May 26, 2023 • 10 mins
Comedian Bert Kreischer talks new movie 'The Monster' and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is On with Mario Lopez tep on, Mario Lopez
on Zoom from the new movie The Machine, comic and
actor Burt Christcher. Welcome to show Man. How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I am fantastic. I'm living the dream.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I bet, buddy, I bet you give off these real
positive vibes everywhere you go. I like that you're constantly
rocking no shirt. I saw you pitch. What game was
that you pitched and you took off your shirt?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
That was Gangster the Guardians, Cleveland Guardians.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Right, that was great.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
First, dude, It's not like I always hope that people
understand it genuinely. I just like to party and have
a good time. I all overthink things. I got no negativity.
I try to do, but I kind of like trying
to push it out and just have a You only live.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Once, You're exactly right, I'm the same mindset. Good for you. Hey,
how nervous with you throwing that first pitch out? It's
a little, it's a little. It looks farther than you think.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Huh, it's a lot further. And and I'm an athlete,
like I played baseball. I got recruited to go to college.
I know what you're doing. I looked like a fool.
I didn't I have one hopped it. I'm so olrypped it.
Oh come on, Well they didn't show it because I
ripped my shirt off, so they don't smart. Smart smart move.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
That was a smart move. Congratulations on the movie. Than
for those who who aren't familiar, described the parent, the premise,
and how much of it is based on a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So the movie is based on a true story. When
I was twenty two, I got involved with Russian mafia
and we robbed a train and that.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Wait, hold on, hold, hold on, that's a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That's a true story.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You said it, so Cavalier. I was like, wait a minute,
is he doing a bit. That's a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I've been saying it a lot, exactly exactly. I've been
saying it over the last twelve years.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
How does one get involved with the Russian mafia? How
does that happen?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
We went to like a study abroad trip in Russia
in ninety five got it, and in ninety five the
wall had fallen, but they hadn't really figured out capitalism entirely.
It was called a paras stroka, I think, And and
so the mob ran everything. The mob, just the black
market just took over and the mob ran everything, and
they said, you know, we're gonna pay off the mafia
(02:08):
to keep you safe because it wasn't safe. So we've
got two young gangsters and they live with us. They
walked us to class, they took us on field trips,
and the first night, I said, I'm gonna party with them.
I'm gonna go. They said, don't talk to them. I go.
They're gonna be my best friends. So I got a
batta bah cut in a six pack of ball skill, right,
and I went over and when the door opened, I panicked,
and everything I planned on saying flooded out of my head.
(02:30):
And all I said to him in his doorway in
Russian was I am the machine. And he started laughing hysterically,
and then yeah, and then me and him became friends,
and then yeah, it was awesome. It was great. Yeah,
so so. But the movie, the movie is based off
this story, but the movie is really imagining, is that
(02:51):
this true story happened. And then in the movie, me
and my dad get kidnapped by the Russian mafia and
I have to go back to Russia to atone for
the sins. Of my past.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Fantastic premis so funny and I love that it's true.
And I'm sure obviously you you incorporate a lot of
this into your stand up back too. So how difficult
was it making that transition and sort of incorporating you
to a script into a future.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Oh well, I didn't do anything. I mean in all, honestly,
the writers did a great job. I pitched the premise.
I didn't even pitch the premise to be dead, honestly.
I sold a different movie and in the room and
then that's ho course this Holly would He goes, I'll
make a movie with you. Which one do you want
to make? I go, what do's not gonna make one
of your movies? Which one you want to make? I said, well,
(03:39):
if you're gonna tell me, I get to make a movie,
I want to make the Machine. And my producer Kle goes, yeah,
why didn't you pitch that? I was like, cause, I go, honestly,
I'm afraid it would be like a hit. And I
get kidnaped by the Russian mafia and he goes sold,
so that's our movie. And so and then we had
great writers, and we had a great director and everyone
kind of like really took the project to heart, and
(04:01):
you know, I was there to like I rewrote scenes,
I rewrote portions, I took I put a backbone in
the story that I thought it needed, like little things
that as a story I've been looking into a stand
up for twenty three years as a storyteller. I was like,
this adds to it, and I put those in. But
it was a collaboration.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
And Mark Hamill plays your dad Luke Skywalker himself. How
from the bits I've seen, he seen it pretty funny.
