June 16, 2020 • 56 mins
Alchemists slowly begin to learn about James Franco.
Mousetraps.
A meeting between elves dwarfs humans and other fantasy creatures deciding whether or not to breed.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Guys back ken No, this
really is the time for all alchemists to assemble in
the name of comic relige. Thank you very eff and much,
but I digress. Let's meet a rochemist shall in no
(00:24):
particular orders. Say hello to Mr James he need Jack,
John and or Jim. What's your third favorite kind of
candy in a box? Kenny in a box? Uh? Third favorite?
It would be uh, I guess Junior Mints. That's correct,
Junior Mints rock solid. Say hello to Caroline Carter Potty squatty.
(00:45):
When you hear Santa come down the chimney this year, well,
his previously ignored bronchial infection undermine your Christmas spirit? Um no?
And for me, Santa has always had a cough. So yeah,
so you're us to it. I like it. Actually you
don't think it's COVID nineteen inspired. No, it gets me
in the spirit, all right. Look out, it's Chris Alvarado,
(01:09):
c a Forever Captain Sandy or Captain Lee please, I
mean come on, hey, there's Craig Kaikowski Kakaw what do
you think of when you hear the word coming? Well,
you want my third thought? Um, I mean your laughter
(01:31):
already tells us what your first thought was. I mean,
my my mind is purely in the gutter. Um, nice
to be coming, Uh, coming attractions, Coming attractions, by which
I mean trailers at porn movies. Oh, too good, too quick,
too soon? And last, but may or drains be forever
(01:53):
clogged if you think him least it's Joey Greer pantless Pete.
What gives with the hand puppets? Uh, they're they're my
new friends. I'm not able to see the my actual friends,
so I've had to build a small community for myself
and so for so good. Who are your three favorites?
My three favorite puppets are Tragger, Uh, Saluse and al Teamah. Yeah,
(02:20):
they none of them. They're kind of having their own
click right now. They're kind of doing their own things.
So I'm kind of on the outs. Apparently some inside
jokes about me or something. I don't know. I've just
being voted off the island by your own puppets. Yeah,
so I'm going kind of going through that. Well, good luck,
Let's do a damn show. Oh, seeing. Suggestions today come
from listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours, please
write to the podcast that your name here at Alchemy
(02:42):
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Also our Patreon v I P S who
gets special priority trade man seen one, in fact comes
from patron v I P. Deborah C, who who wrote
this is a scene suggestion. So James don't read this.
The Alchemists slowly begin to learn about James Franco. James Franco.
(03:11):
I like the last part, so we don't have to
be ourselves. But I do like that that six people
slowly learned about James Franco. So let's let's drove that,
Mr Franco. If you could just take us from the beginning,
if you could just take it from the very beginning. Sorry,
which one are you? Um? I'm a scientist too. We
(03:32):
will only be using numbers here, not our personal names,
So no pressure here. No one is in trouble. We
are simply learning about James. Why would you even introduce
the word trouble. Give me one second place. What the hell?
He shook me? He's fun? He shook me? Well, you
(03:54):
just remember you're not the one in trouble right now, okay,
you're not the one in trouble. Why did you even
you did really bad from the beginning. This is insane, man.
I thought I was scientist number two. This is crazy
you go in and say that. Now, now, what what number?
I look? If I'm being honest, I woke up this
morning not feeling great about myself, and on the car
right here, I did some positive affirmations and I thought
(04:15):
I would I would use that positivity in the room,
and I failed. I'm out. I'm thinking I'm getting coffee. Well,
calm down, calm down. We have changed Franco right where
we want him in the lab' laugh. He's trapped in there.
Sure you might have stepped on some egg shells or
whatever you call it. It made some mistakes, that's the expression.
That was good. That was right? Number three? Am I am?
(04:39):
I eight? I think okay. Numbers are arbitrary. They're just
used to describe ourselves to him. You can be whatever
number you want. I'm scientists number uh seven, scientists number seven.
I'm scientists number six six six six six six six.
That's not okay, everyone, Everyone calmed down. He can see
us through the window. Okay, so we don't have the
(05:03):
one way mirror turned on, so you can see us
right now, turn on turning on one way Mirrorba. Well, now,
duba duba dubad. Somebody should go in there and find
out what he thinks we were talking. Yeah, maybe one
of the maybe number two should go in there. Maybe
(05:24):
number two should go in there. Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
I did not intentionally mean to step on your toes.
I'm walking on eggshells here. You know what I'm saying?
That good, I'm walking on think you should use that.
You go in, you go in. He's sing the words
that we're saying. He can hear. James, how are you hi?
(05:47):
I am a scientists. Hello, I am scientists. The number, Um,
you don't need a number with me, Man's just be
pretty pretty so okay, um, wow you are. You're very handsome.
Your vardiensome man, and I don't it's like you're looking
at them there. Yeah, a lot of weird. Yes, it is.
(06:10):
Actually okay, let me move my right hand up. You're
doing it as well. Actually, no, this is not one
of the tests. One of the tests are right here.
Let me find the piece right here, we go here
we go, and okay, look at me, all right, what
do you say? Uh, you're making your nose flair right, Huh,
(06:33):
you're you're blinking really fast. Um, I think you're going
to kiss him there. I think they're gonna kiss there
are too experiment Also, hasn't we never noticed they both
look exactly the same? It is weird? Yeah, yeah, Scientists
number two looks exactly like James Franco. Their clothes were
(06:54):
never going to be number Okay, first of all, I'm
surprised Scientists number six six six six six six six
that you didn't recognize that they love it. Like, since
you and Scientists number whoever that is two have been
fucking why don't you just say they're both naked now
(07:15):
and now we can't tell the difference between them? Well,
I know I know who would know the difference Scientists
number six six six six six. You want me to
go in there and identify who's who? By the penis
exactly like from my vantage point, I know there's the
real number two, the real James Franco. I don't know
what his dick looks like, but I know signed his
(07:37):
number two has something. I shouldn't say this really crazy
going on underneath. So if I can get in there,
maybe slide on the floor. I can pretend to be
a rug or something. Yeah, okay, okay, what did you say?
Just walk in Just the floors are covered with egg shells.
I know, I understand walking on eggshells. Okay, I'm gonna
(07:59):
do it. Where should we? Luck? No? Good luck? No? Hi?
This is a two way mirrors and you. How can
I help you? Yeah? This is uh yeah, can you
hear me? Yes? Way mirrors and you? How can I
help you? What did I say? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Yes? Okay,
(08:26):
I can't I can't see you, but I can't hear you. Good, Okay,
so it looks like the mirror is working. Um, this
is Scientists number four over at the Science Institutes Institute.
We're one of your major clients, Science institutes. Yeah you're
(08:46):
looking at Yes, Yes I am, Yes, I have Science
Company and Science Institute right here on the books. Yeah.
I called last week. Maybe i'll talk to you. Uh
you might have talked to Burger. I'm not a percent,
but uh, what what was what? What was the thing?
Were you? Does Burger sound like Burger? Burger sounds just
like he sounds like a happy guy. He's got a
(09:08):
lot of joy in his voice. Uh sing songy, you know,
a little little southern lilt. No, I think I would
have remembered that. It sounded like you, kind of like
you exactly like the voice. Oh. Yes, yes, you had
to install that that two way mirror in one of
your new Yeah. It's a two way mirror that can
go through a one way mirror and you switch it
(09:29):
back and forth with a switch. No, I just want
to clarify something. Two way means both people can see
through either side. Yes, does it? Does it look like
a mirror to one people and a window to the other.
(09:49):
But one way mirror is if it's a if it's
a mirror one way and a window for the other. Yeah. Yeah,
So a two way mirror is just a window sco mirror.
Two way mirrors when we put mirrors on either side. Okay,
so you so you're just looking either side is looking
(10:10):
at the mirror. Yeah, so I need the one that
that looks like if you're a if you're a criminal,
or if you're part of a science experiment. It looks
like it's just a big old mirror, looks like it's
a gigantic mirror in your room, but in the other
room people can see right in and see what you're doing. Okay,
so you want let me just what is that? Well,
(10:34):
I'm a little confused. So you want one side just
to be a straight mirror and the back of the mirror. No, uh,
can I talk to Burger? He's in one second. Let
me just okay, hell Burger here, Uh yep, yeah, Okay,
(11:00):
you got a caller on. He just wants to talk
to you. It's from the Science Institute. Okay, okay, I
can okay, okay, I'm just all right, I'm gonna get
off all right, Burger you on two we call or
a one week call. We're gonna merge these calls. It
it's gonna be a too Okay. There seems to be
a problem now scientists to James Franco and scientists six
(11:22):
six six six are all naked. Lot of them doesn't
have a penis well that scientists six six it's hard
to tell which ones which though not well that they're
moving so fast it's like they're actually call I called this.
I called this a problem. But perhaps it's not a problem.
(11:43):
Perhaps this is information we can use. You can see
how you know the when the bodies dance? What information
we can glean from something like that? Perhaps maybe I
should go in there well and make some more science.
Uh science? Four? What do you think? Yeah, I'm still
on the phone with the two way meal people. Come on,
(12:06):
I could totally help the science in that room in there. Hey,
I'm proud of you. What I'm just I'm proud of
thank you. I feel kind of guilty. I was just
trying to use science to my advantage to get in
there and naked and roll around with them. No, no,
I really shouldn't go in. My mind's not in a
(12:27):
science place. It was, it was it was thinking with
my penis. Damn it, your penis is your science place? Really? Yeah,
all right, get in the right all right, let me
take my clothes off first, so I just get in
their naked. Okay, Hi, everybody, I'm science, tis I just everybody.
(12:55):
I just wanted. I'll be back in a minute. Guys, Okay,
A part of I'm sorry, Well you said I'm science.
You probably you probably threw them off. You thought you
were science as a whole. Except come here, come here,
come here, come here. I should put my clothes my god, no, no, no, no, no,
(13:17):
no no. The hug feels better this way, and that's
going to take what three to five business days? Yeah,
it'll be three to five business days, and it'll be
it'll be exactly what you're looking for. It's a mirror
on one side and the other side. You'll be able
to appear through it and see anything you want as
if it was a regular old window. Okay, that's yeah,
that's what I want. But we do business every day
(13:40):
of the week, so is it my business or your business? Well,
we are closed on Saturdays and Sundays, so we don't
count those business days. Those are not business days. Okay,
well I need this mirror. Here s a p Well, okay,
you know what, maybe we could do a rush order.
