September 22, 2025 • 62 mins
Join Ms Harper as she explains everything you need to know about how to join a kinky community event, whether that's a munch, BDSM play party, feminization party, or other sexy event!
Whore School is your adult sex education podcast with a no shame, no guilt, and no fear attitude. Learn all the things 'the man' doesn't want you to know about sex, sexuality, gender, and gender expression. Because you deserve to know how to find pleasure in your life.
Whore School is your adult sex education podcast with a no shame, no guilt, and no fear attitude. Learn all the things 'the man' doesn't want you to know about sex, sexuality, gender, and gender expression. Because you deserve to know how to find pleasure in your life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Oh, I love that sound.
(00:04):
Oh, belong.
Oh, this is Whore School.
I am Harper.
You are listening.
If you are not listening, what are you doing?
What even?
What even are you doing?
It's Sunday night.
Don't you know what you're supposed to be doing on a Sunday night?
(00:26):
I know what you're supposed to be doing on a Sunday night.
Kneeling peacefully at the side of your bed and praying for salvation?
Something like that.
Who the fuck can tell?
I don't fucking know.
You're supposed to be listening to Whore School.
That's what you're supposed to be doing.
(00:47):
Whore School is adult, sex, education.
You're going to learn some shit.
Okay.
You're going to learn some things.
What are you going to learn?
You're going to learn that when you, when this time rolls around 11 o'clock on the East
(01:10):
Coast, 8 o'clock on the West Coast, you head to communitykink.com because that's the
chat room.
The chat room is open.
Kylie is in here.
So is Patty.
And Patty says, there's always some wild thing I hear when I just open the show.
You're welcome.
I try hashtag.
(01:34):
I was almost late, but I wasn't.
It wasn't actually late.
It was only almost late because I was watching a video about a topic that I don't want to
discuss.
So we're going to, instead, we're going to talk about manners.
(01:55):
Manner's went entering a kink or BDSM community.
Do you know how to behave when you're in public?
You will.
You'll learn.
I'm a teacher.
You won't.
You'll figure it out.
We'll get you there.
It's all good.
It's all perfectly good.
(02:18):
So Patty says, "Normal people?"
"Is it more complex than that?"
We wish.
We wish that people would behave more like normal people.
(02:38):
Yes.
Believe it or not, there actually is a reason why I'm going to talk to you about manners
in the kink and BDSM community or when you go to a munch.
It's because some people ain't gotten none.
Some people are...
(03:02):
Some people are people.
Yes.
They...
I'm sure they're doing their best.
Right?
They're trying.
They're trying.
They're trying my patience.
Yeah.
Okay.
So things I have seen people do at BDSM munch.
(03:28):
Walk up to the munch and yell at the top of their lungs.
'This where the kinky people are?'
Dude.
For context, it's important that you know kink and BDSM munch events take place in public.
(03:57):
This was at a coffee house in a college town.
And it was busy.
There was a Bible study going on in one of the side rooms.
Yeah.
Patty said "the second-hand embarrassment is going to kill me tonight, isn't it?"
(04:23):
Nah.
She might squirm a little bit, but it'll be fine.
So you are a fairly average normal human being, right?
And you decide that you want to get more involved with BDSM and kink events.
(04:45):
And you think to yourself, how do I get involved in the kinky community?
Because I know they're out there.
This podcast, that I listen to, tells me that they exist.
How do I get involved?
How do I do?
(05:05):
Oh, Patty said, "I hate that kind of thing.
"I always imagine myself doing this really dumb thing at house.
"Stupid, I would be.
"Despite never doing something that dumb."
Hey, Tina.
Welcome to the show tonight.
Hey girl.
Yeah, that's your anxiety.
(05:26):
Patty, that's your anxiety speaking.
The vast majority of people manage to maintain common sense and not be complete in total fucking
knobs in public.
But then there's always somebody who decides to forget their manners.
(05:50):
So sometimes this is caused because they're just really fucking excited to be there.
They're like, this is the coolest thing I've ever been to in my whole entire life.
And they're very excited.
And they're super into it.
And they're just like hyped up because maybe they're anxious.
(06:11):
Maybe they've never done this before.
And they've been thinking about it for years or weeks.
And they have worked themselves into a frenzy.
People who are in that kind of state, like very emotionally hyped up, they're going to
open their mouth and say some shit.
(06:32):
So they're going to, they're going to answer open mouth insert foot.
Like it's going to happen.
They're going to fellate their own toes.
That's fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
(06:55):
A little awkwardness is fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
Sorry, a friend messaged me.
All right, that's weird as shit.
Oh, Patty's going to be playing D&D.
(07:17):
Hey, Miss Addy.
And keyboard smash.
This joint is in the chat one more time.
Apparently his friend isn't letting him sleep.
(07:38):
That's not right.
So sometimes people are going to open their mouths and they're going to say stupid things
because they aren't thinking.
And to be fair, and all of a lot of people, there's something about 2020 and the big long
(08:06):
break in habit, you know, going to work and doing your stuff.
And since then, people are more isolated and community has gotten super fractured.
And so people have kind of forgotten how to behave, how to act.
(08:41):
So if you've ever been on a public place, right, and someone has decided to listen to their
music without using headphones or ear buds and their music is just playing.
They're happy, they're fine, but everybody else is like, dude, I don't want to listen to
(09:02):
your fucking music, right?
People have forgotten how to behave when they're in public.
And this extends to the way that people treat service workers as if they really are just
a, like an AI and automaton, an NPC.
(09:23):
The number of times I've seen people who they leave off the, hi, hello, how are you?
Part of greeting people, right?
So part where you say to somebody, oh, hello, good morning when you meet them.
Instead it's you walk up to a person at a counter and use just, you know, big Mac.
(09:48):
Great.
You can't say good morning.
You're allergic to it.
Did you forget?
You're in public and I'm a person.
This extends to Kink Community and BDSM events.
(10:12):
People forget or have forgotten that the people around you that you interact with are, you know,
real, and you should be less of a dick.
Act like that's a person.
Act like that's a human fucking being, dude.
(10:36):
So at a kink or fetish or BDSM event, the other people who are at the event are not there
for your personal sexual fantasy fulfillment.
(11:01):
Ah, Nicki Marie is chatting over in the pod bean chat room.
I have no idea where you would go to find that because I have a completely different dashboard
than everyone else does.
So hi.
It's a good thing I popped over there and looked.
So let me say it one more time.
The people at a kink fetish or BDSM event or even a fucking swingers event.
(11:28):
They're not there for your own personal sexual fulfillment.
And expecting everyone present to cater to exactly what you want in the way you wanted.
The only time in which you can go to a group event and assume that everyone there is going
(11:53):
to be participating in your personal kink or fetish in exactly the way you wanted is if
you have paid money for that ahead of time.
Otherwise, they're not there for you necessarily.
You can work out something with them so that both you and they wind up having a good time.
(12:21):
But an awful lot of people show up to kink and fetish and BDSM events and proceed to act
like completely selfish cunts.
Don't be a cunt.
(12:43):
Patty said 'people approach that kind of event like that?'
Yeah.
They do.
There are people out there who have no fucking manners.
Keyboard Smash says "how many people usually go to a kink or fetish or swinger event?"
It depends.
(13:04):
It depends on the size of the community.
It depends on the phase of the fucking moon.
Any event that's scheduled on a full moon?
I skip them.
I skip full moon events.
I always check.
I'm like, what's the moon?
And like, oh, it's full that night?
Yeah, never mind.
(13:25):
I guess there's something weird about it.
Something about the full moon that makes people just fucking nuts.
Selfish, self-centered, completely just cock knobs.
Tina says, "full moon?"
Yeah, the full moon makes people crazy.
The full moon is the worst.
I don't go to events on the full moon.
(13:48):
Patty says, "well, correlation and causation and all that."
Yeah.
For the part where we can look back at records for like emergency rooms and it is actually
worse on the full moon.
Whether it's because people take it as an excuse to act like a dickhead or because there's
something about the full moon, man.
(14:09):
We don't know what it is.
But sometimes the full moon makes people cray cray.
I don't go to events on the full moon.
Those manners are worse.
Just fucking worse.
Ugh.
(14:29):
So.
So here we are, right?
You go to a kink or a fetish event.
First, how do you find them?
Fetlife.
F-E-T-L-I-F-E.
Dotcom.
Go to Fetlife.
It's free.
Make an account.
Boom.
Yes.
(14:49):
We need accounts on there.
Yes.
People who are pros of various degrees of skill can advertise on there.
Yes.
Yeah.
There's swingers.
There's also people who are into some real weird shit.
(15:11):
Like, yeah.
Fetlife.
Pop on over there.
You may even see an ad for our company.
We advertise on Fetlife.
It did not work very well.
And I think it's because back in the day, Fetlife had a very community-oriented slant.
(15:36):
And then they started letting the pros in.
And now most of the people who are not pros who were just into the lifestyle because, you
know, were kinky perverts don't go on Fetlife.
Because, you know, complete with the sound and the eye roll.
