May 24, 2021 • 20 mins
As we begin re-entering society, women are reporting low self-esteem around job performance and self-image. Anney and Samantha dig into the science of why that is, and how to deal with it.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to STEPHMO
never told you production of I Heart Radio. All right,
I have a question for you. Okay, what is something
that you did before the pandemic that you probably will
(00:25):
not do now? Yes? Now I was in right now,
or now I was in moving forward, moving forward, moving forward?
I probably I know we've talked about this some and
we're very fortunate and that this is an option. I
probably won't go into the office as much as I
did because I used to be like, pretty much every
day of the week, even if it wasn't necessary, I
(00:45):
went in to the office and outside of that. I'm
curious to see if this changes. But right now, I
don't think I'm going to have as many back to
back plans as many days of the week. Where it
used to be like I would be like, you're going
to this museum from this time to this time, and
(01:07):
then you're gonna go here from this time this time,
and every day was like that. I don't think that's
gonna be the case anymore, right Yeah, I think for me,
some things will be and I didn't do it too
much beforehand, but like food bars and I would go
to the Whole Foods and they have that food bar,
and I would I would go to town on that
side bar because they I love. They have chicken fried tofu,
(01:28):
probably one of my favorite things ever. As now, like,
I don't know if I'll ever do this again, because
it wasn't great to begin with. I mean, the little
sneeze guards that seemed like a great idea, but people
purposely go underneath that to get to things and I'm like, no, no, no,
And the one accepted was Whole Foods. And now I'm like,
(01:49):
I don't. I don't think I'll be doing that anymore.
The automatic hugs that will be less likely, as well
as sharing drinks with strangers. And I say this and
like if I got to know you, maybe the first
time I got to know you, but about an hour
and a half later, I'm like, oh you want to
try this? I didn't think much of it, but now
I'm like, huh yeah, no, yeah. And the reason I
(02:10):
was thinking about all of these things, of course, there
are other things that we're gonna do that I'm not
we're not doing right now, Like right now, I won't
dine indoors. Eventually will I absolutely, But the preference is
that I will be eating on the patio at all times,
and I'm very excited about that because you know, in
Georgia we only have like a month of where that
(02:31):
is actually not too hot, not too cold, not to
poliny right, that we can do that, but just the
overall idea of going out and being a part of
society again has me really really anxious. And I know
we talked about this before, and that made me think
about how our confidence or lack thereof, how has changed
since after the pandemic. And again I don't know about
(02:53):
anybody else, and yeah, like I said, I've talked about
this before, but as we're preparing to meet up with
people and mingle with pool, I've started to have a
lot of second thoughts on whether or not I even
want to go out in the first place, and whether
I have the emotional motivation or strength to actually do it.
And of course this has everything to do with not
just being a part of society again and just interacting
(03:17):
with people and just socializing, but also my confidence in
my job and then what we're doing it has really waned,
I feel like during the pandemic, which is hilarious because
we've upped our amount of episodes that we do on
a constant basis. I'm finally getting to the point of this,
like year three, yo, I can't remember right, year three
(03:40):
of me finally, you know, me kind of getting adjusted
to this new job. But I'm still having a lot
of anxiety. Of course, it didn't help that I clicked
onto some reviews the other day and it was not pretty.
I know everybody got onto me, including Holly from Stuff
You Miss in History Class and Caroline from Unladylike and
Tracy of Missing History Clouds. They're all like, stop doing that,
(04:02):
And I didn't mean to. I was actually trying to
do it for work and I just ended up clicking
on it, and of course a word caught my eyes,
so I was like, let me, let me see what
this is, son of It was a huge mistake. But
I'm not the only one. So I feel a little
bit better about this and a little sad about this.
