December 2, 2025 • 43 mins
🎙️THE HEAT CHECK - When a Ball Player Stops Ball Playing (Episode 2)
A raw, vulnerable walk through identity, retirement, faith, and finding purpose beyond the game
In this episode of Heat Check, Robby climbs back into the sauna blanket and opens up about one of the hardest transitions a ballplayer can face — stepping away from the game that shaped your entire life.
From childhood memories of watching his dad retire from pro ball… to the confusing emotional aftermath of his own final seasons… to the weird limbo of feeling done but not finished…
This one cuts deep.
If you’ve ever stopped playing, lost a version of yourself, or struggled with purpose when a chapter ends — you’re gonna feel this one.
⸻
⏱️ Episode Timestamps + Topics
00:00 – 02:25 — Pre-Roll Vulnerability
• Robby sets the scene: sauna blanket, no script, full vulnerability
• Why these episodes feel like therapy
• Encouragement for listeners to submit topics via Ask Robby Platform (therobbyrowshow.com/ask)
02:25 – 06:00 — Letting Go of Opinions & Fear of Sympathy
• Wrestling with how people might perceive this openness
• Processing ego, validation, and the fear of “sounding ungrateful”
• How speaking out loud helps emotional healing
06:00 – 07:30 — The Discomfort of Closure
• Robby admits this topic gives him “heebie jeebies”
• Why he resists calling his career “over”
• The internal battle between acceptance and hope
07:30 – 12:00 — Childhood Flashbacks (1997 Memories)
• His dad in spring training with the Giants
• Life in the RV, family photos, early baseball impressions
• Funny/chaotic moment tipping a foul ball into his brother’s mouth
• Early realization of who his dad was in the baseball world
12:00 – 17:00 — Moving to the Woods + Dad’s Retirement
• Family relocating after dad leaves baseball
• Life on acres of land, trampolines, fire truck hoses
• The infamous “rock to the face” story
• Seeing subtle emotional changes he didn’t understand as a kid
17:00 – 21:00 — Watching His Dad Fall Out of Love With Baseball
• Dad unable to watch games anymore
• Learning as a teenager how deeply retirement affected him
• The weight of retiring when the game didn’t force you out
21:00 – 25:00 — Robby’s Early Mindset About His Own Career
• How his dad’s story shaped his expectations
• Belief that he’d “play until they ripped the jersey off”
• Realization that experience hits different than second-hand wisdom
25:00 – 30:00 — 2022 Season, Coaching, and Sour Endings
• The tough Indy Ball season as a player/coach
• Being excited to rebound… but not getting the ending he imagined
• Winter Ball ups and downs
• Navigating being Phantom’d after performing well
30:00 – 33:30 — When Teams Don’t Want the Brand
• Teams telling him to tone down or stop his content
• The confusing shift from “my brand is my résumé” to “it’s a distraction”
• Choosing between baseball and content creation
• Feeling like either choice had a cost
33:30 – 36:00 — Identity Crisis: Player Rob vs. Creator Rob
• The weirdness of waking up without a team
• Missing the structured purpose baseball gave
• The pressure of content performance affecting self-worth
• Why engaging directly with fans helps ground him
36:00 – 39:00 — Winter Ball Comeback Attempt
• Reinventing himself as a 3-slot pitcher
• Feeling re-energized and excited again
• Performing well… and still getting Phantom’d
• Questioning whether God was closing a door or testing resilience
39:00 – 41:30 — The Emotional Toll & Loss of Faith
• Honest conversation about resentment toward God
• The “Disney ending” he felt he was on track for
• Recognizing that the game doesn’t owe you anything
• Wrestling with purpose outside of playing
41:30 – 43:15 — Moving Forward & What’s Next
• Accepting that he didn’t call every team back
• The mental gap between liking baseball and liking playing
• Realizing baseball is therapeutic only when tied to a bigger mission
• Longing for deeper purpose and identity beyond the field
43:15 – End — Closing Thoughts
• Thanksgiving gratitude
• Plans to get mom & dad on future episodes
• Invitation to ask questions via his website
• “These episodes may not be for everyone… but they’re good for me.”
A raw, vulnerable walk through identity, retirement, faith, and finding purpose beyond the game
In this episode of Heat Check, Robby climbs back into the sauna blanket and opens up about one of the hardest transitions a ballplayer can face — stepping away from the game that shaped your entire life.
From childhood memories of watching his dad retire from pro ball… to the confusing emotional aftermath of his own final seasons… to the weird limbo of feeling done but not finished…
This one cuts deep.
If you’ve ever stopped playing, lost a version of yourself, or struggled with purpose when a chapter ends — you’re gonna feel this one.
⸻
⏱️ Episode Timestamps + Topics
00:00 – 02:25 — Pre-Roll Vulnerability
• Robby sets the scene: sauna blanket, no script, full vulnerability
• Why these episodes feel like therapy
• Encouragement for listeners to submit topics via Ask Robby Platform (therobbyrowshow.com/ask)
02:25 – 06:00 — Letting Go of Opinions & Fear of Sympathy
• Wrestling with how people might perceive this openness
• Processing ego, validation, and the fear of “sounding ungrateful”
• How speaking out loud helps emotional healing
06:00 – 07:30 — The Discomfort of Closure
• Robby admits this topic gives him “heebie jeebies”
• Why he resists calling his career “over”
• The internal battle between acceptance and hope
07:30 – 12:00 — Childhood Flashbacks (1997 Memories)
• His dad in spring training with the Giants
• Life in the RV, family photos, early baseball impressions
• Funny/chaotic moment tipping a foul ball into his brother’s mouth
• Early realization of who his dad was in the baseball world
12:00 – 17:00 — Moving to the Woods + Dad’s Retirement
• Family relocating after dad leaves baseball
• Life on acres of land, trampolines, fire truck hoses
• The infamous “rock to the face” story
• Seeing subtle emotional changes he didn’t understand as a kid
17:00 – 21:00 — Watching His Dad Fall Out of Love With Baseball
• Dad unable to watch games anymore
• Learning as a teenager how deeply retirement affected him
• The weight of retiring when the game didn’t force you out
21:00 – 25:00 — Robby’s Early Mindset About His Own Career
• How his dad’s story shaped his expectations
• Belief that he’d “play until they ripped the jersey off”
• Realization that experience hits different than second-hand wisdom
25:00 – 30:00 — 2022 Season, Coaching, and Sour Endings
• The tough Indy Ball season as a player/coach
• Being excited to rebound… but not getting the ending he imagined
• Winter Ball ups and downs
• Navigating being Phantom’d after performing well
30:00 – 33:30 — When Teams Don’t Want the Brand
• Teams telling him to tone down or stop his content
• The confusing shift from “my brand is my résumé” to “it’s a distraction”
• Choosing between baseball and content creation
• Feeling like either choice had a cost
33:30 – 36:00 — Identity Crisis: Player Rob vs. Creator Rob
• The weirdness of waking up without a team
• Missing the structured purpose baseball gave
• The pressure of content performance affecting self-worth
• Why engaging directly with fans helps ground him
36:00 – 39:00 — Winter Ball Comeback Attempt
• Reinventing himself as a 3-slot pitcher
• Feeling re-energized and excited again
• Performing well… and still getting Phantom’d
• Questioning whether God was closing a door or testing resilience
39:00 – 41:30 — The Emotional Toll & Loss of Faith
• Honest conversation about resentment toward God
• The “Disney ending” he felt he was on track for
• Recognizing that the game doesn’t owe you anything
• Wrestling with purpose outside of playing
41:30 – 43:15 — Moving Forward & What’s Next
• Accepting that he didn’t call every team back
• The mental gap between liking baseball and liking playing
• Realizing baseball is therapeutic only when tied to a bigger mission
• Longing for deeper purpose and identity beyond the field
43:15 – End — Closing Thoughts
• Thanksgiving gratitude
• Plans to get mom & dad on future episodes
• Invitation to ask questions via his website
• “These episodes may not be for everyone… but they’re good for me.”
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, there, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is going to be another episode of the heat
Check series in which I lay in my sauna blanket
in the living room and I talk into a microphone
and I become transformed into the utmost vulnerable self where
I don't really hold back. And it's been fun, dude.
I've recorded, actually, up until this point in which I'm
(00:22):
recording this pre row, I've recorded four episodes now, so
this one is episode two, and we are going to
be diving into the idea of when a ballplayer stops
ball playing. I'm going to be talking about my dad's experience.
I'm going to be talking about my experience. And remember, guys,
(00:44):
like I understand how these podcasts sound, right like they
are literally me laying down. I have no notes, I
have no script. I literally just start talking and then
like ideas go and thoughts take over and memories hit
and I just kind of roll with the punches. So
you know, I mean, if it's not organized, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I hope you don't.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Expect a very structured deal when you listen to these,
but who knows. So Honestly, I hate to say it,
but it's kind of more for me these days, you know,
I mean, I think I want to start doing more
episodes in which maybe I answer some like Q and
A stuff or actually talk about topics that could really
(01:31):
apply to multiple people.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I mean, this could apply to a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I know a lot of people that have retired or
have stopped playing that struggle. You know, and dude, you
know it's common. So I hope you guys enjoy this. Man,
if at any point you want me to talk about
something specific, look icen about six seven times a week,
you know, so I could. I could crush these epis.
