Fighting for Fatherhood: Navigating Child Custody and Support

In this episode of the Inner Circle Podcast, the host shares a deep and personal journey of navigating the complexities of child custody, child support, and the court system. Highlighting the struggles and emotional toll experienced by many fathers, the host offers practical advice on how to handle mediation, court paperwork, and the importance of spending quality time with children. This powerful and candid discussion aims to support dads who are determined to be active and loving parents despite the challenges they face.

00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Shoutout
01:30 Navigating Child Custody and Court Systems
03:09 Challenges of Being a Blue-Collar Dad
04:37 Balancing Work and Family Time
08:02 The Importance of Quality Time with Kids
14:28 Mediation and Fighting for Fair Custody
20:44 The Reality of Child Support and Custody Battles
21:25 Filing for Custody: The First Steps
23:28 Importance of Documentation
25:19 Emotional Challenges and Perseverance
27:15 Navigating the Legal System
29:16 Child Support and Financial Responsibilities
31:04 Mediation and Courtroom Strategies
32:45 Balancing Work and Family Life
42:19 Final Thoughts and Resources 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are now listening to the Inner Circle podcast network.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Never Die, Do Die Do Die, Do Die Do Die
Do Die Do die.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
All right, Uh it is Wednesday, and before we get
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Let's get in today's show. You know I said I

(01:31):
was gonna talking a little bit more about like child custody,
you know, going through the core system, you know, emotions, feelings,
you know, in that vein. Because like I said, there's
a lot of dads out there, and there's a lot
of men out there that are dealing with this. And
this is an everyday fact. You know what I'm saying.
There's high divorce rates. You know, kids neet their fathers,

(01:52):
but fathers are usually judged harshly. Fathers are usually judged
poorly because like I said, they'll never say that it's
in favor of the women. It's supposed to be fair,
but guess the fuck what that's just it is what
it is. That's something they say, but it's not something
they follow because, you know, let's really talk about this,

(02:13):
there's a lot of good dads out there that are
just getting fucking screwed, you know, and a lot of
them just don't know what to do. A lot of them,
like myself, didn't know how to conduct myself, how to
fucking talk, how to respond, you know, like what do
I do to help myself in this situation? Because guess what,
it's not leaning towards my way, you know what I'm saying,

(02:35):
there's a lot of good dads that are just painted horribly.
You know what I'm saying. And it's his word against
your word, against his word. You know what I'm saying,
his word against her word. That's just what it is,
you know what I'm saying. It's like, like I said,
there's a lot of pushing pull on this topic, and
a lot of pushing pull in that direction. And I've
had my fair share over it over the years. All right.

(02:59):
All my kids kids are over eighteen, or you know,
my three year oldest are all over eighteen. And it
was a struggle, all right. There was a lot of
bullshit happening. I wasn't the greatest dad in the world,
all right. It took me a long time to grow
into that because I had a mindset that I didn't
know that I developed, but that was ingrained in me.

(03:22):
I just thought I needed to be a provider. I
just thought I needed to fucking be this dad that
just works all the time, because guess what, I don't
have an education. I don't have a lot of things
backing me. You know what I'm saying. The only thing
I ever had in my life is two hands that
can work hard. I can outwork anybody that I work around.
I can fucking do more than everybody. I can shine

(03:42):
in that way. And that's the only thing I knew
how to fucking do, manual fucking labor. And with manual labor,
with blue collar work, guess what you are in the
trenches four hours on in you barely come home. Your friends,
the people that you're acquaintance said, you're the people you
work with. You see them more during the day than

(04:04):
you see your family period. Because that's what blue collar
work is, that's what that's how it is to be
that kind of a man, all right, someone who works
with their hands, someone who has to put hours on
end at the job site because that's what pays, all right.
And because you're an absent father in that sense, when
divorce comes around, when separation comes around, when child custody

(04:27):
comes around, you're not there. And that's what they hold
against you. That's what they hold against us. You know
what I'm saying. You're this fucking workhorse, and then you
get punished for it, you know. And and it took
me a long time to break that habit, break that mindset,
to break that that thought process of I need to
work to provide. You know what I'm saying. It took

(04:48):
me a long time for that light bulb above my
head to fucking hit where I was like, I don't
have to work this hard anymore, because guess what, Like
most men, like most people, we like nice things, but
we can do without. You know, we don't require everything.
We just want to provide everything that we feel is
essential for a happy family. But when that family breaks up,

