It Happened Again

Some personal news that sounds bad but is actually a good thing. Keys to a healthy relationship and Steve and Kristy's therapist told Steve something that shook him to the core but Kristy has reason to believe that she didn't ACTUALLy say what he thinks she said.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome. It goes with ways withChristy and Steve. Oh hi, hey,
welcome, and we're gonna start offthe show with a little housekeeping personal
note. We're back to how thisshow started all over again. Full circle,
Baby, full circle. We startedthis show in twenty twenty in November
when I got laid off, andguess what, we're back to it,

(00:23):
back to it unemployed. But there'sno pandemic. So that's pretty good.
Yeah, we got that, Wegot that going for it. Yeah,
so I, um, I leftmy job at Dean's Home Services. There's
no ill will, you know,as much as there could be no ill
will when you get let it gofrom a job. But I wasn't fired

(00:47):
and everything's like a super positive.It's just they sort of like, I
don't want to stay eliminated, butthey sort of redefined their need for that
position in it. It's not you, it's us, and it's not you
to me. Yeah, you knowhow that thing goes. So anyway,
Uh, that's the big Housekeetie.I mean that could be good for if
you're a fan of this podcast,because that means morning shows their back Baby

(01:10):
morning tapings of the pod. Allright, I'm gonna be really honest because
I gotta get it off my chest. We've actually already done this show two
take two and it was a bangerof a show. It really was.
It was very like full bodied,well rounded. Yeah, it had enough
laughs and also serious shit. Andwe had everything finished post production ready to

(01:34):
load up, and then what happened. Just the computer said, oh,
you didn't save it in the rightplace, and uh, we're gonna close
and then it you know how likesometimes like have a computer crash and then
you're able to like reopen something andthen suddenly it's all there magically. Yeah,
that didn't happen. It did notmagically reappear. I've clicked so many
different files and say like dot jso N, dot XML, dot fuck

(01:59):
you. I mean that's I havea lot of rage right now. I
feel your rage, and I'm havingto hold it in because this has gone
from an hour and fifteen minute processto the two hours. So I'm going
to start a show off on apositive note. But coming up on the
show, I put it up onInstagram, like weird crazy things that were

(02:20):
appropriate back in the day at schoolthat are no longer. There's some great
stuff that we're going to cover frommy Instagram post about it because it augu
relates back to Christy. Also,we are going to cover relationship hacks,
and you're gonna find out if wefollow enough of the rules, it could
be helpful to you too. Allcoming up, and it goes both ways
with Christy and Steve. Yep.Still BRM can't get over the an of

(03:07):
losing something like a show that wasperfect. But hey, happy International Women's
Month or white women. It's happyInternational Women's Month for white women? What
okay? How is it just forChristie because the vast majority of women of

(03:32):
color are still severely underpaid and underappreciated. You have a nickname for these people.
It's not a nickname, Steve,it's literally it's another one of these
acronyms that you nato l LLL Beanyou're always using. You've turned into Q

(03:53):
and on Christie and it's cool.Oh my god, talk about them being
wolpac that's okay, that's not evena little bit close. And again,
I didn't create this name like societydid, or someone not me, someone
wiser than me. It's it's theBIPOC community BYPOC community. Yes, horrible

(04:15):
name. Black, indigenous people ofcolor. You know, you should be
very very familiar with that term inthis stage as assist white man, What
do you want? Cist white man? Are you saying cist yep? I
thought we did this. I thoughtwe did we did I thought I educated
you last year. You get assistunder your armpit. I just like,

(04:36):
leave off the tea. It's nothard anyone that says that they're here to
educate you. It means that theygot a bunch of information Instagram and now
they're going to share with you.It means that they read an article on
Instagram and now they're going to sharethe information from the article they read on
Instagram as it is their own opinion. Right. God, I don't want

(04:57):
to sound like Elon Musk, butthis wool culture needs to go. Okay.
I do actually think one good thingthat's going on in social media right
now is that TikTok. Allegedly,that's what they're saying, that they're going
to put a setting on the appwhere if you're sixty or younger or certain
agea not younger, that you canonly use the app for sixty minutes at
a time. That's what they doin China, Yeah, but no,

(05:21):
but this one. It's I thinkin China, they because it's a dictatorship,
they make sure like yeah, theyonly like like ateful learning things,
but the sixty minutes right, Ohmy god, exactly why is that bad?
Like they show children children appropriate thingsthat teaches them, like educational stuff.
Yeah, because but that's you lettingthe government make decisions for your family.

