November 11, 2021 • 26 mins
Two podcasters walk into a sex shop and encounter...SEXISM?? Anney and Samantha sip on some drinks and share some personal experiences, some history and some facts.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Danny and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
I never told you production about iHeart Radio. I was
a little gruffy, there was it. I was not you
meff Oh you know what gruffy is definitely a word. Well,
(00:30):
gruffy is just fine for this Happy Hour episode, which
is going to be a fun, interesting one. But I
do want to put a content morning in here. We
are going to be talking about sex toys, yes today,
so you know you might want to take a listen
if there's any younger people in your life that also listen,
(00:52):
which is so cool and hello, but you know, maybe
give it a listen before you let them check it out.
And he says, I it is with these Happy Hour episodes.
Thank you for joining us. Drink responsibly if you choose
to do so. Samantha, what are you sipping on? I
decided to just be real. Is it basic for me
to do rum and diet coke with a little splash
(01:14):
of lime? Is that basically it sounds good to me?
Basic or not? It sounds lovely. I just see a
little something peppy like caffeine to go with the liquor portion.
But yes, this is what I'm drinking. For my winter cocktail.
That's not I think it's a cocktail all the way.
(01:35):
I in my continuing effort to get rid of some
things that I have a lot of them, drinking bourbon
and contro quintro contrue orange liqueur and lime and soda water.
Which is interesting because, as I told Samantha, my landlord,
(01:56):
my water is off and it has been off for
about two days. It so he turns it back on
at night. But yes, yes, so it's like a real
planning gang of things. Uh So, anyway, it's gonna be
an interesting day for me because he I went to
(02:17):
go fill up my water and totally forgot. I can't
do it, can't do it right now. But yes, we
are talking about sex toys today, and this was on
my mind because I was just thinking something we talked
about it past episode. I can't remember what, but it
made me think about my experience buying my first sex toy,
(02:42):
and I was curious if that was most people's experiences.
So I have said before, I did not know women
could masturbate until college. Um, I think that's very demonstrative
as to how little we talk about women's pleasure and
women's bodies. But I did not know it was the thing.
(03:03):
And then when I was in college, I was going
to move to China, and a friend in China said, advice,
BI sex story and bring it with you. And so
I asked all of these women at a party for
their advice, and they all had these recommendations and all
(03:24):
these things I should look for. I happened to live
across the street to my parents extreme displeasure from an
insurrection sex toy store, and the night I would see
the blue and pink flashing lights, and so I went
over there and I was just completely overwhelmed. And I
went with two friends, but I was just like, I'm
pretty sure, very obvious that I'd never been before, that
(03:47):
I didn't really know what I was doing. And I
chose something that was in my price range that looked easy,
easy to operate. And when I checked out, the place
was drawn by a man and he was kind of
following me around as I was shopping and putting things out,
(04:08):
and it made me really uncomfortable, to be honest, And
when I was checking out, um, he showed me how
to operate it and like put in the batteries and
did the whole thing, and I was just so embarrassed,
and he was he was giving a smile that like,
I don't know if I was reading too much into it,
but felt very like leering looking back. And I was
(04:28):
just thinking about that experience, and actually the six story
turned out to be great, Um, it was a great purchase,
but just thinking about that experience of buying it, and
I was like, I wonder if that's kind of what
the situation is. Because they have been since then, obviously
to other obviously to other sex story stores, and I've
had some different experiences, and I've just felt better when
(04:51):
it's women who were the person selling, selling me on something,
or telling me about something. But what do you mind
sharing your first experience buying a sex story? So at
the so I have two different stories because I absolutely
knew about masturbation because I was very sexualized at a
very young age. We know this conversation moving on. However,
(05:15):
my first actual experience in a sex shop was in
Paris and I went with a super nice guy. He
was in my hostel room, and it was really funny
because this whole story was I went to bed, no
one was in there. I woke up, dude was staring
at me. Shirtless, and I was like, what the hell
(05:36):
is happening and he was like, hey, there, how are you?
Very sweet, very gay, young white dude who just came
by himself and was so excited to meet somebody. Turns
out he was so nice. We became really good friends.
I think this was my second time through. I was
trying to leave France at this point. They trying to
(05:56):
leave Europe and go back home. So I've gone through
Paris only back to Paris to England, and this was
my second round through with the same hostile I've been
at before because I had such a great experience there.
They're super nice, and before then I had only had
one roommate. This one had like three or four, and
I was very confused about what was happening. And he
was so nice and he was like, we gotta go
(06:17):
do these things. And we had to go look because
the French openings were happening. So he's like, I need
to see I think it was Andy Roddick at this time.
He's like, I got I got a little cost shirt too,
and I just need to see if I can see him.
He was so excited, so we went there and then
I was talking about pretty much my naive experience of like,
I cannot believe we're this close to the red light
district and we were like within I think we were
(06:37):
in that community. We were in that area, and he
was like, oh my god, yeah, have you looked at
the sex shops? I was like, I've never gone to one.
