July 18, 2019 • 59 mins
A Not So Private Honeymoon, Snoofa Finds the Father, Are You Smarter than a Millennial?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode, O Son, your host, Kevin Pollock,
yester that Kevin Pollo. What's that? Well is my smartass?
Father often ask me how are you getting to school?
You're bringing the lunch, But I digress. Let's meet our
alchemists and no particular orders. Say hello to Craig Gatkowski.
How about one more memory from your recent trip to Polo.
(00:23):
Just one, It's such a good one. In the last
I kept insisting to Carlo that we get paroges at
some point, and uh, they were to go to Pittsburgh
to get that. We went to Pittsburgh one of those pros.
So it was expensive to make that side trip all
the way to Pittsburgh. I know what you did in
(00:45):
Poland yeah, yeah, and it was so different than you've
had no exactly. Well, that's encouraging and thank you for
sharing so long for now. It's when us a rock
and veniche. When you're thinking of names for your for
approaching childbirth, what names were quickly thrown out for the childbirth?
Joe Joey Gare for the birth of the child, Yes,
(01:07):
the zone Joey gre No chance of naming yours? Okay? Good? Yes,
boy or girl? I'm assuming. Oh no, it is Joey, Joey.
H w what happened to you the other night? Uh?
Just a ranger got blackout? Huh and uh me and
a couple of the horse kids. We just got crazy
(01:30):
the horse kids. Yeah, someday we'd like to know more
about the horse kids hang out. But until then, how
about a hello to Carl like akowskio double c uh
about you? Cough up a memory from the trip to Poland.
Come on, the sun came up at four o'clock in
(01:50):
the morning every day, no blackout. Curtains wide open, oh man,
four am, and we'll get dark at absolutely you went
that six hours of sweet sweet darkness, all right, and
thank you for sharing. And last, but may a deranged
bush boy washing stack your sister. If you think of Lee's,
(02:12):
it's James Teney Jim. But what's the first order of
business for you? In the shower? The first thing I
do is I get the water at the right temperature.
It takes a while because I've got to constantly dodge
because it's the water that comes out of the bottom
faucet is not necessarily the same that comes out of
the picture. So once I have it, thrusting through the
(02:34):
top thing right. Then it's just a balance of like
how long until because my hands have my hands take
different amounts of sensitivity in my back. I told Jamie
I was gonna ask this question and she said why,
And I said, because we're going to get an answer.
That's going to be a three act play. That is
the let's get to today's scene. All of our scene
(02:58):
suggestions were gathered from your sner emails. If you'd like
to submit one, please write to the podcast that your
name here at alchemy this dot com. We really do
greatly appreciate it. Your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Our first scene comes from James, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists,
your show is a gift to the world and we
love what you do. Since we uh, since we met
(03:19):
the Margins in episode one, I've been hooked. My favorite
quote of all time from Turtle's Diner, when Detective Cowski
immediately decided quote, I like Frank for this. When a
coworker of mine asked a question like who jammed the
copy machine or who brought donuts? I whisper that line
I like Frank for this under my breath and laugh
(03:42):
quietly to myself. But I digress, man, I love that.
Uh scene suggestion. The newlywed couple arrives at a private
island for their honeymoon, only to discover it's not that private.
That's from James in Zeeland, Michigan. James Loss, Thank you, James. Okay, Well,
(04:04):
this is it. This is wow. It's really gorgeous. Yeah,
you did a good job, sweetheart, thank you, thank you.
It's just we were told that it was a remote
It is very remote. I have to be honest. There
is a doctor just in the side. In this side.
You don't have to stand so close to take a
(04:27):
step back, please, but you want to. It is fine.
It's just very rarely smells. I didn't get the towel
animals made. It's okay, I didn't the animals. Okay, it's okay,
just power. It's still really beautiful, darling. Okay, it's a
little noisy, but beautiful. She makes a great swan out
(04:50):
of the town. It's okay. In the advertisement that you
get your own island, but I can. There's little island
for little island. All these islands, but they are not
much more than fifteen feet from the next island. It
feels safe. Just in case you need something, you can
(05:11):
go to the other island. It's it's not remote. It's fine.
We're still gonna have a great time. Okay, okay, yes, yes,
excuse me, I mean I I'm on island fourteen. Yes,
oh no, no. The town animal was nice. It looked
like a baby seal right, what was it supposed to be?
(05:33):
It was? Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll see that. Excuse me, Alex.
Oh my god, I haven't seen you in years. Oh
my god, what are you doing here? Get married? That's
my honeymoon. Someone finally cut you. He's very rich. A right, well,
(05:56):
maybe you can get off of our island because I've
got this for our well that islands are connected. I mean, Alex,
so I got one on your giant feet. He always
had giant feet, said the same thing. I like that
(06:18):
giant intellect. I thought it was a giant coca. There's
no reason, there's no connection. Yes, no, I've checked in already.
But he's not with us. He gets very close when
he speaks. You know what I can do. This is
(06:39):
what I'll do, because everyone knows each other here. This
is what I'll do. I'm going to make sure that
we have a big deer. Everybody. Everyone sounds amazing, honeymoon?
Did I don't know Alex. This is the first i've
met him in shake. What's oliver your fingers? Okay, it's
(06:59):
a sweat. He's a very sweaty. He's a big, strapping
sweaty man. Sat. I mean, I I've worked my whole life,
that's how rich is He hands got huge, squee my
hand like I'm look atting your hands. They get lost
in his hand. You know what they say about big hands, uh,
(07:19):
a huge butt hole. I've never heard it, but I
like it. Cultural thing. I've definitely heard it. Okay, we
leave you, okay, and then cancel the dinner for everybody,
because this is my first you want me to go.
I want to be social table half on this island,
(07:41):
on this island for legs on each other. If it's
important to you that, I just it's in the first
day is a merry good Okay. We're going to do
all the things later. Okay, we'll have dinner with everybody. Okay, Okay,
what do you mean with everybody? You're oh the sex thing? Oh,
(08:03):
bring my palace, don't make you actually haven't had sex yet?
How do you know you're compatible. Well, I just guessed.
I'm a deeply person and I've saved my virginity. Also,
he's rich. That helps. He might be a square you
(08:24):
know what I mean? You don't know. Well, if he's
a square, then I'll be a square circle for him
to to. I don't feel very comfortable. What do you
think eight things are gonna be that you have sex?
Have sex? Well? Number one let's get it on by
(08:46):
Marvin kay Uh, number two James Bond, the whole film,
the whole stories, all the movies, A lot of my
man for someone who never swept before. You want to
go to war. I got a big you know, like
the other guy Alex. Yeah, we didn't know how big.
(09:06):
Alex sick is. I can hear you. I'm just on
my island. Alex and I have had sex. We did
all the things. It was a long time ago. Alex
was a very six. Not here. This is something I
don't want to. Well, we did standard, we did reverse standards,
(09:27):
we did standard on top top, we did water bottle.
We did do water bottles. I don't feel comfortable with Yeah,
we did and reversal bird. I'm sorry these whole sexual
positions of course you didn't do your reading. Um, oh,
(09:49):
you know what we can do. We can have somebody
come over later and they do the movies in front
of you so you're familiar with. Don't feel comfortable run
through the most schoolba sus. You won't see nothing of
his be happy to demo for you. Just privacy. That's
why we wanted you want to fumble through it. It's
(10:09):
what you don't know how to do the moves. You
don't even know what a water bottles if you had
to guess what the water. But my guest would be
a water bottle would be maybe when you wait until
you have to pee and us that you have to virgin.
(10:33):
But he's a freak. I mean, I can't be the
worst minded one here. I mean, you guys have all
had a bunch of gross things that you were saying,
and I'm the weirdo. What do we say? I don't
think we said anything. Grow well was the horny stork?
What was this? I've never heard of it? Fair? Okay, yeah,
I think I think we should. I don't know how
(10:56):
all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy in the situation.
All your back they said they got weird and silent
when I started talking about sexual all of you in
your life. You want to pee in your wife? I
don't want to pee in my wife. Should you aim
to be and your wife? Man? She never even pleased off?
Please promise you I would never tolet. I think everyone
(11:18):
here deserves a tip, a tip for their for their trouble.
That's why we are lingering. Alright, Okay, here, here's a
dollar for you. He said, you're very rich. I don't
need a dollar, man, I can afford to stay here too.
So like that, look at his alexpess. Look at this
(11:45):
big generosity. Okay, this is money. I'll trouble that. It's
here's here's a ten for you, Attend for you, attend
for you, and damn man, he gave us all two
hundred dollars total. Okay, hold on, I'm gonna be right back.
I'm gonna go get my checkbook for really quick. Al Right, sweet, okay,
(12:07):
don't touch each other. So a how long did you
know the fellow before you meet? A couple of weeks?
A couple of weeks. Yes, he's um interesting, rich, he's rich,
he has a lot of money. Oil. Wow, I used
to run an oil farm. Really yeah, I was a billionaire.
(12:29):
Oh my, what happened? It was a really sad end
of the story. Yeah, I I spent all my money
on all these feral dogs. Tell me where you're from?
Is that in Florida? No? No, no, no from He's
not not far from Florida. D Oh, So you want
(12:50):
to spend all the money on the feral dogs. Yeah,
I figured so much money. You see, Let these dogs, okay,
whether they're fair or they don't belong to like I know.
That's so I say, let's take these dogs out of
the street. Let's they do those out of the places
that people don't want them, and I'll put them in
a nice field. Okay, will you give the money to
(13:11):
I'll clack it. I'll give it to him. Take the
billion dollars from all the dogs. As you can see,
that's all my money. But alright, here's a two d
dollar ten check to you. One second. And that is
exactly how it ended. Really confusing. Yeah, I asked myself
(13:31):
that every day, and also like how stupid I wanted
to think that. Of course, don't beat yourself here living
on big tips. Yeah, but I mean it's like should
know all the sex position, I should get back in
the oil. I'm just gonna need to get to But
it's names, so I can write the names on the check.
It's two D ten dollars to navy. And is there
a last name? Okay, I think I spelled that correctly.
(13:56):
I guess you choose that dollar amount two D ten dollars.
I just was I figured, are you so his amount? No? Do?
That's not good? Math? You don't know? You don't have
more than double? Little fingers? Do you not know math?
