January 4, 2023 • 22 mins
Where did the pressure to kiss someone at midnight on New Year's come from? Are resolutions harmful or hurtful? What do onesies have to do with it? Find out in this classic episode. FfinFinEverything, it turns out.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
When never told your production of iHeart Radio. And hopefully
as this comes out it is are publishing schedule can
(00:25):
be a bit of a mystery. Things can change very quickly,
but I believe this is coming out in the New Year,
in which case, Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Yes,
and I want to bring back this classic one. It's
it's semi recent. I think we did this at the
end of but it was about the pressure women in
particular feel around New Year's um around like having a
(00:48):
good time and making resolutions and kissing and that kind
of stuff. And as we've probably maybe talked about, I
recently watched all of Samantha gave me a list of
her like holiday go to movies, uh, and I watched
them all in one weekend. And I called it in
the universe because Hugh Grant was in a lot of Yes,
(01:10):
I know that I did not notice until like way later.
How I collected my movies and a chunk of them
have Hugh Grant. And I'm not a huge h Grand fan.
I'm not. I think he's a papa's ass, but he
just kind of a character and he happens to be
in that movie, and like, damn it, no, it was
just funny. I think the universe is very clever, so
(01:32):
I'm happy about it. Very clever, but I feel no, no, no,
but it was funny because I think at least one
of them, at least one of them for sure, but
I think two of them had a New Year's which
we have talked about at this point if you've listened sequentially,
but Joe's Diary that is more of a New Year's
movie to me, right, and I think what I think
(01:55):
the holiday is a new year. It has a New
Year's kind of yeah. Okay, well it's funny because we're
doing these out of orders, so we haven't actually had
this conversation, but if you're listening to it, then we
we have to you already, um podcasting. But it just
got me thinking about this again and kind of how
(02:18):
to me strange that feels with that like we've got
to kiss at midnight or whatever it is. Uh So
I look forward to having that conversation. I look forward
to you listeners having heard it already or going back
to listen to it. But also, yes, again, happy New Year's.
We hope it was great and please enjoy this classic episode. Hey,
(02:44):
this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff I
never told you production of I Heart Radio. So Samantha
and I we've been pretty up front with our feelings
about New Year's as we approached the edge and the
(03:05):
beginning of We are not its biggest fans of the
party aspect of it. I guess all of the trappings
of New Year's um and we have a tradition, a
recent tradition of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I
(03:26):
wear the Spider Man one. Oh that's right. When we
are you did you did by that Spider Man one?
I forgot about it, that's right, I did? You did?
And like skyped or FaceTime and uh yeah we did? Yeah?
And I got mac and cheese over to me two
different times that night. Yes, And then we got it
the next day, didn't we Yeah? I had three orders
(03:48):
of mac and cheese. I was proud of you. That's
I mean. It was one of my best New Year's
Eve I've never ever had. And that's the truth. It
was a good one. I think it was a good
one too. And I definitely just stayed at home. Yeah,
that's been my latest tradition in the last two years
is just to sit at home plus three years maybe, yeah,
I think for me as well. And I do want
(04:10):
to say I've had good New Year's ease um, and
I've had good New Year's days um, and I've I've
done like the huge party thing and had a good time.
But I feel like it's very very hit and miss
for me here miss um and just it became I
wasn't having enough hits and I was having a lot
(04:31):
of mrs right, yeah, And I think part of that
for me being cheap, it's like a I don't want
to drive because if I drink right, we're all I
don't want to endanger anyone. As well as the fact
that yes, police are out on the you know streams
ready to go on New Year's and then be the
fees to get uber or left too. I can't, like,
(04:52):
I just I definitely couldn't. So I was like, I'll
just stay home. Yeah, so that's been my thing, but yeah,
the next day has been delightful several times now cut
A few friends of mine will get together and go
to a restaurant to get the black peas collars and
for sure, yeah, yeah, that's I always make sure to
have that. I've had many a fun waffle house next day.