I'm have to transfer you, alright, you're going in the
(14:03):
wood office. Here, you're going to office. I'm going into
the Science Institute. It's a rush shorter, so I should
be able to get in, no problem. Your I d says,
uh Burger Burger, Burger, Burger, alright, and I just don't
have you on the intake list. So it was a
(14:25):
shorter so it's kind of was. Everything came together real quick.
Hold on, hold, on, hold on, buddy, all right, Okay,
you can't just come in here, alright, so just relax, sir.
I'm sure I made a promise too. Okay, I made
a promise with my wife and kids. I'm gonna come
home every day as an honest man who does his job,
all right, And that means I gotta make sure that
everyone comes into the sign Institute. Dad, just go to
(14:47):
work already, we need to get I'm not just sit
down for a second, alright, children, how important your job
is and just going to every day. I give a
speech and everything back from my family? All right? What
happened if you didn't give the speech and just went
in to work? Oh wow? Okay, great that we're late
(15:09):
for school again? It started in school? Is not important?
All right? All right, Well, it sounds like your family
really loves you. But I'm telling you, I gotta get
this package into the scientists. There's an experiment. I can't
tell you, but I don't know what it's. What it is.
They didn't share the infro on the science experiment. But
(15:29):
I gotta get this in there, sir, So please let
me through. Listen to me, all right. My family loves me,
I know you told the story. They love you, love you,
loved you. Every morning you give the speech and they
and they escort you and hand holds you to the car.
Please let me through. That's right, Okay, that's right. They
carry me on their shoulders, right, they carry me on
that my little kids. They picked me up on the
tight little shoulders and they carried me to my suburban. Okay,
(15:53):
I don't have a family. I don't relate. Okay, just
let me bring this package that I promised a scientist,
which I love science tists. I was kind of a
nerd school. I was in a math club. Let me
in there. Let me get this package into where it's going.
You don't have a family, all right, We're gonna take
you now to the press conference of James Franco, who
(16:14):
has just been released from a science lab. And everyone
on the press score has been gathered to ask their questions,
and Mr Franco is now stepping up to the podium
question question questions. Yeah, hi, hi, Steve pomper down. Uh
(16:35):
uh mixed incorporated. Um, is it true that you learned
more about yourself in this experiment than they learned about you? Well,
I'll just say that one of the scientists. Penis was
a dog leg left. Mr Franco. Question, question your question?
Question the lady in the outfit. Hi, Steve Pomper down
(16:56):
from student. He don't do that's you don't be a bit.
That's my name, asshole, fucking suck my tits. Mr Franco.
Is it true that for the whole experiment they you
were nude, but on purpose and you liked it? Uh? Yeah,
(17:19):
I'd say about ninety six percent we were nude. Yeah,
not just me. Question question I was the first question.
Do she finish your question? I was the first time
to said question, she said question News crew U, Hi,
Miss Franco. Stephen pomp heard on from El Mundo. Uh,
(17:43):
what what was up when you did General Hospital? Why
did you? Why did you do that? I've answered, you're
already You're already an actor, Like where'd you go back
and do General Hospital? You could actually push that side
of the argument too. I was already a movie star,
not just an act, but I was. I was a
big fan of the show, and really I would sometimes
(18:05):
get super high and envisioned myself in the show, and
I thought it was hilarious. So I wanted to live
through that. Uh, fantasy question, question, question, question question. Let's
go back to the other side, away from the guy
yelling question question questions me. Are you picking me? Yes? Okay,
(18:32):
Steve Paparato. And I was like I was for like
like two hours. I was the first one there, last
one to leave your never fired. Okay, great, okay, great
talking fine, okay, great, great, great great. We run a
newspaper here. Do you know what that means? Do you
know what those two words mean? Information? Um? Right on paper?
(18:58):
That's right now. We you have the paper part. Look
at us. You see this belt streaming out all these
pieces of paper. Yes, okay, you've brought us no information.
So for you you want to work at a paper factory,
which is fine. Mr is not here, Mr Mr. It's
Mr Hoggart. Oh god, I'm sorry I didn't Mr Hoggart. Alright, alright, alright, alright,
(19:24):
please please please What do you want to to what
do you want to do? You want to kiss me
on the eyes? I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give
you one more shot, because desperate man get desperate news. Yeah, okay, great, great, great,
you get me an exclusive with James Franco. Okay, I
can do that no problem, and hey, hey take this gun, okay,
(19:48):
take it to the gun shop. It's well, but it's full.
It's not loaded with information yet I want you to
load it with information. Bullets, get out of my, Get
out of my. And that is scene number one. Holy.
(20:10):
Scene two comes to us from Will, who has a
reference to I think something within an episode because it
starts with locks. Baby Blues is a banger. There was
a there was a song he's referring to that we
sang apparently, thanks so much for playing my suggestion. I'm
not sure we played it. I was shocked how quickly
(20:31):
Kevin got to it, and not shocked at all that
the scene didn't go how I expected. When y'all reprised
the song in the next scene, I died laughing. So
there was a song we did, apparently called locks twice.
Do you remember it, James, I mean I do. Don't
put me on the spot. It's hard to sing in
zoom calls, but so so it's the zoom call. Red
(20:56):
states with me, and I know it's I hummed in
the shower. Off to Okay, anyway, you asked for shorter
scene suggestions. Will goes on to right. So here goes
and it is a single word scene suggestion mouse traps.
I love you all for ver? Will oh uh? So
we normally put down three two mouse traps? Oh my god, sweetheart,
(21:21):
I don't know if this is what we want. No,
I don't to kill them. I don't know. You reported
you had a mouse problem. Yes, yeah, we have one
mouse and it's frankly been a nuisance. Thank you, Jimmy.
Have you found any droppings? Yes, we call it that
for you know, respect, instead of what mouse ships? How
(21:45):
shit basement? Were ready to go? Traps put down? Isn't
there a non violent way? Can't we like to do
I don't know, like some sort of ultrasonic start to
make it leer? Sir? Can I ask you a question?
Because your wife seems annoyed by the mouse? Are you
okay with the mouse? And I hate that mouse out
(22:09):
of my house? That's what he says, Frank. That's your name, right,
That's what he says. My name is Frank, and my
job is to remove that mouse. Okay. I think that
he likes the mouse asked. All I ask is that
you folks be careful what your step because there's gonna
be three for two traps throughout. Johome's Hey, boss, boss,
if I may Jimmy two here, you Jimmy one here.
(22:31):
So the upstairs we have, all the mouse traps have
tiny little switch blades on them. Don't you let me
say it. I the one who did it. You did
the basement, I did the upstairs jimmycause Jimmy's I don't
need this in front of the client. I don't know
about little tiny raising blades on there. See what happened, switcheros.
(22:53):
I'm making myself, thank you very much. Raizor blades are
very dangerous. We would never use razor blades. Switch blades,
on the other hand, switch out when the trap has
been activist. Now in the basement, each mouse trap has
tiny little nunchucks. Oh yeah, that sounds less lethal, you think,
so check this out. We'll put those down like funny.
(23:16):
I'm stopping. But they pack. They pack a powerful that's
a big that's a human sized dun chuck. May just
hit me with yes, but don't you understand that the
small nun trucks on the trap would be mouse size
to the mouse. It's for demo purposes. Your wife is
very bright. You're a lucky man, May I get on
with the with the assessment of situation. Sir, Listen, I
(23:40):
just gotta be open and honest. I haven't told my
wife this yet, but I don't think I need to
hit Why are you saying this in front of all
of I've been feeding them out. I think it's partly
I think he's cute as hell. I think he's a
cute little mouse, and you don't know he's got a
lot of personality before what he said. When you said
with all caps hate, I hate the mouse, it was
(24:03):
a mystery. I've been putting on this. I hate the
mouse face for a long time. It's not a great face.
So well, what do you mean your wife wants me
out of the house. I just it's it's gotten to
a point where I can no longer pretend to hate
you a little buddy. You gotta go? Uh but where
(24:24):
where am I going to get food? I don't know.
I probably shouldn't have. You got addicted to my food,
is what it is is. I mean, the hash Browns
alone are incredible. You're breaking my heart here. Okay, there's
neighbors around. I'm telling you this place is a death
trap right now. You're gonna be lucky if you get
out of here without dying right now? Okay, they're still
(24:45):
in the house. Yeah, they're downstairs. I told him I
had to go to the bathroom upstairs. Are okay? I'm okay.
Do you hear about the neighbors? I got this whole
mouse infestation over there. It's wild. That's gonna drop the
property you through the entire neighborhood. Carl, you're no better
than them. What the hell do you mean I know
(25:06):
better than them? Huh? We are in debt up to
our ears so that you can move to the neighborhood
that we're not in debt up to our ears? Motorcycles, cars, boats,
r vs, rockets, spaceships. Can you not do this in
front of me and my friends while they're over Well,
(25:26):
they're at our house, aren't they. Huh? They're using one
of my pools, aren't they just one? Yeah? Exactly? Damn.
I just want I think I can talk in front
of my goddamn house guests if I please. All right?
And when the hell are you gonna go to college?
You're twenty two years old? You still got those sleepovers?
Can you make sacks for me and my friends? Oh?
My godness, I can make snacks answer on the lug.
(25:50):
Do you want to answer the lug? You want? You
don't want to? Sweet sweethart sartink. He means there's actually
there's a lot of oh ship, no, no, no, no,
not the family log ship him family log store. Okay, okay,
just hold on here. Nobody touched my boats? Okay, just
(26:12):
can can you make sure Jesus Christ? Just go? Oh hi, Frank,
what are you doing here? I'm here because I need
to talk to one of your exterminators that are into
the house. I know you've got a mouse problem. Wor
just be around the neighborhood. Okay, that's kind of well.
I'm sure my husband has been talking about it. Come in,
watch out for the mouse traps. There's one she had
switched blades nunchucks and these ones here kind of light
(26:33):
on fire if you get closed. Anyways, man, we're all
done laying down the tracks, and I feel pretty confident
you'll be calling us later on tonight to remove the mouse.
Thank you so much. This is my neighbor actually just
walked over here. I think he wants to talk to you.
