How Has COVID-19 Changed How We Mourn?

Not being able to conduct the normal rituals of grieving during the COVID-19 pandemic is changing the way our society considers grief altogether. Learn more in this episode of BrainStuff, based on this article: https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/covid-19-mourn.htm

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio,
Hey brain Stuff, Lauren bob obam here. At some point
in our lives, at multiple points, we all grieve in
ways personal and public, in ways silent and loud. These days, though,
grieving has taken on new forms because of the coronavirus pandemic.

(00:24):
We can't yet safely soothe those who have lost loved
ones with a hug or an arm around the shoulder.
We can't yet, for fear of spreading the virus, gather
safely to say goodbye. We can't be there for others physically,
and others can't be there for us. An expert say
that being there is one of the most important parts
of the grieving process. It's been devastating for the article

(00:49):
that this episode is based on. How Stuff Works spoke
with Catherine Sheer, a professor of psychiatry in the Columbia
School of Social Work and the founding director of the
Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia Universe City. She said,
I think that I would say we're probably on average,
we're probably doing okay. But one of the things we're
doing is acknowledging it, which is huge. Often grief is

(01:12):
something that we kind of half acknowledge as a nation.
Shear says it took the U S sometime to face
up to the very real impact that the pandemic is having.
She points to memorials that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris
held in Washington, d C. Initially as President and vice
president elect and later as President and Vice president as important,

(01:34):
if somewhat belated first steps. Sheer said that kind of
thing we're not doing very well with, and we need
to do better because it's very helpful. And of course
we're not doing well with the disparity issues either. We're
subjecting some of our most vulnerable populations to grief as
well as death. But the spotlight on grief as the

(01:56):
pandemic has worn on has intensified, and that's good. Sheer said.
There's been a massive increase in the interest in understanding
grief and helping the public understand it and deal with it.
In that way, I think we're doing very very well. Finally,
we're paying attention to something that is always important in
our lives. People are so much more aware and respectful

(02:18):
of grief than they were a year ago. The amount
of grief that has accompanied The pandemic is staggering in itself.
Around five hundred and forty three thousand people have died
in America alone and close to three million worldwide. Coupled
with the restrictions put on us in our grieving, the
damage to the living is compounded. Those normal rituals of grieving,

(02:42):
things like funerals and wakes, family meals, family and friends gathering,
are extremely important, Sheer said. They help you feel like
you belong. Everyone is joining you. It's something familiar. It
sort of brings you into the living world. It acknowledges
things have changed for you in a big way. There
are so many benefits to those rituals. We have to

(03:03):
simultaneously accept the death and honor the person who died,
and also move forward in our own lives without those rituals.
Especially early in at the beginning of the pandemic, people
felt lost. But as the pandemic has stretched into a
second year, people have found alternative ways to grieve. Video

(03:23):
chat funerals can be attended by people in different homes, cities, states,
or even more distant. Support groups have flourished online online
church services have helped many phone calls between and among
loved ones have been used with great effectiveness. The Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that family and friends
can honor those lost by reciting a poem or religious

(03:46):
verse within their own households. Loved ones can be remembered
by launching blogs or memory books online with friends and
family contributing. Sheer said, I think many people are being
quite creative and trying to do contextually the usual rituals,
and I do think that's helpful. It's still not quite
the same, so it's a challenge. Shares Center for Complicated

(04:09):
Grief focuses on several steps in the road toward healing,
using the acronym healing. Honor your loved ones and yourself.
Discover your own interests and values. Ease emotional pain, Open
yourself to emotions, both painful and pleasant ones a trust
that you can deal with emotional pain. It doesn't control you.

(04:30):
Accept grief and let it find a place in your life.
Learn to live with the reminders of your loss. Integrate
memories of your loved one, let them enrich your life,
help you learn and grow. Narrate the stories of the
death for yourself, share them with others, and finally, gather
others around you. Connect with your community, let people in

(04:52):
and let them support you. Creativity in finding safe ways
to work on these steps is key until vaccine are
more widely available, Sheer said. One of the basic premises
that I work with is that we all have a
natural adaptive capacity specifically for adapting to loss. If you
think about it, loss is ubiquitous and human experience. If

(05:14):
we couldn't do that, if we couldn't adapt, we couldn't
have a human race. Basically, because when we're grieving intensely,
it's very, very debilitating. When things open up, people will
have the opportunity to join with friends and family to
honor the person who died. Maybe it won't be a
funeral per se, but we can have a memorial and
that's something we often do. Later anyway, we'll be able

(05:36):
to more easily visit the cemetery in those things, will
be able to re engage with people. Of course, all
of this is to say that an important part of
coping with grief after the loss of a loved one
is taking care of yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, both
physically and mentally, and maybe more so during the pandemic,

(05:56):
So doing what you can to eat well, exercise, and
get a decent amount of sleep is paramount. Small steps
are okay. Today's episode is based on the article COVID
nineteen has Changed How We Mourn on how stuff works
dot Com, written by John Donovan. Brain Stuff is production

(06:17):
of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuffworks dot
Com and is produced by Tyler Clang. Four more podcasts
my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.