Watch this.
I'm going to go on my personal life account.
(16:00):
Yeah.
I know.
I got to be logged in get the fuck out of here.
I don't care.
Logging in.
They're like.
Just trying to tell me that I need to have more friends.
(16:25):
I joined Fetlife in 2008.
Okay.
I do have messages on here.
So here's one.
'Hey, sexy.
Let's make something happen.
Hopefully, I hear back from you.'
No.
(16:49):
'My wife and I are looking for a very mean dominant owner.'
It's a lot.
So I do have a professional account on Fetlife.
I forgot that it exists.
So it's out there and I'm sure that you can find it.
(17:11):
My personal Fetlife account?
No, you don't get to know what username that's under.
Friend requests.
So somebody from Sri Lanka wants to be friends with me.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's not me.
Any of you.
(17:32):
So you can go on here and you can find events.
You pick your area, major city or whatever.
You pick how far away you want to be able to look and then you make it search.
(17:55):
So I know that in Houston, there is a sex party tomorrow.
I know Houston has arrows, E-R-O-S dirty drinks.
It's a munch, a meetup in Spring, Texas.
I can see Spring, Texas has a SAF coffee.
(18:18):
There's an ice cream social in Waller.
Wolfstock.
That's a furry convention in Cameron, Texas.
The October munch for a CIF at Papa's on the lake in Montgomery, Texas.
(18:44):
HBM presents the pleasure triple X, express play party in Spring.
So yeah, there's a bunch of stuff.
There's a bunch of stuff that's within 50 miles of where I'm located.
Fetlife, F-E-T-L-I-F-E.
Click on there and see what kinds of events are happening anywhere near you.
(19:09):
You pick however big you want it to be and you can pick from BDSM parties, educational,
social, conference or festivals, sex parties, stuff with friends.
So all sorts of events that you can go and you can look for.
So you've located a munch or a community gathering that's somewhere near you.
(19:29):
You'll notice that a bunch of those were coffees.
So a coffee get together, very, very common.
The reason why BDSM and Kink groups will have a munch, a get together, a coffee date is
(19:49):
so that they have an opportunity to see you in a non-sexual environment with all your
clothing on.
And it's just so that people in the community and especially the person who's going to
be hosting the play party can look at you and decide, do I want to let this person into
(20:15):
my house or not?
So I have friends who have hosted play parties.
Every single time they have hosted a play party for the kinky community and let people come
into their home, somebody stole something every time.
(20:37):
And that's with having the munch ahead of time or requiring that everybody who shows
up has to show me an ID so I know that you are over 18.
Nobody who shows up has to sign a liability waiver because somebody was a dickhead, like even
(20:58):
with all of that, even with knowing who they are, knowing who they're connected to and
having absolutely no like strangers arrive in your home.
Nobody's there and this is the first time you've ever met them.
You've met them at least one time before.
They show up, somebody's going to steal something every fucking time.
(21:22):
Every time it's terrible.
So I have tips for people who want to host an event and it involves, you know, get a lock
box.
Patty said, she says, "I hate my city sometimes.
"It's the freaking country's capital.
(21:46):
"And yet, it's built in such a specific way that it's more of a small town than an actual
"big urban center."
There's stuff in there.
So let's see.
I wanted, um, Pick a random, Washington, District of Columbia, because why not football
(22:14):
Sundays at the Kinky lounge in Oxon Hill, Maryland, touchdowns and temptations in Fort Washington,
Maryland.
DMV erotic social club prevents squirting Sundays.
This is the anti said, it's Brazilian, by the way, I know I'm picking United States because
(22:37):
it's funny.
Yeah.
Pot heads anonymous sludgy Sunday.
This is all today.
It's a day's at shadows private club Friday, freak off.
I'm doing it since diddy still not here yet.
(23:03):
Monday, Percy, take on all dick and come.
Oh, good.
It's amazing.
(23:24):
Uh, Brazil, uh, Federal District, oh, it says there's nothing within 50 miles of that.
It is a little bit of United States centric.
So I'm just going to pop that up to, uh, let's say, 100 miles.
(23:45):
Nope, still nothing really 500 miles.
Nothing.
Terrible.
That's terrible.
I just awful.
Girl, get on FetLife and start making some events.
Like you can also make an event on there.
Like you put down, you know, let's get together and plan having a party and see who shows
(24:11):
up.
The point of the munch is people show up and you look at them and go, ah, you don't have
personal hygiene.
I don't want to play with you.
You're not invited, right?
Yeah.
Tina says "I've already been to a munch, but I didn't necessarily enjoy it.
(24:33):
"My introverted side had a hard time approaching people and talking to them.
"And I felt like people were talking more about vanilla stuff than kink."
Yes, that's how it should be.
You're in public.
You're at a fucking coffee house.
Talk about something other than what makes your dick hard.
The munch exists in order to show everybody that you're sane.
(24:56):
Like you're not a weirdo.
You're not going to show up at somebody else's house and try to fuck their couch.
JD Manz.
Like you're, you know, you're not going to do that.
You're going to be a relatively normal person who happens to also be a kinky.
(25:19):
You do not expect to show up at a munch and get collared and have some lady be like, yes,
I am the mistress, the dash shock.
And now you will be my slave.
That's not going to happen.
That doesn't happen.
Excuse me.
(25:48):
So Tina says 'maybe you have to go several times to get to know people.'
Uh-huh.
It's a community.
If you want to be able to show up someplace and be like instantly laid, the odds are very,
very good.
That's a sex worker.
And you have paid the money.
(26:09):
Otherwise, like, that was the sound of boners.
As soon as you pulled out that accent, my cheesy Natasha, I accent.
If I have a writing crop and like smack it on the bed, I'm like, I'm done now.
(26:33):
You feel the ownership.
You know, so much people are like, ah, mistress.
Keyboard smash says, what if they tell you to a fucking couch or get out of their house?
Um, I would leave.
I would get out because that's a weird fucking dynamic.
(26:55):
The vast majority of people who are involved in kink and BDSM are normal human beings.
Normal people.
The point of the munch is to attempt to weed out the ones who are so abnormal they cannot
exist in public.
The ones who show up and shout really, really loud about, hey, is this where the kinky people
(27:20):
are?
Dude, you're never getting the address.
Cause none of us are going to feel safe with you showing up at somebody's house.
You're going to walk up on the front porch yelling, oh, I'm going to get fucked at the top
of your lungs and get the cops called on us all.
(27:42):
What the hell is your problem, Jesus Christ?
Patty said, "what happens if hypothetically there's a very small kink community locally and
"it seems like not for you, like the people seem off putting what then?
"Am I doomed to not have a kink scene in the place I live?"
(28:06):
Nah, there's more than one.
There's almost always more than one, even if they're not on fet life, they're on something.
You could also try looking on, um, Facebook might have meetings.
You might have to get interesting with your search terms because again, they're extremely
prudish and don't like to be like, oh, yeah, but fuck Saturdays is hosted.
(28:32):
No, no, no, no.
It's going to have things like the Jacobian society because Jacobian's in Edwardians, right?
Secretly extremely kinky.
So look for keywords and phrases that are specific to your community in your area and your
culture that are sly references to BDSM and kink events.
(28:55):
Anything that says, um, Marquis de Saad related?
Oh, yeah, that's kinky.
That is kinky as shit.
Um, um, The Story of O, so if you see something about the, um, book club, we're reading the
Story of O, that's code.
(29:16):
That's code.
Patty says, "my upbringing's going to fuck me over because I have no idea."
I'm telling you most of the European, uh, American, Canadian-ish white people references.
(29:38):
It's going to be a reference to the Story of O, it's going to be a reference to the Marquis
de Saad.
It's going to be a reference to the Jacobian society.
So down here in Texas over in Austin, we have Saade, S-A-A-D-E, which is an acronym.
Or San Antonio, Saade.
But it's also a straight up reference to the Marquis de Saad.
(30:01):
Like, it's in there.
There was a group that would meet in the city where I am that was called the Jacobian
society because it couldn't exactly call it, we're going to spank you.
Like, no, it's Jacobian society.
Tina said, "is there a limit of people for a good munch?"
(30:25):
You want enough people to like, just sit around and be able to talk and, you know, have some
good conversations?
Like, it's too big.
I don't know.
I've been to munches that had between like 20 to 50 people depending on, you know, the
month.
So I'm in a college town.
(30:46):
So the summers, there's not as many people, 10 or 15.
The beginning of the semester, you get more people because they're less busy.
You get professors at the university, you get service workers from the university, you
get students at the university.
(31:07):
So all of that changes the makeup of your group.
And it's going to depend on, like, some, it's, it's odd.
You'll get one person who shows up and then the next month, they bring three friends, right?
So you get weird influxes of different people from different subcultures.
(31:32):
So more than 50 really is a little bit unwieldy.
Also that's a huge fucking party.
So yeah, he said on a more serious note, I have a genuine concern going to stuff by myself.
Yeah.
