July 14, 2022 • 19 mins
Samantha opens up about her feelings as an adoptee while the conversation around abortion and adoption rages on.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to Stephanie. Never
told your protection, but I heeart Radio. Welcome to what
is gonna be my segment of unhappy hour of our
sub sub segments that we do sometimes of all the
(00:27):
many of sub sub segments of things. UM. But yeah,
you know, Anie, Typically I come in with just the
drinks and talking about what's happening in the industry or
or about the new drinks or the new companies or
the new CEOs or creators or crafters. Um. And we've
been talking a lot about sex in the city. And
then of course you come in, you do your beautiful
(00:48):
conversations about your life and what's going on with you
as you're discovering yourself and just kind of unraveling some
of the trauma as well as unraveling some of the
stigma that you've seen when it comes to things you
want like fan fiction and Marvel and Star Wars and
all the beautiful things which I love being a part
of this journey, thank you very much. UM. And so
(01:10):
I was like, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna twist
it off and do a little of my own concerns,
which maybe a little much for a lot of people.
So yes, this is I guess this is just me
complaining in the best way possible that I can describe um.
But it is going to be about abortion. It is
about adoption, and I know I've been talking on it
(01:31):
a lot, but yeah, it's very personal for me, and
so I feel like it's something that I need to
talk about, something that I need to keep reiterating because
I don't know how many of the FAMI no adoptees
who are hearing this narrative as well as trying to
really uh shine a light of what this feels like
for someone who is personally being called out as a solution.
(01:57):
So I did want to take this time. But again,
this is kind of that caveat of like, yes, we're
gonna talk about abortions. If you're so tired, if you're overwhelmed,
if you just need a break, this might not be
the moment to have this conversation. And I get it.
For those of us who are in the adopted world,
for those of us who's been in the social work world,
for those of us has been in the system, if
this is a little much, I get it too. So bypass,
(02:20):
that's the warning at the top. Also, it is an
unhappy hour, so it's it's where I like to drink
with my friend Danny and have this conversation. So a
drink responsibly if you are drinking, whatever you're doing in
your self care, make sure for care and not self abuse.
Um A B. We are not being sponsored specifically by
(02:42):
any of the drinks that we talk about. Um so
you know it's the one wants to exactly give us
a ring because we're throw it back. So speaking of that, Anny,
what are you sipping on? I need a bit of
a like beer jitted tonic thing. Um Again, I'm having
(03:04):
to get creative because I don't have much stuff here. Uh,
and I keep putting off going to the store. So
it's been a real interesting I've created a lot of things,
some of the really refreshing. It's kind of like saltier
than it's beer, engine and tonic. Yeah, and some lime
a little bit. Okay, you just wanted to add the
(03:26):
beer in there to give yourself a surprise. I just
feel like I always say gin and tonic and I
got to mix it up sometimes that's all I get it.
I feel that same way. I feel got need to
mix it up a lot because I'm like, I don't
want them to think I only drink this one drink,
even though I do love this one drink. Yeah, I'm
actually drinking a ginger beer with gin and lime. This
(03:48):
is my little twist today. Is that a call the
thing a twist? No? No, no, like and gin and
ginger beer thing. I'm sure, I just don't know the
name of it. I mean the doctor because it's ginger beer.
You're gonna do a Star Wars plant. I know, decited
(04:10):
for it. Please do it, Please do it. I'm trying
to remember, so as they begin, um. Yeah. At the top,
we talked about the fact that I do want to
talk about this adoption thing, and there's been a tweet
meme going around and it's kind of fading, thank god,
because I had a lot of feelings about it, which
(04:30):
was essentially a joke that was taken from a conservative
picture that were like white couples, couples coming around saying
will adopt your baby, as if that's the influence for
someone to not get an abortion. In this whole abortion argument,
we've already talked about Justice Combart say they need to adopt,
we need no more babies. Out there, which is an
(04:50):
absurd conversation essentially trying to human traffic baby saying that
we need more supply. We know there is a conspirat
c theory ideal that uh, they're saying that that they're
trying to wipe out white children. So making sure that
this is that narrative and having that hysterical uh conversation
(05:13):
of be careful abortionists who just really want to wipe
out white children. This is a way of getting rid
of the supremacy. Um, we know that's happening. As in fact,
they're talking about the fact that there's not enough children
in the market, literally say that it's not enough children
in the adoption market, which we've talked about previously when
we talked about surrogacy as well in our episode. But
(05:35):
you know, one of the things is that meme that
came out, and so of course people making fun of
that meme have been saying doing like odd couples going
that as we want to adopt a baby, and it's
like a character from this or something that is supposed
to be you know, funny, say we'll adopt your baby.
