Colin is joined by Nick Wright, host of “First Things First” on FS1 for part 2!
They begin with the Bengals, and why they are one more Joe Burrow injury away from needing to draft an early round quarterback as an insurance policy (3:00). They explain why the Falcons weren’t crazy to draft Michael Penix and why Kirk Cousins isn’t good enough to complain about the move (7:00)
They debate whether the Giselle jokes from The Roast of Tom Brady crossed a line and why the roast made them both uncomfortable (9:00) Nick shares a story of the time when he participated in a roast… and it backfired spectacularly (14:30)
Finally, they push back on Austin Rivers’ comment that 30 NBA players could play in the NFL (21:30) and they list the much shorter list of players that actually could make the jump to football (25:00)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The volume.
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Speaker 2 (01:32):
Welcome into part two of the podcast with Nick Right.
I do think one more injury and the Bengals have
to draft another quarterback near the top, first, second, third round.
I think that's becoming a reality. This is why I
defended I said this today about Michael Pennix. Last year,
the Falcons had no good quarterbacks and couldn't win a
(01:53):
bad division. This year they'll have the two best quarterbacks,
and you're complaining about it, like sixty six quarters played.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
We're getting to it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We're getting to a point with Burrow that it's a
real discussion you've got to have at least a b backup. Now,
Brady didn't like it because he never got hurt with
Garoppolo and big Ben. Similarly, Hey, I'm still I can
still chug along. My injuries are fine. But I think
Burrow is going to have to own this team needs
a backup and not a sixth rounder, maybe a third
(02:26):
rounder when we have other needs. So I think that's
a real discussion that Joe and the Bengals have to have.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
For sure, you mentioned Pinnix, so I'm glad you mentioned
that because I want to talk about both those quarterbacks
for a moment. I have not understood the tiny violins
for Kirk Cousins that have been out. Yeah you know,
do I here's the deal man, and this is gonna
sound shitty and I don't mean it too, but it's honest.
Kirk Cousins is not good enough to get everything he wants.
(02:57):
That's the thing. If Kirk Cousins is good, he is
not good enough to get so do I. I want
to play in the worst division in football, no problem.
I want to play in a dome. We can do that.
I want to have another massive payday with one hundred
million guaranteed. Okay, we can do that too. I want
to have a lot of weapons. You know what we've
got that. I don't want to have any competition whatsoever. Sorry,
(03:18):
Kurk can't give you that one, Like you don't like
the He is good enough to get a lot, but
not everything. And when you are something of of football mercenary,
if you will, you have taken the money and moved whatever.
And to his credit, there's a trade off and everything
in life. One of those things is you haven't built
(03:40):
up the equity within the organization for them to be like,
oh man, he's gonna hate this. They just met you,
like sorry, Like the there is and the person I
feel for in this is Pinnix that like the if
if if sports broadcasting worked the way the NFL does,
(04:05):
And I'm coming out of Syracuse and I'm considered one
of the three or four best in the world, and
I'm like, oh man, there's this spot in this radio
station in Las Vegas that might pick me that has
openings all over the place. There's a radio station in
Denver that might pick me that is openings all over
the place. And then all of a sudden, I get
(04:26):
picked by a radio station in Atlanta, and they're like, buddy,
all our shows are filled up, but we think in
two years maybe you'll have one. Be like, you gotta
be kidding me. All these other places wanted me to
play like I'm by the way, I went to grad school,
I'm old, Like you're talking about me, like I'm not
gonna get on the air till I'm twenty six. Like
(04:46):
this sucks, and so I everyone was like, oh man,
Kirk so disappointed. And I was sitting there thinking, like
I get that he gets the money or whatever, but
pinnis that differences me to being the eighth pick. The
thirteenth pick is not a ton of money. He was
gonna be get first round guaranteed money no matter what,
and now he's got to sit so and again, maybe
(05:08):
it ends up being good for him, and he's in
a dome and he has the weapons. But if we're
gonna feel badly for either of these two quarterbacks, it's
not the guy who just left his team got one
hundred million bucks coming off in Achilles. It's not him
that I feel badly for it. Yeah, I mean, I
would say Kirk cousins. And there's people like this in
(05:29):
every industry has monetized his position to the highest possible levels.
Brady took pay cut, Tim Duncan took pay cuts in
the history of football. Kirk Cousins has monetized his talent
to the greatest level and deserves great respect for that.
(05:50):
But to your point, Kirk Brady, yeah, Tom Brady can
say Bruce Arians go upstairs. Yeah, Kirk Cousins isn't gonna
say that to a right. That's the thing is, you
don't if you the only people who get everything they
want in their work life are the absolute apex best
(06:18):
and if you are the if you are the very
best in your field, you can kind of write the contract.
If you are that still super valuable. But there's seven
or eight people better than you, then you're gonna get
most of what you want, but not all of it.
(06:40):
And I just think that's normal. Like I it doesn't.
