The Ted Lasso Effect & Gentle Parenting

Welcome to It Goes Both Ways, the podcast where we explore a range of topics from different perspectives. In this episode, we dive into some unexpected realizations, the power of positive thinking, and the impact of pop culture.

Kristy and Steve kick off the episode with a surprising discovery - Kristy has been doing something on a daily basis for nearly 13 years and Steve JUST realized it. Tune in to find out what it is and how it leads to a deeper discussion on how we often overlook the things that are right in front of us.

Have you ever caught yourself arguing with someone in your head, only to realize later that it was a complete waste of time? Kristy and Steve delve into why this is a common occurrence and offer some tips on how to break the habit and redirect that energy in a more positive way.

Next up, the hosts take a deep dive into personality tests and their pros and cons. While some people swear by them, others argue that they can be limiting and even harmful. Join the conversation to learn more about the nuances of personality tests and why it's important to take them with a grain of salt.

Finally, the hosts discuss the impact of popular culture on our lives, specifically the hit TV show Ted Lasso. Steve shares how the show has inspired him to adopt a more positive outlook on life and how it's even changed his behavior.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome. It goes both ways withChristie and Steve. Hi, I hope
you're having a great week coming upon this episode, Christie, and for
me of something that we've been doingfor the last thirteen years on a nearly
daily basis, it's not shocking atall that you're oblivious to either. It
was kind of shocking to learn somethingthat I didn't know that we had been
doing the entire time. But youknow what, if you're a husband or

(00:23):
it seems about Steve, it seemsabout Steve, and that's all coming up
on a brand new episode. Itgoes both ways with Christie and Steve.

(00:51):
Oh we never did the bring quickOh my god, fat just choked on
my spot. Okay, um yeah, this is literally all you like,
look at all of this, like, look at all these notes. And
that's when like the episode sounds likepull together and like when you know,

(01:11):
if you listen to like your episodes, then they're just like ping pongy and
there's no cohesiveness. Do you thinkthat, like, um, oh,
this isn't part of the show.Oh yeah it is, because this is
really how she talks to me,ladies and gentlemen. Oh, then let's
show how you talk to me.Oh, okay, we can all say
that I'm a freaking raging crotch.No, I don't think that's what it

(01:34):
is. I don't think you're araging crotch. In a perfect world,
if you could control everything, likein this podcast, space right, would
you do the introduction before the podcast? Yes? That doesn't make any sense
because I like things in order.No, but that doesn't make any sense.
Oh because then oh wait, wait, wait, because I like to
think backwards sometimes. So okay,I agree with you. See I rescind

(01:57):
what my initial comment was, becausethen you can't tease the bits because you
haven't done the bits yet and howbut you know what the bits are because
you sometimes but sometimes we stray,sometimes we digress. So you're saying that
there's a little bit of ping pongyto it, No digress and then circle
back. See, this is thekind of conversation where I feel like I'm

(02:20):
making a little bit of headroom foryou to recognize that, Like I know
that I know that you're smart,and I know that you're creative, and
i've I think that I've always applaudedyou for those attributes. But sometimes it's
ping pongy, like you get frustratedwith my ability to not understand how to
like order things. We joke allthe time about stacking and sorting, and

(02:45):
I don't know if it's because oflike your ADHD diagnosis, or if it's
just that's the way that your brainis. But you were never You never
accomplished that feat when you were achild, and so now as a grown
up, it kind of carries oninto like other avenues. No, well,
like there's no rhyme or reason.Well, yesterday I put all of

(03:05):
the It's not just in the rightplace. It's okay, it's not just
about rubber made containers, and likenesting, it's not just about that some
other things. Then it's gonna makeme sound so fucking anal retentive putting a
bowl in the cup cupboard because yes, there's a cup cupboard. I think
most people have a cupboard for platesand a cupboard for cups, and I

(03:28):
will little bit find random stuff inrandom places. Stacking and sorting and organizing
is my personality. Obviously, likingthings the way that I like them as
my personality. Throwing things to thewind haphazardly with reckless abandonment is your personality.
You had an interesting point of viewwhen we were at Target the other
day about the different shirts that theywear. You can actually look directly at

