Spotlight Ep. 09 - "Tanya's Island" (1980)

Have you ever wanted to see a gorilla have... relations... with a woman? No, of course you haven't. Neither did James or myself, but AJ wanted to, so here we are. Just remember this: Lobo is not the gorilla. 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, mess, I'm a lieutenant in the police department.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm in the middle of a homicide investigation.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
Try to get my prescription please.

Speaker 4 (00:12):
The whole time is standing there with this whom.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Me expression on your face?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Have you ever been dragging to the sidewalk and being.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
To you best blood? No man has spilt more blood
in God's name than I.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
How in the name of Zeus's buttle did you get
out of yourself?

Speaker 4 (00:38):
What you really think?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
I let myself get killed in a garbage truck?

Speaker 4 (00:41):
Ha well, I hit in a soup can roll it
all the way to the city dump.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Because I was made for this, super baby, and I
have the care. Did Zoom just ask? If you're playing music?
Is you just ask Zoom? Is Zoom is going nuts

(01:07):
these days?

Speaker 4 (01:07):
You're the only one who was enough for that.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
You know, all kinds of weird ship now calling. This
was an AI company, you know, And everyone's talking about
this whole AI thing.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
You know, it's always AI this and AI that.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
But no one's ever talking about a we you know
what I'm talking about. No one's talking about. No one's
talking about a simpler time, a time before computers, a
time before the location far away where you don't need
to worry about electronics some sort of some sort of
island get get away, some sort of some uh some
Tanya's Island, a made islands.

Speaker 5 (01:45):
Yeah, you just know you're like jogging and then sprinting
and then just falling down the hill hell down.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
That's what this movie felt like.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
For jogs this movie or sprints. Yeah, no, this movie
just falls.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
It starts midfall.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
It's that scene from hot Rod where he just falls.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Actually it actually there is It literally starts with her
jogging because the second the second you hit play, there's
no production co It just movie starts and it's her
feet jogging.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
That was Actually I didn't alone, but Steph walked into
the room and I started it and I put it
on and she goes, wait, is the movie just starting
like that? Exact?

Speaker 2 (02:33):
It just starts?

Speaker 4 (02:36):
They mean it when you hit watching with you?

Speaker 3 (02:38):
No, God, no, I would never make her do that.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Oh I'm Hank with James, Yes and age God, this
is our this is our non cage episode for as pick.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Yeah, we should let aj take it away. Why did
you pick this movie?

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Had you seen it? Are you delighted with?

Speaker 4 (03:07):
Let me?

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Let me?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Let me just run through the Quick. It was released
December fifth, nineteen eighty.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Sorry D D. Winters is Tanya also known as as Vanity.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
Yeah, did you recognize her, either of you guys?

Speaker 2 (03:25):
We've seen her doing this, have we? I didn't know
that Action.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Jackson Baby the the greatest line of all time.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
She She sings to Craig T. Nelson and she says,
I thought i'd get a standing ovation because he's sitting
down after she's done, and he goes, you're getting well.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
You know what's funny is I don't even remember her
in that scene.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
I know she was. I just remember the camera of
looking at him at the Yes, that's right.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Yeah, I was delighted to see Vanity again on this podcast.
That's crazy crazy.

Speaker 4 (04:01):
I mean she was the co star in Action Jackson, Right.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
She's a star. She ends up with Carl.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, that's a that's a better film.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
You also have Richard Sergeant as Lobo.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Uh and Don McLeod mccleo. Don McLeod as Blue, which
is the gorilla.

Speaker 3 (04:26):
And it looked just like a gorilla. I gotta say
the whole time, I had no idea he was a gorilla.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
You know it?

Speaker 4 (04:33):
It was A.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
It was a better gorilla that I was expecting, was it?

Speaker 3 (04:37):
It was so bad it looked like a skinny man.
Looked like they couldn't even get a.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
Like five ft.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
So A, j what, what what brought you to bringing
us Tanya's Island?

Speaker 5 (04:59):
Well, you know, we first found out about Tanya's Island
back in June of twenty twenty when we were just
beginning this podcast. And yeah, James introduced us to Action Jackson,

(05:20):
which was a pod.

Speaker 4 (05:22):
Fave, and.

Speaker 5 (05:26):
We were looking at like this this co star Vanity
and what else she was in and looking at her
IMDb page. We stumbled upon this glorious film called Kanya's
Island and we went to the tube. We watched the trailer,
which is like fifteen minutes long.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
I've watched it is the longest trailer ever in the films,
to be clear, it's long.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah, and watched the trailer.

Speaker 5 (06:01):
It makes you believe the whole movie is about this
love triangle, y you know, fuck story about this lady
and the gorilla on the island.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
And again, this is fifteen minutes, so this is not
a thirty second teaser where you're inferring that she's gonna
have this love Triangle. This is a fifteen minute trailer
where you believe this, Yes, so.

Speaker 5 (06:24):
You're like, this is the whole movie. It's got to
be the entire movie. And James, you even when I
brought it up last week, you were like, oh, I've
already watched.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
This, yeah, and then we realized, no, you don't watch it.

Speaker 6 (06:39):
It lost.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (06:40):
Yeah, I don't think I've even watched the whole trailer
because it's so long.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
I guess we forget to.

Speaker 5 (06:48):
So I'm like, oh my god, now we're gonna have
to watch eighty five minutes of this.

Speaker 4 (06:52):
And to be honest, there was.

Speaker 5 (06:59):
Maybe like two minutes in this eighty five minutes of
like lovingness between her and this monkey.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (07:10):
How they splice the trailer together to make it appear
that way, because I watched this with Diana and she's like,
what movie is this? And I'm like, it's a lady
and her boyfriend stranded on an island and she doesn't
want to fuck him.

Speaker 4 (07:24):
She only wants to fuck of gorilla.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
And that was not the movie actually, did it?

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (07:28):
No, No, all.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
The descriptions of this, including on the box itself, because
Ajson is DVDs. Just can't fucking find this movie anywhere
for good reason. Uh. It all describes like Tanya's needs
and how she develops needs for this gorilla and the
gorilla that's the same for her, while her boyfriend, who's
frustratingly named Lobo, who's a human, is also crazy.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Is frustrating.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
That is frustrating, But yeah, it's and I'm sorry, no,
I just I.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Think we could talk about this movie easier if I
get a question answered right off the bat. Was this
movie a dream?