How are you doing, sir? I'm wearing a Rolex. Now
if you don't want help, I have an issue in
(26:54):
my house. I've got some ants on a log and
he taken care of. Now, when you say ants on
a log, is that a euphemism of some kind? No,
I have literal ants on a family log and I
need to take care. And by log, do you mean
like a big poop, No, sir, I mean a giant
piece of wood handed down as an heirloom. Okay, I
need you to come over and deal with that. You
so an actual log, yes, sir, at one of my houses.
(27:15):
I have many houses from a branch from a tree,
and now I have a branch. So that's the neighborhood's house.
You want me to go to that? This guy is
so anti mouse, well you know what he'll You'll grow
on him. You've got a great personality and he's got
a lot of money. Look at all this stuff in
his yard. I don't know. I don't like I mean,
(27:37):
I like you too, but obviously you're going to die
if you stay here. I've packed you a little knapsack,
come on, why not a big d here? I don't
I packed what I thought would be the most you
could carry. Do you think you could carry more. I
can care like ten times my own weight. Okay, all right,
if you can give me some privacy, I gotta take
a mouse ship. All right. Well, actually, if you could
(27:58):
stop doing it in this area, that's kind of what
got us in trouble. This is the bathroom where am
I supposed to do it? Honey? You've been up there
for two hours? Are you okay? I go into the bathroom.
Why is it taking a two hours? Passing blood? Is
it black? What's going on? Honey? Let me know. I
can fine. You know what at this point, it's just wiping. Okay,
(28:18):
it's just wipe, honey. Part of me, sir, I understanding
you have a bit of a problem. Now. My boss
he goes you know, he does things the legal way.
But my buddy Jimmy and I here we uh, we
can handle things under the table, if you know what
I mean. I understand what you're saying. I owned many tables. Yeah,
(28:40):
I I need to get something taken care of. I
have ant on a long say no more? Say no more?
How How violently would you like these ants to die? Violently?
I don't know. I guess. Uh, there's a certain kind
of Appian way that we could do to him. You
know what I'm saying it with that word appen, Yeah,
(29:04):
it's two words. Way, it's not familiar Spartacus and Roman history.
What I'm saying. So, you're an exterminator who's looking to
to expand your reference level. That's right. Oh oh you okay,
I gotta I gotta train the two Jimmy's who have
(29:26):
trouble with certain phrases and terms. So I figured it
starts at the top. You got something for us, some
some new phrases. Well, you know, I I for for
the retired exterminator. I've got a pretty good reference level.
But what what are we talking? We're talking like ancient
Rome we talked. We're talking about Yeah, as a matter
of fact, aping Wade came up. Okay, it might have
(29:47):
been happen way okay, typing it into Google? How many
times are you looking for? You know what I love
about this guy Jimmy's is that he will tell you
what he's doing as he does it. That's that's far
(30:07):
and away professionalism. Look, I don't really need to learn anything,
if I'm being honest here, I just need something to say.
I don't need to know it, like knowledge wise I
just need to hit him and impress him with something.
I just say, oh yeah, I am Sparta kiss, because
then it sounds like you saw the movie Jimmy too,
Jimmy Too, Why don't you let the man do his job?
Why do you gotta scream at them? What you need?
(30:27):
The guys trying to help us right now? Where you
you don't know what appying way me? I don't know what.
I don't want to tell you when you come at
me with appying a way. So let this guy go
on to Google and tell us what the fund is happening?
What do you got tell her? Okay, what's Mr Google
telling me? Well? The Appian Way was one of the
earliest and strategically most important Roman roads of the ancient Republic. Yeah,
(30:51):
but this asshole wants us to wipe out ants using
the road. I don't understand that. Okay. Well, all I'm
telling you is what the reference to me? What they
mean by using the reference? I can't tell you that.
Oh so you're no good whatsoever? Well, first of all,
this guy may not have understood the reference when making it,
(31:12):
and that seems like a better possibility right now, because
Jimmy Too comes to me and says, how do I
wipe out ants in the Appian way? And I don't
know what to do. I'm doing a little dance in
the living room there, just to try to get some
some thoughts about it. And then I look you up
and you're telling me it's some sort of road. Yeah, yeah,
you know. These are wealthy neighborhoods. Their references are yeah. Okay,
(31:33):
he didn't just have a rolex. He pointed it out.
That's how wealthy he was. All right, I'm looking up rolex.
Oh yeah, there are nice watches. Okay, okay, hey, I'm back.
I'm back with an estimate. I'm back with for your problem. Jimmy, Jimmy,
we spoke earlier. I was like two weeks ago. Yeah,
(31:55):
what's uh, what's going on? Uh? You usually got that
ant problem. No, I took care of it. I took
care of it the happening way. So you you just
you just dropping down the road. You just got him.
(32:17):
Excuse me, excuse me, very more of those Peter chips.
Of course, I got some goddamn Peter chips. These are
one of my goddamn daughter's friends. No, no, that's a mouse.
(32:38):
Oh my god, daughter's friends. A mouse when you gotta
you gotta like Baba gnus or anything to dip it
into because it was just kind of dry. If it's
just the chip by itself. Uh, I don't know how
to feel about this. I normally would say, let's kill
a mouse, but I've grown so attached to my I
love this mouse. Yeah, I'm having a great time for
the last two weeks. I I don't know why you
(33:00):
didn't tell me you were a mouse. Stay to me. No, no, no,
I'll see my way out now. No no, no, no, no,
no no, you're stay still. See you're happying way out?
What just making a reference? I don't. I don't want
to get into your business here, I don't. I don't.
(33:21):
But if I had lots of money, if you want
to get into my business, it's got lots of money.
I'm not understood. I think if you want this mouse's love,
you're gonna have to go through your neighbor first. Now
I'm gonna leave mouse. What do you mean by that?
I got a name? I mean you've been calling me
(33:44):
mouse for two weeks but didn't know I was a mouse.
I've got a lot on my mound. Um. Look, I
gotta take a mouse ship, So if you don't mind
give me a little privacy. I mean it's not gonna
(34:05):
be in truth to anything. It just looks like a
little little black uh sesame seed the floor. That is
scene to scene to everybody. Oh did we ever find
out what the mouse's name is? He just said I
have a name. He didn't even tell us. Why is it?
Craig says it mouse ship sounds so cute. Never sounded
(34:29):
cuter Scene three today he comes from Patreon v I
p r J, who wrote What's up? Alchemists? How are
you guys? Are you doing well with the world on
fire and all that? Try your best to keep Joey
from looting? I just got a new TV, and I
(34:49):
know Joey likes to creep into people's homes and tickle
their knickknacks. Just kidding. I don't have a new TV.
Oh that was good. I digress totally has a new TV.
Totally has a new TV. I finally got my nine
month deployment. I finally got back from my nine months deployment,
(35:13):
and I have a scene suggestion here. It is now
m a meeting between elves, dwarfs, humans and other fantasy
creatures deciding whether or not to interbreed. Keep up the
amazing work. Sincerely, r J R j R J Magic Council.
(35:36):
We are called Yes, everyone here is we don't need
everyone to call out. Then, the way you said it,
it made it seem like it um you wanted a response.
It was like a pregnant pause. Does everyone feel that way?
(35:59):
I'll tell Dad, did you know what you know? Magic people?
He thinks he's so much better because he's huming. Alright,
this is not how I wanted to stop this. Alright,
this is clearly the issue. We can to get along.
Start the meeting, alright, So I guess we all respect
(36:22):
the snake people. Huh. Everyone hypnotized me with her eyes
my dad? They ate your dad? Yeah, alright, the gnomes
and the snake people. You need to really stop with wings.
(36:43):
All right? Well then what the hell? What the hell
do you want me to do with that? What the
hell do you want me to do with you? Find
my right name name? I don't know your Look, there's
a lot of people from the magic community here. I
just don't needting. I think you should start. How many
times does he have to say? Anybody you've got the meeting. Okay, alright,
(37:06):
well I'm glad right here now as you know, uh,
we need to take this one ring and destroy it. Question.
All right, all right, now we have to do we
have to take this one week. Don't stop creeping for
a second. I don't feel anything but sarcasm. But he said,
(37:27):
glad you're all here. No, I must agree. It didn't
sound very glad. I agree to. I mean, look, I
am glad we're all here. Yes, okay, I just I
just I just feel like it was so hard to
connect with them, and I just felt all this pressure.
(37:49):
And you know, I'm hosting the meeting. I set it up.
I put the e vide out there. One shows up
and they're like, why are you hosting it? It's because
I set it up. I'm the guy. You know. Just
need you need like new references or I guess I
guess I had something something I don't know. I need
to I need to modernize, you know, and I need
I need to be something something more than I am
(38:09):
right now. You know. Look, you know, the the Magical
Creature community is divisive and always has been. You know,
I I appreciate that you're just trying to make something happen.
Just trying to get everybody together, and you didn't even
get to whether or not to breed. No no, I
brought the fact that we have to destroy this ring.
(38:30):
And then they're like, you don't even believe that we
you like me or some ship like that. It was
all this personal bullshit and it was just couldn't even
get into the first point of order. No no, And
that ring will destroy us, Okay, the ring is gonna
okay if that ring gets in the hand of Salon
work dead said that dead. And it's just like no
one wants to do a damn thing about it. Everyone
just like who cares not my problems? The ring around,
(38:52):
and then of course it lays on the humans. What
do you think the humans are gonna of course, I'm
gonna be corrupted by a period of it's gonna be greedy.
It's all hell, and it's just like I know I
can't do it. I can't give So this is a
dwarf with an elf with wings with wings, asshole, You're
(39:14):
you're lucky at horn ye else, I wouldn't even let
you through the front way for a moss entryway. I'm
just trying to fuck let make two of us. Okay,
but we need permission from the counts soul. I know,
so this is kind of a nice You're getting to
know each other. So what do you do eat? Eat
(39:36):
enemies yourself? Um? I kind of flied around trying to
cast spells, but I'm not zero percent magical. So you've
got a nice booty on you though. Excuse you, scared?
(39:59):
Stop my lord and my lord they have no conversation
of the ring, and it's turned to strike, then we shall.
I want you to bring the wrath down upon them. Okay,
hel what's wrong with you? Nothing? Nothing, It's just them nothing.
