#241 Breaking The Quiet: Rewriting The Rules Of Manhood

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A mustache can start a conversation, but the real goal is changing the rules men grew up with. This episode digs into Movember as a catalyst for men’s mental health, exploring why so many guys carry stress, anxiety, and depression in silence and what it takes to make sharing feel safe. We talk candidly about the phrases that shape boys—man up, boys don’t cry—and how those scripts follow men into adulthood, where vulnerability can feel like breaking the code.

I share a simple ritual that helped my son and me build trust: a monthly hour where he spoke and I listened without judgment or quick fixes. It began awkwardly and grew into easy “man dinners” where anything or nothing could be the topic. From there, we map out practical tools you can use right away: lead with your own truth to lower the bar, ask open-ended questions that invite stories, and give silence room to work. When words come, resist the urge to solve. A sincere that sounds tough, I get it can be more powerful than a dozen solutions.

We also spotlight ways to engage with Movember beyond facial hair. Move for Movember turns empathy into action with 60 miles to honor the 60 men lost to suicide every hour around the world. Hosting a moment—a simple gathering—creates community, connects men to resources, and chips away at stigma one conversation at a time. The throughline is clear: culture change happens in living rooms, on sidewalks, over wings, and with small, honest check-ins that make help feel normal. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs a nudge, subscribe for more conversations that matter, and leave a review to help others find the show. Who will you check in with today?

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
Welcome to the Scott Townsend Show, brought to you by
Pizoman Productions.

SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
And this is not all over me.
So I'm gonna talk a little bitabout November, like I do each

(00:45):
November.
It's one of the biggest parts ofNovember isn't just about you
know, one of the biggest partsof no Movember isn't just about
growing a mustache, but I am.
It's about startingconversations that really
matter.
Movember's more than a funtrend.

(01:05):
It's a reminder to check in onthe men in our lives and on
ourselves.
Men's mental health is somethingwe don't talk enough about.
Too many guys are walking aroundcarrying heavy stuff: stress,
anxiety, depression.
But they keep it bottled upbecause they think they've got
to man up or deal with it alone.

(01:28):
And the numbers back that up.
In 2024, about 12% of adultsreported feeling anxious
regularly, and roughly 5% feltdepressed regularly.
Nearly one in five adults havebeen diagnosed with an anxiety
or depression disorder at somepoint.
But here's the hard truth.

(01:49):
Men are far less likely thanwomen to seek help or take
medication.
That means a lot of guys arequietly struggling in silence.
Part of the reason men have sucha hard time opening up comes
from what we've heard all of ourlives.
Man up, boys don't cry, shake itoff.

(02:11):
Those phrases get repeated overand over from dads, coaches,
teachers, until they stick.
Somewhere along the way, beingvulnerable started feeling like
breaking the rules.
There's also stigma.
Men worry about being judged,seen as weak, or not taken

(02:32):
seriously if they admit they'restruggling.
And for many, it's not aboutunwillingness, it's lack of
practice.
They were never taught how toput emotions into words.
I would take my son and have ameeting like once a month when

(02:54):
he was in his teenage years.
And he could talk about whateverhe wanted to talk about.
And I told him I would be quietand not respond, not be
judgmental.
But that hour was his time to beable to talk about that hour was

(03:18):
his time to talk about whateverhe felt important and uh without
fear of retribution judgment.
And uh it gave him a chance tojust talk about things that
teenagers uh feel are importantin their lives.
It may sound silly to adults whothink we have bigger issues, but

(03:45):
to them it's everything.
So I was really glad that we wehad those meetings just to get
him to be able to feel like hecould talk and talk things out.
At first it was difficult.
I think I've mentioned thisbefore, but over time it got
easier, and uh then we wouldgraduate to man dinners where we
would go out and go to BuffaloWild Wings and or wherever and

(04:10):
just have dinner and talk aboutnothing or anything.
So, how do you get a man to openup?
First, create a safe space,somewhere he knows he won't be
judged or fixed.
Just listened to, lead byexample, share something real
from your own life.

(04:32):
When you're open, it gives himpermission to do the same.
Ask open-ended questions likewhat's been on your mind, or how
have things been feeling lately?
Avoid the quick yes or no stuff,and then be patient.
Some guys need to think, someguys need time to think it
through before they can put itinto words.

(04:54):
So when he does open up, focuson listening, not fixing.
A simple that sounds tough, Iget it, can mean more than a
list of solutions.
Even small steps matter.
A guy might not pour his heartout right away, but if he shares
one small thing, that'sprogress.
Remind him that getting help,whether that's talking to a

(05:17):
counselor, joining a group, oreven just opening up to a buddy,
isn't weakness, but it'sstrength.
That's what Movember is allabout, making it normal for men
to talk about what's reallygoing on.
It funds programs that connectmen to mental health resources,
counseling, and community groupsthat actually make a difference.

(05:39):
And there are so many ways toget involved.
Grow a mustache.
It's more than just facial hair,it's a conversation starter.
Join Move for Movember.
Walk or run 60 miles in themonth to honor the 60 men lost
to suicide every hour around theworld.
Or host a moment.

(06:00):
Moment, a get-together thatraises awareness or funds for
men's health.
Or host a moment, a get-togetherthat raises awareness or funds
for men's health.
Movember isn't just aboutfundraising, it's about culture
change.

(06:24):
It's about showing men that it'sabout showing that men can talk,
can feel, and can heal.
Each conversation chips away atthe old stigma that says men
have to be silent or stoic.
And it's amazing how powerfulone conversation can be.

(06:44):
Sometimes just asking, How areyou really can put someone back,
can pull someone back from theedge.
So if you're listening rightnow, take a minute to check in
with the men in your life, acoworker, a friend, your dad,
your brother, ask how they'redoing.
And really listen, you neverknow how much it might mean.
November reminds us thatconnection and conversation save

(07:09):
lives.
This is Scott Townsend.
Thanks for listening to theScott Townsend Show.
Have a great day.
Everything's going to be allright.
And we'll talk to you later.

SPEAKER_01 (07:20):
The Scott Townsend Show is a Deet So Man
production.
For more episodes, visit theScott Townsend Show YouTube
channel.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, orwherever you listen to your
favorite shows.