Yay! Setting The Bar Low: How To Manage Your Holiday Expectations

The Imani State of Mind team is trying something incredibly innovative and mind-blowing this holiday season—we’re setting the bar low when it comes to expectations. Close your eyes, ditch the idea of a 'perfect holiday,' and join Dr. Imani and Meg as they share tips to reduce stress and keep things realistic. Plus, Dr. Imani performs a pop culture diagnosis on Amazon Prime’s 'Desperately Seeking Soulmate Escaping Twin Flames Universe.'

If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please email us at [e-mail].

Episode Transcript

(00:17):
Hey, everybody, welcome to AmaniState of Mind Podcast. I'm doctor Emani
and I am Meg's scoop. Notto be confused with doctor Omani. Not
to be excused with excused, notto be confused with Meghan the Stallion.
But you are Stallion in your ownright. Girl, girl, I tried
to, like bend down and dothis little move she was going on stage
with her knees curl. No,her knees are like a national treasure.

(00:39):
They're so well oiled. I know. I'm like Jesus, girl, have
you ever tried to like, no, why because I can't kneel on my
knees, Like my knees are veryknobby, like they hurt. It's always
been like that, Like I can'tlike on a flat surface like a no,
no, See, my knees arefat, but I can see it's

(00:59):
a lie to oil in air orsomething. But you know what, that
doesn't make a difference, I meanchunky, like I can't. I've never
when people are like, yeah,I'm just gonna like kneel on my knees,
I'm always like I need to orsomething like that. Ship hurt.
I'm like I don't even understand howshe would just be like and then she
makes a booty clap. I wastrying to do that but it wasn't working.

(01:21):
And then my husband was just lookingat me like, let me just
help you up. I'm my momis too bougie. I don't know how
to make anything. Clap of myhands really, yeah, you don't know
how to work. No, Idon't know how to Wait. Can you
dance though? Yeah? Wait?Are you like a two stepper or you?
Yeah? Like I'm I'm like like, if you think about what's her
name, Hillary Banks? Like alike a so this is your Chinese side?

(01:44):
Yeah, so you no like I? And also I have like you
can't dusty wine. I mean Ican make it do what it do.
Let me see, I mean Ican you know, I have rhythm,
like I can make things happened.But I mean, ain't nobody finding me
out, like, hey, monymake that ass clap? No? It

(02:05):
was this was a little stiff.Yeah, it's a little stuff. And
a lot of that is because Igot back crop and so I'm like,
that's okay, that's okay. No, it's it's a little stiff. I
did go to a black school though, though I do not know how to
play spades. So what I mean, Pierre taught me like a little while
ago, but I forgot now myname. We got to work on this.

(02:27):
I don't know how to play spades, and it is okay, it
is okay, but it's not gonnastay like that, so we gotta fix
it. Girl, Please show youhow to twerk later. Girl. You
know I had learned because I wason like ghetto dance team in college.
We used to like dance. Letme. The reason was ghetto because we
weren't like an official, like sanctioneddance team and white school exactly. We

(02:50):
were put together just people that liketo dance, and we dance at like
halftime of like the extra curricular basketballmake booty clap. I had a whole
routine, girl, and we hadlike one shoulder shirt that we had got
from like five seven nine. Ohmy god, it was the most ghetto
outfit. But I would tell you, but it worked. I was in
there twerking, okay, I hadI was excited. So if you want

(03:13):
a little lesson, yeah, Ican't sweark. Yeah. I blame my
mom for that. She was like, you know, you're not doing any
of that, so you can getthe hell about it here. I had
to learn from my friends because Iwas, like, my mom is Korean.
There's no way I'm gonna learn anykind of twerking up in Misshouse.
Well, and I went to ablack school, but like, was people
twerking? I mean they were,they were, but like you gotta consider

(03:35):
also, like I was pre med, like we were. We was busy.
You didn't grind on nobody at theparty. I mean, did you
go to parties. I went tosome parties. I went to some parties,
but honestly, like, yeah,I wasn't. I wasn't like the
most I had friends, but myfriends we were not going to the Peter

(03:57):
don't point at me, Okay,And I know I had friends, but
my friends were kind of like,you know, like bohemian and like,
so we weren't really I mean,we were definitely like getting high and like
running around town having fun, butwe were, but it wasn't like,
oh that was me anytime. LikeI would literally come to all the parties
early and I would be like thelast person to leave. Okay, but

(04:20):
at the same time, I hadstraight a's so I never really slept because
all I was like party, party, party, stay up study, go
to class party, party, party, like. Yeah, I was that
girl. Yeah, And I wasalways out I can't Yeah. And it
was so funny because I didn't goout to like talk to men or anything.
You just went out to have funbecause you know, I grew up
kind of sheltered, so I justwant to be out. Yeah. See,

(04:42):
I went a little wild in highschool. I mean wild in high
school, so that by the timeI got to college, I was just
like, I've kind of already doneall that shite to do all that.
That's why I was out there.Yeah. But it was one of those
like you know when uh back that, oh this is okay, let me
go. But if somebody got alittle too close, I'd be like not

(05:09):
so get the hell out my base. Yeah exactly. Well, you know
what, look at us having agood time. I know you can hear
the polaroids snap on the background tryingto get all these cansy okay, okay.
So even though we're up in herehaving a lot of fun talking about
twerking and just you know, blackwindings, black grindings, this time of

(05:30):
year can actually be kind of difficultfor some people, and it can be
really difficult for people mentally, andit hits all their triggers and I definitely
can understand that, and it canalso kick your anxiety into really high gear.
So for today's deep dive, we'regoing to be talking about managing holiday
expectations. Okay, we want youto know, excuse me, we want

(05:53):
you to throw those expectations of theperfect holiday experience out of the window.
Don't worry, because we're going togive you the tips needed to reduce the
stress and expectations to keep you sayingthis holiday season, Oh that's good,
because honey, it ain't when youhave little kids, that ain't. No
such things are perfect holiday. Okay, the plans that you make, somebody
blew out, they closed, somebody'shaving a tantrum, somebody put marker,

