July 2, 2025 • 27 mins
Welcome to The Ashley Berges Show. Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s more relevant than ever: gaslighting. It’s showing up everywhere, in our personal lives, professional environments, and across the media. In this episode, I examine how constant manipulation affects us, particularly when it begins at home and resonates throughout every other aspect of life. I break down what gaslighting means, how to recognize it, and why it’s crucial to call it out. Additionally, I explore the various types of gaslighting, enabling you to be able to identify the patterns and safeguard your well-being. Don’t miss this important podcast that can help you reclaim your voice and your reality.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ashley-berges-show--1272964/support.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ashley-berges-show--1272964/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're in a good place now.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgets.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome back to The Ashley Burgess Show formerly known as
Live Your True Life Perspectives. And on today's show, we're
going to be talking about gaslighting. We're going to be
talking about manipulation, triangulization as well as narcissism. And I
know that this is a lot to take on all
at one time, but I think that right now it's
more important than ever to discuss this type of topic
(00:29):
because it's happening in a constant basis for most people,
whether it's in their personal life, their professional life, or
even around the world. It seems that gas lighting is
a constant situation that many of us are dealing with.
We constantly are being manipulated, and I feel like it's
echoing strong when it's happening at the home, because it's
just compounding from all the other sources that it's taking
place in. So let's talk about gaslighting to begin with,
(00:52):
because I think this is something that needs to be
addressed first to really understand the concept we're talking about,
because I think sometimes this gets really well, I guess
it gets overlooked and when we're talking about gas lighting.
And I know that this is a word that a
lot of people use, and I understand that. And people
are like, oh, it's so overused. Well, you know why
it's overused. It's because it's happening all the time. Okay,
(01:14):
it's happening on constant baselines. And gaslighting is a type
of emotional and psychological abuse that revolves around entitlement and
seeking to control another person.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Okay, this is the deal.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It's about trying to control somebody, trying to get them
to doubt themselves line with intention, and gaslighting is something
that's really good at making somebody question themselves. It's very
detrimental to the psyche and it's just something that is
absolute abuse. And it might not be physical, you know,
like when somebody's gaslighting you, they're not punching you. But
(01:48):
gaslighting is real, okay, And it's happening all the time now,
and a lot of times it's going under the radar
because it's happening in ways that you don't even know.
And so you know, there's five types of gaslighting. That's
something that we want to talk about. And the first
type of gaslighting that I want to bring up is lies. Okay,
it's the concept of the lies when when we're dealing
(02:11):
with gaslighting, we're dealing with people changing and augmenting the
truth to benefit them. Okay, So when somebody lies about something, right,
they're denying something or they're refusing to admit the truth
about something even when there's evidence to prove the fact
(02:31):
that they're lying. And we see this all the time.
I mean, many of you are dealing with this in
your personal life. You're dealing with this in your marriage.
Maybe you have a parent dynamic that is constantly gaslighting
you and changing the narrative of what the reality is.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
In the in the in the exact moment.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
We also are dealing with it on a bigger picture, right,
We're dealing with it on a constant basis in society,
on social media and our government and everything else that's happening.
There's constantly something said that's not true, and then you're
gas lit and you start believing these lies. But if
if you go against the lies or you say that
that's not true, then you're you know, you're deemed a loser,
(03:13):
or you're deemed that you're making this up, or that
you have some sort of mental illness. You know, another
type of gaslighting is manipulation, and that is what we're
gonna be talking about today. You know, how it really
goes hand in hand is when you manipulate somebody, you're
trying to control them, You're using tactics to control them,
you're trying to gain advantage over them, and you're trying
to create confusion and doubt within that person as well.
(03:35):
If I manipulate you properly, right, If I'm manipulating you
properly and I'm doing it right, I got you so
discombobulated and confused. You don't know what's up and you
don't know what's down. Okay, so this is perfect because
I can pull whatever I want to pull. I've gotten
you so questioning your own reality that you don't even
know what's going on anymore. You stop being detective and
you start having to actually just take care of yourself
(03:57):
and try to self soothe and try to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And that's when you know you're in a real caustic,
toxic environment. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Another type of gas lighting is what we call scapegoat.
I know everybody's heard a scapegoat. Many of you have
also heard of the black sheep. Right, black sheep and
scapegoat go hand in hand. So if you're a black
sheep of the family, you understand everything has been put
on you. All the blame and all the problems and
all the responsibility is on you. If you're in a
marriage where you can't do anything right, where literally everything
(04:24):
is about you, you are the problem. You are the issue.
The other person does no wrong, you are the scapegoat.
And I know that a lot of you are dealing
with this. You've probably been dealing it with it from childhood.
You dealt with it in the family dynamic. You were
the scapegoat. You were the black sheep. And then now
here we are in your marriage or in this relationship,
and there you are becoming the scapegoat again.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Now.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Corrosion is another thing too, where you pressure someone using
threats or force into doing something that they wouldn't otherwise do.
Coercion is also used a lot of time in the
concept of shame and g okay, so I'm gonna shame
you into doing something. I'm gonna shame you into doing
something that you wouldn't obviously do otherwise. And a good
example that I see with a lot of my clients
(05:09):
in the last reason, like three years, is that the
other person in the relationship is shaming them to get
material items that my client maybe can afford, but honestly
it's changing their financial trajectory based on buying these things.
For example, people wanting plastic surgery, cars, houses, whatever that is.
(05:30):
And the person's over there thinking, gosh, I don't I
don't have enough money. I have kids over here I'm
trying to support. Now, I'm trying to support this girl
or this guy or whatever it is, and it's it's
and they shame you into doing things. Well, you know,
if you I guess you're just you know, you're just poor,
or I guess you're just cheap, you know. I mean,
if you really care for me and love me, you
would do this. I mean, my ex would take care
(05:50):
of all of these things. But I guess you just
don't have the ability to do so. And so they
end up shaming you and coerce you into doing these
things that really, honestly, you don't want to do. It's
not in your best interest and you know it as
you're doing it, but they're shaming you and guiltying you
into it, and you know, for a fact that these
same people at the tables returned would not give you
(06:11):
these items, would not take care of you financially, and
would also make you do it. So it's interesting how
they they like to they like to make you say, oh, well,
if I was in your position, I would take care
of you. But I find that, well, not not true
at all. One last aspect that I want to talk
about gaslight as specifically as far as types are concerned,
is trivializing situations, you know, making things small, minimizing them
(06:35):
or and people trivialize your feelings, They trivialize your emotions,
they trivialize your experiences. They trivialize your age and your past.