I always recommend if you, if you're nervous about going to a munch, take a friend and
(31:56):
it can be a completely vanilla person that you go with.
Just tell them, you know what's, I want to write an essay about this.
I'm dabbling in journalism.
(32:16):
Patty said, I literally live across the street from a university.
Oh, yeah, there's kinky people in your university.
I guarantee it.
Guarantee it.
Can keep like, yeah, yep, there's kinky, there's, there's kinky people in there.
I mean, as I'm looking at fet life and there's a munch on Tuesday.
(32:40):
Yeah, a lot of them, they want you to RSVP so that they know how many people to expect.
That's all it is.
That's all.
Sometimes it's because they want to make sure that the space they have or the space that
they're going to reserve for the munch is big enough.
(33:02):
So they're asking for RSVPs with the assumption that generally 10 to 20% of people who RSVP
don't show up.
And it's purely so that they can make sure that the space that they're in is big enough
that you've claimed enough couches at the coffee shop that you have enough room where
(33:22):
everybody's going to fit.
And Patty says, "I don't have a remotely sexual dialogue with anyone I know.
"It's just not something we talk about."
Yeah, at the munch, you will not talk about sex, do not discuss your dick.
You have nothing to worry about there though, Patty.
So just inserting that.
(33:43):
But don't talk about your penis.
Don't talk about your genitals.
Don't talk about other people's genitals.
Don't talk about what gets you off.
The munch is there to screen for weirdos.
That's all it is.
So you can talk about the fact that man, I've never been to a party before.
I'm nervous about this.
I don't know what to expect.
And the people who have been there for a while will tell you what to expect.
(34:08):
They'll tell you, okay, so bring your ID.
We do card at the door.
It's just, you know, for our safety, we don't keep records or anything.
We just want to make sure everybody who shows up is over the age of 18 and you'll be like,
okay, that's fair.
I too would like to avoid indecency with a minor charges.
Sounds like a good idea, sure.
(34:29):
And I'll say you'll show up.
It's streetwear to the door because fucking hell, please don't walk naked through somebody's
fucking neighborhood.
You want to wear a leather harness and a pink thong and nothing else?
Fabulous.
Put a trench coat on it between the car and the door for fuck's sake.
(34:56):
Wear to the door.
And after that, they'll tell you what the dress code is inside their home.
And it might be something like if you want to get naked, sure, bring a towel and put it
down on my couch before you put your bare ass on it, which that's just fucking polite.
Don't stick your fucking naked, possibly dirty ass, bare on other people's furniture.
(35:26):
Put a towel down.
Come on.
Come on.
It might be, okay, so you can wear whatever you feel like, put a towel down if you're nude,
no shoes inside my house because the flooring is new and I don't want you to fuck it up,
so you take your shoes off.
(35:47):
Okay, great.
They'll tell you what the dress code is.
What's your in there?
My strong recommendation is if you've never been to a kinky party or event before, don't
do anything.
Just watch.
(36:08):
Observe.
This is one of the situations in which, yes, the cuck chair is available.
Please make use of it.
If they don't want you to watch, they will go someplace and close the door.
And most of these public events where people are just invited over, they don't want you
(36:29):
to close the door.
Don't do that.
The person who lives there is allowed to close the door.
Everybody else?
Don't fucking do that.
When in doubt, ask.
Ask if there is a dungeon monitor.
Like, is there a dungeon monitor?
The dungeon monitor's job is to kind of facilitate the party.
(36:54):
The DM, the dungeon monitor, their job is to keep an eye on things.
Does anybody seem like they're being coerced into being here?
Does anybody seem like they're not having a great time?
(37:14):
Do we need more lube?
Is the bowl of condoms gotten emptied?
Let's put out more condoms.
Let's put out more lube.
We have more towels.
Oop, there's been a spill.
Let me get that.
Like, that's what the DM's job is.
There may be one, there might be two, there might be multiple DMs.
(37:35):
There may be a rotating roster because maybe the DM wants to play too.
Yeah, Patty says, "I heard DM and just started thinking about D&D."
I know a lot of people do that.
They're like, oh, a DM.
Oh, roll for initiative.
(37:56):
No, wrong kind of DM.
It's like CBT and CBT.
Those are two different things.
Paddy said, "so you show up, you hang around without interacting with anyone.
"You seem potentially creepy and then you just leave?"
Yep.
Yeah.
(38:16):
That's allowed.
You're allowed to do that.
People will be like, huh, they just left without saying anything.
Were they not having fun?
That's the extent of what people will think about that.
They'll be worried that you weren't having a good time and that's why you left.
That's all.
That's the extent of it.
There is no, what a fucking weirdo.
(38:39):
You see who like show up, speak to literally no one.
Stand in a corner, jerk off, come on the floor and then leave.
That would get you a negative.
You'd be like, they didn't even clean up his mess.
Dude, that's not right.
(38:59):
If you make a mess, clean your fucking mess up.
But say hi, look for the person who owns the house you're in and tell them, "hey man or
ma'am, great party."
"I appreciate being invited" and they'll be like, "I hope you had fun."
(39:20):
You know, I didn't do anything this time, but God, it's been so interesting to see everything.
And I think I've got a better idea about what a party here is going to be like.
I can't wait for the next one.
I'll see you at the next munch, man.
Keyboard smash said, so, "Munches are at public places, not houses."
(39:43):
Yep.
A munch is at a public location, often a coffee shop or a bar.
Sometimes if the group is big enough to start soliciting memberships, they may have enough
money to actually get a room at a hotel to have a munch at.
(40:07):
So, like a conference room at a hotel, sometimes.
Or if they're big enough, some of the educational groups in bigger cities are big enough that
they can solicit memberships and have property.
So they will have like a house for community events, including bringing in speakers, hosting
(40:31):
educational events and demonstrations and the parties.
Those, the munch part, will be no play.
We're not playing.
It's a munch only.
Street clothes.
When it's a party, they will tell you, okay, this one is a party.
(40:53):
Street clothes to the door and then whatever the dress code is.
So a munch is almost always at a public location where they're not expecting you.
Don't bring your sex toys.
Don't bring your toy bag.
Don't bring spare lube.
Do not dress like a sexy pervert.
(41:14):
Dress like a normal fucking human being who has been to a coffee shop before in your life.
Right?
Right.
So if it's a sex party, if it's a swing or party, have an SD, STI or STD test done before
(41:44):
you go so that you are at least can prove that you're clean before you go to fuck.
Please, and thank you.
Keyboard smash said it seems like there would be some newbies and some established members
at a munch.
The leaders or homeowners are going to approach the newbies and ask them a bunch of questions
at some point to check them out.
(42:06):
Some groups do.
Some don't.
Some just want to see, are you capable of existing in a public location without being a total
tool?
Some places the bar is literally in the basement.
They're just like, can you go to a bar and not embarrass yourself?
(42:30):
If yes, great, you can come to a party.
Some of them, I can't believe he said, can you human basically?
Are you capable of not like peeing in the corner?
Like, if you see a potted plant, can you restrain yourself from pissing on it?
(42:51):
Do you know how to use furniture?
Like the bar is so low.
And sometimes the answer to those questions is, Jesus Christ, no.
I've seen some things.
Most of the time, the people who are more established or leaders in the community absolutely know
(43:12):
who's new and will walk around and be like, hey, you're new here.
What's up?
I hope you're in the right place.
I've been in that role before.
Hey, you're new, you look confused.
I hope you're looking for us.
Are you looking for the Jacobian society?
(43:33):
Yeah, great.
You found us.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
We only bite if you ask us to nicely.
Like, it's not scary.
It's not upsetting.
There's like, you're not going to be like the, you know, the 10th degree and how much is
(43:55):
your yearly income?
We don't give a shit about any of that.
It's, are you, can you human?
Yeah, can you human?
Like, do you have manners?
Are you capable of following simple instructions?
(44:17):
The simple instructions are street clothes, motherfucker, to the door.
Do not give the next door neighbors an excuse to call the cops on the party because most
of these things are at somebody's private home.
They'll sometimes will have guidelines for here's where to park so that the next door neighbors
(44:43):
don't lose their shit.
Where to park?
Inside the party, they may have a rule about how loud you can be.
I recognize sometimes people are screamers.
Sometimes you just want to cut loose and yell.
Some locations, you can do that.
(45:06):
I went to a kink event that was way out in the fucking country.
It was scary as shit driving out there on this tiny dirt road looking for a mailbox with
balloons tied to it going, Jesus Christ, I hope we're not crashing somebody's birthday party.
To find this place in the middle of like, cow fields for an outdoor party that was also
(45:30):
a crab boil like crawfish and crab boil and it was so fucking good.
And they took apart.
We a little red neck, y'all.
They took apart a trampoline so it was the big hoop for a trampoline frame and they hung
it from a tree with a bunch of ropes in it like a webbing.
(45:52):
So they could lay it down on the ground, tie a person into this frame and then they got
a winch and lifted them back up so they were like a human dream catcher dangling from this
giant oak tree in the backyard with acres of cowfield around and they were like, yeah,
(46:16):
feel free to scream.