(01:54):
So if you ever want me to talk and dive
deep into a specific subject, due to me, up the
Robbie row Show dot com slash ask Robbie with a
why the Robbie Roa Show. Also in the show notes
you can see the link too. So reach out, man,
I'm down to talk about pretty much anything.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I am in this new season of my.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Life where I am dedicating my podcast essentially to the
utmost raw version of myself. Man, unfiltered and vulnerable. Is
frick I'm trying to get. I'm trying to rid myself
of this kind of OCD perfectionism thing that I developed
over time within content specifically. I've always been a perfectionist
(02:37):
with everything, but like with content specifically, I've developed this
really and it's very similar like my content career. My
journey there has been so similar to like my journey
in baseball. So it's really interesting when I'm in this
sauna blanket, sweating my bean bag off, and I'm just
like finding these parallels and discovering things about myself that
(02:59):
I guess I all already knew, but now I'm like
speaking it right externally, so it holds more weight for
me Mentally, I don't know. I'm into it though. Hope
you guys are too. Enjoy the show. Guys, much love,
God bless well. Hello there, audience members of the Robbie
euro Show. We are back. This should be episode two.
(03:22):
Today's topic being that it is Thanksgiving. Let's talk about
the thing that I was most thankful for my entire.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Life and now no longer have it in my life.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
You guys want me to get vulnerable again and talk
about these internal weird feelings that probably I can't put
together words to even describe. To tell you guys where
I'm at currently with not being an active baseball player
and why do I feel weird. Why do I feel
like I'm just like trying to make you guys feel
sorry for me?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
What the heck?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's a weird feeling I just got, all right, So
I need to preface this all by saying, Hey, I'm
in a season of my life that is alleviating the
care that I have for other people's opinions. So if
you think that I'm trying to just make you guys
feel sorry for me, then that's on you, not me. Okay, good,
got that out. That's externally manifested into the world now.
(04:19):
And two, I oh sympathize. That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
That's my fear.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I guess what is that my ego talking like. My
fear is that I do these podcasts and I just
come off as like an annoying, complaining, ungrateful millennial.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That's not what I want.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I just want to be freaking truthfully honest, and I
want to use this as an outlet for me to
not only just become better speaking, but also as like
like my diary. Dude, there's a lot of things up
in my brain that I just think about and I
don't speak them, so.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I don't I don't really like heal so.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
To speak, which is a huge thing I'm realizing as
I'm getting older, is like the difference between thinking things
internally versus externally like putting them into the world you
or for me when I just speak, like I've been
actually practicing just talking to myself, like if I'm alone,
(05:25):
I know it's weird, dude, I really know it's weird.
But it's crazy how much of a difference it makes
in terms of like kind of hyping yourself up, and
like when you speak something out loud, like how how
you're just way more able to solidify what you're saying,
(05:47):
Like it just it carries more weight.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I would recommend you guys to try it if you
if you don't care about being like weird. So that's
that's a season and that I'm in. Dude, I couldn't
be more like uncomfortable right now because I know what
I'm going to be talking about right now, and I
know what I'm going to I know what I'm about
to dive into, and it's like giving me the freaking
(06:16):
hebe gbs because I don't like talking about it. That's
the reality. I gotta face that reality. I don't like
talking about it because it feels like it's kind of
a concluding thing. It's a closure, and I don't want
closure over my career. Like I don't think I still
right now. Don't think like I'm done playing, like even
if it's like a men's league I get in, dude,
(06:37):
Like I just I don't think I'm done with my
plane journey. I've seen weirder things happen in baseball, you know.
And I've always said since the day that I was
freaking born, dude, like I was going to play this
game until they ripped the jersey off of me. Well,
no one really ripped it off of me. And that's
(06:58):
the toughest pill to swallow, is that I kind of
ripped it off myself. And that's where I'm going to
really struggle, I think, as I move forward and if
I don't end up getting back into it, because I
like didn't do the specific things that I said that
I was going to do my entire life when it
came to my exit from this game.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
So let's just dive in, man, Let's not beat around
the bush.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Hum skeins. All right, So this story starts nineteen ninety seven.
Nineteen ninety seven, my dad retired this spring training invite
with the San Francisco Giants.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
JT Snow. I want to say, what got hit in
the eye or something got hit?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
He had to miss spring training, so my dad actually
filled in at first base, and I wish he was,
like we should call him remotely and get this story.
How sick would that be? I mean, honestly, we have
the means to do it. I live by a train
I live by a train track. As you guys can hear,
you know, I think the annoyance of the unpredictable rumbling
(08:04):
and sounds and not just sounds, it just comforts me
because that's a parallel to my mind. At any point
in time, I just get these most annoying sounds and
I'm just like, what is that? So nineteen ninety seven,
Dad's in spring training. That's probably when now. I definitely
have memories before that of my dad's career. So I
(08:27):
was born in ninety one. I think my earliest memories
are of like when I was three years old. I
remember a house in Florida that I can describe with
a pool throwing. I remember like memories of throwing the
dog into the pool, not me, but like seeing the
dog get thrown in the pool and swimming around. Granted,
not granted, but for those dog lovers, I'm a dog lover.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
He could swim. It's not a violent scene. Don't picture that.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
So ninety seven, though, is when I would actually say
that I started having like vivid memories of my life
because my dad took the trailer we had at r V,
and my dad took the RV lived in Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona,
while mom.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Me and my brother.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, because we would have been in school, so my
mom would have been working at Raley's in Ukaya. We
could call her to and get the scoop, and my
dad would have been on his own. So I have like, yeah,
this is cool. I'm starting to get flooded with a
little bit of memories here. So I have the one
specific vivid memory of like my mom, my brother, and
(09:37):
I going to visit him, or maybe it wasn't a visit,
maybe it was like when we were with him and
then we had to leave to go back home, but
we were in the trailer.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I remember taking a family picture in the trailer. We
have that somewhere, probably on the fridge back home.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And I also remember like being at a local park and.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Gosh, what was it? We were?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
It was actually like kind of dumb now that I
think about it as I'm older, but like my brother
was catching and my dad was like was it My
dad was like underhanding me balls to hit.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And it's ninety seven.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
So I would have been five because it would have
been the spring of ninety seven, So I was born
in December ninety one, so I think I would have
been five?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Is that the right math?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
And for some reason, like he didn't tell my brother
to like get out of there because he didn't have
like a face mask on. And I tipped, I foul
tipped one right back into his freaking lips, dude, right
into the kisser, and he like started bleeding too.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I felt so bad. That's a very vivid memory.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I wonder if I actually should call my mom today. Well,
I'm gonna call my family's Thanksgiving. I gotta, I gotta
do that, right, But I wonder if her I wonder
if her memory links up with mine on that too,
because now that I think about it, that's not like
my dad to just not say anything to my brother
trying to.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Catch without like a mask.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Like my dad and especially my mom so very like
overprotective in a way, especially when it comes to things
that like he did that takes me off on like
a side tangent story. My dad was catching Clemens in
like a bullpen when he was with Boston maybe ninety
four ninety five. After the strike, I'm not sure, but
he like a he got hit in the eye, right,
(11:28):
Clemens threw like a pitch that Nick ricocheted off something
and my dad wasn't wearing a mask and it like
really drilled him in the eye. Like he got pretty
effed up, I want to say. But now it's like
every time he sees a video of me catching and
I'm not wearing a mask, like, he'll light me up
and reassure that, you know, it's not dope when you
(11:49):
do get hit in the face because of that story.
So yeah, back to ninety seven. Wow, I'm going way
off on our tangent. Sorry, guys, he's still with me, Humskins,
they having journey. Yeah, So I have specific memories then,
and I remember another memory of like being at the
house in Ukaya and my dad finally coming home. I
(12:13):
guess it would have been yeah, because he was triple A.
So after spring training. He was really upset because he
didn't make the big league squad Triple A Phoenix Firebirds.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
This is so interesting to just sit here and.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Think about it on the spot, because it's like you
don't think about these things right actively throughout like a
course of time, and then you go to think about
it and it's like really fuzzy and you kind of
work through the details.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And that's what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Apologies for you guys having to sit there and just
kind of wait for this, but yeah, and then the
specific memories that I had, especially that year in ninety seven,
would be like waiting for him to come home. He
would come home from like road trips or something. Would
it be that he would come home from road trips
or was it that he came home after like quitting.
I don't specifically remember. Actually, now I really am curious
(12:59):
and I want to talk to my about this because
I have memories of like my dad coming home specific times.
I'm not it could have been even a different year,
not ninety seven, but like always so giddy waiting for
my dad to come home because he would bring like
my brother and I toys from wherever he was at. Right,
so like road trips, bring us toys. Gosh, we were spoiled.
(13:23):
And just man, the way that I just perceived my
dad at those little ages, you know, just like this
guy was I don't even know what the word I
would use to describe it, but it was so like
such high regard, like like kind of like a like
an even greater than like an idol, you know. Just
(13:46):
I just remember those early memories of I guess when
I finally started to connect dots in my brain like
what my dad actually was.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Thinking like, whoa, he's like a big deal. And then
I guess maybe that led into me things that I was.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
A big deal, did it? Yeah? Maybe, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I think I always had a little sense of like
feeling that there was something that was special about it,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Anyways, So finally, what is this twenty minutes in?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I'm going to finally get into the gist of it, because,
as you can tell, I've been stalling to get into
my issues.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Finally, ninety seven, my dad decides to retire.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Obviously, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like
with a wife and two kids that are starting to
grow up, you know, like being away from them. I
can't even imagine what that's like. Shout out to them
and shout out to my mom, dude for freaking holding
down the fort. But and then after that we moved
out into the woods. Dude, my dad was like, all right,
(14:42):
I'm done with baseball. I want to be around my
family more. Got a property out in the woods. We
had our trailer still, so we grew like we didn't grow.