(05:11):
and like I said, whether your choice or her choice,
or whatever the fucking situation is, you're stuck in this
mindset of I need to provide because I still have
this family, And unfortunately that's not the thought process. And
like I said, I might sound like a dick, I
might sound like a horrible fucking person. What do you
mean you don't have a family to take care of? Unfortunately,
when that happens, guess what, you got to go to court,

(05:34):
whether you have to pay alimony, whether you have to
pay child support, whether you have to do any of
these things. Making all the money in the world doesn't
mean shit. It doesn't count for a fucking hill of beans,
because all they're gonna tell you is you need to
pay all this money, all this child support, all this alimony,
all this money, because this is what you've been working.
But here's the thing. You know, your time is your

(05:57):
money because that's how you get paid at work. Well,
guess what, when you're a father, your time is your money.
You need to put in quality time with your family.
Understand that you don't have to work all these hours.
Understand that you don't have to do any of these things.
Like I said, a lot of stuff will fucking bankrupt you.
A lot of stuff will put you in a fucking hole.
A lot of stuff that you accumulate when you're in

(06:20):
a family and your family unit. And like I said,
I'm talking from an aspect of me looking outwards of
the situations that I've been in. All Right, I have
this rent, I have this mortgage, I have this car payment,
I have all these things that we've developed together, and
then now it's required of me to keep paying these things. Well, unfortunately,

(06:41):
if you got to let shit go, you gotta let
shit go. You know what I'm saying. You need to
work the hours that accommodate you, that work for you. Like, hey,
I can't work these hours because I need to take
care of my kids. I need to spend time with
my kids. When you're a hard working dad, you lean
on your significant other, you lean on your wife, you

(07:03):
lean on the person that's supposed to be your teammate
to manage the household. You know, because guess what, you
have to work. Whether they work less or they work
you know, you know as much. But if you're the
breadwinner and it's required of you, because typically that's the dynamic,
the man works harder to make the money. I'm not

(07:25):
saying women can't work hard, but what I'm saying is,
typically this is the situation. This is the real fucking deal.
The man works the majority of the hours and the
wife takes care of the kids. You know, it might
seem lopsided, but at the same time, the dad loses
time on the family, but the mom gains it. But
when the roles are split down the middle of hey,

(07:48):
we're no longer together, we're no longer a team. Well, unfortunately,
you need to take care of your team. And what
your team consists of is you and your kids. You
need to be able to take care of yourself and
take care of your kids. And hey, and here's the thing.
A lot of men when divorce happens, when separation happens,
they throw themselves into work because they don't know what

(08:08):
to do, because they're trying to drown out the pain.
They're trying to drown out the stress. They're just trying
to overwhelm themselves at work so that they can manage.
Because most men don't know how to vent. Most men
don't know how to talk. Most men don't have the
willingness to fucking really try to heal or develop or
to grow from this situation. And it fucking sucks because,

(08:32):
like I said, I was in that situation. I work
too much, I partied too much. I fucking took myself
out of the situation, all right. I didn't know or understand,
because there's no blueprint for this shit, all right, there's
just experience, and each one of us goes through our
own experiences because we don't share them. A lot of

(08:52):
us don't share what's going on in our head. A
lot of us don't share, you know, like the turmoil
that we're going through, because it was hell, all right.
I thought I had the perfect fucking family, and then
the next thing you know, I'm out on the fucking street,
sleeping on my mom's fucking couch, wondering where I fucked up. No,
and then learning down the line it wasn't me, Like
I said in my situation, I feel it wasn't me.

(09:16):
I feel that I did my best. I feel that
I fucking really fucking put in the fucking work and
the time and the effort, and I was just fucking
not fucking what the hell you call it? Fucking valued?
All right, because guess what I did work those twelve
hours fourteen hours. Shit, sometimes I fucking worked two shifts
in a day. That's two twelve hours ships, that's twenty

(09:36):
four fucking hours. And then you know I didn't work
a full twenty four fucking hours. But that's how it
fucking felt, all to provide, all to take care of.
Also that you know, my significant other at that moment
in time, could manage the household and not stress, not worry,
not fucking wondering when we're gonna get food, not when
you know is rent gonna be able to get paid,

(09:58):
or we can't go on this tree, we can't put gas.
So you know that you get what I'm fucking saying.
You get what I'm saying. There there's these things that
are like this. You know what I'm saying, these are
the feelings and emotions we go through, all right, because
there's a lot of fucking shit. But at the same
fucking time, it's understanding that, hey, you have to manage

