Demystifying Therapy: It’s Really Okay to Seek Help and Answers

Despite the increase in conversations focusing on mental health awareness, the topic of therapy remains sensitive for most. The act of seeking help and talking about one’s personal mental health experiences is something that should be embraced, especially when you find a safe space and a professional that suits you. Join the ladies of 'Imani State of Mind' as they unpack the truths of therapy and perform a pop culture diagnosis on Whitney from the Starz show 'Run the World.'

If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please email us at [e-mail].

Episode Transcript

(00:14):
Hi, everybody, Welcome toween MontyState of Mind. I'm doctor Imani and
I am Mixed Scoop High. Hi. So we are almost at the end
of summer. Yeah, yeah,but it's still probably pretty much like warm.
I'm guessing it's global warming, youknow, yeah, you know what
I read it was, it's notglobal warming anymore. We've now no,

(00:36):
we left global warming announced global boiling. Yes, yeah, is it global
bo That's what That's what I readin an article. I was like,
oh, snap, so we outhere. I read somewhere as global heating.
I'm like, I guess. Imean, I don't, but I
definitely have noticed a difference between lastyear and this year. Oh yeah,
for sure. I was like,oh, the end is near, honey,

(00:58):
the end is not like whys ofa sudden, I know, I
know, well, they're certain likeeven like I have succulents like upstairs on
my balcony, and those succulents likethey they were good last summer. This
summer they're like, yeah, it'sso hard to kill a succulent. I
know, I know, yeah,they died, they died. Yeah,

(01:21):
this boiling. But also that reallynice planter you gave me for Christmas.
I put this cat. I putsome succulents in there, and they died.
But it's okay, I'm gonna justput more like a different set of
plants in there anyway. Anyway,Hi everybody. So, yeah, we
were in the we're in the stageof global heating. I heard recently that

(01:46):
the new era, Like you know, there's like the the Cretaceous period.
Oh yeah, yeah the place.Yeah, and now we're in the Anthropocene.
What does that mean? So likethrow means like man or like human.
So we're now in the age wherehumans have completely shaped the earth,

(02:07):
and the Earth is obviously very upsetwith us. Wait, I feel like
hasn't that been a while? Likeyeah, but to the point where you
can like we can actually quantify,like, okay it like for example,
in Phoenix this summer, it wassomething like I think there were over twenty
days or thirty days of it beingabove one hundred and ten degrees or something

(02:30):
like that. Right, it's crazy. So now like we've now entered the
era of like like, for example, a couple of weeks ago out here
in la there was like a hurricane, right, like that never happens,
Yeah, exactly, right, it'slike hurricane Like why Yeah, so we've
now entered the period where man hasaltered the not just the landscape, but

(02:53):
the I guess, the climate patternsof the earth. So good job humans,
a job industrial revolution. Way toruin this world, right, way
to ruin the earth. But thealiens is here, girls, so they
don't take us or something. Wegot to go Okay they are yeah,
I mean so speaking of aliens,I know there's been a lot of talk

(03:14):
recently of there are were There's beena lot of declassified documents that the government
had, so now they're not they'renot called UFOs, they're called something aerial
craft like Unidentified Aerials up or something. Yeah. I was like, I

(03:34):
guess, so basically what you're sayingis that like UFOs were always in there.
They were. And somebody told me, like they watched that congressional hearing
with the guy talking about, youknow, his experience there, because I
know we saw clips online, butshe said she watched the whole thing and
she was like they mentioned on there'slike eighteen species of UAPs that that are
that they know of, Like what, yeah, No, I don't know.

(03:58):
Why are we just now hearing aboutthis actually that came and went?
Did you realize that? Like that? It was like should have been like
change the trajectory of how people seelife, like all these movies you're telling
me Independence Day was true, likethat movie was real, like but it
wasn't that much our rate. Youknow, people are like, oh my
gosh, they're real. Okay,anyway back to my life, Right,
isn't that crazy? That is crazy? Like we have aliens a lot,

(04:25):
but part of me is like,you know, aliens coming over here,
like as a species, humans aretrife, right, there's so that's what
I want to know, Like whyare they coming here? Then you look
at these dummies, these people overhere drinking water. Meanwhile, like we
got like we'd be injecting water,like we can't even go nowhere. Y'all
came here from wherever you're from.That's kind of amazing. But that's also

(04:47):
probably why they'd be like taking peopleand like putting anal probes in them,
because they like, these fool lookat the look at them. They are
so dumb just letting us put thingsin their booty holes. They don't even
care. So the other thing,the other thing that I saw was that
living Single celebrated like it's twenty fifthand I think it's thirtieth. Is it

(05:09):
thirty thirty? Girl? Did LivingSingle? Was it out when I was
in college? I guess so becausethirty years will put it out with nineteen
ninety three. Yeah. Yeah,because my thirtieth high school reunion was this
year, which was crazy but itwas really fun. But yeah, I
guess it's been thirty years. Yeah, living so big up to Living Single,

(05:29):
not a big up to friends alsoknown as white Living Single. It's
the same, it is the sameshot, it is. It's the same
show. Okay, wait, I'mliving single? Who would you? Who
do you identify with the most?Erica Alexander's character m yeah, okay,
like a yeah, Maxine Maccine,whom I I think I'm a little bit

(05:50):
of Regen yeah, swift a little. I was gonna say Regin, but
Reiging can also be so that's whatI'm saying, So like not it's not
I can't. I'm not completely likeher, but like halfway and then Sinclair,
Yeah, I'm definitely a mix ofSinclair raising part together. Okay,
wait, Sinclair is the curly hairOverton it's her. Oh yeah, yeah,

(06:13):
yeah, yeah, yeah, No, I thought you were gonna say,
oh, Queen Latifa's character. Youknow, I think career wise,
but I feel like just personality wise, I'm yeah okay and Sinclair Okay,
yeah I could, I could seethat. Yeah, I think inside of
me, I am Maxine just likeI mean, not so much anymore,
but back then, yes, Iwas like, I completely relate to Maxine
in every way. I love thatshow. Yeah. Yeah, So anyway,