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Is that?

Speaker 3 (08:09):
What's the last?

Speaker 2 (08:11):
It was a dream?

Speaker 3 (08:12):
She So, we just watched a dream where she gets rape.
We're gonna be talking about rape on this Yeah. It
gets raped like eight times in the stream, once by
a gorilla. Yeah, and then she just wakes up and
is just back to normal life. Yeah, okay, pretty much.
So I did understand it, okay.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
And according to the.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
To the three sentence plot summary on on Wikipedia, which
is like the most bare Wikipedia page you've ever seen
in your life.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yes, okay, good.

Speaker 3 (08:43):
So she's having dreams about these long beauty shots of
her swimming and walking around.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
And living multiple days on this island, wakes up where she's.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
It's all in the frame of her dream.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
The only good thing about this entire dream. I think
she wants to fuck herself. I think that's especially what
I inferred out of this dream.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, I could see that, but she can't because she
doesn't have a penis true point that can bend all around?

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, well, I point, let me just read the back
of this.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I just want to read the back of this before
we go into our full discussion of how this goes on,
because it goes with what we were saying. Tanya and
her lover Lobo, escape to the solitude and tranquility of
a deserted tropical island.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Not true, it's a dream.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Upon arrival, Tanya begins to explore her newfound paradise. Each
day she goes deeper to the jungle. During one trip,
she discovers and eventually befriends a gorilla like creature. A
vicious rivalry develops between Lobo and the creature Blue. Lobo
now takes on animal characteristics. He takes Tanya prisoner and
begins a campaign to kill Blue. Meanwhile, the beast, who

(09:57):
has observed Tanya and Lobo at work, play and love making,
now begins to develop human traits and needs. Tanya, now
terrified of both, is between man and beast for total
possession of a beautiful woman. There's like a there's like
a middle section where it's kind of true, but the
most important part is the first sentence in the last

(10:20):
there's no love story, there's no there's no is there.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
A directors cut of this movie that's like two hours
and fifteen minutes long, and all of this happens.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
I'm glad.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
I was gonna bring it up later, but since you
mentioned it, I was doing a little research on this film. Afterwards,
my curiosity simply took over, and I was mostly curious
from well, when you hit play on the DVD and
it just starts, I'm like, okay, well that's weird. But
then eventually you do get to your opening credits sequence,
which which was like the worst James Bond opening sequence

(10:56):
you can ever imagine.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
It's it's just like, we're.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
The best depending on who you are.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
You're right depending on who you are, and.

Speaker 5 (11:06):
I mean full Bush in the opening credits. That's I mean,
what was the movie knocked up? Where they're like looking
for films like would have this would have been there?

Speaker 2 (11:19):
It's they didn't think of island. It's so sexy.

Speaker 4 (11:23):
Credit, but I mean, what board can you ask for?

Speaker 5 (11:25):
It's literally it cuts to like you see like a
sliver of her nipple in the before credits, and then
while the credits are rolling, it's just a whole super cup.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
Montage of this naked woman and well.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
She's she's transposed over the ocean, and so as the
ocean waves are moving in it looks like it's going
over her.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
And don't forget, this is what she is dreaming about.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
This is her dream. This is her dream.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
So hit so so what.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
I was trying to get before we got we got
a tangent there.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
What I noticed right off the bat once we finally
got to that was it only says written and produced
by Pierre Broussau. It didn't say directed by And I
was like, huh, and it doesn't. It doesn't do that
until the credits start rolling at the end of the film.
I was like, why, why why doesn't it say directed

(12:20):
this where they are ashamed of themselves.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
So I looked it up and this is what.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
It says on on on Wikipedia. Because the director his
name is Alfred sol So listen to this, Mick Garris
and Alfred Soul had written the screenplay together with their
work on the final film went uncredited as producer. Pierre Brussau,
who came up with the initial idea, changed the script,
notably making Blue more threatening and less sympathetic than the

(12:48):
initial draft. While Soul and Brusou approached Rick Baker about
doing the creature effects, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Basically,
it was saying that Brusseau was upset because he thought
that he had the initial idea before them, even though
they wrote it together, and so he made it where
they didn't put directed by in the beginning.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
That's all to.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
The very end, that's awesome. I can't The thing I'm
confused about it there, though, is that I did not
find what's the girl his name? Blue? I didn't find
Blue to be threatening at all. He couldn't break through bamboo.

Speaker 1 (13:25):
I know, no one could not, even the man that
made the bamboo case could.

Speaker 4 (13:30):
He also couldn't climb it. He's a fucking gorilla.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
If anything, and he could choose nine hundred fucking coconuts
over the wall.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
So here's here's the admission I have to make I
told you guys this, but I'd like to say it
for the pod as well, is that I accidentally I
was watching this on my PlayStation and I guess I
accidentally hit the remote or the controller and I somehow
watched the first probably fifteen to twenty minutes of this
at one and a half speed, and I did not realize,

(14:04):
and I it just the movie was so shitty. It
just didn't really like compute with my brain. And then
I went back to normal speed. I was like, Okay,
this is kind of painful. Once they started in their
little fights of throwing coconuts and rattling the friggin bamboo
for like thirty minutes on a time, I felt like

(14:25):
I watched that at like three hundred speed. I had
to far through that. I couldn't do it. I just
couldn't do it.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
It was so loud. It was just forever.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
It just goes on and on of this maniac smacking
sticks against bamboo and screaming and bashing pans. And I'm
constantly just turning my volume lower and lower. Yeah, and
somehow it keeps getting louder, keep lowering it.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
It's a nightmare.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
And then and then you think it ends, and then
the gorilla comes in and starts doing it the other
way around, and so then the gorilla starts making all
this noise and everyone's screaming, and then it's either that
the movie's either that or you have about twenty five
minutes in this eighty five minute film of these people
just walking in a cave and showing them going through