I didn't, And I'm an empathetic person. I can. I
can cry at the good enough tweet, you know, I
don't know. Somebody put out a tweet the other day.
It was like my dad wrote me these letters every
morning before school growing up. I read it. I teared up.
I'm like, oh my god, like, I really think I'm
an empathetic person, but I didn't feel a moment where
(07:02):
I'm like, oh, poor Kirk Cousins. It's like, what because
you don't want to because you deserve to not have
to compete, and you're not even really competing, Like it's
your job. You're really gonna have to screw up to
not have it be your job. I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I have an interesting topic I'm gonna throw at you.
So I'm divorced and my ex wife and I have
a fine relationship. We don't talk much anymore, but it
was always very.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Cordial, respectful. Sure, so.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I totally get that it's a roast. I totally get it.
But I do hear the Giselle jokes and I think,
to myself, that's a little rough for me. Like I
thought about this.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I couldn't believe he signed up for it.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I thought if somebody wanted to roast me, the
first thing I would think about is I got to
protect my kids, Right, That's the first thing I would say.
That's almost the first thing I think about always is
how is this going to land for my kids? And
(08:17):
when I listened to the jokes. I thought a lot
of it was hilarious, but I think I would have said, hey, don't.
I don't want you going after.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
My kids then, right, But that's but that's so here's
the thing that but it's a roast. So I don't
watch this is a I'm sure there's a word for it.
I I don't watch roasts because there's a level of
like that secondhand embarrassment thing is like something I really
(08:51):
don't deal with. Well, Like there are certain times like
that we were talking about Curb earlier. There would be
certain moments in Curb where like I literally like I
turn away, like I'm like, oh, I feel so even
though it's make believe and it's someone else, something internally
I feel uncomfortable with. So a roast where And it's
(09:11):
not that I don't watch roast because I'm offended by
the jokes. It's because there are certain things where I
feel so badly for the person involved that it makes
me feel uncomfortable. It's why I was shocked it existed.
It's I just was shot. Like I get why comedians
do it to comedians, and I get why fringe. I
(09:36):
don't want to be rude. I get why Pete Rose
would sign up for one, like yeah, you know what
I mean, I mean the spotlight it's a check, you
know what I mean, Like I get those things. I
don't under like. I was shocked that Tom signed up
for it because it just feels like there's so many
landmines and so much like you were saying, I didn't,
(09:58):
I thought, yeah, there there are a lot of people
that seems like and I'm not really an expert to
talk about this because again, like I didn't. I've seen
some clips, so I didn't watch it because I just
don't enjoy that. But it seems like there were a
lot of people that were not there that feel like
that was not fun for me or my family, you
know what I mean, all of it, and so I don't.
(10:21):
I also was kind of shocks. I was like, did
Tom admit to the flightgate in this thing? Was that? Like,
like what, I didn't understand a lot of it? But
he listen, he I mean he the What didn't surprise
me from the coverage of it was that Belichick came
off great. What didn't surprise me is that people said,
(10:44):
you know what I mean, that he came off great
and did a great job. That that sound that checks
out to me.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, and I'm not I'm not blaming anybody for the
Gazelle jokes. I just thought, ooh, that I would say
I would.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That was the one where I was like, eh, God,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
And I'm like you.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I think Jeffrey Ross and Nicki Glazer are great at
what they do. I I can't believe you have secondhand embarrassment.
I suffer from the same thing. Like I don't like
to see people bullied or hugely embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I would rather I know this sounds absurd. I so
I take the subway every day, and you from when
I pick up my daughter from school, I take subway
home and the subway platform you go downstairs, busy platform.
As insane as this sounds, I would rather slip and
(11:43):
fall on the subway stairs then have the person in
front of me slip and fall on the subway stairs,
because like when I like, I don't really care, like
I don't like I'm I'm not embarrassed easily for myself,
like that's okay, like people saw me fall, I don't care.
But for some reason the thing of like, oh, that
person now thinks I was looking at him, they are embarrassed.
(12:05):
I really really it makes me feel super uncomfortable, the
second hand embarrassment thing, and so it's just yeah, so
I just don't enjoy I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I will tell you this, this is an unbelievable anecdote
that I'm about to give you. So Jamal Charles, who's
gonna end up being one of the greatest running backs
ever to not make the Hall of Fame. So you
got totally screwed by the Chiefs while he was there.