(06:16):
all of it all. It's alwayssomething. Yeah, of course there's not
a perfect holiday. You gotta getover it. My only perfect my only
holiday expectation, honestly, is thatI'm gonna watch like a lot of black
Christmas movies. Wait, like theNew ones. I did like Best Man
Holiday? Okay, like that,I mean, I just like I just
like the Best Man. I mean, who doesn't love the Best Man And

(06:40):
then like, uh, there's likea million of them. I can't think
of them off the top of myhead. What a Friday Part? Isn't
Friday Part two? Isn't that aChristmas movie? Is it two? Or
three? I think it might bethree? Three? Three? Yeah,
that's a that's a Christmas movie.I love Scrooge. I love that silly
movie Screwge. Yes. Wait,what's the one with Chris Brown Brandon?
What's the Oh? No, Idon't know. You know that one?
That's a good It's really good though, I know, but I don't fuck

(07:03):
with Chris Brown. I can't remember. I don't think it's called It's something.
But is it Gabrielle Union's in there? Or am I mixed? There's
two? Very is that the more? JB's moving it? Because Jabs Union?
I can't remember? Which is whitch? There's true, there's so similar.
But y'all know what I'm talking about. Like, but I like to

(07:23):
watch these kind of movies. Yeah, I can't even remember this Christmas that's
it? Oh did he try tosing this Christmas? I mean yeah,
by Johnny Donnie Holliday, Donny Hathaway. No he didn't. Yes, you
never heard that the Chris Brown version. I suck with Chris Brown. Okay,
well he looks like a shark inthe mouth, and he, you

(07:43):
know, fucked up Rihanna. SoI'm not fucking with him, but she's
cool with him now, I don'tcare. I'm not like like, I'm
sorry, you want to bite onpeople? Ear now, bitch? No,
And he and he was like fuckingup. He was beating up what's
her name, Carucci Karachi? Yeah, and I like her. He a
mess, but you know what,whatever it's it's fine. Because do you

(08:05):
like his Christmas Virgin? No?No, don't know. I don't be
streaming it. But if it comeon, I singing, no, don't
be don't be supporting. Don't besupporting men who beat women. That's all
I'm going to say. No,I agree, I agree. I'm just
saying he might be reformed. Idon't know. I don't know. Okay,
let me tell you something real quick, real quick, before we move
on. These people on Instagram triedto say, Okay, if Usher and

(08:28):
Chris Brown had a versus battle,I was like, first of all,
do not disrespect Usher Raymond's legacy byputting him next to Chris Brown. They're
a different generations. They are differentgenerations. I'm like, Usher is amazing,
Chris Brown is trash, okay,and I don't like my dancer.
I think dance wise, I don'tknow dancing he's really good. But but

(08:52):
here I agree with you. Therethere are two different generations. I don't
think that's apples to apples. Idon't even know if Chris Brown song's it
differ generation he did? Okay,all right? He did have this one
song called like Fine China that Iliked for like five minutes, but I
mean not enough to play that shitlike you know what, I don't give
a shit about that now. ButI feel like if you're under like thirty,

(09:13):
then your feelings are different. Imean yeah, like as in,
y'all shouldn't be listening to Chris Brown. Plus he's a terrible person. But
whatever I'm saying, I love Usher. I love Usher. I don't think
there's anyway. Sorry, I gota little mad. I did leave a
comment on that Instagram post. Iwas like, first of all, this
whole question is disrespectful, Like Idon't even understand. Yeah, anyway,

(09:35):
let's move on. Here's the thing. If you love this podcast, and
I know you do you do,please rate and review us on your favorite
podcast app. Yes, okay,if you're watching on YouTube, comment how
you're feeling, how you like thisvideo, Subscribe to our channel and share
it. Yeah, smash that buttonif you see it on YouTube. You
know. So, as usual,we have so much to discuss, so
let's get right and into it afterthis break. Okay, everybody, guess

(10:01):
what it's time for? Ask doctorymoney anything? Woo woo, which is
really ask doctory money and Meg anything, honestly, because can you girl?
I just chime in put my littletwo cents here. Yeah, but look,
we be and Meg love reading yourletters. We do, and we're
ready for some more questions. Sowho's our first letter from today? Comes
from a listener by the name ofJoanna. Joanna, Joanna, I'm sorry,

(10:24):
not pretty much. No, it'sprobably Joanna, But like, I
just wanted to sing that call inthe Gang song for all of for all
of us that are old and washedand remember that song that's funny. Yeah,
she says, Dear Doctor Emaney andMeg, I hope y'all are doing
better than me. I find myselfin a situation that I never thought i'd
experience. I've always been a hardworker, someone who takes pride in giving

(10:45):
their all to their job. Butlately, it feels like I've taken things
too far and I'm on the vergeof extreme burnout. I'm in a high
pressure job that demands long hours,constant attention to detail, and in wavering
commitment in pursuing excellence and advancement.I've neglected other aspects of my life.
I've lost touch with friends and family, and I'm sacrificed hobbies and activities that

(11:07):
once brought me joy. I can'tremember the last time I had a vacation
or even a proper weekend off.The stress has become unbearable, and I've
noticed a significant decline in my physicaland mental health. I'm always fatigued,
irritable, and anxious. I feellike I'm trapped in a never ending cycle
of work, and I'm terrified thatif I continue like this, I'll reach

(11:28):
a point of no return. I'mdesperate for advice on how to find balance
in my life and regain some formof peace and well being. I don't
want my dedication to my job tocost me my health and happiness. How
can I take steps to address this? Burnout and rebuild a life that's more
than just work, Okay, Joanna, Johannah, Joanna. Those are three

(11:48):
options for your name, So Ijust want to throw them out there so
that you know you can pick theone that's best for you. Here's the
thing. You came in the rightplace. I know about some burning same
here, girl, I know aboutburnout. If I'm about to be forty
eight, I've probably been burned outsince I was twenty four. Yeah,

(12:11):
so like half my life. AndI say that because I started med school
at twenty four and I really wantedto go to med school and I was
like, oh my god, I'mgonna be a doctor. It's gonna be
so great. It's gonna be myit's my lifelong dream. That shit was
hardest fuck. And I you know, if it wasn't for my like really
like great core group of like sisterfriends from med school, Like, man,

(12:35):
I don't even know how I didit, but I did it,
and I'm here obviously because I'm doctoringmoney. My point is is that I
know a lot about burnout. Sohere's the thing, Joanna or Johanna.
Sorry, you kind of laid outwhat you need to do, like you
said you've lost touch with friends,you don't like, you stop, you
know, doing hobbies and things thatyou really that you used to enjoy.

