March 9, 2023 • 31 mins
Marlon Wayans takes on the biggest news of the day including Maine cracking down on vanity license plates, the D.O.J. releasing a report on racist policing in Louisville, and an anti-drag governor coming under fire for commenting on a gay Instagrammer's post. Actor and producer Omar Epps shares stories from growing up with Marlon Wayans including an unforgettable night with Tupac.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow from New York City,
the only city in America gets the shows and intention news.
It's good Daily Show with your host Marlyn Williams. Hello,
(00:38):
what can't get a show? I'm Mulham Williams and it's
my last night hosting the show. But like I always say,
don't cry because it's over, smile because you was high
all week. Well maybe that was just me. Anyway, I
got a great show for you tonight. So hey, let's
(01:00):
get into the headlines. Well, sadly, it's my last day
hosting the Daily Show. And I almost got through the
whole week. Yes, and I almost got through the whole
entire week without talking about racist cops. But guess what
(01:20):
we're gonna talk about today? Racist cop. After the Louisville
Police killed Brianna Taylor, the Justice Department launched an investigation
into whether they discriminated against black people, and after two years,
guess what they for. The results this morning from the
US Justice Department aren't flattering at all to Louisville police.
(01:41):
The report concludes that the unit's activities were part of
an overall enforcement approach that resulted in significant and unlawful
racial disparities. Federal authorities found that police in the city
were four to five times more likely to stop black
drivers than white ones for the same traffic violations, five
times more likely to charge ur black people for loitering
(02:02):
or disorderly conduct, and more likely to stop and search
Black Americans for the same behaviors. That's right. The DJ
launched a two year investigation to find out something every
black person already knew. The police discriminate against black people.
What else do you guys find out? Nick Cannon doesn't
(02:22):
use condos? That who has really terrible pull out game.
The black woman behind Meryl Garland was like, I could
have told you that, Merrick. I can't believe you flew
me out to Louisville for this bullshit. Next time just
(02:45):
ask me, damn it. But none of this is unique
to Louisville. Every time the Justice Department investigates a police department,
the conclusion is their races. Just once. I love to
have them hold a press conference like this. After a
two year investigation into police department, we have found shocking
(03:07):
levels of tolerance. Officers was five times more likely to
high five a black person than a white person, and
some white officers was caught in text message discussing the
works of James Baldwin. It's a tough day for America.
(03:33):
Let's move on to Tennessee. Here's another surprise you probably
saw coming a mile away. An anti gay Republican just
got caught in a thirst trap for a top story
this morning. Tennessee's lieutenant governor is receiving criticism after making
several comments on nearly naked photos of a twenty year
old game man with his blue checked government account. Over
(03:54):
the last three years, the lieutenant governor has been regularly
commenting on these extremely racy pictures of an influence and sir,
everything from typing out fire emojis where the mail user
had posted his backside to commenting that he has quote
a super look and that he loves his content. Here's
what his press team had to say. Trying to apply
something sinister or inappropriate about a great grandfather's use of
(04:16):
social media says more about the mind of the left
wing operative making the implication than it does about Randy McNally.
Does he always use the proper emoji at the proper time.
Maybe not, but he enjoys interacting with constituents and tennesseeans
of all religions, backgrounds, and orientations on social media, adding
he has no intention of stopping. Yeah, I bet he
(04:43):
has no intention of stop. And I don't like to
stop while I'm jerking either. I love his excuse, though
his excuses he's a great grandfather. That doesn't make it better.
The worst part is, you know he probably called his
grandson in to teach him to use Instagram. Hey, Blake,
grandpa wants to tell it hot, young twink, and he
(05:06):
could rob my face like a human cycle? What Emogen
should pap Paul? You? And finally, cars in Maine are
getting a little bit more boring today. A vegan in
Maine whose custom license plate contains the word tofu is
one of the drivers caught up in the state crackdown
(05:28):
on vulgar vanity plates. This is apparently the plate in question.
It says love tofu, but the state thinks it could
be seen as an inappropriate reference. I love to f.
You always sure that car doesn't belong to the Lieutenants
(05:52):
Tennessee on Paul Paul, Paul Paul, I'd say let the
man have his license plate. How are you going to
punish a vegan isn't there diet punishment enough already? From
all this story, we turned to Michael Costo, like, oh,
(06:20):
what do you think of Maine's cracked down on vanity
license plates? It's ridiculous. You know, this is more unfair
than when I was kicked out of high school for
cutting class. You know, students can do it, but substitute
teachers can. I mean, double standard much, Marlin. You know,
I think Maine is just trying to make sure that
license plates aren't obscene. Okay, but they're going too far.
(06:43):
I mean, they reject all kinds of completely innocent plates
just because their minds are in the gutter. And I'm
speaking from personal experience here, Okay, as you'd expect, I
summer in Maine and just take a look at some
of my plates that were rejected for no reason. I'm
not a vegan, so I'm not about to have love tofu.
But that's why I went with this. Okay. I'm a
(07:08):
chicken guy, white meat, darkneat. I love it all. Put
it in my mouth, Michael, I gotta be honest. That
sounds like you troll him for six boy. You know
you sound just like the guys down at the truck stop.