And according to one research I Think Tank, they found
over seventy of women struggling with self esteem or self
(04:25):
love issues and it ranged from different reasons such as
financial reasons, um and yeah, we talked about this before,
especially when it comes to black women and Latino women,
they've been hit hardest when it comes to the job
crisis during the pandemic, and that same study found over
felt financially insecure and seventy one have had their financial
(04:45):
plans being completely affected due to the pandemic, and it
is not all because of finance, but also due to
not surprisingly the state of the world, things like politics,
the pandemic, and for some feeling like they have move
forward in their lives, whether it's personal or professional. And
according it to one statistic, the lowest ranking and self
(05:06):
esteem or self love is in South Korea, Saudi Arabia,
and surprisingly France, while Denmark, Australia, and the United States
break the highest, which could be more about who was
asked more than anything else. Always get the question those
kinds of studies and again not such a shock. It
has shown that people who are frequent users of social
media are more likely to have lower self esteem, but
(05:27):
it's also worth noting that many of the same people
have said they get more emotional support they need, and
there have been many different reports talking about the overall
effect of social media, especially in teenagers, when it comes
to them using these platforms, and that's not adding the
overall pressures of the dreaded Zoom meetings. According to study
done by Washington University in St. Louis, they didn't find
(05:49):
a decrease in self esteem, which I thought was surprising
because I every time I opened it up by dial
ittle inside. They said, quote counter to expectations, daily video
chatting hours was unassociated with appearance satisfaction, which aligns with
some work that suggests the specific social media activities, rather
than the total spent using it, predicts body dissatisfaction. And
(06:11):
the research continues Furthermore, daily video chatting hours was not
associated with self objectification or video chatting appearance comparisons, though
self objectifications moderated the relationship between total video chatting hours
and both satisfaction measures. So essentially, what they're saying is
they expected that to be a problem. They saying that
(06:32):
they felt that their self esteem was hit and all
these things, but they really didn't care. It didn't really change.
It just kind of was like, huh, okay, it happens,
moving on and again. Like I said, Hey, I don't
know about you, but I'm definitely not one of those
who feel fine with all the Zoom and Skye and
any of these things. Because when I pop up the
video and shows me how I look at that day,
I'm like, oh, yeah, I haven't looked in the mirror today.
(06:56):
But the one thing I do love is that I
can actually just turn off the hand run. So being
at a meeting without being at a meeting has been
really nice. And which, by the way, the study does
point out that many of those who participate in these
types of surveys did highlight that they really liked the
edit feature or that they could turn it off, and
that's part of the reasons. They're like, yeah, I can
change it if I want to. Yeah, I remember the
(07:20):
first time for I don't know the first time I
use zoom and I was just messing around with the
like edit my appearance feature. It's like, whoa, this is
why I'm not savvy enough, and I'm just like, just
turn it off, just turn it off. Well, I mean
it does reach a certain point. I mean, you gotta
have a light touch unless you want people to know like, oh, yeah,
(07:40):
she's got that edit my appearance function creak to the top.
And I'm guessing I didn't look into this that the
purchasing has increased for things like the ring light, which
a lot of people have now I have noticed to that.
I have noticed to that, and I actually have one
in here. I did not purchase it specifically for Zoom,
but I did move it from where it was into
(08:03):
here because I was like, well, if I'm gonna be
on camera all the time, ms, get the ring light out. However,
it's facing my wall more than my face, so not great.
But anyway, issues of body image have been a prevailing
theme throughout the pandemic as well. And honestly, yeah, I've
been uh stocking up a lot on ponchos and that
(08:26):
this is part of my now normal clothes closet because
you know, I'm preparing for the vast girl woman summer.
And yeah, new fashions cover up as much as I
can with as much material, but that doesn't make me
too hot. And ponchos they give you the options of
not having too long with sleeves. I should get out
of my Luke Skywalker pots. Are you haven't see me
in it yet? Samantha super cute. I love how people
(08:49):
always say it so ugly and I'm like, oh, I
think it looks so cute. Yeah, that's actually I haven't
had the chance to tell you this because it kind
of just happened, Samantha. But the other night a friend
of mine, a really good friend of mine, texted me
like nine pm and said, do you want to come
hang out at a bar that's near me? I'm here,
and I was like, what is this last minute plan?
And it's like, I know, I'm bringing them back and
(09:11):
I felt too gross and ugly to go outside. And
I couldn't say that because then he'd be like, come
on and being ridiculous. But that's what that was my
immediate like, And I know a lot of friends, women,
particularly in my group, that have said similar things. Right, Yeah,
One scientific journal found that stress and anxiety has increased
(09:32):
due to people's ideas around body image. There is this
defeat his attitude about what they should and should not
have accomplished while in quarantine. And again we see social
media and a lot of fat phobic content that feed
into this narrative that that's been a big conversation throughout
this whole thing. Right And according to the National Eating
Disorders Association, quote, people with negative body image have a
(09:53):
greater likelihood of developing and eating disorder. They are also
more likely to suffer from the feelings of depression, isolation,
low self esteem, and obsession with weight. And that's again
to say that this is this horror level of it's
not actually what your body looks like, but it's how
you're thinking on it and what is making you think
on it and a yeain and part of that is
this whole narrative that we've been talking about throughout our episodes.