You see that many times when people get married to
or in relationships with people that have a great difference
in age.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So let's say, like, you know, somebody gets married to
ors in a relationship with someone that's like, you know,
twenty years you know, younger, and that young person's over there,
you know, trivializing the experience that the other person has had,
you know, also putting them down for their age and
what have you, but also minimizing the other person's feelings.
One of the best ways to gaslight somebody is to
(07:14):
make them believe that one, they're off target and they're wrong.
But the second thing that's interesting is when you can
get that person to actually, you know, not even believe
their own emotions, not even believe or minimize their own
emotions because they have been minimized for so long. And
(07:35):
so you know, I know that a lot of y'all
have dealt with this and have had have dealt with
gaslighting in a relationship. It doesn't feel good, you know,
and a lot of the results from gaslighting are pretty painful.
I mean, these gaslighting results, you know, gets you to
question yourself. You have trouble making any decisions on what
(07:56):
to eat, what to drink, where to go, what to do.
You're constantly apologizing for your actions, even though it's not
your actions that are causing the problem. And and you know,
I find that very interesting too, because you know, when
you're looking at that type of thing, you know, it's like, okay,
you know, I I I I'm questioning myself because I've
(08:16):
been in this relationship so long that I'm starting to wonder,
you know, what's up and what's down. I'm also doing
a lot of self blaming, because that's part of it too,
is because remember, the narcissist is going to get you
to believe that you're the problem, you're the issue, and
to blame you and not them. That's part of the
way that it works. That's why the narcissism is so problematic.
(08:37):
And I know some of you will say, oh, there's
not that many narcissists out there, Well, you know what,
you're wrong. Okay, you're wrong. There's a lot of narcisses
out there. Yes, there's a lot of people that just
have a few symptoms and signs of narcisism. Most of
us have at least one or two, right, But I'm
talking about the full on ancelada and this exists, and
you know, there's also a combination. There might be other
things you know, at play at that time. It might
(08:57):
not be straight narcissism. Okay, there is dual diagnosis. There
are issues here. But thinking about that, the other thing
is that when you're walking on eggshells around that person,
like everything is an issue.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
You know, you get home one minute.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
After six o'clock and it's a problem, and then they
cause a problem for four or five hours and gaslight
you manipulate you about how you don't care about them,
and you don't care about their time, and you don't
care about this, and you don't care about that, even
though they don't work, even though you know one minute's
not a big deal. But it's a way of finding
a problem with you so they don't have to look
internally at their own.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Issues, which they have a lot of issues.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Another aspect, too, is that you start getting to the
point where you stay quiet. Okay, you stay quiet because
you're scared. You stay quiet because when you express your
feelings and believes they're either made fun of, they're belittled,
they're looked down upon their question.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And then you're also at the same time because if
you've been gaslight for a long time and you're in
the and you're in the presence of a narcissist, you
have to remember that you're going to question and your feelings,
your judgments and observations now more than ever. You're not
even gonna trust yourself anymore.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay. That's what they get you to do.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's why it's so it's so highly successful, okay, is
that they get you to question your own self. So
now you're in an eternal battle with yourself. You're no
longer battling with them anymore. Yes, you're walking on eggshells,
and you're well, if I don't do this, they won't
get mad at me. If I get home on time,
they won't yell at me. You know, if I get
them alcohol or I go get them this, they'll be
(10:28):
nice to me for an hour or so. So there
you are coddling and codependant in this situation. At the
same time, anytime you make a comment, you're questioning your
belief system, your judgment because they're making fun of you
or making you feel as though you're not worthy.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Again.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This all leads into this problematic situation. You begin to
doubt your memories. You doubt the recall of the events
that happen because they start making things up, like, for example,
you weren't there for me on this day three years ago, okay,
and so you get to hear about that when and
then if you go back, it was interesting. I had
a client recently where you know their significant other was
(11:04):
bounding determines. You make this the issues back in July
of twenty twenty two, you did this to me and
it was on these dates and these were the times.
And I said, go back to your phone and go
into your phone and look at your photos, and I
want you to see where you were on those exact dates.
They were on a vacation. They were on a vacation together.
(11:25):
Everything that was being said by their partner was a lie.
It was a complete fabrication of reality, generated to make
this person feel bad when in reality, they had spent
money on a very nice trip and they were on
a trip for seven days. Again, they made you doubt
your reality. They made you believe, oh, I must have
been a jackass. I must have been gone and didn't
(11:45):
take care of them.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Where was I? Where would I've been?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
But in reality, when you go back to you know,
the almighty phone, you find out that, oh, Jesus Christ,
that's not the case. I spent all this money, we
were on a trip. I wasn't even working, I wasn't
even take care of us, my respond But this person
had me questioning full on reality, believing that I was
the problem for something that actually did not even take place. Okay,
(12:10):
And the crazy thing about it is when you get
manipulated so hard like this, they're so smart about what
they start isolating you they start trapping you so that
it's just you, just you and them, just you and them.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Oh no, I don't. I don't want to see your friends.
Oh don't.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I don't want anybody over here. Oh I don't want
to do this. I don't want to do that, you
know what I'm saying. And so eventually they're isolating you,
you start isolating you. Now it's just you trapped in
this relationship, completely questioning your reality, and this person is
just rolling game on you. I mean they are running
game all over you and they have no intention of stopping.
(12:52):
This doesn't get any better, It only gets worse. Okay,
They're only going to take as much as they can
and as long as they can, and so you break
or you actually wake up to the truth and reality
of what you're dealing with. And I know that many
of you are like, Man, this is exactly happening to me, Ashley.
I'm constantly feeling on edge. I'm constantly unable to relax.