Of course, he felt very horrified that a college graduate
had never been to a sex shop, so he immediately
took me in, and I was so horrified, so like,
because off again Paris red Light district, they market this
(07:00):
as being sexually open to everything, and obviously the tourists
know this area, so they're gonna pump up that whole
thing even more when in IM not gonna lie. I
blacked out. I can't exactly remember what was in there
because he was laughing at me the entire time, and
I was trying to get the apt so that I
(07:21):
didn't buy anything, because there was no way in hell
I'm gonna buy a virator, put it in my suitcase
and have someone searched through it, not doing it, not
doing it. So I didn't buy anything there. But the
experience was so great that, like, even though it was
so mortified at that time, so great I wouldn't change
(07:41):
that for a minute. Then I came into the US,
I really started thinking about my life, realized I've missed
some opportunities, kind of talked about roommate about it. My
roommate actually got me one. That's how we first started
because she was like, girl, girl, let me help you,
let me help you out. And it was great. It
was great. It was very basic, and every since then
(08:02):
I have never actually, now that I thinking about it,
I bought it in person. Everything is through mail for me,
and I've had some hit or missus. I will say
that I have as well. Um, I definitely have one
that was like highly recommended to me, but it's a
little too complicated for me. But I mean, as I've
said though, like not that I'm not open to exploring,
(08:24):
because I am, but I'm pretty like I can get
off pretty easy for a good amount of time. Yeah,
I can't help it. Look, I can't help it. Superpower
it is. It is one of my favorite pictures. If
you know, if we were a different network, not a
different network, a different show, i'd share it. But one
(08:44):
of my favorite pictures I've ever taken was I went
to this Harry Potter party and I was dressed this
her mine, and somehow in the night we ended up
at a sex story shop at the end, and so
I'm dressed this her mine in this sex story shop,
and I have a picture that I just happened to
snap at the perfect moment where I look so like
innocent and cute as her bonny and my friend is
vomiting right by all these vibrators love it. It was
(09:13):
quite a night. Now, I will say we've done past
episodes past us have done past episodes, and we've done
past episodes on the history of the vibrator, some of
(09:35):
the current issues. And we talked to the founder of
oh Say um, which is a type of sex toy,
and I hesitate because when in that conversation we talked
about why that term is problematic and kind of dismissive
of women's pleasure UM, and that's just something like we're
(09:57):
going to use that term, but that is a converse
station about like better terms that we could have. Also,
I was thinking about marital aids, like that's kind of
um an exclusionary and interesting term right for a lot
of this because again it hinges on like you have
to be married and then we're gonna talk a little
(10:20):
more about it, but the morality stuff about it, and
so if you rename it, maybe it's okay. Type of conversation. Um,
I know in the state of Georgia is complicated in itself.
But yeah, I know people who after they got married
it felt free to do such things, but buying it beforehand,
and part of my shame factor and not buying anything
(10:42):
and fearing myself out when it came to toys and
such is because we are taught in religious background that
this is a no no, a huge no no, and
for women even more so. And so this whole level
of shame factor in it. Yes, and by renaming it
nal Aids Against Commission, m hmm, it's such a weird,
(11:05):
like albeit purposeful technique to give someone permission you enjoy
themselves right right, right right, And that that again also
just implies like, you know, marriage is the only space
you should be having this kind of pleasure and this
kind of sex or yeah, any kind of any kind
of sexual experience. So when I had this question, my
(11:30):
main question was like, what is it in these sex shops?
Are they are they mostly run by men? Are they sexist? Um?
Spoiler alert, Yeah, pretty much, but we did want to
briefly go over some of the history very quickly, and
then some of the things that are going on now,
because despite a history of obstacles, sex toys are a
very big business. UM. A lot of times the policies
(11:52):
of banks and payment processing services don't allow anything in
the vicinity of adult oriented businesses is to use their service.
This hasn't stopped the industry, though, and the retail market
is estimated to be well on its way to being
worth fifty billion dollars. On top of that, popular properties
like broad City have their own sex stories, oh, their
(12:14):
own sex way lines. UM Target sells them now. I
know that made the news recently, and I believe a
couple of years ago I told this story. But I
was at home with my mom and we were getting
ready for Christmas and looking at this magazine she'd gotten
in the mail, and it was like lawnmower like all
this stuff, you know, And then we flip a page
and it's entire two pages of vibrators, and I took
(12:39):
a picture. I still have it because it was so surprising. Oh,
I mean, they've gone mainstream. Did your mom react? Oh? Yeah,
she did. She did but she was very much like, wow,
all right, good for the ladies, get what you need. Yeah, yeah.
(13:03):
So sex toys were first introduced directly to consumers in
the US at the beginning of the twentieth century, though
they were sold under euphemistic labels, often medical in nature.
