November 25, 2021 • 62 mins
3rd Thanksgiving,
Mission to Mars,
Wheres Jesus.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Alchemy.
This the special edition episode in that it is my
pleasure to announce that we are doing a rerelease, a
holiday re release. This is Chris Operato. By the way,
in case you couldn't tell um, we are going all
the way back to October two thousand eighteen. This is
(00:23):
the third Thanksgiving mission to Mars and where's Jesus? It's
that episode. It's Fawn and it's still had the sound
effects done by Rath Brito and its features Kevin Pollock,
Yes that Kevin Pollock, Craig Atkowski, Joey Greer, Vanessa Vaniche, Raglin,
(00:45):
James Heeney and myself. Well, here it is for you.
We hope you enjoy. Welcome back to Alchemy. That's on
your host, Kevin poll Yes that Kevin Folling. What's that? Nah? No, No,
To be honest, I'd rather not. Please don't try to
stay with me throughout my career. I've been fortunate enough
to see my fair share of true out me. By definition,
(01:08):
alchemy is when a person transforms or creates something through
a seemingly magical process. And my dear peas and poops,
Like I said, I've been witnessed to the stuff on
several occasions. An example, sure you're gonna be like that,
Let's see. Okay, here's one. The team of young scamps
who portrayed a hockey team in the film The Mighty
Ducks were so delightful together they spawned an actual professional
(01:32):
hockey franchise. But I digress the point, Folks, A wonderful
idea hit me square in the old nogg and what
if I brought together the right creative peeps, forced them
to make ship up based on my own twisted, demented ideas,
and then offera podcast of this seemingly magical process, and
I could call it alchemy in your eye, you bucket
(01:53):
of smaller buckets. Well, after a month of tinkering, I'm
so very proud to welcome you, dear friends two, Episode
five Alchemy. This, let's meet our gathered alchemists. Shall we,
in no particular order, say hello, Mr Craig Atkowski. Craig,
tell the folks why you believe the Earth is flat?
(02:14):
I don't see it round, do you? I just think
just keeps going straight. You're not wrong. Next up is
the fairly talented Vanessa Raglan. Vanessa what's the truth about
child rearing? Nobody's talking about you know, the truth? Isle
is not that gross? No, that is clean. What would
(02:38):
a super team like this be without Mr Chris Oberto, Hey, Chris, Hey,
can you conversely teaching young dog old tricks? No? They'll
be crazy crazy, that's correct. And then of course there's
Mr Joey Greer Grier Stini. What is four times seventeen?
Four times seventeen? Uh? Start last, but hope you're a
(03:06):
coffee's tepe it if you think him least? Mr James Heeney,
can I call you Jimmy the jew Lover? Well? I
think if I said no, it would send the wrong idea. Sure,
all right, then let's get to our first scene. Shall
we open them up? Oh? No, no, no, Today's show
(03:29):
great moments in human history. We start with in the
Plymouth colonists and the Wampanong Indians shared an autumn harvest
feast that is acknowledged today as the first Thanksgiving celebration
in the colonies. We take you now to a few
years later for the third Thanksgiving. These are two players
(03:50):
scenes of this fairly still new tradition of particular interest.
Though we're looking for the different perspectives regarding matters of race, creed,
and color, and are what are the similarities? In fact
that today's two thousand eighteen human nature. Who wants to
start us off? Jump in when you're ready, two peeples,
(04:11):
let's start with two people. Oh this, uh, this looks great? Yes,
uh my my tribe prepared maize. Yeah know like you
did before, say it's becoming a favorite. Yeah, it's still
pretty much the same maze we did two years ago.
But I didn't mean it like it was boring. I
(04:32):
mean like I'm getting used to it and I like it. Good. Good.
We've added more salt and butter for your for your taste,
for your limited taste. Well that's well, that's the little rude. Wow,
that's good. That's good. Well, you coming to our land
was pretty rude. Yeah, I mean we went over this
last year and the year before that. It's like, you know,
we're good now and now it's just tradition. Yes, it's
(04:55):
just tradition. Rule of three's once says something happens third time,
it's tradition. That's right, that's right. Speaking of which, Um,
speaking of traditions, I made you this. This is a
hand turkey. Um, I put my hand on a piece
of paper and then I outline the hand and it's
turkey and you can eat that or oh no, no,
it's for you to hang on your wherever you live.
(05:16):
Why would I I? I I live in a hut. I
didn't want to say it. It It seems weird because I
live in a house. Yes, well my hunt as a
house with a that route. Yeah, that seems weird. But
you can hang this. Why would I do that? Um?
If it you know, it brings the holidays about it,
lets you know, or having some fun. To be honest,
(05:36):
it doesn't look like a turkey. It looks like a hand.
You drew some feathers on it. But yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
well you know, maybe this one won't stick. Look, before
our families get here, I want to make sure you
and I are good. Are we We're good? Right? Uh? Well,
you did bring a smallpox which has wiped out at
(05:57):
least half of my tribe. So I mean you're welcome.
I mean I guess other than that, we're good. Great. Great. Also,
I was wondering and like, I don't know if this
is too much, But before the families get here, can
I call you Joe, Uh, my name is Kukoye. That's
like it's hard for me to say, and my wife
doesn't love say anything very it's just very easy to say, Joe, Joe, Uh,
(06:22):
let's stick to Kukoye and or cool. All right, Joe,
if you're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah. I
gave you a one syllable option. Yeah, I know, I know.
This feels this feels tense, This feels tense. It's come on,
It's the day to be thankful. I'm thankful for I'm
thankful for you, Joe. I'm thankful for this land. I'm
(06:44):
thankful for this wonderful food that you've prepared. I'm also
thankful for this land, which is been amongst my people
for thousands of years. Here here, here, here, here, here,
and now it's ourly you've been here for two years. Yeah,
I don't know if it's our land so much odds land.
I you know what, I agree? I agree. God gave
us this land and we are just using it. I agree. Well,
(07:06):
let's say the great being in the sky okay, which
you call God? Yeah? Well, that's his name, that's his
that's his name. His name is God. Yeah, all right,
that's kind of a known thing. And I know you
probably don't. You don't read as much as I do.
It's kind of like the known thing. It's his name
is God. I read the sky, I read the trees.
(07:26):
That's very that's funny. I know we talked about that
all the time. Or like, do you see Joe reading
the trees the other day? Wait, everyone calls me, Joe. Yeah,
what's on page three? Joe? Yeah? So you were persecuted
in your home country. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't like you
there either either. Oh yeah, no, they didn't, they didn't,
(07:49):
they didn't. We can't wait to watch the big game today.
Oh yeah, yeah, that that I'm excited about. Who's going
to win? Uh? Probably probably this at Church versus Skins? Right, Yes,
I know you're a big Skins fan, so yes, I'm
going for shirts. Okay, Yeah, you want to put a
little wager on that? Okay, sure, Um some of those beads, great, great, Okay,
(08:14):
maybe if you win, I'll give you some beads if
I win, uh take the rest of Yeah, sure, why not,
I mean it's gonna happen. Regard. That's as good a
deal as we've made so far. Okay, great, Are you
thankful today? Um? Sure, I have my health, I have
my family. I have this too. Sorry, I don't mean
(08:37):
not sneezed right in my face? You feel that um,
that that ominous tone and the virus that has just
entered your body? Yes, I do you see? I don't
know what great I in the sky you talked to,
(09:01):
But you better talk to me quickly before my virus
infects your entire body. Why would you do this? You
invited me to a party and then gave me a virus.
I don't like you much, Joe, I think, is what
I said. Yeahogg, the truth is you're making a virus
making me crazy. A smooth here, a little tough. What's up?
(09:23):
You're a voice. There's a voice in my head. That
turkey didn't look like a turkey didn't know it didn't
Turkey was like just exactly like a hand. Are you crazy?
Or is the dude with the hand with the turkey crazy? Man?
He's crazy. He's the one that's crazy. Joe. Your nose
(09:45):
is bleeding his nose. I got your nose. I got
your nose in my mouth. Parties, that's funny, Happy Thanksgiving? Hey, Lenny, Lenny,
(10:08):
come here, come here. Look what I found. This is
Joe's pipe. Whoa you want to you want to smoke
it with me? Yeah? He can't. Dinners and Tan. Thanks mom,
we'll be right there. Thanks mob. I wish you had
a little help in the hut. But let's smoke it.
They're always smoking it, Bruce, what's going on? You just
(10:33):
want to detach from everything all the time, Lenny. This
is gonna make a smarter Look how good they are.
They're fast, they can catch deer. That's smart to you. Yeah,
it's real smart. Feel like that's a physical actribute this
necessarily fine, you don't get anything. Come on, Bruce, don't
say that that's mine? Bruce? Please, money, you're not taking
this seriously. I want to be a warrior. Okay, great,
(10:57):
I'm here to help. What I do? Bruce? I mean, well,
we need fire, all right? This is this is going
so fast. First we're gonna smoke song and now you
want to just go How do you think we're gonna
light this pipe? Letny? Oh? Yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe I do need to get a little smarter. See
we need to get some fire, okay, yeah, easy, get
some flints, some tinder, go to town. Well, here's the thing.
(11:21):
I'm afraid that if we get tinder and flint, it's
gonna be a big fire. Everybody's can see. We need
something portable. We need a miniterature miniature, minimum minimature miniature,
miniature miniature fire machines. Say that again. I'm just if
you're making fun of me, just one miniature fire machine
(11:42):
because if we have a big bonfire, I'm not gonna
light this pipe. Look, Bruce, I'm all over. Yeah, Mom,
somebody get into the maze. I can't find it. Get
someone snack on the maze. Did it? I did it? Mom?
Oh Jesus, Bruce. Sorry, sometimes I get lost in the maze.
(12:03):
See what I said there? Yeah that was great. So
we need a miniature fire machine to light this fire machine?
Fire machine? What do you think a miniature fire machine? Okay,
all right, we need one, right, but we gotta smoke
this to get smart enough to be able to build it. Okay,
(12:24):
what if you distract mom while she's cooking. I always
distract and I like this pipe and we just keep
it going. How long am I going to distract before that? Bruce?
It should take like five seconds for me to get
this lip Bruce, Ny, you're running away from something. I'm
gonna be honest, I'm running to something money. I'm running
into my future. There's no way our people are gonna last.
(12:47):
We don't know how to survive a night. We're not
barely cooking any of this food. People are cooking for us,
people are serving us are people are as good as dead.
Don't see that guys on our side, Lenny, God the
guy in the sky, Yes God U Joe. Sisters Yeah yeah, Mom.
I can't find the two other sisters either. I can't
find the maze and the two other sisters. Bruce, say
(13:10):
you did it? Where are the two other sisters? I
did it? I did it? Mom. Sorry, we'll be in
in five minutes. You have to get your control if
you ever want to chase the buffalo. I want to
chase those buffalo, Lenny, so do I. But maybe these
travelers from another land, Maybe maybe they're the future that
(13:30):
we're looking for. Listening. I don't want to blow your mind, Lenny,
but we are the travelers from Netherland. We are the
travelers from another land. I've been listening into a lot
of the storytelling, and I want to smoke this pipe.
