Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Joe Schmidt's from Peek Retirement in with us today and
it's so good to have you here.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Oh, I love being here.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Yeah. And when was the last time you were Were
you on Raw within the last couple of weeks?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, let me tell you a quick story here.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
So we actually posted something on to all of our
clients about me being on the radio past few weeks
with Mindy, and we joked with a question of, hey,
should I leave being a CEO of Peek Retirement and
be a radio host? And people didn't get the jokes.
Some of them didn't get the joke and they're like, no,
don't leave, don't leave.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
And I had to.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Reassume that I'm just doing this for fun on the side.
And you know, anytime I get the opportunity to come
co host with either you or Boots or Mindy, I'm
all in, all in, it's always fun.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Well, we're gonna get a little personal here in this
segment because this segment is inspired by you as a
single twenty something year old and dating in twenty twenty five.
It's interesting out there, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Yeah? Here, we are here, we are here, we are.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Okay, you don't have to say too much more yet,
because we are so fortunate to have a partner in
anne Hurst with open arms counseling, who is on the
phone with us and it. I mean, it has to
be hard to be single in twenty twenty five. I
don't envy it.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Oh neither do I. It has to be very difficult.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
How I want to ask the question in terms of relationships,
how much of your practice do you think is devoted
towards helping build healthier relationships for folks?
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:35):
Well, I would say that at least twenty five percent,
and that's being conservative, is dedicated towards couples, helping you
get couples back on the right track again or finding
out what their mutual goals are again.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
For those who are single, whether they have not married
or they've been divorced, what are some of the some
of the challenges kind of from a mindset perspective they face.
I guess we'll jump in deep there to talk a
little bit about like what that can look like in
twenty twenty five for individuals who are single.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Oh, it's a lot of the same stuff that's been
going on, but just it's nuanced. For instance, finances, who
makes more money is it okay for one to make
more money than the other, how to be a partner
and a partnership agreeing on whether or not you want
kids or not want kids, and how to raise the kids,
(02:33):
and what background you're from, and these days a lot
to do with the politics.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yes, I've been having conversations with friends about that, and
we were talking about it in terms of our game,
our bachelorette game coming up, our dating game. I called
it the Bachelor of the game at the dating game
coming up next weekend, Joe. From your perspective and have
an ann on the phone, what are some of the
challenges that you see when it comes to dating right now?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Yeah, I would say my challenges are just and Mandy
will yell at me for this.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I hope she listens to this.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
She'll love every second of it, and she knows how
uncomfortable I am talking about all this too. So I
would say it's just like my expectations and standards are
just extremely high, and many tells me I need to
lower him, and then she's like, well maybe not, but
you get the idea. But it's just hard to find
someone at my level where you know, I'm twenty nine
years old. I've you know, I've grown a successful business
(03:26):
at this point, I've gone through a lot of challenges.
I've had a lot of life experiences and to find
someone at my age that can understand that and also
you know, be be you know, willing to want to
live that lifestyle that I'm living at this point where
I'm responsible for twenty five plus team members and you know,
close to a thousand clients at this point, comes with
more responsibilities and you know, it's just more serious. And
(03:49):
so I would say those are some of my things.
But I've got a lot of criteria where I'm just
not willing to settle and I'm just comfortable with where
I am right now. I'm not desperate to just jump
into a relationship.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
I want to date to Mary, and I want to
find someone that I can you know, start a family
with and let me let's.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Do not willing to settle And that is like such
a key phrase for me.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
So that is a great phrase though, And you know
what I'm most people are going to say that I'm
going to think that he should settle, but no, I
am the opposite direction. I do not think anyone should settle,
because that's where we run into trouble. If you settle,
then you start to become you know, if somebody's not
(04:31):
living up to your standards, it's like, oh, I guess
this is all life is going to be. My thought is,
if you know the traits that you want, are you
being intentional about it? Have you written down a list
of things that you know? Make three columns and one
is like you have to have no matter what, it's
a deal breaker, and the middle one is I like it,
(04:52):
but it doesn't have to be there. And then the
third column is if you're this is total deal breakers
all the way, every single if you you are like this,
I don't want this.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I've written that down.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I pray about it very often and very very intentional
about that actually, and that makes it really easy for
me to know very quickly if I'm interested in someone,
So like I don't go on many second dates just
because I know what I'm looking for and I can
figure it out pretty quickly.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Do you have three columns though, or is it one list?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I have what I.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Don't want, what I do want, so technically it's only two.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I'd like the idea of your three ant Thank you.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Here's a funny one that Ana likes. So my mentor,
she's she's the one who got me into the financial
planning business, and her and I are very close friends.
And she written out, she wrote out an eight page resume,
you know, for her when she was dating. But she
given it, she gave it to me and said that
it has to be approved by this and it's pretty funny.
It's like it says the funniest things on it's more
(05:51):
of a joke. But it's like, hey, if you eat
at fast food restaurants, then that's a no. What's your
credit score? It's just like all these funny funny you know,
are you born again? It's it's like all the questions
that are like, yeah, it's kind of important.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
But it doesn't in a very joking way. So that's funny.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Oh I like that. Actually, my my my husband's uncle
ended up a single late in life, and his brother
in law, uncle Larry, decided he's a big business guy himself,
and he decided to do this whole thing where he
started an entire website called date Bob dot com and
(06:27):
there was everything. There were like prizes if you make
it to the second date, and it was just an
entire thing, and within a few weeks he met the
next woman that he wanted to be with for the
rest of his life. They're still happily marriage. But I
still I crack up because he made me the official
counselor of date Bob dot com, the official.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I Love official counselor of deepot com.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Let's not tell many that you'll want to do this.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
She will. She totally will want to do it. And
I appreciate that. I think I appreciate eight the three
columns because I know I'm a person who doesn't believe
you just have one soulmate. That's never been my thought.