(05:14):
Well for some of us it wasn't so fun, but
I had a good time. Yeah. Um, I think yeah,
the last few years, especially in the last four years,
the party our our crew because we're getting older, our crew,
my crew, I guess we're getting older, and a lot
of people have families now and all that, so it's
just gotta like a little less and less. Yeah, and
(05:36):
and so in this many we want to talk about
the pressures of New Years, particularly for women. But it
was funny how many articles I found about people who
really don't like New Years saying, like, you know, that
doesn't start until midnight, like you've got to really face yourself.
And then it's so expensive, like I mean, there's like
a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded, and
then you get to pay for the drinks, and then
the food is not very good and you're just not
(05:57):
gonna feel very well the next day. And it's like
kind of all about drinking and if you don't want
to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're putting
all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution right,
this is gonna be my year or whatever. As if
the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,
I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,
last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,
(06:19):
and so we were really excited about this year. It
is kind of like this year has taught me that no,
it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and
it was the New decade too, so we were all like,
not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,
it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?
And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never
leave again. So I think a lot of people are
(06:41):
going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean
I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but
still missing out. It was, I mean it was pretty nice.
And that video is still up on my Instagram and
it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if
you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So
when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do
like there is a pressure to go out, um and
(07:03):
to dress up and and something glterally and sparkly have
a hell of a party, Like this is the party
to say goodbye to this whole year, not everything that
happened and in that year, good or bad. And those
are just high expectations, and I feel you're setting yourself
up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely would agree
with that. There's so many things that you're supposed to
(07:23):
be doing, and it's such a couple of year, like
like a couple of year, a couple of time of
year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,
overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the things,
is the kiss, Like there's this pressure to kiss at midnight,
and you know, you start getting to count down and
(07:44):
your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see, Like
as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who do
do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am I
just gonna stand there awkwardly? How weird is this going
to be? If I don't find someone? In general, like
(08:13):
this hasn't been a huge problem for me, but one
year I was at UM a friend of ours, a
friend and co worker, Matt Frederick, who was like the
sweetest person on the planet, he was having a huge
New Year's party, and it was like I was running
out kissing books or something because I made it out
with this guy and he was like, oh wow, that
was so good. And then this other guy was there
and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,
(08:35):
And then it became like this talk of the party
of like how I kissed every guy and I was
like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time
I made out with one of my lady friends, like
I don't know, made out, We kissed, um, and a
bunch of dudes yelled at me basically for depriving them
of a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I
don't know you and I don't owe you anything, and um,
(08:57):
why is this a thing at all? Okay, I don't
you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has
never been a thing for me. I've never been told
I owed them a kiss. And maybe I just have
that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,
why are you trying to talk to me? Are you
trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To
be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go
to again are very coupling parties, so I am the
(09:19):
one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.
I don't I don't remember going out out, so I
remember last year you into a party or the twenty
Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the theme.
I couldn't figure out why the theme was that, Like
I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?
I don't understand. I was like, oh, the twenties, I
(09:42):
get it, Like it took me a long time to
figure that out. Um, but yeah, I definitely never been
around that typically. Like I said, I'm with friends, so
we all hug each other and maybe giving each other
each other kisses on the cheek, which now thinking on
it with COVID nineteen sounds awful and disgusting, and why
I know it does. But yeah, my sister also made
(10:05):
it very clear to me that it was a couple
of traditions, because I've said this before. All of my
siblings started bringing uh like partners or people home at
the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it was weird to
me and I never did that. I recently then met
the first partner this year, like my parents I've never
brought anyone home before this year, and I'm forty all um,
(10:30):
But like my sister would have her boyfriends and if
any of the couples were there, and she would tell
everyone to go into a specific corner of the house.
It was very specific and then loudly count down. And
it was typically me because I was the one watching
the TV and it was single, so I could sit
there and count down for them so they can all
in their special spot. She was very bossy make a
(10:52):
get of a kiss for the for the New Year's
and I was like, what is happening? But I remember
this distinctly because she made sure that it happened every
year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I when
I moved in, so it was like, that's how that
went down. So that's what I remember of that. Of course,
I also remember watching Dick Clark and the ball drop
(11:13):
I did one year ago for the peach drop, and
I was so miserable I vowed never to do it again.
Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and crowded and
that's it, and you don't see but this tiny little
piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.
