Will You Accept This Arden Myrin Interview?

Comedian, podcaster, actor and author Arden Myrin joins us to discuss being a woman in comedy, advocating for yourself and grief.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephman
Never told you production of I Heart Radio. Today. We're
so excited to be joined by a very special guest
ar didn't marine. Hi, Yas, how are you. I'm so

(00:27):
excited to be on your podcast. Oh, We're so excited
to have you. We were just discussing your pretty awesome recordings.
Really a professional setup, which again puts ours to shape.
I'm literally in a dining room, like I mean, I
love design. I'm like I I bought my first house,

(00:49):
like a little tiny house two years ago, and I
I contracted it myself because I could l a so
expensive that I so I designed. I love design. I
would have designed it anyway, but I design contract at
the house. And there's like a little stand alone garage
that I turned into a podcast studio, and so I
rather than put like egg crates up, I figured out

(01:11):
a way to have the walls upholstered for soundproofing. So
there's cotton batting, and then I found this really great
fabric on like a discount fabric site that makes it
look all bougie. I mean it definitely the floor's flood
sometimes if it rains a lot, so you know it
has its quirks, but on a on a dry day

(01:33):
and spectacular on the dry days. Well, that probably wouldn't
work so well in Atlanta, but I bet it works
much better in l A yes story, I'm just having
spent time in Atlanta. You're absolutely correct about that. I'm
thinking of was your time in Atlanta? Yeah? Can you
introduce yourself and tell our listeners where they can find

(01:54):
you or may where they know you from already probably
you got it. My name's Artam Marine. I'm in act or,
I'm a comedian, I'm an author, and I'm a podcast host.
People know me from. I played Regina st Clair on Insatiable,
which was on Netflix, which I filmed for two seasons
in Atlanta, and just loved Atlanta and so happy to

(02:14):
be sort of virtually pretending I'm in Atlanta right now.
And then I was on Shameless for a year. I
was on that TV for four years. I did over
a hundred episodes of Chelsea Lately. I tore as a
headlining stand up. I am an author of the book
little Miss Little Compton, available worldwide in all forms, that

(02:36):
just came out this year. And then I am a
podcast host of one podcast, and I have another one
that's about to come out. It's also on I Heart Radio.
It is called Will You Accept This Rose, And it
is a Bachelor recap podcast that I do with other
comedians who are super fans that we don't hate watch it,

(02:56):
but we do make jokes of like we we are
no spoilers. We want them to find love, and we
make a lot of jokes about it. And then I'm
also about to release a new I Heart Radio podcast
called Lady of the Road, where my co host is
Julianne Robinson, who is one of the executive producers of Brierton.

(03:17):
And then she actually directed the pilot and she directed
Sexy six, Episode six, which is the Honeymoon sex Best
where we talked to women that we admire and our
first guest is Joan Jet. Our second guest is Lady
Dan Barry. We talked to Rhetta, we talked to Jen Kirkman,

(03:38):
We're gonna talk to I mean, there's like so many
you know, it's it's it's Amber Ruffin, Molly Shannon, It's
it's gonna I'm so excited for it to come out.
You have an all star cast, and I love that,
and yeah, I did see that you're about to do
the new podcast, and I got very excited because I'm
very into Britain. I do. I love ridiculous romance is

(04:00):
with happy endings. That is something that I don't have
in my own life. My past work history was all tragic.
So I was like, let me busk in this beauty
of just happiness. I mean, I feel like people would
have loved it anyway, but the world needed bridge. It
was came up Christmas Day. It's so beautiful. It was
so cool and fun. The casting, like the Duke, just

(04:24):
the whole thing. Lady Danbury, I mean just meeting her,
you know, walking around with her top hat and her cane,
just like so elegant, a single, rich lady just killing
it and having fun. And I I loved it. I
loved it. I'm a little jealous. I did listen to
a couple of year episodes with The Bachelor and Bachelor World,

(04:47):
and and any and I have talked before that this
is not this has not been a part of our world.
We don't quite get into it, but we know people
are die hard and just listening. I think it was
specifically with Miles, who was a part of the family
as well as a lazy talking about the different loves
and y'all get into it for like a good an hour,
like forty five minutes of all of that. What made

(05:07):
you decide this has to be a replay podcast? What
made you think this is this is a must? I mean,
first of all, I was gonna say shout out to
Miles and Lacey. They're gonna be on next week. I
love them. I did not watch The Bachelor. I was
not into it. I didn't get it. The only reality
shows I enjoyed are I like watching people make things.
So I enjoyed Project Runway It's like things or Top

(05:31):
Chef Thing. I liked watching people give up on themselves
when they're tired, and having Tim Gunn swoop in and
be like, make it work, and then you know they're
ready to like throw in the towel and they're like,
I can't do it, Tim Gunn, and then they would
like pull it together and then come up with some
magical thing and win. So I liked that sort of
you know, I like to make things, and I found

(05:53):
that inspiring. I had no interest in Caddie. It just
wasn't interesting to me. And a couple of years ago,
somebody was like, you need to watch The Bachelor of
this season. I was like, I have a life, No,
I really don't. There's nothing that I even relate to
in this and so like, no, no, no, you need
to watch it, like there's like, for whatever reason, there's
what somebody said, I need to final watched one episode

(06:15):
and then it turned out it was a very good season.
It was Caitlin season, and I found that I liked
it in a way I didn't. I never grew up
playing sports, but I found it relaxing in a gaming
way of like who's gonna win and really rooting for him,
and she was very charming and kind of realizing, Like no,
I actually felt like people were falling in love and

(06:36):
and trying to figure out almost like who's going to
the super Bowl or who's going to the finals? You know.
And and I noticed on Twitter that all of my
funny friends were tweeting about it, and I think, you know,
growing up, I always wanted to be an actor. I
always wanted to do comedy and then, thankfully, knock on what,
I've been able to make that my career. So I

(06:57):
was like, what are my hobbies now? You know, I
just at first just started it as something fun that
had nothing to do with my life. That was just
something like a silly, silly hobby to do with my friend,
treating it like a sporting event. And it's been this
weirdest thing where who would have ever thought that this
podcast about the Bachelor has Now, you know, I get