How are is comedy chops?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
He's awesome. There's a scene in the end of the
movie there's but I mean not just not you know,
no spoiler alert here, but like his character takes a
wild ride, and I think it's gonna be things people
never thought they'd see Mark Hamill say or do.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's great, that's great man. Coming up next month the
fully Loaded Comedy Festival. What's in store for fans are dude?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I take I take sixteen comics of everyone, like of
all walks of comedy. I got Bruce Bruce, I got
Tiffany Hattish, I got It was Black, I got David Tell,
I got Ralph Barbosa. I've got Tammy Pescatelli, Shane Gillis,
Mark Norman, Big, Jay Okuson, Dan Soder Rosebud Baker, Chad Daniels.
I got all these guys and we take them out
(05:13):
to ballparks, arenas, amphitheaters all of the summer to get
you out, get you in the sun. Doors open at five.
We put on like a three hour show, usually eight
to ten comics a show. We bring music acts. We
got a DJ, Seipha Sounds is going to be there.
Carter Cruz is going to be a DJ. And we
start at Forest Hills in the middle of June, and
we ended the Gorge in Seattle, and it is look,
(05:36):
it is just about getting outside during the summer, having fun,
forgetting about your problems and laughing. These are the best
comedians in the country, in the country and for one
place point you get to see all of them.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Great lineup. I love me at Comedy Festival. Good for
you man, congrats on that. And you also recently dropped
a new special on Netflix, Razzle Dazzle. What are you
talking about there?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I talk about I talk about a lot of stuff.
I talk about my family like I'm not I'm not
like if anyone is unfamiliar with me, I'm not a
political guy. I don't like try to tackle big issues.
I just tell you about me, my life, my family.
I'm a I'm a mediocre dad with two dumb kids
and a wife who's getting old. Like that's all I
talk about.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I just appreciates that.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yo, Mario, you know what you need to come to
a fully loaded Vegas because we just hit up your
boy Mark Wahlberg to come to Vegas.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I saw that on ig Man. He gave you a
shout out right there. I'll ask him what he's gonna go.
That'll be uh yeah, that'll be cool. I love I
love me some to see stand up comedy. Uh yeah,
he posted that. That's what I was I was gonna
actually ask you about. And when are you gonna be
in Vegas?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
What are the dates I'm gonna be in Vegas? I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Okay, oh perfect, perfect, all right, thanks man, I'll definitely
hit you up on that. Where are you from originally,
by the way, Tampa, Tampa?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Okay, yeah, makes sense. When you see a Florida man
and you see a guy taking a shirt off to
do stand up you're like that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Tracks Tampa's fun. Man, Tampa's fun.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I always say people like I don't I forget I'm
from Florida until I say something that's very Florida, like like,
oh yeah, I need two dudes without tongues in high
school and everyone's like what, And You're like, it's Florida tongueless.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Brendon Ebor City. Isn't that there there in Tampa?
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Was? That was wild? When I was growing up, was
like you did not go down to Ebor and then
it got gentrified and it was like thriving and now
it's going back to old school Ebor. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's awesome. And you mentioned a kid. You have two daughters?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Correct, two daughters?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
How old are they know?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Oh? No, sixteen and eighteen?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Oh teenagers?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Got VESSI what are you in college?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
He's still here? Yeah? It stinks. I hate it. I
wish she was back.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Is is home La?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Now? Yeah? I live in La, live in Weich. Maybe
I shouldn't tell you.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Where I was. And how would you compare the coasts
essentially from the California to Florida, Dude, I.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Mean, look, here's the deal. And then I grew up
in Florida. But you got to like, we had no
civic pride in Florida when I grew up, there was
no like like I remember hearing stuff like like Yankees
fans and Red Sox fans and Dodgers fans in Cleveland, Pittsburgh,
and I did not get it. We had the bucks
(08:29):
and they were horrible. And now since I've gone, Florida
has established civic pride. They've got the bolts, they've got
the Bucks, they've got the Rays, they've got the panthers.
