July 6, 2022 • 40 mins
In a time of recession, inflation, unprecedented violence, culture wars, civil unrest. In an era where our very freedom and liberties seem to be taken away from us, it's okay to feel angry and anxious about the state of the world.
But, as a listener to this podcast, Dan believes you're a purpose-driven person. It's the chaotic times like right now that are the very reason that we were born... to show up for this moment.
In this episode, Dan shares the one question that every person has to ask themselves right now that will determine if you're going to be part of the solution or continue to perpetuate the problem. Plus he's going to share the four subconscious patterns that keep us dimming our light and holding back our gifts when the world needs them most.
Follow Dan on Instagram for more great nuggets of knowledge. http://instagram.com/cscdanmason
To learn more about Dan and how to work one-on-one with him, go to http://creativesoulcoaching.net
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
In a time of recession, inflation, unprecedented violence, culture wars,
civil unrest, and an era where are very freedom and
liberty seems to be taken away from us. It's normal
to feel angry, and it's normal to be anxious about
(00:20):
the state of the world. But if you're a person
who listens to this podcast, I believe you're a purpose
driven person. It is the chaotic times like we're living
in right now that are the very reason that you
and I were born to show up for this moment.
Coming up this week on the Life Amplified podcast, I'm
(00:42):
going to share the one question that every person has
to ask themselves right now that will determine if you're
going to be part of the solution or continue to
perpetuate the problem. Plus, I'm going to give you the
force sub conscious patterns that keep us dimming our eight
and holding back our gifts when the world needs the
(01:03):
most welcome back. What is an amplified life. It's having
amplified relationships with people who support and encourage you to
be your best. It's having amplified energy to conquer the
challenges of a day, and it's having an amplified career.
One that's meaningful to you, the world and your bank accounts.
(01:25):
I'm Dan Mason, helping you discover your calling and create
an amplified life on your terms. This is the Life
Amplified Podcast. I want to start out this week with
a quote that Ray Edwards actually shared to his email
list this week, and it comes from founding father Thomas Payne,
(01:46):
but it very much applies to the era that we're
living in right now. I do not choose to be
a common person. It is my right to be uncommon
if I can. I seek opportunity, not security. I do
not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled
by having the state look after me. I want to
(02:07):
take the calculated risk to dream and to build, to fail,
and to succeed. I refuse to barter in sinap a dole.
I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence,
the thrill of fulfillment, to the stale calm of utopia.
I will not trade freedom for beneficence, or my dignity
(02:29):
for a handout. I will never cower before any master,
nor been to any threat. It is my heritage to
stand erect, proud and unafraid to think and act for myself,
I enjoy the benefits of my creations and face the
world boldly and say this I have done all. This
(02:50):
is what it means to be an entrepreneur. That's from
Thomas Paine and his book Common Sense. If the word
entrepreneur does not resonate with where you're at in this
stage in your life, it's fine. I think that you
can replace that with light worker, you can replace it
with all this is what it means to live my purpose.
(03:11):
And it's crazy that, you know, even though this quote
is two d and fifty years old, we can just
play with the language a little bit and it totally
applies to the internal battle that so many people are
facing in their life right now. You know, you could literally, uh,
you could literally say I will not trade my freedom
for a four oh one K or my dignity for
(03:35):
a steady corporate paycheck. How many people right now we've
seen the studies, Actually sixty one of the workforce says
they are hiding parts of themselves and their personality in
the workplace because they believe it will be damaging to them.
We're hiding information about our family, We're hiding about our
dating status, we are hiding sexual orientation. There was a
(03:58):
study recently in the UK sixty five of trans people
in the UK are hiding their identity because they're afraid
it's going to be damaging to their career. So, you know,
food for thought. We know so much here in the
United States about the headlines and the politicians and the
war on trans rights, but this really is a global phenomenon,
(04:19):
and there's so many places. Even if you're not hiding
parts of yourself in the workplace, if you're a person
who's not really showing up and you're not giving your
full gifts, if you're not living your purpose, if you're
trading that in for the steady corporate paycheck to get
the stock options, if you're delaying your happiness into the future.
(04:40):
You know what it causes. It causes a war within yourself.
So you might not be acting out and actively hurting
the segments of society, but you're hurting yourself and all
that anger. When you're living checked out, when you're not
fully committed to showing up to do the work that
you know that you're here to do. How often India
(05:01):
secretly take that out in your family. You're checked out
at home. You know, work gets the best version of you,
and the people that you love most, your partner, your children,
your community is actually getting the worst of you. Right. So,
I think that this quote applies in so many ways,
and it's really going to set the table for the
(05:22):
conversation that we're going to have for today, because when
we are living in a time of political chaos, civil unrest, turmoil,
there really is one question that I want to bring
everybody home to today that's going to determine whether you
show up, whether you live your purpose, whether you make
the income or the impact that you know that you're
(05:44):
here to make. So if you think about the times
that we're living in, and especially on the heels of
I believe the three ninth mass shooting in the United
States yesterday some absurd number, it can feel like we
are lost at sea, like we are thrashing around and
our little dinghy boat trying to stay afloat amidst all
(06:05):
the storms, amidst the crashing waves, were just trying to
keep our head above water. You know, the analogy that
I think a lot about when I watched the news
and I see the headlines right now, is in Forrest Gump,
where Lieutenant Dan is just out there on the ship
and you know, they're trying to keep the ship afloat,
and he's out there having his fight with God where
he's like, come on, God, it's me and you like,
(06:26):
we can get so overwhelmed. And I think that's how
many of us are living right now. You know, when
you think about what women are going through in the
United States, with the LGBT community is going through, I mean,
what what minority groups are going through, there is very
much that Lieutenant Dan energy right now. And by the way,
(06:49):
I want you to know, your anger is justified, and
your anger is actually sacred, because anger is a powerful
forest that can help you propel your life forward any
meaningful change I've ever made. When I was forty pounds overweight,
at rock bottom, depressed in writing a suicide note in
(07:10):
my kitchen, it was the anger that I felt about
the state of my life that gave me the momentum
and the energy to make new decisions, to show up differently.
And after I had climbed every ladder of success in
corporate America, but it still wasn't the thing I wanted,
and I was empty and unfulfilled. With every new job
(07:31):
promotion and every new pay raise. The anger I felt
about just being on this endless rat race gave me
the momentum to walk away and to start my coaching business,
to start this podcast. So anger can be a powerful
tool if it's used correctly. You probably heard the cliche like,
you know, the maximum personal the maximum that we use
(07:53):
in personal development. That anger can be Uh, it's like
nuclear energy. It can be used to power the neighborhood,
or it can be used to destroy the neighborhood. But
there's a lot of people right now that are just
living in the anger. They're thrashing around at sea in
their boat, they're trying to stay afloat, and all they're
(08:13):
doing is just spewing more anger. They're doing it on
their Facebook page, they're doing it online on Twitter right there,
sharing all the angry memes and living in their bubble.
But they're not really stepping into their zone of genius.
They're not living their purpose, and they're not taking the
courageous action that's going to help lift the vibration of
(08:34):
the planet. You know, And you can go back here
on the Life Amplified podcast. A few months ago, I
had a great conversation with Mandy Morris about this very
topic Mandy was talking about. You don't need to know
how to solve the crisis in the Ukraine to help
elevate the vibration of the planet. What you need to
do is the work on yourself. The more people that
(08:54):
we have living in their purpose, the more we have
happy people. It just lifts the collective consciousness. So it
gets a little metaphysical, but it's a really powerful conversation.
One of our most downloaded episodes this year, and actually
one of the most shared clips that I've shared on Instagram,
So make sure you check that out. But the question
(09:15):
for you, right, are you going to live in the anger? Right?
Are you going to be the ship that is just
lost at sea? Or are you going to be the lighthouse.
So much of how I operate in my life, and
I'm not saying I get this right of the time,
is trying to be the lighthouse. What does the lighthouse do?