(10:19):
your family, which is now you and the kids when
this shit goes down, all right, And like I said,
if you gotta let a car get repossessed and guess
the fuck what you need to get that bill off
your fucking thing, and then eventually you can work it
off and fucking pay whatever needs to be fucking paid.
It fucking sucks, whether you got a file for bankruptcy,
whether you gotta fucking you know what I'm saying. There's

(10:40):
a lot of things, but the thing is is the
quality of time with your family, which is you and
your kids. That's where it's worth it. That's where you
won't lose. That's where the maximum value of fucking life is.
All right. Like I said, it took me years to
figure it out, you know what I'm saying, to fucking

(11:01):
really dial it in and understand. And then the next
thing I know, my kids want to stay with me
because I spend quality fucking time with them. My kids
rely on me because I've always spent quality time or
not always, but I've tried to spend as much quality
time with them. I heard them, I listened to them,
I nurtured them. I fucking never once did I fucking
try to change their mind about fucking anything. All right,

(11:22):
I just wanted my kids to be happy. And the
way I figured that out is because I was fucking miserable.
I was horrible. I was fucking out of it. I
was out of my fucking mind, and one day it
clicked in my head, if I'm not happy, they're not happy.
So I tried to figure out how to make myself
fucking happy. And guess what, Spending fucking time with my

(11:43):
kids made me fucking happy. Taking them on trips, us
just going out to get a fucking meal together, whether
it's burger king, a fucking hometown buffet, a fucking nice restaurant, whatever,
the fucking what, ice cream from the ice cream man.
Having that quality time with them, all right. I even
took a night job. I took a step down from

(12:03):
the position I was in and took a stupid fucking
night job, working from the middle of the night to
the fucking morning so I could take my kids to school,
pick them up from school, fucking help them with their homework,
help make fucking dinner, you know what I'm saying. And
then well, when they went to bed, I went to

(12:24):
fucking work. I was sleeping maybe four or five hours
a day. But that's what it fucking takes. You know
what I'm saying. You gotta make dramatic changes in your
life for what's better for the future. It's not about
right here right now. It's about the long fucking game.
It's about the long fucking term here. You have to
fucking understand that when you go through this shit, you

(12:46):
know this is what it is. And people are you know,
you're worried about child support. You're worried I gotta spend
all this money on child support. Well guess what child
support is in increments? All right? Child support is it?
It might start off big because you don't have time
with your kids, all right, because that's what it always

(13:07):
breaks down to, is time spent with your kids, all right.
That's how child child, child custody and child support is
a business transaction. And that's how you have to come
at it. That's how I have talking talk about it.
That's how like I said, it might sound heartless. It
might sound fucking rude, It might sound very upsetting and
triggering for people who fucking like, well, you can't. I

(13:30):
was like, you have to. You have to treat it
as a business transaction because that's what it's a contract
you go into with the other parent. A judge agrees
on it, disagrees on it, and approves it, because that's
how that works. That's exactly how it works. It literally
works like that, all right. And the one thing about

(13:52):
that is too, is like, hey, I want the maximum
time I can have all my kids. The maximum time
you can have with your kids is fifty all right.
When that's with a parent fighting you, you know what
I'm saying, Some of us get lucky and we get
one hundred percent because the other parent doesn't care, all right,
whether you're the mom or dad. Some parents don't have

(14:14):
the mental fortitude or the want to be there all
the time. But for the good dads that are out there,
you know, we want all our time. You know what
I'm saying, I'm deserving of the time. Those are my
kids too, you know what I'm saying. And that's one
of those things too, is like, you know, women in
mediation when you go to mediation, and that's what you

(14:34):
do before you go to court to talk about fucking
child custody. You talk to a mediator who's a psychiatrist.
And when you go into that meeting to talk to
that mediator, you specifically talk about what's going on and
why is this is going on, and what you want.
And it's like I said, this isn't like an interview.