And I have a lot of feeling because I've seen
(05:55):
people that I know through this post thinking that they
are just being funny. I know there's no ill intent,
but that's kind of the conversation and that's kind of
the problem that I'm having. And see this narrative that
that's what we've become is a marketable joke and a punchline.
You know, so many times that practical joke you're adopted.
(06:16):
It has been spread around to the constant thing um
to the point that I feel like I have to
make jokes about myself. I have to make jokes about
oh yeah, I'll look just like my dad, who was
very white and very tall. And it's it's it's done
out of love, I know, to try to make me
feel like I fit in, but obviously it's uthering me.
(06:38):
I've already talked about my identity crisis as an Asian
woman of being with a white family and Asian. Uh,
I guess liberal woman is for and that's become a
dirty word in my world all of a sudden, um
versus you know, my very conservative white family, and that
we are very different spectrums when it comes to what
(06:59):
we see that having a conversation with being a transracial
adoptee being told to fit into the status quo, which
is cis white. Um. So there's a lot of confusion
slash turmoil for me when it comes to this conversation. Um.
And actually there was a tweet or a conversation I
(07:20):
guess on the NBC News social media platform which my
friend Michelle, who is in London. Hey Michelle, she doesn't
listen to our shows, but might as well. A shadow
sent uh this uh to me, this little tweet and
it's uh comment, it's a quote. It says, how do
I grapple with that? My existence was a winning argument
(07:41):
in a debate that eradicated my own rights, the rights
of so many other people and has set into motion
what it's probably going to be the unfurling of, you know,
more civil rights across the board. And it was a
Korean adoptee named Stephanie Drinka who had posted this, and
I feeled this. I feel this to a core. There's
so many things and if I argue for rights, then
(08:04):
I'm being told, well, you should be grateful of all
people because you are safe from that. And by the way,
that's a narrative I've whole, I've heard and I've even
used for myself growing up because this is what I
was indoctrinated with that this was about children and the
wiping out of children and murdering children. UM. And I
(08:25):
didn't want to take a time because I'm sure for
those again, for our many listeners, and for our fam again,
like I said, they know the arguments that we hear.
But coming from my perspective as an adoptee, I have
told you that I have a fear of being ungrateful
or being seen as being ungrateful, and in this narrative,
(08:46):
in these arguments, it's even more so that we are
just used and weaponized. Um. At this point, and I
kind of wanted to talk about this. I kind of
wanted to share some of the comments that I'm reading
and what it feels like for me to hear these comments.
Uh So, of course, in between all of this, there's
I guess the new Hunter Biden stuff, which I don't
(09:07):
really know. I did see a joke which they're like, hey, dude,
you need to learn secure lock. Someone tell this boy
about blocking a system. I don't know. Um, But of
course it starts with people saying I can't stop thinking
about the babies. Another comment M B sure s here
likes babies being slaughtered ridiculous liberal article. Everyone in the
(09:27):
world can find something to complain about and have their
quote feelings hurt about When does everyone going to just
grow up and learn how to deal with life without
whining such contortions just to find a way to be
offended or victimized. Nobody is telling an adopted person that
they have no right to voice an opinion. There's another side,
of course, when adoptees feel strongly that unborn life should
(09:48):
be advocated for. And what about the adopted people who
are incredibly insulted and hurt when pro abortion advocates say
they should have just been killed instead. Eliminate them was
one of the things, and I don't know what that means.
Just because you had a rough life doesn't mean you
should decide for those in the womb. There are many
suicidal individuals with dead ideations which I didn't completely understand.
(10:08):
UM work with the states to establish regulation for abortion.
