Love Bombing: How People Can Use Their Affection to Manipulate Others

Have you ever felt like someone is excessively showing their affection or how much they care about you? You've probably set boundaries, and they're still crossing them, right? Well, that sounds like love bombing. Join Dr. Imani and Meg as they dive deep into a topic that can often lead to emotional and psychological abuse. Plus, the duo also performs a pop culture diagnosis on Uche from the Netflix series 'Love Is Blind.'

If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please email us at [e-mail].

Episode Transcript

(00:15):
Hey, everybody, welcome between MONIstate of mind. I am doctor Imani
and I am Excoop. Are yousome one girl? I'm good, I'm
good. How are you? Let'sstress on you? Thank you. I
just got it from Zara, soI'm like dainty and happy and just yeah,
very sweet. I got a bunchof stuff from Zara recently, but
I'm about to return like most ofit. I do that too. I

(00:35):
like, will order a bunch ofstuff and then be like I don't like
these. But then yeah, halfthe time I don't be returning it,
and it's like dang, I know, and then I'm like, well,
somebody at the go will just cameup, So all right. It reminds
me I need to clean out mycloset. But in any case, that's
the c Peter just pointed at me, like you need to clean out your
closet anyway. Anyway, the truthvery true. That that being said.

(01:00):
So like, first of all,there's a gang of shit going on there
is there's I saw this article.It was about LinkedIn, which is you
know, very professional like social Idon't know if you call it social media,
I guess it is, but it'slike a professional network and there seems
to be a lot of oversharing happeningthere and people are like is this appropriate.
There was this one guy who likewrote on there like hey guys,

(01:22):
I'm getting a divorce, and thenit started this firestorm of like people saying
like, you shouldn't share that here. Other people, as you know,
said to him like, oh,like that's you know, you're being vulnerable.
And then there was a guy onthere that was talking about his shy
like he just can't be in publicor something. Yeah, And I feel
like that's a little too much.I don't really I mean, I have

(01:45):
a LinkedIn. I think most ofus have LinkedIn's if you like, you
know, are in the professional workin the professional war, but LinkedIn,
like I would say, you know, it's interesting, like when it comes
to social media, there are certainsocial media platforms that I personally would feel
more comfortable being vulnerable, but LinkedInis not one of them. Because I

(02:07):
like recruiters like contact me through LinkedIn, and like my CV is on LinkedIn,
Like my CV, like my resumeis not on Facebook, you know,
or Instagram. Like it's just it'slike, you know what, maybe
you should share that on a differentplatform. But at the same time,
I also don't know, like howold are these people? You know,

(02:28):
that's true, because that's a verygen Z type of like you're like,
oh my god, my bladder.Yeah. I feel like when you're like
this new generation, I feel likethey're so open with everything. They've grown
up with social media from the timethey're born, so they like feel like
it's okay, I can share thiswherever. But I feel like, I
don't know, I don't think that'sappropriate. And I feel like there's just

(02:49):
a time and a place for everything, and I feel like LinkedIn is not
the time nor the place. Ifeel like, yeah, I mean,
I feel like the time and theplace would be like in person with someone,
and it doesn't even necessarily have tobe like your friend. It could
be your therapist. Like I personallydon't need to know about anyone shy bladder
syndrome. But then I don't carebecause like I'm a doctor and I like
weird things and most people don't.So it's also like a divorce on LinkedIn,

(03:15):
like sharing about that. Yeah,that's a I mean, that's a
lot. That's a lot that isYeah, But then here's the flip side
of that. Because I also dobelieve there's power in you being vulnerable.
So, for example, because Ifeel like a lot of times people try
to put up a front in thecorporate world, and if you're like,
hey, I'm going through this,it humanizes a person. And I you

(03:38):
know, I'm no longer in corporateAmerica, but like you know, I
live in a very entertainment centered focusedcareer. So it's like, I'm allowed
to be myself in all aspects,right, But I understand in like certain
places people feel like they can't bethemselves. But I feel like when you
open up and share just a littlebit about your life, it makes people
connect with you automatically. So mistershy bladder, for example, I find

(04:00):
another shy bladder exactly, there mightbe a lot of people that are like,
oh my gosh, I would havenever said this in a work setting,
but like me too, thanks forhelping me not feel alone. So
I don't know, but maybe y'allneed to do that on Instagram or Facebook
or something. Maybe if this wasthe same person and he had a shy
bladder and was getting divorced, thenhe could also find somebody who like was

(04:20):
single and had a shy bladder andthen you know, I know, be
shy and like a little divorce together. I don't know, I don't know,
but I mean I just like it'sokay speaking of oversharing, Okay,
Jada Pincott, here's what I'm goingto say. I completely understand the sentiment

(04:44):
where people are like, girl,like you share so much? And I
think that's actually like it's does itget on a lot of people's nerves?
Yes? Am I going to bethe person to be like this, this
woman needs to stop talking? No? But I think with Jada Pinkett is
a little different because we already knowso much stuff. Yeah, yeah,

(05:08):
I have a red table talk andyeah, yeah, although I did learn
that Tupac tupacat alopecia, but Idon't really know if he wanted everyone else
was Yeah, his family mentioned itlike years ago, but not on his
face. He didn't have alopecia onhis face because he had a logo to
I don't know, girl, Idon't know, but but I think,
so what is too much? Then? Okay, if you're a celebrity,

(05:28):
what how much should you share this? She is she really a celebrity?
Though? Yes? Girl, Imean, yeah, you don't think Jada
Pinkett Smith is a celebrity. Imean, first of all, I call
her Jada Pinkett because now we learnedthat like her and Will have been separated
for like the past seventy years orsomething, right, But that's still they're
still married, So she's still Jadapink and Smith even though she is she

(05:51):
is, but I mean she alsobe out here like she There's way too
much stuff about their relationship that Idid not need to know. So that's
what I'm saying. So what iswhat is the appropriate amount of sharing,
especially if you have a book thatyou're writing about your life and you're going
on this press tour to tell peopleabout the book. Is in that scenario,

(06:11):
is it okay because the book islegitimately about her experiences? I mean,
yeah, it's It's totally okay.What I actually was most surprised about
was that there was still more stuffthat we didn't know about her. I
know everything, I'm sure there's stillmore stuff. Oh my god, Oh
my god, her me and Will. Yeah, hernwell, I mean he
said, he was like, well, I mean, yeah, she was

(06:31):
out fucking August Alcina. But hewas like, please, don't act like
I went out here too. No, I have a feeling like, but
he keeps his stuff close to thechest though, so is that But is
that better? I don't know ifit's It depends upon the person. Like
like Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smithare like maybe a little bit older than
me, like fifties. So Ido think it's kind of refreshing that they

(06:56):
are willing to share, or atleast that Jada is willing to share,
because most people of like my generation, like gen X, we're pretty you
know, we're kind of like,well, it's a need to know basis,
And I don't have a problem withit. I think this is her
story, and if you don't wantto hear it, then don't change the
freaking channel. Yeah, get offof whatever social media post you're on.
It's her story, it's in herbook. She's trying to sell this book