My dad built like a housing unit, I guess out
in the woods. I don't even know how many acres
we had. But he worked for a gentleman in the
woods logging and that was like my dad's number one
(15:03):
passion was just being out in the woods logging. And now,
to be honest, as I'm at that similar age as
he was when he retired, I can totally understand wanting to.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Do exactly what he did because.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
It's kind of what I'm doing right now in a
different way. Like he was creating right Like he's a
very creative individual. That's where I get my creativity from.
And he would go out and be creative and isolated
in the woods, and I'd be the same way here
in my studio with creating the content.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's funny that how that works. But yeah, I just.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Remember those times being obviously I was so young, but
I didn't realize what was actually happening, but I could
sense it was like different, right, Like something was just different,
something was just off. Like it wasn't the fact that
my dad was around more.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It was just something. Yeah. I can't and I honestly
I can't explain it.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
But I just remember thinking that those times, like it's
just like again, I like I I loved living out there, dude.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
We had so much land. We had a trampoline.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
My dad built like this little jump thing, this little
ledge that like lifted you up and then you can
jump down into the trampoline and get a little bit
of higher a higher jump from that.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
We had like this.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Fire truck thing that I don't even know why we
had access to that fire truck, but we had the
We would use the water, the spray the hose what
am I trying to say, the water hose from the
fire truck sometimes because it gets so hot out there
in the woods, like during the summer, And I remember
vivid memories of getting sprayed with that fire truck hose
(16:47):
and being like, well, this is so cool. Another really
bad memory when it comes from my brother getting hit
in the face with things I remember specifically, I.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Don't know why. I literally don't know why.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Maybe I shouldn't say this because it's so cool, but
I remember, like we weren't even arguing. My brother and
I were playing on the trampoline, and for some reason,
I thought it would be like a good idea to
like toss it like a rock, Like we were looking
under the trampoline and we had like rocks all around,
and I like tossed a rock at him, but he
was like holding on the trampoline with his head under it,
(17:19):
so he couldn't like catch it, so it just hit
him in the face. I wonder if he has a
different memory than I do with that because I remember
like kind of like tossing at it. Maybe he remembers
me like just chucking at like. I don't think we
were fighting or anything. My brother and I really never
like fought like that, but I just remember hitting him
in the face and then seeing all the blood, dude,
and I freaked out. It felt so bad, Oh my gosh,
(17:40):
and that they had to like rush to the hospital
and uh, yeah, man, that's an interesting memory.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I felt so bad. What was I thinking? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
You know, when you're young, dude, you just kind of
do things and then you're just like, wait, why did
I do that?
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Did I just do it just to do it?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
All right back to the story.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So I just again, like my dad retired, and obviously
me being five, my brother being eight, whatever, Like I'm
not gonna sit there and open up to your kids
right about like what you're going through. But as I
grew up, I would just become more aware of, like
how much my dad kind of struggled when it came
(18:21):
to his outlook on baseball. Like my mom would say
that he couldn't even stand to like watch a game anymore.
He just didn't want to do He didn't want anything
to do with the game, right, And this is a
guy that like made it to the big leagues, dude,
this is a guy that grinded, was a nobody, wasn't
even playing baseball at one point in his life, got
(18:41):
talked into playing baseball, had his age faked by his college.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Coach so he can be eligible to get get drafted.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Like these are crazy stories that unfolded for him to
make his for him to have that career, and then gosh, dog,
I'm sitting here telling this story and I'm like, dude,
I don't even I can't publish this because I need.
I want to have Pops on the pod and just
talk about this, you know, because even as I'm sitting
here talking about it, there's probably so much of it
(19:11):
that A I haven't heard him talk about personally, and
B that I just don't even know. My dad is
a very proud, very stubborn individual. I can count on
like two fingers the amount of times that I've seen
(19:31):
that man like vulnerable and and or scared, you know. So, yeah,
I really want to do that. I really want to
get him on and just and just talk about it.
That'd be such a cool, fun episode.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I need to do that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Anyways, and then just you know, growing up becoming a
little bit more tight with him over the years and
just kind of opening up to like what the story was,
like he had offers like he could have continued to play,
you know what I mean, Like it wasn't something where
like the game itself forced him out. So I think
that hits a little bit different. And so me being
(20:09):
you know, now at the age of like sixteen seventeen eighteen,
when I'm starting to like hear him talk about this
thing about how he perceived his end of his career, right,
because you got to remember to do that. Ninety seven
spring training was his best spring training ever.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
So it's like, what.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Was he thirty three years old, finally starting to hit
a groove. He was in the best shape of his life,
and then he said, no, dude, I gotta I'm done.
I got a family like it just and what people
don't realize about the game, dude, is is like it's
a game, yeah, built on failure, right, but we don't
ever really talk about how that failure leads into like
the consistent failure leads into just your like overall quality
(20:49):
of life. You've got to be someone different, dude, mentally.
You got to just be built different mentally to just
be able to take everything that the game gives you.
If you have the if you're fortunate enough, if you're
blessed enough to play the game for over a decade,
like unless you're someone just special, like you're gonna face
your ups and downs. Well, let me be clear, You're
(21:11):
gonna you're gonna go through your downs, you know, and
over a period of time. Man, I could just I
can understand, like I was kind of in the same
boat where it's just like I'm given so much to
this game, you know, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I'm given
so much to it, and it's like, what is it
what is it giving me back? But let me tell
(21:33):
you guys firsthand, Like that's not the right mindset. You know,
it's not an exchange thing. It's a privilege to play
the game. It doesn't owe you anything, right, life, life
doesn't owe you anything.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Man. I think I.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Always realized that. I always understood that, But it's the
real life, practical application to it that's tricky. Because I
was prepped, you know, like when I got drafted, I
knew based off like my dad, my mom and the
(22:09):
knowledge that I obtained from that experience that they had
gone through, not just at the end of his career,
but like throughout the whole career.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Right, Like I was equipped.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Man, I knew, But like there's a difference between someone
else's knowledge and your own personal experience, you know. And
that's the biggest difference is because I would sit there
and say, like I am going to play this game
until they fricking ripped the jersey right off my back,
and I can no longer like there's no way, there's
(22:40):
no outlet that I can play anymore, you know, And
fast forward all the years later to twenty twenty three,
even twenty twenty two. Man I played that indie ball
season twenty twenty two. I was the pitching coach. I
was a player coach. Didn't have a great season. I
learned a lot. I was excited after that season until
continue that progression of balancing like the coach in me,
(23:05):
because that's what I knew I wanted to do long term,
but also being able to simplify in my own mind
and go out and perform. And I was excited to
continue that. And I think ever since, ever since twenty twenty,
I was always kind of like the guy, like the
pitching coach, guy, like you know, twenty nineteen, I blew
(23:26):
my lat out in twenty eighteen, So from like what
October of twenty eighteen, all the way till July of
twenty twenty, I basically locked myself in the studio and
just learned everything that I freaking can possibly learn about
throwing a baseball. And then that's when the brand started,
I started posting content, started sharing my knowledge, so like
(23:49):
people would gravitate towards me to learn and whatnot. And
I was just excited after that twenty twenty two season
to continue on that journey because I was really sour
that the season itself in twenty twenty two with the
Boulders was like so poor from my pitching performance, because
I think, like it didn't have to be. I think
(24:13):
I gave in a lot in the sense of like
the bad outings became extremely bad outings because I just
didn't really care to. Like I was like in the
back of my mind, I was like, I'm the coach, right,
Like I gottaware this no matter what, and it's not
about me.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
It's about the team.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And you know, I'm just here to like kind of
get out and say, you know, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I think there was just a really passive mindset there. Now. Granted,
you know, looking back at that year.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I frick, dude, I wish I can wish I can
pick it up after at a certain point, because I
was like pitcher of the Week one week and after
that I think it'll in Townhill.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah. Anyways, gosh, that's frustrating.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I'd get freaking so upset at myself because it's like, yeah,
I remember driving home after that season ended and just
hop it on the mic in the car, just talking
all about like what I was gonna do moving forward,
you know, like the things that I learned and was
gonna start applying in my career to better me. Like
(25:18):
nothing in my mind thought like that was gonna be
the last time, like I played baseball. That's not not
winter ball. So and then fast forward to the winter
ball season. I played that winter ball season and just
again like another sour taste in my mouth because like, gosh,
(25:38):
I did well, dude, I like work my butt off,
got into a good spot, kicked a lot of bad habits,
pitched well, and then like I remember there's one specific
outing where there was like an air but it went
down as like an ernie. Dude went down as like
(25:58):
a hit and I gave like a three Ernie spot
and I went from having like a point five eight
to like a two to two or whatever. And then
frick I walked in the office the next day and
they're like, we're gonna put you on the phantom and
just like so many like little things so many events
at the end of my career were taking place that
I was like, all right, dude, is God just saying like, hey,
your your time is done playing this game? Or is
(26:22):
he saying like, hey, We're going to freaking run you
through the ringer here and you're going to endure it
and you're going to be better off for it in
the long term. And that's kind of where I approached it.