We part of this and promising to improve a blood flow, which,
by the way, still kind of happens today, whether it's
a discrete packaging. I know it's a term. I hear
(13:25):
a lot when in referencing any of the sex toys
adult toys instead of saying sex because you don't want
to say sex, right right, Yeah, I mean we we
do hear a lot about the medical benefits, but now
that's much more of a like plus sexual pleasure, there
are medical benefits. But yeah, it was they were all
(13:46):
kinds of ads that were much more like trying to
hide what it was and being like, oh, this is
from medical purposes only. Uh. This started to change with
the sexual Revolution in the nineteen sixties, and people didn't
feel the need to hide hid anymore, or they want
to hide any more of the people often still had
to go into the so called red light districts to
get sex toys, The growing sex toy adult novelty industry
(14:11):
as it was called, was unsurprisingly ran by men. In
nineteen seventy six, the Doc Johnson brand Dad of California,
led by the then most successful pornographer in the US,
launched and quickly became a go to. Oh so many
euphemisms that would be cautious though so at the time,
(14:31):
a majority of the sex toys available were intended for
women or couples. Aside from blow up dolls and pocket
pussies the flesh Light, uh, they were not at all
marketed that way. In the words of Hailey Lieberman, a
dildo ographer with a PhD in the History of sex toys,
she says, a lot of the packaging was mail directed
(14:53):
in the nineteen sixties and the nineteen seventies, with sixty
women on it. Not surprising even the packaging of sex
toys and geared towards homosexual men. So the men who
didn't care about women women on it. Uh. And no
matter the product or the intended audience, the advertising and
packaging was laced with sexism and it's still kind of is.
(15:18):
But women in feminism started to get a foothold in
the industry and more and more like the feminist vibr
or business Eve's Garden and the first sex positive and
women friendly store, Good Vibrations. Where do we have anywhere
near us Good Vibrations? I don't know, we said, looking
just look into it, because all I see is Tokyo Valentino,
(15:38):
which took over Insurrection, which sounds very the Asian fetish
level of marketing, and I hate it, hate it. I
hate it. So in the nineteen eighties at home sex
toy parties, I started to become popular. I did go
to one of those. I forgot about that. Did you
go to one of those? Two? Yeah? I was so
(16:00):
naive and I think I hadn't had sex yet. They
really really the people who threw it did it for me,
and they said, like they really really found joy and
seeing how embarrassed I was, and so anytime they needed
to demonstrate something and I'm when I say demonstrate something,
it was a very sanitary. Uh, they were trying to
(16:22):
get me to do it. I'm like, why are you
doing this to me? Obviously I'm not the one, right, Yeah,
I think the wee Day it was a bridle, so
like a bachelor red type of thing or something, and uh,
I brought some lube and I have never used, but
I do still have it. I'm trying to remember if
(16:42):
I bought anything. I think it was just so embarrassed
because one of the things that I do remember them
giving out was the thing that's supposed to uh allow
you to have oral sex and not get like a
flavor numbing agent that was supposed to help you. And
I remember like we all kind of tasted it and
(17:03):
it did like none of you a little bit. But
I was like, what what is this? So that a
lot of things I do remember that, Yeah, miss game,
if I remember it correctly, I mean, always look into
those kinds of things. Silicon and sex stories became popular
(17:33):
by the nineties. Reuben Sterman, the so called Walt Disney
of porn, controlled much of the distribution, and his business
was largely focused on sex stories important. So again like
a man running a lot of this industry, Yes, And
I was hoping we could talk about this. Of course,
in a Sex and the City episode which we will
(17:55):
come to featured a plot line with a Charlotte and
the Rabbit vibrator and nor realizing sex toys even more
and the business for that specific toy Sky rocketed, and
even to the point that, yes, they brought on the
most naive, innocent of characters to be the one that
falls to the trap of a rabbit saying that she
(18:18):
didn't need a man because he was the rabbit was
so consistent and got her off every time. My big
complaint about that whole episode is it was obviously like
she cancels on them, will come to it and hides
the vibrator, and they kind of man handle this vibrator.
I'm like, yo, that's not that's nasty. Don't be touching that.
(18:40):
I always had an issue with that whole scene. Yeah. Yeah.
And Samantha's hinting at our forthcoming sex in the City
Watch party series, which you talked about a lot, and
it is happening. I don't know when, So that's like
pretty close in the earlier y'all. It's gonna be fun
(19:01):
because some surprises along the way. Oh my god. Yes,
I will say in that conversation I had with the
women at the party about what I should buy, which
I really appreciate it, and I thought it was a
great instance of women like women I didn't even know
and something I did, but like people coming out to
help me and be like, you should buy this, should
buy this. A lot of people said the rabbit or
(19:22):
some type of rabbit, and I think Sex and City
might have been part of that. Uh, there's also the dolphin,
which is similar to the rebit. If you so choose
to use a different creature, different creature. I guess we
should say we're not sponsored by anybody we're talking about currently.
I do need to ask did you buy the say?