(03:53):
the people at Target and the redshirt they're wearing and know their personality.
There's gonna be the guy that's thetype A who wants to be the manager
or move up to the next levelof corporate Target, but they're having to
be a field manager right now,so they're dressing in a stylish yet uninterested
way. And then there's the personalways who likes their job at Target,
but they're not really interested because they'reprobably gonna go to college or something like

(04:13):
that, so it's always like anoversized red shirt or red shirt that they
know that their mom probably picked outfrom. And then you see some of
the people that are at Target thatare dressed way too nice. And those
people, I can't tell if they'rejust people that have always dressed like to
the nines so they feel like theyneed to wear like a really overly nice,
crisp red shirt. I know thatthis is a lot, but at
the same time, it's not enough, because there should be a personality test

(04:36):
and there should be a way forus to know the difference between each type
of person that is working at Target. Wow, there was a lot of
feelings on that topic. I didthink that it was interesting though, because
you absolutely can see they're different personalitiescoming through with their like red shirt of
choice. So you have like JoeLumberjack, so he's probably like a little

(04:59):
b of a knucklehead, a littleearthy, crunchy or whatever. It's wearing
his like you know, red andblack buffalo plaid flannel shirt. And then
you have the older Gale that wereturned to work because shit costs too much
money and she used to come outof retirement so back in her day,
women used to dress a certain waywith a button up, collared blouse with

(05:20):
the big sleeves. It's fun tosee the different personalities popping through. And
then you go to Costco and everyone'swearing their own clothes and you don't know
what to think. Well, youdon't know who works there unless they have
a name tag on that. That'sall they have, right, is the
name tag. So what if you, as a customer just threw on a
name tag? I feel like,could you pretend like you word just like

(05:44):
stand at the door collecting receipts markingthem off. Don't you wish you could
just take like a razor and justjust trim parts of your body that annoy
you and not like bleed to death. Yeah, that would be easier for
a lot of like just like havea laser and just zip. But would

(06:08):
you replace the skin or are youjust replacing the look of the skin or
the shape of the skin. Okay, now you're getting a little too sci
fi. I'm just saying, likethis little extra squishy bit on the side
then all of a sudden decided topop into my life. You know,
just zip, Like if you havea drawing and then you realize that you
messed up, then just erase itlike that. You were talking about being

(06:30):
sci fi a second ago. Andthere is a growing group of people that
have an argument that's saying that we'renot human, that we're actually all star
seeds. Okay, because it soundsreally really like someone high set it.
Star Seeds believe that they are alienswho have come to Earth to help out

(06:51):
the rest of uso mere humans.The star seed concept stems from the unique
belief system and the growing community ofends that believe that aliens have like left
like they've planted. Okay this Isaw this movie in the eighties. It's
called Cocoon. Is it it startedWilford Brimley, Yes, I did.

(07:14):
This is the story is old andit's also kind of the basis of scientology.
It's tied, is it? Ohyeah, I think it is kind
of like science. Yeah, thisperson's not original. No, we're all
part of like universe. Were allthe atoms and stuff like that? Why
couldn't there be like seeds of somethingthat we're dropped. I'm not saying like
us right now, people that areborn right now think about it. Do

(07:38):
you want to hear something crazy?Yep? Here goes. Did you did
you know that a recent study justshowed that the waters in our oceans are
older than our sun because they cameas water vapor from like billions and billions

(07:59):
of ears away, the water vaporin the droplets from Yeah, this is
one event that I'm not smart enoughto know formed our oceans. So if
you like to take I mean,there's no way that we'll ever know,
like really be able to test thedepths of the samples. There's so many
parts of the oceans that we're justwe will never be able to right,

(08:20):
So like just down in that theog part of the ocean, it would
be older, it would predate ourson. Isn't that all wild? That's
old, too older than your mom. Do you know what gentle parenting is?
Um? I sure do, Steve. It's how we've been parenting our

(08:43):
children for thirteen years. That's notokay, Like, what are you talking
about? Was that a real question? Yes? Yeah, is that what
we've been doing? You're not awell, that's what I've been doing.
You've just been floating around what Okay? Then what is it? What gentle
parenting? It's a particular parenting stylewhere you treat your child as an individual