It's just an all time player. He's from Port Arthur,
Texas and was my favorite player when I was covering
(12:43):
the Chiefs in the early twenty tens, and I was
really associated with him because basically every time the Chiefs lost,
I'd be like, I don't know about you guys. I
would have given the ball to Jamal Drells. More Brody
Froyle is the quarterback handed off to the guy who's
getting seven yards of carry, you idiots. So when I
was in Houston and after Kansas City, Jamal was being
inducted to the Port Arthur Sports Hall of Fame, and
(13:06):
they said, hey, Nick, will you host it? Will you
be the host of the event, like, yeah, of course,
and be honest, this is great. And the guy put
it on He's like, it's a roast. I'm like, it's
a roast. They're like, yes, it's a roast. But again,
I'm even though I said I don't watch them, this
(13:28):
is I'm like, okay, there's no comedians here, but Andy
Reid is there. Earl Thomas from Texas is there, so
his teammates are there whatever it is, and they're like, yes,
it's a roast. Like okay, so I'll you know, right,
eight minutes of jokes is unbelievable. I don't think I've
ever told the story publicly. There's a video somewhere. So
(13:52):
I get up there and I am I think telling
great jokes, Like one of them was God damn man,
don't you I'm telling you this. Do not isolate this
and put this on social media, I said. I turned
to Andy Reid and I said something about how I'm
not going to tell the exact joke, but how his
clock management style reminded me of my sex life in college.
(14:16):
There was something. There was a joke there. You people
can figure it out. It was a good joke. He
didn't like it. I said, something about Earl Thomas and
the Legion of Boom whatever it is, and nobody's really
laughing that much, but these are good jokes. And then
every other person that came up there did not get
the memo this was a roast. They got the memo
(14:38):
that this was a toast, and no one told me
jokes and everyone just talked about it, right Jamal Carls.
So I just looked like the biggest asshole in the world.
I started the thing. I'm just I'm just killing everybody.
Then everyone's like, here's how Jamal's changed my life. No jokes.
(15:00):
I'm like, you've gotta be kidding me. You have gotta
be kidding me. And the guy who did it, the
guy who set it up, I'm like, I didn't get
like misread the email. I was like, no, man, He's like,
I'm sorry, Like I told everyone it was a roast,
but whatever, they didn't go with it. So I just
looked like the worst guy ever. Like Andy I think
was legitimately Matt because Andy's and Andy and I are
(15:22):
really cool now. But Andy, when I then introduced him
after the joke, he came over and maybe it's just
how he shakes hands, and he is a big guy,
but it was not like a firm handshake. It was like,
I'm gonna hurt your hand with this handshake, you smart
ass kid making fun of my clock management. So maybe
that's why I don't like roasts, because one of the
(15:43):
most embarrassing nights of my life was me thinking I
was at a roast and it was actually a toast
and I just looked like a bad guy.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
That is an all time story.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You can include that, I know. I said, don't put
it on social media. You can do whatever you want.
Just maybe try to about the sex life in college thing.
I have an image to uphold, but go ahead. But yeah,
that is a real story. That's a true story.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So we'll end on this. So Austin Rivers came out
and said I could pick thirty NBA players and play
in the NFL. JJ Watt fired back, and I said,
today there are sports, and the NBA is included in this. Tennis, golf, baseball, basketball.
There is a skill level that erodes very quickly if
you don't stay on it. If you don't hit a
(16:41):
baseball for two months, you're cooked. You're cooked. Basketball. When
I was playing high school basketball into college every day.
If I took a week off, my ball handling wasn't
quite as good. And NFL is the one sport where
you don't have to play college and you can be
a Hall of Fame Antonio Gates. It's not a repetitive sport.
(17:03):
Is in some instances mechanics for quarterback, yes, you're kicking, yes,
But a lot of it is strength, brutality, physicality and
raw at more than, yes, more than any other sport football,
which is why so many of us play high school
football and so many people participate. You can be big,
you don't have to be fast. You can be a guard.
(17:25):
You can only be able to kick, you can be
a punter. Right Like, there's a bunch of different stuff
that said, I don't think basketball players have any idea
how much getting tackled hurts. So if you ever go
to the sideline of an NFL game and watch Christian
McCaffrey get hit, you cannot believe he can get up.
(17:47):
You cannot believe he's not severely injured. It is a
car wreck on every tackle, So you should watch. I mean, well,
you obviously know these guys. How Elong's can kids you
know Chris and Jake long. You know, so they have
a podcast green Light and by the way, you own
(18:10):
a podcast business or an audio business, you like.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I think, I think they are great. I think Chris
is Chris did. He tweeted, he said, emergency rant coming
on Austin Rivers and Colin. When I tell you this
is some of my favorite ten minutes of media in
the last month. You have to listen to it because
his entire take is that not that guys couldn't do it,
(18:37):
but like because they're not good enough at football, but
I mean, and I'm gonna not do it justice. He's like, Okay,
Austin Rivers, you think you guys can come play football. Well,
here's the deal. You got fifty three guys on the team.
There's three massage therapists. Oh your body hurts, well, the
massuse available at four o'clock. Why don't you get a
lift in and shut up? Like you're used to that
in the NBA. He's like, Oh, in the NBA, your coaches,
(18:59):
how do they talk to you? My coaches mf me
and then tell me to go lay in a queen
size Bettt training camp with another guy in my room.