(07:19):
social anxiety, I get nervous around people, and so it's
also a fun way that I've made I don't know
if you guys have that or if you've found this
with your podcast, but podcasting is a knife safe way
to come in. You have sort of an intimate conversation
with people that you wouldn't normally have. And for this,
you know, I just write out the episode, we go
through it. But I feel like I've been able to

(07:40):
make friends. And then in a weird way, we joke
now that we're the only podcast about the Bachelor and
grief because I think during the course of a couple
of years ago, so it's been on for like five
or six years and two seasons in a row, it
just so happened like both of my parents died back
to back, Like my dad died and then a year
later my mom suddenly died, and they both died on

(08:02):
like the weekends during the season, and The Bachelor aired
on Monday, and I'm like, do I it's so inappropriate.
So I do the podcast and I allowed myself to
cancel anything I didn't want to do, and I found
I wanted to do it because it had been something
that was just like silly and fun and it didn't
meet like it was just like completely something outside of

(08:23):
my life. And so in my stand up, I've never
been that personal. I'd never really talked about my family.
I'd never really revealed that much of myself. But I
couldn't hide the fact that I was in my family
living room and I forced my brother to god lass
my brother. But like both times I was like, look,
you know, and I didn't know if it was going
to make my listeners uncomfortable. And then rather than being

(08:46):
off putting, I think it made them kind of lean
in and be like thank you for you know, my
my mom had been a part of the podcast, and
like that everybody has stuff in life and so and
I think people appreciated that that I wasn't fully okay,
but like I told him what was going on, and
then I did it, and it's it's helped. Actually, it

(09:07):
was like my own I had weirdly built my own
grief therapy and in a weird way. We've had a
few other people on the show have similar things where
they've lost a parent and they wanted to keep coming
because it's just it's just fun. It's just something that's
fun and it's an escape for a couple of hours.
And that's been you know, and even during the pandemic,

(09:27):
we're like, do we still you know, at first, you're like,
do we still do this? During Black Lives Matter? The
height of that, like do we do this? Pot you know,
And we just made the decision because a lot of
it wasn't even airing. We made the decision. We're like,
you know what, if we can be of service and
help somebody laugh for a couple of hours, and if
our heart is like if our intention is to try
to be of service and have a fun community and

(09:48):
we know it, you know, things are complicated right now,
but we can provide something that's warm and fun. Let's
just throw the spegetta get the wall and seech people
like this. And it turned out people did it. So
it's just so weird. Who would have ever thought that.
I'm kind of surprised because again, I'm not in that world.

(10:10):
But I think one of the things that we had
talked about, actually, we just did a couple of episodes
about women in romance and getting caught up in whether
it's novels or movies or songs and what that really is.
And this whole narrative about shows like this or shows
like Britain, how they're being dismissed because they think it's
not relevant enough and it's just chick stuff, according you know,

(10:31):
according to misogynistic mainstream ideas. But the actuality is it
is an escape, and it is a kind of a
way for people to have that moment of pause and
a mental health moment of like I can escape from
my worst moments of today with these non physical things
that have nothing to do with my life but are

(10:52):
distracting me and it's beautiful, which is exactly as you
were talking about Bridgetain being released. During the time of pandemic,
people needed an escape, needed to forget that they can't
go out, needed to forget about all the things that
people weren't doing to help each other out. To being
able to escape to listening to or watching Bachelor and
Bachelorrett and I do know like recently, I don't know

(11:13):
if it's recently because I've been paying attention, but according
to the show, they're starting to become more empathetic and realizing,
like really caping for those who are good people like that.
I don't know the female there was a female contestant,
the woman who was like, hey, you're being toxic, stop
being me, and I love it. It was such a
beautiful moment of them really caping for this girl. And

(11:35):
even though maybe the main dude didn't see it and
didn't see how great she was, everyone else did and
it was really rooting for her. And I'm like, for
a show that oftentimes you do see the caddie, they
want to see the drama, to have people talking about
her was really beautiful. I really felt like there's a
moment of hope. I mean, I will say this Bachelor

(11:55):
Matt James, he's so lovely, like he's such a truly
I don't you know, he'd never been through the franchise
before and he seems like just a really nice person.
And most of the women that are left, so we're
now we were down to the final four now we're
down to the final three. Like most she didn't she

(12:17):
didn't make it. I did not know. I just needed
to know that that's okay, that's okay. But there are
some really lovely like this gentleman has really for the
most part, most of them had like one of them
is this lovely school teacher like. He seems to really
have responded to a lot of the nicer more like

(12:40):
there's a there's a there were some ladies that are
pretty harsh on this season, but then he he has
generally seemed for the most part to gravitate towards these elegant, nice,
like kind women. There's one that's there's some drama around,
but the other ones are great. Yes, the escapism thing

(13:02):
is it's in you know, I don't know. Do you
guys have hobbies? Oh, you're askeing the wrong people this question. Yeah,
And he's a hobby queen, and I am the rerun
watcher of all things nonsensical. So yes, yeah, so you
get it. Absolutely, we understand he Annie, What are your hobbies?

(13:27):
Oh well, right now it is reading and writing fans fiction.
This is also my cosplate closet, so I made costumes
in here and dungeons and dragons. I I run a campaign,
and I like go. I treat it like a job.
I built things, and I designed things. I just started quilting.

(13:48):
I had not used to sewing machines since I made
dresses from my barbies at like seven. Quilting is so
fun because he doesn't need a pattern and it can
be messy. And and then I've also been making pom
pomps with my friend. I'm going to turn into something.
But yeah, I think the importance of something and I'm

(14:08):
sure it's healing for you to do all your hobbies,
Like I'm sure that that is like calming and you
get lost in it. Like I think the importance of
that is such good self care. Yeah. Absolutely. And and
for me, ever since the pandemic started, I started writing
this fan fiction. It is now four and fifty pages long,
so I call it My Pandemic Baby. But it's definitely
like a stress stress thing for me is writing, And

(14:31):
like the more I'm writing, the more I'm like, oh, wow,
you're really stressed, but this is helping so much. So.
As you said, you did recently release a memoir. Can
you talk about the why you wanted to write it?
The process of writing it. So I wanted to write
I have a very quirky family, and you know, it's

