Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
You think you're so smart with that? What are you gonna do with it
when you grow up? I thinkyou have a customer? All right?
Now, what seems to be yourtrouble? Oh good? I just don't
understand it. You need involvement.How would you like to be me?
(00:24):
Shoes Charlie Brown? All right?Isn't he the cutest thing? Action?
Oh oh oh, it's fun?Is a sucker? Oh good evening,
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ladies and gentlemen. I'm Richard Cheesewww dot. I love Richard Cheese dot
com. Thank you you know hereit is our big holiday CD. And
what better song to sing than jingleBells? But I'd like to do that
version performed so many years ago bythat fabulous group the Dogs Hitted Boys.
Worf worf who what? Who?Wolf? Who? Who? Who?
(01:07):
What? Wh whoa? Or woofwoof woof woof woof wof? Whoof?
Or what? Who? Or what? Wo wo w w w whoa wof
woof woof woof woof? Speak here, rollover, fetch okay, play that
(01:40):
bow wow wow our meanin quack andmove Marrying Christmas from Richard Cheese and aby
honiga. If you're a juice,Hello, we spend six thousand, one
hundred dollars on Christmas. Lesson,and then Santa comes to leaves presents undering
Christmas trees. We don't smell likeSanta. Skip Christmas, Please skip Christmas,
give Christmas, save the money andspend it on us for a change.
(02:01):
Merry Christmas and a happy tanooka.Oh Christmas, Christmas, this is
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my first Christmas is the man whoread the biggest see the Joe, the
old saintannck. Okay, I needa little help on this body rock.
I hate returning things after Christmas isso crowded. I've always wanted to mean
Santa cole me Christmas. I'm Isupposed to find sta if I don't have
a home at Brecks. We're here, up, We're rock. Happy Holidays.
(02:57):
Well, oh body, Yes,it's finally Friday. We made it.
Kelly kind of feel a sense ofaccomplishment making it to Friday without choking
the hell out of somebody. Yeah, crawling across that finish line, going
on water water, And I mustsay being in for Anna has been great
(03:20):
this week. But as I alwayscome in sometimes by Friday, I'm like,
how are you guys still working?This ain't as easy as it look.
No, it's not. Your answeris delirious exhaustion. That's how we
keep going. That's our coffee.That's it. It's a madhouse, now,
mad house. How many of youwatching the Cowboy game last night thought
(03:42):
these jerk offs are gonna blow it. They're gonna lose to Seaattle. What
happened? They won? They endedup praying. You see, I was
watching the game while I was layingin bed because I didn't want to look
away, so I fell asleep,and then I woke up in the last
minute and thirty seconds and the Cowboyswin. Yeh. When I fall asleep,
(04:03):
I'm gone, I'm out until thealarm goes on. Yeah, but
I stayed and watched the end ofit and the Cowboys won, Which means
you're going to have to solve aCowboys morning mathematical mind mangler. All you
need is the stats. You canget those on CBS Sports or ESPN,
and maybe a calculator. But it'sjust adding in some traction. It'll be
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stats from the game and it willend up as a number. You tell
me who on the Cowboys squad where'sthat number? You'll win the Trans Siberian
Orchestra tickets. I ain't fair,mystery y plus plus TJ. Miller fact
that the Medium will be with us. He's at Hyenas in Dallas. I'm
showing his face on the stream rightnow, so we're just going to see
his face in the movies and go, oh that. I think I know
(04:50):
who he is. And today's kindof special because you know, the Rolling
Stones have announced that they're going togo on tour again to support Hackney Don
And we got an exclusive Rolling Stonesinterview from New York with our buddy Jim
Kerr, who's an iHeartMedia guy.Yeah. I forget which station he works
(05:10):
at, but I've met him severaltimes. He's a good dude. I
think he's plugged into the whole classicrock world. That, by heart.
Good for him. So we'll havethat eight o'clock this morning and all kinds
of madness to drive you crazy aswe celebrate Rosa Parks Day. Oh nice,
I give it up my seat.You know, white woman like that,
(05:30):
And the civil Rights movement was born. Wait a minute, it's National
Christmas Lights Day. Okay, deckthe halls of a body. It's December
first, I'll take it. Beforethe invention of electric lights. Families would
balance candles on the branches of theirChristmas tree and it caused a few fires.
As you can well in that couple. Electric Christmas lights weren't invented until
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eighteen eighty by Thomas Edison. Really, it's Eat a Red Apple Day?
Oh? Okay, okay, okay. It's National Peppermint Bark Day. Do
you know what that is? That'sthat candy? This chocolate and peppermint.
Yeah. I like the chocolate part. Yeah, Neimans has it. It's
pretty good. Okay. Civil AirPatrol Day. Now, I never knew
(06:14):
what the Civil Air Patrol did,but it is a federally chartered nonprofit corporation
that's also the Air Force Auxiliary supportsAmerica's communities with emergency response and all that
stuff. National Fried Pie Day.Yes, I got one word for you,
cherry. That's the only one.What are the places along the Texas
Freeways. It's a big pink pigon their sign and they got the fried
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pies. What is that place Ithink it was. I think it was
pig Stands. I think we needto go right now and find out.
Listeners are gonna let us know shortly. It's National wear address Day, No,
no, and welcome to December.It's international calendar Awareness Month, National
Drunk and Drug Driving Month, PreventionMonth, National Eggnog Month, National Fruitcake
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Month, National Pair Month, NationalStress Free Family Holidays Month, Yeah right
sure, Root Vegetables Months, SafeToys and Gifts Months, and Universal Human
Rights Month. So we got here. We got a lot of stuff to
do here this month, so webest get cracking, all right. Look
at sports of all sorts. Yeah, we'll talk about the Cowboys. There's
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other football news and other sports totalk about, and of course the ever
popular freaking Fool Files at six fortyfive this morning. Then we'll talk to
TJ. Miller and get re equatedwith the main So is everybody ready to
do the morning stretch? Because readyI need it? Here we go go,
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Lord, have mercy, go aheadand cough up along. You got
another one just like it? Allright here, buddy, you all ready
to kick off the weekend? Wellready or not? Here comes your home
for a Classic Rock in Dallas forDallas Forest Classic Rock lone Star ninety two
to five. Remember that Stones interviewat eight o'clock this morning and announcement yep,
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yeah, and tell them about whentickets are going on sale and good
stuff like that. Oh right,sports fans, six thirty in time for
sports of all sorts that I knowa lot of you felt the same way
I did watching the Cowboys last night. Very good at blowing, blowing jeez.
The Cowboys were able to hold offthe Seattle Seahawks in a penalty ridden
game, defeating Pete Carroll squad fortyone to thirty five, which at least
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de there that. Now, evenwith the Cowboys win, the ultimate outcome
didn't seem certain throughout the game.The Cowboys didn't play like the Cowboys,
and the Seahawks didn't play like theSeahawks. They came to play. With
about fourteen minutes left to go inthe game, the Cowboys were down thirty
five to twenty seven, but withsome late drives down the field and the
defense finally being able to stop dkMetcalf, they were able to pull out
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a win against a playoff contender,well a sort of playoff content. And
it's the first that they were sixand five Seattle was means this is the
first win for the Cowboys against awinning team, not a very winning team,
but there you go. We're thebest. The last time that the
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Cowboys lost a home so it wastheir fourteenth win in a row at home.
The last time that I lost athome was during Week one of the
twenty twenty two season against Tom Bradyand the Tampa Bay Succaneers. Yes,
this was the first time the Cowboysbeating an opponent with a winning record since
Week two, when they beat theNew York Jets, who were one and
zero at the time. So thatreally isn't spectacular. You see, Dallas
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finally gets some rest. They don'tplay again until a week from Sunday when
they face a real team, thePhiladelphia Eagles. Oh God help us all.
And now let's jump right into it, shall we? Who sports to
day? Who's not playing? Whoahey? Bosports? Okay? Buffalo Bill's
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pass rusher and former A and mAggie von Miller is free on bond after
police say his pregnant girlfriend accused himof pushing her putting his hands on her
neck during an argument at their Dallashome, oh Vaughn. According to Dallas
Police, about eleven am last Wednesday, officers were called to the thirty one
hundred block of North Harwood Street fora major disturbance. Von Miller left the
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scene before officers arrived, and anarrest warrant was issued for assault on a
pregnant person, a third degree felony. Miller surrendered to police in Glenn Heights
yesterday afternoon. It was freed afterposting a five thousand dollars bond. The
woman said she and Miller were athome Wednesday when they began arguing at about
ten fifty in the morning over thefact that she didn't want to travel on
her birthday. She went to anoffice and slammed the door, which he
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said upset Miller and it got outof hand from there. Miller was previously
investigated for domestic violence in twenty twentyone, but was not charged. Now
the couple will reportedly have two childrentogether. You can't be chilking woman,
that's the mother of you killed rightnow. Miller is a two time Super
Bowl champion with the Broncos and Rams. He grew up in the Dallas suburb
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of De Soto and played college footballfor My Aggies at Texas A and m
oh Von von Vaughn. Take achill pill. We are you for God's
sake? Yeah, too much coffeeman? Well, twenty twenty three Sports
Illustrated sports Person of the Year isDion Sandery Hey, the head football coach
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at Colorado, is featured on thecover of the latest issue of the magazine.
Sanders was introduced as Colorado's head coachon December third, twenty twenty two.
We all remember that, Oh yeah, almost a full year ago.
Sports Illustrated said he breathed fresh lifeand to see you boulder while transforming the
country's worst football program. Oh theywere. They were one and eleven with
(11:54):
four wins. That's four times asmany as you got the year before.
That's right, because Colorado finished thetwenty twenty three season with a four eight
record and improving forwards one to elevenrecord This season before see you sold out
every home game at Falsom Field forthe first time in school history. September
sales at the schools online Teams storewere up two thousand and five and forty
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four percent. Wow, alright,that means they sold three more T shirts
over the same month last year,and the first year applications at the University
of Colorado are up twenty six pointfour percent. Oh yeah, isn't that
great. He'd done good? Imean whether he wins a dozen games or
not, he's still bringing the Coloradointo the national eye because he's there.
(12:37):
Yeah, it's exciting. On Neongoing with it, Neon Dion, all
right, little more trouble with ourpro athletes. Not quite as bad as
the story Bo just told you about. But on his way the last Sunday's
game, Arizona Cardinals linebacker Jesse luketalukta that's close enough flat tire and didn't
have a damn spare in his undoubtedlyexpensive car. Why stuck at in North
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Phoenix gas station with no way toget to the stadium on time? He
noticed a man at the station.We're in a Cardinals jersey. JW.