You know, you're seeing messages that just aren't here, Like, like,
can you believe they also said no to this one
(07:30):
about my love of Nascar? I mean, look, I'm mister race,
but no, that one actually landed me on some kind
of list. Can you believe that I did get a
shout out from Tucker Carlson though apparently this is also
the name of his boat. That one makes me want
(07:50):
to punch you in your face. So you're not a
NASCAR fan, I get it, okay, But but if that
upsets you, just wait until you see the one at
the main Bureau of Motor Vehicle sent me. Look at this. Oh,
but that's just a regular plate. What what are you
talking about, dude? L two E f DP love to
Eat Fat Donkey Puss. I mean, this isn't scene, Marlin,
(08:15):
I have been family. Okay, I think you're overreacting. Okay, well,
what plate did you wind up with? Well we're still
going back and forth, but but I'm hoping that this
is the one that they'll accept. Okay, So ass play
(08:36):
you mean like assisting on basketball plays? No, it's ass player.
I'm expressing my love for ass play. I love the
ass Marlin, I like a little toodle myself. Okay, let's
leave it right there, Michael. When we come back, I'll
tell you how to fake the pass. Don't go wrong
(08:56):
it is you like, Welcome back to the Dally Show. Now.
(09:20):
We all know there's a lot of problems with American schools.
Low test scores, nasty as school lunch, no privacy when
you're trying to finger banging to staywell. But there's one
issue that doesn't get as much attention. There has been
an increased demand for after school programs throughout the pandemic.
(09:40):
Baily problem is they don't have the staff to handle it.
After school programs have been inundated across the country, but
a lack of funding plus staffing shortages have made the
crush of students impossible to keep up with, with eighty
five percent of these programs fearing being able to keep
up with the demand. We haven't had weight lists like
this before, so we have needed to care for enrollment.
(10:01):
For every child participating in after school in New York,
four are waiting for an available program. That's more than
one point six million children. In twenty twenty, more than
three hundred and forty thousand children were alone and unsupervised
between the hours of three and six PM. That's right.
Just in New York alone, three hundred and forty thousand
(10:21):
kids are alone and unsupervised every afternoon. Now, if you
care about kids, that's terrible news. Unless you're a pedophile,
then it's like the best news you ever heard. You're like, whoa,
that's like hearing this windowless vans went on sale. But
there's a great solution for this after school programs, and
(10:43):
I'll tell you why on another installment of Long Story Short.
The first benefit of after school programs should be obvious.
They give kids a place to go after school. It's
right there in the name. Come on, keep up stupid.
(11:04):
It's true kids need to stay busy, especially teens. If
they don't have something to do, they're gonna find something
to do. That's why juvenile crime peaks between two and
six every day. But kids in after school programs are
less likely to drink, do drugs, or join a gang
because kids get tired pretty quickly. They only got enough
(11:26):
energy for either a carjacking or a dance. Societal it
can't do both. Kids are the only one who benefit
because for every dollar spent on an after school program.
The state gets nearly seven dollars back in potential benefits
(11:47):
thanks to lower teenage, pregnancy, substance abuts, and crime. Now
that doesn't mean that every kid in the after school
program is never going to commit a crime. But if
a kid stays off the streets and makes it to college,
then someday he can commit a white collar crime. That's
the dream. But the impact goes far beyond keeping kids busy.
(12:12):
They also help kids succeed in school. After school programs
are linked to higher grades, attendance, and graduation rates. The
only thing better than that is bribing your kids teacher.
Take it from me, that shit could get expensive. Sean.
(12:36):
They also expose kids to new interests, music, art, language.
There's no limit to the ways after school programs can
broaden your horizons, and I mean no limit. Laren's in
Southeast Virginia voicing outrage over a proposal to add an
after school Satan club to a local public elementary school
(12:56):
that teaches pre k through second grade, The national director
for the Satan Club defended the idea. We don't try
to indoctrinate them into Satanism. We just want to offer
a place that's you know, fun, you know, exciting, free
from any sort of threats of eternal damnation. How come
(13:20):
that bitch didn't blink. Yes, they even have a Satanism club.
You know. There's some parents who are like, oh my god,
that's horrible. But is it free? Though? So it's clear
that after school programs are hugely beneficial. The problem is
(13:42):
they just don't get a lot of money. The federal
government is barely funding these programs and state governments aren't
doing much better. But it is possible because California did it.
In fact, for the past twenty years, California has outspent
all the other forty nine states combined on after school programs,
which is messed up because California actually has shit to
(14:04):
do after school. I mean, seriously, I compare that to
South Dakota and shit to do. In South Dakota. Kids
can only look at Mount Rushmore for so long before
they're like, I it's time to do some meths. But
(14:27):
the reason California spend so much on after school programs
is thanks to the work of one very kind, dedicated
kindergarten teacher. In two thousand and two, Arnold Schwarzenegger was
almost single handedly responsible for California's passage of Prop. Forty nine,
which made after school funding mandatory. Even today, the former
(14:48):
governor raises money for after school programs with fun charity
events like crushing things with his tank. I'm inviting you
personally to Los Angeles to crush things in my tank
with me. Let's crush a power, Let's crush up piano.