(14:54):
an interesting thing like that. I never was very open about,
you know, I never I was always fairly i've i've
still am fairly private. But like so, whenever I would
do at UCB, they of a show called ASCAT, and
they have a monologist like to the Improv Theater in
New York. In l A, their big shows called ASCAT,

(15:15):
and they have somebody come on and they get a
suggestion from the audience on the spot, who are you know?
Their their guest chnologists has to just sort of improvise
stories based on the word. It could be literally like
uh say monkey or top hat or whatever, and then
you have to sort of just tell a story of
that that word makes you think of. And I found

(15:38):
even though I didn't talk about my family or the
town that I grew up in in my stand up,
when I would go do the monologues at ASCAT, people
would be really interested in my upbringing in my town.
I grew up in a town called Little Compton, Rhode Island,
which is a real town that I'd probably never heard of,

(15:59):
the real Compton until straight out of Compton. The movie
came out, like not even the album or the movie.
And my parents had they met in New York City.
They were co workers. They never went on a date
with one another. In one New Year's they got engaged
on a dare and they got married six weeks later,
and they stayed married for fifty years, and they moved

(16:20):
to this tiny town. And so whenever I would talk
about that, people just seem so like, wait, what what
do you mean Your parents got married on a dare,
And like, what do you mean? You know, I grew
up in a town with the general store and no stoplights,
and allegedly we had an illiterate chief of police, you know, allegedly,
I don't know, that's the rumor um. And so I

(16:41):
felt like I had this particularly funny family that I
was never aware of. But as I grew up and
got out into the world, the more people would hear
about them, the more they were like, that's a very
unusual family. My friend said, it's like funding with scissors,
Like the book should be called Funding with Scissors. And
so it was a process like I'd written various forms

(17:02):
of this proposal over the years, and then I feel
like in the last few years, I've got a little braver,
and I got a little more honest, and I got
a little um. I don't know if you guys have this,
but like I feel like I probably my particular family.
And I also think as a woman, like I was
brought up to sort of keep secrets or keep things

(17:24):
nice or like don't you know, like you just you
just don't rock the boat. And I added more truth
to sort of the fun stories of like, well there
was more going on, and like my mom was great,
my dad was pretty verbally abusive, and like I also
felt like I wanted to show people, and particularly you know,

(17:47):
I wanted to show anybody that if you grew up
with somebody that was sort of telling you you weren't enough,
that like that there is at least from it that
I could hopefully be an example that like you can
be okay even if somebody was sort of not so great.
And so the crazy thing I found out I was

(18:09):
filming season two of Instatable and not to be modeling,
but like I was telling season two e Instation, But
I was so excited love that show, so fun and
the first season my dad had died right before the
first season. So I was like happy to be back.
Things like okay, great, so that can be like normal
this year. I'm like, you know, time had passed. I
felt better. And then like the sixth day there, I

(18:32):
found like my mom died, just she just had a
heart attack and died. And then so I went home
and I found out like going on the way to
her funeral, like at this email that was like, I
mean this is like a five minute drive. They were like,
hope you're having a great week. We're so excited. We
want to do the book. I saw my book the
morning at my mom's funeral. On the way to my

(18:53):
mom's funeral, I've been trying to sell it for like
eight years. Like what I was like, well, you know,
I mean I'm not really having a great way, like
I'm so excited that like so and she was barely
in the proposal too. I was like okay, well, like
I just so you know, and want to freak you out,
but like something does happen, um, so it might be

(19:14):
a slightly different book just by so it actually, my
friend says, it became is not my memoir, it became
my mom wir it became her book. And I found
it just similar to any. Like the process of writing it.
I actually think it became more glass half full and
more optimistic, and that it was again creating things. It

(19:36):
was almost my own medicine, like the equivalent of your
fan fiction of like that. In a weird way. I
think my heart was so open and I was so aware.
You know I have either of you lost a parent. Yes,
I lost my dad a year and a half ago.
I'm sorry. It was okay, So that's kind of one
of the things. And I'm not putting words in Any's mouth.

(19:57):
She's actually recently did an episode year ago. Uh, kind
of similar to you. Her relationship with her father was
well that I will say first, and I'm sorry, and
I will say what was interesting was I thought my
dad had been almost dying for years, Like he was
a big drinker and he he just lived life large

(20:18):
for years and then he'd stopped drinking, but he's done
a lot of damage and he ate nothing but cake
even though he's dying. But it was just like a
full plate of like he was. And I thought it
would just be a relief when he was gone because
he and it and it wasn't. It was It was
interesting having like for me, a complicated grief was actually

(20:39):
just as painful as the one that I adored, you know,
like because it's all the stuff that like because it
was because it didn't happen, and it never did happen,
and so there was a grief over that. And so
I found that writing this, Like I think at first

(21:00):
the proposal was more about him, which is so easy.
I think sometimes that somebody like that. I think so
much from my sometimes, like if I'm doing stand up,
the one person that's not laughing is one I can
focus on not rather than everybody else, And you know,
our brains can kind of sabotage us. And I think
when like I had so many people tell me memories
of her like that were so fresh things that I

(21:20):
didn't know about that it actually was like, well, she
did all the heavy lifting, Like she was the one
that was magic, She was the one that made me
believe in myself, like rather than focus on the one
and I did talk honestly about how you know, and
by the way, it's a really fun book. It's a funny,
fun book. But it is also like I had one

(21:41):
parent that just didn't like me. He just never liked me.
He did from the get go, and he never did
never the entire time beginning to end. And how healing
it was. I mean there were days where I would
show up at the page, you know, he wrote it
all in airbnbs in Atlanta, shooting insatiable, like and I
would just pass out like it was too much. But
then like I just kind of kept trying to open

(22:03):
my heart and go like like to see what was
fun and unique. And I think it's a really joyful
tribute with honesty about you know, a complicated person. And
then I think the healing powers of sort of just
I didn't have the luxury of going to bed like
if you just have to keep going like the like
the almost the gift of and I think the world

(22:24):
is experiencing that right now. I think that there's a
little like the whole world is having complications right now
and just going okay, well what are the like I
don't know if you experienced this, Danny, But the gift
of it was also like it became very clear in
my body what I wanted to do and what I
didn't want to do, and who I wanted to be with.
And I couldn't people please, Like as I was run up,
particularly as a female, and in my pt like I

(22:48):
always should do this, I should do that, and like
I couldn't force myself to do that. Did you have
that experience? Um, Well, before I answer your question, because
I have a lot to say every I do want
to just mention I was once in a vampire short
film called Insatiable Way to Play. I was the roommate

(23:14):
who was moving into this vampire's house and being like,
I think there's something up with this lady. I think
she might be Did you get killed? Do you get killed? No?
Actually the ending is really fun because I was supposed
to get killed, but money and time things happened that
they changed the ending so that I actually like, hear
this guy scream And one of her rules was never
coming to my room, And so I get up and

(23:34):
I'm like, maybe I should go check it out, and
then I say this and it ends so I don't
go in there. She doesn't kill me. That's good, thank you.
I just want to put that out there. It is available.