(14:56):
It's one hundred percent like an interview. And like I said,
all of this comes in from California. I'm from California.
So and like I said, I've been in tons of mediation,
all right. I've gone to court so many fucking times
to have as much time with my kids as I
possibly could, because hey, I didn't agree with it. I
didn't get what I wanted. So guess what we file
the core paper when we go back again, he speak

(15:18):
to the mediator again. And every time I spoke to
the mediator, I just expressed, all I want is time
with my kids. All I want is what's fair for
my kids, all right. And that's the thing too, is
like both parents being in their life is fair. Some
moms alienate their kids from their father. It's a known

(15:40):
fucking thing. It fucking happens. Kids are used as weapons
all the time they are, all right. I struggled for
years just to get my kids, cause, like I said,
I went from one day a week, one day every
other week, a day and a half every other week,
like I said, multiple times a year, I'd have to
go to court just to fight for hours. And every

(16:02):
time I fought, I got a little bit more time.
Every time we went back to court, I got a
little bit more time till I got fifty to fifty,
all right, And then eventually my boys wanted to be
with me, and so I had them one hundred percent
of the time. And it's because I fought for them.
I wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be
in their lives, and I wanted to help them grow

(16:23):
into the men that they are now, which I could
be proud of because guess what, they put one hundred
percent effort into anything they fucking do, and I'm proud
of that. Kids grow up so much better when their
dad is in their life, and the only way they
could be in their life is by you standing up
for what's fucking right. Like I said, we're not starting

(16:43):
a fight. We're not starting an argument. All you're doing
is asking for what's fair. And when you go into
the mediators things, like I said, discussing things will be
said about you. It always does. It happens. That's what
it is. The mediation turns into an argument. But I'm
here to tell you you don't argue in there. You

(17:03):
never speak to the other parent. You never talk to
the other parent. You talk directly to the mediator. You
tell him what you want, You tell him what you
think is fair. You speak cool, calm, and collectively. You
never engage in an argument. You never get mad. You
look forward and you just say your peace, You give

(17:26):
your evidence, you talk about what you want to talk about.
You're not there to bash the other parent. You're just
there to explain yourself to that person. Cool, calm, and
collect it. That's the one thing about mediation. Like I said,
the other parent that wants to fight you on this,
who doesn't want to give you fifty to fifty, is

(17:47):
going to defame you, throw mud on your fucking name,
make you feel like this piece of shit. But guess
the fuck what. You jump through the hoops, you do
what it takes. You agree to what you fucking feel
you need to agree to to get what you want.
You know, that's just what it is. Like I said,
you can explain yourself. You can ask questions, you know.

(18:12):
Like when I was there, they were like, would you
be willing to submit to a drug test? And I
said yes, but why? And they're like, well, you've been
arrested right for drugs? Do you why? Like, no, sir,
I got a great job. I take care of myself
and I don't do that. Oh, then don't worry about it.
You don't need to take a drug test. You see
what I'm saying. There's only a few things in mediation

(18:34):
that they really fucking care about. Teacher reports, police reports,
something from a firefighter, something from a parent. You know
what I'm saying. There, it has to be a someone
of quality, all right. Anybody can have an email, anybody
can have a text message, you know what I'm saying.
Anybody can say whatever they want to fucking say. But

(18:54):
if you're not a person of significant, it doesn't fucking matter.
I have character witnesses, I have this, I have that. Well,
guess the fuck what in mediation, no one's in there
but you and them, and all you have to do
is be cool. Calm and collective, never engage, and just
ask for what's fair. Let them know, hey, I want

(19:19):
what's fair for my kids, not for me, but for
my kids. I want what's fair for them. They deserve
to be in my life and I deserve to be
in their life. You see how easy that is. All
you're trying to do is have your kids, and everyone's
gonna fight you every which way. You know what I'm saying,

(19:39):
All you can do is go to mediation. Like I said,
like a like an interview. You're gonna be polite, you're
gonna be calm, you're going to speak understand that you're
just there to try to ask for your kids and
have more time. Like I said, you know, asking for
one hundred going to mediation and asking for a hundred

(20:00):
percent of your kids, You know what I'm saying, that's
a rarity, all right, That's a rarity unless that parent
is in jail, unless that other parent has fucking done
horrible things where domestic violence and all that fucking bullshit.
There's no way anybody gets one hundred percent, all right.
There has to be significant fucking bullshit there to get

(20:21):
one hundred percent, all right. But guess what fifty to fifty.
That's doable, that's workable, all right. And then once you
have fifty to fifty, once you get that custody, that's
what everyone's locked into where they want to be. That's
just what it is. You know what I'm saying. Nobody
can take anybody's kids. Nobody can do this, nobody can

(20:43):
do that. You know what, you can put yourself on
child support. That's one of those things. So that's something
I did, all right, you know, to get for us
to get a divorce, because she filed for divorce but
didn't file any other paperwork. I went in and I
was like, I like to put myself on child support.
I filled out all the paperwork, and guess what, the
help desk will help you. I filled out the paperwork