You're like, what's it? Yeah, and you're stuck in the
you know. So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being
(11:37):
on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but
it was popularized to buy When Harry met Sally, which
I watched for the first time last night, by the way,
and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out
or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so
I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.
Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I
(11:57):
know fred it was like useless, right, you broke my heart?
Right O. That's that line. That's the phrato kiss. I think,
I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,
I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and
Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay, yeah yeah.
Well so you've got two different versions of it there.
The first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.
(12:18):
A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,
New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,
who assembol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,
their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves,
beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning
hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,
and the forest good cheer and merriment. As the cock
(12:39):
staring out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses
for a moment to listen, and as the last joke
dies into silence, all big and little, old and young,
male and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty
kisses go around like rolls of labial musketry with the
exclamation prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and
ladies in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom,
(13:00):
and their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if t're
only for the sake of old lang sign So uh,
I don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted
to kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly. We
did an episode on New Year's traditions on Saber, and
there are a lot of like things like that, but
(13:23):
most of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.
I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here
it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in
general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,
And I will say another part to our tradition, which
I wish would go away, and I know people have
been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,
do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because
(13:45):
typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,
which is completely tied into the single lady thing because
we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,
aren't we um And we can only do that by
being really and really beautiful whatever that seems. And I
think it's really interesting because right now there's a big
(14:05):
conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a fat
celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the Lizzo
had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see what's
happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes with
the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking out
because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family,
So I don't love going to see my family because
(14:27):
my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even
though they're twice my size, they're still gonna make comment,
and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part
of this whole holiday thing that's just awful because you
you know, relished or maybe you've been a little bit
gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now
you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to
(14:48):
find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is
the epitome of you are not of worth unless you
have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition, I used to
have What's going Home and having my mother cry about
how she was gonna how I was going to be
alone and die alone. So that was always a fun
part of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what,
(15:10):
because I was so caught up in that, I aim
a little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of
things and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a
tradition that if you aware pink underwear that you'll find love.
And so one time I did that, I don't feel
like it worked. Was this a while ago. We're supposed
(15:31):
to wear it on New Year's So there's sus colors
that you're supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck,
and pink underwear, I think it was one of those
things that I don't own that I was like when
and made it to a special trip to Target. Gotta
find that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked
before about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And
since we've been in pandemic, we've been inside and people
(15:52):
are talking about like I've lost the whole year of
my dating life essentially. But there is that big push
on dating apps a new year, where everybody's like joining
and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,
um and yeah, this whole resolution thing. There's so many
pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,
(16:16):
to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,
make healthier foods, have it all. Um. And that's not
to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,
and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure
to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,
and we know women often face higher expectations on they
put them on themselves, other people put them on them
(16:37):
and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out
of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this.
We know that for sure, Um, it's a lot of pressure,
and likely women in particularly Winnific color, we're already doing
more than white people than men. So the pressure to
do more is just like I feel like you're kind
of dismissing what intentionally or not, what you've already been doing, right,
(17:00):
and then you're adding more and it's it's just too much.
It's too much. It's a whole doesn't like self esteem
thing and sent the mentality to it that it doesn't
hit traditional mill that a normative ideas anyway. So it's
kind of like I'm going to read more, I'm gonna
do this more, you know, thinking that you have to
be better somehow, and if you're better somehow, other people
(17:22):
will notice and therefore it makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah,
And I've if it just feelers so much tied up
into that of like I'm not good enough. There's nothing
wrong with having goals. Goals are great, but I think
a lot of people approach it from this mentality of
I'm not enough for whatever reason. Um, and I've I've
(17:44):
made the b more social resolution a k A. Meet someone,
I've done I've done the things. I've made the weight
loss one multiple times I've done more be more fun, which,
oh my god, that that you're um being more productive.
And then sometimes I make I may resolutions like the
year I made the b more social, I also made
a resolution that was rest more. So I'm just I'm
(18:07):
trying to get better at that part of it. We
do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces of
advice we found a lot was try and separate what
(18:29):
you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,
the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O
O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable
expectations for New Year's um for resolution as well. UM.