Let bruce, you get huffed off of whatever's in that pipe,
(13:52):
and you go down the road that I don't know
is already paved, paved were rome romehead pad, of course
they did. But here here, of course, and you see
things that might not be the things you want to
see because the things you thought you'd see on Okay,
(14:14):
oh my goodness, it's gonna huff. Oh you're just gonna huff.
Put in a little secret o green when you're in pain,
right your lip, now, listen to me. You think this
would be fun. It could be fun to smoke dad's pipe.
It would be like the big guys. Yeah, yeah, it's
(14:35):
that cool. You want to know a little something. Your
dad had a brother, try you had an uncle. Reminded
me a lot of you. That one. It was built
like you. And when he was your age or size,
(14:56):
well it's with difference. He got to hold of his
death's pipe that's right crawling there, and you know what
happened to him. He lit it with a little mimiature
fire and then he went on a journey and he
was not prepared for and he hasn't come back. So
(15:22):
if you think you're ready to suck around with that
you go ahead, but one of y'all won't come back,
and I bet it's going to be the fat one. Meanwhile,
anyone help me in the kitchen. Okay, Mom, I'll I
can hear you. Of course you'll talk later. We live
in the same room. Man from distant land, man seeking something,
(15:47):
man alone? What is this prophecy? M hmm. I've been
sitting out here in the desert land, the deserts of Massachusetts,
that's right, waiting for the one with the message. Uh,
(16:07):
I was I was sent here. You're fat well, big bone.
It was written at the fat man across the desert
to bring the message. And now the prophecy is fulfilled. Well,
you need to give us that message. So I did
(16:30):
my face. Sorry, I just gotta get a little something. Sorry,
now I feel like like I have a little something. Um,
what am I bad on that? Uh? So what is
this great message? Um? I'm listening. Sorry, I wasn't clearing
my throat. I'm just so, I'm a little under the weather.
(16:53):
I feel also under the weather. I mean, we're all
we're always under the weather. Don't do that to me.
I mean specifically, I don't feel well. You don't feel well?
I don't feel great either. Perhaps this is the prophecy.
Perhaps the message you were bringing was germs. Is that
(17:14):
a message? I'm taking it as a message. My nose
is running, my throat is sore, I feel aky, and
I have the chills. My vision is blurring. I don't
(17:35):
know where I'm going with this sickness. I mean, do
you hear that? Is it a voice in your head? Oh?
Great one, speak to me, Yes, speak to me voice.
(17:56):
Oh it's a knock knock joke, that's that? Who is
this something I learned from the colonists? Who's there? Ye
lose their flus there? So then you say, flus there? Who? Okay,
(18:19):
louse there? Who? Yeah, you have the flu. I don't
know if I get the joke, but it was not
so much a joke as a set up. Oh, oh,
great one, you are vomiting. Oh oh. We take you
(18:49):
now quite a bit into the future from that third
thanks Giving anyways, Elon Musk has done it. Mankind is
now headed to the third planet known as Mars. We'll
(19:10):
take you aboard this maiden voyage, joining this brave crew
three months into the first mission to Mars. We take
you to various rooms of the ship well three months
(19:32):
to the mission Falcon heavy. This is data processing. You
can just say your name at this point, Hey Dan, here,
we're se Uh we have oxygen levels at nominal, we
are processing carbon at four above flex. The magnesium is
(19:59):
coming in hot, and we're gonna need another profile on
the metallurgy. I'll pull up the metallergy profile. Uh, how's
it going yet? I can hear your fingers typing my nails. Hey,
what happened with you in? Uh stand? Did you guys
work that out? Yeah? We we we're gonna use separate bathrooms. Okay,
(20:20):
that's good. Maybe you know. These are the things that
we're learning as we go along the rules we have
to have. But you can't know until there's a scuffle. Right.
Data point increasing on water levels. Dump the water out
to get the ice in because we want to make
sure it's cool. Yeah, no, done, I just have to
press a button for that. When that one was an
easy one. I can hear your type. Yeah, I know
(20:43):
it's my name. Yeah. Uh. Going to the thing tonight? Uh? Yeah,
the hat party? Oh no, I was talking to one
on the second floor, second floor. Yeah, they're doing a mixer.
Oh oh, I think you have to be Jewish, are
you too? No? Oh, never mind an atheist. I don't
(21:04):
believe in God. Another word space. Now that we're in space,
you don't believe in God. That's so funny. I had
the exact opposite journey. I was sort of more culturally
religious than personally spiritual. And now I have flipped the script.
Something is real. This is batship what we're seeing. I
got a data chip burning up, needed to process up
(21:25):
four points back to this. Okay, you can get new
data chips if you just got to front office. Yeah,
but I'm like talking to you. Thank you. You're not
so mad at yourself. Yeah. I always thought I was
a pretty bad guy when I believed in God. Oh um, okay,
(21:45):
every night on Earth and look up to the stars
and think God's looking down at me, judging me, telling
me to do things, be things that I don't know
if I can be, because I'm not. When I got
up here to uh spacey space, I realized that maybe
I'm in control of my choices and my thoughts. No,
(22:05):
I don't think that you're being in control necessarily in
the Gates religion, you can believe in a God that
imfuse you with free will. I don't know, do you?
Are you guys good on toilet paper? We're gonna need
an extra TP. Bump that up, two rolls, send it
up the shoot. Hope we can make it to the
next drop. Right. Why do you say that the flare
(22:27):
is acting up? Oh? No, I mean the next TP
drop yourem I had this diary and that's spread and
we are just all I mean, it's it's crazy. Yeah.
I just don't have him sneeze on you. Diarrhea isn't
a sneezy thing. I hope. Well, I guess we're good,
and I guess I won't see you tonight. But you
(22:47):
can come to the hat party. What time is the
hat party? It's going from two am all the way
till ten o'clock. Whoa, okay, I'll try to um go
that two am to ten o'clock a night to the
A lot of time for you to make it. That's
a lot of okay. I I can I can be
(23:07):
there somewhere in that window. Um, but the crew, we
do need people working. That's a long time for an event.
Are you guys rotating? Hey? Rochelle, hey, listen, um. We
love what you're doing here in the ship. Oh, thank you.
I'm having fun. I'm having fun, and that's part of it.
That's certainly. I think there's a balance. I think maybe
(23:30):
perhaps not so so much fun because it's still a job. Oh,
I'm treating it as a job. I mean, I'm just
bringing my personality. That's what I want to talk to
you about. Okay, Well, I can't undo my personality, Dylan,
I mean, can you? Can you do it down? Well?
The flirting with Dan specifically, the floating with Dan specifically, Rochelle,
(23:53):
you know what, Dylan are you? Are you listening on
the line. Yeah, I'm listening on the line. That's my job.
I'm the line listener here in the ship. Well us,
what's that we keep We keep it professional enough. I've
got all the checklist done. You can go through the
spreadsheets and then we're talking because we're still humans. We
may be an outer space, but a little human connection
is important, Dylan. Not that you was we're INNU windows
(24:16):
on the checklist. There were no INU windows. It felt
like it message from Daniel message hello, hello Alexa. Stop. Yes,
I was trying to hang up and I thought that
was on silent and it was definitely a wrong message, Dylan,
(24:37):
what are you gonna do? Fire me? We're trapped on
a space ship. Okay, all right, I don't want to
fire you. I don't want to be fired. I like
my job. I'm keeping everything running smoothly. I'm a little jealous, frankly,
a little jealous. I don't want anything from you. I
don't want anything from Dan. But it makes me feel Dylan,
this isn't my responsibility to take care of your feelings
(24:58):
right now. It's not. I was that on the checklist.
Have a find a woman on the ship and make
her take care of you, know. Just we're all lonely
out here, okay, and so when I see you are here,
you and Dan having this stuff, it makes me feel insecure.
It makes me feel lonely. Methods from Daniel. Tell Alexa
(25:19):
to stop. Jeremiah, thank you for coming down to the infirmary.
How are you feeling not great? Ah? You you don't
look explosive diarrhea. Jeremiah, we really need you to seclude
yourself to your dorm. Well, you're sick because it's spreading.
But I gotta take a space probe down to the
(25:40):
surface to check out. But we're looking for martians down there. Listen, Jeremiah,
let me be the first to say thank you for
your commitment to the job. I'm a brave man, so brave,
but we need you to stay in your dorm until
you're completely healed because you're spreading germs. How do we
know that, Well, because when you sneeze. Not a lot
(26:01):
of people realize that the diarrhea is a symptom. But
the sneezing is how it spreads. I see. So the
diarrhea is escaping through is diarrhea is what is making
you hydrated and will ultimately maybe make you bedridden. Okay,
I'm not a scientist, you know I am. All right,
go ahead, go on. I was hired because I'm a
(26:22):
bounty hunter and a good one, and I'm supposed to
look for those goddamn marcians. I know you are, and
you get a hundred per per martian you find. That's right.
You know how many I found so far? How many? Zero?
That's what I thought. Now, if you just take three
or four days to yourself and your torm, put the
VR headset on, and then when you're done, you'll be
fine and played all the VR games. At this point,
(26:44):
you just can have to run through them again because
Mr Musk would have a larger library of VR. Jeremiah,
I'm gonna cut straight with you. If you don't seclude
yourself what we call quarantine, I'm gonna have to echect
you into space. You're gonna eject me into space. What
choice do you give me? We have a whole ship
full of people. If we die here because you don't
(27:07):
want to seclude yourself, I'm taking a pot down to
the goddamn surface, don't. I'm gonna bag me some margins. Listen,
don't take a pot that we don't just please. If
then we're gonna have to clean that pot out. It's
gonna take three days to make sure it's safe. I'm fine.
The diary is succumb. Welcome to Pots. Destination, Enter you, Destination,
(27:32):
Enter you, Jeremiah, come back in here. I'm taking a
goddamn pods, pot, doors, clothes. What you're doing. We're not
just taking you down to the surface of Mars. We're
taking you into the future of this excursion. We're now
the third week of the first station on Mars. You
(27:55):
think I give a shit about that? You think I
give a ship about that? Okay, I'm pumping water from
outer space into here. Okay, don't give a ship. Okay,
can you guys keep it down? Yeah, yeah we can.
Will you shut up? May you look? When things are important,
we're gonna raise our voices. I don't give a ship
(28:15):
about the body count you keep bringing in. Okay. Look,
all I know is I got a hundred per margin. Okay, yeah, Jeremiah,
is that you Yeah, it's I knew it. I can
tell I saw one of those things outside, you know,
the margins. Yeah, if you could take care of that,
(28:35):
that would be great. Well there's another one that I
didn't get another already stopped killing the margins. Please, we
need them. Smack. We are creak me out. Okay. We
are a human expedition force to bring peace out the cosmos.
That was not all right. They're gonna try to be
(28:57):
friendly to you, but don't fall for it. Let me
talk to please. Handshake. Handshake. Oh that's what talking. It's
not anything fashion guy. Just give me a kiss on
the cheek. A kiss on the cheeks. And they learned
from watching us. You're welcome. Thank you, we bring you.
(29:19):
I've got handy. Okay, eat the candy, Eat the candy. Okay,
eat the candy, eat the candy. Want to smoke my pipe? Sure,
let's all smoke the pipe. Let's hit the piles. Hit.
Don't fall for that goddamn margin trick, Jeremy, Jeremy, God, damnit,
(29:40):
just one hit. You know what I'll do? Do? Go?