Maybe that's just ignorant, but that was kind of how
I was approaching it. So end of twenty twenty two, granted,
like such a weird experience for me personally because the
(26:43):
team that I was on won the championship and it
was essentially like the first ever ring that I won
in professional baseball, and I'll rephrase that I was the
first ring I've ever won in any baseball And it
was a really cool feeling, but it was it was
felt at the same time with like I didn't earn this, dude,
(27:03):
Like this isn't right. Like I kind of felt embarrassed,
you know, kind of felt shame. You gotta remember, dude,
you know, growing up small town, I was the guy,
you know, everything was, everything was kind of about me.
And as you can imagine what that did to a
young adolescent's brain over time, right, obviously thinking he's maybe
(27:26):
a little bit special because of the lifestyle he grew
up doing, and then the dad thing, and then you know, boom,
high school sports and it's like you're the guy, and
then boom, you're drafted, and then it's like everything's kind
of leading you into believe this idea that you know
you're him, but you're not. You know, so you said,
(27:49):
these just extremely stupid expectations, and you kind of back
yourself into a corner to the point where like, no
matter what you do or how you do it, it's kind
of like never gonna be worthwhile, It's never going to
be satiating because of the expectation. That's tough, that's a
tough recognition. But you know, I guess, I guess what's
the purpose of all of it?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Right? I'm a man of faith. I believe that there's
a purpose to everything. I think the.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Reason why it feels so called to do these things
can create content is just for that. You know, maybe
there's one person that I can help, you know, one person,
here's what I'm talking about, And I don't know, improves
gets better, better prepared, works a little bit smarter. You know,
(28:36):
Let's see one thing that I could have adjusted. Oh
so back to the story though, like twenty twenty two
blah blah blah, and then winter Ball and then boom,
twenty twenty three comes, right, So it's like, all right,
I need a job. And I remember having a phone
call with my coach from the previous year where I
was a pitching coach and player coach or whatever you
want to call it, and I just remember like thinking, Okay,
(28:56):
let's run it back, dude. I like learned a lot,
and I really want to put forth what I've learned
in the next season because I feel like I'm still
I still have like so much to give.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
You guys.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Got to realize too, man, like when you're thirty one,
thirty two, whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Like you're not that old.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Like you're finally starting to connect dots physically and mentally,
and it's like you almost feel like you're just now
reaching that point where you can have control of your
mental while also being physically able to do things right.
So it's a really cool culmination of everything coming together
and just feeling like way more secure in yourself, I
(29:37):
guess in your body in your mind, and I remember
him just kind of saying like, well, you know, we're
not going to run it back. Basically no hard feelings.
I completely understood, and then I was like all right,
like okay, no worries, like let's go next guy, but
next team and a couple teams called. I think what
was really discouraging was the fact that the team that
(30:00):
I did talk to were like very anti my brand,
and it almost felt and again, this could be like
a huge defensive mechanism right put in place by me
just to make me feel better that it wasn't about
my performance, you know what I'm saying. And I can
recognize that it's fine, but what I felt at the
time was like, oh, like I'm getting shunned. I'm getting
(30:21):
like like, this isn't about me the player. This is
about like the image and the distraction or the potential distraction.
And I recognize that, I understand that, but it's weird
having been in a totally different mindset from when I
started the brand, because I was like, ooh, my brand,
Like this is my resume, Look how hard I work.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Look at all the cool.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Things that I do and all the knowledge that I have,
and I can share that. And I was like under
this impression that it was a positive attribute to a.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Team, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
And I think in that twenty twenty three season, granted,
like my performance in twenty twenty two was very lackluster,
but then going for the train to pass by, these
trains were long, too, dude, because you'll hear that noise
for like a good thirty seconds, and by thirty seconds,
I mean five. And going into that twenty twenty three
season like just feeling that if I were to play,
(31:18):
if I were to to try to play that season,
I had to like sacrifice my brand, That's what it
felt like. And again I understand that my brain could
have been fully in a protective state, but it just
felt that way. And so I came to this crossroads
(31:39):
where I was like, all right, like I'm not going
to sacrifice this brand that I grew, you know, I
like I do thoroughly enjoy it. I had to kind
of ask myself, like what do I enjoy more? Right,
Like my brand and creating content or like pitching and competing,
And even to this day, like I don't even know
if I like got the answer right, Like I chose
(32:01):
my brand.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I guess I chose my brand. Wow, this is going
to be interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I think I chose like the brand thing because I
was like, I can have baseball without being on like
a team, Like I could go to the park and
play baseball and I can hang with the boys and
like throw the ball around, you know. And I felt
like at that time, with content starting to become so
like popular, I was like I got to stay in
it and I got to like stay relevant from that aspect,
(32:25):
and if I didn't, like I was going to miss
out on my potential future because I know baseball it
can only last so long, right, Like.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
It's a physical required sport.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
But then it's like you can look at it the
opposite way too, where you're like you can do your
brand at any time, right, like you'd be sixty create content.
It's weird, man. So yeah, I ended up choosing. Like
I talked to the teams that had called me, and
it was unfortunate that almost I want to say, like
every team that I did talk to was like you'll
have to either tone down the content or like just
(32:54):
completely dismiss it altogether. And the last thing that I
wanted was to like go out to a team and
then like try to create content, you know, and it
just kind of come into weird terms there. But yeah,
so I decided not to play, and I was like,
no worries, dude, I'm just gonna take a year, right,
I'm gonna I'm gonna focus on my brand. I'm gonna
(33:17):
focus on my coaching. I did a lot of lessons.
I really enjoyed it, honestly. I was living at home finally,
was like home for a set amount of time, which
was unlike what I would typically do, being someone that
only was home during like off seasons months on end.
So I was home for a specific or was home
for a good amount of time. Developed a really dope
(33:37):
setup in the lab, you know, like I had a
lot of fun doing that, got tight with the fan,
like it was a good vibe.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And then Winter Ball came and.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I got a call in July that was like, hey,
we want to bring you back to winter Ball, and
that fired me up. And that was around the same
time where I was like, all right, well, something's not
working here.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I got to switch something up.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
So I was like, I'm athletic as frick, you know,
I'll throw from three slots. Hum, babe, and I started
doing that, and that was like a totally reigniting well
reigniting of like my passion because it was like, Ooh,
I get to experience something new, right, Like I'm embarking
on kind of this new journey and development. And if
you guys don't know this about me, you should. I
love new things in the sense of like trying new things.
(34:18):
I can't do two edits the same. I can't cook
a burger the same back to back days, right, Like
I always have to do something different.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I get that from the pops. But it's uh.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
But it's funny too because on the same time, at
the same time, I'm like so consistent, monotonous with so
many different routines, like at the sauna routine for example,
that I'm in right now talking to you guys, Like
I do this every single freaking day pretty much at
the same time, after the same morning walk, after the
same amount of pushups and training, like I do the
same freaking thing.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
It's so weird. I'm so fascinating. That's sick.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Maybe I need to feel fascinating for me to feel
like special. Probably, yeah, that's probably true, dude. Think about
like my brain at a young age, Like I felt
special right with the lifestyle with Pops, the fam, you know,
the moving, the change of environments early, like there's something
about it just felt special. So I think I got
trapped in this mental loop that was like, all right,
(35:09):
I need to feel special, Like special for me is
like purposeful, and if I don't feel that, you know,
like the times that I'm in now, if I.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Don't feel that, I really struggle.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
And that's kind of where I'm at now, is like
there's days where I kind of still feel special and
I still feel purpose but there's days where I don't.
And this is what I was talking about in the
episode I did yesterday. Hopefully you guys will hear it
at some point that I was just talking about how
like my perception of me is so much based on
like my content performance, which is like disgusting. And I
(35:45):
realized after I filmed or after I recorded yesterday's session,
I was like, you know, what I need to do
is I need to spend more time in my direct
messages and in my emails because I think that's something
that a lot of people reach out and talk about,
like the value that they get from what I do.
And I think I need to hear that. So yeah,
(36:06):
went and played winter ball. Three slot, was super freaking stoked, dude.
And what stinks about the whole thing is like, again,
I did well, man Like, I had a lot of
good success, and I was excited moving forward with like
being able to throw from three slots. I think what
I really wanted to do was I wanted another opportunity
at like a full season indie ball team that allowed
me to start, because I really wanted to be a
(36:28):
starting pitcher with three different slots. I thought that would
be like so much freaking fun, dude.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And then same thing in winter ball. I like did
well for a period of time, and then what typically
happens in winter ball is like right around after Thanksgiving,
right around you know, the holiday December, usually right around
like my birthday, December fifteenth, coming into like the Christmas.
Sometimes it's after Christmas. They'll bring in the ringers right
(36:54):
like for the postseason push. And that's when I got fanomed.
And then it was weird because I was like they,
you know, they loved me down there in Puerto Rico,
and I love them, I still do, but it was
weird because it was like we're going to keep you here.
You know, we're gonna you know, be around the team.
You're a good vibe, good energy. And I was like,
all right, you know, kind of run it back. We'll
do the same thing. I'll still get to play and
be around the guys. And then phone call came one.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Day like hey, we're going to get your flight get
out of here, and it's like, hey, I get it,
it's a business.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
But what I mean to kind of relay there with
in terms of like what I was feeling was like
it just felt like the game was just bringing me
so much heartache. Like I would try, you know, I
would put forth the effort to like make these adjustments
that I thought the game was calling me to make
or I thought like God was calling me to make.
And honestly, every time I like made the adjustment, I
(37:42):
think I associated the adjustment mentally by like, Okay, like
now I'm going to cook. So I guess there was
this expectation or this hope that would arise from that
and then just devastation, you know, just not not seeing
it go the way you want and just being really
scourage right, like just frick feeling almost feeling like I
(38:05):
knew that the game didn't owe me anything. But I
was just like, come on, man, I've given you. I've
given you so much of me to the point where
like I almost am you. And that's the first mistake, folks. Identity.
