ten thirty.
So at ten twenty, I'm like, oh yeah, let me
get this whole breakfast casserole thing you guys are talking about.
You seem so famous for, right, And they're like, ooh,
that actually takes twenty minutes to make, and if and
(33:32):
if we make one for you, that's fine. We sold one,
but now the other eight people that it can feed
won't know to order it, so it's just gonna go
to waste. I'm like, it's not just tell those people
they can order it. I worked to restaurants before, and
I'm just like there's a lot of things that happened.
Like I'll be at a restaurant they're like, I'm like, hey,
can I get this, and they'll go, actually, we don't.
(33:53):
I was like, I'm gonna stop you right there. I
hear you. Is this pre made? Well, No, we don't
really do substitutions. I'm just asking you to give me
different cheese. It's it's hard to when a place doesn't
do substitutions if they are not doing them because they
(34:17):
don't know how to do anything better, or if they're
not doing them because they're that like persnickety about it.
Some places are just persnikity, which makes me feel like
that you pre make everything if you're that person, Like, oh,
I can't because like one of my friends she has
a joke about, like Daniel pereg she has a joke
about like being at brunch and just starting it with
(34:39):
like is it possible? Yeah, that's out. She'll start everything.
But it's like I'm changing in order. It's guys, I'm
getting tomatoes taken off of something, I'm getting croutons taken
out of something. I'm getting avocado taken off of something.
For the most part, I'll eat this, however you may
(35:00):
ain't it, but don't look me in my face and
at telling me it looked like I'm just some type
of asshole, because I'm like, yo, can I just not
get tomatoes and crutons in this salad? And sometimes avocado
makes me sick? So can I not get these people? Well? Actually, also,
(35:20):
I don't like it when anybody who works at a
job acts like it's there, it's their establishment. Oh that
you're bothering them at their house. You're bothering them at
their house. Yeah. If I didn't come in here, you
can't pay your rent, So I don't understand why you're
getting an attitude with me. And I've worked at a
server before. Yeah, the people like, oh you think that way,
(35:43):
because it's like. What I don't like is when people
fit treat I know how to treat wade staff because
I've been a waiter before. I've been a server before.
So when I get somebody who if I see you
split a check three ways at another table, don't come
over and tell me you can't split a fucking checkm Okay,
(36:03):
I just saw you split the check at that table.
Do you don't want to split a check because you
don't want to take three black people's credit cards? What
the fuck is happening in here. There's a lot of
times I've been arresting. I'm like, I know, I just
saw you split the check. Or people be like, oh, no,
we can do it. No, he can do it. I
don't understand why we don't want to ask people to
do that job. No more. Yeah, people are very timid
(36:24):
around the idea of like, no, you need to do this,
this is like really important. I'm an American. I can't
do this. Man. Also, when we started, they were like,
you want to separate checks? And you go yes. Your
friend's like no, and I said, yes, well he don't
want him to do that much work. Why the fuck not,
He's not doing any work. It's the computer. It's why
(36:48):
we have computers. So when you get the restaurant, they're like,
we don't split checks. Oh, you don't want to make
no money because if you don't split a check, you
just created a problem for me. I mean, I'll throw
this out there right now. This seems like a brunch problem.
I feel like half the hour, no it's the restaurant. No,
it was a restaurant problem. And you like a happy hour,
(37:11):
you don't have the same issues. You don't feel like
more than one person at a time goes to happy hour. No, no, no,
I just mean that at happy hour it's like every
people don't keep split checks. Splitting a check is splitting
a check. You see people split a check and fucking Applebee's.
That's not expensive. Sometimes people let you know who they
(37:33):
are and you can't act surprise later. You know. Sometimes
people tell you, hey, I'm the brunch type person. I
need to be taken out, wined and dined in the
early parts of the afternoon. And then there's some people
who are like, hey, I'm over here at happy hour
trying to get in as much as I can off
of the man, all right, because as soon as it
(37:53):
turns six o one, you know, the happiness is shutting down.
We're going full price on all the chicken wings. Let
me take advantage of them before they can take advantage
of me. That's you know, well, let's let's let's let's
kick it to the listeners, because I I feel like
(38:17):
neither one of us it's really budged. And maybe we
didn't defend that. Well, no, our positions because you know
what brunch is boogie right, But happy hour ain't for
the poor either, It's not fully Yeah, there are some
(38:38):
I've Here's the thing. Happy hour has the same vibes
as try and get into a club before a certain time,
because that's when the cover charges. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay, okay,
that's I can admit that wholeheartedly. I'm lucky enough to
be at a point in my life where sometimes I'm
there for the Happy hour? Am you know what's happen hour?
(39:00):
I just felt like eating there. You know that's true
because a lot of times you're on the road, look
at God, you're just like all right, well I just
flew in and it's four o'clock. Yeah my show. You
get the closest place, Yeah, the closest place. What is
the ruby Tuesdays? I honestly, I'm a kind of the nineties.
