Ep. 92 - “Jiu Jitsu" (2020) [Feat. Lyndsay Newman]

Nothing says martial arts like an alien coming to earth every six years to fight people! Getting ready for a WILD and WHIMSICAL time fighting through this one. You'll have WISHED you took those Jiu Jitsu lessons after this one!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, mess, I'm a lieutenant in the police department.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm in the middle of a homicide investigation.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
Try I get my prescription please.

Speaker 4 (00:12):
The whole time is standing there with this whom.

Speaker 5 (00:16):
Me expression on your face?

Speaker 3 (00:21):
Have you ever been dragging to the sidewalk and being.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
Tell you best blood?

Speaker 3 (00:25):
No man has spilt more blood in God's name than I.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
How in the name of Zeus's buttle did you get
out of yourself?

Speaker 4 (00:38):
What you really think?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
I let myself get killed in a garbage truck? Ha Well,
I hit in a soup can roll it all the
way to the city dump.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Because I was made for this, super baby and I
have the care.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
Uh Okay, back the Weekly Show starring the Wickerman. We're
doing another one. I'm Hank Kilgore as always with James kreeng.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
You've really given up on the whole bit.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
We're not I love there yet, We're not.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
I love it. I'm happy. I'm happy?

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Are you? James to me?

Speaker 3 (01:17):
James?

Speaker 5 (01:18):
No, he's James cringeing.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
You're wait, you're a j Panzeka this week? What is
going on?

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Dude?

Speaker 4 (01:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:26):
It was weird as hell. This has been like five
years since I've seen a j Pankell on the screen.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, this from my trial that's getting ready for municipal court.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Well, unlike usual, this week we have a j Pansica
and we also have a special guest from the show,
Lindsey Newman.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
First time on the show.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
Hey, I'm in love with Pansy.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Okay, what about things?

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:57):
What about sending?

Speaker 3 (02:01):
Not you?

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Not you fuzzy Man?

Speaker 5 (02:03):
Next.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Well, welcome to the show, Lindsey. Uh. You know, it's
actually kind of funny. I was thinking about this the
other day.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
I'm not sure about you because I've never met you before,
but I have a really hard time pronouncing my j's.
And sometimes when I'm walking around, I I get I
get just thrown by with a branch into my eye.
A branch goes into my eye, and I'm like, I'm like, ah,
I it's my It's I it's my eye.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
And then someone runs up to me and they're like,
what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I go,
it's my eye, my eye, and they go, oh, that's
I don't see anything going on. And then I hit them.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
I hit him with a with a with a slap
and then like a chop and then I punch him
in the in the stomach and I go, JK, fool,
it's ji jitsu, so a j What.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
Were your initial thoughts on the movie. What did you
think when you watched it?

Speaker 1 (02:59):
We watched jiu jitsu that didn't make any sense.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
You're usually at least hey, you could have gone, yeah,
you could have gone from me. No, you could have
gotten work from me.

Speaker 6 (03:13):
Don't like it?

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Sometimes you want it.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's it's you know, it's like a battle. It's like
an art that we're just something of martial art. Every
time I get on here, it's it's like a jiu jitsu,
a jiu jitsu, which I guess is a religion in
this movie.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
It's both a religion and a person.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
I think, right, I don't know about jiu jitsu. To me,
it felt like a diamond Dave Judy chop.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Okay, that's okay. I like where we're headed here.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, well, we we watched jiu Jitsu, which which was
released November twentieth, twenty twenty, starring, of course, well kind
of starring Nicolose Cage as Wiley.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
I don't know anyone's name.

Speaker 5 (03:56):
That's one in the opening credits.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Yeah, like is this, it's the right movie. I know
he was in that boat at the beginning, and then
I was like the second, I don't think he's in
it again until and he's not until the forty minute mark.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, our main guy is Elaine Alan Elaine Moosey is
Jake Raymond pin Harry as Oh it's a fisherman.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
I don't even we love Frank Rillo. I don't want
to hear any Frank Rillo slam.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
I love I love Frank Rillo. He should have been
the star of this movie. Yes, Alan Moosey, Frank.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
They got a guy that looked a little bit like
Frank Carrillo to the point where I was confused as
to which one was which?

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Why to him?

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Also when you already have Frank Rilla, Yes, exactly. The
bad guy was Ryan Terran as Brax Yep. I don't
think any names really matter, Rick, you and is Captain
Sand Captain Sand.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Anyways. It was directed by uh, what's his name?

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Where are you?

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Dmitri Leagoitis look with.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
But he he only does martial arts movies, right or
was that the main actor? I can't remember.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
All I know is this guy is definitely Greek. Yep,
he's Greek. Confirmed, he's from Athens. Okay, I think that's
what matters. I think it's the main actor who does
a lot of martial arts stuff, Alan Moussey.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
But let's.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Let's let's talk about it. Have you gonna give you
seen this before? I've never seen this. I always wanted to.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yeah, I saw it. I saw it. I saw this
the day after it came out. It went straight to
streaming if if you could believe it. And Luke, who
I promised last episode would be on, we watched this
movie together and he said, I know you guys are
doing your Nicholas Cage podcast and if when this movie

(05:48):
comes up, He's like, I want to be on it.
I want to be on this podcast. But when this
movie comes up, this is the only one I do
not want to be on. I cannot watch this movie again.
I eat this movie. Yeah, I mean it's the Yeah,
it's a horrible, horrible movie. And I said, don't worry, Luke,
I got you. In five years when we record the episode,

(06:10):
I will have you on for that episode. And of
course he ended up having no work, so alass he's
not on and we have Lindsay instead and lindsay, I'd
like to ask you, were you angry when you realized
about five minutes into this that you had to watch
the rest of it, or how did you feel about things?

Speaker 4 (06:30):
You know? I did my research and I saw that
on IMDb it's a two point nine out of ten. Okay,
I twenty seven percent at Rotten Tomatoes, and frankly, I
was pissed off with both of them and lost faith
because that was generous. I felt not only anger, but
a deep despair and anguish that I never know. Yeah,

(06:52):
because I knew I was going to do this podcast
with you, and I wanted to show up and do
the thing. So yeah, the pain was, you know, almost unbearable.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
I think that makes sense. Yeah, I think that makes
a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I think we fairly desensitized, at least I have at
this point. Although sometimes when it's bad, it's still bad.
I mean, this was pretty bad, but we haven't had
this bad in a while.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I will say, and I may be in the minority here,
I don't hate this movie.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
I think you just said it was completely horrible.