(09:05):
who has a voice, who isallowed to have feelings. And it's more
about like how you phrase things andlike your interactions with them and how you
help guide them through big feelings.And you know, it's it's a pretty
broad statement. And I also thinkthat you can, like anything, sprinkle
your own flavor into it. Itdoesn't have to be like this, you

(09:26):
know, rigid way of doing things. See my problem is every time I've
seen it like gentle parenting recently,it's an article to say, like the
truth about gentle parenting, you reallydidn't know that that's what we do.
I honestly didn't. Holy shit,I just thought that we did parenting.
I didn't know that we did likewell, I should nami a husband that
knows if there was a tech wellthat we were doing maybe with gentle parenting,

(09:50):
the next generation of father's will no, no, no, go ahead,
reach your article? When? Okay? When if? In my mind,
when we did gentle parenting when theywere little, we had baby books,
right, is that what gentle parenting? That's where we got it?
Like I learned it from a book? Is that what you're saying? Someone?
Did you go to someone? Howdid you figure out what gentle parenting

(10:11):
is? Because my friend, myfriend at the time, was very revolutionary
and earthy, crunchy, and soshe had her own way of doing things
that I mean, we're both firsttime parents, her kid is a little
bit older than Olivia. But Ihad never heard of any of these philosophies
before. Gentle parenting, cloth diapering, like all of these things. It
just did not need to be inmy brain. And so then she sort

(10:35):
of exposed me to all of it. And then I kept with what I
liked and what suited our lifestyle.So I'm in this article that I'm looking
at right now. If you don'tknow what gentle parenting is, because there's
going to people that. Of course, an example of gentle parenting is if
your toddler spills their milk, thegentle parenting response won't be to scold their
carelessness or respond with words of frustration. Instead, your child could be required

(11:00):
to help clean up the mess withyour assistance. That helps your child understand
natural consequences and also that they someof the pitfalls, especially if the strategy
is not applied consistency as Gentle parentingcan also be used as an excuse for
non confrontational parents to avoid setting anyrules or boundaries with their child. The

(11:20):
technique isn't to never discipline your childat all. The idea is to discipline
them differently. In other words,this strategy works only if it has established
healthy, predictable family rhythms that bothyou and your child feel comfortable with.
That's the potential for parents to betoo permissive and not set appropriate boundaries and

(11:41):
expectations for behavior. That's probably wherelike, that's the hard part that we're
in right now. Well, Ifeel like and actually that's very interesting because
we do have different strategies as faras parenting. Obviously, if you didn't
know that I was being if Iwas doing gentle parenting for thirteen years,
right and you were just going rogueI, it makes so much sense now

(12:05):
that you've never really understood why Iwas doing the things that I was doing,
because you have come to me infrustrating times and accused me of letting
them get away with murder and notestablishing boundaries and whatever, when in actuality
I was. It just didn't lookthe way that you're used to. So

(12:26):
now all of this is coming fullcircle and makes sense about why we've we've
bickered about it for all of theseyears because there wasn't a class you went
to. Is it just basically youwell you read Steve Dude, WHOA not
going to subscribe on that one?Okay, but ok okay, So did
you read a couple books? Didyou have it every time I know the

(12:50):
dogs are sparking, I'm not evengoing to respond to it after that,
But did you have conversations about it? Like what it's all of the things?
Nope, it's everything that you listed. Yes, I've read articles.
Yes, I've watched videos, Yes, I've watched or I yes, I've
spoken to friends about it or justother people not necessarily friends, other moms,
com parents. This is a weirdquestion, and maybe this is just

(13:11):
how my brain works. Is thatthere because there's no like certificate. There
might be a certification. There mightbe like a like a for real like
class online or in person. Butdid you did you just basically like look
at a bunch of stuff and say, oh, that's my parenting style and
you can just do that? Whynot? Why is that hard? Dude?
That's crazy? Why? Because likeI want okay, wait a minute,

(13:35):
why why is that? I meanI understand our brains like operate differently,
but why is that a hard conceptto think of? Like you hear
about a strategy and then you envisionedyour own family and your own dynamic and
think, wow, that would reallymake sense for us. I want to
raise my children with that dynamic.Like why is it hard to understand?