(13:13):
I'm constantly feeling threatened at all time when I go home,
it is my hell. Okay, if you're in this position
where when you go home, you're constantly on edge, you're
a feeling you can't relax, you can't sit down, You're
constantly feeling the threat. And this is not a good
place to be at. This is a very painful place
to be at. This is a very scary place to
be at. Because home should be at least calm. Home
(13:34):
should be a place that you want to go to
and relax. Homes should not be a place of being accosted,
accused of, you know, lie to ridiculed. And I find
that that where when you're uncomfortable and you're on edge,
that's the perfect place, in the perfect time to make
a change. Okay, because the next sex section under that
(13:57):
is when things get worse is when you believe that
you're unable to do anything right. Okay, when it's getting
even worse and worse and you're questioning your reality, you're
feeling disappointed. Now you're getting depressed. And then many people
turn to alcohol and drugs, right because they're depressed, and
it's like, well, I might as well smoke a bunch
of weed and pass out so I don't have to
hear her or him bitch about whatever. Right, Or you're
(14:19):
overly drinking or overly self medicating, or maybe you're taking
a lot of sleeping pills now and you can barely
wake up in the morning because God forbid you have
another argument. I mean, many of you are already sleeping
in separate rooms already. I mean that's not a question.
Some of you aren't. But it's just escalating every single
moment of the day. And so we need to be
able to recognize when you're in a relationship like this
(14:39):
and what you can do. And I've realized too that
when we get to this point, we're no longer just
dealing with gaslighting. We're also dealing with triangularization. And you know,
I think this is an interesting situation because when somebody
is triangulating you, okay, it's you know, it's like, you know,
(15:03):
the pyramid kind of situation. I'm not gonna do anything, like,
I'm not gonna do any hands signals for it. I
think you can understand what a pyramid looks like.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
So, in the context of communication and relationships, to triangulate
someone means to bring a third person. So you got like,
you know, three size, So you bring a third person
into a situation to control communication between.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Two other people.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
This third person usually comes in to mediate, or to manipulate,
or to undermine the relationship between those other two people.
You can see it as like a parent dynamic, like
a parent involved with you know, their older child and
a marital issue, or a younger child in a marital issue,
so the parent tries to triangulate the situation between the
other parent and the child. Or you know, for example,
(15:46):
if somebody's unhappy that their child, their grown child and
grown adult married somebody, one parent could triangulate and be
judging and having issues. It's just a communication situation where
it's a control of the communication, right and so it
involves that third party, like for example, you know, a
person could you know, create a situation where a family
(16:07):
or friend or family member becomes like the communication between
them and their partner right again, kind of creating this
different type of flow in this different phenomenon. And what
I found is that this is highly used by a
narcissists to control the situation. And the best thing that
they do in this situation, which I find very interesting,
(16:29):
is they pit the two people against one another, or
they try to create a situation where they're getting all
the attention, right, or they try to create and this
is the best thing is to shame someone. So they
bring someone in. Let's say like let's say like you
have a couple and the one person brings in maybe
their best friend or a parent dynamic, and they start
(16:54):
shaming that other person where that person should be supplying
other things or oh, now you're married, now you know
you're the husband or whatever, you should be providing this
like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Why you're so cheap? What's wrong with you? You should be shamed.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
This is horrible, and so they start shaming this other
person to get whatever they can get, because you know,
they basically triangulate.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
The situation and make it really really hard on that
one person.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And narcissists use this all the time to get what
they want. They use this to get what they want.
And a key sign is, you know, when people are
taking sides when there's conflict, and this is a big
thing that a lot of people don't know how to
deal with or even that it's happening. Is when somebody
(17:39):
brings you in to fight their fight even or brings
you in to try to get the other person to understand,
or brings you in to try to convince the other
person of their problems or issues. You're in This type
of situation, and it's not a fun place to be.
I mean, it's a manipulation tactic that's used, and it's
(18:00):
used by narcissists to gain control, right to influence that
other person, and for them to show themselves as the victim. So,
for example, if I'm trying to create the victim reality
and i want everybody to believe that I'm the victim,
I'm gonna tell somebody this horrible, sad victim story, okay,
and I'm gonna say, oh, this is you know, I'm
going through this because of this person. And then this
(18:22):
person's gonna come in and believe my story and then
beat up on the other person. Right, They're gonna beat
up on that other person believing the fact of what
I said. I'm gonna get validation from that, right, I'm
gonna get support from that and at all the while,
I don't have to be accountable for that. Right, I'm
gonna make this other person accountable for the problem that's mine,
(18:43):
and I'm gonna act like that other person created this problem.
And it's a perfect thing for narcissists to do because, again,
like I was talking about the gas lighting, it creates
the isolation, it makes the other person in the situation
be unsupported and have no support, and he sees the
other perspective, right, so you get that one other person
(19:03):
in there beating up that third person over and over again.
The third person is now being gas lit so much
by not only their spouse or significant other, but by
this other party that then they start taking on things
that aren't even their responsibility. They start even believing the
fact that maybe it is their responsibility. And this is
(19:23):
a major tactic, you know. For example, you know in relationships,
I recently had a client that you know, they're they're
married and the other person doesn't work, and that's fine,
but there's no children involved, there's no house cleaning involved,
there's nothing. There's other person that's contributing zero to the relationship.
And you know now that person that's contributing zero because
(19:45):
people were saying, well, why aren't you working, why aren't
you doing this? And that they brought in a third party,
and then they lied about their spouse, saying the spouse
has created this problem where they are psychologically imbalanced now
that they don't feel good about themselves, that this person
is made them physically ill. And so now the third
person in this triangle, right, is saying, oh, you're the
bad guy, You're the person. So it's not the person
(20:07):
that won't get the job, it's not the person that
won't do anything. Now it's the other person's problem, right,
And so now the other person's trying to prove the
fact that I didn't make this person sick, I didn't
create this reality. I'm not doing this to this person.
I'm giving all the resources I possibly can to this person.