(06:39):
so living single aside and the factthat Friends is white living single today,
that's gonna okay, look that livingsingle me Maschine living single is gonna
come in to play later in theshow. But in any case, today
we're going to be discussing the importanceof therapy and how it can help us
with our day to day lives.So we're gonna be discussing questions you've been

(07:00):
asking or pondering, like, what'stherapy about? Really? How do you
find a therapist who truly understands you, what does a therapy process look like?
And most importantly, how can youhonor your identity, culture, and
experiences while embarking on this path ofself care? Yes? Yeah, so
if you are loving the emani state, of Mind Podcasts, and I feel

(07:23):
like you probably are because you're listeningright now. Please rate and review us
on your favorite podcast. Yes,and if you are watching us on YouTube,
then comment how you're feeling like thisvideo and subscribe to our channel.
Yeah, so we have a lot, a lot to get into, so
let's start the show. Okay,So it's time for our favorite segments or

(07:44):
one of them. Ask Doctor Imanianything. We love reading your letters.
We do, and we're ready forsome more questions. So, Meg,
who is our first letter from today? Okay? It comes from Ella Marie.
Hey girl, it reads, Ijust found out I have a sister
a few months younger than me.She reached out on Facebook and she thinks
my dad is also her dad.Now that would have to mean that my

(08:07):
dad cheated on my mom. Myparents have been together for twenty nine years
and my father was perfect in myeyes. I'm dealing with a lot of
anger and confusion right now. I'mdevastating my dad did this to our family.
Now, this girl's claim, whenshe's my sister, wants to meet
and get to know me, Ireally don't want to meet her or have
anything to do with my father.Now. I know they say anger will

(08:28):
eat you up inside, but Idon't know how to let this new sister
in or forgive my dad for steppingout on our family. My anger has
me lashing out at friends and coworkers. I find myself in such a
mood. I feel my life willnever be the same. My perfect childhood
and my perfect loving parents is alla lie. How do I start to
heal, to gave my sanity back? How do I begin to let go

(08:50):
of this anger and pain? Okay, first of all, let's get like,
let's let's address not the elephant inthe room. Let's just dressed like
the chair in the room. Firstof all, is this your sister?
That's yeah, we need to confirmbecause you don't really confirm it, So
maybe you should meet with her.Is there an ancestry? Is there a

(09:11):
DNA tests? Like, how doesthis girl know? If she's just claiming,
then you can't really confirm it?Yeah, Like does she look exactly
like you? Is this something thatyou're like? Have you told your dad
about it? Did he admit toLike, we need to know is this
really your sister? Yeah? Butoutside of that, I will say that
I'm actually currently in therapy for anumber of reasons. But one of the

(09:33):
things that I've been dealing with isthe fact that I have a sister.
I have a sister and a brother, and my sister is eleven years younger
than me and really sweet. Hername is Jasmine Hi Jasmine out of Fort
Worth and Hi also to my nephew, Tyson Hi. So that being said,
there was something we were myself andmy sister were having a conversation.

(09:54):
This was before the pandemic, andshe had talked about her mom now her
mom and my dad met when mydad was still married to my mom.
Okay, so essentially I was essentiallyI served as my dad's alibi for a

(10:16):
time. So there's something my sistersaid to me, and she was like,
oh, she was talking about likeher her family, her mom's side
of the family. And she waslike, oh, yeah, my mom
said that she remembered you, andshe remembers you, and she was she
said that you were really really likepretty or something and I and I was
like, oh, okay, Soas I mentally, not mentally, but
as I like screamed inside, yeah, I was just like what do I

(10:39):
like wait, wait, hold wasthis like like your parents were still together
and the lady, like her momknew or was it a situation? Yeah,
okay, yeah she did. Shedidn't know my sister know the lady?
Oh I yet she oh okay,okay, ok yeah yeah no she
knew. It definitely was conclusively determinedthat she knew. So I was kind

(11:05):
of like, oh, like whatdo I do Because I mean, like,
my sister is the sweetest, likeshe's super cool, Like I really
really like I love spending time withher. I love I really loved talking
to her on the phone. Butit was it was kind of weird for
me, and I was like,Okay, how do I separate? Like
I knew that my dad she didon my mom, But I was like,

(11:26):
how do I separate these feelings Ihave for him? For I mean,
I'm like, what do I dowith this? Like it's not my
sister's fault that she was playing andif if your if your sister, really,
if this is truly your sister andshe contacted you on Facebook, it's
not her fault that she was born, Like, it's not that has nothing,

(11:48):
Like she did not ask to behere, but she is here.
That's provided that she is your realsister. So part of what I've been
working through in therapy has been howdo I approach this subject with my sister?
Like listen, like, I'm prettysure that my sister knows, like
that her mom and my dad,you know, right, I mean she's

(12:11):
like, I mean like we growngrong, so I'm sure she knows.
But it's but I was I've justbeen kind of like mentally blocked in terms
of like when I do talk tomy sister, and it's been a while,
like I need to get I needto clear this, like I need
to clear the air on this.So I was given an assignment I haven't
completed it yet by my therapist andshe was like, yeah, like do

(12:33):
you know what do you think you'regonna say to your sister? Like how
do you think it's gonna go?And I said, honestly, I don't
think it's gonna be a problem.I don't have an issue confronting people are
confronting issues. I mean, now, if I'm like, your mom's a
whore, and I mean like Iwould never I would never say that,
but it's like this is not it. This is not your fault, just

(12:54):
like this is not my fault,and we are we are sisters, and
we do look alike, and wedo share the same dad, and that's
been verified. But essentially, youknow, I told my therapist, I
was like, I'm just gonna comeout to her and say it, like,
listen, the reason why you haven'theard from me in a while is
really because I had I've had issueswith trying to just just trying to reconcile

(13:22):
the fact that like your mom andmom, like your mom cheated, my
dad cheated on my mom with yourmom, and you're the manifestation of that,
right, You're the living, breathingmanifestation. It's not your fault,
right right, Yeah, exactly,it is a reminder and honestly, like
that's all on my dad and that'sall on her mom. Yeah, And
I'm not upset with her, likeI've never been. I'm not upset with