He's like, he does a whole thing. He's like, what's
your flight's like? Because for forty of us, we're in
the coach seats on a plane. When's the last time
you His whole take was not you wouldn't be good enough,
but that our lives are just different. Our coaches coach us,
(19:21):
Our practices are hard. He was like, what happens in
the NBA when somebody gets hurt? Do they cancel shoot around?
Because in the NFL they move the drill, they just move.
They're like guys getting carted off. It is a great rant.
With that said, I came up with eight guys. I
want to know. I didn't know you're going to talk
about this. I came up with eight guys and their position.
(19:43):
I guess it's seven guys, all right. So Anthony Edwards
could play running backer safety, I am certain of it.
I am certain Anthony Edwards could do it. Young Lebron
would be the greatest tight end in NFL history. I know,
I know it's true. Westbrook could play in the NFL.
(20:03):
I'm not sure the position. Maybe ad drusher, maybe safety.
Josh Hart I think can be a wide receiver just
based on his rebounding this playoffs, Chris Long said, he
I'm just gonna trust him on this because I never
would have thought of it, but he played the position.
He was like, I've been watching the playoffs. I could
(20:25):
make Jalen Brown a pass rusher. I'm like, okay, I
believe you. He was like, he was like, he has
great bend. He seems a little mean. He's like, I
could do it. And then and this is gonna sound mean,
and I am not being mean. I am simply saying
he would have to put on weight, which I think
he can, and then all of a sudden it would
be a benefit. He has great feet, great athleticism. I
(20:47):
think Zion could potentially be an an awesome lineman. He's
six ' six, he obviously, you know what I mean,
can carry it big, like Jason Peters was a tight
end that went to it. So I do think where
I think Austin Rivers had a current of accuracy is
there are certainly more NBA guys that the There are
probably five NBA guys that could be good NFL players,
(21:12):
like good, like, hey, give me a year to train
be a good NFL player. And I don't know that
there's any NFL guys that could be really good NBA
players because, like you said, your skill has atrophied. And
if you're not over six ' six, it's all about skill,
it's you know what I mean like And there's nobody
(21:34):
that's six ten in the NFL to begin with.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
So I think the list you made would be shorter.
But to give you an example, I think because football
players are so thick, we forget how big they are.
Go look at the video of Micah Parsons without his
shirt on this week. He makes Aunt Edwards look like me.
(21:59):
He is so big. I'll give you an example. There's
an old photo of Michael Jordan standing next to Barry Bonds.
He looks like a straw. Is that remember Michael playing baseball?
He looked like he was effaciated.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Now that's that. That part's fair, That part's fair work.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, these NFL guys they regularly leg press five hundred
and fifty pounds. That is when you watch Micah Parsons
without a shirt on. My take is and there are
times he is in engulfed by Trent Williams, just engulfed.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So that parts So people do we all have a
like our brain doesn't process how big NFL guys are
and how tall NBA guys are. Our brain doesn't accept it, like, yeah,
I mean you see around the office occasionally, I assume
my son because he works the lot. You've seen him there.
He is almost always the biggest guy in the room.
(23:05):
He's you know, he's six three and a half, you know,
probably two hundred pounds, maybe one ninety and in a
room of regular people, he's an imposing cuts, an imposing figure.
He is the exact same height and about ten pounds
lighter than Steph Curry. And Steph Curry in the NBA
(23:25):
looks like a little guy, and it's like, no, actually,
Steph Curry's the size of a bouncer at a decent nightclub.
It's like, you know what I mean, like the and
so we everybody forgets how tall NBA guys actually are.
That the guys in the when you're watching the basketball
game and a guy looks like he's average height, he's
six seven, and if you worked with someone who was
(23:47):
six seven, you would gawk at them. And you're right
about how just the raw strength of the average NFL player,
that part is unco questioned, unquiet, which.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And just the end of the long Brothers pointed out
the physical and mental toughness to just get tackled by
the strongest people in the country over and over and.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Over, he said. He said he was just talking about
guys who because who would just get folded He said
he was naming NBA guys. He's like, you get folded
up by like one of those camping tables, like, oh
you're seven feet tall, well to your four feet tall
now because you just got told in half. It's a
great rant. It is shout out to him. Man. I
(24:36):
know you and I are two people, two of the
ten people in the world who appreciate a great rant
as much as anybody. And this was a great rant
by Chris Long. I highly enjoyed it. I do think
there are a few though. I think there are a
few guys who could do it. I think I do
think Anthony Amberts could play safety, because I don't think
(24:58):
safeties are the size of Micah Parsons just flying around
like a missile. I think you could do He's twenty
two years old. I think you can play safety. The
Chiefs just drafted to get in the first round. It's
one hundred and sixty pounds that guy do won't see
Anthony Edwards coming over the middle just doesn't.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'll give you Lebron, We'll stop right, okay, Nick Wright,
as always, buddy, it's great.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Absolutely talk to you soon. Comby the volume.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Thanks so much for listening. If you've enjoyed the podcast,
take a moment rate and review
The volume.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The NBA playoffs are heating up. Man, they have been
so good. I know it's over, but Lakers Nuggets may
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Speaker 3 (00:47):
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(01:07):
when resorting. Kansas twenty one and over age varies by jurisdiction,
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issued as one bonus bet based on amount of initial
losing bet. Bonus bets expire one hundred and sixty eight
hours after issue. Ince See dkang dot com slash promos
for deposit wagering and eligibility restrictions, terms and responsible gaming resources.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Welcome into part two of the podcast with Nick Right.