(07:19):
if she wants to tell all herbusiness and how you know Tupac proposed to
her when he was in writers,Like, she can tell these story,
That's what she says. But thisother girl like refuted all that and said
that it wasn't true. But like, we're never gonna know. But either
way, does it matter because theynever got married, so it doesn't really
matter. Yeah, I mean,I mean, so it's it's her story

(07:41):
to tell, and if she wantsto her story, by all means,
if you don't want to listen toit, then you don't have to.
I just think I think it's beautifulwhen people share their story sometimes, Yeah,
is it too much? Probably becauseshe's going on this PR tour exactly.
She went on this tour and toldeverybody the business. But it's in
her book, so it's not likeyou couldn't have purchased a book and read
it. But I don't think it'sa problem when people want to share their

(08:03):
story, you know. I dothink it makes people connect with you more.
There's definitely gonna be a lot morebooks sold because she told her smot.
Yeah, and there's other stuff thatyou want to know about, And
I don't think and people are justlike, are you you know? Check
on Will? Is he okay?First of all, it was fine.
He didn't already read the book,so he already knew what was in the
book. He's with her, andlet's be all the way real. Even

(08:26):
though he has not spoken out aboutlike his own he hasn't put a book
out about his own stuff. Trustand believe. I really, I really
think that the reason why they evengot to this point in their marriage is
because of him. I think hewas out here smashing all type of hoes,
doing all kinds of stuff. Feelthat, girl, I don't.
I don't feel that he But Imean I don't know these people, girl.

(08:48):
I mean he's Will Smith there,and I mean he's just like Independence
Day Will Smith, Fresh Principal Smith. Like. But see, I was
never like, I don't I knowthat he was. He's obviously like a
star. He was a big starback then, but like I never found
it. And you don't think thehose was out here. Oh no,
the hose was out and you don'tthink he was like, stay away hose.

(09:09):
I just feel like he was,like he was out here all these
people. I mean, okay,and I really feel like that. But
I think that was as a result. I don't think. I don't think
it was like that until it waslike Okay, well fine, if that's
what you're gonna do, then likethis is just what our marriage is gonna
be. And then she I thinkshe had to get to a place where

(09:31):
she was okay with it, Andnow what happened is I feel like men
can't dish they can't take what theydish out. And I really think that's
what happened, because if you sawthat August, I've seen an interview where
she talked about like their situation,situationship. Yes, the situationship. You
could see it was a little bita hurt thing and she was just speaking
about it matter of factly. Idon't think women get to that place unless

(09:52):
they've been done that way. Andso I feel like it was like,
well, since you know, maybethat was the agreement that Okay, we're
just gonna have this quote quote openmarriage and I can talk about Tupac every
day. And it was just like, well, like Jay, if you're
if you're gonna do this, andthat's fine. And I don't think he
realized the severity of that, becausewhen your woman does what you do,
oh, it's like, oh mygod him and I'm sitting here like bruh.

(10:16):
You know how many times over theyears have been people that have rumors
about Will Smith, about what likehim smashing Margot Robbie like all these like
yeah, I don't know, yes, like all his like the actresses he
was in movies. Like, there'sjust been so many things over the years
that were rumored, and I feellike there's some truth. Where there's smoke,
there's fire, so there's some kindof truth to this. He just
wasn't out here talking about but I'msure she found out about it, and

(10:39):
she was like, well, ifthat's what it's gonna be, then that's
what it's gonna be, you knowwhat. Okay, Okay, I can
see that. Okay. So she'sjust like, well, I guess this
is what it is then, youknow, And he just how he reacted
in that interview made me go,oh, I didn't I didn't see it.
I watched the Red Table talk whereshe was talking about you could see
there was a little anger under there, of course, but it was like,
why would you be angry about youthat? That's like a little boy

(11:01):
like you, like you will Smithand a woman wants to just go out
and f around with some like likeD list singer who is way younger than
her unless he but you know,he he does have issues with him with
his vision, So maybe he's likeRay Charles and that because like he almost

(11:22):
blind. Is he like y'all y'allboth laughing at me. But he why
you think about it? Though?What woman would go seek that unless she
was like, you know what,I need to fuck somebody, right,
Okay, I want to say allabout like she could probably be like,
I'm not even Jada Pinks, itdon't matter, like she probably was like

(11:46):
I'm I'm an Iggy Azelle or whateveranyway. But but I do believe that
every time every time Jada Pink andSmith speaks of Tupac, more Tupac records
get sold in an Angel, aren'tits wings? So that being said,
hey guys, today we're gonna betalking about something that's really interesting. Maybe

(12:13):
this might have even happened in Willand Day's relationship at some point. Yeah,
we're gonna talk about a topic that'sboth intriguing and unsettling, and that's
called love bombing. Well I've heard, like, I think I know what
it is, but I'm we'll talkabout it. Yeah, we'll, we'll
talk about it. So it's it'sit's it's it's a really interesting way that

(12:35):
people can go about, I guess, showing love quote unquote to their partners.
But we'll talk more about it lateron in the show. Okay,
so you guys, So if you'reloving the mini state of my podcast,
and I'm sure you are because we'reamazing, please rate and review us on
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comment about how you're doing mentally.But also like the video and smash that

(13:00):
subscribe button so that you can alwaysget notifications when we have a new show
out you share with your friends andyour friend's friend. Yeah, exactly,
like we have a good time onhere. So anyway, we have a
lot to discuss, so let's getright into it after the break. So
it's time for one of our favoritesegments on the show, ask Doctor Emani
anything. We love reading your lettersand we're ready for some questions. So,

(13:24):
Meg, who's our first listener?Excuse me? So, Meg,
who's our first letter from today?All right, it's from our homegirl,
Tanya. What's up, Tanya?She says, Dear Doctor Emani and Meg,
I find myself in a situation whereI'm unsure how to handle things and
I could really use your advice.I've been with my boyfriend for a little
over a year and we've had somewonderful moments together, but Recently, I've

(13:48):
been feeling like he's taking my kindnessfor granted. I've always been a person
who values kindness and empathy in arelationship, and I try to be supportive
and understanding. However, it seemslike my boyfriend has started to expect this
from me without reciprocating. He oftencancels plans we make without much of an
apology, and when he's going througha tough time, I'm there for him,
but it feels like he disappears whenI need the same support. I've

(14:11):
tried talking to him about how Ifeel, but it doesn't seem to make
much of a difference. He'll apologize, promise to change, but then the
same cycle repeats. I'm left feelingunappreciated and emotionally drained. I care about
him, but I'm starting to wonderif I'm just wasting my kindness on someone
who doesn't truly value it. Howdo I handle this situation? Is there

(14:33):
a way to help him understand howI feel without pushing him away? This
is from Tania. Mm hmm,your boyfriend sounds really selfish and honestly,
if I were you, I wouldI mean, I would have a conversation