(13:45):
her. I'm upset at the situation, and I'm upset about the fact that
these are all thoughts that I've hadto deal with since I was like yeah,
seven, yeah, and now I'mlike forty seven, so it's been
forty years. But I'm okay withsaying to her, I love you,
You're my sister. This is notyour fault and it's not my fault.
I just needed for you to know. That's why you haven't really heard from

(14:07):
me, because I just really neededsome time to just tease out. Yeah,
yeah, how I felt. Sothe main thing about this letter is
you got to find out if that'syour real sister number one, number one,
number two. Once you find thatout, then you can put the
pieces in place. Yeah, butthe important thing is it's not if this
person truly is your sister, isnot her fault. And again, you

(14:31):
can think that your dad is themost perfect person in the world, but
nobody's perfect. And you've definitely learnedthat as you get older and you're an
adult and your parents are also adults, and you realize, damn, adulting
is hard and people have feelings thatcome up that have nothing to do with
you or have nothing to do possiblywith their spouse. This is if your

(14:52):
dad cheated on your mom to produceyour possible sister. Ye. But outside
of that, I would like thefirst first things. First, you got
to determine if this person is reallyrelated to you. Yeah, because if
they're not, I mean, please, how many times do you think people
be hitting people up on Facebook?Like, oh, we're related. Seeing
this so many times, yeah,exactly. So I mean, just verify

(15:13):
that it's your sister. If itis your sister, just know that it's
not her fault that she was broughtto the world, and just go,
you know, go from that pointwith an open mind. Yeah. And
I think something that you said it'sreally important is you've got to you have
to learn to put things in differentboxes, right, Like your feelings for
your father have to be separate fromyour feelings from your sister, even though

(15:39):
they're all intertwine, because that ishow you're related to hers. They're your
father, right, But because youdon't want the relationships to get messed up
because this might you know, youmight have always wanted this sister. You
don't say if you have one,but what if this is like what if
you're an only child right now youhave a sister? Yay? Like that,
yeah, awesome, right, Butat the same time, like I
think there's some conversation since you probablyneed to have with your father and say

(16:02):
like like I looked at you thisway, and I look at you this
way, like help me to understandwhat's going on, because I think as
children, we only see our parentsone way. They're our parents, right,
and so when when we've noticed somethingabout them that has to do with
life that doesn't have anything to dowith us, it now makes us go,
wait a minute, Like, you'rea human and you make mistakes,

(16:23):
and you've been out here howing youmade a whole big mistake because you cheated
on my mother, And now thatI have a whole there's a whole person
here because you're in discretion. Ithink you just have to realize, like,
Okay, your dad made mistakes,Like what kind of dad is he
to you? I don't think thatmesses up your relationship with your father based
on what he did with somebody else. So I think you have to learn

(16:44):
to separate the two, like,Okay, this is him as a man,
is him as my father, whichthat piece doesn't change, right exactly,
But now what you thought of himoutside of being your father has to
change and you have to reconcile thatwith the truth of what he really is.
And I think, yeah, you'reright. When you get older you
see your parents, it's like,oh, they're not right about everything.

(17:06):
There are people, they make mistakes, they have made mistakes. Yeah,
yeah, so I would I wouldessentially, like first things first, check
to see if that's your sister,Like, is this you know, like,
is this beyond that y'all have thesame last name? Is this beyond
the fact that maybe you guys likehave similar facial features like get the like

(17:26):
do like yeah, yeah, likelike you need to find out who is
the father? Yeah, and theone said and it's confirmed, then I
would say you'd probably start your healingjourney exactly. Actually, you probably should
do that anyway, regardless if thisgirl is your because if she's saying that,
then they're maybe maybe your dad didcheat, even if that's not your
actual sister. The fact that nowyou do have to reconcile that your father

(17:48):
is a man and he made mistakesand he's still your father, right exactly.
Yeah, So let us know,let us know what happens. Like
I'm really really interested to find outwhat happens, especially because I'm kind of
dealing with something similar that they happenedto one of my friends. Her they've
they've got like her mom and dadhave like five kids, but right in

(18:10):
the middle there's another kid from anotherfag and she was just like, you
know, growing up, was likewhat what's going on, But she said
she had to learn that her father. She's like, my father's a great
father to me, but he wasnot a great husband to my mother.
And so she was like, ittook me a while to you know,
because I love my mom, Likehow could you do that to her?
So she's like, I had toseparate those feelings from like, okay,

(18:32):
but my dad did so much forme and he loves me, and he
right, he's a great father.So she's like, you know, I
had to kind of learn to say, Okay, those things are wrong and
this thing is right, and that'sokay. He's still my father and I
love him exactly, Yeah, yeah, exactly. So yeah, let us
know how this turns out. Iwould love to know, also, because
I really love Maury Rip not abit more. He's dead, the show's

(18:53):
gone more, he's not dead.I just love all Who's the Father shows
like I just love I love thelong run from the drama actual studio to
like the crime drama the crying Room. So anyway, the next letter,
all right, our next letter comesfrom BJ. And here's what BJ rope.

(19:15):
She said, I need you todiagnose my husband his need for thrill
and impulsive behavior is beginning to stressme out. He is spending money from
the joint account faster than we canplace some money into the account. He
just started smoking cigarettes and was nevera person to smoke at all. I
really have no clue what has happenedto him lately. I don't know who

(19:36):
he is nowadays. He's never satisfiedand always wants more, whether it's in
the job or in the bedroom.This behavior is starting to drain me.
I can't keep up with the moodswings, and he's approaching the Big four
oh next month, So I'm thinkinghe may be going through a midlife crisis.
I'm lost on how to help himor get the husband I know and

(19:56):
love back on track. Please help, Okay, b JA, let me
start from like most general and thenand then more specific in terms of like
what's what some possible diagnoses are.I don't know. So you mentioned that
your husband's thirty nine, he's aboutto turn forty. A midlife crisis,
whatever that means. I mean,I know that it's something that we kind

(20:21):
of throw around, but and it'salways been like, especially in the media,
it's been characterized it's like, oh, this man went out and got
a corvette. Yeah, right,because right because he wants to he wants
to be seen as more young orwhatever. I would say clinically, a
midlife crisis is not something that I'veever like diagnosed. I mean, also,

(20:45):
it's not like a psychiatric disorder.But you did say some things that
were really interesting and really kind ofthe word is pathnemonic or very characteristic of
certain mental illnesses. So you saidthat your your husband's been spending a lot
of money. Yeah, so that'sthat's like impulsivity. I don't know if

(21:08):
if you say that he's spending alot of money, what's he spending it
on? Is he gambling? Ishe spending it on like you know,
like sex websites. Like I'm justkind of throwing stuff out there, because
when it comes to impulse, itcomes to money and spending. And someone
who kind of flips the script andis spending money and doing impulsive things that
could be due to bipolar disorder,that could be due to even certain medications.

