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June 24, 2025 20 mins
For many older Americans, love and companionship remain vital—but marriage isn’t always the best financial or legal choice. In this episode of Tuesday with Tom, attorney Tom Doyle explains why staying unmarried later in life can help protect your assets, benefits, and family inheritance. Learn the key issues to consider and how proper planning can provide peace of mind.
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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:31):
Well, good afternoon, Michiganders. Today is Tuesday, June twenty fourth,
twenty twenty five, and of course this is Tuesday with Tom,
Michigan's only podcast where we talk about your estate, planning,
estate settlement.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
And everything in between.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
I'm your host, Tom Doyle, a state planning attorney, lifelong
Michigander and your guide to planning for your future. Just
a brief recap of our last episode. What happens to
your digital assets when you die? So many of us

(01:10):
today are very tied to digital assets. We've got our
email accounts, we've got our online banking accounts, we say
photos online, do all kinds of things with what are
considered digital assets. It's important for you to understand what
happens to those assets when you die and what planning

(01:35):
opportunities you have for them. So I encourage you listen
to my last episode.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
But today a.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Topic that oftentimes comes up when meeting with clients, and
we want to talk about why older Americans may be
better off staying.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
On married.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
That's right for many people in their sixties and their seventies,
loving companionship are alive and well, but marriage isn't always
the best legal or financial.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Choice at this stage of life.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
So let's talk about why that is and what options
are available. All right, so let's start with some of
the financial consequences of remarriage. And again let's just be

(02:36):
clear at the beginning of today's podcast, I am not
I am not discouraging you from being married, but I
think it's important when you are older for you to
think about a number of these things I'm going to
talk about today in light of the decisions that you

(02:57):
are looking at making and getting married. So financial consequences
of remarriage, well, for older adults, remarriage can bring unintended
financial consequences.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
It might end up affecting pensions.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Or survivor benefits from a former spouse. So if you're
receiving a pension from a former's spouse or some survivor
benefits and you get married, you need to understand what
effect that remarriage will have, if any, on that pension
that you're receiving or those survivor benefits, survivor benefits including

(03:35):
things like social Security benefits.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
You might be receiving.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Social Security benefits based upon a previous spouse's income, you
need to understand what effect that can have. If what
effect a remarriage might have on your continued receipt of
Social Security benefits, and it can in some cases trigger

(04:01):
higher taxes on Medicare premium surcharges.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
So those are just some.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
Of the financial consequences of a getting remarried, but so
many clients actually find that staying unmarried allows them to
maintain key benefits while still enjoying a committed relationship. Number
two Protecting family inheritance. Older adults often want to ensure

(04:35):
that their children and grandchildren receive their intended inheritance. So
the idea being I'm looking at getting married, but I
want to make sure that my estate doesn't go to
my new spouse's children. I want it to still go
to my children. Well, what you need to understand, and

(04:57):
this is certainly something that I've talked about before in
an number of podcasts. Marriage creates legal rights to each
other's estate, which can complicate in some places override earlier planning.
If one spouse passes away, the surviving spouse may have
rights to a larger share of the estate than intended.

(05:21):
So if the idea is I want my estate to
go to my kids, and when I die, my spouse
has certain rights to inherit from my estate, which might
actually be larger than my children. I need understand that
in looking at getting remarried, so that I understand what

(05:43):
my options are and what I need to do if
I in fact do get remarried. What options such as
waiver of spousal rights or prenuptial agreements, those sorts of agreements,
having them in place, perhaps having a trust in place.
Umber of things that one wants to look at if
they're in fact going to get remarried and they still

(06:06):
want to protect the family inheritance.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Now you can.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Still get remarried, provide for your new spouse, and have
your state go to kids. You might decide not to
get remarried, but you can still provide for your significant other.
You can have a trust perhaps that would provide benefits
for that for your significant other, while still making sure

(06:30):
that upon the death of that significant other that your
estate still goes to your children. So staying unmarried might
allow for clearer control in more predictable outcomes.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Number three, avoiding.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Long term care liability, And this is a big one
for so many clients, many many clients that we're looking
at today going on Medicaid and they go into a
nursing home. What they often don't realize is that in marriage,
spouses may become legally responsible for each other's long term

(07:14):
care costs. So if one partner enters a nursing home,
these other's assets could be at risk. Why because the
government treats for Medicaid purposes everything that both spouses own
as being available to pay for that nursing home care.