(12:58):
The main thing is that when itcomes to burnout, I don't know about
I don't know what you do asfar as your job is concerned, but
you have to be able and willingand capable of setting boundaries like that's the
only way you're gonna be able tocome back from this. And it takes
a lot of this. You canlike, I can say, oh,

(13:20):
yeah, girl, you need toset some boundaries, but there's a lot
that comes with that. Yeah,I think you have to start first,
Joanna with why are you doing this? What is the goal for the burnout?
Because I remember there was a timein my life where I worked early
in my career, I worked ajob and then I worked an internship that

(13:41):
my job need nothing about in awhole different industry because I wanted to make
the switch to that industry. SoI understood I will be grinding because I
had to start from the bottom exactly. And so what that meant was me
working thirty hours a week for freeat an internship girl and then also working
sixty hours a week at my concefinancy. That's a financial consulting job.

(14:01):
So I was literally working ninety hoursa week for what was that eight months
straight? No, but here's thething. I knew why I was doing
it, and so it was veryhard, but there was an endpoint for
me. I can't continue to dothis. It sounds like you didn't come
up with the plan, Like what'sthe plan? Yeah, are you trying
to do that? You know,build your credibility up in this in this

(14:26):
industry so that you can go outon your own and create your own business.
Are you trying to make like Iwas trying to make the transition to
something else, So you're trying tostack money? Like what is the goal?
Or are you working so much becauseyou don't want to deal with some
real issues that you have, maybesome past trauma that you want to avoid,
and so you're using work And I'msaying this because is what I used

(14:48):
to do. You're using You're usingwork as a point where you can basically
ignore what am I trying to saya deflection point? Yeah? Yeah,
I used to do that. Infact, I knew I was doing that
even when I was like a littlekid, like third fourth grade, like
because back then my mom and mybiological father has split, and I was

(15:09):
like, well, the one thingthat I know that I can do well
is like be a good student.And I really fed off of like getting
praise from my teachers and you know, my mom and whoever else. When
I got older, I like,I really clung to that and it became
like a toxic quality for myself.Okay, And so I will definitely say,

(15:31):
like in twenty twenty three, Itook I definitely worked, but I
can create my own schedule luckily,So I would have Mondays half of my
Thursday and Fridays mostly off, soI would just be like in my garden
or like walking around or going hikingstuff like that. So, Joanna,

(15:52):
I think that what you have todo is you really have to get to
the point where you are okay withsetting boundaries and you actually enact these boundaries.
Yeah, and you and I justfeel so bad for you because I've
been, I've been where you are. I worked. I remember I had
set a goal when I first startedmy career in radio. It was supposed

(16:14):
to be a two year Like Isaid, Okay, Megan, you're gonna
do this stuff for two years andthen you're gonna go look for something else.
I ended up being at this placefor four years. And mind you,
I at that place, I workedsixteen hours a day, around the
clock, meaning there wasn't like ait wasn't Monday through Friday. It was
whenever my boss needed me, andthat could have been Sunday at one am,
like it didn't matter. And Ihad no vacations, literally no vacation.

(16:40):
Zero vacations was written into my contract. So for four years, I
didn't have a vacation. I workedsixteen hour days, no holidays off,
like nothing, and I was atthe beck and call of my boss.
But I understood what that was for. I understood it was a stepping stone
to something greater and I wouldn't alwaysbe there. So you have to go,
why am I doing this? Whatis my endpoint? What is my

(17:00):
endpoint? Because your body knows,and your body is telling you this is
not sustainable, right right, You'resaying that you're having like all these issues,
you don't have time for friends andfamily, like these are signs you
gotta make a change, Bude.This is not how it's supposed to be.
So what's the endpoint? What's thegoal. Okay, if you got
to do this for a little bit, but go next, like how you're

(17:21):
making the transition to get out ofthere, right, and you gotta be
firm with it. So even ifyou know I'm making this up, but
you go to your boss and you'relike, yo, like I have to.
I'm gonna have to you know,maybe I won't be as available,
maybe I need to cut some ofmy hours back. And your boss is
like, oh, but Joanna,you know, like we consider you such
an integral part of the team andI really need for you. And that's

(17:41):
when you double down and you're like, I hear what you're saying. I
really do need this. It's formy own well being. And you know
what, like I will help whateverthe new person is or whatever person's going
to be, you know, pickingup some of my slack. I'll help
them to get to where they needto be. But it's obvious that you

(18:02):
need a resa. Yeah. Yeah, So make your plan, girl,
make your play and make a plan. Yeah, make a plan. And
if you have any questions on needingto make a plan, like you can
always write in, you can emailus, you can dm us, let
us know because I am so goodwith being with telling people no oh yes,

(18:22):
and queen, I'm the queen ofno, no, no, I
don't. I can't do that.I'm not available, not available. Sorry,
So all right. Our next lettercomes from Madison. Here's what she
wrote. Dear doctor Emani and Meg, I hope you can help me navigate
a tricky situation. With the holidaysapproaching, I'm struggling with how to communicate
my feelings to my boyfriend about thegifts he gives me. Let me start
by saying that I truly appreciate theeffort he puts into selecting gifts for me.