But see, you've brought in that third party to continue
to beat that other person down, so that the narcissists
(20:29):
can always be the victim. So there's always a reason
that narcissists doesn't have to do anything because it always
works for them because as long as they bring that in,
they always have someone to manipulate. As long as they
bring that third party in to triangulate the situation, they
always have control and they always have numbers. So it's
always them and that person against the innocent person every
(20:53):
single time. And sometimes the person in the triangle with
them know what they're doing. So don't lie to your
sad and say, oh, this person's completely innocent. They just
don't even know that this person brought them in sometimes
there's a reason for it. Sometimes the person that's brought
into triangulate as well is trying to ruin that relationship,
trying to get something out of it. They have their
(21:13):
own self interest involved that they want something. Very rarely
is that not the case now? Sometimes it's not. Sometimes
the narcissist is so good with that other person creating
them as a flying monkey that they get away with it.
Do you see what I'm saying, Like, they make that
person a flying monkey, and they're so good at getting
that person to believe that situation that is a perfect situation,
(21:35):
and so that flying monkey is like loving it, eating
up all of this thinking, oh, I'm right, I'm trying
to help this person, when in reality, it's just a
victim reality that they are trying to create and trying
to be ask everybody into believing it.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And you know, it's it's interesting because.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
This isn't just with you know, it's not just like nowadays.
This has been going on forever, forever and forever. This
type of reality has been happening, and so you can
recognize this when people are involving this third party, you
can see it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
If you can see.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
The tactic, you can see it if you if you can,
if you can begin to see the tactic in these relationships.
So some of the signs is you're being You're feeling
like you're being pitted against others. You may feel like
you're in constant competition. You may be thinking that you're
trying to get approval and appreciation all the time of
perfection and you can't get it. You're keep giving, keep
giving till it hurts, and you still can't get You
(22:27):
still can't get it. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna
do this, I'm gonna prove this, I'm gonna be this person,
I'm gonna give this, I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Still never works.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Another indication confusion, Right, you start questioning yourself, you start
wondering about your worthiness, you start getting insecure about the situation.
The person that's the in that triangle with you is
starting to make you question yourself even more too. You
start feeling like you're going insane. Okay, there's also the
manipulative comparison, where the narcisses frequently compares you to others
(22:55):
in a way that's taking you down. It's unfair. Well,
my ex used to buy me all kinds of things. Well,
my ex got me a car. I mean, what are
you like a piper? You don't have any of you
have anything, or they would take me on these trips
all around the world or whatever it is. They make
you feel so small and you start questioning yourself and
you start doing things that you really can't afford. You
start taking measures that you really should not take, okay,
(23:20):
and then ultimately you start noticing that the narcissist is
actually driving wedges between you and others. They're making others
not trust you, they're making others question you, and so
I want you to start realizing when that's happening.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
You're not making this up. This is real.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
This is very real, and we're we really we've we've
made this show a lot shorter right now because I
want everybody there's so much information and there's just so
much to go over. I don't want to just blow
it up because it can just feel really overwhelming sometimes
when you're taking this on, because it's like I need
to get the information, I need to learn about it,
and then I need to safeguard myself. So we're making
these episodes a lot shorter so that there's the information
(23:58):
and then you can take that and process and then
come to the next show and kind of learn even
more about how to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And so I want to go over real.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Quick, just a few things about manipulation and the top
games that people with narcissistic personality play. And that's gaslighting,
that's love bombing, that's ghosting, that's triangulization, that's playing the victim,
and that's revenge. And we'll talk about that more and
upcoming podcast episodes that I think would be helpful for you.
(24:27):
And and because it's all it's all very important, it's
all intertwined, and it's something that we all need to
deal with. But last but not least, it's like, I
want you to be able to realize that if you're
very emotionally intelligent and you're a good person and your impath,
you're the perfect You're the perfect victim, you're the perfect issue,
You're the perfect person for them to basically take from.
(24:49):
The narcissists is looking for that emotionally intelligent person to
get all their stuff from there, looking for that person
to be like to give and to give and to give.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
To It hurts.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
And this is a great this is you know the
great article about it, Four ways of narciss may manipulate
the emotionally intelligent. It's great, and it talks about how
if you're an EmPATH, you keep giving because you're not
You don't realize what's really happening. You're not aware, and
so they kind of turn it around and you're trying
to help this person, but really and honestly, they're beating
you down to give as much as you possibly can give.
(25:23):
And you start giving to this wounded person, but it's
not enough, right, and so they become even jealous of you,
of what.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You're able and capable of doing.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
And you know, it's interesting because if you're an EmPATH,
if you're an EmPATH, you give. If you're an EmPATH,
you're trying to understand the other person you like. Even
if somebody does you wrong, you try to understand the
other side of it. Maybe they were in a bad mood,
maybe they were in.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
A bad place. I don't want to judge them.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I know that people have bad days and things happen,
and so you're giving and giving and giving and believing
the best in this person when in reality, there's not
a best in this person. Okay, this is what they do.
This is how they you down. And so I hope
that this concept and this content has helped you in
a way and the fact that you can see, you know,
how people are going by this, how people are dealing
(26:11):
with this, and then how to really recognize when this
is happening. And I want you to think, are you
an EmPATH? Am I giving the benefit of the doubt
all the time? Am I in a triangle situation where
there's someone else is beating me down? Am I being
gas lit? Am I questioning my reality? Have I begun
to question my reality in this relationship? And has it
(26:31):
become to the point where this person is doing this
to make me question my reality and it's hurting me?
And I need you to really think about this logically
and clearly, start writing some notes, start journaling so that
you can begin to safeguard yourself and we can figure
out a way out. But I need you to see
that it's actually happening, and not lying to yourself and
creating a false narrative, and also not believing in their
(26:52):
false narrative, right, because that's one of the biggest things.
When we fall down and we believe that that's when
we begin to lose ourselves and we have to be's
wrong so that we can see our truth. I hope
this content has helped you. Please share with your family
and friends. Check out our YouTube channel. We have life
coach Ashley Burgess as well as the podcast YouTube channel.
If you haven't subscribed to either one, please subscribe to both. Also,
(27:13):
if you'd like to set up an appointment, go to
Ashleyberges dot com Ashleyburges dot com and click on that
coaching section and you can actually set up an appointment
right then and there. I look forward to working with you,
and in the meantime, it's time to safeguard ourselves. It's
time to be true to ourselves. But it's also time
to love ourselves. And being in a relationship that's toxic
like this is not loving. It makes us question ourselves
(27:34):
and it gets in the way of our success, our truth,
our happiness, but also our light. We have light to
share and when you're in these relationships, they try to
take the light right out of you.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I hope this has helped you.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Please share with your family and friends and don't forget
to live your true life.
