Monday Mini: Relationships During Quarantine

How's Covid-19 impacting relationships? Anney and Samantha chat about divorce rates, birth rates, dating during the age of social-distancing and New York's sex guidelines.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stuff
I Ever told you production of I Heart Radio. For
today's Monday mini episode, we're going to continue talking about

(00:26):
Quarantine and our new lives and realities in Quarantine, and
especially our relationships in quarantine. Ye been interesting for sure,
for sure, and we're probably gonna come back and expound
this into a whole episode. Um. And as we record this,
this is the first time Samantha and I are recording

(00:46):
from our new home studios, so excuse any of the
background noises and or audio. Our producer Andrew will be
amazing and fix everything he can. I know, but sometimes
nature how I live in a bird house Apparently That's
what I've come to realize. So yeah, yeah, we are

(01:08):
in our homes um, recording via Skype, and uh, we're
going to see how this goes. But okay, today we're
talking um about what it's like to have relationships during
this weird time that we're all going through, right, or
attempting to have relationships at exactly exactly. So oh yeah,

(01:32):
and just a reminder, UM, these are just lighter conversational
Monday episodes. Nothing else is changing. I just want to
add some things that we've wanted to try. So with
that being said, UM, I have heard some interesting tales
of people going on first dates still um by they'll
get in their cars and they'll order like food they'll

(01:55):
have they'll both have food in their cars and then
they'll crack the windows and how of a conversation that way? Okay?
So I've seen it where they've done FaceTime, which like
how you and I are doing Skype right now, and
order each other's food for them so they can say
they paid for the other person and then eat together
on Skype. And I will say not that it has

(02:16):
it is a relationship. But I have currently a group
of friends who we've decided we would have go to
meeting app on the entire day while we're working, okay,
so we can pretend like we're with each other, but
not with each other. So I've seen that kind of
same aspect for dating, which I find fascinating. Yeah, I

(02:36):
do too. And as I briefly mentioned in our last
Monday many, UM, I have a friend who sort of
just checked out tender to see what was going on.
Um and just f y, I I'm sure I really
don't need to say this, but health officials really recommend
not going on first dates right now, like face to

(02:57):
face or any kind of touch. But she was just
curious us and looking through it, and um, I am
impressed with the dedication and creativity people are showing and
being socially distanced but still continuing to date. This is
like the new age of courtship where you have to
learn to know each other first before any physical contact.

(03:19):
It could be a good thing, I guess potentially potentially.
Oh yeah, And as as a part of this conversation,
please listeners write in any anything that you're doing, oh yes,
what your experiences have been. I would love to implement,
like if you feel comfortable sharing a video, a video clip,
an audio clip, and we could use it in these

(03:42):
future Monday many's because I have really enjoyed hearing people's
stories about how they're trying to have normal life. Also,
I know people who live alone. This is one of
the worst situations for them. Because even though this is
kind of nice and I get to see your face, yeah,
I'm having this like star crazy moment of like I

(04:03):
just once someone near me as we're drinking together and
talking about whatever situation. And I am fortunate enough that
I live very pretty much live with a partnering is
we're just neighbors at the same time, so it works out.
But at the same time, from most people, they don't
have that that if you own a home, I can't remember.
I can't imagine in the Subarbia areas what's going on?

(04:27):
Yeah and yeah for uh, I guess context. Um, I
live alone. So and I'm also somebody who thrives on
social interaction. So this has been a learning experience for me.
I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm a great conversationalist
and very stubborn, and I'm not on speaking terms with

(04:48):
myself right now. I'll deal with that later. So back
to the dating thing. Yes, another thing we've heard rumors
of that there's going to be a boom from this,
a baby boom because people are stuck inside, perhaps with
their partner, you know, why not have sex. I think

(05:10):
that's that generation they were talking about, naming it the
COVID boomers. Yeah, oh my gosh, A way to be remembered, huh.
I mean the Depression era kind of brought that on
as well, which is why the baby boomers happened. Has
been taken Sorry y'all, it's true, we're gonna have to
come up with our own thing. Well, I'm not involved
in this at all, but whoever is this? Baby town