(14:54):
with him about it, as itseems like you did. Yeah, but
you either have to accept that thisis going to not be like a give
and take relationship as far as likeit being like equal yeah, yeah,
meaning that like you take and thenyou also give, he takes and then

(15:15):
he gives. He's taking a lotand you're giving a lot. And I
think that it's just it sounds likeat least that it's really draining you emotionally.
So I think it's probably a goodidea to have a conversation with him,
you know, again, explain tohim like how you feel, and
then you know, unless you're able, unless you're willing and able to be

(15:37):
with someone who doesn't give you theemotional support that you need, I would
say you should move on. Yeah, especially because like y'all are boyfriend or
girlfriend as opposed to marriage, Iprobably would say, like, go to
counseling. I mean, you couldgo to counseling as a couple. As
a boyfriend and girlfriend situation. Youcan suggest that, I feel like you've
talked to him enough about it,you can suggest, you know, y'all

(16:00):
go to couple's counseling. If he'snot down with it, cut your losses
and yeah, leave growing just leave, yeah, because it usually doesn't get
better if that's how it is.And y'all haven't tried, like you haven't
gotten professional help, because honestly,he could be somebody that's just unaware because
of his childhood, like true,you know the traumas that he's dealt with.
And so if you guys don't goand get professional help for him to

(16:21):
see the era of his ways,then girl, you need to just leave.
Yeah, yeah, just lee becausehe ain't gonna change if y'all get
married. And yeah, y'all nohelp, Yeah exactly. I mean,
and I can definitely say that whenI was much much younger, I mean,
like decades ago, this might havebeen the case with a couple of
my relationships. But I've been totherapy countless time since then, yeah and

(16:45):
now, and I don't do thatanymore. So what you were the one
who was like yeah, yeah,So I was in this case more like
the boyfriend because I'm like, I'man only child, like you know,
I'm just yeah yeah, yeah,but yeah, but it's not I mean,
it's I didn't really I didn't recognizeit until, like I guess whoever

(17:06):
I was with the time was like, yo, like you just seem like
you don't really seem to be likeinto me like that. And then and
then when I was made aware ofit, I was like, oh my
god, Okay, I'm so sorry, like I'm just in my head yeah
yeah, yeah all day. Andthen it made me really be like,
Okay, Emiani, you have tolike emote more. You need to actually
like be more supportive of this personthat you care about. Yeah, So

(17:27):
I would give it one more time, tyya, like have a conversation with
him. But then after that,like Meg said, I would just cut
your losses and just say bye becauseI would say, like, my husband
had issues with this because he wasvery like just how he grew up.
Kid. He was, you know, on the streets, you know,
just a little hood nigga basically,and he just didn't really get it,

(17:47):
you know. And I had totalk to him several times, but he
was always receptive. Like like shesaid, he her boyfriend changes for a
while, but he reverts back.So what we had to do was go
to counseling. And we've been toplenty of like couples for him to kind
of get out of his habits becausehe for him, it wasn't intentional.
He wasn't right. He just justa hood nigga like all right, all
right, Like no, I won'tbe all right. I need you to

(18:11):
sit here with me and what I'mgoing through, you know. And so
it's it took him a while,you know. And and still I have
to remind him sometimes because he'll stillrevert back to his old way of like
just being like are you good.No, I'm not not good. And
we have the tools now, andlike I'll even say that, like we
have the tools' just supposed to bedoing. He's like, oh, yeah,
you're right, you're right. Andthen also after we had our daughter,

(18:33):
he got much better because he waslike, you can't do that to
no little girl. And he toldme the other day he's like I get
it now. Like it was likeI feel like I understand you so much
better now that we have a daughter, because when she be crying, I
want to be like, man,you are right. But he's but then
he realized he can't do that.He's like no, yeah, He's like
okay, okay, so I can'tdo that, where I was like,
yest, also, you can't dothat with little boys either you can't put

(18:57):
you know, hood niggas, youknow, like stop that is an eighteen
month Oh you he's not a man, so yeah, you shouldn't do that
with any baby really, So well, sorry, hood niggas. Y'all are
gonna have to emote more and useyour word yes you are? Yeah,
well make you Tanya. Our nextletter comes from d D. What's up,

(19:18):
girl? She says, Hey,doctor Imani and Meg. Let me
start off by saying, my motherin law is a lovely person, but
she just can't seem to mind herown business and is starting to put a
strain on my marriage. From thebeginning of our relationship, she's been overly
involved in our lives. She constantlyoffers unsolicited advice about our finances, our
parenting, and even our personal choices. It's as though she feels entitled to

(19:42):
be a part of every decision wemake. I've tried to talk to my
husband about it, but he's hesitantto set boundaries with his mother. He's
afraid of hurting her feelings or causingconflict. As a result, she continues
to overstep her bounds, and I'mleft feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I know
the My husband loves his mother andI respect their relationship. However, I

(20:03):
believe there should be a balance betweenmaintaining a strong mother son bond and respecting
their privacy and autonomy of our ownfamily. How can I approach this delicate
situation without causing a necessary strife withinour family? Okay, zd High This
sounds like my mom a lot,But I will say this, for as

(20:25):
much as I love my mom,my mom loves boundaries, which means that
I love boundaries. So I hadto essentially give my mom a lot of
boundaries when I got like a littleolder and started being in relationships. Listen,
I totally understand where your husband iscoming from as far as like I
don't want to cause conflicts. Idon't want to hurt her feelings. His

(20:48):
mom may not be someone who maybeit is able to express how she feels,
and so when she does get hurt, it may just be such a
blowt to her ego, you know, and she doesn't have the words,
let's say, to say like ohmy god, that really hurt. And
maybe his mom again a lot ofmaybes, but as a result, maybe

(21:08):
his mother then can become like reallydismissive and just you know, just just
not the most emotionally open person.But you guys are married, right,
so it's good to be able tounderstand the like your husband's point of view,
but you guys are married, likeyou guys are a family now.
Yeah, yeah, and as faras in his life, you come first,

(21:30):
even though it's very difficult for I'msure a lot of mothers to hear
that and accept that, digest it, you know, like you do come
first, and you like he isyour family. And so it's really just
going to have to be a situationwhere, because it can't come from you,
like it cannot come from you,he's just going to have to be
able one day to have enough courageto say to his mother like, listen,

(21:53):
mom, I love you, buthonestly, unless myself or my wife
comes to you with a specific question, you know, could you please like
just you know, keep it toyourself because it has been causing some strain,
and then you can explain. Hecan explain to his mom like you
know why, But yeah, Imean I understand, I completely understand.