(18:47):
He's a thoughtful and caring person,and I love him deeply. However,
there's a disconnect when it comes toour gift giving expectations. The issue
is that the gifts he gives meoften don't match the level of effort and
thoughtfulness I put into selecting gifts forhim. It's not about the monetary value,
it's about the sentiment and personal touch. I take time to choose meaningful
gifts, and I think he trulyappreciates and cherishes them. On the other

(19:11):
hand, the gifts he gives meseem rushed and generic and I often feel
like he hasn't put much thought intothem. I don't want to come across
as materialistic or ungrateful. It's notabout the value of the gift itself,
but rather the sentiment behind it.I want to feel that he knows me
well enough to choose a gift thatreflects our connection and the effort I put
into choosing the gifts for him.I believe that exchanging thoughtful gifts is a

(19:33):
way to strengthen our relationship, showour love and appreciation for each other,
and create beautiful memories. With theholidays approaching, I'm hoping to find a
way to address this issue without hurtinghis feelings. Please help. Okay,
So I'm sorry. Who is thisfrom? Madison? Madison? Sorry,
so Madison. I'm gonna approach thisin two different, two different ways.

(19:56):
The first thing is, there's alwaysthe joke about like the husband who gives
his wife like a vacuum cleaner forChristmas. He was sure he has one,
right, right, right, Likenobody wants a vacuum for Christmas,
or like for Valentine's Day, Andyou know it's it's it's a joke because

(20:18):
typically in this type of a society, men aren't like, like, we
don't necessarily and when I say we, I mean the collective we as in
society. We don't necessarily teach menhow to be very open about their emotions.
Yea. And when you give someonea gift, like you give your
man gifts, you're like, I'mputting thought into this, Like it's not

(20:41):
about the monetary value, but likeI want somebody that he knows he's going
to enjoy. He may have neverbeen expo he First of all, he
may never have been exposed to someonewho actually, you know, doesn't just
give him like an ugly acrylic sweaterfor Christmas. Or he may not have
grown up like that, right,he might have like that. Maybe you
know, maybe he I don't know, maybe his family didn't really give gifts

(21:04):
like that. I love giving gifts, like I really like putting like thought
into it and not just being like, oh, here's one of the things
on Oprah's favorite you know, giftslist or whatever, Like I really wanted
to be tailored to the person.You get good gifts, you said all
this stuff. You know you getgood good gifts because I still wear the

(21:25):
shirt you gave me, the plantparenthood shirt. I had that on like
two days ago. The other thing, uh, I almost sai Joanna.
The other thing Madison to consider isthis is gonna sound really fucked up,
but does your boyfriend like is theare the feelings that you have for your

(21:45):
boyfriend? Are they skewed? Like? Meaning like, does she put more
thoughtfulness into her boyfriend because she shelikes him more than he likes her?
That could be a thing, youknow, because like, now, don't
get me wrong, Okay, I'vebeen married before. My ex husband horrible
guests, terrible guests. I can'teven think of something he gifted me because
I was just like, you knowwhat when Okay, so after we split,

(22:11):
after I broke up with him,excuse me, he gave me a
lamp that he got from the drugstore for Christmas. I didn't ask for
this. I did not want thislamp, a lamp. I was like,
what the fuck is this? LikeI love lamp, Like, what
the hell am I supposed to dowith this stupid ass lamp? You know
what I'm saying. So so Iwas it was just like but but the

(22:32):
reason why he did is because hewe didn't like, he never really loved
me like that. Now, Petergives the best gifts, like the best
gifts because like he puts all histhought into it. I'm just like,
oh my God. But then alsolike I love Peter way more than I
love ever loved my ex husband.So it's a little different. So you

(22:55):
know, I don't know like youeither. You may have to either kind
of teach him, like, Okay, here's some things that I'm considering getting
you because I know you like thesethings, Like he may not know or
your relationship in terms of the feelingsmight be a little skewed. I would
say, if there's nothing wrong withthe relationship, meaning he truly loves you,

(23:15):
you truly love him. He's justterrible at getting gifts. A couple
of things. I grew up ina family that was terrible at getting gifts.
My dad has given me peanut riddleand turn Testaments and if you don't
know what testaments are, they're meantto have a Bible verse and across from
them for Christmas Testament speaking Thomas.He went to the Christian book store and
got me some Testaments and I remembergetting open it and I was in like

(23:37):
high school, and I was like, Testaments, what is this first of
all a high school. I don'teven know. I'm so that fucked me.
But mins girl, girl, testmints, Okay, I just but
like, here's when I think aboutmy dad. I know my dad loves
me. He's just horrible at givinggifts because he was horrible like his family

(24:00):
didn't do that right, So inhis mind, it's like it doesn't matter.
It's something I got you right,right, It's a gift. It's
not really a let me sit downand think about what you know, what
you wanted. It's just like herethese are I know, if your breath
is ever hot, if your breathever hostrumant, I like peanut brittle.
I think you like it. Here'sa box of peanut brittle. Right,
It's a gift. Look, Idid it. And so I grew up

(24:22):
in this kind of family where andthen like my mom would give me socks
and underwear, Chris, you know, so it was just like an underwear,
yes girl, so always like I'mnot an Asian girl, it is
so so I never really got thatgrade of gifts. And then you know,
I grew up and then my mysister in law the gifts. Her
family gives amazing gifts. Okay,they're very thoughtful, very and so I

(24:47):
saw an issue because her and mybrother, my brother over here giving stuff
a similar bad okay, and she'slike angry, she's mad, she's so.
One thing that I've learned from themis A, you have to be
mind of how the person you withgrew up, because they genuinely might not
be into that number two or Byou should probably do like a love language

(25:08):
thing, because what if your lunglove language is given gifts and his love
language is like maybe words of affirmation, so for him or testaments or testaments,
maybe he is different, and sowe tend to give love the way
we want to receive it. Soin your mind, maybe like this means
love, and if he doesn't doit, he doesn't love me. But

(25:29):
in his head it might be Ispend time with you, That's the way
I receive love, you know,So you may need to have a conversation
about y'all's different love languages. Andthen the third thing is, like you
Bonnie said, you might just haveto teach him, Okay, you might
just need to send him a littleApple note or send him a little Google
sheet where you keep the actual thingsof what you want or like genres of