Florida is all of a sudden, it is not the Florida.
I remember when I was a kid, you felt like
you were going to problem with your cousin. That's what
Florida felt like. When you looked at La, You're like, Oh,
(08:49):
that dude's going with a hot chick. Now I look
at it and like, oh they both got hot chicks. Yeah,
but they still might be related. It is Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I remember. I've gone a few times actually, and I
was the grand Marshal of the Gasprilla. Is that that's
right in Tampa, Right, That's a fun parade.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Bro. That is the most epic parade ever. Jose gaspar
landed in Tampa and the parade down Base or the
longest continuous sidewalk in America. And it is gorgeous, it
is fun, it is out of control. It is in January.
If you're ever thinking about man, I wish I had
to Marty Grass, go to Gasprilla. Then go to Marty's. Exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I remember Gasprilla, and I also like me Burn Steakhouse.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Burn Steakhouse is the best steakhouse in the world. I
remember it did sit there until like eleven at night,
sleeping on one chair and just going mom and dad,
are you ready.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yet to think about birds? You eat in one room
and if you want to have dessert, you go to
another room. It's the weirdest move, but right that's they do.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
That deal and problem you just go to Burn's dessert
room because you're don't afford the steakhouse.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, exactly. Nice talking to you, buddy, I look forward
to seeing you later in person. Everyone check out the
machine just now in theaters. Thanks for hanging out, Bert.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Brother been a fan for a very long time.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Man, I smoked so much weed and watched Save by
the Bell. You have no idea. We are a legit fan.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Oh, I appreciate that. See, we got a lot great
all right, bron We'll see you all
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Right, see you Laterbody with Mario Lopez
This is On with Mario Lopez tep on, Mario Lopez
on Zoom from the new movie The Machine, comic and
actor Burt Christcher. Welcome to show Man. How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I am fantastic. I'm living the dream.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I bet, buddy, I bet you give off these real
positive vibes everywhere you go. I like that you're constantly
rocking no shirt. I saw you pitch. What game was
that you pitched and you took off your shirt?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
That was Gangster the Guardians, Cleveland Guardians.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Right, that was great.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
First, dude, It's not like I always hope that people
understand it genuinely. I just like to party and have
a good time. I all overthink things. I got no negativity.
I try to do, but I kind of like trying
to push it out and just have a You only live.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Once, You're exactly right, I'm the same mindset. Good for you. Hey,
how nervous with you throwing that first pitch out? It's
a little, it's a little. It looks farther than you think.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Huh, it's a lot further. And and I'm an athlete,
like I played baseball. I got recruited to go to college.
I know what you're doing. I looked like a fool.
I didn't I have one hopped it. I'm so olrypped it.
Oh come on, Well they didn't show it because I
ripped my shirt off, so they don't smart. Smart smart move.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
That was a smart move. Congratulations on the movie. Than
for those who who aren't familiar, described the parent, the premise,
and how much of it is based on a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So the movie is based on a true story. When
I was twenty two, I got involved with Russian mafia
and we robbed a train and that.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Wait, hold on, hold, hold on, that's a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That's a true story.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You said it, so Cavalier. I was like, wait a minute,
is he doing a bit. That's a true story.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I've been saying it a lot, exactly exactly. I've been
saying it over the last twelve years.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
How does one get involved with the Russian mafia? How
does that happen?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
We went to like a study abroad trip in Russia
in ninety five got it, and in ninety five the
wall had fallen, but they hadn't really figured out capitalism entirely.