This will benefit the after school all stars. So what
(15:08):
are you waiting for? Let's go around and crush things
with that tank. Who knew that big buff mother love kids,
Ah said. We gotta get more celebrities to turn their
obsessions into charity. Tom Cruise start jumping out of airplanes
(15:32):
to save baby Seals, Snoop Dogg smoke weed for Global
Warming baby Leon Lott of DiCaprio, Well, have you've seen
his girlfriends, He's already running an after school program. I'm sorry, Leo,
(15:57):
they made me say it. Please let me in your
party now. As awesome as this is, our after school
programs shouldn't depend on whether anyone wants to hang out
with Unos. Swatsonata. We need to find a more reliable
way to fund these programs because they're important to underprivileged kids.
And I know what I'm talking about because after school
(16:19):
programs was important to me. That's what I'm talking about
this shit. I grew up in the projects in New
York City and there was ten of us in our household,
ten wands kids, and thanks God, we had after school programs.
It exposed us to the arts. Imagine if all that
energy and work ethic was directed towards slinging drugs. I'm
(16:40):
not saying we beat the Winds cartel, but we would
have got a lot of mother time. Now, listen, it
changed our life, and not just for our family, but
for a lot of kids in the after school programs
it did well, but for those who stays on the
streets not so much. See, it makes all the difference
(17:03):
to be in a place that keeps you busy, keeps
you fed, keeps you protected, even from the bullies. All
the bullies who say three o'clock, I'm gonna kick your ass.
You're like, so what, nigga, I'm here till six. So
the bully has to join the drama program just to
(17:25):
find you I'm gonna kick your ass after rehearsal malin
the first let's read this sonnet from Hamlet, so long
story short, we need to make funding after school programs
a national priority. It literally benefits everyone, the kids, the community,
and especially you because if I didn't have after school programs,
(17:48):
you could have been robbed by wands. And there's a
lot of us. All right, stay tuned when we come back,
my bro, all my as, we'll be joining me on
the show. We'll go go wrong. Welcome back to the
(18:24):
Daily Show. My guest tonight is an actor, producer, and
author and he just so happens to be my best
friend in the world. His new book is called Nubia
the Awakening. Please welcome my brother on my epps. Oh my,
(19:02):
I'm looking at it. Oh you know, looking good, brother.
I mean, it's a little weird because we grew up together.
I know Omar when we need high school. I know
him since high school. And when we first met Omar
in high school, he's carry around this little blue ball.
(19:24):
He was skinny at a big ass head and shoulders,
but he looked like an arrow. But you could just
put him in a thing and sling him in it.
He's had a big ass head and he had this
little blue ball and he would just bounce it all
around and all I could think, was I want to
kick his ass for no good reason? Because the thing was,
remember Rocky, like the first movies, he had the blue ball,
(19:44):
So that was my thing. I was like drinking raw
eggs and bouncing the blue ball like Rocky, And so
I thought I could kick somebody's ass. And plus in
the cafeteria, I used to ship with all the girls,
you know what I'm saying. And so Mama was jealous,
and I wasn't jealous. I wasn't jealous. I think, well,
I just thought you wasn't drag. You know what I'm saying.
(20:11):
You get a little blue ball. You know what I'm saying.
He double dutch, and I'm like, something up. But then
I found out that you had a devious plan. Your
plot was to hang around the girls and be the
friendly guy, and you be friends over time and wear
them down. You ain't shit, you know, he persistus got resilience.
(20:32):
We actually didn't like each other until we almost fought
and we was in the lock one and then uh
we got each other in the headlock. Yeah. We got
to the stalemate. Yeah, and we were stuck. We know,
because we had the same technique. Remember I had you
like this and you was digging this part of your
wrists into my jaw and I was digging that into
your head. And he was like, Yo, we got the
(20:53):
same technique. We should join forces. It's you know it's
funny is it's the truth that's what makes it funny.
We literally got stuck and then we got cool after that,
and uh, we've been thinking stieves ever since then. Yeah,
I'm glad. I'm glad they had something. What people don't
(21:16):
know about Omar is like, you're a really funny dude.
You're actually one of the funniest dudes I know. I mean,
you ain't never did a comedy. I want you to
do more comedy. But what they don't know about me
is that I can act. So we both have the
same skill set, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
but see Almar's not a comedian, so they don't expect
(21:37):
it from you. So you know, I could say anything.
You say the same thing, you get slap. I know
that becauld your light skinned. We've been going through business
high school. We both say the same thing. People get
offended when I say it. I'm like, what he just
said the same You go, oh, he's a different color
black man. Um, what, what's like your most monumental moment
(22:04):
in our friendship? In our friendship? Yeah, like, what do
you remember, man? It's it's there. Honestly, there have been
so many. I mean the birth of your kids and um,
you know obviously God bless Mama loves passing and just
just us growing up man, just being innocent kids in
the city. I remember we used to be like, all right,
(22:25):
let's not take the train of the bus. Let's walk,
you know, down from sixty six in Amsterdam and walk
for forty blocks and you know, maybe uh met a girl,
get a number, get a slice of pizza. Really sweet memories.
All my memories is like I don't know when you
fell asleep and Omar sleeping his eyes open like that, yeah,
(22:45):
and me him and Tupacs you cor was hanging out
because y'all did juice together. And what people don't know
about pockets pockets like he was a funny dude sleeping
like that, and Olmar and went and took his balls
and put them out and put him right in there
Oldmak's mouth, so it looked like old Ma's like there,
(23:13):
I remember one time, just do that. I don't know,
because you're talking about all these sad memories of my
love passionate. You know, I remember the baby's born and
I damn biblical cord in the shape of it. That's all,
nigga with the jokes. Come on, now, we had some
good times. I was mad at park for that though.