And my therapist, I think I've said it before on
(18:50):
the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in
or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to
account all these stressors and things like don't don't put
something on yourself and there's so much, so much already
going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think
there's so many things like doing having a marker and
(19:11):
having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start marker,
like this is the timeframe I want to do this,
that's okay. But when you start like beating yourself up
about it, which happens too often, that's that's the problem.
Yeah yeah, um, And I was reading as part of
this research. I found a bunch of people's resolutions they
(19:31):
were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't know it
was coming. It's like a weird time capsule. It's like,
oh jeez. I still think about the fact at the
beginning of this year we were planning to go to Portugal.
I think, I, yeah, we're going to go to Portugal.
(19:52):
I would not have seen Star Wars a hundred more
times since then, like it's wild. We even had huge
plans from a huge but bigger plans for my birthday
and I got watched away, literally literally watched away. Thank
you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I know it's kind
of tiresome phrase to hear. But of course this year
is going to be different. Um, no big parties. I'm
(20:13):
doing my traditional meal, as we said, I'm having some champagne,
probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah, I will be
using I'll be wearing my onesie. I mean, at this point,
my giant comfy comforter so I don't think I've made
this announcement except on Twitter. My partner for part of
my Christmas present, gave me this giant one size and
(20:35):
I'm putting air quotes on. It fits all comfy hoodie
so it's literally a portable comforter um and I love it.
And I look like a giant tip person and I
love it. Like literally, I made a joke about the
fact that if I just crouched down, it's just become
a big gray ball encompasses me so like depth, like
like it just completely and I love it. So that
(20:57):
might be my onesie for the year. I'll just put
Google guys are like a headband on that. That's like
um like that like yeah, but that's gonna be my
New Year's because yeah, this girl's gonna be staying in
I say, game night, maybe with a few friends and
just texting everybody a gift us is happy New Year's.
That will be my I like it. Get that gift
(21:18):
ready to go. Yeah, I'm good, I've got it perfect. Well, listeners,
you would not love to know what you're doing for
New Year's Um any pressures you felt. If you have
a onesie, you can email us our emails Stuff Da
mom Stuff at ihart mea dot com. You can also
find us on Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You
(21:39):
or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always
to our super producer Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to
you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You The detection
of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heard Radio,
you can visit the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast
wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Ye
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
When never told your production of iHeart Radio. And hopefully
as this comes out it is are publishing schedule can
(00:25):
be a bit of a mystery. Things can change very quickly,
but I believe this is coming out in the New Year,
in which case, Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Yes,
and I want to bring back this classic one. It's
it's semi recent. I think we did this at the
end of but it was about the pressure women in
particular feel around New Year's um around like having a
(00:48):
good time and making resolutions and kissing and that kind
of stuff. And as we've probably maybe talked about, I
recently watched all of Samantha gave me a list of
her like holiday go to movies, uh, and I watched
them all in one weekend. And I called it in
the universe because Hugh Grant was in a lot of Yes,
(01:10):
I know that I did not notice until like way later.
How I collected my movies and a chunk of them
have Hugh Grant. And I'm not a huge h Grand fan.
I'm not. I think he's a papa's ass, but he
just kind of a character and he happens to be
in that movie, and like, damn it, no, it was
just funny. I think the universe is very clever, so
(01:32):
I'm happy about it. Very clever, but I feel no, no, no,
but it was funny because I think at least one
of them, at least one of them for sure, but
I think two of them had a New Year's which
we have talked about at this point if you've listened sequentially,
but Joe's Diary that is more of a New Year's
movie to me, right, and I think what I think
(01:55):
the holiday is a new year. It has a New
Year's kind of yeah. Okay, well it's funny because we're
doing these out of orders, so we haven't actually had
this conversation, but if you're listening to it, then we
we have to you already, um podcasting. But it just
got me thinking about this again and kind of how
(02:18):
to me strange that feels with that like we've got
to kiss at midnight or whatever it is. Uh So
I look forward to having that conversation. I look forward
to you listeners having heard it already or going back
to listen to it. But also, yes, again, happy New Year's.