I do know math? He got two hundred dollars. The
(14:18):
one who doesn't know math? Everyone you want a little
monkey hands as well, take out your little dick and
piss all over these Excuse me, Alex, but I doubled
it because you gave them two hundred. Now they have
four hundred and ten. That is more than double. You
know what? I think we should go? Okay, I don't know.
Please don't go, Please, please don't leave me, and please
don't leave me alone? Two dollars and what's your name? Pet?
(14:43):
And what's your last name? He doesn't really have to
stand so close to you while you're doing that, that's
all right. I don't like I'm free spirited here's your check, Pete,
and one last one for the towel roller. Towel roller.
I'm sorry, what do you do other than that? That's
what I do here. Okay, that's exact what I do here.
But in my life I'm more than that. I'm sure
you are. It's so cue you and Linda. What was
(15:08):
the last part? What's the last name? Oh, there's more.
I don't have much more room on the check. It's
gonna have to be a very small You're gonna get
a bigger check man. I'm gonna need a publisher clearinghouse. Alex, Alex, Oh,
I'm sorry. I don't know you're hey, you know some friends.
(15:29):
Why aren't you wearing any clothes? We're on our private island.
If I was looking like that, I would never be
wearing clothes. Oh my god. Caroline, Oh my god. What's
your name? You remember? I don't think Tish exactly. Yeah? Yeah,
what Caline? She's my step sister. Caroline's my name. What
(15:54):
are you doing with Alex? I why? You just asked
me to come out and said, hey, do you want
to just spend some time on a private island? And
I said sure? What did you say? I don't know
what that means. Short. Are you saying you're short? No,
I'm gonna saying I'm short. He asked me if I
wanted to come, and I said, Shan, you need a
(16:15):
towel or something. Let me create something for me. Wow.
I'm just really surprised, Alex that you would be hooking
up with my stepsister. Look, it's been years since we
were together. Of course it's been years, but I mean
we still text. We do, We do text frequently. Go
funk yourself? What fun yourself? Because I was inspired to say, Diana, Diana, stop,
(16:43):
it'sh Sorry, Sorry, I forgot, I forgot beautiful, thank you?
How did they go off like that? I don't know.
They're not real. I don't wear a bra. Just because
I can funk myself doesn't mean that I will. Okay,
if I could that with all the time, if I
had hands like your hands, oh my god. And on
(17:06):
that one, it's weird talking about the water ball has
nothing to do. Surely the four of us can get along, right.
Can we get your best table for tonight? Ah? Yeah,
let's get that. Let's get that wood table. Maybe the
square much would be good. That's your best tables great wood.
(17:29):
It's rectangle. I was thinking more placement within the restaurant
than the actual quality. Okay, yeah, so we'll have about
pick you up and bring it to the big Island.
All right, we're going to the biggest island. That's a
big Should I wait for another tipple? I gave a
(17:53):
tip already, all right, okay, and they were never seen again.
Oh the sex time and drink uh sex eccentric my
t right scene too. Hi, Hey optimists, this is Mike
(18:16):
t your neighborhood friendly ups man. Yeah, what's brown? I
love to show the show and you get me through
many long days of slinging cardboard. As they say. I
can't pick my favorite of you guys, because you're also great,
(18:37):
But if I were forced to, I'd go with Vanessa
because she is smoking hot. Oh anyway, female energy for
two right. Hello. The scene I'd like to hear I
love to hear would be a Mari Povich esque talk
show where our beloved snoof Vanessa's lovely Snoop character. It
(19:00):
brings a gaggle of potential daddy's on the show to
find out which one is the father. Thanks, guys, I
really appreciate you guys these long days with some much
needed laughter. That's from Mike T. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus.
(19:29):
We're back in three to one, Marcus. Welcome back to Marcus.
I am Marquess. Guys. Okay, we've got a very special
(19:49):
all right, we've got a very special episode today. Please okay, alright, seriously, guys,
this this is going out live. Okay, bark all right,
Mark you want to see me? Okay, okay, okay, alright, alright, alright,
(20:17):
thanks guys, thanks seriously, the Mark to have all of
the mark heads here, uharkheads. Uh, it really, it really
touches me deeply. Okay, guys, do you remember an episode
from two years ago? Baby, an episode from two years ago,
(20:44):
keep talking, where we had a young lady named Snoop do.
Let's play a clip I don't now even know. Get
her off from there on? Norman, you you're on that
just trying to whoa. It was our highest rated episode
(21:08):
that we've ever done. Uh and it also resulted in
three convictions. So please, okay, seriously stop it. I was
pausing for I was pausing for dramatic effect. But now
I realized that whenever I pause, you're going to chance.
So I'm going to continue talking. I'm talking now, still talking,
(21:30):
and let's bring her back for the first time in
two years. Snoof Okay, alright, com me, now, what have
(22:00):
you been up to over thet Well, I got my republic.
You're now a notary public republic trying in on that
ate that bitch, so you can you can notorize important
document whatever funk I want? Marcus, like Holid, last are
(22:22):
you with jew doesn't matter, That's all I'm saying. I
am of Jewish heritage, but I'm not practicing. Also, been
learning to cook more. I got dishes I can do now,
that's about it. The first three dishes, one of the
(22:43):
first three dishes of the first three crowd loved. Okay,
but it's not regular Las. Yeah, it's Mexican Las, Mexican pasta,
and they're Mexican Robbie, Okay, I would got Mexican meant different. Alright,
(23:10):
how are they different? Well, Robbie, I think it's got
pockets in it. And the pasta is just like hair,
angel hair. They're different recipes. Like, I'm not calling angel hair.
I got a Diablo hairs devils devils hair. The last
(23:33):
time you were on here. You were looking for love, Marcus,
as as hell was have you found it over the
last two years. I'm trying to improve myself. You're too.
Huh yeah, I mean always seemed just like a regular guy. Okay, So, Gal,
I was trying to get the snarl out of my hair,
(23:53):
told me you're a drew. Back stage, God can get
it as she covered that. Okay, look, we've got a
great my flowers. She put it on there to cover
the snarl. We've got a great hair and makeup department.
Some of them are anti surce but mad about it,
just as if I'm move I said, I had no idea. Okay,
(24:15):
but no idea. You don't wear any sort of thing,
Marcus is tim We need to go to commercial anyway
you can please seguayes to commercial. Okay, uh now snoof
when we get back stuff. When we get back where
we going, we're going to look at it. If it
ain't snoop. Yeah, let me tell you. So you gonna
(24:37):
say I am a father kid, I ain't the father
even gonna say that. She's gonna say that, I do
not even know that sound important, But you're not even important.
It's like you got your nostril snortch yes, I did. Okay,
I fell on something and my fault father, her kids.
(24:57):
What you're killing me? Okay? Look, uh sir, we didn't
have you scheduled to be on the program. It just
shows up. Remember, he wants like my period? Is that? So?
No wrong? No reason? Well, at least I'm consistent. Okay, opposite, sir.
What is your name? My name right right now? What's
(25:19):
your name right now? My name is Razor Blade? Oh good?
Look good. Looks like getting out with the sticks to
get a new name all the time. None of them
sticks change. You can create your own nicknames. Everybody knows that. Okay, okay, okay,
let's go to a commercial. Marcus. I just wanted you
(25:41):
to know that when I told her that you were Jewish,
it was not coming from any sort of strange place.
It was just I was simply just it was trying
to make conversation with her, and I'm very privacy please,
um yes, can you please pull up your pants, sir? Sorry,
(26:02):
this is not the restroom. Uh So, I just wanted
to apologize for that. I felt a little awkward about it. Okay,
were his pants down so you can see if he's circumcised.
I think he thought it was the restaurant. Okay, decided
I don't know why I went there with. I don't either.
I don't see like so when I'm going, what are
you guys doing in here? Okay? Could you a little privacy? Please?
(26:25):
For God's sake, can you expect your pants? Please? What
am I pulling my pants upfo? We're about to get busy. No,
this is not the restaurant. Sorry. Oh I'm sorry, Sorry? Sorry? Sorry?
What is happening? I'm sorry? Okay, alright, guys, Okay, Mark
(26:48):
had's the When we last left the show, we had
snoof on and razor blade. Okay, we took a three
minute commercial break. Him him, that's the best one he'd
ever come up with. Oh, now she likes it. I
ain't the father or your kids. Never said you, I
(27:08):
never said he was. Okay, how many kids do you have?
I have about four? About you got about fourteen hundred?
You wish I did you wish a fourteen hunter? Because
he like my jeans so much? For him, I didn't
want to create a whole new plan and terror form
it stuff. What are the names of your kids? Well?
(27:32):
For about four of them. I got Panta, Sianta, Shanta,
and Louise. Okay, hey, girls, Louise is a boy. Louise
is a boy. Okay, they all have different fathers. I
don't know. I ain't the damn father. Okay, look we
(27:54):
do you go to temple? Or is temple like a
shape or is not just your I'm not practicing ziplock
back full of my blood? Alright, if you put that away,
that zim block bag is not sealed. Are so? What
(28:17):
are the results? Okay? I can't. We can't do the
results that quickly. And what we do now is we
just swab your cheek out of here? My him hall
Marcus introduced the doctor. Okay, uh, ladies and gentlemen, you
know him, you love him. Please welcome Dr Brad, thank you.
(28:40):
This is not a first encounter. Is not Dr Brown?
Thank you? What are you Catholic? Nonpracticing? But sure, I
suppose that is what my parents are. This is weird.
It's not weird. Friends, Yeah, Marcus, you don't got a
problem with anytime this paternity test. We're friends. You're on
(29:01):
the show for frequently. But will you hook a friend up?
We don't socialize outside of the show. Okay, look when
he needs paternal tests and he brings me in, do
you think he's a friend. I consider him a friend.
I don't think Marcus considers fine we're friends. That sounds
like it's just fallen under the dinner. Dr Brown. Do
you think so? I don't think you think your friends.
(29:23):
Dr Brad. It's new for the mother of her four children.
I mean she's definitely the mother of her four children. Tests.
That's a strange question to ask one. What are the
results of the paternity test on Fanta? On Fanta? Well,
we've got one match and that's snoofa. Okay, I'm sorry,
(29:52):
are you not are you not saying that is the mother? Head?
We got a kid? What are the is meaning? Not
my mama's ever mama, he's Dr Brad said, I don't
know that's all what you said, It's not what are
not going to fight? Puncher, I'll puncher does punch, punch,
(30:15):
don't hit the kids. You can lunch me back stronger
than me, pop it. Mark Head's introduced, you're freaking out?