I was super mad. Like, yo, son, you really gonna
(23:35):
do that? Yeah, but you always get mad. You ain't
gonna you gotta work on that. You got anger issues, man,
I don't make money. Take their nuts out next to
your mouth while you sleep like that. That can that
would have went viral right now. These when we used
to take polaroids like yeah, but see if you should
have walk up like that box just hit him. One
(23:55):
time I sleep and just did like this like a
like a like a speed blah blah blah blah. The
funny thing your kids. You getting mad a lot? Remember
one time okay, we uh, I don't even know what's
gonna happen right now. Okay, one time like we was
in when you got caught stealing the armstrong goodness you
(24:17):
still okay, go ahead, we go to the super market.
Olmah's a shoplifting. I didn't notice. I found out he
was shoplifting, and we went to the We went in
the Stay. It was a store on forty second Street. Yeah, me,
you and Mitch went and you know, I felt like
I should be you know, uh, you know. This was
at the time when do the right thing was out.
(24:40):
And the man said, we get to the counter and
Omar's and I go pay for my chips and Omar's
at the counter and the guy goes, what about the
juice in your pocket? And I said, what juice? And
the guy goes to the juice right, and there goes, yeah,
what you turn to do the right thing. We was like,
we're doing it. Couple were black, You're doing a coffee,
(25:01):
dark skin you ain't met for me because I'm light
scared the dark skinned brother because he's a different color,
dark black. You're gonna blame him. And then the guy's going, right,
I got the juice in my pocket and oh, oh,
gonna go over this pocket. He don't pull out a juice.
It wasn't like a little juice. He pulled out like
a ninety six ounce model of juice. And I saw
(25:26):
this and I immediately would, oh my god, I'm telling everybody.
I left the store the next day Omar came to school.
I laughed so hard. The next day, Omar came to
school and then everybody kept walking up to him. It
was like a crack. He was on the he was
on the escalator and all he heard Mark I caught
steal lyn Omar, God called still lyn Omar, God coat
(25:47):
still Lynn. Oh the juice. He was so mad. He
was so mad. Ha ha, my god, that actually happened.
We went to performing our shout out to LaGuardia High School.
(26:08):
Shout out, um. What was your favorite role of all
the movie? Because you've done a lot of a lot
of great work, Like I remember, like your whole career.
I remember, like, man, there was was one role you
did higher learning. Yeah, I remember I watched that movie
and your ending scene was so powerful. I was sitting
(26:32):
there in awe. I was speechless. And at the end
of the movie, he's just walking away, and I said,
in my head, I said, bro, you walking toward a
million dollars right now. I remember that happening got a
million dollars for your next movie, And I was just
so proud because I was like, damn, I ain't treating
for shit no more. Thank you. What was your favorite role.
(26:53):
You know what, you know, I always look at it like, um,
I feel like each role is a piece of a mosaic,
that it's a bigger thing that will be done once
it's setting done, for once my time on this earth
is done. So I don't have a favorite role. I
pour the same amount into every role that I'm pour
(27:14):
into the next one and for me. But as you know,
there's nothing like the first you know, that first Yeah,
that first role is just like, oh, you know what,
it's crazy. As you was telling me that, I was
sitting there, what did you learn the word mosaic? What
what are you talking about? No, but you're an author now, man,
(27:42):
this this, this, this, this made me so proud of you.
This book. I was like, this is the dude that
cut every class. It's writing books. I couldn't even read
your notes that you passed to me in class. There
was in some graffiti or weird language. But man, I'm
so hot you. What inspired you to write this book? Well?
(28:03):
I just um, it's a it's a coming of age
book about these three teams. It takes place in twenty
ninety eight, and I just was imagining, what's the world
gonna look like like? What society you're gonna look like,
and more importantly like for me because we're born and
raised in New York, what's New York gonna look like?
You know to those kids? And I just started dissecting,
(28:26):
dissecting and breaking it down and really trying to look
through the eyes of abudding mind, you know, because I'm
really you know, my mother was an educator, so I'm
really into speaking to kids um at different schools and
things of that nature and offer what I can. And
this is my offering in that way of Hey, climate
(28:50):
change has happened, it's about classism, it's about sexism, it's
obviously it's about you know, racism is still in there,
all the isms, and then how do we spend that
on its head because it's really about these kids who
are like trying to figure themselves out. Because you know
that that fourteen fifteen year old stage is an a
part of life, like just just for anyone. So it
(29:12):
doesn't matter where you come from. You could be from Arkansas, Nebraska,
or you could be from an urban space like Chicago
or New York or Atlanta or whatever, and there's I
believe that there's something in there for every kid to
take away because it's also about escapism to give them
something to like get them through the next day. You know,
(29:32):
I read the book and it's amazing, and I'm very
proud of you. I swear it wasn't until that explanation
you just gave me. I thought you cheated on somebody
to write this book. But now I know what do
you know? Those big words? I love you, my brother.
You guys, don't get the book that's on Amazon Amazon
(29:55):
give it up as Oh my book, that way getting
now vnable. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but
after that helped me right back. All right, that wraps
(30:22):
up my week at the Daily Show. But stay tuned
because the next host is my boy cow Penn. If
you want to see all men, you can watch my
special God Loves Me on HBO. Next Boy can Catch
Me on toy. You can buy tickets at the link below.