(21:33):
There's a medication called a bilify thatis used for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder,
and that can actually cause some peoplewho take it to engage in more
impulsive behavior and gambling is like abig, like a big thing. I
had a patient and like suddenly,like this dude who had normal like he

(21:56):
really doesn't have money like that,he went out and spend like five hundred
dollars on scratch offs and we werelike what And I was like, I
gotta change a medication. And thenit went away. Oh oh yeah,
yeah, so that that's a thing. You also mentioned that he it sounds
like he's become more sexual or perhapshyper sexual. Yeah, so he wants
he wants to have sex more withyou, which could be a good thing,

(22:21):
but he also like is demanding morefrom you from the job whatever.
You also mentioned specifically the term moodswings and mood swings is definitely path ohemonic
or very characteristic of bipolar disorder.So I don't know, bj like,
I don't know if this is trulyjust oh like I'm getting old and I'm

(22:45):
sad and I want to like bemore impulsive, maybe like how I was
when I was a child, butnot every child. Every child is impulsive,
you know this, This could beI have had patients where they developed
bipolar dis order later in life.That's definitely possible. You know, it's

(23:06):
it's worth it to maybe ask yourhusband's mom if he has if he had
any mental mental health interactions when hewas younger, if he saw a therapist,
like maybe he didn't take medication.Maybe maybe your husband if if he

(23:26):
is bipolar, maybe he tends tobe more so on the depressive side,
And so what you're now seeing iskind of more of an upswing to hypomania
and mania. I don't know,but but so far, I'm like,
it could be. It could bea mental illness, it could be due
to medication. I mean, also, your husband did he ever play football?
Did he ever you know, didhe ever occur like any type of

(23:48):
like significant head trauma, Because therewas a study that was published this week
actually that showed that the majority ofI think it was something out of fifty
brains, that fifty brains of peoplewho had suspected CTE or oh my god,
what's it called concussive traumatic encephalopathy?Oh my god, I'm probably getting

(24:15):
this wrong. Hold on, holdon, Let's say, can you add
her back into ZOOMT and then I'llgo and then I'll pick back up ct
chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Close. We'restill recording right back in. She's good.

(24:37):
Okay, okay, okay, okay. So also, b J,
maybe I don't know, maybe didyour husband play football, did he used
to box or something like has heever sustained like significant head trauma, Like
does he have chronic traumatic and cyphlopathylike CTE. There was a study that

(25:02):
came out this week that showed thatout of fifty brains of like these were
people post mortem, post mortem brainsor they were dead they scooped them out
of their skull when they did thewhen they sliced those brains, forty out
of fifty of those brains, likeshowed like you could see the brain changes,
like the physical brain changes, solike you could see that like the

(25:22):
actual brain matter had shrunken. Youcould see compared to someone of the same
age. You could also see thatthere are holes in your brain like so
to speak, that are called ventricles, and that's where the cerebral spinal fluid
circulates just basically keep everything moisturized,let's say, but in people that had

(25:42):
head trauma and had suspected CTE.Though, when basically when those ventricles get
too big in your brain, likethat's a problem so so these these people
who had this significant head trauma,their brains looked old, Like they looked
like they had the brains of likean eighty year old person because and some

(26:02):
of these people were like forty five, right, So I'm not trying to
scare you, BJ, but asa physician, I'm just trying to like
think of different potential diagnoses to whatyour husband's going through. At the very
least, like talk to him aboutit, see if he wants to go
to therapy, so you can reallylike just get this like just cleared up

(26:26):
out the way, you know,voice your concerns to him. I'm sure
you already have, but if youhaven't, like you need you need to
get it out in the open andjust try to try to do some research.
You know Megno's research I do,but but yeah, like do some
research of your own, like youknow, what mental illness is running his
family? Has he ever been diagnosedwith the mental illness or had a suspected

(26:48):
mental illness? So yeah, soBJ, this like you're gonna really have
to like do a lot of researchand homework, but legit, like let
us know because because I'm i mean, I'm like still thinking of potential causes
of this, but it I meanbasically the causes are very like it's it's

(27:08):
kind of vast. So and thenI was also gonna say one more thing,
maybe talk to him. I don'tknow how much's talking you've done.
Yeah, you know, you mightjust be seeing how he is as opposed
to like, let's sit down andhave a talk and let's talk because it
seems like you had a great marriagebefore it. It's just kind of like,
but we don't know. I don'tknow. I mean, she's just

(27:30):
said she wants the husband back shehad, so I'm assuming that means it
was really good. And then nowyou're in this this difficult, challenging stage
with him, maybe you sit downand talk to him and just say,
hey, i've noticed some things aboutyou. It's going on. But if
you're past that, you've already saidsomething to him and he's like, there's
nothing wrong with me, then yeah, maybe you need to get to get

(27:52):
more you know, do more research. As doctor Imani said, Yeah,
so, BJA, I hope thatwas helpful and to both of you guys,
those were some great questions. Thanksagain to Ella, Marie and BJ
for sending those. Yeah, andyou know, girl, I love when
people send these letters in. Pleasekeep them coming. If you have a
problem, a question, or youjust want to get something off yo chess

(28:15):
your mind, please let us knowby sending an email to hello at Imani's
state of mind dot com as areminder. You can keep it all the
way real with us. I mean, you can even use a pseudonym if
you want to put yourself anonymous.If you won't, if you don't want
us to say your real name,orn't give us a fake name. We
don't care. Just write us okayexactly. You could do like bj dad.
Yeah, yeah, we don't knowher if her name is Brenda blow

(28:38):
job or I'm just kidding. Itcould be kidding, it's not blowing.
It could be just like right rightwhatever. Anyway, Okay, doctor money,
let's switch gears and get into ourdeep dive topic for today, because
I think as a black woman isso important to have a good therapist.