Speaker 3 (07:23):
It's horrible, But when I think about the other movies
that we've watched, I don't hate this one. I think
there's that POV fight scene, which might be the worst
fight scene of all time, and it's mostly just martial arts,
so it's like you, it's really a movie this, Yeah,
it's not. This was a really easy one to just

(07:43):
like have on and I felt like I didn't need
to pay a lot of attention, which I prefer to
like the really shitty ones. That's just purely dialogue.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
So that's where I'm at to back you up a
little bit. I will say I just sat there and
watched the whole thing. I didn't look away because it
had my attention for the hour and forty five, though
it didn't longer than that.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
A j What do you think?

Speaker 5 (08:09):
I think My first like real highlight with this movie
was how quickly it put me into a very deep sleep, right,
I really I needed that.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
I was tired, and.

Speaker 5 (08:24):
Yeah, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to try
to watch it again today.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
We did you saw the spoilers.

Speaker 5 (08:38):
Not Franks, but I gotta say we were kind of
distracted while we were watching it. Lindsay was pulling up
some really cute videos of cats singing.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Okay, you know, like James.

Speaker 5 (08:52):
Said like this was this was a good movie to
have on in the background when people are just like
and then there's like cats singing songs and it's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
It's a really hard movie to talk about. Sorry, Lindsey,
I don't mean to speak over you, age. I don't
mind speaking over you. I don't want to.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
Have you ever seen the videos where the cat goes
all long dancers?

Speaker 3 (09:14):
Yes, I can't say I have, but.

Speaker 1 (09:20):
One, James, you haven't seen that to That video is
like eight years old. That was like an O G
YouTube video. I mean I would rather talk about that
than j.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I mean it's it's an impossible movie to talk about,
like what you.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Put it talk about the best way, I'll just I'll
just this is mostly all I have on it is
it's some some man from Athens who wanted to make
a predator movie, but he really liked martial arts and
in theory, and I was excited when the movie came out.
He didn't see it, and thank god I didn't then
because I met have to watch it again today.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, I mean, in theory it's a cool idea.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
It's like every I'll say win in a second, because
I want to talk about that. But at a set
interval every few years, a comet appears and over like
this undisclosed desert location maybe and me and mamar I
don't know where the me and mar but me, me,

(10:23):
Marley and me, and like after some hole opens up
in a Buddhist temple and an alien named Bracts comes
out and the alien is basically just predator.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yes, it does the heat vision.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Camera and it looked really good.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
I give him that this well, I was gonna say
the suit, the design of his suit was pretty cool.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
And then when they show his face.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, but basically this predator jiu jitsu.

Speaker 5 (10:50):
At Hank, did you like the special effects this character?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
His face? Yeah, His.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Helmet is like Mysterio where it's like a bunch of
just fog and a glass bowl.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
But then every now and then it dissipates and you
see his face.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's flattened two D smush like it's like if you
took the Predator's face and shmushed it all. Yes, with
a bunch of red smoke all around him. But he
comes every it's every six years. He rise every six
years to battle nine jiu jitsu warriors. But at one
point Nicholas Cage Brack. He says, Cage gave us jiu jitsu,

(11:29):
which I don't know what that means.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, are they or is he jiu jitsu?

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Yeah? I know his name is Brax.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
I know that that's true. You know what I could
dedicated to it, the part I really couldn't get past.
At the end of So, like Hank said, six years,
they make this whole big deal. It's six years. Blah
blah blah's.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Happening for two thousand, two thousand years.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
He when the old me and mar woman where wherever
they are, a fisher woman, she says, thank you, You're
going to save us from from two thousand years of
this trauma. Uh Jake or whatever the fuck kills Bracks
sends him, you know, with the grenade through the portal.

(12:14):
It all blows up, and then the last line of
the movie is text going, I'll see you in six years.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
It's insane.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
So what was the point? It's insane?

Speaker 5 (12:23):
He didn't know what was going on. He was hiding
like a coward.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
Well, if he didn't know what would know anything.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
He already didn't know anything. Well he didn't, he can't.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
He's supposed to be the translator, but he couldn't translate anything.

Speaker 5 (12:38):
Yeah, and I was insane that I haven't imagine for
this guy, this is that guy that he's done.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
Yeah, he was supposed to be the comic relief.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
But correct me if I'm wrong. I don't even think
they say it's the US Army. It just says army.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
No, it says Army intelligence officer. It was like the
fact I haven't That's one of my like three notes
on this.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
It's it's insane. It's a this thing.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
This alien has to challenge nine jiu jitsu martial artists
and on the ninth one he goes back to the
portal afterwards, I guess goes back to whoever a couple
of things won every six years, that's actually a lot.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Like that's pretty frequent.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
You would think the world at this point would know
about this and would be able to prepare for that
was constant better, especially because at one point we found
out that the alleged US military knows about it. Because
this one guy's like I've been tracking him for the
last twenty six, twenty four years.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
It's like, so you guys do know about this? I
don't know the guy.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
The guy the main character wakes up with amnesia and
he the whole movie, he just says, I don't know.
And that's pretty much how I feel about the movie.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, I don't know. I felt like I got.

Speaker 5 (13:48):
They're like, what you don't know?

Speaker 7 (13:50):
He's like, oh, my father, wait what, Oh you don't know?

Speaker 1 (13:56):
The times he says, I don't know, and they go,
you don't know, it's like he has anesia. Everyone knows
he has anisia. He was a no, then they keep
asking him it was his plan.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Hey, Lindsey, I got a question for you. Are you
a Are you a film connoisseur? Do you like watching movies?

Speaker 4 (14:16):
I don't. I think connoisseur is a strong word, but
I enjoy a good film.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
But you you like a good film? Did this make
you never want to watch another? Did this make you
say this is the last one for me?

Speaker 4 (14:33):
Honestly? Okay, So I've watched a lot of movies that
are you know, really bad, like they're so bad they're
good cult classic, like I understand the appeal and like
on like on the face of this movie, like it
was a comic book that the director and his boy wrote,
and they wrote the screenplay and it's like this cross cultural.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
Wait, is that true?