It was if you trap yourself in the identity of
(38:26):
a temporary thing, then you are going to feel temporary satisfaction.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And that's not it. You got to be rooted in
something bigger.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
And I think in that same breath the things that
were like affecting me at that time and even still
a little bit to this day, it was like I
was losing my faith because I was like upset at
God because it was like, all right, this is the
path that He's put me on. This kind of sucks,
Like where's the Disney ending to this?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
This isn't this isn't the storybook ending that I felt
like I was on my way to achieve how wrong
I was. So yeah, and then and then you know,
didn't didn't get another invite or an offer. I think
I was stubborn too. If I really wanted it, and
I really wanted to keep playing, what I would have
(39:22):
done was call every single team that could potentially offer
me a Jersey and request one.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Like I said, I was trapped in this mindset of
like disappointment. And it's not that I didn't like baseball,
Like I could still watch baseball and like love talking about.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Baseball still to this day.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
But around that time, I like I would have scheduled
throwing sessions with people, even like doing lessons, and like
there was times where like I just didn't want to
do it. You know, it's I honestly can't even explain
the feeling of it, but I just knew that I
needed to like take this break from throwing that thing.
(40:04):
And then there was certain random times like I did
a comeback thing and I did four or five, maybe
six days of it, and I was like, I can't
do this.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
It's so weird, man, so weird.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Because what I realized was, like I always say that
throwing and training baseball was like my outlet and like
almost my therapy. But what I didn't realize was like
it was only my therapy when I knew that I
was working towards something bigger. I was trying to achieve
(40:40):
something bigger, not just doing it to do it right.
There had to be an intent there had to be
a purpose, There had to be like diligence towards it.
And that's where I like fell in that trap because
now I'm like stuck with frek dude, is this you
know ever gonna go away? Going back to my whole
thing with my dad was he faced the same thing.
(41:02):
He couldn't watch a game, dude. You know, he isolated
himself out in the woods there. And then it wasn't
until like my brother and I started getting into baseball
that he finally started finding that passion again for coaching.
And I guess yeah, I mean, shoot, I like have
that passion too. It's just so weird because it's like
from my playing side. So maybe I remember my dad
trying to play Men's League two and him just not
(41:23):
liking it. He played like softball sometimes too, not liking it. Yeah,
it's interesting, man. It's an interesting like mental toll because
you can kind of mentally expect the emotions that arise
for certain experiences in or environments, and it's like sometimes
you can just be totally off and feel something that
(41:43):
you didn't expect and now you're like.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Whoa wrestling with it? Right?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Like a devotional hit me yesterday that was freaking Genesis, dude,
and it was Jacob wrestled with God and God changed
his freaking name. That's where I feel like, you know,
I'm like in this identity crisis where it's like half
of me wants to be Player Rob, which I would
say makes me feel purposeful because I started my content
(42:10):
journey as Player Rob, and I do things as a
player that no one really else was doing with like content,
and I was still being able to play and that
was so cool. And I developed like a name and
kind of a brand that way. And then it was
like boom, it's done, shoot pivot.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Who am I now? Oh? Do people like me still?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Do?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I still have value? You know what I mean? So
really interesting? Man?
Speaker 2 (42:33):
But who that was good. I got to get out
of this song. I'm sweat and I think I'm gonna
shave my beard today. What do you guys think? Yeah,
I say go for it. Might as well shock the system.
Happy Thanksgiving. I gotta get Pops on here and I
gotta get Mom on here again. Share the whole story
is fun talking about it all right, guys, If you
(42:53):
guys have any questions whatsoever, I want to reach out,
hang out, shoot the ball v rapuroshow dot com slash
ask take you to my question platform. I don't know
if anyone's gonna enjoy these little episodes, but they're really
good for me, so I appreciate you guys giving me
the outlet to do so. God bless, happy Thanksgiving, much
love until next time.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
So yeah, see SEP
Hey, there, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is going to be another episode of the heat
Check series in which I lay in my sauna blanket
in the living room and I talk into a microphone
and I become transformed into the utmost vulnerable self where
I don't really hold back. And it's been fun, dude.
I've recorded, actually, up until this point in which I'm
(00:22):
recording this pre row, I've recorded four episodes now, so
this one is episode two, and we are going to
be diving into the idea of when a ballplayer stops
ball playing. I'm going to be talking about my dad's experience.
I'm going to be talking about my experience. And remember, guys,
(00:44):
like I understand how these podcasts sound, right like they
are literally me laying down. I have no notes, I
have no script. I literally just start talking and then
like ideas go and thoughts take over and memories hit
and I just kind of roll with the punches. So
you know, I mean, if it's not organized, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I hope you don't.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Expect a very structured deal when you listen to these,
but who knows. So Honestly, I hate to say it,
but it's kind of more for me these days, you know,
I mean, I think I want to start doing more
episodes in which maybe I answer some like Q and
A stuff or actually talk about topics that could really
(01:31):
apply to multiple people.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I mean, this could apply to a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I know a lot of people that have retired or
have stopped playing that struggle. You know, and dude, you
know it's common. So I hope you guys enjoy this. Man,
if at any point you want me to talk about
something specific, look icen about six seven times a week,
you know, so I could. I could crush these epis.
(01:54):
So if you ever want me to talk and dive
deep into a specific subject, due to me, up the
Robbie row Show dot com slash ask Robbie with a
why the Robbie Roa Show. Also in the show notes
you can see the link too. So reach out, man,
I'm down to talk about pretty much anything.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I am in this new season of my.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Life where I am dedicating my podcast essentially to the
utmost raw version of myself. Man, unfiltered and vulnerable. Is
frick I'm trying to get. I'm trying to rid myself
of this kind of OCD perfectionism thing that I developed
over time within content specifically. I've always been a perfectionist
(02:37):
with everything, but like with content specifically, I've developed this
really and it's very similar like my content career. My
journey there has been so similar to like my journey
in baseball. So it's really interesting when I'm in this
sauna blanket, sweating my bean bag off, and I'm just
like finding these parallels and discovering things about myself that
(02:59):
I guess I all already knew, but now I'm like
speaking it right externally, so it holds more weight for
me Mentally, I don't know. I'm into it though. Hope
you guys are too. Enjoy the show. Guys, much love,
God bless well. Hello there, audience members of the Robbie
euro Show. We are back. This should be episode two.
(03:22):
Today's topic being that it is Thanksgiving. Let's talk about
the thing that I was most thankful for my entire.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Life and now no longer have it in my life.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
You guys want me to get vulnerable again and talk
about these internal weird feelings that probably I can't put
together words to even describe. To tell you guys where
I'm at currently with not being an active baseball player
and why do I feel weird. Why do I feel
like I'm just like trying to make you guys feel
sorry for me?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
What the heck?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's a weird feeling I just got, all right, So
I need to preface this all by saying, Hey, I'm
in a season of my life that is alleviating the
care that I have for other people's opinions. So if
you think that I'm trying to just make you guys
feel sorry for me, then that's on you, not me. Okay, good,
got that out. That's externally manifested into the world now.
(04:19):
And two, I oh sympathize. That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
That's my fear.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I guess what is that my ego talking like. My
fear is that I do these podcasts and I just
come off as like an annoying, complaining, ungrateful millennial.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That's not what I want.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I just want to be freaking truthfully honest, and I
want to use this as an outlet for me to
not only just become better speaking, but also as like
like my diary. Dude, there's a lot of things up
in my brain that I just think about and I
don't speak them, so.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I don't I don't really like heal so.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
To speak, which is a huge thing I'm realizing as
I'm getting older, is like the difference between thinking things
internally versus externally like putting them into the world you
or for me when I just speak, like I've been
actually practicing just talking to myself, like if I'm alone,
(05:25):
I know it's weird, dude, I really know it's weird.
But it's crazy how much of a difference it makes
in terms of like kind of hyping yourself up, and
like when you speak something out loud, like how how
you're just way more able to solidify what you're saying,
(05:47):
Like it just it carries more weight.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I would recommend you guys to try it if you
if you don't care about being like weird. So that's
that's a season and that I'm in. Dude, I couldn't
be more like uncomfortable right now because I know what
I'm going to be talking about right now, and I
know what I'm going to I know what I'm about
to dive into, and it's like giving me the freaking
(06:16):
hebe gbs because I don't like talking about it. That's
the reality. I gotta face that reality. I don't like
talking about it because it feels like it's kind of
a concluding thing. It's a closure, and I don't want
closure over my career. Like I don't think I still
right now. Don't think like I'm done playing, like even
if it's like a men's league I get in, dude,
(06:37):
Like I just I don't think I'm done with my
plane journey. I've seen weirder things happen in baseball, you know.
And I've always said since the day that I was
freaking born, dude, like I was going to play this
game until they ripped the jersey off of me. Well,
no one really ripped it off of me. And that's
(06:58):
the toughest pill to swallow, is that I kind of
ripped it off myself. And that's where I'm going to
really struggle, I think, as I move forward and if
I don't end up getting back into it, because I
like didn't do the specific things that I said that
I was going to do my entire life when it
came to my exit from this game.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
So let's just dive in, man, Let's not beat around
the bush.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Hum skeins. All right, So this story starts nineteen ninety seven.