We want to watch okay one? Oh my, he's fallen
(30:01):
into a margin trance by by. They learned him in
with their peace quote unquote pipe, and now they've left
him to us. I feel really relaxed. God, snap out
of it. You probably want to sit down and have
a dinner with these folks, eat their margin candy, and
(30:24):
make peace. I love both of you guys so much.
Stop stop. I feel like I was too strong and
understanding bother points of view on this, and um ask
for forgiveness. Well, he's really mellowed out, like fine, I
(30:44):
forgive you, Yeah, I forgive you. I want to marry you.
Oh my, God, don't know. I want to marry you. Okay,
let's get married. M hm. So so I don't know
your body yet. I'll find out, Jeremy. I'll find over
whatever ever love me, love me, I'll find all the rivers.
I'll find all the valleys. I'll find all the mountain peaks.
(31:07):
They're good. I'm gonna find your your hairless buffalo. It's
your penis, and I'm gonna put it in my white,
white hands. I know you're under the influence right now.
And Jeremiah, I can't tell a few like what's happening
or not. I just want to see that what plays out.
(31:29):
I just wanted to say, Um, I got on that
jank spaceship because I'd had enough of Earth, and I
thought i'd had enough of people too. But something about
your touch, and I don't know, maybe it's the candy sticky.
(31:53):
It feels good. Nobody's touched me in months. We're not
on Earth anymore. Maybe we don't have to abide by
those laws if we're not listening to gravity. Who says
we have to listen to anything? With our bodies can
create our own God? Here, Oh, we've frowned for a
(32:14):
goddamn margin. Drink. Hi were now taking the tenth anniversary
of that first station on Mars. Ten years since the
(32:37):
station was built inhabited, and now we celebrate the tenth anniversary.
I commemorate this statue for all the men and women
who have lost their lives for elon Musk City one.
You know my city monk. Whoop whoop, who whoop, whoop,
(33:01):
whoo who whoop, whoo whoo whoop whoop. Now to speak
on behalf of the military exercises that are ongoing, I
present you, Admiral Spinned, thank you, thank you for bringing
me up here. We've got some serious military exercises to do.
It's important that we still excuse me, whoo whoo who
(33:28):
here's a city one that's good. We need to stomp
out these goddamned Margins. I don't know if you know
him around, but they were spreading the goddamned margin drugs.
Say again, I can't hear you. I said that they've
been spreading the goddamn margin drugs and we've got to
stomp amount. Of course, it's not excuse me al right
(33:58):
here speaking on behalf of the Marwait from no, it's
been ten years. It's been ten years, and the Margins
have shown us this kindness. They're doing any thing where
we can. Nobody else is allowed the podium. Excuse me,
(34:18):
I'm can I just bring up that the Margins bunch
of okay, but wasn't there murdering happening on Earth. Kurt,
We've talked about this, and yes there was, but I
don't think that that that makes it any different. Honestly,
I don't think murder is good. I know I'm the
crazy one up here. The guy in the sky chooses
(34:38):
who lives are in the sky. I'm the guy in
the sky. Now, what are you talking about? Where? What
do you mean? No? He wait, somebody grabbed that. I
would think that we need to have pizza day on Wednesdays.
I think we need to mix up the menus. I
(35:00):
think we do need to stop at the margins. I
think we have more right on Earth than we knew.
You know what it sounds like. It sounds like a
bunch of you goddamn weaklings want to go back to
I say, we pack up a ship and we send
you back out. Yeah, two year journey back to Earth.
I don't give a ship how long it is. I
(35:20):
don't want weak spines, human beings durty ing up this planet. Hi, Hi,
just let's I'll give a whoop what up for the
imagin delegation that has come to celebrate the statue honoring
the death that they had caused here. Hi, Okay, that's
(35:44):
I am not letting them speak at the podium. If
that's what's going on, I'm here to destroy them. When
does the earth plane leave the ship? Listen? I didn't
think anybody would want to go back to Well. Fine,
I'll work on. I'm not into transcontinental. Uh, Listen. I'm
(36:06):
a military guy. I'm here to crush, kill, destroy. I'm
not here to send you on your aviation trips. Let
the Margins talk, right, Let them talk. But they are ruthless,
bloodthirsty little beings that have smaller podium for the Margins. Please, no,
please just give him a step stool. M here's a
little podium. We are the Margins, and we have an
(36:41):
offering for you. Hi, right, whatever it is, let's let's
see it. Oh my god, they have fully automatic weapons
from the middle. Leave one survivor to tell the story,
(37:10):
and now for Part three, Episode five, we take you
back back back housands of years. It is minutes after
the massive stone was removed and it was discovered that
Jesus Christ was gone. Hey did you hear what? They
(37:34):
moved that stone over there? Yeah, so that's okay, we
can go into who moved that that was huge? There?
Are some Roman guys off front. I figured they moved
in and they were. You know, I thought we wouldn't
have to move that the hanging it back off. Yea,
it looks nice all right. Uh. I don't not tell
(37:58):
you this, but I got off for the job at room.
Oh my god, are you're gonna take it? I mean,
I mean I want the best for you, so you
should and you should totally take it. It's only, um
it's the only room, one room on the horse. Yeah,
I know you should take it. That's great for you.
I don't even want to go to room for a while. Yeah,
(38:19):
but no, that's no. I love what we did. It
was fun. That's stupid. It was all stupid. Why don't
we think the guy? Yeah, yeah, I wish you well. Yeah,
I wish you well too. Good luck, yeah good. Look
at the baths and all that. You know. Yeah, it's
going to be good. Yeah, I don't care. Uh shut
(38:44):
out that. What's pink eye? Oh? Say? Yeah? Uh yeah,
it hurts a lot. You should put some salt water
in that. Yeah. I mean I figured I want to
(39:06):
get the room. You know, you could. You should do
it before then you could you lose your eye and
my husband. She got no eyeballs anymore. I've been praying
to Zeus and you know the others. Oh, I had
no idea. Yeah, so I prettmll just to make cover
my bass to Zeus. Yeah, the top guy, Oh my god,
(39:27):
you have been missing out on everything. Did you not
go to the thing last week? Party? No, not that
the party, not the hat party. I know you were there.
I was in the Jewish thing. Yeah. No, I didn't
go to the Jewish thing. You should go. It's really fascinating.
Ship other cultures freaked me out, you know, I know,
I mean we did that guy right. Look, I don't
(39:50):
mean to cut this short, but the horses waiting out there,
and it's a living thing. Right, you'd hate disrespect the
living thing. It's running away. I gotta get out of you.
He's gone. He's gone. He's not in the cave. Jesus.
(40:11):
I'm pretty sure he was just here a little bit ago.
He wasn't. I put him in there and just look, Carter,
let's go. Let's maybe he's deeper in the cave. Come
in here and take a look. It's so hard to see.
It's so dark. You got like a some sort of
fire device. I have a candle with that word. Yeah, sure,
just like the candle. Yep. See, oh there it is.
(40:32):
There's nobody in there. Turn the lights off. Turn the
lights off. What are you doing and taking a nap?
Steve taking na? What's the hell? Would you let Jesus out?
But who Jesus Christ was in here? We closed the stone.
He was in here. I opened the stone taking Now
we don't know if he got out on his own. Well, yeah,
(40:53):
we put him in here. Gone go back where you
we killed the guy. I understand. But he said and
kept saying, I'm coming back. I'm coming back. What I
tell you things all the time, I don't do it.
That's Steve. Yeah, but Steve is unreliable. That you're unreliable.
But we ull the Christ, Jesus Christ. We rulled the
(41:15):
whole thing here. I don't know to three hours ago.
You know, I got Jessica at home. You know she's
yeah yeapp and yeah yeah, I I can't find a
good place to take a nap. I needed some me time.
I needed some Steve, thank you. So you went into
the cave where we put the dead body in Jesus Christ.
You thought that would be all right, yeah, because the
(41:36):
guy's dead. Sure, what's he gonna say. He's not gonna
say nothing, Steve, was Jesus in here when you came in?
That's the question. I was tired. I don't know I was.
I wouldn't even look. I moved with a big old
boulder by myself. By the way, it's pretty good. That
was hard, and so I just came in. I said,
I took a nap. I think the point here is
that Jesus is gone. I don't think we should tell
(41:57):
anybody what. Hey, guys, just fine, are you are? We? Sure?
Were good? Okay? You know this is our number one
lockdown area. And when I see the boulders moved, I'm
a little work around to make sure was good. Where's
the body? I'm sorry? Oh, where's the body? The body
of Jesus? Oh that body that seems weird. Yeah, that's
(42:21):
really weird. Oh, Steve, Steve, you know I moved him.
I moved him. I moved him. Oh okay, yeah, here's me.
I don't know if I'm in the right place. I'm
looking for Jesus's too much, you know it, don't panic high.
I'm the site manager, and you know what we've actually
(42:41):
just transferred him to a different location, to different locations,
was right, right, right? Welcome, thank you for staying at
an airbnb nearby. All Right, I bet I know the
one cute donkey. Yes it's nice. It's a little overpriced,
but you know, they provide breakfast and it's very nice.
(43:01):
Intrude when you oh no, they're not in your face
or anything. It's a little pricey, but the musha is delicious,
isn't it. I had the much, have the much. Um,
So we've just transferred the body. Your pilgrimage shouldn't be
too long, um, Steve, here's one of our technicians. I
could take you over to Okay, Jessica, Jessica, I want
(43:27):
one second alone? Jessica? Can I have one second? Jessica
finished singing. Okay, everybody, I take you see if it's
going to be a minute, Jesus Christ, watch me dance,
every watch me move feel feeling. What's her story? I
(43:54):
come bringing titings in good will and a lot of yeah,
a lot of yeah with this one. Maybe when are
you coming home? It's gotta finish in my shift. Okay,
I'll stay here. Okay, you stay here. I gotta take
what your name again. But Judah, Judah, I gotta take
Juda over to where the place you move about, the
new secure location, the new secure location on purpose. Yeah okay,
(44:21):
I mean you could all come if you want. I
get stuck to do. We're gonna stay here right there.
What do you? What do you I do? Bobby? Probably
gotta secure this. Yeah no, no, no, you don't even
discar there's nothing, doesn't care anymore. Feel like it's still
a pretty important spot. Yeah, there's could be people pilgrimaging
in here. Yeah, when the next guy, the next Judah
(44:41):
comes from long? Do you mind if I ask you?
Are you guys romans? Are ju? A little bit of both? Yeah?
Okay we mingle now, okay, yeah we got line. How
about you? Juda? Do you all the way? All the way?
Be a lovely story if you to write that down?
You all the way? You know, I'm not much of
(45:04):
a writer, but tablet over there if you want to
scratch something. I am the angel Gabriel. Oh what a Gabe?
What's her story? Steve? I'm gonna dance for a little bit.
Watch my moves, Jessica, watch this. He's good. The body
(45:25):
of hold on? Are you feeling this ship. We banged
this in heaven all the fucking time. Jessica, come here,
no Genitalia, so grind on me. But yes, between you
and I, I don't really I don't. I don't really
(45:49):
I don't. I don't. I don't really know where je
Jesus is what? Yeah, they don't. Don't. Don't see anything.