(40:20):
So you look terrifying as always. Thank you? Are you
going to do so? Yes? Course, course, course course get
me my ring. Yes, I'll get you the ring I love.
All right? Who are you going to take with you?
You can't take them yourself. I need an army of evil,
(40:41):
right right, of course? Of course I can't go alone.
I guess I'll take with this rock. We'll take this
rock with me. Fucking idiot. I used you to take comrades.
I want you to take general soldiers. I need you
to wipe out those what the good guys need you
(41:02):
to wipe out? The good guys. Yes, yes, my lord,
I would wipe them aft. I'll kill all our generous
my lord, you're you're two o'clock is here, my lord,
and thank you, thank you. There's a list, of course,
for you to go through to decide who you would
like to send in the army with this low life,
(41:25):
with this low life right here? Yes, okay, um, we'll
let me see the list. Actually read the list to me. Please, Yes,
we can take it a step further if you'd like,
my lord, because they're all lined up outside waiting to
introduce themselves in addition to the opportunity. Yes please, okay.
So the first one is Nan Nord the fire Dog.
(41:49):
Oh sounds so scary. Now no, if you evil one
would like to see you now, Hi, I'm or the
fire Dog. I've prepared sixteen bars for the possibility to
um kind of join um in kind of getting the
one ring? Stop? Have you no fury? Where is your feud?
(42:11):
I have you if you want? Is that like a
kind of more classical I have Shakespeare prepared all take
the note to recruit warriors and monsters. What are you
a singer? Um? Thank you? I'm a triple threat. Actually
I can sing, dance and act um and ye the
(42:34):
able waters recreiting all members of the theatrics to ponte
our own. Was I saying, what the shame to be
bomies on me? Do you say he's going to see
anyone who lines up in that stray? One is looking
for anyone with flair like a juggo flames and soul. Fantastic, fantastic.
(43:03):
Excuse me, town cry? Is it union work? Ah? Now,
this is non union because he's evil as ship. Well,
I sir, I'm in the Actors Union. Oh you, and
we'll not betray my comrade. This means warn you and
the union. Then? Oh really, master master, there is one
(43:31):
person in the waiting room who you have not yet seen. Um.
He wants to audition his name. I'm so goddamn sick
of all of these actors, but he might he might
be the one. His name is Jamas Fronkle. Oh, let's
see him in here. Okay. I mean I've been giving
(43:53):
everyone eights and I'm not going to pass anyone to
make it him to the army. I'm not gonna just
vote anyone yes out of a hundred. Okay, Look, this
is magical. People have the Army, all right, and I
want to make sure that when they come in here
that we say yes to it. All right, Mr Franco No,
(44:15):
Mr Franco Jamie Jomas Franco. Um, they will see you now, great, Hey,
what's going on? You must be a jama Yeah, it's sweet, Danny.
(44:35):
I am looking for the strongest warriors that are fearless
and ready to kill, and my co director of the
Army will grade you appropriately. I'm Simon Cowl. I'm gonna
make sure that this goes the way. I won't see
if you're gonna make it to the army. Fine, I'm ready.
What do you need me to do? Show us what
you're going, show you what I've got. I mean, I'm
(45:00):
James Franko. Why would I have to? I'm off her
only okay, scientists. So it appears that Mr franco Is
is talking to the dark Lord Saron and he is
is somehow auditioning to get to where he cannot see
us because I have this new two way mirror installed.
Um or are you sure this mirror isn't what he's
(45:21):
using to talk to the dark Eye of Sore. I mean,
I could just see myself. I don't I'm not gonna
see me or Okay, I know we can see him right,
we're all looking at him. I can see I'm looking. Well,
am I looking at a different mirror? Or where? Where?
What am I? What's going on? Do you see? I
see myself? Okay, to myself, myself? You have the ring
(45:44):
on scientists too? Yes, dark Lord James Frankly, here just
this quick question. Who are the gigs looking at us?
Do that window there? What're you mean? Right over there?
Seemed to be Is there someone else using my portal
(46:05):
to view? Yeah? Maybe I don't know about destroyed them
jump and sprinkle. Okay, the dark Lord is looking at
us right now. I think he sees us. I gotta
get Burger on the line. I gotta get Burger on
the line. He called us geeks. Some of us here
are freaks as well. I learned that reference from a man,
(46:28):
A reference not just a good reference, that is very good,
very good one every two years, and I got I
got it. Called Burger. Yeah, hello Burger, Oh my god,
you did call my number. I thought you would never
want to hang out? What's up? I'm not I'm not
(46:48):
calling them hang out? But you call? What do you
you called my personal line. Oh yeah, is I I
didn't realize. Sorry, this this is scientist num before the
science to two. Okay, and what's your name? Just like
I can't, I can't give you my name, okay. In
order to be a good scientist, I need complete anonymity. Oh,
(47:12):
this is a work call. Yeah, yeah, it's a work
call because you installed a two way mirror and it
is opened the portal to uh to the dark Lord Saron. Okay,
I don't know how that happened. I've got James Franco
in there like this is not good and they can
see you unplug it. Unplugged it as fast as you can, okay,
(47:33):
and then plug it back in. Yeah, and then what's
your power cycle? And it should be back to normal? Okay,
all right, thank you, Burger. Were you just taking a
personal I wasn't. I mean, it turned out it was
on my personal line, but it was. It was I was.
(47:53):
It was no question, Burger. It was a personal call
to yes or no question, Burger, you taking the yes.
So so, so it turns out the only thing that
can stop us from having sex would be if somebody
from another realm pull what are you ling? It's not funny.
(48:19):
I know it's weird to see my naked body with wings,
and it's not something you to laugh about. Okay, I'm
so what were you saying if someone pulled the power
plug on the universe? That guy get off my net sack?
(48:59):
Go ahead, I say, scientists for I'm s seven. Yeah,
No I'm not. I'm not scientists for yeah, I am
scentists for Yeah? What am I gone? Can you hear me?
What's what's happening? You're here? Okay? Okay, all right, so
you can see me, I can see Okay, we all do?
(49:22):
We all do? All right? Um? I keep finding these
little black sesame seeds on the ground, which delicious. I ain't.
That's mouse shift please? Mouse droppings? Mouse droppings? Excuse me?
I thought there do his mouse leavings? Holy ship? What
(49:45):
the what is that? Came out of the mirror when
we power shuffles? Not my faultbody blamed you? There a problem?
Why are you whoa? Wow? Wow? Wow? Look what is that?
I'm a human and this is an espresso machine? If
(50:08):
you say so? Is that a Rolex? Yeah? Did you
get that on the market? Uh? Well, I mean we
meet black market. I got this legally we talked about
this is I got the receipt board everything. No, it
did not fall off the back of it. You can
I talk to you for a second. Wait, wait, what
(50:28):
is your business here? I heard about reblans and crazy
bad I'd stop baiting the check out. We don't know
what land you're from, but you were at the Science
Institute in Encino, California. No, and the fact that you
even got up here is crazy because the guy were
(50:49):
having working security at the front desk is usually really
good about letting people up to like an annoying degree.
And no, yes California. Yes, I heard Sam Jackson lived
series all right, Yes, I don't know. I don't know
that he does. He lives in the building. You don't
(51:11):
know who Sam Jackson is? No, you might know Miss
Samuel L. Jackson. Oh yes, yeah, you guys know who
he is. When I was in the movie The Snakes,
perfect me. Oh my god, protect my watch, someone protect
(51:39):
my watch. I can't stop eating. And that is our
show for today, thankfully, and hopefully someday James will post
the video of this so that you can enjoy. Um.
Chris Alvarado, uh so so into the Snake people that
he was uh foist names, foisting his hip regions towards
(52:02):
this camera or humping the air, however you want to
describe foisting foisting party. That is our show for today.
Let's thank our alchemists and no particular order. Please thank you.
Joey Greer, You're welcome. How can folks find you these days?
Should they want to know what's up with you? Outside
(52:24):
of the show, you can check me out at Jebby
Agreeber and you can also check out You're in Los
Angeles in this Together Underscore l A. They got all
the information for if you wanna a donator, you wanna
get down for some protesting, right, Thank you for that.
James Heeney. How the hash Brown supply these days? They're
(52:47):
pretty good. I I re upped. I had to actually
go to the store and buy them because they kept
not being available when I ordered them through the internet.
But I'm packed and ready for some hash brown cooking.
You're you're packed. I have I have two extra boxes.
That's how you refer to you have plenty. I'm packed.
(53:10):
And if you traveled with hash Brown's before, that's what
it conjures up images for me when you say no,
I haven't Okay, let's let's let's think about that for yeah. Yeah,
crossing state lines with hash Brown's Craig Atkowski, thank you
so very much for being here today. My pleasure at
Kakowski on Twitter mostly just retweeting things that make me
(53:30):
angry or things that make me hopeful or things that
make me laugh sometimes. But I do have a social
media presence of sort right on, and drunk history is
still out there. That the latest season for folks to purview.
They're all out there, yep. And uh yeah, I'm collecting
unemployment on the seventh season that hopefully we'll shoot at
some point. Oh nice, Caroline Cotter, thank you so very much.
(53:56):
You're welcome. And uh anything you'd like to put out there?
Oh actually yeah, I um please do well. I started
fostering of Bunny and I thought it would act more fun.
So if anyone has any tips or tricks on how
to make me have a better time with this funny,
(54:17):
let me know it up. Well, where should they write?
We can write to Poop or right right to the podcast.
I don't care, just somehow get it the information to me.
I need help Carter Poop on the Instagram, yeah or whatever. Okay,
or whatever, Chris Berdo, thank you very much. Thank you
A couple of things. One, keep going to our reddit
(54:39):
alchemy this pod. Uh there's fun discussions in there and
their numbers are growing every day, which is really nice
to see that community coming together. And then fun fact,
I was an extra on two episodes of Freaks and Geeks.
So that's why it's in my wheel. So if you
want to see me in high school hallway, check out
one of those episodes and look for me. I very
(55:00):
much want to see that. And I have a still.
I have a still. I took a picture of myself,
So could we throw that up on the Instagram? Maybe?
I think so, I think so. Right on, thank you
for that. All right, Well that's our show for today.
I want to thank the engineer to the stars and
our producer, Mr Doug Baye. Find folks that I heart
media from and all your trific folks, stay in chat.