Go nuts.
Nobody can hear you.
It was so much fun.
God, I love that party.
It was so much fun.
But most of the time, they're going to be like, okay, so the neighbors are really close
please don't scream.
Please don't make too much noise if the cops show up.
Technically we're not breaking the law, but the cops are going to show up and walk around
(46:41):
in here and you're not wearing clothing.
You have not lived until you've been buck ass fucking naked with your local police officer
looking at you going, what are you doing?
Ossifer?
(47:02):
Like, yeah, there are rules at the party.
You will be told what the rules are and you will be surrounded by a group of people who
trust me.
They all have knives.
They have safety scissors too.
The killer of something goes wrong.
(47:30):
The standard safe words always apply no matter what.
If you yell red, really loud, you will have like five to ten extremely dominant people who
all of a sudden focus all of their attention on what the fuck is going on over here.
It's a fabulous thing to watch because most of them are not going to move towards you.
They're going to let whoever your DOM is deal with whatever that is, but they're watching.
(47:56):
They're paying attention to it and they're judging.
Which is another reason why your first time don't play.
Don't do anything.
The first time you go to a community event because you don't know these people.
You don't know who's a safe player.
You don't know who's good.
(48:18):
You don't know who has the good community reputation yet.
Ask around.
Gossip with people.
"I'm looking for somebody who's really good with rope and maybe like a flogger who's
good at it."
And they're going to go, "Oh, that person, that person, and that person can all do exactly
(48:42):
what you want."
That one always has a very full dance card.
You've got to talk to them ahead of time and see if you can get scheduled in because they
will be playing continually tonight.
They're that fucking good.
That one might be willing to play with you.
You'll have to ask.
They're very picky.
(49:03):
And that one over there, relatively new but really great hands.
And so they, I don't know how busy they are.
Go and ask them, but yeah, really good.
Yeah, Tina says, "Can you say who is good in specification?"
(49:24):
Some parties lean more towards just rope and impact play and some parties are more towards
feminization and specification.
Depends on the party, depends on the group, depends on who's there.
You probably will want to look for themed groups.
So go to a munch and start asking around.
(49:46):
If you tell them, I'm looking for somebody who can do feminization and specification.
And if that group, if the person you're talking to, their response is, "You're gross why?"
Oh, wrong group then.
Now you know.
Somebody who responds negatively to you asking about whatever the fuck it is you're into.
(50:11):
Well that person is stupid and they suck.
Feel free to ignore them.
The more niche or fringe your interest is, the harder it will be to find it.
If what you really, really want is to be sealed into a vacuum bed with a can of baked beans.
(50:34):
Great.
Somebody out there can do that.
Most people are not going to be open to that because the baked beans are pain in the ass
to get back out again.
It's just messy as shit.
See?
So the more complex, the more outer, the more unusual your kink or fetish or interest is,
(50:58):
the harder it's going to be to find somebody.
And it's going to take multiple exposures, multiple times going in there.
Talking to people, getting to know them and being just, just be a slut.
(51:19):
That was the theme from FemDom Fridays.
So which reminds me, I should tell you, FemDom Fridays is a group, a group of the
ladies get together and we do a podcast on Friday night at 9 p.m. via our Discord server,
discord.gg/EnchantrixEmpire
(51:39):
You can join.
And then we were talking about the benefits of being a slut.
You're more likely to get laid when you're open about what you want.
You will never get what you want if you cannot say it to a person.
And yes, the more non-vanilla your desire is, the harder it's going to be to find.
(52:11):
But just because it's hard to find doesn't mean it's impossible to find.
It is out there.
Trust me, it's out there.
You can find them.
I go to Kink Givens.
Oh yeah, Petty.
I go to Kink Givens.
(52:34):
It's possible.
So act like a fucking human.
When you're in a public space, act like you're a human being who's been in a public space
before.
Have manners.
Be polite.
Do not assume that everyone at the event, whether that's at the party itself or the
(52:58):
munch, they're not necessarily there for your personal sexual gratification.
Pay attention to the rules of the party and do what the rules say.
And don't be a knob.
(53:21):
There was, there's, there's a person who would attend parties and male submissive most,
most dudes who go to the parties are male dominant, male submissive, relatively rare.
Most of the women who attend the parties are submissive.
So female submissive, common, female dominant, rare, female dominant willing to play with
(53:47):
male submissive, rare.
I'm just warning you, especially where I am in Texas.
Other places, the dynamics are different.
It just depends on your community.
This guy, I fucking told him.
Don't come.
(54:08):
Because I don't want to clean that up.
You don't want to clean it.
I don't want to clean it.
Just save it for later, man.
Just don't, don't make a mess.
What does he do?
Makes a mess.
On someone else's St Andrews cross, dumb ass gizzed all over the cross.
(54:36):
And then he staggers off to go and collapse and enjoy his afterglow.
Well, I had to sit here with the medical wipes and clean up his come.
(55:00):
And then he had the absolute fucking gall to be surprised, shocked when I told him that
I would not play with him again.
But why not?
Fuckin' dog.
(55:32):
So manners, bitches.
He just ruined it.
Every party has a munch first, unless it is an established member's only party, so there's
no need for a munch.
Pretty much, yeah.
Most groups are going to be open to new members.
Because attrition happens.
(55:52):
Life happens.
Like shit comes up.
The same people that you meet when you go to a munch, it's going to be a different group
in six months.
Things happen.
People move.
People have health issues that they need to deal with.
People are in or out of school.
People are having other things going on in their lives.
(56:16):
And sometimes the Kink in BDSM takes a back seat for a little bit.
The composition of the group changes over time.
Because it fucking does.
That's just how communities work.
You will probably have a dedicated core.
(56:37):
And then there will be people who filter in and out.
So if you go to a munch and you think to yourself, well, this is terrible.
Nobody here is into my thing.
That sucks.
If you go to a party and nobody here is into my thing, do not give up.
Keep going.
Because maybe the person who's into whatever it is, you're into just wasn't there that month.
(57:04):
They'll be back.
Or maybe they haven't started going yet.
They'll show up.
Just keep going.
Oh, also, if the party says it's a potluck, dude, bring some food.
Bring a bag of chips.
The bag of ice is like, come on, man, participate.
(57:26):
Don't just show up and then hang out in the kitchen to eat all the food and then leave.
Root.
Keyboard said, "don't these munches have a theme?
So they attract certain people?"
Some do.
Some don't.
It depends.
It depends on the community.
It depends on where you are.
You'll notice I was reading off all of those different munches that are happening all over
(57:49):
the place, right?
Some of them did have themes.
Some didn't.
A bunch of them didn't.
So like, Dallas, Texas.
Within 500 miles of dollars of Jesus.
(58:12):
Oh, God.
That's in Rogers, Arkansas.
I put 500 miles of Dallas.
ABDL, BDS and fun.
Come experiment and be yourself.
Yeah, I'm going to bring that back on down 50 miles.
(58:34):
I can't read that on the air.
Landing a touchdown.
What the fuck?
BBC Gang Bang/Bukaki.
Pop and porn.
Slapel does a sex party.
(58:57):
That's 12 RSVPs.
Even as doing string theory beginner, FUTOMOMO types are simple FUTOMOMO.
Nice.
That's in Grand Prairie.
Royal House Monday Night Munch.
84 RSVPs.
Femtastic September 4th Monday meetup.
(59:18):
The truck yard.
Fourth Monday.
So not September 4th.
September 4th Monday.
Is the munches and meetups are like the second Thursday or the fourth Monday.
DFW Lunch Munch on the fourth Tuesday in Hearst, Texas.
(59:41):
Start here, BDS and basics at the DFW Dungeon.
Open source Skillshare and Rope Jam, Shibari studios and Fort Worth.
Cool Girl Bang & Go.
A two day sex party.
(01:00:02):
Keyboard said, "What I mean is it surprises me that someone who show up for a munch and
then discover that they're not into what others are into."
So if you're into something that's a little bit more niche, so if you're into like feminization,
depending on the group and community, like if you go to just a normal BDSM munch, the
odds are extremely good that most of the men there are going to be dominant.
(01:00:23):
And dominant men are generally not into feminization and sissification.
So if that's what you're there for, you're going to show up at a munch and discover that
most of the people are not into what you're into.
If that's the only munch in your area, keep going because eventually you will find a subgroup
(01:00:45):
there that is into whatever it is you're into.
Like, trust me.
We are all kinky little motherfuckers.
So Whore School is adult sex education.
And I ran over on time.
Whoops.
Whore School airs live every Sunday from 11 to midnight on the east coast.
It's 8 to 9 on the west coast.
(01:01:06):
I kept you guys too late.
Oh no, no.
Apple for Harper.
I am Harper, your host.
You can find me online.
And I'm on discord LDW Harper discord.gg/EnchantrixEmpire.
That's the server for all of our kinky weirdness.
That's all for blog.
fetishphonesexblog.com.
(01:01:28):
Thank you guys for listening.