(10:16):
And I know a lot of women in general are
talking about the fact that there's this feeling a failure
because we didn't We had all this time, and why
didn't you do this? And you could have done this
while you're there, and because we didn't or may not
have done it, we feel like we haven't met those expectations,
as well as that it becomes a moment of obsession
(10:36):
to it, like why didn't I do this? And all
this is my fault that I did this and all
these things. And I think we would definitely want to
add negative body image can affect anyone, so it doesn't
matter what you look like at all. Again, just the
preface that this is not about what you actually look like.
It's what you actually think in process and what's being
fed to you. Right and as we talked about earlier.
(10:58):
Financial issues have made many and insecure due to the pandemic,
but so has the overall level of job skill, which
can lead to burnout. According to CNBC and Survey Monkey
Women at Work survey that was conducted um February through
March of this year, just in case you're listening to
this in the future, at least fifty women said they
were suffering from burnout due to their jobs, and many
(11:20):
experts report it's the usual level of bias and lack
of fairness that many women have been dealing with for years,
added to the pandemic that is causing this increase of burnout.
And yeah, this isn't even talking about the unequal responsibility
laid on women in the household, which one report estimated
at least twenty additional hours of extra work was added
(11:41):
because of that household responsibility. Yeah, any how many hours
do you think a week you average for this job?
I will say it heavily depends on the week, but
it can go up to the fifty or sixty. And
in fact, I have a friend who uses an app.
We're almost like you're clocking and clocking out because we
do traditionally do that with our job, but just to
(12:02):
keep tracks so I know how many hours I am
putting in. Some weeks it's much less, for sure, but
because of the way our jobs are structured, and now
you're doing that at home, and these lines are blurred
between like home life and office life, and depending on
your state of mind, you might be working, you might
be working really early in the morning or at off hours,
(12:22):
so you're not thinking of it in that way, and
so it's really difficult to get a clear idea of
how much it is. Especially I don't know if you've
experienced this, but I feel like the hours just bleed
together and somehow, like I don't know if it's the
pandemic or stress, I feel like things are taking me
much longer than they used to take me. And I
(12:44):
can't really say what that is. I don't maybe it's
not even true, but it feels like I used to
be able to get all my work done and pretty
standard work time hours, and now it's like working weekends
isn't out of the that's pretty regular, right, And I
think that's part of the problem, and that we are
not addressing enough, especially when we talk about working from home,
(13:04):
especially when we're talking about salary jobs and why it
can be problematic because when you start dwindling down how
many hours you truly work, you're like, oh, I'm getting
paid five dollars an hour. That's right, that's not worth it.
And as in fact what you were talking about, why
it takes you longer. One of the workplace experts, Jennifer Moss,
actually stated that yes, burnout, which you may not even
realize you have, often leads to brain fog, fatigue, and
(13:28):
chronic stress and has made even small task like folding
laundry or unloading a dishwasher really exhausting, which means it
takes you a lot longer and it seems really hard
when it's like I've done this for so many years.
Why is this a problem now? And especially again when
we can't differentiate our regular hours versus work hours. And
(13:50):
you're better at getting on top of things than I am,
but you're not better at stopping. You don't limit yourself
and that is problematic for you. Um Me, I'll give
up sometimes, but it bleeds into my hour stretch. Over
a twelve hour I would work day, but I and
it maybe eight hours, but it may take me three
(14:10):
hours to do one of the tasks that should have
taken me thirty minutes, like I actually measured like this
should take me this long. It take me this long?
What did I just do? And part of that, especially
when I this kind of job to me is so
different because research seems so like college like that I
can't quite grasp professional versus research, which is again very
(14:31):
different from me from what I used to do, which
I would go in and have conference calls and you know,
different things like that. That was obviously like a different
level professional bits where I would do a documentation of interviews.
When I would do investigations, it was different. This researching things,
it seems like it's almost against school like, which meant
I would wait till the last minute, but do it
(14:51):
ham it within six hours. So my ideal discipline has
gone out the window and I have regressed to really
bad college habits for this job. So it's really weird.