It was called a paras stroka, I think, And and
so the mob ran everything. The mob, just the black
market just took over and the mob ran everything, and
they said, you know, we're gonna pay off the mafia
(02:08):
to keep you safe because it wasn't safe. So we've
got two young gangsters and they live with us. They
walked us to class, they took us on field trips,
and the first night, I said, I'm gonna party with them.
I'm gonna go. They said, don't talk to them. I go.
They're gonna be my best friends. So I got a
batta bah cut in a six pack of ball skill, right,
and I went over and when the door opened, I panicked,
and everything I planned on saying flooded out of my head.
(02:30):
And all I said to him in his doorway in
Russian was I am the machine. And he started laughing hysterically,
and then yeah, and then me and him became friends,
and then yeah, it was awesome. It was great. Yeah,
so so. But the movie, the movie is based off
this story, but the movie is really imagining, is that
(02:51):
this true story happened. And then in the movie, me
and my dad get kidnapped by the Russian mafia and
I have to go back to Russia to atone for
the sins. Of my past.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Fantastic premis so funny and I love that it's true.
And I'm sure obviously you you incorporate a lot of
this into your stand up back too. So how difficult
was it making that transition and sort of incorporating you
to a script into a future.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Oh well, I didn't do anything. I mean in all, honestly,
the writers did a great job. I pitched the premise.
I didn't even pitch the premise to be dead, honestly.
I sold a different movie and in the room and
then that's ho course this Holly would He goes, I'll
make a movie with you. Which one do you want
to make? I go, what do's not gonna make one
of your movies? Which one you want to make? I said, well,
(03:39):
if you're gonna tell me, I get to make a movie,
I want to make the Machine. And my producer Kle goes, yeah,
why didn't you pitch that? I was like, cause, I go, honestly,
I'm afraid it would be like a hit. And I
get kidnaped by the Russian mafia and he goes sold,
so that's our movie. And so and then we had
great writers, and we had a great director and everyone
kind of like really took the project to heart, and
(04:01):
you know, I was there to like I rewrote scenes,
I rewrote portions, I took I put a backbone in
the story that I thought it needed, like little things
that as a story I've been looking into a stand
up for twenty three years as a storyteller. I was like,
this adds to it, and I put those in. But
it was a collaboration.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
And Mark Hamill plays your dad Luke Skywalker himself. How
from the bits I've seen, he seen it pretty funny.
How are is comedy chops?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
He's awesome. There's a scene in the end of the
movie there's but I mean not just not you know,
no spoiler alert here, but like his character takes a
wild ride, and I think it's gonna be things people
never thought they'd see Mark Hamill say or do.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's great, that's great man. Coming up next month the
fully Loaded Comedy Festival. What's in store for fans are dude?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I take I take sixteen comics of everyone, like of
all walks of comedy. I got Bruce Bruce, I got
Tiffany Hattish, I got It was Black, I got David Tell,
I got Ralph Barbosa. I've got Tammy Pescatelli, Shane Gillis,
Mark Norman, Big, Jay Okuson, Dan Soder Rosebud Baker, Chad Daniels.
I got all these guys and we take them out
(05:13):
to ballparks, arenas, amphitheaters all of the summer to get
you out, get you in the sun. Doors open at five.
We put on like a three hour show, usually eight
to ten comics a show. We bring music acts. We
got a DJ, Seipha Sounds is going to be there.
Carter Cruz is going to be a DJ. And we
start at Forest Hills in the middle of June, and
we ended the Gorge in Seattle, and it is look,
(05:36):
it is just about getting outside during the summer, having fun,
forgetting about your problems and laughing. These are the best
comedians in the country, in the country and for one
place point you get to see all of them.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Great lineup. I love me at Comedy Festival. Good for
you man, congrats on that. And you also recently dropped
a new special on Netflix, Razzle Dazzle. What are you
talking about there?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I talk about I talk about a lot of stuff.
I talk about my family like I'm not I'm not
like if anyone is unfamiliar with me, I'm not a
political guy. I don't like try to tackle big issues.
I just tell you about me, my life, my family.