Introduced another father, The punk out of my ear ted
introduced another father, Candida. Dr Brad, y'all ever talk about
how you're doing me? No, it's really not about Marcus.
Ever asked you how you're doing? No, he just says,
am I available on Tuesday, our first saventh potentially one
(30:39):
of the fathers ships daddy. I don't know. I don't
want you to be my daddy. Sniffer. Who is this man?
Who is this man? Well, y'all not know him? Is
about a local celebrity. He's a plectic star gent in
on my brohod Hi, Hi sniffer, Hello, docr Hello doctor Fantom.
(31:04):
So your name, sir is uh Dr COORKI in no
relation okay, lack of orking? Can I be a coworkinga mama?
We'll just let some chill come here. You can on
the room for you, you can sit on the lad No,
it's a really simple paternal test. If we can just
(31:25):
get a semen sample and then why semen? What do
you mean if you want to just do a cheek swab? Sure,
if you want to take twenty four hours, but if
you want to get done now, what you can do?
Instant tests come out. It's not necessary, all right, Marcus,
(31:54):
I've got one sample now, God, I'm so tired. Okay,
So Dr Brett do you need to take the sample
a stage to study it. Actually, Jake, it's supposed to
drink it. I'm not supposed to drink it. I just
have to put this little swab in there. Marcus getting
my goddamn office. What what is it? What is it? Sir?
(32:18):
What the hell's going on there? Huh? Eat hair Pie?
Does that that resonate in you at all? Eat hair Pie?
I don't know what that's. That's an internal email that's
going around all right. Oh excuse me. I'm just trying
to get in here. That's fine. Why are we in
the ladies room? Serious? Because it's the only place that
I can find a quiet room. Pull my pants up? Okay,
(32:41):
that's fine. Okay, Barbara, you can use this one here.
Thank you. And I again apologize about the Jewish thing. Really,
that's fine. Look, people don't people don't know. Okay, I
was raised Jewish, born Catholic. Alright, really? Yes? All right?
So there's an internal email going around and says eat
hair yes exactly. Okay, all right, and and it's it's
(33:03):
coming down the wire. Now we gotta get Snoop on. Okay,
she's got to be your co host? What Marcus? Look
the ratings say what the ratings say. Huh. Look, I
can't do another episode with that freak. Do you want
that private island? Yes, more than any Well, then you're
gonna have to talk to her. Okay, Look, I gotta
have her waiting in the cab outside. Just go talk
(33:25):
to her. Work something out, whatever you want, whatever you
decide the dealings, we're gonna go with it. Uh hey, shalom. Okay,
that's not necessary. Okay, okay, to be respectful. Look, I
heard you sent an email that said eat hair and pie.
I don't know what you're talking. Fanta, Santa, Santa, your Santa.
(33:51):
They're all twins, all four of them are twins, doubles
and a Now, what's what's the problem with the doctor?
Oh no, Marcus. Doctor Marcus is just one with needs
my kiss. Don't need a duddy, I need a judgy.
(34:14):
I have a girlfriend. I got a girlfriend too. I
want a problem. I want to be your girlfriend. How
old are you? Okay, that's not not appropriate. Alright, eat hair?
He did eat the hair pie. I guess we're trying
to get something. Hell are you? I don't know what Marcus?
(34:36):
Do you know why you're here? No, the cab came
and pick me up, and I thought the bled on
me and now we're here else you're gonna kiss me?
I'm not gonna kiss me? What about me? All right?
Stop it, Louise. You're a boy. Lay can get kill spot.
(34:57):
Anybody always want to get Killspa. What do you think
of the Marcus and Snoofer Show, Well, it's like the
Marcus Show, except you're going to be a co host.
Is it like a family? The show like a family? Like?
I don't know exactly how they're going to make that
live from Chicago, Illinois? The Snoofer and Marcus shows me, Uh,
(35:31):
did that show really go on the air? Okay, good, good?
She got the what's the first title? The first name
in the title, first position? And it came live from Chicago,
right of course? Well, sure, Jerry Springer came from Cincinnati,
but his show is filmed you're right in Illinois. Our
(35:59):
last scene is from Emily, who wrote hello up in this.
I have been a fan of your show since the
beginning of Electronics Assembler, and listening to the show really
helps me. My favorite episode has to be the ghost
learning how to scare the teens, playing with the Luigi
board and my favorite characters. Turla from one of the
first episodes turn Let's give It a Name My scene
(36:22):
the first episode of a new game show call, are
you Smarter than a millennial? Millennial? Millennium? Millennialllal smarter than
a millennial? I am so happy that you guys post
twice a week now. It always brightens my day. Look
forward to each and everyone. Please take these best wishes
to all of you, because you're awesome. Emily Flicker, thank you, Emily. Okay,
(36:48):
which one of you are going to be on the show? Millennials?
Which one of the millennials? And I think are okay?
All right? Uh? And we just need a brief description
to announce you at the top of the show. So
is this are we actually going to be challenging sniffa
or uh no no not today? Sorry, Yeah, sniff is
not on every episode. Influencers, I guess, okay, tall tall influencers.
(37:18):
I need just the individual description real quick, maybe just
full of words. You just want to handles? Sure, okay?
At at search, search and employ and employ. Okay, and
tell me a hobby or a thing you do, travel, travel, leisure, Okay, photography.
(37:41):
I'm just gonna put down travel actor writer okay, director, producer,
all right, I think we got it. Blog blog, that's it.
We're allowed one more sandwich enthusiast okay, great and Ellie
right and brief description yet tall influencer. Um my handle
(38:06):
is at troublemaker okay? And your luck okay? Is that
the first or last name? Okay? And just a handful
of words to describe what people need to know about you.
Mid century modern flea market. Mm hmm. I'm so mad
(38:31):
right now because we're having a thing we are He
didn't like one of my posts. Oh, it's not that
big a deal. It kind of is. It's a big deal,
really big. Yeah. Well, I mean if you really want
to like trend about like what protesters are doing and
all that, this is exactly what we need on the show.
By the way, Okay, all right, let me see if
(38:53):
I can get the whole thing. He said he was
a singer, I think, and I can't sing. I am
a singer. Just because you see doesn't mean I have
over two million views. There are views. They're really not
pity views. What is a pity view? That's it's when
someone watches it because they're sad and then they meeme
it and they're like when you feel like you're singing
good in the shower, but you really like and then
(39:14):
it's all videos. It'll be like nobody and then me again.
This is perfect for the show, and it'd be great
if you guys could remember that when you're out there.
The thing is is that they're totally into each other
and they're just like trying to get past the flirtatious part. Well,
I can see things up here, that's all I'm saying.
Better view, better view. Let me see if I can
(39:35):
get the host out of his dressing room. It usually
takes ten to fourteen minutes. You guys, sit tight and again,
anything here in the green room? Food, take pictures? Yeah yeah,
if you could just wait till after the show is
finished before you post, we can story now. You can
story now, you can story now. Don't take it down.
(39:58):
I posted my water bottle. How many legs does a thousand?
Oh my god, don't take it down. Larry Larry, Larry Larry.
We're gonna go uh in eleven minutes? Where live good?
You got this one? Buddy? What what is this fucking
(40:19):
showing it? Are you smarter than a millennium, a millennium
than a period of two thousand years. Okay, save that
for the show, Larry. Alright, now, Larry, if you don't
win this show, you're never going to see your family again.
In instend that if I don't win this show, What
(40:40):
the are you talking about? Larry Ry the host of
the show. Yes he is, Larry. If you don't win
this show, you're going it and win it? Yes, Emigation,
are you smarter than am I? Wrong? Wrong? What am
I doing here? I'm supposed to be competing? Um? You
(41:00):
were incorrect? Yeah? Okay, correct? So I got the wrong
information part of the multinational evil group and I'm getting
the wrong information. You're getting the wrong information. That's what
we do. I don't think you read the packet. I
didn't read the Okay, great, read the packet because why
would the host always be trying to win the show? Okay,
no one would trust that. Okay, never been done. It's
(41:21):
never been done for a reason. But look, look, didn't
we didn't we steal someone and telling them they have
to win all these games, shows or the family by not, Larry,
I think you just mix up your letters. Didn't get
your pamphlet? I printed that out it I don't need
to obviously do, because you just here. Yes, no, Larry, Larry,
(41:43):
just listen. Is there any word from my wife? Yes? Yes,
his wife, Larry's no, it's all Barryry's the mark. Yes,
your wife is in the tank. Come on, she's in
the tank, and she's deliberate like you still care. She
didn't get over shin right now. And if at any
moment and the empire strikes, sure, I guess it was
(42:08):
seeing water was I don't suspension in time? It doesn't matter.
She's safe, yes, sure, sure, yes, Larry. I'm sorry. You
can go to set, Larry, to go to sleep, go
to sit. You have to win this or your family
will die. There we go. Every time I go to set,
(42:30):
they make me talk and they film me. You know
you used to be somebody, Larry. Yeah. I used to
host card Shark. Yeah, I remember a big fan. Pretty
good with your hands, Larry, What is that about? What
was about? What do you mean? Pretty good with your
hands on card Shark? He used to do those little
shuffling things between the I'm sorry, I'm so insecure. I
(42:51):
am very san. I'm fine with you. You and I
are fine. I do you mind anyone smelling my poop
for a second and just seeing if I'm sick. We're
not going to do that, Okay, I pitched it, all right,
Sure it did. Said that in front of everyone. If
everybody wants to smell my poop, make sure I'm I'm
(43:13):
all right. They're no bad ideas. Thank you, thank you.
It's a safe place. I don't I think that was
a bad idea. Okay, A chance I could just talked
to my wife before I go into the competition. There's
no It's Berry whatever whatever his name is. All right, Barry,
I'm here, Barry, Okay, can you see me? I'm suspended
(43:38):
in space. Is it painful? It's a lot. There's a
lot going on. Gave She didn't say anything about the dog?
Was that her? You care about the dog? Is that
really what you go? It was? It was, that's what
you give a about my wife to I heard my wife.
I just did have to know. Is that your dog?
(44:03):
I don't know. That's not great. I think it is probably.
I am so sorry you have to see all this.
I work for this little crime organization. We're doing a thing.
I'm just trying to underplays nationally. You are so jealous.