(28:59):
I have a great one. Ido too, and it took me a
while to find. I had togo through several so we'll talk about that.
You know, we we carry somuch on us and have a hard
time re at leasing it. SoI'm glad we're talking about this and breaking
down the benefits and basics surrounding therapy. Like what is when people say,
you know, I'm going to therapy, Like, what is it? Really?

(29:21):
Is it laying down on a couch? It could be I mean,
I mean you could lay down ona couch, you I mean, it
really depends on the therapist. LikeI think most therapists, at least from
what I've seen and heard, it'slike you come in, you sit in
a chair. Yeah that's if it'sin person. That's if it's in person.
But they're like my therapist, Isee via telehealth. I've done that

(29:44):
too. Yeah, I've done that. I like I And even as a
clinician, as a psychiatrist, Ilike telehealth because with like my private practice
patients especially like I can see wherethey are. Oh so it can help
give exactly. So if somebody's so, if I'm like, yo, do
you like do you hoard? Likedo you have a lot of items?

(30:06):
They're like no, I'm like,yes, yes, you are a hoarder.
So so I like being able tosee the person, like the people
in there in their space, evenif it's like sometimes I'll be talking to
people they'd be walking down the street, what they have phones in or they'll
be like in their car, butit's I like to see how they are

(30:26):
in their lives. Yeah, because, as we'll discuss, when you go
to therapy, you can totally presenta brand new person, very true,
completely different from yourself to the therapistbecause you feel like you want to like,
oh, I need to impress thisperson, like I want to make
sure I don't really need this,so you know, right, I want
to make sure the persons like,oh you know what, why you even

(30:47):
here? Yeah? Yeah, Sookay, wait answer this question because you
are a psychiatrist and a lot oftimes people don't understand the difference between like
psychiatrists or psychologist, psychologist or therapists. So what is the difference? So
therapy? Therapy is pretty much,I mean it's kind of it's an all
encompassing term. I think most peopleunderstand therapy like you going you to talk

(31:11):
to some money, right, Buthow is that different from going to talk
to you as opposed to like whoyou go and talk to? Right?
So I don't consider myself a therapistbecause the way I was trained in psychiatry,
I was trained to essentially manage medications. Okay. So, and a
lot of that is mainly because withthe advent of managed care. So like

(31:36):
in the sixties and seventies, whenwhen residents were in psychiatric residencies, it
was a lot of psychotherapy, Likethey went to psychotherapy, they would they
would conduct therapy with you know,their patients. They would have like a
they would have supervision with a moreexperienced therapist, whether it be a psychologist

(31:59):
or psychiatry. But with the adventof managed care, basically the insurance insurance
company said, okay, if youare a doctor, if you are a
physician and you've completed a psychiatric residency, you're a psychiatrist, we want you
to deal with mets. If youdidn't and you're a psychologist, or let's
say you are a LMMFT like alicensed marriage and Family therapist, Like,

(32:22):
then you know, go therapy.Oh, do therapy over there, because
a coordinate insurance companies therapy is notas expensive then seeing a psychiatrist, because
there's a medical aspect. Oh.So basically medication versus non medication exactly,
so can people who So when peoplecome talk to you, there are elements

(32:43):
of like telling you about their lives. Oh yeah, so then but from
there it is there ever a chancewhen you're like, Okay, hey you
need to go see a therapist.You don't really need to be on meds.
Yeah. I will tell people,especially if someone comes in and I'm
like, I do like my youknow, initial I meet them and I
do my my evaluation. To somepeople, I'll say, listen, you

(33:06):
have you have major depressive disorder,it's mild. You could start medication.
I have no problem with that.But medication is just as effective as therapy
in those instances. So but whenyou put them together then that obviously the
effect is compounded. Right. Soso that being said, I tell my
patients, I'm like, I'm nota therapist, Like it's like, no,

(33:28):
dis a therapist, but I don't. I don't do that. Like
I know of therapy. I knowlike different types of therapies, but I
don't really I don't really do that, but I do that one patient who
I'm actually kind of seeing for therapykind of well, I mean I am,
I guess I'm billing it as such. So yes, I'm just a
therapist with one person. But thatbut that being said, so yeah,

(33:53):
Meg was saying she has it.She's in therapy. I'm in therapy now,
which is a new thing for mebecause I grew up in a family
where you know, you don't talkabout your problems and that's it. Yeah,
so, but doesn't mean you don'thave problems, because everyone has problems,
right, you just need to talkto somebody about it. And so
therapy was great for me. I'veactually gone through. Mine started during the
pandemic. Okay, everything just hitthe fan at once, and it was

(34:15):
like I need to talk to somebody, and I started with the virtual and
then I went through I've gone throughfour different therapists, like back to back.
And I think that's one of thethings that at least if I give
anybody any advice about therapy, itwould be keep going to you find your
person. Yeah, it's like dating, right, you don't often get lucky

(34:37):
with the first person that you metin the fifth grade and you still with
them, Like that's a rare story. It's the same with therapy. It's
not right, that is not it'sthe same with therapy. You're probably not
gonna hit it out the part withthe first therapist you meet, right,
so you may have to go throughwith you but you'll find your person.
My therapist is actually she is certifiedor she's like one of the the top

(35:00):
people in the city for like sextherapy. Like she's actually a sex therapist,
but I love her for like justregular therapy what she can do.
And so like I was like,oh, well, yeah, can you
be like my favorite? She waslike yes, like you know, I
just don't only do sex therapy,but that is my specialty. So I
was like, okay, cool,and she's just like we just vibe and

(35:20):
when I go to her office,she does virtual and in person. Sometimes
I feel like, you know,the virtual suits me better because I have
kids. And other times I'm like, girl, I got to get over
here. Today is a cross session. Okay, I need to come in.
I need to lay down, takemy shoes off, and put my
feet on your couch. Like it'sthat kind of a session. And she
was like, hey, whatever youneed right, like but exactly like whatever,

(35:42):
you just gotta find your person.I think that's probably the most important
thing. You just and then behonest, be okay, be honest.
Okay, I'm sorry I'm looking downat this just because I wanted to make
sure that the notes that I mademade it in, made it in.
Hold on, let me scroll down. Oh wait did they No? No,

(36:04):
no, And it's okay because Ican look at it from here.
Okay, Sorry, I forgot tobe honest. Yes. So also along
that, along those lines, Ihad a therapist in the beginning of the
well kind of the beginning of thepandemic. That person, well, first
of all, I don't think thatI was ready for therapy, Like I

(36:27):
wasn't ready to be like extremely open, so it wasn't really effective. And
also I just don't think that wasthe right person for me. That therapist
happened to be a black woman.But my therapist now is actually a Korean
woman. Yeah she's great, Likeshe's yeah, she's great. So it's
it's I mean I will always seekout, yeah, like a black therapist.