(13:58):
Because I thought that there was likeme, like in my mind you talking
about it. I feel like,you know, like when you play a
video game and you hit skip pastall the instutorials and then you get to
a point of the game and youdon't know how to do something because you
skipped a bunch of the tutorials.Okay, that's what I feel like right
now. That's the exact feeling Ihave. Well because you've literally had your

(14:20):
eyes closed for thirteen years, butI've been listening of an interact. That's
why I feel like I'm in thisalone, because I actually was. But
okay, here's my other question.Are there like kind of like uh like
AA has rules? Well, Ithink life has rules? But gone,
all right, all right? Arethere like rules that you follow that everyone

(14:45):
knows has, like the same wordsthat they use, like a gentle parent
is a parent that is permissive orwhatever? It is what I lost me
in my mind right now? Imissed a class. I missed like a
huge Well okay, so like toyour stop too. I will come back

(15:07):
to that in a second. Toyour credit, we never had a conversation.
We never sat down like we shouldhave before we had Oopsie, Daisy
Olivia in disgust parenting? What's yourparenting style? What like, how do
you want to raise our kids?Are they going to this school with that

(15:28):
school? Any of those conversations thatyou should have before you procreate with someone.
We didn't. I don't know howmany people actually do, but you
should. I think that we wouldhave found that out then, like this
is this is a style that Ireally dig. What do you think?
And then we could have done itthat instead of the way that we did

(15:50):
by design was going to pit usagainst each other, was going to be
like I'm doing my way and you'redoing your way, and then our poor
kids in the med. But therapyis I think, kind of helping us
come full circle and start doing thingsas a team. Right. I think
that's what we're supposed to be doing. Well. I think that don't downplay

(16:11):
it. I think that we are. I think that we're learning to you
know, what is that wrestling thinglike tag tap me in? Yeah,
ta tap. Honestly, I forgotin the moment. I was so confused
that you're raising your hand to dayyea brother? Now where we go tag

(16:32):
me? Anyway? Why do Isound like a pirate? Because you have
two accents for like all of thedifferent things, it's either a pirate or
Jamaican. Yeah, dude, thatit seems controversial. I didn't know that,
But again, am I a controversialprehistoric way of parenting should be controversial
because it's it's authoritarian. Okay,You're don't just like screaming at your kid

(16:56):
and making your kid like follow whatyou say because you in fear in them,
Like I don't. I don't agreewith that. I think that if
you if you talk to them likepeople, and you let their voices be
heard, and you just like sortedout in a certain manner again with the
natural consequences of things, if theylearned that from Jump Street, I think,
I mean, I guess we'll seewhat this generation develops into as grown

(17:19):
ups to know if it worked ornot. Our parents they were authoritarian,
okay, and their parents before themwere more South. I think I think
our grandparents were definitely authoritarian. Ithink our generation, our parents were just
like, go fucking do you like? Our generation was the generation that literally

(17:40):
raised themselves and just like Timmy,go out and play and come home come
home at dark. Yes, LikeNo, I don't even think it was
like they had believe in you.I think that they were just so sick
and tired of like their parents controllingevery single thing they did that They're just
like, I'm don do just godo you? I was doing some research
for something and then I'm doing rightnow. And it was like a note

(18:02):
from like nineteen twenty where a kidhad gone into a store and had stolen
candy and he had the store ownercaught him, gave the kid a note
and said bring this home to yourparents. Right, And I'm thinking to
myself in like, dude, nineteentwenty, I get busted doing something like
that, they hand me a note, I'm dropping the note off in a
fucking garbage right. But because youwere so afraid of your parents, what

(18:26):
if in twenty years and thirty years, what of our our kids are going
to say to us. Are theygoing to say that we were too soft
on them? Because That's what I'msaying. It will be interesting in twenty
years or ten years to see whattype of grown ups this generation is going
to produce. Yeah, I thinkeveryone that's our age right now are like,
oh, we're soft on our kids, don't you wonder? And now

(18:47):
it's like, Okay, did wedon't them up? I don't think that
we're I don't know. I guesswe think of that with a different definition.
So like when you say soft,you have your own definition of it.
When I hear it, I thinkthat I think that there are consequences.
They're just not you know, throwingyour kid in time out to sit
alone with their thoughts anymore, orit's not whacking their ass anymore, do

