May 29, 2023 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I have been married to my husband for 8 years and we have a 5 year old and a 2 year old daughter. My husband has 5 other kids, not including the two we have together. Yes, I know that is a lot of kids, however, I want to try for another baby next year. I am 32 and he is 40 and he says he is too old to have more kids. I don’t have a son and would like to try for a son. I always told him I wanted to have three children. We don't have sex because he says he doesn't want to get me pregnant and if we do have sex, he buys me the Plan B pill to avoid any possible pregnancies...............
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, please
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM and
click submit Strawberry Letter. All right, we could be reading
your letter live on the air, just like we're going
to be reading this one right here, right now today.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, bug a la, hold on tight, we got it
for you. Here. It is the Strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Letter subject my best friend is just trying to help out.
Dear Stephen Shirley. I've been married to my husband for
eight years and we have a five year old and
a two year old daughter. My husband has five other kids,
not including the two we have together. Yes, I know
this is a lot of kids. However, I want to
(00:46):
try for another baby next year. I am thirty two
and he is forty, and he says he is too
old to have more kids. I don't have a son
and would like to try for a son. I always
told him I wanted to have three children. We don't
have sex because he says he doesn't want to get
me pregnant, and if we do have sex, he buys
(01:08):
me the Plan B pill to avoid any possible pregnancies.
I even asked if we can adopt, and he still
said no. I am starting to resent my husband and
this is causing a strain on our relationship because I
want another baby. We are financially stable enough to have
another baby. I confide it, and my best friend, who
(01:30):
happens to be a manned and he offered me his sperm.
As you know, he would donate the sperm and sex
would not be involved. When I told my husband about
my best friend's offer, he flipped out and was highly upset.
He said that would be committing a sin, breaking the
vows of marriage, and he would not accept the baby
(01:51):
as his child. He also said he would divorce me
if I even brought it up again. I think it
is very unfair because he won't give me another baby.
It's my body and if I want another baby, I
should be able to get pregnant and have another baby.
Am I wrong here?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Please help? Well?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
You know you're both wrong, and I'll tell you why.
You for going to another man outside of your marriage
to get another baby. I mean, that's not the way
you do it. And of course your husband is wrong
for just shutting you out, not even hearing of your
requests for being so mean and closed minded about you.
(02:30):
You're his wife. He should be, you know, compassionate and
understanding as to how you feel. I get that he
already has five children in addition to the two daughters
that you guys have together. But you have to talk,
and you should have talked to each other before you
got here to this place. He's only forty, and while
(02:53):
he may say that's too old, it's not too old.
I think it's just that he is tired of having kids.
Seven kids. You said it in a letter. That's a
lot of kids by anyone's standard. Seven kids is a
lot of kids. You say you're financially stable enough to
have a lot of kids, to have more kids, but
you know, if your husband doesn't want to have kids,
(03:16):
you guys have to be on the same page as
far as it's concern you. On the other hand, are
only thirty two. You're still young enough. You're perfectly within
your rights to want more children and to try for
a boy if that's what you want, But you can't
do it with this husband because he's not interested. You
guys have a major issue in your marriage. I don't
see how you can come to an agreement or a compromise.
(03:39):
I really don't. He doesn't want any more children. He
doesn't want any more children. You do, period, Okay, period?
You here. I think I can confidently say this that
if you do have another child, it won't be with
your current husband unless you trick them or trap him
or something like that. And if you go to your
(04:00):
friend and get his sperm, you're gonna be done with
this marriage. This marriage is practically over anyway because of
your husband's rules. He doesn't want another kid you do.
He won't accept the baby as his own. If you
have another one, he doesn't want to adopt. You have
no options here. You have no options here, Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Well, Shirley, I have different take on this. I believe
that she does have options, and I'll tell you why
as soon as y'all ask me why.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
She's been married to her husband for eight years and
they got a five year old and two year old together.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
They both girls.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
My husband has five other kids, not including the other
the two we have together. Now, let's stop right here.
He'll go the whole damn problem right here. It's them
five other damn kids. This is the reason he's struggling
with another one, So don't take it personal. It ain't you,
(05:08):
it's them damn other ones. That's where the problem comes
in at. We don't know where they strolled all out at.
They could be citywide, statewide, state wide, countrywide, they may
(05:29):
be global international. We don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But there's a lot of money. Now, if he.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Farting, I'm assuming he started having kids around twenty eighteen,
maybe that means he's still paying child support.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
You'll see. That's where he don't want no more kids.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
See, y'all may be financially stable, but that child support
choking homie, that's your problem right there. Now you say, yes,
I know, that's a lot of kids, but you want
to try for another one because you're thirty two and
he forty. He say too old to have more kids.
That's not true. You can have more kids past forty.