Speaker 2 (14:57):
Is that it's based on a comic book?

Speaker 5 (14:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Yeah, it's on a convert and yeah it's directed by
the guy who wrote this the screenplay the comic book
with a friend. That's awesome. And if it was I'm
thinking I'm coming from from a place of positivity. I
have a streaks based approach, like this is my friend
that made this movie. I would be like, you know

(15:20):
what you did that you got age in your movie.
They were battling for earth. You're out here protecting us, Like, well,
thank you so much. Pal, So I can see or
like somebody was really trying to eat no crumbs. I
feel like it's like communism on paper. Wow, sounds fire

(15:41):
and then reality it's firefest.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
I did you write a.

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Guys, you recommend.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
That's a that's a deep plug right there. Me and
James used to do a show called Off the Dom.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
That's right, Yeah we did it, is right, that's right.
Look at that right, So lindsay my follow up. Sorry,
let's actually I'll save my follow up. Please keep going
because it is important to discuss how this movie is
uh comic. For the first thirty minutes or graphic novel
for the first twenty five to thirty minutes, disappears for

(16:22):
about an hour, and then they hit you with a
frame about an hour later.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yeah, it's very disjointed. Like I said, the execution wasn't there, fam,
but the idea, the idea was there. Yeah, they were trying,
like let's let's let's give big ups to our boys,
trying to bring your comic book to life. But think
about it, like if it was you guys, right, you

(16:48):
were like, yeah, we got this comic is pretty great.
We're gonna do the screenplay, and then y'all made a movie.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
It's I Love You, lind saying that while I was
watching the movie, Uh, and I live in LA and
I am a filmmaker, and I'm watching this, and I
was thinking, if I went out and finally produced my
first film on my own, and I'm sitting in the
editing bay and this is what I'm watching for my actors,
I'd probably cancel the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
You probably have to This is invismal.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
It's like it could have been even like Cage has
nothing to do like it is. It is just right,
like watching Sawdust just settle.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
It's just so.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
Prevention is better than a cure. And I don't think
I ever realized why. I'd hear people like scrap a
film or like, yeah they spit twenty mil on a pilot.
It's on the cutting room floor, now I know.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, although these people didn't. They went out
and they sent it to streaming and it's on to
be so it's one.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
You can watch it with Little Caesar ads.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Now twob does a pretty good job at giving you
the ad break at the right time and a little
warning that it's coming, much better than Amazon.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Is that a joke?

Speaker 3 (18:00):
No, I was being serious. I thought they did a
nice job of.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Maybe we had different experiences, because for me, it was
them being like Nicholas a good example. The first one
that happened was I think it's whatever they like they
find him for the first time and they're like, who
are Like the woman has him in the interrogation room, Yeah, whatever,
and she's like slowly putting her fist down, like hey,
we need to know who you are, and he goes,

(18:26):
I don't know, and he goes six ninety.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Nine Little Caesars away and it would just cut in
immediately every time.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
Yeah, that wasn't my experience. I do want to talk
about that room though, because there was like three scenes
in that movie where she would interrogate him. They'd go
out and have some sort of ridiculous long battle, come
back in interrogation, go out another battle. Interrogation. That was

(18:55):
pissing me off.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
This is a bold thing.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
I gotta plug my computer.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Go for it. Man, maybe for the films. Go ahead.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
I know what it feels like to be a man.
Sometimes you just battle it. It's an interrogation. You're fine
for your life. You're trying to battle these motherfuckers out
here asking a bunch of questions.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Absolutely, absolutely, your analogy is are on point for this film.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
I took a Miller's analogy test instead of a g
r E.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
Hell yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
She's like, she's like, she's she's claiming it's supposed to
be like a hard interrogation, like they're supposed to be
like screaming at his face and hitting them and you know,
like an off the books interrogation. But the lady is
just like, I need to know who you are. We
have your fingerprints, we have your your your data. You
can tell us now or not. And then they cut

(19:53):
to the next room. And she's like, I don't know
how to get through to him.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
I don't know what and she did. She died.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
She died right like in the first twenty minutes. Right
away it'd be like the lead lady or something.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Because she's into a ton and then she has this
I mean it's on screen, but nearly are.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
And then she's done. Yeah, oh oh, everybody is getting.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
What do you think about jiu jitsu?

Speaker 4 (20:18):
All right?

Speaker 3 (20:21):
So lindsay, my other question for you, what is your
Nicholas Cage knowledge going into this?

Speaker 4 (20:29):
And oh, you want to know about my Nicholas Cage knowledge.
I know a bunch of fun facts about Nicholas Cage.
You want to hear them?

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Are you reading off of your phone right now?

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Not necessarily. I more want to know how movies? Have
you seen a lot of his movies?

Speaker 4 (20:45):
Yeah, I've seen a handfle I know about Kanie or
we're about that Lie. I know about the Declaration of Independence, gang,
City of Angels. We actually just listened to the Wickerman
podcast about City of Angels.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
Sorry to hear that.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
The Goo Goo Dolls that was the jam you know,
like mag Ryan and those Carls like just give me
your bright.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Was seth plate.

Speaker 3 (21:09):
We gave it a forty plate.

Speaker 5 (21:13):
I wanted to listen to some She wanted to listen
to an episode with me, and we're talking about which
Cage movie she's watched. It's like, oh, City of Angels
and I was like, oh, yeah, okay, that's a while ago.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
I think we liked that one.

Speaker 5 (21:24):
We just ship on that movie.

Speaker 3 (21:26):
That was a horrible movie.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
An hour and minutes.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
Play. Yeah, he took mortality just to watch his woman
die immediately.

Speaker 4 (21:37):
Hey, but which was more fun? Jiu Jitsu or City
of Angels jiu Jitsu?

Speaker 3 (21:46):
I would watch jiu Jitsu a million times over before.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
Wow, I thought we were going to be friends here.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
No, I don't know why you thought that.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
Yeah, it's so, here's what I know about Nick Cage.
Let's see. So I looked up some facts about him
and it said the Internet says that he bought a
pet octopus for a pet apt to understand the universe.
I wrote clearly that did not work, because he made

(22:19):
this movie. Nicholas Cage also owns a crocodile. The only
question is who is more unpredictable Nicholas Cage for the crocodile.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
These facts are like stand up bits.