We hope it was great and please enjoy this classic episode. Hey,
(02:44):
this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff I
never told you production of I Heart Radio. So Samantha
and I we've been pretty up front with our feelings
about New Year's as we approached the edge and the
(03:05):
beginning of We are not its biggest fans of the
party aspect of it. I guess all of the trappings
of New Year's um and we have a tradition, a
recent tradition of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I
(03:26):
wear the Spider Man one. Oh that's right. When we
are you did you did by that Spider Man one?
I forgot about it, that's right, I did? You did?
And like skyped or FaceTime and uh yeah we did? Yeah?
And I got mac and cheese over to me two
different times that night. Yes, And then we got it
the next day, didn't we Yeah? I had three orders
(03:48):
of mac and cheese. I was proud of you. That's
I mean. It was one of my best New Year's
Eve I've never ever had. And that's the truth. It
was a good one. I think it was a good
one too. And I definitely just stayed at home. Yeah,
that's been my latest tradition in the last two years
is just to sit at home plus three years maybe, yeah,
I think for me as well. And I do want
(04:10):
to say I've had good New Year's ease um, and
I've had good New Year's days um, and I've I've
done like the huge party thing and had a good time.
But I feel like it's very very hit and miss
for me here miss um and just it became I
wasn't having enough hits and I was having a lot
(04:31):
of mrs right, yeah, And I think part of that
for me being cheap, it's like a I don't want
to drive because if I drink right, we're all I
don't want to endanger anyone. As well as the fact
that yes, police are out on the you know streams
ready to go on New Year's and then be the
fees to get uber or left too. I can't, like,
(04:52):
I just I definitely couldn't. So I was like, I'll
just stay home. Yeah, so that's been my thing, but yeah,
the next day has been delightful several times now cut
A few friends of mine will get together and go
to a restaurant to get the black peas collars and
for sure, yeah, yeah, that's I always make sure to
have that. I've had many a fun waffle house next day.
(05:14):
Well for some of us it wasn't so fun, but
I had a good time. Yeah. Um, I think yeah,
the last few years, especially in the last four years,
the party our our crew because we're getting older, our crew,
my crew, I guess we're getting older, and a lot
of people have families now and all that, so it's
just gotta like a little less and less. Yeah, and
(05:36):
and so in this many we want to talk about
the pressures of New Years, particularly for women. But it
was funny how many articles I found about people who
really don't like New Years saying, like, you know, that
doesn't start until midnight, like you've got to really face yourself.
And then it's so expensive, like I mean, there's like
a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded, and
then you get to pay for the drinks, and then
the food is not very good and you're just not
(05:57):
gonna feel very well the next day. And it's like
kind of all about drinking and if you don't want
to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're putting
all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution right,
this is gonna be my year or whatever. As if
the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,
I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,
last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,
(06:19):
and so we were really excited about this year. It
is kind of like this year has taught me that no,
it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and
it was the New decade too, so we were all like,
not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,
it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?
And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never
leave again. So I think a lot of people are
(06:41):
going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean
I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but
still missing out. It was, I mean it was pretty nice.
And that video is still up on my Instagram and
it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if
you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So
when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do
like there is a pressure to go out, um and
(07:03):
to dress up and and something glterally and sparkly have
a hell of a party, Like this is the party
to say goodbye to this whole year, not everything that
happened and in that year, good or bad. And those
are just high expectations, and I feel you're setting yourself
up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely would agree
with that. There's so many things that you're supposed to
(07:23):
be doing, and it's such a couple of year, like
like a couple of year, a couple of time of
year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,
overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the things,
is the kiss, Like there's this pressure to kiss at midnight,
and you know, you start getting to count down and
(07:44):
your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see, Like
as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who do
do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am I
just gonna stand there awkwardly? How weird is this going
to be? If I don't find someone? In general, like
(08:13):
this hasn't been a huge problem for me, but one
year I was at UM a friend of ours, a
friend and co worker, Matt Frederick, who was like the
sweetest person on the planet, he was having a huge
New Year's party, and it was like I was running
out kissing books or something because I made it out
with this guy and he was like, oh wow, that
was so good. And then this other guy was there
and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,
(08:35):
And then it became like this talk of the party
of like how I kissed every guy and I was
like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time
I made out with one of my lady friends, like
I don't know, made out, We kissed, um, and a
bunch of dudes yelled at me basically for depriving them
of a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I
don't know you and I don't owe you anything, and um,
(08:57):
why is this a thing at all? Okay, I don't
you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has
never been a thing for me. I've never been told
I owed them a kiss. And maybe I just have
that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,
why are you trying to talk to me? Are you
trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To
be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go
to again are very coupling parties, so I am the
(09:19):
one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.