I enjoy a salad bar. I just fucking do we
don't tucked up? Hmm? Well, listen, listeners, I want to know,
(39:26):
are you bad at bougie or sincere you? Are you
pinching pennies? Are you bad at bougie. Are you bad
at bougie or are you Josh? It's really where a
sensible I want to think out to listen in another
(39:48):
episode of Hold Up. Uh, what I've expected you to
do this week is, you know, stipe your books up
all right? You can get kindle on your phone. You
will be out here being literally you don't have to
be looking at TikTok all day long unless you're watching them. Uh.
Then people make stuff when and that's that's cool. But otherwise, yeah,
(40:10):
put it on phone, put a kind on our path.
Read a book, okay, learn the classics, all right, learn
a word today. You know you're worried. Everybody's worried for today, strumpet.
Look up, y'all, please read take care of yourselves. And
if you're looking at catch up with us, you can
find Duel Say Sloan at Duel Say Sloan on Everything.
(40:31):
And if you're looking at catch up with me, you
can find me at my other podcasts at Josh Johnson
Show wherever you get your podcasts. We love you, we
appreciate you, and have a safe, happy, healthy and booshee weekend.
Get they behind me, Satan. This has been hold up
(40:52):
We've covered conscious wrap versus club bangers, barsop versus body wash,
diners versus waffle houses, all sorts of things. What else
should we be talking about? We want to know from you.
Let us know, drop us a comment, or hit hold
up on social at the Daily Show. Explore more shows
(41:13):
from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily
Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show
weeknights at eleven tenh Central on Comedy Central, and stream
full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a
Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Here's edition listeners,
It's Josh Johnson right for the Daily Show. You are
about to hear an episode of one of our original
Daily Show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily
Show correspondent Dulce Sloan. It's where we take our office
banter into a weekly war words about topics big and small.
(00:21):
In this episode, we debate happy hour versus brunch. Which
lifestyle do you prefer? One that offers bottomless mimosas or
happy hour specials? Tune in to find out which side
of the debate we each land on. It's a great
one and we hope you enjoy it. And if you
like the show, check out the hold Up podcasts wherever
you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold Up.
(00:46):
This is the show with big opinions about nothing, things
that mean the world to us that maybe other people
don't care about at all. I am one of your hosts.
I'm a co host. My name is Josh Johnson. I'm
a writer for the Daily Show, and I am joined
by Don't Say Slan and certain more noises here great
(01:12):
you rude, don't I'm rude, make noise. You can make
a noise too, shit, Come on, just go bra bra
no negro brack brack. You can't. I maybe try. You
(01:41):
can't roll your tongue. I can, I can roll. But
this not even what the episode is about. No do it.
We're gonna talk about this. Do you do it? Ra
ra r r r. It's it's not working. You can't
do it. That's okay. A lot of people can't genetic,
(02:02):
you know what, Just me time, give me time. It's fine, genetic.
It's little genetic. My mom can't do it. But god see, well,
today on the show, we're gonna be talking about something
that's uh, that's close to both of us. I think
people will be surprised at which side we landed on
(02:22):
knowing us, because you know, now there's been thirty some
odd episodes to get to know us. If you didn't
before the show start, if you don't know us from
stand up, if you don't know it's from the show,
you know our personalities now. And so I think there
are going to be some shocked, some shocked faces that
we won't see because this is all audio. Yeah, and
now it's on the YouTube, they can see my hair. Okay,
(02:44):
yes it is. This is on YouTube. Yep, all happen, Josh,
I am working on it. Okay, ever since my injury,
I haven't been able to bench the same that I
was benching before you broke tits. Today's episode, for those
of you that don't know Josh that it didn't muscle
injury to his uh pectoral muscles, which is if you
(03:08):
don't know the titty muscle. Yes, yes, it is the meat.
So today's episode is happy Hour versus brunch. By the way,
this comment came from Little Sailboat. We check out the
comments when you leave them, So shoot us a suggestion
on what you want to hear us talk about anyway,
(03:29):
dull say, get into it. Do you want to tell
the people where you landed? I think you should start. Okay,
what I want to do? What I want to do.
What I want to do is, first of all, before
you say where you gonna be, before I say where
Ey's gonna be, I want to give the people time
to think. What do you think? Josh picked? What do
(03:51):
I think? What do you think I picked? Play the music? Okay,
we're done, Joshua, Um, I'm happy Hour. Wow, y'all didn't
expect that, did you. No, No, you probably didn't because
I don't drink. But I feel like happy hour has
(04:15):
more benefits to society than brunch does. Well. I thought
it was because of your love of discounted apps. It
is partially, but it is half because you can get
the half prize appetizers that um a happy Hour, but
you don't have to buy alcohol to get them. I
know that this is the other thing, is that I
(04:38):
that obviously means that you're on the brunch side. Yeah.