(05:43):
Oh Jesus, good luck. I'mnot no, you know better.
So big news for us also thisweek is that our daughter had a very
first solo competition and the only reallycomplaint and memory is is like, why
would you need to get up atfour thirty a dance that's set seven am?
That's honestly the most baffling thing.And it's not just my complaint.

(06:06):
It's not just your complaint obviously,the people that put it on, in
the dance instructors and everyone involved arelike, why in the holy hell does
any child need to be dancing onstage? Is seven o'clock in the morning
on a Sunday? And then whattime would the award ceremony for her?

(06:28):
I don't even know. He wasat twelve thirty, but she performed at
seven am. Yeah, so wewere there all day. There's no reason
for it to take this long,none at all, None at all.
But I didn't see any like weirdparents. I didn't see any. I
think that we were too tired forthis particular competition. We were too tired
to get into like all of theyou know, the the dance comp bingo

(06:51):
in all of that silly stuff that'llbe for next time. Yeah, I
mean, and that's if we getreally weird, funny people that are actually
are you gonna okay? Question?Is this going to be the year the
dance cop season that you invest ina dad in a dad T shirt?

(07:12):
No, the dad T shirts arelike I paid for this and dance dad
here for my girl. Like there'salways a ridiculous shirt. I can't even
think of the good slogans. Ohmy gosh. What was the one though?
We just saw it. It wassomething about beers. Oh yeah,
I got it right here. Yeah. Oh well there was a couple of
yeah, a couple years ago.There's what about Like, no, I
just saw it this one. Ohthen I don't I don't know what you're

(07:33):
talking about. Then, yeah,something about beers here for the beer,
And I don't know it's terrible.Here for the beer, and I don't
know. My favorite dancer calls meDad. Is a shirt that I saw,
Oh well, that's that's lovely,so up on my Instagram right now.
I had a question that I posted, what's something that happened at school

(07:55):
when you were a kid that wouldnow be seen as wildly inappropriate and we
stop. Let's let's face it.There's a lot of stuff that used to
be cool back in the day,or we used to be accepted back in
the day. Yep that now it'slike, oh no, okay, here's
a couple of a couple of theresponses to be funny. My teacher called

(08:16):
girls fat, pretty hot and tempting. What principle would come to your class
with a wood paddle and spank youon your birthday? Oh my god.
Starting in fifth grade, we tookturns burning the gar garbage. Jim teacher
ran past a student and put hishand in her pocket and said a little
lower. No, okay, that'sthat's not real. At any age,

(08:39):
that's not real. Mmmmm. Ateacher got so angry at a kid he
threw a trapper keeper across the roomand into a wall. Okay, I
could see that happening. Um,I'm Jen's X. In sixth grade,
the popular funny teacher believed in corporalpunishment. Um, they taught us math
the normal way and not the commoncore way. Oh my god, I

(09:01):
uh my school had Senior slave Day. Seniors were auctioned off to the highest
bidder for the day. And thatis fucking crazy that anyone thought that was
a good idea. Wow, walkinghome for lunch, which I don't know
if people do, I don't.Maybe, I guess I haven't actually ever
seen walk anyone walk home for much, but I don't. I don't.
I don't really pay into it becauseyou're usually at work. Steve ye anymore.

(09:22):
Snocker's corner, which that's not around anymore. Why why isn't there
a smoker's corner anymore? Because noone? They vape, Steve. They
they vape in the bathroom. It'scalled vapors stall, dude, the one
that I still can't believe that theydon't allow, and I think they sometimes
do so. Whatever is dodgeball?Oh, I still loved to dodgeball.