But on top of that, again my confidence I feel
like it's shot because this is something that this kind
of job allows for a lot of people to critique it.
Outside of just your boss and ourselves. You have so
(15:13):
many people who have so many opinions that it makes
me so shell shocked that I feel like I can't
do my job properly and I don't have the confidence
to say that I have. Yeah, if that makes sense.
So it's a whole different thing, which again brings back
the whole like burnout stress where I get I quit. Yeah. Well,
(15:33):
and there's a lot we could unpack there, and I'm
sure we will in a future episode of just when
we have the conversation of you know, being feminist enough
or am I like is my voice worth hearing? And
then you get the critiques and then you get in
your head and then you doubt everything about yourself and
what you're doing, and then you have a pandemic and
you're like, I know I could do better, but I'm
so stressed right like this all this stuff, and I
(15:54):
will say for me also for the long work hours.
This is something I thought about when I was going
on a mental experiment of like what would happen if
I got fired today? And I was just thinking that
I do rely on work a lot um too as
a stress Like as stressful as it is, it also
distracts me from other like politics, or it gives me
(16:17):
something to do, so I use it in that way also,
So that that's another aspect of this whole thing. And yeah,
as we get back to whatever normal is, and many
would argue there is no real getting back to what
we assumed to be normal before the pandemic, it is
important to measure how you see yourself as in taking
(16:38):
care to not fall under the pressures and lies of
unrealistic expectations. We do have some advice on how to
care for yourself as we ease back into society and
as many of us have discussed, did the pressures of returning,
how to deal with those um the pressures returning to
putting the job first in a capitalistic society, so here
(17:00):
one letting things go. Prioritize what you need and the
best way for you to be productive. So most times
you can't do it all. That's unrealistic, unhealthy to think
that you have do and you you that's something that
you can do, and we have to prioritize in order
to be able to be productive. So that includes saying
no when you don't have the time to do it,
(17:21):
or just if you don't want to. So if they're
asking you to volunteer, don't say yes if you don't
want to. If you don't enjoy it. Why learn compassionate detachment,
which is defined as the quote manner in which we
relate to others when we allow them to deal with
their own problems, and therefore they're free to choose to
become responsible for their own issues. Also, you can say
(17:41):
it as you can observe but not absorb, so not
taking on those responsibilities. And here's a few ways to
do that. One retreat, remove yourself from that situation, if
it's not a situation you would be a part of,
or if it's not giving you good vibes, put down
that phone, walk away from that conversation, Go with high
in the closet if you need hiding is great. I
love doing that. Restore, whether it's going in a quiet
(18:04):
space like we talked about, taking some deep breaths, maybe
showering to wash off that negativity literally, or even a
much needed fifteen minute power nap. Who knows? What do
you evaluate? Is this person someone who is there for
you as much as you are there for them. You
need to really consider what this friendship is. Is it toxic?
Even this work relationship? Is it uplifting? In same as
(18:25):
any situation. Listen to your body, Listen to your instincts,
which is sometimes easier said than done. And I'm actually
really working on that. Taking time for yourself, so that
could be things like going outside, turning off your phone.
I just lost my phone, so I'm kind of dealing
with this right now, even though she's been out twice
(18:46):
since she's been vaccinated and lost her phone on the
second time the first time. That's true. That's true. Give
yourself breaks throughout the day, even if you are working
from home. Step away from your workspace and stay connected.
Find your people, stay connected with them, whether it's just
a quick text, exchange your chat. Restore yourself with the
(19:07):
people who know you and love you for who you are.
Ponchos and all, And yes, Samantha, even though your poncho
scared the crap out of me that one time because
it was hanging on a closet wall, you're still a
great friend of mine. It was my wearable comforter. That
is a giant poncho. But it's the size of a tent. Yeah,
(19:30):
because it's also very very thick. It looks like a
person just staring at you. It's true, that's what I thought,
and it's scared me. But to be fair, I am
easily scared so well. Listeners, please let us know if
you have any tips or tricks or thoughts. We love
hearing them all. You can email us at Stuff Media,
mom Stuff at I Hurt me dot com if you
(19:51):
can find us on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told
You or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as
always to our super producer Christina, Thank you, and thanks
to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You the
production of I Heeart Radio. For more podcast from iHeart Radio,
visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. H
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to STEPHMO
never told you production of I Heart Radio. All right,
I have a question for you. Okay, what is something
that you did before the pandemic that you probably will
(00:25):
not do now? Yes? Now I was in right now,
or now I was in moving forward, moving forward, moving forward?