And my opinion is that happy hour makes life easier
and better through discounts, while brunch makes it harder and
more bougie for no reason, with orange juice and vodka. Okay,
First of all, mimosa is orange juice and s champaigne.
(05:00):
Oh champagne. Okay, that's that's my bad. I was thinking
of screwdrivers. Yeah, but still not worth it. First of all,
breakfast on a Sunday lasting till two pm, blessing two,
sometimes three. I've in places that did the brunch till
four o'clock because they know people party in their city, right,
(05:22):
and church was till two almost brunch to go till four, right,
That's why I don't like the fact that Golden KRL
on a Sunday their breakfast ends at eleven sird. That's
only the third hour of church. Yeah, you're trying to
miss people. You're missing people like the Golden KRL. Like
we were a Golden Crawl in Atlanta and they're like
(05:44):
breakfast in at eleven and my mother went, what why?
And she literally said, but people are still in church
And the lady went, I know, yeah, everybody that worked
I knew it was wrong, but it was like corpredd
like no, even White Church and Georgia, it's still in
(06:04):
out of eleven. Yeah, you gotta get people to one o'clock.
Come on, now, you got to get to to get
there to get dressed. Sunday you're supposed to be able
to chill and get your breakfast. I shouldn't be in
a hurry on Sunday to get some victles. That sounds wild.
The thing about brunch, though, is one your mimosas are bottomless. Also,
(06:28):
we have changed the lifestyle when it comes to brunch.
So now it's not just orange juice. We've done expanded
the juices. Okay, it's not about arrange no more. We
all listen. I one day had bottomless mimosas and they
(06:49):
had pomegranate juice. Baby girl, you know how expensive? How pricey? Yeah?
Oh juice? That a poma grant not Oh have you
heard it in the Bible. It might actually not be
an apple that Eve is uh attempts Adam with. It's
actually a pomegranate, That's what I heard too, Yeah, which
(07:11):
would be very difficult to bite it into. That's desk wild.
That's like so cool, I think, honestly, I think that
that's why they got kicked out of the garden. It
(07:32):
is because, like Adam bit into a whole pomegranate and
the guy was like, you're too dumb to be here, Paradise.
What are you doing? You two? You bit right into it.
I told you not to eat it at all, and
then you bit it in the face. I told you
not to eat it at all anyway, Yeah, I told
(07:54):
you to leave it alone. Maybe that's why pomegranate is
so hard to open it to staine your fingers. But
I got to I know how to sin. You stained
with sin that like just a scarlet letter on your fingers,
on your fingers and guilty for those of you that
(08:19):
don't read anything. You missed all of these references. Yeah, yeah,
the Bible, to the Scarlet Letter, to the Sin in general.
Get your bucks up. Call your mama because something is off.
Your books up the most ratchet way I've heard. So
(08:41):
would be told to become lit. Y'll get your books up.
You ain't never read The Prince by Machiavelli. Get your books.
Oh you've never read the Count of Monte Cristo. Why
don't you get your books up? Kid? God what there
(09:01):
were a lot of books I didn't read because Wishbone
was on TV. Yeah. Yeah, Wishbone nullified the need to
read several books, like because yeah, even though Wishbone, there's
no way that they covered all the details. You still
spoiled the whole story because we got the gist. I
know they're doing, Yeah, I know what's doing. But when
they did Cyrano Diversirac, I was like, you know what,
(09:24):
when they did Ulysses, when they did the Odyssey, I
was like, okay, but you know the dog because the
dog can't shoot the arrow because they hadn't have any thumbs.
Oh so they had the fake little you remember more
of the fake Yeah, to make it look like a
dog shot of arrow. I remember they were doing Romeo
(09:45):
and Juliet. My mom walked by them, was like, see
you could go too far. Yeah, yeah, go too far. Yeah,
that's I mean. My mother fucked with uh wishbone. Who
she didn't fuck with was Clifford. That's when my mother
did not idea of you know what it is though.
Clifford was a bad influence because Clifford is why to
(10:05):
this day you'll go to a friend's house and they
got a rabbit dog that doesn't have any home training,
and everybody thinks it's cute because that's what Clifford was.
Clifford would destroy a whole town, leave bodies mangled, right,
houses and shampoos, and we were all like, he's big
and he's red. Isn't that cute. It's like, nah, nah,
(10:27):
there's an entire city living under a thread of devastation
from this dog. Who is what a Doberman, a red
golden what is it? A dog? Yeah? And so now
I'll go to a friend's house and it's dog will
be hissing on the wall and they're like, no, no, Pooky, don't,
(10:49):
Oh my god. You know he's a puppy he's only five,
and I'm like, that's so grown. That's so grown. But
don't want to go by dog gears and that's in
that dog and the dog thirty five mm. Oh, that's
just a drunk uncle. Yep. And nobody, nobody has home
traded all their dogs because we grew up on Clifford
(11:09):
and we were like, oh, it's normal for your dog
to be a terrorist. Listen. I remember as a little girl,
I was like six years old and I came home
with a Clifford book and I was sitting there, like
reading a book from the library school, and mom was like,
what's this. I said, it's Clifford, a big red dog.