(23:57):
Back to what you said earlier about like podcasting is
such a it can be such a personal medium. And
when my dad died, I had just had so many
complicated things, and I also thought it was going to
be a relief, and I was kind of like, what
is this? Why am I not more relieved? Because I
would tell friends like I will be relieved when he died.

(24:19):
I've been praying for it since, like great. I remember
even like if he just died, then everybody would know
I was in pain, and then I like it be,
it would be uncomplicated, you know. That was my little
child brain and it's like, no, it's not like that.
It's not a free there's no free paths. And I

(24:40):
remember I too, kept podcasting through that, and then we
did an episode on forgiveness, and then recently we revisited
it because through this time, when and listeners have gotten
to like, hear me go work through this. And I
did forgive my my dad, which is something thing I

(25:00):
never ever ever thought I would do and I didn't
try to do. And as we always say, forgiveness is
not you don't owe it to anybody, um, but going
through that and having people listen to it and share
their their experiences and even if they haven't lost a
parent or if they don't have complicated relationships, you can
still connect to that kind of stuff. And I I'm

(25:23):
curious what your experience. You've kind of talked about it
a little bit, But I feel like for me, as
a woman in entertainment, there was and a lot of
this was me doing it, putting this pressure on myself.
There is this pressure to be like authentic and open
and vulnerable. But sometimes those emotions like you haven't worked

(25:43):
through that yet, and like it feels kind of dangerous
or something like like you're doing it because you think, oh,
this will be good content, and you know, you're not
thinking about yourself and what's good for you. So I
don't know if you have any experience with that. Was
almost as if I had to be like it's fine,
I'm fine, you know what I mean. Like I didn't

(26:04):
want to make my coworkers uncomfortable, and so I felt
like I had to just because I didn't really know them,
you know, And so there was something about having to
and I you know, look, people say crazy things too.
I mean I remember when my mom died, there was
a person at work who asked how I was doing.

(26:24):
I was like, I'm okay, like just okay. I was like, yeah,
I'm okay, and they're like, what's wrong? And I said, well,
my mom died two weeks ago, and the person said, well,
there's been two weeks. This person is forever the it's
been two weeks for Shure, I, myself, my friends and
I that's information. So like although the rest of my coworkers,

(26:46):
you know, a lot a lot of them, it's interesting
who shows up and who's like who's not scared of it?
Like you know, Debbie Ryan, who was the lead on
the show. She was so wonderful and she actually ended
up writing the foreword from my book, and like you
just you know, here this young lady who was like
a Disney star, like who would have ever? Like this
was the person that I would go get tacos with him.

(27:07):
We would go like get scooters and right through the
park and we'd go. You know, it was, um, you
just never know, and then I do. I do know.
You know, in this Instagram world where you're supposed to
or you think you're I mean, you know in your
brain you can go, oh my am, I supposed to
put my bleeding art on the page. There's the New

(27:30):
England side of me that was like zip your lip,
don't tell anybody. It's like always this dance of you know,
because for a while you are not okay, and and
it is like a fine line of kind to be
authentic about that. Well also like you're basically like running
a marathon and like stitching yourself up midstream and shocked,

(27:54):
like kind of tell tell people, you know, like hey,
there's a lady injured in this lane, and also like no, no,
don't worry about it. I'm fine, I'm fine, don't mind
the stitches in the blood, like I'm fine, I'm fine.
So it's like you don't want to like it was
a fine line of being authentic and then also not
wanting to terrify people, like yeah, and I feel like

(28:14):
for me, and we've Samantha and I have talked about
this at length. We just did an episode called dead
Inside as I felt like I wasn't sad enough, like
on the other side of that, people were like, oh,
you're not You're not sad enough. And the day after
my dad died, I went to the surprise birthday party
because I was the person who was supposed to spring
the surprise, and everyone was like, why the hell are

(28:36):
you here? And yeah, and I still feel guilt about that.
I feel weird about it, but I was kind of
almost in a number you leave your blood. I mean
there's no shout, you know, trust me, I think I did.
It's like, well, that's on my calendar, like it like
that's what I'm gonna tell. The day after my mom died,

(28:57):
I was stuck in Atlanta. There was like an ice storm.
I couldn't get to Rhode Island. So I was like, well,
I have tickets for a soccer game. I'm gonna go
to this. I went to the soccer game and then
I bumped into this friend of mine who's like an
executive an adult swim. She was there, She's like, how
are you. I'm like, not good, Like my mom died yesterday,
and you can see on her face like why are
you at this soccer But I'm like I didn't know

(29:19):
what else to do. Like you, you know, the first
couple of weeks, you're just crazy. You're just like it's crazy, Like, well,
I had the tickets, so I bought them. I'm going
to this pub game. I'm d I'm sorry. You're like, yeah,
I think a lot of the things, and just again,
I haven't lost a parent. My whole view is completely

(29:40):
different working on the outside, but I know any had
told me, and I'm guessing as you as a comedian
in general, this level of being seen as not only
the dutiful daughters therefore you have to handle things and
be the responsible one, but also secondly, like it's almost
a level of expectation of entertainment, like, yeah, you're grieving,
are you going to entertain in us? And any you

(30:01):
have that whole story of being paid twenty dollars because
you entertain your niece or nephew or not or nephew
a cousin. You have a cousin during the funeral or
during the like sitting there because you were able to
keep this kid entertained, And they're like, oh, we're so impressed.
But there's a lot of expectation, especially if you're an entertainer,