I'll be Emboston met Foot at the Shovel left it
on Satday. Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast
(30:45):
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this has been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow from New York City,
the only city in America gets the shows and intention news.
It's good Daily Show with your host Marlyn Williams. Hello,
(00:38):
what can't get a show? I'm Mulham Williams and it's
my last night hosting the show. But like I always say,
don't cry because it's over, smile because you was high
all week. Well maybe that was just me. Anyway, I
got a great show for you tonight. So hey, let's
(01:00):
get into the headlines. Well, sadly, it's my last day
hosting the Daily Show. And I almost got through the
whole week. Yes, and I almost got through the whole
entire week without talking about racist cops. But guess what
(01:20):
we're gonna talk about today? Racist cop. After the Louisville
Police killed Brianna Taylor, the Justice Department launched an investigation
into whether they discriminated against black people, and after two years,
guess what they for. The results this morning from the
US Justice Department aren't flattering at all to Louisville police.
(01:41):
The report concludes that the unit's activities were part of
an overall enforcement approach that resulted in significant and unlawful
racial disparities. Federal authorities found that police in the city
were four to five times more likely to stop black
drivers than white ones for the same traffic violations, five
times more likely to charge ur black people for loitering
(02:02):
or disorderly conduct, and more likely to stop and search
Black Americans for the same behaviors. That's right. The DJ
launched a two year investigation to find out something every
black person already knew. The police discriminate against black people.
What else do you guys find out? Nick Cannon doesn't
(02:22):
use condos? That who has really terrible pull out game.
The black woman behind Meryl Garland was like, I could
have told you that, Merrick. I can't believe you flew
me out to Louisville for this bullshit. Next time just
(02:45):
ask me, damn it. But none of this is unique
to Louisville. Every time the Justice Department investigates a police department,
the conclusion is their races. Just once. I love to
have them hold a press conference like this. After a
two year investigation into police department, we have found shocking
(03:07):
levels of tolerance. Officers was five times more likely to
high five a black person than a white person, and
some white officers was caught in text message discussing the
works of James Baldwin. It's a tough day for America.
(03:33):
Let's move on to Tennessee. Here's another surprise you probably
saw coming a mile away. An anti gay Republican just
got caught in a thirst trap for a top story
this morning. Tennessee's lieutenant governor is receiving criticism after making
several comments on nearly naked photos of a twenty year
old game man with his blue checked government account. Over
(03:54):
the last three years, the lieutenant governor has been regularly
commenting on these extremely racy pictures of an influence and sir,
everything from typing out fire emojis where the mail user
had posted his backside to commenting that he has quote
a super look and that he loves his content. Here's
what his press team had to say. Trying to apply
something sinister or inappropriate about a great grandfather's use of
(04:16):
social media says more about the mind of the left
wing operative making the implication than it does about Randy McNally.
Does he always use the proper emoji at the proper time.
Maybe not, but he enjoys interacting with constituents and tennesseeans
of all religions, backgrounds, and orientations on social media, adding
he has no intention of stopping. Yeah, I bet he
(04:43):
has no intention of stop. And I don't like to
stop while I'm jerking either. I love his excuse, though
his excuses he's a great grandfather. That doesn't make it better.
The worst part is, you know he probably called his
grandson in to teach him to use Instagram. Hey, Blake,
grandpa wants to tell it hot, young twink, and he
(05:06):
could rob my face like a human cycle? What Emogen
should pap Paul? You? And finally, cars in Maine are
getting a little bit more boring today. A vegan in
Maine whose custom license plate contains the word tofu is
one of the drivers caught up in the state crackdown
(05:28):
on vulgar vanity plates. This is apparently the plate in question.
It says love tofu, but the state thinks it could
be seen as an inappropriate reference. I love to f.
You always sure that car doesn't belong to the Lieutenants
(05:52):
Tennessee on Paul Paul, Paul Paul, I'd say let the
man have his license plate. How are you going to
punish a vegan isn't there diet punishment enough already? From
all this story, we turned to Michael Costo, like, oh,
(06:20):
what do you think of Maine's cracked down on vanity
license plates? It's ridiculous. You know, this is more unfair
than when I was kicked out of high school for
cutting class. You know, students can do it, but substitute
teachers can. I mean, double standard much, Marlin. You know,
I think Maine is just trying to make sure that
license plates aren't obscene. Okay, but they're going too far.
(06:43):
I mean, they reject all kinds of completely innocent plates
just because their minds are in the gutter. And I'm
speaking from personal experience here, Okay, as you'd expect, I
summer in Maine and just take a look at some
of my plates that were rejected for no reason. I'm
not a vegan, so I'm not about to have love tofu.
But that's why I went with this. Okay. I'm a
(07:08):
chicken guy, white meat, darkneat. I love it all. Put
it in my mouth, Michael, I gotta be honest. That
sounds like you troll him for six boy. You know
you sound just like the guys down at the truck stop.
