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July 6, 2011 • 14 mins

A French obstetrician believes that men in the delivery room hinder their partner's laboring process. Is it possible that men don't need or want to be there? Join Cristen and Molly to learn more about dads in delivery rooms.

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.
It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff Mom Never told you?
From House Stuff Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to
the podcast. This is Molly and I'm Kristen Christ and
I'm I. When we were researching this podcast today, which

(00:22):
is called should Dad's Be in the Delivery Room? I
was reminded of his story. My mother told me once
about the birth of my younger brother, or her third child,
and since it was the third child, the doctor asked
my dad if he wanted to catch the baby. You know,
he'd seen enough by that point he could he could
handle it. And my mom told me that at that
point my dad was just useless to her because all

(00:44):
he did was run around getting ready for his job,
talking to doctors about his job. And it's just like,
you know, he kind of forgot she was one having
the baby. His job of catching the baby. You know,
we didn't want to mess it up. Obviously has a
bad thing to mess up. But she said, you know,
it's not like he was helping her during that point
at because you know, he was just like, what do
I do? What do I do? Good do I do this,
we'll look well and uh so you know it was

(01:07):
she said that he's a little useless on that on
that delivery. But based on the articles we've read about
father's experience in the delivery room, your dad was pretty
brave for being stationed willingly down there. That's the maybe
I mean up close uplose personal with your mother's vagina,

(01:27):
wells at their child I guess by that point maybe
he'd I don't know if he'd been stationed at the
head or the bottom before. I mean, that seems to
be a big deal in these articles. You're right about
where you where you're stationed during the child birth. But
I was thinking of that story when I was reading
these articles because there's this big question. I guess it's
not a big question, but it's a question you've been
thrown out there about whether dad's do more harm than

(01:50):
good in a delivery room when they're there with their wives,
and whether they should be there at all, because maybe
they don't want to be. Maybe we're just all forcing
them to be in there kind chords catching babies when
they'd rather just be uh. During the nineteen fifty dead
thing and just hanging out in the waiting room. Right.
I mean, I've I've thought about this. No, I've never
been in a situation that that would demand Uh okay,

(02:13):
I've never been pregnant. That's the easiest way to put it. Um.
But the thought of you know, a guy, man you
love seeing all that gore U the beauty of birth
and also the gore of birth is a little disconcerting. Um.
But this all there's a debate that kicked off fairly recently,

(02:35):
UM by this French obstetrician who claims that fathers and
the quote masculinization of the birth environment are causing an
increasing rate in c sections. Right. He argues that if
the male partners in the in the delivery room, and
he's really anxious because obviously birth can be kind of
a traumatic process if you're watching it. He's saying that

(02:59):
this ans this man who's pacing back and forth, he
wants to fix all this pain. He's actually slowing the
woman's production of oxytocin, which aids in the process of labor.
And without this hormone oxytocin, that's you know, rushing through
the woman making the birth go easily, the woman is
more likely to have a C section. Right, and that
theory has yet to be confirmed by any any follow

(03:23):
up studies. And the thing is, having dad's in the
delivery room is a pretty big deal that took a
long time. Um. In the thirties and up into the sixties,
guys did not hang out in the delivery room. You
dropped your wife off at the hospital, or you sat
in what they called a stork club just basically just

(03:43):
a glorified waiting room. But there were these journals in
these waiting rooms and men would write to them, and
their writings were actually one of the big things that
allowed men to get into the delivery room. Um. Yeah,
there was a study that we found on the history
of the or I guess I should say that the
process of moving the men from like you said, just

(04:05):
dropping dropping their wives off to actually hanging out the
hospital to actually being in the delivery room. And in
these stork clubs where they would have radios and the
guys could smoke cigarettes and pace around, felt very you know,
like where Donald Draper would probably go to wait for
a January Jones to give birth. Um. And they would

(04:25):
fill out their thoughts in a in a father's book,
and a lot of them focused on how worried they
were about their wives being in pain. Um, a lot
of them beseeching Jesus Christ to help their dear wife
out and deliver baby safely. And a lot of them
also talked about how much they were really really hoping

(04:46):
for a boy. Yeah. In fact, I was reading some
of these things and one of the funny ones was,
thank God it's a girl, so she will never have
to go through what I went through waiting for the
white birth. She'd actually be the one in the room.
But I was like only person who was really glad
that he had a girl, who saw like this weird
bright side of having a girl that you know, thirty
years down the line, she wouldn't have to wait in