(19:45):
I did it? God? Yeah, personal didn't. I need I
need to look into it. Okay, keep going, Shall I
go down the list of maybe a future episode? But okay,
so we've got this normalization of of women using these items,
but still we do have a huge hang up around
(20:07):
female pleasure. Recently we saw ces provoking an award from
a sex story that won, and again sex story feels
so like minimal compared. This item had patents like eight
patterns if I remember correctly around it, and then cs
unrevoked the whole thing and then they apologized it was
a big deal. We did a whole episode on it,
(20:28):
and then we did a follow up episode on it.
We did talk about it in the episode we did
with oh Say, and a lot of the advertising as
you said, Samantha is still very very sexist, and a
lot of it is fat phobic, agist, body shaming. A
lot of women who enter the industry have said it's
very slut shaming to them in a way that it
is not to their male counterparts. Right, and as like
(20:51):
social media has kind of grown too, uh, it's interesting
to see how the men will comment and really be
visibly I guess angry because that like they're typing out
the comments about how this is so bad, and it's
typically men just being angry about it, and it's like
very in so e we'll say that when I see
these comments, um so as of sene of sex toys
(21:15):
industries belong to men, even harder to get into the
business for women of color, and we've seen that in
every route. I think, even when there are businesses by women,
unless it's a woman of color who runs these industries,
it's still hard for women of color to be a
part of it, no matter what I think. There was
a complaint at one point it spanks. Even though it's
an amazing company and they are fairly diverse. The handful
(21:39):
of women that you could see when they had their
like announcement for the giant like giving away and it's
a beautiful thing. She treats her employees really well, it seems,
but you can only see like a handful of black women,
a few Asian women. You're like, okay, but a whole
other story. Yes, some stores have women in trans hours only, though,
(22:03):
with the option of buying sex toys at places like
Target and Amazon, this has threatened the existence of feminist
sex toys shops, with which has been a big topic
of conversation lately. Right, which is partish really why I
also do it online? Then there are laws, and it
wasn't until two thousand eight. The nineteen seventy three Obscene
Device Law was declared unconstitutional. But laws in Alabama and
(22:28):
Georgia outlaws sex toys, and that includes vibrators. And yeah,
if you go and look, everything is very obviously like
it has to be blacked out. You can't have any
advertisements for it. It can't be called I don't think
it can be called sex toys. Is called it has
to be called novelties even today. Yes, yeah, and I
mean that just compounds. If you're already nervous, or you're
(22:50):
already unsure, you feel ashamed of your body, you're like pleasure,
then this is just telling you, like, oh yeah, you
should be like obscene. It's against the wall. It's a
weird black bag that you have to use when you
check out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I mean that's that's
(23:11):
kind of what I wanted to talk about. Is I
feel like it's still as much as we've made a
lot of ground, and if we're talking about it, more
and more women are getting into it. When I look
back on my experience buying the first my first sex story,
just I just felt so sexualized in there, right, even
though for me, yeah, and and all the movies are
(23:33):
depicted and I think for the most part, I would
say probably I'll run these lines because there was definitely
a Buzzfeld article about a dude who weren't there and
kind of like, you know, his experience there, But many
of them just seemed bored and like I really could
care less. All Yeah. I feel like that was a
special level of humph for him to explain all those
things because even like maybe like the few times I've
(23:55):
heard people going I did actually go with I did.
I did go with a friend to help her find
a sex toy because she was having some complications of
like let's go do this, we'll buy it together. They
could care less. They're like, yeah, it works. You can't
bring it back like that, right. Oh yeah, they're very
they're very key on that, and I get it, but
you cannot bring it back. Yeah. Well, and that was
(24:19):
my curiosity because I've only been like a handful of times.
No matter what I'm making it sound like, but I
just I just remember so clearly that first time in
thinking like, you know, no wonder women right have troubled it,
and I'm so glad I had like two friends is
back up? That does seem like it's changing? Um I did?
I found these like list of etiquette and tips for
(24:40):
anybody who hasn't gone, and maybe as curious. If you're
really worried, you can call ahead for rules, and the
rules are generally like don't ask about the employees preferences
or sex lives, Like maybe they'll offer something about that
to you, but they don't want anything about that to you. Yeah,
if it's your first time and you're really nervous, ask
for an overview of the store and then go in
(25:01):
kind of thinking about your own experience and what you want.
It doesn't have to be super like firm, especially if
you're new and you're not sure, but just kind of
think about those things and you you won't feel as
overwhelmed as idea when I first walked in where I
was like, maybe I should just walk right back out.
I don't know that I should be in here. Yes,
(25:21):
So cheers Samantha, cheers friend, cheers to you listeners, and
Cheer's your Christina whose birthday it is? Today's your court
that happy birthday. Yes, yes, and as always, we would
love to hear from you if you would like to email,
as you can our emails Stuff Media, mom Stuff at
iHeart media dot com. You can find us on Twitter
(25:43):
at mom Stuff podcast or Instagram and stuff I've Never
told you. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina
Birthday Girl, Yes ed, thanks to you for listening so
I never told you. His protection of I Heart Radio
for more podcast. When I hear radio, is I hear radio?