And my husband is so dear to me. But there
were like three or four things that I knew I
(07:15):
needed in a marriage that he would provide. But I
knew he wasn't going to be this guy going out
there and being an entrepreneur and doing all these things.
But like, there were certain things I knew I needed
and O the things that I would have maybe liked,
but I maybe didn't get it. And you know, We're
marriage isn't perfect. We're almost on twenty years. So what
would you say about that in terms of really paying
(07:36):
attention to the list of what you can do without.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Well, what I'm saying what those items are is things
that you actually did make a mental list on and
you're like, well, I would really like that, but it's
not a deal breaker. I am okay with this, and
we're okay. It's something I would like to have, but
I really love this person for who he is, and
(08:00):
I don't have to have that very very thing. And
I think that's where the middle part of the list
is very important, because there's got to be things where
it's like, I would like this, but it's not a necessity.
There are necessities, There are you know, things that are preferences,
and then there are things that are absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Not Yeah, and not everyone can be perfect, right.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I think that's the whole point that you're trying to
express there, is that you've got to be able to
put up with people's flaws. And you know, some people's
flaws are going to be more bothersome to you than others,
and it's can you deal with it or not?
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Right exactly, That's exactly it. And you know, I think
it's hard to find people these days in this day
and age, because you know, back in the day, people
would go to events with like mindedness. They'd go to
church events, or they'd go to events of their family
(08:51):
group and they meet people, and their family would introduce
them to people. But these days it's people are so
disconnect it from each other. I believe it's very, very
hard to meet. And that's one of the things that
I think people need to be intentional about, is how
do you meet somebody? Where are you going to go,
(09:13):
what type of events are you going to go to,
and where will you potentially meet the kind of person
that you are looking for.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You know, it's interesting. My husband and I did not
politically line up when we met, and we still don't necessarily.
I think we've come closer to each other's perspectives a
little over the years on certain subjects. But how much
of a difference is that making right now? Anne, Oh, I.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Think it's making a huge difference, more than it has
in the past. I mean, like I've said before, we
used to be in a place where it's like agree
to disagree and we're okay with it, and people of
different political beliefs events could be in the same family.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
But a lot of people these days.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Are they've almost internalized it and made it part of
their identity and so if somebody is at a different viewpoint,
it's almost like they feel like they're negating the person themselves.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Is that you know? Is it hard not to do
that anymore? Like where do you stand on? Like can
we try to break ourselves out of it? Should we
try to break ourselves out of that or not? Should
we stay on our path?
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Well?
Speaker 4 (10:25):
I think that a lot of it has to do
with getting our sense of self from outside of ourselves.
And I think if we start to move it towards
getting yourself a sense of self from within you, who
do I want to be as a person, What traits
and qualities do I want to be remembered for? And
how do I develop those traits and qualities and feel
(10:45):
good about myself? I think the more self confident a
person becomes, the less that is going to be an issue.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
I think we should There's one other thing I think
we should talk with you about, because Joe and I
were talking about it earlier today. Ability in men healthy masculinity,
and that can be really hard I'm sure while dating.
What do you think about vulnerability? Vulnerability and dudes, and like,
what's what's the right way to be vulnerable? What might
(11:14):
be the more challenging way.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Let's hear her and then I'll share my perspective.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Right, you know what, I think you should share your perspective.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Now you got to go.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
I think we need to hear it from a guy first.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
All right, I'll share first if we will lead to
good conversation. So I'm a I'm a big believer. I
think vulnerability is extremely important, especially when people are going
through trauma and especially very hard times. I mean, you
can't necessarily get through things like that. I've had that
in my personal life where you just need that you
need that person there for you, you need that.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Team of people there for you. Very important.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
But I'm also extremely like on the tough side of things,
like I just am gritty, push through, relentless. Like if
someone complains about something, it's like, well, if you would
have taken that time you complain, you just would have
put it towards getting it done. You would have had
it done already, So stop complaining and get to work.
So I just have that mentality of myself too, And
a lot of that's how raise and a lot of
that's just you know, being a business owner, right, you
(12:03):
just got to push through challenges and make it work.
You can't.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
You can't complain, you can't let it bother you.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
So I'm like on the two end of the spectrum, right,
So if I say a little thing, then I say
push through. If it's something serious, get helps. That's my perspective.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
So, Anne, what do you think about that?
Speaker 4 (12:20):
It sounds to me like there are different types of situations.
It's situational for you if you're in a business mindset
or that type of thing it's being And I agree
one hundred percent. I think there's a healthy balance between
vulnerability and strength and finding that balance and who you
(12:40):
can be vulnerable with and who you can't. That's important too.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And for those who are like Joe maybe want to
talk through some of this, you know, find that next
partner or anything else that you all cover. Where can
they get a hold of you?
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Just give us a call at six one four, six
two five seven point eight three, or you can go
online to Openarmscounseling dot com.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Great, you guys have a great team over there, do
such good work. And thank you so much for just
being a partner for us each month. You always have
great advice when we.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Do the segment well Thank you guys so much and
have a great day.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Thanks Ann, thanks And this is what