And she goes, m, that dog is too big, and
(11:33):
then she just walked away. Yeah, but you you're also
talking about somebody who had been an adult for too long.
When you when you're an adult for enough years, you're like,
I can't even this is not fun. When I was
six years old, she was twenty seven. That's an adult.
She's been a full adult for five years up for
(11:55):
a while, as soon as I showed up. But like
every time she's like that dog is too big. I
see what the point is that dogs is so secured
the number and a job. So when the cartoon came out,
I remember they were like, my mate, they got a
Clifford cartoon. They gave that big ass dog a cartoon
for what I say, when I get a damn dogar
Like she is not, and they came with a live
action movie. She's like, don't you come up with me
(12:17):
talking about that movie with that big ass dog? Like
she was not a fan because she's being reasonable and
she's plugging in. But okay, Like, as a kid, you're like, wow,
what if I had a giant dog? Wouldn't that be
cool when I could ride him and stuff? And then she,
as a grown woman, is like, if there was a
dog that big, there's no way it wouldn't be problems. Yes,
(12:39):
it is now because now the dog's too big to
even protect because now all the burglar has to do
is run between his own legs and the dog won't
be able to catch him. But then the dog could
just just step on him. Maybe Clifford, clumsy Clifford might
step on the front porch trying to kill the burglar.
(13:00):
You know, it wouldn't be helpful if you tried to
ride that dog from brunch this is my thing about
brunch because I didn't remember. We were not talking about Clifford. Oh, Clifford.
Clifford versus Wishbone for another day. Yes, write that down.
Somebody write that down, Clifford versus wish Bro What what nigga?
(13:22):
What you now? We've been away. I'm not gonna tell
the people. I'm not gonna tell the people. I'm gonna
let them. I'm gonna let them hear. Yo, somebody sent
me a DM with a huge list of topics, and
now I can't find the DM. Oh dang, so now
I gotta hunt it down. Also, some rude ass person
(13:44):
DM me. Yo. First of all, when you're DM and
people watch your fucking mouth, how about that? Watch how
you fucking talk to people. If you're gonna take the
time to find me on the internet to talk to
me about this podcast, watch your fucking mouth. You're talking
to me crazy on the phone that I pay for. Oh,
(14:05):
you gotta take a screenshot. Whoever whoever's watching all YouTube,
take a screenshot of Dulce point. They're gonna be laughing
because I watch your fucking mouth. You understand. Somebody was like, well,
how can you say you don't read YouTube comics comments
when you know that's how you get topics for the show.
You can't say that, And I'm just like, First of all, bitch,
(14:30):
I said, I don't read too YouTube comics about my
stand up. Second, I don't want I don't read the
YouTube comments on the show either. That's literally somebody else's job.
But I do read some of the comments. But I'm
not somebody who goes to scrolls through. I'm not somebody
who sits up and looks at every single comment, because
(14:51):
in between good comments, you'll get bad comments and people
are fucking mean. Yeah yeah, So for my mental health,
you goofy hole. I don't read comments outcore's internet. This
is another get your books up moment. Yes, get your
fucking blocks up, because you're also be like, really bring
a world together, Like for my mental health, you goofy hole,
(15:16):
like geez all right, wow, have fun, you know what,
you know what for my for my blood pressure, I'm
gonna have to whoop your ass. It's like, wait, wait,
pee on pete, get out of my internet. I mean
(15:42):
the way that people talk to people. One, I don't
need your input. You're a funk about your bigot right
if you're a fan of the show, thank you so much,
But to come into my dms and then just try
to one check me on insalt me can. I rarely
read my dms any because a lot of times I
don't know where they are, and then they have so
(16:03):
many different where who is there are different like categories
of dms. Oh, I see, I see, so like people
you follow, people you don't follow, and then more people
you don't follow, but then there's like top requests to
people you don't follow, and then all requests of people
don't I'm like a not reading this. No, no, I'm
with you, I'm with you. So it's like if I'm
(16:26):
sitting that brunch enjoying stuffed French toast. Mh, I'm talking
about for sixteen dollars by the way, twenty five step
pussy up. Uh listen the day that you realize that
you've been to pay sixteen dollars for eggs even though
(16:49):
the eg yo, I didn't everybody was talking about the
eggs and I didn't realize what was going on, And
the eggs are gotten so so that the eggs are expensive.
The eggs, real eggs have called up to brunch prices. Oh,
so now now they got to be that expensive so
that the restaurants can stay open. There was a shortage. Yeah,
(17:10):
there's a shortage. What happened to the chickens? I mean,
it's a good question. I'm I'm not gonna act like
I know exactly the ins. Wait a minute, So we
had a wing shortage and now we got an egg shortage.