App Apple podcast already listen to your favorite
Hey, this is Danny and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
I never told you production about iHeart Radio. I was
a little gruffy, there was it. I was not you
meff Oh you know what gruffy is definitely a word. Well,
(00:30):
gruffy is just fine for this Happy Hour episode, which
is going to be a fun, interesting one. But I
do want to put a content morning in here. We
are going to be talking about sex toys, yes today,
so you know you might want to take a listen
if there's any younger people in your life that also listen,
(00:52):
which is so cool and hello, but you know, maybe
give it a listen before you let them check it out.
And he says, I it is with these Happy Hour episodes.
Thank you for joining us. Drink responsibly if you choose
to do so. Samantha, what are you sipping on? I
decided to just be real. Is it basic for me
to do rum and diet coke with a little splash
(01:14):
of lime? Is that basically it sounds good to me?
Basic or not? It sounds lovely. I just see a
little something peppy like caffeine to go with the liquor portion.
But yes, this is what I'm drinking. For my winter cocktail.
That's not I think it's a cocktail all the way.
(01:35):
I in my continuing effort to get rid of some
things that I have a lot of them, drinking bourbon
and contro quintro contrue orange liqueur and lime and soda water.
Which is interesting because, as I told Samantha, my landlord,
(01:56):
my water is off and it has been off for
about two days. It so he turns it back on
at night. But yes, yes, so it's like a real
planning gang of things. Uh So, anyway, it's gonna be
an interesting day for me because he I went to
(02:17):
go fill up my water and totally forgot. I can't
do it, can't do it right now. But yes, we
are talking about sex toys today, and this was on
my mind because I was just thinking something we talked
about it past episode. I can't remember what, but it
made me think about my experience buying my first sex toy,
(02:42):
and I was curious if that was most people's experiences.
So I have said before, I did not know women
could masturbate until college. Um, I think that's very demonstrative
as to how little we talk about women's pleasure and
women's bodies. But I did not know it was the thing.
(03:03):
And then when I was in college, I was going
to move to China, and a friend in China said, advice,
BI sex story and bring it with you. And so
I asked all of these women at a party for
their advice, and they all had these recommendations and all
(03:24):
these things I should look for. I happened to live
across the street to my parents extreme displeasure from an
insurrection sex toy store, and the night I would see
the blue and pink flashing lights, and so I went
over there and I was just completely overwhelmed. And I
went with two friends, but I was just like, I'm
pretty sure, very obvious that I'd never been before, that
(03:47):
I didn't really know what I was doing. And I
chose something that was in my price range that looked easy,
easy to operate. And when I checked out, the place
was drawn by a man and he was kind of
following me around as I was shopping and putting things out,
(04:08):
and it made me really uncomfortable, to be honest, And
when I was checking out, um, he showed me how
to operate it and like put in the batteries and
did the whole thing, and I was just so embarrassed,
and he was he was giving a smile that like,
I don't know if I was reading too much into it,
but felt very like leering looking back. And I was
(04:28):
just thinking about that experience, and actually the six story
turned out to be great, Um, it was a great purchase,
but just thinking about that experience of buying it, and
I was like, I wonder if that's kind of what
the situation is. Because they have been since then, obviously
to other obviously to other sex story stores, and I've
had some different experiences, and I've just felt better when
(04:51):
it's women who were the person selling, selling me on something,
or telling me about something. But what do you mind
sharing your first experience buying a sex story? So at
the so I have two different stories because I absolutely
knew about masturbation because I was very sexualized at a
very young age. We know this conversation moving on. However,
(05:15):
my first actual experience in a sex shop was in
Paris and I went with a super nice guy. He
was in my hostel room, and it was really funny
because this whole story was I went to bed, no
one was in there. I woke up, dude was staring
at me. Shirtless, and I was like, what the hell
(05:36):
is happening and he was like, hey, there, how are you?
Very sweet, very gay, young white dude who just came
by himself and was so excited to meet somebody. Turns
out he was so nice. We became really good friends.
I think this was my second time through. I was
trying to leave France at this point. They trying to
(05:56):
leave Europe and go back home. So I've gone through
Paris only back to Paris to England, and this was
my second round through with the same hostile I've been
at before because I had such a great experience there.
They're super nice, and before then I had only had
one roommate. This one had like three or four, and
I was very confused about what was happening. And he
was so nice and he was like, we gotta go
(06:17):
do these things. And we had to go look because
the French openings were happening. So he's like, I need
to see I think it was Andy Roddick at this time.
He's like, I got I got a little cost shirt too,
and I just need to see if I can see him.
He was so excited, so we went there and then
I was talking about pretty much my naive experience of like,
I cannot believe we're this close to the red light
district and we were like within I think we were
(06:37):
in that community. We were in that area, and he
was like, oh my god, yeah, have you looked at
the sex shops? I was like, I've never gone to one.