(07:36):
And if you've paid any attention to the way that
Medicaid works, you have to spend down in a state
until you get to the point that the government says
that you will qualify for Medicaid. So if you're remarried,
your assets if your spouse goes into a nursing home
might have to be used to pay for long term

(08:01):
care costs for your spouse. But staying unmarried, though older adults,
can keep your finances separate and better protect assets for
themselves and your families, because if you're not married, the
government can only consider your assets. For example, if you're

(08:21):
looking at long term care situation Number four Simplified estate planning.
When couples remain unmarried, there are tools available to you
that are similar if you want them to be to
being married. You can have a will if you want

(08:45):
to and leave assets to your partner. You might have
a revocable living trust and use that trust again as
I explained above, to either support your partner or perhaps
provide some benefits to your partner. You can look get
using things like beneficiary designations. If you want assets to
go to your partner at the time of your death,

(09:07):
you can look at having beneficiary designations. Again, the whole
idea is because you're not married, you use these other
tools if you want to provide any benefits to your
partner at the time of your death, rather than having

(09:28):
to do what the State of Michigan says you have
to do under what would be our interstate laws. You
can look at powers of attorney. You want your partner
to be able to handle things if you become in capacitated.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
You can do that with the power of attorney.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Or you want your partner to make medical decisions for you,
very common one that we will see with clients in
the situation as I'll say, well, I want to have
my partner make my medical decisions for me, Well, you
can do that in a healthcare power of attorney, and
then perhaps have the children as a backup to your partner.

(10:08):
So again you can utilize the state planning tools to
provide benefits for your partner similar to if you were married,
without having the consequences where you have to do things
that could impact your other family members. So these sorts

(10:29):
of state planning tools, if you will, allow you and
your partner to define what your rights and wishes are
without the default legal obligations that come with marriage. Number
five the importance of planning. And I talk about this
all the time in a state planning seminars the importance

(10:52):
of planning, So unmarried couple's good planning is even more critical.
Again because without a will or trust, the surviving partner
may inherit nothing when in fact you wanted them to
inherit something from you. Without powers of attorney, partner may
not be able to make medical or financial decisions for you.

(11:13):
And if you want them to, then.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
You need to sure.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
You need to assure that you've accomplished that through appropriate planning.
So if someone you know or love is in a
committed relationship later in life, have them talk to an
estate planning a try to make sure everything's in order.
Just give my dad as an example my dad after
my mom had passed. Eventually he had a new girlfriend.

(11:44):
That's what he would call her, even though it's always
an odd term to hear from your father when he's
later in life. But in having conversations, even with my
own father about whether or not he should ever consider remarrying,
had to go through all of these things, same discussion
that I'm having to you today. Now, I'll have clients. Look,

(12:06):
I had clients not that long ago. They came in
to see me after after they already announced to all
of their friends and scheduled the date for getting remarried.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
So they are very concerned.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
After I spoke with them about, oh my goodness, we
hadn't thought about these consequences of getting married, and in
particular the consequence relative to long term care paying for
someone to be in a nursing home. And they were like, well,
what do we do. We've already told our friends were
getting married. We've already got a date scheduled to g're

(12:40):
get married. We already have a minister coming in on
such and such a date to get married. I said, well,
don't worry about it. I said, go through the ceremony,
tell your friends you got married.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Say, I do, just.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Don't sign the marriage license. Don't do that. As far
as the State of Michigan is concerned. If you haven't
signed a marriage license, you are not married legally. So
your friends can think you're married if that's really important
to you, but just don't execute that license it. It
always reminds me to I had a client she was

(13:14):
in her eighties and she was thinking about getting remarried.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Lived in the Upper Peninsula.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
So I had this whole conversation with her about remarriage
and all these things, much of what I've just talked
about today. And I said, so, do you have any
questions and she said, yeah, I've got one.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
I said, what is it?