(55:24):
I'd love to read your emails right to your name here,
I'll give you this dot com. I'm Kevin Pollock, your
host until next time. Four
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Guys back ken No, this
really is the time for all alchemists to assemble in
the name of comic relige. Thank you very eff and much,
but I digress. Let's meet a rochemist shall in no
(00:24):
particular orders. Say hello to Mr James he need Jack,
John and or Jim. What's your third favorite kind of
candy in a box? Kenny in a box? Uh? Third favorite?
It would be uh, I guess Junior Mints. That's correct,
Junior Mints rock solid. Say hello to Caroline Carter Potty squatty.
(00:45):
When you hear Santa come down the chimney this year, well,
his previously ignored bronchial infection undermine your Christmas spirit? Um no?
And for me, Santa has always had a cough. So yeah,
so you're us to it. I like it. Actually you
don't think it's COVID nineteen inspired. No, it gets me
in the spirit, all right. Look out, it's Chris Alvarado,
(01:09):
c a Forever Captain Sandy or Captain Lee please, I
mean come on, hey, there's Craig Kaikowski Kakaw what do
you think of when you hear the word coming? Well,
you want my third thought? Um, I mean your laughter
(01:31):
already tells us what your first thought was. I mean,
my my mind is purely in the gutter. Um, nice
to be coming, Uh, coming attractions, Coming attractions, by which
I mean trailers at porn movies. Oh, too good, too quick,
too soon? And last, but may or drains be forever
(01:53):
clogged if you think him least it's Joey Greer pantless Pete.
What gives with the hand puppets? Uh, they're they're my
new friends. I'm not able to see the my actual friends,
so I've had to build a small community for myself
and so for so good. Who are your three favorites?
My three favorite puppets are Tragger, Uh, Saluse and al Teamah. Yeah,
(02:20):
they none of them. They're kind of having their own
click right now. They're kind of doing their own things.
So I'm kind of on the outs. Apparently some inside
jokes about me or something. I don't know. I've just
being voted off the island by your own puppets. Yeah,
so I'm going kind of going through that. Well, good luck,
Let's do a damn show. Oh, seeing. Suggestions today come
from listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours, please
write to the podcast that your name here at Alchemy
(02:42):
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Also our Patreon v I P S who
gets special priority trade man seen one, in fact comes
from patron v I P. Deborah C, who who wrote
this is a scene suggestion. So James don't read this.
The Alchemists slowly begin to learn about James Franco. James Franco.
(03:11):
I like the last part, so we don't have to
be ourselves. But I do like that that six people
slowly learned about James Franco. So let's let's drove that,
Mr Franco. If you could just take us from the beginning,
if you could just take it from the very beginning. Sorry,
which one are you? Um? I'm a scientist too. We
(03:32):
will only be using numbers here, not our personal names,
So no pressure here. No one is in trouble. We
are simply learning about James. Why would you even introduce
the word trouble. Give me one second place. What the hell?
He shook me? He's fun? He shook me? Well, you
(03:54):
just remember you're not the one in trouble right now, okay,
you're not the one in trouble. Why did you even
you did really bad from the beginning. This is insane, man.
I thought I was scientist number two. This is crazy
you go in and say that. Now, now, what what number?
I look? If I'm being honest, I woke up this
morning not feeling great about myself, and on the car
right here, I did some positive affirmations and I thought
(04:15):
I would I would use that positivity in the room,
and I failed. I'm out. I'm thinking I'm getting coffee. Well,
calm down, calm down. We have changed Franco right where
we want him in the lab' laugh. He's trapped in there.
Sure you might have stepped on some egg shells or
whatever you call it. It made some mistakes, that's the expression.
That was good. That was right? Number three? Am I am?
(04:39):
I eight? I think okay. Numbers are arbitrary. They're just
used to describe ourselves to him. You can be whatever
number you want. I'm scientists number uh seven, scientists number seven.
I'm scientists number six six six six six six six.
That's not okay, everyone, Everyone calmed down. He can see
us through the window. Okay, so we don't have the
(05:03):
one way mirror turned on, so you can see us
right now, turn on turning on one way Mirrorba. Well, now,
duba duba dubad. Somebody should go in there and find
out what he thinks we were talking. Yeah, maybe one
of the maybe number two should go in there. Maybe
(05:24):
number two should go in there. Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
I did not intentionally mean to step on your toes.
I'm walking on eggshells here. You know what I'm saying?
That good, I'm walking on think you should use that.
You go in, you go in. He's sing the words
that we're saying. He can hear. James, how are you hi?
(05:47):
I am a scientists. Hello, I am scientists. The number, Um,
you don't need a number with me, Man's just be
pretty pretty so okay, um, wow you are. You're very handsome.
Your vardiensome man, and I don't it's like you're looking
at them there. Yeah, a lot of weird. Yes, it is.
(06:10):
Actually okay, let me move my right hand up. You're
doing it as well. Actually, no, this is not one
of the tests. One of the tests are right here.
Let me find the piece right here, we go here
we go, and okay, look at me, all right, what
do you say? Uh, you're making your nose flair right, Huh,
(06:33):
you're you're blinking really fast. Um, I think you're going
to kiss him there. I think they're gonna kiss there
are too experiment Also, hasn't we never noticed they both
look exactly the same? It is weird? Yeah, yeah, Scientists
number two looks exactly like James Franco. Their clothes were
(06:54):
never going to be number Okay, first of all, I'm
surprised Scientists number six six six six six six six
that you didn't recognize that they love it. Like, since
you and Scientists number whoever that is two have been
fucking why don't you just say they're both naked now
(07:15):
and now we can't tell the difference between them? Well,
I know I know who would know the difference Scientists
number six six six six six. You want me to
go in there and identify who's who? By the penis
exactly like from my vantage point, I know there's the
real number two, the real James Franco. I don't know
what his dick looks like, but I know signed his
(07:37):
number two has something. I shouldn't say this really crazy
going on underneath. So if I can get in there,
maybe slide on the floor. I can pretend to be
a rug or something. Yeah, okay, okay, what did you say?
Just walk in Just the floors are covered with egg shells.
I know, I understand walking on eggshells. Okay, I'm gonna
(07:59):
do it. Where should we? Luck? No? Good luck? No? Hi?
This is a two way mirrors and you. How can
I help you? Yeah? This is uh yeah, can you
hear me? Yes? Way mirrors and you? How can I
help you? What did I say? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Yes? Okay,
(08:26):
I can't I can't see you, but I can't hear you. Good, Okay,
so it looks like the mirror is working. Um, this
is Scientists number four over at the Science Institutes Institute.
We're one of your major clients, Science institutes. Yeah you're
(08:46):
looking at Yes, Yes I am, Yes, I have Science
Company and Science Institute right here on the books. Yeah.
I called last week. Maybe i'll talk to you. Uh
you might have talked to Burger. I'm not a percent,
but uh, what what was what? What was the thing?
Were you? Does Burger sound like Burger? Burger sounds just
like he sounds like a happy guy. He's got a
(09:08):
lot of joy in his voice. Uh sing songy, you know,
a little little southern lilt. No, I think I would
have remembered that. It sounded like you, kind of like
you exactly like the voice. Oh. Yes, yes, you had
to install that that two way mirror in one of
your new Yeah. It's a two way mirror that can
go through a one way mirror and you switch it
(09:29):
back and forth with a switch. No, I just want
to clarify something. Two way means both people can see
through either side. Yes, does it? Does it look like
a mirror to one people and a window to the other.
(09:49):
But one way mirror is if it's a if it's
a mirror one way and a window for the other. Yeah. Yeah,
So a two way mirror is just a window sco mirror.
Two way mirrors when we put mirrors on either side. Okay,
so you so you're just looking either side is looking
(10:10):
at the mirror. Yeah, so I need the one that
that looks like if you're a if you're a criminal,
or if you're part of a science experiment. It looks
like it's just a big old mirror, looks like it's
a gigantic mirror in your room, but in the other
room people can see right in and see what you're doing. Okay,
so you want let me just what is that? Well,
(10:34):
I'm a little confused. So you want one side just
to be a straight mirror and the back of the mirror. No, uh,
can I talk to Burger? He's in one second. Let
me just okay, hell Burger here, Uh yep, yeah, Okay,
(11:00):
you got a caller on. He just wants to talk
to you. It's from the Science Institute. Okay, okay, I
can okay, okay, I'm just all right, I'm gonna get
off all right, Burger you on two we call or
a one week call. We're gonna merge these calls. It
it's gonna be a too Okay. There seems to be
a problem now scientists to James Franco and scientists six
(11:22):
six six six are all naked. Lot of them doesn't
have a penis well that scientists six six it's hard
to tell which ones which though not well that they're
moving so fast it's like they're actually call I called this.
I called this a problem. But perhaps it's not a problem.
(11:43):
Perhaps this is information we can use. You can see
how you know the when the bodies dance? What information
we can glean from something like that? Perhaps maybe I
should go in there well and make some more science.
Uh science? Four? What do you think? Yeah, I'm still
on the phone with the two way meal people. Come on,
(12:06):
I could totally help the science in that room in there. Hey,
I'm proud of you. What I'm just I'm proud of
thank you. I feel kind of guilty. I was just
trying to use science to my advantage to get in
there and naked and roll around with them. No, no,
I really shouldn't go in. My mind's not in a
(12:27):
science place. It was, it was it was thinking with
my penis. Damn it, your penis is your science place? Really? Yeah,
all right, get in the right all right, let me
take my clothes off first, so I just get in
their naked. Okay, Hi, everybody, I'm science, tis I just everybody.
(12:55):
I just wanted. I'll be back in a minute. Guys, Okay,
A part of I'm sorry, Well you said I'm science.
You probably you probably threw them off. You thought you
were science as a whole. Except come here, come here,
come here, come here. I should put my clothes my god, no, no, no, no, no,
(13:17):
no no. The hug feels better this way, and that's
going to take what three to five business days? Yeah,
it'll be three to five business days, and it'll be
it'll be exactly what you're looking for. It's a mirror
on one side and the other side. You'll be able
to appear through it and see anything you want as
if it was a regular old window. Okay, that's yeah,
that's what I want. But we do business every day
(13:40):
of the week, so is it my business or your business? Well,
we are closed on Saturdays and Sundays, so we don't
count those business days. Those are not business days. Okay,
well I need this mirror. Here s a p Well, okay,
you know what, maybe we could do a rush order.