Phillips was a fan on his wayto State Farm Stadium anyway with his wife
and three kids, and they werehappy to give Jesse the Arizona Cardinals linebackers
a ride. During the forty fiveminute drive to the stadium, everyone felt
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awkward. No, I'm kidding.What they said is the linebacker talked about
the family and getting together at Thanksgivinggrowing up in Ottawa, and the kids
grilled him about fantasy football. Ofcourse, Lakita appreciated the family's kindness.
They managed to get him to thestadium with minutes to spare. Now,
later on social media, he notedthat good people still exist. Then he
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planned to show his further appreciation bygetting the family tickets for a future game.
What's the least he can do?That was pretty nice? Yeah,
pretty cool. Now in college football, this is the weekend of conference championship
games. Tonight it's CUSA title betweenNew Mexico State and Liberty Liberty Liberty and
number five Oregon against number three Washingtonfor the PAC twelve. Then tomorrow the
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battle for the Big twelve Oklahoma Stateversus Texas at AT and T Stadium,
also known as Jerry World. TheMac Crown is between Miami of Ohio against
Toledo Boise State at UNLV for theMountain West title. A chance for the
Ponies to get revenge from a yearago when they got clabbered by Twulane fifty
nine to twenty four. SMU willface them for the American Conference Championship.
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Now, the big one is goingto be number one Georgia versus number eight
Alabama for the SEC title. Ihate Bama and I'm not real fond of
Georgia either. But I'm going toroot for him because I hate Bama more
than I hate Georgia. Let's see, the big one is that one?
But there's also Appalachian State plays forthe Sun Belt title. Prairie View A
and M goes up against Florida Aand M to win the Southwestern Athletic Conference.
(14:54):
For the ACC, It's number fourteenLouisville at number four Florida State Goosey's
number sixteen Iowhawkeyes must somehow take downMichigan to win the Big Ten. This
will be the first time that Wolverine'scoach Jim Harbaugh will be back on the
sidelines since being suspended. Remember that, Yeah, yeah, they can do
(15:16):
it now. The Dallas Stars finishedout November and finished up their Kaylian Nadian
Road Canadianadian toy Boat toy Boat theirroad trip up North last night by losing
to Calgary four to three. MasonMarchmont scored twice in Goalie Scott Wedgwood made
thirty two says for Dallas, whichhas lost three of its last four games.
Yes, they're in just a littlebit of a slump there, friends.
(15:39):
The Stars have failed to hold athird period lead in four of their
last seven games. So Dallas willlimp back home for a game against the
Tampa Bay Lightning tomorrow afternoon at theAmerican Airline Center. The puck will drop
at one o'clock. Then the Starsturned right back around and head to Tampa
Bay to play them again on Mondayto begin a three game road trip.
(16:00):
I know, just got off theroad, but that's how the hockey gods
have set it up. And theMavericks have back to back home games this
weekend, starting tonight against the MemphisGrizzlies, then tomorrow night, the Oklahoma
City Thunder come to town. TheMAVs won't be facing the stiffest defensive test
tonight. The Grizzlies visit without aslew of their key players, including high
scoring guard Jay Morant, who isserving an NBA suspension. What did do
(16:26):
but he got lots of help fromKyrie riving with twenty seven points. A
tip off for tonight's game is atsix point thirty. If you want to
check it out and remember the videoof the guy getting his ass whooped by
Mike Tyson on a plane, Yeah, because he just wouldn't shut up.
Well, you might remember the videothat surface showing Melvin Townshend constantly talking Tyson's
(16:48):
ear off, and Tyson finally hehis head enough. I'm gonna kick your
head. The guy wouldn't shut up, so he started punching him. The
lawyer for Townsend sent Tyson's lawyers prelittedgameation statement demand for injuries and damages they
say the man suffered when Tyson viciouslyassaulted him on a from San Francisco to
Florida in April of last year.The four hundred and eighty thousand dollars pre
(17:12):
litigation settlement would cover towns in ongoingmedical care, medication and therapy for post
traumatic stress disordered Oh get a lifetrauma. Sorry. However, Tyson's attorney,
Alex Piro, says there will beno payout. Says, I've received
a shakedown letter related to some instigator'sharassment of Mikey year ago, and there
will be no shakedown payment. Sothere yeah shit terrahiki again, Get ready
(17:40):
because the frigging full file is nexton the ball of them show goodday shoutdays.
Every Friday is a good day,whether the sun shines or not.
You No, I speak the truthall right. TJ. Miller is going
to join us here in just alittle while. But now it's time for
the freaking full file. Thirty eightyear old Zipporah Abraham tried to pay for
(18:06):
more than eight hundred dollars worth ofmerchandise at a Walmart in North Miami Beach
using counterfeit money who When employees grewsuspicious of the bills, she headed for
the exit with her shopping cart fullof items. You know, if you're
going to run pushing a shopping cartfull of items worth eight hundred dollars,
you're not going to be going veryfast. So naturally she was caught.
(18:26):
A lost prevention officer stopped her andled her into the office for questioning.
Police were called and they placed herunder arrest. She was asked to remove
the jewelry from her wrist so policecould handcuff her, and that's when she
quickly shoved two hundred dollars worth offake money into her mouth to try and
eat it. Ah didn't work.Abraham was arrested in charge with grand theft
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and counterfeiting. She remains in jailon ten thousand dollars bond, which she
shouldn't try to pay for with herfunny money and speaking of being arrested,
We're not exactly sure what the recordfor being arrested is, but it seems
that Chelsea Steineger is making a runfor it. The thirty one year old
Virginia woman is currently back behind barsafter being hit with twenty one fresh charges
(19:15):
ranging from identity theft to drug possession. Described as jovial during her arrest,
the judge suspended several of the sentences, but did impose a thirty day sentence
on a dui charge. The VirginiaState Database said Steineger has racked up sixty
three arrests during her thirty one yearson the planet. That means she got
(19:36):
arrested roughly two times every year,even as a base fi's birth Yeah,
well she has plenty of times.She tried really hard to rack more up.
She says, I'll keep doing whatI want to when I want to
do it, and if I getpopped again, so be it. Ha
ha. Well, maybe all thosefines and legal bills get too hefty,
she'll start behaving like a model citizenor not. I'm guessing the man,
(20:00):
it's got to be bad when yourun out of Walmart with all that stuff,
and you know what your first thoughtis, where did I park again?
Yeah? That happens to me allthe good So this is great.
A super sexy Spanish model is theliving the good life, posing for picks.
Sure they're naughty and raking in nearlyeleven thousand a month, damn.
But the thing about twenty five yearold Ititana Lopez, she ain't real No,
(20:22):
Hi, she's AI. The pinkhaired influencer was The banging bod was
created by Spanish designer Ruben Cruz,who also uses AI to help make Lopez
look as realistic as possible. Welooked her up, she's looking good.
Oh yeah, she looks she looksrealistic. You would have pulled me.
Yeah. Ititana is built as aBarcelona based fitness influencer and gamer who cruised
on photoshop. Has curated an entirelife around why are AI models in such
(20:48):
high demand right now? Companies nowcan work with influencers without the pesky in
convenience of working with real people,and they work cheap. Well yeah,
they worn't for nothing. Yeah justpush the button booty. Yeah no,
yeah, she'll work for nothing andshe'll look good. Yeah. It's ridiculous
and I'm canceling my prescriptions. Bo, this story really burns my ass.
(21:12):
Uh oh, I have to readthis. It burns my ass. Well,
listen to this. See what happens. A Chinese man was put in
the position of having to save hisown ass literally after the smart toilet he
was on he was perched on,burst into flames while he was sitting on
it. A smart toilet, Yeah, you know the totos you got,
like the lid that goes up,there's water that'll squirt on your dirty area,
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you know, the like the fancysmart toilet, and they'll even vibrate
the seed or something, yeah,warm seed. All these features sort of
like getting a new car with allthe feature you're like, oh, look
at this, let me figure itout before I take a dump here.
So that's the smart toilet idea.It's plumbing fixture that incorporates technology to add
additional functionality such is self cleaning,lighting, warming of the seat when you
(21:55):
sit on it, massage even bo. Well, after the unnamed man in
China took his seat of honor,there was a smell of smoke. Oh
no, that's happened to me before, but this has never happened. That
was from your diet. Yeah,that's my diet. From there, plumes
of white smoke started rising up fromthe man's toilet bowl, and I guess
between his legs. Oh, Ibetter get up in mid hunker. So
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it looks like luckily he stood hisass up before his ass turned into char
and then the toilet burst into flamesin front of him. The cause of
the toilet fire is to believe tobe a short circuit issue and not some
spicy sess one. Okay, holdthe meaning to the song smoking in the
Boys Room, right, yep,yep? Anybody remember the song cold ethel
(22:40):
by Alice Cooper. Yeah. Well. A man employed as a security guard
at a Phoenix hospital is accused ofhaving sex with an elderly woman's body in
the hospital morgue. Forty six yearold Randall Bird was arrested this week after
a disturbing incident at Banner University MedicalCenter, Phoenix. Two witnesses reportedly stumbled
upon Bird acting strange inside the morgue'sfreezer, sweating profusely and acting real nervous
(23:04):
near the victim's unzipped body bag.The witnesses noticed that bird zipper was down
too, and his uniform was allwrinkled and messy, and he allegedly tried
to hide the victim's body as theyentered what are you gonna do? Push
it out in the hall or something. He later claimed to have suffered a
medical episode, faded and fell onto the dead body. Uh huh.
(23:30):
However, the closed circuit security camerasin the morgue told an entirely different story.
Better Health confirmed that the that Birdhas since been terminated, saying in
a statement that it is saddened andappalled by the alleged actions in the morgue
cold Do you remember the Tom Pettyvideo that's about that very dark hour?
(23:52):
Oh yeah, that was Mary Jane'slast last dance at Mary Jane Kim Basinger
was the dead girl and Tom Pettywas the more atand in and he got
a crush on her when she camein. Really, I don't remember that,
all right, you two? Ilike the one for don't come around
here no more where he eats Alicein Wonderland as a case. Yeah,
I was down the rabbit hole.Comedian TJ. Miller coming up on the
boat with them. Joe, let'sgo see it, man, I'm excited.