I probably I know we've talked about this some and
we're very fortunate and that this is an option. I
probably won't go into the office as much as I
did because I used to be like, pretty much every
day of the week, even if it wasn't necessary, I
(00:45):
went in to the office and outside of that. I'm
curious to see if this changes. But right now, I
don't think I'm going to have as many back to
back plans as many days of the week. Where it
used to be like I would be like, you're going
to this museum from this time to this time, and
(01:07):
then you're gonna go here from this time this time,
and every day was like that. I don't think that's
gonna be the case anymore, right Yeah, I think for me,
some things will be and I didn't do it too
much beforehand, but like food bars and I would go
to the Whole Foods and they have that food bar,
and I would I would go to town on that
side bar because they I love. They have chicken fried tofu,
(01:28):
probably one of my favorite things ever. As now, like,
I don't know if I'll ever do this again, because
it wasn't great to begin with. I mean, the little
sneeze guards that seemed like a great idea, but people
purposely go underneath that to get to things and I'm like, no, no, no,
And the one accepted was Whole Foods. And now I'm like,
(01:49):
I don't. I don't think I'll be doing that anymore.
The automatic hugs that will be less likely, as well
as sharing drinks with strangers. And I say this and
like if I got to know you, maybe the first
time I got to know you, but about an hour
and a half later, I'm like, oh you want to
try this? I didn't think much of it, but now
I'm like, huh yeah, no, yeah. And the reason I
(02:10):
was thinking about all of these things, of course, there
are other things that we're gonna do that I'm not
we're not doing right now, Like right now, I won't
dine indoors. Eventually will I absolutely, But the preference is
that I will be eating on the patio at all times,
and I'm very excited about that because you know, in
Georgia we only have like a month of where that
(02:31):
is actually not too hot, not too cold, not to
poliny right, that we can do that, but just the
overall idea of going out and being a part of
society again has me really really anxious. And I know
we talked about this before, and that made me think
about how our confidence or lack thereof, how has changed
since after the pandemic. And again I don't know about
(02:53):
anybody else, and yeah, like I said, I've talked about
this before, but as we're preparing to meet up with
people and mingle with pool, I've started to have a
lot of second thoughts on whether or not I even
want to go out in the first place, and whether
I have the emotional motivation or strength to actually do it.
And of course this has everything to do with not
just being a part of society again and just interacting
(03:17):
with people and just socializing, but also my confidence in
my job and then what we're doing it has really waned,
I feel like during the pandemic, which is hilarious because
we've upped our amount of episodes that we do on
a constant basis. I'm finally getting to the point of this,
like year three, yo, I can't remember right, year three
(03:40):
of me finally, you know, me kind of getting adjusted
to this new job. But I'm still having a lot
of anxiety. Of course, it didn't help that I clicked
onto some reviews the other day and it was not pretty.
I know everybody got onto me, including Holly from Stuff
You Miss in History Class and Caroline from Unladylike and
Tracy of Missing History Clouds. They're all like, stop doing that,
(04:02):
And I didn't mean to. I was actually trying to
do it for work and I just ended up clicking
on it, and of course a word caught my eyes,
so I was like, let me, let me see what
this is, son of It was a huge mistake. But
I'm not the only one. So I feel a little
bit better about this and a little sad about this.