(15:16):
the process of getting up the mountain on the horse,
going down the cave, walking through the waterfall, getting through
the lake and the cave, going to the other side,
finding blue, then walking out, going back through the waterfall, back.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Through the lake.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
They do it every fucking time someone goes to this cave.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
You can only show it once. You don't need to
do it one hundred times.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
Oh, it's so brutal.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
The trailer was fifteen minutes because they cut out all
the cave walking and all the bamboos.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Oh, it's it is pful. You live in an apartment,
I do. Do you think that anyone on either side
of you heard what was going on me? So, yeah,
they date me. He's watching Tanya's Island.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah, my neighbors.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
They have come up to me a couple of times
and knocked on my door at night, being like, hey,
it's a little loud, and I end up giving them
my number just in case it turns and we figured
out there's a there's an issue with my sub But
I there was a scene whenever she's just screaming because
she's being raped by the gorilla, and I was like,
you know what, I'm going to turn this way down

(16:26):
because I don't want people to hear it was just
in case.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
I will say this, So Lobo not the gorilla, commonly
confused because his name is Lobo. Uh he when he
sees his girlfriend, what's her name? What's Vanity's name? In
this Kanya TANYI, Oh, yeah, obviously. And this is how
much I've just want this movie out of my brain.

(16:56):
When Miss Island is talking to the gorilla, if I
walked in on my if I followed my girlfriend and
saw her having a conversation with the gorilla, be like,
that's the coolest thing in the world. Yeaheah, I also
want to be friends with this gorilla. Instead, he immediately
goes to oh, she wants to fuck him like she

(17:17):
he is can't take.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
It, livid that she has befriended this gorilla, and and
to be clear again from what we talked about before,
thinking this movie is about her falling in love with it.
If I think from her point of view, it's purely platonic.
She just goes to play around with him, and like,
sometimes she's naked, but it's like you're in front of
an animal.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
It's like you're in front of like your dog or something.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
You wouldn't know that that gorilla should look at her
and either pick her up and bash her brains into
a rock and kill her, or it should essentially just
ignore her. Yeah, there should be no sexual feelings on
either side. It doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't, but that's what
she wanted in her dream, so dream he.

Speaker 4 (17:58):
Like dolls herself up for the gorilla. She seizes the gorilla.

Speaker 5 (18:03):
And the other thing is like when by the time
Lobo is able to like observe and spy on their
little party, he has climbed down this like intricately made
rope ladder that has like a handrail and everything which

(18:26):
is made by this gorilla.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
So like, I thought, no, did she found that?

Speaker 5 (18:34):
Okay, she found that originally, so like, and again this
goes against what's written on the fucking box. Like the
gorilla does not develop human traits. This is not a gorilla.
It's just a gorilla like creature.

Speaker 4 (18:49):
With human tendencies. And it built a rope ladder, It
built a handrail.

Speaker 5 (18:57):
It secured the bamboo hand rail into a footing in
the rock, which they can't.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Imagine a gorilla would need, or even a gorilla like creature,
you can probably just climb out, climb anything.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
But well, then the question is, so how did it
get there?

Speaker 3 (19:18):
It's living on its own on this island, right. And
then she comes and, in classic American fashion, says, I
need to help this thing that's live.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
You know, I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop you there.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
She's Canadian, well in real life, but in this movie
she's American. I believe I do have a little trivia
fact about her if you I'll save it for the end,
the end.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
Why do you think the gorilla killed the pig?

Speaker 2 (19:45):
Well, the gorilla, Oh wait, yeah it did.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
I don't know the gorilla.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
The gorilla that was it.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
That was its threat, that was the battle, because it
was starting to fight Lobo at that point.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
The man.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, but why.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
Because because he said, because he can't have any friends gorilla,
so he kill his friend Sam.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
So I have a few this one and I had
five points for the squealing pig he caught. Given the
movie five points. Next next note, no, not Sam, he
was in the movie for three minutes.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Wait, how good how good of a of a burial
job did he do? Because whenever Lolo discovers the pig
is dead, he just he starts to dig a hole.
But it's on a beach, so you know the way, Sam,
it's constantly filling itself back in.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
He puts it in and just shoves sand over. It
is a massive mound. It's not buried at all. This
dead pig is.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Sticking out of the thing, and Tanya can't find it.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
It's gonna be more obvious.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
I was, actually, you know, it was another funny thing
is so he immediately Lobo immediately gets jealous of Tanya.
So as far as he knows, they're on this completely
secluded island, there's no one else, like no, I guess
he thinks there's no creatures whatever. And then she's off

(21:15):
for like half a day by herself, and he immediately
gets jealous and like thinks she's cheating on him. Yeah,
and that I couldn't I.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Think well, he's an abusive boyfriend. Well, you know, she.

Speaker 5 (21:27):
Also like deliberately lied to him because she's like, there's
someone else on this island and he's like, no, there's not.
And then she's like, yes, you gotta believe me, and
he's like, you're crazy.

Speaker 4 (21:39):
And then the next day she's gone.

Speaker 5 (21:41):
All day and he's like, what were you doing and
she's like nothing, and he's like, well, you gotta be
safe because yeah, yeah, maybe maybe there is someone else
out there, and she's like, no, there's not.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
We're completely alone.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, you're right, you're right, you need me for protection. Well,
I guess so in real life, in real life, if
he breaks up with her.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Correct.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Well, this is where it gets so confusing because he's
like an abusive partner to her, and but he also
which it's weird because as the abusive one, he's the
one who breaks up with her. Yeah, but then she
goes back to because the first scene is like she's
jogging and then she's to going to his place and
like wanting to like crash or whatever, and he's like, no, no, no,

(22:23):
I told you not.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
To come here anymore. We're done. I don't want to
be with you. Anymore, it's over.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
But then she comes back into it, and then and
then they do like a scene where she's like running
and screaming covered in paint and he's attacking her, and
then the dream starts.

Speaker 3 (22:38):
Okay, so that.

Speaker 5 (22:39):
Makes that's how the film starts, and this whole fantasy
is what's happening when she's unconscious.

Speaker 3 (22:48):
Yeah, which or I'm thinking in her dream she wants
to live in a world where he would get so
jealous that she was potentially sleeping with a gorilla that
he would turn into an animal him self because in
real life he doesn't care about her at all. That
was my read on it.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
Okay, I see it as as he is the true
beast that the he's the well.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
He is the true beast that is. He's also amazing
at building cages, Oh my.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
God, like.