I hope you learned something new and interesting and fun.
And if you didn't, well, tough shit.
Thank you for listening.
I will be back again next week.
Please remember, stay 6 feet away from people.
Get your updated motherfucking vaccinations.
(01:01:50):
Get your STI testing done.
And wash your ass.
Good night.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Oh, I love that sound.
(00:04):
Oh, belong.
Oh, this is Whore School.
I am Harper.
You are listening.
If you are not listening, what are you doing?
What even?
What even are you doing?
It's Sunday night.
Don't you know what you're supposed to be doing on a Sunday night?
(00:26):
I know what you're supposed to be doing on a Sunday night.
Kneeling peacefully at the side of your bed and praying for salvation?
Something like that.
Who the fuck can tell?
I don't fucking know.
You're supposed to be listening to Whore School.
That's what you're supposed to be doing.
(00:47):
Whore School is adult, sex, education.
You're going to learn some shit.
Okay.
You're going to learn some things.
What are you going to learn?
You're going to learn that when you, when this time rolls around 11 o'clock on the East
(01:10):
Coast, 8 o'clock on the West Coast, you head to communitykink.com because that's the
chat room.
The chat room is open.
Kylie is in here.
So is Patty.
And Patty says, there's always some wild thing I hear when I just open the show.
You're welcome.
I try hashtag.
(01:34):
I was almost late, but I wasn't.
It wasn't actually late.
It was only almost late because I was watching a video about a topic that I don't want to
discuss.
So we're going to, instead, we're going to talk about manners.
(01:55):
Manner's went entering a kink or BDSM community.
Do you know how to behave when you're in public?
You will.
You'll learn.
I'm a teacher.
You won't.
You'll figure it out.
We'll get you there.
It's all good.
It's all perfectly good.
(02:18):
So Patty says, "Normal people?"
"Is it more complex than that?"
We wish.
We wish that people would behave more like normal people.
(02:38):
Yes.
Believe it or not, there actually is a reason why I'm going to talk to you about manners
in the kink and BDSM community or when you go to a munch.
It's because some people ain't gotten none.
Some people are...
(03:02):
Some people are people.
Yes.
They...
I'm sure they're doing their best.
Right?
They're trying.
They're trying.
They're trying my patience.
Yeah.
Okay.
So things I have seen people do at BDSM munch.
(03:28):
Walk up to the munch and yell at the top of their lungs.
'This where the kinky people are?'
Dude.
For context, it's important that you know kink and BDSM munch events take place in public.
(03:57):
This was at a coffee house in a college town.
And it was busy.
There was a Bible study going on in one of the side rooms.
Yeah.
Patty said "the second-hand embarrassment is going to kill me tonight, isn't it?"
(04:23):
Nah.
She might squirm a little bit, but it'll be fine.
So you are a fairly average normal human being, right?
And you decide that you want to get more involved with BDSM and kink events.
(04:45):
And you think to yourself, how do I get involved in the kinky community?
Because I know they're out there.
This podcast, that I listen to, tells me that they exist.
How do I get involved?
How do I do?
(05:05):
Oh, Patty said, "I hate that kind of thing.
"I always imagine myself doing this really dumb thing at house.
"Stupid, I would be.
"Despite never doing something that dumb."
Hey, Tina.
Welcome to the show tonight.
Hey girl.
Yeah, that's your anxiety.
(05:26):
Patty, that's your anxiety speaking.
The vast majority of people manage to maintain common sense and not be complete in total fucking
knobs in public.
But then there's always somebody who decides to forget their manners.
(05:50):
So sometimes this is caused because they're just really fucking excited to be there.
They're like, this is the coolest thing I've ever been to in my whole entire life.
And they're very excited.
And they're super into it.
And they're just like hyped up because maybe they're anxious.
(06:11):
Maybe they've never done this before.
And they've been thinking about it for years or weeks.
And they have worked themselves into a frenzy.
People who are in that kind of state, like very emotionally hyped up, they're going to
open their mouth and say some shit.
(06:32):
So they're going to, they're going to answer open mouth insert foot.
Like it's going to happen.
They're going to fellate their own toes.
That's fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
(06:55):
A little awkwardness is fine.
A little awkwardness is fine.
Sorry, a friend messaged me.
All right, that's weird as shit.
Oh, Patty's going to be playing D&D.
(07:17):
Hey, Miss Addy.
And keyboard smash.
This joint is in the chat one more time.
Apparently his friend isn't letting him sleep.
(07:38):
That's not right.
So sometimes people are going to open their mouths and they're going to say stupid things
because they aren't thinking.
And to be fair, and all of a lot of people, there's something about 2020 and the big long
(08:06):
break in habit, you know, going to work and doing your stuff.
And since then, people are more isolated and community has gotten super fractured.
And so people have kind of forgotten how to behave, how to act.
(08:41):
So if you've ever been on a public place, right, and someone has decided to listen to their
music without using headphones or ear buds and their music is just playing.
They're happy, they're fine, but everybody else is like, dude, I don't want to listen to
(09:02):
your fucking music, right?
People have forgotten how to behave when they're in public.
And this extends to the way that people treat service workers as if they really are just
a, like an AI and automaton, an NPC.
(09:23):
The number of times I've seen people who they leave off the, hi, hello, how are you?
Part of greeting people, right?
So part where you say to somebody, oh, hello, good morning when you meet them.
Instead it's you walk up to a person at a counter and use just, you know, big Mac.
(09:48):
Great.
You can't say good morning.
You're allergic to it.
Did you forget?
You're in public and I'm a person.
This extends to Kink Community and BDSM events.
(10:12):
People forget or have forgotten that the people around you that you interact with are, you know,
real, and you should be less of a dick.
Act like that's a person.
Act like that's a human fucking being, dude.
(10:36):
So at a kink or fetish or BDSM event, the other people who are at the event are not there
for your personal sexual fantasy fulfillment.
(11:01):
Ah, Nicki Marie is chatting over in the pod bean chat room.
I have no idea where you would go to find that because I have a completely different dashboard
than everyone else does.
So hi.
It's a good thing I popped over there and looked.
So let me say it one more time.
The people at a kink fetish or BDSM event or even a fucking swingers event.
(11:28):
They're not there for your own personal sexual fulfillment.
And expecting everyone present to cater to exactly what you want in the way you wanted.
The only time in which you can go to a group event and assume that everyone there is going
(11:53):
to be participating in your personal kink or fetish in exactly the way you wanted is if
you have paid money for that ahead of time.
Otherwise, they're not there for you necessarily.
You can work out something with them so that both you and they wind up having a good time.
(12:21):
But an awful lot of people show up to kink and fetish and BDSM events and proceed to act
like completely selfish cunts.
Don't be a cunt.
(12:43):
Patty said 'people approach that kind of event like that?'
Yeah.
They do.
There are people out there who have no fucking manners.
Keyboard Smash says "how many people usually go to a kink or fetish or swinger event?"
It depends.
(13:04):
It depends on the size of the community.
It depends on the phase of the fucking moon.
Any event that's scheduled on a full moon?
I skip them.
I skip full moon events.
I always check.
I'm like, what's the moon?
And like, oh, it's full that night?
Yeah, never mind.
(13:25):
I guess there's something weird about it.
Something about the full moon that makes people just fucking nuts.
Selfish, self-centered, completely just cock knobs.
Tina says, "full moon?"
Yeah, the full moon makes people crazy.
The full moon is the worst.
I don't go to events on the full moon.
(13:48):
Patty says, "well, correlation and causation and all that."
Yeah.
For the part where we can look back at records for like emergency rooms and it is actually
worse on the full moon.
Whether it's because people take it as an excuse to act like a dickhead or because there's
something about the full moon, man.
(14:09):
We don't know what it is.
But sometimes the full moon makes people cray cray.
I don't go to events on the full moon.
Those manners are worse.
Just fucking worse.
Ugh.
(14:29):
So.
So here we are, right?
You go to a kink or a fetish event.
First, how do you find them?
Fetlife.
F-E-T-L-I-F-E.
Dotcom.
Go to Fetlife.
It's free.
Make an account.
Boom.
Yes.
(14:49):
We need accounts on there.
Yes.
People who are pros of various degrees of skill can advertise on there.
Yes.
Yeah.
There's swingers.
There's also people who are into some real weird shit.
(15:11):
Like, yeah.
Fetlife.
Pop on over there.
You may even see an ad for our company.
We advertise on Fetlife.
It did not work very well.
And I think it's because back in the day, Fetlife had a very community-oriented slant.
(15:36):
And then they started letting the pros in.
And now most of the people who are not pros who were just into the lifestyle because, you
know, were kinky perverts don't go on Fetlife.
Because, you know, complete with the sound and the eye roll.
Watch this.
I'm going to go on my personal life account.
(16:00):
Yeah.
I know.
I got to be logged in get the fuck out of here.
I don't care.
Logging in.
They're like.
Just trying to tell me that I need to have more friends.
(16:25):
I joined Fetlife in 2008.
Okay.
