June 30, 2025 • 8 mins
Are you living a life dictated by what you think you "should" or "ought to" do, rather than what truly resonates with your core self? This episode unpacks the heavy burden of external expectations—from family, society, and culture—and explores how these "shoulds" can lead to a life that feels inauthentic and unfulfilling. Discover how the principles of dedicated physical training, when focused on expanding your own unique capabilities and listening to your body, provide a powerful blueprint for developing self-honesty, internal validation, and the courage to design a life aligned with your deepest values and true desires.Key Insights & Takeaways in This Episode:
- Understanding the "Shoulds" and "Oughts": Identifying these internalized external expectations and recognizing their subtle but powerful influence on your life choices.
- The Cost of Inauthenticity: How living by others' scripts can lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and a disconnect from your true self, even amidst apparent external success.
- Training for Authenticity: Learn how a physical training philosophy centered on your body's unique potential, functional capability expansion, and internal signals (rather than external ideals) cultivates radical self-honesty and an internal locus of control.
- Building Internal Validation: Discover how the tangible achievements and self-knowledge gained through dedicated physical training reduce the need for external approval often sought by fulfilling "shoulds."
- Practical Steps to Design an Authentic Life:
- Clarify Your Core Values: Using them as your unwavering internal compass.
- Tune In to Your Inner Voice: Transferring the skill of listening to your body in training to heeding your intuition and genuine desires in life.
- Define Your Own Success: Crafting a personal vision of a fulfilling life that transcends societal or familial expectations.
- Cultivate Courageous Action: Developing the resilience (often forged in physical challenges) to say "no" to misaligned pressures and "yes" to your authentic path.
- Take Small, Value-Aligned Steps: Understanding that authenticity is built through consistent, conscious choices that reflect who you truly are and what you value.
- The Transferable Strength of Self-Knowledge: Recognizing that the discipline, resilience, and profound self-awareness gained from pursuing your authentic physical potential directly empower you to live more authentically in every other area of your life.
- Identify one specific "should" or "ought to" in your life that feels particularly inauthentic or draining to you.
- Clarify one of your core values that this "should" might be overshadowing.
- This week, think of one small, tangible step you can take to act more in alignment with that core value, even if it means gently pushing back against that external expectation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hello and welcome back. Today, we're exploring to challenge many
of us face, often without fully realizing its impact, the
heavy weight of shoulds and aughts. These are the external expectations,
the societal scripts, the familial pressures that can quietly steer
us away from a life that feels truly our own,
a life of authenticity. We'll discuss how to recognize these pressures,
(00:36):
and crucially, how the journey of cultivating our physical capabilities
can provide us with the clarity and strength to design
a life more aligned with our core values and true desires.
Think about how often we use or hear phrases like
I really should be doing this, or I ought to
pursue that career. People expect me to be a certain way.
(00:56):
These shoulds and aughts are the internalized rules and skins
scrips handed down by our families, our culture, societal norms,
and even our past selves. Often they originate from well
intentioned places, parents wanting security for their children, society promoting
certain paths to success. But the problem arises when these
external directives become misaligned with our own evolving nature, our
(01:19):
genuine passions, and what truly gives us a sense of purpose.
When we live a life dictated too much by these
external shoulds rather than our internal compass, the result can
be a nagging sense of dissatisfaction, sometimes even resentment, or
a feeling of being trapped. You might achieve what looks
like success by external standards, yet feel hollower, like you're
(01:40):
playing a role in someone else's story. That's the hallmark
of a life out of sync with your authentic self.
Recognizing these shoulds and aughts in your own life is
the first step. Pay attention to your language, is your
internal dialogue, or the way you justify your choices to others,
filled with I should, I have to, or especially when
(02:01):
these statements aren't about genuine, unshakable responsibilities, but more about
perceived expectations. Another clear signal is a feeling of dissonance
when your actions consistently feel out of step with your
inner feelings, your energy, or what truly excites you when
making significant decisions, Try asking yourself with radical honesty, am
(02:21):
I choosing this because it's what I truly want, because
it aligns with my core values, or because I feel
an external pressure a should to do so? Now, how
does our commitment to physical training to the relentless pursuit
of expanding our own capabilities help us navigate this. My
approach to training, as you know, is not about conforming
(02:42):
to some popular trend or chasing an aesthetic ideal dictated
by others. It's about understanding my body, my current functional abilities,
and then intelligently designing a path to my authentic physical potential.
It's about listening to the clear, often subtle signals for
my own own body and responding to them, rather than
just blindly following an external prescription of what I should
(03:05):
be doing in the gym. This very process cultivates a
habit of looking inward for guidance. There's a profound honesty
and dedicated physical effort when you're striving to improve your
functional strength, your coordination, your power, your work capacity. You
can't fake it. You either develop the capability or you don't.