Of course, he felt very horrified that a college graduate
had never been to a sex shop, so he immediately
took me in, and I was so horrified, so like,
because off again Paris red Light district, they market this
(07:00):
as being sexually open to everything, and obviously the tourists
know this area, so they're gonna pump up that whole
thing even more when in IM not gonna lie. I
blacked out. I can't exactly remember what was in there
because he was laughing at me the entire time, and
I was trying to get the apt so that I
(07:21):
didn't buy anything, because there was no way in hell
I'm gonna buy a virator, put it in my suitcase
and have someone searched through it, not doing it, not
doing it. So I didn't buy anything there. But the
experience was so great that, like, even though it was
so mortified at that time, so great I wouldn't change
(07:41):
that for a minute. Then I came into the US,
I really started thinking about my life, realized I've missed
some opportunities, kind of talked about roommate about it. My
roommate actually got me one. That's how we first started
because she was like, girl, girl, let me help you,
let me help you out. And it was great. It
was great. It was very basic, and every since then
(08:02):
I have never actually, now that I thinking about it,
I bought it in person. Everything is through mail for me,
and I've had some hit or missus. I will say
that I have as well. Um, I definitely have one
that was like highly recommended to me, but it's a
little too complicated for me. But I mean, as I've
said though, like not that I'm not open to exploring,
(08:24):
because I am, but I'm pretty like I can get
off pretty easy for a good amount of time. Yeah,
I can't help it. Look, I can't help it. Superpower
it is. It is one of my favorite pictures. If
you know, if we were a different network, not a
different network, a different show, i'd share it. But one
(08:44):
of my favorite pictures I've ever taken was I went
to this Harry Potter party and I was dressed this
her mine, and somehow in the night we ended up
at a sex story shop at the end, and so
I'm dressed this her mine in this sex story shop,
and I have a picture that I just happened to
snap at the perfect moment where I look so like
innocent and cute as her bonny and my friend is
vomiting right by all these vibrators love it. It was
(09:13):
quite a night. Now, I will say we've done past
episodes past us have done past episodes, and we've done
past episodes on the history of the vibrator, some of
(09:35):
the current issues. And we talked to the founder of
oh Say um, which is a type of sex toy,
and I hesitate because when in that conversation we talked
about why that term is problematic and kind of dismissive
of women's pleasure UM, and that's just something like we're
(09:57):
going to use that term, but that is a converse
station about like better terms that we could have. Also,
I was thinking about marital aids, like that's kind of
um an exclusionary and interesting term right for a lot
of this because again it hinges on like you have
to be married and then we're gonna talk a little
(10:20):
more about it, but the morality stuff about it, and
so if you rename it, maybe it's okay. Type of conversation. Um,
I know in the state of Georgia is complicated in itself.
But yeah, I know people who after they got married
it felt free to do such things, but buying it beforehand,
and part of my shame factor and not buying anything
(10:42):
and fearing myself out when it came to toys and
such is because we are taught in religious background that
this is a no no, a huge no no, and
for women even more so. And so this whole level
of shame factor in it. Yes, and by renaming it
nal Aids Against Commission, m hmm, it's such a weird,
(11:05):
like albeit purposeful technique to give someone permission you enjoy
themselves right right, right right, And that that again also
just implies like, you know, marriage is the only space
you should be having this kind of pleasure and this
kind of sex or yeah, any kind of any kind
of sexual experience. So when I had this question, my
(11:30):
main question was like, what is it in these sex shops?
Are they are they mostly run by men? Are they sexist? Um?
Spoiler alert, Yeah, pretty much, but we did want to
briefly go over some of the history very quickly, and
then some of the things that are going on now,
because despite a history of obstacles, sex toys are a
very big business. UM. A lot of times the policies
(11:52):
of banks and payment processing services don't allow anything in
the vicinity of adult oriented businesses is to use their service.
This hasn't stopped the industry, though, and the retail market
is estimated to be well on its way to being
worth fifty billion dollars. On top of that, popular properties
like broad City have their own sex stories, oh, their
(12:14):
own sex way lines. UM Target sells them now. I
know that made the news recently, and I believe a
couple of years ago I told this story. But I
was at home with my mom and we were getting
ready for Christmas and looking at this magazine she'd gotten
in the mail, and it was like lawnmower like all
this stuff, you know, And then we flip a page
and it's entire two pages of vibrators, and I took
(12:39):
a picture. I still have it because it was so surprising. Oh,
I mean, they've gone mainstream. Did your mom react? Oh? Yeah,
she did. She did but she was very much like, wow,
all right, good for the ladies, get what you need. Yeah, yeah.
(13:03):
So sex toys were first introduced directly to consumers in
the US at the beginning of the twentieth century, though
they were sold under euphemistic labels, often medical in nature.