(05:32):
is shut Baby town shut down. And then I've also
heard a lot of stories of x is slipping into
the d m s, like as you told me about Samantha. Yes,
I'm quite proud of the fact that you understand this
so well. I learned a lot from you. Um, I
have you had this happened? No, I don't. I can't

(05:53):
say that too much because most of my exes are married.
So because I'm at that age where all of them
the married or divorced. None of them i've heard or
divorce I don't know yet, but maybe whatever. So they're
happily married, I'm gonna assume. I'm going to give them
that benefit of doubt. So yeah, No, no one's slipping
into my d M. I'm not really getting slipping into

(06:15):
my d ms, but I am getting Um is it
called deep liking, like like a ton of pictures from
years ago. I feel like that was happening to you
from jump, not to this extent. I'm kind of like, WHOA,
I'm wondering if you're just noticing it now more because
you're actually aware of your social media and on it

(06:37):
so much more. That's that's fair. That's a fair point saying. Yeah,
So with the exs and as I was talking about
the no one's really divorced from when I'm from what
I understand, I wonder what's going on with the divorce rate.
And as well as are people okay, are you guys okay,
are all the couples okay? I have her It a

(07:00):
lot of jokes around like this is going to end
in divorce or murder. Um, And right now they're jokes.
But and I've heard that probably the divorce rate will
go up. It's going to be interesting once fingers crossed
we get to the other side of this, if that
is the case. Um. And I was telling Samantha that

(07:21):
I have a friend who literally the day before Atlanta
like completely shut down. He and his wife decided to
get divorced. And now they are quarantined together in the
same house. So I can't I can't even imagine, right,
Oh my gosh, And you know, there's no real end point,

(07:42):
Like I feel like, if at least there was until
this state, we can make it to this state. But
there really isn't one right now, So there's no end
date no matter what you've heard. Please pay attention to
scientists and doctors more than anything else. That I'm going
to leave that, But I find it interesting because we
all so I talked about before and our first mini

(08:03):
episode that wasn't really mini. What is the fact that
how does it affect the women who are part of
the household in a heterosexual couple or assist couple relationship.
What is happening with childcare? What is happening as both
of you, I would assume are quarantined together if you
have children, who as taking all the responsibility of that

(08:24):
as well? It's cleaning as well, it's cooking, like what
is happening on that level? And so you wonder if
this is going to impact and an off show and
very obvious breakdown of who is responsible for the household absolutely, um, yeah,
that's gonna be interesting too to see how that shakes out.

(08:45):
And then something else we we touched on and our
first mini episode was domestic violence. Because home is not
a safe place for everybody, and asking people to just
stay home is sometimes dangerous, especially in the cases of
domestic abuse. Survivors and on top of that, there's the
threat of being kicked out being used against them UM,

(09:07):
and some fear that going to shelters might expose them
to COVID nineteen, are exposed the survivors to COVID nineteen,
or that the shelters are closed, to the assumption that
they're closed, so people aren't seeking help. UM. I read
several articles about how shelters are getting their remain their
remaining open, but they're getting less calls than ever, and

(09:30):
they suspect this because people think that they're closed. And
just as a reminder, a typical tactic, fear tactic within
abusive relationship is using whatever the crisis that is occurring,
and is no different for pandemics obviously, and any type
of this, especially on this level, especially if you have children,
there's this whole array of oh my god, what do

(09:53):
I do? And I had actually spoken to an old
coworker of mine UM in which my old job was
to place kids away from detention centers to treatment centers,
and I was asking, how are they handling that, what's happening,
what's happening with the detention centers, what's happening with the
shelters and the shutdown is not affecting them completely because
they are essential, but it has downgraded greatly, and the

(10:16):
risk for these kids, and again with the families or
with women and the children and shelters are so much
higher because of the in and out, in and out,
in and out consistently happening, and no one really considering
what's happening with that and how to solve and or
implement good practices to prevent spreading. So it's kind of
a whole level of Holy what are we supposed to do? Absolutely? Um,

(10:43):
And I'm concerned that it's one of those things that
will be forgotten in all of this so um. And
we know that the hopefully I think we try to
add this bit last time, but the fact that they're
sinner and the House are trying to come together on