And according to one research I Think Tank, they found
over seventy of women struggling with self esteem or self
(04:25):
love issues and it ranged from different reasons such as
financial reasons, um and yeah, we talked about this before,
especially when it comes to black women and Latino women,
they've been hit hardest when it comes to the job
crisis during the pandemic, and that same study found over
felt financially insecure and seventy one have had their financial
(04:45):
plans being completely affected due to the pandemic, and it
is not all because of finance, but also due to
not surprisingly the state of the world, things like politics,
the pandemic, and for some feeling like they have move
forward in their lives, whether it's personal or professional. And
according it to one statistic, the lowest ranking and self
(05:06):
esteem or self love is in South Korea, Saudi Arabia,
and surprisingly France, while Denmark, Australia, and the United States
break the highest, which could be more about who was
asked more than anything else. Always get the question those
kinds of studies and again not such a shock. It
has shown that people who are frequent users of social
media are more likely to have lower self esteem, but
(05:27):
it's also worth noting that many of the same people
have said they get more emotional support they need, and
there have been many different reports talking about the overall
effect of social media, especially in teenagers, when it comes
to them using these platforms, and that's not adding the
overall pressures of the dreaded Zoom meetings. According to study
done by Washington University in St. Louis, they didn't find
(05:49):
a decrease in self esteem, which I thought was surprising
because I every time I opened it up by dial
ittle inside. They said, quote counter to expectations, daily video
chatting hours was unassociated with appearance satisfaction, which aligns with
some work that suggests the specific social media activities, rather
than the total spent using it, predicts body dissatisfaction. And
(06:11):
the research continues Furthermore, daily video chatting hours was not
associated with self objectification or video chatting appearance comparisons, though
self objectifications moderated the relationship between total video chatting hours
and both satisfaction measures. So essentially, what they're saying is
they expected that to be a problem. They saying that
(06:32):
they felt that their self esteem was hit and all
these things, but they really didn't care. It didn't really change.
It just kind of was like, huh, okay, it happens,
moving on and again. Like I said, Hey, I don't
know about you, but I'm definitely not one of those
who feel fine with all the Zoom and Skye and
any of these things. Because when I pop up the
video and shows me how I look at that day,
I'm like, oh, yeah, I haven't looked in the mirror today.
(06:56):
But the one thing I do love is that I
can actually just turn off the hand run. So being
at a meeting without being at a meeting has been
really nice. And which, by the way, the study does
point out that many of those who participate in these
types of surveys did highlight that they really liked the
edit feature or that they could turn it off, and
that's part of the reasons. They're like, yeah, I can
change it if I want to. Yeah, I remember the
(07:20):
first time for I don't know the first time I
use zoom and I was just messing around with the
like edit my appearance feature. It's like, whoa, this is
why I'm not savvy enough, and I'm just like, just
turn it off, just turn it off. Well, I mean
it does reach a certain point. I mean, you gotta
have a light touch unless you want people to know like, oh, yeah,
(07:40):
she's got that edit my appearance function creak to the top.
And I'm guessing I didn't look into this that the
purchasing has increased for things like the ring light, which
a lot of people have now I have noticed to that.
I have noticed to that, and I actually have one
in here. I did not purchase it specifically for Zoom,
but I did move it from where it was into
(08:03):
here because I was like, well, if I'm gonna be
on camera all the time, ms, get the ring light out. However,
it's facing my wall more than my face, so not great.
But anyway, issues of body image have been a prevailing
theme throughout the pandemic as well. And honestly, yeah, I've
been uh stocking up a lot on ponchos and that
(08:26):
this is part of my now normal clothes closet because
you know, I'm preparing for the vast girl woman summer.
And yeah, new fashions cover up as much as I
can with as much material, but that doesn't make me
too hot. And ponchos they give you the options of
not having too long with sleeves. I should get out
of my Luke Skywalker pots. Are you haven't see me
in it yet? Samantha super cute. I love how people
(08:49):
always say it so ugly and I'm like, oh, I
think it looks so cute. Yeah, that's actually I haven't
had the chance to tell you this because it kind
of just happened, Samantha. But the other night a friend
of mine, a really good friend of mine, texted me
like nine pm and said, do you want to come
hang out at a bar that's near me? I'm here,
and I was like, what is this last minute plan?
And it's like, I know, I'm bringing them back and
(09:11):
I felt too gross and ugly to go outside. And
I couldn't say that because then he'd be like, come
on and being ridiculous. But that's what that was my
immediate like, And I know a lot of friends, women,
particularly in my group, that have said similar things. Right, Yeah,
One scientific journal found that stress and anxiety has increased
(09:32):
due to people's ideas around body image. There is this
defeat his attitude about what they should and should not
have accomplished while in quarantine. And again we see social
media and a lot of fat phobic content that feed
into this narrative that that's been a big conversation throughout
this whole thing. Right And according to the National Eating
Disorders Association, quote, people with negative body image have a
(09:53):
greater likelihood of developing and eating disorder. They are also
more likely to suffer from the feelings of depression, isolation,
low self esteem, and obsession with weight. And that's again
to say that this is this horror level of it's
not actually what your body looks like, but it's how
you're thinking on it and what is making you think
on it and a yeain and part of that is
this whole narrative that we've been talking about throughout our episodes.