Speaker 5 (23:19):
Individual in the world, fortress out of bamboo.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
But living situation sucks. The place, the place that they're
living in blows. But then he can build this incredible
fortress like.

Speaker 5 (23:33):
Wait wait wait, they're living in the like this awesome tent.

Speaker 4 (23:37):
I totally want to some tin.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
It's just a tent. This guy can build.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
This guy can build castles out of bamboo and they're
living in a fucking tint with without even a back open.

Speaker 5 (23:50):
That's their that's their like camping gear. Did you see
their house that he built on that island?

Speaker 2 (23:56):
That impressive compares.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
They're on a island, it's a whole.

Speaker 5 (24:01):
He can build a fortress house with plumbing and ship
built an entire house.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
You built a house on an island with I assume
no supplies because.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
They should have gone in the house.

Speaker 4 (24:15):
What and what about the crossbow and like.

Speaker 5 (24:19):
Things.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
He's incredible.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, he's incredible constructor yes.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Yeah, not an incredible person, but he's an incredible He's
incredible at what he does. But sometimes, you know, Woody
Allen not a great person. That's a great movie. So
sometimes you gotta just appreciate the stucco house on the island.
Sometimes stuff Sometimes, J Simpson, I think Woody Allen would

(24:51):
have liked this movie. You probably like this movie.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
More.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
I'm sired of the grilla that fucking.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
Enough would o J would have loved this movie.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
Oh I did. Accidentally halfway through this movie. I was
having all sorts of controller issues because I restarted before
clearly not I restarted the entire movie. I think it's
because I accidentally like went off the screen, and this
movie wasn't set up that when you went back you
could just be back where you were, So then I

(25:28):
had to restart. I had to fast forward. It was
taking maybe forever that that pissed me off.

Speaker 4 (25:33):
Sounds like you had more control issues than Lobo.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
Was the real beast around you? What what was uh?
What was her job? Was she an actress? Okay, all right,
so that's out of there. The second thing next question Lobos.
Lobo's like a hippie right, Like he's he's like a

(26:02):
paint one with the earth, Like he wants to go live.
He's a painter. He's like he's living on this island.
And he utters the line animals belong in cages. If
there's anybody on the earth that would not be saying that,
it would be low.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
It would be that guy.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, especially on the secluded island. It was insane that
they were going to leave this gorilla in this cage
that he couldn't.

Speaker 5 (26:23):
Get getting frustrated because some of the dialogue in this
movie didn't make sense.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Well, when there's only ten lines of dialogue, they need
to mean something.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
There is just screaming.

Speaker 4 (26:35):
Sixty of the dialogue was.

Speaker 5 (26:40):
These two cast members shouting the three names of I
have that.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
Note, Yeah Boo, I'll be back Blue.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
I hated this.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
It says, you have the note that her only lines
for the first like twenty five minutes were Lobo, Lobo,
Lobo lobo.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
It says it was.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Again we mentioned this if we have DVD copies here.
It says this was digitally remastered. But when you watch it,
you can see it's just a scanned VHS tape because
you can see at least I don't if y'all notice,
but the bottom of the screen is just this massive
scan line that's constantly going the whole time, and it

(27:34):
was driving me fucking nuts.

Speaker 3 (27:36):
I can't say I noticed that, probably because I had
the fast forward bar going the whole.

Speaker 4 (27:40):
Time, right, or maybe he had a different version. Maybe
this was.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 5 (27:48):
I got all three DVDs from different sellers on I was.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
Gonna say, look at the quality of this house in California. Hey,
did I did not read the one review that's on
the pack?

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (28:03):
The Playboy one from Playboy? Yeah, have you ever heard
of Tanya's Island, while her screen credits read D D. Winters,
it's plainly vanity. In the Fay Ray part in a
kinky update of King Kong, we wonder why it hasn't
become a cult classic. That is the only review they have.
It doesn't say from a Playboy positive thing. It says,

(28:25):
we wonder why it's not a cult classic.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
And also within it, there's it's it's there's almost like
a question within it where they're like, while her screen
credits read is DDE Winters, it's vanity.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
That's what That's what you're talking about in your review.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
Yeah, anyone who writes Faye Ray, I don't know what
that means.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
But no, no, no, Well Fay Ray was the actress
in the original King Kong film, so so because the
movie so s like a kinky King Kong.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Oh, it was a lady.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
The original King Kong had depth. This movie.

Speaker 5 (29:01):
This movie, this movie failed at at pretty much everything.
I mean, if it if it wanted to play into
that Playboy, you know, kinky genre, it failed at that.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
That's what you think.

Speaker 5 (29:16):
When you see when you see boob in the opening
scene and then the whole opening credits is just tits
and bush.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
You're just like, this is gonna be a softcore place.
I thought this was gonna be going sex. It's gonna
be it's all kink, and it's not. The whole movie
is not that.

Speaker 5 (29:35):
Except for the random occasional shots of her naked, it
has nothing to do with desire, passion, or sexuality.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
When we first see them on the island, they are
just buck naked fucking on a rock, and the first
thing I thought was that is to hurt, right, And
there's like the ocean splashing on them like that.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
It knots and movies that they're always having sex in
the craziest places.

Speaker 4 (30:05):
Yeah, like they also weren't having sex. Did you notice that?

Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yeah, because you see his dick and she's like, it's
laying flat.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
She's f yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
And but and so then look, yeah, I just want
to say, just so it's on a record for this
for this film, she she gets raped twice, once by
Lobo and then by Blue.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
I'll disagree with you. She gets raped by two people,
but more than twice.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Oh you're yeah, sorry, sorry, two people multiple yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes,
because after after Lobo again, the man his turn into
becoming more evil and animalistic. Well again which is instant. Uh, yeah,
he starts, he starts. He starts having sex with her
clearly when she does not want to yes to Blues
credit out of these two beasts, he only does it once,

(31:00):
so she only.

Speaker 3 (31:00):
Does it once, but he does beat the ship out
of her.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Well, but he doesn't.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
Maybe maybe he's the real hero because he knows this
is how she's gonna wake up.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
That's true if I break her rigs ueah.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah, And because then she does, she's in and it's over.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
But she doesn't up with a gasp or anything. She
just kind of wakes up and then there's Lobo just
on the screen again, like it's see.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
She wakes up just like what a bad dream?