I'm have to transfer you, alright, you're going in the
(14:03):
wood office. Here, you're going to office. I'm going into
the Science Institute. It's a rush shorter, so I should
be able to get in, no problem. Your I d says,
uh Burger Burger, Burger, Burger, alright, and I just don't
have you on the intake list. So it was a
(14:25):
shorter so it's kind of was. Everything came together real quick.
Hold on, hold, on, hold on, buddy, all right, Okay,
you can't just come in here, alright, so just relax, sir.
I'm sure I made a promise too. Okay, I made
a promise with my wife and kids. I'm gonna come
home every day as an honest man who does his job,
all right, And that means I gotta make sure that
everyone comes into the sign Institute. Dad, just go to
(14:47):
work already, we need to get I'm not just sit
down for a second, alright, children, how important your job
is and just going to every day. I give a
speech and everything back from my family? All right? What
happened if you didn't give the speech and just went
in to work? Oh wow? Okay, great that we're late
(15:09):
for school again? It started in school? Is not important?
All right? All right, Well, it sounds like your family
really loves you. But I'm telling you, I gotta get
this package into the scientists. There's an experiment. I can't
tell you, but I don't know what it's. What it is.
They didn't share the infro on the science experiment. But
(15:29):
I gotta get this in there, sir, So please let
me through. Listen to me, all right. My family loves me,
I know you told the story. They love you, love you,
loved you. Every morning you give the speech and they
and they escort you and hand holds you to the car.
Please let me through. That's right, Okay, that's right. They
carry me on their shoulders, right, they carry me on
that my little kids. They picked me up on the
tight little shoulders and they carried me to my suburban. Okay,
(15:53):
I don't have a family. I don't relate. Okay, just
let me bring this package that I promised a scientist,
which I love science tists. I was kind of a
nerd school. I was in a math club. Let me
in there. Let me get this package into where it's going.
You don't have a family, all right, We're gonna take
you now to the press conference of James Franco, who
(16:14):
has just been released from a science lab. And everyone
on the press score has been gathered to ask their questions,
and Mr Franco is now stepping up to the podium
question question questions. Yeah, hi, hi, Steve pomper down. Uh
(16:35):
uh mixed incorporated. Um, is it true that you learned
more about yourself in this experiment than they learned about you? Well,
I'll just say that one of the scientists. Penis was
a dog leg left. Mr Franco. Question, question your question?
Question the lady in the outfit. Hi, Steve Pomper down
(16:56):
from student. He don't do that's you don't be a bit.
That's my name, asshole, fucking suck my tits. Mr Franco.
Is it true that for the whole experiment they you
were nude, but on purpose and you liked it? Uh? Yeah,
(17:19):
I'd say about ninety six percent we were nude. Yeah,
not just me. Question question I was the first question.
Do she finish your question? I was the first time
to said question, she said question News crew U, Hi,
Miss Franco. Stephen pomp heard on from El Mundo. Uh,
(17:43):
what what was up when you did General Hospital? Why
did you? Why did you do that? I've answered, you're
already You're already an actor, Like where'd you go back
and do General Hospital? You could actually push that side
of the argument too. I was already a movie star,
not just an act, but I was. I was a
big fan of the show, and really I would sometimes
(18:05):
get super high and envisioned myself in the show, and
I thought it was hilarious. So I wanted to live
through that. Uh, fantasy question, question, question, question question. Let's
go back to the other side, away from the guy
yelling question question questions me. Are you picking me? Yes? Okay,
(18:32):
Steve Paparato. And I was like I was for like
like two hours. I was the first one there, last
one to leave your never fired. Okay, great, okay, great
talking fine, okay, great, great, great great. We run a
newspaper here. Do you know what that means? Do you
know what those two words mean? Information? Um? Right on paper?
(18:58):
That's right now. We you have the paper part. Look
at us. You see this belt streaming out all these
pieces of paper. Yes, okay, you've brought us no information.
So for you you want to work at a paper factory,
which is fine. Mr is not here, Mr Mr. It's
Mr Hoggart. Oh god, I'm sorry I didn't Mr Hoggart. Alright, alright, alright, alright,
(19:24):
please please please What do you want to to what
do you want to do? You want to kiss me
on the eyes? I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give
you one more shot, because desperate man get desperate news. Yeah, okay, great, great, great,
you get me an exclusive with James Franco. Okay, I
can do that no problem, and hey, hey take this gun, okay,
(19:48):
take it to the gun shop. It's well, but it's full.
It's not loaded with information yet I want you to
load it with information. Bullets, get out of my, Get
out of my. And that is scene number one. Holy.
(20:10):
Scene two comes to us from Will, who has a
reference to I think something within an episode because it
starts with locks. Baby Blues is a banger. There was
a there was a song he's referring to that we
sang apparently, thanks so much for playing my suggestion. I'm
not sure we played it. I was shocked how quickly
(20:31):
Kevin got to it, and not shocked at all that
the scene didn't go how I expected. When y'all reprised
the song in the next scene, I died laughing. So
there was a song we did, apparently called locks twice.
Do you remember it, James, I mean I do. Don't
put me on the spot. It's hard to sing in
zoom calls, but so so it's the zoom call. Red
(20:56):
states with me, and I know it's I hummed in
the shower. Off to Okay, anyway, you asked for shorter
scene suggestions. Will goes on to right. So here goes
and it is a single word scene suggestion mouse traps.
I love you all for ver? Will oh uh? So
we normally put down three two mouse traps? Oh my god, sweetheart,
(21:21):
I don't know if this is what we want. No,
I don't to kill them. I don't know. You reported
you had a mouse problem. Yes, yeah, we have one
mouse and it's frankly been a nuisance. Thank you, Jimmy.
Have you found any droppings? Yes, we call it that
for you know, respect, instead of what mouse ships? How
(21:45):
shit basement? Were ready to go? Traps put down? Isn't
there a non violent way? Can't we like to do
I don't know, like some sort of ultrasonic start to
make it leer? Sir? Can I ask you a question?
Because your wife seems annoyed by the mouse? Are you
okay with the mouse? And I hate that mouse out
(22:09):
of my house? That's what he says, Frank. That's your name, right,
That's what he says. My name is Frank, and my
job is to remove that mouse. Okay. I think that
he likes the mouse asked. All I ask is that
you folks be careful what your step because there's gonna
be three for two traps throughout. Johome's Hey, boss, boss,
if I may Jimmy two here, you Jimmy one here.
(22:31):
So the upstairs we have, all the mouse traps have
tiny little switch blades on them. Don't you let me
say it. I the one who did it. You did
the basement, I did the upstairs jimmycause Jimmy's I don't
need this in front of the client. I don't know
about little tiny raising blades on there. See what happened, switcheros.
(22:53):
I'm making myself, thank you very much. Raizor blades are
very dangerous. We would never use razor blades. Switch blades,
on the other hand, switch out when the trap has
been activist. Now in the basement, each mouse trap has
tiny little nunchucks. Oh yeah, that sounds less lethal, you think,
so check this out. We'll put those down like funny.
(23:16):
I'm stopping. But they pack. They pack a powerful that's
a big that's a human sized dun chuck. May just
hit me with yes, but don't you understand that the
small nun trucks on the trap would be mouse size
to the mouse. It's for demo purposes. Your wife is
very bright. You're a lucky man, May I get on
with the with the assessment of situation. Sir, Listen, I
(23:40):
just gotta be open and honest. I haven't told my
wife this yet, but I don't think I need to
hit Why are you saying this in front of all
of I've been feeding them out. I think it's partly
I think he's cute as hell. I think he's a
cute little mouse, and you don't know he's got a
lot of personality before what he said. When you said
with all caps hate, I hate the mouse, it was
(24:03):
a mystery. I've been putting on this. I hate the
mouse face for a long time. It's not a great face.
So well, what do you mean your wife wants me
out of the house. I just it's it's gotten to
a point where I can no longer pretend to hate
you a little buddy. You gotta go? Uh but where
(24:24):
where am I going to get food? I don't know.
I probably shouldn't have. You got addicted to my food,
is what it is is. I mean, the hash Browns
alone are incredible. You're breaking my heart here. Okay, there's
neighbors around. I'm telling you this place is a death
trap right now. You're gonna be lucky if you get
out of here without dying right now? Okay, they're still
(24:45):
in the house. Yeah, they're downstairs. I told him I
had to go to the bathroom upstairs. Are okay? I'm okay.
Do you hear about the neighbors? I got this whole
mouse infestation over there. It's wild. That's gonna drop the
property you through the entire neighborhood. Carl, you're no better
than them. What the hell do you mean I know
(25:06):
better than them? Huh? We are in debt up to
our ears so that you can move to the neighborhood
that we're not in debt up to our ears? Motorcycles, cars, boats,
r vs, rockets, spaceships. Can you not do this in
front of me and my friends while they're over Well,
(25:26):
they're at our house, aren't they. Huh? They're using one
of my pools, aren't they just one? Yeah? Exactly? Damn.
I just want I think I can talk in front
of my goddamn house guests if I please. All right?
And when the hell are you gonna go to college?
You're twenty two years old? You still got those sleepovers?
Can you make sacks for me and my friends? Oh?
My godness, I can make snacks answer on the lug.
(25:50):
Do you want to answer the lug? You want? You
don't want to? Sweet sweethart sartink. He means there's actually
there's a lot of oh ship, no, no, no, no,
not the family log ship him family log store. Okay, okay,
just hold on here. Nobody touched my boats? Okay, just
(26:12):
can can you make sure Jesus Christ? Just go? Oh hi, Frank,
what are you doing here? I'm here because I need
to talk to one of your exterminators that are into
the house. I know you've got a mouse problem. Wor
just be around the neighborhood. Okay, that's kind of well.
I'm sure my husband has been talking about it. Come in,
watch out for the mouse traps. There's one she had
switched blades nunchucks and these ones here kind of light
(26:33):
on fire if you get closed. Anyways, man, we're all
done laying down the tracks, and I feel pretty confident
you'll be calling us later on tonight to remove the mouse.
Thank you so much. This is my neighbor actually just
walked over here. I think he wants to talk to you.