(25:52):
stuff like next year, I wantto go in a to an R and
B concert, you know, Iwant to go to this place, or
I like, you know, ashopping spree here, or just give him
a list. He's a man.These men don't really be feeling. They
don't really always get it. Butif you give them some kind of framework,
I feel like most men are like, okay, cool, I could
do that. Now. If yougive him the framework and he's still like,

(26:15):
here's here's some shoelaces, go peanutbrittle, and you didn't ask for
no, no sweets, then maybethat's okay. You really just don't care
about me. Because I've literally laidit out for you. I've told you
the products I want, brands thatI like, things, experiences that I'm
looking forward to. So you havea whole list. Because that's something that
my brother and sister in law do, like, they actually write down stuff

(26:37):
that they like. They just likeanytime they think of something they like,
they put it on a document.And at first I was like, what,
No, But that's kind of dopebecause it is dope because never give
them a gift that they don't wantexactly, And if you don't give a
gift, you might as well getsomething they want, right, Yeah,
exactly, you make get easy.Yeah. So I mean, worst case
scenario, your boyfriend doesn't love youas much as as you love him.
Best best case scenario, he justreally like he don't know, Madison.

(27:00):
It sounds like he just really don'tknow. He's just like, oh my
god, look I got it.I got you and my dad grew up
together. Okay, like I gotyou a box, a box of what
it's a box you can put anythingin it. Yes, a box is
full of my memories or I don'tknow. Girl, I don't know anyway,
but I think, yeah, Ithink you probably just need to teach
him. Yeah, I teach him. It's okay, he'll get it eventually.

(27:21):
Yeah. So thanks Joanna, andthanks Madison for sending in those letters.
And if you want to tell everyoneeverybody, Lord have mercy. I
mess that up tremendously. If youwant to tell I just I just want
to tell ya. If you havea problem or a question, or you
just need a safe space to shareand good advice, please hit us up

(27:41):
by sending an email to Hello atImani stateofmin dot com. All Right,
let's get into this deep dive afterthe shortbreak. Welcome back. It's oh,
Lord, what is wrong with metoday? Were tired? That's what
it is. Yeah, welcome back. It's that time of year when the

(28:02):
holiday Hallmark movies have us all tryingto have flawless decorations, instagrammable meals,
and setting unrealistic expectations. Dr Ramoni, what are some of the dangers of
managing holiday? Lord, have mercyholiday expectations. Okay. So during the
holidays, which we are in,it can be really easy to fall into

(28:22):
this trap of like striving to beperfect, striving for perfection, like,
oh, I want to have thebest holiday decorations on the block. I
blame capitalism, yeah, which islike whatever, it's silly, but it's
okay because that's what we're here totalk about. Okay. So during the
holidays, it could be really easyto fall into the trap of striving for
perfection yeah yeah, yeah, andsetting unrealistic expectations that can lead to stress,

(28:45):
disappointment, even mental health challenges.So here's something that I just thought
of. So it's your first holidayhosting as a wife, Okay, because
I saw in your email you putMegan Thomas Williams. Yes, girl,
yes, like our I's Mary nowexactly. Okay, So do you feel
any pressure about that? Girl?No? Okay, I was about to

(29:07):
say, because we've been because we'vebeen living in sin this whole time,
so I basically would why So it'sjust official. Now I don't feel any
You get what you get, bruh. Right. Maybe the first year we
lived together, I did feel alot of my pressure, like, you
know, we have to build thesetraditions and we've got to you know,
I guess just also me struggling withmy own self worth, felt like I

(29:30):
needed to do the most, andlike, I guess I'm not that good
at documenting my life. If youlook at my Instagram, you'll see I
don't be posting like I should be. Me neither. I'm like I'm alive,
right, I'm sure, But likeI had all this pressure to like,
well, we got to get thepictures we got. So even now
I'm still like, oh, Igotta get our pajamas together. So we

(29:52):
still like took no holiday pictures infront of the tree, you know,
like things like that. But it'smore so I have to like check myself
and go, Okay, well,why do you want to do these things
right? And usually it's because Iwant my kids to look back and be
like, oh, look at thatand have memories. But like, really,
it's a picture. It's a pictureexactly. I shouldn't be stresed out
about a picture. Yeah, wellthat's good. No, that's really good.
I would say. If I feelany pressure, it's just like like

(30:15):
I'll complete. It'll be like midDecember because I'm like busy and running around
and like working, and then I'mlike, oh shit, I got to
put up the holiday lights. AndI love holiday lights. I just love
holiday lights. And then I'll belike, oh no, I missed it
this season. This season though,I'm okay because my holiday lights are still
up. Oh they are you nevertook them down? No? Wait,

(30:38):
so like last year, because thenyou have somebody come and put them on
your house. I did, sohe just left them. Well he was
supposed to come back, but thenhe okaid and I was like, you
know what, I was like,well, then fuck it. I guess
he's gonna I mean, and youcan't see yeah, because I've been at
sure house plenty of time. Yeah, so it's fine. So then I'm
just gonna flip the switch and belike ha that perfectly. Yeah. So

(31:03):
well, that's good that you don'tfeel any pressure. It's good that I
don't because I mean, I'm likewhatever, I don't really care, but
a lot of people do have unrealisticexpectations, and I think that. I
mean, it definitely sets in Novemberfirst, I mean November first hits,
and I'm like, damn was Halloweenyesterday? Because y'all really acting like Santa
Claus is here. Look as soonas them love pumpkins are away, It's

(31:25):
Santa time. Also, like legit, question, when did Mariah carry become
like the like grand Dome of Christmasgirl? Like that? Because her Christmas
song is like number one everything onesong, and that's what you want as
an artist. Is that one songthat will make you millions every single year
for the rest of your life.Yeah, I mean, that's like one

(31:47):
of my favorite Christmas songs. It'sa cute song. But I'm with Donny
halfway. It's just yeah, no, I mean, Donny Hathaway is like
my like yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm like, Okay, it's
cute and everything, but whatever,Mariah, do your thing, get your
money. I'm not even mad,like your little non movements on stage and
just be like anyway, all right, So people have a lot of unrealistic
expectations. It definitely kicks into highgear. Like Thanksgiving, you eat everybody