Don't make a scene or anything. The site manager said
he was moved to another location. Right, let's just take
a walk. I'm sure we'll run into him. Okay, you're
not gonna crucify me. That's how it gets started. Don't
(46:09):
get out of line, okay, and nothing will nothing battle happen.
All right, that's let's take a watch. Okay, So that
over there, that's a that's a bush. Did your boy
men spending a little change on a leaper? Here we go?
Here we go, cheers. I'm sorry, a little change for
a leper? Huh? I spent so much money on this Airbnb.
(46:30):
I don't have any spare change. It's all right. Just
give a kiss. Don't do that, don't, don't, don't don't
Is that the local customer? I don't want to I
don't want to spend anyone but you're gonna lose body parts. Okay,
and you just sign your own. My nose is on
your face. Oh boy, you got his nose. I do
(46:50):
got your nose. Hey, hey, a little bit before you go.
Did you see Jesus play chance? If you're talking about
old man dressed in white clowning that that with holes
in his hand and his feet that part, Yeah, he's
walking around? Was he walking? Now? Maybe if I had
a little corn? I remember one a second. Here it's
(47:12):
your keys, take my house? Okay, all right, just give
that left for the keys to your house is legs.
They fell. He'll never get there. Now listen, eagle escape.
(47:33):
I want you to you got leprosy? Right more priolet
your legs far off. With a little corn, I'll tell
you here's a coin. Yeah, I got it? All right?
Can we ask you to just stay in this house?
You've just been giving it, not even it's what we
wanted when standing something up called quarantine. Yeah all right,
(47:57):
all right, that's good. I'm just gonna carry you in,
hopefully it's not too uncomfortable. Carry me now, and you
ever put this kind to touch on me before? I'm sorry.
I don't apologize, No, your arm fell off. I'm sorry.
It's all right. I don't feel it. It's all right,
all right here closing the inside. You remind me of
my mom. Me, you remind me of my long mom.
(48:19):
Tell me what she was like. She was long, She
was my mom. Oh, she sounds like a wonderful mom.
She was. She had her eyes in her face, and
hair on her head, and teeth ground, teeth that touched
the ground. She sounds like a beautiful mother. I'm getting tired.
(48:43):
I think I'm more sleep and long sleep. Maybe don't
go now. We just got close, and now I have leprosy.
Jesus Christ, I did see him walking where you go.
They're looking for him everywhere. He went north to Bethlehem.
We now take you one year later, us one a d.
Let's return to the same spot, the cave where the
(49:06):
stoners removed and Steve's fine, And so here we are, guys, um,
this is what the shore is all about. This is
where you're going to get the bank for your coin.
This is the cave. Yes, that cage the man himself. Oh,
don't touch anything. You can draw the joodles you like,
(49:26):
but please don't touch the cave. Does anyone have any questions,
have a question? Yes, you in the row. Where was
Jesus when you found him in here? Great that we
put him in here, that's the that's the funny thing.
Where we put him in here. So we were in
the cave on the big slab. Okay, now get off. Okay.
(49:54):
There in the cave there is an echo, especially in
that back corner where the kids are standing. So they
never found him. They never did find him, but rumor
has it that he ascended and to half and sit
it at the right hand, got the father almighty? What's
to do with his shroud? Oh? That was his shrouded.
(50:16):
That was the shroud. That's like his faces on that
not currently they make these shrouds and turn it's just
a blanket, you know, rough cloth we shrouded the body with.
That's the one though. That's yes, that is not a replica.
That's the one. Why do you look suspicious, sir? Well,
it just seems strange a year later, you know that
would it's that's it? Yep. There's other tours around town,
(50:40):
but I can assure you those are not the real caves.
This is the cave. That is the shroud. Welcome to
the real cave. Everybody, Now, this is the real caves.
Take pictures, pictures, go ahead, go a hand. We do
work on tips here, We do work on tips. Thank
(51:01):
you so much. Okay, you know what makes this the
cave the real one? Okay, alright, So first of all,
it's authentic. Look at that, at that, Look at that.
You see that slab over there, the slab. You see
that shroud, the shroud, that's Jesus, just face there in
the shroud. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. It's a matter of fact,
a lot of things in this neighborhood have Jesus's face
(51:23):
on it because I spent two gold pieces of another
cave and his face wasn't on there. So which which
goal cave? Which cave? The Larry Larry's Cave? Yeah yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. Yeah.
Those guys are just lying to you. I'm telling you
the truth. God's on his truth. And I could say
that because Jesus was here. It seems like this big
boulders made of something. It's it's not heavy at all.
(51:46):
We didn't because people don't know. We didn't. Actually, they
didn't want to keep Jesus in here. They wanted to
make it easy for him to get out. I just
want to be absolutely sure this is the cave because
I also have of appointment scheduled that famous race Cave,
original Raise Cave, original race. Come on, just raise cave.
(52:06):
This is this is the real one. You're here. That's
to the real cave of Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, everyone
gets a complimentary schwarma, alright. I would for the sandals,
Jesus faces and all these things. You see him on
(52:28):
the schwarm he's on the sand. You get a fucking
rock band behind his fucking Janet. That's Jesus and the
fuck use baby, what do point for? Question? Yeah? Can
I get no onions on that schwarma? Come on, the
pre made man, the complimentary all right. I mean, we'll
do the best we can. But you know, a hard
(52:48):
is batter up with the garlic past, but you put it. Yeah,
you know, we'll just try it. We don't have a budget.
Oh my god, who are what do you worship? Greek
gods be coming pea our hands. Oh give me a little.
(53:15):
I prayed to Poseidon and Zeus on you. Thank you
Greek gods. Give me a kid, and everybody take one.
I am Jesus Christ. I've returned on the one anniversary.
(53:39):
That's hilarious. Is that a weapon of some kind? Yes?
I want to talk to the inhabitants, those that were
here one year ago. I don't think any of this
saw crucifixion of my which one of you might have
helped to put me? Steve, Steve think, I mean I was,
(54:05):
I was, I was, I was in the area. But
we all we we all were, we were in the area.
Mean right, we're a big fan. I was just the
sight man. Nothing to do with it. It was on
my property that I had nothing to do with it. Candice,
I don't see you on the list. Oh God, is
that good? It is? Which one of you have seen? Judas?
(54:31):
I mean, you know, except for the except for the leapon.
Do you guys hang out you also hang out with
barbs to Oh yeah, okay, well are you gonna bought
my spot at that same What is your name? I'm
sorry mine Clinton, but I also go by your Rufalis.
He made it that name for himself, but his name
is Clint. It's not gonna stick man, like you're you're
(54:55):
breaking yourself up when you say that name. Yeah, it's
a it's a family joke. That's right. Would you be
Roman or ju m m hmm. I see, just canna
ask you something? Yes, you may the Schwarmer. Is it
a lamb beef blend or you can I get just
a lamb Schwarmer? Yes, and we can have it to
(55:16):
you without onion. Thank you, Thank you Jesus. He is
the one. He probabised Schwarmer without onions. Now, each one
of you can ask one question. Okay, if you've always
you've already had yours. Yeah, should we one? We pool names?
(55:38):
That was my question, but we get to hear the
answer before we ask oud. So that was a good one.
Thank you, Clint. I'm going with this new name. You're
such a follower. I follow love. I don't have a
lot of time. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. We're good.
(56:02):
We Steve always the jokes define good for me? Won't you? Uh?
You know you're not gonna my father the Lord? Yeah?
We all tight. We're good in what sense? You know?
Like I'm gonna you guys are gonna vite me over?
I hang out with you guys when I'm dead and whatnot.
That's a great question. Thank you. Anyone else please, minds
(56:26):
can't take a while. Oh mine's kind of an easy one. Um,
so where do I start it? He's not wrong? Okay, okay,
So just gonna preface this with babies go to heaven.
What age is the baby not a baby? It becomes
an adult and is responsible for the beliefs Jesus. So
(56:50):
the question is what ages? What age? Is the baby
not a baby? And you held them accountable for the beliefs? Well,
a baby, it's taken as he's sweating with. Look, this
takes time to define. I follow up. I know I
(57:12):
don't have any more questions, but I do have a
two year old that's so child likes. He seems like
a baby, but he's bad sometimes. But he's just a baby.
He seems like a baby. I'm just try I'm just
trying to feel it. No, no, no, no, you know
when is a baby an actual being in the mother's womb? No, Steve,
you're an adult. Are you trying to find it out
(57:33):
for you? He's infantile, but he's all this is fantastic.
The lamb is so tender and just the right amount
of taking on. It's always better without onion. Okay, okay,
uh yeah, sure, Um, he's just the baby not a
baby question. No, what was I gonna ask that? Goddamn it?
You know it's so funny you should say that because
(57:55):
I brought I brought the big man with me, Clarence Clemens,
Ladies and Jews, the Lord, our Father. Hello, children, Hi, hi,
(58:20):
I am the one true God. Do you go by
a guy in the sky? Your skin is so sparkly?
Thank you? And you have ladies breasts. I have taken
a human form because you can understand it. I'm a tail.
I threw in a tail for ships and giggles. Uh,
(58:44):
my son, Jesus is the true Messiah. I just want
to be sure that you all know them. We figured, Yeah,
we took us a minute, but yes, you've been following
false gods for many years. Zeus, Yes, Zeus or the
Romanic vivalent Jupiter, not a huh, not a Posidon, the
(59:04):
god of the sea. Yes. Do you think that's a
real guy? It's all you, it's all me. So what
does Jesus do exactly? If that's all you? What's his job? Why?
Why do you need him? Why do I need him?
It's a great question, it is I beside. Here we go.
(59:33):
You want to get crazy let's get that is an
episode five of Alchemy. This let's thank all our alchemists,
shall I? In no particular order? Vanessa, what's up? Oh,
I've coughed a lot of mucus into these ere tissues.
That'll all be on even Dynasty Typewriter. Oh yeah, we're
(59:53):
having so many great shows. Kevin was just here recently.
The website. People should go kind to see typewriter dot com.
Check it out joy in the Dynasty shows. Truly. We've
even got a little one of these noodles at the
table coming soon. You know, it's Joey. What do you got?
Check out Bear Supply every second and fourth Wednesday at
nine o'clock at Westside Comedy Theater and um bring kisses
(01:00:16):
fair enough, Greig Hail Poseidon, Lord of the Sea. And
at Craigslist peacast on Twitter to find out about the
Craigslist podcast fantastic. Not much shows here and there. Sure,
yeah that's that, thank you. Could you be more general? No? No? Uh?
(01:00:41):
Can people find you on the social media? Sure, that's right.
At Chris Overado for pictures of me doing improv? Is
there a calendar coming out? It's just translates best to
still photo's right. That's right, Mr James Heeney, bring us
to bring us home with you. Well, if you want
(01:01:02):
to see more material starring me, you can go to
the real James Seney on YouTube or in live in
person second fourth Wednesdays at the West Side Comedy Theater
BA supply nicely done, Raphail'll we gotta give you a Mike,
don't Doug bomb in the booth. Tory Leavin on post
(01:01:31):
stay tuned right to us at your name here, actually
not not with the at yet, your name here at
Alchemy this we'd love to hear from you right to
us as many suggestions as you'd like us to perform
and mix up. Ah yeah, that's it. That's it for
this episode. I want to thank all the participants and
(01:01:52):
until next time, Alchemy. That I said, Alchemy. So
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Alchemy.