(09:43):
Dodge balls the ship. It stillis the shit. Yeah, you just
don't throw like back in the daywhen you threw like medicine heavy medicine balls
or kickballs that were like that weremade for kicking on the rubber that would
never ever, like it would bedeteriory never did. Yeah, like it
could go you know, a hugebomb could go off and it would still

(10:03):
be around absolutely hit you in theface. You could smell it. I
can actually if you right now thinkof the red rubber ball near your face
now breathing, you can smell it, can't. You can even feel it
rubbing on your face because it hadthat weird like powdered texture. Yeah,
that coating. It was a texture, Yeah, a coating, a texture.
But we brought this whole thing upbecause Christie had a story that she

(10:28):
shared recently about what they would doaround birthdays when she grew up. Okay,
so I went to a very small, very hic Italian esque elementary school.
Lots of fucking petas Paul's Antony's.It's like Mama Mia minga fach everywhere
you go. Oh my god.Okay. We used to have gym class

(10:52):
and a bomb shelter because that's howold the freaking school was. We used
to get so excited, whether itwas Timmy's birthday, my birthday whatever,
because of this one activity that theyhad us do. And not only did
did we get excited about it,but they convinced us that it was okay,

(11:18):
that it was like like a normalthing that you should be doing,
and it wasn't creepy at all,And we would go bonkers as soon as
it was someone's birthday, just sowe could do this thing. This banking
machine, all right, literally calledthe banking machine. You could probably get
it from pornhub now, but whatwas it back then? Our gym teacher

(11:41):
would have us on all fours linedup on either side to create like a
channel down the middle, sort oflike a soul train line. Okay,
okay, and so we're on allfours. The birthday kid would go on
all fours down the center and wewould all whack said kid as they went

(12:03):
by us. They would get tothe end of the tunnel the spanking line,
and then the very last spank wasgiven by the gym teacher. Yeah,
missus Marginson in second grade, sheused to give out kisses. So
I don't know there's a problem withthe spoken line. Okay, well we'll

(12:24):
get back we'll get back to thatin a second, because that's a horrifying
story as well, but it's notWhy was that ever Okay, Like,
yes, tons of crazy shit wentdown in the eighties, smoking in the
teacher's lounge, like just you nameit. What were they thinking? Like,
what was the school thinking? Whatwere the parents thinking? I mean,

(12:46):
because it was basically pedophilia? Ass? All right, Christie, Okay,
I can't take it. Not everythingis telling me that they weren't,
like telling telling me that they weren'tgrooming us what we oh, I mean,
come on, it's probably because obviouslyit's something that was once really a

(13:09):
fun idea and everyone like thought itwas cool and no one ever complained.
That's my point. Why didn't anyoneever complain? Like why didn't Barbe go
up to mister Mouchard and say,what the fuck? Why why do you
get to smack my daughter on theass because it's harmless? Is it?
Though? Dude? See, you'rebecoming one of those people. You're one

(13:30):
of what people, one of thosepeople that's like I'm worried about everything happening
in the world about like they're psyche, like you know that it was weird.
But I'm in I'm in therapy.So clearly childhood trauma. Dude,
you don't even know real childhood traumais going to be from our daughter based
on the short story that she wrotewith a friend at school. Let me,

(13:52):
can I just read the first paragraphof this stuff because it's crazy?
Okay? Did she? Did?She say you could share it? I
don't know, but I'm just tobe the very first paragraph. Ready,
here we go. It all startedon one calm, warm night in California.
Hans was sitting by the ocean waves, splashing cold specks of water onto

(14:13):
his fiery orange beard. He realizedthat his life was no longer as fun
as it once was. All hedid was gopher walks at the park and
read with persephone, his giant maincoon cat, which helps to cope with
everything traumatic that is happening in hislife. Hans decided to swim to the
ocean to take a bath. Helived in a little shack with some warm

(14:37):
wood siding and hole in the roof. Once Hans got home, he went
to check his secret basement for theforty seven dead bodies he had hidden.
It's true, you can make anythingsound like a murder, he wrote episode
that, But what is our daughter? I don't know goes on okay,
But here's the fun fact though itwas like a collaboration. I don't know

(15:03):
it was. It was like madlibs, so like they were given certain
vocal words but they had to useand so then she had to write whatever.
They had a shared doc. Soshe would write some sentences and then
Susie would write some sentences, andthen they would throw in the bit from
the teacher. So it's no longerjust a story of a killer. It's

