November 18, 2025 • 26 mins
How do we keep the spark allive? In this episode, we will explore how to keep the spark alive in relationships as our life stories evolve, focusing on communication styles, unspoken cues, and the evolving meaning of “love.” We will also share our personal experiences and practical insights to help you maintain connection.
Key Thoughts:
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
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Key Thoughts:
- Understand different communication styles, including verbal and non-verbal cues.
- Practice self-reflection to understand your own perspective in relationship dynamics.
- Give grace to your partner, acknowledging their individual growth and internal challenges.
- Define what love truly means to you and communicate that value to your partner.
- Recognize and appreciate the unique love languages of those around you.
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
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- Business Address: PO Box 460, Secane, PA 19018
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
How do we keep the spark alive as our story evolves?
Let's talk about it right after this.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Let's talk about loving the man, the way of God, intend, like, experience, share.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Transform, Hey y'all, Hey y'all, How are y'all?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Hello everybody, So we are.
Speaker 5 (00:36):
Back together once again. I missed it, you did, yes, Yeah?
But I had fun with us going with the banter
back and forth with each other. I think that would give.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
You're a different perspective on how we like to do
our show. I hope y'all enjoyed it. We would love
to get feedback on it. But but I want to
go back to what the topic is, how do we
keep the spark alive as our story evolves? Now you've
heard her speak about reading between the lions, finding the.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
Clues with blues clues, the art of suggestion. I can't
think of kid shows for that one. Hearing what's unspoken,
and when words aren't enough. See.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Unfortunately, when we look at trying to keep the spark alive,
these are some of the things that can hinder. They
could really get in a way when we think we.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Don't have.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
The right words, enough words. I'm sorry, I got enough words,
but well, sometimes we feel like we say so much
because we're still trying to find the words.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
So we just let it be, you know, verbal diarrhea
or you know when.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Actions, you know, do actions speak louder than words for
those of us that don't have a whole lot to say,
And our actions do a lot of what we are thinking, feeling,
And that's the way that we show love anger. You know,
sometimes it's not a verbal yelling, it's a shoe flying
(02:27):
across the.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I mean that goes with the you know, the artist's suggestion.
Here's my art form, you know, kun through art, you know,
whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
It's just suggesting you should go for a walk.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
Yeah, yeah, whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Maybe I should go for a walk.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You can't go barefoot, maybe you should guess I'll know.
But these are things that we need to understand. And
when I say need, like, we really need to understan
And when we talk about keeping a spark alive, we
need to be very considerate of the other individual. You know,
(03:10):
I and Cope again can tell you that I look
at a lot of YouTube crazy stuff because sometimes when
I'm tired of thinking of real life stuff, I look
at something off and part of it is because of
my legal class that I had just taken to school.
(03:31):
So I just keep looking at legal or law things.
So I look at a lot of judge stuff and
you listen to what they have to say and why
their sparks had had dimmed down a lot of times.
And some of it has been their community of friends,
(03:55):
you know that he say, she says stuff. I've seen
some of that, and I you know how popular that
really was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Still Still.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Some of it was financial situations, which I totally understand
and get because we've been through some really really challenging
financial you know things, and we're going through one right now.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
It's not technically our issue, but is it is our issue? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
And then you know, you have those moments of what
we're talking about right now, of just basic miscommunication and.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
And whether it is a gesture, whether it is a
just coming to cough.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I know for myself again me and my many words,
But one of the things I've been very very adamant
about lately has been expressing to kaf of One.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
How much she really means to me and what she
is in my life and being able to.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So there's two parts of this mode of of communication
there's one part where we talk about the words, but
there's a whole other part that I've been able to
get to a better place of because of where I
am in my life, which is looking at her dead
in her eye. And I haven't always been confident enough
(05:28):
to do that because I don't know if if I
had imposter syndrome in some cases where I thought, hey,
you know what I could do that I'm the man
at the house or whatever it is. But you know what,
you're still a little boy in that situation, Maurice. You
haven't been adult enough. And I told her not too
(05:50):
long ago, like, no, I'm an adult now, Like you know,
it's a different vibe, you know.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
And so again those are those nonverbal communication cues.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, and now you know, if she can know that
her husband is coming to her, looking at her eye
and saying to her like, no, this is where it is,
this is what's going on, can she follow me in
a different space without it being or feeling like it's
intimidation or whatever it is, because sometimes you look at
somebody in the eye, it can feel like intimidation.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Right, Well, some cultures you can't do that. But again,
when you're in you know, a marital situation, you know,
you would want to be able to do that.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
So again, some of those.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Mixed communications, I'm not going to say miscommunications, kind of
mixed communications going on where you're verbally saying one thing,
but then your body language, that eye contact, the stance,
the distance between you and that person you're speaking to,
says something totally different.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
So, you know, do you believe the lip.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Service that you're receiving and taking a man at his
word or a woman at her her word, or do
you read into all the other things and say, Okay,
well you say you love me, but your body language
is not saying that. So there's a disconnect there.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
So what part do you believe?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
You know? And sometimes we take that and we run
with it, you know, we think that that's what it is,
and we make that up in our minds, and sometimes
it ain't that's what it is. You know, Like you said,
you know, did Maurice not look at me in the
eye mean that he wasn't true to what he was saying?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Do I, you know, call him and be like, oh,
he was just lying, he wasn't fitming. He couldn't say,
you know, he couldn't tell me the truth or was
that really his truth?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
But the fact that he couldn't look at me and
the eye was something else, you know, as he said, like, hey,
he had some other issues deeper within himself. That was
not contradictory to what he was saying. It was just, hey,
I needed to do some growing up. I needed to
look at some things a little bit differently. It didn't
(08:11):
mean that he didn't believe in what he was saying,
you know. So I think that's just something that we
have to kind of also understand and give each other
grace in all of this.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
But grace is not easy to give.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Why not they sell it at this door, don't they?