You know, you're seeing messages that just aren't here, Like, like,
can you believe they also said no to this one
(07:30):
about my love of Nascar? I mean, look, I'm mister race,
but no, that one actually landed me on some kind
of list. Can you believe that I did get a
shout out from Tucker Carlson though apparently this is also
the name of his boat. That one makes me want
(07:50):
to punch you in your face. So you're not a
NASCAR fan, I get it, okay, But but if that
upsets you, just wait until you see the one at
the main Bureau of Motor Vehicle sent me. Look at this. Oh,
but that's just a regular plate. What what are you
talking about, dude? L two E f DP love to
Eat Fat Donkey Puss. I mean, this isn't scene, Marlin,
(08:15):
I have been family. Okay, I think you're overreacting. Okay, well,
what plate did you wind up with? Well we're still
going back and forth, but but I'm hoping that this
is the one that they'll accept. Okay, So ass play
(08:36):
you mean like assisting on basketball plays? No, it's ass player.
I'm expressing my love for ass play. I love the
ass Marlin, I like a little toodle myself. Okay, let's
leave it right there, Michael. When we come back, I'll
tell you how to fake the pass. Don't go wrong
(08:56):
it is you like, Welcome back to the Dally Show. Now.
(09:20):
We all know there's a lot of problems with American schools.
Low test scores, nasty as school lunch, no privacy when
you're trying to finger banging to staywell. But there's one
issue that doesn't get as much attention. There has been
an increased demand for after school programs throughout the pandemic.
(09:40):
Baily problem is they don't have the staff to handle it.
After school programs have been inundated across the country, but
a lack of funding plus staffing shortages have made the
crush of students impossible to keep up with, with eighty
five percent of these programs fearing being able to keep
up with the demand. We haven't had weight lists like
this before, so we have needed to care for enrollment.
(10:01):
For every child participating in after school in New York,
four are waiting for an available program. That's more than
one point six million children. In twenty twenty, more than
three hundred and forty thousand children were alone and unsupervised
between the hours of three and six PM. That's right.
Just in New York alone, three hundred and forty thousand
(10:21):
kids are alone and unsupervised every afternoon. Now, if you
care about kids, that's terrible news. Unless you're a pedophile,
then it's like the best news you ever heard. You're like, whoa,
that's like hearing this windowless vans went on sale. But
there's a great solution for this after school programs, and
(10:43):
I'll tell you why on another installment of Long Story Short.
The first benefit of after school programs should be obvious.
They give kids a place to go after school. It's
right there in the name. Come on, keep up stupid.
(11:04):
It's true kids need to stay busy, especially teens. If
they don't have something to do, they're gonna find something
to do. That's why juvenile crime peaks between two and
six every day. But kids in after school programs are
less likely to drink, do drugs, or join a gang
because kids get tired pretty quickly. They only got enough
(11:26):
energy for either a carjacking or a dance. Societal it
can't do both. Kids are the only one who benefit
because for every dollar spent on an after school program.
The state gets nearly seven dollars back in potential benefits
(11:47):
thanks to lower teenage, pregnancy, substance abuts, and crime. Now
that doesn't mean that every kid in the after school
program is never going to commit a crime. But if
a kid stays off the streets and makes it to college,
then someday he can commit a white collar crime. That's
the dream. But the impact goes far beyond keeping kids busy.
(12:12):
They also help kids succeed in school. After school programs
are linked to higher grades, attendance, and graduation rates. The
only thing better than that is bribing your kids teacher.
Take it from me, that shit could get expensive. Sean.
(12:36):
They also expose kids to new interests, music, art, language.
There's no limit to the ways after school programs can
broaden your horizons, and I mean no limit. Laren's in
Southeast Virginia voicing outrage over a proposal to add an
after school Satan club to a local public elementary school
(12:56):
that teaches pre k through second grade, The national director
for the Satan Club defended the idea. We don't try
to indoctrinate them into Satanism. We just want to offer
a place that's you know, fun, you know, exciting, free
from any sort of threats of eternal damnation. How come
(13:20):
that bitch didn't blink. Yes, they even have a Satanism club.
You know. There's some parents who are like, oh my god,
that's horrible. But is it free? Though? So it's clear
that after school programs are hugely beneficial. The problem is
(13:42):
they just don't get a lot of money. The federal
government is barely funding these programs and state governments aren't
doing much better. But it is possible because California did it.
In fact, for the past twenty years, California has outspent
all the other forty nine states combined on after school programs,
which is messed up because California actually has shit to
(14:04):
do after school. I mean, seriously, I compare that to
South Dakota and shit to do. In South Dakota. Kids
can only look at Mount Rushmore for so long before
they're like, I it's time to do some meths. But
(14:27):
the reason California spend so much on after school programs
is thanks to the work of one very kind, dedicated
kindergarten teacher. In two thousand and two, Arnold Schwarzenegger was
almost single handedly responsible for California's passage of Prop. Forty nine,
which made after school funding mandatory. Even today, the former
(14:48):
governor raises money for after school programs with fun charity
events like crushing things with his tank. I'm inviting you
personally to Los Angeles to crush things in my tank
with me. Let's crush a power, Let's crush up piano.
This will benefit the after school all stars. So what
(15:08):
are you waiting for? Let's go around and crush things
with that tank. Who knew that big buff mother love kids,
Ah said. We gotta get more celebrities to turn their
obsessions into charity. Tom Cruise start jumping out of airplanes
(15:32):
to save baby Seals, Snoop Dogg smoke weed for Global
Warming baby Leon Lott of DiCaprio, Well, have you've seen
his girlfriends, He's already running an after school program. I'm sorry, Leo,
(15:57):
they made me say it. Please let me in your
party now. As awesome as this is, our after school
programs shouldn't depend on whether anyone wants to hang out
with Unos. Swatsonata. We need to find a more reliable
way to fund these programs because they're important to underprivileged kids.