(21:06):
put myself on child support, so then I can start
the process of trying to get my kids to see
my kids. Because and here's the bullshit, all right, anybody
can say anything, anybody can do anything that you know,
it's always going to be hearsay. But you shouldn't do
anything until you get the paperwork rolling, all right, because
the day files, the day it starts, and once it

(21:28):
goes to court, everything gets retroactive back to the day
you filed. You know, in the paperwork you write in
there like I would like, you know, my kids this
much of the time, I would like, you know, this
to go on. I'd like to co parent, you know.
Like I said, there's a whole spot in there where
you could write information. And that's the main thing is

(21:51):
you need to understand that. Like I said, a lot
of us have to take charging doing this shit. You know,
some people only do shit half aass. All right, I
have a stack, I have a file. I have a
whole section of where I have so many court PaperWorks
that I filed and turned in and had served and

(22:12):
did all these things just to put myself on child
support so I can see my kids, have my kids
and there be no argument, you know what I'm saying,
Because guess what, when you go try to get your
kids and there's no child, there's no court order, they
can just call the cops on you and say whatever
it is they're gonna say to you and then just
have you fucked up. But if you have a court

(22:33):
order and you bring your child, your child custody papers
with you, and it's your day, it's your time. Well,
guess what if you got to call the cops, you'd
be like you and it's not like you're calling nine
Welle one. You call the fucking the police department. Not
an emergency. Be like, hey, I'm trying to get see
my kids. I have custody, it's my shared time, here
is my here's my paperwork, and I just like to

(22:56):
have it enforced. And guess what. That's what it is.
And if she refuses to give you your kids, if
she refused to do this thing, then you ask for
a police report and be like, hey, I tried to assert,
you know, my my parental time, but she refused, and
then you go back to court and then guess what
that shows that she's alienating your kids from you. You

(23:18):
see what I'm saying. That's how this works. It's very meticulous,
it's very time consuming, but it's better safe than sorry.
I can't say anything more than like, you have to
document everything. You have to have a calendar on your phone.
You have a fucking calendar on your book. Like, look,

(23:39):
the more you document it, the more not evidence, but
it's just proof that they're keeping you from your kids,
all right, because guess what they can go into that
mediator's reports like he's never picking up the kids, he's
never doing this, he's never doing that. When you be like, look,
I tried this day, this day, this day, I have
a court I have a police report showing that she

(24:01):
refused to, you know, give me my time. And guess
the fuck what that right there in itself, it's valid
proof that she is keeping the kids away from you.
It's called alienation, you know what I'm saying. Even if
it's your time with the kids and she has a
kid so worried and so upset that they don't want
to go with you, once again, that's her manipulating the

(24:24):
kids and alienating you. It's all provable and fucking documentable,
you know. Like I said, these are the extens it takes.
You have to understand that this is a long fucking road.
It took me years years to just get to where
I needed to be for this, all right, Like I said,
I've been through the trenches with this. I've been through

(24:46):
the court. I feel that every piece of fucking paperwork,
you know, like even when you do paperwork, you have
to make three fucking copies, give the original to the court,
one for yourself, one for them. And then you have
them fucking served. All right. It's very time consuming. I've
almost lost my job so many times because I just

(25:08):
had to take a day off of work, multiple days
off of work to fill out paperwork, to file paperwork,
to serve paperwork and that. But that's what it takes,
you know what I'm saying. The fight is worth it
because when your kids grow up to be happy, When
your kids grow up to fucking love what you did,

(25:28):
when your kids are fucking you know, healthy, normal, living
a great life, that's what's worth it, all right, that's
the big fucking payout, you know what I'm saying. Like,
all this bullshit that happens, you don't have to speak
to it about your kids. You don't have to explain
it to your kids, because guess the fuck what, they're

(25:50):
not old enough to understand. It's not your job to
fucking sit there and bash the other fucking parent and
be like they're a horrible fucking person. It is your
job to love them and to raise them to be healthy,
normal fucking people. And when they get older, guess what.
All this stuff gets remembered, all this stuff gets brought up,

(26:13):
All this stuff is fucking there. You know what I'm saying,
And all you have to do is just be like, yes,
I know I was there, but I love you guys,
and I'm here for you guys, and I will always
be there to take care of you no matter what.
Because I went through all this. They'll see that you're
not sitting there expecting a thank you from them. It's