(09:37):
It illuminates the land mass and calls approaching ships home.
It stands firm, stands unmoved in the face of the chaos,
and just shines a light outwards. It generates a light
within itself, shines it outward and gives all the ships
lost at sea, a direction to come home to safety now.
(10:00):
And this is especially this really really important point for
my codependence out there, right, the lighthouse doesn't physically pull
in the ship. Each person still is responsible to steer
their own ship. Right, the the individual is tasked with
being the captain. But when you are serving as a
beacon of light, when you're holding a lantern, you allow
(10:21):
people to see what they might not see otherwise. It
doesn't abdicate their responsibility to chart their own path, but
it illuminates a pathway home, right. And then an illuminated lighthouse,
it illuminates the darkness. How many more times can I
say illuminated? Not quite sure? So the key question, right,
(10:42):
are you being the ship that's lost at sea? Are
you just fighting to keep your head above water? Or
are you being the lighthouse? Every person that I meet,
every person I know in my life, every one of
my clients, having done this work with hundreds of people
now across eighteen countries over the last seven years, as
something special. There is a gift within them that they
(11:04):
can offer the world. And I'm not saying that you
have to become the Dalai Lama, that you have to
become a spiritual leader. Right, you can bring people home
to themselves through your writing, through your art. I mean,
how many times has there been a song or a
book that's changed your life that you see yourself or
(11:24):
your journey reflected back to you in the book. One
of the most powerful ones for me when I was
really struggling in those in that final year or two
of corporate is I read The Alchemist by Paulo Quello,
also the book that people like Madonna, Will Smith all
like say change their life. But it's about living your
personal legend, which is another way just to say, to
(11:47):
live your life's purpose. And that book was so powerful
to me. It came to me right in the moment
that I needed right. So Paulo Quello isn't a spiritual leader,
but he was living his purpose and its impact that
book has impacted me and people across so many countries.
I mean, that thing has been translated in every language
that there is. So it might be through your idea,
(12:11):
it might be through your art, it might be through
the invention that you have. I was reading this article
the other day. I was doing some research on how
many millionaires are created during times of recession, and I
went back to the two thousand and eight crisis, right,
the housing crisis, when the economy was a disaster and
the auto industry was failing and the stock market was failing,
(12:34):
and you know, the the Obama administration had to come
in and play clean up on that. But we were
all living in this really uncertain time. Do you know
the product that was actually created and two thousand and
eight that made millions upon millions of dollars during a recession,
the Snuggie because basically, you know, people were so lost.
(12:56):
What did we want? We wanted some sense of comfort.
We were all like line is from the Peanuts. So
your purpose can can look very different depending on the individual.
I'm not telling you that you have to become the
next Tony Robbins or you know, the next great spiritual
leader of the world. You don't have to become Deepak Chopra.
(13:17):
But there is something within you. There is a light
within you, an idea, a message, a product, a business
you're ready to launch that you're ready to share with
the world, and it could serve as the lighthouse, right,
It could be just what people need to come home
to themselves. But most of us don't really live in
(13:40):
that lighthouse energy for long. We might do it for
a short period of time and then we get very uncomfortable.
It takes strides forward and then this is what in
most personal development modalities it would refer to as self sabotage. Right,
we pull the rug out from under ourselves, but nobody
has ever really sabotage themselves. We do protect ourselves when
(14:04):
things are getting too good. I was just talking on
the last podcast about this idea that we all have
a part of our we all have a part of
ourselves that is definitely afraid to live and continue joy.
And we talked about all the reasons why that is.
You can go back to the last episode. But what
I want to do just illuminate today are the four
(14:24):
ways that we actually dim our light and we don't
show up living to our full potential, That we don't
really maximize our gifts, that we never make the mark
that we're here to make in the world. The first trap,
and please you know, for my friends on Instagram, go
to the comments to let me know if any of
these resonate for you. The first trap is oftentimes we
(14:49):
feel undeserving or unworthy of the success. We believe that
on some level. We're fundamentally flawed. So how could I
poss ably be this self expressed? How could I possibly
be this happy, this loved, this rich, this wealthy, because
I know deep down that I'm screwed up right, at
(15:12):
some point other people are going to find that out.
There's so many people that I work with who will
take a huge quantum leap forward into their career. They'll
they'll generate, uh, they'll generate a new business, new levels
of income, and then they sabotage because of this And
why do we believe that we're unworthy? A lot of times?
(15:34):
You know, that's the work that we uncover in a
coaching relationship. We go back to childhood and I can
get anybody super clear on the exact reason that you
feel undeserving and unworthy of the success. You know, for me,
growing up a lot, I've shared a little bit of
this story in the past, you know, growing up with
a mom with a lot of mental health challenges. And
(15:56):
I didn't put this together till way later in life.
My dad had actually a couple of years ago sent
me a copy of my baby book that my mom
had kept for me, and it was when I went
back and read all the notes that my mom had
written in nineteen when I was born were not to
get into the specifics of that. I saw that my mom,
(16:18):
who always had this emptiness within her. You know, my
mom grew up in a really difficult family, a lot
of trauma in that family, and my mom was always
searching for something outside of her to make her happy.
And I think she probably thought marriage would be the thing.
My parents were married thirty years. They probably had thirty
good days during that whole time, but it was very
(16:39):
it was very obvious early on that they were struggling
in their marriage. So she figured, like many people do, Hey,
having a kid is going to make this better. Because
my mom was writing in the baby book that man
that just me being as the first son coming into existence,
my birth was everything that she had hoped and prayed
for it. But as time went on, and especially when
(17:02):
I think about my mom's own abandonment complex that she had,
as I became older, and I wanted to differentiate and
set boundaries, and and particularly as a masculine energy little
boy stepping into my masculine energy, I wanted to go
out and explore on my own. I wanted to find
activities that I was into it triggered my mom's abandonment complex.
(17:23):
So any of the activities that I was doing growing up, right,
I was really into equestrian UH as a small child,
which I know is like some bullshit white people's stuff,
but I really enjoyed it. For a period of time,
I played Little League. But all those things my mom
would pull me out of and say that I was
just too busy. What she really wanted, particularly as my
(17:45):
dad was working and traveling more, was for me to
be home and be her snuggy, to be her security blanket.
And the more that I started to resist against that
as I became a teenager, the more angry she got
more she lashed out at me. And there was always
this feeling growing up. I could never really make my
mom happy, and what she would start to do is
(18:08):
start to look for other ways. And none of this,
by the way, like my mom and I healed our
relationship of a few years ago, so none of this
is to blame. But it really is about context. You know.
My mom started UH as my grades were failing as
a teenager. She started having parent teacher conferences and she
would come home and tell me that all my teachers
(18:29):
thought I was an asshole, thought that I was terrible,
all these things that teachers would not say to a parent,
but I didn't know better at age thirteen. So school
started to feel unsafe. Right, It's not only do I
let my mom down all the time. My teachers don't
like me. And it really started to affect my self esteem. Right.
I always just felt fundamentally unworthy, unloved, and that got
(18:53):
imprinted at an early age. And even though I was
climbing the corporate ladder after college and having all a
success in the radio industry, I carried that burden with
me that I could just that I was never going
to be able to make anybody happy long term. It
showed up in my choice of relationships as an adult.
My whole marriage turned out to be with somebody who
(19:15):
I didn't feel like I could make happy. And and
you know, even though I was doing the work right,
it was going to therapy and I started to work
through coaching. This would hold me back in sabotage me
as I had moved further into my purpose. When we
launched this podcast in two this podcast debut number one
(19:36):
globally on iTunes. It was like a goal that was
so big. I never even had consciously set that for myself.
And I did a whole interview on the Elvis Duran
Morning Show. Many of you who are listening right now
might have found me through Elvis Duran and see one
hundred New York City and syndicated across the United States.