Speaker 4 (22:41):
Nicholas Cage once woke up to a naked man eating
a fudgsickle in his house. That is a fact about
Nicholas Cage. I would have rather watched that, JITs. That
would have been a better movie.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
Guys watch that, ye honestly.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
So yeah, those are things I know about Nicholas Cage.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Okay, I think you're qualified.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, no, you don't need to know anything to be honest.

Speaker 4 (23:12):
We've a researcher, guy, Is this a serious business? Come
on here, ignorant?

Speaker 2 (23:17):
I think this is the kind of I don't even know.
That was amazing.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, that was really end the podcast there.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
I did have this quote written down, and I don't
I think I remember the context. I think I think
Jake is that our main character character is injured or
something or sleeping and then this hurt Asian man walks
up to him and says, I've got a license to

(23:51):
kill you, no expiration date, and then he like hands
him a weapon or something. I wrote it down.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
That was the guy that that originally shoots the predator
and then thinks he kills him and then realizes, oh,
he can regenerate, and then the predator kills him. But
the twist was thirty minutes later the guy was alive.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
And you have five or six seconds of regeneration.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
To kill him.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, which, again according to the last line in the film,
we don't know if they actually did. But he did
shove a grenade inside of the creature attimidly to blow
him up. Now why did he I was hoping that
they at least would end it in a cool note
and like he blow up there, but they just they
just kicked him back into the portal and there was
kind of an explosion, and yeah, I want to see

(24:39):
this thing explode.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Well I just assumed they didn't have like a good
CGI budget.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Well I can gu see you they did, and.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
So they had to do well, they had to do that.
They couldn't have, you know, a character blood.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, you can just blow him up, just put a
guy in a.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
Put Oh you just want to blow up a man, Yes,
you want to blow up a man for.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
The that's it's a sacrifice.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
And if he did that, he could have had his
name dedicated in the beginning of the film.

Speaker 4 (25:04):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
Yeah, that's true. That a good point.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
It's big blowout, you know what I'm saying cool. So
there's a lot of fighting in this movie and it
all sucks.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
And my theory is that the fighting really does suck.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (25:19):
The wrong guy, probably the best like combat fighter in
the whole thing, was fighting with these two hand weapons
that he had that looked like little like tea's made
out of like plumbing BBC. And then he just like
spray painted at silvery to.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Look like No, that was character did that. I think
the character.

Speaker 7 (25:44):
Like, can I bring my cool homemade nun chucking econ
of bobbers.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
Is what he said, Like, we don't have any money,
so bring them on.

Speaker 4 (25:55):
How much money was making this movie?

Speaker 1 (25:58):
So it's estimated between eight to twenty five million somewhere
between there, which.

Speaker 4 (26:02):
That's I saw twenty five and that it didn't even
make a hundred k.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Yeah, no, it was a huge failure, which was so surprizing,
but yeah, it I had a couple of analogies. One
take John Wick. The first one I was, okay, there
you go, now it's yours. It was about a twenty
million dollar movie and look at the difference.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
It all just comes down to film making.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Yeah, if you compare those two movies, and maybe I
think I think Jiu Jitsu had a lower budget than Wick,
but it's hard. It's hard to say, but those movies
are about the same scale, made by a bunch of
stunt action people, which I assumed this movie had some
connection to stunt people. But anyways, it all comes on
the I think this film you could forgive the bad

(26:50):
V effects, and you could forgive some of the bad
looks of everything if it was interesting and had a
good story, like john Wick and john Wick being a
pure action movie and this being a peer action movie
with that you wanted to have, where it's just these
big elaborate action scenes with quick bits of exposition but
done well enough to give a plot. John Wick literally
only says, yeah, that's it, you know, and everyone loves it.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
It's fucking great. But yeah, you have it.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
That movie, which was made by talented you know, stunt
choreographers and fighters their whole life. I'm pretty sure this
film this guy was maybe did like a bunch of
martial arts in his word, I'm just guessing here, but
I feel like he's a martial arts fan.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
But instead of getting.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
People for film, he went to like his dojo and
got all of his friends, who know how to fight
in martial arts, but they don't know how to film it,
and they don't know how to film a fight, which
is very different from actual fighting, because it just looked
like we're following actual stunt moves, which is boring as fuck,
and they go on for a long time.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
Now, the only pushback I'll put in here is that
there is one fight scene that had me laughing so
hard that I watched it twice, both this time and
the first time I watched this movie, and that is
the scene where we get pov cam Jake pov cam,
which when he would get knocked to the ground, it
was it was as if you were supposed to believe

(28:10):
that he had a GoPro on his head that kept
getting knocked off, because then we would see him come
into frame and fight and then it would go back
to Jake fo It didn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
But James, James one, if an action scene is making
you laugh, it failed. And then too, I have verified
proof that it wasn't on his head, it was on
his dick. And that's because like the second or third
time that it does that thing where it goes from
first person to it being set down somewhere him going
in front of it and fighting and going back. It

(28:42):
very quickly flies towards his dick, and then we're back
in his frist.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
Oh okay, there we go.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Well, point, so what's your problem?

Speaker 3 (28:50):
You don't like watching a movie through a man's your throat?

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I just think it's dick cam. That's not a problem.
It's just a statement.

Speaker 4 (28:55):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
But the cameras all over the place at one point
does this first person thing, and then later in the
movie just start spinning around every time they spin and
it it's like the worst like roller coaster you could
go on if you have motion sickness or something.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
That's truly terrible the movies. The movie's terrible, But like
I said, I kind.

Speaker 4 (29:18):
Of loved it.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
I didn't hate it. I hated City of Angels more.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
I would never watch it.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
I would probably watch The City of Angels again to me,
just to be reminded how bad it was.

Speaker 7 (29:30):
Honestly, like the the length we went to to just
destroy that movie made me really want to watch it
again because every minute of that was stupid or ridiculous
or shocking in some way.

Speaker 5 (29:47):
Like like these angels that live in the library, but.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
They stalking doctor at a hospital.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
Did I at least mention how great Meg Ryan is.

Speaker 4 (30:00):
And he carries the field?