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Grace?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
How do you buy grace? Like now I'm more confused.
You could buy grace like that would be interesting. But
I think what happens is that we need to take
a step back and, like you said, give somebody grace
because because some of that well cause us to again
(09:00):
look at things from a different lens. Yes, right, And
it's not always easy to look at it from a
different lens. It's not always easy to take your ego
out of a situation. It's not always easy to humble yourself.
I mean and again, well Cofin knows my family background,
(09:21):
but I can't sit here and say that my family
has that humbleness like that is a level of what
it appeared to be humbleness or meekness or whatever it is.
But there's an underlining message, there's an underlining situation. And
(09:44):
because it is your family now you I'm talking about
my own, but you know, people that's out there when
you're listening, you know, when you take a look at
your family, can you really see what's really going on? Well, listen,
we had an aunt who just friendshed talking to us,
who's who mentioned that things were going on around her
(10:04):
that she didn't even realize.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
What's going on.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And I think it's your perspective, right, you know what
I mean that you say you can't you can't see
it and smell it, you know what I mean? When
you're in it, right, it's not until you walk away
and you step out of it that you can see
the mess that you were in or even see the
beauty of whatever situation you were in. You know, So
(10:30):
that that part makes it tough as well. Two really
understand where you are, where you're from, but you have
to kind of understand some of that in order to
really get where you're going.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Being able to not only apply grace in this situation,
but some self reflection, you know, like where am I
in this situation? You know, so that you're not being
judgmental of the other person. So again, Maurice is saying
he would say things to me and wouldn't look at
me directly in my eyes. But now I could, you
(11:16):
know at times, and I told him like that would
make me feel off, you know, like why are you
making me these promises and you're looking above me, you know,
at my hair or above my head type of a
thing somewhat close to my eyes, but not looking at
me in my eyes, And that can make me feel
(11:37):
a certain way. But I also have to think about, well,
what am I doing? What am I presenting? One, you know,
in reference to how do we get to this topic
in this conversation? But then two, you know, again, what
am I doing to reassure him that it's okay to.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Look at me in my eyes?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Like again, that it's not I'm going to be standoffish
or I'm going to challenge him, you know by looking
you know, I'm gonna stare you down and you know,
hold you to it, you know.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Type of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
No, was I being loving? Was I being concerning?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Was I being.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Caring you know, providing that grace, welcoming to what he
was saying? Or was I like yeah, okay, so and
but so.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Let's let's let let's keep that energy right there, right right.
So if you were in that, I don't care, vibe
right all right? Whatever, vibe all right?
Speaker 5 (12:41):
You know, I got you? All right?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Well, do I really want to or do I feel
like you said protected? Do I feel safe? And do
I really want to? I really want to tell you
this and give you my my, awe, my energy. But
I know that you're going to dismiss me. I you
know sometimes you can feel that way, you.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Know, and or like you said previously, like are you
maybe you won't be dismissed, but maybe you were in
a previous book or a previous chapter and you're reading
ahead and thinking like, okay, well this is just how
it's going to be again. So again you put out
that energy, bracing yourself for that you you know, what
(13:27):
you think is going to happen, you know what I mean?
So the other person receives that energy or I received
that energy, and then that just causes a chain reaction.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Of events, you know, which makes it tough. It makes
it tough. You know, We're being real with you.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
All relationships can be tough, you know, And it's not
easy to be on the same page all the time.