I would rather be adopted than aborted. I don't know
what the hell these people are talking about. I've noticed
the only people fighting for the right to kill babies
are the ones who weren't aborted. I feel like there's yeah,
the logic behind us. Okay, okay, um, let's just love
(10:30):
the cause to be angry about whether it's gun control,
you create, abortion, gay rights. What a miserable existence. Perhaps
they should consider more, moving far far away, Um, how
about the rights that they are born? We Why don't
you news outlets try to be fair and objective and
maybe write something about the other side of the issue,
no thoughts. So the leftist media is conditioning you people
(10:50):
to hate America, to hate the flag, to hate the police,
to hate the Supreme Court Justice, to hate oil, to
hate guns, to hate Elon Musk, to hate Donald Trump,
to hate white people, to hate straight men, to hate Christians,
to hate capitalism, and to believe that unborn isn't a
life to benefits from this? Where is the influence coming
from communists China? But like comments like that is what
(11:11):
I have run into more than not, like everything is
based on feeling about killing babies. Of course, repeatedly saying
killing babies or being a victim, which I have heard
repeatedly when it comes to adopt the children, saying I'm
not happy. These are the things that I wish could change,
These are the things I wish could have changed, and
being told I am ungrateful and that I should stop
(11:33):
whining and complaining and be grateful for what I was
given and understand my parents saved me, which again, is
this whole narrative of a will adopt babies, We're gonna
save you. And I've had this just rolling in my
head and constantly just nagging at me, and I can't
I can't escape it. It is a constant conversation, and
it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger, especially since literally
(11:56):
they put it in one of the arguments and part
of the argument, like, uh, just Coinbarant literally says it
a couple of times in those arguments, And I'm having
a hard time reconciling with that because I know what
is happening that these points has already been utilized by
one side to say this is a solution, which we
(12:18):
know we have already talked about the thousandreds of thousands
of children and foster care and who have not adopted,
as well as we've already talked about the fact that
many children are returned to the system because they don't
want damaged babies or damaged children as they would see it.
And then now being a weaponized talking point to the
(12:39):
other side, UM, in which we're just being dismissed altogether.
And I say this in this manner of it's just
become a topic and become less humanized. And that's what
I'm seeing, and I don't know what to do about that.
This whole name really kind of pointed out because people
really thought it was funny to do this UM without
(13:00):
understanding you're isolating a group of people who has been
truly affected by this narrative, who is being affected by
this narrative, And as we have slowly backtracked in understanding
adoption is a not a solution. I mean, Korea has
finally stopped realizing, hey, oh, we've been making a lot
(13:22):
of money and people are noticing that we're making a
we're capitalizing onto this and people don't like it. Let's
stop to the fact that other countries have stopped it
because there's been so much abuse within the system. And
I'm not saying that adopted parents are abusive. I'm not
saying that foster parents are abusive. We're just saying that
there's a lack of real accountability in this the idea
(13:48):
that honestly, when young children are do not work out
in a home. They're being called re homed. That's what
they're saying. They're re homing children. And I don't like
how meaning of a term is that and how often
does it happen. It happens a lot. And I've said
this before. I don't want to get back on my
soapbox of if a child is adopted, if they have
(14:09):
come from a hard background, they're going to have things
to work through and to pretend like they're coming in
as perfect children who are going to be so grateful
to you and just idolize you, which is what people think.
That is absurd. That is absurd, unrealistic, and honestly really
traumatic and uh possibly traumatizing to everyone involved. I think
(14:44):
I'm having to try to reconcile all of my ideals,
all of my past trauma, all of my current trauma,
and all of my um newness and what I believe.
And I say newness because again, I grew up in
a very conservative home, trying to please what I thought
were my saviors until I got into college. That that
(15:08):
it took me so long to break out of that.
It is. It's hard because there's also a part of
that narrative in me that keeps saying, it's so true.
I could have I could have not been here, they
could have just not you know, had me, what would
have what would have happened? You know, like because I'm
being told repeatedly they would have killed you, and then
because you were unwanted, literally on a constant narrative, And
(15:31):
that's kind of that big conversation too. They really love
weaponizing that against adoptees. Remember one time you weren't wanted.
Just remember that. I don't know that. There's so much
that I'm processing and I'm in therapy. All I'm in therapy.
We've had the process this a few times, trying to
go through this conversation on what does this look like
(15:52):
to me? How do I how do I come to
terms as an activist, as a person who is pro choice,
as a person who did grow up in a really
hustle environment that truly believed this was killing babies. This
is murder like I've been taught abortion is murder like that.