You're in a good place now.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgets.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome back to The Ashley Burgess Show formerly known as
Live Your True Life Perspectives. And on today's show, we're
going to be talking about gaslighting. We're going to be
talking about manipulation, triangulization as well as narcissism. And I
know that this is a lot to take on all
at one time, but I think that right now it's
more important than ever to discuss this type of topic
(00:29):
because it's happening in a constant basis for most people,
whether it's in their personal life, their professional life, or
even around the world. It seems that gas lighting is
a constant situation that many of us are dealing with.
We constantly are being manipulated, and I feel like it's
echoing strong when it's happening at the home, because it's
just compounding from all the other sources that it's taking
place in. So let's talk about gaslighting to begin with,
(00:52):
because I think this is something that needs to be
addressed first to really understand the concept we're talking about,
because I think sometimes this gets really well, I guess
it gets overlooked and when we're talking about gas lighting.
And I know that this is a word that a
lot of people use, and I understand that. And people
are like, oh, it's so overused. Well, you know why
it's overused. It's because it's happening all the time. Okay,
(01:14):
it's happening on constant baselines. And gaslighting is a type
of emotional and psychological abuse that revolves around entitlement and
seeking to control another person.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Okay, this is the deal.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It's about trying to control somebody, trying to get them
to doubt themselves line with intention, and gaslighting is something
that's really good at making somebody question themselves. It's very
detrimental to the psyche and it's just something that is
absolute abuse. And it might not be physical, you know,
like when somebody's gaslighting you, they're not punching you. But
(01:48):
gaslighting is real, okay, And it's happening all the time now,
and a lot of times it's going under the radar
because it's happening in ways that you don't even know.
And so you know, there's five types of gaslighting. That's
something that we want to talk about. And the first
type of gaslighting that I want to bring up is lies. Okay,
it's the concept of the lies when when we're dealing
(02:11):
with gaslighting, we're dealing with people changing and augmenting the
truth to benefit them. Okay, So when somebody lies about something, right,
they're denying something or they're refusing to admit the truth
about something even when there's evidence to prove the fact
(02:31):
that they're lying. And we see this all the time.
I mean, many of you are dealing with this in
your personal life. You're dealing with this in your marriage.
Maybe you have a parent dynamic that is constantly gaslighting
you and changing the narrative of what the reality is.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
In the in the in the exact moment.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
We also are dealing with it on a bigger picture, right,
We're dealing with it on a constant basis in society,
on social media and our government and everything else that's happening.
There's constantly something said that's not true, and then you're
gas lit and you start believing these lies. But if
if you go against the lies or you say that
that's not true, then you're you know, you're deemed a loser,
(03:13):
or you're deemed that you're making this up, or that
you have some sort of mental illness. You know, another
type of gaslighting is manipulation, and that is what we're
gonna be talking about today. You know, how it really
goes hand in hand is when you manipulate somebody, you're
trying to control them, You're using tactics to control them,
you're trying to gain advantage over them, and you're trying
to create confusion and doubt within that person as well.
(03:35):
If I manipulate you properly, right, If I'm manipulating you
properly and I'm doing it right, I got you so
discombobulated and confused. You don't know what's up and you
don't know what's down. Okay, so this is perfect because
I can pull whatever I want to pull. I've gotten
you so questioning your own reality that you don't even
know what's going on anymore. You stop being detective and
you start having to actually just take care of yourself
(03:57):
and try to self soothe and try to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And that's when you know you're in a real caustic,
toxic environment. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Another type of gas lighting is what we call scapegoat.
I know everybody's heard a scapegoat. Many of you have
also heard of the black sheep. Right, black sheep and
scapegoat go hand in hand. So if you're a black
sheep of the family, you understand everything has been put
on you. All the blame and all the problems and
all the responsibility is on you. If you're in a
marriage where you can't do anything right, where literally everything
(04:24):
is about you, you are the problem. You are the issue.
The other person does no wrong, you are the scapegoat.
And I know that a lot of you are dealing
with this. You've probably been dealing it with it from childhood.
You dealt with it in the family dynamic. You were
the scapegoat. You were the black sheep. And then now
here we are in your marriage or in this relationship,
and there you are becoming the scapegoat again.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Now.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Corrosion is another thing too, where you pressure someone using
threats or force into doing something that they wouldn't otherwise do.
Coercion is also used a lot of time in the
concept of shame and g okay, so I'm gonna shame
you into doing something. I'm gonna shame you into doing
something that you wouldn't obviously do otherwise. And a good
example that I see with a lot of my clients
(05:09):
in the last reason, like three years, is that the
other person in the relationship is shaming them to get
material items that my client maybe can afford, but honestly
it's changing their financial trajectory based on buying these things.
For example, people wanting plastic surgery, cars, houses, whatever that is.
(05:30):
And the person's over there thinking, gosh, I don't I
don't have enough money. I have kids over here I'm
trying to support. Now, I'm trying to support this girl
or this guy or whatever it is, and it's it's
and they shame you into doing things. Well, you know,
if you I guess you're just you know, you're just poor,
or I guess you're just cheap, you know. I mean,
if you really care for me and love me, you
would do this. I mean, my ex would take care
(05:50):
of all of these things. But I guess you just
don't have the ability to do so. And so they
end up shaming you and coerce you into doing these
things that really, honestly, you don't want to do. It's
not in your best interest and you know it as
you're doing it, but they're shaming you and guiltying you
into it, and you know, for a fact that these
same people at the tables returned would not give you
(06:11):
these items, would not take care of you financially, and
would also make you do it. So it's interesting how
they they like to they like to make you say, oh, well,
if I was in your position, I would take care
of you. But I find that, well, not not true
at all. One last aspect that I want to talk
about gaslight as specifically as far as types are concerned,
is trivializing situations, you know, making things small, minimizing them
(06:35):
or and people trivialize your feelings, They trivialize your emotions,
they trivialize your experiences. They trivialize your age and your past.