And I know what I'm talking about because after school
(16:19):
programs was important to me. That's what I'm talking about
this shit. I grew up in the projects in New
York City and there was ten of us in our household,
ten wands kids, and thanks God, we had after school programs.
It exposed us to the arts. Imagine if all that
energy and work ethic was directed towards slinging drugs. I'm
(16:40):
not saying we beat the Winds cartel, but we would
have got a lot of mother time. Now, listen, it
changed our life, and not just for our family, but
for a lot of kids in the after school programs
it did well, but for those who stays on the
streets not so much. See, it makes all the difference
(17:03):
to be in a place that keeps you busy, keeps
you fed, keeps you protected, even from the bullies. All
the bullies who say three o'clock, I'm gonna kick your ass.
You're like, so what, nigga, I'm here till six. So
the bully has to join the drama program just to
(17:25):
find you I'm gonna kick your ass after rehearsal malin
the first let's read this sonnet from Hamlet, so long
story short, we need to make funding after school programs
a national priority. It literally benefits everyone, the kids, the community,
and especially you because if I didn't have after school programs,
(17:48):
you could have been robbed by wands. And there's a
lot of us. All right, stay tuned when we come back,
my bro, all my as, we'll be joining me on
the show. We'll go go wrong. Welcome back to the
(18:24):
Daily Show. My guest tonight is an actor, producer, and
author and he just so happens to be my best
friend in the world. His new book is called Nubia
the Awakening. Please welcome my brother on my epps. Oh my,
(19:02):
I'm looking at it. Oh you know, looking good, brother.
I mean, it's a little weird because we grew up together.
I know Omar when we need high school. I know
him since high school. And when we first met Omar
in high school, he's carry around this little blue ball.
(19:24):
He was skinny at a big ass head and shoulders,
but he looked like an arrow. But you could just
put him in a thing and sling him in it.
He's had a big ass head and he had this
little blue ball and he would just bounce it all
around and all I could think, was I want to
kick his ass for no good reason? Because the thing was,
remember Rocky, like the first movies, he had the blue ball,
(19:44):
So that was my thing. I was like drinking raw
eggs and bouncing the blue ball like Rocky, And so
I thought I could kick somebody's ass. And plus in
the cafeteria, I used to ship with all the girls,
you know what I'm saying. And so Mama was jealous,
and I wasn't jealous. I wasn't jealous. I think, well,
I just thought you wasn't drag. You know what I'm saying.
(20:11):
You get a little blue ball. You know what I'm saying.
He double dutch, and I'm like, something up. But then
I found out that you had a devious plan. Your
plot was to hang around the girls and be the
friendly guy, and you be friends over time and wear
them down. You ain't shit, you know, he persistus got resilience.
(20:32):
We actually didn't like each other until we almost fought
and we was in the lock one and then uh
we got each other in the headlock. Yeah. We got
to the stalemate. Yeah, and we were stuck. We know,
because we had the same technique. Remember I had you
like this and you was digging this part of your
wrists into my jaw and I was digging that into
your head. And he was like, Yo, we got the
(20:53):
same technique. We should join forces. It's you know it's
funny is it's the truth that's what makes it funny.
We literally got stuck and then we got cool after that,
and uh, we've been thinking stieves ever since then. Yeah,
I'm glad. I'm glad they had something. What people don't
(21:16):
know about Omar is like, you're a really funny dude.
You're actually one of the funniest dudes I know. I mean,
you ain't never did a comedy. I want you to
do more comedy. But what they don't know about me
is that I can act. So we both have the
same skill set, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
but see Almar's not a comedian, so they don't expect
(21:37):
it from you. So you know, I could say anything.
You say the same thing, you get slap. I know
that becauld your light skinned. We've been going through business
high school. We both say the same thing. People get
offended when I say it. I'm like, what he just
said the same You go, oh, he's a different color
black man. Um, what, what's like your most monumental moment
(22:04):
in our friendship? In our friendship? Yeah, like, what do
you remember, man? It's it's there. Honestly, there have been
so many. I mean the birth of your kids and um,
you know obviously God bless Mama loves passing and just
just us growing up man, just being innocent kids in
the city. I remember we used to be like, all right,
(22:25):
let's not take the train of the bus. Let's walk,
you know, down from sixty six in Amsterdam and walk
for forty blocks and you know, maybe uh met a girl,
get a number, get a slice of pizza. Really sweet memories.
All my memories is like I don't know when you
fell asleep and Omar sleeping his eyes open like that, yeah,
(22:45):
and me him and Tupacs you cor was hanging out
because y'all did juice together. And what people don't know
about pockets pockets like he was a funny dude sleeping
like that, and Olmar and went and took his balls
and put them out and put him right in there
Oldmak's mouth, so it looked like old Ma's like there,
(23:13):
I remember one time, just do that. I don't know,
because you're talking about all these sad memories of my
love passionate. You know, I remember the baby's born and
I damn biblical cord in the shape of it. That's all,
nigga with the jokes. Come on, now, we had some
good times. I was mad at park for that though.