And as my racist say, like even being on the
same page, the interpretation is totally different, you know what
I mean. Like again, you can read the same book
(14:05):
over and over again, and it can mean something different
each time that you read it. You can see something
new in what you've read over and over again. Like
you know, I always when I was little, I'm like
these little old ladies reading the same Bible over and
over like and it looked like they reading the same Bible,
Like the Bible just looks old.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
And it's like, you know, is it.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
They're not doing it for memorization, you know, it's when
they read it they get something, no revelation.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Each time.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
I've seen some bad days and something, you know, because
some of y'all Bibles look like that pages is brown.
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
But if you listen to another episode, and I said
that word love, right, and I kept harping on that
word love because.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
Just to give you little backstory. But go back and
listen to the episode.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
For God so loved the world, right, And that word
love means so many different things, and here's the reality.
And I could and I could be honest with you, cough,
I could see over twenty five years when I said
I love you, it meant something different, you know, not
every single time. But like if I look back, I'm like, wow,
(15:24):
do I say I love you because you were there
for me? Da'll say I love you because I wanted
us to stop arguing. Day ill say I love you
because I like the color that's on your body, like
you know whatever, Like d'all say I love you just
because something good happened to me today. It had nothing
to really do with you, you know, but everything to
do with I was whatever I was going through, whatever
situation is it.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Again, the word love or we use it in such
a or can be used in such a loose vibe
at times, right, you know, and so it can mean
so many different things. And then but then I don't
know how you would take it because I could say
your baby, I love you, and you're like, well, let
(16:06):
me analyze, because you say your baby, right, and you're like,
m whi's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Where is he going right now?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Right? I mean, I think love, Like you said, it's
used in so many different ways. It really has multiple meanings.
It's kind of like here, we're on the east coast
of the United States, and we have all four seasons,
and we're gonna be entering winter season, so we have
(16:35):
this thing called snow.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
It's fun that you said, like people don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So you know, there's precipitation in the winter months thirty
degrees fahrenheit somewhere around there and lower we get snow
and we call it snow. And it can be a wet,
freezy snow. It could be a light and fluffy snow.
It could be snow that looks like it's a centimeter
two centimeters big, like, but it's all snow to us.
(17:05):
But then you go to other places in the world
and they have a different name for each type of snow.
The wet snow is a different name. And it's not like,
you know, like when we grew up in church, like oh,
there's a gape love and there's this love, and there's
that kind of like you know, there's another word in
front of it to kind of express and explain the
(17:29):
different types of love. But in other cultures, you know,
when it comes to snow, it's not like, hey, it's
this snow that snow.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
It's just another word.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And I think, like love, it just has It's like snow,
it just has so many different forms, Like no snowflake
is the same. And we hear the snow days that
we have no snow, Like last winter, each snow day
was different.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Whether it's a wet snow, it's like, yep, y'all gotta
come help because this is some heavy snow.
Speaker 4 (18:04):
I can't shovel all this by myself.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
And then at other times it's like nope, I can
just go out here with a broom or you know,
blower and just blow it like I'm blowing.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Leaves, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And then there was you know, other snow. It's just
like did it snow? Like we saw it fall from
the sky, but nothing is on the ground. So there's
just different types and it's just different, and it's okay
for it all to be called snow, just like there's
just different types of love, and it's okay for it
(18:36):
all to be called love, whether it's the kind it
sticks to you or the kind that's there. You know
it's there, but it just doesn't show up the kind
that there's so much there that you can make snowmen
and snow angels and you know, do a whole lot
with the snow because it's just so much there. Like
there's so much love, you can do so much with it,
(19:00):
you know, And I think that's how love is. But
I went off on this little tangent. I'm sorry talking
about love. Maurice is looking at me like he wants
to tell me he loves me, baby, I love you too.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
I want a pepsi.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
It's not what you was thinking. I know you love
a pepsi, but that's not what listen to her.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
Yeah, I was thinking about a pepsi and.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
In the snow.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
But and I don't want pepsi in the snow. Okay,
not really, it's not gonna be cold enough.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I'm sorry that when you said put pepsi, you want
me to drink the pepsi while I'm in the snow,
or you're talking about taking my pepsi and putting it
in the snows.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
For you to get you stand in the snow drinking.
Speaker 5 (19:52):
I ain't doing that. It's a waste, no for me.