(19:08):
you know what I mean? Ithink that there's a different set of punishments
or that are worse. You know. I don't think that we ignored it.
I think it just looks different.I think almost every episode, if
you go back and listen, Steveis complaining about some new ailment that's wrong

(19:33):
with him. So our segment iscalled What's wrong with Steve? It's just
what's wrong with me is that I'vehad a clogged, like congested ear for
multiple days. Where have I openedmy jaw? I thought it was my
TMJ at first. Actually I reachedout to an Orthodonis to ask if I
should who I should go to?If I if I clench my teeth and

(19:53):
I ja to their right the ballheart, and then I normal because and
no one's a really big then myear will move enough where it'll kind of
like I can hear again. Butit's because I'm all congested. So you
have me. It feels like it'sunderwater. Yeah, it feels not.
No, if just feels like stuffed, Like there's not like a warm wall,

(20:15):
it's more of a dry can't hearsound. So you have me taking
my ear, my ear lobe rightabove it. Well read. Yeah,
I read an article that if yougrab the side of your ear and you
sharply pull back and down four timeslike one, two, three, four,

(20:36):
it's supposed to unclogt I definitely feelit like loosens up a little bit
for like a few minutes, andthen it'll definitely go back. Yeah,
I told you that. I justwant to go get the stuff that like
they turn into massa. It's notmusenox or sutified. That's not my opinion,
which means nothing. Because I'm nota doctor. I don't think that
that's what you need. I thinkthat you need to get tubes in my

(20:56):
ears. Nope, you need towork to drain it. And I've told
you so many different things. Whyyou're not doing them consistently, Like you'll
you'll do the ear tug thing likeone. Since, oh that didn't work,
I'm gonna go take musean x.Yeah, because because the muse x
is a quick fix to it.It's like I have a friend, and

(21:17):
honestly I laughed at it. Atfirst I thought it was ridiculous, But
now part of me thinks that he'sright. If he has a headache and
they said take two every four hoursor or yeah, take you could have
like two every four hours or twoevery two hours. He'll take four,
that's right away. Yeah, yeah, I'll take like four Adville, which
is you know, super bad foryour gut. You know, probably i've

(21:40):
my stomach later. But I've neverdone that before because I thought it was
dangerous. Well it is, butit gets rid of it real quick.
Yeah, that makes a little waymore sense. So why don't I just
do that from now on. It'skind of like back in the day,
I would have hangovers and I wouldonly take one. Not seen in metafen.
I'm profen and like it would neverwork, so that I started.
Then when I did, someone toldme, oh, take three or four.

(22:02):
Yeah. I felt way better,way, way quicker, get there
faster. Man. My ailments areannoying, But you're really annoyed with the
job, quizz that you just hadto do because you have you have studied
it, overthought it, tried trickingit, had it broken down and it's
fascinating to me how your brain works. For a job quiz, like tell

(22:25):
me why it bothers you so much? Well for starters. I've said multiple
times on this show that I don'tlike those types of tests or quizzes,
and so I purposely fuck with them, like I'll answer it wrong. Why
why do I do this? Idon't know, there's no benefit to me
other than you know, probably mycontrol issues, like I don't want I

(22:48):
don't want it telling me. Iwant to tell it, yes, you
know, sit deeper. But thisparticular one, I tried to answer it
for the first time a while withas much honesty as possible, like I
didn't want to trick the system.I really wanted to see what type of
answers and responses it generated. Andso it was a fifteen minute sort of

(23:11):
like I'm going to call it likean IQ test who cares, and then
two separate ten minute personality tests,which were essentially the same test, just
in different order, right to seeif your answers sync up and whatever.
I got the responses back pretty instantlyafter I was done taking it, and
some of them it was sort oflike if it was right, it was

(23:34):
really right. It was like ahoroscope, do you know what I mean?
And if the ones that were wrongand missed the mark, I was
like, how is it even possiblethat that's what it said about me?
Like my answers made it churn upthat result because I know myself sure,

(23:55):
Like I understand that the test issmart and the test is designed a certain
way for a certain reason. ButI know myself and I think one of
the answers was that I wasn't acreative person or I wouldn't do well in
that type of setting. And I'mlike, that's all I do, that's