I do think one more injury and the Bengals have
to draft another quarterback near the top, first, second, third round.
I think that's becoming a reality. This is why I
defended I said this today about Michael Pennix. Last year,
the Falcons had no good quarterbacks and couldn't win a
(01:53):
bad division. This year they'll have the two best quarterbacks,
and you're complaining about it, like sixty six quarters played.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
We're getting to it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We're getting to a point with Burrow that it's a
real discussion you've got to have at least a b backup. Now,
Brady didn't like it because he never got hurt with
Garoppolo and big Ben. Similarly, Hey, I'm still I can
still chug along. My injuries are fine. But I think
Burrow is going to have to own this team needs
a backup and not a sixth rounder, maybe a third
(02:26):
rounder when we have other needs. So I think that's
a real discussion that Joe and the Bengals have to have.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
For sure, you mentioned Pinnix, so I'm glad you mentioned
that because I want to talk about both those quarterbacks
for a moment. I have not understood the tiny violins
for Kirk Cousins that have been out. Yeah you know,
do I here's the deal man, and this is gonna
sound shitty and I don't mean it too, but it's honest.
Kirk Cousins is not good enough to get everything he wants.
(02:57):
That's the thing. If Kirk Cousins is good, he is
not good enough to get so do I. I want
to play in the worst division in football, no problem.
I want to play in a dome. We can do that.
I want to have another massive payday with one hundred
million guaranteed. Okay, we can do that too. I want
to have a lot of weapons. You know what we've
got that. I don't want to have any competition whatsoever. Sorry,
(03:18):
Kurk can't give you that one, Like you don't like
the He is good enough to get a lot, but
not everything. And when you are something of of football mercenary,
if you will, you have taken the money and moved whatever.
And to his credit, there's a trade off and everything
in life. One of those things is you haven't built
(03:40):
up the equity within the organization for them to be like,
oh man, he's gonna hate this. They just met you,
like sorry, Like the there is and the person I
feel for in this is Pinnix that like the if
if if sports broadcasting worked the way the NFL does,
(04:05):
And I'm coming out of Syracuse and I'm considered one
of the three or four best in the world, and
I'm like, oh man, there's this spot in this radio
station in Las Vegas that might pick me that has
openings all over the place. There's a radio station in
Denver that might pick me that is openings all over
the place. And then all of a sudden, I get
(04:26):
picked by a radio station in Atlanta, and they're like, buddy,
all our shows are filled up, but we think in
two years maybe you'll have one. Be like, you gotta
be kidding me. All these other places wanted me to
play like I'm by the way, I went to grad school,
I'm old, Like you're talking about me, like I'm not
gonna get on the air till I'm twenty six. Like
(04:46):
this sucks, and so I everyone was like, oh man,
Kirk so disappointed. And I was sitting there thinking, like
I get that he gets the money or whatever, but
pinnis that differences me to being the eighth pick. The
thirteenth pick is not a ton of money. He was
gonna be get first round guaranteed money no matter what,
and now he's got to sit so and again, maybe
(05:08):
it ends up being good for him, and he's in
a dome and he has the weapons. But if we're
gonna feel badly for either of these two quarterbacks, it's
not the guy who just left his team got one
hundred million bucks coming off in Achilles. It's not him
that I feel badly for it. Yeah, I mean, I
would say Kirk cousins. And there's people like this in
(05:29):
every industry has monetized his position to the highest possible levels.
Brady took pay cut, Tim Duncan took pay cuts in
the history of football. Kirk Cousins has monetized his talent
to the greatest level and deserves great respect for that.
(05:50):
But to your point, Kirk Brady, yeah, Tom Brady can
say Bruce Arians go upstairs. Yeah, Kirk Cousins isn't gonna
say that to a right. That's the thing is, you
don't if you the only people who get everything they
want in their work life are the absolute apex best
(06:18):
and if you are the if you are the very
best in your field, you can kind of write the contract.
If you are that still super valuable. But there's seven
or eight people better than you, then you're gonna get
most of what you want, but not all of it.
(06:40):
And I just think that's normal. Like I it doesn't.
I didn't, And I'm an empathetic person. I can. I
can cry at the good enough tweet, you know, I
don't know. Somebody put out a tweet the other day.