(24:17):
Dallas what was Classic rock lone Starninety two five. Well, I
know he must have flown on theJedairliner, because I know I didn't drive
here. Say hello to Conadian.Knock your TJ Miller my bicycle, Oh,
dig I haven't told many people this, but I've been bicycling for four
weeks just to get to Dallas.What a burger? Well, he's our
(24:41):
favorite ball of mucus. Or asyou learned, the longer. You didn't
hear the term longer last night?That's right, yes, longer longer myself,
I said, I'm going to usethat, but I haven't had a
lot of opportunities to use it.Well, just keep it with you in
case somebody goes, are you coughingup? A longer? Straight out of
(25:04):
the Tombstone movie? Straight out ofthe Tombstone movie. Guys, I'm so
excited. Good to see you again. Yeah, hear you again? And
uh I was told by Head's mybuddy there whatever that he used to be
the Bow and Jim shows. Jimmyretired, Jim retired, and you changed
(25:26):
the name to something that sounds justenough like Jim the Bow and Them show
and m Joe because we don't knowwho else has? And then you remember
Randy. Randy he'd move back toFresno. So why would he do that?
I don't know, I guess orsomething grandparents to piss somebody off enough
(25:48):
to have them move to Fresne.What did you do? Probably swag a
longer at him and stay out?Yeah, well thanks for having me.
Yeah, I just flew in lastnight. Uh and boy, or my
arm's tired? Boy? Are yourarms? Boy? Are your listeners?
Time? Stupid ass? Jo?No? So yeah, so I just
(26:11):
got in last night and already peopleare asking me about what a burger?
Why is it as good? Isit as good as people as the frequency
that people talk about it? It'sit's really good. But it's also the
only not the only thing that's openedtwenty four hours that's bars close. Yeah
(26:32):
yeah, but now you guys,what time do you wake up? Oh?
Ridiculous, I don't even know.I'm always interested in this because then
the question is what time do yougo to sleep? So often I talk
to people who are on radio andthey say, oh, yeah, I'm
up at four I'm I'm up atfour am, I'm into the studio by
four forty five. I go God, what time do you go way earlier?
(26:52):
Oh, go way earlier. Sowhat time do you go to sleep?
I'll go to sleep about nine ish, and you're still getting up.
You're still only getting six hours ofsleep. But there is an afternoon nap
in my immediate future. I likethat. And do you do the thing?
(27:14):
I also I have to ask toalso do the thing where you're done
with work at eleven am or usuallybefore. So do you ever have a
night cap at the end of workat eleven am? You're at the bar?
Yeah? Yeah, Friday, youbet your ass Friday. I love
that because then you get to thebar, they're just opening. I'm like,
what a day. Here comes BullRoberts. Yeah, right there.
(27:37):
You do you get recognized? Yousay that I'm the voice of the Muse
and Xbooker. That's true. Doyou get recognized by your voice? Sometime?
Not really, not that much.Really, I don't talk to know
about it. I don't like anytheart. Also, you were in two How
to Train Your Dragon movies has toughNut Thorston. And the last time you
(28:03):
were here, our comedian friend SteveHurst was here and he was talking about
he was in Vegas and there's aguy in Vegas, if you give him
twenty bucks, you can kick himin the nuts as hard as you can.
And you said he should be namedtough Nuts. Yeah, exactly,
I think that's absolutely I would youwould you pay to do that, to
kick him in and then that's ashard as he could. Well, no,
(28:23):
because I'd feel guilty because I sureas hall wouldn't want somebody to do
that. Now, I don't knowwhat casino is the stant you know Blagio's
got the water. What casino ishe in front of the old rivi Era.
Oh, he's downtown. I wasgonna say, you know where he's
you know where he is the GoldenNuggets getting his nuggets pumped up into See's
type of comedy. Yeah, tonighttomorrow at Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas,
(28:48):
Dallas, Texas. Now one ofthe great clubs in my opinion. I
love the Fort Worth Hyenas. Hehas two clubs, but Randy's Club Hyenas
in Dallas, in my opinion,is uh one of the great comedy clubs
in the United States because it's reallydripping the nineteen eighties vibe. It's just
so comics. We're just gods.At that time. Yeah, exactly,
(29:10):
And now we're sort of what's thename of the thing that has goat legs?
Is around and plays the Oh whatis it? Had? No,
we're not even that good. Whatis it? A pan? Yeah?
He's the famous pan. Was thename of it? He was the name
of him? And he had fluteit over there. Dean Lewis is on
(29:33):
and on it. Here we go, No guy. So I'm absolutely so
excited. I get to I getto play the comedy club. My wife
Kate, two of her best friendsare here, so excited. Chris uh
and uh a Champagne Elaine and Chrisbook is an amazing musician. Uh and
(29:55):
then are very very good friends fromNew York City. Uh. The absolutely
inimitable chef Tatsu and his wife Herocohave just opened a sushi restaurant in Dallas
and he's one of the best sushichefs in the world. I do like
me. I know, I askedyou off are you said? So?
(30:17):
It's called Tatsu Dallas t a ts U and it's essentially gonna be the
best sushi that you can possibly getin the country. I'm gonna include Canada.
Yeah, you're not doing anything gotthere, forget it. But Tatsu
Dallas just open, I think maybeless than a year ago, and it
is incredible. It's in Glen Ellen. Is that? Am I saying that
(30:40):
correctly? The area deep not shallowEllen Deep Belt is deep deep Bell alright,
But Tatsu Dallas, so I'm excitedabout that. It's the first time
I've eaten there. I'm meaning tonightat five thirty. It's Oma Casse so
it's the full you sit down,there's no menu, the whole thing.
(31:03):
They have a huge soky liz abar and they had one of the best,
well the best sushi restaurant in NewYork City. And they came to
Texas and I said, why didyou guys go to Texas? And Roco
who is the she manages the restaurant. She said, well, we took
these everybody's phone numbers for the reservationand about a third of the people lived
(31:25):
in Dallas. And I said,so that's why. Yeah, And Tatsy
wants to be a cowboy. Andthen you see him now he brought the
boots, he's got the he's adrug store cowboy. Then, but his
drugs is uh torro, his drugsis wasabi. TJ. Miller is our
(31:47):
guest. I want to talk aboutsome of your movies too. Let's do
it, all right, we'll dothat coming up next on the Ball In
Them Shoulder, Dallas, Horse ClassicLone Star ninety two five. TJ.
Miller is our guest. He's atHyenas in Dallas this weekend. Okay,
two shows tonight eight thirty and tenthirty and tomorrow seven thirty and nine thirty.
(32:09):
I want to talk about Cloverfield.That was your first movie, right,
first film, and I didn't youknow what, I didn't understand when
they told me I wasn't really goingto be on camera. I said,
well, what am I supposed todo? And they're like, what do
you mean? I was like,I mean I look like this For a
reason, I'm not trying to meetwomen. This is I look ridiculous,
(32:31):
so that on screen they go,your presence will be felt or something felt.
And I said, okay, buthow am I supposed to be funny?
And so I think in some waysthat's how I, you know,
did well in Big Hero six,Gravity Falls F is for Family, How
to Train Your Dragon, because inmy first movie, I had to really
(32:52):
like figure out how to just makemy voice. Yeah, do the whole
thing. And it ended up thatthey were right. I mean, it's
it's kind of but a lot ofpeople don't know I was in it because
I only appear on screen for Ithink three minutes when they made me shoot
a lot of it. Well,i'll tell you what. I didn't get
paid. It was it was acool little monster movie because you only see
(33:13):
the monster for just a couple ofseconds and then the camera cuts away.
Yeah, that's the cheapest way todo it. Weren't you also in Unstoppable?
I was talking about that yesterday,about how Denzel Washington's kind of I
was with the uh a guy whodoes set dressing in films and is working
(33:34):
in the Gilded Age I think,or the gild or whatever that is,
and so I am, but Iwas on Unstoppable, uh, and he
was just such a trip. He'sso intense. He has a huge entourage
around him, but he was.Was he a dick though? No?
Not okay. I like Denzel.Yeah, he's great. No, No,
(33:55):
not at all. And I gavehim some jam jam. Now it's
not I I sell peanut butter,peanut butter and hot sauce, but I
don't sell any jam yet, butthere was a jar of jam that was
some train themed thing, and Isaid, Denzel, I just wanted to
say thank you for being in uhin my uh for having me in your
(34:19):
film. I bought you this trainjam or something. And he goes,
what train jam? But he didsome weird thing where he Yeah, he
was strange. It's strange, buthe was really into, like Tom Cruise
kind of. I mean, they'rereally into the script and they want to
(34:39):
talk about this stuff and they're reallyand so sometimes I don't get along with
those people because I don't care.Yeah, and uh and and but it's
really interesting to see those people sortof work. You know, Kristen Stewart
is like that. She's so sointense and about it out it. But
(35:00):
it's you know, it's fun tobe around those people because again I don't
care, and I'm just you know, they're out there, they're rehearsing lines,
they're talking about intention and I'm justbuying train jam. Now. Now,
weren't you in a transform A movie? Now? Was this was Mark
Wahlberg or that Shila Buffhead guy?It was with Mark Wahlberg, but I
(35:21):
think Shila buff has changed his nameto Shila buff guy. No, yeah,
Mark Wahlberg, that was it was. That movie is really really something.
I mean it's just about two hourstoo long. Now, didn't you
do like five or six movies ina single year? Yeah, probably,
(35:45):
but at least I mean, they'vegot to think most of them were voiceover.
Yeah, you got to think thata couple of those were sort of
a voiceover deal. But but yeah, I mean at one point, I'm
sort of working back to back,back to back, and I couldn't really
do stand up, you know.So I got so bad at one point
that I was only doing stand upfor about a month or two months out
of the year, and that waspart of the reason I was doing I
(36:07):
did this show called Silicon Valley andit was on for a while, and
at about the fourth season, Isaid, this is not going to get
better. Because all television series,there's that phrase jump the shark. All
TV series at a certain point sortof jumped the sharks. They're not going
to get better. No one isever. Like my favorite season of Breaking
(36:28):
Bad was season eleven. Just isn'tthe case, you know, And I
was I was trying to do standup at night I was working during the
day. I was doing films wheneverwe weren't shooting, and so after a
while I kind of said, Ineed to sort of exit this. It
was a great show after I left, but I need to exit this to
try and you know, be ableto keep doing stand up, to do
(36:51):
as much stand up as I wantto. And that's just you know,
I was talking to somebody about thisthe other day. Stand up is you're
your own boss. Yes, youknow, if you're an actor or an
employee, you don't have to dealwith anybody else. When you're acting,
they own you and you have tosign a contract that says they can tell
you this where you're this is whenyou're gonna work this, We're gonna work
(37:12):
all that. But with stand upcomedy, I kind of work with clubs.