No need to explain, it's pretty clear, Larry. Uh So,
(44:25):
it's just two questions per millennial today, and they've got
you on your cards so you can just read them
from the cards. So then I read the question that's
right to the millennial, right, two questions per millennial, one
at a time, and then I asked Barry the same question.
That's exactly right. Okay, and we're on in four three two?
(44:45):
What go back to today? Welcome our host, Larry Dright. Hey, guys,
lady Jake here he used the host. He's the host
card sharks. Remember card sharks. That was fun. He used
(45:09):
to shuffle their cards around my big, big, big hands.
Is this room occupied? No? Come on, so bless you,
bless you? Um canaming um, I'm taking pictures soon. Please
(45:29):
Welcome our contestant who's going to take on the money
ums today, and it's Berry Berry Berry Whitmore. I just
wanted to say, I love my wife, I love my dog.
Really hoping to win today. So your wife is suspended
in a tank. Don't know I was a multinational evil corporation.
(45:51):
As it's forfeiting my chance to win. Okay, we're gonna
ask you a question. We ask two questions of each millennial.
You're also going to get the same questions. Okay, I'm
familiar with the rules. If about just asked questions, I
can also see the answers. I'm gonna gonna tell you answers.
That makes sense. Okay. Question number one for millennial number one, Um,
(46:18):
what influencer has a deal with dumplings? You know this?
You know this, you know this. This would be one
of the Kardashians. Okay, and bury Bury your answer. I
went to a much more traditional school, and I thought
we were going to be doing you know, hard historic questions,
science questions. Just give me answers. Beauty beauty pie, beauty pie,
(46:42):
beauty pie? Is it him? Is he the one with dumpling? Beauty?
Is it? If it's a turn of the turn over
the card? Who was it? Says one of the Kardashians,
one of a more generic answer. All right, I'll get it,
get it. Get Did they win? Yeah? Yeah, you won
(47:05):
that one. Question number one for this millennial searching employee,
searching employee. Okay, it's going to stay it on the screen.
You don't have to shout your own screen. I didn't
shout it. You guys are still in love. How many
views did beauty Pies twitch stream get last month? Last month,
(47:25):
I'll probably like a hundred seventeen million views? Under seventeen million, okay,
And what do you say do I have to get
closer without going over what's the rules of this? And
this price is right? Okay, I'm just gonna go with
a hundred hundred eighteen million? Eighteen million? What's the answer
the cornect answer Reviews had last month one hundred seven million.
(47:57):
It was closer. Okay, when neither of you got it,
it was closer. You're killing me, You're killing Oh, that's
definitely my dog. Did we just break to a mattress commercial?
If you like mattress, something soft, something sweet, and you
(48:17):
want to sleep on something that's not wet but not dry,
and you want to make sure that you can eat
whatever you want on that mattress, and then you can
put that in the pool, you can put it in
a tree, you can fold it up. I mean, this
mattress can go anywhere, can go to Mars. This mattress
has fuel efficiency to go to Mars and back. Hank's
(48:40):
House of Mattress and the first self propelled landing mattress,
interstellar space travel and the ability to hold up to
five people in suspended space. Yeah, Hank, we're not gonna
need to take that back one more time. The ad
is only supposed to be thirty seconds. Well, then pay
for more. You're running out about a minute forty and
(49:02):
pay for more. Okay, this I'm just to gather runs
the studio. Man, do you want to give me any feedback?
Or yes? As soon as he gets done talking on time,
I need you to clap. I'm clappings and then I clap. Yeah,
you say clap, I say clap. You don't physically clap. Okay?
(49:23):
Do I still do the other stuff? Do you have
the script? No? I was making it out. Okay, well
that's the problem. That's what he told me to do. Right,
It's fine, it's fine, she's my fiance. A great commercial.
Thanks for sponsors. Okay, next question for for the next millennial?
(49:45):
Next millennial is my chance? No, each mill we get
two questions. He couldn't be simpler. I just feel like
we're running out of time and my wife isn't paying.
Why is your wife in pain? She suspended? Right? Sorry? Sorry? Okay?
Lux This N seven Sydney. This seven Sidney, Sydney lament
(50:10):
film start a dozen male actors in various states of rage?
Can you name the film? Twelve angry men? What? Twelve
angry man? This question was for lux that's cheating. Okay,
what's your answer? All right, Barry, what's your answer? I'm
gonna have to go with twelve angry men? Okay? What
(50:32):
she got it first? Already? So, oh my god, he
said first? Why it's like the fire festival in here.
All of a sudden, you guys don't bring up you're
the Okay, well it was almost worth it. We didn't
even make it in the dock. Okay, pick a card.
(50:56):
You're killing me. I got your card? This one all right, Okay,
we're gonna put it over here. Okay, you're shuffle here, alright.
It's like little cards to big hands cards. Look a
little that's magic though. Okay is this your curtain? That
was my card? Do I get a point? You get
(51:16):
a point? Okay? Okay, now we're gonna do it again. Okay,
let's do it. Okay, bigger cardain this one? Okay, no, wait,
what are you thinking? Are you trying to make me
lose card? Okay? This one here Okay, tell me what
it is. The King of hearts. Okay, we're gonna remove
the King your hearts. Okay, all right, pick your card. Okay,
(51:37):
Oh my god, it's the King. Did I get a point?
If you just had to make that deck that's worth applies,
that's crazy. That would have cost fifty two decks with
I'm Larry Drake, Larry. Can I see my office? Yeah? Okay,
(51:59):
watching tape of the Do I need to leave? No? No,
please stay, I'm gonna need a witness. Thank you. Gloria. Uh,
I was watching a tape of the show earlier today
and um man, just doesn't it doesn't seem like your
hearts in it anymore? And we're paying oion, but please wait,
and we're paying you an awful lot, Gloria. What are
(52:20):
we paying him again? We're paying him twenty that's hundred
and seventy episodes out of you by the end of
the month. Seventy times. That's right, that's exactly really wrinkled
up there. I'm old, old man. I've been doing this
for a while. I understand, which is why you were hired,
(52:40):
because you're so good. But I just don't do you
do you know what a millennial is two thousand years right, Well,
so millennial is a generation of young people and they're
not all that young anymore. How well, what is the
average the old millennial is thirty seven at this point.
Excellent point. That's so they're all under all under forty
(53:03):
and Uh, they've got a very different view of things,
different than yours, for example, So some of these questions
are gauged to kind of annoy You can't say that anymore,
can't say that anymore? Talk? Okay, my bad. Uh. They're
structured so that you get annoyed by their answers because
they don't they don't care, but you're out there and
(53:24):
you don't care, and that's undermining the whole level of
the show. I just think the rules are really hard
to follow. Yeah they are. Let's go over and again.
Each millennium gets two questions. Okay, yeah, I always ask
them first, right, and then you go to Barry, and
then I go to Barry. Why is it always Berry
on this show? Are you kidding me? Have you seen
(53:45):
the numbers for Barry? What are the numbers for Berry? Seven?
And um, also we had an eight. We did have
a date. Okay, yeah, you're three I thought it was
a twenty three. You're three. So we need Barry. You know,
no Barry, no show. But what I need from you
is that you're the one who cares. The millennials don't
(54:06):
cut you. Ah. Yeah, So just taking your home, boss,
just driving your home. Yeah, just take me home. Yeah,
good day of work. Yeah it really was, if I
can be honest, I mean, I don't see it in
your eyes. That's just me over stopping my bounds. But
you know whatever, you know, Bruce, you know me better
than anybody I think. So how long you've been my driver?
Too long? Too long? Stop? Stop here at this bridge, Bruce,
(54:33):
what's going on? Boss? I'm just gonna get out and
take a look. All right, take a look at the city, Bruce,
wilk which interrace you from? I was born in the eighties. Uh,
I guess I'm millennial. I guess millennial. Yeah, so you
think like the millions and millions of other people that
(54:54):
were born within a roughly fifteen year period. Yeah, you
all think exactly the same. I mean, yeah, you all
know who beauty play is with or without our one. Alright, Mean, Larry,
you can't do it. I'm gonna step off this Bridge.
(55:17):
All right, the ultimate Yes, and you know next week
to see if Larry Drake does in fact kill himself.
The host was no understanding of the game is my favorite.
(55:39):
Let's go around, Ron, Robin and Joey Girl. Thank you
so much for being here today. What can you tell
us about the future. Uh, that's scary, all right, James.
He if you don't start writing reviews, then the reviews
won't get written. You made me personally, Okay, I've got
(56:00):
to get on that. Craig Kikowski, keep watching Drunk History
season six, airing on Comedy Central right now. You got
the thumbs up already for season seven. I take it, Nopekay,
that's why you gotta keep watching copy that. But that's
a raging yesa theater dot com. Yeah, just Dynasty typewriter
dot com. There you go, and then Dynasty Typewriter on Instagram,
(56:21):
and then just uh oh, we've got a new popcorn
going right now, Beasts of Summer. What. It's got gummy bears,
it's got sour gummies, and it's got circus animals all
on top of summer um. It's it's regular like with
a topping popcorn. Yes, So as you pick your owner
that comes. That's the Beast of Summer. That's the trio.
That's a special. So come for the popcorns day for
(56:43):
the show if you want to, but you can also
just come for the popcorn. Garlakowski, thank you so much
for joining. Thanks for having me. You can hear me
on Alchemy this occasionally, so listen to that. Be sure
to listen to that. Everyone and the Big List, the
Movie List, Podcast List peaks. How's that going? Uh, you know,
winding down and we got we got some more to
(57:04):
get through it through. It's really a testament to the marriage.
It is. Yeah, for sure. Carla Boom looks like our
engineer again. Chris Zack Zack Chris Zack Uh and uh,
(57:28):
we missed Doug Bank come back because we figured out
after seven shows how to pronounce your last name. And
it's just a little more helpful. Sob Lectroman our producer,
sounding design engineer and I Heeart Media. Um, thank you
so very much for listening to the show. Tell everyone
you've ever met and as um. It was putted up
(57:50):
by James I believe. Please write a review so that
more people find out about us. That's how that wrote review. Yeah,
positive review. Yeah, I should bestify you guys, are right,
please write a positive five stars. Well, here's an example
of a positive review. Joey, I like it. I think
it's fun. Um it's it's good to have on when
(58:12):
you're eating food. Um so two ms okay, and well
this could be a voice to text. Okay and five
stars at five stars it yeah, that's example. You know,
it's a perfect example. Um okay. So until next time,
I'm your host. Kevin Pollock, a football p
Welcome back to another episode, O Son, your host, Kevin Pollock,
yester that Kevin Pollo. What's that? Well is my smartass?