There's no other way for me to phrase that. Do
(16:13):
I think that's true? As absolutely not? Do I absolutely
believe in the autonomy of women? Yes? Do I absolutely
believe that these laws, by the political standpoint, is a
way of control. Absolutely, yes. But do I believe my family,
my mother who cried at like a table because we
were arguing about this, truly believes that this is murdering babies. Yes,
(16:36):
I believe that because that's what she has been indoctrine
to believe and cannot let that go. There's a lot
to try to unfold from me. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm
just so glad. I mean, it's it makes it breaks
my heart that you're going through this and I see it,
like when I hear these things, I think of you,
(16:57):
and I think for a lot of people if you
don't have somebody who's had this experience in your life.
And I hope that you're listening to this and you're
going to be more mindful because it is painful, um,
and a lot of it's callous and gross. Um. But
I'm very thankful that you're willing to share your story
(17:18):
and your feelings and your thoughts around all of this,
because I know it's not not easy and there is
a lot to unpack. Well, thank you for letting me
have this time. Um, y'all, thank you for listening. If
you stuck around and please know it'll get it gets better.
This is this is a process for a lot of us,
and I know each of us have been triggered and
traumatized by something in this in this whole ordeal, because
(17:42):
it is all traumatizing and for us who have been
taught that we need to fight to this point is
exhausting and so that means sometimes our guards are up
and sometimes our guards are down. And just being able
to process it with y'all, with you, Annie has been
an amazing outlets. So thank you for giving me that time.
(18:03):
Thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you.
This is how unhappy hours naturally and it's kind of
with like almost tears and like, but I love you
though I'm here from you, I guess. Cheers to the
future with hope, tears tears to the future with hope,
(18:25):
and cheers to you listeners. We really do value you
listening and um your responses. When you you feel you
have something you can commiserate with us. We love that.
Thank you so much for being open with us too.
So if you would like to email us, you can
our emails stuff need your mom stuff at ihart mea
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
(18:46):
Stuff podcast or Instagram and stuff I've Never told you.
Thanks as always to our super producer Christina I Mean,
we love you, We love you, Chris Dada, and thanks
to you for listening stuff un ever tell you protection
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio
is Yeah het Radio app, Apple podcast or where you
listen to your favorite shows. H
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to Stephanie. Never
told your protection, but I heeart Radio. Welcome to what
is gonna be my segment of unhappy hour of our
sub sub segments that we do sometimes of all the
(00:27):
many of sub sub segments of things. UM. But yeah,
you know, Anie, Typically I come in with just the
drinks and talking about what's happening in the industry or
or about the new drinks or the new companies or
the new CEOs or creators or crafters. Um. And we've
been talking a lot about sex in the city. And
then of course you come in, you do your beautiful
(00:48):
conversations about your life and what's going on with you
as you're discovering yourself and just kind of unraveling some
of the trauma as well as unraveling some of the
stigma that you've seen when it comes to things you
want like fan fiction and Marvel and Star Wars and
all the beautiful things which I love being a part
of this journey, thank you very much. UM. And so
(01:10):
I was like, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna twist
it off and do a little of my own concerns,
which maybe a little much for a lot of people.
So yes, this is I guess this is just me
complaining in the best way possible that I can describe um.
But it is going to be about abortion. It is
about adoption, and I know I've been talking on it
(01:31):
a lot, but yeah, it's very personal for me, and
so I feel like it's something that I need to
talk about, something that I need to keep reiterating because
I don't know how many of the FAMI no adoptees
who are hearing this narrative as well as trying to
really uh shine a light of what this feels like
for someone who is personally being called out as a solution.
(01:57):
So I did want to take this time. But again,
this is kind of that caveat of like, yes, we're
gonna talk about abortions. If you're so tired, if you're overwhelmed,
if you just need a break, this might not be
the moment to have this conversation. And I get it.
For those of us who are in the adopted world,
for those of us who's been in the social work world,
for those of us has been in the system, if
this is a little much, I get it too. So bypass,
(02:20):
that's the warning at the top. Also, it is an
unhappy hour, so it's it's where I like to drink
with my friend Danny and have this conversation. So a
drink responsibly if you are drinking, whatever you're doing in
your self care, make sure for care and not self abuse.
