Mr.Michael Oppenheimer Meatball Magic

The obnoxious Mr. Michael Oppenheimer tries to sell magic meatballs!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Elvis Duran, Elvis Duran Phone Tap the Return of Michael Oppenheimer.
Listen to this email. Dear Elvis Durant, Dominic Palmary hates telemarketers.
He despises them so much. One night he went out
and bought that Tella zapper, that thing you hook up
to your phone line to help prevent phone marketers from

(00:22):
getting through. Well, now he gets annoyed when the machine
doesn't work. He spent all that money and they still
get through. This is a job for Michael Oppenheimer. He
should be the next telemarketer to break through the tele
A Zapper barrier. This comes to us from a net.
Now Anett wants us to play this phone tap on.
Dominic Palmary Scary is going to play the part of
Michael Oppenheimer.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
A Nett will be listening in on the call. Here
we go a good morning. Listen to mister Michael oppenheimen
with onisday dot com. How are you doing today's sir? Okay,
we're here with a wonderful product called Meatball Magic.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
Okay, I'm on a do not call list. Please we
move mind from you and Liz.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
We don't have any record of that at this time. Sir,
you can make your own meatballs in minutes and store them.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
No, I'm not. I'm really not interested in it.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
A meatball magic is in me.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
There's no reason to go on, sir. I'm not interested
in your product, but you.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Could make nine meatballs in just seconds, Sir.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
I don't eat meatballs?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Are you Italian? Sir?

Speaker 3 (01:19):
I'm sorry?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Are you Italian?

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Well?

Speaker 2 (01:24):
This is mister Michael Oppenheimer from dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
You just call me, sir.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
I guess we didn't finish our conversation, sir.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
No we did. I'm not interested in the product.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
You can easily shape ground meat into perfect spheres as.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
Long as they're tasty and they fill me up. That's
okay that the shape doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Are you going to order one of our metal now?

Speaker 3 (01:44):
So I'm not leave me alone?

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Italians and meatballs go hand in hand.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Yeah, but I don't need your magic meatball maker. Please
stop calling. You start to make me aggubated.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Now, what is your credit card at this time the
cold day.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Of freaking hell. I give you my credit card number.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
All I need now is your credit card.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
I'm not giving you my credit card. Well, an idiot,
send it to your house, says to you that can
call over your house for a Sunday dinner and you
can make the magic meatballs.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
So can I have your credit card number? This time?
I'm gonna hang out.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
Wat I already told you that. Why not, sir, because
my meatballs are good as they are. You know we
make our meatballs.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
How do you do that? Sir?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
I swallow a handful of chop meat, and then I
press really hard. I pushed. You push your push, and
then they come out perfectly round.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
There's the other end that's not very sanitary.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Ah, yeah, no doub because you started to make me aggravated.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Hey, where do you live, sir by? Where do you live?

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Well?

Speaker 2 (02:44):
You seem to be getting disconnected. This is mister, I
know you are, buddy.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
This is like the fourth time you call me the
last fifteen minutes.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
You take some ground chop meat. I'm calling the.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Phone company to file a charge. You take the meatballs,
take the meatballs, stum down your throat so you don't
have to call me anymore.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
All you do is take the plastic piece and press so.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
You don't breathe while you're stuffing the meatballs down your
throat and leave me alone, all right?

Speaker 2 (03:11):
So you press the meat.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah yeah, and then you you press your face up
against the wall so you look like a squashed meat
ball when.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
You lift the plates are all perfectly rounded, right.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
Yeah, for a perfectly sphracle, right like your brain with
nothing in it.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
How would you like to order it this time?

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Give me twenty of them, give me album gonna make
nine out of times. It's andre and eighty meat balls.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
I'm holding for your credit card, obviously.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
R O. The word no means I'm not interested in
a stupid thing. City Mark. You kill him with, chill
him hurt? What is this?

Speaker 2 (03:49):
This is mister Michael, and.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
Ask you about that. Michael. Yeah, here's what I here's
what I did to your magic meatballs. Listen to this,
so no, that is what is that? That was my
collar ball.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
That would be a colossal waste of the meatball magic.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yeah, I know, I know. Well that's what goes in there,
colossal waste. Come on, will cut it out now, sir.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
This is mister Michael.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
I know who to this is. Cut it out.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
This is actually Skewy Jones. When you've been phone tapped.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Oh my god, oh my god. Yeah, this was on
the radio.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
This was all the nets idea and.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
That you got me, You got me. That guy was
a paint in the neck. You will not go.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
This phone table was pre recorded permission granted by all participants.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Phone tab

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Dan in the Morning Show