This the special edition episode in that it is my
pleasure to announce that we are doing a rerelease, a
holiday re release. This is Chris Operato. By the way,
in case you couldn't tell um, we are going all
the way back to October two thousand eighteen. This is
(00:23):
the third Thanksgiving mission to Mars and where's Jesus? It's
that episode. It's Fawn and it's still had the sound
effects done by Rath Brito and its features Kevin Pollock,
Yes that Kevin Pollock, Craig Atkowski, Joey Greer, Vanessa Vaniche, Raglin,
(00:45):
James Heeney and myself. Well, here it is for you.
We hope you enjoy. Welcome back to Alchemy. That's on
your host, Kevin poll Yes that Kevin Folling. What's that? Nah? No, No,
To be honest, I'd rather not. Please don't try to
stay with me throughout my career. I've been fortunate enough
to see my fair share of true out me. By definition,
(01:08):
alchemy is when a person transforms or creates something through
a seemingly magical process. And my dear peas and poops,
Like I said, I've been witnessed to the stuff on
several occasions. An example, sure you're gonna be like that,
Let's see. Okay, here's one. The team of young scamps
who portrayed a hockey team in the film The Mighty
Ducks were so delightful together they spawned an actual professional
(01:32):
hockey franchise. But I digress the point, Folks, A wonderful
idea hit me square in the old nogg and what
if I brought together the right creative peeps, forced them
to make ship up based on my own twisted, demented ideas,
and then offera podcast of this seemingly magical process, and
I could call it alchemy in your eye, you bucket
(01:53):
of smaller buckets. Well, after a month of tinkering, I'm
so very proud to welcome you, dear friends two, Episode
five Alchemy. This, let's meet our gathered alchemists. Shall we,
in no particular order, say hello, Mr Craig Atkowski. Craig,
tell the folks why you believe the Earth is flat?
(02:14):
I don't see it round, do you? I just think
just keeps going straight. You're not wrong. Next up is
the fairly talented Vanessa Raglan. Vanessa what's the truth about
child rearing? Nobody's talking about you know, the truth? Isle
is not that gross? No, that is clean. What would
(02:38):
a super team like this be without Mr Chris Oberto, Hey, Chris, Hey,
can you conversely teaching young dog old tricks? No? They'll
be crazy crazy, that's correct. And then of course there's
Mr Joey Greer Grier Stini. What is four times seventeen?
Four times seventeen? Uh? Start last, but hope you're a
(03:06):
coffee's tepe it if you think him least? Mr James Heeney,
can I call you Jimmy the jew Lover? Well? I
think if I said no, it would send the wrong idea. Sure,
all right, then let's get to our first scene. Shall
we open them up? Oh? No, no, no, Today's show
(03:29):
great moments in human history. We start with in the
Plymouth colonists and the Wampanong Indians shared an autumn harvest
feast that is acknowledged today as the first Thanksgiving celebration
in the colonies. We take you now to a few
years later for the third Thanksgiving. These are two players
(03:50):
scenes of this fairly still new tradition of particular interest.
Though we're looking for the different perspectives regarding matters of race, creed,
and color, and are what are the similarities? In fact
that today's two thousand eighteen human nature. Who wants to
start us off? Jump in when you're ready, two peeples,
(04:11):
let's start with two people. Oh this, uh, this looks great? Yes,
uh my my tribe prepared maize. Yeah know like you
did before, say it's becoming a favorite. Yeah, it's still
pretty much the same maze we did two years ago.
But I didn't mean it like it was boring. I
(04:32):
mean like I'm getting used to it and I like it. Good. Good.
We've added more salt and butter for your for your taste,
for your limited taste. Well that's well, that's the little rude. Wow,
that's good. That's good. Well, you coming to our land
was pretty rude. Yeah, I mean we went over this
last year and the year before that. It's like, you know,
we're good now and now it's just tradition. Yes, it's
(04:55):
just tradition. Rule of three's once says something happens third time,
it's tradition. That's right, that's right. Speaking of which, Um,
speaking of traditions, I made you this. This is a
hand turkey. Um, I put my hand on a piece
of paper and then I outline the hand and it's
turkey and you can eat that or oh no, no,
it's for you to hang on your wherever you live.
(05:16):
Why would I I? I I live in a hut. I
didn't want to say it. It It seems weird because I
live in a house. Yes, well my hunt as a
house with a that route. Yeah, that seems weird. But
you can hang this. Why would I do that? Um?
If it you know, it brings the holidays about it,
lets you know, or having some fun. To be honest,
(05:36):
it doesn't look like a turkey. It looks like a hand.
You drew some feathers on it. But yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
well you know, maybe this one won't stick. Look, before
our families get here, I want to make sure you
and I are good. Are we We're good? Right? Uh? Well,
you did bring a smallpox which has wiped out at
(05:57):
least half of my tribe. So I mean you're welcome.
I mean I guess other than that, we're good. Great. Great. Also,
I was wondering and like, I don't know if this
is too much, But before the families get here, can
I call you Joe, Uh, my name is Kukoye. That's
like it's hard for me to say, and my wife
doesn't love say anything very it's just very easy to say, Joe, Joe, Uh,
(06:22):
let's stick to Kukoye and or cool. All right, Joe,
if you're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah. I
gave you a one syllable option. Yeah, I know, I know.
This feels this feels tense, This feels tense. It's come on,
It's the day to be thankful. I'm thankful for I'm
thankful for you, Joe. I'm thankful for this land. I'm
(06:44):
thankful for this wonderful food that you've prepared. I'm also
thankful for this land, which is been amongst my people
for thousands of years. Here here, here, here, here, here,
and now it's ourly you've been here for two years. Yeah,
I don't know if it's our land so much odds land.
I you know what, I agree? I agree. God gave
us this land and we are just using it. I agree. Well,
(07:06):
let's say the great being in the sky okay, which
you call God? Yeah? Well, that's his name, that's his
that's his name. His name is God. Yeah, all right,
that's kind of a known thing. And I know you
probably don't. You don't read as much as I do.
It's kind of like the known thing. It's his name
is God. I read the sky, I read the trees.
(07:26):
That's very that's funny. I know we talked about that
all the time. Or like, do you see Joe reading
the trees the other day? Wait, everyone calls me, Joe. Yeah,
what's on page three? Joe? Yeah? So you were persecuted
in your home country. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't like you
there either either. Oh yeah, no, they didn't, they didn't,
(07:49):
they didn't. We can't wait to watch the big game today.
Oh yeah, yeah, that that I'm excited about. Who's going
to win? Uh? Probably probably this at Church versus Skins? Right, Yes,
I know you're a big Skins fan, so yes, I'm
going for shirts. Okay, Yeah, you want to put a
little wager on that? Okay, sure, Um some of those beads, great, great, Okay,
(08:14):
maybe if you win, I'll give you some beads if
I win, uh take the rest of Yeah, sure, why not,
I mean it's gonna happen. Regard. That's as good a
deal as we've made so far. Okay, great, Are you
thankful today? Um? Sure, I have my health, I have
my family. I have this too. Sorry, I don't mean
(08:37):
not sneezed right in my face? You feel that um,
that that ominous tone and the virus that has just
entered your body? Yes, I do you see? I don't
know what great I in the sky you talked to,
(09:01):
But you better talk to me quickly before my virus
infects your entire body. Why would you do this? You
invited me to a party and then gave me a virus.
I don't like you much, Joe, I think, is what
I said. Yeahogg, the truth is you're making a virus
making me crazy. A smooth here, a little tough. What's up?
(09:23):
You're a voice. There's a voice in my head. That
turkey didn't look like a turkey didn't know it didn't
Turkey was like just exactly like a hand. Are you crazy?
Or is the dude with the hand with the turkey crazy? Man?
He's crazy. He's the one that's crazy. Joe. Your nose
(09:45):
is bleeding his nose. I got your nose. I got
your nose in my mouth. Parties, that's funny, Happy Thanksgiving? Hey, Lenny, Lenny,
(10:08):
come here, come here. Look what I found. This is
Joe's pipe. Whoa you want to you want to smoke
it with me? Yeah? He can't. Dinners and Tan. Thanks mom,
we'll be right there. Thanks mob. I wish you had
a little help in the hut. But let's smoke it.
They're always smoking it, Bruce, what's going on? You just
(10:33):
want to detach from everything all the time, Lenny. This
is gonna make a smarter Look how good they are.
They're fast, they can catch deer. That's smart to you. Yeah,
it's real smart. Feel like that's a physical actribute this
necessarily fine, you don't get anything. Come on, Bruce, don't
say that that's mine? Bruce? Please, money, you're not taking
this seriously. I want to be a warrior. Okay, great,
(10:57):
I'm here to help. What I do? Bruce? I mean, well,
we need fire, all right? This is this is going
so fast. First we're gonna smoke song and now you
want to just go How do you think we're gonna
light this pipe? Letny? Oh? Yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe I do need to get a little smarter. See
we need to get some fire, okay, yeah, easy, get
some flints, some tinder, go to town. Well, here's the thing.
(11:21):
I'm afraid that if we get tinder and flint, it's
gonna be a big fire. Everybody's can see. We need
something portable. We need a miniterature miniature, minimum minimature miniature,
miniature miniature fire machines. Say that again. I'm just if
you're making fun of me, just one miniature fire machine
(11:42):
because if we have a big bonfire, I'm not gonna
light this pipe. Look, Bruce, I'm all over. Yeah, Mom,
somebody get into the maze. I can't find it. Get
someone snack on the maze. Did it? I did it? Mom?
Oh Jesus, Bruce. Sorry, sometimes I get lost in the maze.
(12:03):
See what I said there? Yeah that was great. So
we need a miniature fire machine to light this fire machine?
Fire machine? What do you think a miniature fire machine? Okay,
all right, we need one, right, but we gotta smoke
this to get smart enough to be able to build it. Okay,
(12:24):
what if you distract mom while she's cooking. I always
distract and I like this pipe and we just keep
it going. How long am I going to distract before that? Bruce?
It should take like five seconds for me to get
this lip Bruce, Ny, you're running away from something. I'm
gonna be honest, I'm running to something money. I'm running
into my future. There's no way our people are gonna last.
(12:47):
We don't know how to survive a night. We're not
barely cooking any of this food. People are cooking for us,
people are serving us are people are as good as dead.
Don't see that guys on our side, Lenny, God the
guy in the sky, Yes God U Joe. Sisters Yeah yeah, Mom.
I can't find the two other sisters either. I can't
find the maze and the two other sisters. Bruce, say
(13:10):
you did it? Where are the two other sisters? I
did it? I did it? Mom. Sorry, we'll be in
in five minutes. You have to get your control if
you ever want to chase the buffalo. I want to
chase those buffalo, Lenny, so do I. But maybe these
travelers from another land, Maybe maybe they're the future that
(13:30):
we're looking for. Listening. I don't want to blow your mind, Lenny,
but we are the travelers from Netherland. We are the
travelers from another land. I've been listening into a lot
of the storytelling, and I want to smoke this pipe.
Let bruce, you get huffed off of whatever's in that pipe,
(13:52):
and you go down the road that I don't know
is already paved, paved were rome romehead pad, of course
they did. But here here, of course, and you see
things that might not be the things you want to
see because the things you thought you'd see on Okay,
(14:14):
oh my goodness, it's gonna huff. Oh you're just gonna huff.