(15:24):
a it's a conspiracy because when youhave two people that are involved. I
learned that on a TV show walkOh my, I just I just saw
this and I was like, oh, his parents. I hope that we're
doing okay, because yeah, itcould get chicky if you're doing a bit

(15:46):
about the recording being deleted. Butit went somewhere like it didn't just it's
somewhere like even the deleted it hasa deleted right. The trash can has
a trash can? Did you check? Did you check that one at the

(16:07):
bottom, Like I'm looking at itright now, this this garbage can,
this trash Yeah, yeah I didthat. It doesn't work that I knew
I was going to fire you back. That's the stuff right there, as
my spouse. That's not good todo. You do did it? And
I know that sometimes like we've hadthis argument, not even argument, we
had this conversation, conversation, butI was going to say piphilation, which

(16:33):
isn't a word like epiphany, that'swhere I was trying to get to my
head, but it was slow.That's my brain, it goes sometimes.
So I had this epiphany that yousaid something to me yesterday and I took
it as a critique and you said, I just made it as a comment.
And I'm ninety percent sure stilled withthis moment. You didn't even realize
that it was a critique or amI that crazy? Where I just I

(16:59):
think you'll hear a word and thenyou just instantly, because your your brain
is so powerful and creative that Ithink you just instantly build a world around
it. Okay, like avatar,Yes, all right, and so then
you're just basing your emotions and responsesbased off of your avatar creation, and

(17:27):
then you're not actually hearing anything elsethat the other person is saying. Dude.
But that's the one thing that Iwas thinking about, is that it's
usually not just one word. Itcan be. I'll admit this. Sometimes
the very first word you say itcan be. And how you look at
me and say it, I candetermine already, like what the what the

(17:47):
mood is going to be or whatthe motive is? All right? Like,
how about this bub I want togo out um tomorrow night when my
friends and we're probably gonna get drunk? This is it real? Are you
making it with a up dude?See that's a good right there as a
perfect example. I already knew thatyou were like, uh, like you're

(18:08):
kidding me? Like is this somethingthat you're really going to think about?
Are you really thinking that? I'mjust a you saying is this real?
The rest of her conversation would be, this is my prediction? Is this
real? Do you really think that? Like you don't need to pick up
your daughter and you can just goout on Saturday night and you think that's
gonna be Okay? I don't saythat, but hey, I usually I'm

(18:30):
happy for you to go. Ina multiverse, what would you have said?
Did I get that correct? Orwas I incorrect? I just said
I'm usually happy for you to go. I mean for two reasons. Number
when you're out of my way hashtaghonesty number two because you have you know,
you have some shit shit. Youknow, all the happening for you,

(18:53):
and you're in your world right now, and I appreciate how important your
bro time is to you and howmuch it takes the edge off. So
if other people can make you happierthan me, then I say go do
that, dude. Okay, sothat's the other thing you also, was
it last night? You accuse meof this. I don't know, two
nights ago. I'm leaning into gaslightingyou. You really are, and it's

(19:17):
working. Yeah. Is it darkin here? Well, we're in the
basement with no windows, it's alwaysdark. Okay. I was trying to
make a gaslighting joke because that's whatyou say. Oh, it's all right,
No, I'm not doing that again. Okay, you know that.
I don't want to do any partof this podcast again because we lost the
original one. So going back toyour avatar brain, what happened with our

(19:41):
marriage counselor yesterday? Well we did. We did this stuff. It's like
it's called brain spotting, and youtalk about like different things in your life.
And I think it's kind of coolbecause it's a good way to like
connect the dots of things that youcan never figure out. And yeah,
and she's and then at one pointshe goes like, well, you're going
through a midlife crisis and you camehome very upset about it. Not upset,

(20:04):
but surprised, distraught. You knowwhat it was here? It is
my reaction ninety nine percent of thetime. Okay, Okay, not that
much. Okay, ninety percent ofthe time. Is the same reaction when
you find out that Bruce Willis wasdead all along? Oh during sixth sense,

(20:26):
Okay, that's how I react toa majority of things that are surprising.
It's the same exact way. I'mmore like for the first five ten
minutes. Afterwards, I have toask everyone around me saying like I don't
get why why is this such ahuge deal? Right? Like I missed
it at first, and then afterwardsI'm like, oh, dude, what