Father often ask me how are you getting to school?
You're bringing the lunch, But I digress. Let's meet our
alchemists and no particular orders. Say hello to Craig Gatkowski.
How about one more memory from your recent trip to Polo.
(00:23):
Just one, It's such a good one. In the last
I kept insisting to Carlo that we get paroges at
some point, and uh, they were to go to Pittsburgh
to get that. We went to Pittsburgh one of those pros.
So it was expensive to make that side trip all
the way to Pittsburgh. I know what you did in
(00:45):
Poland yeah, yeah, and it was so different than you've
had no exactly. Well, that's encouraging and thank you for
sharing so long for now. It's when us a rock
and veniche. When you're thinking of names for your for
approaching childbirth, what names were quickly thrown out for the childbirth?
Joe Joey Gare for the birth of the child, Yes,
(01:07):
the zone Joey gre No chance of naming yours? Okay? Good? Yes,
boy or girl? I'm assuming. Oh no, it is Joey, Joey.
H w what happened to you the other night? Uh?
Just a ranger got blackout? Huh and uh me and
a couple of the horse kids. We just got crazy
(01:30):
the horse kids. Yeah, someday we'd like to know more
about the horse kids hang out. But until then, how
about a hello to Carl like akowskio double c uh
about you? Cough up a memory from the trip to Poland.
Come on, the sun came up at four o'clock in
(01:50):
the morning every day, no blackout. Curtains wide open, oh man,
four am, and we'll get dark at absolutely you went
that six hours of sweet sweet darkness, all right, and
thank you for sharing. And last, but may a deranged
bush boy washing stack your sister. If you think of Lee's,
(02:12):
it's James Teney Jim. But what's the first order of
business for you? In the shower? The first thing I
do is I get the water at the right temperature.
It takes a while because I've got to constantly dodge
because it's the water that comes out of the bottom
faucet is not necessarily the same that comes out of
the picture. So once I have it, thrusting through the
(02:34):
top thing right. Then it's just a balance of like
how long until because my hands have my hands take
different amounts of sensitivity in my back. I told Jamie
I was gonna ask this question and she said why,
And I said, because we're going to get an answer.
That's going to be a three act play. That is
the let's get to today's scene. All of our scene
(02:58):
suggestions were gathered from your sner emails. If you'd like
to submit one, please write to the podcast that your
name here at alchemy this dot com. We really do
greatly appreciate it. Your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Our first scene comes from James, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists,
your show is a gift to the world and we
love what you do. Since we uh, since we met
(03:19):
the Margins in episode one, I've been hooked. My favorite
quote of all time from Turtle's Diner, when Detective Cowski
immediately decided quote, I like Frank for this. When a
coworker of mine asked a question like who jammed the
copy machine or who brought donuts? I whisper that line
I like Frank for this under my breath and laugh
(03:42):
quietly to myself. But I digress, man, I love that.
Uh scene suggestion. The newlywed couple arrives at a private
island for their honeymoon, only to discover it's not that private.
That's from James in Zeeland, Michigan. James Loss, Thank you, James. Okay, Well,
(04:04):
this is it. This is wow. It's really gorgeous. Yeah,
you did a good job, sweetheart, thank you, thank you.
It's just we were told that it was a remote
It is very remote. I have to be honest. There
is a doctor just in the side. In this side.
You don't have to stand so close to take a
(04:27):
step back, please, but you want to. It is fine.
It's just very rarely smells. I didn't get the towel
animals made. It's okay, I didn't the animals. Okay, it's okay,
just power. It's still really beautiful, darling. Okay, it's a
little noisy, but beautiful. She makes a great swan out
(04:50):
of the town. It's okay. In the advertisement that you
get your own island, but I can. There's little island
for little island. All these islands, but they are not
much more than fifteen feet from the next island. It
feels safe. Just in case you need something, you can
(05:11):
go to the other island. It's it's not remote. It's fine.
We're still gonna have a great time. Okay, okay, yes, yes,
excuse me, I mean I I'm on island fourteen. Yes,
oh no, no. The town animal was nice. It looked
like a baby seal right, what was it supposed to be?
(05:33):
It was? Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll see that. Excuse me, Alex.
Oh my god, I haven't seen you in years. Oh
my god, what are you doing here? Get married? That's
my honeymoon. Someone finally cut you. He's very rich. A right, well,
(05:56):
maybe you can get off of our island because I've
got this for our well that islands are connected. I mean, Alex,
so I got one on your giant feet. He always
had giant feet, said the same thing. I like that
(06:18):
giant intellect. I thought it was a giant coca. There's
no reason, there's no connection. Yes, no, I've checked in already.
But he's not with us. He gets very close when
he speaks. You know what I can do. This is
(06:39):
what I'll do, because everyone knows each other here. This
is what I'll do. I'm going to make sure that
we have a big deer. Everybody. Everyone sounds amazing, honeymoon?
Did I don't know Alex. This is the first i've
met him in shake. What's oliver your fingers? Okay, it's
(06:59):
a sweat. He's a very sweaty. He's a big, strapping
sweaty man. Sat. I mean, I I've worked my whole life,
that's how rich is He hands got huge, squee my
hand like I'm look atting your hands. They get lost
in his hand. You know what they say about big hands, uh,
(07:19):
a huge butt hole. I've never heard it, but I
like it. Cultural thing. I've definitely heard it. Okay, we
leave you, okay, and then cancel the dinner for everybody,
because this is my first you want me to go.
I want to be social table half on this island,
(07:41):
on this island for legs on each other. If it's
important to you that, I just it's in the first
day is a merry good Okay. We're going to do
all the things later. Okay, we'll have dinner with everybody. Okay, Okay,
what do you mean with everybody? You're oh the sex thing? Oh,
(08:03):
bring my palace, don't make you actually haven't had sex yet?
How do you know you're compatible. Well, I just guessed.
I'm a deeply person and I've saved my virginity. Also,
he's rich. That helps. He might be a square you
(08:24):
know what I mean? You don't know. Well, if he's
a square, then I'll be a square circle for him
to to. I don't feel very comfortable. What do you
think eight things are gonna be that you have sex?
Have sex? Well? Number one let's get it on by
(08:46):
Marvin kay Uh, number two James Bond, the whole film,
the whole stories, all the movies, A lot of my
man for someone who never swept before. You want to
go to war. I got a big you know, like
the other guy Alex. Yeah, we didn't know how big.
(09:06):
Alex sick is. I can hear you. I'm just on
my island. Alex and I have had sex. We did
all the things. It was a long time ago. Alex
was a very six. Not here. This is something I
don't want to. Well, we did standard, we did reverse standards,
(09:27):
we did standard on top top, we did water bottle.
We did do water bottles. I don't feel comfortable with Yeah,
we did and reversal bird. I'm sorry these whole sexual
positions of course you didn't do your reading. Um, oh,
(09:49):
you know what we can do. We can have somebody
come over later and they do the movies in front
of you so you're familiar with. Don't feel comfortable run
through the most schoolba sus. You won't see nothing of
his be happy to demo for you. Just privacy. That's
why we wanted you want to fumble through it. It's
(10:09):
what you don't know how to do the moves. You
don't even know what a water bottles if you had
to guess what the water. But my guest would be
a water bottle would be maybe when you wait until
you have to pee and us that you have to virgin.
(10:33):
But he's a freak. I mean, I can't be the
worst minded one here. I mean, you guys have all
had a bunch of gross things that you were saying,
and I'm the weirdo. What do we say? I don't
think we said anything. Grow well was the horny stork?
What was this? I've never heard of it? Fair? Okay, yeah,
I think I think we should. I don't know how
(10:56):
all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy in the situation.
All your back they said they got weird and silent
when I started talking about sexual all of you in
your life. You want to pee in your wife? I
don't want to pee in my wife. Should you aim
to be and your wife? Man? She never even pleased off?
Please promise you I would never tolet. I think everyone
(11:18):
here deserves a tip, a tip for their for their trouble.
That's why we are lingering. Alright, Okay, here, here's a
dollar for you. He said, you're very rich. I don't
need a dollar, man, I can afford to stay here too.
So like that, look at his alexpess. Look at this
(11:45):
big generosity. Okay, this is money. I'll trouble that. It's
here's here's a ten for you, Attend for you, attend
for you, and damn man, he gave us all two
hundred dollars total. Okay, hold on, I'm gonna be right back.
I'm gonna go get my checkbook for really quick. Al Right, sweet, okay,
(12:07):
don't touch each other. So a how long did you
know the fellow before you meet? A couple of weeks?
A couple of weeks. Yes, he's um interesting, rich, he's rich,
he has a lot of money. Oil. Wow, I used
to run an oil farm. Really yeah, I was a billionaire.
(12:29):
Oh my, what happened? It was a really sad end
of the story. Yeah, I I spent all my money
on all these feral dogs. Tell me where you're from?
Is that in Florida? No? No, no, no from He's
not not far from Florida. D Oh, So you want
(12:50):
to spend all the money on the feral dogs. Yeah,
I figured so much money. You see, Let these dogs, okay,
whether they're fair or they don't belong to like I know.
That's so I say, let's take these dogs out of
the street. Let's they do those out of the places
that people don't want them, and I'll put them in
a nice field. Okay, will you give the money to
(13:11):
I'll clack it. I'll give it to him. Take the
billion dollars from all the dogs. As you can see,
that's all my money. But alright, here's a two d
dollar ten check to you. One second. And that is
exactly how it ended. Really confusing. Yeah, I asked myself
(13:31):
that every day, and also like how stupid I wanted
to think that. Of course, don't beat yourself here living
on big tips. Yeah, but I mean it's like should
know all the sex position, I should get back in
the oil. I'm just gonna need to get to But
it's names, so I can write the names on the check.
It's two D ten dollars to navy. And is there
a last name? Okay, I think I spelled that correctly.
(13:56):
I guess you choose that dollar amount two D ten dollars.
I just was I figured, are you so his amount? No? Do?
That's not good? Math? You don't know? You don't have
more than double? Little fingers? Do you not know math?
I do know math? He got two hundred dollars. The
(14:18):
one who doesn't know math? Everyone you want a little
monkey hands as well, take out your little dick and
piss all over these Excuse me, Alex, but I doubled
it because you gave them two hundred. Now they have
four hundred and ten. That is more than double. You
know what? I think we should go? Okay, I don't know.