You see that many times when people get married to
or in relationships with people that have a great difference
in age.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So let's say, like, you know, somebody gets married to
ors in a relationship with someone that's like, you know,
twenty years you know, younger, and that young person's over there,
you know, trivializing the experience that the other person has had,
you know, also putting them down for their age and
what have you, but also minimizing the other person's feelings.
One of the best ways to gaslight somebody is to
(07:14):
make them believe that one, they're off target and they're wrong.
But the second thing that's interesting is when you can
get that person to actually, you know, not even believe
their own emotions, not even believe or minimize their own
emotions because they have been minimized for so long. And
(07:35):
so you know, I know that a lot of y'all
have dealt with this and have had have dealt with
gaslighting in a relationship. It doesn't feel good, you know,
and a lot of the results from gaslighting are pretty painful.
I mean, these gaslighting results, you know, gets you to
question yourself. You have trouble making any decisions on what
(07:56):
to eat, what to drink, where to go, what to do.
You're constantly apologizing for your actions, even though it's not
your actions that are causing the problem. And and you know,
I find that very interesting too, because you know, when
you're looking at that type of thing, you know, it's like, okay,
you know, I I I I'm questioning myself because I've
(08:16):
been in this relationship so long that I'm starting to wonder,
you know, what's up and what's down. I'm also doing
a lot of self blaming, because that's part of it too,
is because remember, the narcissist is going to get you
to believe that you're the problem, you're the issue, and
to blame you and not them. That's part of the
way that it works. That's why the narcissism is so problematic.
(08:37):
And I know some of you will say, oh, there's
not that many narcissists out there, Well, you know what,
you're wrong. Okay, you're wrong. There's a lot of narcisses
out there. Yes, there's a lot of people that just
have a few symptoms and signs of narcisism. Most of
us have at least one or two, right, But I'm
talking about the full on ancelada and this exists, and
you know, there's also a combination. There might be other
things you know, at play at that time. It might
(08:57):
not be straight narcissism. Okay, there is dual diagnosis. There
are issues here. But thinking about that, the other thing
is that when you're walking on eggshells around that person,
like everything is an issue.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
You know, you get home one minute.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
After six o'clock and it's a problem, and then they
cause a problem for four or five hours and gaslight
you manipulate you about how you don't care about them,
and you don't care about their time, and you don't
care about this, and you don't care about that, even
though they don't work, even though you know one minute's
not a big deal. But it's a way of finding
a problem with you so they don't have to look
internally at their own.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Issues, which they have a lot of issues.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Another aspect, too, is that you start getting to the
point where you stay quiet. Okay, you stay quiet because
you're scared. You stay quiet because when you express your
feelings and believes they're either made fun of, they're belittled,
they're looked down upon their question.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And then you're also at the same time because if
you've been gaslight for a long time and you're in
the and you're in the presence of a narcissist, you
have to remember that you're going to question and your feelings,
your judgments and observations now more than ever. You're not
even gonna trust yourself anymore.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay. That's what they get you to do.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's why it's so it's so highly successful, okay, is
that they get you to question your own self. So
now you're in an eternal battle with yourself. You're no
longer battling with them anymore. Yes, you're walking on eggshells,
and you're well, if I don't do this, they won't
get mad at me. If I get home on time,
they won't yell at me. You know, if I get
them alcohol or I go get them this, they'll be
(10:28):
nice to me for an hour or so. So there
you are coddling and codependant in this situation. At the
same time, anytime you make a comment, you're questioning your
belief system, your judgment because they're making fun of you
or making you feel as though you're not worthy.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Again.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This all leads into this problematic situation. You begin to
doubt your memories. You doubt the recall of the events
that happen because they start making things up, like, for example,
you weren't there for me on this day three years ago, okay,
and so you get to hear about that when and
then if you go back, it was interesting. I had
a client recently where you know their significant other was
(11:04):
bounding determines. You make this the issues back in July
of twenty twenty two, you did this to me and
it was on these dates and these were the times.
And I said, go back to your phone and go
into your phone and look at your photos, and I
want you to see where you were on those exact dates.
They were on a vacation. They were on a vacation together.
(11:25):
Everything that was being said by their partner was a lie.
It was a complete fabrication of reality, generated to make
this person feel bad when in reality, they had spent
money on a very nice trip and they were on
a trip for seven days. Again, they made you doubt
your reality. They made you believe, oh, I must have
been a jackass. I must have been gone and didn't
(11:45):
take care of them.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Where was I? Where would I've been?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
But in reality, when you go back to you know,
the almighty phone, you find out that, oh, Jesus Christ,
that's not the case. I spent all this money, we
were on a trip. I wasn't even working, I wasn't
even take care of us, my respond But this person
had me questioning full on reality, believing that I was
the problem for something that actually did not even take place. Okay,
(12:10):
And the crazy thing about it is when you get
manipulated so hard like this, they're so smart about what
they start isolating you they start trapping you so that
it's just you, just you and them, just you and them.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Oh no, I don't. I don't want to see your friends.
Oh don't.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I don't want anybody over here. Oh I don't want
to do this. I don't want to do that, you
know what I'm saying. And so eventually they're isolating you,
you start isolating you. Now it's just you trapped in
this relationship, completely questioning your reality, and this person is
just rolling game on you. I mean they are running
game all over you and they have no intention of stopping.
(12:52):
This doesn't get any better, It only gets worse. Okay,
They're only going to take as much as they can
and as long as they can, and so you break
or you actually wake up to the truth and reality
of what you're dealing with. And I know that many
of you are like, Man, this is exactly happening to me, Ashley.
I'm constantly feeling on edge. I'm constantly unable to relax.
