Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’d like your opinion on popular songs that celebrate the pleasures of sexual union, like that Marvin Gaye song. Can their meaning—or the passions they stir—be redeemed within marriage? It seems many of these songs aren’t good in most contexts, especially those that objectify people. But are some of them acceptable for married couples to listen to privately, if the lyrics don’t violate the person...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m a 24-year-old single woman who has never dated. I want to be married, but it’s a passive desire—I’m content and open if something comes my way. I don’t ache for marriage the way others do, and I don’t feel called to chase it. People tell me I’m wasting my twenties and question if I even want a family. I do want marriage, just no one has interested me yet. I don’t think God is asking me to hun...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Right now, I'm learning about cycles and fertility using the Creighton method. One main point is that the man is always fertile while the woman is infertile most of the time. I’m wondering if there’s a theology behind that—especially since the man typically initiates and is constantly fertile. What do you think is the significance of this?
2. I'm dating and love your podcast. I'm in a se...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I admire my Catholic family, but I struggle to receive advice from my parents. I’m academically gifted and study philosophy, theology, and psychology of relationships, while they don’t share my passion for ideas. When they give advice, I often think, “I’ve already considered that,” or, “There’s a deeper understanding.” I know their long marriage brings wisdom, but I don’t always appreciate it. Wh...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’ve been married for almost 25 years. My husband has been verbally abusive and sexually misused me, though we’re now on a path of healing and reconciliation. Because of the deep wounds, I haven’t been able to have sex with him since our separation a year and a half ago. I’m slowly learning forgiveness, but his anger over the lack of sex makes it hard. He says things like, “No loving Christian wo...

Questions answered this episode:

• I don't think I have numbed myself or shut down my desires, but I think I may have never learned how to be in touch with them. I don't ever feel aroused or even really desirous of anything. I thought it was because I was blessed with purity, chastity, and temperance, but I'm wondering if I'm actually lacking something or disordered because I don't feel like there's anythin...

Questions answered this episode:

1. As I understand it, sacraments need the correct form and matter to be valid. What about marriage? I wonder if true marital sex is part of that form and matter, and if using contraception or not being open to life disrupts the grace that flows through the sacrament. In our marriage, we’ve experienced deep grace through healthy sexual intimacy and NFP, and I sense this grace comes not just from avo...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m growing close to a woman from my parish, and our relationship may become romantic. I need to disclose my long history of solitary sin and pornography use, which I no longer struggle with, but I’ve recently remembered past acts and fantasies. I’ve taken these to prayer and confession, but I worry she will reject me if I share. What level of detail is prudent to disclose? I struggle with scr...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Could you explain the purpose of cloistered monks and nuns in light of theology of the body? We’re made for relationships through our bodies, yet they live in isolation and silence. Is their life like priestly celibacy—foregoing something of this world for the sake of the kingdom?
2. My wife and I had our first child 11 months ago, and I’ve been trying to honor her body and timeline. But I feel like ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Before my reversion, my husband and I conceived both our children through IVF. Now I feel deep shame, even worrying my sin might harm them eternally. A friend once told me IVF babies don’t have souls, which horrified me. Do I need to tell my children how they were conceived, and if so, how do I do it without passing on my shame? What truth can I hold on to about their dignity and worth as beloved...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m struggling to find a spiritual director who can really speak to my heart. The priests I’ve met at the Institute understand integration deeply, but I can’t find anyone like that locally. My current director stays in the intellectual and rational, but I long to share my heart—its joys, sorrows, and complexities. How can I do that if I can’t find a priest who can truly receive it?
2. My girlfriend ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. You said heaven is more real than this world, and Mary already lives there in her redeemed body. In prayer, I sometimes feel Jesus and Mary present, but not like it will be in heaven. How can the mystical dimension be more real than what I see daily? Can you give me concrete ways to live this spiritual reality now, not just in holy moments or in the future?
2. I’ve struggled for years with an eat...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I was addicted to pornography until my mid-twenties but have lived chastely for 12 years. Still, I struggle with scars: working as a physician, I get tempted by seeing women’s bodies. I pray in those moments, but I still desire to look, searching for a “moral excuse.” I’ve been dating someone who knows in general, but I can’t tell her every time. Why hasn’t this stopped, even though she fills ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. For most of my young adulthood, I pictured myself married, but recently I’ve felt a pull toward religious life. It’s brought many tears, and I struggle with the thought of giving up the intimacy of marriage. Can you explain how Theology of the Body applies to religious sisters and how God fulfills our longing for intimacy in religious life?
2. I dated a girl for almost a year, saved a ring, and thoug...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Five years ago I discovered Theology of the Body, and it transformed me. Since then, I’ve wrestled with balancing modesty and femininity. I’ve stopped self-tanning and wearing heavy makeup because they felt like a mask. As a single woman desiring marriage, I want to look my best but not rely on things that hide my true self. My mom says I should wear more makeup, especially on dates, which makes ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. You often say to bring desires to Jesus or Mary, but when I do, nothing happens. Prayer, stillness, and adoration haven’t helped. Years of silence have made me see Jesus less as a loving bridegroom and more as someone withholding, disappearing at my slightest mistake. I know that’s not who He is, but I can’t shake the image. I want to love God for Himself, not His gifts, but sometimes I want to h...

Questions answered this episode:

1. After divorcing my husband over his unhealed pornography addiction, my sons now stay with him and his civil wife. I’m seeking guidance on how to protect and mentor them spiritually amid confusing messages from their father.
2. If God made us sexual and romantic in His image, and intimacy reflects the Trinity, why do you say God is not sexual?
3. I struggle to be aroused with my wife without degrading fan...

Questions answered this episode:

1. How does Theology of the Body relate to the apophatic tradition of imageless, silent prayer? If we're meant to go beyond concepts and detach even from meditation, how can a theology so rooted in the body inform contemplative prayer?
2. Though I'm happily married, I still feel haunted by a deep emotional bond with a female friend from my past. Why does this longing persist, and how can I find ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’ve broken free from porn and masturbation since returning to the Church, but now I experience arousal during deep prayer. It distracts and disturbs me—how can I pray through it without shame or confusion?
2. My kids ask: If Mary conceived by the Holy Spirit, did the Spirit become physical—like a sperm? How do I explain this?
3. As a virgin in an art class drawing nude figures, I feel shame, fear, and t...