(22:18):
But when it comes to like whathappens in my house and my mom doesn't
live with me, I don't livewith my mom anymore. But when it
comes to what happens in my house, I don't want for anything that's going
on in the outside world, includingmy mom, to affect the energy in
my house. But here's the thingthat's your mom. Yeah. I think

(22:40):
if it was her mom, shewould understand, Okay, I have to
set certain boundaries because my mother islike that. She's a short, little
spitfire battle of a Korean like y'allneed to and she'd becoming at my house
she rearranged yourself. I'd be like, she'd be like, why are you
doing this with it? Like sheliterally is the queen of unsolicited advice,
tell me how to raise our likeeverything. And I'm like I just had

(23:03):
to sit down with her and waslike, Mom, like, this is
my life. But you said boundary, right, But that's because it's my
mother. And I understood, like, no matter what, my mom loves
me, right, she loves me. And I had to kind of show
her like I'm even I'm your daughter. I'm not your baby, little girl.
I'm not a little girl anymore.So you have to respect my choices
as an adult because this is myfamily. So I'm not a crackhad right

(23:26):
exactly. She raised me better thanthat. And that's kind of the conversation
your Husbanddi needs to have with hismother, which is like, I'm not
a little baby anymore. I'm stillyour baby, but I'm my little baby,
so thank you for this, youknow, but we're gonna do our
own thing right and even now mymom, you know, because that's one
of the ways that I realized sheshows her love is to tell me what
to do. So now what Ido is if there's if it's if she

(23:48):
just wants to tell me, likeyou should do this, you should do
this, I'd be like, okay, thank you, and then I go
about my business. But then ifit gets to be too overwhelming, then
that's when I talked to her andI'm like, mom, right my life,
Yeah, thank you, but nothank you, you know, like
I have to do that. Sothat's something that your husband's gonna have to,
Doddie. And if he just choosesnot to because he just is too
afraid to stand up to his mother, then go ahead, and y'all just

(24:11):
gonna have problems in your own home, like and look like you're allowing someone
to have to cause us to haveissues in our home. So then we're
just gonna have to live with that. So are you okay with us not
having sex this week? Are youokay with us not talking for the next
few days? Are you okay?Well, that's what's happening because you've refused
to stand up to your mother,and at some point he's gonna have to
And if he does, he's gonnahave to choose do I want the strife

(24:33):
and the issues in my home ordo I want to get exactly my wife.
So that's what happens. You know, women feel very disconnected and then
they don't want to have sex.Well they're just like I'm good, so
like, what do you really want? So I feel like eventually he'll be
like, Okay, it's not worththe trouble in my home for me to
at least not say something to mymother. So I'm gonna have to say
something. And maybe maybe d DA husband needs to go to counseling on

(24:57):
his own so that he can oryou guys can go together. But I
think that you know, if he'sif he's that, if he has that
much trepidation, like that much worryabout like oh my god, like my
mom, like I can't talk toher like that, like she's gonna be
so upset. Then at least seeinga therapist might help him, like with
role playing, like okay, likeor or at least for him to find

(25:19):
the words that he can use,because it doesn't have to be like mom,
you need to stop being in mybusiness. Yeah, exactly exactly.
You say it in a way thatis like you know you included. I
love you, but you know,don't worry like I'm married, like I'm
grown. Yeah, it's okay,I'm not a crackhead. It's gonna be
okay. Yeah, yeah, it'sgonna be fine. So so yeah,
so thank you so much again toTana and ZD for sending those letters in

(25:44):
Okay, so it's part of theshow right now where I'm supposed to switch
gears. But before we do,I just want to tell everybody if you
have a problem, a question,or you just you don't want to release
some steam, tell us about yournosy neighbor that wants to make you scream
little Ryan right there. Okay,please hit us up by sending an email
to Hello at imanistatefmind dot com.All right, doctor Ramani, let's get

(26:07):
into this jeep dive after the break. Okay, doctor Rmie, I have
to admit that I'm a part ofthe group of people like who've heard of
the word love bombing, but I'mnot really sure what it means. So
let's start there and share with uswhat love bombing is. Okay. So
it's really interesting that we're talking aboutthis topic today. For me personally,

(26:29):
I really I had heard of theterm, but one of my really good
friends mentioned it to me recently assomething that she went through, and so
I was I was like, yeah, that actually does kind of make sense,
Like when I went to look itup, because I was like,
oh, yeah, girl, lovebombing, I don't know what time means.
And then I went and looked itup and I was like, oh,
that's exactly what her boyfriend at thetime was doing to her. So

(26:53):
love bombing is basically a tactic,and it's a manipulative tactic where one person
and showers the other person with justexcessive affection and tension, which sounds great.
However, it's a manipulative tactics becauseand therefore it can be emotionally and
psychologically damaging, and sometimes it's difficultto recognize it it's a problem until it's

(27:17):
too late. So love bombing isessentially a form of manipulation and by which
an individual, Let's say, youknow, if I because it has happened
to me, I have a boyfriend, he has ulterior motives. He bombards
me with affection, compliments and gifts, which is kind of like what I
would expect in the beginning of arelationship. So it's hard to tell.

(27:40):
It's hard. Yeah, it's reallyhard to tell, but sometimes sometimes you
can and we'll talk about that ina little bit. And it's designed to
create an intense emotional bond and alsodependency on the other person. Could you
feel like withdrawal when you don't getthat bombing as like like you had it
in the beginning exactly. Like it'senough that when you first meet somebody and

(28:03):
you guys are clicking, and it'slike, oh my god, all I
do is think about him or herand oh my god, Like every time
I hear a love song, it'sabout that person. But with love bombing,
like it's they'll come a point intime where like the person may say
something and you'll be like, soso with my friend, right with a

(28:25):
friend of mine, she met thisguy, let's say a few months ago,
and she was like I saw herand she was like, oh my
god, Like this is from oneweek to the next. So I see
her once a week and she waslike, oh my god, like I
have to tell you. There's somuch has happened over this past week.
And I was like, okay,well what happened. She's like, oh
my god. So I met thisguy and everything has just been so intense

(28:47):
and it's just been so awesome.And like he he told me, he
was like, yeah, you shouldtake out your IUD because I want to
have a baby with you. I'mlike, how long have you known him?
Not take out your I A week? Girl? A week? It
had been a week. I waslike, girl, okay, first of
all, slow it down, slowit down, Like I get that you

(29:08):
guys have been like you know,on like you know, fuck fast twenty
twenty three. Like I get that, I understand that. Like this sounds
nice now, but it's like Idon't really know you, Like I know,
I feel like I know your penismore than I know you as a
person. So like, let's andthat's what I mean, Like you want
to give me a gift? Great, you want to be like, oh
mon, you look so nicely,like oh my god, thank you.