(24:15):
all my brain works. Yeah,I mean, that's how your brain works.
But here's a little bit. Devil'sAdvocate is like, there are huge
areas to everyone that they don't realize. Okay, there they have weaknesses or
they're doing their personality traits that you'retotally blind to. No. I appreciate
that, Yeah, but no,I you know, like think of it
as like space that there's you know, unknownst to it. I absolutely do

(24:38):
leave room for that in my thoughtprocess. But there were specific things that
did not make sense. And youeven agreed, Barbie even agreed. They're
like, that's not you at all. So then my point to you was
how much worth does the company putinto those bullshit tests. I'm sure that

(24:59):
some company these just do it tothrow their dick around because they think it
makes them sound cool and hip andtrendy to throw out these personality tests.
I think that other companies probably douse them to whatever degree, just to
make sure if you're going to bea right fit for that particular role,
this job, for example. Ihave no idea if they're going to look
at it or not, or ifthey just wasted forty five minutes of my

(25:22):
time throwing their dick around. Butcouldn't that be I don't want to say
discrimination, but prejudging me without talkingto me. So they're going to see
these results on paper before they speakto me, and they're just going to
get a generalized notion before they eventalk to me. So how are they

(25:44):
going to know that those things aren'tactually me? Yeah? Before I go
any further, I started watching TedLasso. Oh why on Monday? Dare
I say? As the observer ofyour life, this show has brought something

(26:07):
out in you so much more thanany therapies that we've ever done. And
we've had some good therapies we havewith this one, Like you know,
she's she's done our therapist you're sayingwhen you say because there's been, there's
been more than one yeah, overour time. So anyway, she's just

(26:27):
really helping you grow and bring thingsto the surface, and she's done well
with it. But holy shit,this show man, it had it all
right there, dude, everything Imean. And you've you've now watched the
first two episodes. I made youyeah, and I made you okay,
okay, can I can I sayit? Sure? Well okay, and

(26:49):
it's it's silly goose. Now.At the time, I was like,
what the fuck did you just say? And and even our our therapist at
the same thing. But anyway,now we can laugh about it. When
you told me that you were watchingthis show and how amazing it was,
how you phrased it to me wasyou have to watch this show. It'll
fix you. Yeah. I feellike, oh, you just slapped me

(27:12):
across the face. But I amlike, that's not a good sales pitch.
I know it's not a good salespitch. I know it's probably a
whole bunch of like a massage whateverexactly. But I honestly believe that it
will change you as a person becausethere's something, there's something to it,

(27:38):
and I don't know what the like, what is it doing? Get back
to yourself, what is it doingfor you? It's it's giving me a
brand new way of approaching life andapproaching situations. And also it is a
study the human psyche in such abizarre way. You do you watch a

(28:00):
rom com and you're like, that'swhat love is. Oh, that's what
fucked us all up? Yeah,Okay, damn Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.
I think that, like the DNAof a rom com is what this
show ted Lasso has. Which again, there are so many people that are
like, I've watched this show.It came out in twenty twenty. Okay,
I've seen this show, Like thenew season just dropped yesterday when we're

(28:22):
recording this, Okay, I've caughtup season one through three. Right.
My theory is like in four days, mind you, Yeah, it's it's
not good because then I actually justsaw how many episodes in how many hours
I spend on it, and I'mlike, oh, maybe this is why
you don't have a job money.But it actually has like psychology in it,
and especially because I I'm watching ita second time with you, there

(28:45):
are things that I'm like, holyshit, how did I miss that?
Oh good? Or the like howit all connects. So, because we're
talking about mental health right now,there's this article I wanted to share and
I sent it to you, andit's titled stop Fighting with People in your
head. And this person goes onto say, I used to argue with

(29:07):
people in my head constantly. Iplan out what I wanted to say.
I'd respond to all the crazy stuffI knew they'd say back. Oh yeah,
I get myself so worked up thatI felt physically anxious. Yeah it
was. That's why I sent thisto you, because that you are that
person, you create a fault.Yeah yeah, So stop arguing with people