(32:13):
watch the game that Friday. Girlin this neighborhood, in my neighborhood,
Oh my god, these white peopleput they Christmas trees up on Thanksgiving,
if not before, oh my neighborhood. They start November first. I'm like,
if y'all don't chill out, likechill it, when is the appropriate
time to put your Christmas stuff up? Like two weeks before Christmas? I

(32:36):
feel like you feel like, ifI'm gonna do all that work, it
I kind of do understand why theythey start November first. If I'm gonna
do this work, y'all gonna sethe ls. Y're gonna se these decorations,
right, I mean, are youtired of them? I'm tired of
them. But that's a month anda half, you know what I'm saying.
I mean, I feel like ChrisThanksgiving is probably a good time to
put them up around that time,But then who wants to do that on

(32:57):
like like this day? No.Also, I'm telling you it would be
like I mean, it'd be likeChristmas treet. I'm like, damn,
so did you eat yesterday or no? My food be two seasons? Like
what like what is happening? Foodbe way too season to be doing any
of that. I'm like, y'alllike freebasing like cocaine and shit to stay
up to put up these decorations,Like what the hell is wrong with y'all?

(33:19):
But also like I kind of Idon't know. I mean, someone
correct me if I'm wrong, Butlike I'm a little older, so I
remember, like it was maybe twoweeks before Halloween. Now it's Halloween,
Halloween, and we get two weeksof like you know nothing and then thanks
Gaming's comments. You know what itis? It is capitalism. It is
because now the Halloween stuff goes up. I think like some mid September.

(33:44):
Yeah, I've seen that in storiesand literally I went to Target right hold
on, it was the day afterHalloween. I went to Target. Girl
already Christmas stuff everywhere. Same.I'm like, y'all didn't used to do
this, right, I'm like,and it's kind of hard because it's I
mean, listen, it's it's stillwarm in La and for me. There's

(34:05):
a bit of a disconnect because Igrew up in places with seasons. Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm like, oh, Christmas time and it's hot.
Oh yeah, it feels still likeI know, it doesn't feel like I'm
not sipping anything hot, so no, But I mean I understand the unrealistic
expectations. I think my first forayinto it was like, oh yeah when
my husband, like the first yearhe and I lived together and we hosted

(34:30):
Thanksgiving at our house. Oh,it's a lot cooked every I cooked like
twelve dishes, which included like thewhy everything I did everything except the fried
turkey? What why? Why didyou? Because I felt the expectations,
like I feel like, you know, it was our first time hosting.
I felt like I needed to dothe most right, right, this is

(34:52):
like new family, and now everythingwas bomb and not one person had a
complaint. But I was so burnedout. I feel like I I cook
the next year. Yeah, likeI did not cook the next three hundred
and sixty five days. That wasI cooked for two days straight and it
was for a lot of people.So it was just I wouldn't. I've
never hosted and have never done thatagain as a result. I know I

(35:13):
could do it, but I willnever do it again. Yeah. Yeah,
no, that's that's a lot.I mean, now me the queen
of saying no, I don't reallyhave expectations. I'm just like, okay,
so here's the expectation. I'm goingto sleep there, I'm gonna go
to sleep and then i'm gonna wakeup. It's gonna be Christmas, yay,
and then I'll see my parents andwe'll exchange presents, and then i'll

(35:34):
probably just y'all know what I'm gonnado, watch some going order sbu you
know what's up. So I mean, yeah, like those are my expectations.
But again I also understand legit becausewhere I live in LA, the
Hallmark channel is not very far fastfunny. So they have like this big
They'll have like a what do youcall it, not a poster, a
billboard, and it'll be like twentyfour more days until Christmas. I'm like,

(36:00):
oh my god, okay, butI mean, but it just you
know it. But I'm glad tohear that. You're like, yeah,
as like a new wife. Idon't feel any type, but I think
because I've I mean, like Isaid, I've felt it before our first
holiday season together. Yeah, butnow I think if it happens once or

(36:21):
twice, I think it's okay becauseit's a new experience. Right. You
don't always get it right the firsttime second time, right. But now,
if this is a yearly thing whereyou feel like the expectations are just
so high and I'm stressed out,then you need to reevaluate why you're doing
what you're doing, because that's notthe purpose. It's not these holidays we're
stressed out. No, not atall. I know that. Like my

(36:44):
parents will start okay, really mymom. My mom starts for things.
She starts that Monday, like shestarts brining things and like cooking stuff and
like just getting it like ready topop in the oven. But if you
don't love that, right, don'tdo it. And she'll she'll like,
she's like, okay, I'm goingto take a nap and the I'm gonna
wake up at like three am,and then she'll start cooking. And if

(37:04):
that's what she wants, that's right, and she's right, that's right,
And you're not that person. Gohey and get all them size from honey
baked ham or wherever you're going andit's okay, that's just what you want
to do. And if people wantto be mad about it, well then
let them be mad about it exactly, because again, it's one day.
It's one day. But I thinkthe main thing to manage the expectations is

(37:24):
to set realistic goals. And Iwould just like to kind of throw in
there, like, you know what, just make your goals kind of low,
like make them love, make themvery low, make them low so
they can out. I have likevery minimal goals, like you know what
I'm going to do on Thanksgiving orChristmas. I'm going to go and get
some food. That's what I'm goingto do. I'll maybe even go to

(37:46):
a movie. Ork in the whatwas it the Christmas Story? Classic movie
when they went to the Chinese restaurant, like they had a great Christmas exactly
Chinese? Right, So do thatalso focus on experiences like Christmas and Thanksgiving?
All of this holiday season stuff isabout spending time with your loved ones.