And that was so much exposure, right And all of
(19:59):
a sudden, like mailing list grew and all these new
clients started to happen. So my income took off. But
I didn't feel worthy of the success. So rather than
staying in that momentum of continuing to put myself out there,
I started to shut down and hide because I was like, God,
what if people find out that I'm fundamentally flawed? What
(20:20):
do people found out about all the terrible decisions I
made in my twenties and early to mid thirties. Oh
my god, They're gonna think I'm a total phony. So
I started to punish myself by hiding rather than really
acting as the lighthouse. I went into isolation mode, which
took my business back a couple of steps. And this
(20:40):
is where the sabotage begins to come in. And what
I want you to think for yourself, or where are
these places that you feel unworthy, flawed, or undeserving of success.
Where is it keeping you for showing from showing up
for your next level in your life? Because this isn't
just an opportunity for me to talk about myself or
(21:00):
my childhood, right, That's not why I started this podcast.
But I hope much like when I was talking about
the book The Alchemist earlier, maybe somebody listening today you
were seeing parts of yourself reflicted in the story, and
it's starting to create the aha moment of hey, maybe
this isn't Maybe there's a reason I'm not staying fully
committed to my goals. Maybe there's a reason that you
(21:23):
know that I've been showing up the way that I have.
That is the first subconscious reason that we dim our
light and sabotage our success. Coming up after the break,
I will give you the other three reasons, and we're
gonna talk about how you can begin to heal this
so you can fully step into your light and do
the work that you're meant to do. We'll be right back,
(21:46):
welcome back. The second way that we sabotage our success,
that we dim our light and really never maximize our potential.
Is that we believe that fully stepping into our light
and shining brightly will causes to be alone or disloyal
to our roots, and that on some level we might
have to leave behind people from our past. I've seen
(22:09):
this happen more than I more times than I can
count in my coaching practice with very successful, very high
achieving people. I worked with a very high powered attorney.
This is somebody who was just making a ton of money,
who was crushing it in his career, and the one
place that he had always struggled was romantic relationships. And
(22:32):
even though he was having all the success and kept
getting you know, bigger and bigger law firms, uh and
going to work for bigger places and his income kept
going up and working with more high profile clients, he
struggled to stay faithful in relationships. Every time things got
too good, he would either run away, he'd start hitting
(22:54):
up bumble again, going back on apps, and he would
shoot himself in the foot. Now why would we do that? Um?
Because he had a subconscious belief that if he were
fully himself in any relationship, that people would leave him
and he would be alone. And therefore it was easier.
(23:15):
If the expectation is just that people are going to
leave me if they get to know me, then a
great survival trick for your subconscious is to say, you
know what, I'm going to push them away and I'm
going to leave first. And there was a lot of
religious trauma in there. You know, is a young man
in his early twenties. He started to step away from
(23:37):
the religious dynamics that he grew up in. But there
was another problem in there that he had also got
married to a woman through the church, through his religion.
You get married like right out of college, you start,
you know, pushing out seven to eight kids, and that's
what you do. And that wasn't the path that he wanted,
and he started to question a lot of things about
(23:59):
that religio him. And so when he started to differentiate
and say, you know what, maybe I would like to
have a beer on a Sunday while I'm watching football,
or hey, maybe the things in this text don't make
a lot of sense to me, it eventually pulled he
and his wife apart, and it caused a huge amount
of disappointment to his family. So it's not just like
(24:20):
he had felt like he had left you know, let
an ex wife down. He felt like he had left
the whole family down, and for a while he was
estranged from his family because he walked away from the religion,
which would certainly cause somebody to believe I'm fundamentally unlovable,
Like if I am fully myself and shining all of
who I am, I will be left. And this is
(24:43):
where we start to step into that. There's this cognitive
dissonance that exists. Right. So, if you are a person
who believes that being too successful, what if you grew
up in a home where money was scarce and your
family is in a story regenerationally a financial struggle. There's
a lot of people who struggle to receive wealth fully,
(25:07):
and if they do create the wealth, it's hard for
them to hang onto it because they feel on some
level like they're being judged by their family, particularly if
they grew up in a home where they were taught
that money is the root of all evil, or that
the rich people in our town they're all bad people,
they're the assholes. Right, So then now there's this whole
dynamic around money, and it's like I can either have
(25:28):
money or I can be loyal to my roots and
have love. You know. It's one of the places that
I've had to work through a lot in my own
inner work, you know, growing up with two parents who
had nothing when they got married. My parents were poor
a f when they got together. They literally lived off Campbell,
(25:49):
sup and kool aid. My dad was a self made man.
He continued to climb the corporate ladder and radio eventually
became CEO of a major broadcasting corporation. And the more
money that my dad made, the more successful he became,
and the more the longer hours he worked, and the
more he was tired when he came home. It created
more problems with my mom, who used to yell all
(26:10):
the time about we don't need the money, what I needed?
You write like she didn't really respect the fact that
he was such a great provider because the emotional needs
weren't being met. And I observed all that as a kid,
and to my subconscious it became a matter for me
in relationship that you get to have money or you
get to have love, but you don't get to have both.
(26:32):
In fact, the more money and the more successful you are,
the more you're going to have people resent you for it.
I couldn't figure out why I would repeat this pattern,
Especially when I started my business and started to do well.
I would be dating somebody and things would go well right,
and then my business would fall off and be like
no new clients would sign up. Then I'd start, like,
you know, focusing on the business. I get new clients,
(26:54):
but then the right relationship would implode and it was
all just an external manifestation of everything that I was
subconsciously believing growing up in childhood. So that is the
second trap that shining your light fully be in that
lighthouse is going to cause you to be alone, disloyal
to your roots, or it's going to cause people to
(27:16):
leave you behind that you're going to have to lead
behind people from your past. Right, So success comes with
guilt in that scenario, and when you're guilty, it' tap
the brakes. You hold yourself back from the ultimate success.
Huge winds in that scenario get followed by bouts of
self punishment. Does that resonate at all for you? If so,
(27:39):
maybe it's time for us to have a coaching conversation
Creative soul coaching dot net. If you want to fill
out an application, Let's talk about the number three subconscious
pattern that keeps people from fully shining their light and
living their purpose. More success equals bigger burdens. Now this
is not the case, that's not the ultimate truth, but
to your subconscious, it believes that, right, I'm going to
(28:02):
disappoint people if I become too successful, if I'm making
more money, more people are going to want something from me.
There's more people are going to be asking something for
something from me, and then I'm gonna have to say no,
which means then I'm gonna have to deal with that conflict. Right. Also,
this is another place where a lot of people believe
that more success right will create a burden for them
(28:23):
because it's going to eventually magnify the places that they're
personally deficient. You could also call this impostor syndrome. You
know that there's so many high performers and guys like
I have coached gold medal athletes, a couple of celebrities,
and everyday high performers and people like even ceo s
at the highest level go through impostor syndrome, and it's
(28:47):
the belief that they're one day going to be found
out right that they're not as capable, or that that
they don't fully know what they're talking about, and therefore
people will leave them, so that becomes another burden that
we carry. There could also be a scenario, as we
talk about this idea that more success equals bigger burdens,
you might believe you're the burden, you know, if you
(29:10):
grew up. I've had so many clients who grew up
in a home where they might have been the oops baby,
like they weren't really planned for, and then they feel
that pressure, like the parents thought they were going to
get the other kids out of the house and it's like,
oh my god, now we got to take care of
another one, right or now I'm going to have to
work more because I have to support the family, you know,
(29:31):
and I'm doing this. And so often as parents we
say these things to the children, thinking that not thinking
of the implications. Well, I work so hard because I
have to take care of you, and the kids are like, well,
what I really want is my mom and dad here.
I just want somebody to be emotionally present with me.
(29:51):
And I must be a burden because now they're working
so hard and they're miserable and grumpy all the time.