Now you don't got a boy, and you want a boy.
(06:13):
And always you always told him you wanted three kids.
And now y'all ain't having sex because he say he
don't want to get me pregnant. If we do have sex,
he buy me to plan bet pill to avoid any
possible pregnance, and you take the damn pill.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
But this man make buying a pill, making you take
it standing there, watch you swallow it. This ain't no marriage.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
All right, hang on to that thought, Steve. We have more.
We'll have part two of your response when we come
back at twenty three after the hour. Today's Strawberry Letters
subject to my best friend is just trying to help
out here. Okay, we'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening, Steve Hardy Morning Show. All right, Steve, let's
recap today's Strawberry Letters subject my best friend is just
(07:00):
trying to help out.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Yeah, you got this husband you've been married to. Y'all
got two kids, but he got five other kids. You
want another baby because you want to try for a boy.
You thirty two, he forty. He say he too old
to half kids. You told him when y'all got married,
y'all want to have three kids. He say he ain't
having it, And y'all don't hardly have sex because he
don't want to get you pregnant. Then when you do
have sex, he buy a pill to play and be
(07:24):
pill and make you take it to avoid any possible pregnancies.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
You asked this.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Fool, could you adopt? And he still said no, I'm
starting to resent rup. My husband's causing a strain under
our relationship because you want another baby. Now you say
you're financially stable. Now here's the problem. You went to
your best friend who happens to be a man. He
offered his spurn hard let's stop right here. Anybody got
(07:55):
problem with this? Here?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, sin, we'll offer his spurn both men.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I know he is willing to offer spurm. That's where
the term sperm donor came from. Because matter fact, we
like giving it up so much, we'll give it to
people we don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
We don't even have to care about you. We have
extra we want to donate it to you.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Now, your damn best friend, who is a man, then
told you that he'll offer you his sperm. And then,
as you said in the letter, as you know, he
would donate the sperm and sex would not be involved.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Lady, that's what he said.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But he your best friend because he's attracted to you,
and now he's so attracted to you, he said, I
donate my spurm.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
He been wanting to say this all along.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
This is just the topic that then came up, and
you said, as you know, he would donate the sperm
and sex would not be involved.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Well, sex might not be involved, but you're gonna have
to get that sperm though.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Hello at church, say, man, you might not have that,
but you gotta get it, and you can't leave it
where it is. To have it got to come out. Hello,
How you think we're gonna get it out of the
(09:31):
little house.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
He live in.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
No, I'm dead serious. Something got to happen. You stop
all this. He we don't have to have sex. We're
gonna have something now. Then your crazy ass went in
the house told your husband about your best friend's offer.
Your husband flipped, was highly upset. He said this would
(09:59):
be committing a sound like it to me because he
ain't real show what he mean by he want to
donate some spur because your husband got a real good idea.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Of what donating sperm mean.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
You'd be breaking the vials of the marriage because all
he says, y'all see is you having sex or getting
that sperm donated some kind of way and said he would.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Not accept the child as he is. Hell, it ain't.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
It ain't his baby, it's your best friend's baby. He
also said he divorced you if you bought it up again.
Now you think it's very unfair because he won't give
me another baby. It's my body and if I want
another baby, I should be able to get pregnant to
have a baby. Lady, you are one hundred percent correct now,
Shirley said this right here. It won't be with this
(10:44):
dude right here. Unless you just go on and have
sex with your husband and quit taking that damn pill.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Then you gonna have a baby. Then what he gonna do?
But then guess what.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Don't nobody really want to have a baby with somebody
that don't want a baby. But it happens all the time,
and you can act like some women and go, well,
he'll grow to love the child. He might, But he
might quit loving you though, because he will be resembful
because he'd have sold all his wireloads with all these
(11:19):
other chicks and got these five other kids. Now he
want to shut it down, and you done told him
you want three. You should be able to get pregnant
and have a baby. But surely's right, probably won't be
with this dude right here? And am I wrong here?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Please help me? Well, if you want to have another
baby and he don't, you gonna.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Have to go have another baby, and you do have
the right, but I think you told your husband you
wanted three kids in the beginning. Now somewhere along the
line this child support whooping his ass. He don't see it,
so now he is issuing ultimatums. But the biggest mistake
you made was his sperm donor conversation with your husband,
(11:58):
because now he got a platform for him to stand on.
That ain't got nothing to do with the pregnancy or
the baby. Now he didn't use this divorce to really
shut you down. It's a cold, tricky pulling on you.
What it's working because you done wrote in a letter.