(10:16):
And I know a lot of women in general are
talking about the fact that there's this feeling a failure
because we didn't We had all this time, and why
didn't you do this? And you could have done this
while you're there, and because we didn't or may not
have done it, we feel like we haven't met those expectations,
as well as that it becomes a moment of obsession
(10:36):
to it, like why didn't I do this? And all
this is my fault that I did this and all
these things. And I think we would definitely want to
add negative body image can affect anyone, so it doesn't
matter what you look like at all. Again, just the
preface that this is not about what you actually look like.
It's what you actually think in process and what's being
fed to you. Right and as we talked about earlier.
(10:58):
Financial issues have made many and insecure due to the pandemic,
but so has the overall level of job skill, which
can lead to burnout. According to CNBC and Survey Monkey
Women at Work survey that was conducted um February through
March of this year, just in case you're listening to
this in the future, at least fifty women said they
were suffering from burnout due to their jobs, and many
(11:20):
experts report it's the usual level of bias and lack
of fairness that many women have been dealing with for years,
added to the pandemic that is causing this increase of burnout.
And yeah, this isn't even talking about the unequal responsibility
laid on women in the household, which one report estimated
at least twenty additional hours of extra work was added
(11:41):
because of that household responsibility. Yeah, any how many hours
do you think a week you average for this job?
I will say it heavily depends on the week, but
it can go up to the fifty or sixty. And
in fact, I have a friend who uses an app.
We're almost like you're clocking and clocking out because we
do traditionally do that with our job, but just to
(12:02):
keep tracks so I know how many hours I am
putting in. Some weeks it's much less, for sure, but
because of the way our jobs are structured, and now
you're doing that at home, and these lines are blurred
between like home life and office life, and depending on
your state of mind, you might be working, you might
be working really early in the morning or at off hours,
(12:22):
so you're not thinking of it in that way, and
so it's really difficult to get a clear idea of
how much it is. Especially I don't know if you've
experienced this, but I feel like the hours just bleed
together and somehow, like I don't know if it's the
pandemic or stress, I feel like things are taking me
much longer than they used to take me. And I
(12:44):
can't really say what that is. I don't maybe it's
not even true, but it feels like I used to
be able to get all my work done and pretty
standard work time hours, and now it's like working weekends
isn't out of the that's pretty regular, right, And I
think that's part of the problem, and that we are
not addressing enough, especially when we talk about working from home,
(13:04):
especially when we're talking about salary jobs and why it
can be problematic because when you start dwindling down how
many hours you truly work, you're like, oh, I'm getting
paid five dollars an hour. That's right, that's not worth it.
And as in fact what you were talking about, why
it takes you longer. One of the workplace experts, Jennifer Moss,
actually stated that yes, burnout, which you may not even
realize you have, often leads to brain fog, fatigue, and
(13:28):
chronic stress and has made even small task like folding
laundry or unloading a dishwasher really exhausting, which means it
takes you a lot longer and it seems really hard
when it's like I've done this for so many years.
Why is this a problem now? And especially again when
we can't differentiate our regular hours versus work hours. And
(13:50):
you're better at getting on top of things than I am,
but you're not better at stopping. You don't limit yourself
and that is problematic for you. Um Me, I'll give
up sometimes, but it bleeds into my hour stretch. Over
a twelve hour I would work day, but I and
it maybe eight hours, but it may take me three
(14:10):
hours to do one of the tasks that should have
taken me thirty minutes, like I actually measured like this
should take me this long. It take me this long?
What did I just do? And part of that, especially
when I this kind of job to me is so
different because research seems so like college like that I
can't quite grasp professional versus research, which is again very
(14:31):
different from me from what I used to do, which
I would go in and have conference calls and you know,
different things like that. That was obviously like a different
level professional bits where I would do a documentation of interviews.
When I would do investigations, it was different. This researching things,
it seems like it's almost against school like, which meant
I would wait till the last minute, but do it
(14:51):
ham it within six hours. So my ideal discipline has
gone out the window and I have regressed to really
bad college habits for this job. So it's really weird.