I pick and choose where I'm gonnawork work. I have to ask
you a question about I chose Dallas. Yeah, I have to ask you
about office Christmas party with Jennifer Aniston. Okay, Yes, I know a
guy, a comic named Tommy Blaze, and he was on Friends a couple
(37:34):
of times. You know, Tommy, tell him we said hello next time
you see. But he told me, I don't know if he was lying,
because you know how Tommy is.He said, Jennifer Aniston had the
hairiest arms he'd ever seen in hislife. Did you notice that when you
were working with her? No,I mean I guess when I was shaving
her arms. That was part ofyour contract, because I tell you,
(37:57):
I only tell you. They're gonnatell you where you are there you go.
No, I didn't notice. Imean, I think that's is that
weird that he would have kind ofbeen checking out those four arms, looking
at the arms instead of the goodparts. Why? Yeah? And why?
Why? But no, I didn't. I didn't really notice that about
(38:19):
her. The funniest thing. She'sso funny. I said, so let's
get the questions out of the way. Are you contractually obliged to drink smart
water? Because she at this timewas the smart Water spokesperson. Okay,
And she said, yeah, butI prefer Fiji. I'm not supposed to
say that. No, But itwas so funny and so dry, and
(38:42):
so she's easily one of the funniestpeople I've met sort of in Hollywood.
He seemed like a sweetheart. AndI don't know why, but you wouldn't
expect her humor to be really dry. Oh quick story about dry humor.
I mentioned Tom Cruise. I dida film call called, uh, Rock
of Ages. That's so many moviesI've done. I forgot, okay,
(39:04):
the rock Star of Ages and uhTom Cruise. I met him in the
morning in the makeup trailer. Hewas wearing these stakes. He's wearing this
like clear mask on his face,like an alien, you know. So
he comes over and he goes,you know, Uh, what I'm thinking
is, you know the humor youwere in this one of the comedy,
It's got to be dry. Doyou know what I mean? Do you
(39:25):
understand what I'm saying. He talksand he laughs fast too, and I
said that he doesn't have any timehe's doing He's already doing a fifth mission
impossible that day. So I said, I said, no, no,
I know, I mean, I'ma comedian. He goes, but I
need dry, you know, dryhumor. Here' see what I'm saying when
I say dry humor. And Isaid, yeah, I really do.
(39:45):
It's like because it's got to bereally dry. I mean, you know,
we're only in there, so youronly it's got to be dry.
It's got Do you know what I'msaying? Do you understand what I mean
when I say dry? And Ijust was so fed up with it?
I go, yeah, Tom,I do. It's gonna get We're in
Miami, but there's still me nohumidity. That's how dry it is,
a good answer. It'll you'll beparched when you see how dry my humor
(40:07):
is. You'll think we're in adesert. Now, did he think it
was funny or did he get pissedoff? Noh? I go, that's
how dry it's gonna be. Andhe looks me goes sooner. See what
I mean with dry humor? Ithink we got it. I think we
got but he's just you know,it's so it's he's so intense. I
think that's the other thing is likeI love standing up comedy because nobody has
to be intense. Nobody takes themselvesreally seriously. Especially in here. We
(40:30):
don't. They're not at all amen. I mean, you're not wearing any
pants and you're wearing his pants.No, I am on his head.
That's w That's how we roll aroundhere. TJ. Miller hying his comedy
club in Dallas shows tonight eight thirtyand ten thirty and tomorrow seven thirty and
nine thirty. Anytime you're in town, come back by. Thank you so
much for having me. And I'mheaded straight to what a burger? Yeah
(40:52):
and hiss which a burger is closed? And next time you come, bring
some of that peanut butter in hotsalt. It's headed your Wayazon dot Com,
TVB and jpter it better and bythe Way's choice. TJ's Miller's website
is called TJ Miller doesn't have awebsite, And you can see my three
new stand up comedy specials on myYouTube channel. Just google TJ Beller stand
(41:15):
Up Special Dear Jonah streaming now alongwith three completely improvised specials, The Spokane
Special, CrowdWork Special from Springfield,Missouri, and the Stanley Hotel Inspiration for
the Shine Area. Speak TJ.Miller. Everybody goes see him tonight and
tomorrow night be Hys in Dallas,Dallas, hoorst Classic Rock Loan Star ninety
(41:38):
two five coming up, Trens SiberianOrchestra tickets and our exclusive interview with the
Rolling Stones because that Hackney Diamond's touris gonna kick off and they're gonna tell
us all about tickets and that goodstuff. There's stuff for you to know
about the stones. But now itis time for the educational bottle of the
(41:59):
show. Time to listen and learn. Children, It's time for did you
know already? Indeed? All right? For example, did you know that
if you want to eat but don'twant to gain weight, move to Antarctica?
Okay, that's because you'll need atleast seven thousand calories a day to
keep warm. Without an outside sourceof heat, you may freeze to death,
(42:22):
but you'll be skinny. Oh what, I'd like to leave a good
looking, skinny shivering corp. Yeah. Did you know fitness experts say that
skipping is better exercise than jogging.What but men won't do it because it
looks stupid. Well, yeah,they say skipping is better for you than
jogging. Well, because it leadsto running and then getting beat up cardio.
(42:45):
Okay, and so you're gonna getyour workout at anyway other way?
All right? Did you know JimmyCarter blessed Heart? He looks so bad
at Rosalind's funeral in ninety nine,but he was the first US president born
in a hospital, the very firstpresident born in a hospital. What the
rest of them were born in bathtubsor barns or whatever. That's a cool
(43:08):
fact. Did you know that innineteen seventy three, Swedish chocolate confectionery salesman
Roland Osissan was buried in a coffinmade of chocolate chcol that's so the worms
will have something tasty to eat onchocolate corps. Did you know pound for
pound we were just talking about hamburgers. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more
(43:30):
than cars. Oh my god,Yes, they do good old ground beef.
Did you ever know? Did Iever tell the story about how prostitutes
got the name Hooker? No?It was during the Civil War when General
Joseph Hooker of the Union Army wouldlet prostitutes have access to his soldiers,
bang their brains out and boost theirmorale. Okay, now there's a general
(43:52):
who knows how to treat his men. Indeed, these women became known as
Hooker's girls, and the holes justshortened it to hook her. There's where
it came from. I'll be damned. Roland Stewart, who became known as
the guy who wore a rainbow styleafro wig and would hold up a John
three point sixteen signed at stadium sportingevent. Remember he would wave his arm
(44:14):
so you'd look at him. Goofyass wig whatever happened to him? You
ask? Well? He is currentlyserving three live sentences in California for kidnapping.
N hallelujah, Jesus, I'm kidnappinganother. Hang on Trans Siberian Orchestra
tickets. Next on the ball withthem chosen Dallas Hoor's classic ground lone Star
(44:36):
ninety two five hours free Dead Harecoming up the interview with the Rolling Stones
from our iHeartMedia Boy in New York, Jim Kerk. That's on the way.
But now let's give away those TransSiberian Orchestra tickets, those coveted tickets,
don't you know, one of thelast pair left up here now?
And you know tradition on this goofyass show is when the Cowboys win,
(44:59):
you have to solve Bow's morning mathematicalmind mangler. It's all about the cowboys.
Now here's what you're gonna need.You might get a calculator. This
is just adding and subtracting, soyou could probably do it in your head.
But it is a group of answersthat will come from the stats.
Now you can get the stats atESPN or CBS Sports, and it's not
(45:20):
gonna take any time because it's justadding and subtracting. I will give you
some numbers that go. Well.You'll have to figure the numbers out yourself,
of course, but I will giveyou the numbers, and you use
those numbers and it will end upa number. Tell me who on the
Cowboys squad wears that number? Okay, so pull up the stats. I'll
wait, I think I got them. Oh you got them? Okay,
(45:45):
good, all right. So firstof all, you take the total number
of points scored in the game,okay, thirty five, forty one.
Add those together. You'll get anumber. Got it in Look in the
stats and subtract Dak Prescott's number ofpassing attempts. Ooh, not how many
(46:07):
he completed, but his number ofpassing attempts. Then finally subtract Tony Pollard's
receiving yards he had a few.Then you'll come up with a number.
Tell me who on the Cowboy squadwhere's that number? Then the run us
down again for you take the takethe total number of points scored. The
(46:29):
score was thirty five forty one.Okay. Then subtract Dak Prescott's number of
passing attempts. All right, Igot it. Finally, subtract Tony Pollard's
receiving yards, and you'll come upwith a number. Tell me who on
the cowboy squad? Where's that number? How long did Dean and I have
to come up with this number?Like? Did we get like an hour?
(46:51):
No? No? Get an hour? An hour? No? You
got two minutest two minutes two andfour or eight seven eight seven, one
nine two five. Hmmm. Let'ssee if anybody has got the answer him.
All right, hello boy them,Joe, can you tell me who
you came up with? That isPollard? Tony Pollard is right. My
(47:15):
clue is going to be. Myclue was going to be. I just
mentioned his name. And you know, dude, who's this with? Who
are you mathematical master here? That'shis job? Proper job, barber boy,
Don boy, what are you callingfrom? John boy? This is
Burlason, Texas Burlson. All right, well, you got yourself the last
(47:37):
pair this week of Trans Siberian Orchestratickets. I hear a who in the
background? Is that your wife?Is she going with you. Yes,
my girl she's with me. Wellthen okay, well, miss Shelley Owes,
you something. Know what I'm saying. I'm just saying what i'm saying.
(47:59):
If you know what I'm say,I know what you're saying. Okay,
John Boy, hold on because wegot to get some info from you,
all right. That's see. Youguys are getting smarter every time I
do this crap. That's the first, the first one, the first caller.
He pulled up the stats and thecalculator. The listeners are getting smarter,
(48:19):
Yes they are. Dean and Iare getting dumber every time. Well
you're you just have you're just goingtoo fast. You'll get it, you'll
get it, all right. Theexclusive interview with the Rolling Stones is coming
up next on the Boat and Themshow Don't You Go Away
You think you're so smart with that? What are you gonna do with it
when you grow up? I thinkyou have a customer? All right?
Now, what seems to be yourtrouble? Oh good? I just don't
understand it. You need involvement.How would you like to be me?