I don't know what to tell you, ma'am, but it
(12:19):
don't look like you'll be having a baby with your husband.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And don't leave your.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Husband for your best friend, please, and do not take
your best friend. Spur and your loan is some sperm
to I get on my that's all. She's okay, you
some spur, All right, look, all right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You can post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on
Instagram and Facebook at Steve Harvey FM.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Way to God, I'll give it right back.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Don't forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.
You're listening Harvey Morning Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, please
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM and
click submit Strawberry Letter. All right, we could be reading
your letter live on the air, just like we're going
to be reading this one right here, right now today.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, bug a la, hold on tight, we got it
for you. Here. It is the Strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Letter subject my best friend is just trying to help out.
Dear Stephen Shirley. I've been married to my husband for
eight years and we have a five year old and
a two year old daughter. My husband has five other kids,
not including the two we have together. Yes, I know
this is a lot of kids. However, I want to
(00:46):
try for another baby next year. I am thirty two
and he is forty, and he says he is too
old to have more kids. I don't have a son
and would like to try for a son. I always
told him I wanted to have three children. We don't
have sex because he says he doesn't want to get
me pregnant, and if we do have sex, he buys
(01:08):
me the Plan B pill to avoid any possible pregnancies.
I even asked if we can adopt, and he still
said no. I am starting to resent my husband and
this is causing a strain on our relationship because I
want another baby. We are financially stable enough to have
another baby. I confide it, and my best friend, who
(01:30):
happens to be a manned and he offered me his sperm.
As you know, he would donate the sperm and sex
would not be involved. When I told my husband about
my best friend's offer, he flipped out and was highly upset.
He said that would be committing a sin, breaking the
vows of marriage, and he would not accept the baby
(01:51):
as his child. He also said he would divorce me
if I even brought it up again. I think it
is very unfair because he won't give me another baby.
It's my body and if I want another baby, I
should be able to get pregnant and have another baby.
Am I wrong here?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Please help? Well?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
You know you're both wrong, and I'll tell you why.
You for going to another man outside of your marriage
to get another baby. I mean, that's not the way
you do it. And of course your husband is wrong
for just shutting you out, not even hearing of your
requests for being so mean and closed minded about you.
(02:30):
You're his wife. He should be, you know, compassionate and
understanding as to how you feel. I get that he
already has five children in addition to the two daughters
that you guys have together. But you have to talk,
and you should have talked to each other before you
got here to this place. He's only forty, and while
(02:53):
he may say that's too old, it's not too old.
I think it's just that he is tired of having kids.
Seven kids. You said it in a letter. That's a
lot of kids by anyone's standard. Seven kids is a
lot of kids. You say you're financially stable enough to
have a lot of kids, to have more kids, but
you know, if your husband doesn't want to have kids,
(03:16):
you guys have to be on the same page as
far as it's concern you. On the other hand, are
only thirty two. You're still young enough. You're perfectly within
your rights to want more children and to try for
a boy if that's what you want, But you can't
do it with this husband because he's not interested. You
guys have a major issue in your marriage. I don't
see how you can come to an agreement or a compromise.
(03:39):
I really don't. He doesn't want any more children. He
doesn't want any more children. You do, period, Okay, period?
You here. I think I can confidently say this that
if you do have another child, it won't be with
your current husband unless you trick them or trap him
or something like that. And if you go to your
(04:00):
friend and get his sperm, you're gonna be done with
this marriage. This marriage is practically over anyway because of
your husband's rules. He doesn't want another kid you do.
He won't accept the baby as his own. If you
have another one, he doesn't want to adopt. You have
no options here. You have no options here, Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Well, Shirley, I have different take on this. I believe
that she does have options, and I'll tell you why
as soon as y'all ask me why.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
She's been married to her husband for eight years and
they got a five year old and two year old together.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
They both girls.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
My husband has five other kids, not including the other
the two we have together. Now, let's stop right here.
He'll go the whole damn problem right here. It's them
five other damn kids. This is the reason he's struggling
with another one, So don't take it personal. It ain't you,
(05:08):
it's them damn other ones. That's where the problem comes
in at. We don't know where they strolled all out at.
They could be citywide, statewide, state wide, countrywide, they may
(05:29):
be global international. We don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But there's a lot of money. Now, if he.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Farting, I'm assuming he started having kids around twenty eighteen,
maybe that means he's still paying child support.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
You'll see. That's where he don't want no more kids.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
See, y'all may be financially stable, but that child support
choking homie, that's your problem right there. Now you say, yes,
I know, that's a lot of kids, but you want
to try for another one because you're thirty two and
he forty. He say too old to have more kids.
That's not true. You can have more kids past forty.
Now you don't got a boy, and you want a boy.
(06:13):
And always you always told him you wanted three kids.