(20:47):
brute that that's why? Right?He could always see him, but nobody
else was paid. So what doyou think really did die at the beginning
of the movie. That's me,right, So what do you think that
she actually because I know her,she's my therapist too, and I would
be willing to bet this. Shedid not say, Steve, you are
in the throes of a midlife crisis. She said, well, it's because

(21:11):
you're going through midlife and it's asdid not see. No. I added
that, okay, that's unfair toher all. Let me let me explain
how it went down though. Soyou went and did your session. You
came home in some type of feelingright, that was extra and you said

(21:32):
to me, yea, she saidthat I'm going through a midlife crisis,
and you were very annoyed by that. I wasn't annoyed. I was more
surprised than thought. It was fun. You were very surprised. Now what
I like to do with you becausesometimes when ship comes flying out of your
mouth, I can filter the shipand try to find what was actually said

(21:55):
because I know she didn't say crisis. I know that she said life,
and that your brain went to crisis. And then I got thinking about it
even more as I'm interrogating you,and what I can figure is that she
probably just said, like, Steve, you're forty like. She probably didn't

(22:15):
say any of it. What's crazyis I do remember her saying that you're
at like your midlife and that you'reforty two. Because I said, that
makes sense that this would be.So maybe she did say crisis get there,
you get there faster. I'm notsaying that she did or not,

(22:37):
but because I said, it makessense because like I have like other emotions.
Because she said that, like midlife, that's what you have, like
these big like oh, you realizea number of things you just hadn't realize
before and they're big. And Isaid, that makes sense because like I've
always kind of blamed Christie's like behavioron menopause. What yeah, like what
behavior that you're cranking you don't wantsex? Um, Like why didn't you

(23:04):
think that you're in the mood?It's probably because menopause. That's your good
on jail free card, Like youdon't have to take any responsibility at all.
So like like I'm cranky and thenyou're just blaming menopause. What's your
part in it? Like that I'mhaving a mid life crisis. Okay.

(23:25):
Because I want to always make surethat we have something relationship on the show,
I did put together this list oflike marriage hacks relationship and you can
basically score yourself with this. Okay, it's like a these are some of
the things that every couple should followto have a healthy relationship. And I
think it's okay. It's a kindof thing where you can go hear these
and we can decide, like ifwe follow it or not. First one,

(23:49):
prioritize quality time. Make sure toset aside regular time for just the
two of you, without any distractionsfrom work or technology. Not really,
I would have to. I mean, the one we have a job,
we'd have to have work. Iwas going to say, the one pro
to you being unemployed again is thatyou're down to one phone again. That's

(24:10):
I hate to say. She's totallyright. Yes, practice good communication.
Take the time to really listen toyour partner and express your own thoughts and
feelings clearly and honestly. I thinkthat you strive to be a good listener.
It just takes so long sometimes,I know, like you cut me
off, you tell me when Italk too long. But I don't cut

(24:32):
you off because then because because whywhy? Okay, I have good advices,
all right, but it's not evenadvices. Sometimes it's just just a
story that goes on and on aboutan interaction. I'm sorry. I like
details, all of the details Okay, U celebrate small moments, take time

(24:56):
to acknowledge and celebrate small victories andaccomplishments, even if they may seem insignificant.
I think that's something we are workgetting to be better. I can't.
I'm not I should do this podcastand not look you in the eye,
because your eyes say so much.You start squinting at any point where
you start to you're trying to bethere. I'm suggesting. You're hardly suggesting,

(25:22):
because if you are totally out,then you'll just roll your eyes back
and flow your head back. Butright now I can't tell. So I
think that we're working. What wasit? Honestly, I don't even remember.
Now, celebrate small moments. We'retrying to be better at that.
I think I could do that alittle bit more for you. I mean,
like the little accomplishments. So likewhen you remember to throw your garbage

(25:47):
away, yay? Right, whenyou close the cupboard door that you left
opened, yeay? When I closeright? What when you throw away and
d jar of peanut butter instead ofjust leaving it in the pantry? Yeah,
thank you, good job. Okay, keep trying. Let me do