(38:07):
Yeah, so spend time with yourloved ones. And trust me,
if you make a whole gang offood and y'all eat all the food and
now you're sleep, you're not reallyspending time with each other. So like,
you know, just make sure thatyou kind of you know, set
the bar low, have realistic expectations. You know, if you want to
watch a Hallmark movie, you cando that, but just know that,

(38:30):
like they have teams of people tomake everything so festive. You are one
person, and you know what,like, if you don't have loved ones,
you can love on yourself. Okay, do something that is just fun
for you, something that releases yourstress, because I feel like we don't
ever focus on that during the holidayseason because it's so it's always about giving

(38:52):
and helping other people. So ifyou don't have family or loved ones,
there is somebody who needs a mealthat lives on the streets. Some way,
you can help other people and youcan help yourself, exactly. Do
that or go to like a goto an animal shelter and see like if
you can read to the to theanimals and stuff like and just you know,
just keep it very like, lookat me, why does your look

(39:15):
like that. I'm about to goreading now animals. I love the animals,
but I'm about to read to them. I love animals. You're gonna
read to them though you want it? I would because I'm like, I
love, I'm like, I willtake all of you home. Why don't
you give them treats? They don'twant you to read to them? They
wantn't treat I mean I could dothat too, I could do that.
So but yeah, like, theholidays are about your family and your friends

(39:35):
spending time with them, So dothat and read to the animals and read
the animals and read your bar low. Okay, very low, highly low.
You said you should call this episodeset the bar low. You know
what I know? Like, youknow they made Christmas trees that are already
prelet Oh that's what I have.Oh yeah, like oh wait, hold
on, I did have that oneand then it messed up. But do

(39:57):
that, I agree. Just dowhatever makes your life easier, because turn
on the fireplace channel. Okay thatis yeah, yeah, like set the
barlow because when it comes to capitalism, my capitalism is an overdrive, so
you need to be an underdrive.That makes sense. Yeah, yeah,
the barlow. This holiday seast thebarlow. Ya yay, Okay everybody.

(40:21):
So that's it for a deep diveconversation for today. I hope this is
everyone's best holiday season yet with thelow Barry let's get into our last segment,
pop culture diagnosis right after this break. All right, let's get into
our pop culture diagnosis for this week. So, in honor of this week's

(40:42):
deep dive, upsetting the Barlow,I'm just gkidry Low, we are going
to be talking about a crazy,crazy movie, a documentary actually that I
saw on Amazon Prime. Okay.It is called Desperately Seeking Soulmate Escaping Twin
Flames Universe, A long title,very long. What do my friends told

(41:05):
me about it? And I waslike, I don't know what the hell
this is? Girl, Yeah,I'll watched that. Did you you saw
it? Of course you saw itbecause okay, first of all, of
course before you saw because we're aboutto talk about it, but that this
ship is crazy, yes it is, okay, So all right, so
go ahead, going okay, Sojournalist Alice Hines delves into the world of
Twin Flames Universe. It's an onlinegroup run by a very interesting couple,

(41:28):
Jeff and Shehalia Divine. Now.Their promise is to match members with their
perfect match. But after talking toa couple of the participants who describe the
extreme lengths they have to go inorder to claim their twin flame, Alice
soon discovers that the promise of truelove comes at a price. So doctor
HARMANI please diagnose the very intense Jeffdivine. Oh my god. Okay,

(41:52):
So first of all, explain thepremise of this show. This okay,
because twin flames twin flas flame.I did not know what his twin flame
is. Again, I'm older andwashed, I don't know. Like a
lot of pop culture references these days, apparently a twin flame, like you
know, like it's like your soulmate. Yeah, yeah, but I guess

(42:15):
with twin Flames universe, they'll saylike, oh, you could be married
to somebody, but that may notbe your twin flame exactly. Like You're
like, what the way they explainedit is? And I didn't really like
this explanation is that you guys shareone soul, so you have half a
soul and your twin flame has theother half, and when you get together,
you make one soul. I'm like, that's not how relationships work,

(42:37):
Like, yeah, I come toyou as a whole person, and then
I meet another whole person and thenwe get together and then we're both two
people. So there's no hal zayingof Souls or whatever it is, girl
Jeff divine. Okay, this shitwas wild, but I really really liked
the way they broke all of thisdown because they went and found like his

(43:00):
best friend from like middle school.They went and found her real name is
Megan, sorry, but now shegoes by Shaliah. They found Shalia's dead,
like they they did their homework.So let me tell you about these
people. These people are fucking crazy. I hope I really do hope at
one point these people hear this becausey'all, motherfucker's is y'all like, because

(43:23):
listen this this these people. It'sJeff and Shaliah. So Jeff would make
these videos talking about well, hewould make videos and then Shalia would basically
be right next to him just beingkind of like co signing, like you
know, she pulling all code stringsbehind the scenes. Yeah yeah, yeah.
My point is is that these people, Jeff and Shalia were telling people

(43:45):
like, hey, did you youknow what, maybe your ex doesn't want
you to be around, but youneed to go to that person's door and
knock on that door until they answeredthe door. Oh you got they got
a restraining order against you. That'syour twin flame girl, you need to
go and break all the laws becausey'all observed to be together and not even
y'all deserve to be together. MeJeff Divine, some random ass white dude

(44:07):
from like Michigan, I've ordained thatyou guys are twin flames. This is
a cult. It's a cult.Oh my god. These people are so
fucking crazy, Like it's just likeit just so. When I first started
watching this, it's three episodes.When I first started started watching this this

(44:29):
show, I was like, like, why would anyone watch this shit?
Like, I mean, why wouldanybody pay it? But then I remembered
and they brought this up in thedocumentary, is that this happened during COVID,
Like they really it started before COVID, but then once COVID hit,
a lot of people were lonely andwe read, you know, a lot

(44:51):
of articles about like the epidemic ofloneliness. Like I've read something recently that
said and I think they said inthe documentary too, that being lonely is
the equivalent like physically of smoking likefifteen cigarettes a day, Like it really
like it really wears you down,like not just mentally, but physically so
a lot of these people were lonely. They're watching this twin flames thing.