Is sitting back looking at TV drinking a.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Pepsi watching the snowfall.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Yeah after you sho Yeah pretty much so.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But as confiscating and this continuation of this idea of love,
I believe that we all really need to even understand,
even though I'm saying, or we're saying, understand what it
(20:28):
means for someone else, but really really, really really understand
what it means for you and be able to explain
it to the person you love. What is the real
value that you put on that word, What is the
real value that you have on that emotion, and how
much you are trying to protect it because a lot
(20:52):
of times we don't understand the barriers. Sometimes we don't
understand why people will not say it. Like I just mentioned,
I have my grandma who never said it to me.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
But some of that is when you said barriers. You know,
sometimes the barrier is not even just for ourselves. It's
the barrier for the other person because we love that
person so much.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
And that's why I'm saying that. You know that, you know,
so why wouldn't Why wouldn't my grandmom.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Say I love you to us, you know, at all
her kids, her grandkids, you know, whatever, Like why wouldn't
she say it, you know, And so you just kind
of sit back and wonder what's up with that?
Speaker 5 (21:24):
You know, So what did that mean to her? And
what was her.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Value on that, because, like I said, she already said
to us, well she said it to me. You don't
love inandamant objects. Well, Grandmama, I'm a live human being,
like I'm walking around, you know whatever, Like in my
mind again when I'm a kid. Hey, you know what, grandmom.
You know, when I get a certain age and I'm
gonna sit back and I'm gonna take care of you, grandmom,
(21:51):
Like I'm gonna build you a house, Grandma, and we're
gonna have cookies and we're.
Speaker 5 (21:55):
Gonna do this, that and the other. And she was like, yes, Maurice,
I know.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Now she could have said, no, you're not, little boy,
I say, that's a dream, but you know that's exactly
what that is.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
And she loved me so much to not hurt my feelings,
you know.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
But you know in that, you know I was showing
or expressing love, right, yeah, you know, so again we
all expressing and showing different ways and sometimes not knowing
that person's love language, their expression or whatever it is.
(22:34):
Sometimes we don't always value how they're showing it or
expressing it, you know. And sometimes it could be with
me being with my aunt recently. Sometimes just being there
with them shows them how much you care and love them. Yes, right,
you know, we even heard another aunt who said, you know,
(22:59):
I don't have anyone one who calls me and talks
to me or whatever. She just mentioned it, you know.
But I think the challenge is is that as we age,
sometimes we don't understand our own involvement. We don't understand
(23:19):
the people that have been around us and that have
filled in the space spaces where there have could have
been moments of all right, if this person was here, well,
I wouldn't be feeling lonely because this person is here.
At least I got somebody to talk to, a call,
or whatever it is. But this person is no longer here,
you know, whether it's a spouse, whether it's a family member,
(23:41):
whether it's a best friend, whatever it is. Look, it
could be now that we're old enough, how many buildings
have we seen torn down?
Speaker 5 (23:49):
You get what I mean? You know, I had just
said to a neighbor, I wish Woolworth was still around, right,
and she said, oh yeah, I would go get my Christmas.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So it may not even be hey, I need a person,
but I just enjoy walking around the store looking at
the flashing lights or whatever it might be. So sometimes
we need to understand what is that love language for
those individuals and what puts a smile on their face.
(24:21):
So I think that's what as we continue to move.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Forward and.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Our next season of life, whatever our next season is,
each and everyone of us goes through seasons. But as
we continue to go through these seasons of life, can
we please evaluate ourselves and express to the other person
what love.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Really means to us.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
Yes, because we have to keep that spark.
Speaker 5 (24:52):
That's what keeps the spark going.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
That what keeps the spark going. I mean, yeah, I
guess keep it sparky, y'all.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I'm drawing a blank because, oh my gosh, Like I'm
thinking about the there's so many different commercials, keep it frosty,
not frosty. There's so many people or things that says,
keep it whatever. So I'm sorry, I went to another space.
(25:24):
I'm sorry because you're looking at me all frowned up
and figure out what you're saying. Yeah, I can't remember
that communication? Yeah, well I don't remember, so I'll keep
that community. Can we erase that line? Can we erase that?
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Keep it sparky, y'all?
Speaker 5 (25:39):
Can we white it out? Do y'all know? Even though
where whiteout is no no liquid paper liquid? Mate?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Well, I was going to say, you know how back
on the typewriter you would get the piece of tape
and put the tape over top of it.
Speaker 5 (25:55):
Do you remember that the piece of paper that had
adhesive one? I forgot what it was.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Called, it's correction something.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, that's only because I saw my in my ey's
house recently. So all like what I forgot about that?
I'm sorry?
Speaker 5 (26:15):
Continue?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yes, so keeping it sparky, let us know how you
keep things sparky in your relationships?
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
And what love means to you?