(30:21):
especially and he's an entertainer. He is in this world
as well being thought of as that you are an entertainer.
So why aren't you using your grief to entertain us?
What is that kind of pressure? I can't imagine what
that even looks like. I mean, I see that I
am my own in so many areas, whether my life

(30:41):
is on fire or not, even like the best of times,
I am so my own worst taskmaster, and I am
so often the one who pushes myself too hard. I
am the one who will go, yeah, I should be fine,
I could do that. I'll sign up for that. I'm
gonna do that. And remember doing stand up in Atlanta

(31:02):
shortly after my dad died. I went and was like,
I'm not do stand up again. So I did a
couple of shows at the Laughing Skull that went well,
and then I had was one horrible night where like
everyone from the cast came to see it. Alissa Milano
was there, like with her husband, like rancy A, her parents,
the show runner from Insane. It was just not my night.
It just was not a good night. And it was

(31:23):
like and I realized too soon, Like I realized I
can't do stand up right now because it's too vulnerable.
I can't. I don't have a bomb in me. However,
that doesn't mean the baby gets from out the bath water.
Like Okay, what can I do? I can do my podcast.
The podcast is safe. I hand pick who's on we're

(31:46):
talking about the Bachelor. It's more authentic. I can be
real about what's happening. I think, you know, it's just
picking and choosing. It's like I feel like all of
life so much is an experiment of like, Okay, I
try it, it could have you know, you go and
then you know it could have been great not for
me right now, like and but yeah, I think, particularly

(32:11):
in work situations when people are used to you being funny,
I think my go to is often, you know, my therapist.
And I remember because I got I actually got this
really nice lady. I hadn't been in therapy in years.
And then when my mom died season two, I was like, well,
I can't do this again, Like I'm like the girl

(32:33):
cried wolf, like this just happened. Like so I was like,
all right, I'm gonna tell I'm gonna so I found
this wonderful lady indicator who I actually still go to
via zoom. I just loved her. But she was saying
how and I think this is me as an entertainer,
but also just me as a lady raised in my house,
which is the instinct is to go the equivalent of
like learning how to not go the house burned down,

(32:58):
and then trying not to say, don't worry, everyone's fine,
like trying to comfort the person to like take the
blow off of my own bad news because people don't
know what to do with it, just letting it go.
Sometimes not everyone's fine, like just going the house burned down,
Like my instinct is to care for I don't want
to freak anybody out with bad news, learning how to

(33:19):
de zip it and not do the second thing of
like IM don't worry, it's fine, all right, It's like
are you Annie? What did you? Is fine with that? Yeah,
it's It's interesting because I also had a series of
kind of tragedies in a row, and I thought I
had a similar like people aren't even gonna believe this
is real anymore. Yeah, this is ridiculous. And I did

(33:43):
and still do struggle with that very thing of comforting
other people, like worrying more about other people first. And
I do have this reputation which I built um being
a fun like easy go, I'm going to make your
day better, like the party, the life of the party,

(34:06):
and I it's such a big part of my identity,
and a part of that is being a woman. And
we also both Samantha and I come from small towns,
not as small as yours. Mine's pretty small in comparison
to how big mine you and I may be in
the running to see whose town is smaller. Yeah, Sa

(34:27):
l J. Georgia. Oh so you're asking me questions. I
don't know anymore, but I definitely was. We had one stoplight, yes,
it got split into two sections for some reason, we
don't know why. As well as we had the one
small walmart, and it wasn't until two thousand until I left.
So I think that two thousands five that they got

(34:49):
more than two grocery stores. I mean, I think mine smaller.
We have we have no stoplights, no grocery stores, no chains,
we have one gender. We only have a general store, okay,
and then we had a one weird store that we
went to and then the bigger one came later on
in my teenage years. We have a coffee shop that's
a barn, and an apple orchard and um a diner.

(35:13):
So we didn't have a shop beat back. I'm just saying, yeah, No,
I think I was was more spread out, So we
were definitely. Uh, the land was large, but the town
was teeny tiny. It still is it still is, but yeah,
we've grown since then. I do think a small town

(35:34):
makes you like, um, the gift of a small town
to me is like my mom wanted to move there
from Rhode Island so that we could learn how to
entertain ourselves and that we weren't overly programmed. My brother
and I and I think it worked, like learning how
to sort of daydream like that noodle time, making houses,
rocket ships out of boxes, and climbing trees and that's

(35:56):
sort of magical noodle time. And then I love I mean,
television really raised me and just the fun and the
fantasy of daydreaming of one day when I'd be old
enough to get out of there. I think it made
me glad I got to get at it. I mean,
even though it's like the prettiest place on Earth, I'm like,
I gotta got to go right. Literally, when I was there,

(36:18):
I could not stand hiking doing any of that because
I live in a mountain town, so I'm at the
foothills of Appalachian Mountains, and I didn't do any of
those things. Didn't camp As I leave and come into
the city. I put that in quote. Now I'm actually
going back to my hometown to stay in the capits,
to go camping and to do the hiking. So yeah,
it's definitely a whole different experience. I get that I

(36:39):
get that. Yeah, I feel like related to what we
were saying earlier though the small town for me and
and being a woman raised in kind of this like
southern small town was I did, like I added the
pressure to be nice and not rock the boat, as
you say, and not bother people with your less than

(37:01):
super poppy promotions. But speaking of like coming from a
small town and leaving it, you started in this industry
really young without much support, how did you go about
that as you learn to advocate for yourself, especially as
a woman in this industry that is changing but has traditionally,

(37:23):
like most industries and entertainment, not been the best. I mean,
it's I think, if I really look back on I
have so much compassion now, I'm like, oh, man, like
that was gnarly. Some of that stuff was gnarly. Like
I think at first, you learn how to shape shift,
you know, you learned how to kind of like ha
like deflect and like I started in Chicago when I

(37:46):
was nineteen, I started doing improv there and which was
a magical, amazing time. And the people there were like
it was huge comedy people, but they were pretty much
all men, you know, And I'd also never been hit
on more in my life. I'd never I'd never had