(29:29):
in your head. Here's why it'snot going to help you be more prepared
when you see them. You're notgoing to magically utter that amazing comeback you
developed in the shower. That's somethingabout that. There's something about that interaction
or person that's causing you a lotof distress. Rehearsing your response will only
help if you learn how to manageyour distress. You're causing yourself the same

(29:52):
stress what you could actually endure ifyou actually just had the conversation without any
of the benefit. You're amping upthose stress hormones and forcing your yourself to
sit in them. So you're basicallymaking yourself sick right over something that you're
trying to prepare for, but youreally don't need to prepare for. I'm
interested to hear like, if there'smuch more to it, I'm going to

(30:15):
be very honest. I didn't readall of it. I skimmed it a
couple of days ago. So isthere more to it? Because if not,
I definitely haven't interject. Okay,go ahead and interject, so so
far with just based on what youjust read to me, Kay, if
you're a light switch, of course, I know that it's not healthy.
Of course, I know all ofthe wrongs to it. But what you

(30:40):
have to stop and ask yourself iswhy does your brain work like that?
Yeah? Well, I know,I know exactly why I do that,
And it's the phrase that you're sickto death of you that you don't like
me saying all the time, Butit's a direct result of shit that happened
when I was younger, and thenthis is how it manifests, is a
grown up. Why you feel likeyou need to read the room, why

(31:02):
you feel like you have to beprepared constantly so you're not caught off guard,
Like that's all fucking shit that happenedto me years ago. So my
brain has been programmed for umptying yearslike this, So to just say,
just because I know that it's nothealthy, blink blink, it's done,
Okay, that's why I'm in therapyworking on it. That's so for example,

(31:25):
like so that right there, likethat you have arguments in your head
that you know for all the reasonsthat we know because they go on exhausting.
But this is where it's like youhave an opportunity though, like with
a cognitive behavioral therapy, right tofocus on just that one part you can
still figure out, like the that'swhat I do in my solo sessions.

(31:48):
You do? Yeah, Hi,let's pretend like you know me at all?
I do know you well, youdidn't know that I do gentle parenting.
You didn't know that what I doand I talk to you about Sasha's
like we don't keep them secret.Just absolutely not involved with my part of

(32:10):
at this part right now, Like, do you think then, right now
that you're better about art having thosekind of arguments in your head, have
you gotten any better better? Meaninglike not doing them as much. I'm
trying. It's very hard because againI'm programmed for how many years? But

(32:31):
I'm trying to be more conscious ofit, more aware of it so I
can sort of stop it before ithappens, or do like different techniques or
whatever something else man alive. It'sexhausting, like the ruminating, the constantly
trying to like, oh, well, if they say this, then I
can say this, and if theydo this, then I can do that.

(32:52):
And it's just like you have tohave a script in your brain at
all times to know how to respondso you don't walk into any situation underprepared.
And that could be anything from ajob interview to a fight with a
friend, like literally a conversation withyour partner, anything at all, and
it's so frankin exhausting. Well,you plan the arguments with me, it's

(33:15):
always, it's always on. It'salways because you know that because I want
to know what I want to knowto be prepared. So if you say
things a certain way, then Iboom. I can hit you right back.
Because when I'm in those kind ofespecially like confrontational situations, then I
shut down because I don't like confrontationat all, childhood trauma that I want

(33:38):
to be I want to be preparedfor it because my brain will shut down
in that moment fight or flight,and so I want to know what to
say. So that's good to knowbecause then I know that at no point,
when you're upset and you're having thatstuff that you're listening that you're hearing,
I absolutely could do both. Ohyou can't, I can't. Oh
I don't perfected it. No,you've perfected. It's what you're saying that

(33:59):
you have. Like, all,stop and think about the two things that
I've done in my life so farthat would absolutely prove my point. Number
one is bartending. Number two isbeing a mom. I can hear everything
and still interact with other shits allday. Baby. See this is where
as a man as human like thisis why a lot of times I feel

(34:22):
like I'm backed up against a wallbecause she's really just hitting me all those
sides, Like right right now thatthat you did a one two punch the
mom and bartender, because it istrue you're hearing is ridiculous. It's next
level, it's frightening. We've beenin noisy bars before, and across the
bar there was a couple having aconversation. That that was my bree,