We part of this and promising to improve a blood flow, which,
by the way, still kind of happens today, whether it's
a discrete packaging. I know it's a term. I hear
(13:25):
a lot when in referencing any of the sex toys
adult toys instead of saying sex because you don't want
to say sex, right right, Yeah, I mean we we
do hear a lot about the medical benefits, but now
that's much more of a like plus sexual pleasure, there
are medical benefits. But yeah, it was they were all
(13:46):
kinds of ads that were much more like trying to
hide what it was and being like, oh, this is
from medical purposes only. Uh. This started to change with
the sexual Revolution in the nineteen sixties, and people didn't
feel the need to hide hid anymore, or they want
to hide any more of the people often still had
to go into the so called red light districts to
get sex toys, The growing sex toy adult novelty industry
(14:11):
as it was called, was unsurprisingly ran by men. In
nineteen seventy six, the Doc Johnson brand Dad of California,
led by the then most successful pornographer in the US,
launched and quickly became a go to. Oh so many
euphemisms that would be cautious though so at the time,
(14:31):
a majority of the sex toys available were intended for
women or couples. Aside from blow up dolls and pocket
pussies the flesh Light, uh, they were not at all
marketed that way. In the words of Hailey Lieberman, a
dildo ographer with a PhD in the History of sex toys,
she says, a lot of the packaging was mail directed
(14:53):
in the nineteen sixties and the nineteen seventies, with sixty
women on it. Not surprising even the packaging of sex
toys and geared towards homosexual men. So the men who
didn't care about women women on it. Uh. And no
matter the product or the intended audience, the advertising and
packaging was laced with sexism and it's still kind of is.
(15:18):
But women in feminism started to get a foothold in
the industry and more and more like the feminist vibr
or business Eve's Garden and the first sex positive and
women friendly store, Good Vibrations. Where do we have anywhere
near us Good Vibrations? I don't know, we said, looking
just look into it, because all I see is Tokyo Valentino,
(15:38):
which took over Insurrection, which sounds very the Asian fetish
level of marketing, and I hate it, hate it. I
hate it. So in the nineteen eighties at home sex
toy parties, I started to become popular. I did go
to one of those. I forgot about that. Did you
go to one of those? Two? Yeah? I was so
(16:00):
naive and I think I hadn't had sex yet. They
really really the people who threw it did it for me,
and they said, like they really really found joy and
seeing how embarrassed I was, and so anytime they needed
to demonstrate something and I'm when I say demonstrate something,
it was a very sanitary. Uh, they were trying to
(16:22):
get me to do it. I'm like, why are you
doing this to me? Obviously I'm not the one, right, Yeah,
I think the wee Day it was a bridle, so
like a bachelor red type of thing or something, and uh,
I brought some lube and I have never used, but
I do still have it. I'm trying to remember if
(16:42):
I bought anything. I think it was just so embarrassed
because one of the things that I do remember them
giving out was the thing that's supposed to uh allow
you to have oral sex and not get like a
flavor numbing agent that was supposed to help you. And
I remember like we all kind of tasted it and
(17:03):
it did like none of you a little bit. But
I was like, what what is this? So that a
lot of things I do remember that, Yeah, miss game,
if I remember it correctly, I mean, always look into
those kinds of things. Silicon and sex stories became popular
(17:33):
by the nineties. Reuben Sterman, the so called Walt Disney
of porn, controlled much of the distribution, and his business
was largely focused on sex stories important. So again like
a man running a lot of this industry, Yes, And
I was hoping we could talk about this. Of course,
in a Sex and the City episode which we will
(17:55):
come to featured a plot line with a Charlotte and
the Rabbit vibrator and nor realizing sex toys even more
and the business for that specific toy Sky rocketed, and
even to the point that, yes, they brought on the
most naive, innocent of characters to be the one that
falls to the trap of a rabbit saying that she
(18:18):
didn't need a man because he was the rabbit was
so consistent and got her off every time. My big
complaint about that whole episode is it was obviously like
she cancels on them, will come to it and hides
the vibrator, and they kind of man handle this vibrator.
I'm like, yo, that's not that's nasty. Don't be touching that.
(18:40):
I always had an issue with that whole scene. Yeah. Yeah.
And Samantha's hinting at our forthcoming sex in the City
Watch party series, which you talked about a lot, and
it is happening. I don't know when, So that's like
pretty close in the earlier y'all. It's gonna be fun
(19:01):
because some surprises along the way. Oh my god. Yes,
I will say in that conversation I had with the
women at the party about what I should buy, which
I really appreciate it, and I thought it was a
great instance of women like women I didn't even know
and something I did, but like people coming out to
help me and be like, you should buy this, should
buy this. A lot of people said the rabbit or
(19:22):
some type of rabbit, and I think Sex and City
might have been part of that. Uh, there's also the dolphin,
which is similar to the rebit. If you so choose
to use a different creature, different creature. I guess we
should say we're not sponsored by anybody we're talking about currently.
I do need to ask did you buy the say?
