August 27, 2024 • 20 mins
Maria chats with award-winning writer and journalist Wendy Lyons Sunshine about her book
Tender Paws: How Science-Based Parenting Can Transform Our Relationship With Dogs.
The title says it all! Patience and caring; positive reinforcement; making the dog feel safe--all the things you would do raising a child are applied to raising a pup!!
Give a listen and learn.
Tender Paws: How Science-Based Parenting Can Transform Our Relationship With Dogs.
The title says it all! Patience and caring; positive reinforcement; making the dog feel safe--all the things you would do raising a child are applied to raising a pup!!
Give a listen and learn.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's Maria's MutS and Stuff. What a great idea. On iHeartRadio,
Welcome to Maria's Mutts and Stuff. And with me is
Wendy Lyon's Sunshine, who has this wonderful book, Tender Pause,
how science based parenting can transform our relationship with dogs.
(00:23):
So Wendy, I mean, I really I love this book.
It's relatable and basically you took how a parenting of
humans and made it apply to dogs. So tell me
how did that first begin for you?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, it's an interesting journey. I'm sure what happened was
my husband and I had adopted a little rescue puppy
and things seemed to be going fine until she got healthy.
We cured her of all the little problems she had
when we got her from the shelter, and next thing
(01:02):
you know, we had a live wire on our hand,
and I just I didn't know which way was up.
It was just chaos in the house, and I was
getting very frustrated, and I was afraid that I was
not at all qualified to deal with this oldlogan. I
realized that I had turned into a struggling parent, very
(01:24):
much like the people that my colleagues had helped and
that kind of gave me an idea. I had just
helped write a book for struggling parents, and I thought,
you know, maybe there's something in here that will help
me because I am at my wits end, and I
went in with you know, fresh eyes. I started replacing
(01:45):
the world word child with puppy when I would read
through the book, just thinking, you know, maybe this will
spark something. And sure enough, it really did. It Really
it helped give me compassion and more understanding, and it
inspired me to use more patience, more compassion, and combine
(02:08):
both caring and nurturing with limits setting and gentle guidance
and all the things that really expert parents do on
a day to day basis. And it was this aha
moment and next thing, you know, I looked into the
science and sure enough, there was a lot of research
on both sides that supported this. So it was quite
(02:31):
quite exciting to discover that's something so many people do
instinctively is really on the right track.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Right right, I mean basically, it's like positive reinforcement that
you do with children.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yes, that's one big part of it for sure, right yeah, yep, yeah,
to help them say yeah, good job, and you know,
thank you for doing that. That's great, right, you know,
motivates them and keeps people cooperative and you know, helps them,
helps them really learn in a really encouraging way, correctly wonderful.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, I mean it, I guess to me, just because
I just always have felt I don't know, I think
a lot of people don't realize that. And that's why
it's almost like your book Eureka of course, because you know,
I mean, because I feel like a lot of times
people don't realize. I just remember from like having my
very first dog, I don't even know how long ago,
(03:29):
many many, many many years ago, and it was just
I always remember someone saying, you know, you set them
up for success, and I know you have that in
your book as well.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So yeah, that's a lovely way to put it, right, Yeah,
make sure the choices they have are going to be
good choices and right.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, absolutely, And it's simple. I mean it's a simple
thing like you wouldn't leave let me think, you wouldn't
leave medication within a child's reach, So you shouldn't do
the same thing for a dog or a cat either,
because they could get into it as well. So it's
almost you're setting it up for success like you would.
(04:09):
I don't know. I just feel like it's so common
sense to me, but I guess, you know, it's that
old thing. The thing about common sense is most people
it's not that common or whatever. I think George Carlin
said that, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well, yeah, the other thing that can complicate matters is
perhaps what we grew up with. You know, sometimes the
parenting we got might have been a little harsher, yes,
and so we think that's the way to be, and
we don't even realize that they're alternatives.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Right, right, No, you're absolutely right, And yeah, of course,
because I mean, yeah, I always think when people were like,
you know, growing up and you don't want your dad
to take his belt off, Well, many of us grew
up like that, right, Okay, I'll be good. And it's
the same thing you see people, you know, hitting a
dog or the newspaper or something. So you're right, it's
absolutely it's so common. But it's absolutely the same the
(05:08):
same principles, I would think, right, Yeah, was there anything
in all of your time like putting the book together? Well,
first of all, how long did it take you to
put the whole book together? I mean, you came up
with the idea and walk me through. So then what happened.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
It's been a long, long journey because at first I
couldn't believe it. I thought, well, this is silly. How
is it possible. You know, I have puppy training guides.