(05:07):
a story club. But yeah, it was these really, I
mean most of them are very sweet, like, oh my,
my poor wife is not good with pain. I wish
I could be there with I wish you could hold
her hand and uh. Robert Bradley, who wrote a book
called the Bradley Method that a lot of women used
to um prepare for labor, also had a book called
Husband Coach Childbirth, and it was based on his reading

(05:29):
and his delivering reading of these journals and also his
delivery of babies that convinced him that husbands could play
a really important role in the birth right. And he
wrote this book in nineteen sixty two, and it was
around this time that the push for men to move
into the labor ward really kicked off. And actually the
first prenatal classes for couples started around nineteen fifty six,

(05:51):
so that's that's when we start to see this movement.
And it was interesting, um that it wasn't linked to
any type of feminist movement. You know, this wasn't about
gender equality at all. Um, it was actually more about
this fifties focus on the era of quote the husband,
wife and two point four children. It was, um, you know,

(06:12):
there's this new idea of this family unit, and with that,
you have the dad in the delivery room ready to
catch that baby, which in some ways kind of cuts
down on the sense of community that other women might
have fell in earlier times having babies. I mean, babies
used to be born in your home with a bunch
of women around you, and it wasn't considered a man's
place at all. I'd be there for that, And you're right,

(06:34):
it's the shift towards the importance of the family unit
that really drives the dad into the delivery room. And
it kind of seems maybe like a double edged toward
because on the one hand, there are plenty of dads
who describe it as magical that they were so glad
they're there they could support their wives. But on the
other hand, maybe these women aren't in the support of
a midwife that they need or adula, or maybe these

(06:54):
men just don't want to be there, are ill equipped
for this role where they you know, aren't in control
and help their wives the way they might want to.
And uh, you know, we talked before Christen about how
maybe in modern relationships to put too much pressure on
this one person to complete you and to be there
for you for everything. And maybe it's too much pressure
to expect someone to be by your side in childbirth

(07:17):
and then also want to have sex with you later.
My goodness. Sure, sure there are a lot of a
lot of mothers and couples, UM who would have plenty
to say about that, UM, But anecdotally, yeah, that can
be the case. For instance, writer um Nick Hornby said
that the experience of seeing his first child born left
him numbed and shocked. Um Some psychologists have compared men's

(07:40):
experience of seeing their wife give labor as um post
traumatic as inducing post traumatic stress disorder. UM. Guys almost
always report feelings of massive anxiety and fear because they're
seeing this person that they love in a lot of pain. Probably,
I mean, they might be a little numbed out due
to an epidural UM. There's always that sense of helplessness, right.

(08:04):
And you know, one article put it, or one writer
put this way that you know, if your if your
wife needed like knee surgery, it's not like they would
expect you go into the room and hold her hand
while she's getting knee surgery. But this is this can
also be a major surgery if you're having a c
section or just sort of a long process if you're
giving birth naturally. And and maybe um, there shouldn't be
you know, your partner and they're holding your hand when

(08:25):
it's a major medical emergency like that. Yeah, And and
not to freak people out, but statistically, marriage breakups are
most likely to occur in the eighteen months following childbirth.
And there was one psychologist writing in The New York
Times who was saying, I mean, I'm not saying the childbirth.
You know, seeing that happen is you know, triggering all

(08:48):
these divorces. But in some of his patients, it was
something that you know, the men would never recover from.
They could never see their wife in the same way
after that. And yeah, I don't know, I'm kind of
I feel uncomfortable even saying that out loud, um, But

(09:09):
that's why we have listeners, Kristen. I mean, the solution
that all these psychologists and writers and obstetricians are suggesting
is that rather than having every father by default in
the delivery room, the couple should have more of a
discussion about whether the dad even wants to be there.
If he does, are their special like prenatal classes, he
should be taking their gear directly toward him, as opposed

(09:31):
to toward a couple or towards the mother ways in
which we can make dads feel more comfortable in the
delivery room. But I think that's the question for our listeners.
Since you and I have never given birth, can you
imagine giving birth without your husband there? I mean, would
would it have been better if he wasn't there? Or
would uh would you rather have him in the story
club or doesn't need to be there. Is it something