(13:13):
I'm constantly feeling threatened at all time when I go home,
it is my hell. Okay, if you're in this position
where when you go home, you're constantly on edge, you're
a feeling you can't relax, you can't sit down, You're
constantly feeling the threat. And this is not a good
place to be at. This is a very painful place
to be at. This is a very scary place to
be at. Because home should be at least calm. Home
(13:34):
should be a place that you want to go to
and relax. Homes should not be a place of being accosted,
accused of, you know, lie to ridiculed. And I find
that that where when you're uncomfortable and you're on edge,
that's the perfect place, in the perfect time to make
a change. Okay, because the next sex section under that
(13:57):
is when things get worse is when you believe that
you're unable to do anything right. Okay, when it's getting
even worse and worse and you're questioning your reality, you're
feeling disappointed. Now you're getting depressed. And then many people
turn to alcohol and drugs, right because they're depressed, and
it's like, well, I might as well smoke a bunch
of weed and pass out so I don't have to
hear her or him bitch about whatever. Right, Or you're
(14:19):
overly drinking or overly self medicating, or maybe you're taking
a lot of sleeping pills now and you can barely
wake up in the morning because God forbid you have
another argument. I mean, many of you are already sleeping
in separate rooms already. I mean that's not a question.
Some of you aren't. But it's just escalating every single
moment of the day. And so we need to be
able to recognize when you're in a relationship like this
(14:39):
and what you can do. And I've realized too that
when we get to this point, we're no longer just
dealing with gaslighting. We're also dealing with triangularization. And you know,
I think this is an interesting situation because when somebody
is triangulating you, okay, it's you know, it's like, you know,
(15:03):
the pyramid kind of situation. I'm not gonna do anything, like,
I'm not gonna do any hands signals for it. I
think you can understand what a pyramid looks like.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
So, in the context of communication and relationships, to triangulate
someone means to bring a third person. So you got like,
you know, three size, So you bring a third person
into a situation to control communication between.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Two other people.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
This third person usually comes in to mediate, or to manipulate,
or to undermine the relationship between those other two people.
You can see it as like a parent dynamic, like
a parent involved with you know, their older child and
a marital issue, or a younger child in a marital issue,
so the parent tries to triangulate the situation between the
other parent and the child. Or you know, for example,
(15:46):
if somebody's unhappy that their child, their grown child and
grown adult married somebody, one parent could triangulate and be
judging and having issues. It's just a communication situation where
it's a control of the communication, right and so it
involves that third party, like for example, you know, a
person could you know, create a situation where a family
(16:07):
or friend or family member becomes like the communication between
them and their partner right again, kind of creating this
different type of flow in this different phenomenon. And what
I found is that this is highly used by a
narcissists to control the situation. And the best thing that
they do in this situation, which I find very interesting,
(16:29):
is they pit the two people against one another, or
they try to create a situation where they're getting all
the attention, right, or they try to create and this
is the best thing is to shame someone. So they
bring someone in. Let's say like let's say like you
have a couple and the one person brings in maybe
their best friend or a parent dynamic, and they start
(16:54):
shaming that other person where that person should be supplying
other things or oh, now you're married, now you know
you're the husband or whatever, you should be providing this
like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Why you're so cheap? What's wrong with you? You should be shamed.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
This is horrible, and so they start shaming this other
person to get whatever they can get, because you know,
they basically triangulate.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
The situation and make it really really hard on that
one person.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And narcissists use this all the time to get what
they want. They use this to get what they want.
And a key sign is, you know, when people are
taking sides when there's conflict, and this is a big
thing that a lot of people don't know how to
deal with or even that it's happening. Is when somebody
(17:39):
brings you in to fight their fight even or brings
you in to try to get the other person to understand,
or brings you in to try to convince the other
person of their problems or issues. You're in This type
of situation, and it's not a fun place to be.
I mean, it's a manipulation tactic that's used, and it's
(18:00):
used by narcissists to gain control, right to influence that
other person, and for them to show themselves as the victim. So,
for example, if I'm trying to create the victim reality
and i want everybody to believe that I'm the victim,
I'm gonna tell somebody this horrible, sad victim story, okay,
and I'm gonna say, oh, this is you know, I'm
going through this because of this person. And then this
(18:22):
person's gonna come in and believe my story and then
beat up on the other person. Right, They're gonna beat
up on that other person believing the fact of what
I said. I'm gonna get validation from that, right, I'm
gonna get support from that and at all the while,
I don't have to be accountable for that. Right, I'm
gonna make this other person accountable for the problem that's mine,
(18:43):
and I'm gonna act like that other person created this problem.
And it's a perfect thing for narcissists to do because, again,
like I was talking about the gas lighting, it creates
the isolation, it makes the other person in the situation
be unsupported and have no support, and he sees the
other perspective, right, so you get that one other person
(19:03):
in there beating up that third person over and over again.
The third person is now being gas lit so much
by not only their spouse or significant other, but by
this other party that then they start taking on things
that aren't even their responsibility. They start even believing the
fact that maybe it is their responsibility. And this is
(19:23):
a major tactic, you know. For example, you know in relationships,
I recently had a client that you know, they're they're
married and the other person doesn't work, and that's fine,
but there's no children involved, there's no house cleaning involved,
there's nothing. There's other person that's contributing zero to the relationship.
And you know now that person that's contributing zero because
(19:45):
people were saying, well, why aren't you working, why aren't
you doing this? And that they brought in a third party,
and then they lied about their spouse, saying the spouse
has created this problem where they are psychologically imbalanced now
that they don't feel good about themselves, that this person
is made them physically ill. And so now the third
person in this triangle, right, is saying, oh, you're the
bad guy, You're the person. So it's not the person
(20:07):
that won't get the job, it's not the person that
won't do anything. Now it's the other person's problem, right,
And so now the other person's trying to prove the
fact that I didn't make this person sick, I didn't
create this reality. I'm not doing this to this person.
I'm giving all the resources I possibly can to this person.
But see, you've brought in that third party to continue
to beat that other person down, so that the narcissists
(20:29):
can always be the victim. So there's always a reason
that narcissists doesn't have to do anything because it always
works for them because as long as they bring that in,
they always have someone to manipulate. As long as they
bring that third party in to triangulate the situation, they
always have control and they always have numbers. So it's
always them and that person against the innocent person every
(20:53):
single time. And sometimes the person in the triangle with
them know what they're doing. So don't lie to your
sad and say, oh, this person's completely innocent. They just
don't even know that this person brought them in sometimes
there's a reason for it. Sometimes the person that's brought
into triangulate as well is trying to ruin that relationship,
trying to get something out of it. They have their
(21:13):
own self interest involved that they want something. Very rarely
is that not the case now? Sometimes it's not. Sometimes
the narcissist is so good with that other person creating
them as a flying monkey that they get away with it.