Speaker 3 (31:26):
I don't even know. She just like she's just.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
Like that was her ultimate fantasy.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
It was, That's what I think, Yeah, Lobo.

Speaker 5 (31:37):
I think for the Gorilla it was more of like
a spike rape because you have twenty minutes of her
begging him to free her and she's like, save me, Blues,
save me, save me, Blues, save me, get me out
of here, and then he like gets her out of here,
and she immediately is like, get the fuck away from me.

Speaker 3 (31:57):
I didn't understand. I understand me alone. I was really weird.

Speaker 5 (32:03):
It's a confused gorilla, like, fuck you bitch.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
I think I think that must have been narrow. That
must have been producer Pierre Brusso whenever he decided to
make the film more violent.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
Rather than sexual. Maybe that was a.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Maybe, maybe that was an issue with the writing process,
a j maybe that was an issue with the script.

Speaker 4 (32:23):
There was a script of this.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
Uh this was I'm sorry, but this is like one
of the five worst movies I've ever watched in my life.
I don't I don't want my jovial tone here to
be confused with people thinking that I enjoyed this movie.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
And yeah, he writes again.

Speaker 3 (32:43):
Watch the job Island again.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
Yeah, what's with you in Islands?

Speaker 4 (32:48):
Man?

Speaker 1 (32:48):
Grimas Islands? And then either Islands or Beasts.

Speaker 5 (32:57):
Ten minutes into this movie, I was like, I think
these guys might fire me from the podcast.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
I would if we didn't have like fifteen movies left
that when finish, if.

Speaker 3 (33:09):
You wanted to do this as your first spole movie.
But we couldn't find it anywhere. And I think if
we had watched this thirty movies into the podcast, we
may have been finishing us with a different third cow host.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
There would be differences, that's for sure, But instead we
got Grimace Island, so and we still decided to keep
you good.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Grimace Island was more palatable somehow than this, I really was.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
There's no gorilla rapet. Thirty minutes.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Tank gave it a fifteen Grimas Island, which I have
a feeling is going to be quite higher than what
he gives this movie.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
So I did spoilers well everybody at foreshadowing.

Speaker 2 (33:51):
I did enjoy Grimace Island more than I did, don
you though it did win on a very relative scale.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
It did get Musical Award, so yeah, Best Achievement in
Costume Design for the coveted Genie Awards, which it looks.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Like for Lobo when they just cover him in black paint.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
Look, Lobo didn't look anything like a gorilla that There
is this one scene that I clipped off. I think
it's the first time she's like swimming in the ocean
and he Lobo is just sitting on the beach or
I'm sorry, not Lobo. I blue. You would think it

(34:33):
was Lobo, but Lobo's the man, and I just can
you guys see this you can't. That's fine, that's fine.
You watched the movie. But the way he gets up
and movies tells it to that's all right, it doesn't
matter you watched it, and I really don't care enough
to do that. It was so bad. It was just
so bad. I just couldn't believe that they picked a small,

(34:56):
tiny man to play the gorilla, Like.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Yeah, well that was the tell me a little bit
of when we talked about on Primal, and I was
talking about how like like if you if your v
EFTs aren't too great, but if you put in the dark,
that can go a long way. The thing with the
thing with the same thing with with poor special effects,
if if you when you have Lobo in the in
the cave, that's I think why I was like, Okay,

(35:19):
that actually looks a lot better than I was expecting
because he's surrounded by darkness.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
And then I'm like, I just hope they don't show
him in broad daylight.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
And that scene, yeah, rightily, and you're just like running
like oh god, well, the whole.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
Time you could just think, Okay, I get why he
can't break through this bamboo. I get why he keeps
getting trapped in these slates because he's a yeah, he's
not at.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
All a little s Yeah, it's uh. I like, I
like when.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Whenever he learns that she is, you know, befriending this
this creature and he and he goes back to his
home to pout, and then she gets there and again
he's immediately jealous and he goes, he goes slick at me.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Would you rather be be covered in hair?

Speaker 3 (36:09):
Yeah? That was very like like the guy he already is.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Like, he's so fu when I look better than covered
in hair?

Speaker 3 (36:26):
I we don't. I don't want to go back to it.
But I'm just looking through my notes and I said,
they're making music, baby, and then right away I just
said I actually had to fast forward past the bang
of the pots and pants bit. That was brutal. So
I did have a mere moment of joy where.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
I kind of thought the same thing, but then it
kept going.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
Do you remember speaking of Lobo and how good he
is a building? Do you remember when he just threw
that door onto the cage and it just magically went
back into place. That was incredible.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
It's like minecraft logic. Yeah, just put it there. Look,
it's connected. But like the whole yeah, I mean, I
don't we probably don't need to get into the physics
of this, but sure, like the gorilla can't break bamboo,
and then the reason whenever the gorilla flips it on
them and they get put in the cage and Lobo's outside,

(37:18):
Fuck Blue is outside of it. Why would it's so
stupid in a movie about a gorilla. But they're out
there and they're like, ah ah, we can't get out.
But you can see the actor who plays Lobo, it's like, yes,
it's only worked for you guys, but like, yes, to
do this thing.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
We're like his leg is clearly able to go to
the massive gap in the door, but.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Then he's trying to like contort his body so it
looks like he wouldn't be able to fit through. And
the only thing keeping them there are like thirteen coconuts just.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
You just pat them away. Ugh.

Speaker 5 (38:01):
But in Tanya's fantasy, this man knows how everything in
a day, but is terribly terribly weak.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
He's a he's a builder, not a destroyer.

Speaker 4 (38:15):
Yeah. Well, and he also is not.