Um A B. We are not being sponsored specifically by
(02:42):
any of the drinks that we talk about. Um so
you know it's the one wants to exactly give us
a ring because we're throw it back. So speaking of that, Anny,
what are you sipping on? I need a bit of
a like beer jitted tonic thing. Um Again, I'm having
(03:04):
to get creative because I don't have much stuff here. Uh,
and I keep putting off going to the store. So
it's been a real interesting I've created a lot of things,
some of the really refreshing. It's kind of like saltier
than it's beer, engine and tonic. Yeah, and some lime
a little bit. Okay, you just wanted to add the
(03:26):
beer in there to give yourself a surprise. I just
feel like I always say gin and tonic and I
got to mix it up sometimes that's all I get it.
I feel that same way. I feel got need to
mix it up a lot because I'm like, I don't
want them to think I only drink this one drink,
even though I do love this one drink. Yeah, I'm
actually drinking a ginger beer with gin and lime. This
(03:48):
is my little twist today. Is that a call the
thing a twist? No? No, no, like and gin and
ginger beer thing. I'm sure, I just don't know the
name of it. I mean the doctor because it's ginger beer.
You're gonna do a Star Wars plant. I know, decited
(04:10):
for it. Please do it, Please do it. I'm trying
to remember, so as they begin, um. Yeah. At the top,
we talked about the fact that I do want to
talk about this adoption thing, and there's been a tweet
meme going around and it's kind of fading, thank god,
because I had a lot of feelings about it, which
(04:30):
was essentially a joke that was taken from a conservative
picture that were like white couples, couples coming around saying
will adopt your baby, as if that's the influence for
someone to not get an abortion. In this whole abortion argument,
we've already talked about Justice Combart say they need to adopt,
we need no more babies. Out there, which is an
(04:50):
absurd conversation essentially trying to human traffic baby saying that
we need more supply. We know there is a conspirat
c theory ideal that uh, they're saying that that they're
trying to wipe out white children. So making sure that
this is that narrative and having that hysterical uh conversation
(05:13):
of be careful abortionists who just really want to wipe
out white children. This is a way of getting rid
of the supremacy. Um, we know that's happening. As in fact,
they're talking about the fact that there's not enough children
in the market, literally say that it's not enough children
in the adoption market, which we've talked about previously when
we talked about surrogacy as well in our episode. But
(05:35):
you know, one of the things is that meme that
came out, and so of course people making fun of
that meme have been saying doing like odd couples going
that as we want to adopt a baby, and it's
like a character from this or something that is supposed
to be you know, funny, say we'll adopt your baby.
And I have a lot of feeling because I've seen
(05:55):
people that I know through this post thinking that they
are just being funny. I know there's no ill intent,
but that's kind of the conversation and that's kind of
the problem that I'm having. And see this narrative that
that's what we've become is a marketable joke and a punchline.
You know, so many times that practical joke you're adopted.
(06:16):
It has been spread around to the constant thing um
to the point that I feel like I have to
make jokes about myself. I have to make jokes about
oh yeah, I'll look just like my dad, who was
very white and very tall. And it's it's it's done
out of love, I know, to try to make me
feel like I fit in, but obviously it's uthering me.
(06:38):
I've already talked about my identity crisis as an Asian
woman of being with a white family and Asian. Uh,
I guess liberal woman is for and that's become a
dirty word in my world all of a sudden, um
versus you know, my very conservative white family, and that
we are very different spectrums when it comes to what
(06:59):
we see that having a conversation with being a transracial
adoptee being told to fit into the status quo, which
is cis white. Um. So there's a lot of confusion
slash turmoil for me when it comes to this conversation. Um.
And actually there was a tweet or a conversation I
(07:20):
guess on the NBC News social media platform which my
friend Michelle, who is in London. Hey Michelle, she doesn't
listen to our shows, but might as well. A shadow
sent uh this uh to me, this little tweet and
it's uh comment, it's a quote. It says, how do
I grapple with that? My existence was a winning argument
(07:41):
in a debate that eradicated my own rights, the rights
of so many other people and has set into motion
what it's probably going to be the unfurling of, you know,
more civil rights across the board. And it was a
Korean adoptee named Stephanie Drinka who had posted this, and
I feeled this. I feel this to a core. There's
so many things and if I argue for rights, then
(08:04):
I'm being told, well, you should be grateful of all
people because you are safe from that. And by the way,
that's a narrative I've whole, I've heard and I've even
used for myself growing up because this is what I
was indoctrinated with that this was about children and the
wiping out of children and murdering children. UM. And I
(08:25):
didn't want to take a time because I'm sure for
those again, for our many listeners, and for our fam again,
like I said, they know the arguments that we hear.