Egg shortge of the moment. Oh it's bird flu. Lord,
don't y'all tell my mama that bird flu is back.
(17:37):
As someone who was an avid bruncher, I would go
to this place called Marlo's Tavern in Atlanta all the time,
and we, me and my home girl were literally goal
like every Sunday, to the point that the people that
worked there because it was like a buffet too. But
what they would do, which I think was probably against
some health regulation maybe, And this is also a very
popular brunch spot. Um and their bottoms mimosas were uh,
(18:00):
let's just say one day my homegirl had to drive
us home from brush because your girl couldn't do it
because the server kept doing the math m because it
was fifteen dollars. Bottoms of selemosis, right, Bomas mimosas and
he was like, listen. I was like, I had two.
He's like, yeah, but that's like seven to fifty apiece.
Say if you have another one, it's only five dollars
a piece. And I was like, oh, he's right, okay,
(18:23):
And I had known another one. He's like, see, not
only three dollars a piece. Hey, you could get it
down to one fifty he said it. And I was like, sir,
I don't have it in me. I'm not drinking fifteen mimosas. First,
the fucking at all. And plus he was, I was like,
you could have your way with me anywhere. I gotta
(18:43):
drink fifteen mimosas. Don't you want a fifty cent mimosa?
That would be thirty you'd have to drink thirty mimosas.
You'd have to be a hero. Yeah, oh yeah. Fifty
cent mimosas are a possible. If you want your stomach bumps,
(19:05):
if you don't have anything to do on Monday, go
ahead and get that fifty cent mimosa. Go ahead and
live your life. We're getting down to fifty cents fifth
fifteen fifteen daughters bottomless. The other thing about a mimosa,
it's it's most the most acidic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
orange the champagne exactly. Yeah, that's gotta burn. It does sometimes,
(19:29):
But that's why you need that good breakfast. That's why
you need them grits. That's why you need the French toasts.
The thing about happy hour, it's happy hour in most
places only last two hours. I also found out in
certain states happy hours illegal. I know, because it's dangerous,
because it's sexy, because it's a rebel. Okay, two hours
every day, honey hours clearly not every day because it's
(19:53):
not allowed some places. There's some places that they won't
even let happy hour come through because they're scared of
what it'll do to the community from four to six pm.
From four to six pm, they're like, hey, we can't
let people have a happy hour. It's like footloose in
real life. All right, if people just start dancing, what
might happen? You might lose the youth? Okay. I think
(20:14):
it's like you you worked in a restaurant, so you
can use the come on geration is lost? Oh right,
this too much happy hour? All right, I'm gonna tell
you so. Morris Chestnut was the guest last night on
the show, and I will tell you this. We don't
(20:35):
make niggas like that, no more. We don't. We don't.
We don't fucking him Michael straighthand like, we don't make
black men like that. We ain't printing them out no more.
We're just not. Wow, they're both in their fifties, and
(20:56):
I'm like, come more chests. That has been fined my
whole life, right, Okay, but you're like, go more chests.
That's fine. You're like yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And you
see him a person, the way this nigga smelled brow,
this man's cologne with a pain, you understand, Like, we
(21:17):
don't make this dude anymore. We don't like even looking
at the whole class to dude like the young black
like the younger black actors. Okay, we ain't making now
more more Chestnuts, right, We're not making any more Terrence
Howards either. But that's neither here nor there. What I'm
saying is that I just gotta let you go because
(21:39):
I also don't know what you mean, so I'm like,
we'll find it. What I'm saying is that like more
chest that is like, that's the man that will take
you to brunch because he wants you to have a
nice Sunday. He wants to get to know you. You know,
this is like, how dare you? First of all? How
how how is the full dare? How dare you mean?
(21:59):
How they're re dare me? Look, you cannot just try
to attach Morris chest Nut to brunch like it's an
upcoming script. Okay, you can't. Can't be like no Brunes
here morsh Chestnut is attached. You can't do that, brother,
That's a brunch happy hour. Happy hour is taking you
(22:21):
to a happy place. I try to get you as
drunk as possible in rush hour traffic. You understand there
do you read? And rush hour traffic? You're gud. But
once happy hours over, you have to take a happy
ass home. No, you don't have to leave it a
happy hour. Happy hours just how you start the night.
You have to go home eventually, eventually if you're drunken
(22:44):
shit at five thirty, okay, what else are you finna
do that day? No? No, no, But it's not about
You could say the same thing about brunch with all
the mimosas. Okay, I'm chilling brunch. We chilling brunch brunch. Yeah, brunch.
Br brunch was the reason that that Uber and left
(23:07):
with nightclubs. Brunch are the reason Uber and Lyft was invented. Right.
Happy hour First of all, if you notice you worked
their restaurants before, right, yeah, yeah, happy hour is during
that time in a restaurant where no one's there, Like
a lot of restaurants were closed from like three to
five happy hours at time where no one's at a restaurant,
So like, hey, how do we get people in here?