Why is a parenting book helping me? I thought maybe
it was just maybe, you know, maybe I was just
imagining things. But I ended up helping write another parenting
book and getting a new dog at the same time.
And this new dog had different problems, but sure enough,
(05:47):
the parenting guidance really applied there too, I mean, pumple
things like help them feel safe, you know, yeah, yeah.
And the more I looked into it, the more I
could see it. And I started looking at the research
and talking to experts, and it was like, yeah, maybe
it's it's common sense, but it's also because it's so obvious,
(06:12):
we tend to pooh poo it, you know, we think
we need special, special techniques and strategies. And and because
they're animals, you know, they don't respond, you know. Similarly, mistly,
they're different. We know there, we know their dogs, but there,
but in many ways they've evolved to be our companions
(06:33):
and to be family members and so we can extend
some of our insights uh with them in that way.
But yeah, it's taken over ten years to pull all
this together. I spoke to so many people. It was
such such a fascinating experience.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I'm sure, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
But the beauty is that it helps us understand ourselves
and a little bit as well where we came from,
and then we can make choices for the long term
well being of the whole family, and just like we
would for kids, and think of the dogs and their
(07:15):
needs as individuals too. That's interesting, right, Kids have different
aptitudes and talents exactly dogs.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
No, it's true, and like every dog, just like every child,
is different. And I think many people don't realize that,
especially if they always go for a certain breed because
they've read about characteristics of that breed. But then they'll
get another dog of the same breed and don't understand
why it's so different than their last one. Well, it's
because it's a different dog's.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Right, right, There's some funny things. I had head up
the dog one point and she just couldn't care less
about tennis balls, I mean absolutely not, And I thought,
how is that possible? As dogs love tennis balls, right,
tennis balls, And here was one who like, if you
threw a toward her, it would more likely hit her
(08:07):
on the head than she would have.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Off. But that's just because he was right.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yeah, so we had to stop trying. We just found
something else. She liked it really did you know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No, it's true, but it's so funny. It's so funny
because someone who didn't have the common sense or or
the knowledge that you do would be like, oh, this
dog has to like tennis balls, and like, no, it doesn't.
You know, it's an individual. So it's fascinating to me.
And I love the fact in the fact that in
the book you have relatable information throughout the book with
(08:44):
you know, I guess you spoke to experts. How did
you find those people for the book like that have
the relatable information?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah. I have been participating in communities relating to dogs
and dog welfare and dog training, and I just, uh,
you know, would I would see a conversation where somebody
would raise an issue and I thought, wow, that is
so on, you know, equivalent to what we do with kids.
(09:13):
And so I would reach out to different, two different
people in those circumstances where I'd say, you know, I
love what you you did where you you you gave
this particular puppy time to develop comfort in social situations,
for example, just as one example. Uh, and I actually had,
(09:37):
Uh there's one case study in there which is just amazing. Uh,
this woman who had a dog that they were talking
about behavioral euthanasia, which is where you put them down
because it's just so difficult to deal with them. And uh,
and of course she when when the doctor said that
to her, she was horrified, started looking elsewhere, and when
(10:01):
she finally put two or two together, she said, oh
my god, I'm a therapist who works with children who
are at risk, and how did I not see this
all this time? And once once they started talking about
thinking about traumatized kids or you know, dogs being relocated,
rescues and different kinds of needs, it was like it
(10:22):
all fell together for her. And she says, of course,
and she she shared her story and it was so inspiring,
and I'm so grate grateful to these people for sharing,
you know, sometimes their struggles that they might be embarrassed about,
but then they came through the other end and everybody's
(10:43):
happier for it.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
So it's wonderful, right, And it's also it's something that
many people go through, just you don't always realize it
when you're going through it that you're not the only
one in the whole wide world who's going through it.