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Yes? We thank you very much for listening today. Thank you,
we'll talk to y'all peace. Thanks for tuning in to
another episode of a No Fruit podcast, where we bring
you fruitful conversations.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
Ripen wisdom and love that's deeply rooted.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
us a review and share it with someone.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Who could use a little inspiration in their death.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Until next time, stay rooted in love, and remember every
seed you plant today shapes the fruit of tomorrow.
How do we keep the spark alive as our story evolves?
Let's talk about it right after this.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Let's talk about loving the man, the way of God, intend, like, experience, share.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Transform, Hey y'all, Hey y'all, How are y'all?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Hello everybody, So we are.
Speaker 5 (00:36):
Back together once again. I missed it, you did, yes, Yeah?
But I had fun with us going with the banter
back and forth with each other. I think that would give.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
You're a different perspective on how we like to do
our show. I hope y'all enjoyed it. We would love
to get feedback on it. But but I want to
go back to what the topic is, how do we
keep the spark alive as our story evolves? Now you've
heard her speak about reading between the lions, finding the.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
Clues with blues clues, the art of suggestion. I can't
think of kid shows for that one. Hearing what's unspoken,
and when words aren't enough. See.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Unfortunately, when we look at trying to keep the spark alive,
these are some of the things that can hinder. They
could really get in a way when we think we.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Don't have.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
The right words, enough words. I'm sorry, I got enough words,
but well, sometimes we feel like we say so much
because we're still trying to find the words.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
So we just let it be, you know, verbal diarrhea
or you know when.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Actions, you know, do actions speak louder than words for
those of us that don't have a whole lot to say,
And our actions do a lot of what we are thinking, feeling,
And that's the way that we show love anger. You know,
sometimes it's not a verbal yelling, it's a shoe flying
(02:27):
across the.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I mean that goes with the you know, the artist's suggestion.
Here's my art form, you know, kun through art, you know,
whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
It's just suggesting you should go for a walk.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
Yeah, yeah, whatever it might be.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Maybe I should go for a walk.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You can't go barefoot, maybe you should guess I'll know.
But these are things that we need to understand. And
when I say need, like, we really need to understan
And when we talk about keeping a spark alive, we
need to be very considerate of the other individual. You know,
(03:10):
I and Cope again can tell you that I look
at a lot of YouTube crazy stuff because sometimes when
I'm tired of thinking of real life stuff, I look
at something off and part of it is because of
my legal class that I had just taken to school.
(03:31):
So I just keep looking at legal or law things.
So I look at a lot of judge stuff and
you listen to what they have to say and why
their sparks had had dimmed down a lot of times.
And some of it has been their community of friends,
(03:55):
you know that he say, she says stuff. I've seen
some of that, and I you know how popular that
really was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Still Still.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Some of it was financial situations, which I totally understand
and get because we've been through some really really challenging
financial you know things, and we're going through one right now.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
It's not technically our issue, but is it is our issue? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
And then you know, you have those moments of what
we're talking about right now, of just basic miscommunication and.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
And whether it is a gesture, whether it is a
just coming to cough.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I know for myself again me and my many words,
But one of the things I've been very very adamant
about lately has been expressing to kaf of One.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
How much she really means to me and what she
is in my life and being able to.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So there's two parts of this mode of of communication
there's one part where we talk about the words, but
there's a whole other part that I've been able to
get to a better place of because of where I
am in my life, which is looking at her dead
in her eye. And I haven't always been confident enough
(05:28):
to do that because I don't know if if I
had imposter syndrome in some cases where I thought, hey,
you know what I could do that I'm the man
at the house or whatever it is. But you know what,
you're still a little boy in that situation, Maurice. You
haven't been adult enough. And I told her not too
(05:50):
long ago, like, no, I'm an adult now, Like you know,
it's a different vibe, you know.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
And so again those are those nonverbal communication cues.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, and now you know, if she can know that
her husband is coming to her, looking at her eye
and saying to her like, no, this is where it is,
this is what's going on, can she follow me in
a different space without it being or feeling like it's
intimidation or whatever it is, because sometimes you look at
somebody in the eye, it can feel like intimidation.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Right, Well, some cultures you can't do that. But again,
when you're in you know, a marital situation, you know,
you would want to be able to do that.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
So again, some of those.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Mixed communications, I'm not going to say miscommunications, kind of
mixed communications going on where you're verbally saying one thing,
but then your body language, that eye contact, the stance,
the distance between you and that person you're speaking to,
says something totally different.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
So, you know, do you believe the lip.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Service that you're receiving and taking a man at his
word or a woman at her her word, or do
you read into all the other things and say, Okay,
well you say you love me, but your body language
is not saying that. So there's a disconnect there.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
So what part do you believe?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
You know? And sometimes we take that and we run
with it, you know, we think that that's what it is,
and we make that up in our minds, and sometimes
it ain't that's what it is. You know, Like you said,
you know, did Maurice not look at me in the
eye mean that he wasn't true to what he was saying?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Do I, you know, call him and be like, oh,
he was just lying, he wasn't fitming. He couldn't say,
you know, he couldn't tell me the truth or was
that really his truth?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
But the fact that he couldn't look at me and
the eye was something else, you know, as he said, like, hey,
he had some other issues deeper within himself. That was
not contradictory to what he was saying. It was just, hey,
I needed to do some growing up. I needed to
look at some things a little bit differently. It didn't
(08:11):
mean that he didn't believe in what he was saying,
you know. So I think that's just something that we
have to kind of also understand and give each other
grace in all of this.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
But grace is not easy to give.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Why not they sell it at this door, don't they?