(00:24):
Shoes Charlie Brown? All right?Isn't he the cutest thing? Action?
Oh oh oh, it's fun?Is a sucker? Oh good evening,
(00:45):
ladies and gentlemen. I'm Richard Cheesewww dot. I love Richard Cheese dot
com. Thank you you know hereit is our big holiday CD. And
what better song to sing than jingleBells? But I'd like to do that
version performed so many years ago bythat fabulous group the Dogs Hitted Boys.
Worf worf who what? Who?Wolf? Who? Who? Who?
(01:07):
What? Wh whoa? Or woofwoof woof woof woof wof? Whoof?
Or what? Who? Or what? Wo wo w w w whoa wof
woof woof woof woof? Speak here, rollover, fetch okay, play that
(01:40):
bow wow wow our meanin quack andmove Marrying Christmas from Richard Cheese and aby
honiga. If you're a juice,Hello, we spend six thousand, one
hundred dollars on Christmas. Lesson,and then Santa comes to leaves presents undering
Christmas trees. We don't smell likeSanta. Skip Christmas, Please skip Christmas,
give Christmas, save the money andspend it on us for a change.
(02:01):
Merry Christmas and a happy tanooka.Oh Christmas, Christmas, this is
(02:23):
my first Christmas is the man whoread the biggest see the Joe, the
old saintannck. Okay, I needa little help on this body rock.
I hate returning things after Christmas isso crowded. I've always wanted to mean
Santa cole me Christmas. I'm Isupposed to find sta if I don't have
a home at Brecks. We're here, up, We're rock. Happy Holidays.
(02:57):
Well, oh body, Yes,it's finally Friday. We made it.
Kelly kind of feel a sense ofaccomplishment making it to Friday without choking
the hell out of somebody. Yeah, crawling across that finish line, going
on water water, And I mustsay being in for Anna has been great
(03:20):
this week. But as I alwayscome in sometimes by Friday, I'm like,
how are you guys still working?This ain't as easy as it look.
No, it's not. Your answeris delirious exhaustion. That's how we
keep going. That's our coffee.That's it. It's a madhouse, now,
mad house. How many of youwatching the Cowboy game last night thought
(03:42):
these jerk offs are gonna blow it. They're gonna lose to Seaattle. What
happened? They won? They endedup praying. You see, I was
watching the game while I was layingin bed because I didn't want to look
away, so I fell asleep,and then I woke up in the last
minute and thirty seconds and the Cowboyswin. Yeh. When I fall asleep,
(04:03):
I'm gone, I'm out until thealarm goes on. Yeah, but
I stayed and watched the end ofit and the Cowboys won, Which means
you're going to have to solve aCowboys morning mathematical mind mangler. All you
need is the stats. You canget those on CBS Sports or ESPN,
and maybe a calculator. But it'sjust adding in some traction. It'll be
(04:26):
stats from the game and it willend up as a number. You tell
me who on the Cowboys squad where'sthat number? You'll win the Trans Siberian
Orchestra tickets. I ain't fair,mystery y plus plus TJ. Miller fact
that the Medium will be with us. He's at Hyenas in Dallas. I'm
showing his face on the stream rightnow, so we're just going to see
his face in the movies and go, oh that. I think I know
(04:50):
who he is. And today's kindof special because you know, the Rolling
Stones have announced that they're going togo on tour again to support Hackney Don
And we got an exclusive Rolling Stonesinterview from New York with our buddy Jim
Kerr, who's an iHeartMedia guy.Yeah. I forget which station he works
(05:10):
at, but I've met him severaltimes. He's a good dude. I
think he's plugged into the whole classicrock world. That, by heart.
Good for him. So we'll havethat eight o'clock this morning and all kinds
of madness to drive you crazy aswe celebrate Rosa Parks Day. Oh nice,
I give it up my seat.You know, white woman like that,
(05:30):
And the civil Rights movement was born. Wait a minute, it's National
Christmas Lights Day. Okay, deckthe halls of a body. It's December
first, I'll take it. Beforethe invention of electric lights. Families would
balance candles on the branches of theirChristmas tree and it caused a few fires.
As you can well in that couple. Electric Christmas lights weren't invented until
(05:51):
eighteen eighty by Thomas Edison. Really, it's Eat a Red Apple Day?
Oh? Okay, okay, okay. It's National Peppermint Bark Day. Do
you know what that is? That'sthat candy? This chocolate and peppermint.
Yeah. I like the chocolate part. Yeah, Neimans has it. It's
pretty good. Okay. Civil AirPatrol Day. Now, I never knew
(06:14):
what the Civil Air Patrol did,but it is a federally chartered nonprofit corporation
that's also the Air Force Auxiliary supportsAmerica's communities with emergency response and all that
stuff. National Fried Pie Day.Yes, I got one word for you,
cherry. That's the only one.What are the places along the Texas
Freeways. It's a big pink pigon their sign and they got the fried
(06:36):
pies. What is that place Ithink it was. I think it was
pig Stands. I think we needto go right now and find out.
Listeners are gonna let us know shortly. It's National wear address Day, No,
no, and welcome to December.It's international calendar Awareness Month, National
Drunk and Drug Driving Month, PreventionMonth, National Eggnog Month, National Fruitcake
(07:00):
Month, National Pair Month, NationalStress Free Family Holidays Month, Yeah right
sure, Root Vegetables Months, SafeToys and Gifts Months, and Universal Human
Rights Month. So we got here. We got a lot of stuff to
do here this month, so webest get cracking, all right. Look
at sports of all sorts. Yeah, we'll talk about the Cowboys. There's
(07:20):
other football news and other sports totalk about, and of course the ever
popular freaking Fool Files at six fortyfive this morning. Then we'll talk to
TJ. Miller and get re equatedwith the main So is everybody ready to
do the morning stretch? Because readyI need it? Here we go go,
(07:43):
Lord, have mercy, go aheadand cough up along. You got
another one just like it? Allright here, buddy, you all ready
to kick off the weekend? Wellready or not? Here comes your home
for a Classic Rock in Dallas forDallas Forest Classic Rock lone Star ninety two
to five. Remember that Stones interviewat eight o'clock this morning and announcement yep,
(08:07):
yeah, and tell them about whentickets are going on sale and good
stuff like that. Oh right,sports fans, six thirty in time for
sports of all sorts that I knowa lot of you felt the same way
I did watching the Cowboys last night. Very good at blowing, blowing jeez.
The Cowboys were able to hold offthe Seattle Seahawks in a penalty ridden
game, defeating Pete Carroll squad fortyone to thirty five, which at least
(08:31):
de there that. Now, evenwith the Cowboys win, the ultimate outcome
didn't seem certain throughout the game.The Cowboys didn't play like the Cowboys,
and the Seahawks didn't play like theSeahawks. They came to play. With
about fourteen minutes left to go inthe game, the Cowboys were down thirty
five to twenty seven, but withsome late drives down the field and the
defense finally being able to stop dkMetcalf, they were able to pull out
(08:54):
a win against a playoff contender,well a sort of playoff content. And
it's the first that they were sixand five Seattle was means this is the
first win for the Cowboys against awinning team, not a very winning team,
but there you go. We're thebest. The last time that the
(09:16):
Cowboys lost a home so it wastheir fourteenth win in a row at home.
The last time that I lost athome was during Week one of the
twenty twenty two season against Tom Bradyand the Tampa Bay Succaneers. Yes,
this was the first time the Cowboysbeating an opponent with a winning record since
Week two, when they beat theNew York Jets, who were one and
zero at the time. So thatreally isn't spectacular. You see, Dallas
(09:39):
finally gets some rest. They don'tplay again until a week from Sunday when
they face a real team, thePhiladelphia Eagles. Oh God help us all.
And now let's jump right into it, shall we? Who sports to
day? Who's not playing? Whoahey? Bosports? Okay? Buffalo Bill's
(10:05):
pass rusher and former A and mAggie von Miller is free on bond after
police say his pregnant girlfriend accused himof pushing her putting his hands on her
neck during an argument at their Dallashome, oh Vaughn. According to Dallas
Police, about eleven am last Wednesday, officers were called to the thirty one
hundred block of North Harwood Street fora major disturbance. Von Miller left the
(10:28):
scene before officers arrived, and anarrest warrant was issued for assault on a
pregnant person, a third degree felony. Miller surrendered to police in Glenn Heights
yesterday afternoon. It was freed afterposting a five thousand dollars bond. The
woman said she and Miller were athome Wednesday when they began arguing at about
ten fifty in the morning over thefact that she didn't want to travel on
her birthday. She went to anoffice and slammed the door, which he
(10:52):
said upset Miller and it got outof hand from there. Miller was previously
investigated for domestic violence in twenty twentyone, but was not charged. Now
the couple will reportedly have two childrentogether. You can't be chilking woman,
that's the mother of you killed rightnow. Miller is a two time Super
Bowl champion with the Broncos and Rams. He grew up in the Dallas suburb
(11:13):
of De Soto and played college footballfor My Aggies at Texas A and m
oh Von von Vaughn. Take achill pill. We are you for God's
sake? Yeah, too much coffeeman? Well, twenty twenty three Sports
Illustrated sports Person of the Year isDion Sandery Hey, the head football coach
(11:33):
at Colorado, is featured on thecover of the latest issue of the magazine.
Sanders was introduced as Colorado's head coachon December third, twenty twenty two.
We all remember that, Oh yeah, almost a full year ago.
Sports Illustrated said he breathed fresh lifeand to see you boulder while transforming the
country's worst football program. Oh theywere. They were one and eleven with
(11:54):
four wins. That's four times asmany as you got the year before.
That's right, because Colorado finished thetwenty twenty three season with a four eight
record and improving forwards one to elevenrecord This season before see you sold out
every home game at Falsom Field forthe first time in school history. September
sales at the schools online Teams storewere up two thousand and five and forty
(12:15):
four percent. Wow, alright,that means they sold three more T shirts
over the same month last year,and the first year applications at the University
of Colorado are up twenty six pointfour percent. Oh yeah, isn't that
great. He'd done good? Imean whether he wins a dozen games or
not, he's still bringing the Coloradointo the national eye because he's there.
(12:37):
Yeah, it's exciting. On Neongoing with it, Neon Dion, all
right, little more trouble with ourpro athletes. Not quite as bad as
the story Bo just told you about. But on his way the last Sunday's
game, Arizona Cardinals linebacker Jesse luketalukta that's close enough flat tire and didn't
have a damn spare in his undoubtedlyexpensive car. Why stuck at in North
(13:01):
Phoenix gas station with no way toget to the stadium on time? He
noticed a man at the station.We're in a Cardinals jersey. JW.