(29:30):
It was like, hey girl,you take out your eye, we can
have this baby. It's like Iknow you for a week, like get
the fuck out of my face.I don't even know. We need to
do some genetic testing. I don'tknow nothing. I don't know anything about
you. But you know, likeand that's when like you know, the
shrieking violence from like horror movies willstart to like, you know, enter
in your subconsciousness, like you justlike that's like your yellow flag right there,

(29:52):
like oh, that's a red flagflag. It's a red Yeah.
I wouldn't even go that far.Yeah, Like, well, how do
you know it's like somebody's just talkinglike so intensely in love with you as
opposed to like this is you're amanipulator. Well, because we were talking
about this before we started recording.But essentially, if you want to,
if you want to think of agood example of love bombing, think about
a Tyler Perry movie, like notnot like oh what is it? I

(30:18):
wish? How why did I getmarried? But like the early ones,
whereas always like this woman who's likesingle and she's sad and she has like
a child. And then here comesChamar Moore with his terrible braidwig and he's
like, oh girl, oh Ilove you so much. She's like,
I don't know. I like you, Shamar, but but I don't know.
And then he starts like really goingoverboard. And then she's like,

(30:41):
oh my god, this is exactlyand then and then wait and then this
particular character will probably talk to CicelyTyson or somebody older and they're like,
girl, this is what God,this is what God has brought you.
She's like, you know, asisly' sison, You're absolutely right. And
then at the end of the movie, here comes Jamar Moore, still with
his braidwig, terrible braidwig, andthen they're this this character is and they

(31:02):
get together and that's the end.But here's the thing, that's the honeymoon
phase. We didn't get past whathappens after Shamar Moore got to take his
braids out and he looking crazy.We didn't get to the part where this
nigga fart in and shit in andlike, you know, you getting more
comfortable with each other. So lovebombing is essentially it's it can be very

(31:23):
dangerous for people that already have alet's say predisposition to being dependent upon other
people, because they're gonna be like, oh my god, like this is
everything I ever wanted. Like allhe has to do is just share me
with compliments and gifts and other reallylike like weird things, weird weird requests

(31:45):
for until until the honeymoon phase isover. Yeah, and then once the
honeymoon phase is over, then you'rejust like, damn, this is a
regular ass, crusty nigga, andyou're just like like whatever. And then
and not honeymoon phase will be overbecause that person will stop love bombing you.
And not only will they stop lovebombing you, they will start to
twist things around and be like,well, you know, like maybe I

(32:08):
haven't given you as many compliments becauseyou're not as sexy to me anymore,
Like just dumb shit like that,like gaslighting exactly. Okay, So love
bombing is like love bombing and gaslightingalmost go hands in hands. So that's
how you know if you're being buthold on, so while you're being love
bombed, can you tell or isit only when it moves to the like

(32:29):
after the honeymoon phase and they startdoing this stuff, can you be like,
oh, that was love bombing.It's so it's hard to tell if
you're somebody who maybe is in likenot the best place in their life,
right, Like let's say you're single, but like maybe you haven't really resolved
all the issues from a previous relationshipand you're just like walking around minding your

(32:51):
business, and then you find something, you meet somebody boom and they're just
like, oh my god, ohmy god, oh my god, oh
my god. And you're like,oh my god, I am awesome,
oh my god, this is great. But when they start and when they
start saying things that are kind ofweird and off, like oh, I
want you to have my baby,and I just like I met you last
week, Like that's really when theconversation should let When Like, if let's

(33:13):
say I'm the woman in this relationshipand a man's like, oh, I
want you to have my baby,that's when you're like, you know,
we need to slow things down.Oftentimes, when that happens, the love
bomber will be like, well,damn, girl, I thought you was
different. And then you'll begin tounderstand that like their alterior motive just like
just revealed itself. Yeah, yeah, but it can it can be hard.

(33:34):
It can be hard. So I'msaying it's so hard to tell.
Like if that's just if it makesyou uncomfortable, like if you just mess
somebody and they're like, oh mygod, you're amazing, but then they
start saying things that make you uncomfortable, like that's when you need to like
pause and have a conversation. Yeah, because I feel like that's you know,
like the master manipulator turns on andit's just like now trying to isolate

(33:57):
you from friends and family and makesyou feel bad hang out with you know,
and that's what they do, yeah, because they want you just to
themselves and they basically it's about control. They want to control you, right,
So they want you to be awayfrom everybody. They want you to
be dependent on them. And whenyou show and you assert like no,
I don't you know, I stillhave a life. Oh well, you
don't really love me, you don'tcare about me, and right, it's

(34:20):
like, no, I do careabout you, and I do love you
if that's where you're at, ButI love myself more and I just met
you. What kind of what kindof people love bomb? Like what kind
of what would you say? Iguess they're what kind of diagnoses would you
give? Lovem Like what characteristics are? They are narcissists or they like sociopaths?

(34:44):
Like what? Definitely narcissists Okay,because narcissists really, I mean,
a narcissist is somebody who always bigsthemselves up, like even unprovoked, like
they always they're like like uh,like you're not supposed to be someone who
says like hi, everybody, howare you? Like, Oh, I'm

(35:06):
a doctor, Like bitch we atKrogers like calm down, like what are
you doing? Like congratulations, butlike what like how did we get here?
Like just take your groceries and getthe fuck out of here, you
know what I'm saying. But narcissistswill do it because narcissists want the attention
to always be on them, Okay. And so it sounds kind of hypocritical

(35:30):
that a narcissist would initially resort tolove bombing someone, but ultimately it's because
they want that person. They wantthat person to give them compliments, and
then they also want to control andmanipulate that person. Oh my gosh,
this is like as I'm going throughthis, I'm like thinking about all like
my past relationships, like have Ibeen loved bombed? And now that I'm

(35:51):
thinking about it, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have yeah,
probably, and like you might nothave noticed it, but like regardless,
enough happened that the relationship like endedanyway. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Like I remember there's this one guyand it was like and I just thought
it was like so beautiful, likeyou said, like, oh, this
is like God ordained and everything,because I met this guy through somebody at
my church. She was like,I have somebody for you, and I

(36:13):
like, I trust her. ButI didn't realize this guy was like a
narcissist, liar and everything. Andwe literally hung out every single day for
like a month, and I waslike, oh my gosh, this is
like beautiful, this is wonderful,faded everything. Yes, but I should
have known someone was up because hehad a Beijing and he lied to me
and I pointed it out. Abeijing girl, you don't know what a
beijing? Yeah? What is that? Oh? It's when you get like

(36:36):
do what yes? Yes, Sobeijing is when like a dude gets like
when he gets a lineup and thenthey put the die girl. You can't,
but you can't date nobody with thebigan die girl they call it.
I thought it was called bigan.Oh baby, it's actually yen jin.
That's how you're supposed to pronounce it. But everybody, all the black people

(36:58):
say, is Beijing. Girl,girl, I know that we out here
calling it Beijing. Yes, that'swhat they did. So when you see
somebody was Philly. No, actuallyI don't remember where he was from.
I think it was somewhere from thesouth because Philly dudes they used to they
used to Beijing. They're like beersand ship. I was like, okay,
lego man about this dude. Helike it was very noticeable, right,

(37:22):
So to me, I thought itwas like but it was like,
okay, if you're black, itwas noticeable, like I know you have
this Beijing. So I didn't thinkit was a secret, right, And
I had mentioned it one day andI was like, oh, like,
you know when you get your Beijingand you get like I hear, that's
exactly who girl. No, hedidn't. He's like, this is my

(37:43):
real hair. This is my realhair right here. Girl. I was
in there like nigga about it's veryobvious. Your hairline do like that.
Your hairline looked like a lego man. He was like, what do you
mean? And I was like,so, yes, ladies, if somebody
lie to you about the Beijing,keep it moving. Okay, what do
we call it? Beijing? Girl? I don't know, And that's not
how you pronounce it. Y'll likelike black people like like Sean John.