Speaker 6 (30:05):
The deal in that movie, I just remember something about
being well, she's always calling into this radio show and
she's across the country and it's a late night radio
show and she calls in every night, and then she
ends up meeting the radio host in person and they
fall in love.

Speaker 5 (30:23):
It's not the same movie, Guess it is.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yes, it is with Tom Haggs and Meg Ryan seth
Plate doing Sleepless in Seattle. You guys want to h
It's fine, you want to.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
What was the deal in the City of Angels where
they couldn't go in the water or he couldn't he
wanted to swing.

Speaker 5 (30:48):
They can't feel anything, They can't feel anything, They couldn't eat.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
It was like sitting with the pottery in front.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
I should have just rewatched that movie before this.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
And woop be Goldber? Is that Wood Goldberg? I always
I always talk about you talked.

Speaker 5 (31:09):
You talked for about forty five minutes about our king,
the legend and the top man in your life, our hero,
sweet Dennis France.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Oh Dennis Franz. That's right, that's right. I do love
Dennis Franz. Dennis, we watched a movie with Bob Hoskins
in it as well, who plays Mario, And I forget
what movie that is, but Dennis Franz and Bob Hoskins
my two guys.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
There. There was a part in jiu jitsu jiu jitsu,
it's jujitsu when they they're trying to they're at like
a desert with like like more of a more of
like a grasslands and there's a couple of trees and
they're doing this fight surrounded by these two jeep wranglers,
which were supposed to be like humpies, but they couldn't
get humphies, so they just like like wooded paneling like

(32:02):
camouflage paneling on the wranglers. But uh, there's like seven
of these ancient warriors or whatever, and they're all fighting
the US military, who I guess is sending in hundreds
of these troops at a time against one at a time.
But it's really hard to word this, but if you guys,
remember they're between these two jeeps on this road, and

(32:23):
it cuts the one person fighting like six or seven
or nine of them, then it just cuts to another
warrior standing in the same spot fighting them all again.
Then it cuts to the next person standing in the
same spot, so they're all just They only had this
one little tiny section of their set to fight in,
and so instead of having like everyone in it, they
just filmed everyone scenes individually and then put them all

(32:44):
next to each other. So it's just like jump cuts
of going to the same location over and.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
Over, but different. To watch the movie again, how do
you miss it?

Speaker 1 (32:54):
It's unbelievable it was. I get it's cheap, but they
fucking sucked at it. They're so bad at making this movie,
and it breaks my heart because this is an awesome
idea other than stealing just blatantly being Predator. But other
than that, it was great. They kind of did a
thing where he's using his Predator vision and he's in
front of a fire and he can't see anything because

(33:14):
it's all the fire. We're like, oh, that's actually a
pretty cool idea. Predator should do that in one of
their movies. But I thought they're gonna do something, but
they don't. He just kicks them in the face and
then they keep fighting. I think that's all I have
on the movie.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Yeah, I'm trying to see if I have any other notes.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
It's just fighting.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's like it's an hour of forty five and I
would guess an hour twenty.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Of it is just hung fu.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
And then it's about fifteen minutes of like them talking
but mostly just saying I don't know, and then Nick
k rambling about him being.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Oh, I got a question for you. How did that
one guy make a sword out of He made a
second sword out of one sword? Yeah, I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, he splits it off, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
How did he do that?

Speaker 2 (34:03):
He's ancient technique.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
Okay, all right, that's coming.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Back every six years. How many people are in this order?
If he has to kill like eight.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
Of them to kill nine every time, why aren't they
better prepared?

Speaker 1 (34:18):
They don't even have Like at one point, Frank Gorilla
is like, wear this hood. He can't see you, but
they're all wearing the hood, and sometimes he sees them,
sometimes he doesn't. But it's not chain mail. But it's
like chain mail and it just stops like right under
their nips. It's just it's a bizarre, she says.

Speaker 5 (34:36):
She says, if you use this to cover all, you know,
your whole body, then he won't be able to see you,
and she gives him this like cloak and it has
no sleeves, and.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
It's here's a question, the wrist cannon. Yes, why was
that her weapon of choice? So it was so inconvenient.

Speaker 5 (35:02):
It's pad ass bro because his little sister loved the
risk in and that's what he put in the cartoon.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
Oh is that true, lindsay?

Speaker 4 (35:13):
Oh, I am not the expert here, Come on.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
You're the.

Speaker 4 (35:21):
Really smart.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
All right, Lindsay, I got one more question for you.
Goldielock and the three aliens thought, but just names two
of them.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Bear you know that?

Speaker 3 (35:40):
And Goldielock my favorite character.

Speaker 4 (35:45):
I've been trying to think of like a drinking game.
If we were to watch this again.

Speaker 3 (35:54):
Don't even suggest it, I won't watch.

Speaker 5 (35:58):
We got to do it for the centennial Wickerman, And
after fifty years we go back through all the movies
again and move award with correct Actually, when maybe when
when our Lord and Savior passes away, we go through
and we binge every every movie from start to finish, and.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Then when he returns again on the third day, we
can we can tell him all about it.

Speaker 4 (36:25):
Yeah. I mean, if I was watching this in college,
I would take a feminist critique to the movie. I
would say that that uh, the the aliens uh are
our new wave feminists, and they have come to Earth

(36:50):
to battle and take down the patriarchy. Okay, so while
Nick Cage may be defending one of the oldest and
most prolific uh systemic uh invasions upon another personhood in
this entire world that you know, like us, us alien

(37:12):
and bitches, we're gonna keep coming back. We're gonna keep
pounding hard hard every so many years. Can't get rid
of us. It's gonna be like, whack them all with
these bitches. We're gonna keep riding up. We're gonna keep
fighting for our rights.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
I think this was because at one point one of
the soldiers, the guy that comes back and tells him, hey,
he died, you can kill him. Within the four seconds,
he goes, I'm just mad because this thing killed a
lot of my men. And then a dr off camera
they go and women.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
Yes, I think I think you're right. I think you're
both onto something. And it does pass the Bechdel to
us as well.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
That's true because there's one woman. Yeah, there's there's there's.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
Two women in the movie. Three women in the movie.
But none of them have ever talked to each other already,
they could talk about relationships because they never talked.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
So next time you have a podcast, I'll just pop
on for a few minutes for a little for a
little little feminist perspective. Perfect, it'll be completely peer reviewed
and good. Yeah, count on me.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
We do everything about the books here, so it's great.
What did we think of Cage in this?