(38:07):
my gender like such an issue. I'd never heard the
phrase women aren't funny before. But all of that was
news to me, and I honestly, in the beginning, a
lot of my way of dealing was just sort of
cutting and running. It was sort of like I knew
I wasn't going to thrive there, and I'd written a
lot of plays, like I had already written and directed

(38:27):
plays in high school and stuff like that, and and
thankfully my mom always was like, you can do anything
to put your mind to. I'd already had the experience
of like doing well with my own voice, and I
just thought, I'm not going to thrive in this environment.
So I left Chicago. But it makes me sad, like
I felt like looking back now, it makes me sad

(38:50):
to think there was another young so I was nineteen,
there was also a nine year old guy that was there,
Like who did great? And what would it have been
like to just be treated as sort of like the
young whiz kid rather than somebody like that was to
be hit on or something I don't know, And then
you know, even just I'm having like weird flashes of

(39:11):
things I just watched Have you guys watched I Hate Susie.
It's a British show. It's really good. But you know,
I had I had flashes of a few of my
first like TV jobs, where one of them I was
on this improv show and they brought in this guy
to who it was this sort of big he was

(39:31):
big in the improv world, and we had to do
like two weeks of training the whole cast, and every
scene that I was everybody else just got normal scenes.
And every scene that I was in was like, okay,
Arden's a prostitute and she comes in or Arden and
walks in and her clothes fall off, like every single scene.

(39:52):
And you know, I grew up. I looked like a
boy dul I was fifteen. I was sort of like
barbed from strangers. I mean, it wasn't. It was very
confusing to me. I don't know, like it's not my
operating system is one of barbed from strangers, like this
is here's like this is this me? You know what

(40:13):
I mean? Like and then like even if it wasn't,
even if I was like Bridget Bardo, like like, it
just felt like I just wanted to do improv. You know,
and then when I got cast on Mad TV, like
I auditioned with all these quirky characters and then they
like dyed my hair blond. I was a redhead. And

(40:34):
I remember like I knew Amy Poehler, who was always
brilliant and fantastic, and I remember one week we were
both she was on SNL and I was on Mad TV,
and I think she was with like Hillary Clinton, And
it was my very first episode and they made me
do a sketch with the wonderful, wonderful Fred Willard, who
I adored but like so I was excited to work

(40:56):
with him. But I had to be standing in my
underwear holding a dra a flamelog for no reason. There
was no reason for me to be in my underwear.
And remember somebody joking Lee saying, welcome to Mad TV,
here's your underwear, you know, and it was just like,
I don't know, just how did I you know? Just
I remember making up my mind because I remember seeing

(41:17):
some of the other women being really understandably upset about
like understandably, and I remember just being like, Okay, well,
I'm just gonna worry about whether or not I'm funny.
I'm not trying to be a bikini model. I'm not
trying to you know, I'm not trying to be a
sports illustrated center for like, So I'm just gonna trust

(41:38):
that I look fine and I'm just gonna worry about
if I'm funny. But I look back and I would
like what it would it have been like to be
like one of the guys and to be able to
just pitch my sketches, you know what I mean? Like that,
I think it's that was the deal at the time.
You know, that was just how it was, and I

(42:00):
don't think there was room to not like. I don't
know if there would have been a job for me
to not go along with it, you know. Yeah, I
think we've talked about that a lot. We've talked about
the fact that women have had to do what they
had to do to pull themselves up. I mean, that
was kind of one of the conversations about Kamala Harris
and her her not so great records within California and

(42:23):
her time as being a prosecutor and the d A,
and the whole level of my conversation is I've been
working in this system with when it comes to courts
in this whole idea of criminalization, and we've come a
long way and understanding this is a really bad system,
Like that's just the overall arcing. But the fact of
the matter is you do what you've gotta do in

(42:43):
a certain level, hopefully in a certain level where in
order to make it beyond that. So because you're talking
about something like obviously this is not your sketch, this
is not something you want to do, is sit and
half naked with a log that has nothing to do
with with that I admire. And he looked ashamed, like
even like he didn't look like he wanted to do it.

(43:04):
He was such a sweet general, like he looked embarrassed
for me, you know, like this wasn't his pitch, right,
But that's the thing, is like, that's what that's what
we're like talking about, is there's the standards and for
the longest time, again you yourself and many others like, Okay,
we just have to do this and deal with it.
You know, we talked about Sharon Stone talking about being

(43:25):
sexually harassed constantly and laughing when they was asked the
question did you go through this? It's just like I've
been in this industry. Yeah, that's a stupid question in general.
But then that's that's kind of like hasn't changed much
in that industry? Have you seen? It's being changed literally
very recently, very recently, which is so sad. I think

(43:49):
I wrote a whole article about it on Refinery twenty,
like after after Me Too happen, I was very badly
harassed at a comedy show, like alternative comedy show, you know,
Like I I think now, whether it's because they have
to I think now I think people have been put

(44:12):
on noted like I do think it's changing. I do
think also there's more women in charge now is starting
to be I think more women are selling shows now,
you know. But it's I would say, it's just now
when I think about what I used to like laugh

(44:35):
and go along with and what I was sort of okay,
like you're part of like what I I really respect
the first women that were like no, you know, Like
there's a chapter in my book about getting sent to
a director's hotel room and having him trying to take
my clothes off and like you know, and and I

(44:57):
just sort of nervously it's like ha, and think I
got out of there like nothing happened but but I
didn't even know that it would have been okay to
go to HR, and I don't think anything would have happened.
I'm sure I would have just been probably. I mean,
there was a few times I went to HR about

(45:17):
certain things and they were like they just wanted to like, okay,
well we'll just get you an apologize, you know, like
and there was actually something I will say on Insatiable,
there was something that was said that was really creepy
and and it's funny to me because I've had so
many worse things said, but it was like I was
working with Alissa Milano who was just sort of ignited,

(45:39):
you know, you know, like this. It was right after
the Me Too movement started. This thing was said to me,
and and of all the things that have been said,
it was really not that bad and compared to things
over the years, you know, but it just was like
I was done, you know, and like people were talking
about it, and I always have delayed reactions. I kept
thinking about a couple daysily. I'm always so shocked when