Put in a little secret o green when you're in pain,
right your lip, now, listen to me. You think this
would be fun. It could be fun to smoke dad's pipe.
It would be like the big guys. Yeah, yeah, it's
(14:35):
that cool. You want to know a little something. Your
dad had a brother, try you had an uncle. Reminded
me a lot of you. That one. It was built
like you. And when he was your age or size,
(14:56):
well it's with difference. He got to hold of his
death's pipe that's right crawling there, and you know what
happened to him. He lit it with a little mimiature
fire and then he went on a journey and he
was not prepared for and he hasn't come back. So
(15:22):
if you think you're ready to suck around with that
you go ahead, but one of y'all won't come back,
and I bet it's going to be the fat one. Meanwhile,
anyone help me in the kitchen. Okay, Mom, I'll I
can hear you. Of course you'll talk later. We live
in the same room. Man from distant land, man seeking something,
(15:47):
man alone? What is this prophecy? M hmm. I've been
sitting out here in the desert land, the deserts of Massachusetts,
that's right, waiting for the one with the message. Uh,
(16:07):
I was I was sent here. You're fat well, big bone.
It was written at the fat man across the desert
to bring the message. And now the prophecy is fulfilled. Well,
you need to give us that message. So I did
(16:30):
my face. Sorry, I just gotta get a little something. Sorry,
now I feel like like I have a little something. Um,
what am I bad on that? Uh? So what is
this great message? Um? I'm listening. Sorry, I wasn't clearing
my throat. I'm just so, I'm a little under the weather.
(16:53):
I feel also under the weather. I mean, we're all
we're always under the weather. Don't do that to me.
I mean specifically, I don't feel well. You don't feel well?
I don't feel great either. Perhaps this is the prophecy.
Perhaps the message you were bringing was germs. Is that
(17:14):
a message? I'm taking it as a message. My nose
is running, my throat is sore, I feel aky, and
I have the chills. My vision is blurring. I don't
(17:35):
know where I'm going with this sickness. I mean, do
you hear that? Is it a voice in your head? Oh?
Great one, speak to me, Yes, speak to me voice.
(17:56):
Oh it's a knock knock joke, that's that? Who is
this something I learned from the colonists? Who's there? Ye
lose their flus there? So then you say, flus there? Who? Okay,
(18:19):
louse there? Who? Yeah, you have the flu. I don't
know if I get the joke, but it was not
so much a joke as a set up. Oh, oh,
great one, you are vomiting. Oh oh. We take you
(18:49):
now quite a bit into the future from that third
thanks Giving anyways, Elon Musk has done it. Mankind is
now headed to the third planet known as Mars. We'll
(19:10):
take you aboard this maiden voyage, joining this brave crew
three months into the first mission to Mars. We take
you to various rooms of the ship well three months
(19:32):
to the mission Falcon heavy. This is data processing. You
can just say your name at this point, Hey Dan, here,
we're se Uh we have oxygen levels at nominal, we
are processing carbon at four above flex. The magnesium is
(19:59):
coming in hot, and we're gonna need another profile on
the metallurgy. I'll pull up the metallergy profile. Uh, how's
it going yet? I can hear your fingers typing my nails. Hey,
what happened with you in? Uh stand? Did you guys
work that out? Yeah? We we we're gonna use separate bathrooms. Okay,
(20:20):
that's good. Maybe you know. These are the things that
we're learning as we go along the rules we have
to have. But you can't know until there's a scuffle. Right.
Data point increasing on water levels. Dump the water out
to get the ice in because we want to make
sure it's cool. Yeah, no, done, I just have to
press a button for that. When that one was an
easy one. I can hear your type. Yeah, I know
(20:43):
it's my name. Yeah. Uh. Going to the thing tonight? Uh? Yeah,
the hat party? Oh no, I was talking to one
on the second floor, second floor. Yeah, they're doing a mixer.
Oh oh, I think you have to be Jewish, are
you too? No? Oh, never mind an atheist. I don't
(21:04):
believe in God. Another word space. Now that we're in space,
you don't believe in God. That's so funny. I had
the exact opposite journey. I was sort of more culturally
religious than personally spiritual. And now I have flipped the script.
Something is real. This is batship what we're seeing. I
got a data chip burning up, needed to process up
(21:25):
four points back to this. Okay, you can get new
data chips if you just got to front office. Yeah,
but I'm like talking to you. Thank you. You're not
so mad at yourself. Yeah. I always thought I was
a pretty bad guy when I believed in God. Oh um, okay,
(21:45):
every night on Earth and look up to the stars
and think God's looking down at me, judging me, telling
me to do things, be things that I don't know
if I can be, because I'm not. When I got
up here to uh spacey space, I realized that maybe
I'm in control of my choices and my thoughts. No,
(22:05):
I don't think that you're being in control necessarily in
the Gates religion, you can believe in a God that
imfuse you with free will. I don't know, do you?
Are you guys good on toilet paper? We're gonna need
an extra TP. Bump that up, two rolls, send it
up the shoot. Hope we can make it to the
next drop. Right. Why do you say that the flare
(22:27):
is acting up? Oh? No, I mean the next TP
drop yourem I had this diary and that's spread and
we are just all I mean, it's it's crazy. Yeah.
I just don't have him sneeze on you. Diarrhea isn't
a sneezy thing. I hope. Well, I guess we're good,
and I guess I won't see you tonight. But you
(22:47):
can come to the hat party. What time is the
hat party? It's going from two am all the way
till ten o'clock. Whoa, okay, I'll try to um go
that two am to ten o'clock a night to the
A lot of time for you to make it. That's
a lot of okay. I I can I can be
(23:07):
there somewhere in that window. Um, but the crew, we
do need people working. That's a long time for an event.
Are you guys rotating? Hey? Rochelle, hey, listen, um. We
love what you're doing here in the ship. Oh, thank you.
I'm having fun. I'm having fun, and that's part of it.
That's certainly. I think there's a balance. I think maybe
(23:30):
perhaps not so so much fun because it's still a job. Oh,
I'm treating it as a job. I mean, I'm just
bringing my personality. That's what I want to talk to
you about. Okay, Well, I can't undo my personality, Dylan,
I mean, can you? Can you do it down? Well?
The flirting with Dan specifically, the floating with Dan specifically, Rochelle,
(23:53):
you know what, Dylan are you? Are you listening on
the line. Yeah, I'm listening on the line. That's my job.
I'm the line listener here in the ship. Well us,
what's that we keep We keep it professional enough. I've
got all the checklist done. You can go through the
spreadsheets and then we're talking because we're still humans. We
may be an outer space, but a little human connection
is important, Dylan. Not that you was we're INNU windows
(24:16):
on the checklist. There were no INU windows. It felt
like it message from Daniel message hello, hello Alexa. Stop. Yes,
I was trying to hang up and I thought that
was on silent and it was definitely a wrong message, Dylan,
(24:37):
what are you gonna do? Fire me? We're trapped on
a space ship. Okay, all right, I don't want to
fire you. I don't want to be fired. I like
my job. I'm keeping everything running smoothly. I'm a little jealous, frankly,
a little jealous. I don't want anything from you. I
don't want anything from Dan. But it makes me feel Dylan,
this isn't my responsibility to take care of your feelings
(24:58):
right now. It's not. I was that on the checklist.
Have a find a woman on the ship and make
her take care of you, know. Just we're all lonely
out here, okay, and so when I see you are here,
you and Dan having this stuff, it makes me feel insecure.
It makes me feel lonely. Methods from Daniel. Tell Alexa
(25:19):
to stop. Jeremiah, thank you for coming down to the infirmary.
How are you feeling not great? Ah? You you don't
look explosive diarrhea. Jeremiah, we really need you to seclude
yourself to your dorm. Well, you're sick because it's spreading.
But I gotta take a space probe down to the
(25:40):
surface to check out. But we're looking for martians down there. Listen, Jeremiah,
let me be the first to say thank you for
your commitment to the job. I'm a brave man, so brave,
but we need you to stay in your dorm until
you're completely healed because you're spreading germs. How do we
know that, Well, because when you sneeze. Not a lot
(26:01):
of people realize that the diarrhea is a symptom. But
the sneezing is how it spreads. I see. So the
diarrhea is escaping through is diarrhea is what is making
you hydrated and will ultimately maybe make you bedridden. Okay,
I'm not a scientist, you know I am. All right,
go ahead, go on. I was hired because I'm a
(26:22):
bounty hunter and a good one, and I'm supposed to
look for those goddamn marcians. I know you are, and
you get a hundred per per martian you find. That's right.
You know how many I found so far? How many? Zero?
That's what I thought. Now, if you just take three
or four days to yourself and your torm, put the
VR headset on, and then when you're done, you'll be
fine and played all the VR games. At this point,
(26:44):
you just can have to run through them again because
Mr Musk would have a larger library of VR. Jeremiah,
I'm gonna cut straight with you. If you don't seclude
yourself what we call quarantine, I'm gonna have to echect
you into space. You're gonna eject me into space. What
choice do you give me? We have a whole ship
full of people. If we die here because you don't
(27:07):
want to seclude yourself, I'm taking a pot down to
the goddamn surface, don't. I'm gonna bag me some margins. Listen,
don't take a pot that we don't just please. If
then we're gonna have to clean that pot out. It's
gonna take three days to make sure it's safe. I'm fine.
The diary is succumb. Welcome to Pots. Destination, Enter you, Destination,
(27:32):
Enter you, Jeremiah, come back in here. I'm taking a
goddamn pods, pot, doors, clothes. What you're doing. We're not
just taking you down to the surface of Mars. We're
taking you into the future of this excursion. We're now
the third week of the first station on Mars. You
(27:55):
think I give a shit about that? You think I
give a ship about that? Okay, I'm pumping water from
outer space into here. Okay, don't give a ship. Okay,
can you guys keep it down? Yeah, yeah we can.
Will you shut up? May you look? When things are important,
we're gonna raise our voices. I don't give a ship
(28:15):
about the body count you keep bringing in. Okay. Look,
all I know is I got a hundred per margin. Okay, yeah, Jeremiah,
is that you Yeah, it's I knew it. I can
tell I saw one of those things outside, you know,
the margins. Yeah, if you could take care of that,
(28:35):
that would be great. Well there's another one that I
didn't get another already stopped killing the margins. Please, we
need them. Smack. We are creak me out. Okay. We
are a human expedition force to bring peace out the cosmos.
That was not all right. They're gonna try to be
(28:57):
friendly to you, but don't fall for it. Let me
talk to please. Handshake. Handshake. Oh that's what talking. It's
not anything fashion guy. Just give me a kiss on
the cheek. A kiss on the cheeks. And they learned
from watching us. You're welcome. Thank you, we bring you.
(29:19):
I've got handy. Okay, eat the candy, Eat the candy. Okay,
eat the candy, eat the candy. Want to smoke my pipe? Sure,
let's all smoke the pipe. Let's hit the piles. Hit.
Don't fall for that goddamn margin trick, Jeremy, Jeremy, God, damnit,
(29:40):
just one hit. You know what I'll do? Do? Go?