So I think that applies as.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Well, exactly absolutely, and.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I like to you that you have the different times
there are reflections from the field. So again, those are
people that you had reached out to or that you
had known about and they gave you know from their perspective,
is that how that worked?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yes? Uh huh. These are people who are dog trainers
or a veterinary you know, verdinary specialists or behavior specialists
of different sorts. Because I just wanted to bring these
things side by side and even include some passages from
the parenting books where there where you could see how
(11:37):
clearly the message they're giving fits for animals that are
in our household as well.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Was there anything I mean, I'm sure there were many things,
but is there anything like one thing in particular that
really shocked you when you realized when you were like
with your first puppy, that you rescued that applying something
that you do with a child, that you are shocked
that that actually worked. Is there any any one thing
maybe that stands out or too many?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Well, that's been a compilation over but I'll tell you
a couple of things that surprised me. I learned about.
One is how vital movement is for brain health and
for what we call emotional regulation and self regulation. In
other words, to be a well adjusted individual, you need
(12:28):
movement from very early in life, and kids need to
move around a lot, and it actually has implications for
your brain circuitry.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
And it can't develop fully and in a healthy manner
if you don't get that early movement, because your body
is sensing and learning and it's just quite extraordinary. So
helping that the little ones have access to movement and
not retraining them and restricting them for long periods is
(13:05):
a real gift that we can give them. The other
thing that surprised me was how often weird and troubling
dog behavior is related to pain. People sometimes think you
can train certain things out of dogs, but if the
behavior is because the dog's and pain, it's going to
be difficult, right, It's not going to be effective. Everything
(13:29):
from they might have a dental problem and so they
might get a little bristly or snappish when you touch them,
and not because they're you know, bad dogs, because they're hurting, right.
I mean, you think about if we had a toothache,
of course, feeling cuddly.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Right, No, of course, you know. And it's interesting that
you say that. You just kind of gave me a chill,
because it's something that I've thought about over the years.
I have one of my rescues years ago, died of
kidney failure at four years old. But he was one
of those. He was like a ninety pound dog, like
a boxer bulldog mix giant dog. Lovable, but he didn't
(14:09):
like to walk. Like sometimes we would go out for
a walk and then he would just stop and lay down.
And I never yeah, and I never you know, I
kind of got him eventually he would walk, but every
once in a while he would just PLoP down. And
you know, when Carmine didn't want to walk, there was
you couldn't pick up ninety pounds. You had to wait
till he was ready, and then we'd go. And I
(14:30):
remember talking to different behaviorists and trainers and they were like,
I've never heard of that. That's so interesting, blah blah blah.
I mean, he got better as he was out of
being a puppy, but then when he suddenly had kidney
failure and died at four, and then it made me think,
I wonder if that's connected, And now you're talking about it,
and I bet it probably was, because it's rare when
(14:52):
a dog doesn't want to walk.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yes, I think you really picked up on something really essential.
It's like sometimes there are dogs that don't want to
play games, you know, out in the yard.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
And right, it.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Turns out we've seen where they might have hip displaysure
mm hmm. Makes it really painful for them. But if
you if you're not looking for.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
That correct, right, how would you know? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
How would you know? And as the kidney thing is
really hidden? Because so what, I'm sorry for the loss
of your dog.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Oh thanks, thank you? Yeah, very too short. Yeah, he
was gonna I was gonna make him into a therapy
dog because he was just such a big mush But
you know what can you It's unfortunately, uh, they don't
live as long as we do, and unfortunately they die
suddenly just like people do. And it's and I'm not
being flipping about it, I just feel, you know, what
(15:45):
can you do? You know, live and learn and yeah,
and you'll learn. I mean I've learned from that and
now talking to you, I was like, yeah, that probably
was right. And again it goes full circle with your
book of you know, just pay attention to all the
different things that you would do, say with a child,
or it applies to the dog as well, because they
(16:06):
do communicate. And I think that's the thing too, that
many times people don't realize that their dog is communicating
with them and other than barking, But there are so
many different ways, like your book points out that you know,
they are communicating with us, but we just have to
be have our eyes and ears open to it. Right.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
There's one example in the book that is kind of
startling is that there was a dog that was humping
all the time on her own the owner, and they
couldn't figure out what was going on. It was driving
the family crazy. Or it turned out she had you know,
structural problems in her spine right, and she wasn't comfortable
(16:48):
running around. And as soon as the pain was handled,
and she was also not forced into those rough and
rowdy situations, she calmed right down and was just a
pleasure and there was no more of that unwanted humping. So,
like you say, just all the signs can be out there.