(26:34):
like no, They'll see the struggle and understand what the
fuck was going on when they get older, all right,
because like I said, I've had my kids multiple times
fucking fight with me, yell at me, tell me I'm
a bad fucking dad, because that's what their mom was
telling them. And you just gotta be like, I love you, guys,

(26:58):
I'm here for you guys, and I'll take care of you. Guys.
I'm I'm your dad, and it's all you need to know.
I'm not sitting I'm not here to manipulate you, I'm
not here to turn you against anybody. I just love
you and I'm here for you because, like I said,
I've had all that happen to me. I've had all
that fucking everything turn on me and me being alienated

(27:21):
for my kids, and I lost my kids for a
whole year, a whole year just because of what was said,
what was done, all that fucking bullshit, and I didn't
get to see my fucking kids, and it fucking killed
me inside. She held it against me, but also too,
I documented it. I couldn't see the kids because she

(27:41):
said this. You do see what I'm saying. She said,
she's gonna call the cops on me. I'm gonna fucking
I'm gonna and when once it happens, like I said,
that's nuclear, that's nuclear, you, She's gonna call the cops
on me. And I have no way to protect myself.
And it's my word versus her word, and they're not
gonna fucking take my word over it. That's when you
gotta fill out paperwork. That's when you got to turn

(28:03):
in paypwork. That's why you got You know, the justice
system doesn't fucking move fast. It takes its sweet fucking time.
But once again, you gotta follow the fucking rules, because
if you don't follow the rules, you get in trouble,
you get penalized, you lose every opportunity that you've ever
fucking created, all because you're the fucking man. You're the

(28:26):
fucking guy I've been there and done that, so I
know how this shit fucking turns out. You know, all
my kids are eighteen now, but god damn it, I've
had to go to court at least once or twice
a year since fucking all this bullshit happened. All right,
all this bullshit happened. And let's say, like h since

(28:49):
two thousand fix, I've had to go to court every
year just to turn in payperwork, just to fill out paperwork,
just to fucking make sur shit's okay. And like I said,
and once a year is at the minimum. At the minimum,
you can go to court as many times as you
want to fucking just get what you want. And that's

(29:13):
more fucking time with your kids, all right. When you
fill out your fucking paperwork, you're filling out financial records,
you're filling out fucking custody, you're filing out time, you're
filling out all these things, and you gotta fill it
out in triple and then you gotta fucking turn it in.
That's just what it is. You know. There's nothing you
can fucking do about it. You know, that's just one

(29:36):
of those things. Like I said, this is what happens.
This is what is going on, and this is how
it is. You know, it's just about making sure that
you protect yourself. You know, Like I said, there's a
lot of things that go with all this stuff that
happen with this stuff and just dealing with custody, dealing

(29:58):
with child support, dealing with divorce. It's fucking tough. It's
fucking hard, you know what I'm saying. All there's a
lot of us out there that are struggling with this
and just trying to fucking get along and fucking you know,
don't make any fucking waves, just trying to get this
to fucking work, trying to get this to fucking be something,
you know what I'm saying. But I want everyone, I

(30:20):
want dads to listen to this and understand that don't
lose hope, don't lose traction, don't lose sight of the goal.
You know what I'm saying. Your kids are important to you.
My kids are important to me, and I did everything
I could for them, and I fought for them, and
I fucking was there for them. And the whole reason

(30:40):
I was doing this is because I knew I wanted
to be a great dad. I always knew I wanted
to be a dad. You know what I'm saying, Being
a father and having my kids and being there for them.
It's just what it was, you know what I'm saying.
Nothing was gonna take that away from me. And unfortunately
I went at it the wrong way when I first
fucking went at it, I fucking came at it in

(31:01):
an angle that I shouldn't have. But over time I learned.
I took the classes, I took the seminars I went.
I used every bit of the materials that the courts
gave me for free, not just a fucking a lawyer,
because I didn't have money for a lawyer. All this
shit was done by me, a self help desk showing
me how to fill out the fucking paperwork. And like

(31:21):
I said, they can't give you legal advice, but they
can tell you how to fill out the paperwork. And
that's the most important thing, is just filling out the paperwork,
filing the fucking paperwork, paying for the fucking paperwork, you know,
that's the one. Like you can go into the fucking court,
any courthouse and they have a law library with books,
flow charts, all these materials that are there to help

(31:45):
you do this. And all you have to do is
do it. All you have to do is follow the
fucking directions. All you have to do is just fucking
understand that. It just takes fucking hard work and determination
to get shit done, just like anything else. All right,
one of the things that we can all understand is shoveling.