Speaker 5 (38:20):
Like military minded, because he builds this awesome fort which
he can easily defend his love from this animal. And
then you know, he's got a crossbow and the gorilla
is standing right there point blank, but he doesn't shoot
him again. He opens the door to the fort and

(38:41):
walks around and then gets choked out by the gorilla,
leaving the door wide open.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
It's just like.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
He's a painter, not a fighter.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Yeah, why is it that, Like there's only there's only
there's just.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Two creatures on the island. There's the gorilla and there's
the pig.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
Well, that's what I was saying before. It doesn't make sense.
There's no other.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
Could you imagine how fucking chill, Like, what a great
dream it would be if like her boyfriend wasn't a
maniac and it was just the three, like the two
of them hanging out with his gorilla. Yeah, like how
cool that would be, What a fun time, What a
nice dream.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
I just think I think it's so lazy when movies
are just a dream in the end, like unless it's
done really well, because basically everything we're saying now could
just be explained away by oh, well, it's just her dream.
It's just like, well, it just makes up for the
fact that it was a ship movie. I do feel
like the end of the movie wasn't really supposed to

(39:44):
be a dream and then they're like, a let's.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Shoot it like this people, the better movie is using
the dream to create, you know, the fantasy allegory to abuse.
I think that's what the film's supposed to be about.
They just do it, so they do it horribly, horribly.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
And what's frustrating is when you're.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
Watching this film that is no longer in circulation anywhere.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
What's frustrating is.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
It's like it's it's like good sets, you know, like
like like you were saying, like that the houses look good.
They're on an island that's hard to film in. It's
it's they have space on this island somehow, the as
far as what they're wearing, and like yeah, the gorilla
thing doesn't look great, but it's it's it's passable. So
like there's what I'm saying is there was some money

(40:29):
behind this. Yeah, Like this wasn't just some like we
went out in the forest and shot a movie like
this was designed and that the.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
State was mechanical.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
Yeah there was in the suit.

Speaker 5 (40:43):
But they love the close dark shots of his lips.

Speaker 6 (40:46):
Going yeah, I mean this this creature is made to
exhibit human emotion.

Speaker 5 (41:01):
Transmitted fully through his wiggling lips.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Yes, it's absolute well put it was.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
It was a good face mask, you know, and so
that's the point. They had money, but they fucked it up.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Looking at Playboy, wonders why didn't become a you know,
it would be the better movie is the movie behind
the movie, you know, kind of like.

Speaker 5 (41:27):
Exactly and seeing what happened between the writer, director, and
producer and why what we got?

Speaker 2 (41:34):
That's the real uh love hate triangle.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Yeah, yep, maybe maybe we'll be the ones to do it.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
It is. It is so crazy looking at IMDb and
the images on IMDb, it looks like the sexiest movie
between a woman and a gorilla. There's an image of
her like pouring water all over herself and the gorilla
like holding her up against the rock sexually. It's like,
I don't know that happened in the movie, but if

(42:03):
it's in the trailer but it didn't happen exactly.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah, maybe there are other other edits of this film.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
There has to be there. Maybe otherwise this is this
makes no sense, like.

Speaker 2 (42:14):
An extremely x rated version that we that we didn't see.

Speaker 5 (42:18):
Maybe that fifteen minute trailer was made by the direct maybe.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
That would be like, hey, here, maybe those are the
deleted scenes.

Speaker 4 (42:26):
Yeah yeah, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
This would have worked shortn't it?

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Like well, yeah, go watch the go watch the trailer.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
Watch the trailer.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
That's the short film first kind of better then, yeah,
it says.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
This film was title was also known as Beauty's Beast.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Every single fucking IMDb review is like a sexy Beauty
in the Beast, Beauty and the Beast reimagined Beauty the
Beast poorly. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:01):
Well yeah, I mean that's wait, that's all.

Speaker 5 (43:05):
I've only been waiting three and a half years for
a chance it redemption.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
Yeah, you suck at those man. You know what, I'm
gonna say something insane right now that you wouldn't believe.
If I'm gonna save it, I'll save her for my
final thought.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
I just want to say the director Alfred Soul He
died two years ago at the age of seventy eight.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, we'll never know the truth.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
Do you guys want that vanity trivia?

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah? I don't think I have much else to say
about that.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
So, as Hank said, her name Dede Winters in this movie.
Shortly after this movie was filmed, she began dating Prince,
and Prince told her, hey, if you want to be
successful and you want to have a career in the
movie industry and in music industry, which she got into
as well as evidence by her singing and action Jackson,

(44:06):
he said, you must become a one named person. Nobody's
going to like you as D. D. Winters. You must
have one name. And then she chose Vanity, and that's
how Vanity came to be. And then I looked at
her trivia section on IMDb, and essentially every trivia fact

(44:27):
is about Prince. It's like she died sixty seven days
before Prince. She was supposed to be starring alongside Prince
in Purple Range, like all this stuff about Prince. So anyway,
her life very very closely tied to Prince. Okay, there's
my trivia for you.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I think it makes a good point because no one
else that's famous as more.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Than one name.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
No, no, I mean if she was DD Winter, we
probably would have never watched this movie.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
No.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Oh, no Vanity, Oh no, Actually D. D. Winters is
like a perfect stage name. That's like a great.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
Name, credible. Yeah, I mean, that's like the greatest she
should have never Vanity is insane.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, well they liked it.

Speaker 5 (45:08):
Vanity is a closer, closer name to what her name
should have been in this movie. And yes, her fantasy
herself being naked, rubbing her nipples on a beach, yes,
and just having people fight over her but not wanting
any of this.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Well, James, were there any goops, gafs, no goops.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
Any gis, no ghoules? If there was ever a movie
that should be chalk full of goofs and gaffs on IMDb,
and there's not a single one. I say you, guys,
I say you the other day.

Speaker 4 (45:50):
It's a perfect movie.

Speaker 3 (45:52):
What what twenty two minute Frosty the Snowman from nineteen
sixty has thirty four goofs and gashs on that IMDb
page thirty four. This movie has zero. And there's a
decent amount of reviews and blawless like it's crazy. I

(46:15):
was curious.

Speaker 4 (46:17):
Stating, goof a damn thing.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
It's a perfect move.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
It's immaculate.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
I can't now, to be fair, I don't know that
I could think of a gaff in the movie.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
So yeah, well I think I think this This featured
review titles as it all, or someone wrote potentially interesting
but flawed film, which is a very kind way to
put it.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
Ye, I like the one hold On, I'll read it.
I think I actually read it at the end of
last episode as well, A beautiful but weak look inside
a woman.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Oh, this movie's so sexist.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
Yeah, I mean it's.

Speaker 4 (47:01):
Well.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Good job, Panya's Island. You're the first. I think you're
the first Wickerman Pod episode to not have any goofs gas. Yes,
you know, not the first one to not have any.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
Ghoules, but yeah, potentially Grimace Island also did a goofser gus.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
AJ only picks the finest yes.