(17:10):
We want to be alert and yeah and mindful, you know,
as best as we can. Just they're trying to tell
us something.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Correct, Like we just have to pay attention. It's just
like how you have to pay attention. I mean, because
you know, dogs are always like their children to me,
you know, in the sense that they they you always
have to pay attention like you would for a child
and a toddler or a baby, because they can only
communicate so much. Yeah. Yeah, so it's the same thing,
(17:39):
and your your book points that out so much. I mean,
I think it's it's just such a wonderful book, and
I just like the way it just the way you
expressed everything, but how it's how you presented it. It's
it's easy to read and easy to follow, which I
think is very helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Well, thank you. I'm delighted you feel that way.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, absolutely, absolutely so. I know, like you said, it
took you ten years and it's so chock ful as
so many things. And I know you do books for
children and everything else. But what is coming up next
for you?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
If there's anything, Yeah, there may be some more articles,
you know, shorter pieces. Right now, I am contemplating a
workbook related to the book, but I don't know we'll
go there so but for the meantime, the articles are
keeping me busy. But thank you, thank you for the
(18:34):
encouragement I have to put my thinking.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Oh, you'll think about it, and I'm sure because I
don't think you stay unbusy for long. So I'm sure
you're going to think and do something. I'm sure because
you've done so much. So for my listeners who would
like to get this book, where's the best place that
they can find Tender Pause?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Well, you can find it at any of your favorite booksellers.
You can find it online at places like Amazon or
Barnes and Noble or Simon and Schuster. It's also available
on audiobook through Recorded books and Audible.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, thank you, Wendy Lyon Sunshine, Thank you so much, No,
thank you for this great book, and thanks for all
your knowledge and sharing it with so many of us, because,
like I said before, it's common sense, but many people
don't have it. It's not very common. So your book
will be very helpful to getting people not only to
raise well behaved dogs, but we'll have. I think your
(19:28):
book will help people hold on to their dogs and
not give up on them. No, I think so. Yeah,
it would be because I know, I mean, we all
know people that give up on their dogs, like, oh
it's too much, I have to give it up. No,
don't read Wendy's book, and I think you'll be okay.
So thank you so much for the book and your information,
and well when you decide on your next thing, we'll
(19:49):
talk again.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Thank you, Maria, it's been a pleasure speaking with you.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Thanks so much, Lader and the Spot, see you later.
Arrigator
It's Maria's MutS and Stuff. What a great idea. On iHeartRadio,
Welcome to Maria's Mutts and Stuff. And with me is
Wendy Lyon's Sunshine, who has this wonderful book, Tender Pause,
how science based parenting can transform our relationship with dogs.
(00:23):
So Wendy, I mean, I really I love this book.
It's relatable and basically you took how a parenting of
humans and made it apply to dogs. So tell me
how did that first begin for you?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, it's an interesting journey. I'm sure what happened was
my husband and I had adopted a little rescue puppy
and things seemed to be going fine until she got healthy.
We cured her of all the little problems she had
when we got her from the shelter, and next thing
(01:02):
you know, we had a live wire on our hand,
and I just I didn't know which way was up.
It was just chaos in the house, and I was
getting very frustrated, and I was afraid that I was
not at all qualified to deal with this oldlogan. I
realized that I had turned into a struggling parent, very
(01:24):
much like the people that my colleagues had helped and
that kind of gave me an idea. I had just
helped write a book for struggling parents, and I thought,
you know, maybe there's something in here that will help
me because I am at my wits end, and I
went in with you know, fresh eyes. I started replacing
(01:45):
the world word child with puppy when I would read
through the book, just thinking, you know, maybe this will
spark something. And sure enough, it really did. It Really
it helped give me compassion and more understanding, and it
inspired me to use more patience, more compassion, and combine
(02:08):
both caring and nurturing with limits setting and gentle guidance
and all the things that really expert parents do on
a day to day basis. And it was this aha
moment and next thing, you know, I looked into the
science and sure enough, there was a lot of research
on both sides that supported this. So it was quite
(02:31):
quite exciting to discover that's something so many people do
instinctively is really on the right track.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Right right, I mean basically, it's like positive reinforcement that
you do with children.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yes, that's one big part of it for sure, right yeah, yep, yeah,
to help them say yeah, good job, and you know,
thank you for doing that. That's great, right, you know,
motivates them and keeps people cooperative and you know, helps them,
helps them really learn in a really encouraging way, correctly wonderful.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, I mean it, I guess to me, just because
I just always have felt I don't know, I think
a lot of people don't realize that. And that's why
it's almost like your book Eureka of course, because you know,
I mean, because I feel like a lot of times
people don't realize. I just remember from like having my
very first dog, I don't even know how long ago,
(03:29):
many many, many many years ago, and it was just
I always remember someone saying, you know, you set them
up for success, and I know you have that in
your book as well.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So yeah, that's a lovely way to put it, right, Yeah,
make sure the choices they have are going to be
good choices and right.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, absolutely, And it's simple. I mean it's a simple
thing like you wouldn't leave let me think, you wouldn't
leave medication within a child's reach, So you shouldn't do
the same thing for a dog or a cat either,
because they could get into it as well. So it's
almost you're setting it up for success like you would.