(38:08):
She was like, oh, yeah, I got the Newean. That is
Sean John. It is not Jean, y'all sound I mean? But niggas
was really anyway. I'm like,niggas really was uptown talking about Yeah.
I just got Yeah, you likethis this is Jean, Like you sound
stupid? It's how Beijing girl.Yes, but that's so so mister Beijing.

(38:30):
Like I should have known something wasup because he lied to me about
that. So there's always me.There's always truth to like, like when
you see these little flags start topop up, like you need to pay
at exactly. So you didn't haveto investigate because Beijing was on his face.
And I was like, I wasn'topposed to it, but if you're
gonna lie about it, what elsewould you lie about? Straight was like,

(38:51):
no, girl, and he waslike, no, I don't have
any dye in my hair. AndI'm sitting there like look at that at
it like okay, And then Iremember asking my home calling my homegirl like
why would he lie about his Beijing? And she was like, girl,
you better watch out because you don'tlie about something that's that obvious. There's
a reason. And then come tofind out this dude like mind you love
bombing? Okay, Like would sendme poems every day and like it was

(39:12):
just beautiful. I do love alove poem, okay. And then out
of the blue, girl, Iget a call from his phone and it's
a chick oh girl shick and itwas like apparently this was his like ex
fiance, but they were still inthe process of like according to him,
he says they were done, butaccording to her, she was like no,
like we basically just had a momentwhere we're not talking, but like

(39:35):
we're still engage. I have somany questions Beijing niggas be getting engaged.
Yeah, you know Carlos Boozing,the NBA player where everybody was making fun
of him because he had a wholehead full of Beijing and try to act
like nobody could say it was like, it's fine, it's just real shiny
right now, I know who elsebeing that bad. No, he doesn't
have that Beijing Jermaine Jackson. Buthe has tattoos. It looks like I

(40:00):
was. I was like, he'slike a tattoo. It's a tattoo,
Like we don't notice he got hegot waves tattooed on his chair. Just
so either way, I realized somuch. So the whole point of that
story was like, the whole pointof the story is about because because as
soon as I found out about him, like you know, the little things
he was lying about, this girlcalled me, It was just like,

(40:21):
oh, well, I'm done.And afterwards he was like, no,
this is all a lie, andI was like, you know, right,
and so little things he was doingwas just like, oh, it's
obviously that you're lying. And sogirl, he literally called me every day
for like six months and I neverpicked up again, and he was just
like and then he would leave voicemailslike I can't believe you would do this
to us, and like you letsomebody else get between us, And I'm

(40:44):
like, yeah, yo, exyou lying this girl. I think you're
still have something with mind you Ihad also been to his apartment. I
remember looking around like this is likea woman decorated it, and he had
lied and he was like, no, no woman decorated this. No,
he said his sisters decorated it.And like when the girl had called me,
she told me that her stuff wasstill there, like she's still So
I was like, how are yougonna sit here and love bomb me every

(41:06):
day? And then like because youwere, because apparently he was a master
manipulator and he had done it toher, and so she was like you
watch out, girl, and Iwas like, girl, don't it about
it done? I don't need totalk to him no more because this is
too much drama. I'm done.And so like you know, I could
see like, oh, if Ihad kept talking to him, I could
see where it was headed. Becauseclearly this girl, it was the same

(41:30):
situation with her. So yes,love bombing, yes, so turns into
so Narcissists such as mister Beijing almostsaid buying in Beijing definitely can love momb
Yes, they definitely can love bomb. Also, people who have like a
dependency a dependent personality disorder, whichis basically like someone who has like self

(41:52):
like not self dependency, but dependentissues, like they always have to be
with somebody. They always just needto feel like like I'm not alone,
I'm part of at least a pair. Yeah. Yeah. And then also
people that have like I would say, like sometimes when people have like anxiety,
like certain anxiety disorders. Okay,well not certain anxiety disorders. If

(42:16):
you have anxiety disorder, sometimes theywill also love bomb because possibly they get
really anxious if they're not in arelationship or if they are by themselves,
or you know, if they can'tshow like oh I'm with this person,
like look, we're together, I'mnot by myself. So it's essentially that

(42:39):
speaking of narciss well, excuse me, not speaking of narciss but kind of
similar is I just read this articlethis morning that internationally, so globally,
one in fourteen people are sociopaths.I was like, damn, So basically
we've all met them and oh yeah, like had them in our lives in

(42:59):
some ways apor fashions, Oh yeah, for sure. Oh my gosh.
Now I'm starting to think, like, who do I notice as sociopath?
A lot mayan yeah, because onein fourteen. I mean, I can't
really do the math right now,but that's a lot of people, it
is. Yeah, there's a lotof people. So love bombing it's not
cool. Yeah, don't do it. And if you are a love bombing,

(43:20):
just know that if you feel greatnow, that's great, but like
keep the gifts, but pay attentionto the sign pay attention to signs.
And if you don't feel comfortable,like you know, have a conversation right
then and there. Ye like yeah, I don't want to get pregnant by
you. I also don't want tohelp you apply your Beijing. I don't

(43:42):
want to do a number of things. Okay, So is it is love
bombing or can love bombing be justlove relationships? Or like can other people
do it to you? So lovebombing really encapsulates like all forms of love,
so it can also include like aparent child relationship. Yeah yeah,
Like, uh, I'm trying tothink of a really good example. This

(44:07):
is gonna sound kind of weird,but it's kind of relatable. So there
were times when like when I wouldget like in trouble when I was younger,
and I would get punished and likeand like you know, I'm like
not the corporal punishment was like allover the place, but I would get
slapped like a lot. I was. I was always getting slapped up like

(44:30):
in the face, like when youfeel like the hand like like that.
I was always getting slapped. Iwas like one time, I remember I
got slapped and I was like relaxingmy hair and I was just like,
well, I guess I'm gonna justlet this burn and let this burn too.
So I was working, but Iremember like there would be times where

(44:51):
I would get punished and then afterwardsmy mom would be like, Okay,
so I ran you a bath,and like, you know, like do
you want something you know, doyou want me to order yourself from like
your favorite restaurant? And I reallyyou know. I mean, I don't
doubt that a lot of this wasguilt on my mom's part, but I
also know that my mom was raisedby people who had very like selfish tendencies,

(45:12):
so that may have also been whatshe experienced. And so she was
like, well, yeah, likelet me just like I do feel bad,
let me like show you some love. So it love bombing doesn't always
have to be romantic relationships, althoughit's more common that way. Oh,
I've seen that before. I've seenthis one parent like just like overly affectionate,