I was super mad. Like, yo, son, you really gonna
(23:35):
do that? Yeah, but you always get mad. You ain't
gonna you gotta work on that. You got anger issues, man,
I don't make money. Take their nuts out next to
your mouth while you sleep like that. That can that
would have went viral right now. These when we used
to take polaroids like yeah, but see if you should
have walk up like that box just hit him. One
(23:55):
time I sleep and just did like this like a
like a like a speed blah blah blah blah. The
funny thing your kids. You getting mad a lot? Remember
one time okay, we uh, I don't even know what's
gonna happen right now. Okay, one time like we was
in when you got caught stealing the armstrong goodness you
(24:17):
still okay, go ahead, we go to the super market.
Olmah's a shoplifting. I didn't notice. I found out he
was shoplifting, and we went to the We went in
the Stay. It was a store on forty second Street. Yeah, me,
you and Mitch went and you know, I felt like
I should be you know, uh, you know. This was
at the time when do the right thing was out.
(24:40):
And the man said, we get to the counter and
Omar's and I go pay for my chips and Omar's
at the counter and the guy goes, what about the
juice in your pocket? And I said, what juice? And
the guy goes to the juice right, and there goes, yeah,
what you turn to do the right thing. We was like,
we're doing it. Couple were black, You're doing a coffee,
(25:01):
dark skin you ain't met for me because I'm light
scared the dark skinned brother because he's a different color,
dark black. You're gonna blame him. And then the guy's going, right,
I got the juice in my pocket and oh, oh,
gonna go over this pocket. He don't pull out a juice.
It wasn't like a little juice. He pulled out like
a ninety six ounce model of juice. And I saw
(25:26):
this and I immediately would, oh my god, I'm telling everybody.
I left the store the next day Omar came to school.
I laughed so hard. The next day, Omar came to
school and then everybody kept walking up to him. It
was like a crack. He was on the he was
on the escalator and all he heard Mark I caught
steal lyn Omar, God called still lyn Omar, God coat
(25:47):
still Lynn. Oh the juice. He was so mad. He
was so mad. Ha ha, my god, that actually happened.
We went to performing our shout out to LaGuardia High School.
(26:08):
Shout out, um. What was your favorite role of all
the movie? Because you've done a lot of a lot
of great work, Like I remember, like your whole career.
I remember, like, man, there was was one role you
did higher learning. Yeah, I remember I watched that movie
and your ending scene was so powerful. I was sitting
(26:32):
there in awe. I was speechless. And at the end
of the movie, he's just walking away, and I said,
in my head, I said, bro, you walking toward a
million dollars right now. I remember that happening got a
million dollars for your next movie, And I was just
so proud because I was like, damn, I ain't treating
for shit no more. Thank you. What was your favorite role.
(26:53):
You know what, you know, I always look at it like, um,
I feel like each role is a piece of a mosaic,
that it's a bigger thing that will be done once
it's setting done, for once my time on this earth
is done. So I don't have a favorite role. I
pour the same amount into every role that I'm pour
(27:14):
into the next one and for me. But as you know,
there's nothing like the first you know, that first Yeah,
that first role is just like, oh, you know what,
it's crazy. As you was telling me that, I was
sitting there, what did you learn the word mosaic? What
what are you talking about? No, but you're an author now, man,
(27:42):
this this, this, this, this made me so proud of you.
This book. I was like, this is the dude that
cut every class. It's writing books. I couldn't even read
your notes that you passed to me in class. There
was in some graffiti or weird language. But man, I'm
so hot you. What inspired you to write this book? Well?
(28:03):
I just um, it's a it's a coming of age
book about these three teams. It takes place in twenty
ninety eight, and I just was imagining, what's the world
gonna look like like? What society you're gonna look like,
and more importantly like for me because we're born and
raised in New York, what's New York gonna look like?
You know to those kids? And I just started dissecting,
(28:26):
dissecting and breaking it down and really trying to look
through the eyes of abudding mind, you know, because I'm
really you know, my mother was an educator, so I'm
really into speaking to kids um at different schools and
things of that nature and offer what I can. And
this is my offering in that way of Hey, climate
(28:50):
change has happened, it's about classism, it's about sexism, it's
obviously it's about you know, racism is still in there,
all the isms, and then how do we spend that
on its head because it's really about these kids who
are like trying to figure themselves out. Because you know
that that fourteen fifteen year old stage is an a
part of life, like just just for anyone. So it
(29:12):
doesn't matter where you come from. You could be from Arkansas, Nebraska,
or you could be from an urban space like Chicago
or New York or Atlanta or whatever, and there's I
believe that there's something in there for every kid to
take away because it's also about escapism to give them
something to like get them through the next day. You know,
(29:32):
I read the book and it's amazing, and I'm very
proud of you. I swear it wasn't until that explanation
you just gave me. I thought you cheated on somebody
to write this book. But now I know what do
you know? Those big words? I love you, my brother.
You guys, don't get the book that's on Amazon Amazon
(29:55):
give it up as Oh my book, that way getting
now vnable. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but
after that helped me right back. All right, that wraps
(30:22):
up my week at the Daily Show. But stay tuned
because the next host is my boy cow Penn. If
you want to see all men, you can watch my
special God Loves Me on HBO. Next Boy can Catch
Me on toy. You can buy tickets at the link below.
I'll be Emboston met Foot at the Shovel left it
on Satday. Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast
(30:45):
universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast.
Watch The Daily Show weekdays to the eleven ten Central
on Comedy Central in stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount. Plus,
this has been a Comedy Central podcast
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