We want to watch okay one? Oh my, he's fallen
(30:01):
into a margin trance by by. They learned him in
with their peace quote unquote pipe, and now they've left
him to us. I feel really relaxed. God, snap out
of it. You probably want to sit down and have
a dinner with these folks, eat their margin candy, and
(30:24):
make peace. I love both of you guys so much.
Stop stop. I feel like I was too strong and
understanding bother points of view on this, and um ask
for forgiveness. Well, he's really mellowed out, like fine, I
(30:44):
forgive you, Yeah, I forgive you. I want to marry you.
Oh my, God, don't know. I want to marry you. Okay,
let's get married. M hm. So so I don't know
your body yet. I'll find out, Jeremy. I'll find over
whatever ever love me, love me, I'll find all the rivers.
I'll find all the valleys. I'll find all the mountain peaks.
(31:07):
They're good. I'm gonna find your your hairless buffalo. It's
your penis, and I'm gonna put it in my white,
white hands. I know you're under the influence right now.
And Jeremiah, I can't tell a few like what's happening
or not. I just want to see that what plays out.
(31:29):
I just wanted to say, Um, I got on that
jank spaceship because I'd had enough of Earth, and I
thought i'd had enough of people too. But something about
your touch, and I don't know, maybe it's the candy sticky.
(31:53):
It feels good. Nobody's touched me in months. We're not
on Earth anymore. Maybe we don't have to abide by
those laws if we're not listening to gravity. Who says
we have to listen to anything? With our bodies can
create our own God? Here, Oh, we've frowned for a
(32:14):
goddamn margin. Drink. Hi were now taking the tenth anniversary
of that first station on Mars. Ten years since the
(32:37):
station was built inhabited, and now we celebrate the tenth anniversary.
I commemorate this statue for all the men and women
who have lost their lives for elon Musk City one.
You know my city monk. Whoop whoop, who whoop, whoop,
(33:01):
whoo who whoop, whoo whoo whoop whoop. Now to speak
on behalf of the military exercises that are ongoing, I
present you, Admiral Spinned, thank you, thank you for bringing
me up here. We've got some serious military exercises to do.
It's important that we still excuse me, whoo whoo who
(33:28):
here's a city one that's good. We need to stomp
out these goddamned Margins. I don't know if you know
him around, but they were spreading the goddamned margin drugs.
Say again, I can't hear you. I said that they've
been spreading the goddamn margin drugs and we've got to
stomp amount. Of course, it's not excuse me al right
(33:58):
here speaking on behalf of the Marwait from no, it's
been ten years. It's been ten years, and the Margins
have shown us this kindness. They're doing any thing where
we can. Nobody else is allowed the podium. Excuse me,
(34:18):
I'm can I just bring up that the Margins bunch
of okay, but wasn't there murdering happening on Earth. Kurt,
We've talked about this, and yes there was, but I
don't think that that that makes it any different. Honestly,
I don't think murder is good. I know I'm the
crazy one up here. The guy in the sky chooses
(34:38):
who lives are in the sky. I'm the guy in
the sky. Now, what are you talking about? Where? What
do you mean? No? He wait, somebody grabbed that. I
would think that we need to have pizza day on Wednesdays.
I think we need to mix up the menus. I
(35:00):
think we do need to stop at the margins. I
think we have more right on Earth than we knew.
You know what it sounds like. It sounds like a
bunch of you goddamn weaklings want to go back to
I say, we pack up a ship and we send
you back out. Yeah, two year journey back to Earth.
I don't give a ship how long it is. I
(35:20):
don't want weak spines, human beings durty ing up this planet. Hi, Hi,
just let's I'll give a whoop what up for the
imagin delegation that has come to celebrate the statue honoring
the death that they had caused here. Hi, Okay, that's
(35:44):
I am not letting them speak at the podium. If
that's what's going on, I'm here to destroy them. When
does the earth plane leave the ship? Listen? I didn't
think anybody would want to go back to Well. Fine,
I'll work on. I'm not into transcontinental. Uh, Listen. I'm
(36:06):
a military guy. I'm here to crush, kill, destroy. I'm
not here to send you on your aviation trips. Let
the Margins talk, right, Let them talk. But they are ruthless,
bloodthirsty little beings that have smaller podium for the Margins. Please, no,
please just give him a step stool. M here's a
little podium. We are the Margins, and we have an
(36:41):
offering for you. Hi, right, whatever it is, let's let's
see it. Oh my god, they have fully automatic weapons
from the middle. Leave one survivor to tell the story,
(37:10):
and now for Part three, Episode five, we take you
back back back housands of years. It is minutes after
the massive stone was removed and it was discovered that
Jesus Christ was gone. Hey did you hear what? They
(37:34):
moved that stone over there? Yeah, so that's okay, we
can go into who moved that that was huge? There?
Are some Roman guys off front. I figured they moved
in and they were. You know, I thought we wouldn't
have to move that the hanging it back off. Yea,
it looks nice all right. Uh. I don't not tell
(37:58):
you this, but I got off for the job at room.
Oh my god, are you're gonna take it? I mean,
I mean I want the best for you, so you
should and you should totally take it. It's only, um
it's the only room, one room on the horse. Yeah,
I know you should take it. That's great for you.
I don't even want to go to room for a while. Yeah,
(38:19):
but no, that's no. I love what we did. It
was fun. That's stupid. It was all stupid. Why don't
we think the guy? Yeah, yeah, I wish you well. Yeah,
I wish you well too. Good luck, yeah good. Look
at the baths and all that. You know. Yeah, it's
going to be good. Yeah, I don't care. Uh shut
(38:44):
out that. What's pink eye? Oh? Say? Yeah? Uh yeah,
it hurts a lot. You should put some salt water
in that. Yeah. I mean I figured I want to
(39:06):
get the room. You know, you could. You should do
it before then you could you lose your eye and
my husband. She got no eyeballs anymore. I've been praying
to Zeus and you know the others. Oh, I had
no idea. Yeah, so I prettmll just to make cover
my bass to Zeus. Yeah, the top guy, Oh my god,
(39:27):
you have been missing out on everything. Did you not
go to the thing last week? Party? No, not that
the party, not the hat party. I know you were there.
I was in the Jewish thing. Yeah. No, I didn't
go to the Jewish thing. You should go. It's really fascinating.
Ship other cultures freaked me out, you know, I know,
I mean we did that guy right. Look, I don't
(39:50):
mean to cut this short, but the horses waiting out there,
and it's a living thing. Right, you'd hate disrespect the
living thing. It's running away. I gotta get out of you.
He's gone. He's gone. He's not in the cave. Jesus.
(40:11):
I'm pretty sure he was just here a little bit ago.
He wasn't. I put him in there and just look, Carter,
let's go. Let's maybe he's deeper in the cave. Come
in here and take a look. It's so hard to see.
It's so dark. You got like a some sort of
fire device. I have a candle with that word. Yeah, sure,
just like the candle. Yep. See, oh there it is.
(40:32):
There's nobody in there. Turn the lights off. Turn the
lights off. What are you doing and taking a nap?
Steve taking na? What's the hell? Would you let Jesus out?
But who Jesus Christ was in here? We closed the stone.
He was in here. I opened the stone taking Now
we don't know if he got out on his own. Well, yeah,
(40:53):
we put him in here. Gone go back where you
we killed the guy. I understand. But he said and
kept saying, I'm coming back. I'm coming back. What I
tell you things all the time, I don't do it.
That's Steve. Yeah, but Steve is unreliable. That you're unreliable.
But we ull the Christ, Jesus Christ. We rulled the
(41:15):
whole thing here. I don't know to three hours ago.
You know, I got Jessica at home. You know she's
yeah yeapp and yeah yeah, I I can't find a
good place to take a nap. I needed some me time.
I needed some Steve, thank you. So you went into
the cave where we put the dead body in Jesus Christ.
You thought that would be all right, yeah, because the
(41:36):
guy's dead. Sure, what's he gonna say. He's not gonna
say nothing, Steve, was Jesus in here when you came in?
That's the question. I was tired. I don't know I was.
I wouldn't even look. I moved with a big old
boulder by myself. By the way, it's pretty good. That
was hard, and so I just came in. I said,
I took a nap. I think the point here is
that Jesus is gone. I don't think we should tell
(41:57):
anybody what. Hey, guys, just fine, are you are? We? Sure?
Were good? Okay? You know this is our number one
lockdown area. And when I see the boulders moved, I'm
a little work around to make sure was good. Where's
the body? I'm sorry? Oh, where's the body? The body
of Jesus? Oh that body that seems weird. Yeah, that's
(42:21):
really weird. Oh, Steve, Steve, you know I moved him.
I moved him. I moved him. Oh okay, yeah, here's me.
I don't know if I'm in the right place. I'm
looking for Jesus's too much, you know it, don't panic high.
I'm the site manager, and you know what we've actually
(42:41):
just transferred him to a different location, to different locations,
was right, right, right? Welcome, thank you for staying at
an airbnb nearby. All Right, I bet I know the
one cute donkey. Yes it's nice. It's a little overpriced,
but you know, they provide breakfast and it's very nice.
(43:01):
Intrude when you oh no, they're not in your face
or anything. It's a little pricey, but the musha is delicious,
isn't it. I had the much, have the much. Um,
So we've just transferred the body. Your pilgrimage shouldn't be
too long, um, Steve, here's one of our technicians. I
could take you over to Okay, Jessica, Jessica, I want
(43:27):
one second alone? Jessica? Can I have one second? Jessica
finished singing. Okay, everybody, I take you see if it's
going to be a minute, Jesus Christ, watch me dance,
every watch me move feel feeling. What's her story? I
(43:54):
come bringing titings in good will and a lot of yeah,
a lot of yeah with this one. Maybe when are
you coming home? It's gotta finish in my shift. Okay,
I'll stay here. Okay, you stay here. I gotta take
what your name again. But Judah, Judah, I gotta take
Juda over to where the place you move about, the
new secure location, the new secure location on purpose. Yeah okay,
(44:21):
I mean you could all come if you want. I
get stuck to do. We're gonna stay here right there.
What do you? What do you I do? Bobby? Probably
gotta secure this. Yeah no, no, no, you don't even
discar there's nothing, doesn't care anymore. Feel like it's still
a pretty important spot. Yeah, there's could be people pilgrimaging
in here. Yeah, when the next guy, the next Judah
(44:41):
comes from long? Do you mind if I ask you?
Are you guys romans? Are ju? A little bit of both? Yeah?
Okay we mingle now, okay, yeah we got line. How
about you? Juda? Do you all the way? All the way?
Be a lovely story if you to write that down?
You all the way? You know, I'm not much of
(45:04):
a writer, but tablet over there if you want to
scratch something. I am the angel Gabriel. Oh what a Gabe?
What's her story? Steve? I'm gonna dance for a little bit.
Watch my moves, Jessica, watch this. He's good. The body
(45:25):
of hold on? Are you feeling this ship. We banged
this in heaven all the fucking time. Jessica, come here,
no Genitalia, so grind on me. But yes, between you
and I, I don't really I don't. I don't really
(45:49):
I don't. I don't. I don't really know where je
Jesus is what? Yeah, they don't. Don't. Don't see anything.