(34:43):
Yeah, that was my party trickused to be like, what are they
saying over there? What are theysaying over there? Because that's what I
hate to do as a bartender.She can do what like the kids are
doing now, or they leave theirphone and then they walk out with their
air pods in so they can hearthe conversation. Right, that's the shit
that you do, just just becauseright? Did you know fun fact?
So do you understand why I'm onthe defensive all the time. It's I

(35:06):
do here. It comes. It'slike she has superpowers that I don't like
have, And I don't think thatit's I don't think that it's just me.
I think it's always fun fact.Did you know that when a woman
goes to sleep, her brain onlypowers down ten percent, so when she's
at rest, she's still ninety percentaware of what is going on. That

(35:28):
is true. Look it up.Okay, women are not sharks, they're
not alpha predators, they're not dolphins. Or whatever the animal is, it
always sleeps with one eye open becausehalf their brain is on, half their
brain is off. Okay, it'sabsolutely I look it up. Dude,
We're amazing. Dude, don't bejealous. Dude. That is the most
snope shit I've ever heard of myentire life. Because if you're saying,

(35:50):
if you're saying that done, howmuch does men's turn off? Then well,
I think that even in waking hours, it's still only powered at five
percent. I put in the keywordsten percent. Women brains shut off?
Okay, Okay. The first articlethat pops up is do women's brains shut
off during an orgasm? Okay,I was talking about sleeping, Steve.

(36:13):
Women's brains are wired differently, sotheir sleep need will be slightly greater.
Women tend to multitask, they dolots at once and are flexible, and
so they use more of their actualbrain than men do. Okay, So
that particular article wasn't really about whatI was talking about. The only thing
I do find is that it sayslike scientifically that women might need more sleep

(36:36):
than men, But I don't knowif it's true. There is an article
about food fighters that I wanted toshare on the podcast, and it's about
how they're doing another thing to likefight off scalpers. If you are a
food Fighter fan, buy the tickets, have your email address, and then
they sent you a digital ticket,your name has to match the name on

(37:00):
the ticket, Like you can't transferthe tickets anymore. There's somehow making it
impossible. I think, what ifyou couldn't go, Like what if like
you got sick, or what ifthere was like an emergency, then you're
just out the money. You wouldbe out the money, and then the
seat would be empty yep, andstay empty. I never thought of it
in that way, but yeah,that would want to make sense to me
because I feel like, but Iguess they would already have their money,

(37:22):
so you care. A few peoplemight get screwed because they get sick and
then they don't have the experience andthey lose out on the money. I
mean, I absolutely commend them fortrying to combat this because honestly, it's
it's been grossly out of control foryears, and I mean, it's just
it's getting worse and worse. AndI'm sure if a lot of them are
scalpers. Don't get me wrong,but I also not more and more or

(37:43):
bots or whatever doesn't. But Ithink a majority of the ones that are
really bad are the actual like LiveNation or ticket Master. They act yeah
whatever, the ticket Master, whateverthe company is, because that's they because
I know back ten years ago thatartist would scalp their own tickets and like
double the prices in sections because theywould get like their own every artist gets

(38:06):
like X amount of seats at theirown shows. And we're talking like Katy
Perry's of the world, you knowwhat I mean. We're talking the big
names, not the small ones.Got it, but yeah, and they
flip tickets that way. So youknow that like a third of the tickets
or x amount of tickets for theBeyonce show. You know, they're just
raising the price ticket Master is becausethey can good good on food fighters.

(38:29):
I hope that they really figure itout and then more artists follow suit.
I mean, you're going to getto the point it's like, our kids
are grown ups, and if itkeeps on keeping on, how are our
kids that are going to afford togo to a concert? Like look at
where it is right now. Evenif you get the public sale and you're
on that computer ready to hit bythat instant, it's already gone, it

(38:53):
never existed, almost. And thenby the time you get let into that
that thing to actually buy your seat, that fuckers like six hundred dollars each,
Like what are you supposed to do? Then then you're screwed. And
you know what these kids these days, I hope they figure it out with
their tiktoks and all that. Nowmy ear hurts, and I'm gonna end

(39:14):
this podcast episode. That's how I'mgonna end it. Do you like that?
It's okay you don't. You're nota huge fan.