How are you doing, sir? I'm wearing a Rolex. Now
if you don't want help, I have an issue in
(26:54):
my house. I've got some ants on a log and
he taken care of. Now, when you say ants on
a log, is that a euphemism of some kind? No,
I have literal ants on a family log and I
need to take care. And by log, do you mean
like a big poop, No, sir, I mean a giant
piece of wood handed down as an heirloom. Okay, I
need you to come over and deal with that. You
so an actual log, yes, sir, at one of my houses.
(27:15):
I have many houses from a branch from a tree,
and now I have a branch. So that's the neighborhood's house.
You want me to go to that? This guy is
so anti mouse, well you know what he'll You'll grow
on him. You've got a great personality and he's got
a lot of money. Look at all this stuff in
his yard. I don't know. I don't like I mean,
(27:37):
I like you too, but obviously you're going to die
if you stay here. I've packed you a little knapsack,
come on, why not a big d here? I don't
I packed what I thought would be the most you
could carry. Do you think you could carry more. I
can care like ten times my own weight. Okay, all right,
if you can give me some privacy, I gotta take
a mouse ship. All right. Well, actually, if you could
(27:58):
stop doing it in this area, that's kind of what
got us in trouble. This is the bathroom where am
I supposed to do it? Honey? You've been up there
for two hours? Are you okay? I go into the bathroom.
Why is it taking a two hours? Passing blood? Is
it black? What's going on? Honey? Let me know. I
can fine. You know what at this point, it's just wiping. Okay,
(28:18):
it's just wipe, honey. Part of me, sir, I understanding
you have a bit of a problem. Now. My boss
he goes you know, he does things the legal way.
But my buddy Jimmy and I here we uh, we
can handle things under the table, if you know what
I mean. I understand what you're saying. I owned many tables. Yeah,
(28:40):
I I need to get something taken care of. I
have ant on a long say no more? Say no more?
How How violently would you like these ants to die? Violently?
I don't know. I guess. Uh, there's a certain kind
of Appian way that we could do to him. You
know what I'm saying it with that word appen, Yeah,
(29:04):
it's two words. Way, it's not familiar Spartacus and Roman history.
What I'm saying. So, you're an exterminator who's looking to
to expand your reference level. That's right. Oh oh you okay,
I gotta I gotta train the two Jimmy's who have
(29:26):
trouble with certain phrases and terms. So I figured it
starts at the top. You got something for us, some
some new phrases. Well, you know, I I for for
the retired exterminator. I've got a pretty good reference level.
But what what are we talking? We're talking like ancient
Rome we talked. We're talking about Yeah, as a matter
of fact, aping Wade came up. Okay, it might have
(29:47):
been happen way okay, typing it into Google? How many
times are you looking for? You know what I love
about this guy Jimmy's is that he will tell you
what he's doing as he does it. That's that's far
(30:07):
and away professionalism. Look, I don't really need to learn anything,
if I'm being honest here, I just need something to say.
I don't need to know it, like knowledge wise I
just need to hit him and impress him with something.
I just say, oh yeah, I am Sparta kiss, because
then it sounds like you saw the movie Jimmy too,
Jimmy Too, Why don't you let the man do his job?
Why do you gotta scream at them? What you need?
(30:27):
The guys trying to help us right now? Where you
you don't know what appying way me? I don't know what.
I don't want to tell you when you come at
me with appying a way. So let this guy go
on to Google and tell us what the fund is happening?
What do you got tell her? Okay, what's Mr Google
telling me? Well? The Appian Way was one of the
earliest and strategically most important Roman roads of the ancient Republic. Yeah,
(30:51):
but this asshole wants us to wipe out ants using
the road. I don't understand that. Okay. Well, all I'm
telling you is what the reference to me? What they
mean by using the reference? I can't tell you that.
Oh so you're no good whatsoever? Well, first of all,
this guy may not have understood the reference when making it,
(31:12):
and that seems like a better possibility right now, because
Jimmy Too comes to me and says, how do I
wipe out ants in the Appian way? And I don't
know what to do. I'm doing a little dance in
the living room there, just to try to get some
some thoughts about it. And then I look you up
and you're telling me it's some sort of road. Yeah, yeah,
you know. These are wealthy neighborhoods. Their references are yeah. Okay,
(31:33):
he didn't just have a rolex. He pointed it out.
That's how wealthy he was. All right, I'm looking up rolex.
Oh yeah, there are nice watches. Okay, okay, hey, I'm back.
I'm back with an estimate. I'm back with for your problem. Jimmy, Jimmy,
we spoke earlier. I was like two weeks ago. Yeah,
(31:55):
what's uh, what's going on? Uh? You usually got that
ant problem. No, I took care of it. I took
care of it the happening way. So you you just
you just dropping down the road. You just got him.
(32:17):
Excuse me, excuse me, very more of those Peter chips.
Of course, I got some goddamn Peter chips. These are
one of my goddamn daughter's friends. No, no, that's a mouse.
(32:38):
Oh my god, daughter's friends. A mouse when you gotta
you gotta like Baba gnus or anything to dip it
into because it was just kind of dry. If it's
just the chip by itself. Uh, I don't know how
to feel about this. I normally would say, let's kill
a mouse, but I've grown so attached to my I
love this mouse. Yeah, I'm having a great time for
the last two weeks. I I don't know why you
(33:00):
didn't tell me you were a mouse. Stay to me. No, no, no,
I'll see my way out now. No no, no, no, no,
no no, you're stay still. See you're happying way out?
What just making a reference? I don't. I don't want
to get into your business here, I don't. I don't.
(33:21):
But if I had lots of money, if you want
to get into my business, it's got lots of money.
I'm not understood. I think if you want this mouse's love,
you're gonna have to go through your neighbor first. Now
I'm gonna leave mouse. What do you mean by that?
I got a name? I mean you've been calling me
(33:44):
mouse for two weeks but didn't know I was a mouse.
I've got a lot on my mound. Um. Look, I
gotta take a mouse ship, So if you don't mind
give me a little privacy. I mean it's not gonna
(34:05):
be in truth to anything. It just looks like a
little little black uh sesame seed the floor. That is
scene to scene to everybody. Oh did we ever find
out what the mouse's name is? He just said I
have a name. He didn't even tell us. Why is it?
Craig says it mouse ship sounds so cute. Never sounded
(34:29):
cuter Scene three today he comes from Patreon v I
p r J, who wrote What's up? Alchemists? How are
you guys? Are you doing well with the world on
fire and all that? Try your best to keep Joey
from looting? I just got a new TV, and I
(34:49):
know Joey likes to creep into people's homes and tickle
their knickknacks. Just kidding. I don't have a new TV.
Oh that was good. I digress totally has a new TV.
Totally has a new TV. I finally got my nine
month deployment. I finally got back from my nine months deployment,
(35:13):
and I have a scene suggestion here. It is now
m a meeting between elves, dwarfs, humans and other fantasy
creatures deciding whether or not to interbreed. Keep up the
amazing work. Sincerely, r J R j R J Magic Council.
(35:36):
We are called Yes, everyone here is we don't need
everyone to call out. Then, the way you said it,
it made it seem like it um you wanted a response.
It was like a pregnant pause. Does everyone feel that way?
(35:59):
I'll tell Dad, did you know what you know? Magic people?
He thinks he's so much better because he's huming. Alright,
this is not how I wanted to stop this. Alright,
this is clearly the issue. We can to get along.
Start the meeting, alright, So I guess we all respect
(36:22):
the snake people. Huh. Everyone hypnotized me with her eyes
my dad? They ate your dad? Yeah, alright, the gnomes
and the snake people. You need to really stop with wings.
(36:43):
All right? Well then what the hell? What the hell
do you want me to do with that? What the
hell do you want me to do with you? Find
my right name name? I don't know your Look, there's
a lot of people from the magic community here. I
just don't needting. I think you should start. How many
times does he have to say? Anybody you've got the meeting. Okay, alright,
(37:06):
well I'm glad right here now as you know, uh,
we need to take this one ring and destroy it. Question.
All right, all right, now we have to do we
have to take this one week. Don't stop creeping for
a second. I don't feel anything but sarcasm. But he said,
(37:27):
glad you're all here. No, I must agree. It didn't
sound very glad. I agree to. I mean, look, I
am glad we're all here. Yes, okay, I just I
just I just feel like it was so hard to
connect with them, and I just felt all this pressure.
(37:49):
And you know, I'm hosting the meeting. I set it up.
I put the e vide out there. One shows up
and they're like, why are you hosting it? It's because
I set it up. I'm the guy. You know. Just
need you need like new references or I guess I
guess I had something something I don't know. I need
to I need to modernize, you know, and I need
I need to be something something more than I am
(38:09):
right now. You know. Look, you know, the the Magical
Creature community is divisive and always has been. You know,
I I appreciate that you're just trying to make something happen.
Just trying to get everybody together, and you didn't even
get to whether or not to breed. No no, I
brought the fact that we have to destroy this ring.
(38:30):
And then they're like, you don't even believe that we
you like me or some ship like that. It was
all this personal bullshit and it was just couldn't even
get into the first point of order. No no, And
that ring will destroy us, Okay, the ring is gonna
okay if that ring gets in the hand of Salon
work dead said that dead. And it's just like no
one wants to do a damn thing about it. Everyone
just like who cares not my problems? The ring around,
(38:52):
and then of course it lays on the humans. What
do you think the humans are gonna of course, I'm
gonna be corrupted by a period of it's gonna be greedy.
It's all hell, and it's just like I know I
can't do it. I can't give So this is a
dwarf with an elf with wings with wings, asshole, You're
(39:14):
you're lucky at horn ye else, I wouldn't even let
you through the front way for a moss entryway. I'm
just trying to fuck let make two of us. Okay,
but we need permission from the counts soul. I know,
so this is kind of a nice You're getting to
know each other. So what do you do eat? Eat
(39:36):
enemies yourself? Um? I kind of flied around trying to
cast spells, but I'm not zero percent magical. So you've
got a nice booty on you though. Excuse you, scared?
(39:59):
Stop my lord and my lord they have no conversation
of the ring, and it's turned to strike, then we shall.
I want you to bring the wrath down upon them. Okay,
hel what's wrong with you? Nothing? Nothing, It's just them nothing.
(40:20):
So you look terrifying as always. Thank you? Are you
going to do so? Yes? Course, course, course course get
me my ring. Yes, I'll get you the ring I love.
