5 Ways To Cope With a Narcissist's Cold Shoulder/Episode 95

In today's episode, we're delving into an important topic: coping with the cold shoulder behavior from a narcissist. This behavior is not acceptable and in this episode, we will explore five practical strategies to help you when you are up against this challenging behavior.

Although, many of us have been given or given the so called "cold shoulder," this form is different in that the intent is more to punish and become controlling rather than from feelings of insecurity or being vulnerable. Understanding this behavior will help but it doesn't excuse the harmful impact it has on relationships.

Listen in to hear more about how to deal with this in a more effective way. Feel free to follow for more content through Facebook and Instagram. My website is always a great place to reach out if you want to talk. Can't wait to get acquainted.

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hi friends, I'm Laura, andwelcome to my podcast, Her Journey Towards
Change. This is a faith basedlife coaching podcast for women who, like
me, are on a journey tolive the best life possible. And then
something happens, something unforeseen, andeverything changes. Life feels foreign and you
feel stuck and it's difficult to moveforward and reaching out can be hard.

(00:27):
Right. Believe me, I knowif this is you, this podcast is
for you. I don't claim tohave all the answers, but I know
who does. God wants more forus, for you and for me.
You are created to live your bestlife, So I hope you will go
on this journey with me to amore positive perspective and take those hard steps

(00:51):
together through Her Journey Towards Change.Together, let's break through the barriers which
are holding us back from achieving whatGod has called it to be. So
let's go, and I hope youwill go on this journey with me.

(01:15):
Well, hello everyone, and welcomeback to the podcast. I am Laura,
your host, and I'm so gladyou're here today. It's been a
while. It's been a long while, but just like most people, things
happen in life and you get offtrack, and before you know it,

(01:37):
it's another year. And it's beena while since I've been here, since
I've posted any episodes, but I'mso glad I'm back today and i want
to thank everyone. I want totake this minute to thank everyone who has
been following along over the last yearor two, listening in to past up

(01:59):
aisisodes downloading. You have no ideahow much that means to me, considering
the fact that I haven't put outany new episodes or content, and just
to know that you are still interestedin listening to it, that just does
my heart good. So I thankyou so much. With that said,

(02:21):
we are back for another episode,and it has been a while. This
is episode ninety five and I'm callingit five Ways to Cope with a Narcissist
Cold Shoulder, And I want todive into this important topic because I think

(02:42):
it's just wrong what a narcissist doeswhen it comes to using the cold shoulder
against someone. It's important to recognizethat I think this behavior is not acceptable
and it can have profound effects onour emotional well being. So in this
episode, but I will explore fivepractical strategies to help you and myself in

(03:07):
this very challenging behavior that we maycome against, come up against, whether
it's at work or in a family, in a dynamic, or just a
you know, just a stranger ingeneral, because it can happen at any
given time. And I think peoplemay give us cold they may give us

(03:31):
the cold shoulder for various reasons,you know, like like their feelings are
hurt, maybe they're misunderstood, maybethey're feeling overwhelmed, and maybe they're just
needing space. It could also bea defensive mechanism to protect themselves emotionally or
as a response to unresolved conflict oryou know, communication breakdowns. And I

(03:57):
think understanding the specifics in addressing thisis important. Did you know that ignoring
someone or giving them the cold shoulder, especially when it's used by a narcissist,
it's not okay. And I thinkwhen it comes from this type of

(04:17):
behavior, it's different than in someother ways. I think it's a way
of trying to control and hurt othersemotionally. And I think this behavior can
make people feel so rejected and soconfused. And it's important to understand that

(04:38):
everyone, everyone deserves to be treatedwith kindness and respect and I think recognizing
this treatment it's not acceptable, andit's important for setting boundaries and taking care
of your own emotional wellbeing and mentalhealth. So just think back of when

(04:58):
it's happened to you or when maybeyou've done it to someone else in giving
the silent treatment, ignoring you asa way to punish you. It's more
than just being upset. I thinkit can really mess with your emotions.
First off, I think it's it'semotionally distressing. I think that it leaves

(05:25):
you feeling rejected, it leaves youfeeling confused, and I think it goes
way beyond that. I think thesilent treatment messes with with how people normally
would be able to talk, communicateand work things out. And it's it's
like someone just pulling the plug onthe on communication. I mean, what

(05:53):
is the worst thing when you're whenthere's two people trying to communicate and then
the one just gives you the coldshoulder, stops communicating and will not do
anything, just puts the wall up. There's no way of working it out.
It takes both. Plus I thinkI think it's a really sneaky way

(06:14):
of trying to control your feelings,kind of like playing mind games. And
I do not like mind games.I don't go there. I'm just your
I'm up front, you know.Just tell it like it is, Communicate
how you're feeling. I can't standmind games. And I think the more

(06:36):
it happens, the worse it gets. I think that your self esteem just
takes a hit, and it makesyou doubt your own value. And I
think over time it poisons the wholerelationship, turning it into this toxic mess

(06:57):
of fear and insecurity. And Ithink that's why using the cold shoulders punishment
is just just plain harmful. It'swrong. I think the cold shoulder treatment.
You know, there's many reasons whypeople do it. I'd said in
the beginning a few reasons, butthey could also stem maybe from a mix