It was like my dad wrote me these letters every
morning before school growing up. I read it. I teared up.
I'm like, oh my god, like, I really think I'm
an empathetic person, but I didn't feel a moment where
(07:02):
I'm like, oh, poor Kirk Cousins. It's like, what because
you don't want to because you deserve to not have
to compete, and you're not even really competing, Like it's
your job. You're really gonna have to screw up to
not have it be your job. I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I have an interesting topic I'm gonna throw at you.
So I'm divorced and my ex wife and I have
a fine relationship. We don't talk much anymore, but it
was always very.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Cordial, respectful. Sure, so.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I totally get that it's a roast. I totally get it.
But I do hear the Giselle jokes and I think,
to myself, that's a little rough for me. Like I
thought about this.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I couldn't believe he signed up for it.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I thought if somebody wanted to roast me, the
first thing I would think about is I got to
protect my kids, Right, That's the first thing I would say.
That's almost the first thing I think about always is
how is this going to land for my kids? And
(08:17):
when I listened to the jokes. I thought a lot
of it was hilarious, but I think I would have said, hey, don't.
I don't want you going after.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
My kids then, right, But that's but that's so here's
the thing that but it's a roast. So I don't
watch this is a I'm sure there's a word for it.
I I don't watch roasts because there's a level of
like that secondhand embarrassment thing is like something I really
(08:51):
don't deal with. Well, Like there are certain times like
that we were talking about Curb earlier. There would be
certain moments in Curb where like I literally like I
turn away, like I'm like, oh, I feel so even
though it's make believe and it's someone else, something internally
I feel uncomfortable with. So a roast where And it's
(09:11):
not that I don't watch roast because I'm offended by
the jokes. It's because there are certain things where I
feel so badly for the person involved that it makes
me feel uncomfortable. It's why I was shocked it existed.
It's I just was shot. Like I get why comedians
do it to comedians, and I get why fringe. I
(09:36):
don't want to be rude. I get why Pete Rose
would sign up for one, like yeah, you know what
I mean, I mean the spotlight it's a check, you
know what I mean, Like I get those things. I
don't under like. I was shocked that Tom signed up
for it because it just feels like there's so many
landmines and so much like you were saying, I didn't,
(09:58):
I thought, yeah, there there are a lot of people
that seems like and I'm not really an expert to
talk about this because again, like I didn't. I've seen
some clips, so I didn't watch it because I just
don't enjoy that. But it seems like there were a
lot of people that were not there that feel like
that was not fun for me or my family, you
know what I mean, all of it, and so I don't.
(10:21):
I also was kind of shocks. I was like, did
Tom admit to the flightgate in this thing? Was that? Like,
like what, I didn't understand a lot of it? But
he listen, he I mean he the What didn't surprise
me from the coverage of it was that Belichick came
off great. What didn't surprise me is that people said,
(10:44):
you know what I mean, that he came off great
and did a great job. That that sound that checks
out to me.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, and I'm not I'm not blaming anybody for the
Gazelle jokes. I just thought, ooh, that I would say
I would.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That was the one where I was like, eh, God,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
And I'm like you.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I think Jeffrey Ross and Nicki Glazer are great at
what they do. I I can't believe you have secondhand embarrassment.
I suffer from the same thing. Like I don't like
to see people bullied or hugely embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I would rather I know this sounds absurd. I so
I take the subway every day, and you from when
I pick up my daughter from school, I take subway
home and the subway platform you go downstairs, busy platform.
As insane as this sounds, I would rather slip and
(11:43):
fall on the subway stairs then have the person in
front of me slip and fall on the subway stairs,
because like when I like, I don't really care, like
I don't like I'm I'm not embarrassed easily for myself,
like that's okay, like people saw me fall, I don't care.
But for some reason the thing of like, oh, that
person now thinks I was looking at him, they are embarrassed.
(12:05):
I really really it makes me feel super uncomfortable, the
second hand embarrassment thing, and so it's just yeah, so
I just don't enjoy I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I will tell you this, this is an unbelievable anecdote
that I'm about to give you. So Jamal Charles, who's
gonna end up being one of the greatest running backs
ever to not make the Hall of Fame. So you
got totally screwed by the Chiefs while he was there.
