Become Greater Ep. 47 - Self Control

In this episode, we unravel the layers of self-control, moving beyond the simplistic definition of just "controlling yourself." Drawing on experiences as an athlete, martial artist, and fitness coach, we explore self-control as the mastery of mind and body, the ability to make conscious choices, and the profound power it brings to all aspects of life. Discover how understanding our vulnerability, avoiding tempting scenarios, and cultivating precise action can lead to a more empowered and intentional existence.Key Takeaways:

• Beyond Simple Restraint: Self-control is not just about suppressing urges; it's about the deliberate command of your thoughts and actions.
• Understanding Vulnerability: Recognizing our capacity to both inflict and receive harm in the study of violence underscores the importance of avoiding unnecessary conflict.
• The Power of Avoidance: True self-control extends to proactively steering clear of situations that might test our impulses or lead to negative consequences, even if it means sacrificing immediate gratification.
• Questioning the "Bar Fight" Mentality: The pursuit of proving oneself through aggression reveals a lack of self-control, contrasting with the wisdom of avoiding such confrontations entirely.
• Conscious Choice and Consequences: Self-control involves understanding the potential costs of our actions and making deliberate decisions about whether we are willing to accept those outcomes.
• Precision Over Brute Force: In martial arts, the ability to control movement with precision, even to the point of stopping short of a target, demonstrates a far greater mastery than simply striking with force.
• Intentional Action: The highest level of self-control is the ability to choose our actions with intention, including the amount of force we apply, highlighting a profound level of mastery.
• Observing Self-Control in Others: By consciously observing the behavior of those around us, we can begin to identify individuals who demonstrate self-control and those who lack it.

Common Pitfalls:

• Failing to recognize the subtle chain of events that can lead to undesirable situations.
• Succumbing to immediate impulses and desires without considering long-term consequences.
• Mistakenly believing that external achievements or skills justify a lack of personal restraint.
• Seeking validation through conflict or by demonstrating dominance over others.
• Underestimating the power of proactive avoidance in maintaining peace and well-being.

Turning Obstacles into Advantages:

• Developing foresight to anticipate potential negative outcomes of impulsive actions.
• Cultivating the mental strength to prioritize long-term goals over short-term gratification.
• Recognizing that true strength lies in the ability to choose one's actions rather than being driven by impulse.
• Learning from the mistakes of those who lack self-control and consciously choosing a different path.

The Deeper Work:

• Cultivating self-awareness to understand your own triggers and vulnerabilities.
• Developing the ability to pause and consider consequences before acting on impulse.
• Building mental discipline through consistent practice in small areas of your life.
• Prioritizing long-term well-being and fulfillment over fleeting pleasures.
• Embracing the understanding that true freedom comes from mastering oneself.

Call to Action:

• Reflect on a Temptation: Identify an area in your life where you often struggle with impulsive behavior or a lack of self-control.
• Practice Proactive Avoidance: This week, consciously avoid a situation you know might trigger that lack of self-control. Observe how this choice impacts your experience.
• Observe with Intention: Pay close attention to the actions of others. Can you identify instances of strong self-control and instances where it seems absent? What are the outcomes of those behaviors?
• Identify an Area for Precision: Choose one small task or interaction this week where you can focus on acting with greater intention and precision, rather than reacting impulsively.
• Share Your Observations: What did you notice about self-control (or the lack thereof) in yourself or others this week? 

Join the conversation on social media: @joe_cebula

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Continuing our discussion of the tenants of the martial arts,
let's talk about self control. It's a phrase we throw around,
but its true death is often overlooked. Now it's one
of those five tenants, and yet it's a concept that
runs so much deeper than most people realize. In martial
arts classes, we'll ask children what is self control, and

(00:27):
they'll often simply say, control yourself. It's a circular definition
that isn't wrong, but it barely scratches the surface. But
why is it so crucial? Why is it one of
the foundational pillars of martial arts and, by extension, a
tool for navigating life. Interestingly, when I teach my own
children about self control, they don't just pare it back

(00:48):
control yourself. They offer a slightly deeper understanding, saying, control
your mind and your body. This simple phrasing demonstrates an
inherent grasp of the interconnectedness of mental and physical discipline.
It's not just about physical restraint, It's about a holistic
mastery of your being. They understand that controlling the mind