(45:37):
playing with her child, like doingall this stuff, and then like
when her child did something that shedidn't like, she just was like,
cold, I don't talk to youanymore. That's a little And I remember
thinking like that's kind of like cruelto do to a child, Like,
yeah, you love them and theydo something wrong and you're like, I
want to talk to you, youknow what I'm saying. And then now
her child was like I'm so sorry. So it's like I feel like you

(46:00):
should teach your children lessons, butI feel like that's a very cruel.
Yeah, you know, to gofrom one spectrum to the other, Yeah,
to just like well, I don'teven talk to you. I don't
like, leave me alone. You'vehurt my feelings. Yeah, Like as
a parent, I feel like withmy son, he hurt my feelings every
day. Okay, let him tellI don't know, I win the worst
mom award every day from him.He'd be like, you're so mean,

(46:21):
mommy. I'd be like, yes, okay, So like but I don't
go the route of like, well, then don't talk to me and like
I don't you know, my feelingsare hurt, and like why would you
do that because I understand he's alittle kid. Yeah, yes, girl,
And then the next minute he's like, Mommy, You're the best mommy
exactly, Like whatever, Okay,but that's what happens when you deal with
somebody who's passive aggressive, whether they'reyour parent or your romantic partner or your

(46:44):
boss. You're stuck with like,oh my god, did did I do
something? Like even if they're upset, because that happened to me a lot
growing up. Like I even hadwhen I first started working as a doctor,
when I was a resident, Ihad an attending doctor and I'm remember
like there would be days where hewould just be like me and I would
like all day, I would belike, oh my god. So it's

(47:06):
like a PTSD that it is.Yeah. Yeah, you can get like
post traumatic stress syndrome. You candefinitely have anxiety, which I already had.
You can get depressed behind that.So yeah, it's it's something that
you can really it can. Itcan it's something you can internalize and it
can really like just mess you up. So love bombs beware. Yeah,

(47:28):
So everybody, that's all the timewe have for our deep Dive segment today
on love bombing. Yes, Okay, so let's light this up a little
bit and gets to our last segment, one of my favorites, pop culture
diagnosis. Okay, so Meg,let's get right into our pop culture diagnosis
for this week. Can you pleasegive our listeners a quick synopsis of the
new season of Love Is Blind onNetflix and who will be diagnosed today?

(47:51):
I love Love is Blind. Okay, I just actually I love all these
little love reality shows, but thisis a really cute popular Netflix dating show
where basically these people go into thesepods and they can talk to each other,
but they can't see each other wherethey live at all. They move
to different cities. Oh so theydon't live up in there in pod.
Oh no, no, they don'tlive in the pod, so they So

(48:12):
it's basically the way it's set upis like you have the guys pods of
girls pods, and they have likethis thin wall in between them, so
they can talk to each other,they just can't see each other. And
then when they walk out of thepods, they go to like the guy
and girl dorms basically, so allthe girls of on one side, all
the guys on one side. Whilethey're doing this like Love Blind experiment.
I really thought they had these peopleup in these little pods like they was
like, because then what happens islike when you go in you date and

(48:37):
then like I think the guys willmove the pod like when they first get
in there, and the girls justkind of sit. So it's kind of
like a speed dating but you don'tsee the person. And then as the
time goes on, then you canlike request who you want to talk to
more in a pod. So yeah, it's like a date. They be
in there like curls up on thecat, but they little blanket, you
know, talking to each other.It's really cute. Okay, And I

(48:58):
really do think there is some tothe experiment of, like I don't know,
getting to know somebody before you seethem. Yeah, I do think
it can work. It can itcan work certain situation. It can.
So one guy found himself as thetopic of discussion, and his name is
Uch. He's a lawyer from Houston. But he just continued to stir up
trouble. Yeah, and it screamsmaster manipulator to me. But doctor money,

(49:20):
like, what would you diagnose himas? Okay, first of all,
I don't really like him. Idon't really I don't really I can't
really say I fuck with Ushi Wally, Like that's not really like mine,
Like like he I mean not thatthis is somebody that I know personally,
but just from seeing him, likeit's very much like I'm a lawyer and
like I live in like a threestory house and I drive a Tesla and

(49:44):
like, yeah, I'm so likeI mean basically like he wants to be
known at like I'm a lawyer,so treat me accordingly. Yeah, And
it's like, dude, there's allkinds of lawyers that don't have three story
houses or drive tesla and whatever.Ooja is interesting because all right, So

(50:07):
he finds himself in a bit ofa love triangle with Lydia, who is
someone we learn he dated before theshow started filming, which is crazy,
Which is crazy. They're not supposedto know each other, so somebody didn't
do their job. Or maybe theydid and they wanted the drama. I
don't know, I can't tell,but literally, you're supposed to talk about

(50:27):
who you dated before. So eitherthese two lied, yeah, or they
knew that these two knew each otherand they didn't tell each other that they
would be on the show, andthey just was like, let's see what
happened or maybe okay, so sorry, let me back up. There's Ouch.
There's Lydia, the chick that hehad dated apparently like they dated,

(50:50):
right, and they dated like theythey dated like twice. There was a
period where they broke up, butthen we find out later that when they
got back together it's because Lydia hadsuffered a death in the family wink wink,
which sounds like, oh my god, ja, like my cat died.
I'm just I'm having such a hardtime. There's also some insinuations that

(51:12):
Lydia was like had been kind ofstalking his social media before the show and
knew I guess that he was applying, and so she applied. So it's
kind of yeah, it's it's it'sreal like messy. But then there's also
Lydia who came huh, excuse me, Aliyah. There's also Aliyah who came

(51:36):
on the show like a regular contestant. There wasn't looking for love. There
wasn't anybody that was on the showthat she had previously. Z aided her
and hit it off. But thenLydia and Aliyah are like super good friends.
So when I was because of theshow, like they you know,
in the Little Girl's Dorm, theycome back and talk like Keiki about they

(51:57):
were talking to her but then listen, so then Lydia. There's at one
point, Aliah says that Lydia toldher something like, oh my god,
like we're so similar. I feellike we're the same person. Yeah.
Yeah, And I was like likethat's like, but we're not so,
I mean, and which is Andthat's not to say like, oh my
god, Like that's not to saythat someone hasn't said the same thing to
me in the past, but inthe scope of this situation, knowing what

(52:22):
we know, it's kind of like, oh, okay girl. Yeah.
And then she Aliah had mentioned somethingabout she Lydia had said something to her
about cha. She was kind oflike, how would you know that?
Yeah, Like okay, because ofcourse Alia is telling Lydia like, oh,
I'm starting to like this guy.He's like really cool, dope,
all this kind of stuff. Yeah. So I mean it's like, it's
fed up if you knew that,Like, I feel like Lydia should have