(46:02):
people I started like, you know, okay, like you know,
and then I kept thinking about it, and I remember
even running it by a couple of guy friends and
going is this weird? Like they were like, yeah, that's weird.
And and then I called one of the producers. I
didn't know what to do. I called when the producer
was like, hey, I don't want to be a bother,
you know, like I don't know, this is weird and

(46:23):
she was like, yeah, that's weird. And I remember they
immediately called HR and it was still like the people
pleaser in me was so ingrained. I was so brought
up to be people pleaser that they called me and
they wanted to like they treated it, they took it
really seriously. They were really nice, they wanted to like
and I remember going no, no no, no, no, you know what,

(46:45):
he probably didn't mean it. I'll call them and they're like, no, no,
this is our job, like and like this is what
we do. I'm like, I know, like I and then
actually letting somebody face the consequences of something that I didn't.
I felt so uncomfortable saying that. I wasn't comfortable, like

(47:06):
it was so hard for me to set a boundary,
And in my mind I was shocked at how hard
it was for me to go, Okay, let me I
didn't do this. Let me let somebody deal with the
consequences of what I didn't ask for. I was just
at work. It was inappropriate. I had a witness who
was like, you, you know, just just say the facts

(47:27):
and just let and they let that person go. Right.
There's so much to that, like just even you explaining
against say but it wasn't a big deal. But the
fact that we have to put that caveat on ourselves
and it is it's so ingrained in us that we're
going to be told calm down, you know, like something
like calm down. It's not that big of a deal

(47:48):
in comparison to And that's kind of one of the
things that gets us in trouble with ourselves with like
the ingrained mind of like but it wasn't as bad
as so instant like this comparison of like how awful
it has to be to reach it. But this is
also something that's been taught to us and something that
has been used against us way too much. And I
say us as in general women people who are marginalized

(48:09):
because I honestly, like I will tell you when we
first talked about doing the interview with you, the memories
I have Matt TV are all the Asian jokes, and
I remember Bobby Lee and that specific actress coming in
with the Asian jokes and me being okay with it
because I'm actually adopted. So the being the first one
to make that joke meant everybody was comfortable. I have

(48:30):
made all the racist people comfortable with me acknowledging I'm
a minority. We're gonna joke. But this is that ingrained
level of we have to protect the others because if
we're uncomfortable, how dare you make other people feel uncomfortable?
You're up or people are like, oh, I was just joking,
and it's like, I have a pretty good sense of humor,
like a roll with a lot. I can roll with

(48:54):
a lot, like I'm a comedian with guys. I grew up,
I came up through the nineties in the comedy, like
I can hang with a lot. If I'm uncomfortable, you
were gross, Like you were really gross. And that's the thing.
But that's the other part of that is that more
often times women are going to be hushed and shut
down and dismissed exactly like, as you said, you left Chicago,

(49:17):
what would have happened if you, like, I can't do
this at all. That would have been such an unfortunate
for us as fans of what you do. How awful
would that be if you didn't exist because you got
shut down so quickly on you know, I mean, I
think about my dream has always been too I always
wanted to create my own show. I always wanted to

(49:39):
be like a Phoebe waller Bridge or like Ray or
like somebody that makes and like when I when I
think about, I actually just I wrote an essay about
this that's going to be an anthology next year about
like how I written plays. I was a member of
the writer's Guild. I had written sketches on Mad TV.

(50:00):
I remember I sold my first pitch and my own
lit agent was like, well, Arden, who's going to write it?
Like I'm going to write it? Like Arden, we need
a write And then they like paired me up with
a man immediately, just like when I don't know, when
I think, I feel like it's so hopeful. Like you know,

(50:23):
young women today, I feel a lot of them are
raised more with knowing how it appears. To me, it
seems like people are raised more with knowing their worth
and knowing how to set a boundary, and like it's
so hopeful and inspiring. And when I wrote that Refinery
twenty nine article, a lot of people were really supportive.

(50:45):
But then you know, some people were like, what do
you say? You know it's like and that also I
think contributed. I do think a lot of it was grief,
but it didn't really make make me want to do
much more stand up and I and I know that
that that is like letting that bad vibe in. Maybe
it would have been different if I wasn't grieving and
I had more skin on me. I think that just

(51:05):
certainly didn't help. But yeah, it does start to wear
on you sometimes, and there's a difference between what people
will be like I just quit, versus taking care of yourself.
There's absolute difference in finding your boundaries and acknowledging these
are your boundaries. And also as much as you loved it,
you are you are freaking like everywhere, Like with your podcast,

(51:26):
with your book, with all of these things. It's not
like you've given back or stopped your voice. It's just
a different even when you find the things that feel safe.
I think I'm also less interested in putting myself in
situations right now that like it's like Okay. I love
to create. I like to make people laugh. I like
to like, what is what's a way that feels comfortable
and safe in the most of service and playful versus

(51:49):
I don't know, like it takes a certain like my
skin is just not that thick right now, you know,
So what's like, what's a fun safe way for me
to play and take risks and still do funny things
in a way, you know. I think the pandemic is
just it's it's vulnerable. Everybody's everybody is a little more gentle.
I feel like everybody's circle of pals is a little

(52:11):
bit like just best of right now, you know, Like
I'm also wondering if best because we are now connected
with more people, so we are adamantly aware when something
is hurting someone else's feelings and that's not a bad thing.
Necessarily to be aware and be more empathetic to realizing
I didn't mean to be you know, exclusionary, but I

(52:31):
am and I am so sorry, Like they're there are
those levels of just realizing there there's faces to these
conversations you may be having. Yes, yes, before we do

(52:52):
close out as we're just I love this conversation. I
wish we could have a longer conversation and hopefully we
can return and you will come back to our show.
I would love to. Unless you want Annie to be
on your show and talk about her fan fiction on
your show. You were always starting fiction about Oh well,
I've actually written to because one of them was so

(53:14):
sad that I was like, I need a different one.
And it's still sad, but not as sad. Um It
is an original trilogy Star Wars fan fiction that is
the saddest thing I've ever written in nutsing something. I
won't publish it because I think it could kills me.
On Lauren Lafkis and Nicole Buyer's newcomerce thing about where
they watch every thing of Star Wars, They've never seen one,