(23:29):
Would I rather have no money? Or would I'd rather
sell these potato skins for seven dollars instead of fourteen? Right?
All I'm saying is happy hour brings people together, so
does brunch in a way that is pressureless, unlike brunch.
See the drawback of brunch. The drawback of brunch is
(23:52):
maybe you went to happy hour the night before. Maybe
you did get a little too hammered. No happy hour
on Saturday, Happy hours Monday, Friday delicious, But Saturday can
have brunch. You can have brunch on Saturday. You gotta
brunch on Saturday, but you can't have happy hour on Saturday.
But you have happy hour on Friday. Right yeah, So
I'm saying maybe you went hard on a happy hour
(24:13):
and now brunch is something that's hard to make it too. Brunch,
you gotta get up. You're like, you're like barely pulling
yourself together. You're barely holding on until you get your
food in you and everything. You're not feeling well. Nobody's
like that for happy hour. Nobody goes so hard before
happy hour that they can't make it to happy hour
because they were at work. Exactly brunch. Sometimes there's a
(24:38):
trial to get there. Listen, first of all, that's why
I last till two, because you know your constituents, your
customer base might have been up late to night before,
(25:00):
might not have gone to bench at four in the morning.
You pass out for in the morning, you get six
hours to sleep. Baby girl, it's only ten a m
hat and brunch lass till two. You can still get
some eggs, you can still get some of that french urst.
Still stick it to Amolet Your brunch is trying to
(25:22):
drain the people's wallets dry. I'm trying to keep money
in those pockets. What happens? Hey, hey, hey, hey, they
have brunch specials. Why would you bottomless mimosas are the special?
Why would I buy five mimosas at fifteen dollars a
piece when I can pay the twenty dollars for the
(25:44):
bottomless mimosas, and then you can tell them, a aa,
let me get a little more orange juice. Let me
get a little less orange juice. Let me get some
granberry juice. Just give me a classic champagne Mommy's breakfast juice.
What however you need to do that will adjust those
mimosas for you accordingly, unless they're a bunch of cheap
(26:06):
funcks who pre mixed their mimosas, which, let me notice,
is mostly fucking orange juice. Anyway, what I'm saying is
that if it's a good Sunday morning, don't nobody want
to get dragged out of bed early to go get grits?
Ill Oh, I don't know why people get some up
so early on a Saturday. It makes me, It drives
(26:28):
me mad. But but a good brun cheese. See this
is the thing. Happy hours have a lot of tension
in a happy hour, all right, because somebody just got
off of work. You've been stressed out all day, and
now you're bringing that tension to be released at happy
(26:51):
hour with price cheese fries. I'm over here trying to
eat my disco fries, and you over here talk about
some merger that didn't through. Look here, Brian, take that
pen on the water energy to the end of the
fucking bar and let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Okay,
So I'm fuck with Happy Hour because there's too many
(27:12):
people getting right off of work, right off of work,
and you know what happy hours meeting for people that
did want to go home. You just got off of work.
You don't want to go home. I wish you wouldn't
have brought up too many people thing because now brunch,
oh you want to talk about too many people? It's
about that. What about that line? What about that line?
Just down, get a reservation, get a reservation. Revations. They
(27:36):
don't all do reservations. They don't. You even don't have
to wait in a line other people who are hungry, tired, hungover. Yes, no, no,
my my my place brings you no line, my break
my place bringing happy hours can't have a line. If
it's bumping, they might have a line. They don't definitely
(27:59):
have a line. Places, yeah, brunch places do definitely have
a line. Places yeah, if they're if they're good and
don't get me wrong. I've waited in line to have
a brunch place I had never had before because somebody
told me how good it was, and I got in
there and it was as good as they said it was.
I'm not saying the line is wrong. I'm just saying
if you're already a little tired from the night before,
(28:21):
a little hungover, and then that's the other thing too.
Some of these places have a line so long that
you end up really being pressed. Like it's like, all right,
we're about to get in at one fifty five, So
I hope everybody knows what they want at the table
because we need to order as soon as we sit down,
because some of these places are strict and what I
(28:42):
don't like. I was in the airport the other day
trying to get breakfast and I just wanted to croissant,
just to check whatever croissant cheese and whatever on it.
And the guy was like, oh, oh, we're not really
doing breakfast anymore. I said, what is it ten forty?