Nineteen ninety seven, my dad retired this spring training invite
with the San Francisco Giants.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
JT Snow. I want to say, what got hit in
the eye or something got hit?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
He had to miss spring training, so my dad actually
filled in at first base, and I wish he was,
like we should call him remotely and get this story.
How sick would that be? I mean, honestly, we have
the means to do it. I live by a train
I live by a train track. As you guys can hear,
you know, I think the annoyance of the unpredictable rumbling
(08:04):
and sounds and not just sounds, it just comforts me
because that's a parallel to my mind. At any point
in time, I just get these most annoying sounds and
I'm just like, what is that? So nineteen ninety seven,
Dad's in spring training. That's probably when now. I definitely
have memories before that of my dad's career. So I
(08:27):
was born in ninety one. I think my earliest memories
are of like when I was three years old. I
remember a house in Florida that I can describe with
a pool throwing. I remember like memories of throwing the
dog into the pool, not me, but like seeing the
dog get thrown in the pool and swimming around. Granted,
not granted, but for those dog lovers, I'm a dog lover.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
He could swim. It's not a violent scene. Don't picture that.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
So ninety seven, though, is when I would actually say
that I started having like vivid memories of my life
because my dad took the trailer we had at r V,
and my dad took the RV lived in Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona,
while mom.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Me and my brother.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, because we would have been in school, so my
mom would have been working at Raley's in Ukaya. We
could call her to and get the scoop, and my
dad would have been on his own. So I have like, yeah,
this is cool. I'm starting to get flooded with a
little bit of memories here. So I have the one
specific vivid memory of like my mom, my brother, and
(09:37):
I going to visit him, or maybe it wasn't a visit,
maybe it was like when we were with him and
then we had to leave to go back home, but
we were in the trailer.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I remember taking a family picture in the trailer. We
have that somewhere, probably on the fridge back home.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And I also remember like being at a local park and.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Gosh, what was it? We were?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
It was actually like kind of dumb now that I
think about it as I'm older, but like my brother
was catching and my dad was like was it My
dad was like underhanding me balls to hit.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And it's ninety seven.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
So I would have been five because it would have
been the spring of ninety seven, So I was born
in December ninety one, so I think I would have
been five?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Is that the right math?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
And for some reason, like he didn't tell my brother
to like get out of there because he didn't have
like a face mask on. And I tipped, I foul
tipped one right back into his freaking lips, dude, right
into the kisser, and he like started bleeding too.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I felt so bad. That's a very vivid memory.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I wonder if I actually should call my mom today. Well,
I'm gonna call my family's Thanksgiving. I gotta, I gotta
do that, right, But I wonder if her I wonder
if her memory links up with mine on that too,
because now that I think about it, that's not like
my dad to just not say anything to my brother
trying to.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Catch without like a mask.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Like my dad and especially my mom so very like
overprotective in a way, especially when it comes to things
that like he did that takes me off on like
a side tangent story. My dad was catching Clemens in
like a bullpen when he was with Boston maybe ninety
four ninety five. After the strike, I'm not sure, but
he like a he got hit in the eye, right,
(11:28):
Clemens threw like a pitch that Nick ricocheted off something
and my dad wasn't wearing a mask and it like
really drilled him in the eye. Like he got pretty
effed up, I want to say. But now it's like
every time he sees a video of me catching and
I'm not wearing a mask, like, he'll light me up
and reassure that, you know, it's not dope when you
(11:49):
do get hit in the face because of that story.
So yeah, back to ninety seven. Wow, I'm going way
off on our tangent. Sorry, guys, he's still with me, Humskins,
they having journey. Yeah, So I have specific memories then,
and I remember another memory of like being at the
house in Ukaya and my dad finally coming home. I
(12:13):
guess it would have been yeah, because he was triple A.
So after spring training. He was really upset because he
didn't make the big league squad Triple A Phoenix Firebirds.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
This is so interesting to just sit here and.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Think about it on the spot, because it's like you
don't think about these things right actively throughout like a
course of time, and then you go to think about
it and it's like really fuzzy and you kind of
work through the details.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And that's what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Apologies for you guys having to sit there and just
kind of wait for this, but yeah, and then the
specific memories that I had, especially that year in ninety seven,
would be like waiting for him to come home. He
would come home from like road trips or something. Would
it be that he would come home from road trips
or was it that he came home after like quitting.
I don't specifically remember. Actually, now I really am curious
(12:59):
and I want to talk to my about this because
I have memories of like my dad coming home specific times.
I'm not it could have been even a different year,
not ninety seven, but like always so giddy waiting for
my dad to come home because he would bring like
my brother and I toys from wherever he was at. Right,
so like road trips, bring us toys. Gosh, we were spoiled.
(13:23):
And just man, the way that I just perceived my
dad at those little ages, you know, just like this
guy was I don't even know what the word I
would use to describe it, but it was so like
such high regard, like like kind of like a like
an even greater than like an idol, you know. Just
(13:46):
I just remember those early memories of I guess when
I finally started to connect dots in my brain like
what my dad actually was.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Thinking like, whoa, he's like a big deal. And then
I guess maybe that led into me things that I was.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
A big deal, did it? Yeah? Maybe, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I think I always had a little sense of like
feeling that there was something that was special about it,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Anyways, So finally, what is this twenty minutes in?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I'm going to finally get into the gist of it, because,
as you can tell, I've been stalling to get into
my issues.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Finally, ninety seven, my dad decides to retire.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Obviously, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like
with a wife and two kids that are starting to
grow up, you know, like being away from them. I
can't even imagine what that's like. Shout out to them
and shout out to my mom, dude for freaking holding
down the fort. But and then after that we moved
out into the woods. Dude, my dad was like, all right,
(14:42):
I'm done with baseball. I want to be around my
family more. Got a property out in the woods. We
had our trailer still, so we grew like we didn't grow.
My dad built like a housing unit, I guess out
in the woods. I don't even know how many acres
we had. But he worked for a gentleman in the
woods logging and that was like my dad's number one
(15:03):
passion was just being out in the woods logging. And now,
to be honest, as I'm at that similar age as
he was when he retired, I can totally understand wanting to.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Do exactly what he did because.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
It's kind of what I'm doing right now in a
different way. Like he was creating right Like he's a
very creative individual. That's where I get my creativity from.
And he would go out and be creative and isolated
in the woods, and I'd be the same way here
in my studio with creating the content.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's funny that how that works. But yeah, I just.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Remember those times being obviously I was so young, but
I didn't realize what was actually happening, but I could
sense it was like different, right, Like something was just different,
something was just off. Like it wasn't the fact that
my dad was around more.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It was just something. Yeah. I can't and I honestly
I can't explain it.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
But I just remember thinking that those times, like it's
just like again, I like I I loved living out there, dude.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
We had so much land. We had a trampoline.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
My dad built like this little jump thing, this little
ledge that like lifted you up and then you can
jump down into the trampoline and get a little bit
of higher a higher jump from that.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
We had like this.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Fire truck thing that I don't even know why we
had access to that fire truck, but we had the
We would use the water, the spray the hose what
am I trying to say, the water hose from the
fire truck sometimes because it gets so hot out there
in the woods, like during the summer, And I remember
vivid memories of getting sprayed with that fire truck hose
(16:47):
and being like, well, this is so cool. Another really
bad memory when it comes from my brother getting hit
in the face with things I remember specifically, I.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Don't know why. I literally don't know why.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Maybe I shouldn't say this because it's so cool, but
I remember, like we weren't even arguing. My brother and
I were playing on the trampoline, and for some reason,
I thought it would be like a good idea to
like toss it like a rock, Like we were looking
under the trampoline and we had like rocks all around,
and I like tossed a rock at him, but he
was like holding on the trampoline with his head under it,
(17:19):
so he couldn't like catch it, so it just hit
him in the face. I wonder if he has a
different memory than I do with that because I remember
like kind of like tossing at it. Maybe he remembers
me like just chucking at like. I don't think we
were fighting or anything. My brother and I really never
like fought like that, but I just remember hitting him
in the face and then seeing all the blood, dude,
and I freaked out. It felt so bad, Oh my gosh,
(17:40):
and that they had to like rush to the hospital
and uh, yeah, man, that's an interesting memory.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I felt so bad. What was I thinking? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
You know, when you're young, dude, you just kind of
do things and then you're just like, wait, why did
I do that?
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Did I just do it just to do it?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
All right back to the story.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So I just again, like my dad retired, and obviously
me being five, my brother being eight, whatever, Like I'm
not gonna sit there and open up to your kids
right about like what you're going through. But as I
grew up, I would just become more aware of, like
how much my dad kind of struggled when it came
(18:21):
to his outlook on baseball. Like my mom would say
that he couldn't even stand to like watch a game anymore.
He just didn't want to do He didn't want anything
to do with the game, right, And this is a
guy that like made it to the big leagues, dude,
this is a guy that grinded, was a nobody, wasn't
even playing baseball at one point in his life, got
(18:41):
talked into playing baseball, had his age faked by his college.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Coach so he can be eligible to get get drafted.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Like these are crazy stories that unfolded for him to
make his for him to have that career, and then gosh, dog,
I'm sitting here telling this story and I'm like, dude,
I don't even I can't publish this because I need.
I want to have Pops on the pod and just
talk about this, you know, because even as I'm sitting
here talking about it, there's probably so much of it
(19:11):
that A I haven't heard him talk about personally, and
B that I just don't even know. My dad is
a very proud, very stubborn individual. I can count on
like two fingers the amount of times that I've seen
(19:31):
that man like vulnerable and and or scared, you know. So, yeah,
I really want to do that. I really want to
get him on and just and just talk about it.