It's just an all time player. He's from Port Arthur,
Texas and was my favorite player when I was covering
(12:43):
the Chiefs in the early twenty tens, and I was
really associated with him because basically every time the Chiefs lost,
I'd be like, I don't know about you guys. I
would have given the ball to Jamal Drells. More Brody
Froyle is the quarterback handed off to the guy who's
getting seven yards of carry, you idiots. So when I
was in Houston and after Kansas City, Jamal was being
inducted to the Port Arthur Sports Hall of Fame, and
(13:06):
they said, hey, Nick, will you host it? Will you
be the host of the event, like, yeah, of course,
and be honest, this is great. And the guy put
it on He's like, it's a roast. I'm like, it's
a roast. They're like, yes, it's a roast. But again,
I'm even though I said I don't watch them, this
(13:28):
is I'm like, okay, there's no comedians here, but Andy
Reid is there. Earl Thomas from Texas is there, so
his teammates are there whatever it is, and they're like, yes,
it's a roast. Like okay, so I'll you know, right,
eight minutes of jokes is unbelievable. I don't think I've
ever told the story publicly. There's a video somewhere. So
(13:52):
I get up there and I am I think telling
great jokes, Like one of them was God damn man,
don't you I'm telling you this. Do not isolate this
and put this on social media, I said. I turned
to Andy Reid and I said something about how I'm
not going to tell the exact joke, but how his
clock management style reminded me of my sex life in college.
(14:16):
There was something. There was a joke there. You people
can figure it out. It was a good joke. He
didn't like it. I said, something about Earl Thomas and
the Legion of Boom whatever it is, and nobody's really
laughing that much, but these are good jokes. And then
every other person that came up there did not get
the memo this was a roast. They got the memo
(14:38):
that this was a toast, and no one told me
jokes and everyone just talked about it, right Jamal Carls.
So I just looked like the biggest asshole in the world.
I started the thing. I'm just I'm just killing everybody.
Then everyone's like, here's how Jamal's changed my life. No jokes.
(15:00):
I'm like, you've gotta be kidding me. You have gotta
be kidding me. And the guy who did it, the
guy who set it up, I'm like, I didn't get
like misread the email. I was like, no, man, He's like,
I'm sorry, Like I told everyone it was a roast,
but whatever, they didn't go with it. So I just
looked like the worst guy ever. Like Andy I think
was legitimately Matt because Andy's and Andy and I are
(15:22):
really cool now. But Andy, when I then introduced him
after the joke, he came over and maybe it's just
how he shakes hands, and he is a big guy,
but it was not like a firm handshake. It was like,
I'm gonna hurt your hand with this handshake, you smart
ass kid making fun of my clock management. So maybe
that's why I don't like roasts, because one of the
(15:43):
most embarrassing nights of my life was me thinking I
was at a roast and it was actually a toast
and I just looked like a bad guy.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
That is an all time story.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You can include that, I know. I said, don't put
it on social media. You can do whatever you want.
Just maybe try to about the sex life in college thing.
I have an image to uphold, but go ahead. But yeah,
that is a real story. That's a true story.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So we'll end on this. So Austin Rivers came out
and said I could pick thirty NBA players and play
in the NFL. JJ Watt fired back, and I said,
today there are sports, and the NBA is included in this. Tennis, golf, baseball, basketball.
There is a skill level that erodes very quickly if
you don't stay on it. If you don't hit a
(16:41):
baseball for two months, you're cooked. You're cooked. Basketball. When
I was playing high school basketball into college every day.
If I took a week off, my ball handling wasn't
quite as good. And NFL is the one sport where
you don't have to play college and you can be
a Hall of Fame Antonio Gates. It's not a repetitive sport.
(17:03):
Is in some instances mechanics for quarterback, yes, you're kicking, yes,
But a lot of it is strength, brutality, physicality and
raw at more than, yes, more than any other sport football,
which is why so many of us play high school
football and so many people participate. You can be big,
you don't have to be fast. You can be a guard.
(17:25):
You can only be able to kick, you can be
a punter. Right Like, there's a bunch of different stuff
that said, I don't think basketball players have any idea
how much getting tackled hurts. So if you ever go
to the sideline of an NFL game and watch Christian
McCaffrey get hit, you cannot believe he can get up.
(17:47):
You cannot believe he's not severely injured. It is a
car wreck on every tackle, So you should watch. I mean, well,
you obviously know these guys. How Elong's can kids you
know Chris and Jake long. You know, so they have
a podcast green Light and by the way, you own
(18:10):
a podcast business or an audio business, you like.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I think, I think they are great. I think Chris
is Chris did. He tweeted, he said, emergency rant coming
on Austin Rivers and Colin. When I tell you this
is some of my favorite ten minutes of media in
the last month. You have to listen to it because
his entire take is that not that guys couldn't do it,
(18:37):
but like because they're not good enough at football, but
I mean, and I'm gonna not do it justice. He's like, Okay,
Austin Rivers, you think you guys can come play football. Well,
here's the deal. You got fifty three guys on the team.
There's three massage therapists. Oh your body hurts, well, the
massuse available at four o'clock. Why don't you get a
lift in and shut up? Like you're used to that
in the NBA. He's like, Oh, in the NBA, your coaches,
(18:59):
how do they talk to you? My coaches mf me
and then tell me to go lay in a queen
size Bettt training camp with another guy in my room.