(09:51):
that fathers need to see? Yeah? And um, Also we
have to keep in mind that back in we don't
want to we don't want to regress back to the forties,
doctors would not allow men in there. There was even
a story of a guy chaining himself to his wife's
bed so that he could be there, um for the delivery.
And in nineteen seventy three there was actually legislation introduced

(10:15):
in Congress that would force hospitals and physicians to allow
fathers in the delivery room. Yeah. Now obviously we don't
and that would never passed the goodness because we don't
need to legislate that kind of stuff in my opinion. Um.
And also we need to keep in mind the fact
that not everyone, actually a lot of people who are
giving birth in hospitals these days don't have husbands, you know,

(10:35):
and what kind of role you know, should boyfriends or
if there is no boyfriend, you know what I mean?
Like now, the conversation is so much different than it
was back in the days of the husband, wife and
two point four two point four kids. Yeah, but then
at the same time, doctors, you're saying you can't have
some many people are people in there who are gonna,

(10:56):
you know, impeters from doing our job. So that's a
fine line too. And um, that's why I think we
should just open up to our listeners like who did
you want in there? Who was in there? Who was
dead weight in there? Who was running around trying to
catch the baby like my dad on baby number three? Uh? What?
What are your thoughts on this is? Is this French
obstetrician just insane, just anti mail, trying to bash all

(11:19):
the dads out of there? Or there there's some dads
out there who would have liked to have opted out,
So send us your thoughts mom stuff at how stuff
works dot com and squeamish dad's out there. Don't worry.
We will protect your analimity. You can be honest with us. Uh.
And in the meantime, let's read a listener email or two. Okay,

(11:40):
I have one here from Maren and it's about the
soap opera podcast. She writes, I'm a proud watcher of
General Hospital in Days of our Lives and I was
so happy to see a soap podcast. I grew up
with my mother coming home at noon and watching One
Life to Live and I have very fond memories of
curling up with her on her lunch showers while she
watched her stories. When I was twelve, Disney was the
entity that launched me in my own soap fascination via

(12:01):
their movie Xenon Girl the twenty one Century. Though I
fell out of watching soaps regularly by my senior year
of high school and the first few semesters of the college,
I found a renewed love for the soaps after moving
back in with my parents as a two broke to
function on my own college student. Thanks to Soaping It
and their evening showings. With the daily soaps, I've been
better able to recapture the lovely mother daughter time spent
bonding over how Bo and Carlie made a bare couple

(12:22):
than Bow and Hope, how revolting e. J. Demeri's is
thanks to his use of children his chess pieces, how
cruel it wasn't Nicole to steal Samy's baby, And I've
even found my way back to my favorite soap star,
Christian Storms, who now plays the delicious, fashionable, and slightly
neurotic Maxie Jones on General Hospital. I'm incredibly sad to
see the end of an astounding era in TV history,
and it breaks my heart to know that I will

(12:42):
never be able to bond with my daughter over soaps
in the way that my mother and I have. Well,
I've got one here from Malcolm, and this is in
response to our episode on men in makeup. He writes,
I'm a twenty four year old gay man who has
at more than one time in my life worn makeup,
specifically eyeshadow, i'll ar mascara, and concealer. Outside of one

(13:02):
particular incident while working at a coffee shop, I had
nothing but positive reactions to my wearing of makeup from
men and women, and several women even asked me where
I got my makeup. I don't wear makeup anymore, in
part because my personal style has changed, and in another
part because I'm a college student and don't have time.
In contrast to this, my current boyfriend uses an extensive

(13:23):
amount of skincare products, so much so that his nightly
beauty care regiment takes up to an hour. While few men,
gay or straight will admit to such practices, I can
verify that it is incredibly common. The reason this may
have not shown up in the statistics you read during
the podcast is because in the case of my boyfriend

(13:44):
and a few straight friends of mine. Many men by
women's skin care products and or use their girlfriends interesting insight, Malcolm,
So if you have some insight to share with us
as well, our email addresses mom Stuff at how stuff
Works dot com. You can also hit us up on
Facebook and follow us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast,

(14:06):
and in the meantime, you can read our blog during
the week, It's stuff Mom Never told You from how
Stuff Works dot com. Be sure to check out our
new video podcast, Stuff from the Future. Join how Stuff
Work staff as we explore the most promising and perplexing
possibilities of tomorrow. The how Stuff Works I Fine app

(14:27):
has arrived. Download it today on iTunes, brought to you
by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. It's ready. Are
you

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