Speaker 1 (13:33):
She said, well, if I get married now, do you
think it's going to be in the newspaper. I thought
about that for a minute, and I thought, well, you're
in a small town in the Upper Peninsula. I said, yeah,
that's likely going to show up in your newspaper, because
that's what small town newspapers do.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
I said, why is that a problem.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
She said, well, for the last twenty years, we have
told everybody that we're already married, including the country club,
and so we're treated as a married couple and pay
a certain fee to the country club as a married couple.
So her concern was that people would find out after

(14:19):
all of that time that in fact, they were not married.
I said, well, look, just don't get married. But you
can still tell your friends you're married if that's what
you want to do. And again, if you want to
have a ceremony, go have a ceremony. And if you
want to call it a wedding, call it a wedding.
But don't do the marriage license if that's what you

(14:42):
want to do. Now, I don't know if you don't
do a marriage license, is that local newspaper still going
to put something in there about you got married. I
guess you've got to figure that one out when you're
trying to make a decision what it is that you're
looking at doing.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
But there's no doubt, no doubt.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Marriage is a beautiful institution, but it's not always the
right fit later in life. But with the right legal planning,
older adults can enjoy love, companionship, and peace of mind
while protecting their finances. Of course, Amanda and I would

(15:50):
be honored to meet with you if you're thinking about
getting remarried or if that is not an issue for you,
but we'd be honored to help you protect the people
that you love, whether that means creating a brand new
estate plan, updating and existing one, or guiding you through
the estate settlement process during a very difficult time. We

(16:13):
try to make it easy and convenient to get started.
We offer in person appointments both in our headquarters and
Grand Rapids and our location in Lansing. We offer virtual
consultations that be by phone or zoom wherever you happen
to be in this great state of Michigan. And we

(16:35):
have as always our legal Store that's available at our website.
So if all you need and for example, just yesterday,
someone contact us said, look, all I need is a
certificate of trust.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I'm trying to sell real estate. I need a certificate
of trust.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
They were able to go to the legal store and
order a certificate of trust.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
They didn't need to come in and see us and
make it as easy as possible.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
So in the event that you need just individual documents,
the legal store that's at our website, DOYLELAWPC dot com
is a resource that you should check out. So to
find out how to schedule an import person appointment, A
virtual consultation or take a look at the legal store.

(17:25):
Simply visit DOYLELAWPC dot com. There you're going to learn
more information and you can actually through our website schedule
your consultation. Well, I think that's going to be a

(17:50):
wrap for today's show though. As always, if you have
a comment, a question you'd like answered, or a topic
you'd like me to cover in a future episode, on
over to Tuesday with Tom dot com. You can leave
me a voice message by clicking the microphone or just
send me an email at Tom at Tuesday.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
With Tom dot com.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Please be sure to follow us on Facebook and invite
your family and friends to do the same. That would
be Tuesday with Tom and the office is Doyle Law PC.
And don't forget subscribe to our email list at Tuesday
with Tom dot com to stay up to date with
new episodes and to be on our list monthly list

(18:33):
for our e news letter, so we'll keep you up
to date on what's going on with Tuesday with Tom.
You'll also be receiving our office E newsletter with important
estate planning tips. And you can listen to the show
wherever you enjoy your podcast or on Apple Podcasts. Spotify,

(18:55):
Amazon Music, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio and Speaker. Just tell you
your Spartan speaker to play Tuesday with Tom. Well, thanks
again for spending part of your day with this, and
hopefully you're staying cool. It's been a little bit unseasonably warm,
as we know here in the state of Michigan. But

(19:17):
until next time, take care, stay safe, and have an
awesome day and an awesome week here in Michigan. Tuesday
with Tom has been brought to you by the estate
planning attorneys at Doyle Law PC. To learn how we

(19:38):
can help you with your estate plan or with settling
a loved one's estate, please call us today at five
one seven three two three seven three sixty six.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
That's five one seven

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Three two three seven three sixty six.
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