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Grace?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
How do you buy grace? Like now I'm more confused.
You could buy grace like that would be interesting. But
I think what happens is that we need to take
a step back and, like you said, give somebody grace
because because some of that well cause us to again
(09:00):
look at things from a different lens. Yes, right, And
it's not always easy to look at it from a
different lens. It's not always easy to take your ego
out of a situation. It's not always easy to humble yourself.
I mean and again, well Cofin knows my family background,
(09:21):
but I can't sit here and say that my family
has that humbleness like that is a level of what
it appeared to be humbleness or meekness or whatever it is.
But there's an underlining message, there's an underlining situation. And
(09:44):
because it is your family now you I'm talking about
my own, but you know, people that's out there when
you're listening, you know, when you take a look at
your family, can you really see what's really going on? Well, listen,
we had an aunt who just friendshed talking to us,
who's who mentioned that things were going on around her
(10:04):
that she didn't even realize.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
What's going on.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And I think it's your perspective, right, you know what
I mean that you say you can't you can't see
it and smell it, you know what I mean? When
you're in it, right, it's not until you walk away
and you step out of it that you can see
the mess that you were in or even see the
beauty of whatever situation you were in. You know, So
(10:30):
that that part makes it tough as well. Two really
understand where you are, where you're from, but you have
to kind of understand some of that in order to
really get where you're going.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Being able to not only apply grace in this situation,
but some self reflection, you know, like where am I
in this situation? You know, so that you're not being
judgmental of the other person. So again, Maurice is saying
he would say things to me and wouldn't look at
me directly in my eyes. But now I could, you
(11:16):
know at times, and I told him like that would
make me feel off, you know, like why are you
making me these promises and you're looking above me, you know,
at my hair or above my head type of a
thing somewhat close to my eyes, but not looking at
me in my eyes, And that can make me feel
(11:37):
a certain way. But I also have to think about, well,
what am I doing? What am I presenting? One, you know,
in reference to how do we get to this topic
in this conversation? But then two, you know, again, what
am I doing to reassure him that it's okay to.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Look at me in my eyes?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Like again, that it's not I'm going to be standoffish
or I'm going to challenge him, you know by looking
you know, I'm gonna stare you down and you know,
hold you to it, you know.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Type of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
No, was I being loving? Was I being concerning?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Was I being.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Caring you know, providing that grace, welcoming to what he
was saying? Or was I like yeah, okay, so and
but so.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Let's let's let let's keep that energy right there, right right.
So if you were in that, I don't care, vibe
right all right? Whatever, vibe all right?
Speaker 5 (12:41):
You know, I got you? All right?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Well, do I really want to or do I feel
like you said protected? Do I feel safe? And do
I really want to? I really want to tell you
this and give you my my, awe, my energy. But
I know that you're going to dismiss me. I you
know sometimes you can feel that way, you.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Know, and or like you said previously, like are you
maybe you won't be dismissed, but maybe you were in
a previous book or a previous chapter and you're reading
ahead and thinking like, okay, well this is just how
it's going to be again. So again you put out
that energy, bracing yourself for that you you know, what
(13:27):
you think is going to happen, you know what I mean?
So the other person receives that energy or I received
that energy, and then that just causes a chain reaction.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Of events, you know, which makes it tough. It makes
it tough. You know, We're being real with you.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
All relationships can be tough, you know, And it's not
easy to be on the same page all the time.