I'm a I'm a mediocre dad with two dumb kids
and a wife who's getting old. Like that's all I
talk about.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I just appreciates that.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yo, Mario, you know what you need to come to
a fully loaded Vegas because we just hit up your
boy Mark Wahlberg to come to Vegas.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I saw that on ig Man. He gave you a
shout out right there. I'll ask him what he's gonna go.
That'll be uh yeah, that'll be cool. I love I
love me some to see stand up comedy. Uh yeah,
he posted that. That's what I was I was gonna
actually ask you about. And when are you gonna be
in Vegas?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
What are the dates I'm gonna be in Vegas? I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Okay, oh perfect, perfect, all right, thanks man, I'll definitely
hit you up on that. Where are you from originally,
by the way, Tampa, Tampa?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Okay, yeah, makes sense. When you see a Florida man
and you see a guy taking a shirt off to
do stand up you're like that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Tracks Tampa's fun. Man, Tampa's fun.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I always say people like I don't I forget I'm
from Florida until I say something that's very Florida, like like,
oh yeah, I need two dudes without tongues in high
school and everyone's like what, And You're like, it's Florida tongueless.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Brendon Ebor City. Isn't that there there in Tampa?
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Was? That was wild? When I was growing up, was
like you did not go down to Ebor and then
it got gentrified and it was like thriving and now
it's going back to old school Ebor. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's awesome. And you mentioned a kid. You have two daughters?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Correct, two daughters?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
How old are they know?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Oh? No, sixteen and eighteen?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Oh teenagers?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Got VESSI what are you in college?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
He's still here? Yeah? It stinks. I hate it. I
wish she was back.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Is is home La?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Now? Yeah? I live in La, live in Weich. Maybe
I shouldn't tell you.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Where I was. And how would you compare the coasts
essentially from the California to Florida, Dude, I.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Mean, look, here's the deal. And then I grew up
in Florida. But you got to like, we had no
civic pride in Florida when I grew up, there was
no like like I remember hearing stuff like like Yankees
fans and Red Sox fans and Dodgers fans in Cleveland, Pittsburgh,
and I did not get it. We had the bucks
(08:29):
and they were horrible. And now since I've gone, Florida
has established civic pride. They've got the bolts, they've got
the Bucks, they've got the Rays, they've got the panthers.
Florida is all of a sudden, it is not the Florida.
I remember when I was a kid, you felt like
you were going to problem with your cousin. That's what
Florida felt like. When you looked at La, You're like, Oh,
(08:49):
that dude's going with a hot chick. Now I look
at it and like, oh they both got hot chicks. Yeah,
but they still might be related. It is Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I remember. I've gone a few times actually, and I
was the grand Marshal of the Gasprilla. Is that that's
right in Tampa, Right, That's a fun parade.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Bro. That is the most epic parade ever. Jose gaspar
landed in Tampa and the parade down Base or the
longest continuous sidewalk in America. And it is gorgeous, it
is fun, it is out of control. It is in January.
If you're ever thinking about man, I wish I had
to Marty Grass, go to Gasprilla. Then go to Marty's. Exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I remember Gasprilla, and I also like me Burn Steakhouse.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Burn Steakhouse is the best steakhouse in the world. I
remember it did sit there until like eleven at night,
sleeping on one chair and just going mom and dad,
are you ready.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yet to think about birds? You eat in one room
and if you want to have dessert, you go to
another room. It's the weirdest move, but right that's they do.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
That deal and problem you just go to Burn's dessert
room because you're don't afford the steakhouse.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, exactly. Nice talking to you, buddy, I look forward
to seeing you later in person. Everyone check out the
machine just now in theaters. Thanks for hanging out, Bert.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Brother been a fan for a very long time.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Man, I smoked so much weed and watched Save by
the Bell. You have no idea. We are a legit fan.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Oh, I appreciate that. See, we got a lot great
all right, bron We'll see you all
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Right, see you Laterbody with Mario Lopez
Host
Mario Lopez
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