All right? Who are you going to take with you?
You can't take them yourself. I need an army of evil,
(40:41):
right right, of course? Of course I can't go alone.
I guess I'll take with this rock. We'll take this
rock with me. Fucking idiot. I used you to take comrades.
I want you to take general soldiers. I need you
to wipe out those what the good guys need you
(41:02):
to wipe out? The good guys. Yes, yes, my lord,
I would wipe them aft. I'll kill all our generous
my lord, you're you're two o'clock is here, my lord,
and thank you, thank you. There's a list, of course,
for you to go through to decide who you would
like to send in the army with this low life,
(41:25):
with this low life right here? Yes, okay, um, we'll
let me see the list. Actually read the list to me. Please, Yes,
we can take it a step further if you'd like,
my lord, because they're all lined up outside waiting to
introduce themselves in addition to the opportunity. Yes please, okay.
So the first one is Nan Nord the fire Dog.
(41:49):
Oh sounds so scary. Now no, if you evil one
would like to see you now, Hi, I'm or the
fire Dog. I've prepared sixteen bars for the possibility to
um kind of join um in kind of getting the
one ring? Stop? Have you no fury? Where is your feud?
(42:11):
I have you if you want? Is that like a
kind of more classical I have Shakespeare prepared all take
the note to recruit warriors and monsters. What are you
a singer? Um? Thank you? I'm a triple threat. Actually
I can sing, dance and act um and ye the
(42:34):
able waters recreiting all members of the theatrics to ponte
our own. Was I saying, what the shame to be
bomies on me? Do you say he's going to see
anyone who lines up in that stray? One is looking
for anyone with flair like a juggo flames and soul. Fantastic, fantastic.
(43:03):
Excuse me, town cry? Is it union work? Ah? Now,
this is non union because he's evil as ship. Well,
I sir, I'm in the Actors Union. Oh you, and
we'll not betray my comrade. This means warn you and
the union. Then? Oh really, master master, there is one
(43:31):
person in the waiting room who you have not yet seen. Um.
He wants to audition his name. I'm so goddamn sick
of all of these actors, but he might he might
be the one. His name is Jamas Fronkle. Oh, let's
see him in here. Okay. I mean I've been giving
(43:53):
everyone eights and I'm not going to pass anyone to
make it him to the army. I'm not gonna just
vote anyone yes out of a hundred. Okay, Look, this
is magical. People have the Army, all right, and I
want to make sure that when they come in here
that we say yes to it. All right, Mr Franco No,
(44:15):
Mr Franco Jamie Jomas Franco. Um, they will see you now, great, Hey,
what's going on? You must be a jama Yeah, it's sweet, Danny.
(44:35):
I am looking for the strongest warriors that are fearless
and ready to kill, and my co director of the
Army will grade you appropriately. I'm Simon Cowl. I'm gonna
make sure that this goes the way. I won't see
if you're gonna make it to the army. Fine, I'm ready.
What do you need me to do? Show us what
you're going, show you what I've got. I mean, I'm
(45:00):
James Franko. Why would I have to? I'm off her
only okay, scientists. So it appears that Mr franco Is
is talking to the dark Lord Saron and he is
is somehow auditioning to get to where he cannot see
us because I have this new two way mirror installed.
Um or are you sure this mirror isn't what he's
(45:21):
using to talk to the dark Eye of Sore. I mean,
I could just see myself. I don't I'm not gonna
see me or Okay, I know we can see him right,
we're all looking at him. I can see I'm looking. Well,
am I looking at a different mirror? Or where? Where?
What am I? What's going on? Do you see? I
see myself? Okay, to myself, myself? You have the ring
(45:44):
on scientists too? Yes, dark Lord James Frankly, here just
this quick question. Who are the gigs looking at us?
Do that window there? What're you mean? Right over there?
Seemed to be Is there someone else using my portal
(46:05):
to view? Yeah? Maybe I don't know about destroyed them
jump and sprinkle. Okay, the dark Lord is looking at
us right now. I think he sees us. I gotta
get Burger on the line. I gotta get Burger on
the line. He called us geeks. Some of us here
are freaks as well. I learned that reference from a man,
(46:28):
A reference not just a good reference, that is very good,
very good one every two years, and I got I
got it. Called Burger. Yeah, hello Burger, Oh my god,
you did call my number. I thought you would never
want to hang out? What's up? I'm not I'm not
(46:48):
calling them hang out? But you call? What do you
you called my personal line. Oh yeah, is I I
didn't realize. Sorry, this this is scientist num before the
science to two. Okay, and what's your name? Just like
I can't, I can't give you my name, okay. In
order to be a good scientist, I need complete anonymity. Oh,
(47:12):
this is a work call. Yeah, yeah, it's a work
call because you installed a two way mirror and it
is opened the portal to uh to the dark Lord Saron. Okay,
I don't know how that happened. I've got James Franco
in there like this is not good and they can
see you unplug it. Unplugged it as fast as you can, okay,
(47:33):
and then plug it back in. Yeah, and then what's
your power cycle? And it should be back to normal? Okay,
all right, thank you, Burger. Were you just taking a
personal I wasn't. I mean, it turned out it was
on my personal line, but it was. It was I was.
(47:53):
It was no question, Burger. It was a personal call
to yes or no question, Burger, you taking the yes.
So so, so it turns out the only thing that
can stop us from having sex would be if somebody
from another realm pull what are you ling? It's not funny.
(48:19):
I know it's weird to see my naked body with wings,
and it's not something you to laugh about. Okay, I'm
so what were you saying if someone pulled the power
plug on the universe? That guy get off my net sack?
(48:59):
Go ahead, I say, scientists for I'm s seven. Yeah,
No I'm not. I'm not scientists for yeah, I am
scentists for Yeah? What am I gone? Can you hear me?
What's what's happening? You're here? Okay? Okay, all right, so
you can see me, I can see Okay, we all do?
(49:22):
We all do? All right? Um? I keep finding these
little black sesame seeds on the ground, which delicious. I ain't.
That's mouse shift please? Mouse droppings? Mouse droppings? Excuse me?
I thought there do his mouse leavings? Holy ship? What
(49:45):
the what is that? Came out of the mirror when
we power shuffles? Not my faultbody blamed you? There a problem?
Why are you whoa? Wow? Wow? Wow? Look what is that?
I'm a human and this is an espresso machine? If
(50:08):
you say so? Is that a Rolex? Yeah? Did you
get that on the market? Uh? Well, I mean we
meet black market. I got this legally we talked about
this is I got the receipt board everything. No, it
did not fall off the back of it. You can
I talk to you for a second. Wait, wait, what
(50:28):
is your business here? I heard about reblans and crazy
bad I'd stop baiting the check out. We don't know
what land you're from, but you were at the Science
Institute in Encino, California. No, and the fact that you
even got up here is crazy because the guy were
(50:49):
having working security at the front desk is usually really
good about letting people up to like an annoying degree.
And no, yes California. Yes, I heard Sam Jackson lived
series all right, Yes, I don't know. I don't know
that he does. He lives in the building. You don't
(51:11):
know who Sam Jackson is? No, you might know Miss
Samuel L. Jackson. Oh yes, yeah, you guys know who
he is. When I was in the movie The Snakes,
perfect me. Oh my god, protect my watch, someone protect
(51:39):
my watch. I can't stop eating. And that is our
show for today, thankfully, and hopefully someday James will post
the video of this so that you can enjoy. Um.
Chris Alvarado, uh so so into the Snake people that
he was uh foist names, foisting his hip regions towards
(52:02):
this camera or humping the air, however you want to
describe foisting foisting party. That is our show for today.
Let's thank our alchemists and no particular order. Please thank you.
Joey Greer, You're welcome. How can folks find you these days?
Should they want to know what's up with you? Outside
(52:24):
of the show, you can check me out at Jebby
Agreeber and you can also check out You're in Los
Angeles in this Together Underscore l A. They got all
the information for if you wanna a donator, you wanna
get down for some protesting, right, Thank you for that.
James Heeney. How the hash Brown supply these days? They're
(52:47):
pretty good. I I re upped. I had to actually
go to the store and buy them because they kept
not being available when I ordered them through the internet.
But I'm packed and ready for some hash brown cooking.
You're you're packed. I have I have two extra boxes.
That's how you refer to you have plenty. I'm packed.
(53:10):
And if you traveled with hash Brown's before, that's what
it conjures up images for me when you say no,
I haven't Okay, let's let's let's think about that for yeah. Yeah,
crossing state lines with hash Brown's Craig Atkowski, thank you
so very much for being here today. My pleasure at
Kakowski on Twitter mostly just retweeting things that make me
(53:30):
angry or things that make me hopeful or things that
make me laugh sometimes. But I do have a social
media presence of sort right on, and drunk history is
still out there. That the latest season for folks to purview.
They're all out there, yep. And uh yeah, I'm collecting
unemployment on the seventh season that hopefully we'll shoot at
some point. Oh nice, Caroline Cotter, thank you so very much.
(53:56):
You're welcome. And uh anything you'd like to put out there?
Oh actually yeah, I um please do well. I started
fostering of Bunny and I thought it would act more fun.
So if anyone has any tips or tricks on how
to make me have a better time with this funny,
(54:17):
let me know it up. Well, where should they write?
We can write to Poop or right right to the podcast.
I don't care, just somehow get it the information to me.
I need help Carter Poop on the Instagram, yeah or whatever. Okay,
or whatever, Chris Berdo, thank you very much. Thank you
A couple of things. One, keep going to our reddit
(54:39):
alchemy this pod. Uh there's fun discussions in there and
their numbers are growing every day, which is really nice
to see that community coming together. And then fun fact,
I was an extra on two episodes of Freaks and Geeks.
So that's why it's in my wheel. So if you
want to see me in high school hallway, check out
one of those episodes and look for me. I very
(55:00):
much want to see that. And I have a still.
I have a still. I took a picture of myself,
So could we throw that up on the Instagram? Maybe?
I think so, I think so. Right on, thank you
for that. All right, Well that's our show for today.
I want to thank the engineer to the stars and
our producer, Mr Doug Baye. Find folks that I heart
media from and all your trific folks, stay in chat.
(55:24):
I'd love to read your emails right to your name here,
I'll give you this dot com. I'm Kevin Pollock, your
host until next time. Four
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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