(32:06):
All right. All you gotta do is keep fucking digging.
You gotta dig the fucking trench. You gotta fucking keep
the fucking shit flowing. You gotta keep fucking working, and
guess the fuck what, it's the exact same thing. It's hard,
it fucking sucks, it's not fucking easy, but guess the
fuck what, you just keep doing it, all right, that's
how it works. You just keep fucking working at what

(32:29):
you want and at the end of the day, that's
how you fucking get it. All right. If you want
to be a father, if you want to be present,
and if you want to fucking you know, be the
dad that you've always wanted to be, well, guess the
fuck what. You gotta fight for it. You absolutely have
to fucking fight for it. You have to put in
the time, you have to put in the fucking effort.
You have to really understand that that's what this takes.

(32:54):
It is not fucking easy. It's never fucking easy. This
ship is the most hardest thing you could ever fucking
do in your life. All Right. It sucks, but it's
it's a reality of a lot of us, dads. It's
a reality of a lot of us who have to
fucking go through this and deal with it because, like
I said, this is all emotionally stressed, emotional drama, emotional

(33:18):
fucking test it. It's all these things wrapped into one,
and we're just supposed to bear the fucking burden, all right.
We're just supposed to fucking lay down and get railroaded
in this fucking aspect because that's what they expect from us,
all right. The courthouses make money, as long as we

(33:38):
make money, all right. That's one of those things we
don't talk about. You know. One of the things if
your significant other is create is claiming any kind of
fucking benefit as in ebt, fucking cash aid, fucking any
of the stuff. Guess who pays that back? You, You know,

(34:00):
no matter how much child support you fucking pay, if
they collect something like that, they guess the fuck where'd
that money go? Not to them, to go straight back
to the fucking government and then they get a fifty
dollars fucking check because in California, that's how it fucking works,
all right. And even with child support, I just had
them take it out of my check. They will take
it out of your check if you don't fucking pay.

(34:21):
But guess what, in California where I'm from, you just
call the child support office, you fill out a fucking
form online, and then you never have to pay the
child support. It just comes out of your fucking check,
out of side, out of fucking mind. It fucking sucks,
all right, But guess the fuck what if you don't

(34:42):
pay your child support, then they fuck you even more.
That's just what it is. So why not just guarantee
that it's there? You know what I'm saying, Because I've
had that situation where I was paying cash child support
and she was writing me receipts, and then when I
showed my receipts, and then she stopped writing me receipts,
and and then I'm like, hey, what the fuck? And

(35:03):
then when we go to court I was paying her.
All she had to say was no, she did, I didn't.
And then that's how you get screwed again. That's that's
reality right there. When you go to court, it's your
versus her word unless you have fucking evidence. You know
what I'm saying. If you're paying child sport directly from her,
guess the fuck what. It needs to always be a check.
It needs to always be a cash fucking or a

(35:24):
cash money order, or just have it taken directly out
of your check and then you never have to fucking
deal with it. And here's the thing. When they take
it out of your check, it's twice a month, it's
a payment split in half. They'll take half out of
your You're, like I said, if you get paid every
other week, then they're gonna take half it on one week,
the other half on the next week. And then if

(35:46):
there's a third week in the month that you get
a you know, a third paycheck in that month, because
usually every month's two paychecks, that third check they don't
fucking touch. It's as easy as fucking that, you know
what I'm saying. Like I said, you have to set
yourself up for success in these fucking situations, because if
you don't set yourself up for success, you get fucking railroaded,

(36:08):
You get fucking screwed. You lose your time and you
never get to see your fucking kids. The whole point
of this is to see your kids. The whole point
of this is to be there for your kids. The
whole point of any of this stuff is to be
a good fucking dad. It's to be a great fucking
dad in your fucking way. You know what I'm saying.
I'll only strive to be there for my kids, and

(36:28):
I've gone through all the bullshit that I've gone through
just so I can be their dad. When you think
it wouldn't be that fucking difficult, it is that fucking
difficult because, like I said, the system is not set
up for us. The system is not set up for
fucking dads to fucking win. But there is a way
to win. There is a way to fucking succeed. There's
a way to fucking get what you fucking want, and

(36:53):
that's consistently fighting for your rights as a father. You
have to fight for your rights as a father. You
have to prove that you deserve the rights for your
as a father. You could be the best dad in
the world, but as soon as you start going through
this bullshit, you're a fucking monster. You're fucking horrible. You're