But coming from my perspective as an adoptee, I have
told you that I have a fear of being ungrateful
or being seen as being ungrateful, and in this narrative,
(08:46):
in these arguments, it's even more so that we are
just used and weaponized. Um. At this point, and I
kind of wanted to talk about this. I kind of
wanted to share some of the comments that I'm reading
and what it feels like for me to hear these comments.
Uh So, of course, in between all of this, there's
I guess the new Hunter Biden stuff, which I don't
(09:07):
really know. I did see a joke which they're like, hey, dude,
you need to learn secure lock. Someone tell this boy
about blocking a system. I don't know. Um, But of
course it starts with people saying I can't stop thinking
about the babies. Another comment M B sure s here
likes babies being slaughtered ridiculous liberal article. Everyone in the
(09:27):
world can find something to complain about and have their
quote feelings hurt about When does everyone going to just
grow up and learn how to deal with life without
whining such contortions just to find a way to be
offended or victimized. Nobody is telling an adopted person that
they have no right to voice an opinion. There's another side,
of course, when adoptees feel strongly that unborn life should
(09:48):
be advocated for. And what about the adopted people who
are incredibly insulted and hurt when pro abortion advocates say
they should have just been killed instead. Eliminate them was
one of the things, and I don't know what that means.
Just because you had a rough life doesn't mean you
should decide for those in the womb. There are many
suicidal individuals with dead ideations which I didn't completely understand.
(10:08):
UM work with the states to establish regulation for abortion.
I would rather be adopted than aborted. I don't know
what the hell these people are talking about. I've noticed
the only people fighting for the right to kill babies
are the ones who weren't aborted. I feel like there's yeah,
the logic behind us. Okay, okay, um, let's just love
(10:30):
the cause to be angry about whether it's gun control,
you create, abortion, gay rights. What a miserable existence. Perhaps
they should consider more, moving far far away, Um, how
about the rights that they are born? We Why don't
you news outlets try to be fair and objective and
maybe write something about the other side of the issue,
no thoughts. So the leftist media is conditioning you people
(10:50):
to hate America, to hate the flag, to hate the police,
to hate the Supreme Court Justice, to hate oil, to
hate guns, to hate Elon Musk, to hate Donald Trump,
to hate white people, to hate straight men, to hate Christians,
to hate capitalism, and to believe that unborn isn't a
life to benefits from this? Where is the influence coming
from communists China? But like comments like that is what
(11:11):
I have run into more than not, like everything is
based on feeling about killing babies. Of course, repeatedly saying
killing babies or being a victim, which I have heard
repeatedly when it comes to adopt the children, saying I'm
not happy. These are the things that I wish could change,
These are the things I wish could have changed, and
being told I am ungrateful and that I should stop
(11:33):
whining and complaining and be grateful for what I was
given and understand my parents saved me, which again, is
this whole narrative of a will adopt babies, We're gonna
save you. And I've had this just rolling in my
head and constantly just nagging at me, and I can't
I can't escape it. It is a constant conversation, and
it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger, especially since literally
(11:56):
they put it in one of the arguments and part
of the argument, like, uh, just Coinbarant literally says it
a couple of times in those arguments, And I'm having
a hard time reconciling with that because I know what
is happening that these points has already been utilized by
one side to say this is a solution, which we
(12:18):
know we have already talked about the thousandreds of thousands
of children and foster care and who have not adopted,
as well as we've already talked about the fact that
many children are returned to the system because they don't
want damaged babies or damaged children as they would see it.
And then now being a weaponized talking point to the
(12:39):
other side, UM, in which we're just being dismissed altogether.
And I say this in this manner of it's just
become a topic and become less humanized. And that's what
I'm seeing, and I don't know what to do about that.