(01:09):
is the first step to controlling the body. This is
a profound insight, and it heightens that the concept of
self control is more innate than we often realize. It's
about understanding the why behind the what. The study of
martial arts is, at its core, the study of violence,
and in that study we confront a fundamental truth our

(01:31):
own vulnerability, our own mortality. We learn how to inflict harm, yes,
but more importantly, we learn how easily we can be
harmed of ourselves. This awareness, this deep understanding of our
own fragility, is the bedrock upon which genuine self control
is built. From a purely practical self preservation standpoint, we

(01:53):
realize that inviting violence is a dangerous proposition. When you
possess the capacity for great violence, you also attract it.
The universe, in its own way, tests you. So self
control isn't merely about restraining the fist. It's about proactively
avoiding the situations that might ignite the desire to use it.

(02:14):
Let's unpack this avoiding situations concept. It's not just about
physical danger. It's about recognizing the subtle, often insiduous chain
of events that leads to trouble. Take, for example, the
scenario of walking down a dark alley late at night.
It's not just the alley itself that poses the risk.
It's the choices that precede it. Self control in this

(02:36):
context extends to choosing not to overindulge in alcohol, not
to engage in reckless partying, not to prioritize fleeting pleasure
over long term safety. It's about understanding that every choice,
no matter how small, has a consequence. Self control is
about consciously making choices that align with your values, your goals,
and your overall well being. It's about recognizing the subtle

(02:59):
cues that lead you down a dangerous path and having
the fortitude to deviate. It's about controlling the mental urges
that lead to those physical situations. I've heard countless stories
from martial artists about bar fights, and honestly, they leave
me perplexed. Why are they there in the first place.
Are they seeking validation? Are they trying to prove their superiority.

(03:24):
That's not self control. That's a demonstration of its absence
of anything. It's succumbing to impulse to primal desires and
mistakenly believing that martial prowess elevates them above others. It's
like an adult male joining a beginner's class just to
inflate their ego, a misplaced sense of control. Now I

(03:44):
understand the allure of adventure, the desire for vibrant experiences.
But somewhere a line must be drawn. We must learn
to weigh the consequences of our actions and consciously decide
whether we are willing to bear them. True self control
is about making informed choices, not reactive ones. Frankly, I

(04:05):
am not interested in hearing tales of how someone's martial
arts skills save them in a brawl. I'm far more
interested in learning from the individual who avoids the brawl altogether.
They understand the true power of restraint. They understand that
genuine strength lies not in physical dominance, but in navigating
life with wisdom and foresight. And there's a higher level

(04:27):
of self control, a mastery that transcends the physical realm.
In sword play, it is not about swinging wildly. It's
about precision, controlling the blade's trajectory, and more importantly, it's
stopping point. It takes immense skill, a halt of punch
that's a hair's breath from contact. That demonstrates a far

(04:50):
more profound level of control than simply landing the blow.
It's about choice. Did I intend to hit you, and
if so, did I deliver the precise amount of force
I intended the pinnacle of martial arts. Mastery isn't about
inflicting damage. It's about absolute control over one's self in
one's actions. So self control isn't merely about restraint. It's

(05:15):
about profound power. It's a skill that requires immense effort,
unwavering discipline, in a deep understanding of one's self. It's
about mastering your impulses, your desires, and your reactions. It's
about becoming the master of your own destiny. It's about
controlling your mind so your body follows suit. And here's

(05:38):
the truth. You can discern who possesses self control and
who lacks it. Simply observe people, watch them carefully, like
a scientist study in a specimen. You'll see who reacts
impulsively and who responds thoughtfully. You'll see who allows their
emotions to dictate their actions and who remains calm and composed.

(06:00):
This week, I urge you to engage in this observation
and then turn that gaze inward. Where in your life
could you cultivate greater self control? Might be in your relationships,
your work, your finances, your health. And it's not about
achieving perfection. It's about cultivating awareness and making conscious choices.

(06:23):
It's about recognizing that you possess the power to shape
your own reality and that, my friends, is where true,
unyielding power results