(36:50):
And the particular group that my therapistis with it's called like Women of
Color Therapy or women of Color psychotherapistout here in LA in the valley.
But yeah, they had like shemy therapist is a woman of color,
and we, yeah, we getalong really great, Like it's like there's
no missing a beat. So yeah, that's because all of these four therapists

(37:13):
that I've had have all been blackwomen, but it took me to get
to the fourth one for me tofind the one because just for me,
I wanted a black woman that youknow, I just felt more comfortable and
take a while, I thought thefirst I wasn't like, yes, this
is it. And then I waslike, something's missing here in this session
because I feel like that's the otherpart. You know, the more honest
and vulnerable you are, I feellike, the more help you're going to

(37:36):
get. Yeah, and that Iwas like, okay. I kept reminding
myself like, okay, you haveto be honest and vulnerable and raw feelings
like just Chell her everything. Andthen I feel like I wasn't getting the
right response. And you always knowif it's not right because I've talked to
a few other people and they're like, hey, i'm a therapist, Like
she's cool. If that's the responseyou have, you need to find a

(37:57):
new therapist. It ain't it,okay, but you all need to it.
If your man is like that too, girl, okay, okay,
like legit, okay, if youlike that gets you a new hand,
like it should not be that likesad. Yeah, y'all need to click
yeah, you know, it's okay, keep it. I don't. I
don't think y'all don't be offended whenwe go to a new person, do
you know, because I think that'sthe other piece. People be like,

(38:19):
oh, I feel like I'm obligatedto stay with this therapy or not like
please like go because there will beI mean, I've gotten I've gotten these
really sweet emails from like patients andI was like I met with them and
I was like, Okay, thismedication would work for you. They're like,
okay, great, everything's fine.And then the next week they're like,
you know what, I don't thinkI'm ready for that. I just
wanted to let you know, I'mso sorry. I was like, it

(38:39):
is trying. Don't don't. Youare one of probably two hundred and fifty
people that I see, so like, it is it's for real, Okay,
yeah, like one less egg tofry. I'm just kidding, but
it's but yeah, it's it's nota big deal, Like we're we're completely
not offended if you switch, ifyou switch therapists or switched doctors. Another

(39:01):
thing I wanted to discuss is justthe different types of therapy, Like people
are oftentimes like, well, whatare the different kinds of therapy? There's
different types. I'm gonna explain thesekind of like just very broadly. So
there's like psycho psycho analysis, psychodynamictherapies that's essentially like, Okay, you

(39:22):
have a problematic behavior. The therapistis gonna like work on you to discover
like the unconscious thoughts and feelings aroundthis behavior. Right. So that's but
you know, like and I saythis, you can kind of lump all
of what I'm about to say intowhat's called interdynamic or excuse me, integrative

(39:43):
or holistic therapy, which is essentiallywhen your therapist kind of like picks from
the different grab bags of therapy andjust kind of comes up with their own
type of way to help you withyour problem. Okay, yeah, because
some people like I need this typeof therapy or I need that hypotherapy,
I'm like, well, first yougotta some people listen. Some people I'll

(40:05):
be like this was when I wasa resident and I was doing therapy,
and I was like, well,what are you coming in for? And
some people were like I do notknow? Yeah, so you need so
you need to know why you're there, right, Because I can't help you
if you don't know it. Wait. Wait, But because there's a lot
of people though that, they're justlike I just don't need helpe. I
don't really know how or with what. Well, okay, so one of
two things one you might like Forme when I've gone to therapy, it

(40:29):
was because I have this issue andI want to work through it. Yeah.
Right. Some people will say,well, you know, I don't.
I don't really know. But thenif the person, if the therapist
is astute, then they'll be like, well, you know, let me
ask you some questions. Okay,you know, like they're not just gonna
be like Okay, that's cool.You can leave so I can go out
to eat early and like have along lunch break. No, so there's

(40:51):
like psycho dynamic therapy, there's behavioraltherapy. Behavioral therapy more so is like
you have a you have an issue, and the issue is that you need
to figure out how to have normalbehaviors to a particular like a particular like

(41:13):
issue. So some people are afraidof flying on planes, and so I
think like a lot of us haveprobably seen like some sort of a sitcom
where it's like, okay, wellI remember there was a Frasier episode I
believe where Frasier took these patients,some of his patients on a plane.
They were afraid to fly, andthat's called desensitization. Okay, so like,
oh, are you're afraid of spiders? Well, here hold this spider

(41:35):
for like certain like like you lengthenthe amount of time, and then the
person becomes desensitized to the actual Iguess stimulus that was causing them to have
this, like you know, thisfear. There's cognitive therapy, there's and
and cognitive therapy can deal with somepeople of some of you guys have probably

(41:55):
heard of like CBT or cognitive behavioraltherapy or DBT, which is dialectical behavioral
therapy. Basically, cognit therapists helpyou to get through any dysfunctional thinking at
least dysfunctional emotions or behaviors. Andthen there's integrative therapy, which is kind
of pretty much what I think mosttherapists do because no one's gonna come in

(42:19):
and be like hello, like Iam borderline and this is my only issue,
and then they'll be like, fine, we will do DBT. Most
people are on a spectrum yea,and people are dynamics, so you may
be dealing with one thing and alsoanother thing, and then other stuff will
come up in therapy. The otherthing, one other thing I wanted to
mention is that I used to believethat, oh my god, like once