Please don't go, Please, please don't leave me, and please
don't leave me alone? Two dollars and what's your name? Pet?
(14:43):
And what's your last name? He doesn't really have to
stand so close to you while you're doing that, that's
all right. I don't like I'm free spirited here's your check, Pete,
and one last one for the towel roller. Towel roller.
I'm sorry, what do you do other than that? That's
what I do here. Okay, that's exact what I do here.
But in my life I'm more than that. I'm sure
you are. It's so cue you and Linda. What was
(15:08):
the last part? What's the last name? Oh, there's more.
I don't have much more room on the check. It's
gonna have to be a very small You're gonna get
a bigger check man. I'm gonna need a publisher clearinghouse. Alex, Alex, Oh,
I'm sorry. I don't know you're hey, you know some friends.
(15:29):
Why aren't you wearing any clothes? We're on our private island.
If I was looking like that, I would never be
wearing clothes. Oh my god. Caroline, Oh my god. What's
your name? You remember? I don't think Tish exactly. Yeah? Yeah,
what Caline? She's my step sister. Caroline's my name. What
(15:54):
are you doing with Alex? I why? You just asked
me to come out and said, hey, do you want
to just spend some time on a private island? And
I said sure? What did you say? I don't know
what that means. Short. Are you saying you're short? No,
I'm gonna saying I'm short. He asked me if I
wanted to come, and I said, Shan, you need a
(16:15):
towel or something. Let me create something for me. Wow.
I'm just really surprised, Alex that you would be hooking
up with my stepsister. Look, it's been years since we
were together. Of course it's been years, but I mean
we still text. We do, We do text frequently. Go
funk yourself? What fun yourself? Because I was inspired to say, Diana, Diana, stop,
(16:43):
it'sh Sorry, Sorry, I forgot, I forgot beautiful, thank you?
How did they go off like that? I don't know.
They're not real. I don't wear a bra. Just because
I can funk myself doesn't mean that I will. Okay,
if I could that with all the time, if I
had hands like your hands, oh my god. And on
(17:06):
that one, it's weird talking about the water ball has
nothing to do. Surely the four of us can get along, right.
Can we get your best table for tonight? Ah? Yeah,
let's get that. Let's get that wood table. Maybe the
square much would be good. That's your best tables great wood.
(17:29):
It's rectangle. I was thinking more placement within the restaurant
than the actual quality. Okay, yeah, so we'll have about
pick you up and bring it to the big Island.
All right, we're going to the biggest island. That's a
big Should I wait for another tipple? I gave a
(17:53):
tip already, all right, okay, and they were never seen again.
Oh the sex time and drink uh sex eccentric my
t right scene too. Hi, Hey optimists, this is Mike
(18:16):
t your neighborhood friendly ups man. Yeah, what's brown? I
love to show the show and you get me through
many long days of slinging cardboard. As they say. I
can't pick my favorite of you guys, because you're also great,
(18:37):
But if I were forced to, I'd go with Vanessa
because she is smoking hot. Oh anyway, female energy for
two right. Hello. The scene I'd like to hear I
love to hear would be a Mari Povich esque talk
show where our beloved snoof Vanessa's lovely Snoop character. It
(19:00):
brings a gaggle of potential daddy's on the show to
find out which one is the father. Thanks, guys, I
really appreciate you guys these long days with some much
needed laughter. That's from Mike T. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus.
(19:29):
We're back in three to one, Marcus. Welcome back to Marcus.
I am Marquess. Guys. Okay, we've got a very special
(19:49):
all right, we've got a very special episode today. Please okay, alright, seriously, guys,
this this is going out live. Okay, bark all right,
Mark you want to see me? Okay, okay, okay, alright, alright, alright,
(20:17):
thanks guys, thanks seriously, the Mark to have all of
the mark heads here, uharkheads. Uh, it really, it really
touches me deeply. Okay, guys, do you remember an episode
from two years ago? Baby, an episode from two years ago,
(20:44):
keep talking, where we had a young lady named Snoop do.
Let's play a clip I don't now even know. Get
her off from there on? Norman, you you're on that
just trying to whoa. It was our highest rated episode
(21:08):
that we've ever done. Uh and it also resulted in
three convictions. So please, okay, seriously stop it. I was
pausing for I was pausing for dramatic effect. But now
I realized that whenever I pause, you're going to chance.
So I'm going to continue talking. I'm talking now, still talking,
(21:30):
and let's bring her back for the first time in
two years. Snoof Okay, alright, com me, now, what have
(22:00):
you been up to over thet Well, I got my republic.
You're now a notary public republic trying in on that
ate that bitch, so you can you can notorize important
document whatever funk I want? Marcus, like Holid, last are
(22:22):
you with jew doesn't matter, That's all I'm saying. I
am of Jewish heritage, but I'm not practicing. Also, been
learning to cook more. I got dishes I can do now,
that's about it. The first three dishes, one of the
(22:43):
first three dishes of the first three crowd loved. Okay,
but it's not regular Las. Yeah, it's Mexican Las, Mexican pasta,
and they're Mexican Robbie, Okay, I would got Mexican meant different. Alright,
(23:10):
how are they different? Well, Robbie, I think it's got
pockets in it. And the pasta is just like hair,
angel hair. They're different recipes. Like, I'm not calling angel hair.
I got a Diablo hairs devils devils hair. The last
(23:33):
time you were on here. You were looking for love, Marcus,
as as hell was have you found it over the
last two years. I'm trying to improve myself. You're too.
Huh yeah, I mean always seemed just like a regular guy. Okay, So, Gal,
I was trying to get the snarl out of my hair,
(23:53):
told me you're a drew. Back stage, God can get
it as she covered that. Okay, look, we've got a
great my flowers. She put it on there to cover
the snarl. We've got a great hair and makeup department.
Some of them are anti surce but mad about it,
just as if I'm move I said, I had no idea. Okay,
(24:15):
but no idea. You don't wear any sort of thing,
Marcus is tim We need to go to commercial anyway
you can please seguayes to commercial. Okay, uh now snoof
when we get back stuff. When we get back where
we going, we're going to look at it. If it
ain't snoop. Yeah, let me tell you. So you gonna
(24:37):
say I am a father kid, I ain't the father
even gonna say that. She's gonna say that, I do
not even know that sound important, But you're not even important.
It's like you got your nostril snortch yes, I did. Okay,
I fell on something and my fault father, her kids.
(24:57):
What you're killing me? Okay? Look, uh sir, we didn't
have you scheduled to be on the program. It just
shows up. Remember, he wants like my period? Is that? So?
No wrong? No reason? Well, at least I'm consistent. Okay, opposite, sir.
What is your name? My name right right now? What's
(25:19):
your name right now? My name is Razor Blade? Oh good?
Look good. Looks like getting out with the sticks to
get a new name all the time. None of them
sticks change. You can create your own nicknames. Everybody knows that. Okay, okay, okay,
let's go to a commercial. Marcus. I just wanted you
(25:41):
to know that when I told her that you were Jewish,
it was not coming from any sort of strange place.
It was just I was simply just it was trying
to make conversation with her, and I'm very privacy please,
um yes, can you please pull up your pants, sir? Sorry,
(26:02):
this is not the restroom. Uh So, I just wanted
to apologize for that. I felt a little awkward about it. Okay,
were his pants down so you can see if he's circumcised.
I think he thought it was the restaurant. Okay, decided
I don't know why I went there with. I don't either.
I don't see like so when I'm going, what are
you guys doing in here? Okay? Could you a little privacy? Please?
(26:25):
For God's sake, can you expect your pants? Please? What
am I pulling my pants upfo? We're about to get busy. No,
this is not the restaurant. Sorry. Oh I'm sorry, Sorry? Sorry? Sorry?
What is happening? I'm sorry? Okay, alright, guys, Okay, Mark
(26:48):
had's the When we last left the show, we had
snoof on and razor blade. Okay, we took a three
minute commercial break. Him him, that's the best one he'd
ever come up with. Oh, now she likes it. I
ain't the father or your kids. Never said you, I
(27:08):
never said he was. Okay, how many kids do you have?
I have about four? About you got about fourteen hundred?
You wish I did you wish a fourteen hunter? Because
he like my jeans so much? For him, I didn't
want to create a whole new plan and terror form
it stuff. What are the names of your kids? Well?
(27:32):
For about four of them. I got Panta, Sianta, Shanta,
and Louise. Okay, hey, girls, Louise is a boy. Louise
is a boy. Okay, they all have different fathers. I
don't know. I ain't the damn father. Okay, look we
(27:54):
do you go to temple? Or is temple like a
shape or is not just your I'm not practicing ziplock
back full of my blood? Alright, if you put that away,
that zim block bag is not sealed. Are so? What
(28:17):
are the results? Okay? I can't. We can't do the
results that quickly. And what we do now is we
just swab your cheek out of here? My him hall
Marcus introduced the doctor. Okay, uh, ladies and gentlemen, you
know him, you love him. Please welcome Dr Brad, thank you.
(28:40):
This is not a first encounter. Is not Dr Brown?
Thank you? What are you Catholic? Nonpracticing? But sure, I
suppose that is what my parents are. This is weird.
It's not weird. Friends, Yeah, Marcus, you don't got a
problem with anytime this paternity test. We're friends. You're on
(29:01):
the show for frequently. But will you hook a friend up?
We don't socialize outside of the show. Okay, look when
he needs paternal tests and he brings me in, do
you think he's a friend. I consider him a friend.
I don't think Marcus considers fine we're friends. That sounds
like it's just fallen under the dinner. Dr Brown. Do
you think so? I don't think you think your friends.
(29:23):
Dr Brad. It's new for the mother of her four children.
I mean she's definitely the mother of her four children. Tests.
That's a strange question to ask one. What are the
results of the paternity test on Fanta? On Fanta? Well,
we've got one match and that's snoofa. Okay, I'm sorry,
(29:52):
are you not are you not saying that is the mother? Head?
We got a kid? What are the is meaning? Not
my mama's ever mama, he's Dr Brad said, I don't
know that's all what you said, It's not what are
not going to fight? Puncher, I'll puncher does punch, punch,
(30:15):
don't hit the kids. You can lunch me back stronger
than me, pop it. Mark Head's introduced, you're freaking out?