(37:13):
the worst fucking scum of the fucking earth, because that's
what they painted out to be. Like I said, it
took me a lot of time, a lot of effort
just to be able to be a dad in my
kids' lives, to be their father. But I fought tooth
and nail all through the court system. I followed their rules,

(37:37):
their rules specifically, all right, not her rules, not anybody
else's rules. I followed the court rules. You follow those rules,
you'll be all right. Like I said, never get mad,
never get upset, because guess what you get mad, you
get upset, you show any kind of emotion that is

(38:00):
that can be misconstrued as fucking anger, they'll screw you.
So you gotta be cool, calm and collective. Let them
sling their mud, let them talk their shit, let them
paint you this fucking monster. But you gotta ask a question. Why,
Just ask the question, Like sir, that didn't happen.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
That.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
You just gotta ask the question. If I need to
do this, but why do I have to do this?
If I need to take this drug test? Why do
I gotta take this drug test? You see what I'm saying,
you just have to stay in the lines, follow the
fucking rules, keep going back to court. And that's just
what it takes. And you don't have to do this

(38:42):
with a lawyer. You don't have to do this with
you know all if you can't afford it, you just
gotta fill out the paperwork, because that's what it all
it is. When you go into mediation, no lawyer goes
in there with you. It's between the mom and the
dad and not a fucking lawyer. All right, when you
go to court, the lawyer will be there, But when

(39:04):
you go into mediation where it fucking counts. And like
I said, with divorce, there's all this other fucking aspect.
But for the aspect that I'm trying to talk about
is child custody and child support. I'm letting you know,
between everybody else in the world, it's you, her and
the mediator. And you never talk to her. You only
talk to the mediator. You don't argue with her. You

(39:27):
let her speak, never interrupt, You talk cool, calm and collective,
know what you're gonna say. Speak very deliberate, no cursing,
no yelling, no raised voice, make eye contact and let
them know, all you want is your kids. I'm not

(39:48):
here to argue with her. I'm not here to fight
with her. I'm not here to talk shit to her.
I'm just here to for my kids. And when you
do that, it changes the attitude of the mediator, because,
like I said, the mediator is a therapist. They can
see through all the bullshit. They can see through all
the fucking manipulation. They deal with people all day long,

(40:11):
just like you, going through the same fucking shit. And
that's real fucking talk. They've seen it, they've been there,
they've done that. They know how to read people. And
all you gotta do, like I said, relax, cool, calm
and collective, say your fucking peace, ask questions why, and

(40:33):
understand that I'm just here for my kids and in
the best interest of my kids, I need to be
in their life. And that's it. That is absolutely fucking it,
all right, like I said, And I'll repeat this over
and over and over, but it's because it's what I
went through. You know what I'm saying. I have fucking

(40:54):
I'll talk about it. I'll always talk about it. You know,
I've talked to many dads, give much advice, letting people
know like, Hey, this is this is the this is
the thing. All right, understand how this fucking works. Because
as soon as you understand how it works and you
understand how this fucking goes, you know what I'm saying,
it can make it a lot easier for you. It's

(41:15):
not gonna make it a whole lot easier, but it'll
make it easier. You know, it's understanding the separation. And
it's hard to separate ourselves from our from our our
the significant other X fucking the kids's mom or whatever
you want to fucking call it. Like I said, it's

(41:35):
difficult to make that separation. But the faster you can
make that separation of like this is over, there's nothing
I can do or pass the point of no return.
It's just about me and the kids. I will work less,
take a shittier fucking job so I can have more
time because, like I said, even in in in child
support and custody, like you can make this much money.

(41:57):
I could make this much money. I absolutely could, but
I want more time with my kids because she's no
longer here to help me. And because she's no longer
to help me, I need to do this to make
sure that I'm available physically, mentally, and emotionally for my kids.

(42:19):
And the only way I can do that is by
taking a different position, taking a different job, and sacrificing
work life for family life, because I'm a father first,
and that's just what it fucking is. So guess the
fuck what does the agg your motherfucking dad? You want
to watch my shit? You two? You want us to
a speak your soundclass, ditch or Spotify, Google Play, Apple Podcasts,
Pop Being, SoundCloud, Deezer, iHeartRadio. This motherfucker is ever weear.

(42:41):
You can easily fucking find it, rate, review, like, subscribe
all that fucking bullshit. I'm part of the Inner Circle
podcast Network, group of powerful podcasters out there sharing your shit.
That is Inner circlepn dot com. To get our website
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(43:02):
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But always living, always living, always living, always living always
always living