I've had a lot of clients come to me and
hire me because that they know that they're playing that
scenario out with their children. They're stuck in this workaholism
trap and they're not chasing their dreams because they're staying
in the safe corporate in the safe corporate job, and
(30:15):
in some way, not ever deliberately, never from a malicious place,
they blame their children and the family for why they're
not living their purpose. So, you know, it's really funny.
I always say this to parents, is like, you know,
at some point you want to raise kids who are
living their purpose. What are you gonna do when they
tell you about their big dream one day and you're like, oh,
(30:36):
you know, well daddy had a dream once too. And
the kids like, well, why didn't you chase your dream, daddy?
And you're like, well, you for starters, ensuring a whole
another generation of clients for me, and uh, I appreciate that,
but I would rather you not create that dynamic with
your children. So where are the places in your life
(30:59):
that you believe that you're a burden? Right? That you're
very existence causes This happens a lot. Uh, when somebody
is born to a single parent. It happens with unplanned
pregnancies within a family structure where you know mom and
Dad thought that they were done having kids, and you know,
(31:22):
then the stork brings them another one. But this happens
all the time, right and again. If you believe that
you are a burden to other people, you will never
fully step into your next level of success. So quick
recap on the first three patterns that cause us to
dim our light and keep us from living our purpose.
(31:42):
Number One, we feel fundamentally undeserving or unworthy of success.
That usually goes back to some sort of childhood trauma.
Number two, shining our light we believe will cause us
to be alone, disloyal to our roots, or mean that
we have to leave other people behind. Number three more
says equals bigger burdens. And the fourth one that's a
(32:03):
really big one right here, And this comes up a
lot in families when there are siblings, right, if you
have a lot of brothers and sisters. If you believe
that your success will make others look bad, then you
will not shine too much. How many times did you
do really well at something, You had a big achievement,
and you were told that nobody likes somebody who brags
(32:25):
you gotta just hold back on that, don't talk about
it too much. I remember in ninth grade, you know,
I was a kid who had tried everything to sort
of like stand out, you know, through junior high and
in high school. I wasn't a great athlete. Uh you know.
I tried my hand at playing basketball for a while.
That didn't work out. I did do well doing stand
(32:46):
up at the talent shows. Yeah, I was doing like
stand up comedy at like twelve years old. I'm glad
that those are not still on videotape. But the place
I really made my mark was in theater and getting
the lead in the spring musical every year. And I
remember I had this Spanish teacher who always, like it
just wasn't very kind to me in general, always just
(33:07):
like made really awful comments to me. And I remember
I had the lead in the musical for the first
time and I walked into her class, and it was
after we did the production, like everybody was talking about,
oh my god, damn was so good in the musical.
And I walked in. She's like, oh, here he comes.
I'm not going to praise you. You've heard enough, Mr Ego,
(33:28):
And I was like, oh God, Well, I don't want
to be perceived as having an ego just for sharing
my talent, right, So then I you know, there was
part of me that just wanted to dim that down
and tamp that down, which I did go study musical
theater for a brief period of time in college, but
also never pursued it. Like it was just part of
(33:49):
that was like I wasn't confident in my talent. Uh,
A lot of it was that I wanted to follow
in my dad's footsteps, because radio, at least was a
path that I was demonstrated it to me was a
safe path to income. But I had always carried like
this guilt that if I shine too much, it's gonna
make other people uncomfortable. So I would always be the
(34:10):
guy when people gave me a compliment, I would deflect it,
you know, where when I was working in radio and
the ratings at the radio station were great, I'm like, oh, well,
you know, it just must have been dumb luck. We're
lucky this time. Probably won't be that good next time.
Where in your life do you do that? Where do
you deflect compliments and say just just really demigrate yourself
(34:36):
because you say, well, anybody could have done this or
God would I offer, well, it's not really that special. Hey,
you did a great job on your presentation. And then
you're like, oh, well, you know, did you catch that
time when I screwed up on that one slide I presented?
And I said, the wrong thing happens all the time,
and it keeps us from fully stepping into our light.
I had a client that I had worked with at
(34:57):
the very beginning of my coaching practice, and I remember,
you know, one of the things that she wanted to
manifest was to get a dodged arango as a truck.
You know, they lived in the Northeast, the winters were
really harsh. She wanted to get her kids safely to
and from school. And she said, man, they've had a
dodged a wrangle. I'm going to be able to navigate
the snow. But she immediately through cold water all over
(35:18):
the goal. She goes, well, you know, the family next
door to us, you know, the husband's unemployed. They're really struggling,
and what would they think, you know, you know, they
probably think I'm a bit if I just rolled in
in a brand new truck when they're struggling. And here
is the counter to that mode of thinking. How does
you playing down, not experiencing the fullest levels of abundance,
(35:43):
not experiencing the highest levels of joy, creative expression, and
expansion in your life. How does that make anybody else's
life better? It doesn't the people in your life. For
you're afraid that you're going to outshine you, Dimming your
light doesn't brighten theirs at all. In fact, you know,
(36:04):
part of this idea when we talk at the beginning
of the podcast about being in the lighthouse, it's really
about you shining your light because you become an example
for other people on what's possible for them. I've had
so many people over the course of the last seven
years who have you know, followed my journey on this podcast.
Remember back at episode one, I hadn't like, really monetized
(36:27):
this coaching business yet. I was just getting by. It
was going hand to mouth. And then as I grew
into a multiple six figure business, there's been so many
listeners who were like, wow, Dan, you know you inspired
me to go register my business and to start a
Facebook business page for my new idea. So it's really
adopting a role model mentality. Right when we're stepping into
(36:50):
our light. So those are the four blocks that get
in the way, right, feeling undeserving, unworthy of success. We
believe shining our light will cause us to be disloyal
to our roots or have to leave people behind. We
believe more success will equal bigger burdens. Sometimes we even
believe that we are the burden. And sometimes we believe
(37:11):
that our success will make others look bad and we
don't want to outshine them. It's a big one, especially
with those of you that were gifted children growing up.
How do you move beyond it? Well, you don't do
it in a vacuum, right, you know, it's not so
much that you have that this is a problem to solve,
(37:32):
because if you could solve it, you would have already
done it. You need support. It's really about dissolving the thought.
So less about solving, more about dissolving. And you have
to understand why that belief is even there in the
first place, to protect you, because that creates self compassion.
(37:53):
A lot of times we judge ourselves. Oh my god,
my mindset just is so off. For you know, I've
I've read all the self books, but I can't seem
to implement this because hanging onto the old belief that
is keeping you stuck is in some ways in service
of survival. You know, if you believe that you're going
to have to leave your family behind to step into
(38:15):
your highest potential, if that's really a belief you're working with,
why would you ever do the thing that you know
that you're here to do. If you believe that your
success is going to make other people look bad, why
would you do it? Why would you allow yourself to
have the success. So having that coaching support to identify
the root cause of where you made these beliefs, and
(38:39):
also having somebody to stand beside you as you do
the scary thing, because as you decide that you're going
to be that lighthouse that you're going to share your
gifts with the world, it's gonna trigger your nervous system
and every fear that you've ever had about abandonment, failure,
not being enough, And when left to your own devices,
you're probably just gonna back and and make the decision
(39:02):
that's going to keep you feeling safe, even if it
makes you feel stuck. So this is why support is everything,
and that's really what we do at the core of
my coaching programs. By the way, one on one coaching
spots are available, and I'm going to be launching a
new eight week program called the six figure Second Act Blueprint.
(39:26):
So for those of you who want to get really
clear on what you're here to do. You want to
dissolve those internal blocks that we discussed today that's going
to keep you stuck. We're gonna be announcing it soon,
but if you'd like to get on the waiting list,
you can just DM me directly. We'll get the conversation
started and get you in there so you can reserve
your spot. I'm only going to be working with a
(39:46):
half dozen people in that group environment, so it's a
great opportunity for us to work together if we've never
done it before. Creative Soul Coaching dot Net is where
you go to apply for one on one coaching. And
if this podcast episode served you, please screenshot it, upload
it to the Graham tag me at c SC Dan Mason,
(40:07):
let me know your biggest breakthroughs and we will be
back again next week. In the meantime, turned down the
volume on your negativity, turned up the volume on your
purpose so you can live life amplified. I'll talk to
you next week.