(04:09):
I don't know. I just feel like it's so common
sense to me, but I guess, you know, it's that
old thing. The thing about common sense is most people
it's not that common or whatever. I think George Carlin
said that, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well, yeah, the other thing that can complicate matters is
perhaps what we grew up with. You know, sometimes the
parenting we got might have been a little harsher, yes,
and so we think that's the way to be, and
we don't even realize that they're alternatives.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Right, right, No, you're absolutely right, And yeah, of course,
because I mean, yeah, I always think when people were like,
you know, growing up and you don't want your dad
to take his belt off, Well, many of us grew
up like that, right, Okay, I'll be good. And it's
the same thing you see people, you know, hitting a
dog or the newspaper or something. So you're right, it's
absolutely it's so common. But it's absolutely the same the
(05:08):
same principles, I would think, right, Yeah, was there anything
in all of your time like putting the book together? Well,
first of all, how long did it take you to
put the whole book together? I mean, you came up
with the idea and walk me through. So then what happened.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
It's been a long, long journey because at first I
couldn't believe it. I thought, well, this is silly. How
is it possible. You know, I have puppy training guides.
Why is a parenting book helping me? I thought maybe
it was just maybe, you know, maybe I was just
imagining things. But I ended up helping write another parenting
book and getting a new dog at the same time.
And this new dog had different problems, but sure enough,
(05:47):
the parenting guidance really applied there too, I mean, pumple
things like help them feel safe, you know, yeah, yeah.
And the more I looked into it, the more I
could see it. And I started looking at the research
and talking to experts, and it was like, yeah, maybe
it's it's common sense, but it's also because it's so obvious,
(06:12):
we tend to pooh poo it, you know, we think
we need special, special techniques and strategies. And and because
they're animals, you know, they don't respond, you know. Similarly, mistly,
they're different. We know there, we know their dogs, but there,
but in many ways they've evolved to be our companions
(06:33):
and to be family members and so we can extend
some of our insights uh with them in that way.
But yeah, it's taken over ten years to pull all
this together. I spoke to so many people. It was
such such a fascinating experience.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I'm sure, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
But the beauty is that it helps us understand ourselves
and a little bit as well where we came from,
and then we can make choices for the long term
well being of the whole family, and just like we
would for kids, and think of the dogs and their
(07:15):
needs as individuals too. That's interesting, right, Kids have different
aptitudes and talents exactly dogs.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
No, it's true, and like every dog, just like every child,
is different. And I think many people don't realize that,
especially if they always go for a certain breed because
they've read about characteristics of that breed. But then they'll
get another dog of the same breed and don't understand
why it's so different than their last one. Well, it's
because it's a different dog's.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Right, right, There's some funny things. I had head up
the dog one point and she just couldn't care less
about tennis balls, I mean absolutely not, And I thought,
how is that possible? As dogs love tennis balls, right,
tennis balls, And here was one who like, if you
threw a toward her, it would more likely hit her
(08:07):
on the head than she would have.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Off. But that's just because he was right.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yeah, so we had to stop trying. We just found
something else. She liked it really did you know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No, it's true, but it's so funny. It's so funny
because someone who didn't have the common sense or or
the knowledge that you do would be like, oh, this
dog has to like tennis balls, and like, no, it doesn't.