But on top of that, again my confidence I feel
like it's shot because this is something that this kind
of job allows for a lot of people to critique it.
Outside of just your boss and ourselves. You have so
(15:13):
many people who have so many opinions that it makes
me so shell shocked that I feel like I can't
do my job properly and I don't have the confidence
to say that I have. Yeah, if that makes sense.
So it's a whole different thing, which again brings back
the whole like burnout stress where I get I quit. Yeah. Well,
(15:33):
and there's a lot we could unpack there, and I'm
sure we will in a future episode of just when
we have the conversation of you know, being feminist enough
or am I like is my voice worth hearing? And
then you get the critiques and then you get in
your head and then you doubt everything about yourself and
what you're doing, and then you have a pandemic and
you're like, I know I could do better, but I'm
so stressed right like this all this stuff, and I
(15:54):
will say for me also for the long work hours.
This is something I thought about when I was going
on a mental experiment of like what would happen if
I got fired today? And I was just thinking that
I do rely on work a lot um too as
a stress Like as stressful as it is, it also
distracts me from other like politics, or it gives me
(16:17):
something to do, so I use it in that way also,
So that that's another aspect of this whole thing. And yeah,
as we get back to whatever normal is, and many
would argue there is no real getting back to what
we assumed to be normal before the pandemic, it is
important to measure how you see yourself as in taking
(16:38):
care to not fall under the pressures and lies of
unrealistic expectations. We do have some advice on how to
care for yourself as we ease back into society and
as many of us have discussed, did the pressures of returning,
how to deal with those um the pressures returning to
putting the job first in a capitalistic society, so here
(17:00):
one letting things go. Prioritize what you need and the
best way for you to be productive. So most times
you can't do it all. That's unrealistic, unhealthy to think
that you have do and you you that's something that
you can do, and we have to prioritize in order
to be able to be productive. So that includes saying
no when you don't have the time to do it,
(17:21):
or just if you don't want to. So if they're
asking you to volunteer, don't say yes if you don't
want to. If you don't enjoy it. Why learn compassionate detachment,
which is defined as the quote manner in which we
relate to others when we allow them to deal with
their own problems, and therefore they're free to choose to
become responsible for their own issues. Also, you can say
(17:41):
it as you can observe but not absorb, so not
taking on those responsibilities. And here's a few ways to
do that. One retreat, remove yourself from that situation, if
it's not a situation you would be a part of,
or if it's not giving you good vibes, put down
that phone, walk away from that conversation, Go with high
in the closet if you need hiding is great. I
love doing that. Restore, whether it's going in a quiet
(18:04):
space like we talked about, taking some deep breaths, maybe
showering to wash off that negativity literally, or even a
much needed fifteen minute power nap. Who knows? What do
you evaluate? Is this person someone who is there for
you as much as you are there for them. You
need to really consider what this friendship is. Is it toxic?
Even this work relationship? Is it uplifting? In same as
(18:25):
any situation. Listen to your body, Listen to your instincts,
which is sometimes easier said than done. And I'm actually
really working on that. Taking time for yourself, so that
could be things like going outside, turning off your phone.
I just lost my phone, so I'm kind of dealing
with this right now, even though she's been out twice
(18:46):
since she's been vaccinated and lost her phone on the
second time the first time. That's true. That's true. Give
yourself breaks throughout the day, even if you are working
from home. Step away from your workspace and stay connected.
Find your people, stay connected with them, whether it's just
a quick text, exchange your chat. Restore yourself with the
(19:07):
people who know you and love you for who you are.
Ponchos and all, And yes, Samantha, even though your poncho
scared the crap out of me that one time because
it was hanging on a closet wall, you're still a
great friend of mine. It was my wearable comforter. That
is a giant poncho. But it's the size of a tent. Yeah,
(19:30):
because it's also very very thick. It looks like a
person just staring at you. It's true, that's what I thought,
and it's scared me. But to be fair, I am
easily scared so well. Listeners, please let us know if
you have any tips or tricks or thoughts. We love
hearing them all. You can email us at Stuff Media,
mom Stuff at I Hurt me dot com if you
(19:51):
can find us on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told
You or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as
always to our super producer Christina, Thank you, and thanks
to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You the
production of I Heeart Radio. For more podcast from iHeart Radio,
visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. H
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Anney Reese
Samantha McVey
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