(53:37):
and they watched everything that's in every spinoff and then
now they're doing Lord of the Rings. Oh so any
made me do that. I had never seen anything Star
Wars until March of this last year, and he's like, no,
I don't think it's May last year, and I was like, okay,
And I have now watched almost every single day and
I'm still not as interested as she is in this,
but she gives me every tidbit that I need to

(53:59):
know about neither. I was like, what is happening? Why
is And so I make up my own names and
dialogue all of this because it's just so absurd to
me in some of the ways I see the love
I see and we've seen by the way, I've seen
almost three different versions of Star Wars, like the Disney
Plus version, the original version, and then there's an edited

(54:20):
other version. I have seen them. You're a good friend.
Can I just say thank you? How long have you
guys been friends? We have a date because there was
a day that we met. I actually worked at a
brewery in Atlanta and she visited me there and that's
where our friendship formed. But we became friends through the
old co host who is now with unladylike Caroline, and

(54:41):
so we became friends that way, and then we got
together because I'm a social worker, and we decided we
wanted to do a whole hashtag me too segment. Yes,
and that just kind of submitted our friendship. I love that. Yeah,
I think it's about three years ago. We became close.
We got really into that. But speaking of from and ships,
because you have a lot of really great friendships, with

(55:03):
other female comedians was beautiful to see. I love even
you're talking about Nicol Buyers and Lauren and like, I
know you're really good friends with Jenny Kirkman and all
of that, and they are big big wigs. I always
talk about that group of women who are all comedians
that kind of just float around and I starculate with
each other the show, and I love that. I love
what it is, the camaraderie like all of that. What

(55:23):
would be some advice that you would give to young
female comedians trying to up come into this kind of business?
I mean exactly what you just said. And so Lisa
d Larios is as a lady that I came up
with and we were talking about and Aaron Foley, who
also is a brilliant stand up and her new album
Deep Dive is so good. But we were saying, how

(55:44):
and I think it's probably changed, but how a lot
of the guys back in the day, they they would
really raise each other up as a team like they like.
And so I would say, find your people, create your like,
create your own show, even if it's virtual right now,
so like the equivalent of hosts a show, so you

(56:04):
can have people on do it with on your pals,
you know. Like, I think creating your own show really
gives you practice, like and also enables you to have
your own brand of what what you do. So I
used to host a show in Brooklyn called The Party
Machine with my friend Lisa, and it was very sort

(56:28):
of glass have full optimistic. We pretended we were party
planners and each one was a theme, and then we
would just have people come on and do stand up.
But I think pair up with each other in a
way that you know, maybe meet up or for now
you can't, but like help each other with with each
other like no Man's or no Ladies in Ireland, you know.
So like it's okay to ask your friend to be like, Okay,

(56:50):
I'm working on this, Like can you help me with
this punchline? You know that there's nothing wrong with that.
Even if you just want to be a stand up
improv classes for anybody, then if you're not a performer,
I think it helps you listen and respond. A great
improviser only does at that, Like you're not actually a

(57:11):
good improviser if you go in with the set thing
and you're trying to control it. That Like, I think
it's a good thing in life that you get to
learn how to be a good teammate. If you can
be open and responding to the last thing that was
said to you that you don't need to. It's like,
even though it's scary, but to release control of the outcome.
And I know, I know you ce b is. I
don't know if they're still open, but they're great. The

(57:32):
groundlings are great. Um, the pit is great. I'm sure
there's a lot of virtual things right now. A second
city and the good news now the world just start
making stuff, make videos, put it up just like I
would say that as you guys know with podcasting, like
if you can do a consistent schedule, if you're like,
okay every Thursday at noon, I'm going to drop something

(57:54):
like just to give yourself that structure, but that I
think that helps build a fan base of like if
you know you have a consistent drop and again, look
at like the Lonely Island guys were like, if you
team up with people that you can like find your people,
team up and just start making things. We're interviewing Kate
mccouchee and Ricky lynd Home tomorrow on our Lady of
the Road podcast about collaborating and just you know, I've

(58:17):
known Kate and their garfun flow notes and I've known
them a long time and looking just at the output,
like their work ethic, you know, the amount of videos
that are up there. They like they just wrote song
after song and made great video after great video. Like
they they had the talent, but they also put in
the hours. So just keep like, if you want to
do it, like, put in the hours. I would say

(58:39):
that ten thou hours is a real thing, Yes it is.
I remember when we all started, we started. I remember
Lisa and I started with Zat Alfinnakis, and I remember
one night we were all like at a late night
show at Stand Up New York and the like, and
we were all terrible, you know, like but he just
did it everywhere. He did it at coffee shops, he

(58:59):
did it, did laundry match. He just kept doing like
nobody starts out great, Like just keep doing it. If
you want to do it, just put in the hours.
Dust yourself off if you have a bad one, keep going,
record your sets. Listen back to where people want to
laugh and you're not letting them laugh. Slow down, right
and buddy system, get a safe pal to like help

(59:21):
you with your craft, your jokes, comedy. It's all about timing.
Yea true expressions story, true story story. My friend, I
only have half of it, does the expressions? Yes? Oh
that's excellent advice. And this has been such a wonderful

(59:42):
conversation Arden, Thank you so much for being here. Oh
thanks for having me. Absolutely, it's been unto light. Where
can the listeners find you? Well, I am. You can
get my book little Miss Little Competent anywhere books are sold,
independent bookstores. You can order it from. You can order
it from the Big Boys if you like. There's an
dio version. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Arta Marine,

(01:00:03):
M y R I N And my podcast Will You
Accept This Rose drops every Wednesday on I Heart Radio
and then Lady of the Road with the Bridgertain executive
producer Julianne Robinson. Lady of the Road will be out
later this year with two limited edition it'll be like
fifteen episodes for the season. And there's so many great

(01:00:25):
women that we talked to of all different kinds of
all kinds of bad. So I'm very excited about that.
We are too, And the listeners go check art and
out and thank you again for for being here. Thank
you for having me. I was so excited to do it. Yes, Yes,
it's been wonderful. Um and listeners. If you would like

(01:00:45):
to contact us, you can our email Stuff Media mom
Stuff at i heeart mea dot com. You can also
find us on Instagram at Stuff I've Ever Told You
are on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always
to our super producer Christina. Thank you Christine, and thanks
to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You. Produ
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