You know, it's an individual. So it's fascinating to me.
And I love the fact in the fact that in
the book you have relatable information throughout the book with
(08:44):
you know, I guess you spoke to experts. How did
you find those people for the book like that have
the relatable information?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah. I have been participating in communities relating to dogs
and dog welfare and dog training, and I just, uh,
you know, would I would see a conversation where somebody
would raise an issue and I thought, wow, that is
so on, you know, equivalent to what we do with kids.
(09:13):
And so I would reach out to different, two different
people in those circumstances where I'd say, you know, I
love what you you did where you you you gave
this particular puppy time to develop comfort in social situations,
for example, just as one example. Uh, and I actually had,
(09:37):
Uh there's one case study in there which is just amazing. Uh,
this woman who had a dog that they were talking
about behavioral euthanasia, which is where you put them down
because it's just so difficult to deal with them. And uh,
and of course she when when the doctor said that
to her, she was horrified, started looking elsewhere, and when
(10:01):
she finally put two or two together, she said, oh
my god, I'm a therapist who works with children who
are at risk, and how did I not see this
all this time? And once once they started talking about
thinking about traumatized kids or you know, dogs being relocated,
rescues and different kinds of needs, it was like it
(10:22):
all fell together for her. And she says, of course,
and she she shared her story and it was so inspiring,
and I'm so grate grateful to these people for sharing,
you know, sometimes their struggles that they might be embarrassed about,
but then they came through the other end and everybody's
(10:43):
happier for it.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
So it's wonderful, right, And it's also it's something that
many people go through, just you don't always realize it
when you're going through it that you're not the only
one in the whole wide world who's going through it.
So I think that applies as.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Well, exactly absolutely, and.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I like to you that you have the different times
there are reflections from the field. So again, those are
people that you had reached out to or that you
had known about and they gave you know from their perspective,
is that how that worked?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yes? Uh huh. These are people who are dog trainers
or a veterinary you know, verdinary specialists or behavior specialists
of different sorts. Because I just wanted to bring these
things side by side and even include some passages from
the parenting books where there where you could see how
(11:37):
clearly the message they're giving fits for animals that are
in our household as well.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Was there anything I mean, I'm sure there were many things,
but is there anything like one thing in particular that
really shocked you when you realized when you were like
with your first puppy, that you rescued that applying something
that you do with a child, that you are shocked
that that actually worked. Is there any any one thing
maybe that stands out or too many?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Well, that's been a compilation over but I'll tell you
a couple of things that surprised me. I learned about.
One is how vital movement is for brain health and
for what we call emotional regulation and self regulation. In
other words, to be a well adjusted individual, you need
(12:28):
movement from very early in life, and kids need to
move around a lot, and it actually has implications for
your brain circuitry.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
And it can't develop fully and in a healthy manner
if you don't get that early movement, because your body
is sensing and learning and it's just quite extraordinary. So
helping that the little ones have access to movement and
not retraining them and restricting them for long periods is
(13:05):
a real gift that we can give them. The other
thing that surprised me was how often weird and troubling
dog behavior is related to pain. People sometimes think you
can train certain things out of dogs, but if the
behavior is because the dog's and pain, it's going to
be difficult, right, It's not going to be effective. Everything
(13:29):
from they might have a dental problem and so they
might get a little bristly or snappish when you touch them,
and not because they're you know, bad dogs, because they're hurting, right.
I mean, you think about if we had a toothache,
of course, feeling cuddly.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Right, No, of course, you know. And it's interesting that
you say that. You just kind of gave me a chill,
because it's something that I've thought about over the years.
I have one of my rescues years ago, died of
kidney failure at four years old. But he was one
of those. He was like a ninety pound dog, like
a boxer bulldog mix giant dog. Lovable, but he didn't
(14:09):
like to walk. Like sometimes we would go out for
a walk and then he would just stop and lay down.
And I never yeah, and I never you know, I
kind of got him eventually he would walk, but every
once in a while he would just PLoP down. And
you know, when Carmine didn't want to walk, there was
you couldn't pick up ninety pounds. You had to wait
till he was ready, and then we'd go. And I
(14:30):
remember talking to different behaviorists and trainers and they were like,
I've never heard of that. That's so interesting, blah blah blah.