(07:17):
of insecurity, maybe a need forcontrol. Maybe they have poor communication skills.
And I think people resort to thistactic when they may feel threatened or
vulnerable. Those are two important reasons. Maybe using it as a defense mechanism

(07:39):
to avoid addressing any issues directly,which is avoiding communication. I think it's
a way for them to assert controland power, attempting to manipulate others emotionally.
And I just hate that when thathappens, And I think in some
cases it may Maybe it's a learnand behavior from past experiences. Maybe it's

(08:03):
a lack of healthy coping mechanisms.Who knows, but I think understanding the
underlying causes of why this happens canhelp. But I'm going to say this,
It can help, but it doesn'texcuse the harmful impact it has on
relationships. It doesn't excuse the harmfulimpact it has on relationships. So if

(08:33):
someone is consistently treating you this way, here are five strategies to help you
and myself deal with this type ofbehavior. The first one is focus on
self validation. Rely on your internalvalidation rather than seeking approval from the narcissist.

(08:54):
You don't need the approval. Strengthenyour self esteem by ignoring your worth
independently, your worth who you are, what you're worth, who you're worth.
And it's not just about who youare, it's who you are.
You are created by God and youare valuable, So focus on self validation.

(09:20):
Number two, I think, maybecreate some distance. Maybe it's not
possible, maybe it is sometimes,you know, it could be that it's
with someone in your own home,maybe a direct coworker, but try,
if possible, to create some physicalor emotional distance. And I think this
can provide like a breathing space andreduce the emotional intensity of the situation.

(09:46):
So try to create some distance.Number three. This one is some similar
to number two, but it's alittle different. Practice detachment. And what
I mean by that is emotionally detachedfrom their actions. Emotionally detach from their

(10:07):
actions. Understand that their behavior isa reflection of them, not a reflection
of your worth or actions. AndI think I need to say that again.
Their behavior is a reflection of them, not a reflection of your worth
or actions. So try to practicedetachment the emotional detachment. Number four,

(10:33):
build us. Build us support system. That is so important. We need
that. Find a strong support systemoutside of that relationship of what you're having
with them. You know, thatcould be with friends or family, other
family members, or you know,co workers or a church, family,
a neighbor who understand the dynamics thatyou're going through and who can offer valuable

(10:58):
pectives and support. So try tobuild that support system. And number five
last but not least. There areso many more, but this is the
last one here. Educate yourself,and I've really really been trying to do
that when so many different topics andchallenges that I've been going through. It's

(11:22):
important to learn more, especially learnmore about you know, if you're going
through this, learn more about narcissisticbehavior and strategies for coping with it.
Knowledge can empower you to get throughit more effectively, and it can make
you help you with making better decisionsabout your mental health and your wellbeing.

(11:45):
So educate yourself, you know,whether that's just looking things up, talking
to someone that's knowledgeable about it,reading books on it, anything that you
can get your hands on, toeducate yourself. And you know, remember

(12:07):
that dealing with a narcissist it canbe so complicated, and seeking professional advice
can be very helpful. Don't beafraid to reach out to a counselor,
or a therapist or minister or alife coach. It's okay to ask for

(12:28):
help. Reflect on your self carebecause that's what matters. You matter.
Gauge your own needs and your ownpriorities and consider whether the relationship is healthy
for you and if it aligns withyour well being in the long run,
you may have to you may haveto sit down and figure that out and

(12:48):
ask yourself, is this relationship evenworth it? If this is something that
is consistently happening in your relationship,refrained from engaging in those power struggles or
confrontations that they are constantly putting therein front of you. Just don't go

(13:09):
there. It's definitely not worth it. And most importantly, take care of
you. Take care of you.You matter, You, you matter.
That's all there is to it.I can't say that enough. I just

(13:30):
hope that these five tips helped youin some small way if you could just
pick one out and maybe all ofthem, and if this was helpful,
you know, go over and followme on Instagram. You can find me
over there on Laura Conrad not lifeCoach. I'm over there a good bit

(13:52):
posting encouraging things. And you canalso find me on Facebook at her Journey
to Which Change and my website isher Journey towards Change dot com. And
you know, anytime that you ever, ever, ever just need someone to
talk to, I offer a freeforty five minute phone call. Just call

(14:15):
me. My number is eight sixfive two eight one one two eight one.
I wanted to leave you with thisa few Bible verses that are very
encouraging to me. Matthew five fortyMatthew five forty four, and this is
These are from the NIV. ButI tell you love your enemies and pray

(14:39):
for those who persecute you Ephsion's fourthirty two. Be kind and compassionate to
one another, forgiving each other,just as in Christ, God forgave you
and Luke six twenty seven and twentyeight. But to you who are listening,
I say, love your enemies,good to those who hate you,

(15:01):
Bless those who curse you, andpray for those who mistreat you. There's
so many Bible verses, so manythings in there that talk about how we
are to treat those that mistreat us. Go to your Bible, open it
up, find those verses, readit, digest it, live it.

(15:26):
It will do you good. Ipromise you that. Again. I want
to thank you for being here,and I appreciate everybody listening in and all
of your past support. I hopeyou continue to come back and keep listening,
and in the meantime, love God, love others, and love yourself.

(15:50):
Until next time. The Name andthe New