Introduced another father, The punk out of my ear ted
introduced another father, Candida. Dr Brad, y'all ever talk about
how you're doing me? No, it's really not about Marcus.
Ever asked you how you're doing? No, he just says,
am I available on Tuesday, our first saventh potentially one
(30:39):
of the fathers ships daddy. I don't know. I don't
want you to be my daddy. Sniffer. Who is this man?
Who is this man? Well, y'all not know him? Is
about a local celebrity. He's a plectic star gent in
on my brohod Hi, Hi sniffer, Hello, docr Hello doctor Fantom.
(31:04):
So your name, sir is uh Dr COORKI in no
relation okay, lack of orking? Can I be a coworkinga mama?
We'll just let some chill come here. You can on
the room for you, you can sit on the lad No,
it's a really simple paternal test. If we can just
(31:25):
get a semen sample and then why semen? What do
you mean if you want to just do a cheek swab? Sure,
if you want to take twenty four hours, but if
you want to get done now, what you can do?
Instant tests come out. It's not necessary, all right, Marcus,
(31:54):
I've got one sample now, God, I'm so tired. Okay,
So Dr Brett do you need to take the sample
a stage to study it. Actually, Jake, it's supposed to
drink it. I'm not supposed to drink it. I just
have to put this little swab in there. Marcus getting
my goddamn office. What what is it? What is it? Sir?
(32:18):
What the hell's going on there? Huh? Eat hair Pie?
Does that that resonate in you at all? Eat hair Pie?
I don't know what that's. That's an internal email that's
going around all right. Oh excuse me. I'm just trying
to get in here. That's fine. Why are we in
the ladies room? Serious? Because it's the only place that
I can find a quiet room. Pull my pants up? Okay,
(32:41):
that's fine. Okay, Barbara, you can use this one here.
Thank you. And I again apologize about the Jewish thing. Really,
that's fine. Look, people don't people don't know. Okay, I
was raised Jewish, born Catholic. Alright, really? Yes? All right?
So there's an internal email going around and says eat
hair yes exactly. Okay, all right, and and it's it's
(33:03):
coming down the wire. Now we gotta get Snoop on. Okay,
she's got to be your co host? What Marcus? Look
the ratings say what the ratings say. Huh. Look, I
can't do another episode with that freak. Do you want
that private island? Yes, more than any Well, then you're
gonna have to talk to her. Okay, Look, I gotta
have her waiting in the cab outside. Just go talk
(33:25):
to her. Work something out, whatever you want, whatever you
decide the dealings, we're gonna go with it. Uh hey, shalom. Okay,
that's not necessary. Okay, okay, to be respectful. Look, I
heard you sent an email that said eat hair and pie.
I don't know what you're talking. Fanta, Santa, Santa, your Santa.
(33:51):
They're all twins, all four of them are twins, doubles
and a Now, what's what's the problem with the doctor?
Oh no, Marcus. Doctor Marcus is just one with needs
my kiss. Don't need a duddy, I need a judgy.
(34:14):
I have a girlfriend. I got a girlfriend too. I
want a problem. I want to be your girlfriend. How
old are you? Okay, that's not not appropriate. Alright, eat hair?
He did eat the hair pie. I guess we're trying
to get something. Hell are you? I don't know what Marcus?
(34:36):
Do you know why you're here? No, the cab came
and pick me up, and I thought the bled on
me and now we're here else you're gonna kiss me?
I'm not gonna kiss me? What about me? All right?
Stop it, Louise. You're a boy. Lay can get kill spot.
(34:57):
Anybody always want to get Killspa. What do you think
of the Marcus and Snoofer Show, Well, it's like the
Marcus Show, except you're going to be a co host.
Is it like a family? The show like a family? Like?
I don't know exactly how they're going to make that
live from Chicago, Illinois? The Snoofer and Marcus shows me, Uh,
(35:31):
did that show really go on the air? Okay, good, good?
She got the what's the first title? The first name
in the title, first position? And it came live from Chicago,
right of course? Well, sure, Jerry Springer came from Cincinnati,
but his show is filmed you're right in Illinois. Our
(35:59):
last scene is from Emily, who wrote hello up in this.
I have been a fan of your show since the
beginning of Electronics Assembler, and listening to the show really
helps me. My favorite episode has to be the ghost
learning how to scare the teens, playing with the Luigi
board and my favorite characters. Turla from one of the
first episodes turn Let's give It a Name My scene
(36:22):
the first episode of a new game show call, are
you Smarter than a millennial? Millennial? Millennium? Millennialllal smarter than
a millennial? I am so happy that you guys post
twice a week now. It always brightens my day. Look
forward to each and everyone. Please take these best wishes
to all of you, because you're awesome. Emily Flicker, thank you, Emily. Okay,
(36:48):
which one of you are going to be on the show? Millennials?
Which one of the millennials? And I think are okay?
All right? Uh? And we just need a brief description
to announce you at the top of the show. So
is this are we actually going to be challenging sniffa
or uh no no not today? Sorry, Yeah, sniff is
not on every episode. Influencers, I guess, okay, tall tall influencers.
(37:18):
I need just the individual description real quick, maybe just
full of words. You just want to handles? Sure, okay?
At at search, search and employ and employ. Okay, and
tell me a hobby or a thing you do, travel, travel, leisure, Okay, photography.
(37:41):
I'm just gonna put down travel actor writer okay, director, producer,
all right, I think we got it. Blog blog, that's it.
We're allowed one more sandwich enthusiast okay, great and Ellie
right and brief description yet tall influencer. Um my handle
(38:06):
is at troublemaker okay? And your luck okay? Is that
the first or last name? Okay? And just a handful
of words to describe what people need to know about you.
Mid century modern flea market. Mm hmm. I'm so mad
(38:31):
right now because we're having a thing we are He
didn't like one of my posts. Oh, it's not that
big a deal. It kind of is. It's a big deal,
really big. Yeah. Well, I mean if you really want
to like trend about like what protesters are doing and
all that, this is exactly what we need on the show.
By the way, Okay, all right, let me see if
(38:53):
I can get the whole thing. He said he was
a singer, I think, and I can't sing. I am
a singer. Just because you see doesn't mean I have
over two million views. There are views. They're really not
pity views. What is a pity view? That's it's when
someone watches it because they're sad and then they meeme
it and they're like when you feel like you're singing
good in the shower, but you really like and then
(39:14):
it's all videos. It'll be like nobody and then me again.
This is perfect for the show, and it'd be great
if you guys could remember that when you're out there.
The thing is is that they're totally into each other
and they're just like trying to get past the flirtatious part. Well,
I can see things up here, that's all I'm saying.
Better view, better view. Let me see if I can
(39:35):
get the host out of his dressing room. It usually
takes ten to fourteen minutes. You guys, sit tight and again,
anything here in the green room? Food, take pictures? Yeah yeah,
if you could just wait till after the show is
finished before you post, we can story now. You can
story now, you can story now. Don't take it down.
(39:58):
I posted my water bottle. How many legs does a thousand?
Oh my god, don't take it down. Larry Larry, Larry Larry.
We're gonna go uh in eleven minutes? Where live good?
You got this one? Buddy? What what is this fucking
(40:19):
showing it? Are you smarter than a millennium, a millennium
than a period of two thousand years. Okay, save that
for the show, Larry. Alright, now, Larry, if you don't
win this show, you're never going to see your family again.
In instend that if I don't win this show, What
(40:40):
the are you talking about? Larry Ry the host of
the show. Yes he is, Larry. If you don't win
this show, you're going it and win it? Yes, Emigation,
are you smarter than am I? Wrong? Wrong? What am
I doing here? I'm supposed to be competing? Um? You
(41:00):
were incorrect? Yeah? Okay, correct? So I got the wrong
information part of the multinational evil group and I'm getting
the wrong information. You're getting the wrong information. That's what
we do. I don't think you read the packet. I
didn't read the Okay, great, read the packet because why
would the host always be trying to win the show? Okay,
no one would trust that. Okay, never been done. It's
(41:21):
never been done for a reason. But look, look, didn't
we didn't we steal someone and telling them they have
to win all these games, shows or the family by not, Larry,
I think you just mix up your letters. Didn't get
your pamphlet? I printed that out it I don't need
to obviously do, because you just here. Yes, no, Larry, Larry,
(41:43):
just listen. Is there any word from my wife? Yes? Yes,
his wife, Larry's no, it's all Barryry's the mark. Yes,
your wife is in the tank. Come on, she's in
the tank, and she's deliberate like you still care. She
didn't get over shin right now. And if at any
moment and the empire strikes, sure, I guess it was
(42:08):
seeing water was I don't suspension in time? It doesn't matter.
She's safe, yes, sure, sure, yes, Larry. I'm sorry. You
can go to set, Larry, to go to sleep, go
to sit. You have to win this or your family
will die. There we go. Every time I go to set,
(42:30):
they make me talk and they film me. You know
you used to be somebody, Larry. Yeah. I used to
host card Shark. Yeah, I remember a big fan. Pretty
good with your hands, Larry, What is that about? What
was about? What do you mean? Pretty good with your
hands on card Shark? He used to do those little
shuffling things between the I'm sorry, I'm so insecure. I
(42:51):
am very san. I'm fine with you. You and I
are fine. I do you mind anyone smelling my poop
for a second and just seeing if I'm sick. We're
not going to do that, Okay, I pitched it, all right,
Sure it did. Said that in front of everyone. If
everybody wants to smell my poop, make sure I'm I'm
(43:13):
all right. They're no bad ideas. Thank you, thank you.
It's a safe place. I don't I think that was
a bad idea. Okay, A chance I could just talked
to my wife before I go into the competition. There's
no It's Berry whatever whatever his name is. All right, Barry,
I'm here, Barry, Okay, can you see me? I'm suspended
(43:38):
in space. Is it painful? It's a lot. There's a
lot going on. Gave She didn't say anything about the dog?
Was that her? You care about the dog? Is that
really what you go? It was? It was, that's what
you give a about my wife to I heard my wife.
I just did have to know. Is that your dog?
(44:03):
I don't know. That's not great. I think it is probably.
I am so sorry you have to see all this.
I work for this little crime organization. We're doing a thing.
I'm just trying to underplays nationally. You are so jealous.
No need to explain, it's pretty clear, Larry. Uh So,
(44:25):
it's just two questions per millennial today, and they've got
you on your cards so you can just read them
from the cards. So then I read the question that's
right to the millennial, right, two questions per millennial, one
at a time, and then I asked Barry the same question.