Speaker 3 (38:29):
I loved him, Honestly. I loved every second he was
on screen. He was he was being Cage in the
way that he does when he is in it for
the paycheck, even though he claims he's never been in
it for the paycheck before. But he was totally phoning
it in. But I fucking loved it because you know
that this is the kind of movie where he's not

(38:51):
going to take a director's note. You know, He's like
to do whatever I want to do.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
That's the film. The director didn't have any notes.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
Well, sure, but but that's my point is like I
like when Cage gets to just shine, you know, and
just do his thing for He probably filmed for a
couple of days and they couldn't even get him in
the montage of when he was younger and the boy
was younger. They someone that didn't look anything like him.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Either of them.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
I'm pretty sure it was an Asian boy that they
had Charlie Manson totally.

Speaker 4 (39:22):
Plus, whenever a really big star puts out a movie
like this, right, like something they're they're not making a
lot of money off of.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
That's nice, a really goog star. That was really nice
of you.

Speaker 4 (39:38):
I was so nice, but like a flop, right, I
just I just think to myself. You know their wife
wanted their kitchen remodeled.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
Yeah, you had to buy his tomb.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
Yeah, he had to buy another octopus.

Speaker 4 (39:55):
Yeah, one of his kids went to Clown College. Like
like something was down. He showed up for the absolutely
and at the end of the day, it is so
much fun to have something to connect over, you know,
to share a laugh with you guys, to connect with
so many people. I saw that there is a burning

(40:17):
Man camp at the Big Burn, the Church of Nicholas Cage.
You're not alone, fellas, You're not.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (40:25):
That's age that brings us together. If Cage is the catalyst,
then so be it.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Amen, it's a shame they don't listen to podcasts.

Speaker 4 (40:33):
Yeah, out there. One step at a time, guys, one
step of the world dominating at a time.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
True, that's true. Yeah. I mean, you know, we've only
been doing this for five years with fifteen movies.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
Isn't that amazing?

Speaker 2 (40:48):
We're pretty cold, boy, it's pretty crazy.

Speaker 5 (40:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:51):
I was talking about this earlier. It's so wild how
long you've been doing this And uh, this is this
movie is from what twenty twenty, so you're catching up.

Speaker 5 (41:00):
Yeah, that's when passed where we were when we started
the podcast list.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Yeah, yeah, because I had made our list originally and
I just yesterday I had to update it with all
of the the films that have been released, which thank god,
there's only been like sixteen of them.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Well, but think by this way, James, that means if
in the last four to five years he's put out
sixteen films, that guy is fucking working.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
Working, and they've been We've got some really good.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Ones in the last I'm looking forward to some of
these new ones to talk about, and then I guess
we're gonna hit the point where once we catch up,
it's just waiting until the new one.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
We never talked to each other again, which is gonna
be awesome.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
That's the end, I know, and the nightmare will finally
be over.

Speaker 4 (41:45):
A lot of food. He's gonna have to keepboard point.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
That's true. He was not, thank the Lord, but he
wants to get into TV, which his next project is television,
which is beautiful.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Want to figure out how to hand Spider Spider Noir
and how we want to.

Speaker 4 (42:02):
How we want to wreck Noir?

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, or it's going to be something.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
That's going to be something. Uh look at this first
piece of trivia on IMDb. Nicholas Cage was only part
of the first three days of the five weeks shoot.
Like I said, yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
I mean it's you know, he's in one room and
then he's like outside for a minute.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
Do you do you want some more trivia?

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Well, I mean I've done with notes.

Speaker 4 (42:33):
Do we are we?

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Are we ready to?

Speaker 3 (42:34):
Oh my god, I've been done for hour.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
You know. I just want to make sure, you know,
I want to. I want to make sure everyone had
had all their say a J. Anything else.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
I have a final thought, but I can save it
for my final thoughts. Yeah, that's a good move, all
right now, a J.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
I will warn you that I am going to talk
over you during your final thoughts. So if you want
to say your final thought now, I'm giving you the
floor that I won't talk over it.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
That's a that's a bizarre twist of rules.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (43:08):
Yeah, I'm not gonna take that deal.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
Okay, deal is dead.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
I'm gonna talk what's the trivia?

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Who cares? I'm gonna talk over agent. Nicholas Cage replaced
Bruce Willis for this movie, which fuck Bruce Willis because
we wouldn't have had to watch this movie.

Speaker 8 (43:29):
Yeah, so why wait to make it a dying man's fault? James, Yeah,
I know, I think that's why. Wow, you remember when
Frank Rillo dies of the movie, he flips him off.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
That was pretty sick.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
I love that move. That's a personal favorite of mine
as well.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Okay, here you go. Brax's face was actually a doodle
done by Nicholas Cage when he was drunk that the
producers thought was terrifying enough to put in the movie.

Speaker 5 (44:00):
No, that is maybe the best piece of trivia we've
had on the entire I think.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
I think it absolutely is ex so much not just
about the guy's face, the process of making this entire no.

Speaker 5 (44:17):
Honestly, wait, can we put some special music underneath this?
And James read that again?

Speaker 3 (44:25):
I will read that again. But first I'm gonna tell
you this other piece of trivia. Despite being named jiu jitsu,
there is absolutely no jiu jitsu used in this film. Right,
and now for the best piece of trivia we've ever
had on this podcast, Raxa's face was actually a doodle

(44:46):
done by Nicholas Cage while he was drunk that the
producers thought was terrifying enough to put in the movie.
Oh my god, did you think about that? I'm trying
to think, right, you gotta just leave it all in,

(45:08):
just like, yeah, leave it all in and leaving that
insensitive Bruce Willis joke Lindsay made, of course.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Yeah, we all heard her say it, well her say it.

Speaker 4 (45:18):
On the podcast.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
Well, James, were there any sort of like, uh, I
don't know, like goofs or gas or maybe a couple
of gules.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
No goules in this one, Hank, but there were in
his face, you know what.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
He was kind of gooulish. She kind of was goulish,
and he was, Yeah, what if on his planet they
have Googles?

Speaker 5 (45:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (45:49):
What if? What if they sent a Google in the comment,
Yeah that makes you think you know what. I'm gonna
get back to you on this one, Hank. I'm gonna
call it a half a ghoul and uh it will
come back. I might make it all.