And now y'all ain't having sex because he say he
don't want to get me pregnant. If we do have sex,
he buy me to plan bet pill to avoid any
possible pregnance, and you take the damn pill.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
But this man make buying a pill, making you take
it standing there, watch you swallow it. This ain't no marriage.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
All right, hang on to that thought, Steve. We have more.
We'll have part two of your response when we come
back at twenty three after the hour. Today's Strawberry Letters
subject to my best friend is just trying to help
out here. Okay, we'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening, Steve Hardy Morning Show. All right, Steve, let's
recap today's Strawberry Letters subject my best friend is just
(07:00):
trying to help out.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Yeah, you got this husband you've been married to. Y'all
got two kids, but he got five other kids. You
want another baby because you want to try for a boy.
You thirty two, he forty. He say he too old
to half kids. You told him when y'all got married,
y'all want to have three kids. He say he ain't
having it, And y'all don't hardly have sex because he
don't want to get you pregnant. Then when you do
have sex, he buy a pill to play and be
(07:24):
pill and make you take it to avoid any possible pregnancies.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
You asked this.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Fool, could you adopt? And he still said no, I'm
starting to resent rup. My husband's causing a strain under
our relationship because you want another baby. Now you say
you're financially stable. Now here's the problem. You went to
your best friend who happens to be a man. He
offered his spurn hard let's stop right here. Anybody got
(07:55):
problem with this? Here?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, sin, we'll offer his spurn both men.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I know he is willing to offer spurm. That's where
the term sperm donor came from. Because matter fact, we
like giving it up so much, we'll give it to
people we don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
We don't even have to care about you. We have
extra we want to donate it to you.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Now, your damn best friend, who is a man, then
told you that he'll offer you his sperm. And then,
as you said in the letter, as you know, he
would donate the sperm and sex would not be involved.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Lady, that's what he said.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But he your best friend because he's attracted to you,
and now he's so attracted to you, he said, I
donate my spurm.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
He been wanting to say this all along.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
This is just the topic that then came up, and
you said, as you know, he would donate the sperm
and sex would not be involved.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Well, sex might not be involved, but you're gonna have
to get that sperm though.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Hello at church, say, man, you might not have that,
but you gotta get it, and you can't leave it
where it is. To have it got to come out. Hello,
How you think we're gonna get it out of the
(09:31):
little house.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
He live in.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
No, I'm dead serious. Something got to happen. You stop
all this. He we don't have to have sex. We're
gonna have something now. Then your crazy ass went in
the house told your husband about your best friend's offer.
Your husband flipped, was highly upset. He said this would
(09:59):
be committing a sound like it to me because he
ain't real show what he mean by he want to
donate some spur because your husband got a real good idea.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Of what donating sperm mean.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
You'd be breaking the vials of the marriage because all
he says, y'all see is you having sex or getting
that sperm donated some kind of way and said he would.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Not accept the child as he is. Hell, it ain't.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
It ain't his baby, it's your best friend's baby. He
also said he divorced you if you bought it up again.
Now you think it's very unfair because he won't give
me another baby. It's my body and if I want
another baby, I should be able to get pregnant to
have a baby. Lady, you are one hundred percent correct now,
Shirley said this right here. It won't be with this
(10:44):
dude right here. Unless you just go on and have
sex with your husband and quit taking that damn pill.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Then you gonna have a baby. Then what he gonna do?
But then guess what.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Don't nobody really want to have a baby with somebody
that don't want a baby. But it happens all the time,
and you can act like some women and go, well,
he'll grow to love the child. He might, But he
might quit loving you though, because he will be resembful
because he'd have sold all his wireloads with all these
(11:19):
other chicks and got these five other kids. Now he
want to shut it down, and you done told him
you want three. You should be able to get pregnant
and have a baby. But surely's right, probably won't be
with this dude right here? And am I wrong here?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Please help me? Well, if you want to have another
baby and he don't, you gonna.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Have to go have another baby, and you do have
the right, but I think you told your husband you
wanted three kids in the beginning. Now somewhere along the
line this child support whooping his ass. He don't see it,
so now he is issuing ultimatums. But the biggest mistake
you made was his sperm donor conversation with your husband,
(11:58):
because now he got a platform for him to stand on.
That ain't got nothing to do with the pregnancy or
the baby. Now he didn't use this divorce to really
shut you down. It's a cold, tricky pulling on you.
What it's working because you done wrote in a letter.
I don't know what to tell you, ma'am, but it
(12:19):
don't look like you'll be having a baby with your husband.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And don't leave your.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Husband for your best friend, please, and do not take
your best friend. Spur and your loan is some sperm
to I get on my that's all. She's okay, you
some spur, All right, look, all right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You can post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on
Instagram and Facebook at Steve Harvey FM.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Way to God, I'll give it right back.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Don't forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.
You're listening Harvey Morning Show
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