Phillips was a fan on his wayto State Farm Stadium anyway with his wife
and three kids, and they werehappy to give Jesse the Arizona Cardinals linebackers
a ride. During the forty fiveminute drive to the stadium, everyone felt
(13:22):
awkward. No, I'm kidding.What they said is the linebacker talked about
the family and getting together at Thanksgivinggrowing up in Ottawa, and the kids
grilled him about fantasy football. Ofcourse, Lakita appreciated the family's kindness.
They managed to get him to thestadium with minutes to spare. Now,
later on social media, he notedthat good people still exist. Then he
(13:43):
planned to show his further appreciation bygetting the family tickets for a future game.
What's the least he can do?That was pretty nice? Yeah,
pretty cool. Now in college football, this is the weekend of conference championship
games. Tonight it's CUSA title betweenNew Mexico State and Liberty Liberty Liberty and
number five Oregon against number three Washingtonfor the PAC twelve. Then tomorrow the
(14:07):
battle for the Big twelve Oklahoma Stateversus Texas at AT and T Stadium,
also known as Jerry World. TheMac Crown is between Miami of Ohio against
Toledo Boise State at UNLV for theMountain West title. A chance for the
Ponies to get revenge from a yearago when they got clabbered by Twulane fifty
nine to twenty four. SMU willface them for the American Conference Championship.
(14:31):
Now, the big one is goingto be number one Georgia versus number eight
Alabama for the SEC title. Ihate Bama and I'm not real fond of
Georgia either. But I'm going toroot for him because I hate Bama more
than I hate Georgia. Let's see, the big one is that one?
But there's also Appalachian State plays forthe Sun Belt title. Prairie View A
and M goes up against Florida Aand M to win the Southwestern Athletic Conference.
(14:54):
For the ACC, It's number fourteenLouisville at number four Florida State Goosey's
number sixteen Iowhawkeyes must somehow take downMichigan to win the Big Ten. This
will be the first time that Wolverine'scoach Jim Harbaugh will be back on the
sidelines since being suspended. Remember that, Yeah, yeah, they can do
(15:16):
it now. The Dallas Stars finishedout November and finished up their Kaylian Nadian
Road Canadianadian toy Boat toy Boat theirroad trip up North last night by losing
to Calgary four to three. MasonMarchmont scored twice in Goalie Scott Wedgwood made
thirty two says for Dallas, whichhas lost three of its last four games.
Yes, they're in just a littlebit of a slump there, friends.
(15:39):
The Stars have failed to hold athird period lead in four of their
last seven games. So Dallas willlimp back home for a game against the
Tampa Bay Lightning tomorrow afternoon at theAmerican Airline Center. The puck will drop
at one o'clock. Then the Starsturned right back around and head to Tampa
Bay to play them again on Mondayto begin a three game road trip.
(16:00):
I know, just got off theroad, but that's how the hockey gods
have set it up. And theMavericks have back to back home games this
weekend, starting tonight against the MemphisGrizzlies, then tomorrow night, the Oklahoma
City Thunder come to town. TheMAVs won't be facing the stiffest defensive test
tonight. The Grizzlies visit without aslew of their key players, including high
scoring guard Jay Morant, who isserving an NBA suspension. What did do
(16:26):
but he got lots of help fromKyrie riving with twenty seven points. A
tip off for tonight's game is atsix point thirty. If you want to
check it out and remember the videoof the guy getting his ass whooped by
Mike Tyson on a plane, Yeah, because he just wouldn't shut up.
Well, you might remember the videothat surface showing Melvin Townshend constantly talking Tyson's
(16:48):
ear off, and Tyson finally hehis head enough. I'm gonna kick your
head. The guy wouldn't shut up, so he started punching him. The
lawyer for Townsend sent Tyson's lawyers prelittedgameation statement demand for injuries and damages they
say the man suffered when Tyson viciouslyassaulted him on a from San Francisco to
Florida in April of last year.The four hundred and eighty thousand dollars pre
(17:12):
litigation settlement would cover towns in ongoingmedical care, medication and therapy for post
traumatic stress disordered Oh get a lifetrauma. Sorry. However, Tyson's attorney,
Alex Piro, says there will beno payout. Says, I've received
a shakedown letter related to some instigator'sharassment of Mikey year ago, and there
will be no shakedown payment. Sothere yeah shit terrahiki again, Get ready
(17:40):
because the frigging full file is nexton the ball of them show goodday shoutdays.
Every Friday is a good day,whether the sun shines or not.
You No, I speak the truthall right. TJ. Miller is going
to join us here in just alittle while. But now it's time for
the freaking full file. Thirty eightyear old Zipporah Abraham tried to pay for
(18:06):
more than eight hundred dollars worth ofmerchandise at a Walmart in North Miami Beach
using counterfeit money who When employees grewsuspicious of the bills, she headed for
the exit with her shopping cart fullof items. You know, if you're
going to run pushing a shopping cartfull of items worth eight hundred dollars,
you're not going to be going veryfast. So naturally she was caught.
(18:26):
A lost prevention officer stopped her andled her into the office for questioning.
Police were called and they placed herunder arrest. She was asked to remove
the jewelry from her wrist so policecould handcuff her, and that's when she
quickly shoved two hundred dollars worth offake money into her mouth to try and
eat it. Ah didn't work.Abraham was arrested in charge with grand theft
(18:49):
and counterfeiting. She remains in jailon ten thousand dollars bond, which she
shouldn't try to pay for with herfunny money and speaking of being arrested,
We're not exactly sure what the recordfor being arrested is, but it seems
that Chelsea Steineger is making a runfor it. The thirty one year old
Virginia woman is currently back behind barsafter being hit with twenty one fresh charges
(19:15):
ranging from identity theft to drug possession. Described as jovial during her arrest,
the judge suspended several of the sentences, but did impose a thirty day sentence
on a dui charge. The VirginiaState Database said Steineger has racked up sixty
three arrests during her thirty one yearson the planet. That means she got
(19:36):
arrested roughly two times every year,even as a base fi's birth Yeah,
well she has plenty of times.She tried really hard to rack more up.
She says, I'll keep doing whatI want to when I want to
do it, and if I getpopped again, so be it. Ha
ha. Well, maybe all thosefines and legal bills get too hefty,
she'll start behaving like a model citizenor not. I'm guessing the man,
(20:00):
it's got to be bad when yourun out of Walmart with all that stuff,
and you know what your first thoughtis, where did I park again?
Yeah? That happens to me allthe good So this is great.
A super sexy Spanish model is theliving the good life, posing for picks.
Sure they're naughty and raking in nearlyeleven thousand a month, damn.
But the thing about twenty five yearold Ititana Lopez, she ain't real No,
(20:22):
Hi, she's AI. The pinkhaired influencer was The banging bod was
created by Spanish designer Ruben Cruz,who also uses AI to help make Lopez
look as realistic as possible. Welooked her up, she's looking good.
Oh yeah, she looks she looksrealistic. You would have pulled me.
Yeah. Ititana is built as aBarcelona based fitness influencer and gamer who cruised
on photoshop. Has curated an entirelife around why are AI models in such
(20:48):
high demand right now? Companies nowcan work with influencers without the pesky in
convenience of working with real people,and they work cheap. Well yeah,
they worn't for nothing. Yeah justpush the button booty. Yeah no,
yeah, she'll work for nothing andshe'll look good. Yeah. It's ridiculous
and I'm canceling my prescriptions. Bo, this story really burns my ass.
(21:12):
Uh oh, I have to readthis. It burns my ass. Well,
listen to this. See what happens. A Chinese man was put in
the position of having to save hisown ass literally after the smart toilet he
was on he was perched on,burst into flames while he was sitting on
it. A smart toilet, Yeah, you know the totos you got,
like the lid that goes up,there's water that'll squirt on your dirty area,
(21:34):
you know, the like the fancysmart toilet, and they'll even vibrate
the seed or something, yeah,warm seed. All these features sort of
like getting a new car with allthe feature you're like, oh, look
at this, let me figure itout before I take a dump here.
So that's the smart toilet idea.It's plumbing fixture that incorporates technology to add
additional functionality such is self cleaning,lighting, warming of the seat when you
(21:55):
sit on it, massage even bo. Well, after the unnamed man in
China took his seat of honor,there was a smell of smoke. Oh
no, that's happened to me before, but this has never happened. That
was from your diet. Yeah,that's my diet. From there, plumes
of white smoke started rising up fromthe man's toilet bowl, and I guess
between his legs. Oh, Ibetter get up in mid hunker. So
(22:19):
it looks like luckily he stood hisass up before his ass turned into char
and then the toilet burst into flamesin front of him. The cause of
the toilet fire is to believe tobe a short circuit issue and not some
spicy sess one. Okay, holdthe meaning to the song smoking in the
Boys Room, right, yep,yep? Anybody remember the song cold ethel
(22:40):
by Alice Cooper. Yeah. Well. A man employed as a security guard
at a Phoenix hospital is accused ofhaving sex with an elderly woman's body in
the hospital morgue. Forty six yearold Randall Bird was arrested this week after
a disturbing incident at Banner University MedicalCenter, Phoenix. Two witnesses reportedly stumbled
upon Bird acting strange inside the morgue'sfreezer, sweating profusely and acting real nervous
(23:04):
near the victim's unzipped body bag.The witnesses noticed that bird zipper was down
too, and his uniform was allwrinkled and messy, and he allegedly tried
to hide the victim's body as theyentered what are you gonna do? Push
it out in the hall or something. He later claimed to have suffered a
medical episode, faded and fell onto the dead body. Uh huh.
(23:30):
However, the closed circuit security camerasin the morgue told an entirely different story.
Better Health confirmed that the that Birdhas since been terminated, saying in
a statement that it is saddened andappalled by the alleged actions in the morgue
cold Do you remember the Tom Pettyvideo that's about that very dark hour?
(23:52):
Oh yeah, that was Mary Jane'slast last dance at Mary Jane Kim Basinger
was the dead girl and Tom Pettywas the more atand in and he got
a crush on her when she camein. Really, I don't remember that,
all right, you two? Ilike the one for don't come around
here no more where he eats Alicein Wonderland as a case. Yeah,
I was down the rabbit hole.Comedian TJ. Miller coming up on the
boat with them. Joe, let'sgo see it, man, I'm excited.