This whole name really kind of pointed out because people
really thought it was funny to do this UM without
(13:00):
understanding you're isolating a group of people who has been
truly affected by this narrative, who is being affected by
this narrative, And as we have slowly backtracked in understanding
adoption is a not a solution. I mean, Korea has
finally stopped realizing, hey, oh, we've been making a lot
(13:22):
of money and people are noticing that we're making a
we're capitalizing onto this and people don't like it. Let's
stop to the fact that other countries have stopped it
because there's been so much abuse within the system. And
I'm not saying that adopted parents are abusive. I'm not
saying that foster parents are abusive. We're just saying that
there's a lack of real accountability in this the idea
(13:48):
that honestly, when young children are do not work out
in a home. They're being called re homed. That's what
they're saying. They're re homing children. And I don't like
how meaning of a term is that and how often
does it happen. It happens a lot. And I've said
this before. I don't want to get back on my
soapbox of if a child is adopted, if they have
(14:09):
come from a hard background, they're going to have things
to work through and to pretend like they're coming in
as perfect children who are going to be so grateful
to you and just idolize you, which is what people think.
That is absurd. That is absurd, unrealistic, and honestly really
traumatic and uh possibly traumatizing to everyone involved. I think
(14:44):
I'm having to try to reconcile all of my ideals,
all of my past trauma, all of my current trauma,
and all of my um newness and what I believe.
And I say newness because again, I grew up in
a very conservative home, trying to please what I thought
were my saviors until I got into college. That that
(15:08):
it took me so long to break out of that.
It is. It's hard because there's also a part of
that narrative in me that keeps saying, it's so true.
I could have I could have not been here, they
could have just not you know, had me, what would
have what would have happened? You know, like because I'm
being told repeatedly they would have killed you, and then
because you were unwanted, literally on a constant narrative, And
(15:31):
that's kind of that big conversation too. They really love
weaponizing that against adoptees. Remember one time you weren't wanted.
Just remember that. I don't know that. There's so much
that I'm processing and I'm in therapy. All I'm in therapy.
We've had the process this a few times, trying to
go through this conversation on what does this look like
(15:52):
to me? How do I how do I come to
terms as an activist, as a person who is pro choice,
as a person who did grow up in a really
hustle environment that truly believed this was killing babies. This
is murder like I've been taught abortion is murder like that.
There's no other way for me to phrase that. Do
(16:13):
I think that's true? As absolutely not? Do I absolutely
believe in the autonomy of women? Yes? Do I absolutely
believe that these laws, by the political standpoint, is a
way of control. Absolutely, yes. But do I believe my family,
my mother who cried at like a table because we
were arguing about this, truly believes that this is murdering babies. Yes,
(16:36):
I believe that because that's what she has been indoctrine
to believe and cannot let that go. There's a lot
to try to unfold from me. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm
just so glad. I mean, it's it makes it breaks
my heart that you're going through this and I see it,
like when I hear these things, I think of you,
(16:57):
and I think for a lot of people if you
don't have somebody who's had this experience in your life.
And I hope that you're listening to this and you're
going to be more mindful because it is painful, um,
and a lot of it's callous and gross. Um. But
I'm very thankful that you're willing to share your story
(17:18):
and your feelings and your thoughts around all of this,
because I know it's not not easy and there is
a lot to unpack. Well, thank you for letting me
have this time. Um, y'all, thank you for listening. If
you stuck around and please know it'll get it gets better.
This is this is a process for a lot of us,
and I know each of us have been triggered and
traumatized by something in this in this whole ordeal, because
(17:42):
it is all traumatizing and for us who have been
taught that we need to fight to this point is
exhausting and so that means sometimes our guards are up
and sometimes our guards are down. And just being able
to process it with y'all, with you, Annie has been
an amazing outlets. So thank you for giving me that time.
(18:03):
Thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you.
This is how unhappy hours naturally and it's kind of
with like almost tears and like, but I love you
though I'm here from you, I guess. Cheers to the
future with hope, tears tears to the future with hope,
(18:25):
and cheers to you listeners. We really do value you
listening and um your responses. When you you feel you
have something you can commiserate with us. We love that.
Thank you so much for being open with us too.
So if you would like to email us, you can
our emails stuff need your mom stuff at ihart mea
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
(18:46):
Stuff podcast or Instagram and stuff I've Never told you.
Thanks as always to our super producer Christina I Mean,
we love you, We love you, Chris Dada, and thanks
to you for listening stuff un ever tell you protection
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio
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