(42:43):
you start therapy, you're gonna bein it forever, like forever, and
you don't you don't have to befeel like you one of my friends she
told me, she says, she'slike my therapist told me I graduated therapy
today. I was like, wait, what yead? Meaning like she went
from having to go twice a weekevery week, then it like, you
know, once she started talking throughthings, it went to like once a
week, then once a month,and like then every other month, and

(43:05):
now the you know, she basicallyjust comes in for maintenance is what I
call it. Yeah, I feellike that's where I'm at now because I
used to do weekly with my therapists, and then after a few months and
went to like every other week andthen once a month, and now it's
just kind of like when I feellike, Okay, I need to talk
through some stuff. Yeah, youknow, because I think for therapy,
at least for me, it's it'sa safe place to talk exactly, you

(43:27):
know, and I think surprisingly mostpeople don't have that, right and it's
a place where somebody who is actuallytrained to help you get through some of
the things that you're going through istheir safe place to talk. There's no
judgment, there's you can And Irealized once I started talking through things,
I was like, oh, well, I know the answer to that,
right, Like, and I evento my therapist one time, I was

(43:49):
like, oh, I'm over herepaying you just to listen to me.
She was like, hey, whatever, you through it, yeah, exactly.
And then there's other times where shehas to like guide me because I'm
like just spewing like thoughts of what'sgoing on, and she's like, okay,
so let me. She asks theright questions to kind of get me
to focus, and then let's workon this. Okay, now, let's
work on this, and let's workon this. So you know, every

(44:10):
session for me has always been different. It's never the same. Sometimes she
just lets me cry, right,she waits out, I'm dune cry and
she's like, okay, so exactly, now let's talk about this, right
exactly. No, there are othermisconceptions, like some people are like,
oh, well, why would Igo to therapist. It's just a pricey
venting session. It's not it's notthe same. It's not the same.

(44:32):
It's not the same as venting toyour friends who are biased, exactly,
and I do not have any trainingto help you, Okay, exactly,
it's not the same. Also,like I've yeah, like I would say
more so, like black folks arelike Asian folks, I'm encountered, They're
like, oh my god, Wellif I go into therapy, like,
my information is not private, it'svery private. You have to sign,

(44:57):
you have to sign basically a contractwith you acknowledging that your therapists cannot share
your protected health information exactly without yourexpress written consent. Yeah. So,
but the main thing about therapy isyou want to find the right person.
There are there are so many resourcesthese days, Like I often I used
to often say that, you know, like off the top of my head,

(45:21):
like, oh, you know,if you if you are a black
woman and you want to find atherapist, like go to therapy for Black
women dot com. There's also therapyfor black men dot com. Yeah,
I share that was one of myfriends before. Yeah, but honestly,
like from personally when I went tolook for a therapist, I just looked
up black psychologists in my area andpsychology today, like different different therapists can

(45:46):
place ads in psychology today, Soit didn't used to be as good.
Like like in the beginning of thepandemic, if I typed in black therapists
and psychology today, it would likemost of the people on there would be
white, and I was like,that's not what I want. But whatever
they did with their algorithm, it'smuch better. So when I typed in

(46:07):
black therapists like in my area,like, it brought up like black faces.
So I was like, thank you, I got it together. Thank
psychology today. And I mean,the main thing about therapy is, you
know, be honest, know thatyou know there's gonna come a time where
you're gonna want to cry. Don'tbe embarrassed. There's gonna come a time
where there may be emotions or feelingsthat you haven't thought of on your own.

(46:30):
And that's really the purpose of therapy, and it's really really helpful.
Also if you find that you doyou feel like you're talking too much and
you're going over and your therapist hasto interrupt you to be like this is
the end of our session. That'sa good thing. Yeah, yeah,
don't do like me because I alwayshave an internal thought in my head.
Yeah, because I'm used to seeingpatients, so I like in my therapy

(46:52):
sessions, I'll be like, youknow what, I think, We've come
up on forty eight minutes and Ihave fifty minutes, but sometimes I go
over so it's fifty three minutes.But it's fine. It's fine, it's
fine. But the main thing withtherapy is it's positive. It's good.
I feel like everyone should go intotherapy. I don't have a huge particular

(47:12):
problem, Like my life is prettyawesome right now, but there are little
things that I do want to justwork through because I want to be a
better person all the time. Yeah. Yeah, that's really what therapy is
about. So everybody, I hopethat was helpful. Yeah, And in
works case, if you're like I'mnot ready for that yet, then I
just found out about this. Especiallyit's big in cities, like I guess

(47:35):
bigger cities like LA and New York. But like, uh, workouts are
fitness that have like work on traumain your body, like if you're trying
to I guess for people who arelike I'm not ready to talk about everything
yet, Like this might be alittle stepping stone there where it's like there's
I know, there's a pilates classand my friend goes to where it's trauma

(47:58):
therapy bodies, meaning there's That's whatshe said. So I was like,
what is this? La? Isaid, what is it? She was
like, so basically you go like, there's certain you know, because sometimes
the trauma that you have are thethings that the stresses in life affect you
physically, meaning like you might haveback pain that's chronic because you just hold

(48:19):
your back in a certain way becauseit's stress and like the trauma that has
happened to you. So she said, these workouts target specifically, like different
areas where you might hold that stressin that or that trauma in your body,
and it helps you identify and ithelps you to release it. I
was like really, She was like, yeah, it actually works. Oh,
I said, oh all right,So she's you know, so I'm

(48:39):
thinking like, okay, well youhave that in your area, maybe that's
your stepping stone. It sounds itsounds so la, but but you know
what, I will say that forsomebody who really did not want to do
therapy bele for like my therapy wasworking out. See, so yeah,
so that might I mean, butI will say also that if I saw

(49:00):
like trauma based pilates, I wouldbe like absolutely, like I'm not doing
that like that, Like you guyscome like that, I'm with you.
Yeah, I'm not doing that.I'd rather just talk. Okay. I
don't need I don't need to belike, you know, doing all my
little pilates. It'd be like,all right, there, I just released
that I'm from nine. Oh mygod, I just read. Yeah.