I do have messages on here.
So here's one.
'Hey, sexy.
Let's make something happen.
Hopefully, I hear back from you.'
No.
(16:49):
'My wife and I are looking for a very mean dominant owner.'
It's a lot.
So I do have a professional account on Fetlife.
I forgot that it exists.
So it's out there and I'm sure that you can find it.
(17:11):
My personal Fetlife account?
No, you don't get to know what username that's under.
Friend requests.
So somebody from Sri Lanka wants to be friends with me.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's not me.
Any of you.
(17:32):
So you can go on here and you can find events.
You pick your area, major city or whatever.
You pick how far away you want to be able to look and then you make it search.
(17:55):
So I know that in Houston, there is a sex party tomorrow.
I know Houston has arrows, E-R-O-S dirty drinks.
It's a munch, a meetup in Spring, Texas.
I can see Spring, Texas has a SAF coffee.
(18:18):
There's an ice cream social in Waller.
Wolfstock.
That's a furry convention in Cameron, Texas.
The October munch for a CIF at Papa's on the lake in Montgomery, Texas.
(18:44):
HBM presents the pleasure triple X, express play party in Spring.
So yeah, there's a bunch of stuff.
There's a bunch of stuff that's within 50 miles of where I'm located.
Fetlife, F-E-T-L-I-F-E.
Click on there and see what kinds of events are happening anywhere near you.
(19:09):
You pick however big you want it to be and you can pick from BDSM parties, educational,
social, conference or festivals, sex parties, stuff with friends.
So all sorts of events that you can go and you can look for.
So you've located a munch or a community gathering that's somewhere near you.
(19:29):
You'll notice that a bunch of those were coffees.
So a coffee get together, very, very common.
The reason why BDSM and Kink groups will have a munch, a get together, a coffee date is
(19:49):
so that they have an opportunity to see you in a non-sexual environment with all your
clothing on.
And it's just so that people in the community and especially the person who's going to
be hosting the play party can look at you and decide, do I want to let this person into
(20:15):
my house or not?
So I have friends who have hosted play parties.
Every single time they have hosted a play party for the kinky community and let people come
into their home, somebody stole something every time.
(20:37):
And that's with having the munch ahead of time or requiring that everybody who shows
up has to show me an ID so I know that you are over 18.
Nobody who shows up has to sign a liability waiver because somebody was a dickhead, like even
(20:58):
with all of that, even with knowing who they are, knowing who they're connected to and
having absolutely no like strangers arrive in your home.
Nobody's there and this is the first time you've ever met them.
You've met them at least one time before.
They show up, somebody's going to steal something every fucking time.
(21:22):
Every time it's terrible.
So I have tips for people who want to host an event and it involves, you know, get a lock
box.
Patty said, she says, "I hate my city sometimes.
"It's the freaking country's capital.
(21:46):
"And yet, it's built in such a specific way that it's more of a small town than an actual
"big urban center."
There's stuff in there.
So let's see.
I wanted, um, Pick a random, Washington, District of Columbia, because why not football
(22:14):
Sundays at the Kinky lounge in Oxon Hill, Maryland, touchdowns and temptations in Fort Washington,
Maryland.
DMV erotic social club prevents squirting Sundays.
This is the anti said, it's Brazilian, by the way, I know I'm picking United States because
(22:37):
it's funny.
Yeah.
Pot heads anonymous sludgy Sunday.
This is all today.
It's a day's at shadows private club Friday, freak off.
I'm doing it since diddy still not here yet.
(23:03):
Monday, Percy, take on all dick and come.
Oh, good.
It's amazing.
(23:24):
Uh, Brazil, uh, Federal District, oh, it says there's nothing within 50 miles of that.
It is a little bit of United States centric.
So I'm just going to pop that up to, uh, let's say, 100 miles.
(23:45):
Nope, still nothing really 500 miles.
Nothing.
Terrible.
That's terrible.
I just awful.
Girl, get on FetLife and start making some events.
Like you can also make an event on there.
Like you put down, you know, let's get together and plan having a party and see who shows
(24:11):
up.
The point of the munch is people show up and you look at them and go, ah, you don't have
personal hygiene.
I don't want to play with you.
You're not invited, right?
Yeah.
Tina says "I've already been to a munch, but I didn't necessarily enjoy it.
(24:33):
"My introverted side had a hard time approaching people and talking to them.
"And I felt like people were talking more about vanilla stuff than kink."
Yes, that's how it should be.
You're in public.
You're at a fucking coffee house.
Talk about something other than what makes your dick hard.
The munch exists in order to show everybody that you're sane.
(24:56):
Like you're not a weirdo.
You're not going to show up at somebody else's house and try to fuck their couch.
JD Manz.
Like you're, you know, you're not going to do that.
You're going to be a relatively normal person who happens to also be a kinky.
(25:19):
You do not expect to show up at a munch and get collared and have some lady be like, yes,
I am the mistress, the dash shock.
And now you will be my slave.
That's not going to happen.
That doesn't happen.
Excuse me.
(25:48):
So Tina says 'maybe you have to go several times to get to know people.'
Uh-huh.
It's a community.
If you want to be able to show up someplace and be like instantly laid, the odds are very,
very good.
That's a sex worker.
And you have paid the money.
(26:09):
Otherwise, like, that was the sound of boners.
As soon as you pulled out that accent, my cheesy Natasha, I accent.
If I have a writing crop and like smack it on the bed, I'm like, I'm done now.
(26:33):
You feel the ownership.
You know, so much people are like, ah, mistress.
Keyboard smash says, what if they tell you to a fucking couch or get out of their house?
Um, I would leave.
I would get out because that's a weird fucking dynamic.
(26:55):
The vast majority of people who are involved in kink and BDSM are normal human beings.
Normal people.
The point of the munch is to attempt to weed out the ones who are so abnormal they cannot
exist in public.
The ones who show up and shout really, really loud about, hey, is this where the kinky people
(27:20):
are?
Dude, you're never getting the address.
Cause none of us are going to feel safe with you showing up at somebody's house.
You're going to walk up on the front porch yelling, oh, I'm going to get fucked at the top
of your lungs and get the cops called on us all.
(27:42):
What the hell is your problem, Jesus Christ?
Patty said, "what happens if hypothetically there's a very small kink community locally and
"it seems like not for you, like the people seem off putting what then?
"Am I doomed to not have a kink scene in the place I live?"
(28:06):
Nah, there's more than one.
There's almost always more than one, even if they're not on fet life, they're on something.
You could also try looking on, um, Facebook might have meetings.
You might have to get interesting with your search terms because again, they're extremely
prudish and don't like to be like, oh, yeah, but fuck Saturdays is hosted.
(28:32):
No, no, no, no.
It's going to have things like the Jacobian society because Jacobian's in Edwardians, right?
Secretly extremely kinky.
So look for keywords and phrases that are specific to your community in your area and your
culture that are sly references to BDSM and kink events.
(28:55):
Anything that says, um, Marquis de Saad related?
Oh, yeah, that's kinky.
That is kinky as shit.
Um, um, The Story of O, so if you see something about the, um, book club, we're reading the
Story of O, that's code.
(29:16):
That's code.
Patty says, "my upbringing's going to fuck me over because I have no idea."
I'm telling you most of the European, uh, American, Canadian-ish white people references.
(29:38):
It's going to be a reference to the Story of O, it's going to be a reference to the Marquis
de Saad.
It's going to be a reference to the Jacobian society.
So down here in Texas over in Austin, we have Saade, S-A-A-D-E, which is an acronym.
Or San Antonio, Saade.
But it's also a straight up reference to the Marquis de Saad.
(30:01):
Like, it's in there.
There was a group that would meet in the city where I am that was called the Jacobian
society because it couldn't exactly call it, we're going to spank you.
Like, no, it's Jacobian society.
Tina said, "is there a limit of people for a good munch?"
(30:25):
You want enough people to like, just sit around and be able to talk and, you know, have some
good conversations?
Like, it's too big.
I don't know.
I've been to munches that had between like 20 to 50 people depending on, you know, the
month.
So I'm in a college town.
(30:46):
So the summers, there's not as many people, 10 or 15.
The beginning of the semester, you get more people because they're less busy.
You get professors at the university, you get service workers from the university, you
get students at the university.
(31:07):
So all of that changes the makeup of your group.
And it's going to depend on, like, some, it's, it's odd.
You'll get one person who shows up and then the next month, they bring three friends, right?
So you get weird influxes of different people from different subcultures.
(31:32):
So more than 50 really is a little bit unwieldy.
Also that's a huge fucking party.
So yeah, he said on a more serious note, I have a genuine concern going to stuff by myself.
Yeah.
I always recommend if you, if you're nervous about going to a munch, take a friend and
(31:56):
it can be a completely vanilla person that you go with.
Just tell them, you know what's, I want to write an essay about this.
I'm dabbling in journalism.
(32:16):
Patty said, I literally live across the street from a university.
Oh, yeah, there's kinky people in your university.
I guarantee it.