And as my racist say, like even being on the
same page, the interpretation is totally different, you know what
I mean. Like again, you can read the same book
(14:05):
over and over again, and it can mean something different
each time that you read it. You can see something
new in what you've read over and over again. Like
you know, I always when I was little, I'm like
these little old ladies reading the same Bible over and
over like and it looked like they reading the same Bible,
Like the Bible just looks old.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
And it's like, you know, is it.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
They're not doing it for memorization, you know, it's when
they read it they get something, no revelation.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Each time.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
I've seen some bad days and something, you know, because
some of y'all Bibles look like that pages is brown.
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
But if you listen to another episode, and I said
that word love, right, and I kept harping on that
word love because.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
Just to give you little backstory. But go back and
listen to the episode.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
For God so loved the world, right, And that word
love means so many different things, and here's the reality.
And I could and I could be honest with you, cough,
I could see over twenty five years when I said
I love you, it meant something different, you know, not
every single time. But like if I look back, I'm like, wow,
(15:24):
do I say I love you because you were there
for me? Da'll say I love you because I wanted
us to stop arguing. Day ill say I love you
because I like the color that's on your body, like
you know whatever, Like d'all say I love you just
because something good happened to me today. It had nothing
to really do with you, you know, but everything to
do with I was whatever I was going through, whatever
situation is it.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Again, the word love or we use it in such
a or can be used in such a loose vibe
at times, right, you know, and so it can mean
so many different things. And then but then I don't
know how you would take it because I could say
your baby, I love you, and you're like, well, let
(16:06):
me analyze, because you say your baby, right, and you're like,
m whi's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Where is he going right now?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Right? I mean, I think love, Like you said, it's
used in so many different ways. It really has multiple meanings.
It's kind of like here, we're on the east coast
of the United States, and we have all four seasons,
and we're gonna be entering winter season, so we have
(16:35):
this thing called snow.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
It's fun that you said, like people don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So you know, there's precipitation in the winter months thirty
degrees fahrenheit somewhere around there and lower we get snow
and we call it snow. And it can be a wet,
freezy snow. It could be a light and fluffy snow.
It could be snow that looks like it's a centimeter
two centimeters big, like, but it's all snow to us.
(17:05):
But then you go to other places in the world
and they have a different name for each type of snow.
The wet snow is a different name. And it's not like,
you know, like when we grew up in church, like oh,
there's a gape love and there's this love, and there's
that kind of like you know, there's another word in
front of it to kind of express and explain the
(17:29):
different types of love. But in other cultures, you know,
when it comes to snow, it's not like, hey, it's
this snow that snow.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
It's just another word.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And I think, like love, it just has It's like snow,
it just has so many different forms, Like no snowflake
is the same. And we hear the snow days that
we have no snow, Like last winter, each snow day
was different.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Whether it's a wet snow, it's like, yep, y'all gotta
come help because this is some heavy snow.
Speaker 4 (18:04):
I can't shovel all this by myself.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
And then at other times it's like nope, I can
just go out here with a broom or you know,
blower and just blow it like I'm blowing.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Leaves, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And then there was you know, other snow. It's just
like did it snow? Like we saw it fall from
the sky, but nothing is on the ground. So there's
just different types and it's just different, and it's okay
for it all to be called snow, just like there's
just different types of love, and it's okay for it
(18:36):
all to be called love, whether it's the kind it
sticks to you or the kind that's there. You know
it's there, but it just doesn't show up the kind
that there's so much there that you can make snowmen
and snow angels and you know, do a whole lot
with the snow because it's just so much there. Like
there's so much love, you can do so much with it,
(19:00):
you know, And I think that's how love is. But
I went off on this little tangent. I'm sorry talking
about love. Maurice is looking at me like he wants
to tell me he loves me, baby, I love you too.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
I want a pepsi.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
It's not what you was thinking. I know you love
a pepsi, but that's not what listen to her.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
Yeah, I was thinking about a pepsi and.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
In the snow.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
But and I don't want pepsi in the snow. Okay,
not really, it's not gonna be cold enough.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I'm sorry that when you said put pepsi, you want
me to drink the pepsi while I'm in the snow,
or you're talking about taking my pepsi and putting it
in the snows.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
For you to get you stand in the snow drinking.
Speaker 5 (19:52):
I ain't doing that. It's a waste, no for me.
Is sitting back looking at TV drinking a.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Pepsi watching the snowfall.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Yeah after you sho Yeah pretty much so.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But as confiscating and this continuation of this idea of love,
I believe that we all really need to even understand,
even though I'm saying, or we're saying, understand what it
(20:28):
means for someone else, but really really, really really understand
what it means for you and be able to explain
it to the person you love. What is the real
value that you put on that word, What is the
real value that you have on that emotion, and how
much you are trying to protect it because a lot
(20:52):
of times we don't understand the barriers. Sometimes we don't
understand why people will not say it. Like I just mentioned,
I have my grandma who never said it to me.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
But some of that is when you said barriers. You know,
sometimes the barrier is not even just for ourselves. It's
the barrier for the other person because we love that
person so much.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
And that's why I'm saying that. You know that, you know,
so why wouldn't Why wouldn't my grandmom.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Say I love you to us, you know, at all
her kids, her grandkids, you know, whatever, Like why wouldn't
she say it, you know, And so you just kind
of sit back and wonder what's up with that?