(11:04):
inter monetary interventions, economic interventions, it still doesn't look lovely. Um.
I feel like there's a lot of compromise I shouldn't
have happened. There's a lot of political gains. And again
this is my own personal opinion, so I will leave
it at that. But it is needed, it is needed greatly,
and we need to talk about the fact that trillions

(11:26):
are in conversation, and who's getting a bulk of those trillions?
And is it helping women in a family, is it
helping those in the lgbt Q I who are often forgotten?
Is it helping young children who are at risk? Mm
hmm yeah. Yeah. And and I mean if you because
we are all in well not all of us, a

(11:46):
lot of us are in financially uncertain situations right now. Um.
And if you are an abusive relationship and you're depending
on money in some way, like we've talked about financial
several times, that's another part of this conversation that we
should not forget. Right with that being said, um, we

(12:08):
did want to talk about some tips, some lighter things
if you if you're experiencing strain in your relationship being
quarantined together. I've heard inventing another person to blame things on,
like oh, Cecilia didn't do the dishes again, Uh, Cecilia. Um,
I've done that and I'm alone, So I find it

(12:29):
a little helpful. Yeah. I feel like if I did
that in my relationship, I would be pretty much blaming
that person, but just giving him a new name and
just be giving them a pointed looking like you are Cecilia.
You are Cecilia. Now apologies to all Cecilia's. That's just
an example. I've heard a lot as best you can
establishing your own space, especially if you're both working from home,

(12:51):
like having if possible, separate workspaces, I've heard is really
helpful and that just makes sense to me. Um, and
then I really we got to share these New York guidelines.
So New York released an actual document sex guidelines. So
one of my favorite section reads, you are your safest

(13:12):
sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID nineteen, especially if
you wash your hands and any sex toys with soap
and water for at least twenty seconds before and after.
And then and you know what we just talked about recently,
not to say because there's a lot of conversations when
you talk about with born and all of that, because
that it can be bad, it can be good. But

(13:33):
porn hub has jumped in and saying we're going to
give three subscriptions as giveaway masks, which they had some
masks to give to the medicals. The whole thing else
there's a whole other conversation to that, as well as
the fact that there's several companies who are deeply discounting

(13:54):
their sex toys, which hey, I definitely put my name
on those lists. The New York document continues, the next
safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact,
including sex with a small circle of people helps prevent
spreading COVID nineteam, so keep that circle small cement. Wait

(14:15):
wait wait, the terms circle alone makes me think so
many things that I'm like, whoa, we just jumped in
a whole new level. And you know what, if you
are practicing this safely and stay at home and preventing
a spread, go for it. Sure, yeah, sure, go for it. Um.
But unfortunately the document concludes outside of those two things,

(14:37):
no sex for you. Well, as what the UK have
now said, either you live with that person or you
don't have a relationship. It seems kind of harsh, but
maybe I guess it makes sense. It does, No, it does,
it does make sense. These are the times we're living
in now, but we will get through them together. Well,

(14:57):
and we sit with that as in like we're not
gonna come to your s hold, but like we're hearing
there were audio, yes, wait for your conversations. Oh my god,
Well that's a good place to end this Monday Mini
uh yeah, if you please please write in or let
us know how you're dealing with this, what your thoughts
observations have been on relationships during this time. You can

(15:19):
look out for our future Monday many episodes. We're going
to do one on quarantine, body um, work from home,
life and loneliness and isolation, and then of course any
of your suggestions please send those in. Just want to
shout out to all those who are on the front
lines between our medical staff as well as who are
people who are in the grocery store, so those people

(15:41):
who are delivering, those people who are stalking. We love you,
We thank you, we see you. Yes, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you. If you would like to email us,
you can. Our email is a Stuff Media mom Stuff
at iHeart media dot com. You can find us on
Instagram at stuff Mo'm Never Told You or on Twitter
at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our superproducer
Andrew Howard, producing from Afar and I don't see you,

(16:03):
but I know you're there. We know you're there, and
thanks to you for listening. Stuff I've Never Told You's
a prediction of I Heart Radio. For more podcast from
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