Speaker 4 (46:04):
How many is full guls? How many is ghoulish?

Speaker 1 (46:07):
That'sol I'm talking, that's I'm talking.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
Fullool would be al, I'm talking. We're talking half coool
on a scale of one to ten.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
This is a this isn't.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
Either it is or it isn't, or it's a half.
And so today we say a half. Last week it
wasn't his. A couple of weeks ago it wasn't is it?
Does that make sense?

Speaker 4 (46:32):
Yeah, because the face reminded me if y'all ever watched
Inspector Gadget as a child, there's uh yeah, I think
it's or no, maybe it's teenage mutant Ninja Charles crying
the guy with the brain and he's like in the
device inside. Yeah, crying face.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
Okay, that's actually really app Okay, that is that you're
an apt person for this process, very app person. But
there are groups of guys. There's only three and Lindsey,
in case you're unfamiliar, we do this thing where it's
either helpful or it's not helpful. So you must you

(47:13):
must decide. We all decide. The first one is crew
or equipment visible? There are obvious crash mats under the
hay for the soldiers to land on when they are
kicked off the wall and the povs.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
I noticed that, and I was confused what the hell
they were landing on?

Speaker 4 (47:32):
I noticed that too.

Speaker 5 (47:33):
There were actually a bunch of like bricks set up
and blocks set up like you would see it like
a karate class. Yeah, and as the guy is like
falling or backflipping, he's also like crashing through it. Ye
looked like it was trying to add a little extra
cool to like their landing moves. And you know what,
like why was that perfectly positioned there in that empty

(47:57):
room with a couple cinder blocks?

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Yep, yep. So there you go, continuity, There you go.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
I'm going to say not helpful.

Speaker 3 (48:06):
Oh, I'm going to say helpful.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
We all noticed, Lindy, that's not Yeah, I mean you're
not supposed to notice the.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Helpful.

Speaker 4 (48:16):
I just feel he is completely unhelpful, unwarranted, and I
just feel like you're trying to make it worse. You know,
like when I watched Game of Thrones, I didn't notice
the coffee cup, and you're that guy all read it
posting the coffee cup ten times unnecessary.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
It sounds like you're not very observant.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
That's that's That's basically this entire roof section.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
The continuity wants boring, we'll skip right past it.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
And finally we have a revealing mistake. At one point
during his final fight, see Nicholas Cage leans on his
own sword and it bends, revealing that it is not
actually a real sword.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
I did notice that in the film.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
You you're observant, Hank. I, I mean, it was all there.
I'm gonna give myself a half observant because I had
noticed the first one. I'm gonna give Lindsay a zero
observant and Hank gets a four.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
That's not entirely fair. I felt the situation in my
life in reality before, and it's incredibly painful. So I
just feel like, you know, I blacked out noticing that
to avoid feeling.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
The situation of bending on a sword that binds.

Speaker 3 (49:24):
The Starbucks coffee cup. I think she's talking about. Yeah,
all right, that's it for goofs of guys.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Okay, uh, well, let's move to a little segment that
I like to call final thoughts and Okay and lindsay,
of course, every episode we always go out of cages
out of one hundred cages on our show. As we
give our final thoughts, we'll start it off with James. Here,
go ahead, what are your final thoughts and your reading?

Speaker 3 (49:57):
Okay, this one's actually difficult for me because as this
movie sucks, I never want to watch it again. However,
when presented with other movies like City of Angels, which
we gave a thirty, I'd rather watch this one. So
do I give it a better score or do I
say true to myself? There's also that POV sequence as
well as the Nicholas cage doodle Bracs face trivia. I'm

(50:22):
gonna give this movie sixteen cages out of one hundred.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Okay, sixteen, and my final thoughts are you should not
watch this? Okay, how about you?

Speaker 5 (50:39):
So while we were watching this, we were watching some
cat videos.

Speaker 4 (50:44):
One cat started singing.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Yeah, that was weird. Nothing when you did that?

Speaker 5 (50:53):
Oh, I did a falsetto so imagine a cat with
a really high voice singing.

Speaker 4 (50:59):
Look at me. I'm gay. I'm gay. And while the.

Speaker 5 (51:07):
Was like fighting all of these jiu jitsu heroes and
it just.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
Jiu jitsu, why is the start for everybody?

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Take it down?

Speaker 3 (51:15):
I told you I was going to talk over and
uh yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:20):
And so then for the rest of the movie, I
just thought the alien was gay and that he was
challenging all the men of earth to see if there
was someone strong enough to be worthy of kissing him
because he just wants to kiss the jiu jitsu masterists.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
Yeah, don't we all?

Speaker 5 (51:39):
And uh and it made it a little bit more
entertaining to me.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
Okay, so.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
I will give this movie a seventeen.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
Don't watch it, okay, you you did, truly it was
a little bit more entertaining than it was to me.
One one cage more.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
Okay, okay, Wow. After giving this a lot of thought,
I'm going to give this movie ten cages out of
a hundred, even though I think it is three. Because
he was only on set for three days and it
shows this movie was I would say, let me just.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Pause you really quick. You know this is your score, right,
you don't have to get you can give it a three.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
Yeah, I'm being generous with ten. I'll get to that. Yep,
I'll address my speak.

Speaker 3 (52:32):
Oh yeah, it's all of our fun.

Speaker 4 (52:36):
See what I have to do every week?

Speaker 3 (52:39):
Now show the permanent guest and the new guests. I'm
gonna yap ran over you. The floor is yours unless
you wanted to say something. Hey.

Speaker 4 (52:52):
As far as my score goes, I'm going to give
it ten out of one hundred cages because the Cage
factor was there, even though he looked like the homeless
man at the gas station that keeps asking me for
my phone number.