(24:17):
Dallas what was Classic rock lone Starninety two five. Well, I
know he must have flown on theJedairliner, because I know I didn't drive
here. Say hello to Conadian.Knock your TJ Miller my bicycle, Oh,
dig I haven't told many people this, but I've been bicycling for four
weeks just to get to Dallas.What a burger? Well, he's our
(24:41):
favorite ball of mucus. Or asyou learned, the longer. You didn't
hear the term longer last night?That's right, yes, longer longer myself,
I said, I'm going to usethat, but I haven't had a
lot of opportunities to use it.Well, just keep it with you in
case somebody goes, are you coughingup? A longer? Straight out of
(25:04):
the Tombstone movie? Straight out ofthe Tombstone movie. Guys, I'm so
excited. Good to see you again. Yeah, hear you again? And
uh I was told by Head's mybuddy there whatever that he used to be
the Bow and Jim shows. Jimmyretired, Jim retired, and you changed
(25:26):
the name to something that sounds justenough like Jim the Bow and Them show
and m Joe because we don't knowwho else has? And then you remember
Randy. Randy he'd move back toFresno. So why would he do that?
I don't know, I guess orsomething grandparents to piss somebody off enough
(25:48):
to have them move to Fresne.What did you do? Probably swag a
longer at him and stay out?Yeah, well thanks for having me.
Yeah, I just flew in lastnight. Uh and boy, or my
arm's tired? Boy? Are yourarms? Boy? Are your listeners?
Time? Stupid ass? Jo?No? So yeah, so I just
(26:11):
got in last night and already peopleare asking me about what a burger?
Why is it as good? Isit as good as people as the frequency
that people talk about it? It'sit's really good. But it's also the
only not the only thing that's openedtwenty four hours that's bars close. Yeah
(26:32):
yeah, but now you guys,what time do you wake up? Oh?
Ridiculous, I don't even know.I'm always interested in this because then
the question is what time do yougo to sleep? So often I talk
to people who are on radio andthey say, oh, yeah, I'm
up at four I'm I'm up atfour am, I'm into the studio by
four forty five. I go God, what time do you go way earlier?
(26:52):
Oh, go way earlier. Sowhat time do you go to sleep?
I'll go to sleep about nine ish, and you're still getting up.
You're still only getting six hours ofsleep. But there is an afternoon nap
in my immediate future. I likethat. And do you do the thing?
(27:14):
I also I have to ask toalso do the thing where you're done
with work at eleven am or usuallybefore. So do you ever have a
night cap at the end of workat eleven am? You're at the bar?
Yeah? Yeah, Friday, youbet your ass Friday. I love
that because then you get to thebar, they're just opening. I'm like,
what a day. Here comes BullRoberts. Yeah, right there.
(27:37):
You do you get recognized? Yousay that I'm the voice of the Muse
and Xbooker. That's true. Doyou get recognized by your voice? Sometime?
Not really, not that much.Really, I don't talk to know
about it. I don't like anytheart. Also, you were in two How
to Train Your Dragon movies has toughNut Thorston. And the last time you
(28:03):
were here, our comedian friend SteveHurst was here and he was talking about
he was in Vegas and there's aguy in Vegas, if you give him
twenty bucks, you can kick himin the nuts as hard as you can.
And you said he should be namedtough Nuts. Yeah, exactly,
I think that's absolutely I would youwould you pay to do that, to
kick him in and then that's ashard as he could. Well, no,
(28:23):
because I'd feel guilty because I sureas hall wouldn't want somebody to do
that. Now, I don't knowwhat casino is the stant you know Blagio's
got the water. What casino ishe in front of the old rivi Era.
Oh, he's downtown. I wasgonna say, you know where he's
you know where he is the GoldenNuggets getting his nuggets pumped up into See's
type of comedy. Yeah, tonighttomorrow at Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas,
(28:48):
Dallas, Texas. Now one ofthe great clubs in my opinion. I
love the Fort Worth Hyenas. Hehas two clubs, but Randy's Club Hyenas
in Dallas, in my opinion,is uh one of the great comedy clubs
in the United States because it's reallydripping the nineteen eighties vibe. It's just
so comics. We're just gods.At that time. Yeah, exactly,
(29:10):
And now we're sort of what's thename of the thing that has goat legs?
Is around and plays the Oh whatis it? Had? No,
we're not even that good. Whatis it? A pan? Yeah?
He's the famous pan. Was thename of it? He was the name
of him? And he had fluteit over there. Dean Lewis is on
(29:33):
and on it. Here we go, No guy. So I'm absolutely so
excited. I get to I getto play the comedy club. My wife
Kate, two of her best friendsare here, so excited. Chris uh
and uh a Champagne Elaine and Chrisbook is an amazing musician. Uh and
(29:55):
then are very very good friends fromNew York City. Uh. The absolutely
inimitable chef Tatsu and his wife Herocohave just opened a sushi restaurant in Dallas
and he's one of the best sushichefs in the world. I do like
me. I know, I askedyou off are you said? So?
(30:17):
It's called Tatsu Dallas t a ts U and it's essentially gonna be the
best sushi that you can possibly getin the country. I'm gonna include Canada.
Yeah, you're not doing anything gotthere, forget it. But Tatsu
Dallas just open, I think maybeless than a year ago, and it
is incredible. It's in Glen Ellen. Is that? Am I saying that
(30:40):
correctly? The area deep not shallowEllen Deep Belt is deep deep Bell alright,
But Tatsu Dallas, so I'm excitedabout that. It's the first time
I've eaten there. I'm meaning tonightat five thirty. It's Oma Casse so
it's the full you sit down,there's no menu, the whole thing.
(31:03):
They have a huge soky liz abar and they had one of the best,
well the best sushi restaurant in NewYork City. And they came to
Texas and I said, why didyou guys go to Texas? And Roco
who is the she manages the restaurant. She said, well, we took
these everybody's phone numbers for the reservationand about a third of the people lived
(31:25):
in Dallas. And I said,so that's why. Yeah, And Tatsy
wants to be a cowboy. Andthen you see him now he brought the
boots, he's got the he's adrug store cowboy. Then, but his
drugs is uh torro, his drugsis wasabi. TJ. Miller is our
(31:47):
guest. I want to talk aboutsome of your movies too. Let's do
it, all right, we'll dothat coming up next on the Ball In
Them Shoulder, Dallas, Horse ClassicLone Star ninety two five. TJ.
Miller is our guest. He's atHyenas in Dallas this weekend. Okay,
two shows tonight eight thirty and tenthirty and tomorrow seven thirty and nine thirty.
(32:09):
I want to talk about Cloverfield.That was your first movie, right,
first film, and I didn't youknow what, I didn't understand when
they told me I wasn't really goingto be on camera. I said,
well, what am I supposed todo? And they're like, what do
you mean? I was like,I mean I look like this For a
reason, I'm not trying to meetwomen. This is I look ridiculous,
(32:31):
so that on screen they go,your presence will be felt or something felt.
And I said, okay, buthow am I supposed to be funny?
And so I think in some waysthat's how I, you know,
did well in Big Hero six,Gravity Falls F is for Family, How
to Train Your Dragon, because inmy first movie, I had to really
(32:52):
like figure out how to just makemy voice. Yeah, do the whole
thing. And it ended up thatthey were right. I mean, it's
it's kind of but a lot ofpeople don't know I was in it because
I only appear on screen for Ithink three minutes when they made me shoot
a lot of it. Well,i'll tell you what. I didn't get
paid. It was it was acool little monster movie because you only see
(33:13):
the monster for just a couple ofseconds and then the camera cuts away.
Yeah, that's the cheapest way todo it. Weren't you also in Unstoppable?
I was talking about that yesterday,about how Denzel Washington's kind of I
was with the uh a guy whodoes set dressing in films and is working
(33:34):
in the Gilded Age I think,or the gild or whatever that is,
and so I am, but Iwas on Unstoppable, uh, and he
was just such a trip. He'sso intense. He has a huge entourage
around him, but he was.Was he a dick though? No?
Not okay. I like Denzel.Yeah, he's great. No, No,
(33:55):
not at all. And I gavehim some jam jam. Now it's
not I I sell peanut butter,peanut butter and hot sauce, but I
don't sell any jam yet, butthere was a jar of jam that was
some train themed thing, and Isaid, Denzel, I just wanted to
say thank you for being in uhin my uh for having me in your
(34:19):
film. I bought you this trainjam or something. And he goes,
what train jam? But he didsome weird thing where he Yeah, he
was strange. It's strange, buthe was really into, like Tom Cruise
kind of. I mean, they'rereally into the script and they want to
(34:39):
talk about this stuff and they're reallyand so sometimes I don't get along with
those people because I don't care.Yeah, and uh and and but it's
really interesting to see those people sortof work. You know, Kristen Stewart
is like that. She's so sointense and about it out it. But
(35:00):
it's you know, it's fun tobe around those people because again I don't
care, and I'm just you know, they're out there, they're rehearsing lines,
they're talking about intention and I'm justbuying train jam. Now. Now,
weren't you in a transform A movie? Now? Was this was Mark
Wahlberg or that Shila Buffhead guy?It was with Mark Wahlberg, but I
(35:21):
think Shila buff has changed his nameto Shila buff guy. No, yeah,
Mark Wahlberg, that was it was. That movie is really really something.
I mean it's just about two hourstoo long. Now, didn't you
do like five or six movies ina single year? Yeah, probably,
(35:45):
but at least I mean, they'vegot to think most of them were voiceover.
Yeah, you got to think thata couple of those were sort of
a voiceover deal. But but yeah, I mean at one point, I'm
sort of working back to back,back to back, and I couldn't really
do stand up, you know.So I got so bad at one point
that I was only doing stand upfor about a month or two months out
of the year, and that waspart of the reason I was doing I
(36:07):
did this show called Silicon Valley andit was on for a while, and
at about the fourth season, Isaid, this is not going to get
better. Because all television series,there's that phrase jump the shark. All
TV series at a certain point sortof jumped the sharks. They're not going
to get better. No one isever. Like my favorite season of Breaking
(36:28):
Bad was season eleven. Just isn'tthe case, you know, And I
was I was trying to do standup at night I was working during the
day. I was doing films wheneverwe weren't shooting, and so after a
while I kind of said, Ineed to sort of exit this. It
was a great show after I left, but I need to exit this to
try and you know, be ableto keep doing stand up, to do
(36:51):
as much stand up as I wantto. And that's just you know,
I was talking to somebody about thisthe other day. Stand up is you're
your own boss. Yes, youknow, if you're an actor or an
employee, you don't have to dealwith anybody else. When you're acting,
they own you and you have tosign a contract that says they can tell
you this where you're this is whenyou're gonna work this, We're gonna work
(37:12):
all that. But with stand upcomedy, I kind of work with clubs.