In a time of recession, inflation, unprecedented violence, culture wars,
civil unrest, and an era where are very freedom and
liberty seems to be taken away from us. It's normal
to feel angry, and it's normal to be anxious about
(00:20):
the state of the world. But if you're a person
who listens to this podcast, I believe you're a purpose
driven person. It is the chaotic times like we're living
in right now that are the very reason that you
and I were born to show up for this moment.
Coming up this week on the Life Amplified podcast, I'm
(00:42):
going to share the one question that every person has
to ask themselves right now that will determine if you're
going to be part of the solution or continue to
perpetuate the problem. Plus, I'm going to give you the
force sub conscious patterns that keep us dimming our eight
and holding back our gifts when the world needs the
(01:03):
most welcome back. What is an amplified life. It's having
amplified relationships with people who support and encourage you to
be your best. It's having amplified energy to conquer the
challenges of a day, and it's having an amplified career.
One that's meaningful to you, the world and your bank accounts.
(01:25):
I'm Dan Mason, helping you discover your calling and create
an amplified life on your terms. This is the Life
Amplified Podcast. I want to start out this week with
a quote that Ray Edwards actually shared to his email
list this week, and it comes from founding father Thomas Payne,
(01:46):
but it very much applies to the era that we're
living in right now. I do not choose to be
a common person. It is my right to be uncommon
if I can. I seek opportunity, not security. I do
not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled
by having the state look after me. I want to
(02:07):
take the calculated risk to dream and to build, to fail,
and to succeed. I refuse to barter in sinap a dole.
I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence,
the thrill of fulfillment, to the stale calm of utopia.
I will not trade freedom for beneficence, or my dignity
(02:29):
for a handout. I will never cower before any master,
nor been to any threat. It is my heritage to
stand erect, proud and unafraid to think and act for myself,
I enjoy the benefits of my creations and face the
world boldly and say this I have done all. This
(02:50):
is what it means to be an entrepreneur. That's from
Thomas Paine and his book Common Sense. If the word
entrepreneur does not resonate with where you're at in this
stage in your life, it's fine. I think that you
can replace that with light worker, you can replace it
with all this is what it means to live my purpose.
(03:11):
And it's crazy that, you know, even though this quote
is two d and fifty years old, we can just
play with the language a little bit and it totally
applies to the internal battle that so many people are
facing in their life right now. You know, you could literally, uh,
you could literally say I will not trade my freedom
for a four oh one K or my dignity for
(03:35):
a steady corporate paycheck. How many people right now we've
seen the studies, Actually sixty one of the workforce says
they are hiding parts of themselves and their personality in
the workplace because they believe it will be damaging to them.
We're hiding information about our family, We're hiding about our
dating status, we are hiding sexual orientation. There was a
(03:58):
study recently in the UK sixty five of trans people
in the UK are hiding their identity because they're afraid
it's going to be damaging to their career. So, you know,
food for thought. We know so much here in the
United States about the headlines and the politicians and the
war on trans rights, but this really is a global phenomenon,
(04:19):
and there's so many places. Even if you're not hiding
parts of yourself in the workplace, if you're a person
who's not really showing up and you're not giving your
full gifts, if you're not living your purpose, if you're
trading that in for the steady corporate paycheck to get
the stock options, if you're delaying your happiness into the future.
(04:40):
You know what it causes. It causes a war within yourself.
So you might not be acting out and actively hurting
the segments of society, but you're hurting yourself and all
that anger. When you're living checked out, when you're not
fully committed to showing up to do the work that
you know that you're here to do. How often India
(05:01):
secretly take that out in your family. You're checked out
at home. You know, work gets the best version of you,
and the people that you love most, your partner, your children,
your community is actually getting the worst of you. Right. So,
I think that this quote applies in so many ways,
and it's really going to set the table for the
(05:22):
conversation that we're going to have for today, because when
we are living in a time of political chaos, civil unrest, turmoil,
there really is one question that I want to bring
everybody home to today that's going to determine whether you
show up, whether you live your purpose, whether you make
the income or the impact that you know that you're
(05:44):
here to make. So if you think about the times
that we're living in, and especially on the heels of
I believe the three ninth mass shooting in the United
States yesterday some absurd number, it can feel like we
are lost at sea, like we are thrashing around and
our little dinghy boat trying to stay afloat amidst all
(06:05):
the storms, amidst the crashing waves, were just trying to
keep our head above water. You know, the analogy that
I think a lot about when I watched the news
and I see the headlines right now, is in Forrest Gump,
where Lieutenant Dan is just out there on the ship
and you know, they're trying to keep the ship afloat,
and he's out there having his fight with God where
he's like, come on, God, it's me and you like,
(06:26):
we can get so overwhelmed. And I think that's how
many of us are living right now. You know, when
you think about what women are going through in the
United States, with the LGBT community is going through, I mean,
what what minority groups are going through, there is very
much that Lieutenant Dan energy right now. And by the way,
(06:49):
I want you to know, your anger is justified, and
your anger is actually sacred, because anger is a powerful
forest that can help you propel your life forward any
meaningful change I've ever made. When I was forty pounds overweight,
at rock bottom, depressed in writing a suicide note in
(07:10):
my kitchen, it was the anger that I felt about
the state of my life that gave me the momentum
and the energy to make new decisions, to show up differently.
And after I had climbed every ladder of success in
corporate America, but it still wasn't the thing I wanted,
and I was empty and unfulfilled. With every new job
(07:31):
promotion and every new pay raise. The anger I felt
about just being on this endless rat race gave me
the momentum to walk away and to start my coaching business,
to start this podcast. So anger can be a powerful
tool if it's used correctly. You probably heard the cliche like,
you know, the maximum personal the maximum that we use
(07:53):
in personal development. That anger can be Uh, it's like
nuclear energy. It can be used to power the neighborhood,
or it can be used to destroy the neighborhood. But
there's a lot of people right now that are just
living in the anger. They're thrashing around at sea in
their boat, they're trying to stay afloat, and all they're
(08:13):
doing is just spewing more anger. They're doing it on
their Facebook page, they're doing it online on Twitter right there,
sharing all the angry memes and living in their bubble.
But they're not really stepping into their zone of genius.
They're not living their purpose, and they're not taking the
courageous action that's going to help lift the vibration of
(08:34):
the planet. You know, And you can go back here
on the Life Amplified podcast. A few months ago, I
had a great conversation with Mandy Morris about this very
topic Mandy was talking about. You don't need to know
how to solve the crisis in the Ukraine to help
elevate the vibration of the planet. What you need to
do is the work on yourself. The more people that
(08:54):
we have living in their purpose, the more we have
happy people. It just lifts the collective consciousness. So it
gets a little metaphysical, but it's a really powerful conversation.
One of our most downloaded episodes this year, and actually
one of the most shared clips that I've shared on Instagram,
So make sure you check that out. But the question
(09:15):
for you, right, are you going to live in the anger? Right?
Are you going to be the ship that is just
lost at sea? Or are you going to be the lighthouse.
So much of how I operate in my life, and
I'm not saying I get this right of the time,
is trying to be the lighthouse. What does the lighthouse do?
(09:37):
It illuminates the land mass and calls approaching ships home.
It stands firm, stands unmoved in the face of the chaos,
and just shines a light outwards. It generates a light
within itself, shines it outward and gives all the ships
lost at sea, a direction to come home to safety now.
