Episode Transcript
It's Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's Father's Day, but I don't want to just talk
to dad's today.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
I'd like to talk to anyone who's ever had a
child or another person.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Look up to them, either literally or metaphorically. So, whether
you're a parent, a grandparent, a godparent, a sibling, an
aunt and uncle, a mentor, a coach, a friend, this
talk is for you.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
It's for us all because I think we need to
be real.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
By recognizing that the way we were parented.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Or we're not parented, it left the mark.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It left the mark. And whether we're trying.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
To repeat that example.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Or to run from it, most of us who are
christ Bears, Christ's followers, we.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Want to do better. We want to do better on
our watch and to raise.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Emotionally healthy.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
And spiritually grounded kids, and to encourage others. Our words matter,
they really do. Our words on social media, casual conversation
(01:58):
are how we respond to the words that we hear.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
It matters.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Number of years ago I put together a talk similar
to this, but I've revisited, re engineered it, if.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
You will, and I've added one.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Some of it might sound a little familiar to you,
but it's very different and I would call it under
the working title of four Powerful words.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
That shape the soul. Powerful words that shapes.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
The soul, and.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Not just a kid's soul, but can influence.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And shape anyone.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's not just a father and kid thing.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And if you mean them and you live them and
repeat them often, they will.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Skick for life.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
And I'd like to kick off the.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
First and let's say the most obvious one that we
can say that affects the shaping of a person and
the shaping of the soul is that simple expression I
love you. Okay, I know it sounds like a Hallmark card, basic, overused,
(03:43):
but here's one deal.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
A kid can hear I love you.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Ten thousand times and they still need to hear it again.
They need to keep hearing it. Kids don't just want
and I love you. They don't want just want love.
They want a particular kind of love, and I would
call it they really want an irrational love that doesn't
(04:18):
make sense. Not and I love you when when you
make the honor roll, or I love you if you
clean your room. But they want to hear.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I love you.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Even when you're sticky and smelly and moody, and when
you irritate your siblings.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
I still love you.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Now, it doesn't mean that I actually like or approve everything.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
There's a difference. But again, what.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Are we talking about? Irrational love?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And there's really nothing new about irrational love. That essentially
is the kind of love that God shows us, no
strings attached, a John three sixteen level of a gode love,
cross bearing, grace, giving, even when we mess up kind
(05:34):
of love.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
And Jesus, you know he put it very simply, real, simple.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Hey, God so loved the world. We get that in
John's Gospel, and.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Then elsewhere by this love, everyone will know that you're
in my disciple, not because you have perfected theologic cold
dissertation or you have God in a box. But our
Lord himself said, there's something about an irrational love that
(06:10):
could be communicated and lived through that will be the
sign of Christian discipleship.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So let's give our kids that kind of irrational love.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Whether they're four or forty four.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Or ninety four, they still need it, Okay, they do.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
And I don't think saying it is enough.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Live it, show it, prove it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
The challenge is make an I love you a memory,
not another sound bite. How can you create that into
a memory for your children, but also for persons who
are your friends, who you're close to. How can you
(07:08):
take that thing I care for, I love you and
turn that into a memory, a moment that will be
etched in their imagination and their mind forever of how
beautiful it was as an expression of love.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
The next one, are you ready for this?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I'm sorry, Oh, parents, We need to always be right,
don't we Gotta be strong, gotta be powerful. This one
it's it's not flashy, it's not flashy at all, but
it's powerful and some of the most healing moments.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
That I've had with our kids.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
We're taught that.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I just had to sit down and I had to
say I'm sorry, I was wrong, I was wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
And here's the thing our kids, I don't they're I
don't think they're expecting you to be perfect.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
They just need to see that.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
When we blow it, we own it. We own it.
Ted lost his temper, Dad missed the game.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Dad forgot to follow through.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I'm sorry, say.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It and mean it, apologize and don't I get with
it what I call don't be a butt dad. Don't
say I'm sorry, but come on, I'm sorry, but you
(09:15):
were being kind of annoying, But.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Don't go there. I'm gonna share a SoundBite.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
That became a memory for me, and it's a memory
that happened since I first talked about this.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
And when my father.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Was a very healthy, I'm a enormously healthy eighty nine
year old. He was still driving a Corvette Love Harley
Davidson motorcycles. He was the senior bowling champion of the
state of Florida.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
What a guy. He was in an automobile accident and
it eventually took his life. He'd still be with us,
wasn't for that.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
And I remember during the final weeks he was in
the hospital, over a month after one of my visits
to go see him sitting in the hospital room and
he said, I'm sorry I wasn't a better dad.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Wow, that is a memory, a memory.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Now, that apology.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
It didn't weaken him in my eyes, it made him stronger.