Speaker 3 (53:06):
I feel like, on now, you're recording a podcast with them.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Yeah, it's crazy on paper, These were friends that made
a comic book and made a cold tea and they
wanted to make a movie about it, and I think
they got their friends in on the jam. They were like, here,
there's gonna be a shit like Nicholas Cage is gonna
be in it. And then it turned out to be
what it was. So I'm going to give it like

(53:33):
a C plus for effort, even though overall it was
clearly a flop. And perhaps one day the future generations
will revisit this movie, they'll listen to this podcast and
they will finally understand my feminist retelling of jiu jitsu.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Okay, the straight Lindsay, you wanted to give it a
three out of ten, but then you gave it a
ten out of ten.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Then you said it was a C plus.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
You got it straight.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
You got it straight, one hundred C C plus effort
overall f but you know, in the hearts for the
future generation and to inspire you know, even more friends
who have a really cool idea, who wanted.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
To like you know, friends there with them to go
make their movie.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
What do you think they had to say to the
investment group that gave them twenty million dollars and they
only could give back one hundred thousand?

Speaker 3 (54:31):
Gotcha?

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Yeah, this this movie sucked. It was a really cool
idea minus just ripping off a predator.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
And they screwed it up horribly and there was no
filmmaking and it just felt like watching people fighting.

Speaker 4 (54:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
It's like yeah, yeah, people fighting for an hour and
not like fun fighting, just like just watching people fight
so boring.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Ten also a ten, ten out of one hundred. I'm
right there with Lindsay.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
I do I do like the I like the fan
fiction that it's a feminist monster representing the patriarchy ending.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
I'm down with that. Otherwise otherwise, yeah, it's a big
guyless ship. So yeah, ten out of one hundred.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
Okay, so that a ten out of one hundred, so
you gave it ten.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
Wait to be clear, ten out of one hundred. Cages.

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Hey, did you and I think you forgot to do
this last week as well? Did you say if this
was suitable for children?

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Shoots, right right? What was last week? Was grand Isle?
That one is definitely not true.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
How did you remember that.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
This film?

Speaker 1 (55:38):
On the other hand, I think it's suitable for children
in the sense that James you were mentioning at the
head of this podcast, where you can just have it
on as noise in the background, just to just to
get the kids attention.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
I don't even know if this was rat it had
to be like PG.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
Thirteen. I would I was singing, are I feel like?

Speaker 2 (55:56):
There was no blood?

Speaker 3 (55:57):
I couldn't remember I was singing though there was no blonder.
There was a lot of blood.

Speaker 5 (56:02):
There was like very pixelated bloodspin it.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
Oh yeah, there was a little like immersing a little
from his one of the guy's thighs, a little like yeah,
blood coming out.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
They were like emoji's though they were like a little animated.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Yeah, it was bad.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
They realized that after they've shot it. They're like, oh shit,
we didn't put any blood on this guy.

Speaker 5 (56:24):
Just throw a little.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
Jpeg, all right.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
So Lindsey and Hand gave this a ten. I give
it sixteen age. You gave it a seventeen. That puts
it at a thirteen cages out of one hundred and
out of the ninety two movies we've done so far,
this one comes in eighty third place. So that is
right between. I will give you one hundred dollars right

(56:51):
now if you can tell me what The Runner is about.
We have that one point ahead. I've been money one hundred.
I've never even heard of that movie.

Speaker 5 (57:00):
The Runner was where like x CIA chief Nicholas Cage
is supposed to run for a seat in office, and.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
He's likew do you remember that?

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Hey up, motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
You don't remember conversations we had twenty two minutes ago.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
How do you remember that specifically?

Speaker 5 (57:21):
Don't remember Cage movies?

Speaker 2 (57:23):
That's true, that's right about the BP oil spill.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
That's right. Yeah, good, good call.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
Yeah. One of his neuro diverse special interests.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Right.

Speaker 3 (57:39):
Oh yeah, so that Apple's uh so jiu Jitsu's one
one cage behind the runner, and it is one ahead
of both Bangkok Dangerous and a movie I gave a
zero outs movie. Yeah. I haven't given a movie at
zero in a while. That's a special kind of high.
I don't think I'll have another one to give zero.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Unfortunately, too late, and there's still more to come.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
We'll see. There is a movie called gun Slingers I
came out this year, which I've never heard of, and
it looks just horrendous.

Speaker 4 (58:08):
So what's your next movie?

Speaker 3 (58:12):
Thanks for asking?

Speaker 2 (58:14):
All right, we were getting there, but go ahead, she's.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
Coming for your job, Hank. The next movie is a
continuation of a movie we've already watched. It is The Crudes,
a new Age. Oh, and we'll see what craziness befalls
them this time.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
Oh, the crews too.

Speaker 4 (58:33):
I like the cruise.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
I'm gonna I do too. Yeah, the Crew's two electric Boogooo.
It was the original title, Where is Crew? When did
the Cruds come out?

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Is it like eleven?

Speaker 4 (58:45):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (58:45):
Here we go. Adria gave it a seventy seven. I
gave it a seventy Henk gave it a forty eight.
The first cruise, Wow, sixty five cages family. We'll see
about this.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
That sucked, all right? Why I heard so much? I
don't even remember. I remember him running it and out
of a cave a lot, but I don't know.

Speaker 3 (59:13):
Yeah, I don't. I actually don't remember. Why you didn't
like it, but AJ and I obviously did.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Okay, Well that's Juju remembers members of Pet Performer members.
I just.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
You know this is a bad movie when like twenty
percent of the pod is about the movie and the
rest is about literally anything. I mean, we we spent
not even talking about another movie, about our episode on another.

Speaker 3 (59:35):
Movie, and you guys forgot all about Meg, Ryan Colin,
Tom Hanks.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Yes, same film, same film. Well, thanks for listening.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Make sure to subscribe and follow on our We update
our Instagram daily with fun cage backs and posters, and
obviously there's the March giveaways and the Patreon so that
James can afford that surgery he's been trying to get forever. Now,

(01:00:06):
please help James. Bigger nose, bigger nose, they call him.
He needs a bigger nose, so we need bigger James.
Hashtags that's what James.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
I got a big surface area to get into.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
Yeah, that's fund me for an ice speaking a hammer.

Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
Lindsay, thanks for Hey, Lindsey, thanks for coming.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Yeah, it was good having you here.

Speaker 4 (01:00:27):
I'm sorry it was like the worst imagine.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
Sad sad life. I'm sorry to say.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
I'll have to have you back for a film that's
worth talking about.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:00:39):
I was seriously wonderful to meet you. I have been
looking forward to this and I'm really glad that you
had me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
Thank you, Oh, thanks for being here, which we could
say the same, Yeah, Grant Grillo