Guarantee it.
Can keep like, yeah, yep, there's kinky, there's, there's kinky people in there.
I mean, as I'm looking at fet life and there's a munch on Tuesday.
(32:40):
Yeah, a lot of them, they want you to RSVP so that they know how many people to expect.
That's all it is.
That's all.
Sometimes it's because they want to make sure that the space they have or the space that
they're going to reserve for the munch is big enough.
(33:02):
So they're asking for RSVPs with the assumption that generally 10 to 20% of people who RSVP
don't show up.
And it's purely so that they can make sure that the space that they're in is big enough
that you've claimed enough couches at the coffee shop that you have enough room where
(33:22):
everybody's going to fit.
And Patty says, "I don't have a remotely sexual dialogue with anyone I know.
"It's just not something we talk about."
Yeah, at the munch, you will not talk about sex, do not discuss your dick.
You have nothing to worry about there though, Patty.
So just inserting that.
(33:43):
But don't talk about your penis.
Don't talk about your genitals.
Don't talk about other people's genitals.
Don't talk about what gets you off.
The munch is there to screen for weirdos.
That's all it is.
So you can talk about the fact that man, I've never been to a party before.
I'm nervous about this.
I don't know what to expect.
And the people who have been there for a while will tell you what to expect.
(34:08):
They'll tell you, okay, so bring your ID.
We do card at the door.
It's just, you know, for our safety, we don't keep records or anything.
We just want to make sure everybody who shows up is over the age of 18 and you'll be like,
okay, that's fair.
I too would like to avoid indecency with a minor charges.
Sounds like a good idea, sure.
(34:29):
And I'll say you'll show up.
It's streetwear to the door because fucking hell, please don't walk naked through somebody's
fucking neighborhood.
You want to wear a leather harness and a pink thong and nothing else?
Fabulous.
Put a trench coat on it between the car and the door for fuck's sake.
(34:56):
Wear to the door.
And after that, they'll tell you what the dress code is inside their home.
And it might be something like if you want to get naked, sure, bring a towel and put it
down on my couch before you put your bare ass on it, which that's just fucking polite.
Don't stick your fucking naked, possibly dirty ass, bare on other people's furniture.
(35:26):
Put a towel down.
Come on.
Come on.
It might be, okay, so you can wear whatever you feel like, put a towel down if you're nude,
no shoes inside my house because the flooring is new and I don't want you to fuck it up,
so you take your shoes off.
(35:47):
Okay, great.
They'll tell you what the dress code is.
What's your in there?
My strong recommendation is if you've never been to a kinky party or event before, don't
do anything.
Just watch.
(36:08):
Observe.
This is one of the situations in which, yes, the cuck chair is available.
Please make use of it.
If they don't want you to watch, they will go someplace and close the door.
And most of these public events where people are just invited over, they don't want you
(36:29):
to close the door.
Don't do that.
The person who lives there is allowed to close the door.
Everybody else?
Don't fucking do that.
When in doubt, ask.
Ask if there is a dungeon monitor.
Like, is there a dungeon monitor?
The dungeon monitor's job is to kind of facilitate the party.
(36:54):
The DM, the dungeon monitor, their job is to keep an eye on things.
Does anybody seem like they're being coerced into being here?
Does anybody seem like they're not having a great time?
(37:14):
Do we need more lube?
Is the bowl of condoms gotten emptied?
Let's put out more condoms.
Let's put out more lube.
We have more towels.
Oop, there's been a spill.
Let me get that.
Like, that's what the DM's job is.
There may be one, there might be two, there might be multiple DMs.
(37:35):
There may be a rotating roster because maybe the DM wants to play too.
Yeah, Patty says, "I heard DM and just started thinking about D&D."
I know a lot of people do that.
They're like, oh, a DM.
Oh, roll for initiative.
(37:56):
No, wrong kind of DM.
It's like CBT and CBT.
Those are two different things.
Paddy said, "so you show up, you hang around without interacting with anyone.
"You seem potentially creepy and then you just leave?"
Yep.
Yeah.
(38:16):
That's allowed.
You're allowed to do that.
People will be like, huh, they just left without saying anything.
Were they not having fun?
That's the extent of what people will think about that.
They'll be worried that you weren't having a good time and that's why you left.
That's all.
That's the extent of it.
There is no, what a fucking weirdo.
(38:39):
You see who like show up, speak to literally no one.
Stand in a corner, jerk off, come on the floor and then leave.
That would get you a negative.
You'd be like, they didn't even clean up his mess.
Dude, that's not right.
(38:59):
If you make a mess, clean your fucking mess up.
But say hi, look for the person who owns the house you're in and tell them, "hey man or
ma'am, great party."
"I appreciate being invited" and they'll be like, "I hope you had fun."
(39:20):
You know, I didn't do anything this time, but God, it's been so interesting to see everything.
And I think I've got a better idea about what a party here is going to be like.
I can't wait for the next one.
I'll see you at the next munch, man.
Keyboard smash said, so, "Munches are at public places, not houses."
(39:43):
Yep.
A munch is at a public location, often a coffee shop or a bar.
Sometimes if the group is big enough to start soliciting memberships, they may have enough
money to actually get a room at a hotel to have a munch at.
(40:07):
So, like a conference room at a hotel, sometimes.
Or if they're big enough, some of the educational groups in bigger cities are big enough that
they can solicit memberships and have property.
So they will have like a house for community events, including bringing in speakers, hosting
(40:31):
educational events and demonstrations and the parties.
Those, the munch part, will be no play.
We're not playing.
It's a munch only.
Street clothes.
When it's a party, they will tell you, okay, this one is a party.
(40:53):
Street clothes to the door and then whatever the dress code is.
So a munch is almost always at a public location where they're not expecting you.
Don't bring your sex toys.
Don't bring your toy bag.
Don't bring spare lube.
Do not dress like a sexy pervert.
(41:14):
Dress like a normal fucking human being who has been to a coffee shop before in your life.
Right?
Right.
So if it's a sex party, if it's a swing or party, have an SD, STI or STD test done before
(41:44):
you go so that you are at least can prove that you're clean before you go to fuck.
Please, and thank you.
Keyboard smash said it seems like there would be some newbies and some established members
at a munch.
The leaders or homeowners are going to approach the newbies and ask them a bunch of questions
at some point to check them out.
(42:06):
Some groups do.
Some don't.
Some just want to see, are you capable of existing in a public location without being a total
tool?
Some places the bar is literally in the basement.
They're just like, can you go to a bar and not embarrass yourself?
(42:30):
If yes, great, you can come to a party.
Some of them, I can't believe he said, can you human basically?
Are you capable of not like peeing in the corner?
Like, if you see a potted plant, can you restrain yourself from pissing on it?
(42:51):
Do you know how to use furniture?
Like the bar is so low.
And sometimes the answer to those questions is, Jesus Christ, no.
I've seen some things.
Most of the time, the people who are more established or leaders in the community absolutely know
(43:12):
who's new and will walk around and be like, hey, you're new here.
What's up?
I hope you're in the right place.
I've been in that role before.
Hey, you're new, you look confused.
I hope you're looking for us.
Are you looking for the Jacobian society?
(43:33):
Yeah, great.
You found us.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
We only bite if you ask us to nicely.
Like, it's not scary.
It's not upsetting.
There's like, you're not going to be like the, you know, the 10th degree and how much is
(43:55):
your yearly income?
We don't give a shit about any of that.
It's, are you, can you human?
Yeah, can you human?
Like, do you have manners?
Are you capable of following simple instructions?
(44:17):
The simple instructions are street clothes, motherfucker, to the door.
Do not give the next door neighbors an excuse to call the cops on the party because most
of these things are at somebody's private home.
They'll sometimes will have guidelines for here's where to park so that the next door neighbors
(44:43):
don't lose their shit.
Where to park?
Inside the party, they may have a rule about how loud you can be.
I recognize sometimes people are screamers.
Sometimes you just want to cut loose and yell.
Some locations, you can do that.
(45:06):
I went to a kink event that was way out in the fucking country.
It was scary as shit driving out there on this tiny dirt road looking for a mailbox with
balloons tied to it going, Jesus Christ, I hope we're not crashing somebody's birthday party.
To find this place in the middle of like, cow fields for an outdoor party that was also
(45:30):
a crab boil like crawfish and crab boil and it was so fucking good.
And they took apart.
We a little red neck, y'all.
They took apart a trampoline so it was the big hoop for a trampoline frame and they hung
it from a tree with a bunch of ropes in it like a webbing.
(45:52):
So they could lay it down on the ground, tie a person into this frame and then they got
a winch and lifted them back up so they were like a human dream catcher dangling from this
giant oak tree in the backyard with acres of cowfield around and they were like, yeah,
(46:16):
feel free to scream.
Go nuts.
Nobody can hear you.
It was so much fun.
God, I love that party.
It was so much fun.
But most of the time, they're going to be like, okay, so the neighbors are really close
please don't scream.
Please don't make too much noise if the cops show up.