I pick and choose where I'm gonnawork work. I have to ask
you a question about I chose Dallas. Yeah, I have to ask you
about office Christmas party with Jennifer Aniston. Okay, Yes, I know a
guy, a comic named Tommy Blaze, and he was on Friends a couple
(37:34):
of times. You know, Tommy, tell him we said hello next time
you see. But he told me, I don't know if he was lying,
because you know how Tommy is.He said, Jennifer Aniston had the
hairiest arms he'd ever seen in hislife. Did you notice that when you
were working with her? No,I mean I guess when I was shaving
her arms. That was part ofyour contract, because I tell you,
(37:57):
I only tell you. They're gonnatell you where you are there you go.
No, I didn't notice. Imean, I think that's is that
weird that he would have kind ofbeen checking out those four arms, looking
at the arms instead of the goodparts. Why? Yeah? And why?
Why? But no, I didn't. I didn't really notice that about
(38:19):
her. The funniest thing. She'sso funny. I said, so let's
get the questions out of the way. Are you contractually obliged to drink smart
water? Because she at this timewas the smart Water spokesperson. Okay,
And she said, yeah, butI prefer Fiji. I'm not supposed to
say that. No, But itwas so funny and so dry, and
(38:42):
so she's easily one of the funniestpeople I've met sort of in Hollywood.
He seemed like a sweetheart. AndI don't know why, but you wouldn't
expect her humor to be really dry. Oh quick story about dry humor.
I mentioned Tom Cruise. I dida film call called, uh, Rock
of Ages. That's so many moviesI've done. I forgot, okay,
(39:04):
the rock Star of Ages and uhTom Cruise. I met him in the
morning in the makeup trailer. Hewas wearing these stakes. He's wearing this
like clear mask on his face,like an alien, you know. So
he comes over and he goes,you know, Uh, what I'm thinking
is, you know the humor youwere in this one of the comedy,
It's got to be dry. Doyou know what I mean? Do you
(39:25):
understand what I'm saying. He talksand he laughs fast too, and I
said that he doesn't have any timehe's doing He's already doing a fifth mission
impossible that day. So I said, I said, no, no,
I know, I mean, I'ma comedian. He goes, but I
need dry, you know, dryhumor. Here' see what I'm saying when
I say dry humor. And Isaid, yeah, I really do.
(39:45):
It's like because it's got to bereally dry. I mean, you know,
we're only in there, so youronly it's got to be dry.
It's got Do you know what I'msaying? Do you understand what I mean
when I say dry? And Ijust was so fed up with it?
I go, yeah, Tom,I do. It's gonna get We're in
Miami, but there's still me nohumidity. That's how dry it is,
a good answer. It'll you'll beparched when you see how dry my humor
(40:07):
is. You'll think we're in adesert. Now, did he think it
was funny or did he get pissedoff? Noh? I go, that's
how dry it's gonna be. Andhe looks me goes sooner. See what
I mean with dry humor? Ithink we got it. I think we
got but he's just you know,it's so it's he's so intense. I
think that's the other thing is likeI love standing up comedy because nobody has
to be intense. Nobody takes themselvesreally seriously. Especially in here. We
(40:30):
don't. They're not at all amen. I mean, you're not wearing any
pants and you're wearing his pants.No, I am on his head.
That's w That's how we roll aroundhere. TJ. Miller hying his comedy
club in Dallas shows tonight eight thirtyand ten thirty and tomorrow seven thirty and
nine thirty. Anytime you're in town, come back by. Thank you so
much for having me. And I'mheaded straight to what a burger? Yeah
(40:52):
and hiss which a burger is closed? And next time you come, bring
some of that peanut butter in hotsalt. It's headed your Wayazon dot Com,
TVB and jpter it better and bythe Way's choice. TJ's Miller's website
is called TJ Miller doesn't have awebsite, And you can see my three
new stand up comedy specials on myYouTube channel. Just google TJ Beller stand
(41:15):
Up Special Dear Jonah streaming now alongwith three completely improvised specials, The Spokane
Special, CrowdWork Special from Springfield,Missouri, and the Stanley Hotel Inspiration for
the Shine Area. Speak TJ.Miller. Everybody goes see him tonight and
tomorrow night be Hys in Dallas,Dallas, hoorst Classic Rock Loan Star ninety
(41:38):
two five coming up, Trens SiberianOrchestra tickets and our exclusive interview with the
Rolling Stones because that Hackney Diamond's touris gonna kick off and they're gonna tell
us all about tickets and that goodstuff. There's stuff for you to know
about the stones. But now itis time for the educational bottle of the
(41:59):
show. Time to listen and learn. Children, It's time for did you
know already? Indeed? All right? For example, did you know that
if you want to eat but don'twant to gain weight, move to Antarctica?
Okay, that's because you'll need atleast seven thousand calories a day to
keep warm. Without an outside sourceof heat, you may freeze to death,
(42:22):
but you'll be skinny. Oh what, I'd like to leave a good
looking, skinny shivering corp. Yeah. Did you know fitness experts say that
skipping is better exercise than jogging.What but men won't do it because it
looks stupid. Well, yeah,they say skipping is better for you than
jogging. Well, because it leadsto running and then getting beat up cardio.
(42:45):
Okay, and so you're gonna getyour workout at anyway other way?
All right? Did you know JimmyCarter blessed Heart? He looks so bad
at Rosalind's funeral in ninety nine,but he was the first US president born
in a hospital, the very firstpresident born in a hospital. What the
rest of them were born in bathtubsor barns or whatever. That's a cool
(43:08):
fact. Did you know that innineteen seventy three, Swedish chocolate confectionery salesman
Roland Osissan was buried in a coffinmade of chocolate chcol that's so the worms
will have something tasty to eat onchocolate corps. Did you know pound for
pound we were just talking about hamburgers. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more
(43:30):
than cars. Oh my god,Yes, they do good old ground beef.
Did you ever know? Did Iever tell the story about how prostitutes
got the name Hooker? No?It was during the Civil War when General
Joseph Hooker of the Union Army wouldlet prostitutes have access to his soldiers,
bang their brains out and boost theirmorale. Okay, now there's a general
(43:52):
who knows how to treat his men. Indeed, these women became known as
Hooker's girls, and the holes justshortened it to hook her. There's where
it came from. I'll be damned. Roland Stewart, who became known as
the guy who wore a rainbow styleafro wig and would hold up a John
three point sixteen signed at stadium sportingevent. Remember he would wave his arm
(44:14):
so you'd look at him. Goofyass wig whatever happened to him? You
ask? Well? He is currentlyserving three live sentences in California for kidnapping.
N hallelujah, Jesus, I'm kidnappinganother. Hang on Trans Siberian Orchestra
tickets. Next on the ball withthem chosen Dallas Hoor's classic ground lone Star
(44:36):
ninety two five hours free Dead Harecoming up the interview with the Rolling Stones
from our iHeartMedia Boy in New York, Jim Kerk. That's on the way.
But now let's give away those TransSiberian Orchestra tickets, those coveted tickets,
don't you know, one of thelast pair left up here now?
And you know tradition on this goofyass show is when the Cowboys win,
(44:59):
you have to solve Bow's morning mathematicalmind mangler. It's all about the cowboys.
Now here's what you're gonna need.You might get a calculator. This
is just adding and subtracting, soyou could probably do it in your head.
But it is a group of answersthat will come from the stats.
Now you can get the stats atESPN or CBS Sports, and it's not
(45:20):
gonna take any time because it's justadding and subtracting. I will give you
some numbers that go. Well.You'll have to figure the numbers out yourself,
of course, but I will giveyou the numbers, and you use
those numbers and it will end upa number. Tell me who on the
Cowboys squad wears that number? Okay, so pull up the stats. I'll
wait, I think I got them. Oh you got them? Okay,
(45:45):
good, all right. So firstof all, you take the total number
of points scored in the game,okay, thirty five, forty one.
Add those together. You'll get anumber. Got it in Look in the
stats and subtract Dak Prescott's number ofpassing attempts. Ooh, not how many
(46:07):
he completed, but his number ofpassing attempts. Then finally subtract Tony Pollard's
receiving yards he had a few.Then you'll come up with a number.
Tell me who on the Cowboy squadwhere's that number? Then the run us
down again for you take the takethe total number of points scored. The
(46:29):
score was thirty five forty one.Okay. Then subtract Dak Prescott's number of
passing attempts. All right, Igot it. Finally, subtract Tony Pollard's
receiving yards, and you'll come upwith a number. Tell me who on
the cowboy squad? Where's that number? How long did Dean and I have
to come up with this number?Like? Did we get like an hour?
(46:51):
No? No? Get an hour? An hour? No? You
got two minutest two minutes two andfour or eight seven eight seven, one
nine two five. Hmmm. Let'ssee if anybody has got the answer him.
All right, hello boy them,Joe, can you tell me who
you came up with? That isPollard? Tony Pollard is right. My
(47:15):
clue is going to be. Myclue was going to be. I just
mentioned his name. And you know, dude, who's this with? Who
are you mathematical master here? That'shis job? Proper job, barber boy,
Don boy, what are you callingfrom? John boy? This is
Burlason, Texas Burlson. All right, well, you got yourself the last
(47:37):
pair this week of Trans Siberian Orchestratickets. I hear a who in the
background? Is that your wife?Is she going with you. Yes,
my girl she's with me. Wellthen okay, well, miss Shelley Owes,
you something. Know what I'm saying. I'm just saying what i'm saying.
(47:59):
If you know what I'm say,I know what you're saying. Okay,
John Boy, hold on because wegot to get some info from you,
all right. That's see. Youguys are getting smarter every time I
do this crap. That's the first, the first one, the first caller.
He pulled up the stats and thecalculator. The listeners are getting smarter,
(48:19):
Yes they are. Dean and Iare getting dumber every time. Well
you're you just have you're just goingtoo fast. You'll get it, you'll
get it, all right. Theexclusive interview with the Rolling Stones is coming
up next on the Boat and Themshow Don't You Go Away
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