(10:00):
And this is especially this really really important point for
my codependence out there, right, the lighthouse doesn't physically pull
in the ship. Each person still is responsible to steer
their own ship. Right, the the individual is tasked with
being the captain. But when you are serving as a
beacon of light, when you're holding a lantern, you allow
(10:21):
people to see what they might not see otherwise. It
doesn't abdicate their responsibility to chart their own path, but
it illuminates a pathway home, right. And then an illuminated lighthouse,
it illuminates the darkness. How many more times can I
say illuminated? Not quite sure? So the key question, right,
(10:42):
are you being the ship that's lost at sea? Are
you just fighting to keep your head above water? Or
are you being the lighthouse? Every person that I meet,
every person I know in my life, every one of
my clients, having done this work with hundreds of people
now across eighteen countries over the last seven years, as
something special. There is a gift within them that they
(11:04):
can offer the world. And I'm not saying that you
have to become the Dalai Lama, that you have to
become a spiritual leader. Right, you can bring people home
to themselves through your writing, through your art. I mean,
how many times has there been a song or a
book that's changed your life that you see yourself or
(11:24):
your journey reflected back to you in the book. One
of the most powerful ones for me when I was
really struggling in those in that final year or two
of corporate is I read The Alchemist by Paulo Quello,
also the book that people like Madonna, Will Smith all
like say change their life. But it's about living your
personal legend, which is another way just to say, to
(11:47):
live your life's purpose. And that book was so powerful
to me. It came to me right in the moment
that I needed right. So Paulo Quello isn't a spiritual leader,
but he was living his purpose and its impact that
book has impacted me and people across so many countries.
I mean, that thing has been translated in every language
that there is. So it might be through your idea,
(12:11):
it might be through your art, it might be through
the invention that you have. I was reading this article
the other day. I was doing some research on how
many millionaires are created during times of recession, and I
went back to the two thousand and eight crisis, right,
the housing crisis, when the economy was a disaster and
the auto industry was failing and the stock market was failing,
(12:34):
and you know, the the Obama administration had to come
in and play clean up on that. But we were
all living in this really uncertain time. Do you know
the product that was actually created and two thousand and
eight that made millions upon millions of dollars during a recession,
the Snuggie because basically, you know, people were so lost.
(12:56):
What did we want? We wanted some sense of comfort.
We were all like line is from the Peanuts. So
your purpose can can look very different depending on the individual.
I'm not telling you that you have to become the
next Tony Robbins or you know, the next great spiritual
leader of the world. You don't have to become Deepak Chopra.
(13:17):
But there is something within you. There is a light
within you, an idea, a message, a product, a business
you're ready to launch that you're ready to share with
the world, and it could serve as the lighthouse, right,
It could be just what people need to come home
to themselves. But most of us don't really live in
(13:40):
that lighthouse energy for long. We might do it for
a short period of time and then we get very uncomfortable.
It takes strides forward and then this is what in
most personal development modalities it would refer to as self sabotage. Right,
we pull the rug out from under ourselves, but nobody
has ever really sabotage themselves. We do protect ourselves when
(14:04):
things are getting too good. I was just talking on
the last podcast about this idea that we all have
a part of our we all have a part of
ourselves that is definitely afraid to live and continue joy.
And we talked about all the reasons why that is.
You can go back to the last episode. But what
I want to do just illuminate today are the four
(14:24):
ways that we actually dim our light and we don't
show up living to our full potential, That we don't
really maximize our gifts, that we never make the mark
that we're here to make in the world. The first trap,
and please you know, for my friends on Instagram, go
to the comments to let me know if any of
these resonate for you. The first trap is oftentimes we
(14:49):
feel undeserving or unworthy of the success. We believe that
on some level. We're fundamentally flawed. So how could I
poss ably be this self expressed? How could I possibly
be this happy, this loved, this rich, this wealthy, because
I know deep down that I'm screwed up right, at
(15:12):
some point other people are going to find that out.
There's so many people that I work with who will
take a huge quantum leap forward into their career. They'll
they'll generate, uh, they'll generate a new business, new levels
of income, and then they sabotage because of this And
why do we believe that we're unworthy? A lot of times?
(15:34):
You know, that's the work that we uncover in a
coaching relationship. We go back to childhood and I can
get anybody super clear on the exact reason that you
feel undeserving and unworthy of the success. You know, for me,
growing up a lot, I've shared a little bit of
this story in the past, you know, growing up with
a mom with a lot of mental health challenges. And
(15:56):
I didn't put this together till way later in life.
My dad had actually a couple of years ago sent
me a copy of my baby book that my mom
had kept for me, and it was when I went
back and read all the notes that my mom had
written in nineteen when I was born were not to
get into the specifics of that. I saw that my mom,
(16:18):
who always had this emptiness within her. You know, my
mom grew up in a really difficult family, a lot
of trauma in that family, and my mom was always
searching for something outside of her to make her happy.
And I think she probably thought marriage would be the thing.
My parents were married thirty years. They probably had thirty
good days during that whole time, but it was very
(16:39):
it was very obvious early on that they were struggling
in their marriage. So she figured, like many people do, Hey,
having a kid is going to make this better. Because
my mom was writing in the baby book that man
that just me being as the first son coming into existence,
my birth was everything that she had hoped and prayed
for it. But as time went on, and especially when
(17:02):
I think about my mom's own abandonment complex that she had,
as I became older, and I wanted to differentiate and
set boundaries, and and particularly as a masculine energy little
boy stepping into my masculine energy, I wanted to go
out and explore on my own. I wanted to find
activities that I was into it triggered my mom's abandonment complex.
(17:23):
So any of the activities that I was doing growing up, right,
I was really into equestrian UH as a small child,
which I know is like some bullshit white people's stuff,
but I really enjoyed it. For a period of time,
I played Little League. But all those things my mom
would pull me out of and say that I was
just too busy. What she really wanted, particularly as my
(17:45):
dad was working and traveling more, was for me to
be home and be her snuggy, to be her security blanket.
And the more that I started to resist against that
as I became a teenager, the more angry she got
more she lashed out at me. And there was always
this feeling growing up. I could never really make my
mom happy, and what she would start to do is
(18:08):
start to look for other ways. And none of this,
by the way, like my mom and I healed our
relationship of a few years ago, so none of this
is to blame. But it really is about context. You know.
My mom started UH as my grades were failing as
a teenager. She started having parent teacher conferences and she
would come home and tell me that all my teachers
(18:29):
thought I was an asshole, thought that I was terrible,
all these things that teachers would not say to a parent,
but I didn't know better at age thirteen. So school
started to feel unsafe. Right, It's not only do I
let my mom down all the time. My teachers don't
like me. And it really started to affect my self esteem. Right.
I always just felt fundamentally unworthy, unloved, and that got
(18:53):
imprinted at an early age. And even though I was
climbing the corporate ladder after college and having all a
success in the radio industry, I carried that burden with
me that I could just that I was never going
to be able to make anybody happy long term. It
showed up in my choice of relationships as an adult.
My whole marriage turned out to be with somebody who
(19:15):
I didn't feel like I could make happy. And and
you know, even though I was doing the work right,
it was going to therapy and I started to work
through coaching. This would hold me back in sabotage me
as I had moved further into my purpose. When we
launched this podcast in two this podcast debut number one
(19:36):
globally on iTunes. It was like a goal that was
so big. I never even had consciously set that for myself.
And I did a whole interview on the Elvis Duran
Morning Show. Many of you who are listening right now
might have found me through Elvis Duran and see one
hundred New York City and syndicated across the United States.
And that was so much exposure, right And all of
(19:59):
a sudden, like mailing list grew and all these new
clients started to happen. So my income took off. But
I didn't feel worthy of the success. So rather than
staying in that momentum of continuing to put myself out there,
I started to shut down and hide because I was like, God,
what if people find out that I'm fundamentally flawed? What
(20:20):
do people found out about all the terrible decisions I
made in my twenties and early to mid thirties. Oh
my god, They're gonna think I'm a total phony. So
I started to punish myself by hiding rather than really
acting as the lighthouse. I went into isolation mode, which
took my business back a couple of steps. And this
(20:40):
is where the sabotage begins to come in. And what
I want you to think for yourself, or where are
these places that you feel unworthy, flawed, or undeserving of success.