That'd be such a cool, fun episode.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I need to do that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Anyways, and then just you know, growing up becoming a
little bit more tight with him over the years and
just kind of opening up to like what the story was,
like he had offers like he could have continued to play,
you know what I mean, Like it wasn't something where
like the game itself forced him out. So I think
that hits a little bit different. And so me being
(20:09):
you know, now at the age of like sixteen seventeen eighteen,
when I'm starting to like hear him talk about this
thing about how he perceived his end of his career, right,
because you got to remember to do that. Ninety seven
spring training was his best spring training ever.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
So it's like, what.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Was he thirty three years old, finally starting to hit
a groove. He was in the best shape of his life,
and then he said, no, dude, I gotta I'm done.
I got a family like it just and what people
don't realize about the game, dude, is is like it's
a game, yeah, built on failure, right, but we don't
ever really talk about how that failure leads into like
the consistent failure leads into just your like overall quality
(20:49):
of life. You've got to be someone different, dude, mentally.
You got to just be built different mentally to just
be able to take everything that the game gives you.
If you have the if you're fortunate enough, if you're
blessed enough to play the game for over a decade,
like unless you're someone just special, like you're gonna face
your ups and downs. Well, let me be clear, You're
(21:11):
gonna you're gonna go through your downs, you know, and
over a period of time. Man, I could just I
can understand, like I was kind of in the same
boat where it's just like I'm given so much to
this game, you know, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I'm given
so much to it, and it's like, what is it
what is it giving me back? But let me tell
(21:33):
you guys firsthand, Like that's not the right mindset. You know,
it's not an exchange thing. It's a privilege to play
the game. It doesn't owe you anything, right, life, life
doesn't owe you anything.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Man. I think I.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Always realized that. I always understood that, But it's the
real life, practical application to it that's tricky. Because I
was prepped, you know, like when I got drafted, I
knew based off like my dad, my mom and the
(22:09):
knowledge that I obtained from that experience that they had
gone through, not just at the end of his career,
but like throughout the whole career.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Right, Like I was equipped.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Man, I knew, But like there's a difference between someone
else's knowledge and your own personal experience, you know. And
that's the biggest difference is because I would sit there
and say, like I am going to play this game
until they fricking ripped the jersey right off my back,
and I can no longer like there's no way, there's
(22:40):
no outlet that I can play anymore, you know, And
fast forward all the years later to twenty twenty three,
even twenty twenty two. Man I played that indie ball
season twenty twenty two. I was the pitching coach. I
was a player coach. Didn't have a great season. I
learned a lot. I was excited after that season until
continue that progression of balancing like the coach in me,
(23:05):
because that's what I knew I wanted to do long term,
but also being able to simplify in my own mind
and go out and perform. And I was excited to
continue that. And I think ever since, ever since twenty twenty,
I was always kind of like the guy, like the
pitching coach, guy, like you know, twenty nineteen, I blew
(23:26):
my lat out in twenty eighteen, So from like what
October of twenty eighteen, all the way till July of
twenty twenty, I basically locked myself in the studio and
just learned everything that I freaking can possibly learn about
throwing a baseball. And then that's when the brand started,
I started posting content, started sharing my knowledge, so like
(23:49):
people would gravitate towards me to learn and whatnot. And
I was just excited after that twenty twenty two season
to continue on that journey because I was really sour
that the season itself in twenty twenty two with the
Boulders was like so poor from my pitching performance, because
I think, like it didn't have to be. I think
(24:13):
I gave in a lot in the sense of like
the bad outings became extremely bad outings because I just
didn't really care to. Like I was like in the
back of my mind, I was like, I'm the coach, right,
Like I gottaware this no matter what, and it's not
about me.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
It's about the team.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And you know, I'm just here to like kind of
get out and say, you know, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I think there was just a really passive mindset there. Now. Granted,
you know, looking back at that year.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I frick, dude, I wish I can wish I can
pick it up after at a certain point, because I
was like pitcher of the Week one week and after
that I think it'll in Townhill.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah. Anyways, gosh, that's frustrating.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I'd get freaking so upset at myself because it's like, yeah,
I remember driving home after that season ended and just
hop it on the mic in the car, just talking
all about like what I was gonna do moving forward,
you know, like the things that I learned and was
gonna start applying in my career to better me. Like
(25:18):
nothing in my mind thought like that was gonna be
the last time, like I played baseball. That's not not
winter ball. So and then fast forward to the winter
ball season. I played that winter ball season and just
again like another sour taste in my mouth because like, gosh,
(25:38):
I did well, dude, I like work my butt off,
got into a good spot, kicked a lot of bad habits,
pitched well, and then like I remember there's one specific
outing where there was like an air but it went
down as like an ernie. Dude went down as like
(25:58):
a hit and I gave like a three Ernie spot
and I went from having like a point five eight
to like a two to two or whatever. And then
frick I walked in the office the next day and
they're like, we're gonna put you on the phantom and
just like so many like little things so many events
at the end of my career were taking place that
I was like, all right, dude, is God just saying like, hey,
your your time is done playing this game? Or is
(26:22):
he saying like, hey, We're going to freaking run you
through the ringer here and you're going to endure it
and you're going to be better off for it in
the long term. And that's kind of where I approached it.
Maybe that's just ignorant, but that was kind of how
I was approaching it. So end of twenty twenty two, granted,
like such a weird experience for me personally because the
(26:43):
team that I was on won the championship and it
was essentially like the first ever ring that I won
in professional baseball, and I'll rephrase that I was the
first ring I've ever won in any baseball And it
was a really cool feeling, but it was it was
felt at the same time with like I didn't earn this, dude,
(27:03):
Like this isn't right. Like I kind of felt embarrassed,
you know, kind of felt shame. You gotta remember, dude,
you know, growing up small town, I was the guy,
you know, everything was, everything was kind of about me.
And as you can imagine what that did to a
young adolescent's brain over time, right, obviously thinking he's maybe
(27:26):
a little bit special because of the lifestyle he grew
up doing, and then the dad thing, and then you know, boom,
high school sports and it's like you're the guy, and
then boom, you're drafted, and then it's like everything's kind
of leading you into believe this idea that you know
you're him, but you're not. You know, so you said,
(27:49):
these just extremely stupid expectations, and you kind of back
yourself into a corner to the point where like, no
matter what you do or how you do it, it's kind
of like never gonna be worthwhile, It's never going to
be satiating because of the expectation. That's tough, that's a
tough recognition. But you know, I guess, I guess what's
the purpose of all of it?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Right? I'm a man of faith. I believe that there's
a purpose to everything. I think the.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Reason why it feels so called to do these things
can create content is just for that. You know, maybe
there's one person that I can help, you know, one person,
here's what I'm talking about, And I don't know, improves
gets better, better prepared, works a little bit smarter. You know,
(28:36):
Let's see one thing that I could have adjusted. Oh
so back to the story though, like twenty twenty two
blah blah blah, and then winter Ball and then boom,
twenty twenty three comes, right, So it's like, all right,
I need a job. And I remember having a phone
call with my coach from the previous year where I
was a pitching coach and player coach or whatever you
want to call it, and I just remember like thinking, Okay,
(28:56):
let's run it back, dude. I like learned a lot,
and I really want to put forth what I've learned
in the next season because I feel like I'm still
I still have like so much to give.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
You guys.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Got to realize too, man, like when you're thirty one,
thirty two, whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Like you're not that old.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Like you're finally starting to connect dots physically and mentally,
and it's like you almost feel like you're just now
reaching that point where you can have control of your
mental while also being physically able to do things right.
So it's a really cool culmination of everything coming together
and just feeling like way more secure in yourself, I
(29:37):
guess in your body in your mind, and I remember
him just kind of saying like, well, you know, we're
not going to run it back. Basically no hard feelings.
I completely understood, and then I was like all right,
like okay, no worries, like let's go next guy, but
next team and a couple teams called. I think what
was really discouraging was the fact that the team that
(30:00):
I did talk to were like very anti my brand,
and it almost felt and again, this could be like
a huge defensive mechanism right put in place by me
just to make me feel better that it wasn't about
my performance, you know what I'm saying. And I can
recognize that it's fine, but what I felt at the
time was like, oh, like I'm getting shunned. I'm getting
(30:21):
like like, this isn't about me the player. This is
about like the image and the distraction or the potential distraction.
And I recognize that, I understand that, but it's weird
having been in a totally different mindset from when I
started the brand, because I was like, ooh, my brand,
Like this is my resume, Look how hard I work.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Look at all the cool.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Things that I do and all the knowledge that I have,
and I can share that. And I was like under
this impression that it was a positive attribute to a.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Team, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
And I think in that twenty twenty three season, granted,
like my performance in twenty twenty two was very lackluster,
but then going for the train to pass by, these
trains were long, too, dude, because you'll hear that noise
for like a good thirty seconds, and by thirty seconds,
I mean five. And going into that twenty twenty three
season like just feeling that if I were to play,
(31:18):
if I were to to try to play that season,
I had to like sacrifice my brand, That's what it
felt like. And again I understand that my brain could
have been fully in a protective state, but it just
felt that way. And so I came to this crossroads
(31:39):
where I was like, all right, like I'm not going
to sacrifice this brand that I grew, you know, I
like I do thoroughly enjoy it. I had to kind
of ask myself, like what do I enjoy more? Right,
Like my brand and creating content or like pitching and competing,
And even to this day, like I don't even know
if I like got the answer right, Like I chose
(32:01):
my brand.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I guess I chose my brand. Wow, this is going
to be interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I think I chose like the brand thing because I
was like, I can have baseball without being on like
a team, Like I could go to the park and
play baseball and I can hang with the boys and
like throw the ball around, you know. And I felt
like at that time, with content starting to become so
like popular, I was like I got to stay in
it and I got to like stay relevant from that aspect,
(32:25):
and if I didn't, like I was going to miss
out on my potential future because I know baseball it
can only last so long, right, Like.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
It's a physical required sport.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
But then it's like you can look at it the
opposite way too, where you're like you can do your
brand at any time, right, like you'd be sixty create content.