Speaker 4 (47:25):
I make about fum.

Speaker 3 (47:29):
Yeah. Ronald McDonald's commercial The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald
The Legend of Grimas Island forty minutes long, and let's
see if it has any goofs or gas. It does
not know goops or guys. Wow, AJ is good and

(47:50):
I can't imagine that student film loose the movie did either.

Speaker 5 (47:53):
So oh, man, I know how to pick them.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
You should pal.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
Well, let's move into a little segment I like to
call final thoughts, and.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
All right, AJ, it's your film. Well.

Speaker 5 (48:14):
The anticipation for this movie had grown so large for
me after watching Action Jackson and seeing Vanity's credits and everything.
I went out and purchased this DVD years and not

(48:37):
watched it. I had to dust off my DVD player.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
And what did you and what did you store with it? Aj?
In the DVD case?

Speaker 5 (48:45):
Oh, a couple will get out of jail free cards?
You know from the legendary board game and uh so.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Yeah, I Board Game of the President's Elect.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
It is the greatest game ever.

Speaker 5 (48:58):
I Aidatal Champion the done three time?

Speaker 3 (49:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (49:05):
What nothing I missed that one.

Speaker 5 (49:11):
Hey, this is my final thoughts, all right? So yeah,
I mean the anticipation was real. I literally have only
been holding on to my DVD player for this moment.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (49:29):
I sent you guys DVDs. James, yours was used. I
hope it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
Too well worn it, but yeah, I know it was fine.
Nice hard to open the case. I had to take
a knife to it.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
You know what, Wait, would you buy me a new copy?
Because the back of it says used the sticker up it?

Speaker 3 (49:48):
Yeah, I mean there's no chance there's a new copies
floating around anywhere.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Interesting that they said, James, I know yours was used.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
It didn't get it didn't have a DVD release. These
are all like pirated versions of this, your final film.

Speaker 5 (50:08):
Mhm, We're never going to finish this, do you guys
keep interrupting me?

Speaker 2 (50:14):
I hope we don't.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
I hope we just talking about this for the rest
of my life.

Speaker 4 (50:21):
But yeah, I was. I was thoroughly disappointed.

Speaker 5 (50:24):
I was.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
I thought there were disappointed. But yeah, more love, more romance,
more gorilla sex, you know.

Speaker 5 (50:35):
And I think the quarrel between the director and the
producer really.

Speaker 4 (50:40):
Left us with the ship end of the stick, where.

Speaker 5 (50:45):
When you watch the trailer you think, Wow, this has
the potential to be a long and arduous, very uncomfortable
love story, and instead it was just a lot of
banging on bamboo.

Speaker 4 (51:00):
Yeah, and uh, you know, a lot.

Speaker 5 (51:04):
Can be said for the fact that there are no
goofs and gaffs in the movies that I choose. You
can argue that these are perfect movies. You can argue
that I consistently picked the worst movies just to torture
you guys.

Speaker 4 (51:23):
Either way, you know, it's up for debate, you know,
I am.

Speaker 5 (51:30):
I'm grateful that you guys haven't kicked me out of
the podcast yet.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
I'm going to if you don't wrap up your final thoughts,
is this.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Becoming a slow apology or.

Speaker 4 (51:43):
Hey, I don't know, this might be my farewell speech.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
You don't know, start playing the music.

Speaker 4 (51:51):
And so yeah, I mean it was.

Speaker 5 (51:54):
I think you guys can know what to expect from
me these days. And partially because I am the resident
guest on this show.

Speaker 4 (52:06):
I am You're not.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
A guest on the show. You've been on every episode.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
A guest because I am not a movie buff. I
am not.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Talking about episodes of this You've been on everyone you.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Are, but I'm always giving that you are you are.

Speaker 4 (52:27):
I'm representing.

Speaker 5 (52:29):
I'm representing the layman, whereas you guys are representing people
that know sh about movies, okay, and I'm just trying
to give the everyman appear into what these movies can be.
If you haven't watched every fucking movie in the world,
So imagine my incredible dismay when I want to choose

(52:53):
something to share with you guys, and between the two
of you, you've already seen every fucking movie.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
In the world seen lady bugs haven't seen.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
So this is it.

Speaker 5 (53:07):
This is this is Tanya's Island. I hope in some weird,
fucked up way. You guys were able to enjoy some
parts of it as comfortable as it may have been.
I'm going to give this three points for the movie,
seven points for something that I was going to give

(53:31):
it points for but actually forgot, seven points for not
having goops or gaps, and thirteen points for opening credit.

Speaker 4 (53:40):
Bush okay, making my score a twenty three.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Okay, nice, thank you. That was a quarter that was
like the trailer of Tanya's Island compared to the movie
of Tanya's Island.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
I don't think it even even had to do with
the movie.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
Let's talk all right for not talking through it though.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Yes, very respectful. Uh and wait, what do we? What
do we?

Speaker 1 (54:08):
What?

Speaker 2 (54:09):
What are your points?

Speaker 3 (54:10):
Is that cage?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
It can't be cages though, Oh yeah no, it's.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
Us twenty three. Puba cares, twenty three.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Puba cares, all right, Jane.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
I can't. I can't. If we do Puba cares, it
throws off my whole rating. It's gonna be one hundred
out of one hundred.

Speaker 5 (54:24):
PUBA cares just making an anomaly, man, I am going to.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
Make it anomaly. I'll tell you that right now. Here's
the deal. Well, we started this podcast, I was excited
about the idea of doing these uh special episodes where
we would get to share a movie that we loved
and thought the other people may love. In this podcast,

(54:52):
we had some greats. We had Stopper, My Mom Will Shoot.
We had Action Jackson. We of course had Speed two,
Cruise Control, and Blood Dye. A lot of classics in there.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
We watch Blood Downer the other day and there you go,
and this is a great one for the pod.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
We had some awful ones in there. We had Legend
of Grimace Island. We had Moose the movie. We had
Freddie Got's Fingers, and I never thought that they were
the one that was lower on that one. I never
thought there would be a movie on this show that
I hated more than Freddy Got Fingers. I would rather
watch twenty eight straight hours more than a day straight

(55:32):
hours of Freddy Got Fingered, just on loop over and
over and even just that one scene of him talking
about his dad over and over than ever even think
about this movie. Again. This is right up there with
The Hottie and The Naughty and Food Fight as the

(55:53):
now three worst movies I've ever seen in my life.
So when people say it's the worst movie you've ever seen.
I always say, well, it's the Paracelton class in the Naughty,
It's the Hillary Duff classic food Fight. Now it's the
Vanity classic Tanya's Island. I gave this movie five points
for Sam. I said that I liked Sam. Then they

(56:14):
killed him. Then I had to watch they beheaded him,
the rattling of bamboo, the banging of pots and pans,
and the both man and gorilla rape of a woman
over and over again for the last hour of the movie.
I'm giving this negative forty five points out of Oh,

(56:38):
it's horrible.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
I didn't I didn't know we could go below the scale.