(26:10):
this again. Keep things fresh,try new activities, experiences, and adventures
together to keep things interesting and exciting. Again, I think we're doing that.
They areish, I mean winter thatwinters are slow season, all bets
are off because we don't we honestlydon't interact in the wintertime. Well I
did, did, I did dragyou to the museum through a couple of

(26:30):
times I saw we saw about.Yeah, we like we'll do things,
but not really things together right,And that's just I mean, winter sucks,
let's face it does. You're basicallyhibernating. Show appreciation. Make a
conscious effort to regularly express gratitude andappreciation for your partner and the things that
they do for you. I thinkthat I do a pretty good job until

(26:52):
you say that I don't. Iknow at times where it's like I have
the show enough appreciation. Sometimes theydon't. But then like, this is
something I never ask you to showme appreciation? Do I are you for
real? For real? You don'thave to ask guess. Guess work together

(27:18):
as a team, approach problems andchallenges as a team, and work together
to find solutions that benefit both ofyou. Through therapy, we're working on
teamwork. I think that you knowI'm very good at being an only child.
So it's, you know, thewhole working with my partner's hard practice

(27:41):
forgiveness, learn to let go ofgrudges and forgive each other when mistakes are
made. I forgive, but mypartner, I hold grudges. I do
you forgive you like it's absolutely outof your brain, Like I feel like
your brain just doesn't hold onto things. Forgive. But I hold a grudge
and it's mostly just with you,and it's not real grudge, but they're

(28:03):
they're grudges where I'm not going toact on them, but I'm like,
oh, you'll be mad at mefor a while if I say something shitty.
Oh oh what will I do?It's like it's not I won't hold
the gridge. It's just like oneof those things where it's like I'm not
gonna fight this or I'm not gonnabring this up. But didn't like I
hear like it's like a little likescratch on the wall, the devil she

(28:26):
pops up. I'm sure that there'sthings that you know. It was so
stupid where I was doing my finger. You got distracted by it because I
look like a moron. Um,Okay, that's not inappropriate. No,
that's not it's just your come trailing. Okay, Like I don't know where
he just went, right, I'mgonna last one. I'm just gonna move

(28:52):
on. You're right, don't forgetfiscical. It makes me feel guilty now
that I kem trailed, Which that'sthe new thing. We gonna start saying
each other. You're keim trailing,okay, because I was just talking shit
about you, all right. Lastone, don't forget physical intimacy. Make
time for physical intimacy, whether it'sthrough sex or other farms of physical touch,
to help maintain emotional closeness and connection. I mean, well, we

(29:15):
can't do that until I'm not fluffy, all right, Like I hug you
and I give you and I giveyou high fives. I know, but
like, oh man, I'm gonnabe honest, Barb turn it off for
a minute. And I hate referringto Barb during the podcast, but I'm
going to again, Barb, turnoff. My dream is just for you
to jump into bed naked again likeyou used to. That was my favorite.

(29:38):
That's when I did. I wouldnot have a problem with that if
it was you know. Twenty nineteenbecause I was tighted back then. I
mean girl, but now you've beendoing it. But now the bits are
fluffy. Fluffy Bits are not somethingthat I want to just walk around with.

(30:00):
If that's something exposed, If that'son the name of a fucking punk
band from England, fluffy Bets,then I don't know what the fuck is
Fluffy and Herbits? Oh do theydo? Doop? What kind of music
do Fluffy and their Bits do?Hey? Thanks for listening. It goes
both ways with a Christine and Steve, I'm actually this, I'm looking right
now, I'm going to do it. There's no band called fluffy Bits,

(30:22):
So if you if you want totake that name, goal far it.
If you want to, it's yours. Thanks for listening to a brand new
episode and do us a favor.If you've listened to this far, then
take a moment and the dog istracted me sorry, take a moment and
send us an email to It Goesboth Ways podcast at gmail dot com,
or even better, slide into ourdms. We are self admitted thirsty bitches.

(30:47):
Yes we don't hear from you.We think you don't like us,
and I think it's a failure andI don't want failure, I want happiness.
Thanks for listening, so it goesboth ways. With Christie and Steve. Bye,