Technically we're not breaking the law, but the cops are going to show up and walk around
(46:41):
in here and you're not wearing clothing.
You have not lived until you've been buck ass fucking naked with your local police officer
looking at you going, what are you doing?
Ossifer?
(47:02):
Like, yeah, there are rules at the party.
You will be told what the rules are and you will be surrounded by a group of people who
trust me.
They all have knives.
They have safety scissors too.
The killer of something goes wrong.
(47:30):
The standard safe words always apply no matter what.
If you yell red, really loud, you will have like five to ten extremely dominant people who
all of a sudden focus all of their attention on what the fuck is going on over here.
It's a fabulous thing to watch because most of them are not going to move towards you.
They're going to let whoever your DOM is deal with whatever that is, but they're watching.
(47:56):
They're paying attention to it and they're judging.
Which is another reason why your first time don't play.
Don't do anything.
The first time you go to a community event because you don't know these people.
You don't know who's a safe player.
You don't know who's good.
(48:18):
You don't know who has the good community reputation yet.
Ask around.
Gossip with people.
"I'm looking for somebody who's really good with rope and maybe like a flogger who's
good at it."
And they're going to go, "Oh, that person, that person, and that person can all do exactly
(48:42):
what you want."
That one always has a very full dance card.
You've got to talk to them ahead of time and see if you can get scheduled in because they
will be playing continually tonight.
They're that fucking good.
That one might be willing to play with you.
You'll have to ask.
They're very picky.
(49:03):
And that one over there, relatively new but really great hands.
And so they, I don't know how busy they are.
Go and ask them, but yeah, really good.
Yeah, Tina says, "Can you say who is good in specification?"
(49:24):
Some parties lean more towards just rope and impact play and some parties are more towards
feminization and specification.
Depends on the party, depends on the group, depends on who's there.
You probably will want to look for themed groups.
So go to a munch and start asking around.
(49:46):
If you tell them, I'm looking for somebody who can do feminization and specification.
And if that group, if the person you're talking to, their response is, "You're gross why?"
Oh, wrong group then.
Now you know.
Somebody who responds negatively to you asking about whatever the fuck it is you're into.
(50:11):
Well that person is stupid and they suck.
Feel free to ignore them.
The more niche or fringe your interest is, the harder it will be to find it.
If what you really, really want is to be sealed into a vacuum bed with a can of baked beans.
(50:34):
Great.
Somebody out there can do that.
Most people are not going to be open to that because the baked beans are pain in the ass
to get back out again.
It's just messy as shit.
See?
So the more complex, the more outer, the more unusual your kink or fetish or interest is,
(50:58):
the harder it's going to be to find somebody.
And it's going to take multiple exposures, multiple times going in there.
Talking to people, getting to know them and being just, just be a slut.
(51:19):
That was the theme from FemDom Fridays.
So which reminds me, I should tell you, FemDom Fridays is a group, a group of the
ladies get together and we do a podcast on Friday night at 9 p.m. via our Discord server,
discord.gg/EnchantrixEmpire
(51:39):
You can join.
And then we were talking about the benefits of being a slut.
You're more likely to get laid when you're open about what you want.
You will never get what you want if you cannot say it to a person.
And yes, the more non-vanilla your desire is, the harder it's going to be to find.
(52:11):
But just because it's hard to find doesn't mean it's impossible to find.
It is out there.
Trust me, it's out there.
You can find them.
I go to Kink Givens.
Oh yeah, Petty.
I go to Kink Givens.
(52:34):
It's possible.
So act like a fucking human.
When you're in a public space, act like you're a human being who's been in a public space
before.
Have manners.
Be polite.
Do not assume that everyone at the event, whether that's at the party itself or the
(52:58):
munch, they're not necessarily there for your personal sexual gratification.
Pay attention to the rules of the party and do what the rules say.
And don't be a knob.
(53:21):
There was, there's, there's a person who would attend parties and male submissive most,
most dudes who go to the parties are male dominant, male submissive, relatively rare.
Most of the women who attend the parties are submissive.
So female submissive, common, female dominant, rare, female dominant willing to play with
(53:47):
male submissive, rare.
I'm just warning you, especially where I am in Texas.
Other places, the dynamics are different.
It just depends on your community.
This guy, I fucking told him.
Don't come.
(54:08):
Because I don't want to clean that up.
You don't want to clean it.
I don't want to clean it.
Just save it for later, man.
Just don't, don't make a mess.
What does he do?
Makes a mess.
On someone else's St Andrews cross, dumb ass gizzed all over the cross.
(54:36):
And then he staggers off to go and collapse and enjoy his afterglow.
Well, I had to sit here with the medical wipes and clean up his come.
(55:00):
And then he had the absolute fucking gall to be surprised, shocked when I told him that
I would not play with him again.
But why not?
Fuckin' dog.
(55:32):
So manners, bitches.
He just ruined it.
Every party has a munch first, unless it is an established member's only party, so there's
no need for a munch.
Pretty much, yeah.
Most groups are going to be open to new members.
Because attrition happens.
(55:52):
Life happens.
Like shit comes up.
The same people that you meet when you go to a munch, it's going to be a different group
in six months.
Things happen.
People move.
People have health issues that they need to deal with.
People are in or out of school.
People are having other things going on in their lives.
(56:16):
And sometimes the Kink in BDSM takes a back seat for a little bit.
The composition of the group changes over time.
Because it fucking does.
That's just how communities work.
You will probably have a dedicated core.
(56:37):
And then there will be people who filter in and out.
So if you go to a munch and you think to yourself, well, this is terrible.
Nobody here is into my thing.
That sucks.
If you go to a party and nobody here is into my thing, do not give up.
Keep going.
Because maybe the person who's into whatever it is, you're into just wasn't there that month.
(57:04):
They'll be back.
Or maybe they haven't started going yet.
They'll show up.
Just keep going.
Oh, also, if the party says it's a potluck, dude, bring some food.
Bring a bag of chips.
The bag of ice is like, come on, man, participate.
(57:26):
Don't just show up and then hang out in the kitchen to eat all the food and then leave.
Root.
Keyboard said, "don't these munches have a theme?
So they attract certain people?"
Some do.
Some don't.
It depends.
It depends on the community.
It depends on where you are.
You'll notice I was reading off all of those different munches that are happening all over
(57:49):
the place, right?
Some of them did have themes.
Some didn't.
A bunch of them didn't.
So like, Dallas, Texas.
Within 500 miles of dollars of Jesus.
(58:12):
Oh, God.
That's in Rogers, Arkansas.
I put 500 miles of Dallas.
ABDL, BDS and fun.
Come experiment and be yourself.
Yeah, I'm going to bring that back on down 50 miles.
(58:34):
I can't read that on the air.
Landing a touchdown.
What the fuck?
BBC Gang Bang/Bukaki.
Pop and porn.
Slapel does a sex party.
(58:57):
That's 12 RSVPs.
Even as doing string theory beginner, FUTOMOMO types are simple FUTOMOMO.
Nice.
That's in Grand Prairie.
Royal House Monday Night Munch.
84 RSVPs.
Femtastic September 4th Monday meetup.
(59:18):
The truck yard.
Fourth Monday.
So not September 4th.
September 4th Monday.
Is the munches and meetups are like the second Thursday or the fourth Monday.
DFW Lunch Munch on the fourth Tuesday in Hearst, Texas.
(59:41):
Start here, BDS and basics at the DFW Dungeon.
Open source Skillshare and Rope Jam, Shibari studios and Fort Worth.
Cool Girl Bang & Go.
A two day sex party.
(01:00:02):
Keyboard said, "What I mean is it surprises me that someone who show up for a munch and
then discover that they're not into what others are into."
So if you're into something that's a little bit more niche, so if you're into like feminization,
depending on the group and community, like if you go to just a normal BDSM munch, the
odds are extremely good that most of the men there are going to be dominant.
(01:00:23):
And dominant men are generally not into feminization and sissification.
So if that's what you're there for, you're going to show up at a munch and discover that
most of the people are not into what you're into.
If that's the only munch in your area, keep going because eventually you will find a subgroup
(01:00:45):
there that is into whatever it is you're into.
Like, trust me.
We are all kinky little motherfuckers.
So Whore School is adult sex education.
And I ran over on time.
Whoops.
Whore School airs live every Sunday from 11 to midnight on the east coast.
It's 8 to 9 on the west coast.
(01:01:06):
I kept you guys too late.
Oh no, no.
Apple for Harper.
I am Harper, your host.
You can find me online.
And I'm on discord LDW Harper discord.gg/EnchantrixEmpire.
That's the server for all of our kinky weirdness.
That's all for blog.
fetishphonesexblog.com.
(01:01:28):
Thank you guys for listening.
I hope you learned something new and interesting and fun.
And if you didn't, well, tough shit.
Thank you for listening.
I will be back again next week.
Please remember, stay 6 feet away from people.
Get your updated motherfucking vaccinations.
(01:01:50):
Get your STI testing done.
And wash your ass.
Good night.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
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