Episode 58 - The Day I Shaved My Head (And What Shame Taught Me)

Failed your exams? Lost your job? Feeling ashamed and stuck? You're not alone. In this episode, I share my story of failing CA Finals twice, shaving my head out of shame, and how that rock bottom moment changed everything. This is about real failure, real shame, and real healing. You'll learn:

• The 3 types of shame everyone faces (and how to handle each one)
• Why shame is actually trying to help you, not hurt you
• 5 simple tools to deal with shame when it hits hard
• How to turn your biggest failure into your biggest lesson

Perfect for you if:

• You're dealing with failure right now
• You feel ashamed and don't know how to move forward
• You're tired of fake motivation and want real talk
• You've messed up and need to know it's okay

No fancy words. No toxic positivity. Just honest conversation about struggling, failing, and growing.

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Thanks for listening!

If this episode helped you, I'd love to stay connected.

About me: I'm a CA ranker (AIR 48), ultra-marathon runner, and author with 20 years of work experience.  I believe in getting better bit by bit—through daily journaling, honest reflection, and small actions.

Here's how we can work together:
📱 Download UPLY - Our app for daily growth and mindfulness
📚 Read my books & journals - Available on Amazon (search my name - Nishith Goyal)
 🌐 Visit bebetterbitbybit.com - Free resources, blog posts, and more
🎯 Join my workshops - I teach journaling, mental wellness, and the GATE concept

One bit at a time, we all get better.

See you in the next episode!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The day I shaved my head and what shame taught me.
I shaved my head once, not because I wanted a
new look, not for style. I did it so I
couldn't leave my house. Yeah you heard that right. I
made myself ugly on purpose so i'd be too embarrassed
to go outside, so I'd have no choice but to

(00:20):
sit in my room and study because I had just
failed my CAA finals for the second time. Twenty five
years old, no job, no money, and watching my friends
move ahead while I stayed stuck. My family kept asking,
so when are the results coming? And I just avoid them.
I felt like the biggest failure in the world. And

(00:43):
the shame man, the shame was crushing me. But here's
what I didn't know back then, that shame, it wasn't
my enemy. It was actually trying to teach me something. See,
we're taught to hide shame, push it down, pretend it's
not there. But I learned something different. Shame is just information.

(01:03):
It's your mind's way of saying a something here matters
to you. Pay attention. And once I started paying attention,
everything changed. Let me tell you about the three types
of shame I discovered because once you understand them, you
can actually use them. First type, when you mess up.

(01:28):
This one hits hard right in the chest. You know
you did something wrong and you can't stop thinking about it.
When my results came out that second time, I locked
myself in my room for three days straight, couldn't face anyone,
couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. But then
I did something simple. I grabbed a notebook and I

(01:50):
just wrote everything, the fear, the anger, the embarrassment, all
of it. And you know what happened. The shame got smaller,
not gone, but manageable, like when you turn on the
lights in a dark room and the scary shadow is
just your jacket on a chair. Writing made it real

(02:10):
and real things you can deal with. Here's my rule. Now.
If shame helps you grow, keep it. If it just
keeps you stuck, let it go. Second type, when someone
else hurts you. This one's sneaky. A friend of mine
once broke my trust badly, and for weeks after I

(02:32):
felt ashamed, not guilty, ashamed like somehow I deserved it,
Like maybe I wasn't good enough and that's why they
hurt me. But wait a second, why was I carrying
their mistake. Someone does something wrong to you and suddenly
you feel bad. That doesn't make sense, right, but we

(02:56):
do it all the time. Here's what I learned. When
someone throws dirt on you, don't rub it in, just
wash it off. It took me months, long, runs, more journaling,
but I chose to forgive, not because they deserved it,
because I deserved peace. Third type, when you carry weight

(03:20):
that isn't even yours. This is the one nobody talks about.
Sometimes we feel guilty for things we didn't even do.
In my job, I've seen people blame themselves for team failures,
projects that went wrong because of someone else's decision. I've
done it too. We think carrying everyone's problems makes us

(03:42):
good people, but it doesn't make you noble. It just
makes you tired. My rule now is simple. If I
can help, I act. If I can't, I let it pass.
Not everything is yours to fix. So why am I
telling you all this? Because I want you to know something.

(04:03):
Shame isn't here to destroy you. When I failed those exams,
the shame wasn't really about the test. It was about
my identity. And I had spent my whole life being
the smart one, the one who got good grades, the
one everyone expected to succeed, and when I failed, that
identity shattered. But you know what, that was the best

(04:26):
thing that could have happened, because it made me realize
I'm not my achievements, I'm not my failures. I'm just me,
a human being, learning, growing, messing up sometimes, and that's okay.
There's this book called The Road to Character. The author
talks about two types of things we value. Reasum values

(04:48):
the stuff you put on paper, your job title, your degrees.
Eulogy values what people say about you when you're gone,
how you treated others who you really were. Shame attacks
your resume, healing from shame. That builds your eulogy. Okay,
so what do you actually do when shame shows up?
Let me share what worked for me. One write it down,

(05:10):
Just grab any paper, any notebook, and let it all out.
No one's reading it but you. My morning pages became
my therapy. Two. Move your body. Shame feels heavy, so move, walk, run,
dance in your room. Whatever movement makes everything lighter. Three

(05:34):
find three good things, even small things. Coffee tasted good today,
the sun was warm, someone smiled at you. You can't
feel shame and gratitude at the same time. Trust me.
Four just breathe. Five minutes, eyes closed, just breathe. Shame
gets quieter when you stop running from it. Five one

(05:57):
percent at a time. You don't need to fix everything today.
Just make it one percent lighter, tomorrow, another one percent.
Before you know it, you've healed today. I look back
at those failures and I'm grateful. Yeah you heard that right,
grateful because they taught me success isn't a straight line.

(06:21):
You're more than your worst moment. Growth needs discomfort and shame.
It's only permanent if you let it be. That baldhead
it grew back those failed exams. I passed them later
the shame it turned into wisdom. If you're feeling a
shame today, I'm not gonna give you fake motivation that.

(06:43):
I'm not gonna tell you just think positive or everything
happens for a reason. But I will tell you this,
you are not alone, you are not broken, and this
feeling it has something to teach you. Let shame visit,
listen to what it's trying to say at then thank

(07:03):
it and show it the door. Because the better version
of you, the honest, growing learning version, is waiting on
the other side, one bit at a time. Let's be
better bit by bit