Do you see what I'm saying, Like, they make that
person a flying monkey, and they're so good at getting
that person to believe that situation that is a perfect situation,
(21:35):
and so that flying monkey is like loving it, eating
up all of this thinking, oh, I'm right, I'm trying
to help this person, when in reality, it's just a
victim reality that they are trying to create and trying
to be ask everybody into believing it.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And you know, it's it's interesting because.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
This isn't just with you know, it's not just like nowadays.
This has been going on forever, forever and forever. This
type of reality has been happening, and so you can
recognize this when people are involving this third party, you
can see it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
If you can see.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
The tactic, you can see it if you if you can,
if you can begin to see the tactic in these relationships.
So some of the signs is you're being You're feeling
like you're being pitted against others. You may feel like
you're in constant competition. You may be thinking that you're
trying to get approval and appreciation all the time of
perfection and you can't get it. You're keep giving, keep
giving till it hurts, and you still can't get You
(22:27):
still can't get it. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna
do this, I'm gonna prove this, I'm gonna be this person,
I'm gonna give this, I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Still never works.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Another indication confusion, Right, you start questioning yourself, you start
wondering about your worthiness, you start getting insecure about the situation.
The person that's the in that triangle with you is
starting to make you question yourself even more too. You
start feeling like you're going insane. Okay, there's also the
manipulative comparison, where the narcisses frequently compares you to others
(22:55):
in a way that's taking you down. It's unfair. Well,
my ex used to buy me all kinds of things. Well,
my ex got me a car. I mean, what are
you like a piper? You don't have any of you
have anything, or they would take me on these trips
all around the world or whatever it is. They make
you feel so small and you start questioning yourself and
you start doing things that you really can't afford. You
start taking measures that you really should not take, okay,
(23:20):
and then ultimately you start noticing that the narcissist is
actually driving wedges between you and others. They're making others
not trust you, they're making others question you, and so
I want you to start realizing when that's happening.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
You're not making this up. This is real.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
This is very real, and we're we really we've we've
made this show a lot shorter right now because I
want everybody there's so much information and there's just so
much to go over. I don't want to just blow
it up because it can just feel really overwhelming sometimes
when you're taking this on, because it's like I need
to get the information, I need to learn about it,
and then I need to safeguard myself. So we're making
these episodes a lot shorter so that there's the information
(23:58):
and then you can take that and process and then
come to the next show and kind of learn even
more about how to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And so I want to go over real.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Quick, just a few things about manipulation and the top
games that people with narcissistic personality play. And that's gaslighting,
that's love bombing, that's ghosting, that's triangulization, that's playing the victim,
and that's revenge. And we'll talk about that more and
upcoming podcast episodes that I think would be helpful for you.
(24:27):
And and because it's all it's all very important, it's
all intertwined, and it's something that we all need to
deal with. But last but not least, it's like, I
want you to be able to realize that if you're
very emotionally intelligent and you're a good person and your impath,
you're the perfect You're the perfect victim, you're the perfect issue,
You're the perfect person for them to basically take from.
(24:49):
The narcissists is looking for that emotionally intelligent person to
get all their stuff from there, looking for that person
to be like to give and to give and to give.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
To It hurts.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
And this is a great this is you know the
great article about it, Four ways of narciss may manipulate
the emotionally intelligent. It's great, and it talks about how
if you're an EmPATH, you keep giving because you're not
You don't realize what's really happening. You're not aware, and
so they kind of turn it around and you're trying
to help this person, but really and honestly, they're beating
you down to give as much as you possibly can give.
(25:23):
And you start giving to this wounded person, but it's
not enough, right, and so they become even jealous of you,
of what.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You're able and capable of doing.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
And you know, it's interesting because if you're an EmPATH,
if you're an EmPATH, you give. If you're an EmPATH,
you're trying to understand the other person you like. Even
if somebody does you wrong, you try to understand the
other side of it. Maybe they were in a bad mood,
maybe they were in.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
A bad place. I don't want to judge them.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I know that people have bad days and things happen,
and so you're giving and giving and giving and believing
the best in this person when in reality, there's not
a best in this person. Okay, this is what they do.
This is how they you down. And so I hope
that this concept and this content has helped you in
a way and the fact that you can see, you know,
how people are going by this, how people are dealing
(26:11):
with this, and then how to really recognize when this
is happening. And I want you to think, are you
an EmPATH? Am I giving the benefit of the doubt
all the time? Am I in a triangle situation where
there's someone else is beating me down? Am I being
gas lit? Am I questioning my reality? Have I begun
to question my reality in this relationship? And has it
(26:31):
become to the point where this person is doing this
to make me question my reality and it's hurting me?
And I need you to really think about this logically
and clearly, start writing some notes, start journaling so that
you can begin to safeguard yourself and we can figure
out a way out. But I need you to see
that it's actually happening, and not lying to yourself and
creating a false narrative, and also not believing in their
(26:52):
false narrative, right, because that's one of the biggest things.
When we fall down and we believe that that's when
we begin to lose ourselves and we have to be's
wrong so that we can see our truth. I hope
this content has helped you. Please share with your family
and friends. Check out our YouTube channel. We have life
coach Ashley Burgess as well as the podcast YouTube channel.
If you haven't subscribed to either one, please subscribe to both. Also,
(27:13):
if you'd like to set up an appointment, go to
Ashleyberges dot com Ashleyburges dot com and click on that
coaching section and you can actually set up an appointment
right then and there. I look forward to working with you,
and in the meantime, it's time to safeguard ourselves. It's
time to be true to ourselves. But it's also time
to love ourselves. And being in a relationship that's toxic
like this is not loving. It makes us question ourselves
(27:34):
and it gets in the way of our success, our truth,
our happiness, but also our light. We have light to
share and when you're in these relationships, they try to
take the light right out of you.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I hope this has helped you.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Please share with your family and friends and don't forget
to live your true life.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!