(19:45):
I did it? God? Yeah, personal didn't. I need I
need to look into it. Okay, keep going, Shall I
go down the list of maybe a future episode? But okay,
so we've got this normalization of of women using these items,
but still we do have a huge hang up around
(20:07):
female pleasure. Recently we saw ces provoking an award from
a sex story that won, and again sex story feels
so like minimal compared. This item had patents like eight
patterns if I remember correctly around it, and then cs
unrevoked the whole thing and then they apologized it was
a big deal. We did a whole episode on it,
(20:28):
and then we did a follow up episode on it.
We did talk about it in the episode we did
with oh Say, and a lot of the advertising as
you said, Samantha is still very very sexist, and a
lot of it is fat phobic, agist, body shaming. A
lot of women who enter the industry have said it's
very slut shaming to them in a way that it
is not to their male counterparts. Right, and as like
(20:51):
social media has kind of grown too, uh, it's interesting
to see how the men will comment and really be
visibly I guess angry because that like they're typing out
the comments about how this is so bad, and it's
typically men just being angry about it, and it's like
very in so e we'll say that when I see
these comments, um so as of sene of sex toys
(21:15):
industries belong to men, even harder to get into the
business for women of color, and we've seen that in
every route. I think, even when there are businesses by women,
unless it's a woman of color who runs these industries,
it's still hard for women of color to be a
part of it, no matter what I think. There was
a complaint at one point it spanks. Even though it's
an amazing company and they are fairly diverse. The handful
(21:39):
of women that you could see when they had their
like announcement for the giant like giving away and it's
a beautiful thing. She treats her employees really well, it seems,
but you can only see like a handful of black women,
a few Asian women. You're like, okay, but a whole
other story. Yes, some stores have women in trans hours only, though,
(22:03):
with the option of buying sex toys at places like
Target and Amazon, this has threatened the existence of feminist
sex toys shops, with which has been a big topic
of conversation lately. Right, which is partish really why I
also do it online? Then there are laws, and it
wasn't until two thousand eight. The nineteen seventy three Obscene
Device Law was declared unconstitutional. But laws in Alabama and
(22:28):
Georgia outlaws sex toys, and that includes vibrators. And yeah,
if you go and look, everything is very obviously like
it has to be blacked out. You can't have any
advertisements for it. It can't be called I don't think
it can be called sex toys. Is called it has
to be called novelties even today. Yes, yeah, and I
mean that just compounds. If you're already nervous, or you're
(22:50):
already unsure, you feel ashamed of your body, you're like pleasure,
then this is just telling you, like, oh yeah, you
should be like obscene. It's against the wall. It's a
weird black bag that you have to use when you
check out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I mean that's that's
(23:11):
kind of what I wanted to talk about. Is I
feel like it's still as much as we've made a
lot of ground, and if we're talking about it, more
and more women are getting into it. When I look
back on my experience buying the first my first sex story,
just I just felt so sexualized in there, right, even
though for me, yeah, and and all the movies are
(23:33):
depicted and I think for the most part, I would
say probably I'll run these lines because there was definitely
a Buzzfeld article about a dude who weren't there and
kind of like, you know, his experience there, But many
of them just seemed bored and like I really could
care less. All Yeah. I feel like that was a
special level of humph for him to explain all those
things because even like maybe like the few times I've
(23:55):
heard people going I did actually go with I did.
I did go with a friend to help her find
a sex toy because she was having some complications of
like let's go do this, we'll buy it together. They
could care less. They're like, yeah, it works. You can't
bring it back like that, right. Oh yeah, they're very
they're very key on that, and I get it, but
you cannot bring it back. Yeah. Well, and that was
(24:19):
my curiosity because I've only been like a handful of times.
No matter what I'm making it sound like, but I
just I just remember so clearly that first time in
thinking like, you know, no wonder women right have troubled it,
and I'm so glad I had like two friends is
back up? That does seem like it's changing? Um I did?
I found these like list of etiquette and tips for
(24:40):
anybody who hasn't gone, and maybe as curious. If you're
really worried, you can call ahead for rules, and the
rules are generally like don't ask about the employees preferences
or sex lives, Like maybe they'll offer something about that
to you, but they don't want anything about that to you. Yeah,
if it's your first time and you're really nervous, ask
for an overview of the store and then go in
(25:01):
kind of thinking about your own experience and what you want.
It doesn't have to be super like firm, especially if
you're new and you're not sure, but just kind of
think about those things and you you won't feel as
overwhelmed as idea when I first walked in where I
was like, maybe I should just walk right back out.
I don't know that I should be in here. Yes,
(25:21):
So cheers Samantha, cheers friend, cheers to you listeners, and
Cheer's your Christina whose birthday it is? Today's your court
that happy birthday. Yes, yes, and as always, we would
love to hear from you if you would like to email,
as you can our emails Stuff Media, mom Stuff at
iHeart media dot com. You can find us on Twitter
(25:43):
at mom Stuff podcast or Instagram and stuff I've Never
told you. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina
Birthday Girl, Yes ed, thanks to you for listening so
I never told you. His protection of I Heart Radio
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