He's like, he does a whole thing. He's like, what's
your flight's like? Because for forty of us, we're in
the coach seats on a plane. When's the last time
you His whole take was not you wouldn't be good enough,
but that our lives are just different. Our coaches coach us,
(19:21):
Our practices are hard. He was like, what happens in
the NBA when somebody gets hurt? Do they cancel shoot around?
Because in the NFL they move the drill, they just move.
They're like guys getting carted off. It is a great rant.
With that said, I came up with eight guys. I
want to know. I didn't know you're going to talk
about this. I came up with eight guys and their position.
(19:43):
I guess it's seven guys, all right. So Anthony Edwards
could play running backer safety, I am certain of it.
I am certain Anthony Edwards could do it. Young Lebron
would be the greatest tight end in NFL history. I know,
I know it's true. Westbrook could play in the NFL.
(20:03):
I'm not sure the position. Maybe ad drusher, maybe safety.
Josh Hart I think can be a wide receiver just
based on his rebounding this playoffs, Chris Long said, he
I'm just gonna trust him on this because I never
would have thought of it, but he played the position.
He was like, I've been watching the playoffs. I could
(20:25):
make Jalen Brown a pass rusher. I'm like, okay, I
believe you. He was like, he was like, he has
great bend. He seems a little mean. He's like, I
could do it. And then and this is gonna sound mean,
and I am not being mean. I am simply saying
he would have to put on weight, which I think
he can, and then all of a sudden it would
be a benefit. He has great feet, great athleticism. I
(20:47):
think Zion could potentially be an an awesome lineman. He's
six ' six, he obviously, you know what I mean,
can carry it big, like Jason Peters was a tight
end that went to it. So I do think where
I think Austin Rivers had a current of accuracy is
there are certainly more NBA guys that the There are
probably five NBA guys that could be good NFL players,
(21:12):
like good, like, hey, give me a year to train
be a good NFL player. And I don't know that
there's any NFL guys that could be really good NBA
players because, like you said, your skill has atrophied. And
if you're not over six ' six, it's all about skill,
it's you know what I mean like And there's nobody
(21:34):
that's six ten in the NFL to begin with.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
So I think the list you made would be shorter.
But to give you an example, I think because football
players are so thick, we forget how big they are.
Go look at the video of Micah Parsons without his
shirt on this week. He makes Aunt Edwards look like me.
(21:59):
He is so big. I'll give you an example. There's
an old photo of Michael Jordan standing next to Barry Bonds.
He looks like a straw. Is that remember Michael playing baseball?
He looked like he was effaciated.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Now that's that. That part's fair, That part's fair work.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, these NFL guys they regularly leg press five hundred
and fifty pounds. That is when you watch Micah Parsons
without a shirt on. My take is and there are
times he is in engulfed by Trent Williams, just engulfed.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So that parts So people do we all have a
like our brain doesn't process how big NFL guys are
and how tall NBA guys are. Our brain doesn't accept it, like, yeah,
I mean you see around the office occasionally, I assume
my son because he works the lot. You've seen him there.
He is almost always the biggest guy in the room.
(23:05):
He's you know, he's six three and a half, you know,
probably two hundred pounds, maybe one ninety and in a
room of regular people, he's an imposing cuts, an imposing figure.
He is the exact same height and about ten pounds
lighter than Steph Curry. And Steph Curry in the NBA
(23:25):
looks like a little guy, and it's like, no, actually,
Steph Curry's the size of a bouncer at a decent nightclub.
It's like, you know what I mean, like the and
so we everybody forgets how tall NBA guys actually are.
That the guys in the when you're watching the basketball
game and a guy looks like he's average height, he's
six seven, and if you worked with someone who was
(23:47):
six seven, you would gawk at them. And you're right
about how just the raw strength of the average NFL player,
that part is unco questioned, unquiet, which.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And just the end of the long Brothers pointed out
the physical and mental toughness to just get tackled by
the strongest people in the country over and over and.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Over, he said. He said he was just talking about
guys who because who would just get folded He said
he was naming NBA guys. He's like, you get folded
up by like one of those camping tables, like, oh
you're seven feet tall, well to your four feet tall
now because you just got told in half. It's a
great rant. It is shout out to him. Man. I
(24:36):
know you and I are two people, two of the
ten people in the world who appreciate a great rant
as much as anybody. And this was a great rant
by Chris Long. I highly enjoyed it. I do think
there are a few though. I think there are a
few guys who could do it. I think I do
think Anthony Amberts could play safety, because I don't think
(24:58):
safeties are the size of Micah Parsons just flying around
like a missile. I think you could do He's twenty
two years old. I think you can play safety. The
Chiefs just drafted to get in the first round. It's
one hundred and sixty pounds that guy do won't see
Anthony Edwards coming over the middle just doesn't.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'll give you Lebron, We'll stop right, okay, Nick Wright,
as always, buddy, it's great.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Absolutely talk to you soon. Comby the volume.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Thanks so much for listening. If you've enjoyed the podcast,
take a moment rate and review
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