(52:44):
said something to Aliah like hey girl, I went on it. Like the
first day I realized that was aguy I used to date. Yeah,
but it wasn't until what I thinktold her ooh is the one that told
a Leah Like, hey, Ishould have been told you this, but
I used to date Lydia, right, you know good? And God's domn

(53:04):
well that that's ouch you's talking to, right are they? Are they changing
people's names on the show? No? Okay? So like like this is
dumb, okay, and mind youat the very beginning, because you have
to before you start making connections,you have to talk to everyone there,
right, And so that first timeand they do a flashbuck you see him
and Lydia talking and they realize theyknow each other. They're like, oh
my god, they more than kneweach other, like they was like having

(53:28):
that shit. Yeah, like theywere like, oh snap, you on
the show, like you know,they knew each other. So from the
very beginning they knew. Once theyhad that interaction, anything after that,
as soon as he started talking toLee, he should be like, hey,
by the way, I just won'tlet you know, like I used
to date this girl because now atthis point Alia that's her Homegirls. No,
I mean yeah, that's all homegirls. Is the person really the person

(53:51):
who lost out on all of thisis Lydia, So I mean, excuse
me, Aliah, yes, becauseshe really came wanting a genuine connection with
somebody, and now here she isshe really does like O. But then
as she goes back to the youknow, the girl's dorm, and she
tells Lydia like, hey, Ifound this out, and now Lydia is.
And that's why I said, Ido kind of believe the fact that

(54:12):
the stuff that was saying about Lydiabecause she Aliyah told Lydia that she didn't
want to know nothing. She justwanted, like I don't want to know
like y'all's past or whatever. Andhere Lydia go telling her all types of
stuff. He drive a tesla,he got a dog, he listened this
three story house, saying all thesethings, and it's like, I don't
want to know this, right,I don't want right, I don't want
to know this. So ultimately Aliah'slike, okay, this is way too

(54:36):
much for me, and she lives. She leaves. She left, which
is her right to do so.So her and Oocha, Alia and Uch
talk on the phone. Ooja triesto flip it gaslighting on some shit like
well, something about he was upset, like why did you let somebody get
in between us? Right? Butthere was something else and I maybe getting

(54:58):
this wrong that like I yes,Aliyah had spoken to like an ex boyfriend
of her of hers while they werelike, you know, like building their
relationship in the pod and he wasand he felt like, well, you
should have told me and did it. And it's like, okay, pause,
you fucked this whole girl friends hadtexted her three months before the show

(55:21):
started, right before, so Iwas really irritated because flipped it on her,
like he gasped at her and thenand then he was like, well,
and you know, Aliah's like,but I you know, I still
want to be with you. Istill want to try to work it out.
And he was like I don't knowif I can do all that.
And then she apologizes to and Iwas like master manipulators, right, So

(55:44):
anyway, and then we didn't eventalk about what did to. Lydia has
met a dude, Milton in thesepods as well, and then we found
later that the day they get married, he like texts Milton like, hey,
you know, I think you doyou want to talk about some stuff?
Because he tries to tell Milton like, Yo, Lydia is all type

(56:07):
of scammy and like crazy and stockerylike and I was just like, I
just you know, I want toget to know her for her, that's
your experience with her. Yeah,and so so here U go try to
mess up her stuff. Like ifyou really don't like the girl, just
be like, hey, this iswhat happened. And we done. Like
that's it. Don't sit here andtry to go talk to the new dude
that she's talking to. It justseems real. I don't know, like,
why are you doing that? Yeah, it's real. It's real wax.

(56:29):
So honestly, Lydia and Ouch probablyshould have ended up together, but
apparently like they couldn't be together becauseLydia was a little too stockery for his
taste. Apparently he says something like, well, she was one hundred percent
into me, but I wasn't onehundred percent into her, and I was
like slow now, and that's whyhe said he can't be with her.
And that was like kind of likewhen you're dating somebody knew. He told

(56:51):
that to a Leah. He waslike, Oh, she's gonna be a
great wife and all this stuff,but you know, and she was really
into me. But you know,I couldn't do her like that. It
kind of sounds like, well,it's just too much. I don't want
to get involved in that, andI don't. I don't even blame Eliah.
Girl, you dodged the bullet.Yeah, you dodged the whole bullet.
Oucha is a gas lighter. Lydiagirl, what would you say he?

(57:12):
Would you diagnose him as? Imean, he definitely has some narcissistic
traits. I mean, I'm notgonna sit here and say that he's a
true narcissist, but I mean hehe definitely did his role in trying to
manipulate. But then again, that'sthat's like one of the main tenants of
like a love reality show. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be willing
to be a master manipulator and youhave to be willing to like lie and

(57:36):
like cover shit up. So Imean what, yeah, what, Oh
my god, it's mind Yeah.Well apparently not because they was fucking three
months before. Yeah, yes,so, and Lydia is a huge love
bomber. Wait she is Lydia?Yeah? To Aliyah, Oh yeah yeah,

(58:00):
Lydia was like, oh, we'relike the same person. And like
oh, like they were all like, oh, I love you girl,
and like you know, you're likemy best friend and like whatever. Meanwhile,
she really knows the truth that thisgirl is starting to offer the guy
she was stocking. Yeah, butand I'm sure Lydia put herself in that
position, like I'm like, I'mgoing to make friends with this girl because

(58:22):
I know that she's interested in OochaAnd so I'm basically I mean, really,
Lydia and Ouch are the same sidesof the same coin. Because he
tried to get a really bad rap. But now that you say that,
I'm like, hmm, I cansee yeah, because he tried to sabotage
Lydia's happiness with Milton and and Lydiatried to sabotage Oochay's happiness by becoming friends

(58:46):
with Aliah. Yeah. Yeah,so terrible. You guys are terrible.
But Aliyah, I hope that.I mean, I don't I don't watch
the show. I don't know iflike you know, they got married or
I'm sure they didn't. I don'tknow. No, Lydia got married to
Milton. What about Aliyah? Ohno, no, no, because she

(59:06):
like left the show, Like yeah, so Aliyah. Yeah girl, good
job, Okay, good job onyour life. Maybe not you may you
may not have been the best contestantfor a love reality show, but that's
actually a really good thing. Yeah. So Aliah, yeah a Liah.
No. I think she was.I think the situation she was put in,
she's she's not a master manipulator.Oh I see, I see yeah.

(59:29):
I like love is when when peopleare just honest and open. Oh
my god. Okay, anyway,Laurene and Cameron from season one they were
the best. Okay anyway. Solook, that's it for pop culture diagnosis
this week. Yes, yeah,we're gonna have another fun character to analyze
next week. So if you guyshave any fictional character suggestions you'd like for

(59:50):
me to diagnose, hit me upon Twitter, excuse me, hit me
up on X at doctor Underscoring MONI, hit meg up on Instagram at meg
scoop, or email us both atHello Addimani stateofmind dot com. Yes,
and if you love the show,please remember to rate and review us in
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(01:00:10):
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