I don't I don't remember going out out, so I
remember last year you into a party or the twenty
Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the theme.
I couldn't figure out why the theme was that, Like
I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?
I don't understand. I was like, oh, the twenties, I
(09:42):
get it, Like it took me a long time to
figure that out. Um, but yeah, I definitely never been
around that typically. Like I said, I'm with friends, so
we all hug each other and maybe giving each other
each other kisses on the cheek, which now thinking on
it with COVID nineteen sounds awful and disgusting, and why
I know it does. But yeah, my sister also made
(10:05):
it very clear to me that it was a couple
of traditions, because I've said this before. All of my
siblings started bringing uh like partners or people home at
the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it was weird to
me and I never did that. I recently then met
the first partner this year, like my parents I've never
brought anyone home before this year, and I'm forty all um,
(10:30):
But like my sister would have her boyfriends and if
any of the couples were there, and she would tell
everyone to go into a specific corner of the house.
It was very specific and then loudly count down. And
it was typically me because I was the one watching
the TV and it was single, so I could sit
there and count down for them so they can all
in their special spot. She was very bossy make a
(10:52):
get of a kiss for the for the New Year's
and I was like, what is happening? But I remember
this distinctly because she made sure that it happened every
year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I when
I moved in, so it was like, that's how that
went down. So that's what I remember of that. Of course,
I also remember watching Dick Clark and the ball drop
(11:13):
I did one year ago for the peach drop, and
I was so miserable I vowed never to do it again.
Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and crowded and
that's it, and you don't see but this tiny little
piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.
You're like, what's it? Yeah, and you're stuck in the
you know. So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being
(11:37):
on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but
it was popularized to buy When Harry met Sally, which
I watched for the first time last night, by the way,
and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out
or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so
I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.
Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I
(11:57):
know fred it was like useless, right, you broke my heart?
Right O. That's that line. That's the phrato kiss. I think,
I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,
I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and
Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay, yeah yeah.
Well so you've got two different versions of it there.
The first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.
(12:18):
A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,
New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,
who assembol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,
their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves,
beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning
hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,
and the forest good cheer and merriment. As the cock
(12:39):
staring out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses
for a moment to listen, and as the last joke
dies into silence, all big and little, old and young,
male and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty
kisses go around like rolls of labial musketry with the
exclamation prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and
ladies in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom,
(13:00):
and their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if t're
only for the sake of old lang sign So uh,
I don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted
to kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly. We
did an episode on New Year's traditions on Saber, and
there are a lot of like things like that, but
(13:23):
most of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.
I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here
it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in
general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,
And I will say another part to our tradition, which
I wish would go away, and I know people have
been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,
do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because
(13:45):
typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,
which is completely tied into the single lady thing because
we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,
aren't we um And we can only do that by
being really and really beautiful whatever that seems. And I
think it's really interesting because right now there's a big
(14:05):
conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a fat
celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the Lizzo
had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see what's
happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes with
the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking out
because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family,
So I don't love going to see my family because
(14:27):
my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even
though they're twice my size, they're still gonna make comment,
and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part
of this whole holiday thing that's just awful because you
you know, relished or maybe you've been a little bit
gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now
you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to
(14:48):
find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is
the epitome of you are not of worth unless you
have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition, I used to
have What's going Home and having my mother cry about
how she was gonna how I was going to be
alone and die alone. So that was always a fun
part of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what,
(15:10):
because I was so caught up in that, I aim
a little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of
things and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a
tradition that if you aware pink underwear that you'll find love.