He said it's ten thirty five five, and I walked
the funk away. I just didn't eat. I was like,
(29:03):
I'm not going to I'm not gonna have your early hamburger. Also,
I'm looking at the fucking croissants. Yeah it's ten. If
it was ten fifty five, I can give you that
ten thirty five. Did the sausage just turn off? Did
(29:25):
the sausage decided to stop being sausage? Right? Did the
sausage just become a honey baked tam? Like? What the
fuck are you talking about? So I think there should
always be like a five, I mean five to ten
in a gray spirit and some shit like that, but
the whole like, oh it's ten, it's ten. So my
question is like, so when you stop serving breakfast ten
thirty one or was it ten twenty nine? Why do
(29:48):
we ten? Oh? That's my favorite when somebody when somebody
pulls that, I want to lose my mind because if
I'm already there, Like let's say, if I'm just walking in,
I have no rights. Okay, I'll give that up. I've
worked in a restaurant. I know It's like if I
walk in at ten thirty one and I want to
sit down, get my waters, get myself situated, and then
(30:09):
order a whole breakfast, and y'all stop doing breakfast at
ten thirty, then I'm with you. I'm fully with you.
I don't even try it. I don't even try to push.
My thing is if I walk in at ten twenty eight,
tell me hey, because I never wants to go Listen,
did you come here for breakfast? Because breakfast is about
to end and I've had places get us served breakfast
even though breakfast had ended, because we were still they
(30:33):
let me know, or because you were still you were
in the line still breakfast In's at brunch In's at two,
we had a very long wait, longer than we anticipated.
You waited for like an hour, and now it's one
fifty five. When you're sitting down, we won't honor the breakfast,
or it's to something you've been in line for an hour.
(30:56):
But it was anybody who got in line after two
o'clock could not get breakfast. And they were like, hey,
it's after two. This is the last batch of people.
We're not doing any more about it, and we're not
doing anybody else for breakfast. That I can respect. Everybody
that was in this line waiting, Okay, allie, I'll get breakfast.
No new people. We're not doing this that I can respect.
(31:19):
Happy hours, I've been happy. Hey, happy hour ends at six,
coming here at five fifty five. Be prepared, know what
you want to drink now, right, and be prepared, and
I get these half price chicken fingers. That's all your baby, girls.
If I know when breakfast ends, and then I get
(31:41):
there and have the time to get there, sit down,
get served water, everything before breakfast is ended. And so
I'm still like within five ten minutes before breakfast ends.
And you tell me there's no more breakfast, I'm like, oh,
then there was never breakfast here, because now if it
stops at ten thirty, I showed up at ten and
then the time you're ready to take my order, it
(32:01):
was like ten ten and you're like, oh, we stopped
doing breakfast. It's like, okay, is this also a gas station?
Like like, help me out here. I do think it's
very interesting that people can pick and choose. It's like, well,
you know, we start serving breakfast at ten thirty, and
I was like, but it's ten o'clock now. Well, but
(32:22):
by the time your food is ready, then I was like,
I'm ordering at ten. You're telling me the pancake batter
just throws itself out at ten twenty nine. The thing
that ends up happening though, and I've since I've been
at restaurants before, I can. I can genuinely say there
will be things that take the one. There are some
(32:47):
dishes where I'm like, oh, okay, I can I can
see how this is over because there was like a
dish that it took a while to cook because they
did the whole they would do like pans of it
at a time. Yeah, and so it's like, okay, that
takes twenty minutes to cook. So it's gonna be just
barely past breakfast by the time we served. What time
(33:12):
did you start cooking it? Oh? But they ran out,
that's the thing. So it'll be like it'll be ten
twenty and they're like, we're done with breakfast at ten thirty.
So at ten twenty, I'm like, oh yeah, let me
get this whole breakfast casserole thing you guys are talking about.
You seem so famous for, right, And they're like, ooh,
that actually takes twenty minutes to make, and if and
(33:32):
if we make one for you, that's fine. We sold one,
but now the other eight people that it can feed
won't know to order it, so it's just gonna go
to waste. I'm like, it's not just tell those people
they can order it. I worked to restaurants before, and
I'm just like there's a lot of things that happened.
Like I'll be at a restaurant they're like, I'm like, hey,
can I get this, and they'll go, actually, we don't.
(33:53):
I was like, I'm gonna stop you right there. I
hear you. Is this pre made? Well, No, we don't
really do substitutions. I'm just asking you to give me
different cheese. It's it's hard to when a place doesn't
do substitutions if they are not doing them because they
(34:17):
don't know how to do anything better, or if they're
not doing them because they're that like persnickety about it.
Some places are just persnikity, which makes me feel like
that you pre make everything if you're that person, Like, oh,
I can't because like one of my friends she has
a joke about, like Daniel pereg she has a joke
about like being at brunch and just starting it with
(34:39):
like is it possible? Yeah, that's out. She'll start everything.
But it's like I'm changing in order. It's guys, I'm
getting tomatoes taken off of something, I'm getting croutons taken
out of something. I'm getting avocado taken off of something.