Where is it keeping you for showing from showing up
for your next level in your life? Because this isn't
just an opportunity for me to talk about myself or
(21:00):
my childhood, right, That's not why I started this podcast.
But I hope much like when I was talking about
the book The Alchemist earlier, maybe somebody listening today you
were seeing parts of yourself reflicted in the story, and
it's starting to create the aha moment of hey, maybe
this isn't Maybe there's a reason I'm not staying fully
committed to my goals. Maybe there's a reason that you
(21:23):
know that I've been showing up the way that I have.
That is the first subconscious reason that we dim our
light and sabotage our success. Coming up after the break,
I will give you the other three reasons, and we're
gonna talk about how you can begin to heal this
so you can fully step into your light and do
the work that you're meant to do. We'll be right back,
(21:46):
welcome back. The second way that we sabotage our success,
that we dim our light and really never maximize our potential.
Is that we believe that fully stepping into our light
and shining brightly will causes to be alone or disloyal
to our roots, and that on some level we might
have to leave behind people from our past. I've seen
(22:09):
this happen more than I more times than I can
count in my coaching practice with very successful, very high
achieving people. I worked with a very high powered attorney.
This is somebody who was just making a ton of money,
who was crushing it in his career, and the one
place that he had always struggled was romantic relationships. And
(22:32):
even though he was having all the success and kept
getting you know, bigger and bigger law firms, uh and
going to work for bigger places and his income kept
going up and working with more high profile clients, he
struggled to stay faithful in relationships. Every time things got
too good, he would either run away, he'd start hitting
(22:54):
up bumble again, going back on apps, and he would
shoot himself in the foot. Now why would we do that? Um?
Because he had a subconscious belief that if he were
fully himself in any relationship, that people would leave him
and he would be alone. And therefore it was easier.
(23:15):
If the expectation is just that people are going to
leave me if they get to know me, then a
great survival trick for your subconscious is to say, you
know what, I'm going to push them away and I'm
going to leave first. And there was a lot of
religious trauma in there. You know, is a young man
in his early twenties. He started to step away from
(23:37):
the religious dynamics that he grew up in. But there
was another problem in there that he had also got
married to a woman through the church, through his religion.
You get married like right out of college, you start,
you know, pushing out seven to eight kids, and that's
what you do. And that wasn't the path that he wanted,
and he started to question a lot of things about
(23:59):
that religio him. And so when he started to differentiate
and say, you know what, maybe I would like to
have a beer on a Sunday while I'm watching football,
or hey, maybe the things in this text don't make
a lot of sense to me, it eventually pulled he
and his wife apart, and it caused a huge amount
of disappointment to his family. So it's not just like
(24:20):
he had felt like he had left you know, let
an ex wife down. He felt like he had left
the whole family down, and for a while he was
estranged from his family because he walked away from the religion,
which would certainly cause somebody to believe I'm fundamentally unlovable,
Like if I am fully myself and shining all of
who I am, I will be left. And this is
(24:43):
where we start to step into that. There's this cognitive
dissonance that exists. Right. So, if you are a person
who believes that being too successful, what if you grew
up in a home where money was scarce and your
family is in a story regenerationally a financial struggle. There's
a lot of people who struggle to receive wealth fully,
(25:07):
and if they do create the wealth, it's hard for
them to hang onto it because they feel on some
level like they're being judged by their family, particularly if
they grew up in a home where they were taught
that money is the root of all evil, or that
the rich people in our town they're all bad people,
they're the assholes. Right, So then now there's this whole
dynamic around money, and it's like I can either have
(25:28):
money or I can be loyal to my roots and
have love. You know. It's one of the places that
I've had to work through a lot in my own
inner work, you know, growing up with two parents who
had nothing when they got married. My parents were poor
a f when they got together. They literally lived off Campbell,
(25:49):
sup and kool aid. My dad was a self made man.
He continued to climb the corporate ladder and radio eventually
became CEO of a major broadcasting corporation. And the more
money that my dad made, the more successful he became,
and the more the longer hours he worked, and the
more he was tired when he came home. It created
more problems with my mom, who used to yell all
(26:10):
the time about we don't need the money, what I needed?
You write like she didn't really respect the fact that
he was such a great provider because the emotional needs
weren't being met. And I observed all that as a kid,
and to my subconscious it became a matter for me
in relationship that you get to have money or you
get to have love, but you don't get to have both.
(26:32):
In fact, the more money and the more successful you are,
the more you're going to have people resent you for it.
I couldn't figure out why I would repeat this pattern,
Especially when I started my business and started to do well.
I would be dating somebody and things would go well right,
and then my business would fall off and be like
no new clients would sign up. Then I'd start, like,
you know, focusing on the business. I get new clients,
(26:54):
but then the right relationship would implode and it was
all just an external manifestation of everything that I was
subconsciously believing growing up in childhood. So that is the
second trap that shining your light fully be in that
lighthouse is going to cause you to be alone, disloyal
to your roots, or it's going to cause people to
(27:16):
leave you behind that you're going to have to lead
behind people from your past. Right, So success comes with
guilt in that scenario, and when you're guilty, it' tap
the brakes. You hold yourself back from the ultimate success.
Huge winds in that scenario get followed by bouts of
self punishment. Does that resonate at all for you? If so,
(27:39):
maybe it's time for us to have a coaching conversation
Creative soul coaching dot net. If you want to fill
out an application, Let's talk about the number three subconscious
pattern that keeps people from fully shining their light and
living their purpose. More success equals bigger burdens. Now this
is not the case, that's not the ultimate truth, but
to your subconscious, it believes that, right, I'm going to
(28:02):
disappoint people if I become too successful, if I'm making
more money, more people are going to want something from me.
There's more people are going to be asking something for
something from me, and then I'm gonna have to say no,
which means then I'm gonna have to deal with that conflict. Right. Also,
this is another place where a lot of people believe
that more success right will create a burden for them
(28:23):
because it's going to eventually magnify the places that they're
personally deficient. You could also call this impostor syndrome. You
know that there's so many high performers and guys like
I have coached gold medal athletes, a couple of celebrities,
and everyday high performers and people like even ceo s
at the highest level go through impostor syndrome, and it's
(28:47):
the belief that they're one day going to be found
out right that they're not as capable, or that that
they don't fully know what they're talking about, and therefore
people will leave them, so that becomes another burden that
we carry. There could also be a scenario, as we
talk about this idea that more success equals bigger burdens,
you might believe you're the burden, you know, if you
(29:10):
grew up. I've had so many clients who grew up
in a home where they might have been the oops baby,
like they weren't really planned for, and then they feel
that pressure, like the parents thought they were going to
get the other kids out of the house and it's like,
oh my god, now we got to take care of
another one, right or now I'm going to have to
work more because I have to support the family, you know,
(29:31):
and I'm doing this. And so often as parents we
say these things to the children, thinking that not thinking
of the implications. Well, I work so hard because I
have to take care of you, and the kids are like, well,
what I really want is my mom and dad here.
I just want somebody to be emotionally present with me.
(29:51):
And I must be a burden because now they're working
so hard and they're miserable and grumpy all the time.
I've had a lot of clients come to me and
hire me because that they know that they're playing that
scenario out with their children. They're stuck in this workaholism
trap and they're not chasing their dreams because they're staying
in the safe corporate in the safe corporate job, and
(30:15):
in some way, not ever deliberately, never from a malicious place,
they blame their children and the family for why they're
not living their purpose. So, you know, it's really funny.