Speaker 5 (21:24):
You know, So what did that mean to her? And
what was her.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Value on that, because, like I said, she already said
to us, well she said it to me. You don't
love inandamant objects. Well, Grandmama, I'm a live human being,
like I'm walking around, you know whatever, Like in my
mind again when I'm a kid. Hey, you know what, grandmom.
You know, when I get a certain age and I'm
gonna sit back and I'm gonna take care of you, grandmom,
(21:51):
Like I'm gonna build you a house, Grandma, and we're
gonna have cookies and we're.
Speaker 5 (21:55):
Gonna do this, that and the other. And she was like, yes, Maurice,
I know.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Now she could have said, no, you're not, little boy,
I say, that's a dream, but you know that's exactly
what that is.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
And she loved me so much to not hurt my feelings,
you know.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
But you know in that, you know I was showing
or expressing love, right, yeah, you know, so again we
all expressing and showing different ways and sometimes not knowing
that person's love language, their expression or whatever it is.
(22:34):
Sometimes we don't always value how they're showing it or
expressing it, you know. And sometimes it could be with
me being with my aunt recently. Sometimes just being there
with them shows them how much you care and love them. Yes, right,
you know, we even heard another aunt who said, you know,
(22:59):
I don't have anyone one who calls me and talks
to me or whatever. She just mentioned it, you know.
But I think the challenge is is that as we age,
sometimes we don't understand our own involvement. We don't understand
(23:19):
the people that have been around us and that have
filled in the space spaces where there have could have
been moments of all right, if this person was here, well,
I wouldn't be feeling lonely because this person is here.
At least I got somebody to talk to, a call,
or whatever it is. But this person is no longer here,
you know, whether it's a spouse, whether it's a family member,
(23:41):
whether it's a best friend, whatever it is. Look, it
could be now that we're old enough, how many buildings
have we seen torn down?
Speaker 5 (23:49):
You get what I mean? You know, I had just
said to a neighbor, I wish Woolworth was still around, right,
and she said, oh yeah, I would go get my Christmas.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So it may not even be hey, I need a person,
but I just enjoy walking around the store looking at
the flashing lights or whatever it might be. So sometimes
we need to understand what is that love language for
those individuals and what puts a smile on their face.
(24:21):
So I think that's what as we continue to move.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Forward and.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Our next season of life, whatever our next season is,
each and everyone of us goes through seasons. But as
we continue to go through these seasons of life, can
we please evaluate ourselves and express to the other person
what love.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Really means to us.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
Yes, because we have to keep that spark.
Speaker 5 (24:52):
That's what keeps the spark going.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
That what keeps the spark going. I mean, yeah, I
guess keep it sparky, y'all.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I'm drawing a blank because, oh my gosh, Like I'm
thinking about the there's so many different commercials, keep it frosty,
not frosty. There's so many people or things that says,
keep it whatever. So I'm sorry, I went to another space.
(25:24):
I'm sorry because you're looking at me all frowned up
and figure out what you're saying. Yeah, I can't remember
that communication? Yeah, well I don't remember, so I'll keep
that community. Can we erase that line? Can we erase that?
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Keep it sparky, y'all?
Speaker 5 (25:39):
Can we white it out? Do y'all know? Even though
where whiteout is no no liquid paper liquid? Mate?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Well, I was going to say, you know how back
on the typewriter you would get the piece of tape
and put the tape over top of it.
Speaker 5 (25:55):
Do you remember that the piece of paper that had
adhesive one? I forgot what it was.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Called, it's correction something.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, that's only because I saw my in my ey's
house recently. So all like what I forgot about that?
I'm sorry?
Speaker 5 (26:15):
Continue?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yes, so keeping it sparky, let us know how you
keep things sparky in your relationships?
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
And what love means to you?
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Yes? We thank you very much for listening today. Thank you,
we'll talk to y'all peace. Thanks for tuning in to
another episode of a No Fruit podcast, where we bring
you fruitful conversations.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
Ripen wisdom and love that's deeply rooted.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
us a review and share it with someone.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Who could use a little inspiration in their death.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Until next time, stay rooted in love, and remember every
seed you plant today shapes the fruit of tomorrow.
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