And so one time I did that, I don't feel
like it worked. Was this a while ago. We're supposed
(15:31):
to wear it on New Year's So there's sus colors
that you're supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck,
and pink underwear, I think it was one of those
things that I don't own that I was like when
and made it to a special trip to Target. Gotta
find that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked
before about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And
since we've been in pandemic, we've been inside and people
(15:52):
are talking about like I've lost the whole year of
my dating life essentially. But there is that big push
on dating apps a new year, where everybody's like joining
and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,
um and yeah, this whole resolution thing. There's so many
pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,
(16:16):
to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,
make healthier foods, have it all. Um. And that's not
to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,
and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure
to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,
and we know women often face higher expectations on they
put them on themselves, other people put them on them
(16:37):
and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out
of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this.
We know that for sure, Um, it's a lot of pressure,
and likely women in particularly Winnific color, we're already doing
more than white people than men. So the pressure to
do more is just like I feel like you're kind
of dismissing what intentionally or not, what you've already been doing, right,
(17:00):
and then you're adding more and it's it's just too much.
It's too much. It's a whole doesn't like self esteem
thing and sent the mentality to it that it doesn't
hit traditional mill that a normative ideas anyway. So it's
kind of like I'm going to read more, I'm gonna
do this more, you know, thinking that you have to
be better somehow, and if you're better somehow, other people
(17:22):
will notice and therefore it makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah,
And I've if it just feelers so much tied up
into that of like I'm not good enough. There's nothing
wrong with having goals. Goals are great, but I think
a lot of people approach it from this mentality of
I'm not enough for whatever reason. Um, and I've I've
(17:44):
made the b more social resolution a k A. Meet someone,
I've done I've done the things. I've made the weight
loss one multiple times I've done more be more fun, which,
oh my god, that that you're um being more productive.
And then sometimes I make I may resolutions like the
year I made the b more social, I also made
a resolution that was rest more. So I'm just I'm
(18:07):
trying to get better at that part of it. We
do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces of
advice we found a lot was try and separate what
(18:29):
you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,
the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O
O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable
expectations for New Year's um for resolution as well. UM.
And my therapist, I think I've said it before on
(18:50):
the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in
or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to
account all these stressors and things like don't don't put
something on yourself and there's so much, so much already
going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think
there's so many things like doing having a marker and
(19:11):
having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start marker,
like this is the timeframe I want to do this,
that's okay. But when you start like beating yourself up
about it, which happens too often, that's that's the problem.
Yeah yeah, um, And I was reading as part of
this research. I found a bunch of people's resolutions they
(19:31):
were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't know it
was coming. It's like a weird time capsule. It's like,
oh jeez. I still think about the fact at the
beginning of this year we were planning to go to Portugal.
I think, I, yeah, we're going to go to Portugal.
(19:52):
I would not have seen Star Wars a hundred more
times since then, like it's wild. We even had huge
plans from a huge but bigger plans for my birthday
and I got watched away, literally literally watched away. Thank
you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I know it's kind
of tiresome phrase to hear. But of course this year
is going to be different. Um, no big parties. I'm
(20:13):
doing my traditional meal, as we said, I'm having some champagne,
probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah, I will be
using I'll be wearing my onesie. I mean, at this point,
my giant comfy comforter so I don't think I've made
this announcement except on Twitter. My partner for part of
my Christmas present, gave me this giant one size and
(20:35):
I'm putting air quotes on. It fits all comfy hoodie
so it's literally a portable comforter um and I love it.
And I look like a giant tip person and I
love it. Like literally, I made a joke about the
fact that if I just crouched down, it's just become
a big gray ball encompasses me so like depth, like
like it just completely and I love it. So that
(20:57):
might be my onesie for the year. I'll just put
Google guys are like a headband on that. That's like
um like that like yeah, but that's gonna be my
New Year's because yeah, this girl's gonna be staying in
I say, game night, maybe with a few friends and
just texting everybody a gift us is happy New Year's.
That will be my I like it. Get that gift
(21:18):
ready to go. Yeah, I'm good, I've got it perfect. Well, listeners,
you would not love to know what you're doing for
New Year's Um any pressures you felt. If you have
a onesie, you can email us our emails Stuff Da
mom Stuff at ihart mea dot com. You can also
find us on Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You
(21:39):
or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always
to our super producer Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to
you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You The detection
of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heard Radio,
you can visit the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast
wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Ye
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