(49:23):
No, I'm fine with that.But anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed
our deep dive conversation. Yes,it's time now for the one an Ellie
pop culture diagnosis segments, which we'llget into after this break. Okay,

(49:52):
so now let's get into our popculture diagnosis for this week. Give us
a synopsis of Run the World andwho were diagnosing from the show. Okay,
every time I hear the title whoread in a way, yeah,
I think of Beyonce's song. It'sa fun and relatable show. It's about
four best friends living in Harlem intheir thirties, and it follows these ladies
around as they look for success andlove and all the stumbles that they have

(50:15):
along the way. So let's diagnoseWhitney today. She's fresh on the dating
scene after calling off her engagement toher college sweetheart, and she's used to
play by the rules, and Ialways focus on having the perfect image.
So now she out here, right, So now she out here run the
world looked really cute. I don'tknow why I didn't watch it. I

(50:37):
think one of the reasons I didn'twatch it was for like a really stupid
reason because I know, like,okay, so it's like it's set in
Harlem or whatever, and I thinklike one of the first episodes they go
to on Red Rooster, which isMarcus Samuelson's restaurant on her twenty fIF Street.
And I guess because like, youknow, like my friends who I
grew up with, they were likethat shit is why was like, no,

(51:00):
what, Like They're like, it'snice to go, like it's a
cute scene, but they were like, we're just trying to get some fried
chicken and this dude is doing themost right with this chicken. And no.
So in any case, big upto Marcus Samuelson, but not big
up to I guess the methods he'susing to make that chicken, because from

(51:21):
what I understand, like a lotof his recipes kind of blend Swedish and
like like Nordic flavors and like Africanflavors. And I'm just like, you
know what, I'm yeah, chicken, yeah, right, chicken right.
If I'm gonna if I want friedchicken on twenty Fish Street, that's probably

(51:42):
the first place I go to.But in any case, I saw so
I saw the show. It wascute, and I thought about, like,
oh my god, like living single, which is thirty years this year,
and then I also thought about girlfriendsand insecure and there seems to be
like a like a four some,Like if you can have a foursome of
ladies, then like it's all it'son a popping So Whitney is this character

(52:07):
on the show, and like yousaid, she was engaged, and she
says during her she's like, youknow, for the majority of my twenties
I was I was cooking and cleaningand making sure that my boyfriend, that
my college sweetheart, was like comfortable. And now that you know, she's
like, now that I'm no longerin a relationship. She's like, I
could have just been out here.I did see like this this uh this

(52:30):
scene where I guess she was talkingto her mom and it seems like,
you know, like her mom islike, you know, Boogie and One
who was played by oh my god, Whitley with her Whitney's mom is Whitley.
Wait, hold on, pause,put a break right here. That's
the I think I'm getting shows confused. So I want to make sure this

(52:52):
is the right show. Yeah,because Run the World plus Harlem, they
all kind of there these safes say, have the Foursome of Girls. I
forgot the name of the mom,but I don't it was this. Am
I mixing it with Harlem because they'rethe same exact show basically Whitney. Hold

(53:13):
on, let me look at itreal quick. Is it Whitley? Kanya
Pinkins. Tanya Pinkins is Whitney's mom. Oh okay, so then I'm mixing
it up? Do you know whatshow I'm talking about? Yes, kinds
of Have you seen how these showsare like very much? You see up?
So I'm like confusing, like,wait, which girls on which show?
Now? Yeah? Because I've seenthem both, right, I mean

(53:36):
right? So Okay, I'm sorry. So Whitlie's on the other show.
Willie's on the other show. Okay, so sorry. So Tanya Penkins,
she's an actress. If you seeher face, you know exactly like who
she is. She's been acting forever. But when Whitney was talking to her
mom, it seemed like her momwas like, oh, how's everything going
into yeah, and like you know, like are you you know, doing

(53:57):
this and doing that, and basicallylike wants her baby, like her baby
girl, to you know, likehave the best of everything. But Whitney
is trying to break out of thisimage of perfection. And you know,
as someone who I mean, noone told me like, oh, Imani,
you have to be perfect. Noone ever said that to me.
But I definitely can say with absolutecertainty that anybody who is invested in trying

(54:22):
to be perfect in any way,in any part of their life is going
to have anxiety. Yeah, becauseyou can't be perfect. Like it's it
ain't never gonna work. It's nevergoing to work. You might get one
thing right, you might have astreak of getting some stuff right for like
three days, but then like it'snot it's not gonna like that's is not
how the world works. That's nothow life works, and living and thriving

(54:45):
is about learning how to adjust sothat you're still thriving out here. So
I definitely, you know, bigup to Whitney the character for entering into
her whole phase because you know,sometimes listen, like we've all been in
our twenties or whatever, our wholephase entered our lives. But I mean

(55:05):
there's nothing wrong with it. Imean, I have fun. And then
I was like, Okay, that'senough hoeing, so I need to just
right like like, oh, I'msure, I'm just kidding, just kidding.
But but in any case, Iwould say that Whitney is definitely someone
who deals more so with anxiety,but she's trying to break out of that.
Yeah, so it'll be interesting tosee, you know, how she

(55:27):
develops, yeah, over the courseof the show. Yeah. Yeah,
so Whitney, she's got anxiety.She likes control so and I'm sure she
learned it from her mom on theshow as well. So anyway, you
guys, that's it for pop CultureDiagnosis this week, and we'll have another
fun character to analyze and talk abouton our next episode. If you guys

(55:51):
have any fictional characters you'd want forme to diagnose. Hit me up on
x formerly Twitters Twitter at doctor underscoreEmani. Hit meg up on Instagram at
Meg scoop. Oh, sorry,you have to advance the thing. No,
I thought I could remember it.Hit meg up on Instagram at Meg

(56:15):
scoop all one word, or emailus at hello Eddimani, State of mind
dot com. And if you loveus and you love the show, please
remember to rate and review us onyour favorite podcast app or if you're watching
us on YouTube, you know whatto do. Like the video, comment,
subscribe, share it with your friendsand your mama and your mama's friends,
all that good stuff. We appreciatethe love and appreciate you too.

(56:37):
Yeah, thanks for tuning in,everybody. Bye, Hey,