The feedback is direct and unambiguous. This journey teaches a
(03:30):
kind of radical self honesty, a stripping a way of pretense,
which is an invaluable skill when trying to differentiate between
your authentic desires and the shoulds imposed by others. Furthermore,
the success you experience in expanding your own physical capabilities
based on your dedicated efforts, and your internal drive builds
(03:51):
a powerful sense of internal validation. You learn to trust
your own process, your own ability to affect change. This
makes you are less susceptible to needing the external validation
that often comes from simply fulfilling what others think you
should do. You've already proven your worth and capability to
yourself in a very tangible way. How do we actively
(04:14):
break free from these limiting shoulds and begin to design
a more authentic life using these principles. It starts with
identifying your core values what truly fundamentally matters to you.
Visit integrity, growth, connection, freedom, creativity, service. Take some time
to really clarify these. Your core values become your internal compass,
(04:37):
guiding your decisions when the wins of external expectation try
to blow you off. Course. I've spoken at length about
my core values Courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self control, and indomitable spirit.
They were taught to me in martial arts classes a
long long time ago, but through practice intentional effort, I
(04:59):
have made them the cornerstone of how I behave how
I see the world. Next, practice listening to your inner voice,
your intuition. Beyond the clamor of the shoulds, there is
often a quieter, deeper knowing. What does your gut tell you,
what genuinely sparks your interest or feels right, even if
it doesn't fit the conventional mold. Your physical training teaches
(05:22):
you to pay close attention to the subtle signals from
your body a twinge, a feeling of strength, a dip
and energy. The skill of interception of internal listening can
be directly transferred to heating the signals from your deeper self.
Then take the courageous step of defining your own version
of success. Detach from purely societal or familial definitions. What
(05:48):
does a truly successful, fulfilling, and authentic life look like
for you, one that's deeply aligned with your core values
and your desire to expand your unique capabilities. This definition
becomes your north star. Armed with this clarity, you can
then practice saying no to misaligned shoulds. This isn't always easy.
(06:10):
It often takes real courage, but the resilience, the self trust,
and the ability to handle discomfort that you forge through
dedicated physical training, pushing through that last tough set, showing
up when you're tired, it directly contributes to the courage
needed to make these harder but more authentic life choices,
and finally, take small, consistent, value aligned actions. You don't
(06:35):
have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start by making choices,
however minor they may seem, that clearly reflect your core values,
rather than simply bowing to external pressure. If one of
your core values is creativity, but your should career path
offers a little outlet for it, carve out a small,
non negotiable pocket of time each week for a creative
(06:57):
pursuit that genuinely nourishes. Each authentic action you take builds
momentum and reinforces your commitment to living your own life.
It certainly takes courage to step away from the well
trodden pathst dictated by shoulds and aughts. There can be
fear of judgment, fear of uncertainty, fear of disappointing others.
(07:19):
But the inner strength, the resilience of the profound self
knowledge gained from the discipline pursuit of your own path
of physical capability provides a powerful foundation. You learn that
you can face discomfort, that you can persevere, and that
you can trust your own ability to navigate challenges. Breaking
free from the tyranny of shoulds and aughts is an
(07:41):
ongoing journey towards a more fulfilling, meaningful, and authentically powerful life.
It's about choosing to be the architect of your own existence,
guided by your own internal compass. So I challenge to
you identify one should or ought to in your life
that feels particularly inauthentic or draining. Just one can consider
(08:02):
one of your core values. How could you take one
small tangible step this week to act more in alignment
with that core value, even if it slightly nudges against
the external should. Thanks for tuning in. Remember your life
is yours to design. Choose authenticity.
Hello and welcome back. Today, we're exploring to challenge many
of us face, often without fully realizing its impact, the
heavy weight of shoulds and aughts. These are the external expectations,
the societal scripts, the familial pressures that can quietly steer
us away from a life that feels truly our own,
a life of authenticity. We'll discuss how to recognize these pressures,
(00:36):
and crucially, how the journey of cultivating our physical capabilities
can provide us with the clarity and strength to design
a life more aligned with our core values and true desires.
Think about how often we use or hear phrases like
I really should be doing this, or I ought to
pursue that career. People expect me to be a certain way.
(00:56):
These shoulds and aughts are the internalized rules and skins
scrips handed down by our families, our culture, societal norms,
and even our past selves. Often they originate from well
intentioned places, parents wanting security for their children, society promoting
certain paths to success. But the problem arises when these
external directives become misaligned with our own evolving nature, our
(01:19):
genuine passions, and what truly gives us a sense of purpose.
When we live a life dictated too much by these
external shoulds rather than our internal compass, the result can
be a nagging sense of dissatisfaction, sometimes even resentment, or
a feeling of being trapped. You might achieve what looks
like success by external standards, yet feel hollower, like you're
(01:40):
playing a role in someone else's story. That's the hallmark
of a life out of sync with your authentic self.