Speaker 3 (56:41):
Like I said, this one was going to be an anomaly.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
This is going to destroy the average for the film.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
Sorry, but there was no other way.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
I'm gonna I'm gonna echo Aj a little bit and
say I was also disappointed in this film.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
I don't know how how did anyone have any.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Because there was there was a little bit of I
was I was. I was ready to watch just was.
I was ready to watch porn. I mean that's what
I thought this was gonna be.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
I was like, Okay, this is gonna be like a
more produced This is gonna be a porno film that
Ah wanted to make a rot And.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
I was like, and I was ready.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
I was like, Okay, I'm mentally prepared to be disgusted,
and but I but I can get through it because
I'm ready for it.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
And it never really happens.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
And so the whole time I'm watching it, just like, Okay,
when are we going to get to the really crazy?

Speaker 2 (57:36):
When are we gonna get there?

Speaker 1 (57:37):
And it's just the walk around caves and banging on pots.
It's screaming Tanya, Tanya, Tanya, and and and the gorilla
is there and the guy's name is Lobo. Fuck this
movie one hundred. And I also give it a one

(57:59):
because I like, I like the cute pig.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
It was great. Sam was great, and I like the.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Way I like the way that he that he tried
to bury it, but he just over it and left
the pig mound.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
AJ gave this movie a twenty three hank of one.
I gave it a negative forty five, which actually feels
too high, but that brings our compositive story the negative
seven out of one hundred negative seven. Wow, that is
fourteen points lower than the legend of Grimos Island, which
got it possible.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
A positive seven.

Speaker 3 (58:38):
He's given us a seven, a negative seven, and then
a forty three, but only because he rated a moose high.
This is the worst part is that all of the
movies you pick you don't like. Yeah, it's infuriating, it's.

Speaker 6 (58:58):
So true, it's so frust them all.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
We haven't we haven't seen every seen.

Speaker 5 (59:09):
Every Hey, I really enjoy Enter the Void and you
forbid me from cheese and it.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
Was like three and a half hours long.

Speaker 5 (59:18):
That's that's what you get. You guys don't have the
attention span for good filmmaking.

Speaker 3 (59:23):
Oh god, Now, okay, here's the thing. Enter the Void
is actually only two hours and forty minutes. Okay, we've
done We've done that before. Maybe that's what you do,
because unfortunately, the way it's shaping up right now is
that the last episode we ever do on this is
gonna be after movie one is gonna get one more

(59:43):
spot and the last Wickerman episode that will ever be
released as an AJ spotlight.

Speaker 4 (59:50):
So I need I need a redemption.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
I've I've every time.

Speaker 5 (59:57):
I loved playing the game with you, guys, When you
thought it couldn't get worse, it got worse and I've
built a reputation for myself. So how great would it
be if I actually impressed you someday?

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
Yeah, I would love.

Speaker 3 (01:00:11):
It when I see it, I would love that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
Yeah, he's impressed me for now.

Speaker 5 (01:00:19):
What now?

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
What are you going to do with the movie?

Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
Now that you own it? And I'm throwing it out
and never watch it again?

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Throw it out, I'm gonna I'm gonna put in my collection.
I got a bunch of DVDs. I'm gonna put it
next to it and then never pull it out.

Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
Of Actually, maybe I'll sell it in my estates when
we move.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
It is like a display case.

Speaker 4 (01:00:44):
It is a rare. I will pay you. I will
pay you twenty dollars to take this home.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
But you must watch.

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
It, right, Yeah, the only payment is you watch the film.

Speaker 5 (01:00:57):
I think having it on your shelf is great. It's
a good talking point. Somebody someday might be like, hey,
what's that movie.

Speaker 4 (01:01:04):
I have?

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
Because if I pull this out and it's got a
naked woman and a gorilla.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
It doesn't even really look like her, Like this barely
looks like her.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
It's not her. It's definitely not her. Yeah, that's the gorilla.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
Though the grill is pretty yeah, pretty good.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Do you want to know what we're watching next week?

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
I guess no.

Speaker 4 (01:01:24):
I want to keep talking about Tanya's Island.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
When you say next week, do you mean four months
from me?

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Yes? I do? I do?

Speaker 3 (01:01:34):
Oh Kelsey grammars of this movie, I've never seen it?
All right, this is the next movie we're watching, Yes
it is. It's the podcast or whatever. This next movie
we're watching the last one on our list, on our
pre record list that I wrote out, so I gotta
update the list. Grand Dial, a young father is charged

(01:01:55):
with murder and must prove his innocence by recalling it.
Very twisted, A dark Knight. Events are very twisted and
dark side of events. Nicholas Cage plays Walter. I've never
seen it. Watch it, I'm free.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Well that's a good sign of quality.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
I as someone who has personally been to grand Isle
before in Louisiana, I am losing forward to to this.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
We've had a lot of Louisiana based movies.

Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
Yes, Age. The thing I'm getting out of this is like, yeah,
Cage doesn't want to go anywhere, and so he says, sure,
I'll be in your movie, but you must film it
in near.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Mind me here Yeah, okay, well, next up is grand
isle that this next up is Tanya's grand isle.

Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
Nd watching it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Vanity comes back with we bring her back with c G.
We bring her back and it's gonna be amazing. Uh.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
Thanks for listening to the show. Up to the Wickerman podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
Look At, look at. Look at a J's exfoliated face.
It looks so we're gonna shiney. Look at the eyes

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
M