I always say this to parents, is like, you know,
at some point you want to raise kids who are
living their purpose. What are you gonna do when they
tell you about their big dream one day and you're like, oh,
(30:36):
you know, well daddy had a dream once too. And
the kids like, well, why didn't you chase your dream, daddy?
And you're like, well, you for starters, ensuring a whole
another generation of clients for me, and uh, I appreciate that,
but I would rather you not create that dynamic with
your children. So where are the places in your life
(30:59):
that you believe that you're a burden? Right? That you're
very existence causes This happens a lot. Uh, when somebody
is born to a single parent. It happens with unplanned
pregnancies within a family structure where you know mom and
Dad thought that they were done having kids, and you know,
(31:22):
then the stork brings them another one. But this happens
all the time, right and again. If you believe that
you are a burden to other people, you will never
fully step into your next level of success. So quick
recap on the first three patterns that cause us to
dim our light and keep us from living our purpose.
(31:42):
Number One, we feel fundamentally undeserving or unworthy of success.
That usually goes back to some sort of childhood trauma.
Number two, shining our light we believe will cause us
to be alone, disloyal to our roots, or mean that
we have to leave other people behind. Number three more
says equals bigger burdens. And the fourth one that's a
(32:03):
really big one right here, And this comes up a
lot in families when there are siblings, right, if you
have a lot of brothers and sisters. If you believe
that your success will make others look bad, then you
will not shine too much. How many times did you
do really well at something, You had a big achievement,
and you were told that nobody likes somebody who brags
(32:25):
you gotta just hold back on that, don't talk about
it too much. I remember in ninth grade, you know,
I was a kid who had tried everything to sort
of like stand out, you know, through junior high and
in high school. I wasn't a great athlete. Uh you know.
I tried my hand at playing basketball for a while.
That didn't work out. I did do well doing stand
(32:46):
up at the talent shows. Yeah, I was doing like
stand up comedy at like twelve years old. I'm glad
that those are not still on videotape. But the place
I really made my mark was in theater and getting
the lead in the spring musical every year. And I
remember I had this Spanish teacher who always, like it
just wasn't very kind to me in general, always just
(33:07):
like made really awful comments to me. And I remember
I had the lead in the musical for the first
time and I walked into her class, and it was
after we did the production, like everybody was talking about,
oh my god, damn was so good in the musical.
And I walked in. She's like, oh, here he comes.
I'm not going to praise you. You've heard enough, Mr Ego,
(33:28):
And I was like, oh God, Well, I don't want
to be perceived as having an ego just for sharing
my talent, right, So then I you know, there was
part of me that just wanted to dim that down
and tamp that down, which I did go study musical
theater for a brief period of time in college, but
also never pursued it. Like it was just part of
(33:49):
that was like I wasn't confident in my talent. Uh,
A lot of it was that I wanted to follow
in my dad's footsteps, because radio, at least was a
path that I was demonstrated it to me was a
safe path to income. But I had always carried like
this guilt that if I shine too much, it's gonna
make other people uncomfortable. So I would always be the
(34:10):
guy when people gave me a compliment, I would deflect it,
you know, where when I was working in radio and
the ratings at the radio station were great, I'm like, oh, well,
you know, it just must have been dumb luck. We're
lucky this time. Probably won't be that good next time.
Where in your life do you do that? Where do
you deflect compliments and say just just really demigrate yourself
(34:36):
because you say, well, anybody could have done this or
God would I offer, well, it's not really that special. Hey,
you did a great job on your presentation. And then
you're like, oh, well, you know, did you catch that
time when I screwed up on that one slide I presented?
And I said, the wrong thing happens all the time,
and it keeps us from fully stepping into our light.
I had a client that I had worked with at
(34:57):
the very beginning of my coaching practice, and I remember,
you know, one of the things that she wanted to
manifest was to get a dodged arango as a truck.
You know, they lived in the Northeast, the winters were
really harsh. She wanted to get her kids safely to
and from school. And she said, man, they've had a
dodged a wrangle. I'm going to be able to navigate
the snow. But she immediately through cold water all over
(35:18):
the goal. She goes, well, you know, the family next
door to us, you know, the husband's unemployed. They're really struggling,
and what would they think, you know, you know, they
probably think I'm a bit if I just rolled in
in a brand new truck when they're struggling. And here
is the counter to that mode of thinking. How does
you playing down, not experiencing the fullest levels of abundance,
(35:43):
not experiencing the highest levels of joy, creative expression, and
expansion in your life. How does that make anybody else's
life better? It doesn't the people in your life. For
you're afraid that you're going to outshine you, Dimming your
light doesn't brighten theirs at all. In fact, you know,
(36:04):
part of this idea when we talk at the beginning
of the podcast about being in the lighthouse, it's really
about you shining your light because you become an example
for other people on what's possible for them. I've had
so many people over the course of the last seven
years who have you know, followed my journey on this podcast.
Remember back at episode one, I hadn't like, really monetized
(36:27):
this coaching business yet. I was just getting by. It
was going hand to mouth. And then as I grew
into a multiple six figure business, there's been so many
listeners who were like, wow, Dan, you know you inspired
me to go register my business and to start a
Facebook business page for my new idea. So it's really
adopting a role model mentality. Right when we're stepping into
(36:50):
our light. So those are the four blocks that get
in the way, right, feeling undeserving, unworthy of success. We
believe shining our light will cause us to be disloyal
to our roots or have to leave people behind. We
believe more success will equal bigger burdens. Sometimes we even
believe that we are the burden. And sometimes we believe
(37:11):
that our success will make others look bad and we
don't want to outshine them. It's a big one, especially
with those of you that were gifted children growing up.
How do you move beyond it? Well, you don't do
it in a vacuum, right, you know, it's not so
much that you have that this is a problem to solve,
(37:32):
because if you could solve it, you would have already
done it. You need support. It's really about dissolving the thought.
So less about solving, more about dissolving. And you have
to understand why that belief is even there in the
first place, to protect you, because that creates self compassion.
(37:53):
A lot of times we judge ourselves. Oh my god,
my mindset just is so off. For you know, I've
I've read all the self books, but I can't seem
to implement this because hanging onto the old belief that
is keeping you stuck is in some ways in service
of survival. You know, if you believe that you're going
to have to leave your family behind to step into
(38:15):
your highest potential, if that's really a belief you're working with,
why would you ever do the thing that you know
that you're here to do. If you believe that your
success is going to make other people look bad, why
would you do it? Why would you allow yourself to
have the success. So having that coaching support to identify
the root cause of where you made these beliefs, and
(38:39):
also having somebody to stand beside you as you do
the scary thing, because as you decide that you're going
to be that lighthouse that you're going to share your
gifts with the world, it's gonna trigger your nervous system
and every fear that you've ever had about abandonment, failure,
not being enough, And when left to your own devices,
you're probably just gonna back and and make the decision
(39:02):
that's going to keep you feeling safe, even if it
makes you feel stuck. So this is why support is everything,
and that's really what we do at the core of
my coaching programs. By the way, one on one coaching
spots are available, and I'm going to be launching a
new eight week program called the six figure Second Act Blueprint.
(39:26):
So for those of you who want to get really
clear on what you're here to do. You want to
dissolve those internal blocks that we discussed today that's going
to keep you stuck. We're gonna be announcing it soon,
but if you'd like to get on the waiting list,
you can just DM me directly. We'll get the conversation
started and get you in there so you can reserve
your spot. I'm only going to be working with a
(39:46):
half dozen people in that group environment, so it's a
great opportunity for us to work together if we've never
done it before. Creative Soul Coaching dot Net is where
you go to apply for one on one coaching. And
if this podcast episode served you, please screenshot it, upload
it to the Graham tag me at c SC Dan Mason,
(40:07):
let me know your biggest breakthroughs and we will be
back again next week. In the meantime, turned down the
volume on your negativity, turned up the volume on your
purpose so you can live life amplified. I'll talk to
you next week.
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