That's exactly right. Okay, and we're on in four three two?
(44:45):
What go back to today? Welcome our host, Larry Dright. Hey, guys,
lady Jake here he used the host. He's the host
card sharks. Remember card sharks. That was fun. He used
(45:09):
to shuffle their cards around my big, big, big hands.
Is this room occupied? No? Come on, so bless you,
bless you? Um canaming um, I'm taking pictures soon. Please
(45:29):
Welcome our contestant who's going to take on the money
ums today, and it's Berry Berry Berry Whitmore. I just
wanted to say, I love my wife, I love my dog.
Really hoping to win today. So your wife is suspended
in a tank. Don't know I was a multinational evil corporation.
(45:51):
As it's forfeiting my chance to win. Okay, we're gonna
ask you a question. We ask two questions of each millennial.
You're also going to get the same questions. Okay, I'm
familiar with the rules. If about just asked questions, I
can also see the answers. I'm gonna gonna tell you answers.
That makes sense. Okay. Question number one for millennial number one, Um,
(46:18):
what influencer has a deal with dumplings? You know this?
You know this, you know this. This would be one
of the Kardashians. Okay, and bury Bury your answer. I
went to a much more traditional school, and I thought
we were going to be doing you know, hard historic questions,
science questions. Just give me answers. Beauty beauty pie, beauty pie,
(46:42):
beauty pie? Is it him? Is he the one with dumpling? Beauty?
Is it? If it's a turn of the turn over
the card? Who was it? Says one of the Kardashians,
one of a more generic answer. All right, I'll get it,
get it. Get Did they win? Yeah? Yeah, you won
(47:05):
that one. Question number one for this millennial searching employee,
searching employee. Okay, it's going to stay it on the screen.
You don't have to shout your own screen. I didn't
shout it. You guys are still in love. How many
views did beauty Pies twitch stream get last month? Last month,
(47:25):
I'll probably like a hundred seventeen million views? Under seventeen million, okay,
And what do you say do I have to get
closer without going over what's the rules of this? And
this price is right? Okay, I'm just gonna go with
a hundred hundred eighteen million? Eighteen million? What's the answer
the cornect answer Reviews had last month one hundred seven million.
(47:57):
It was closer. Okay, when neither of you got it,
it was closer. You're killing me, You're killing Oh, that's
definitely my dog. Did we just break to a mattress commercial?
If you like mattress, something soft, something sweet, and you
(48:17):
want to sleep on something that's not wet but not dry,
and you want to make sure that you can eat
whatever you want on that mattress, and then you can
put that in the pool, you can put it in
a tree, you can fold it up. I mean, this
mattress can go anywhere, can go to Mars. This mattress
has fuel efficiency to go to Mars and back. Hank's
(48:40):
House of Mattress and the first self propelled landing mattress,
interstellar space travel and the ability to hold up to
five people in suspended space. Yeah, Hank, we're not gonna
need to take that back one more time. The ad
is only supposed to be thirty seconds. Well, then pay
for more. You're running out about a minute forty and
(49:02):
pay for more. Okay, this I'm just to gather runs
the studio. Man, do you want to give me any feedback?
Or yes? As soon as he gets done talking on time,
I need you to clap. I'm clappings and then I clap. Yeah,
you say clap, I say clap. You don't physically clap. Okay?
(49:23):
Do I still do the other stuff? Do you have
the script? No? I was making it out. Okay, well
that's the problem. That's what he told me to do. Right,
It's fine, it's fine, she's my fiance. A great commercial.
Thanks for sponsors. Okay, next question for for the next millennial?
(49:45):
Next millennial is my chance? No, each mill we get
two questions. He couldn't be simpler. I just feel like
we're running out of time and my wife isn't paying.
Why is your wife in pain? She suspended? Right? Sorry? Sorry? Okay?
Lux This N seven Sydney. This seven Sidney, Sydney lament
(50:10):
film start a dozen male actors in various states of rage?
Can you name the film? Twelve angry men? What? Twelve
angry man? This question was for lux that's cheating. Okay,
what's your answer? All right, Barry, what's your answer? I'm
gonna have to go with twelve angry men? Okay? What
(50:32):
she got it first? Already? So, oh my god, he
said first? Why it's like the fire festival in here.
All of a sudden, you guys don't bring up you're
the Okay, well it was almost worth it. We didn't
even make it in the dock. Okay, pick a card.
(50:56):
You're killing me. I got your card? This one all right, Okay,
we're gonna put it over here. Okay, you're shuffle here, alright.
It's like little cards to big hands cards. Look a
little that's magic though. Okay is this your curtain? That
was my card? Do I get a point? You get
(51:16):
a point? Okay? Okay, now we're gonna do it again. Okay,
let's do it. Okay, bigger cardain this one? Okay, no, wait,
what are you thinking? Are you trying to make me
lose card? Okay? This one here Okay, tell me what
it is. The King of hearts. Okay, we're gonna remove
the King your hearts. Okay, all right, pick your card. Okay,
(51:37):
Oh my god, it's the King. Did I get a point?
If you just had to make that deck that's worth applies,
that's crazy. That would have cost fifty two decks with
I'm Larry Drake, Larry. Can I see my office? Yeah? Okay,
(51:59):
watching tape of the Do I need to leave? No? No,
please stay, I'm gonna need a witness. Thank you. Gloria. Uh,
I was watching a tape of the show earlier today
and um man, just doesn't it doesn't seem like your
hearts in it anymore? And we're paying oion, but please wait,
and we're paying you an awful lot, Gloria. What are
(52:20):
we paying him again? We're paying him twenty that's hundred
and seventy episodes out of you by the end of
the month. Seventy times. That's right, that's exactly really wrinkled
up there. I'm old, old man. I've been doing this
for a while. I understand, which is why you were hired,
(52:40):
because you're so good. But I just don't do you
do you know what a millennial is two thousand years right, Well,
so millennial is a generation of young people and they're
not all that young anymore. How well, what is the
average the old millennial is thirty seven at this point.
Excellent point. That's so they're all under all under forty
(53:03):
and Uh, they've got a very different view of things,
different than yours, for example, So some of these questions
are gauged to kind of annoy You can't say that anymore,
can't say that anymore? Talk? Okay, my bad. Uh. They're
structured so that you get annoyed by their answers because
they don't they don't care, but you're out there and
(53:24):
you don't care, and that's undermining the whole level of
the show. I just think the rules are really hard
to follow. Yeah they are. Let's go over and again.
Each millennium gets two questions. Okay, yeah, I always ask
them first, right, and then you go to Barry, and
then I go to Barry. Why is it always Berry
on this show? Are you kidding me? Have you seen
(53:45):
the numbers for Barry? What are the numbers for Berry? Seven?
And um, also we had an eight. We did have
a date. Okay, yeah, you're three I thought it was
a twenty three. You're three. So we need Barry. You know,
no Barry, no show. But what I need from you
is that you're the one who cares. The millennials don't
(54:06):
cut you. Ah. Yeah, So just taking your home, boss,
just driving your home. Yeah, just take me home. Yeah,
good day of work. Yeah it really was, if I
can be honest, I mean, I don't see it in
your eyes. That's just me over stopping my bounds. But
you know whatever, you know, Bruce, you know me better
than anybody I think. So how long you've been my driver?
Too long? Too long? Stop? Stop here at this bridge, Bruce,
(54:33):
what's going on? Boss? I'm just gonna get out and
take a look. All right, take a look at the city, Bruce,
wilk which interrace you from? I was born in the eighties. Uh,
I guess I'm millennial. I guess millennial. Yeah, so you
think like the millions and millions of other people that
(54:54):
were born within a roughly fifteen year period. Yeah, you
all think exactly the same. I mean, yeah, you all
know who beauty play is with or without our one. Alright, Mean, Larry,
you can't do it. I'm gonna step off this Bridge.
(55:17):
All right, the ultimate Yes, and you know next week
to see if Larry Drake does in fact kill himself.
The host was no understanding of the game is my favorite.
(55:39):
Let's go around, Ron, Robin and Joey Girl. Thank you
so much for being here today. What can you tell
us about the future. Uh, that's scary, all right, James.
He if you don't start writing reviews, then the reviews
won't get written. You made me personally, Okay, I've got
(56:00):
to get on that. Craig Kikowski, keep watching Drunk History
season six, airing on Comedy Central right now. You got
the thumbs up already for season seven. I take it, Nopekay,
that's why you gotta keep watching copy that. But that's
a raging yesa theater dot com. Yeah, just Dynasty typewriter
dot com. There you go, and then Dynasty Typewriter on Instagram,
(56:21):
and then just uh oh, we've got a new popcorn
going right now, Beasts of Summer. What. It's got gummy bears,
it's got sour gummies, and it's got circus animals all
on top of summer um. It's it's regular like with
a topping popcorn. Yes, So as you pick your owner
that comes. That's the Beast of Summer. That's the trio.
That's a special. So come for the popcorns day for
(56:43):
the show if you want to, but you can also
just come for the popcorn. Garlakowski, thank you so much
for joining. Thanks for having me. You can hear me
on Alchemy this occasionally, so listen to that. Be sure
to listen to that. Everyone and the Big List, the
Movie List, Podcast List peaks. How's that going? Uh, you know,
winding down and we got we got some more to
(57:04):
get through it through. It's really a testament to the marriage.
It is. Yeah, for sure. Carla Boom looks like our
engineer again. Chris Zack Zack Chris Zack Uh and uh,
(57:28):
we missed Doug Bank come back because we figured out
after seven shows how to pronounce your last name. And
it's just a little more helpful. Sob Lectroman our producer,
sounding design engineer and I Heeart Media. Um, thank you
so very much for listening to the show. Tell everyone
you've ever met and as um. It was putted up
(57:50):
by James I believe. Please write a review so that
more people find out about us. That's how that wrote review. Yeah,
positive review. Yeah, I should bestify you guys, are right,
please write a positive five stars. Well, here's an example
of a positive review. Joey, I like it. I think
it's fun. Um it's it's good to have on when
(58:12):
you're eating food. Um so two ms okay, and well
this could be a voice to text. Okay and five
stars at five stars it yeah, that's example. You know,
it's a perfect example. Um okay. So until next time,
I'm your host. Kevin Pollock, a football p
Alchemy This News
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Kevin Pollak
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