I mean, he got better as he was out of
being a puppy, but then when he suddenly had kidney
failure and died at four, and then it made me think,
I wonder if that's connected, And now you're talking about it,
and I bet it probably was, because it's rare when
(14:52):
a dog doesn't want to walk.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yes, I think you really picked up on something really essential.
It's like sometimes there are dogs that don't want to
play games, you know, out in the yard.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
And right, it.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Turns out we've seen where they might have hip displaysure
mm hmm. Makes it really painful for them. But if
you if you're not looking for.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
That correct, right, how would you know? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
How would you know? And as the kidney thing is
really hidden? Because so what, I'm sorry for the loss
of your dog.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Oh thanks, thank you? Yeah, very too short. Yeah, he
was gonna I was gonna make him into a therapy
dog because he was just such a big mush But
you know what can you It's unfortunately, uh, they don't
live as long as we do, and unfortunately they die
suddenly just like people do. And it's and I'm not
being flipping about it, I just feel, you know, what
(15:45):
can you do? You know, live and learn and yeah,
and you'll learn. I mean I've learned from that and
now talking to you, I was like, yeah, that probably
was right. And again it goes full circle with your
book of you know, just pay attention to all the
different things that you would do, say with a child,
or it applies to the dog as well, because they
(16:06):
do communicate. And I think that's the thing too, that
many times people don't realize that their dog is communicating
with them and other than barking, But there are so
many different ways, like your book points out that you know,
they are communicating with us, but we just have to
be have our eyes and ears open to it. Right.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
There's one example in the book that is kind of
startling is that there was a dog that was humping
all the time on her own the owner, and they
couldn't figure out what was going on. It was driving
the family crazy. Or it turned out she had you know,
structural problems in her spine right, and she wasn't comfortable
(16:48):
running around. And as soon as the pain was handled,
and she was also not forced into those rough and
rowdy situations, she calmed right down and was just a
pleasure and there was no more of that unwanted humping. So,
like you say, just all the signs can be out there.
(17:10):
We want to be alert and yeah and mindful, you know,
as best as we can. Just they're trying to tell
us something.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Correct, Like we just have to pay attention. It's just
like how you have to pay attention. I mean, because
you know, dogs are always like their children to me,
you know, in the sense that they they you always
have to pay attention like you would for a child
and a toddler or a baby, because they can only
communicate so much. Yeah. Yeah, so it's the same thing,
(17:39):
and your your book points that out so much. I mean,
I think it's it's just such a wonderful book, and
I just like the way it just the way you
expressed everything, but how it's how you presented it. It's
it's easy to read and easy to follow, which I
think is very helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Well, thank you. I'm delighted you feel that way.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, absolutely, absolutely so. I know, like you said, it
took you ten years and it's so chock ful as
so many things. And I know you do books for
children and everything else. But what is coming up next
for you?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
If there's anything, Yeah, there may be some more articles,
you know, shorter pieces. Right now, I am contemplating a
workbook related to the book, but I don't know we'll
go there so but for the meantime, the articles are
keeping me busy. But thank you, thank you for the
(18:34):
encouragement I have to put my thinking.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Oh, you'll think about it, and I'm sure because I
don't think you stay unbusy for long. So I'm sure
you're going to think and do something. I'm sure because
you've done so much. So for my listeners who would
like to get this book, where's the best place that
they can find Tender Pause?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Well, you can find it at any of your favorite booksellers.
You can find it online at places like Amazon or
Barnes and Noble or Simon and Schuster. It's also available
on audiobook through Recorded books and Audible.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, thank you, Wendy Lyon Sunshine, Thank you so much, No,
thank you for this great book, and thanks for all
your knowledge and sharing it with so many of us, because,
like I said before, it's common sense, but many people
don't have it. It's not very common. So your book
will be very helpful to getting people not only to
raise well behaved dogs, but we'll have. I think your
(19:28):
book will help people hold on to their dogs and
not give up on them. No, I think so. Yeah,
it would be because I know, I mean, we all
know people that give up on their dogs, like, oh
it's too much, I have to give it up. No,
don't read Wendy's book, and I think you'll be okay.
So thank you so much for the book and your information,
and well when you decide on your next thing, we'll
(19:49):
talk again.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Thank you, Maria, it's been a pleasure speaking with you.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Thanks so much, Lader and the Spot, see you later.
Arrigator
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