Recognizing these shoulds and aughts in your own life is
the first step. Pay attention to your language, is your
internal dialogue, or the way you justify your choices to others,
filled with I should, I have to, or especially when
(02:01):
these statements aren't about genuine, unshakable responsibilities, but more about
perceived expectations. Another clear signal is a feeling of dissonance
when your actions consistently feel out of step with your
inner feelings, your energy, or what truly excites you when
making significant decisions, Try asking yourself with radical honesty, am
(02:21):
I choosing this because it's what I truly want, because
it aligns with my core values, or because I feel
an external pressure a should to do so? Now, how
does our commitment to physical training to the relentless pursuit
of expanding our own capabilities help us navigate this. My
approach to training, as you know, is not about conforming
(02:42):
to some popular trend or chasing an aesthetic ideal dictated
by others. It's about understanding my body, my current functional abilities,
and then intelligently designing a path to my authentic physical potential.
It's about listening to the clear, often subtle signals for
my own own body and responding to them, rather than
just blindly following an external prescription of what I should
(03:05):
be doing in the gym. This very process cultivates a
habit of looking inward for guidance. There's a profound honesty
and dedicated physical effort when you're striving to improve your
functional strength, your coordination, your power, your work capacity. You
can't fake it. You either develop the capability or you don't.
The feedback is direct and unambiguous. This journey teaches a
(03:30):
kind of radical self honesty, a stripping a way of pretense,
which is an invaluable skill when trying to differentiate between
your authentic desires and the shoulds imposed by others. Furthermore,
the success you experience in expanding your own physical capabilities
based on your dedicated efforts, and your internal drive builds
(03:51):
a powerful sense of internal validation. You learn to trust
your own process, your own ability to affect change. This
makes you are less susceptible to needing the external validation
that often comes from simply fulfilling what others think you
should do. You've already proven your worth and capability to
yourself in a very tangible way. How do we actively
(04:14):
break free from these limiting shoulds and begin to design
a more authentic life using these principles. It starts with
identifying your core values what truly fundamentally matters to you.
Visit integrity, growth, connection, freedom, creativity, service. Take some time
to really clarify these. Your core values become your internal compass,
(04:37):
guiding your decisions when the wins of external expectation try
to blow you off. Course. I've spoken at length about
my core values Courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self control, and indomitable spirit.
They were taught to me in martial arts classes a
long long time ago, but through practice intentional effort, I
(04:59):
have made them the cornerstone of how I behave how
I see the world. Next, practice listening to your inner voice,
your intuition. Beyond the clamor of the shoulds, there is
often a quieter, deeper knowing. What does your gut tell you,
what genuinely sparks your interest or feels right, even if
it doesn't fit the conventional mold. Your physical training teaches
(05:22):
you to pay close attention to the subtle signals from
your body a twinge, a feeling of strength, a dip
and energy. The skill of interception of internal listening can
be directly transferred to heating the signals from your deeper self.
Then take the courageous step of defining your own version
of success. Detach from purely societal or familial definitions. What
(05:48):
does a truly successful, fulfilling, and authentic life look like
for you, one that's deeply aligned with your core values
and your desire to expand your unique capabilities. This definition
becomes your north star. Armed with this clarity, you can
then practice saying no to misaligned shoulds. This isn't always easy.
(06:10):
It often takes real courage, but the resilience, the self trust,
and the ability to handle discomfort that you forge through
dedicated physical training, pushing through that last tough set, showing
up when you're tired, it directly contributes to the courage
needed to make these harder but more authentic life choices,
and finally, take small, consistent, value aligned actions. You don't
(06:35):
have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start by making choices,
however minor they may seem, that clearly reflect your core values,
rather than simply bowing to external pressure. If one of
your core values is creativity, but your should career path
offers a little outlet for it, carve out a small,
non negotiable pocket of time each week for a creative
(06:57):
pursuit that genuinely nourishes. Each authentic action you take builds
momentum and reinforces your commitment to living your own life.
It certainly takes courage to step away from the well
trodden pathst dictated by shoulds and aughts. There can be
fear of judgment, fear of uncertainty, fear of disappointing others.
(07:19):
But the inner strength, the resilience of the profound self
knowledge gained from the discipline pursuit of your own path
of physical capability provides a powerful foundation. You learn that
you can face discomfort, that you can persevere, and that
you can trust your own ability to navigate challenges. Breaking
free from the tyranny of shoulds and aughts is an
(07:41):
ongoing journey towards a more fulfilling, meaningful, and authentically powerful life.
It's about choosing to be the architect of your own existence,
guided by your own internal compass. So I challenge to
you identify one should or ought to in your life
that feels particularly inauthentic or draining. Just one can consider
(08:02):
one of your core values. How could you take one
small tangible step this week to act more in alignment
with that core value, even if it slightly nudges against
the external should. Thanks for tuning in. Remember your life
is yours to design. Choose authenticity.
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