(45:15):
Apparently twin like apparently twin flames isa term that has come into prominence and
pop culture recently. I think yeah, because it was like the difference between
Soulmates versus twin Flames versus there's likeone more thing and like, what's the
name Megan Fox? Is that hername? Yeah? Megan Fox is with
that machine gun. Kelly. Yeah, he looks like a little like a

(45:36):
little dirty brush. But he sorry, but but he he was like,
oh yeah, and you know,like some song and he was like,
yes, you're my twin flame.I'm like, I'm like, yeah,
I don't it is not that serious. And I also read somewhere that you're
not to marry or twin flame.Really, I mean, I don't know,
like you know, that's all bullshit, but right, but like I

(45:59):
was reading, like your twin flameis not your person you marry. They're
just somebody that is basically like youguys move and sync, but they're not
meant to. They may or mightmay not be your husband or wife.
It could be girl. Because allthis shit is made up. It really
is the rede of the day becausebecause all the definitions are different exactly,
so how do you know which oneis right? So let me tell you

(46:19):
something about this. Okay wait,I was like, let me tell y'all
something about this nigga Jeff. Okay, Jeff is out here. First of
all, he loves making videos.He was more so as far as the
couple of him and Shaliah, he'smore so the marketing person. Julia is
more so the person that's coming upwith like the she's like a development person

(46:40):
rand or however you put it.Yeah, however you want to call it.
We went from these two making videosin Hawaii to them coming back to
the States because they ran out ofmoney, to them making videos in their
like friends apartment. They're like Jeff'sbest friend, through him, through them
out the house, like y'all gottaall about here. And then they started

(47:02):
having these classes and people had tobuy these classes and s and it was
a pyramid scheme. It was likeyou buy like you're a I forgot what
it was called, but you're likea Twin Flames Universe life coach. You
have to have other people under you. If they're under you, they have
to buy classes and then those peopleand you have buy classes. It's a
pyramid scheme. So these people wentfrom actually classy girl. They went from

(47:24):
like having no home to having thisbig ass compound and wherever the hell they
at in Michigan, and they behaving people up in the house like doing
free shit for them, like it'sit's it's I'm not even mad at them.
I'm not mad, except that theydon't really turn the exactly they turning
people out exactly. The only thingthey didn't do is drink the kool aid,

(47:46):
well the proverbial kool aid right exactly, and even with Jim Jones,
you know, some people drank it, but a lot of people were injected,
like they found injection holes like marks, like because you can't make a
baby drink no kool aid, butthey inject them babies. It's crazy.
So let's get to the good part. The good part is that not season

(48:07):
episode three, Jeff grows his hairlong and has a beard, and now
he's calling himself like the Master Teacher. Anyway, long story short, this
nigga out here calling himself Jesus Christ. I was like, bitch you.
First of all, Jesus Christ isa black man. I don't know who
you are, but you look veryskinny, and you look super whack.

(48:30):
And just because you grew your hairand grew a beard, you get the
entire fuck out of my face.But they still have like millions of members.
So what do you what would youdiagnose him as? That Nigga is
a fucking psychopath. I was gonnasay that, I mean narcis, oh,
I mean the whole gamut, likelike he there was a part in
episode three where he Okay, thisis the shit that killed me. So

(48:53):
even though the Twin Flames Universe triesto make it out to seem that,
you know, we're we accept everybody, Jeff and Shalia are very much into
masculine and feminine energy. Now considerthe fact that the majority of the Twin
Flames Universe, as far as likethe members are women. They're heterosexual women.

(49:15):
So because Jeff and Shalia tried toput people together and it didn't work,
then what they started to do wasthey was like, Okay, so
I'm going to put two people whoidentify as women together, but one of
y'all has to be the man andthe other one has to be the woman.
And I'm going to like I'm gonnasay, Okay, your name is

(49:37):
and now it's Dan and you needto transition. I was like, Nigga,
get out of here. You're makingin order to in order to keep
up your lifestyle. And this dudehas videos of him like oh, I
have this Corvette, I have aPorsche, I have this I have that.
I'm like, Jesus Christ, don'toperate like that ever. Also,

(49:58):
it's so tacked, like it's justit's it's like they took Prosperity Gospel and
this twin flame ship and they putit all together and pyramid and put it
all together. They just was like, we just gonna put it. It
is wow, y'all, so allon. So Jeff is crazy, Shalia
is just as much of a psychopathas he is. Yeah, It's just

(50:22):
I mean, it was like atfirst I was like, why would anyone
do this? And then towards theend, I was like, this is
so sad, like these people arepraying on like lonely people, like they
turned all these people out, Andit's so wild because in the age of
the Internet, you don't even haveto meet these people for them to turn
you out. You can pay allyour money to be a Twin Flames coach.

(50:43):
Oh it was. And watching Jeffspeak it's like watching a pimp like
it's so crazy. I'm like this, I'm like this on pimp shit like
this is crazy. So universe,No, Jeff and Shalia no, Like,
I already know that as on point, they gonna be arrested for something.
So it's coming. It's coming.So for all y'all on the Twin

(51:05):
Flames universe, I don't know,Like, y'all need to wake up and
you know what, And if youdon't want too, that's fine because I
already seen the show and I alreadyknow what y'all allow. This story has
repeated over the years over the differentscenarios. It gonna be coool aid next.
Just watch watch It's gonna be sofucking crazy. So anyway, that's
it for a deep dive conversation forthis week. So if you guys are

(51:29):
loving the show and I know youare, hit us up at doctor Underscory
Money on X or Twitter whatever itis these days. Hit Meg up on
Instagram at Meg scoop, or emailus both at Hello Anymni state ofmind dot
com. Yes, and if youlove the show, please remember rate us,
review us on your favorite podcast app. You don't give us five stars

(51:52):
or whatever? Yeah, I know, not four? Give us five okay,
okay, we do that. Andif you're watching us on YouTube,
like this video, comment, subscribe, and share. We appreciate and love
you. We hope you're enjoying yourholiday season. Yeah yeah, we do
so you guys, Thanks for tuningin. Happy holidays, yes low bar,

(52:12):
yes aye bye