Don't make a scene or anything. The site manager said
he was moved to another location. Right, let's just take
a walk. I'm sure we'll run into him. Okay, you're
not gonna crucify me. That's how it gets started. Don't
(46:09):
get out of line, okay, and nothing will nothing battle happen.
All right, that's let's take a watch. Okay, So that
over there, that's a that's a bush. Did your boy
men spending a little change on a leaper? Here we go?
Here we go, cheers. I'm sorry, a little change for
a leper? Huh? I spent so much money on this Airbnb.
(46:30):
I don't have any spare change. It's all right. Just
give a kiss. Don't do that, don't, don't, don't don't
Is that the local customer? I don't want to I
don't want to spend anyone but you're gonna lose body parts. Okay,
and you just sign your own. My nose is on
your face. Oh boy, you got his nose. I do
(46:50):
got your nose. Hey, hey, a little bit before you go.
Did you see Jesus play chance? If you're talking about
old man dressed in white clowning that that with holes
in his hand and his feet that part, Yeah, he's
walking around? Was he walking? Now? Maybe if I had
a little corn? I remember one a second. Here it's
(47:12):
your keys, take my house? Okay, all right, just give
that left for the keys to your house is legs.
They fell. He'll never get there. Now listen, eagle escape.
(47:33):
I want you to you got leprosy? Right more priolet
your legs far off. With a little corn, I'll tell
you here's a coin. Yeah, I got it? All right?
Can we ask you to just stay in this house?
You've just been giving it, not even it's what we
wanted when standing something up called quarantine. Yeah all right,
(47:57):
all right, that's good. I'm just gonna carry you in,
hopefully it's not too uncomfortable. Carry me now, and you
ever put this kind to touch on me before? I'm sorry.
I don't apologize, No, your arm fell off. I'm sorry.
It's all right. I don't feel it. It's all right,
all right here closing the inside. You remind me of
my mom. Me, you remind me of my long mom.
(48:19):
Tell me what she was like. She was long, She
was my mom. Oh, she sounds like a wonderful mom.
She was. She had her eyes in her face, and
hair on her head, and teeth ground, teeth that touched
the ground. She sounds like a beautiful mother. I'm getting tired.
(48:43):
I think I'm more sleep and long sleep. Maybe don't
go now. We just got close, and now I have leprosy.
Jesus Christ, I did see him walking where you go.
They're looking for him everywhere. He went north to Bethlehem.
We now take you one year later, us one a d.
Let's return to the same spot, the cave where the
(49:06):
stoners removed and Steve's fine, And so here we are, guys, um,
this is what the shore is all about. This is
where you're going to get the bank for your coin.
This is the cave. Yes, that cage the man himself. Oh,
don't touch anything. You can draw the joodles you like,
(49:26):
but please don't touch the cave. Does anyone have any questions,
have a question? Yes, you in the row. Where was
Jesus when you found him in here? Great that we
put him in here, that's the that's the funny thing.
Where we put him in here. So we were in
the cave on the big slab. Okay, now get off. Okay.
(49:54):
There in the cave there is an echo, especially in
that back corner where the kids are standing. So they
never found him. They never did find him, but rumor
has it that he ascended and to half and sit
it at the right hand, got the father almighty? What's
to do with his shroud? Oh? That was his shrouded.
(50:16):
That was the shroud. That's like his faces on that
not currently they make these shrouds and turn it's just
a blanket, you know, rough cloth we shrouded the body with.
That's the one though. That's yes, that is not a replica.
That's the one. Why do you look suspicious, sir? Well,
it just seems strange a year later, you know that
would it's that's it? Yep. There's other tours around town,
(50:40):
but I can assure you those are not the real caves.
This is the cave. That is the shroud. Welcome to
the real cave. Everybody, Now, this is the real caves.
Take pictures, pictures, go ahead, go a hand. We do
work on tips here, We do work on tips. Thank
(51:01):
you so much. Okay, you know what makes this the
cave the real one? Okay, alright, So first of all,
it's authentic. Look at that, at that, Look at that.
You see that slab over there, the slab. You see
that shroud, the shroud, that's Jesus, just face there in
the shroud. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. It's a matter of fact,
a lot of things in this neighborhood have Jesus's face
(51:23):
on it because I spent two gold pieces of another
cave and his face wasn't on there. So which which
goal cave? Which cave? The Larry Larry's Cave? Yeah yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. Yeah.
Those guys are just lying to you. I'm telling you
the truth. God's on his truth. And I could say
that because Jesus was here. It seems like this big
boulders made of something. It's it's not heavy at all.
(51:46):
We didn't because people don't know. We didn't. Actually, they
didn't want to keep Jesus in here. They wanted to
make it easy for him to get out. I just
want to be absolutely sure this is the cave because
I also have of appointment scheduled that famous race Cave,
original Raise Cave, original race. Come on, just raise cave.
(52:06):
This is this is the real one. You're here. That's
to the real cave of Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, everyone
gets a complimentary schwarma, alright. I would for the sandals,
Jesus faces and all these things. You see him on
(52:28):
the schwarm he's on the sand. You get a fucking
rock band behind his fucking Janet. That's Jesus and the
fuck use baby, what do point for? Question? Yeah? Can
I get no onions on that schwarma? Come on, the
pre made man, the complimentary all right. I mean, we'll
do the best we can. But you know, a hard
(52:48):
is batter up with the garlic past, but you put it. Yeah,
you know, we'll just try it. We don't have a budget.
Oh my god, who are what do you worship? Greek
gods be coming pea our hands. Oh give me a little.
(53:15):
I prayed to Poseidon and Zeus on you. Thank you
Greek gods. Give me a kid, and everybody take one.
I am Jesus Christ. I've returned on the one anniversary.
(53:39):
That's hilarious. Is that a weapon of some kind? Yes?
I want to talk to the inhabitants, those that were
here one year ago. I don't think any of this
saw crucifixion of my which one of you might have
helped to put me? Steve, Steve think, I mean I was,
(54:05):
I was, I was, I was in the area. But
we all we we all were, we were in the area.
Mean right, we're a big fan. I was just the
sight man. Nothing to do with it. It was on
my property that I had nothing to do with it. Candice,
I don't see you on the list. Oh God, is
that good? It is? Which one of you have seen? Judas?
(54:31):
I mean, you know, except for the except for the leapon.
Do you guys hang out you also hang out with
barbs to Oh yeah, okay, well are you gonna bought
my spot at that same What is your name? I'm
sorry mine Clinton, but I also go by your Rufalis.
He made it that name for himself, but his name
is Clint. It's not gonna stick man, like you're you're
(54:55):
breaking yourself up when you say that name. Yeah, it's
a it's a family joke. That's right. Would you be
Roman or ju m m hmm. I see, just canna
ask you something? Yes, you may the Schwarmer. Is it
a lamb beef blend or you can I get just
a lamb Schwarmer? Yes, and we can have it to
(55:16):
you without onion. Thank you, Thank you Jesus. He is
the one. He probabised Schwarmer without onions. Now, each one
of you can ask one question. Okay, if you've always
you've already had yours. Yeah, should we one? We pool names?
(55:38):
That was my question, but we get to hear the
answer before we ask oud. So that was a good one.
Thank you, Clint. I'm going with this new name. You're
such a follower. I follow love. I don't have a
lot of time. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. We're good.
(56:02):
We Steve always the jokes define good for me? Won't you? Uh?
You know you're not gonna my father the Lord? Yeah?
We all tight. We're good in what sense? You know?
Like I'm gonna you guys are gonna vite me over?
I hang out with you guys when I'm dead and whatnot.
That's a great question. Thank you. Anyone else please, minds
(56:26):
can't take a while. Oh mine's kind of an easy one. Um,
so where do I start it? He's not wrong? Okay, okay,
So just gonna preface this with babies go to heaven.
What age is the baby not a baby? It becomes
an adult and is responsible for the beliefs Jesus. So
(56:50):
the question is what ages? What age? Is the baby
not a baby? And you held them accountable for the beliefs? Well,
a baby, it's taken as he's sweating with. Look, this
takes time to define. I follow up. I know I
(57:12):
don't have any more questions, but I do have a
two year old that's so child likes. He seems like
a baby, but he's bad sometimes. But he's just a baby.
He seems like a baby. I'm just try I'm just
trying to feel it. No, no, no, no, you know
when is a baby an actual being in the mother's womb? No, Steve,
you're an adult. Are you trying to find it out
(57:33):
for you? He's infantile, but he's all this is fantastic.
The lamb is so tender and just the right amount
of taking on. It's always better without onion. Okay, okay,
uh yeah, sure, Um, he's just the baby not a
baby question. No, what was I gonna ask that? Goddamn it?
You know it's so funny you should say that because
(57:55):
I brought I brought the big man with me, Clarence Clemens,
Ladies and Jews, the Lord, our Father. Hello, children, Hi, hi,
(58:20):
I am the one true God. Do you go by
a guy in the sky? Your skin is so sparkly?
Thank you? And you have ladies breasts. I have taken
a human form because you can understand it. I'm a tail.
I threw in a tail for ships and giggles. Uh,
(58:44):
my son, Jesus is the true Messiah. I just want
to be sure that you all know them. We figured, Yeah,
we took us a minute, but yes, you've been following
false gods for many years. Zeus, Yes, Zeus or the
Romanic vivalent Jupiter, not a huh, not a Posidon, the
(59:04):
god of the sea. Yes. Do you think that's a
real guy? It's all you, it's all me. So what
does Jesus do exactly? If that's all you? What's his job? Why?
Why do you need him? Why do I need him?
It's a great question, it is I beside. Here we go.
(59:33):
You want to get crazy let's get that is an
episode five of Alchemy. This let's thank all our alchemists,
shall I? In no particular order? Vanessa, what's up? Oh,
I've coughed a lot of mucus into these ere tissues.
That'll all be on even Dynasty Typewriter. Oh yeah, we're
(59:53):
having so many great shows. Kevin was just here recently.
The website. People should go kind to see typewriter dot com.
Check it out joy in the Dynasty shows. Truly. We've
even got a little one of these noodles at the
table coming soon. You know, it's Joey. What do you got?
Check out Bear Supply every second and fourth Wednesday at
nine o'clock at Westside Comedy Theater and um bring kisses
(01:00:16):
fair enough, Greig Hail Poseidon, Lord of the Sea. And
at Craigslist peacast on Twitter to find out about the
Craigslist podcast fantastic. Not much shows here and there. Sure,
yeah that's that, thank you. Could you be more general? No? No? Uh?
(01:00:41):
Can people find you on the social media? Sure, that's right.
At Chris Overado for pictures of me doing improv? Is
there a calendar coming out? It's just translates best to
still photo's right. That's right, Mr James Heeney, bring us
to bring us home with you. Well, if you want
(01:01:02):
to see more material starring me, you can go to
the real James Seney on YouTube or in live in
person second fourth Wednesdays at the West Side Comedy Theater
BA supply nicely done, Raphail'll we gotta give you a Mike,
don't Doug bomb in the booth. Tory Leavin on post
(01:01:31):
stay tuned right to us at your name here, actually
not not with the at yet, your name here at
Alchemy this we'd love to hear from you right to
us as many suggestions as you'd like us to perform
and mix up. Ah yeah, that's it. That's it for
this episode. I want to thank all the participants and
(01:01:52):
until next time, Alchemy. That I said, Alchemy. So
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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