For the most part, I'll eat this, however you may
(35:00):
ain't it, but don't look me in my face and
at telling me it looked like I'm just some type
of asshole, because I'm like, yo, can I just not
get tomatoes and crutons in this salad? And sometimes avocado
makes me sick? So can I not get these people? Well? Actually, also,
(35:20):
I don't like it when anybody who works at a
job acts like it's there, it's their establishment. Oh that
you're bothering them at their house. You're bothering them at
their house. Yeah. If I didn't come in here, you
can't pay your rent, So I don't understand why you're
getting an attitude with me. And I've worked at a
server before. Yeah, the people like, oh you think that way,
(35:43):
because it's like. What I don't like is when people
fit treat I know how to treat wade staff because
I've been a waiter before. I've been a server before.
So when I get somebody who if I see you
split a check three ways at another table, don't come
over and tell me you can't split a fucking checkm Okay,
(36:03):
I just saw you split the check at that table.
Do you don't want to split a check because you
don't want to take three black people's credit cards? What
the fuck is happening in here. There's a lot of
times I've been arresting. I'm like, I know, I just
saw you split the check. Or people be like, oh, no,
we can do it. No, he can do it. I
don't understand why we don't want to ask people to
do that job. No more. Yeah, people are very timid
(36:24):
around the idea of like, no, you need to do this,
this is like really important. I'm an American. I can't
do this. Man. Also, when we started, they were like,
you want to separate checks? And you go yes. Your
friend's like no, and I said, yes, well he don't
want him to do that much work. Why the fuck not,
He's not doing any work. It's the computer. It's why
(36:48):
we have computers. So when you get the restaurant, they're like,
we don't split checks. Oh, you don't want to make
no money because if you don't split a check, you
just created a problem for me. I mean, I'll throw
this out there right now. This seems like a brunch problem.
I feel like half the hour, no it's the restaurant. No,
it was a restaurant problem. And you like a happy hour,
(37:11):
you don't have the same issues. You don't feel like
more than one person at a time goes to happy hour. No, no, no,
I just mean that at happy hour it's like every
people don't keep split checks. Splitting a check is splitting
a check. You see people split a check and fucking Applebee's.
That's not expensive. Sometimes people let you know who they
(37:33):
are and you can't act surprise later. You know. Sometimes
people tell you, hey, I'm the brunch type person. I
need to be taken out, wined and dined in the
early parts of the afternoon. And then there's some people
who are like, hey, I'm over here at happy hour
trying to get in as much as I can off
of the man, all right, because as soon as it
(37:53):
turns six o one, you know, the happiness is shutting down.
We're going full price on all the chicken wings. Let
me take advantage of them before they can take advantage
of me. That's you know, well, let's let's let's let's
kick it to the listeners, because I I feel like
(38:17):
neither one of us it's really budged. And maybe we
didn't defend that. Well, no, our positions because you know
what brunch is boogie right, But happy hour ain't for
the poor either, It's not fully Yeah, there are some
(38:38):
I've Here's the thing. Happy hour has the same vibes
as try and get into a club before a certain time,
because that's when the cover charges. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay, okay,
that's I can admit that wholeheartedly. I'm lucky enough to
be at a point in my life where sometimes I'm
there for the Happy hour? Am you know what's happen hour?
(39:00):
I just felt like eating there. You know that's true
because a lot of times you're on the road, look
at God, you're just like all right, well I just
flew in and it's four o'clock. Yeah my show. You
get the closest place, Yeah, the closest place. What is
the ruby Tuesdays? I honestly, I'm a kind of the nineties.
I enjoy a salad bar. I just fucking do we
don't tucked up? Hmm? Well, listen, listeners, I want to know,
(39:26):
are you bad at bougie or sincere you? Are you
pinching pennies? Are you bad at bougie. Are you bad
at bougie or are you Josh? It's really where a
sensible I want to think out to listen in another
(39:48):
episode of Hold Up. Uh, what I've expected you to
do this week is, you know, stipe your books up
all right? You can get kindle on your phone. You
will be out here being literally you don't have to
be looking at TikTok all day long unless you're watching them. Uh.
Then people make stuff when and that's that's cool. But otherwise, yeah,
(40:10):
put it on phone, put a kind on our path.
Read a book, okay, learn the classics, all right, learn
a word today. You know you're worried. Everybody's worried for today, strumpet.
Look up, y'all, please read take care of yourselves. And
if you're looking at catch up with us, you can
find Duel Say Sloan at Duel Say Sloan on Everything.
(40:31):
And if you're looking at catch up with me, you
can find me at my other podcasts at Josh Johnson
Show wherever you get your podcasts. We love you, we
appreciate you, and have a safe, happy, healthy and booshee weekend.
Get they behind me, Satan. This has been hold up
(40:52):
We've covered conscious wrap versus club bangers, barsop versus body wash,
diners versus waffle houses, all sorts of things. What else
should we be talking about? We want to know from you.
Let us know, drop us a comment, or hit hold
up on social at the Daily Show. Explore more shows
(41:13):
from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily
Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show
weeknights at eleven tenh Central on Comedy Central, and stream
full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a
Comedy Central podcast
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