It's weird, man. So yeah, I ended up choosing. Like
I talked to the teams that had called me, and
it was unfortunate that almost I want to say, like
every team that I did talk to was like you'll
have to either tone down the content or like just
(32:54):
completely dismiss it altogether. And the last thing that I
wanted was to like go out to a team and
then like try to create content, you know, and it
just kind of come into weird terms there. But yeah,
so I decided not to play, and I was like,
no worries, dude, I'm just gonna take a year, right,
I'm gonna I'm gonna focus on my brand. I'm gonna
(33:17):
focus on my coaching. I did a lot of lessons.
I really enjoyed it, honestly. I was living at home finally,
was like home for a set amount of time, which
was unlike what I would typically do, being someone that
only was home during like off seasons months on end.
So I was home for a specific or was home
for a good amount of time. Developed a really dope
(33:37):
setup in the lab, you know, like I had a
lot of fun doing that, got tight with the fan,
like it was a good vibe.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And then Winter Ball came and.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I got a call in July that was like, hey,
we want to bring you back to winter Ball, and
that fired me up. And that was around the same
time where I was like, all right, well, something's not
working here.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I got to switch something up.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
So I was like, I'm athletic as frick, you know,
I'll throw from three slots. Hum, babe, and I started
doing that, and that was like a totally reigniting well
reigniting of like my passion because it was like, Ooh,
I get to experience something new, right, Like I'm embarking
on kind of this new journey and development. And if
you guys don't know this about me, you should. I
love new things in the sense of like trying new things.
(34:18):
I can't do two edits the same. I can't cook
a burger the same back to back days, right, Like
I always have to do something different.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I get that from the pops. But it's uh.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
But it's funny too because on the same time, at
the same time, I'm like so consistent, monotonous with so
many different routines, like at the sauna routine for example,
that I'm in right now talking to you guys, Like
I do this every single freaking day pretty much at
the same time, after the same morning walk, after the
same amount of pushups and training, like I do the
same freaking thing.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
It's so weird. I'm so fascinating. That's sick.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Maybe I need to feel fascinating for me to feel
like special. Probably, yeah, that's probably true, dude. Think about
like my brain at a young age, Like I felt
special right with the lifestyle with Pops, the fam, you know,
the moving, the change of environments early, like there's something
about it just felt special. So I think I got
trapped in this mental loop that was like, all right,
(35:09):
I need to feel special, Like special for me is
like purposeful, and if I don't feel that, you know,
like the times that I'm in now, if I.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Don't feel that, I really struggle.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
And that's kind of where I'm at now, is like
there's days where I kind of still feel special and
I still feel purpose but there's days where I don't.
And this is what I was talking about in the
episode I did yesterday. Hopefully you guys will hear it
at some point that I was just talking about how
like my perception of me is so much based on
like my content performance, which is like disgusting. And I
(35:45):
realized after I filmed or after I recorded yesterday's session,
I was like, you know, what I need to do
is I need to spend more time in my direct
messages and in my emails because I think that's something
that a lot of people reach out and talk about,
like the value that they get from what I do.
And I think I need to hear that. So yeah,
(36:06):
went and played winter ball. Three slot, was super freaking stoked, dude.
And what stinks about the whole thing is like, again,
I did well, man Like, I had a lot of
good success, and I was excited moving forward with like
being able to throw from three slots. I think what
I really wanted to do was I wanted another opportunity
at like a full season indie ball team that allowed
me to start, because I really wanted to be a
(36:28):
starting pitcher with three different slots. I thought that would
be like so much freaking fun, dude.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And then same thing in winter ball. I like did
well for a period of time, and then what typically
happens in winter ball is like right around after Thanksgiving,
right around you know, the holiday December, usually right around
like my birthday, December fifteenth, coming into like the Christmas.
Sometimes it's after Christmas. They'll bring in the ringers right
(36:54):
like for the postseason push. And that's when I got fanomed.
And then it was weird because I was like they,
you know, they loved me down there in Puerto Rico,
and I love them, I still do, but it was
weird because it was like we're going to keep you here.
You know, we're gonna you know, be around the team.
You're a good vibe, good energy. And I was like,
all right, you know, kind of run it back. We'll
do the same thing. I'll still get to play and
be around the guys. And then phone call came one.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Day like hey, we're going to get your flight get
out of here, and it's like, hey, I get it,
it's a business.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
But what I mean to kind of relay there with
in terms of like what I was feeling was like
it just felt like the game was just bringing me
so much heartache. Like I would try, you know, I
would put forth the effort to like make these adjustments
that I thought the game was calling me to make
or I thought like God was calling me to make.
And honestly, every time I like made the adjustment, I
(37:42):
think I associated the adjustment mentally by like, Okay, like
now I'm going to cook. So I guess there was
this expectation or this hope that would arise from that
and then just devastation, you know, just not not seeing
it go the way you want and just being really
scourage right, like just frick feeling almost feeling like I
(38:05):
knew that the game didn't owe me anything. But I
was just like, come on, man, I've given you. I've
given you so much of me to the point where
like I almost am you. And that's the first mistake, folks. Identity.
It was if you trap yourself in the identity of
(38:26):
a temporary thing, then you are going to feel temporary satisfaction.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And that's not it. You got to be rooted in
something bigger.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
And I think in that same breath the things that
were like affecting me at that time and even still
a little bit to this day, it was like I
was losing my faith because I was like upset at
God because it was like, all right, this is the
path that He's put me on. This kind of sucks,
Like where's the Disney ending to this?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
This isn't this isn't the storybook ending that I felt
like I was on my way to achieve how wrong
I was. So yeah, and then and then you know,
didn't didn't get another invite or an offer. I think
I was stubborn too. If I really wanted it, and
I really wanted to keep playing, what I would have
(39:22):
done was call every single team that could potentially offer
me a Jersey and request one.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Like I said, I was trapped in this mindset of
like disappointment. And it's not that I didn't like baseball,
Like I could still watch baseball and like love talking about.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Baseball still to this day.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
But around that time, I like I would have scheduled
throwing sessions with people, even like doing lessons, and like
there was times where like I just didn't want to
do it. You know, it's I honestly can't even explain
the feeling of it, but I just knew that I
needed to like take this break from throwing that thing.
(40:04):
And then there was certain random times like I did
a comeback thing and I did four or five, maybe
six days of it, and I was like, I can't
do this.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
It's so weird, man, so weird.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Because what I realized was, like I always say that
throwing and training baseball was like my outlet and like
almost my therapy. But what I didn't realize was like
it was only my therapy when I knew that I
was working towards something bigger. I was trying to achieve
(40:40):
something bigger, not just doing it to do it right.
There had to be an intent there had to be
a purpose, There had to be like diligence towards it.
And that's where I like fell in that trap because
now I'm like stuck with frek dude, is this you
know ever gonna go away? Going back to my whole
thing with my dad was he faced the same thing.
(41:02):
He couldn't watch a game, dude. You know, he isolated
himself out in the woods there. And then it wasn't
until like my brother and I started getting into baseball
that he finally started finding that passion again for coaching.
And I guess yeah, I mean, shoot, I like have
that passion too. It's just so weird because it's like
from my playing side. So maybe I remember my dad
trying to play Men's League two and him just not
(41:23):
liking it. He played like softball sometimes too, not liking it. Yeah,
it's interesting, man. It's an interesting like mental toll because
you can kind of mentally expect the emotions that arise
for certain experiences in or environments, and it's like sometimes
you can just be totally off and feel something that
(41:43):
you didn't expect and now you're like.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Whoa wrestling with it? Right?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Like a devotional hit me yesterday that was freaking Genesis, dude,
and it was Jacob wrestled with God and God changed
his freaking name. That's where I feel like, you know,
I'm like in this identity crisis where it's like half
of me wants to be Player Rob, which I would
say makes me feel purposeful because I started my content
(42:10):
journey as Player Rob, and I do things as a
player that no one really else was doing with like content,
and I was still being able to play and that
was so cool. And I developed like a name and
kind of a brand that way. And then it was
like boom, it's done, shoot pivot.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Who am I now? Oh? Do people like me still?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Do?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I still have value? You know what I mean? So
really interesting? Man?
Speaker 2 (42:33):
But who that was good. I got to get out
of this song. I'm sweat and I think I'm gonna
shave my beard today. What do you guys think? Yeah,
I say go for it. Might as well shock the system.
Happy Thanksgiving. I gotta get Pops on here and I
gotta get Mom on here again. Share the whole story
is fun talking about it all right, guys, If you
(42:53):
guys have any questions whatsoever, I want to reach out,
hang out, shoot the ball v rapuroshow dot com slash
ask take you to my question platform. I don't know
if anyone's gonna enjoy these little episodes, but they're really
good for me, so I appreciate you guys giving me
the outlet to do so. God bless, happy Thanksgiving, much
love until next time.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
So yeah, see SEP
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