It was one of the most honest and sacred things.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
That he could have said.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
And I tried, you're that conversation because it became a memory.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
If you need to say I'm sorry, do it, do it.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Father's Day is a great place to start the healing.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And Now, the next word.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
That can shape a soul is I believe in you.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I believe in you. This is one of my favorites. Okay,
life tends.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
To do, especially for kids, everything it can to make
kids feel small, social media, school pressure, and the job market,
(12:06):
trying to find a meaningful job that you don't have
to have a side job at McDonald's to make a
living on It's tough, tough, and there's those perfect people
on Instagram that's just driving is crazy. They've got everything
they can, they're perfect. But your voice, your belief, that
(12:38):
can be the thing that.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Cuts through all of that noise.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Your voice.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
So when your kids say I just can't do anything right,
don't ignore it. When you hear that, that's the clue,
that's the signal to lean in.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
And say, that's not true.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
You can do a lot of things right. You're kind,
you're smart. This one thing is just a little tough
for you right now.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
But I believe in you. You're going to get there.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
You recognize it. It may be overwhelming right now, but
be there. Encourage them, and the objective is to you know,
belief is fuel. What you believe energizes where you're.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Going to go.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
And they need to hear something where they can believe
that they're worth something.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Belief it builds resilience.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And I love how the Bible has a great story
on belief and resilience when the Father needed to say,
you're looking at this thing, you're you're limiting it.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
It's a story.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Remember how Jesus and his experience with Simon. Simon was
very emotional, extremely impulsive. If you read how he reacted
to situations.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
If anyone was on the spectrum, it was Simon.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Okay, Simon perfectly fits the spectrum. He was unpredictable, unpredictable Simon.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
And what did Jesus do.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Jesus looked at Simon and he said, I'm going to
call you Peter, and from now on you're going to
be a rock.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And Simon was the first rock star.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I said, Carmen, I said, I'm going to show you
who's the rock star of the Bible.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Simon.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Jesus, you're my boy.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
You you've blown it.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
But Simon, you're the rock. You're the rock. But Simon
wasn't even close to it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
That he didn't earn it.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
It was bestowed upon him by Christ. Jesus saw his.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Prospects before Simon could see them in himself. So when
we say I believe in you, and sometimes it might
be hard to say that, but you've got to believe
what can be there.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
By saying I believe.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
In you, We're willing to call out the rock inside
our kids.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And one day they're going to live up to it.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
They are if we believe. Belief is fuel. Now the
next word that can shape the soul.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Is I'm praying for you. I'm praying for you.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
This one is huge.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
It's huge because there's something that is powerful about knowing
that someone is talking.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
To God about you. They're talking to God about you.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Tell your kids you're praying for them.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Say that out loud, don't just keep it in your
journal or between you and God.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Let them hear it from you.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Like I prayed you would feel God's presence today.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
What will that do to him? Mind?
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I prayed for your big ten, I prayed for your friendships,
your confidence, and I prayed for your future.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Oh oh, and then even.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Better, ask how can I pray for you this week?
That's not just the job of God parents.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
But is the role of us all, and not just.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
To our kids, but to persons who we have relationships
with spiritually uplifting building relationships. How can I pray for
you to know that others are having a conversation with
God for us is enormously powerful. When a child, a youth,
(17:53):
or a friend knows that you're not just giving them
a little pep talk. It's not a pep talk, but
you are interceding for them to a holy God too.
That tells them you matter to me, but you also
matter to God. That message resonance deeply. So here are
(18:21):
the kind of the four soul shaping words.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
And you know something, they don't cost a dime.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
You're not telling your kids you love them by giving
them a house or buying.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Them a car or whatever. It's the golden stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
You're telling them, I love you, I'm sorry, I believe
in you, I'm praying for you.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Doesn't cost you anything. It doesn't.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So use them often, and not just with young kids.
Say them to your adult children as well, because honestly,
we never stop.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Needing to hear those words.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I want to leave you with what is one final reminder,
and it's from the author Pegiomara said this. I think
she's right on target, but I would extend it a
little bit, she wrote. She said, be careful how you
speak to your children, because one day it will become.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Their inner voice. Wow. And I would add.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Not just your children, but to others as well. Let's
shape that inner voice into something full of grit, grace,
and confidence.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
And love. Would you please stand? Let us pray together?
Please stand. God. We thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
For fathering us with patience and wild irrational love. Thank
you for believing in us even when we don't. Help
us to be better parents, mentors and people of influence.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Give us the courage to say I love you and
to show it through our actions.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Help us to humble ourselves to say I'm sorry. Teach
us to build confidence with I believe in you, and
give us the faith to say.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I'm praying for you and mean it.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
For jesus sake and for the future of the next
generation and the prospects of living civilly in this world.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Amen.
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