Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups
A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 35 years experience working with people surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation. A.J. also works with people surviving a Narcissistic Relationship Breakup or Co-Monbidly both BPD/NPD Breakup and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://ajmahari.ca/gottatalk - After Hours https://ajmahari.ca/podcasts https://survivngbpdbreakup.com https://survivingaborderline.com https://codependency.ca
Episodes
Excusing BPD behavior is what so many people with Codependency do and it is a function of Codependent Externalization and need for taking more personal responsibility for yourself - not how anyone with BPD treated you terribly. It is important to get into a healing and recovery journey in therapy to break the trauma bond, learn to focus more on yourself, and to stop externalizing ...
BPD sudden shocking discard is devastating and leaves many an Ex of someone with BPD worried that their Ex wife or Ex husband with Borderline Personality or Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend with BPD may be all alone and what can you do to help them? Why do you still want to help them?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions
https://ajmahari.ca/gottatalk - After Hours
https...
BPD Ex wanting to make amends to Borderline is codependent. Whether you are struggling with alcoholism in AA and wanting to make amends or substance abuse program recovery and wanting to make amends or not, just generally want to make amends to a BPD Ex itis highly NOT recommended that you do so. Maybe you feel guilty that you so hurt an Ex with BPD just by going no contact.
It is not...
Does going no contact after a BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard, make your Ex with BPD think about you? No contact is not a strategy to manipulate a Borderline. No contact is a serious action BPD Exes need to take as soon as one can to truly be engaging your own healing and to break the trauma bond. No contact is difficult, people often feel guilty. Learn more about the slipper...
When people with BPD (usually untreated) are called out their abusive behaviour, words, actions, they deny, deflect, and defend. Is this because they have "memory loss" - they don't really know or remember what they did? Even when showed evidence they don't take any personal responsibility - they weaponize it and claim you have victimized them. It's crazy-making. Do they have memory...
Want a BPD Ex back? It's the fantasy bond and wanting answers to unanswered questions. Questions that most (especially untreated) with Borderline Personality don't know the answers to. They are too defended, more often than not, to even try to "communicate" with you.
The fantasy of getting a BPD Ex back after they ghost you and END a relationship - it really has an end that...
Unknowingly loving a Borderline and suddenly ghosted? Wondering what on earth just happened? Maybe you know now you were loving a Borderline and were suddenly ghosted. It's a terribly traumatic experience knowingly or unknowingly. Many in wanting the BPD Ex back relationship recycle and may have been ghosted multiple times.
Everyone wants the Borderline back immediately. The pain of be...
In a BPD on/off relationship? Are you wondering, can I change, like heal some Codependency, and have more energy and tolerance to make a BPD relationship
work?
Have you been ghosted and so want your BPD Ex back? Maybe you've been
discarded, and you are emotionally terrified that you won't hear from that person
ever again? What can you do to change? Anything? Can it work?
https://aj...
As a BPD survivor, I recovered almost 40 years ago, I explain the deep and extremely pervasive abyss of Borderline Personality and the profound disconnectedness that drives all aspects of Borderline behaviour (abuse) and inability to relate in healthy, consistent, or congruent, even remotely healthy ways in relationships.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
https://survivingbpdrelationship...
Are you holding out hope that you can get your BPD Ex back? Like so many people, most with Codependence, many Ex's of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, continue to give so much power and control of their lives, and selves to a person with BPD.
If you really believe that you need to contact your BPD Ex because if they respond angrily or in further devaluation of you then, and only then, ...
BPD arrested emotional development and Object Other Relating. For more people than not with Borderline Personality (male and female) their early childhood emotional development arrests by or before the age of 2 years. People with BPD and/or all the patterns of BPD were not able in childhood to go through the crucial stages of early childhood development and that arrested e...
Have you lost yourself to Borderline? A partner, Ex partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or person close to you with Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you aware of Codependency? Are you learning any helpful lessons?
One man blames God, calling him a "farce" after a relationship with a woman, who "trapped him into her getting pregnant" and now thinks the "farce relationship" was his relationship to and w...
BPD idealization in the beginning of a significant other relationship
creates a fantasy bond. People with BPD, not having any stable sense
of self, are intense and want (often) immediate "relationship on". After
the person with BPD splits you to a major devaluation, you will not ever
be able to be re-idealized.
People with Codependency (often unaware of this) are very emotionally
hungry - nee...
Borderline betrayal and its negative, painful impact on you.
Anyone close to any person with BPD will experience Borderline
Betrayal and the very real consequences to "self" that result from
BPD betrayal.
People with Codependency have a suggestible enough core wound
that the impact of Borderline betrayal causes untold damage,
rumination, cognitive dissonance, self-abandonment, and often...
BPD awareness can't save relationships and doesn't mean changed behaviour (spelling Canadian now :) When a person with BPD has
intellectual awareness and can even talk about things at times, too many partners get fooled. Why fooled? Because too many people think that BPD awareness means "they get it" they can change. But emotionally, they don't get it. Whenever a person with BPD is triggered tha...
A commenter asks how could my BPD Ex be fine in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly be so unstable? Is a person with BPD stable in a relationship until they aren't? A BPD Ex compares his ex to Sherri Papini - any similarity to a thought to be "stable" partner who then suddenly shows how unstable they are? Does the length of a relationship with someone BPD have...
Borderlines are not relationship worthy. They lack a self, have no object constancy and have relational and communication deficits. People with BPD feel very unworthy. They struggle without a known "self" to have any positive regard for "self" or "other". People with BPD often really don't like themselves and this is projected out on to anyone that gets close until a person with BPD can't cope...
BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard is not your fault. People with suspected BPD, diagnosed BPD untreated (or not fully treated) can't stop the ghosting or discards and neither can you. People with BPD often feel out of control in relationships and people with Codependency try to help, rescue, fic and change them. They need years of therapy that they would fully engage in to ever be able ...
Blocking Recovery
BPD relationship rollercoaster causes Codependent rumination and need for closure to be so strong that this becomes a major block to breaking the fantasy bond with a Borderline Ex and people healing from the relationship and from Codependency. Each and every Borderline episode that leads to splitting to devaluation and blaming of a partne...
Borderline Projection onto friends, partners, Ex's, etc comes from his or her eternal victim lens and persona. The false self exists to protect the victimized borderline lose self. There is no excuse for BPD abuse because a high percentage of them were SA's in childhood, not given love, not taught any coping skills. These childhoods are often tragic. But, another core reality in C...
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